@@rosies9017 the idea of bringing forth your own genes "because I feel like it" when there are tons of kids out there who could use a loving, financially responsible and mentally stable family, 2) climate change, 3) genetic issues (not saying people with disabilities don't deserve to have children, that would be eugenics which is gross, but personally I want to spare children of my terrible health), hellscape capitalism, Etc etc. But the bottom line is "I just want to have kids" is inherently selfish, they want a child because that's what they want and that's totally ok. She's absolutely allowed to have children just because she wants to - again, if there were any restrictions on why people would be allowed or dis-allowed to have kids, that would be super disgusting and eugenics. I'm not saying it in any judgemental way, but doing anything "because I want to" is selfish. I'm gonna go eat ice cream at 11 pm just because I want to haha
@@Rawr98 Also, we're not going to get the human population down fast enough for it to matter in terms of all the ecohorror. We have the technology and finances to feed, house, and enable everyone, and then some, and to also mitigate all current climate disasters. Parents aren't THE problem on that front, so it's all fine. Have kids. But also vote well, eat less meat, get solar panels, don't use planes, support local less fortunate folk if you can, and don't take on the whole stifling burden that big industrialist imperialist folk are leaving us with. Kids of all kinds are fine. I am sorry if that's too bombastic for this channel D :
@@Rawr98 I agree it is selfish and I still went that path. There are no rational reasons to have a baby but for me it is a desire that can not be rationally be explained or cancelled. I can accept that and try to avoid negative impacts as much as possible but also realizing that it is a bit narcissistic and comes from a place of living on.. do you want kids?
I care about the environment a LOT, and I'm really fed up with the "you shouldn't have children because the environmental cost is too high!" argument. The problem is not overpopulation, it's the lifestyle of Western/highly industrialised countries. For example, the US has higher CO2 emissions than India despite having far fewer people in it. The same applies if you compare Germany and Brazil (and several other countries). Interestingly, the talk of overpopulation usually comes from people in predominantly White, industrialised countries, in many of which the birth rates are already declining - so basically, they shift the "blame" away from themselves and towards poorer, less industrialised, and predominantly non-White countries and call upon them to "act". Instead of doing that, I think we should look at ourselves first: Raise the kids we have as eco-friendly as possible, by way of buying as little as possible new, choosing an eco-friendly diet and lifestyle where possible, and most importantly teaching them to be politically aware so that they can use their voice to shape society for the better.
Ugh, I feel this so much! Also, I think a lot of people forget that at the end of the day we are just another animal species and we are generally predisposed to want to reproduce. That's just how organisms work 🤷🏼♀️ at least my older sister has chosen not to have kids so I "can have her allotment" 🤣 Yeah, I want to reduce my environmental burden but honestly it's like 10 corporations which produce 90% of the environmental waste/impact so it's not exactly on us everyday people to fix, is it? We do what we can; eat local, reduce waste, buy reusable items, recycle what you can, moderate plastic consumption. I'm personally going to have a mix of eco-disposable nappies/diapers like bamboo as well as cloth. I had cloth nappies as a baby and hardly had nappy rash but sometimes you just need a disposable for a quick change.
This comment goes straight to my heart. The birth rates in the Western countries are declining and there will be no one to make money for the elderly, to pay them retirement. And if most of the Western people think about not having kids, who is going to prolong this culture (democracy, literature, human rights). If it’s not us pushing liberal values further, who will?
THANK YOU! a family of ten that are eco friendly and will continue to be eco friendly for the rest of their lives are so much more helpful to the earth than an only child that gets a new iPad and cell phone every year.
And even if it were simple overpopulation, the best way to get people to have fewer kids is to give them the option to have fewer kids! Improving healthcare infrastructure so fewer children die and providing widespread access to birth control let people make those decisions for themselves
I relate to this because I care about the environment a lot but I also really want to have children a lot and when I eventually start my becoming a mum journey, I don’t want to feel guilty. I just believe in doing your part for the world and whether children are a part of life shouldn’t affect that.
Hannah, I think it's really brave that you're choosing to share such a vulnerable part of your life with us. Thank you. As for the people who might question you guys wanting to bring kids into this world (lol), imho, this is exactly what our world needs. A new generation raised by amazing parents like yourself and Dan - parents who actually want kids and are well-equipped (financially and mentally). That is the only hope we have for our planet lol. I wish you both all the good luck in the world
i am just shocked and slightly confused she was able to find a boyfriend(mostly because she admited she is picky and also expects the guy to look past pretty much all her flaws. lol.)
Thank you for being so open and talking about this! My husband and I started trying to conceive a few months after you and Dan and still no luck on this end either but it is so nice to hear your experience and not feel so alone. Sending you all the good vibes!
Are you ever shocked at how judgmental some people are? It still continues to surprise me. You always have such a calming wonderful response to some of these ridiculous questions, that I truly admire you. Ps. that shirt looks great on you!!! ♥
I just smiled as I noticed I have watched so many wardrobe-videos from Hannah's second channel I immediately thought "thats not a shirt, thats her sunflower dress" :D maybe someone can relate
Saw a tweet from Hank Green the other day that said berating others for having kids because of the climate crisis (not that that's what those questions were doing) makes no sense because surely the reason we want to solve the climate emergency is for future generations. This series of the Hormone Diaries is making me have Feelings about my infertility (because of my hypopituitarism) even though babies are a long way away for me yet (and obviously I'm not particularly interested in sex that would get me pregnant anyway). It's funny because the last series happened about a year before I started taking HRT and getting a period so it's almost like I'm watching a little preview of the future hehe
yess Hank Green!! I always thought comments about why have kids because the world is on fire were a bit weird but I didn't know how to explain what feels weird about them to me... also, I think there's always going to be people who judge (not what those questions were doing) your choices (whether you choice to have kids or not!). Hope you have a way of processing those Feelings that are coming up, sending lots of love 💛
Trying to mitigate the climate crisis is not for humans to me. It's to try and ensure that all the other species of animals and plants on this planet survive, despite the scourge that is humanity's impact on the planet.
People who have kids need to say these things to justify their choices to themselves. Unfortunately climate change is happening and my heart breaks for all children born today. If you are reproducing you need this kind of delusion. It’s a conversation that needs to be discussed more often and more seriously in this pro-natal world we live in.
I don't think it's selfish to want a biological child. It is a beautiful thought to have a mixture of the two parents. This is coming from someone who doesn't want kids and thinks babies are at best meh (no offense to babies out there).
Wanting kids is not an issue unless you plan on getting more than one per already existing human. Two is the acceptable maximum for normal couples. China learned this lesson already the hard way. Others will follow.
@@Arcaryon This is not true, and a quite problematic statement. Depending on what you define as an issue (sustaining or not sustaining a population), the fertility rate never the less needs to be 2,1 births for the population to maintain size. Throwing around terms like "acceptable amount of children" is quite narrowminded and both fertility and society in general is a lot more complicated than that
Whilst it's a lovely idea and as someone who doesn't use barrier methods I've had some oddly hormone driven post-coital 'if he just put a baby inside me its a bit of both of us and everything is perfect' fantasy thoughts in my head but then I wake up, realise the world is going to shit, overcrowded, full of kids who need a home, fucked up people and thank fuck I never take a break from the pill.
