Start speaking a new language in 3 weeks with Babbel 🎉 Get 60% OFF your Subscription Here ➡: go.babbel.com/t?bsc=1200m60-youtube-imautisticnowwhat-dec-2023&btp=default&TH-cam&Influencer..imautisticnowwhat..USA..TH-cam We NEED to Discuss the Autism Speaks Rebrand Attempt.: th-cam.com/video/qTQYubdlR24/w-d-xo.html An early Merry Christmas 🎄❄ Thank you so much for watching! If you want another TIkTok reaction, you might enjoy this one (Bizarre TikTok Autism Tests): th-cam.com/video/3mXB-xF78_M/w-d-xo.html Who do you think won the battle of the autistic Christmas trees, and how would you rank the Christmas foods (also, if you’re not from the UK, what foods do you eat for Christmas and/or other holidays you celebrate?) And are you any good at wrapping presents? Or are you like me and Cheryl? 🎁
@@blakeharvard5841 mine started w Castilian, but Mexican Spanish is far more practical for me. I'm trying to get good enough that strong accents don't throw me off.
Studying other cultures and learning other languages is a special interest of mine. I used to pedal around with Gaelic. When I started watching anime, I decided I wanted to watch Japanese but never started… Once I found BTS and K-pop, I’ve been practicing Korean. We have a lot of Korean people living in this city and I get so excited when I see someone I could say “Ann-Yong” to in a store, but I’m too nervous to say anything. I draw a total blank. Plus, going up to a stranger to talk to them is weird anyway.
I find it very frustrating that the mother is saying that since their son's diagnosis Christmas has been 'difficult', but surely it was 'difficult' beforehand? He would have still had autism beforehand. It seems, to me, that she is struggling to accept the diagnosis.
This. Symptoms do not appear when diagnosed. It is the mother who is not handling the diagnosis. Her problem seems to be she can't perform Christmas as she thinks it should be. As the "2 other kids" part indicated she hopes the diagnosed one would also perform as she likes it. That's the difficult part they are talking about.
Yes, what the diagnosis could change is her own perception of the situation. I could see this coming from either or both of two directions: doctors telling her “this is what to expect” in clinical terms, with no recognition of the nuances of the spectrum; or doom and gloom social media posts like the one she created. After I was diagnosed with ADHD, my wife tried looking at some online support sites for spouses, but she couldn’t manage the level of anger she found. I get the need to vent sometimes, but it’s not helpful in a support group setting, it’s downward spiral stuff.
@rainbowfranklin sad to hear. From my own experience, one of the things that drives people on a downward spiral is feeling like they are horrible and worthless. I’m so much harder to live with when I feel that way, or have the feeling that others do. It’s such a destructive cycle. So potentially that’s the other difference the mom has seen from the diagnosis. If it’s changed how she perceives her child, and the child senses that mom now sees them as a horrible disappointment, and spirals down. Everyone loses. That’s probably the biggest problem with treating autism like a tragedy that needs a cure. It’s a fairly harmless model when dealing with something like leukemia, that is perceived as wholly external and no one’s fault. But anything that manifests behaviorally gets tangled up with who a person is perceived to be, both externally and internally. Nobody really wants to be an a**hole...OR a tragedy. [edited to moderate personal pathos!]
@jimwilliams3816 I had a similar issue happen at my last job. They made my autism out to be such a problem to deal with, despite doing nothing. I ended up getting physically sick repeatedly and then having to take a mental health leave for a month to try recover. Thankfully the job was an apprenticeship, so at the end of the contract I was free. It was still really dehumanising, having to constantly pretend I was okay. I tried to make complaints to HR, the apprentice team, the apprentice network, my teachers, my manager, my manager's manager, the high ups etc., but nothing was ever done. If something did happen, it was normally them blaming me for the issue. I am doing better now. It took a while to process all the emotional distress, the loss of my job, and my loss of a secure income. I had to move in with my mum as I couldn't afford my rent anymore. But I am now actively looking for a job where I will be treated better.
@rainbowfranklin sorry, that came out pretty intense. I’ve been trying to learn to use “I” language rather than going using the “theory of people” language. The latter can come off judgmental and pedantic, but it seems that the former can come out overly self pitying. Also, I do some of my best self therapy at 4am, but posting it is questionable. What I posted is definitely where I’ve been in recent years, but I hope I’m starting to emerge. I also finally downloaded the two most recent albums by The National, and I have felt for years now that Matt Berninger and I have been sharing the same trajectory (we both bottomed out during COVID). So I’m, uh, very in touch with some of that right now. (I swear Matt is neurodivergent!)
The mother essentially shaming her child for being overwhelmed by xmas was kinda gross. If you knew how he'd react why not just have a word with family and adjust for him? You could still find ways for your other kids to enjoy it without knowingly stressing him out.
It made me really mad. Isn’t Christmas FOR the kids so why can’t you let him have fun in the way that he wants? Why couldn’t he unwrap his gifts on a different day or why he couldn’t he sit with you? She was making it so much about her own (unrealistic apparently for that child) expectations. The only one “ruining” Christmas was her. Way to make your kiddo feel like a burden….
I can immediately think of quite a few things that may help him that could be so seamlessly integrated into their Christmas. Use fabric wraps if it’s the texture, let him wear ear protection if it’s the noise, or gloves if he doesn’t like tape or the feeling of the edges on his hands. Let him use a letter opener if he doesn’t like tearing it, I hate tearing the paper. Let him unwrap them quietly to himself and then tell everyone thank you at the end. It’s gross to not accommodate your kid when it’s something you had plenty of time and prior experience to plan for.
As an autistic person I LOVE the lead up to christmas, but the actual day itself is just about the closest thing to hell on earth. Constantly having to put on this performance act for my judgemental relatives, worrying about not seeming thankful enough for any of my gifts because gratitude just doesn’t translate well for me, the whole day is just jam packed full of noise and conversation and everyone touching me and it is just absolutely exhausting. I can barely function by the end of it. The Christmas season for me is like opening an advent calendar where you get one of your favourite things every day but the last door is full of venomous spiders or a giant turd.
i'm like this except i hate the lead up to christmas even more. the obnoxious commercials, embracing of blatant consumerism, constant jingling noises, over the top "joyful" imagery and OMG just terrible, TERRIBLE music. and everyone expects you to like it and think it's fun. i try to connect with the sensory aspects of it to appease the people around me and not make anything about me, but LMAO every december i feel like im stuck in a psychological horror film. only after the wine comes out during christmas dinner can i release this like, valve of angry pressure that starts building as soon as they start marketing that shit november 1st.
@@Elodie-xi3pp Yeah, most christmas music is just annoying, ther are a few good, but then, that are usully not publicly played. And it seems pretty universal given how many anti christman media is out there. Christmas itself is nice if not everything, like advent supposed to think and introspect and be cozy when its dark out there. Not harass people.
all the masking i do for christmas and after i'm finished it makes me feel like i ran a marathon. you bet your ass i am OUT and i am SLEEPING so don't TALK to me, buster.
Same for me Im agnostic so i think of the gift giving and big meal part of christmas/yule/yuletide The consumerism of that time of year bores and numbs me, cuz I look forward to seeing the people who give or recieve gifts, not so much the items Handmade gifts or decorations are really fun and even cooler than storebought things, but the season tries its hardest to be about money. I used to have to visit allistic members of my family when I was little, and that masking was miserable.
I remember one time my dad straight up told me he and my step mom were upset by my lack of reaction to a birthday gift. It was an incredible gift that I very much appreciated but I guess I didn't show it in a convincing enough way. I never knew how I should react to anything in a way that would satisfy them.
My ex husband got upset by my lack of reaction (or not having the reaction he expected or hoped for) when he upgraded my wedding ring diamond. I thought I was showing gratitude, but I've never gotten that excited over jewelry. (I don't normally show a lot of excitement over anything, really). I've also been called cold before, and just felt confused by that because I didn't think I was acting cold (and certainly didn't mean to. I just don't usually show a lot of emotion, unless I'm masking and force myself to). 🤷♀️
I remember this about my last Christmas my aunt went on a rant about me being so "ungrateful" for my gifts due to my lack of reaction. Let's just say I didn't take what I heard well and landed soon in the hospital due to a dumb decision I made.
I hate receiving gifts because I'm afraid I won't have a good enough reaction to them even if I like them. that on top of feeling like I'm just building up a debt I have to repay.
My mom asked me why I was ruining the birthday trip last year for me and my little sis when I wasn't until she screamed that I ruin everything and just want to sabotage everyone's lives all because they were exhausted and I thought they wanted to sleep in more and we had a lot of time left on the last day. Safe to say yeah that pencil had never been sharper and oh god it hurt to sit but she has no idea. And I was having a blast, the both of them just ruined it for me cause my little sis wouldn't shut tf up about walking cause she's a spoiled twat and my mom was so out of the sorts that I was the parent again and then got screamed at and my mom fucking forgot. Like how do you forget that you screamed at me??
My father says I was a very careful tidy present opener and he had been looking forward to me opening them "normaly?" but he never said anything to me at the time. I didn't want to damage the pretty paper as an autistic kid.
I think Christmas isn’t “normal” for “normal” people either. The ads, the movies, the tv specials, etc. all show this crazy ideal for Christmas that isn’t realistic, especially if you don’t have family or close family. So moping because you don’t have a “normal” Christmas? Join the club! But don’t blame the kids!
A lot of families end up fighting at Christmas so yes...whats normal? Since Xmas became me and my parents its been much better. When i was a kid we always went to my paternal grandmother and that woman made sure to start picking fights and being unbearable. My grandfather just left the room as soon as she started to raise her voice. My dad was not up to put up with his moms bs. Thats for sure. Good times. Even got champagne all over me at 6 or 7 years old and had a major meltdown. Good times. Not.
This!!! I was in a bookshop with my mother & we saw this book with a picture of a lady holding a glass of wine with the caption ‘can she pull of the *perfect* Christmas?’. I asked my mother ‘isn’t it impossible to have the perfect Christmas?’ and she agreed, lol. 😆😆
My family keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I don't know. I don't really need anything and yet they want me to ask for something. It's frustrating.
@@HauntakuTV what if you ask for a gift card from a shop you like? Or from a place you usually buy stuff? This way you dont need to chose something and later get something useful or that you want.
It's like having a rotting corpse in your house, but the corpse of a tree, you know? It's kind of baddass. It's dead and then you humiliate it even further by hanging ornaments all over it, like "F*** you."
I hate the "autism mom at Christmas feeling so sad" one. This woman is making everything about her and her hurt feelings that her kid can't perform neurotypically acceptable gratitude or whatever. Rather than make a big pity party on the Internet about it, she could get curious and reframe it all from her son's POV and meet his needs, you know, like an actual parent! I feel like so many emotionally insecure and immature people have kids and then act like this and take every single action from their kids personally. It's actually infuriating. I love your idea with wrapping in scarves.
She seems to think that her idea of Christmas is the objectively correct one, and that her needs can't be met if she changes things at all to suit her son's wants and needs. In fact, it doesn't seem to have occurred to her at all that people can be different outside of any diagnosis that may or may not be attached to them - neurotypical children can have different wants and needs too, and despite her assumptions not every single ADHD person is a boy shaking constantly at night. Her views seem surprisingly rigid even for someone who's complaining so much about perceived rigidity in her child...
And she says she isn't do it to get sympathy points. Except she clearly is, she's making it all about herself, so that people will pity "the poor mom of autistic child". She acts like an entitled brat ironically, just can't accept that her child doesn't enjoy christmas the same way she does, or maybe just don't enjoy christmas at all. This is why I hate these people and when they make posts like this. It's always about them, never about the children.
@@bosstowndynamics5488 "She seems to think that her idea of Christmas is the objectively correct one" I think there might have been a couple of Christmas specials that call out that mindset? Maybe the mom needs to watch one of those specials.....
Agreed. It’s giving a more “my autistic child ruined Christmas :c” rather than “unfortunately, we can’t celebrate Christmas like we usually do since my autistic child doesn’t like it. Oh well :I” Everybody’s allowed to be disappointed and sad about something, including her. Making an entire video pouting, cleaning up stuff with sad music in the background just because your kid doesn’t like/is distressed by Christmas is pretty yikes
The issue I have with the “awareness” social media posts… is that they are more often than not, negative… like it’s a warning to all… ‘your life will suck as a parent’ AS OPPOSED to showing awareness of work arounds and solutions that can help with the various autistic flavors out there and how to make life better for everyone involved ❤
Given that the symbolism in that one is associated with Autism Speaks the negative connotations are completely in character - they've tried to distance themselves from it by burying mentions of it on their site but Autism Speaks' original mission statement was to find a "cure" for autism, they're very focused on ABA as a "treatment", and they've got a suspiciously intense interest in researching the genetics of autism (which for something innate like autism brings to mind genetic screening to facilitate eugenics rather than any use of that research to actually benefit autistic people).
@@bosstowndynamics5488 fair.. but I was referring mainly to the general posts that were brought up and talked about in the video … the autism moms sharing for awareness, vids showing meltdowns, etc etc ..
The one where the woman is upset over having her autistic child "ruin" christmas is insane to me. like surely a lot of these things have easily solutions? your kid gets overstimulated by wrapping paper? put it in a bag, wrap it in fabric, don't wrap it at all. don't just get rid of the present because they weren't able to open it? like what?
I literally had to stop what I was doing, pause the video on my TV, and grab my phone to comment because that mom with the "reality of having an autistic child at xmas" or whatever it was pissed me off so much. The whole tone of her video was so "woe is me, my Christmas is awful because I have yet to take MY LITERAL CHILD'S needs into account when planning the holiday, and I have to sacrifice SO MUCH because my child doesn't perform gift receiving in the way I want them to" and then frames accommodations to imply that no one else in the family will get to have an enjoyable holiday and exactly like you said, it's very much that "I am autism and I'm gonna steal your joy and ruin your life" bullshit. She did this to herself. She did a bunch of things that she knew would distress and overwhelm her kid and is now pouting on the internet about her kid being distressed and overwhelmed. It is really not that hard to take your children's needs into consideration. Shit like this is why so many of us autistic/otherwise nd adults have no idea how to accommodate our own needs because we were repeatedly made aware of how much of a "burden" we were as kids, and now we cannot allow ourselves to do things in a way that works for us because it's not "correct". And the whole "since diagnosis" like...uh that child was still autistic before they were "officially" diagnosed. So you were fine with hurting them when you didn't know why they were hurting but now that you know and can ,ya know, figure out how to *not hurt your child* you're salty? What? My child's diagnosis changed nothing but our access to funding, but realizing and recognizing that they were autistic saved me. Because in accommodating my child's needs, because WHY TF WOULD YOU NOT, I learned that it was ok to accommodate my own. I absolutely cannot with these autism warrior mommies and I cannot escape them😤😭
I feel like parents being dramatic because their kids dont react "normally" to presents is really weird. Even before my parents were told i could possible autistic, they just accepted that i didnt react the same way as my siblings and just called it a me thing. If i opened a present and didnt react, then they understood it as me being happy (they have always put it as me being too happy and too overwhelmed to super excited/react the same way as my siblings). This goes with my friends too, as most of them are also autistic, they just understand i dont outwardly react to presents. People are just too judgemental sometimes
I have a picture of me getting one of my most cherished plushies in the mail and I look so so upset but I was so so deeply happy and I love that plushie so so much.
I didn’t even realize this happens to me until I read this comment. I still get excited sometimes but when I’m already overwhelmed and am happy I don’t have much of a reaction too
@@SomeRandomEcho This makes me think of how when little babies are confused they scrunch their eyebrows and look so angry, it’s so cute to me, they look so silly. Like when a grumpy old man keeps every silly mug their grandkids give them.
My “I’m so excited to receive this gift” reaction is to freeze and go completely silent, so my family thought for a long time that I didn’t like my favorite gifts, but they eventually got it lol
LOL, the kid sass! Actually, the "tiny cabbage" thing made me want to try brussels sprouts the instant I saw them (I also liked to pretend broccoli was trees and that I was a dinosaur chomping down on them) - but both veggies are MUCH better sauteed or roasted than boiled...so I can absolutely understand that if someone first encountered the latter they'd wanna give them back to the fairies/dinosaurs.
My tree is autistic in an entirely different way. Covered in Star Trek ornaments and topped with a homemade biblically-accurate angel covered in googly eyes on flaming wheels within wheels. Also I always get to the food sections of these things and that's one key autistic thing I can't relate to because I'm SUPER DUPER NOVELTY AND SENSORY SEEKING when it comes to food. Cooking is one of my special interests. I have fewer strong food aversions than most neurotypicals and I'm all about big flavors and contrasts in textures and temperatures. I even love a lot of weird divisive foods everybody else seems to hate, like licorice and calamari and okra.
Somehow I'm the same with food, but the opposite at the same time? I can't really eat most foods that are considered "normal" where I live, like hot dogs, pizza, or especially barbecue. I can't stand them and if I somehow manage to swallow any of it, I'll be nauseous for the whole day after. But my favorite food? Chicken feet. I don't get it.
@@yeahokaycoolcool i get obsessed with some foods and eat them over and over until i find a new one. But i have strong aversions to boiled meat, fish, rice, absolutelly no shellfish.
When I was an undiagnosed kid with Aspergers, I'd go silent in family gatherings as I found it all a bit too much to deal with. My family punished me for it calling me "rude". Like, dude I was 8.
I am 15 and I was just at a birthday party tonight. I couldn't finish the food that I was eating because the tastes and textures of the food, combined with the lights and the noise was too much for me. I couldn't eat the cake and ice cream, which I was really looking forward to, because I was so overwhelmed by everything, and my dad was really sad because he doesn't know how to help me and he doesn't understand what's going on in my brain. This happens every time I go to a family gathering, especially at my own birthday parties when they do the "Happy Birthday" song. I tell my parents that I don't want a big party, but they invite everyone in their families, which amounts to about 40 people, and then they invite friends on top of that, which makes that 40 into a number closer to 60. I end up in the corner by myself until I have to blow out the candles and open my presents and every time I open a present, I am reminded to say thank you because I am not good at expressing gratitude, or any feelings in general. By the end of the party, I just want to go home and go to bed because I am so tired from the party. I wish that instead of going to a birthday party or having a birthday party for myself that I could stay home, eat my cake, open my presents, and go back to making my lists, all in peace. I am a self-diagnosed Aspie, but I am so glad that there is someone else who understands what I go through every day. ❤
@@BeKindAllTheTime I hate to break it to you but your dad knows exactly how to help you. You told him exactly how to help you. You told him you don’t like big parties and he didn’t respect that. He’s not sad because he can’t help you, he’s sad because you’re not conforming to what he thinks is “normal” and I’m so sorry for that.
As much as I love the holidays, I never understood why children are expected to perform for them. Maybe a little performance from the adults (not that they should need to) but from actual toddlers and children? You’d think making sure the kids have fun would be more important than their ego.
