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Don't bother asking what's wrong because: 1, everything is wrong and 2, even if it's not your fault you're going to be held accountable for causing it and responsible for solving it.
If a woman, thinks, acts or speaks like that one, the man should just leave. And not come back. If she gets that upset over a food order [hah- loved that last minute addition) he should also just leave.
If you can't or won't articulate the issue then why would you expect a man to be able to successfully address it? You wouldn't take your car to a mechanic and tell them, "you should know what's wrong". Yeah, maybe they can figure it out. But you're making it WAY more difficult than it needs to be, and for no good reason.
single woman, trying to keep other women single, by essentially saying that people need LESS communication in their relationship. At what point, ever, is that a good idea? lol, communication skills make-or-break relationships... You need MORE communication, not less.
You know what? No she's right! I'm going to stop asking her what is wrong (as in stop talking with someone who clearly doesn't want to communicate in a healthy adult way without the guessing games or mind reading crystal ball) and hold myself accountable (by leaving you and running like my ass is on fire!) 🔥
Kinda crazy that we all say women are more understanding emotionally but forget what communication is. One thing most learn in puberty is that just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean anyone knows how you feel. This is where crushes happen, assuming you feel one way so they must feel a certain way too.
The women saying this don't want men to know what's wrong they are using a principal explained in the matrix the one with the answer to the why has power because they have the understanding of the why. that makes them more powerful then those without the answer to the why.
Codependency and the need to "look good" when no-one's watching are serious red flags, regardless of gender. Conflicts and disagreements are going to emerge in intimate relationships sooner or later -- if you can't handle them and take responsibility for needing to feel and regulate your own emotions, then you're a ticking time bomb, same as men. Besides, who else thinks reserving the right to impose an angry household on another person without helping them figure out why sounds incredibly abusive? That's not okay at all.
I took my then GF to tour Kennedy Space Center on January 28, 1986; and we did not get that tour because within a few minutes of our arrival the Challenger launched and exploded. She was very angry at me for this happening!
I NEVER ask my wife what is wrong. I don't want to know. 9 times out of 10 it will be some stupid thing for which I don't accept her position and about which, feel no contrition. In the other 10%, I am almost always aware of all the things I have done which could have made her mad. What I don't know is which one of those actions (or more likely inactions) she is aware of and it is best not to poke the bear. Being upset takes energy. Enduring sullen looks from a grumpy spouse take much less energy. Just play possum until the bear goes back to sleep.
Accountability is a woman's kryptonite. Men try to fix and solve problems. For example, when a man figures out what is wrong with his car, he sets out to fix it. He doesn't try to dwell on his emotions about the car problem.
I think the other awkward angle is that sometimes what's wrong is incredibly trivial and women know it. That's why they don't want to say anything. However, it still puts them in a bad mood but they don't want to bring it up or complain because it really is something trivial and don't want to bother other people with it. Like you said, maybe the waiter got the order wrong and they had to take it back and make the correct dish, causing food to be like 10-15 minutes late. The problem has already been solved and there's nothing to do about it other than sort out the bad mood. So...either I ask what's wrong...or...I don't? I don't know. I feel like asking can sometimes worsen the mood. Cuz like, I can ask and the answer I get back is like "nothing's wrong, I'm fine." And now the only thing I know to do is to give some space. Well, I try for a hug or something first but if I feel like it's not being well received, I back off. Then I replay everything in my head trying to figure out what's wrong and what to do about it. I don't know if I should press a bit more so that they can vent their feelings...or like let them sort it out..or what. Men are woefully ill-equipped in matters like this. We have very little training or experience because we're very used to being extremely direct. Reaching non-verbal or limited verbal understanding is like an unattainable holy grail. The next best we got are wild-ass-guesses. I dunno. Want some of my fries?
I can't read minds. And when you have an unhealthy attachment style that you don't even know about, it is absolutely impossible for me to know what is going on, because I don't know your hidden triggers. That's why we ask. Because you make no sense right now! This is neither a complaint nor judgement. I simply ask, how I can help you. How I can make your life better, how I can help regulating your emotions. What do you need? Just tell me! Yes, maybe I'm stupid, but at least I try. Why is it bad that I genuinely care?
Oh yes! Women expecting men to read minds once again!
And they wanna say men are bad at communicating
If a person is interpreting an honest question as a slight, they are not only being uncharitable, they are acting in bad faith.
Some people should take accountability for their poor communication skills, and it's not the guys asking what's wrong
Don't bother asking what's wrong because: 1, everything is wrong and 2, even if it's not your fault you're going to be held accountable for causing it and responsible for solving it.
If a woman, thinks, acts or speaks like that one, the man should just leave. And not come back. If she gets that upset over a food order [hah- loved that last minute addition) he should also just leave.