@@luriemu1 We can all easily understand that the ONE decent reason that actually exists for upkeeping an eternally pointlessly growing economy ( aka a population ), as it serves no other longterm logical purpose, is the international competition aka, the threat of political extinction if your state falls behind. The actual math of all of this is as actually as logical as it is simple. Less people = less used recourses, more area to live on, less competition for recourses, less required infrastructure. Building a single phone is already a massive logistical issue. Thins won’t get better with future technology for a long time. In an era where the worth of humans as a workforce is beginning to decline, a trend we will see continuing as AI & robotics advance, I would be careful with thinking that we should strive to maintain our current population if everyone actually wants to live a decent life. Currently, the majority of people on this planet aren’t even close to a wealthy & modern existence with billions not meeting the minimum requirements that are absolutely common for civilization in an industrialized country. While the transition ain’t always easy, the results will eventually speak for themselves. Big populations are not gonna remain a positive. It’s like the nation state - an already mostly outdated concept people have grown fond of to the point of not questioning and/or advancing the status quo. Today, you say this is a problematic statement. But many of our children’s children will already have accepted it as a given. Mark my words. Do you realize how little most people have? We produce so much garbage that we pollute entire oceans, our forests burn as we hunt for ever more recourses and instead of limiting something that hurts nobody, people propose that we just keep going because it’s less stressful. Nobody needs millions of more people to, for instance, advance science or, let’s say, solve world hunger. We are currently not even using half of our human potential to its theoretical maximum. An issue we have today in that regard is distribution, no ability to produce aka, we have more than enough for everyone already so why keep making cheap cars instead of focusing on, for instance, limiting death by aging or something similarly important? Because it’s convenient. I hate to break it to you but this change is inevitable. Human society is not complicated, just complex. A two child policy ( or any other population control ) will become unavoidable & its a pretty straightforward. That’s the beauty of it - even children can understand this. For if a "successful" population just grows like a cancer, if we don’t limit ourselves where it truly matters - then we are all fools. PS: It’s very late so if this sounds strange occasionally, apologies; the point is that having a smaller population will become strategically more and more effective & we should consider weather we decide our path, be innovative & adaptive to a new reality or let our fate be decided for us by abstaining from facing our more than obvious mistakes in that regard we all share until they become to big too ignore which is sadly something a lot of us humans do far too often.
I just wanted to say that I admire your take on "emotionally checking out" of baby announcements. Most of my female family members have difficult fertility journeys, but recently one person announced she was pregnant, yay! Frustratingly, some of my other family members did not take the news well and were vocal about being upset she got pregnant before them. Probably there are some underlying family dynamic issues at play here but if they had had the dialogue in place to be able to say they needed to step away from the pregnancy updates and "emotionally check out", that would have been totally understandable, valid, and less hurtful. Thanks for giving this perspective!
My favorite part of this video was acknowledging that one day you'd be parenting adults. I don't think parents give enough thought to that, they only consider that they want a CHILD, and I feel like that is the selfish part.
As someone who doesn’t really want kids but has friends who are trying/will start soon this series is so wonderfully helpful. I feel like I can be a better friend because of it. (I‘m German and get yearly check-ups and personally think it’s great because it’s just a normal thing to do and doesn’t become scary and you just know if anything is going on.)
Couldn't agree more! I have no desire to get pregnant but a lot of my straight cis-women friends do and it's nice to hear all of this so I can show up for them if/when they go through something similar
I don't think it's selfish to want to experience pregnancy, so don't be hard on yourself for that. We are programmed to want to conceive it's been an instinct for us for millennia so it is natural - just as natural as anyone else who may not have those feelings, might I add. I wish you all the luck on your journey x
Thank you for adding that second part because a lot of people have used exactly this "natural programming" against people like me who just never have felt this need or want. I know I never want children. I like them but I'm better as an aunt or something. I would rather regret not having kids when I'm older than regret having children. That would destroy someone's else's life not just mine. I don't think I will regret it though.
I know it isn't badly meant, but the 'but adoption!' comments have always slightly bugged me. Sometimes there is the assumption that this is the easier/better option. But, certainly in the UK, it isn't easier for a whole host of reasons and as for the later assumption... urgh. Like, for some kids and some parents adoption can be better than the other options available, but that really isn't true for everyone. But, the idea that adoption is like some sort of magical plaster that fixes everything is just so pervasive.
It makes me feel really bad for the adoptee. It’s not as simple as “I can’t make bread at home so I’ll just go to the store and get one.” While adoption is so beautiful it’s born from brokenness and trauma. Someone seeking adoption needs to be very educated on trauma. Making a baby yourself and adopting are not substitutes for one another. I don’t think people mean to be cruel by making those comments. But it’s very uneducated and ends up being hurtful.
Plus it can take a lot of time and money, more so even than conception. You have to know how to work with their existing situation and potential trauma, and you also have to live with the knowledge that you are not and will never be a replacement for their birth parents (even if they’ve never met them).
I totally agree with this. I have friends who have adopted and now have teenagers who are so broken by the trauma of their past and the complications of wanting to see their birth families. My grandson (8) has been in fostercare twice and he's now there long term. My granddaughter is about to be adopted. All because their mother, my daughter, has learning disabilities. Adoption can turn into the most difficult choice of all.
Absolutely. It’s annoying! People assume that there’s an endless amount of babies waiting to be adopted which there absolutely isn’t. Most of the time if you want to adopt you’ll be waiting a long time unless you adopt an older child. For first time parents with no experience with children that’s an extremely difficult thing to do. Also some people want to experience having a baby and that’s absolutely okay!
@@katiehansen2206 I completely agree. My parents were foster parents and it’s incredibly hard. There’s often a lot of trauma involved. You have to be a very special person to be able to adopt and having experience of having children helps massively.
Honestly, I love your and Dan's optimism and practicality. Not just about fertility issues, which I imagine could be pretty frustrating at times and still have not taken a toll on you, but just the general "life is good" attitude. Coming from a pretty pessimistic person, I greatly admire how you can see the best of everything so easily. I wouldn't mind any tips on how to be like that!
I am soooo happy that you’ve talked about feeling sad when hearing other people’s pregnancy/birth announcements. Me and my husband also want baby but currently (and for the last 3 years almost constantly) I am on steroids bc of my colitis so the doctors advised not to try for baby…..and I can get so upset about pregnancy announcements but I always hide it bc I feel like they wouldn’t understand…..
I relate to this deeply. You get sad about the announcements THEN feel guilty that you can't just be happy for other people. It's so hard. I wish healing for all the people who feel this way, no matter the reason
my parents tried for 12 years, about to start their third IVF cycle and then conceived me naturally after a friend's wedding! i credit my existence to bacardi breezers xx
9:38 well I´m from germany and i had my first gynaecologist appointment when I was 14, it was just a regular check up and i think this is amazing. A lot of my friends went to a gynaecologist when they had bad period pains or other severe side effects. It is great to meet up with your gynaecologist annually, because if somethings wrong with you, youll learn it earlier. And I think it takes away the "shame" which is great! Because thats something no one should be ashamed of.
Most girls in Germany start going to the gynecologyst once they started their period for the first time with annual check ups (pap tests, ultrasound etc.). So actually not with 22 years but rather 14 years :)
And if you have any kind of bad health history in your family you have to go twice a year just to be sure. I'm almost 29 and have gone to the gynecologist twice a year since I was 17. My mom had breast cancer when I was 16, my youngest aunt had it too and died this year from it so yeah I have to go twice. Most people really only start going once they want to become sexually active and want to take birth control.