I also tend to be silent at parties too, usually because I don't know how to communicate well to ppl, sorry about how much i babbled and sorry about the fact your parents threw giant parties...
I’m so very lucky to have parents who never ever made me feel bad for how I reacted to gifts. Now that I’m an adult, I generally help my mom shop for almost every present for Christmas. I’m also the main wrapper because I have like a seasonal special interest in wrapping. Christmas is such an exciting time because I had accommodating adults in my life who supported me enjoying Christmas how I wanted
For the "Stop Self-Diagnosing" mom: stop telling people how to deal with their ADHD. I am diagnosed and I have my difficulties and I knew that I had it before I went in to get a diagnosis. I am cracking jokes about my "quirks" all the freaking time because guess what: self-pity and moping about it helps even less.
Same! I have severe ADHD and I joke about it all the time. It's part of how I cope with the the more difficult aspects of it. It's like she resents people who aren't absolutely miserable about being neurodiverse.
Exactly! Let disabled people cope with their disability however they freaking want to. It's honestly insane that people with neurodevelopmental disabilities aren't allowed to enjoy themselves once in a while. Nobody would harp on deaf people for finding beauty in their disability and celebrating deaf culture.
Being autistic and adhd myself, that one made me so mad. I have executive dysfunction so bad that I can't manage even very basic daily self care without support - but there are still things about myself that I like or find funny. Never being able to joke around about those things would suck a good deal of joy out of my life.
@@thatboringone7851 Right? Some of the traits are neutral or even positive, like hyperfocus and special interests. Literal thinking causes me misunderstandings and embarrassment sometimes, but it's not like it's a bad thing all by itself. I'm 100% in the "ADHD and autism are disabilities" camp but I still think we can appreciate what makes us unique and eke a little humor out of it if we want to.
Autism for me means "the world is too much", not "something is missing". Also, brown Brussel Sprouts in olive oil, salt, garlic, then finish off with steaming in broth and they're amazing.
@chuckles6797 it’s an interesting debate for me. I would say I have an atypical sensory profile, but I can tell it’s not nearly as intense as what I hear from most autistic people online. It’s actually my biggest source of imposter’s syndrome. Social difficulties I definitely do have, and there I think I often have more in common with higher support needs individuals than a lot of my Type 1 peers do. I do match well for information processing differences. And if an overactive nervous system is a key component, I sure have that...but this is something that can be a disorder in its own right. I’ve generally supposed that the unifying characteristic is differences in neural connectivity, one reason I think the notion of a “cure” will never pan out. If we get to the point where neuroscience replaces observation as the primary driver of diagnosis, we may have a better sense of what neural profiles constitute an autistic brain. Or I suppose it could result in a restructuring of diagnostic categories. I’d love to see what we learn, but I don’t think I’ll be around long enough. I’m actually more interested in understanding individual physiological behaviors than umbrella diagnoses.
My parents always had a paper grocery bag or two ready, and we had to flatten the wrapping paper and fit it inside as we went (and make a stack of ribbons/bows/non-recyclables). I never minded, as that meant I wouldn't lose any of my gifts in a pile of noisy trash. Neurodivergence really does run in families... 😹
i relate so much to not being able to “put on a show” when opening gifts. i often got labeled as being emotionless when really i was quite the opposite. i’m genuinely not sure if neurotypical people are just better at performing or if they actually react that way.
I feel bad for autistic kids with neurotypical parents. I'm self-diagnosed. I started down this path when my nephew was diagnosed. Before i was sure I was, I first became certain that both my parents are autistic. They were both so excited and felt so seen when I started sending them neurodivergent videos (I didn't tell them I thought they were lol). It makes a lot of sense why none of my family were diagnosed earlier because we all are so how would any of us notice that another was lmfao. Another funny thing I've noticed is how one family member's stims can overwhelm another's sensory issues. Like my cousin loves aromatherapy stuff, but it makes me so nauseous and upset, and my leg drumming drives her crazy. And my mom and I are very particular about everything having a right spot, but we have different right spots so theres a silent war of items being moved hahaha
Wholesome famly fights, moving items , ha . Through at least i am glad when i know where to search if its not there. That sucks. Can people at least explaontheir order somewhat??? Seriously my dad has so many tools but they are hard to find when you actually need them :(
I was diagnosed with adhd as a child and am heavily questioning if I’m autistic based on learning a lot more about different presentations and different domains of symptoms. I have also realized over time that though neither are diagnosed both parents are most certainly neurodivergent, and they clearly raised my sister and I in ways that accommodated our disability without it really being clear that we even were disabled. My mother would never force us to eat food or textures we didn’t like. There was minimal policing of our behaviors and expressions. I recall having several meltdowns as a kid and my parents being absolutely understanding and not treating me like a spoiled kid throwing a tantrum. I think it’s because they knew I was different in similar ways to how they were different as kids. This might also be why it has taken into my 30s to realize how different I really am from what seems like the neurotypical experience.
My autistic kiddo's special interest is Christmas. We've been listening to Christmas music for 3 years now.. we keep our tree up year round and change the decorations based on the season.
Top tip for fabric / cloth wrapping: it’s VERY common in Japan (Furoshiki) and there are loads of tutorials on TH-cam. I can’t be the only person who prefers the look/feel of fabric…plus it tends to look quite posh. Happy gifting ;)
I'm from Finland and we sew bags of different sizes to put the gifts on ☺️ However, the scarf seems like extremely easy, cheap, and multi-purpose way of packing. I also love how these methods reduce the paper waste and all the energy and resources that go into making them.
I'm struggling to understand that mum, too. What does she mean they're putting his needs above their own next year? She's implying that other people's needs can't be met at the same time as her son's. Like everyone will SUFFER if her son is accommodated. Which, if she's trying to "raise awareness", is not very informative or helpful.
Yeah... Like she knows he doesn't like unwrapping, at least to that extent. This whole performance of wrapping them anyway and getting upset unwrapping them, to force a "regular" Christmas, instead of trying less effort options, like a gift bag, cloth, maybe even unwrapped, is surely making her suffer worse.
If you want a tip how to make christmas easier for an autistic person then I recommend to go through every detail in advance with your child: tell them who will come, at what time, what they will gift, what food will be served, when you start, when you finish, etc. try to stick to everyday routine as much as you can, especially keep in all the rituals your child has like having a bath time before bed or reading a bedtime story even if this is inconvenient (or discuss in advance a replacement for example instead of reading story watching a cartoon on ipad in bed, it will give you time for other things). Have your kid's comfort foods at hand. Your goal here is to make it feel as ordinary as possible, just a regular day and as less of a change or a surprise as possible. I know that it's contr-intuitive for neuro-typical people, but the less of a "big day" you'll make it, the happier your child will be. Surprises and "big days" cause so much stress even if it's a good thing, I had a meltdown at my own birthday party every year till I was 17 and then I simply stopped celebrating. As for decorations, discuss what bothers the child, is that just because it's a change then just limit the amount of decorations and decorate only your bedroom or smth, or maybe it's only the lights or maybe some plastic ornaments make noise when you touch them by accident... Also you can incorporate your kid's special interest into decorating, for example I cut out snowflakes out of paper with doctor who and batman - two interests of mine and put them all over the house. I mean, it's still looks like a christmas decoration when you look from the side, but I personally know that it's a special part of me so I don't hate that my apartment changed. Don't try to force your kid to have fun the way you are used to, learn what they like and then try to compromise and add their interests to your celebration as well. And please don't cancel everything performatively because it just makes the kid feel guilty. Try to look at it through their eyes, what they might like. I also use just giftbags when I gift things, because it's easy for me to carry them to the destination and if I met a person at the restaurant and not t home it's easier for them to carry it home and also giftbags are reusable. I see nothing wrong in reusing a giftbag. Opening gifts stresses me out as well. First of all I always feel like the wrap is a part of the present because a person put time and effort in wrapping my gift so I always try to unwrap the present in a perfect way without ripping it and then I fold the paper and keep it in my drawers because it feels as a part of the present so I'm ashamed to throw it out. And then yeah, I don't know how to react to presents so I put on a smile and try to find logical reasons to explain why I love the gift and I guess that looks even more fake or smth because people are reacting weirdly... Also, that mother who was unwrapping gifts for her son... Like omg, what a drama your son didn't open the presents all at once so you'll give them to him later one by one and unwrapped. What's the tragedy in it? That he enjoys things in his own way and not the way you would prefer him? I just can imagine how overstimulating for a child can be a house full of loud guests and music and blinking lights and probably adults who are a bit drunk and then all that presents that are essentially a surprise - another extremely distressing thing. Of course it got too much! And instead of accommodating her son she has her traditional christmas and then he has a meltdown and she then pities herself on tiktok! Maybe I'm too harsh but it's like an issue in my family because my mom really likes to tell everyone how she sacrificed herself in my name when in fact she was just trying to have her normal life that wasn't fitting me and then as a result she had to deal with the consequences of my worsening condition. And then she would go around telling everyone how tired and upset she is because of my meltdowns when she was the one who caused that meltdown in the first place! And that woman on tiktok, I just recognize this type, all she wants is to play this self sacrificing hero. Also, thank god I don't have dyspraxia... My favorite thing in the world is to do simple repetitive tiniest things like cross-stitching or painting miniatures or crafting miniatures (like building tiny houses with furniture and stuff), that's the most relaxing thing to me... But I have my thing, don't know how it's called, I have like balance issues, always bash face first into the wall when I turn the corner or fall on the streets (like a lot, not faint, just trip and fall), always hit myself on things. Once I banged my forehead into the wall by laying down into the bed from a sitting position (don't ask how I have no idea myself), the sound was so loud my mom came from another room lmao.
Family parties were always my problem. Either it was at someone else's house where I wasn't comfortable and there were too many people. Or it was at our house and virtual strangers were touching all my things. Thank goodness actual Christmas was just my parents and me and one or the other grandma. My maternal grandmother was not a warm fuzzy person, but when she was at our house being waited on hand and foot she seemed to have a great time. She always gave my mom some money to get an extra gift for me when she was having Christmas with us. I am a big Barbie fan so usually it was a playset or new outfits for the dolls. As assembly was always part of our Christmas routine Grandma would get roped in to applying stickers or redressing dolls. I think she had fun in spite of herself! It's not that hard to accommodate an autistic person. You just have to know what helps them feel comfortable and what will cause meltdown and act accordingly. Keeping things as normal as possible is great advice.
The last couple of Christmases we kept the menu simple because it was too much work and stress to prepare an elaborate meal when we don't have a bunch of people over anyway. Everyone loved the simple fare and even took leftovers home with them!
@@melissacooper8724 I also have an autistic family member(in addition to ticking a lot of boxes myself). Whoever was hosting made sure there were several safe foods on offer. And the family rule is try two bites of everything and then have more of what you like. One pea is a taste! Also always made sure there was a place to escape to if peopling got to be too much. No major meltdowns and he's 21 this year. Graduated from high school and is doing a program at community college and has a job. Kiddo is doing well in a world not made for him.
I never knew that not reacting strongly to presents/ not being able to show gratitude right was an autistic thing. I recently began taking the idea I may be autistic more seriously, and that was something I always struggled with, to the point of dreding opening presents. I consider myself lucky because my parents are very low key about Christmas. They never decorated the inside of the house except for a tree. They also hate large gatherings so Christmas dinner was just us and nobody was watching me get presents. I do remember one year my mom videoed my reaction to my gandpa's present and that was awful, I think I just did a "Oh! Thank you so much grandpa!" And I was so worried it sounded fake.
As someone who dealt with severe attachment issues with my mom as a kid... I'm so hurt seeing this mom cry, not because I relate to her. But because this kid may grow up, see this video, and think he ruined Christmas and made her life miserable. Some of my most paintful memories are of my mom crying, seeing my biological dad and step father making her cry. My heart becomes literally painful to think of those memories. Similarly, there was one holiday season where she said I had ruined the holidays and was crying, and that is also one of my most painful memories. She has apologized for this over and over as an adult when I told her how painful this was at the time and still is. If you need to have a cry over issues with your child, do it with a therapist or understanding friend. Don't film yourself crying for your child to find as a teenager or adult. And sure as hell do NOT cry "at" your child while airing your grievances with them. This can be super traumatic for even neurotypical kids. Especially kids with attachment issues and/or deal with shame
The whole "stop ignorance, start acceptance" thing with acting like ADHD just presents in that ONE way drives me up the wall. The presentation of ADHD that the woman's child has is not the ONLY one. Mine presents extremely differently from the "shaking from energy" version that her child exhibits. Mine's more internalized, with random bursts of excitement. Doesn't change the fact that I HAVE ADHD, but it still presents differently. It's ignorant NOT to acknowledge that other degrees of ADHD exist.
Hi, as a high-energy ADHD-er... we don't vibrate. I tend to pace when I'm feeling high-energy or go and dance around my room for a bit, but I've never once like... started shaking because I'm feeling hyperactive, especially at night when I start to crash.
I have adha,and sometimes i have what my Friend call 'a burst of random energy' mostly i just run around or pace around or bedroom,its kinda awkward because sometimes father come in to get something and see me running like a crazy dog 😂,but yeah-
7:30 I am autistic and i had to learn in a special education class and my teacher would record us crying if we were having a rough day and she'll put it on social media PUBLIC. And its just so embarrassing. What an embarrassment.
An unpleasant surprise for me regarding holidays and autism is that you CAN get sensory overload in your sleep, and wake up into it. Had that happen to me a couple times this year, and when the Christmas tree was finally taken down, making my sleeping mask optional instead of necessary (I sleep in the living room), it made me so happy To any fellow autistic adults that don't know this yet, be aware that sensory overload is something that can happen at any time, including your sleep. If you have a feeling that you might wake up into it, take any steps you can to reduce sensory input in your sleep, like eyemasks or earplugs. It might not prevent it, but it can reduce the symptoms you wake up into, and make the day that much easier to bear.
I honestly don’t believe the mom saying “I’m not looking for sympathy, only spreading awareness” when she’s filming herself sadly unwrapping her son’s gifts. She clearly has an ideal of what Christmas should be like, and her son being autistic and getting overwhelmed doesn’t fit those ideals. Not saying she’s a bad mother, but that video definitely comes across as her being selfish. If she really wanted to spread awareness, she wouldn’t be having a mini pity party on the floor and would be talking about her plans for next Christmas or even asking for advice instead of being upset that she can’t force her picture perfect Christmas onto her child because she can’t accept his diagnosis
She must grief something, but then thats on her, not her kid to have unrealistic high expectations when with kids anything can happen. Dont blame your kid :(
I think it's okay to be sad about that though. Some people REALLY love christmas.and it can be disappointing when you can't share what you love with someone you love. At least she wasn't forcing her child to engage and respected what he needed.(From what you described).
@@latifx3944 I get what you mean but from what I remember, it didn’t really seem like she was trying to make Christmas less stressful for her son. It came across as her doing the same thing every year because she has certain ideas about how to celebrate instead of trying to make some changes so that Christmas is something everyone can enjoy. Personally I don’t see how filming yourself crying and posting it on TikTok and potentially making your child hate Christmas is the better option
@@tinyprettymoon completely understand. I think she just wanted to share that having autism/other disabilities isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Maybe not the best way to show it though. It can be really hard for people (in my experience) for them when reality doesn't match their expectations, especially for me being on the spectrum. I once had a full blown meltdown because someone arrived earlier to game night than expected. However, doing the same thing year after year isn't productive either, like you said. Maybe she was looking for support and ideas on how to make Christmas easier?
@@latifx3944 if she was looking for advice, I didn’t hear her ask for it. Maybe she has in other videos but the vibe I got from what Meg showed was “feel bad for me because Christmas didn’t go the way I wanted”
Nothing wrong with the tree. The ornaments need to be closer to the branches since it's so small. They kinda look droopy now. Use paperclips instead of strings and it'll look better :)
It's not terrible, but there are a few things I'd change: 1. replace the plastic tree with an actual tree 2. don't hang anything on the lowest branches 3. use less colors, but ones that pop more, like red and gold or blue and silver and maybe a few straw stars or a chain of lights* 4. tinker with it until it looks right, not necessarily casual *Now that I look at it again, the pastel colors are fine, too.
"Christmas stresses me out" made me slap the like button three times. It's the same thing with birthdays for me. I can't STAND getting gifts, and hearing "Happy Birthday" in any context makes me want to run through the nearest wall like the kool-aid man whether they're singing it to me or someone else.
Same, stresses me out so much. My daughter is autistic and haaaates birthdays and Christmas so we make it super casual and chill. Just doing things our way
it stresses me out mostly because of all the people staring, and everyone talking over each other and reacting to gifts and all the noises plus the music turned up in the background and all the being squished makes me super irritable and overwhelmed- that and if i don't like something i get, i have to suck it up and pretend i like it- i'm not diagnosed with autism, but some days i start thinking i might actually have it, but when i brought up wanting to be tested, my therapist at the time told me that i didn't act like it😭
@@daybreak_ofc Oh god, yeah. I never dealt with big christmases, but my family did a sort of christmas at each house. Grand parents, step grand parents, other grand parents, mom's, then dad's. My entire christmas vacation was just... constant family get togethers, and when I would isolate to recharge, I'd be reprimanded for not being with the family. And just like you said, the music, the staring, the expectations that are projected onto everyone. It's exhausting. That's why I like Halloween so much because participation feels optional. If you aren't feeling it, you don't have to. Christmas and Birthdays though? If you choose not to participate, you're seen as an asshole lmao
@@willowsnow1092 yeah- see with my family, all of us: my mom, my dad, my grandma and grandpa, my 2 cousins, my aunt, my uncle, and two dogs + the occasional company on a year by year circumstance squeeze into my grandparents' house. It gets extremely overwhelming, especially with my grandfather being one of my main sources of my trauma- doesn't help that ever since i realized i was trans (ftm) that anytime any holiday to give gifts rolls around, i can guarantee damn near everything will be rainbow or colorful with no actual thought :/ despite the fact that my oldest cousin is gay and my uncles that live in Florida are gay as well and they don't get those types of things- idk it feels like they see a rainbow thing and go, "ooh he'd like that" and buy it even though i've lived with them for 13 years before moving in with my mom in 2021
Damn, that sounds awful as hell... But, real quick. I'm MtF! I get that generalization. They mean well and want to be supportive, or they just want to LOOK supportive. I've got the benefit of being diagnosed with agoraphobia now, so I can get away with isolating from the festivities. But... hell. If everyone's crowded in one house? Hyper awareness would make that hell. Hearing every conversation and needing to process it. I'm hella sorry. @@daybreak_ofc
I save the tags off my presents and stick them onto the present I got if I can because I am so bad at remembering where my gifts came from. I also regularly forget the names of relatives I have met countless times, I don't know why, my autistic brain just doesn't remember names of real people but I can remember fictional characters names really well. Anyway, sometimes I see that person at New Years and because I had it stuck to the present I remember their name and what they gave me and I can tell them I used their present for something useful (even if I didn't). Obviously I'm not a very sentimental person, so I genuinely enjoy functional gifts. I LOVE getting socks because it causes so much stress for me when I lose one side of a pair, and just tossing that sock aside and going "I have a whole new pack I got for christmas that I can turn to in this time of need" relieves all that stress for me.