If you can't or won't articulate the issue then why would you expect a man to be able to successfully address it? You wouldn't take your car to a mechanic and tell them, "you should know what's wrong". Yeah, maybe they can figure it out. But you're making it WAY more difficult than it needs to be, and for no good reason.
Don't ask her what's wrong. Ask her if she forgot to put on her smile today.
The hell am I supposed to be? Charles Xavier?
Yes, but with CPT America's looks, Thor's strength, Tony Stark's wealth, intelligence, and charm.... what else am I missing?
@OscarSchneegans you forgot the complete submissiveness of disney's Vision from that awful wanda show.
@@OscarSchneegans Hulk's stamina and resilience.
single woman, trying to keep other women single, by essentially saying that people need LESS communication in their relationship.
At what point, ever, is that a good idea? lol, communication skills make-or-break relationships... You need MORE communication, not less.
You know what? No she's right! I'm going to stop asking her what is wrong (as in stop talking with someone who clearly doesn't want to communicate in a healthy adult way without the guessing games or mind reading crystal ball) and hold myself accountable (by leaving you and running like my ass is on fire!) 🔥
Kinda crazy that we all say women are more understanding emotionally but forget what communication is.
One thing most learn in puberty is that just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean anyone knows how you feel.
This is where crushes happen, assuming you feel one way so they must feel a certain way too.
As a song says:
How would I know the words you never spoke?
How could i know or see without it?
The women saying this don't want men to know what's wrong they are using a principal explained in the matrix the one with the answer to the why has power because they have the understanding of the why. that makes them more powerful then those without the answer to the why.
Codependency and the need to "look good" when no-one's watching are serious red flags, regardless of gender. Conflicts and disagreements are going to emerge in intimate relationships sooner or later -- if you can't handle them and take responsibility for needing to feel and regulate your own emotions, then you're a ticking time bomb, same as men.
Besides, who else thinks reserving the right to impose an angry household on another person without helping them figure out why sounds incredibly abusive? That's not okay at all.
I took my then GF to tour Kennedy Space Center on January 28, 1986; and we did not get that tour because within a few minutes of our arrival the Challenger launched and exploded. She was very angry at me for this happening!
Oh, I thought she was serious at first.
I hate how the gender war has weaponized the word 'accountable'. I can't even take it seriously anymore.
I NEVER ask my wife what is wrong. I don't want to know. 9 times out of 10 it will be some stupid thing for which I don't accept her position and about which, feel no contrition. In the other 10%, I am almost always aware of all the things I have done which could have made her mad. What I don't know is which one of those actions (or more likely inactions) she is aware of and it is best not to poke the bear. Being upset takes energy. Enduring sullen looks from a grumpy spouse take much less energy. Just play possum until the bear goes back to sleep.
Accountability is a woman's kryptonite. Men try to fix and solve problems. For example, when a man figures out what is wrong with his car, he sets out to fix it. He doesn't try to dwell on his emotions about the car problem.
I think the other awkward angle is that sometimes what's wrong is incredibly trivial and women know it. That's why they don't want to say anything. However, it still puts them in a bad mood but they don't want to bring it up or complain because it really is something trivial and don't want to bother other people with it. Like you said, maybe the waiter got the order wrong and they had to take it back and make the correct dish, causing food to be like 10-15 minutes late. The problem has already been solved and there's nothing to do about it other than sort out the bad mood.
So...either I ask what's wrong...or...I don't? I don't know. I feel like asking can sometimes worsen the mood. Cuz like, I can ask and the answer I get back is like "nothing's wrong, I'm fine."
And now the only thing I know to do is to give some space. Well, I try for a hug or something first but if I feel like it's not being well received, I back off. Then I replay everything in my head trying to figure out what's wrong and what to do about it. I don't know if I should press a bit more so that they can vent their feelings...or like let them sort it out..or what.
Men are woefully ill-equipped in matters like this. We have very little training or experience because we're very used to being extremely direct. Reaching non-verbal or limited verbal understanding is like an unattainable holy grail. The next best we got are wild-ass-guesses.
I dunno. Want some of my fries?
There's a joke about this situation. They say the answer is just to stand well back and throw chocolate.
Man the spinster movement is really taking off these days.
Don't worry- I'll never ask you what's wrong, woman. Ever. I simply don't care.
I can't read minds. And when you have an unhealthy attachment style that you don't even know about, it is absolutely impossible for me to know what is going on, because I don't know your hidden triggers.
That's why we ask. Because you make no sense right now! This is neither a complaint nor judgement. I simply ask, how I can help you. How I can make your life better, how I can help regulating your emotions. What do you need? Just tell me!
Yes, maybe I'm stupid, but at least I try. Why is it bad that I genuinely care?
What's wrong?