Pregnancy announcements can be really difficult when you haven't shared that your trying and if you aren't ready to share with lots of people at least share with one person. I shared that we were trying and had a miscarriage with my best friend and then I feel like I can moan to her for a few minutes about someone else pregnant and then that done and I can move on. I found it very difficult to share with loads of people but having at least one person I could message really helped. Good luck to everyone trying! 🤞🏻❤
Hannah you really doing good! At the end of the day think of how much this child will be wanted and loved when they do decide to make an appearance. Enjoy yourself! There's no deadline. It's not always an easy process but totally worth it x
that last question reminded me so much of my own infertility journey and how I felt when other people got pregnant around me. It helped me so much being open about it. I remember I made a deal with my younger sister that if she became pregnant before me she should text me instead of telling me in person because I couldn't promise her that my face to face immediate respons would be complete happiness for her. And sure enough she got pregnant while we were on our third year of trying- and she texted me and I fell apart. But then I got my shit together before we met and I could congratulate her wholeheartedly in person. I love that she respected my wish and that she vas so sensitive to my situation- And I am so happy I could just be happy for her in person without having to fake it.
When you said you really want to experience pregnancy, I had the realisation that I thought everybody just sorta took up with it to be able to have kids, but no-one enjoyed it for its own sake. You disproved that and it makes me even more sure that I do not want pregnancy in my own life. Thank you :) I really enjoy hearing your thoughts on this topic and following your journey! I wish you all the best!
I've loved watching your journey. It took me 4 years to get pregnant with my now 3 year old (including one miscarriage and 1 year of IUI, which is what resulted in the successful pregnancy). It can be an emotional rollercoaster with a lot of good and some hard times but having that strong relationship and support is the most important thing through it, imo. Now we also have an almost 8 month old who we got pregnant kind of on accident. We were trying but not...as in I stopped birth control and we said "if it happens, cool, but we don't expect it to and that's okay too"...because I didn't want to go through fertility treatments again. It took about 10 months and then I was pregnant again! Good luck on your journey and thanks for sharing it with your audience!!!
We were taught first week of med school that 10% of couples don’t get pregnant within a year. And for most of those people there isn’t anything “wrong”. It probably feels like forever but it might be calming to know that it’s more common than we might think ❤️
3:40 is such a helpful point. Thank you for that. It's shockingly comforting to hear it put as "once you've made the decision to be parents, this is part of the process". I know that my spouse and I will find a way to have kids eventually - so everything to get there is just part of the journey that will hopefully be the rest of our lives.
I was chatting to my dad about this series and he asked me to thank you. My parents tried for me for a year and he said he wished this kind of resource had existed then. I'm very lucky in that we conceived our daughter very quickly. However, since then I have miscarried and I'm nervous to try again now. We're not going to start trying for a few more months but I am really nervous about it. This series is helping so thank you from me too.
Thank you so much for bringing light to all of this! Fertility, reproductive systems, trying to conceive and the problems that can happen during that journey can be so, so tough on people and it’s rarely talked about.
I love watching these videos because it's helping me feel not so alone in this. My husband and I have been trying for 14 months and and we started fertility treatment 4 months ago after we had a miscarriage in May. We do have a daughter that is a year and a half and and we lost 2 babies before her so we have had 3 miscarriages now. Infertility is awful and I'm sorry you are going through this. A little bit of hope though! One of my friends just announced yesterday that she is pregnant and she had the same surgery as you!
I absolutely love how informative this video this is. Also, Dan's clarity about how much time/energy he wants to devote to things he can control is quite admirable (I am secretly jealous). It is such an important life lesson. Sending a lot of love to you and Dan.
Even for 100% "healthy" people, it can take up to 2 years for a pregnancy to catch 🤷🏼♀️ there is also the option of fertility management which is a couple steps down from IVF and aims to regulate your ovulation/menstrual cycle so you can conceive. 😅 I remember this from like 5 years ago when I was studying midwifery and may not be remembering correctly
Kinda shows just how hard it actually is to conceive. Whilst you should always use contraception if you're trying to avoid pregnancy, we also overstate the risks of getting pregnant in most school sex ed. Nuance is difficult!
I wish people would be careful saying like this. I’ve seen it many times in the comments of these videos, and it concerns me. Yes, absolutely we need nuance. But we also do need to highlight that you can get pregnant just having unprotected sex once, and particularly for young people figuring things out, that may be more likely! We can talk about the difficulties TTC and with infertility without undermining the importance of sex ed that is clear about the risks of unplanned pregnancy.
Nuance is difficult however* It's also important to note that young people are typically more fertile and also are less likely to know the ins and outs of their ovulation etc., so this all increases their likelihood of getting pregnant way more than someone like Hannah.
I don't know if this applys here since Hannah talked multiple times about her possibly decreased chance of getting pregnant due to multiple major abdominal surgery. Also I had zero sex ed in school. So for me more is always better :)
I watched this video a week ago and have returned to say thank you because it's completely changed my mindset. My husband and I have been trying for almost a year now and the mental toll it has been taking on me has been almost unbearable. I'm aware that my natural instinct is to cling to negativity and have been working hard to undo this each month but i've found it challenging to see positives! That is until you said you've been trying to enjoy doing things you couldn't do with a baby. We've done that this week and my happiness has skyrocketed. So simple a mindset switch but you kickstarted it in me so thank you!
I've watched so many friends struggle with infertility or just the legal/financial complications of having kids when they're not cishetero. As someone who has never, ever, ever wanted kids (I knew the "family line" would be stop with me when I was 5 years old) it's great to hear to perspective of someone who really does. Helps with my empathy.
Also, the thought process that myself and my partner have is that we are environmentally conscious so our children will be too. We would rather people who were aware of the climate crisis had children and raised them with an aim of reducing their carbon footprint etc, rather than those people who are worried about the environment choosing not having kids due to those fears whilst people who are not concerned at all continue to have children who are not taught or interested in helping with the climate crisis. Thanks for the Q&A, super interesting. I still haven't worked out if it makes me more or less stressed about trying to conceive in the future, but at the very least it's interesting and thank you for sharing.
yess I feel that too! If you haven't read/seen the play Lungs - would recommend!! It's a conversation between two people all about deciding whether to have kids or not and they talk about ALL OF THIS STUFF
The easiest way to do that is being plant based or vegan. There is no sustainable or ethical way to eat animal products and animal ag is driving the destruction of our planet.
Yes! We need those kind, empathetic, climate conscious etc voters. If only people who don’t care about the planet have kids, then a lot of the next generation won’t care. Or at least, some will, but percentage wise it’ll be more than it would be.
I just want to thank you for being so open about your journey. My partner and I have also been trying to conceive for a year. I've felt quite isolated and alone in it because we've so far chosen to not be open about it with friends and family. I've been holding on to a wish of getting that "surprise we're having a baby!" moment that I've always pictured and haven't been able to let go of it. We're starting our infertility investigation next month and it feels good to finally be able to get some help and hopefully some answers. And maybe it's time for us to share this with our friends and family now. I've been struggling a lot with not enjoying or valuing this stage of my life and simply wishing it was over. Honestly, trying to conceive has been a really dark and trying time so this video gives me hope that it doesn't "have" to be this way. My greatest fear for my entire twenties (i'm 29) has been that I might not be able to get pregnant so it feels a bit like a very dark self fulfilling prophecy. Wishing you all the luck in your fertility journey ahead.