I have both ADHD and Autism and when I got gifts for chrismas(or any other event like that) I just say thanks, go to my room to quietly unpack it without hearing the screams of joy of my younger brother, comeback, hug my parents and go back to my room to play with whatever I got as a gift and they accept it, the fact that insted of paper wrap my parents use gift bags and simply put some pretty paper on top to cover what's inside is also very nice and I thank them for it too
Even as an adult I feel like there's a formula to "appropriately" show your pleasure at a gift. You need to grin hugely, examine it for at least a minute, and give a very enthusiastic "Thank you!" to whoever gave it to you.
I struggle to not do this still cause I always got shit for not being grateful for my presents as a kid. ...Even though I'm now an adult and the only people I see for Christmas are my mother and stepdad, who know I'm autistic lmfao. (My mother didn't know when I was a kid, hence the 'getting shit')
I often... embellish my emotion upon receiving gifts. My emotion is real, my reaction is fake, because I want to communicate my emotion accurateky, but my authentic reaction might be understood as underwhelming.
I think the key with the first tree is that the baubles are too big - the poor little tree doesn't understand what size is and its just masking with whatever it had available. Its so relatable I might cry.
On the self diagnosis front, even officially diagnosed adults are rarely given any additional support or resources. In the US where I'm from, it's extremely difficult to receive any disability support whether it be financial or support with activities of daily living. So these mythical "resources" the self diagnosed people are "taking away" don't actually exist. And I had to fight like hell and wait several years as an adult to go through the diagnostic process, they aren't accessible for everyone, oftentimes people don't have a practitioner anywhere near them who will screen adults. And when my diagnosis process was over I didn't get any additional help, because it simply doesn't exist if you're over the age of 18 in my area.
Im in the US and I have been trying to find a place that will test me that doesn't cost $2000 plus.. My insurances doesn't cover it and you are so right, there is not enough support or resources. Did you have to self pay and what kind of doctor did you go to to get the test? Only children are covered on my insurance. There are special centers that do they testing for children only.
Especially if you are just a "little" autistic. Services are centered around people being practically non-functional and it isn't really helpful for those of us who just need a little bit of support
I used to hate Christmas before I was the one giving gifts to my family, now I get really excited to see people’s reactions to my knitted gifts. It makes Christmas way easier for me
Has anyone else developed a special interest in language learning, travelled to a country where that language is spoken, found themselves completely unable to actually talk to anyone but felt excited beyond words every time they were able to perfectly translate a sign or a menu? Or is that just me? 😂
I love other languages, too! Unfortunately, I can only occasionally find the motivation to immerse myself in another's language. Most of the time, I end up learning what phonetic sounds are made by listening to someone speak/sing in their language while reading what they speak. So I'll be able to read the words but not know what they mean 😭 does anyone have any tips to learn better?
Absolutely, she felt like another one of those "oh no I can't celebrate, better make it about me somehow" kind of people which is exactly why she posts it on tiktok because we all know that she wouldn't post it with the sad music if she wasn't trying to get attention
If she didn't want sympathy she wouldn't have posted that, so yeah, typical attention seeking parent that wants to vent about how their kid "ruined" stuff for them qns get sympathy points for it.
One thing that has helped me and my family during Christmas is opening the presents at the same time. It takes the performance of the reactions out of the situation. We don't bother looking at each other when we open presents, and we can go at our own pace! It is a super nice tradition that has helped me as an audhd person.
I never thought of this, but it does make sense. My family always opens them one at a time because we didn't always have a ton of presents. But I can see how that can be stressful.
I just assumed that’s how it’s supposed to go in families with multiple children, god I can’t imagine having everyone’s eyes just focused on me alone I’d die
I myself dont have autism, but i have a tbi that caused me to struggle to show my emotions outwardly for gifts amoung MANY other things. My son, diagnosed at 2 with autism now 7, actually LOVES gifts. He probably shows the most outward emotion for not just his gifts but also others around him. We all handle social situations soo differently but just have to find how to celebrate in a comfortable way for everyone. ❤
The scarf wraps are a very smart idea. They’re much easier to wrap than paper, make less noise when opened, and are a lot more friendly to the environment. Thank you, I may try this out myself.
For anyone else that hates wrapping, I recommend foldable boxes which are much easier to wrap up in paper... OR, My preference is just shove it in a bag and stuff some colorful tissue paper on top (one ot two pushed in from the middle of the paper so it looks somewhat decorative at the top) to disguise it lol :)
When I was a kid, we never wrapped presents in our family, we would just each get a bag with a name tag and digging through that bag thing by thing was an amazing experience every year
If it helps anyone, there are fabric bags you can get, like the ones at the jewelry store/rock shop but bigger, that you can pull open and closed with string. I’ve wrapped some things that way, and it’s really nice!
I'm autistic and have always struggled with receiving gifts. I'm not the biggest fan of surprises. I love surprising others but I don't like being surprised. That is why I tend to find my presents and get yelled at for ruining my surprise😅 I just want to prep my reactions beforehand as I don't know what is enough reaction and what is too much. If I don't react enough they think I don't like it. If I react too much they think I'm faking it. If I love the present I tend to freeze and not react in any way. If I absolutely love the present I will start crying. That makes people feel bad. This year we did gift exchange with my friends last Wednesday. We opened the presents at home. I got a Christmas cards and gifts from them both. The first one I opened (we were on a Teams call) made me cry for like 5 minutes. The card was just so lovely and special to me. Good thing we talked about these things beforehand. My big family does gift giving Christmas Eve evening. To prevent chaos we open the presents one by one so everyone can see what we got. We used to do everything at once but that chaos was just so overwhelming. This calm is better for me but the good thing about the chaos was that nobody really saw how I reacted to gifts. Now I feel everyone's eyes on me when I'm opening them. I also don't like ripping the paper so I'm a little slow. On the other hand I would not like having gift bags either as that feels boring and not as "special".
I remember my cousin, who has Downs syndrome hated being surprised. On her 16th birthday we threw her a surprise party. When we yelled, "Surprise!" she ran out of the building! My grandma had to talk to her to come back in! The rest of the party went fine, but she never got another surprise party after that.
For anyone who struggles with tape- here’s a tip I picked up from the media production industry! When I pull a piece of tape, I fold the end diagonally so I can cut it and have a little tab at the end so I’m not scrambling to find the end ☺️
Okay, its only partially related to the video, but I'm Polish and I have to say - DAMN you did so well. You seemed a bit unsure of yourself, but here's a native speaker cheerleader for you: you shouldn't be, you already sound better than at least 85% of Polish I hear in movies and TV, I'm especially impressed by you being able to differentiate between "cześć" and "sześć", since I know our sz/cz/ż/rz/drz etc are a doozy for foreigners, same with ą/ę. So seriously, you're smashing it, keep it up and I'm sure you'll be ordering barszcz czerwony in Polish in no time 🖤💜
PS, from what I've heard [from my Scottish boyfriend that's also learning Polish now], eating Polish food definitely helps, so try some bigos or jabłecznik during holidays, I'm sure it'll do wonders, that's just science!
Thank you so so much very 😭 That's so encouraging! I was super nervous about posting it, you're right 😅 Dziękuję bardzo! 🥰 And, ahaha! That's excellent advice from your boyfriend - can I have a side of pierogi too? 😁
@@imautisticnowwhatalways, pierogi are a given. Also, this surprised him a bit - normal serving is 6-8 pierogi per person, so for Christmas we make them in hundreds. Although my mom got a great idea one year and instead of cutting the dough with a glass, she started using a bowl, which makes 2-3 huge pierogi enough to feed a person, so if you ever try make ones yourself, here's your Polish pass to use a bowl and not have to suffer with tiny ones.
I don’t speak a word of Polish, but I had the same reaction, you sounded so nuanced to me. I’ve seen another vlogger (ADHD) do a sponsored demonstration of this product, and you sounded so much better. Along those lines: in case you need any feedback to share with the sponsor, the other big difference for me was that I felt comfortable with and interested in your presentation, it felt like you were explaining the product rather than pushing it on me. I haven’t purchased it, but for the first time, I felt interested, and am actually thinking about it, something advertising almost never makes me do. In my opinion, I think your approach is more in tune with your audience than the hard sells most ads employ. The other thing I want to note is that your audience are slow processors that give things a LOT of consideration. I’m sure that sponsors look at immediate click through and sales rates, and the other place I’ve seen this product offered was on a major ADHD channel. There they are likely to have a higher rate of impulse purchases, though probably also a high percentage that cancel in short order. Of the ones who don’t, a number are likely to be people who never use the product after a bit but forget to cancel. My guess is that your audience will be slower to adopt, but once they do, the retention and use rates will be higher. I know this is the Internet, and immediate gratification is the expectation, but if they want to reach this market, they should evaluate on a longer response window than they may be used to. And...while salespeople on commission often only care about closing a sale, whether the customer needs the product or not, the people who created the product often do care if it’s actually used; they created it because they are actually interested in its utility. Connecting with customers who like and use your product has value for a company interested in long term viability too. (Yes, marketing is a special Interest of mine. I hate and am no good at “selling” in the way it is often done, but there are legitimate ways to approach it that can respect and build a customer base.)
@jimwilliams3816 this is a really good point I hadn't thought of. I too had a similar reaction, this was the first time I'd seen a babbel ad that made me interested in actually learning a language
as an autistic adult , i do relate so much to the issue with a proper reaction to gifts, i do like wrapping and unwrapping gifts, but my face does not look happy most of the time. it took a couple of years for my mother in law to stop being worried all the time that i would not like the presents. but i´m very lucky, that she is such a understandig and suportiv person. she never got mad and just ask my girlfriend to make sure i did infact like it. quite sad to think about how long it took to find a family that just accepts me and to now that there are so many kids out there that face the same struggle. most of my blood relatives stopt to gift me anything in my teen years. probably because they where just tired of me not looking gratefull enough. let´s just hope in the future generations less and less kids have to perform while getting gift and can just enjoy themself in their own ways.
Same here. I am not diagnosed now (but was advised by a counselor to search diagnosis), but I was told that I looked ungrateful since I was a young teen. So I tried masking for a few years. But never got the reaction right. I got a glittering cat calendar three years in a row, because I was too enthusiastic one year! I threw it out immediately… Since then I just told everyone they should not try to „read my face“ but listen to my words! And if I only say „Thank you“ they know that it wasn’t the right thing (but as we have lists now it’s very rare).
About the wrapping paper part, I HATE having ripped up wrapping paper, so my parents always laugh at me when I gently untape the paper and then fold the paper instead. It's honestly just a waste of paper.
For me I’m the opposite with wrapping paper. I absolutely love tearing into wrapping paper. My mom asked if I’d still want the presents wrapped even though I’m older and would know what the presents are but I asked if it would still be ok for the presents to be wrapped since I love the feeling. She still does which I appreciate very much
as an autistic kid, i like christmas! its my favorite holiday! But i dont like how my whole family comes to our house and when i open my presents i try to act as excited as i can but its hard to do and obviously i am excited for my presents and i love them and im so grateful but im scared their gonna think i dont like it or im not grateful because i dont do a whole big reaction.. :(
I was undiagnosed as a kid, but Christmas a whole ordeal. I had to organize my presents into groups according to the wrapping paper, then stack them by size and shape, and number them, and then open them in that order. Getting extra presents or surprise presents was soooo stressful to my system! I also didn't rip the paper. I had to sit there and carefully pick the tape and unwrap it and set the paper aside much to my parents' annoyance since it made my billion presents take forever. And of course there was the issue of not having the "correct" reaction or level of excitement for each present, especially if it was something I didn't actually like.
As an undiagnosed ASD kid I used to sneak out at night and unwrap my gifts before Christmas because I could not stand to be surprised on Christmas morning. I now at 45 abstain from Christmas completely because even though I’m now out my family just doesn’t get how hard Christmas is for me and they just expect me to mask the whole time and I hate every minute of it.
Im from poland and you're doing great!!! It's not an easy language even when i use it daily but it's beautiful. So fun knowing you're trying to learn it :DD I believe in you!!
I LOOOOOVE the smell of tape!!!! Edit (just remembered what I was going to say): I am neurospicy and probably autistic as I have realized after hearing similar experiences on the internet. I also feel enormous pressure to show that I am excited and in love with the what I got while opening presents on Christmas Day just in front of close family members. Another factor is that most of the time now that I am an adult I have to stay up the night before wrapping presents and getting everything ready for my younger siblings, I am tired most Christmas days and don’t always feel like smiling and being at level 100 excited all the time. I just wanna relax on Christmas Day and not worry about how I have to receive a gift, but I always try to verbally say how grateful I am and hope that the other person thinks that I am grateful enough too.
I was always wilded out by people telling me "it's the thought that counts" with gifts. If someone gives me something that's less than uselsss to me, it shows that they didn't listen to my very loud preferences. That makes me know they DIDN'T give it much thought. Not as much thought as I'd give a gift, in any case. I hate receiving gifts because some gifts are, frankly, an insult to my personhood. The "gift" shows more that the giver wants to be perceived as friendly without putting in the actual work to do anything positive at me. I refuse to be grateful for something that is not useful for me. It teaches them to get me another one or to perform the behavior again.
Even wrapping in a scarf is a challenge for my dyspraxic hands!! We use (& reuse) gift bags for everything instead - no meltdowns from wrapping or unwrapping ever again!!!
Are you able to tie a slip knot? Maybe that could work, bunch up the corners, twist and poke a loop through. That way the recipient can just pull the tail and the scarf falls away from the gift
@@audreydoyle5268 I could look it up, but my body literally forgets how to hold my own cutlery while I'm eating sometimes, so I doubt it will look very tidy! 🤣
@@audreydoyle5268That's a good idea, but I know from personal experience that if you end up pulling the wrong string, you're left with a terribly hard knot to undo.
Gather the ends ang wrap a rubber band around them? Then maybe put a ribbon around the rubber band, if you want. Or hold it shut with pretty hair scrunchies if the recipient has long hair. Or roll it up in the scarf and call it done.
I do understand that parents of autistic children must have their own feelings to deal with, and it’s not good for people to invalidate and ignore their own struggles. I do think that it’s really important for all parents to try to sort their own needs from things they are genuinely doing for their children. I suspect this is hard because one of the scripts people are given is that to be a good parent, you must put your own child’s needs first at all times. I don’t think anyone can do this, but I think it leads a lot of people to imagine that they are doing something for their child when they are actually doing it for themselves. That probably sounds more judgmental than I mean it. I have found that I determining why I’m doing something is tremendously hard, and probably everyone’s first instinct is to try and meet their own needs. It’s not even an inherently selfish thing: never meeting my own needs has proved disastrous both for me and the people in my life. I do suspect, from everything I’ve heard people say, that the fastest way to dysregulate a child is for a parent to represent things they do for themselves as things they are doing for the child on a regular basis. No one will be a perfect parent, but keeping this to a minimum is, I think, a worthwhile goal. I once took a seminar on what was then called “special needs” children (not strictly autistic) from someone who likened having a special needs child to traveling to another country; the metaphor was that having a child is a bit like traveling to a country you have always imagined: you have long had images of how wonderful it would be, what you would get to see and do, and that having a child with special needs is like discovering youself in a very different country than what you anticipated. The person giving the seminar (who had a child with major developmental delays) concluded the metaphor by saying that, after a while, you come to realize that the country you are in, though not what you expected, is a worthwhile place with its own positive qualities, and that to see this, you have to stop focusing on what you thought you would have, and focus instead on what you do have. That’s probably true of parenting in general, and in fact life. I have to note that I never had children, so I don’t have any firsthand experience. I did have to take care of my elderly father after my mother died, which confirmed for me that I personally was never meant to be responsible for another human being.
This is totally reasonable. By all means, if it's hard raising your autistic child, if they turned out differently than you'd hoped, get therapy so you can process those feelings and learn coping skills. Get support for yourself. But wise parents don't put their disappointment on social media for the whole world to see. Want to know why autistic people have such high suicide rates? Stuff like THAT is why.
I agree. As a PDAer, I think consent is so important, and honestly no one should be doing anything that, looked at carefully, resembles doxing. Even without social media, a parent regarding their child as a toxic disappointment is incredibly harmful, even if the child is not neurodivergent; and children on the spectrum are especially vulnerable. It sets up a destructive pattern for everyone, including the parent. A distressed person is always harder to live with than a regulated person. I focused on the challenges of parents in this post, but I do empathize with the children most strongly. I had decent parents, with their own neurodivergent challenges, and in spite of them doing the best they could, I have always struggled with the feeling that I was never supposed to exist, and an outlook that almost made me a statistic. I cannot imagine coping with overt signs of severe disappointment from a parent. My main intent here was to observe the ways in which people fall into these self destructive patterns, and how they might get out. It’s something I’ve been trying to work out for myself, as I’ve been trying to claw my way out of a self hating and self destructive place that has damaged both myself and my wife. To accept and change the behaviors seems to involve accepting that the behaviors are destructive without feeling like I am a POS. When I link those two ideas, I can’t do much about the behavior, because all my resources get diverted to the act of self hating. (I am JUST starting to figure all this out after years of therapy!)
I always hated Christmas as a child, because my parents made such a big deal out of it, it just became stressful to pretend to be happy for three days straight... My father was really odd about it, and put so much pressure on me to be all excited, putting on music and filming it all, and my mother is just a huge Christmas freak. _My brother breaking my gifts didn't help either._ But yeah, I made my parents upset by not really caring about the decoration, or not smiling enough while unwrapping my gifts a lot as a child, and now as an adult I just have a disdain for Christmas, and really just look forward to the food, and New Year's Eve, because I get to get drunk without being judged on that. ^^; Also, I too always saved the tags! And I always tried to unwrap everything without ripping the paper.
I still remember a specific Christmas as a toddler when my grandma wanted to give me a giant teddy bear that I loved and my dad kept trying to get me to say thank you, but I’ve always had trouble with physically speaking it for some reason and then I got berated in front of the whole family for being rude and ungrateful.
I put up with the wrapping paper because I love how cats react to the piles of it. It’s so entertaining to watch and I’m even more excited about it now because it’s my younger kitten Wednesday’s first Christmas.