We were the same and after 4 years spoke to our family, now 5 years of our fertility the last year has been so much more helpful and positive because our family are with us and supporting us
@@hannahtuck3052 I'm so happy to hear that you have such good support from your family now. You inspire me to tell mine, i probably will at some point this coming month. Wish you all the luck in your journey x
It took us 9 years to conceive with our daughter we give up trying because we wanted to enjoy Xmas and New year and we found out I pregnant on valentines day we are just coming up to her 8 birthday 🎉 iv been through colorectal cancer from January but I think these are ment to see the road is to tough can you hold on to each other ans get through together you haven't failed together this far so hold on good things will happen for you sending love from Wales 🏴 💕💕💕💕
Throughout this video series I can just sense that you are getting ready for parenthood and gathering so much wisdom. It's as much about the journey as it is the destination, and that is just lovely.
I have no intentions of having kids, but this series has been really interesting for me all the same. I feel closer to a journey that many people around me experience. And I believe you are very brave for sharing this online, I admire it along with your honesty about the whole process. Sending good vibes for your process!
A males perspective (dad (in 40's) of 4). There is a lot of questions aimed at you about your fertility health, don't forget there are two people here. Your partners fertility health should also be called out if your discussing your own. Like some of the other comments, it can take 2 years or so, so trying after 1 year and not catching, I wouldn't be worried. Some of the questions you answered give the impression that trying to get pregnant is an all encompassing activitiy. Really love the fact your highlighting that you both are continuing to do normal couple things and live your life. That is the best way.
I find you incredibly brave to be willing to share so many details about this as you do. I have no desire at all to be pregnant but being a mother is def in the plans (hopefully future wifie will want to do the whole baby bump thing or we'll go through the adoption proces). Regardless, I find it deeply fascinating to watch these vids because unwanted childlessness is really a thing that affects a lot of women and it needs to be more normal to talk about
I’m TTC for four years now, we identified PCOS in Jan 2020 and just completed first IUI treatment last week. This video was so refreshing and VERY relatable
I totally agree! They both had such calm and measured responses, when in reality it shouldn’t really be okay to comment on whichever route people take to become parents. They’re obviously a bright couple who’ve put a lot of thought into this.
Every new person is not only a mouth to feed but also a pair of hands to work and a brain to invent new solutions. And on a selfish note, we need more young people to look after us when we get old and we are below replacement rate now in much of the world. So, people who want to have kids, please have three to make up for the people who can't have or don't want kids!
I love these questions and I think it leads to a very good point. If you are unsure about becoming a parent and raising a child, just don't. If you know 100% you are committed to the next 20 years of your life AT LEAST, belonging to someone else, go for it, if you want to party and be selfish and just do you, don't have children. You don't HAVE TO have children, no one should be forced to have a child.
Love these questions. I’m going on 3 years trying to get pregnant with fertility treatments. It’s absolutely heartbreaking, not to mention extremely expensive. I always knew I wanted a large family and never thought I’d be 36 and just praying to bring home 1 child. 😢
I understand, going on 39 & I always wanted a big family. I always wanted to be a young mom. It’s uncertain if I will get to be an old mom. Praying for you if you are still struggling.
In Germany we also have a GP (Hausarzt, which translates to House Doctor) who then refers us to specialists in most cases. This has some exceptions though, for example gynecologists, pediatricians and dentists. If you have a condition that requires you to see certain specialists regularly, you really only need one referral from your Hausarzt and then the specialist becomes "your" specialist. So you might have a psychiatrist or dermatologist which is the only one you see, so they know all about your case and can monitor your effectively. Hope this clears things up a little for anyone who was wondering :)
I just wanted to add a point regarding the PCO/PCOS and not wanting to have kids, from my personal experience you have to be careful if you’re not cycling at all or extremely irregularly. So if you’re only having 2 periods a year, a doctor may want to put you on birth control etc, as you can develop cervical cancer (worst case scenario!!) if you don’t shed your lining regularly. I love this video! I hope you’re doing well 💛
Thank you so much for this video. I've been trying to conceive with my husband for 5 months and I already freak out... This is very helpful and supportive.
It took two years for my wife and I to conceive with our first child. She ended up getting her tubes blown out. - I think that was what happened. Shortly after we succeeded. Good luck. Don’t let it get you down.
It took me two years seven months to fall pregnant with my daughter. You will get there. For me it was agonising as all I want is a child. My anxiety heightened and my relationship with my husband became strained. I send you all my love xx
I really appreciate you sharing your journey. We have been trying for a year and a half. I finally got an appointment with a fertility specialist last month. I had more extensive bloodwork done, HSG procedure, and husband had his analysis and no issues were found. We moved forward with a medicated cycle (letrezole), trigger shot, and 2 IUIs back to back. I'm in my two week wait period now. Even if this one doesn't work, it felt nice to finally get some medicated help and made me feel like we're moving in the right direction
I just wanted to say that I think your and Dan’s attitudes around this whole process are spot on! I can’t imagine how difficult the TTC process is (I’m very lucky to have 2 little ones) but you seem to have a very realistic yet positive mindset around it all, not letting sex becoming a chore, not stressing about it too much etc. It’s also super refreshing to hear someone without children say they are enjoying all the things they can do without kids! There are many things I miss and in retrospect I wish I’d done way more of before I had kids (travel, date nights, nights out, various experiences) that I just can’t do now, and probably won’t do for several more years in the same spontaneous way I could before. I think some people in my life think I have this picture perfect family life all the time and whilst I do feel very lucky and happy, it can definitely be hard and sometimes I am almost green with envy when I see my childless friends having loads of grown up fun! :)
I think your point about enjoying life for what it is right now is so unbelievably important and an incredible perspective to have. I am sick this week and my toddler's nursery is closed for Summer and there's nothing for me to do but patiently wait for death to come and fling the occasional toy and snack in my child's direction in a vague attempt to keep them amused. I'm not for a second saying that my child is anything but the most precious thing in my life but oh how I reminisce of illnesses gone by where I could be left to rot in my filth in peace and how I took that for granted at the time. And that is not something I ever thought to be grateful for before I become a parent; even during out lengthy fertility journey to get get here. Looking back, I wish I had spent more time enjoying my life for what it was then rather than wishing life would just fast forward because it really wasn't a bad life and now it's gone forever so I wish I had given it more appreciation for what it was at that point like you say now. A great insight to have.
There is nothing selfish about wanting to be pregnant. It is your body and your choice. This was such an educational watch. Don’t give up :) as someone who has been trying for less than a year, had a miscarriage and now pregnant with my second.. it will all work out !
Regarding the choice of having kids in todays world. A quote that I found really hitting home is ''Never feel sorry for raising dragon-slayers in a time when there are actual dragons.''
Love this! This is one of the reasons I feel ok wanting to have kids. I feel like we as people and with things that we care about could try to raise someone who can help others and the world.
sorry but I feel like that's a desperate attempt at romanticizing a genuine threat just to feel better about your decision. you actually SHOULD consider things really carefully when deciding whether or not it's right to raise a child and you should recognize that there are legitimate threats in the near future that might very well truly affect your children or grandchildren
@@krullewietje ... The world has never been better. All indications are that it will be better yet when your children are grown-up. Sure we are flooded with political Propaganda and Divisive Hysteria, but that is all a lie. It is just noise generated by politicians, to get the people to think there are all these problems, and if you vote for them, they will cure them all.... A great example is Joe Biden saying, durning his campaign "I will fix Climate Change." Of course he can't, as if Climate Change were even a real problem in the first place. So people vote for him thinking he will fix the world.... NEWS FLASH.... These problems are not real, he has never fixed anything, and he never will. So don't bury yourself in all the "sky is falling" false narrative. Things have never been better. The world today has less; war, hunger, danger, infant mortality, poverty, and crime, than ever before in the history of mankind. This is the perfect time to have as many children as you can. You will find help at every juncture; day care, school programs, health care, tax credits, even financial assistance. There has always been this dilemma, of having children or not, people worry about these major decisions. Studies have shown that people that have children are much more satisfied later in life, then those that didn't have children. Having children and a family is a lot of hard work, but in the end your only regret will be if you chose not to.