I had a cat that LOVED charging into it and sending it flying up in the air! To be fair, he did the same sort of thing with newspapers foolishly left on the floor, too! 😂😂😂
We have a permanent pile of white tissue paper in the living room because one of the cats loves it. It has to be replaced periodically when it gets shredded. 😸
"stop self dxing" is also such a classist thing to say imo. not everyone can afford to/has access to resources to get a formal diagnosis. also some people cope with their adhd (or whatever other neurodivergence) by calling it quirky. i personally wouldnt call any of my neurodivergence 'quirky' but i do call myself weird (and also specify that its not a bad thing). like you said, people cope in different ways. i also just kinda find presumably neurotypical parents calling out their specific child's symptoms as 'requirements' (oh if YOUR adhd doesnt make you SHAKE AT NIGHT) feels kinda like coopting the kid's experience but also NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME SYMPTOMS. influencer parents with the exception of like 'gentle parenting' influencers who dont show their children (and maybe some others who dont show their children) just make me :/
I've been having such a hard time finding a way to get diagnosed cause we can barely even afford food so there's no way I can afford repeated visits and tests but I have nearly all the symptoms or the non hyperactive form and the diagnosis explains....literally everything I went through growing up. I know I have it. I just can't afford the visits and tests for a formal diagnosis yet.
I dont think its classist to avoid saying you definitely have a disorder without actually getting that diagnosis. I can get symptoms similar to cancer but until i get that proper diagnosis, i wont claim to have cancer just in case its something else. Its just safer to get diagnosed and figure out what it actually is. Doctors and psycologists go through extensive schooling for a reason, they know more than you do.
@rewdskwid I have all sorts of conflicting feelings on this, partly in conjunction with myself. Most of this has to do with what constitutes an iron clad diagnosis, because assessors and assessments vary widely. I was diagnosed with autism at the same time that I was assessed with ADHD. The assessor was a clinical psychologist who assesses both. It was fairly comprehensive, but not as involved as I often hear autism assessments can be. Was it enough? I am sometimes uncomfortable saying I “am autistic.” I will often say I have been “diagnosed with autism” instead - but again, was it enough? I used to think that nothing shy of a week with Tony Attwood would allay all my doubts, but now I think even that would not suffice for me. But if I doubt it, what about people who have been assessed by a psychiatrist using nothing but the DSM? Do I dismiss their diagnosis as iffier than mine? Should someone eise with a more comprehensive assessment than mine look askance at my diagnosis? I would not be personally comfortable declaring myself autistic via my own self diagnosis, though I was commenting on traits on these channels before I was diagnosed...and thus arguably implying I was autistic. And at the same time, I am not comfortable drawing the yes/no line based solely on professionalism. We have to recognize that mental health assessment methods are highly varied and imperfect, and that, to the extent that an autism diagnosis can be the absolute yes/no I seek, we are not there now. With regard to many mental health diagnoses, I suspect the way they are classified will have changed markedly in 100 years. Autism may buck that trend, and remain as it is, but not necessarily. If it does, IMO more likely to be Type 3 than Type 1, which has already changed from Asperger’s to ASD. Bottom line for me, I guess, is that I think self identification in terms of personal assessment of traits is pretty valid - at my most self doubting, I have called myself “functionally autistic,” and in that sense it’s a tool of self understanding. Self identification as a basis for a public declaration is less comfortable to me, but again...where do we draw the line for what’s adequate? That professionals know more depends a lot on the professional In question, and until there is an iron clad test method, mistakes will be made...in both directions (see: “you’re not autistic because you have friends or made eye contact”). In general, I agree with Meg that most of the people here have given it more thought than most professionals. Has someone been loosey goosey and gotten it wrong? Maybe. But the absolute certitude I would like for myself is not found in the divide between “went to school” and didn’t...I’ve seen too much evidence of terrible ignorance among professionals. It might be good to set better standards for education and evaluation, but that will tend to set the financial bar even higher. My assessment was low four figures. I’ve considered being reasssessed more comprehensively, but 5 figures would be a stretch for me. Either are impossible for many people on the spectrum who are chronically unemployed. Finally, there’s the matter of whether formal diagnosis is even a good idea. There are countries I probably can’t move to now. And it’s not like I’ll ever get any useful support or accommodation.
I second this, and thank you for pointing it out I live in a free healthcare country, fortunately, but therapy spots are RARE. I spent a good while taking therapy sessions other people cancelled bc I couldn't get a spot. Now, I do have a place, but it really doesn't work for me, ESPECIALLY because my therapist refuses to test me on anything (I very strongly suspect adhd), she'll be like yeah diagnoses aren't that important, and I have made (for my standards) very clear that it would be very important to me to qualify as literally anything. Like yeah, I get it, self-diagnosing isn't ideal, and I wouldn't claim I have any diagnosis on social media, but I am for sure not the only one watching neurodivergent videos on youtube helplessly relating
A "lazy" wrapping job I liked doing was to take our reusable shopping bags and put things in them, and hide them around the house and yard. I eventually found that replacing worn-out clothing items at gifting time works well because it's already well liked items.
I’m someone who loves thunderstorms, but the sudden bursts of thunder can be jarring and even overstimulating to me. Your videos have been that jar for me. Thank you so much!
When I was growing up, the woman who raised me was basically a child in an adult's body. She would get me(high chance of neurodivergence) and my brother(been diagnosed since he was 2?) and force us to be super hyper for Christmas. My brother was okay with it as it meant he received new toys. I began to detest Christmas mornings because I would be forced to get up (the last time I celebrated with her, we got up before 5am) and act super duper excited like we had never seen presents before. I always had to act surpised because she knew so little about how I tick that she just told me to get stuff with her money. When I was 17 I spent my first Christmas morning with my nana and papa. They told me to not wake them up of I got up early and to wait for everyone before we began. I was the last one up, around 7:30am. I was greeted with "Merry Christmas." We watched the news for a bit while they drank their coffee then we began. We got our stockings. We each looked into our stockings and showed what we got. I was able to just smile and say "Aww, thank you! This is so nice!". I realized I just hated the hyper Christmas photo bomb. It wasn't even the photos, as my nana took plenty, it was that I was expected to act super excited before I even was fully away.
I love wrapping (it's like a puzzle or game for me), and I hate shopping. So my spouse does the shopping and I do the wrapping. It's an amazing system, win-win!
I've an "agreement" with friends and family that we don't do the gift thing. Giving and receiving gifts both stresses me out, and then having the social pressure of "balancing the scales" to make sure you give as good as you receive. So instead I've just said "nope" to the whole enterprise with my family and friends, with the only exception being something that we can eat or drink together!
Re: other people watching you doing routine tasks. I used to work in a cinema, and we changed over from our usual ice cream supplier to Ben and Jerry's. We sold ice cream per scoop (which I always found ridiculous, cos the tubs were a preset size anyway), and each portion/sized portion had to weigh a specific amount (complete rip-off, considering you could buy a whole tub of ice cream at the supermarket doen the rd for the price of a "small"). Anyhoo, we had our general manager come in to train us all on how to "correctly" scoop ice cream, under his supervision and Infront of everyone else. Needless to say, the ice cream was more solid than what we sold in the shop floor, and I didn't want to go through the performance of scooping ice cream. Went for a conservative scoop, as didn't want them to think i was "giving away" stock. It only went and pinged out of the scoop and almost on the floor. I never once weighed out the portions of ice cream when serving customers as it was a blatant rip off, crammed as much as i could into each polystyrene pot (you're always going to fit less in a small vs a medium vs a large, so it was a ridiculous request).
10:26 I dont understand why we eat turkey either. Like you said, it's just bland and dry and expensive and a hassle. Then, after the holiday is over, you have multiple plates of the stuff clogging up the fridge you need to force yourself to wolf down in order to not waste food.
yes! And no pattern… when I decorate, bigger ornaments are at the bottom and I am keen to keep the distances at least similar. My decorations are… more organized 😂
Not Christmas but birthday parties, I've found with my 6 year old that these days families opt for bags rather than wrapping most often, and parties rarely have a mass gift opening time anymore. It's common for gift opening to be left for the child to do at home when everyone is gone. It's a side effect of everyone booking 90/110 minute party slots at bowling alleys and swimming pools and running out of time, but it's nice for the socially awkward kids.
Hi fello Americans. Just a quick translation: The UK phrase "learning disabilities" is the term for what we call "intellectual disabilities" or "developmental disabilities," such as Down syndrome. I'm not exactly sure what Brits call the category that we call "learning disabilities" (dyslexia, dyscalculia, etc., and ADHD often gets included here) -- the things that interfere with academic classes at school, but are independent conditions of intellectual disability. (Anyone can have multiple conditions, in multiple categories, of course.)
16:16 the sentence "i havent enjoyed xmas since his diagnosis" is crazy to me. this phrasing implies there has been at least 1 christmas before this where the kid had an autism diagnosis already, and that there were previous most likely similar issues in the earlier christmas(es)...which means instead of making changes to make her kid's time during christmas more enjoyable (and her own by extension) she has just continued to run it like normal? "i tell myself things will be better next year..." Confirms this to be the case...where it becomes despicable imo is the final paragraph, maybe I'm reading too far into it but that combined with the earlier paragraphs seems like an admittance that changing things was seen as an option earlier on and yet just ignored, its changed from a situation of a mistake through ignorance (just not considering it) to a purposeful choice knowing it would cause harm, and she ends it oh so gracefully by implying the child is a burden on her. From my pov This isn't about awareness this is about sharing how burdenous their own kid is on their life, and how sad you should feel for them (the mother). Diabolical shit.
I relate soooo hard to the receiving presents issues! My (mostly NT) family have long questioned whether I really appreciate things I receive and I just feel like I don't know how to look happy with the gifts. 🤔🤷😅
Just a little note about Canadian weather...(I'm a Canadian living in Southern Ontario). About 20 years ago I worked at a company that also employed many Brits that had transferred from overseas a few years previously. I asked a few of my British colleagues how they like our weather compared to the weather back home and many preferred Canadian weather. We have more sun warmer summers here and even though we have colder temperatures in the winter, it doesn't feel as cold because it is dry cold and not damp cold like in the UK.
A word of caution here that Canada is huge country and while this might be true of Southern Ontario many other places in Canada regularly deal with -40. I've experienced both UK WInters and Northern Ontario/Manitoba Winters and will take the UK winters over -40 any day of the week.
I get very overwhelmed by Christmas- all aspects, not just the people. One of the things I struggle with is surprises, so you can imagine gifts might be a struggle. My mother was very into the whole unexpected, surprise thing. It sent me into meltdowns every Christmas and ruined it. I never knew what I was getting, I never knew how to react, I hated getting clothing due to textures. Then, through the process of getting diagnosed (and eventually being diagnosed) I admitted to this, and realised I wasn’t spoiled, I was feeling guilty and having a meltdown. My mother still likes the whole finding and giving surprises thing though. So we compromised. I provide a list (long enough and ranging) for anyone who may want to give me a gift, it’s even colour coded. The stuff under the tree is now only ever from that list, and I often know a few things in advance- that’s enough control for me, I didn’t have a meltdown over gifts when it was followed last year. But my stocking is a free for all, my mother can put anything they want in there. It’s often small stuff, cheap, maybe sweets that they well know I like; I can deal with that and it makes my mother happy.
We have started to use cotton cloth bags for Christmas! We also have stopped going to my dads side of the family on Christmas day (for a number of reasons unrelated to Christmas). I don't become instantly overwhelmed by Christmas day any more. We still have a dinner with family on Christmas Eve but my parents understand needing to step away for a bit. Christmas has always been my favourite holiday so I am glad it is not as stressful
21:31 I’m not diagnosed but I feeeel this so much. I’m always stressed when I gotta open gifts at holiday times especially when I was a kid because I feel like I won’t give the emotion or reaction people expect. I specifically remember when I was a kid I got very anxious about it and worrying how I’m gonna act so it doesn’t look like I’m ungrateful
a fun thing with brussel sprouts is they actually taste alright imo IF you cut them in half and cook them with salt and oil. It changes the chemical interaction and makes it better than the boiled or steamed ones.
I get the frozen ones and follow the microwave cooking instructions on the bag(microwave it with a bit of water for a couple minutes). I add some dried minced onions and garlic powder. Then a little bit of butter. (But I like brussel sprouts as is.)
@@poke-talia268 I used to hate them until about 2 years ago, but yeah. the cutting in half thing for anyone interested actually creates a chemical reaction that removes a lot of the bitterness people find with them. But yeah, I like just salty ones from the bag as long as you get the right brand and dont eat em fresh lol.
@@lokitkeel934bitter brussel sprouts being a common issue seems so strange to me. i actually couldn't understand the trope of children hating them, i liked their slightly sweet, slightly soggy, and slightly bland flavor. then i had some dark-green ones that were cooked dry by my grandmother. somehow my mother knows exactly how to boil them to get a mildly sweet flavor out of them. light green color, big and slightly soggy, and no bitterness. they didn't need any cutting or extra ingredients, just the right size and boiled for the right amount of time.
Only like them roasted with salt oil maybe a little garlic and or pepper .... Get a crispy crunchy outside and good not crunch but bite feel?😅 on the inside
I hate when parents of autistic kids make videos for the sake of awareness... It is almost never about the kid! It is always about themselves (the parents). Literally NOTHING in these videos helps anyone. It is all about the impact that autism has on their life. It is not out of love for their kid, out of the hope to share awareness. It is out of self pitty and ego.
As an Autistic woman who is a sensory seeker, Christmas is the best! Probably helps that I was born 2 days before Christmas and it's a special interest of mine. When I was a child in yhe 90's, I wanted to have the career of wrapping gifts for people at the mall. By the time I was old enough to get a job, that wasn't a thing anymore.
@@dorothyallspice1862 I would love to, but I don't know how to go about it. I have 2 businesses already that I started, but don't really know how to run, so I have just spent money I don't really have to try to make money so that I can get off of disability so I can marry my boyfriend and start a family... Stupid disability marriage penalties.
I have no idea why I am so bad at wrapping gifts. It's definitely not because I am clumsy. Give me something to wrap that is only like 1 cm small and the tiny gift would probably look perfect. But any average sized parcel and I probably will forget how my hands work.
I think the problem with the Christmas tree was that the branches should have been longer at the bottom and then getting successively shorter further up. And the branches would also be thinner at the top than at the bottom.
Thank you for these videos! I find them super entertaining (esp since I had to leave tiktok due to ppl harassing me over being "cringey") and love to see more!
The people in tiktok that criticize people for being cringy are morons and are so obsessed with the online Persona that if you don't act like a specific way it just causes a rash that they cannot fix.
The video of the lady opening presents was quite touching to me. My son has always hated birthdays and we really pushed him to have 'normal' birthdays with parties, a big fuss and lots of presents etc. Every year he would do something, as a younger child, that would be classed as terrible behaviour e.g. biting his best friend in the face, huge tantrums. He's an adult now and we simply ignore his birthday because that's what he wants but I love him and I want him to feel loved and appreciated and to have a special day BUT I have to realise that the sadness and guilt that I feel are my feelings not his. I wish I had known when he was younger not to put so much pressure on him and to let him be himself. But we didn't know that he was autistic but we knew he struggled to make friends so we were trying to get him to be more social. Seeing a video like this may have made me think a bit more about his feelings and my actions.
That's really interesting and I thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry about the hardship and I'm so glad there's more peace now. May God bless your relationship with your son with wisdom and much love. 🙏
"biting his best friend in the face," OH MY GOODNESS! That must've been a lot of drama when that occurred! I imagine other parents weren't too happy about that one!
I always liked the puzzle piece, I totally understood the “puzzling” aspect and never saw it as an incomplete thing. I do however only use it in the context of rainbows and the the rainbow infinity to avoid the association with autism speaks. For my senior art peoject I painted a giant puzzle piece with the rainbow infinity, and write “It’s not a virus, it’s a different operating system” along with a ton of letter code if people felt like translating.
1:06 As a neurodivergent who’s whole special interest through life is _aesthetic_ it’s because all the bulbs are too close together. That’s the problem, you wanna do it the autistic way, do your best to space them evenly. Leave ROOM. Cause that little tree needs more ROOM between the bulbs then it needs BULBS.
I'm so grateful my close and extended family just eat a big dinner and then do a white elephant thing for anyone 15+ where we just open the presents at home. For the kids we just all get them as many presents as we can lol
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An early Merry Christmas 🎄❄ Thank you so much for watching!
If you want another TIkTok reaction, you might enjoy this one (Bizarre TikTok Autism Tests): th-cam.com/video/3mXB-xF78_M/w-d-xo.html
Who do you think won the battle of the autistic Christmas trees, and how would you rank the Christmas foods (also, if you’re not from the UK, what foods do you eat for Christmas and/or other holidays you celebrate?)
And are you any good at wrapping presents? Or are you like me and Cheryl? 🎁
Same to you! May you have a lovely one with your family. 🎄💖
Thanks. I had just canceled my subscription and regretted it. Then I saw this, so I have a lifetime sub now.
Español Castilian is my main target language for learning.
@@blakeharvard5841 mine started w Castilian, but Mexican Spanish is far more practical for me. I'm trying to get good enough that strong accents don't throw me off.
Studying other cultures and learning other languages is a special interest of mine. I used to pedal around with Gaelic. When I started watching anime, I decided I wanted to watch Japanese but never started… Once I found BTS and K-pop, I’ve been practicing Korean. We have a lot of Korean people living in this city and I get so excited when I see someone I could say “Ann-Yong” to in a store, but I’m too nervous to say anything. I draw a total blank. Plus, going up to a stranger to talk to them is weird anyway.
I find it very frustrating that the mother is saying that since their son's diagnosis Christmas has been 'difficult', but surely it was 'difficult' beforehand? He would have still had autism beforehand. It seems, to me, that she is struggling to accept the diagnosis.
This. Symptoms do not appear when diagnosed. It is the mother who is not handling the diagnosis. Her problem seems to be she can't perform Christmas as she thinks it should be. As the "2 other kids" part indicated she hopes the diagnosed one would also perform as she likes it. That's the difficult part they are talking about.
Yes, what the diagnosis could change is her own perception of the situation. I could see this coming from either or both of two directions: doctors telling her “this is what to expect” in clinical terms, with no recognition of the nuances of the spectrum; or doom and gloom social media posts like the one she created.
After I was diagnosed with ADHD, my wife tried looking at some online support sites for spouses, but she couldn’t manage the level of anger she found. I get the need to vent sometimes, but it’s not helpful in a support group setting, it’s downward spiral stuff.
@rainbowfranklin sad to hear. From my own experience, one of the things that drives people on a downward spiral is feeling like they are horrible and worthless. I’m so much harder to live with when I feel that way, or have the feeling that others do. It’s such a destructive cycle.
So potentially that’s the other difference the mom has seen from the diagnosis. If it’s changed how she perceives her child, and the child senses that mom now sees them as a horrible disappointment, and spirals down. Everyone loses. That’s probably the biggest problem with treating autism like a tragedy that needs a cure. It’s a fairly harmless model when dealing with something like leukemia, that is perceived as wholly external and no one’s fault. But anything that manifests behaviorally gets tangled up with who a person is perceived to be, both externally and internally. Nobody really wants to be an a**hole...OR a tragedy.