Hannah I find all of your hormone diaries content so refreshing. I feel like you’re a friend on the other side of the internet. I have all sorts of hormonal issues going on at the moment so to know I’m not alone feels so validating 💛
Hannah, I am one of your male subscribers simply because you are a real joy to watch. Oh, I have learned more than a few things by watching your videos. In the end your “fertility journey” as you put it is your and Dan’s decision. It seems to me you are far more mature and grounded about all of this than your young age would otherwise dictate. I am certainly rooting for you and hope your dreams of having a baby happen soon. You and Dan are such a delightful couple and I am sure you are goIng to be wonderful parents. By the way, as a former US Army Officer who knows a good guy when I see one, your Dan is someone I would love to sit down and have a pint with. Take care and warmest wishes, David
I loved your reaction to the „why don’t you just give up“ comment! I think people see conceiving as the huge goal and forget that those babies will be adults one day and it takes sooo much work to help those adults not to be massive a-holes.
I disagree, I think some people just find it so painful to keep trying to have a baby with no result. Them taking care of their emotional well-being does not mean they would have been terrible parents. I know someone who has had 7 miscarriages and I would not say that her giving up on trying to have children means she would have been a bad mother.
Just started watching and can’t believe people have the cheek to ask such loaded questions! It’s so unfair to question a couples motivation for having children. It’s a natural part of life, you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons for wanting to experience having your own children. Also people are incredibly naive about adoption. It’s not an easy process to go through and people seem to think that there’s an endless stream of babies waiting to be adopted which isn’t true at all.
We always question people who don't want children, I think it's more interesting to ask people who do want them. Granted, some of these questions sounded a bit accusatory, but that could just be because there's no tone in written text
I think unfair is a bit of an unreasonable word. I personally think it’s an interesting question to ask people, and given Hannah’s openness on the topic, I’m sure the people asking felt the same!
I agree, I don’t think it’s something people should ask. Adoption is also a really tough process. Yes very worth it but not people who have been through the process even say the amount of paperwork and holes to jump through is still crazy. I am very open to adoption but would like to at least experience pregnancy once too.
I think i know what you mean, but i disagree that you "shouldnt ask". I think many people would do well to try and be more respectful, but she did choose these questions. If she didnt want do, she didnt have to, im sure she could have found other questions. What i mean is, in general i think people should be able to ask pretty much anything but also refuse to answer things they dont want to. Im speaking of a respectful conversational environment. If someone is attacking you and your choices, fuck that
I so greatly appreciate you putting your journey out into the world! My husband and I have experienced two miscarriages over the past two years and it's been really tough. For us, that is where the "high" comes in, followed by a dramatic "low" in terms of our fertility journey. I am at a point where I will tell people openly about our struggles so that it is not so "taboo". When I had my first miscarriage, I thought I didn't know anyone who had experienced one... but turns out I know many, just no one talks about it. When you started this series, I was felt triggered by it as it was so close to my second miscarriage. Now, I've gone back to catch up because I am getting so much useful information from it. Lots of love and fertility magic your way, girl!
Girl, I've been there! I relate to most of what you're sharing, except that you seem to be handling it much better than I did! I've followed you for years and I really respect you. We need good people like you and Dan to raise healthy and happy future humans that will make the world a better place, so please don't listen to some of those comments that seem to judge your beautiful dream to be a mother. Thank you for doing this series and breaking down yet another taboo! You're helping a lot of people. And I know, one way or another, all your dreams will come true.
This series has, unfortunately, been very helpful as my best friend has been TTC for about as long as you have now and been faced with almost the exact same issues. I've been sharing your experience because she's been feeling so beaten down... It doesn't help that all our friends conceived in a blink (funny story, our friends conceived on the first try, she gave birth naturally on her due date, and baby has been sleeping through the night since the first night, how ironic. 😂). She thought she was the only one, so your videos have been helping. 🙂
I’ve just got my period again after cycle 5 and I’m rewatching this video. It is one of the most comforting and reassuring videos I’ve seen on this topic and I love the positivity you bring. So thank you for your honesty 💜
It's amazing that the UK requires you to stop trying to conceive before you can adopt! It's so important that adoptive kids are not saddled with the pain of infertility. A lot of people fail to consider the trauma that is inherent in adoption and this is just one small step that might help ensure that people are properly dealing with it.
Loved the video, I'm not trying to conceive at the moment but since I've always had irregular cycles I'm scared it will be hard to conceive in the future. One comment about birth control not affecting fertility is that the injection does affect the fertility for the first year after you stop taking it. The nurse warned me about this when I was getting informed about birth control and I think it's important to know. Hugs and I wish you all the best ❤️
I’d love another collab with Sierra Schultzie. Seeing has she struggled with PCOS and getting pregnant. I having watching/listening to these type of discussions
It honestly means so so much to me to hear someone in a very similar position to me talk about all this stuff. It's not talked about enough, I'm a bit behind you in this journey but it's so reassuring being able to listen to other people's stories to prepare for what I'll probably be facing in the future. You're doing so amazing, thank you so much for sharing this with us x
So I have PCOS, in terms of issues outside of fertility, about 80% of women with PCOS have issues with insulin resistance - this is something that needs to be monitored, I have doctor's appointments every 4-6 months to monitor this, also having periods less than 3 times a year can contribute to issues with your endometrial lining. My advice is to find a really good doctor that is thorough and understands your needs. I remember when I was first diagnosed I felt really anxious about it and having a fantastic doctor made it much easier for me to cope with 🙂
I’ve avoided a lot of TTC videos as we’re at 13 months of TTC here and finding it really tough but I’m glad I watched this one. I’d love to adopt but that’s more difficult due to my disabilities - it’s almost like I need to prove I can parent a child before they would give me a child. We’re due to start blood tests and ultrasound to see if there’s anything obviously wrong and then go from there. I’ve been very open with friends and family about our journey and agree with you that the support has been helpful! Really hope you’re successful on your journey
Thank you for talking about this stuff. As someone who can’t have children but whose friends all managed ‘miracles’ after years of infertility, it’s good to hear someone else say that sometimes you just have to walk away from a conversation for a bit. As you say m I’m delighted for them, but that doesn’t erase the grief I feel. I do as you suggest and try to appreciate the things I do have in my life, but it is hard.
Heya! I'm 27 and have been trying for 4 years. PCOS. I just wanted to drop in here and send my love, but acknowledge I cannot watch these videos because of the sadness I feel about my own journey. All the best, and I thoroughly enjoy all your other vids! xx
huge thanks to you. even though my partner and I don't want kids this series and your openness has been helpful for our journey with depression and my partner's transition, because openly talking, not blaming someone for their varying sexual urges and not putting pressure on the future but just enjoying the now, even though it isn't what we necessarily want... is very freeing. so thanks!
As someone who wants to have kids in the future, it's been really interesting to see the processes of the families on TH-cam. Jessica and Claudia's conception and pregnancy journey, the Frey Life in their ongoing adoption process, Colleen Ballinger in her second pregnancy with twins, and Hannah and Dan trying for a baby right now. They are all so different and that reminds me that my future journey is probably not going to be exactly what I imagine it to be. I wish everyone on a journey to/through parenthood the best of luck :)
Same!!!! I looked at my Google ad settings recently (the bit that shows you what categories you are in for advertising purposes) and it thinks I am in my late twenties/early thirties, have biological children and am interested in adopting more, mostly due to me also watching all the youtubers you just mentioned! 👀 The only difference is that I am 21, single and not interested in having kids yet if at all.
Youuu read my question 😍😍 this was so the highlight of an otherwise crappy day. What you said in your video today was really uplifting, about how trying to become parents is such a small part of the journey that really hit deep. Thank you so much for being so candid always and sharing your journey, it makes me feel less alone (especially with all the people I follow right now somehow being all pregnant or have newborns)
HANNAH!!! Oh my goodness. I feel the exact same way that you feel. My boyfriend and I really want to become parents in the future. Pregnancy is something that I’d love to experience too, and I carry the EXACT same “guilt” that you mentioned!!!!! I thought I was the only one. However, let me tell you that my aunt had both experiences. My aunt had a pregnancy with my cousin, and then she adopted two babies. When you see your kids grow up, you fall in love with them and she says that she truly loves them equally!!! My cousins are all so beautiful and special. Adoption is beautiful, but also pregnancy is beautiful. Wanting to experience pregnancy does not make you selfish. If anything, you can consider doing what my aunt did. Have a lovely day Hannah! Thanks for the video, I love it
I came across the book "It starts with the egg" from Rebecca Fett and it changed my life! I followed the advice in the book that were applicable to me and for the first time in my life I had a healthy cycles! I found it after having secondary infertility problems and I am pretty sure I would still be in that limbo without her book.
I only got diagnosed with PCOS this year, I have very few and irregular periods, I agree if it doesn't bring present distress no need to worry but in regards to fertility it is important to explore. I've been advised you have to experience atleast 3 periods per year to be healthy.
PCOS patient here! On the general health point, if your cycles are just a bit longer and irregular, it’s generally “ok”. My doctor said if you’re regularly going multiple months without bleeding, that could increase your risk of certain medical complications so still something to watch out for even if you aren’t trying to conceive!
I really admire you for sharing this and being open and honest. I wish I had done the same with our fertility journey as I felt so very alone. I also have PCO, it took us 3 years but we finally got there and are expecting, it's very early and I'm very nervous but I'm so ready and feel like whilst it took so long it's made our relationship so strong! I hope that's an ok thing to mention and it's meant in a positive way. Also in the UK and if you can, do seek private advice. My experience with the NHS is that after you reach a certain timeframe they push you to private anyway and just hash over the same general advice, it's very hard to obtain the right treatment from them. I wish you the very very best and hope you get your positive soon! Much love xx
Really loving and appreciating how open you are about your emotions and stuff during this whole tourney. It's gonna make a huge difference for a lot of women whilst also understanding they can get their own induvidual boundaries. Yas ❤️
About 9:03: Very interesting! Here in Austria (and I think it's the same in Germany), you go to the gynecologist once a year. And that starts already as a teenager ;) There you make a smear - for cancer - look if everything is okay, measure for instance the position of the uterus and make an ultrasound. I was so surprised when you brought up the cysts because you see something like that immediately on ultrasound. But if the situation with a GP in England is different, it is understandable...
@@luciedvorakova2167 I'm in Australia and our GPs do it as a general check up once every 5 years, but it used to be every 2 years. We only see gynaecologists if we're pregnant and even then only regularly if we're considered high rise - midwives look after most of pregnancy.
@@OddlyElly Thanks, interesting. On the one hand it’s convenient that for a regular check up you need to go to only one doctor, but on the other hand when you have problem like Hannah has, it’s much slower to get to a gynecologist and diagnosis.
Just want to make a note for any young period havers, it is SUPER “normal” to have irregular periods during your teens. What is not normal is if they are not slowly regulating in your 20s. A huge section of your cycles are annovulatory when you first get your period, meaning you have failed ovulations which in turn prolongs the cycle. It is annoying to have those irregular cycles but it’s just your body figuring stuff out!
Hey Hannah! In Germany they actually, in many cases, do not do the Barbie Butt surgery when removing the rectum as often the sphincter muscles have to be removed and this could cause infertility but also stability problems within that area. When becoming older it could also cause incontinence as the stability around those muscle areas down there is missing. Instead they remove the whole mucosa in the rectum, so that there is no intestinal mucosa anymore and therefore no inflammation, this then heals from the inside and you will still have your after. So everything looks just as usual. Another option is also to take some fat tissue from the belly and move it down there (called Omentumplombe in Germany). As the tissue is still connected to blood supply it helps closing that wound. In each case the surgery is not really causing much problems regarding fertility, as the surgeons do not have to operate around many nerves etc. Last reason for not doing the Barbie Butt surgery, from what my surgeon told me, is actually the wound healing issues that affect 50%.. so for quite a few people the whole wound needs to be left open to heal which can take months including a lot of weeks in the hospital. Maybe you have same options in the UK and a less intense surgery is possible?
It's definitely good to set boundaries! I'm glad you're able to do it for your well being. I needed to do the same in a smaller setting when my relatives and friends gave birth, after I had a very difficult birth myself. I could hear "they gave birth, it went well, everyone's okay", but no more, or the anxiety would be overwhelming.
Two things When people say about children affecting the planet, surely we will need climate savvy children in the future… so in a way if you care about the planet but also want children, you are able to teach them to care too and that is very important for the future generation. (I also find this hard as you can be made to feel guilty for something that is so natural to living things since the beginning of time) I find it really tricky when I hear baby announcements, jealousy is something I have always struggled with since little and it’s even harder when it’s something like fertility. Couple that with comments like, you’ll know when you have children, or just wait until you have children - hate them. I guess that’s where you being open is really helpful.
You go girl!!! It will happen 💚 And thank you foe being vulnerable and contributing to an open discussion about pregnancy. For some people it's so easy to get pregnant, for others it's not. Knowing that each joirney is different helpst us understand and have empathy with each other.
Hi Hannah, the best specialist to see after one year of trying is a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Usually, a lot of fertility specialists have that qualification on top of being an OB-GYN. Regular OB-GYNs don't have that much expertise on infertility (infertility is technically defined as not being able to conceive after 12 months of trying if you're under 35 and 6 months if you're over 35). Good luck with everything! I have some more resources and can share them with you if you're intersted.
Wanting to experience pregnancy is not selfish Hannah 🧡
I mean it kind of is but that's ok. She's allowed to be a bit selfish❤️
@@Rawr98 why do you think it's selfish?
@@rosies9017 the idea of bringing forth your own genes "because I feel like it" when there are tons of kids out there who could use a loving, financially responsible and mentally stable family, 2) climate change, 3) genetic issues (not saying people with disabilities don't deserve to have children, that would be eugenics which is gross, but personally I want to spare children of my terrible health), hellscape capitalism, Etc etc. But the bottom line is "I just want to have kids" is inherently selfish, they want a child because that's what they want and that's totally ok. She's absolutely allowed to have children just because she wants to - again, if there were any restrictions on why people would be allowed or dis-allowed to have kids, that would be super disgusting and eugenics. I'm not saying it in any judgemental way, but doing anything "because I want to" is selfish. I'm gonna go eat ice cream at 11 pm just because I want to haha
@@Rawr98 Also, we're not going to get the human population down fast enough for it to matter in terms of all the ecohorror. We have the technology and finances to feed, house, and enable everyone, and then some, and to also mitigate all current climate disasters. Parents aren't THE problem on that front, so it's all fine.