[edited to moderate personal pathos!]
@jimwilliams3816 I had a similar issue happen at my last job. They made my autism out to be such a problem to deal with, despite doing nothing. I ended up getting physically sick repeatedly and then having to take a mental health leave for a month to try recover. Thankfully the job was an apprenticeship, so at the end of the contract I was free. It was still really dehumanising, having to constantly pretend I was okay. I tried to make complaints to HR, the apprentice team, the apprentice network, my teachers, my manager, my manager's manager, the high ups etc., but nothing was ever done. If something did happen, it was normally them blaming me for the issue.
I am doing better now. It took a while to process all the emotional distress, the loss of my job, and my loss of a secure income. I had to move in with my mum as I couldn't afford my rent anymore. But I am now actively looking for a job where I will be treated better.
@rainbowfranklin sorry, that came out pretty intense. I’ve been trying to learn to use “I” language rather than going using the “theory of people” language. The latter can come off judgmental and pedantic, but it seems that the former can come out overly self pitying. Also, I do some of my best self therapy at 4am, but posting it is questionable.
What I posted is definitely where I’ve been in recent years, but I hope I’m starting to emerge. I also finally downloaded the two most recent albums by The National, and I have felt for years now that Matt Berninger and I have been sharing the same trajectory (we both bottomed out during COVID). So I’m, uh, very in touch with some of that right now. (I swear Matt is neurodivergent!)
The mother essentially shaming her child for being overwhelmed by xmas was kinda gross. If you knew how he'd react why not just have a word with family and adjust for him? You could still find ways for your other kids to enjoy it without knowingly stressing him out.
It made me really mad. Isn’t Christmas FOR the kids so why can’t you let him have fun in the way that he wants? Why couldn’t he unwrap his gifts on a different day or why he couldn’t he sit with you? She was making it so much about her own (unrealistic apparently for that child) expectations. The only one “ruining” Christmas was her. Way to make your kiddo feel like a burden….
I can immediately think of quite a few things that may help him that could be so seamlessly integrated into their Christmas. Use fabric wraps if it’s the texture, let him wear ear protection if it’s the noise, or gloves if he doesn’t like tape or the feeling of the edges on his hands. Let him use a letter opener if he doesn’t like tearing it, I hate tearing the paper. Let him unwrap them quietly to himself and then tell everyone thank you at the end. It’s gross to not accommodate your kid when it’s something you had plenty of time and prior experience to plan for.
@@allisonnicole1659 exactly she sees her child in distress and only feels sorry for herself.
It feels like she tried to force him into enjoying a NT Xmas party, knowing how he'd feel
@@TheBigJayAgenda NT Christmas Party?
As an autistic person I LOVE the lead up to christmas, but the actual day itself is just about the closest thing to hell on earth. Constantly having to put on this performance act for my judgemental relatives, worrying about not seeming thankful enough for any of my gifts because gratitude just doesn’t translate well for me, the whole day is just jam packed full of noise and conversation and everyone touching me and it is just absolutely exhausting. I can barely function by the end of it. The Christmas season for me is like opening an advent calendar where you get one of your favourite things every day but the last door is full of venomous spiders or a giant turd.
i'm like this except i hate the lead up to christmas even more. the obnoxious commercials, embracing of blatant consumerism, constant jingling noises, over the top "joyful" imagery and OMG just terrible, TERRIBLE music. and everyone expects you to like it and think it's fun. i try to connect with the sensory aspects of it to appease the people around me and not make anything about me, but LMAO every december i feel like im stuck in a psychological horror film. only after the wine comes out during christmas dinner can i release this like, valve of angry pressure that starts building as soon as they start marketing that shit november 1st.
I don’t listen to Christmas music I keep my music the same all year round that helps me with the uncertainty of the Christmas season
@@Elodie-xi3pp Yeah, most christmas music is just annoying, ther are a few good, but then, that are usully not publicly played.
And it seems pretty universal given how many anti christman media is out there. Christmas itself is nice if not everything, like advent supposed to think and introspect and be cozy when its dark out there. Not harass people.
all the masking i do for christmas and after i'm finished it makes me feel like i ran a marathon. you bet your ass i am OUT and i am SLEEPING so don't TALK to me, buster.
Same for me
Im agnostic so i think of the gift giving and big meal part of christmas/yule/yuletide
The consumerism of that time of year bores and numbs me, cuz I look forward to seeing the people who give or recieve gifts, not so much the items
Handmade gifts or decorations are really fun and even cooler than storebought things, but the season tries its hardest to be about money.
I used to have to visit allistic members of my family when I was little, and that masking was miserable.
I remember one time my dad straight up told me he and my step mom were upset by my lack of reaction to a birthday gift. It was an incredible gift that I very much appreciated but I guess I didn't show it in a convincing enough way. I never knew how I should react to anything in a way that would satisfy them.
My ex husband got upset by my lack of reaction (or not having the reaction he expected or hoped for) when he upgraded my wedding ring diamond. I thought I was showing gratitude, but I've never gotten that excited over jewelry. (I don't normally show a lot of excitement over anything, really). I've also been called cold before, and just felt confused by that because I didn't think I was acting cold (and certainly didn't mean to. I just don't usually show a lot of emotion, unless I'm masking and force myself to). 🤷♀️
I remember this about my last Christmas my aunt went on a rant about me being so "ungrateful" for my gifts due to my lack of reaction. Let's just say I didn't take what I heard well and landed soon in the hospital due to a dumb decision I made.
Neruotypicals are so used to being liers that you have to put on a performance to prove that your being real
I hate receiving gifts because I'm afraid I won't have a good enough reaction to them even if I like them. that on top of feeling like I'm just building up a debt I have to repay.
My mom asked me why I was ruining the birthday trip last year for me and my little sis when I wasn't until she screamed that I ruin everything and just want to sabotage everyone's lives all because they were exhausted and I thought they wanted to sleep in more and we had a lot of time left on the last day. Safe to say yeah that pencil had never been sharper and oh god it hurt to sit but she has no idea. And I was having a blast, the both of them just ruined it for me cause my little sis wouldn't shut tf up about walking cause she's a spoiled twat and my mom was so out of the sorts that I was the parent again and then got screamed at and my mom fucking forgot. Like how do you forget that you screamed at me??
My father says I was a very careful tidy present opener and he had been looking forward to me opening them "normaly?" but he never said anything to me at the time. I didn't want to damage the pretty paper as an autistic kid.
I think Christmas isn’t “normal” for “normal” people either. The ads, the movies, the tv specials, etc. all show this crazy ideal for Christmas that isn’t realistic, especially if you don’t have family or close family. So moping because you don’t have a “normal” Christmas? Join the club! But don’t blame the kids!
A lot of families end up fighting at Christmas so yes...whats normal? Since Xmas became me and my parents its been much better. When i was a kid we always went to my paternal grandmother and that woman made sure to start picking fights and being unbearable. My grandfather just left the room as soon as she started to raise her voice. My dad was not up to put up with his moms bs. Thats for sure. Good times. Even got champagne all over me at 6 or 7 years old and had a major meltdown. Good times. Not.
This!!! I was in a bookshop with my mother & we saw this book with a picture of a lady holding a glass of wine with the caption ‘can she pull of the *perfect* Christmas?’. I asked my mother ‘isn’t it impossible to have the perfect Christmas?’ and she agreed, lol. 😆😆
My family keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I don't know. I don't really need anything and yet they want me to ask for something. It's frustrating.
@@HauntakuTV what if you ask for a gift card from a shop you like? Or from a place you usually buy stuff? This way you dont need to chose something and later get something useful or that you want.
It's like having a rotting corpse in your house, but the corpse of a tree, you know? It's kind of baddass. It's dead and then you humiliate it even further by hanging ornaments all over it, like "F*** you."
I hate the "autism mom at Christmas feeling so sad" one. This woman is making everything about her and her hurt feelings that her kid can't perform neurotypically acceptable gratitude or whatever. Rather than make a big pity party on the Internet about it, she could get curious and reframe it all from her son's POV and meet his needs, you know, like an actual parent! I feel like so many emotionally insecure and immature people have kids and then act like this and take every single action from their kids personally. It's actually infuriating. I love your idea with wrapping in scarves.
She seems to think that her idea of Christmas is the objectively correct one, and that her needs can't be met if she changes things at all to suit her son's wants and needs. In fact, it doesn't seem to have occurred to her at all that people can be different outside of any diagnosis that may or may not be attached to them - neurotypical children can have different wants and needs too, and despite her assumptions not every single ADHD person is a boy shaking constantly at night. Her views seem surprisingly rigid even for someone who's complaining so much about perceived rigidity in her child...
@@bosstowndynamics5488 well said!
And she says she isn't do it to get sympathy points. Except she clearly is, she's making it all about herself, so that people will pity "the poor mom of autistic child". She acts like an entitled brat ironically, just can't accept that her child doesn't enjoy christmas the same way she does, or maybe just don't enjoy christmas at all.
This is why I hate these people and when they make posts like this. It's always about them, never about the children.
@@bosstowndynamics5488
"She seems to think that her idea of Christmas is the objectively correct one"
I think there might have been a couple of Christmas specials that call out that mindset? Maybe the mom needs to watch one of those specials.....
Agreed. It’s giving a more “my autistic child ruined Christmas :c” rather than “unfortunately, we can’t celebrate Christmas like we usually do since my autistic child doesn’t like it. Oh well :I”
Everybody’s allowed to be disappointed and sad about something, including her. Making an entire video pouting, cleaning up stuff with sad music in the background just because your kid doesn’t like/is distressed by Christmas is pretty yikes
The issue I have with the “awareness” social media posts… is that they are more often than not, negative… like it’s a warning to all… ‘your life will suck as a parent’
AS OPPOSED to showing awareness of work arounds and solutions that can help with the various autistic flavors out there and how to make life better for everyone involved ❤
Given that the symbolism in that one is associated with Autism Speaks the negative connotations are completely in character - they've tried to distance themselves from it by burying mentions of it on their site but Autism Speaks' original mission statement was to find a "cure" for autism, they're very focused on ABA as a "treatment", and they've got a suspiciously intense interest in researching the genetics of autism (which for something innate like autism brings to mind genetic screening to facilitate eugenics rather than any use of that research to actually benefit autistic people).
@@bosstowndynamics5488 fair.. but I was referring mainly to the general posts that were brought up and talked about in the video … the autism moms sharing for awareness, vids showing meltdowns, etc etc ..
"I'm not looking for sympathy" says the person who chose to put very sombre sad music on thier vid before posting to social media
@@BarefootCM i know right?!
@@BarefootCM Yeah I could just smell the depression through the screen.
The one where the woman is upset over having her autistic child "ruin" christmas is insane to me. like surely a lot of these things have easily solutions? your kid gets overstimulated by wrapping paper? put it in a bag, wrap it in fabric, don't wrap it at all. don't just get rid of the present because they weren't able to open it? like what?
Exactly, she just wanted to make a sad video to get attention. It's pathetic.
@@jpjp3486they are just as pathetic as their words themselves
I literally had to stop what I was doing, pause the video on my TV, and grab my phone to comment because that mom with the "reality of having an autistic child at xmas" or whatever it was pissed me off so much. The whole tone of her video was so "woe is me, my Christmas is awful because I have yet to take MY LITERAL CHILD'S needs into account when planning the holiday, and I have to sacrifice SO MUCH because my child doesn't perform gift receiving in the way I want them to" and then frames accommodations to imply that no one else in the family will get to have an enjoyable holiday and exactly like you said, it's very much that "I am autism and I'm gonna steal your joy and ruin your life" bullshit. She did this to herself. She did a bunch of things that she knew would distress and overwhelm her kid and is now pouting on the internet about her kid being distressed and overwhelmed.
It is really not that hard to take your children's needs into consideration. Shit like this is why so many of us autistic/otherwise nd adults have no idea how to accommodate our own needs because we were repeatedly made aware of how much of a "burden" we were as kids, and now we cannot allow ourselves to do things in a way that works for us because it's not "correct". And the whole "since diagnosis" like...uh that child was still autistic before they were "officially" diagnosed. So you were fine with hurting them when you didn't know why they were hurting but now that you know and can ,ya know, figure out how to *not hurt your child* you're salty? What?
My child's diagnosis changed nothing but our access to funding, but realizing and recognizing that they were autistic saved me. Because in accommodating my child's needs, because WHY TF WOULD YOU NOT, I learned that it was ok to accommodate my own.
I absolutely cannot with these autism warrior mommies and I cannot escape them😤😭
I feel like parents being dramatic because their kids dont react "normally" to presents is really weird. Even before my parents were told i could possible autistic, they just accepted that i didnt react the same way as my siblings and just called it a me thing. If i opened a present and didnt react, then they understood it as me being happy (they have always put it as me being too happy and too overwhelmed to super excited/react the same way as my siblings). This goes with my friends too, as most of them are also autistic, they just understand i dont outwardly react to presents. People are just too judgemental sometimes
I have a picture of me getting one of my most cherished plushies in the mail and I look so so upset but I was so so deeply happy and I love that plushie so so much.
I didn’t even realize this happens to me until I read this comment. I still get excited sometimes but when I’m already overwhelmed and am happy I don’t have much of a reaction too
Yes! I have always reacted “weirdly” to receiving gifts. The ones that i love the most are the ones that i barely react to :)
@@SomeRandomEcho
This makes me think of how when little babies are confused they scrunch their eyebrows and look so angry, it’s so cute to me, they look so silly.
Like when a grumpy old man keeps every silly mug their grandkids give them.
My “I’m so excited to receive this gift” reaction is to freeze and go completely silent, so my family thought for a long time that I didn’t like my favorite gifts, but they eventually got it lol
When i was younger my mum tried to get me to eat sprouts by calling them fairy cabbages. Aparently I just said "the fairies can keep them".
LOL, the kid sass!
Actually, the "tiny cabbage" thing made me want to try brussels sprouts the instant I saw them (I also liked to pretend broccoli was trees and that I was a dinosaur chomping down on them) - but both veggies are MUCH better sauteed or roasted than boiled...so I can absolutely understand that if someone first encountered the latter they'd wanna give them back to the fairies/dinosaurs.
😂
Didn't seem to stop the fairies from taking my attention span
I always wondered how brussel sprouts get a bad rap.
@@melissacooper8724 People committing the food crime of steaming them is how.
My tree is autistic in an entirely different way. Covered in Star Trek ornaments and topped with a homemade biblically-accurate angel covered in googly eyes on flaming wheels within wheels.
Also I always get to the food sections of these things and that's one key autistic thing I can't relate to because I'm SUPER DUPER NOVELTY AND SENSORY SEEKING when it comes to food. Cooking is one of my special interests. I have fewer strong food aversions than most neurotypicals and I'm all about big flavors and contrasts in textures and temperatures. I even love a lot of weird divisive foods everybody else seems to hate, like licorice and calamari and okra.
Im living for the biblically accurate angel 😂😅 Ezekiel book 😅
Somehow I'm the same with food, but the opposite at the same time? I can't really eat most foods that are considered "normal" where I live, like hot dogs, pizza, or especially barbecue. I can't stand them and if I somehow manage to swallow any of it, I'll be nauseous for the whole day after. But my favorite food? Chicken feet. I don't get it.
@@yeahokaycoolcool i get obsessed with some foods and eat them over and over until i find a new one. But i have strong aversions to boiled meat, fish, rice, absolutelly no shellfish.
I personally don't want a Christmas tree in my room because it's too distracting
Same on the food thing. I love condiments and extra stuff on my food. Burgers, pizza, nachos, subs, etc. If it comes with toppings I want all of it.
When I was an undiagnosed kid with Aspergers, I'd go silent in family gatherings as I found it all a bit too much to deal with. My family punished me for it calling me "rude". Like, dude I was 8.
I am 15 and I was just at a birthday party tonight. I couldn't finish the food that I was eating because the tastes and textures of the food, combined with the lights and the noise was too much for me. I couldn't eat the cake and ice cream, which I was really looking forward to, because I was so overwhelmed by everything, and my dad was really sad because he doesn't know how to help me and he doesn't understand what's going on in my brain.
This happens every time I go to a family gathering, especially at my own birthday parties when they do the "Happy Birthday" song. I tell my parents that I don't want a big party, but they invite everyone in their families, which amounts to about 40 people, and then they invite friends on top of that, which makes that 40 into a number closer to 60. I end up in the corner by myself until I have to blow out the candles and open my presents and every time I open a present, I am reminded to say thank you because I am not good at expressing gratitude, or any feelings in general. By the end of the party, I just want to go home and go to bed because I am so tired from the party. I wish that instead of going to a birthday party or having a birthday party for myself that I could stay home, eat my cake, open my presents, and go back to making my lists, all in peace.
I am a self-diagnosed Aspie, but I am so glad that there is someone else who understands what I go through every day. ❤
I basically withdrew myself from family gatherings unless it's stuff for my baby brother, it's just all too I'm overwhelming and exhausting
@@BeKindAllTheTime I hate to break it to you but your dad knows exactly how to help you. You told him exactly how to help you. You told him you don’t like big parties and he didn’t respect that. He’s not sad because he can’t help you, he’s sad because you’re not conforming to what he thinks is “normal” and I’m so sorry for that.
As much as I love the holidays, I never understood why children are expected to perform for them. Maybe a little performance from the adults (not that they should need to) but from actual toddlers and children? You’d think making sure the kids have fun would be more important than their ego.
I also tend to be silent at parties too, usually because I don't know how to communicate well to ppl, sorry about how much i babbled and sorry about the fact your parents threw giant parties...
I’m so very lucky to have parents who never ever made me feel bad for how I reacted to gifts. Now that I’m an adult, I generally help my mom shop for almost every present for Christmas. I’m also the main wrapper because I have like a seasonal special interest in wrapping. Christmas is such an exciting time because I had accommodating adults in my life who supported me enjoying Christmas how I wanted
For the "Stop Self-Diagnosing" mom: stop telling people how to deal with their ADHD. I am diagnosed and I have my difficulties and I knew that I had it before I went in to get a diagnosis.
I am cracking jokes about my "quirks" all the freaking time because guess what: self-pity and moping about it helps even less.
Same! I have severe ADHD and I joke about it all the time. It's part of how I cope with the the more difficult aspects of it. It's like she resents people who aren't absolutely miserable about being neurodiverse.
@@madalice5134 that's exactly the vibe I'm getting!
Exactly! Let disabled people cope with their disability however they freaking want to. It's honestly insane that people with neurodevelopmental disabilities aren't allowed to enjoy themselves once in a while. Nobody would harp on deaf people for finding beauty in their disability and celebrating deaf culture.
Being autistic and adhd myself, that one made me so mad. I have executive dysfunction so bad that I can't manage even very basic daily self care without support - but there are still things about myself that I like or find funny. Never being able to joke around about those things would suck a good deal of joy out of my life.