Have kids. But also vote well, eat less meat, get solar panels, don't use planes, support local less fortunate folk if you can, and don't take on the whole stifling burden that big industrialist imperialist folk are leaving us with. Kids of all kinds are fine.
I am sorry if that's too bombastic for this channel D :
@@Rawr98 I agree it is selfish and I still went that path. There are no rational reasons to have a baby but for me it is a desire that can not be rationally be explained or cancelled. I can accept that and try to avoid negative impacts as much as possible but also realizing that it is a bit narcissistic and comes from a place of living on.. do you want kids?
I care about the environment a LOT, and I'm really fed up with the "you shouldn't have children because the environmental cost is too high!" argument. The problem is not overpopulation, it's the lifestyle of Western/highly industrialised countries. For example, the US has higher CO2 emissions than India despite having far fewer people in it. The same applies if you compare Germany and Brazil (and several other countries). Interestingly, the talk of overpopulation usually comes from people in predominantly White, industrialised countries, in many of which the birth rates are already declining - so basically, they shift the "blame" away from themselves and towards poorer, less industrialised, and predominantly non-White countries and call upon them to "act".
Instead of doing that, I think we should look at ourselves first: Raise the kids we have as eco-friendly as possible, by way of buying as little as possible new, choosing an eco-friendly diet and lifestyle where possible, and most importantly teaching them to be politically aware so that they can use their voice to shape society for the better.
Ugh, I feel this so much! Also, I think a lot of people forget that at the end of the day we are just another animal species and we are generally predisposed to want to reproduce. That's just how organisms work 🤷🏼♀️ at least my older sister has chosen not to have kids so I "can have her allotment" 🤣
Yeah, I want to reduce my environmental burden but honestly it's like 10 corporations which produce 90% of the environmental waste/impact so it's not exactly on us everyday people to fix, is it? We do what we can; eat local, reduce waste, buy reusable items, recycle what you can, moderate plastic consumption.
I'm personally going to have a mix of eco-disposable nappies/diapers like bamboo as well as cloth. I had cloth nappies as a baby and hardly had nappy rash but sometimes you just need a disposable for a quick change.
This comment goes straight to my heart. The birth rates in the Western countries are declining and there will be no one to make money for the elderly, to pay them retirement. And if most of the Western people think about not having kids, who is going to prolong this culture (democracy, literature, human rights). If it’s not us pushing liberal values further, who will?
THANK YOU! a family of ten that are eco friendly and will continue to be eco friendly for the rest of their lives are so much more helpful to the earth than an only child that gets a new iPad and cell phone every year.
And even if it were simple overpopulation, the best way to get people to have fewer kids is to give them the option to have fewer kids! Improving healthcare infrastructure so fewer children die and providing widespread access to birth control let people make those decisions for themselves
I relate to this because I care about the environment a lot but I also really want to have children a lot and when I eventually start my becoming a mum journey, I don’t want to feel guilty. I just believe in doing your part for the world and whether children are a part of life shouldn’t affect that.
Hannah, I think it's really brave that you're choosing to share such a vulnerable part of your life with us. Thank you.
As for the people who might question you guys wanting to bring kids into this world (lol), imho, this is exactly what our world needs. A new generation raised by amazing parents like yourself and Dan - parents who actually want kids and are well-equipped (financially and mentally). That is the only hope we have for our planet lol.
I wish you both all the good luck in the world
i am just shocked and slightly confused she was able to find a boyfriend(mostly because she admited she is picky and also expects the guy to look past pretty much all her flaws. lol.)
@@thewewguy8t88 You sound bitter.
@@thewewguy8t88 also, she's married
why is it "lol" to ask that question?
@@melissastrong95 well then I am surprised she found someone like I said.
Thank you for being so open and talking about this! My husband and I started trying to conceive a few months after you and Dan and still no luck on this end either but it is so nice to hear your experience and not feel so alone. Sending you all the good vibes!
Are you ever shocked at how judgmental some people are? It still continues to surprise me. You always have such a calming wonderful response to some of these ridiculous questions, that I truly admire you. Ps. that shirt looks great on you!!! ♥
I just smiled as I noticed I have watched so many wardrobe-videos from Hannah's second channel I immediately thought "thats not a shirt, thats her sunflower dress" :D maybe someone can relate
Saw a tweet from Hank Green the other day that said berating others for having kids because of the climate crisis (not that that's what those questions were doing) makes no sense because surely the reason we want to solve the climate emergency is for future generations.
This series of the Hormone Diaries is making me have Feelings about my infertility (because of my hypopituitarism) even though babies are a long way away for me yet (and obviously I'm not particularly interested in sex that would get me pregnant anyway). It's funny because the last series happened about a year before I started taking HRT and getting a period so it's almost like I'm watching a little preview of the future hehe
yess Hank Green!! I always thought comments about why have kids because the world is on fire were a bit weird but I didn't know how to explain what feels weird about them to me... also, I think there's always going to be people who judge (not what those questions were doing) your choices (whether you choice to have kids or not!). Hope you have a way of processing those Feelings that are coming up, sending lots of love 💛
I want to solve the climate catastrophe more for all the other living things on Earth we’ve ruined things for…
Mhhh, I'll hopefully still be alive in 50 years. I don't want to suffer the consequences either.
Trying to mitigate the climate crisis is not for humans to me. It's to try and ensure that all the other species of animals and plants on this planet survive, despite the scourge that is humanity's impact on the planet.
People who have kids need to say these things to justify their choices to themselves. Unfortunately climate change is happening and my heart breaks for all children born today. If you are reproducing you need this kind of delusion. It’s a conversation that needs to be discussed more often and more seriously in this pro-natal world we live in.
I don't think it's selfish to want a biological child. It is a beautiful thought to have a mixture of the two parents. This is coming from someone who doesn't want kids and thinks babies are at best meh (no offense to babies out there).
hahaha all the babies reading that are DEEPLY OFFENDED
Wanting kids is not an issue unless you plan on getting more than one per already existing human. Two is the acceptable maximum for normal couples.
China learned this lesson already the hard way.
Others will follow.
@@Arcaryon This is not true, and a quite problematic statement. Depending on what you define as an issue (sustaining or not sustaining a population), the fertility rate never the less needs to be 2,1 births for the population to maintain size.
Throwing around terms like "acceptable amount of children" is quite narrowminded and both fertility and society in general is a lot more complicated than that
Whilst it's a lovely idea and as someone who doesn't use barrier methods I've had some oddly hormone driven post-coital 'if he just put a baby inside me its a bit of both of us and everything is perfect' fantasy thoughts in my head but then I wake up, realise the world is going to shit, overcrowded, full of kids who need a home, fucked up people and thank fuck I never take a break from the pill.
@@luriemu1 We can all easily understand that the ONE decent reason that actually exists for upkeeping an eternally pointlessly growing economy ( aka a population ), as it serves no other longterm logical purpose, is the international competition aka, the threat of political extinction if your state falls behind.
The actual math of all of this is as actually as logical as it is simple.