@@thatboringone7851 Right? Some of the traits are neutral or even positive, like hyperfocus and special interests. Literal thinking causes me misunderstandings and embarrassment sometimes, but it's not like it's a bad thing all by itself. I'm 100% in the "ADHD and autism are disabilities" camp but I still think we can appreciate what makes us unique and eke a little humor out of it if we want to.
Autism for me means "the world is too much", not "something is missing".
Also, brown Brussel Sprouts in olive oil, salt, garlic, then finish off with steaming in broth and they're amazing.
Hi kathie🌹🌹
How are you doing?
Mmm, I might try doing that when I get brussel sprouts 😋
I like eating brussel sprouts cold because crunch noises are somewhat satisfying but soggy brussel sprouts are like a plate of lukewarm spinach
@chuckles6797 it’s an interesting debate for me. I would say I have an atypical sensory profile, but I can tell it’s not nearly as intense as what I hear from most autistic people online. It’s actually my biggest source of imposter’s syndrome. Social difficulties I definitely do have, and there I think I often have more in common with higher support needs individuals than a lot of my Type 1 peers do. I do match well for information processing differences. And if an overactive nervous system is a key component, I sure have that...but this is something that can be a disorder in its own right.
I’ve generally supposed that the unifying characteristic is differences in neural connectivity, one reason I think the notion of a “cure” will never pan out. If we get to the point where neuroscience replaces observation as the primary driver of diagnosis, we may have a better sense of what neural profiles constitute an autistic brain. Or I suppose it could result in a restructuring of diagnostic categories. I’d love to see what we learn, but I don’t think I’ll be around long enough. I’m actually more interested in understanding individual physiological behaviors than umbrella diagnoses.
Roast those brussel sprouts in the oven delicious.
My mom always had a large trash bag as we unwrapped our gifts, and cleaned as we went along. Not obtrusively, just in the background. It was nice.
My parents always had a paper grocery bag or two ready, and we had to flatten the wrapping paper and fit it inside as we went (and make a stack of ribbons/bows/non-recyclables). I never minded, as that meant I wouldn't lose any of my gifts in a pile of noisy trash. Neurodivergence really does run in families... 😹
@@Laura-gb1jvsounds like my mom 😂
I liked the crinkly noise of the paper. Don't know if my kids did though
My kid carefully unwrapped each present, said thank you, and took the papers to the trash before opening the next one.. at two years old.
Mine too. To be fair, my older sister (34, I’m 19, we are all adopted) also has autism.
i relate so much to not being able to “put on a show” when opening gifts. i often got labeled as being emotionless when really i was quite the opposite. i’m genuinely not sure if neurotypical people are just better at performing or if they actually react that way.
I feel bad for autistic kids with neurotypical parents. I'm self-diagnosed. I started down this path when my nephew was diagnosed. Before i was sure I was, I first became certain that both my parents are autistic. They were both so excited and felt so seen when I started sending them neurodivergent videos (I didn't tell them I thought they were lol). It makes a lot of sense why none of my family were diagnosed earlier because we all are so how would any of us notice that another was lmfao. Another funny thing I've noticed is how one family member's stims can overwhelm another's sensory issues. Like my cousin loves aromatherapy stuff, but it makes me so nauseous and upset, and my leg drumming drives her crazy. And my mom and I are very particular about everything having a right spot, but we have different right spots so theres a silent war of items being moved hahaha
Wholesome famly fights, moving items , ha . Through at least i am glad when i know where to search if its not there. That sucks. Can people at least explaontheir order somewhat??? Seriously my dad has so many tools but they are hard to find when you actually need them :(
I was diagnosed with adhd as a child and am heavily questioning if I’m autistic based on learning a lot more about different presentations and different domains of symptoms. I have also realized over time that though neither are diagnosed both parents are most certainly neurodivergent, and they clearly raised my sister and I in ways that accommodated our disability without it really being clear that we even were disabled. My mother would never force us to eat food or textures we didn’t like. There was minimal policing of our behaviors and expressions. I recall having several meltdowns as a kid and my parents being absolutely understanding and not treating me like a spoiled kid throwing a tantrum. I think it’s because they knew I was different in similar ways to how they were different as kids. This might also be why it has taken into my 30s to realize how different I really am from what seems like the neurotypical experience.
@@jøy_what_riley_loves_the_most ok
My autistic kiddo's special interest is Christmas. We've been listening to Christmas music for 3 years now.. we keep our tree up year round and change the decorations based on the season.
that actually sounds pretty cool... what kinds of decorations do you have for the other seasons?
A seasonally decorated tree sounds cool
i oughta do that one of these days
i oughta do that one of these days
i oughta do that one of these days
Top tip for fabric / cloth wrapping: it’s VERY common in Japan (Furoshiki) and there are loads of tutorials on TH-cam. I can’t be the only person who prefers the look/feel of fabric…plus it tends to look quite posh. Happy gifting ;)
Yes! That's what the Lush knot wraps are based on 😁 I think they look amazing!
oh that depends on the fabric.
Love furoshiki 🥰
I'm from Finland and we sew bags of different sizes to put the gifts on ☺️ However, the scarf seems like extremely easy, cheap, and multi-purpose way of packing. I also love how these methods reduce the paper waste and all the energy and resources that go into making them.
I used to do this but no one in my family liked it. :(
I'm struggling to understand that mum, too. What does she mean they're putting his needs above their own next year? She's implying that other people's needs can't be met at the same time as her son's. Like everyone will SUFFER if her son is accommodated. Which, if she's trying to "raise awareness", is not very informative or helpful.
Yeah... Like she knows he doesn't like unwrapping, at least to that extent. This whole performance of wrapping them anyway and getting upset unwrapping them, to force a "regular" Christmas, instead of trying less effort options, like a gift bag, cloth, maybe even unwrapped, is surely making her suffer worse.
If you want a tip how to make christmas easier for an autistic person then I recommend to go through every detail in advance with your child: tell them who will come, at what time, what they will gift, what food will be served, when you start, when you finish, etc. try to stick to everyday routine as much as you can, especially keep in all the rituals your child has like having a bath time before bed or reading a bedtime story even if this is inconvenient (or discuss in advance a replacement for example instead of reading story watching a cartoon on ipad in bed, it will give you time for other things). Have your kid's comfort foods at hand. Your goal here is to make it feel as ordinary as possible, just a regular day and as less of a change or a surprise as possible. I know that it's contr-intuitive for neuro-typical people, but the less of a "big day" you'll make it, the happier your child will be. Surprises and "big days" cause so much stress even if it's a good thing, I had a meltdown at my own birthday party every year till I was 17 and then I simply stopped celebrating. As for decorations, discuss what bothers the child, is that just because it's a change then just limit the amount of decorations and decorate only your bedroom or smth, or maybe it's only the lights or maybe some plastic ornaments make noise when you touch them by accident... Also you can incorporate your kid's special interest into decorating, for example I cut out snowflakes out of paper with doctor who and batman - two interests of mine and put them all over the house. I mean, it's still looks like a christmas decoration when you look from the side, but I personally know that it's a special part of me so I don't hate that my apartment changed. Don't try to force your kid to have fun the way you are used to, learn what they like and then try to compromise and add their interests to your celebration as well. And please don't cancel everything performatively because it just makes the kid feel guilty. Try to look at it through their eyes, what they might like.
I also use just giftbags when I gift things, because it's easy for me to carry them to the destination and if I met a person at the restaurant and not t home it's easier for them to carry it home and also giftbags are reusable. I see nothing wrong in reusing a giftbag. Opening gifts stresses me out as well. First of all I always feel like the wrap is a part of the present because a person put time and effort in wrapping my gift so I always try to unwrap the present in a perfect way without ripping it and then I fold the paper and keep it in my drawers because it feels as a part of the present so I'm ashamed to throw it out. And then yeah, I don't know how to react to presents so I put on a smile and try to find logical reasons to explain why I love the gift and I guess that looks even more fake or smth because people are reacting weirdly...
Also, that mother who was unwrapping gifts for her son... Like omg, what a drama your son didn't open the presents all at once so you'll give them to him later one by one and unwrapped. What's the tragedy in it? That he enjoys things in his own way and not the way you would prefer him? I just can imagine how overstimulating for a child can be a house full of loud guests and music and blinking lights and probably adults who are a bit drunk and then all that presents that are essentially a surprise - another extremely distressing thing. Of course it got too much! And instead of accommodating her son she has her traditional christmas and then he has a meltdown and she then pities herself on tiktok! Maybe I'm too harsh but it's like an issue in my family because my mom really likes to tell everyone how she sacrificed herself in my name when in fact she was just trying to have her normal life that wasn't fitting me and then as a result she had to deal with the consequences of my worsening condition. And then she would go around telling everyone how tired and upset she is because of my meltdowns when she was the one who caused that meltdown in the first place! And that woman on tiktok, I just recognize this type, all she wants is to play this self sacrificing hero.
Also, thank god I don't have dyspraxia... My favorite thing in the world is to do simple repetitive tiniest things like cross-stitching or painting miniatures or crafting miniatures (like building tiny houses with furniture and stuff), that's the most relaxing thing to me... But I have my thing, don't know how it's called, I have like balance issues, always bash face first into the wall when I turn the corner or fall on the streets (like a lot, not faint, just trip and fall), always hit myself on things. Once I banged my forehead into the wall by laying down into the bed from a sitting position (don't ask how I have no idea myself), the sound was so loud my mom came from another room lmao.
Family parties were always my problem. Either it was at someone else's house where I wasn't comfortable and there were too many people. Or it was at our house and virtual strangers were touching all my things. Thank goodness actual Christmas was just my parents and me and one or the other grandma. My maternal grandmother was not a warm fuzzy person, but when she was at our house being waited on hand and foot she seemed to have a great time. She always gave my mom some money to get an extra gift for me when she was having Christmas with us. I am a big Barbie fan so usually it was a playset or new outfits for the dolls. As assembly was always part of our Christmas routine Grandma would get roped in to applying stickers or redressing dolls. I think she had fun in spite of herself! It's not that hard to accommodate an autistic person. You just have to know what helps them feel comfortable and what will cause meltdown and act accordingly. Keeping things as normal as possible is great advice.
The last couple of Christmases we kept the menu simple because it was too much work and stress to prepare an elaborate meal when we don't have a bunch of people over anyway. Everyone loved the simple fare and even took leftovers home with them!
@@melissacooper8724 I also have an autistic family member(in addition to ticking a lot of boxes myself). Whoever was hosting made sure there were several safe foods on offer. And the family rule is try two bites of everything and then have more of what you like. One pea is a taste! Also always made sure there was a place to escape to if peopling got to be too much. No major meltdowns and he's 21 this year. Graduated from high school and is doing a program at community college and has a job. Kiddo is doing well in a world not made for him.
I never knew that not reacting strongly to presents/ not being able to show gratitude right was an autistic thing. I recently began taking the idea I may be autistic more seriously, and that was something I always struggled with, to the point of dreding opening presents.
I consider myself lucky because my parents are very low key about Christmas. They never decorated the inside of the house except for a tree. They also hate large gatherings so Christmas dinner was just us and nobody was watching me get presents. I do remember one year my mom videoed my reaction to my gandpa's present and that was awful, I think I just did a "Oh! Thank you so much grandpa!" And I was so worried it sounded fake.
As someone who dealt with severe attachment issues with my mom as a kid... I'm so hurt seeing this mom cry, not because I relate to her. But because this kid may grow up, see this video, and think he ruined Christmas and made her life miserable.
Some of my most paintful memories are of my mom crying, seeing my biological dad and step father making her cry. My heart becomes literally painful to think of those memories. Similarly, there was one holiday season where she said I had ruined the holidays and was crying, and that is also one of my most painful memories. She has apologized for this over and over as an adult when I told her how painful this was at the time and still is.
If you need to have a cry over issues with your child, do it with a therapist or understanding friend. Don't film yourself crying for your child to find as a teenager or adult. And sure as hell do NOT cry "at" your child while airing your grievances with them. This can be super traumatic for even neurotypical kids. Especially kids with attachment issues and/or deal with shame
The whole "stop ignorance, start acceptance" thing with acting like ADHD just presents in that ONE way drives me up the wall. The presentation of ADHD that the woman's child has is not the ONLY one.
Mine presents extremely differently from the "shaking from energy" version that her child exhibits. Mine's more internalized, with random bursts of excitement. Doesn't change the fact that I HAVE ADHD, but it still presents differently. It's ignorant NOT to acknowledge that other degrees of ADHD exist.
Hi, as a high-energy ADHD-er... we don't vibrate. I tend to pace when I'm feeling high-energy or go and dance around my room for a bit, but I've never once like... started shaking because I'm feeling hyperactive, especially at night when I start to crash.
@@Hurricane_Tortilla_yt very interesting information, thank you for sharing! 😊
I have adha,and sometimes i have what my Friend call 'a burst of random energy' mostly i just run around or pace around or bedroom,its kinda awkward because sometimes father come in to get something and see me running like a crazy dog 😂,but yeah-
The Christmas tree is neuro-tree-vergent.
God damn comment of the year!
wonderful
Noëldivergent even
y e s
BADUM TSSS
7:30 I am autistic and i had to learn in a special education class and my teacher would record us crying if we were having a rough day and she'll put it on social media PUBLIC. And its just so embarrassing. What an embarrassment.
How is that legal?
An unpleasant surprise for me regarding holidays and autism is that you CAN get sensory overload in your sleep, and wake up into it. Had that happen to me a couple times this year, and when the Christmas tree was finally taken down, making my sleeping mask optional instead of necessary (I sleep in the living room), it made me so happy
To any fellow autistic adults that don't know this yet, be aware that sensory overload is something that can happen at any time, including your sleep. If you have a feeling that you might wake up into it, take any steps you can to reduce sensory input in your sleep, like eyemasks or earplugs. It might not prevent it, but it can reduce the symptoms you wake up into, and make the day that much easier to bear.
I honestly don’t believe the mom saying “I’m not looking for sympathy, only spreading awareness” when she’s filming herself sadly unwrapping her son’s gifts. She clearly has an ideal of what Christmas should be like, and her son being autistic and getting overwhelmed doesn’t fit those ideals. Not saying she’s a bad mother, but that video definitely comes across as her being selfish. If she really wanted to spread awareness, she wouldn’t be having a mini pity party on the floor and would be talking about her plans for next Christmas or even asking for advice instead of being upset that she can’t force her picture perfect Christmas onto her child because she can’t accept his diagnosis
She must grief something, but then thats on her, not her kid to have unrealistic high expectations when with kids anything can happen. Dont blame your kid :(
I think it's okay to be sad about that though. Some people REALLY love christmas.and it can be disappointing when you can't share what you love with someone you love. At least she wasn't forcing her child to engage and respected what he needed.(From what you described).
@@latifx3944 I get what you mean but from what I remember, it didn’t really seem like she was trying to make Christmas less stressful for her son. It came across as her doing the same thing every year because she has certain ideas about how to celebrate instead of trying to make some changes so that Christmas is something everyone can enjoy. Personally I don’t see how filming yourself crying and posting it on TikTok and potentially making your child hate Christmas is the better option
@@tinyprettymoon completely understand. I think she just wanted to share that having autism/other disabilities isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Maybe not the best way to show it though.
It can be really hard for people (in my experience) for them when reality doesn't match their expectations, especially for me being on the spectrum. I once had a full blown meltdown because someone arrived earlier to game night than expected.
However, doing the same thing year after year isn't productive either, like you said. Maybe she was looking for support and ideas on how to make Christmas easier?
@@latifx3944 if she was looking for advice, I didn’t hear her ask for it. Maybe she has in other videos but the vibe I got from what Meg showed was “feel bad for me because Christmas didn’t go the way I wanted”
Nothing wrong with the tree. The ornaments need to be closer to the branches since it's so small. They kinda look droopy now. Use paperclips instead of strings and it'll look better :)
It's a pretty tree❤
It also needs ornaments of different shapes and sizes to help with the asymmetry
Yep. Ornaments too low. Makes them look too big for the tree. Tree is over encumbered.
It's not terrible, but there are a few things I'd change:
1. replace the plastic tree with an actual tree
2. don't hang anything on the lowest branches
3. use less colors, but ones that pop more, like red and gold or blue and silver and maybe a few straw stars or a chain of lights*
4. tinker with it until it looks right, not necessarily casual
*Now that I look at it again, the pastel colors are fine, too.
I wish it was brighter and more shiny
"Christmas stresses me out" made me slap the like button three times. It's the same thing with birthdays for me. I can't STAND getting gifts, and hearing "Happy Birthday" in any context makes me want to run through the nearest wall like the kool-aid man whether they're singing it to me or someone else.
Same, stresses me out so much. My daughter is autistic and haaaates birthdays and Christmas so we make it super casual and chill. Just doing things our way
it stresses me out mostly because of all the people staring, and everyone talking over each other and reacting to gifts and all the noises plus the music turned up in the background and all the being squished makes me super irritable and overwhelmed- that and if i don't like something i get, i have to suck it up and pretend i like it-
i'm not diagnosed with autism, but some days i start thinking i might actually have it, but when i brought up wanting to be tested, my therapist at the time told me that i didn't act like it😭
@@daybreak_ofc Oh god, yeah. I never dealt with big christmases, but my family did a sort of christmas at each house. Grand parents, step grand parents, other grand parents, mom's, then dad's. My entire christmas vacation was just... constant family get togethers, and when I would isolate to recharge, I'd be reprimanded for not being with the family. And just like you said, the music, the staring, the expectations that are projected onto everyone. It's exhausting.
That's why I like Halloween so much because participation feels optional. If you aren't feeling it, you don't have to. Christmas and Birthdays though? If you choose not to participate, you're seen as an asshole lmao
@@willowsnow1092 yeah- see with my family, all of us: my mom, my dad, my grandma and grandpa, my 2 cousins, my aunt, my uncle, and two dogs + the occasional company on a year by year circumstance squeeze into my grandparents' house. It gets extremely overwhelming, especially with my grandfather being one of my main sources of my trauma- doesn't help that ever since i realized i was trans (ftm) that anytime any holiday to give gifts rolls around, i can guarantee damn near everything will be rainbow or colorful with no actual thought :/ despite the fact that my oldest cousin is gay and my uncles that live in Florida are gay as well and they don't get those types of things- idk it feels like they see a rainbow thing and go, "ooh he'd like that" and buy it even though i've lived with them for 13 years before moving in with my mom in 2021
Damn, that sounds awful as hell... But, real quick. I'm MtF! I get that generalization. They mean well and want to be supportive, or they just want to LOOK supportive. I've got the benefit of being diagnosed with agoraphobia now, so I can get away with isolating from the festivities. But... hell. If everyone's crowded in one house? Hyper awareness would make that hell. Hearing every conversation and needing to process it. I'm hella sorry. @@daybreak_ofc
I save the tags off my presents and stick them onto the present I got if I can because I am so bad at remembering where my gifts came from. I also regularly forget the names of relatives I have met countless times, I don't know why, my autistic brain just doesn't remember names of real people but I can remember fictional characters names really well. Anyway, sometimes I see that person at New Years and because I had it stuck to the present I remember their name and what they gave me and I can tell them I used their present for something useful (even if I didn't).
Obviously I'm not a very sentimental person, so I genuinely enjoy functional gifts. I LOVE getting socks because it causes so much stress for me when I lose one side of a pair, and just tossing that sock aside and going "I have a whole new pack I got for christmas that I can turn to in this time of need" relieves all that stress for me.
I have both ADHD and Autism and when I got gifts for chrismas(or any other event like that) I just say thanks, go to my room to quietly unpack it without hearing the screams of joy of my younger brother, comeback, hug my parents and go back to my room to play with whatever I got as a gift and they accept it, the fact that insted of paper wrap my parents use gift bags and simply put some pretty paper on top to cover what's inside is also very nice and I thank them for it too
Even as an adult I feel like there's a formula to "appropriately" show your pleasure at a gift. You need to grin hugely, examine it for at least a minute, and give a very enthusiastic "Thank you!" to whoever gave it to you.
I struggle to not do this still cause I always got shit for not being grateful for my presents as a kid.
...Even though I'm now an adult and the only people I see for Christmas are my mother and stepdad, who know I'm autistic lmfao.
(My mother didn't know when I was a kid, hence the 'getting shit')
I can't even smile on command lol
I often... embellish my emotion upon receiving gifts. My emotion is real, my reaction is fake, because I want to communicate my emotion accurateky, but my authentic reaction might be understood as underwhelming.
I think the key with the first tree is that the baubles are too big - the poor little tree doesn't understand what size is and its just masking with whatever it had available. Its so relatable I might cry.
On the self diagnosis front, even officially diagnosed adults are rarely given any additional support or resources. In the US where I'm from, it's extremely difficult to receive any disability support whether it be financial or support with activities of daily living. So these mythical "resources" the self diagnosed people are "taking away" don't actually exist. And I had to fight like hell and wait several years as an adult to go through the diagnostic process, they aren't accessible for everyone, oftentimes people don't have a practitioner anywhere near them who will screen adults. And when my diagnosis process was over I didn't get any additional help, because it simply doesn't exist if you're over the age of 18 in my area.
Im in the US and I have been trying to find a place that will test me that doesn't cost $2000 plus.. My insurances doesn't cover it and you are so right, there is not enough support or resources. Did you have to self pay and what kind of doctor did you go to to get the test? Only children are covered on my insurance. There are special centers that do they testing for children only.
Sounds like America all right.
Especially if you are just a "little" autistic. Services are centered around people being practically non-functional and it isn't really helpful for those of us who just need a little bit of support
@@rosesweetcharlotte Exactly!
As a person with ADHD and sensory issues, I can confirm that if I go to hell, it will be a constant Thanksgiving celebration with no accommodations.
I used to hate Christmas before I was the one giving gifts to my family, now I get really excited to see people’s reactions to my knitted gifts. It makes Christmas way easier for me
Has anyone else developed a special interest in language learning, travelled to a country where that language is spoken, found themselves completely unable to actually talk to anyone but felt excited beyond words every time they were able to perfectly translate a sign or a menu? Or is that just me? 😂
I'm the same as you!
yes. i love it
Language club! Language club!
I love other languages, too! Unfortunately, I can only occasionally find the motivation to immerse myself in another's language. Most of the time, I end up learning what phonetic sounds are made by listening to someone speak/sing in their language while reading what they speak. So I'll be able to read the words but not know what they mean 😭 does anyone have any tips to learn better?
I like learning the slang terms from the past and the present.
It feels like that woman that said she didn't want sympathy really did want sympathy.
Absolutely, she felt like another one of those "oh no I can't celebrate, better make it about me somehow" kind of people which is exactly why she posts it on tiktok because we all know that she wouldn't post it with the sad music if she wasn't trying to get attention
If she didn't want sympathy she wouldn't have posted that, so yeah, typical attention seeking parent that wants to vent about how their kid "ruined" stuff for them qns get sympathy points for it.
One thing that has helped me and my family during Christmas is opening the presents at the same time. It takes the performance of the reactions out of the situation. We don't bother looking at each other when we open presents, and we can go at our own pace! It is a super nice tradition that has helped me as an audhd person.
I never thought of this, but it does make sense. My family always opens them one at a time because we didn't always have a ton of presents. But I can see how that can be stressful.
Woah, my family does this too. Usually my sister and I open presents together and it helps take the burden of performing neurotypically off of me
I just assumed that’s how it’s supposed to go in families with multiple children, god I can’t imagine having everyone’s eyes just focused on me alone I’d die
I myself dont have autism, but i have a tbi that caused me to struggle to show my emotions outwardly for gifts amoung MANY other things. My son, diagnosed at 2 with autism now 7, actually LOVES gifts. He probably shows the most outward emotion for not just his gifts but also others around him. We all handle social situations soo differently but just have to find how to celebrate in a comfortable way for everyone. ❤
What’s wrong with the tree is that you can see all the ornament strings. 0:52
The scarf wraps are a very smart idea. They’re much easier to wrap than paper, make less noise when opened, and are a lot more friendly to the environment. Thank you, I may try this out myself.
The tree needs tinsel! Cover any tree in shiny sparkly things and it will be happy. Or really tiny lights.
True!!
No tinsel if you have cats, though. Irresistible to hunt and chew; very dangerous to swallow.
Maybe the tree has sensory issues. That's why it has no tinsel lol
@@resourceress7you can get paper equivalent for tinsel or make your own!
For anyone else that hates wrapping, I recommend foldable boxes which are much easier to wrap up in paper... OR, My preference is just shove it in a bag and stuff some colorful tissue paper on top (one ot two pushed in from the middle of the paper so it looks somewhat decorative at the top) to disguise it lol :)
I like the crinkle noises of the paper, but the texture is bad
When I was a kid, we never wrapped presents in our family, we would just each get a bag with a name tag and digging through that bag thing by thing was an amazing experience every year
If it helps anyone, there are fabric bags you can get, like the ones at the jewelry store/rock shop but bigger, that you can pull open and closed with string. I’ve wrapped some things that way, and it’s really nice!
I'm autistic and have always struggled with receiving gifts. I'm not the biggest fan of surprises. I love surprising others but I don't like being surprised. That is why I tend to find my presents and get yelled at for ruining my surprise😅 I just want to prep my reactions beforehand as I don't know what is enough reaction and what is too much. If I don't react enough they think I don't like it. If I react too much they think I'm faking it. If I love the present I tend to freeze and not react in any way. If I absolutely love the present I will start crying. That makes people feel bad. This year we did gift exchange with my friends last Wednesday. We opened the presents at home. I got a Christmas cards and gifts from them both. The first one I opened (we were on a Teams call) made me cry for like 5 minutes. The card was just so lovely and special to me. Good thing we talked about these things beforehand. My big family does gift giving Christmas Eve evening. To prevent chaos we open the presents one by one so everyone can see what we got. We used to do everything at once but that chaos was just so overwhelming. This calm is better for me but the good thing about the chaos was that nobody really saw how I reacted to gifts. Now I feel everyone's eyes on me when I'm opening them. I also don't like ripping the paper so I'm a little slow. On the other hand I would not like having gift bags either as that feels boring and not as "special".
I remember my cousin, who has Downs syndrome hated being surprised. On her 16th birthday we threw her a surprise party. When we yelled, "Surprise!" she ran out of the building! My grandma had to talk to her to come back in! The rest of the party went fine, but she never got another surprise party after that.
For anyone who struggles with tape- here’s a tip I picked up from the media production industry! When I pull a piece of tape, I fold the end diagonally so I can cut it and have a little tab at the end so I’m not scrambling to find the end ☺️
Okay, its only partially related to the video, but I'm Polish and I have to say - DAMN you did so well.
You seemed a bit unsure of yourself, but here's a native speaker cheerleader for you: you shouldn't be, you already sound better than at least 85% of Polish I hear in movies and TV, I'm especially impressed by you being able to differentiate between "cześć" and "sześć", since I know our sz/cz/ż/rz/drz etc are a doozy for foreigners, same with ą/ę.
So seriously, you're smashing it, keep it up and I'm sure you'll be ordering barszcz czerwony in Polish in no time 🖤💜
PS, from what I've heard [from my Scottish boyfriend that's also learning Polish now], eating Polish food definitely helps, so try some bigos or jabłecznik during holidays, I'm sure it'll do wonders, that's just science!
Thank you so so much very 😭 That's so encouraging! I was super nervous about posting it, you're right 😅 Dziękuję bardzo! 🥰
And, ahaha! That's excellent advice from your boyfriend - can I have a side of pierogi too? 😁
@@imautisticnowwhatalways, pierogi are a given.
Also, this surprised him a bit - normal serving is 6-8 pierogi per person, so for Christmas we make them in hundreds.
Although my mom got a great idea one year and instead of cutting the dough with a glass, she started using a bowl, which makes 2-3 huge pierogi enough to feed a person, so if you ever try make ones yourself, here's your Polish pass to use a bowl and not have to suffer with tiny ones.
I don’t speak a word of Polish, but I had the same reaction, you sounded so nuanced to me. I’ve seen another vlogger (ADHD) do a sponsored demonstration of this product, and you sounded so much better. Along those lines: in case you need any feedback to share with the sponsor, the other big difference for me was that I felt comfortable with and interested in your presentation, it felt like you were explaining the product rather than pushing it on me. I haven’t purchased it, but for the first time, I felt interested, and am actually thinking about it, something advertising almost never makes me do. In my opinion, I think your approach is more in tune with your audience than the hard sells most ads employ.
The other thing I want to note is that your audience are slow processors that give things a LOT of consideration. I’m sure that sponsors look at immediate click through and sales rates, and the other place I’ve seen this product offered was on a major ADHD channel. There they are likely to have a higher rate of impulse purchases, though probably also a high percentage that cancel in short order. Of the ones who don’t, a number are likely to be people who never use the product after a bit but forget to cancel.
My guess is that your audience will be slower to adopt, but once they do, the retention and use rates will be higher. I know this is the Internet, and immediate gratification is the expectation, but if they want to reach this market, they should evaluate on a longer response window than they may be used to. And...while salespeople on commission often only care about closing a sale, whether the customer needs the product or not, the people who created the product often do care if it’s actually used; they created it because they are actually interested in its utility. Connecting with customers who like and use your product has value for a company interested in long term viability too.
(Yes, marketing is a special Interest of mine. I hate and am no good at “selling” in the way it is often done, but there are legitimate ways to approach it that can respect and build a customer base.)
@jimwilliams3816 this is a really good point I hadn't thought of. I too had a similar reaction, this was the first time I'd seen a babbel ad that made me interested in actually learning a language
as an autistic adult , i do relate so much to the issue with a proper reaction to gifts, i do like wrapping and unwrapping gifts, but my face does not look happy most of the time. it took a couple of years for my mother in law to stop being worried all the time that i would not like the presents. but i´m very lucky, that she is such a understandig and suportiv person. she never got mad and just ask my girlfriend to make sure i did infact like it. quite sad to think about how long it took to find a family that just accepts me and to now that there are so many kids out there that face the same struggle. most of my blood relatives stopt to gift me anything in my teen years. probably because they where just tired of me not looking gratefull enough. let´s just hope in the future generations less and less kids have to perform while getting gift and can just enjoy themself in their own ways.
Same here. I am not diagnosed now (but was advised by a counselor to search diagnosis), but I was told that I looked ungrateful since I was a young teen. So I tried masking for a few years. But never got the reaction right. I got a glittering cat calendar three years in a row, because I was too enthusiastic one year! I threw it out immediately… Since then I just told everyone they should not try to „read my face“ but listen to my words! And if I only say „Thank you“ they know that it wasn’t the right thing (but as we have lists now it’s very rare).
About the wrapping paper part, I HATE having ripped up wrapping paper, so my parents always laugh at me when I gently untape the paper and then fold the paper instead. It's honestly just a waste of paper.
For me I’m the opposite with wrapping paper. I absolutely love tearing into wrapping paper. My mom asked if I’d still want the presents wrapped even though I’m older and would know what the presents are but I asked if it would still be ok for the presents to be wrapped since I love the feeling. She still does which I appreciate very much
as an autistic kid, i like christmas! its my favorite holiday! But i dont like how my whole family comes to our house and when i open my presents i try to act as excited as i can but its hard to do and obviously i am excited for my presents and i love them and im so grateful but im scared their gonna think i dont like it or im not grateful because i dont do a whole big reaction.. :(
I was undiagnosed as a kid, but Christmas a whole ordeal. I had to organize my presents into groups according to the wrapping paper, then stack them by size and shape, and number them, and then open them in that order. Getting extra presents or surprise presents was soooo stressful to my system! I also didn't rip the paper. I had to sit there and carefully pick the tape and unwrap it and set the paper aside much to my parents' annoyance since it made my billion presents take forever. And of course there was the issue of not having the "correct" reaction or level of excitement for each present, especially if it was something I didn't actually like.
As an undiagnosed ASD kid I used to sneak out at night and unwrap my gifts before Christmas because I could not stand to be surprised on Christmas morning. I now at 45 abstain from Christmas completely because even though I’m now out my family just doesn’t get how hard Christmas is for me and they just expect me to mask the whole time and I hate every minute of it.
Im from poland and you're doing great!!! It's not an easy language even when i use it daily but it's beautiful. So fun knowing you're trying to learn it :DD I believe in you!!
Thank you so much - you're so kind!! 🥰
I LOOOOOVE the smell of tape!!!!
Edit (just remembered what I was going to say): I am neurospicy and probably autistic as I have realized after hearing similar experiences on the internet. I also feel enormous pressure to show that I am excited and in love with the what I got while opening presents on Christmas Day just in front of close family members. Another factor is that most of the time now that I am an adult I have to stay up the night before wrapping presents and getting everything ready for my younger siblings, I am tired most Christmas days and don’t always feel like smiling and being at level 100 excited all the time. I just wanna relax on Christmas Day and not worry about how I have to receive a gift, but I always try to verbally say how grateful I am and hope that the other person thinks that I am grateful enough too.
I was always wilded out by people telling me "it's the thought that counts" with gifts.
If someone gives me something that's less than uselsss to me, it shows that they didn't listen to my very loud preferences. That makes me know they DIDN'T give it much thought. Not as much thought as I'd give a gift, in any case. I hate receiving gifts because some gifts are, frankly, an insult to my personhood. The "gift" shows more that the giver wants to be perceived as friendly without putting in the actual work to do anything positive at me.
I refuse to be grateful for something that is not useful for me. It teaches them to get me another one or to perform the behavior again.
Even wrapping in a scarf is a challenge for my dyspraxic hands!! We use (& reuse) gift bags for everything instead - no meltdowns from wrapping or unwrapping ever again!!!
Are you able to tie a slip knot? Maybe that could work, bunch up the corners, twist and poke a loop through. That way the recipient can just pull the tail and the scarf falls away from the gift
@@audreydoyle5268 I could look it up, but my body literally forgets how to hold my own cutlery while I'm eating sometimes, so I doubt it will look very tidy! 🤣
@@audreydoyle5268That's a good idea, but I know from personal experience that if you end up pulling the wrong string, you're left with a terribly hard knot to undo.
Gather the ends ang wrap a rubber band around them? Then maybe put a ribbon around the rubber band, if you want. Or hold it shut with pretty hair scrunchies if the recipient has long hair. Or roll it up in the scarf and call it done.
@@ShadoeLandman that's a good idea for when the gift bags finally wear out!
I do understand that parents of autistic children must have their own feelings to deal with, and it’s not good for people to invalidate and ignore their own struggles. I do think that it’s really important for all parents to try to sort their own needs from things they are genuinely doing for their children. I suspect this is hard because one of the scripts people are given is that to be a good parent, you must put your own child’s needs first at all times. I don’t think anyone can do this, but I think it leads a lot of people to imagine that they are doing something for their child when they are actually doing it for themselves.
That probably sounds more judgmental than I mean it. I have found that I determining why I’m doing something is tremendously hard, and probably everyone’s first instinct is to try and meet their own needs. It’s not even an inherently selfish thing: never meeting my own needs has proved disastrous both for me and the people in my life. I do suspect, from everything I’ve heard people say, that the fastest way to dysregulate a child is for a parent to represent things they do for themselves as things they are doing for the child on a regular basis. No one will be a perfect parent, but keeping this to a minimum is, I think, a worthwhile goal.
I once took a seminar on what was then called “special needs” children (not strictly autistic) from someone who likened having a special needs child to traveling to another country; the metaphor was that having a child is a bit like traveling to a country you have always imagined: you have long had images of how wonderful it would be, what you would get to see and do, and that having a child with special needs is like discovering youself in a very different country than what you anticipated. The person giving the seminar (who had a child with major developmental delays) concluded the metaphor by saying that, after a while, you come to realize that the country you are in, though not what you expected, is a worthwhile place with its own positive qualities, and that to see this, you have to stop focusing on what you thought you would have, and focus instead on what you do have. That’s probably true of parenting in general, and in fact life.
I have to note that I never had children, so I don’t have any firsthand experience. I did have to take care of my elderly father after my mother died, which confirmed for me that I personally was never meant to be responsible for another human being.
This is totally reasonable. By all means, if it's hard raising your autistic child, if they turned out differently than you'd hoped, get therapy so you can process those feelings and learn coping skills. Get support for yourself. But wise parents don't put their disappointment on social media for the whole world to see. Want to know why autistic people have such high suicide rates? Stuff like THAT is why.
I agree. As a PDAer, I think consent is so important, and honestly no one should be doing anything that, looked at carefully, resembles doxing.
Even without social media, a parent regarding their child as a toxic disappointment is incredibly harmful, even if the child is not neurodivergent; and children on the spectrum are especially vulnerable. It sets up a destructive pattern for everyone, including the parent. A distressed person is always harder to live with than a regulated person.
I focused on the challenges of parents in this post, but I do empathize with the children most strongly. I had decent parents, with their own neurodivergent challenges, and in spite of them doing the best they could, I have always struggled with the feeling that I was never supposed to exist, and an outlook that almost made me a statistic. I cannot imagine coping with overt signs of severe disappointment from a parent.
My main intent here was to observe the ways in which people fall into these self destructive patterns, and how they might get out. It’s something I’ve been trying to work out for myself, as I’ve been trying to claw my way out of a self hating and self destructive place that has damaged both myself and my wife. To accept and change the behaviors seems to involve accepting that the behaviors are destructive without feeling like I am a POS. When I link those two ideas, I can’t do much about the behavior, because all my resources get diverted to the act of self hating.
(I am JUST starting to figure all this out after years of therapy!)
Literally just expecting her son to not be autistic one year and then deciding to be upset when she realizes she has to accomadate her child 16:30
I always hated Christmas as a child, because my parents made such a big deal out of it, it just became stressful to pretend to be happy for three days straight...
My father was really odd about it, and put so much pressure on me to be all excited, putting on music and filming it all, and my mother is just a huge Christmas freak.
_My brother breaking my gifts didn't help either._
But yeah, I made my parents upset by not really caring about the decoration, or not smiling enough while unwrapping my gifts a lot as a child, and now as an adult I just have a disdain for Christmas, and really just look forward to the food, and New Year's Eve, because I get to get drunk without being judged on that. ^^;
Also, I too always saved the tags!
And I always tried to unwrap everything without ripping the paper.
I still remember a specific Christmas as a toddler when my grandma wanted to give me a giant teddy bear that I loved and my dad kept trying to get me to say thank you, but I’ve always had trouble with physically speaking it for some reason and then I got berated in front of the whole family for being rude and ungrateful.
I put up with the wrapping paper because I love how cats react to the piles of it. It’s so entertaining to watch and I’m even more excited about it now because it’s my younger kitten Wednesday’s first Christmas.
I had a cat that LOVED charging into it and sending it flying up in the air!
To be fair, he did the same sort of thing with newspapers foolishly left on the floor, too! 😂😂😂
We have a permanent pile of white tissue paper in the living room because one of the cats loves it. It has to be replaced periodically when it gets shredded. 😸
Everything is better with kitties!
"stop self dxing" is also such a classist thing to say imo. not everyone can afford to/has access to resources to get a formal diagnosis. also some people cope with their adhd (or whatever other neurodivergence) by calling it quirky. i personally wouldnt call any of my neurodivergence 'quirky' but i do call myself weird (and also specify that its not a bad thing). like you said, people cope in different ways. i also just kinda find presumably neurotypical parents calling out their specific child's symptoms as 'requirements' (oh if YOUR adhd doesnt make you SHAKE AT NIGHT) feels kinda like coopting the kid's experience but also NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME SYMPTOMS. influencer parents with the exception of like 'gentle parenting' influencers who dont show their children (and maybe some others who dont show their children) just make me :/
hard agree on this!!
I've been having such a hard time finding a way to get diagnosed cause we can barely even afford food so there's no way I can afford repeated visits and tests but I have nearly all the symptoms or the non hyperactive form and the diagnosis explains....literally everything I went through growing up. I know I have it. I just can't afford the visits and tests for a formal diagnosis yet.
I dont think its classist to avoid saying you definitely have a disorder without actually getting that diagnosis. I can get symptoms similar to cancer but until i get that proper diagnosis, i wont claim to have cancer just in case its something else. Its just safer to get diagnosed and figure out what it actually is. Doctors and psycologists go through extensive schooling for a reason, they know more than you do.
@rewdskwid I have all sorts of conflicting feelings on this, partly in conjunction with myself. Most of this has to do with what constitutes an iron clad diagnosis, because assessors and assessments vary widely. I was diagnosed with autism at the same time that I was assessed with ADHD. The assessor was a clinical psychologist who assesses both. It was fairly comprehensive, but not as involved as I often hear autism assessments can be. Was it enough? I am sometimes uncomfortable saying I “am autistic.” I will often say I have been “diagnosed with autism” instead - but again, was it enough? I used to think that nothing shy of a week with Tony Attwood would allay all my doubts, but now I think even that would not suffice for me.
But if I doubt it, what about people who have been assessed by a psychiatrist using nothing but the DSM? Do I dismiss their diagnosis as iffier than mine? Should someone eise with a more comprehensive assessment than mine look askance at my diagnosis?
I would not be personally comfortable declaring myself autistic via my own self diagnosis, though I was commenting on traits on these channels before I was diagnosed...and thus arguably implying I was autistic. And at the same time, I am not comfortable drawing the yes/no line based solely on professionalism. We have to recognize that mental health assessment methods are highly varied and imperfect, and that, to the extent that an autism diagnosis can be the absolute yes/no I seek, we are not there now. With regard to many mental health diagnoses, I suspect the way they are classified will have changed markedly in 100 years. Autism may buck that trend, and remain as it is, but not necessarily. If it does, IMO more likely to be Type 3 than Type 1, which has already changed from Asperger’s to ASD.
Bottom line for me, I guess, is that I think self identification in terms of personal assessment of traits is pretty valid - at my most self doubting, I have called myself “functionally autistic,” and in that sense it’s a tool of self understanding. Self identification as a basis for a public declaration is less comfortable to me, but again...where do we draw the line for what’s adequate? That professionals know more depends a lot on the professional
In question, and until there is an iron clad test method, mistakes will be made...in both directions (see: “you’re not autistic because you have friends or made eye contact”).
In general, I agree with Meg that most of the people here have given it more thought than most professionals. Has someone been loosey goosey and gotten it wrong? Maybe. But the absolute certitude I would like for myself is not found in the divide between “went to school” and didn’t...I’ve seen too much evidence of terrible ignorance among professionals. It might be good to set better standards for education and evaluation, but that will tend to set the financial bar even higher. My assessment was low four figures. I’ve considered being reasssessed more comprehensively, but 5 figures would be a stretch for me. Either are impossible for many people on the spectrum who are chronically unemployed.
Finally, there’s the matter of whether formal diagnosis is even a good idea. There are countries I probably can’t move to now. And it’s not like I’ll ever get any useful support or accommodation.
I second this, and thank you for pointing it out
I live in a free healthcare country, fortunately, but therapy spots are RARE. I spent a good while taking therapy sessions other people cancelled bc I couldn't get a spot.
Now, I do have a place, but it really doesn't work for me, ESPECIALLY because my therapist refuses to test me on anything (I very strongly suspect adhd), she'll be like yeah diagnoses aren't that important, and I have made (for my standards) very clear that it would be very important to me to qualify as literally anything.
Like yeah, I get it, self-diagnosing isn't ideal, and I wouldn't claim I have any diagnosis on social media, but I am for sure not the only one watching neurodivergent videos on youtube helplessly relating
A "lazy" wrapping job I liked doing was to take our reusable shopping bags and put things in them, and hide them around the house and yard. I eventually found that replacing worn-out clothing items at gifting time works well because it's already well liked items.
I’m someone who loves thunderstorms, but the sudden bursts of thunder can be jarring and even overstimulating to me. Your videos have been that jar for me. Thank you so much!
When I was growing up, the woman who raised me was basically a child in an adult's body. She would get me(high chance of neurodivergence) and my brother(been diagnosed since he was 2?) and force us to be super hyper for Christmas. My brother was okay with it as it meant he received new toys. I began to detest Christmas mornings because I would be forced to get up (the last time I celebrated with her, we got up before 5am) and act super duper excited like we had never seen presents before. I always had to act surpised because she knew so little about how I tick that she just told me to get stuff with her money.
When I was 17 I spent my first Christmas morning with my nana and papa. They told me to not wake them up of I got up early and to wait for everyone before we began. I was the last one up, around 7:30am. I was greeted with "Merry Christmas." We watched the news for a bit while they drank their coffee then we began. We got our stockings. We each looked into our stockings and showed what we got. I was able to just smile and say "Aww, thank you! This is so nice!". I realized I just hated the hyper Christmas photo bomb. It wasn't even the photos, as my nana took plenty, it was that I was expected to act super excited before I even was fully away.
I love wrapping (it's like a puzzle or game for me), and I hate shopping. So my spouse does the shopping and I do the wrapping. It's an amazing system, win-win!
My mom and I had the same system lol. But for some reason she wouldn't let me wrap mine 😂
That poor tree got so hyperfocused on its baubles that it never got around to adding tinsel and lights.
I've an "agreement" with friends and family that we don't do the gift thing. Giving and receiving gifts both stresses me out, and then having the social pressure of "balancing the scales" to make sure you give as good as you receive. So instead I've just said "nope" to the whole enterprise with my family and friends, with the only exception being something that we can eat or drink together!
Re: other people watching you doing routine tasks.
I used to work in a cinema, and we changed over from our usual ice cream supplier to Ben and Jerry's.
We sold ice cream per scoop (which I always found ridiculous, cos the tubs were a preset size anyway), and each portion/sized portion had to weigh a specific amount (complete rip-off, considering you could buy a whole tub of ice cream at the supermarket doen the rd for the price of a "small").
Anyhoo, we had our general manager come in to train us all on how to "correctly" scoop ice cream, under his supervision and Infront of everyone else.
Needless to say, the ice cream was more solid than what we sold in the shop floor, and I didn't want to go through the performance of scooping ice cream.
Went for a conservative scoop, as didn't want them to think i was "giving away" stock. It only went and pinged out of the scoop and almost on the floor.
I never once weighed out the portions of ice cream when serving customers as it was a blatant rip off, crammed as much as i could into each polystyrene pot (you're always going to fit less in a small vs a medium vs a large, so it was a ridiculous request).
10:26 I dont understand why we eat turkey either. Like you said, it's just bland and dry and expensive and a hassle. Then, after the holiday is over, you have multiple plates of the stuff clogging up the fridge you need to force yourself to wolf down in order to not waste food.
I obsessed over the fact that two ornaments appeared to be touching each other. Make it stop!! I guess it’s not my version of an autistic tree! 😂
😂
Don't clump: distribute.
yes! And no pattern… when I decorate, bigger ornaments are at the bottom and I am keen to keep the distances at least similar. My decorations are… more organized 😂
Not Christmas but birthday parties, I've found with my 6 year old that these days families opt for bags rather than wrapping most often, and parties rarely have a mass gift opening time anymore. It's common for gift opening to be left for the child to do at home when everyone is gone. It's a side effect of everyone booking 90/110 minute party slots at bowling alleys and swimming pools and running out of time, but it's nice for the socially awkward kids.
Hi fello Americans. Just a quick translation:
The UK phrase "learning disabilities" is the term for what we call "intellectual disabilities" or "developmental disabilities," such as Down syndrome.
I'm not exactly sure what Brits call the category that we call "learning disabilities" (dyslexia, dyscalculia, etc., and ADHD often gets included here) -- the things that interfere with academic classes at school, but are independent conditions of intellectual disability. (Anyone can have multiple conditions, in multiple categories, of course.)
16:16 the sentence "i havent enjoyed xmas since his diagnosis" is crazy to me.
this phrasing implies there has been at least 1 christmas before this where the kid had an autism diagnosis already, and that there were previous most likely similar issues in the earlier christmas(es)...which means instead of making changes to make her kid's time during christmas more enjoyable (and her own by extension) she has just continued to run it like normal? "i tell myself things will be better next year..." Confirms this to be the case...where it becomes despicable imo is the final paragraph, maybe I'm reading too far into it but that combined with the earlier paragraphs seems like an admittance that changing things was seen as an option earlier on and yet just ignored, its changed from a situation of a mistake through ignorance (just not considering it) to a purposeful choice knowing it would cause harm, and she ends it oh so gracefully by implying the child is a burden on her.
From my pov
This isn't about awareness this is about sharing how burdenous their own kid is on their life, and how sad you should feel for them (the mother). Diabolical shit.
oh also hack for wrapping presents: just get paper gift bags (or cloth ones for sensory issues)! you can also easily keep and reuse each year.
I relate soooo hard to the receiving presents issues! My (mostly NT) family have long questioned whether I really appreciate things I receive and I just feel like I don't know how to look happy with the gifts. 🤔🤷😅
Just a little note about Canadian weather...(I'm a Canadian living in Southern Ontario). About 20 years ago I worked at a company that also employed many Brits that had transferred from overseas a few years previously. I asked a few of my British colleagues how they like our weather compared to the weather back home and many preferred Canadian weather. We have more sun warmer summers here and even though we have colder temperatures in the winter, it doesn't feel as cold because it is dry cold and not damp cold like in the UK.
A word of caution here that Canada is huge country and while this might be true of Southern Ontario many other places in Canada regularly deal with -40. I've experienced both UK WInters and Northern Ontario/Manitoba Winters and will take the UK winters over -40 any day of the week.
I get very overwhelmed by Christmas- all aspects, not just the people. One of the things I struggle with is surprises, so you can imagine gifts might be a struggle. My mother was very into the whole unexpected, surprise thing. It sent me into meltdowns every Christmas and ruined it. I never knew what I was getting, I never knew how to react, I hated getting clothing due to textures. Then, through the process of getting diagnosed (and eventually being diagnosed) I admitted to this, and realised I wasn’t spoiled, I was feeling guilty and having a meltdown. My mother still likes the whole finding and giving surprises thing though. So we compromised. I provide a list (long enough and ranging) for anyone who may want to give me a gift, it’s even colour coded. The stuff under the tree is now only ever from that list, and I often know a few things in advance- that’s enough control for me, I didn’t have a meltdown over gifts when it was followed last year. But my stocking is a free for all, my mother can put anything they want in there. It’s often small stuff, cheap, maybe sweets that they well know I like; I can deal with that and it makes my mother happy.
We have started to use cotton cloth bags for Christmas! We also have stopped going to my dads side of the family on Christmas day (for a number of reasons unrelated to Christmas). I don't become instantly overwhelmed by Christmas day any more. We still have a dinner with family on Christmas Eve but my parents understand needing to step away for a bit. Christmas has always been my favourite holiday so I am glad it is not as stressful
21:31 I’m not diagnosed but I feeeel this so much. I’m always stressed when I gotta open gifts at holiday times especially when I was a kid because I feel like I won’t give the emotion or reaction people expect. I specifically remember when I was a kid I got very anxious about it and worrying how I’m gonna act so it doesn’t look like I’m ungrateful
a fun thing with brussel sprouts is they actually taste alright imo IF you cut them in half and cook them with salt and oil. It changes the chemical interaction and makes it better than the boiled or steamed ones.
I get the frozen ones and follow the microwave cooking instructions on the bag(microwave it with a bit of water for a couple minutes). I add some dried minced onions and garlic powder. Then a little bit of butter. (But I like brussel sprouts as is.)
@@poke-talia268 I used to hate them until about 2 years ago, but yeah. the cutting in half thing for anyone interested actually creates a chemical reaction that removes a lot of the bitterness people find with them. But yeah, I like just salty ones from the bag as long as you get the right brand and dont eat em fresh lol.
@@lokitkeel934bitter brussel sprouts being a common issue seems so strange to me.
i actually couldn't understand the trope of children hating them, i liked their slightly sweet, slightly soggy, and slightly bland flavor.
then i had some dark-green ones that were cooked dry by my grandmother.
somehow my mother knows exactly how to boil them to get a mildly sweet flavor out of them.
light green color, big and slightly soggy, and no bitterness.
they didn't need any cutting or extra ingredients, just the right size and boiled for the right amount of time.
@@Marvin_R I think for me it was mostly texture, and now that it has shifted towards me hating crunchy things, i started liking them
Only like them roasted with salt oil maybe a little garlic and or pepper .... Get a crispy crunchy outside and good not crunch but bite feel?😅 on the inside
I hate when parents of autistic kids make videos for the sake of awareness... It is almost never about the kid! It is always about themselves (the parents). Literally NOTHING in these videos helps anyone. It is all about the impact that autism has on their life. It is not out of love for their kid, out of the hope to share awareness. It is out of self pitty and ego.
As an Autistic woman who is a sensory seeker, Christmas is the best! Probably helps that I was born 2 days before Christmas and it's a special interest of mine. When I was a child in yhe 90's, I wanted to have the career of wrapping gifts for people at the mall. By the time I was old enough to get a job, that wasn't a thing anymore.
Why not bring it back? :)
@@dorothyallspice1862 I would love to, but I don't know how to go about it. I have 2 businesses already that I started, but don't really know how to run, so I have just spent money I don't really have to try to make money so that I can get off of disability so I can marry my boyfriend and start a family... Stupid disability marriage penalties.
I have no idea why I am so bad at wrapping gifts. It's definitely not because I am clumsy. Give me something to wrap that is only like 1 cm small and the tiny gift would probably look perfect. But any average sized parcel and I probably will forget how my hands work.
Honestly I hate the lead up to Christmas, and when it finally happens I’m relived that all the stress is over.
I think the problem with the Christmas tree was that the branches should have been longer at the bottom and then getting successively shorter further up. And the branches would also be thinner at the top than at the bottom.
I think it’s also that the strings the ornaments are hanging from are too big, so it makes them hang strangely, with weird gaps between ornaments.
Thank you for these videos! I find them super entertaining (esp since I had to leave tiktok due to ppl harassing me over being "cringey") and love to see more!
Thank you so much! TikTok comment sections are often soo mean 😩 I don't know how people create on there!
The people in tiktok that criticize people for being cringy are morons and are so obsessed with the online Persona that if you don't act like a specific way it just causes a rash that they cannot fix.
tik tokers calling people cringe is one the biggest projections they could ever make.
The video of the lady opening presents was quite touching to me. My son has always hated birthdays and we really pushed him to have 'normal' birthdays with parties, a big fuss and lots of presents etc. Every year he would do something, as a younger child, that would be classed as terrible behaviour e.g. biting his best friend in the face, huge tantrums. He's an adult now and we simply ignore his birthday because that's what he wants but I love him and I want him to feel loved and appreciated and to have a special day BUT I have to realise that the sadness and guilt that I feel are my feelings not his.
I wish I had known when he was younger not to put so much pressure on him and to let him be himself. But we didn't know that he was autistic but we knew he struggled to make friends so we were trying to get him to be more social. Seeing a video like this may have made me think a bit more about his feelings and my actions.
That's really interesting and I thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry about the hardship and I'm so glad there's more peace now. May God bless your relationship with your son with wisdom and much love. 🙏
"biting his best friend in the face,"
OH MY GOODNESS! That must've been a lot of drama when that occurred! I imagine other parents weren't too happy about that one!
The best Christmas I ever had was in 2019 when I had a migraine and got to miss Christmas dinner. I just slept and watched movies. It was so relaxing!
4:25 they make us sound like first class supervillains in that video.
I always liked the puzzle piece, I totally understood the “puzzling” aspect and never saw it as an incomplete thing. I do however only use it in the context of rainbows and the the rainbow infinity to avoid the association with autism speaks. For my senior art peoject I painted a giant puzzle piece with the rainbow infinity, and write “It’s not a virus, it’s a different operating system” along with a ton of letter code if people felt like translating.
1:06
As a neurodivergent who’s whole special interest through life is _aesthetic_ it’s because all the bulbs are too close together. That’s the problem, you wanna do it the autistic way, do your best to space them evenly. Leave ROOM. Cause that little tree needs more ROOM between the bulbs then it needs BULBS.
Is there a name for “I swear I can do this thing reasonably well but not now that you’re watching me”?
Performance paralysis?
I'm so grateful my close and extended family just eat a big dinner and then do a white elephant thing for anyone 15+ where we just open the presents at home.
For the kids we just all get them as many presents as we can lol