Less people = less used recourses, more area to live on, less competition for recourses, less required infrastructure. Building a single phone is already a massive logistical issue. Thins won’t get better with future technology for a long time.
In an era where the worth of humans as a workforce is beginning to decline, a trend we will see continuing as AI & robotics advance, I would be careful with thinking that we should strive to maintain our current population if everyone actually wants to live a decent life.
Currently, the majority of people on this planet aren’t even close to a wealthy & modern existence with billions not meeting the minimum requirements that are absolutely common for civilization in an industrialized country.
While the transition ain’t always easy, the results will eventually speak for themselves. Big populations are not gonna remain a positive. It’s like the nation state - an already mostly outdated concept people have grown fond of to the point of not questioning and/or advancing the status quo.
Today, you say this is a problematic statement. But many of our children’s children will already have accepted it as a given. Mark my words. Do you realize how little most people have? We produce so much garbage that we pollute entire oceans, our forests burn as we hunt for ever more recourses and instead of limiting something that hurts nobody, people propose that we just keep going because it’s less stressful.
Nobody needs millions of more people to, for instance, advance science or, let’s say, solve world hunger. We are currently not even using half of our human potential to its theoretical maximum. An issue we have today in that regard is distribution, no ability to produce aka, we have more than enough for everyone already so why keep making cheap cars instead of focusing on, for instance, limiting death by aging or something similarly important? Because it’s convenient.
I hate to break it to you but this change is inevitable. Human society is not complicated, just complex. A two child policy ( or any other population control ) will become unavoidable & its a pretty straightforward. That’s the beauty of it - even children can understand this.
For if a "successful" population just grows like a cancer, if we don’t limit ourselves where it truly matters - then we are all fools.
PS:
It’s very late so if this sounds strange occasionally, apologies;
the point is that having a smaller population will become strategically more and more effective & we should consider weather we decide our path, be innovative & adaptive to a new reality or let our fate be decided for us by abstaining from facing our more than obvious mistakes in that regard we all share until they become to big too ignore which is sadly something a lot of us humans do far too often.
I just wanted to say that I admire your take on "emotionally checking out" of baby announcements. Most of my female family members have difficult fertility journeys, but recently one person announced she was pregnant, yay! Frustratingly, some of my other family members did not take the news well and were vocal about being upset she got pregnant before them. Probably there are some underlying family dynamic issues at play here but if they had had the dialogue in place to be able to say they needed to step away from the pregnancy updates and "emotionally check out", that would have been totally understandable, valid, and less hurtful. Thanks for giving this perspective!
My favorite part of this video was acknowledging that one day you'd be parenting adults. I don't think parents give enough thought to that, they only consider that they want a CHILD, and I feel like that is the selfish part.
As someone who doesn’t really want kids but has friends who are trying/will start soon this series is so wonderfully helpful. I feel like I can be a better friend because of it.
(I‘m German and get yearly check-ups and personally think it’s great because it’s just a normal thing to do and doesn’t become scary and you just know if anything is going on.)
95% of healthcare is preventative!
Don't you like kids lol
Couldn't agree more! I have no desire to get pregnant but a lot of my straight cis-women friends do and it's nice to hear all of this so I can show up for them if/when they go through something similar
@@keiron.4612 You can like kids and not want them. And lots of people don't enjoy lots of time with kids.
@@keiron.4612 I mean there's a huge difference between liking kids and deciding to care for another human being for at least two decades.
I don't think it's selfish to want to experience pregnancy, so don't be hard on yourself for that. We are programmed to want to conceive it's been an instinct for us for millennia so it is natural - just as natural as anyone else who may not have those feelings, might I add. I wish you all the luck on your journey x
Thank you for adding that second part because a lot of people have used exactly this "natural programming" against people like me who just never have felt this need or want. I know I never want children. I like them but I'm better as an aunt or something. I would rather regret not having kids when I'm older than regret having children. That would destroy someone's else's life not just mine. I don't think I will regret it though.
No way! This video was posted the day before she found out she was pregnant! That’s so cool!
I know it isn't badly meant, but the 'but adoption!' comments have always slightly bugged me. Sometimes there is the assumption that this is the easier/better option. But, certainly in the UK, it isn't easier for a whole host of reasons and as for the later assumption... urgh. Like, for some kids and some parents adoption can be better than the other options available, but that really isn't true for everyone. But, the idea that adoption is like some sort of magical plaster that fixes everything is just so pervasive.
It makes me feel really bad for the adoptee. It’s not as simple as “I can’t make bread at home so I’ll just go to the store and get one.” While adoption is so beautiful it’s born from brokenness and trauma. Someone seeking adoption needs to be very educated on trauma. Making a baby yourself and adopting are not substitutes for one another. I don’t think people mean to be cruel by making those comments. But it’s very uneducated and ends up being hurtful.
Plus it can take a lot of time and money, more so even than conception. You have to know how to work with their existing situation and potential trauma, and you also have to live with the knowledge that you are not and will never be a replacement for their birth parents (even if they’ve never met them).
I totally agree with this. I have friends who have adopted and now have teenagers who are so broken by the trauma of their past and the complications of wanting to see their birth families.
My grandson (8) has been in fostercare twice and he's now there long term.
My granddaughter is about to be adopted. All because their mother, my daughter, has learning disabilities.
Adoption can turn into the most difficult choice of all.
Absolutely. It’s annoying! People assume that there’s an endless amount of babies waiting to be adopted which there absolutely isn’t. Most of the time if you want to adopt you’ll be waiting a long time unless you adopt an older child. For first time parents with no experience with children that’s an extremely difficult thing to do. Also some people want to experience having a baby and that’s absolutely okay!
@@katiehansen2206 I completely agree. My parents were foster parents and it’s incredibly hard. There’s often a lot of trauma involved. You have to be a very special person to be able to adopt and having experience of having children helps massively.
Honestly, I love your and Dan's optimism and practicality. Not just about fertility issues, which I imagine could be pretty frustrating at times and still have not taken a toll on you, but just the general "life is good" attitude. Coming from a pretty pessimistic person, I greatly admire how you can see the best of everything so easily. I wouldn't mind any tips on how to be like that!
well Dan is really into his stoic philosophy and I think some of that has rubbed off on me...!
I am soooo happy that you’ve talked about feeling sad when hearing other people’s pregnancy/birth announcements. Me and my husband also want baby but currently (and for the last 3 years almost constantly) I am on steroids bc of my colitis so the doctors advised not to try for baby…..and I can get so upset about pregnancy announcements but I always hide it bc I feel like they wouldn’t understand…..
I relate to this deeply. You get sad about the announcements THEN feel guilty that you can't just be happy for other people. It's so hard. I wish healing for all the people who feel this way, no matter the reason
my parents tried for 12 years, about to start their third IVF cycle and then conceived me naturally after a friend's wedding! i credit my existence to bacardi breezers xx
TWELVE YEARS!?
9:38 well I´m from germany and i had my first gynaecologist appointment when I was 14, it was just a regular check up and i think this is amazing. A lot of my friends went to a gynaecologist when they had bad period pains or other severe side effects. It is great to meet up with your gynaecologist annually, because if somethings wrong with you, youll learn it earlier.
And I think it takes away the "shame" which is great! Because thats something no one should be ashamed of.
Most girls in Germany start going to the gynecologyst once they started their period for the first time with annual check ups (pap tests, ultrasound etc.). So actually not with 22 years but rather 14 years :)
Me at 19, only ever having seen my gynecologist for birth control and had zero check-ups: Interesting
That's amazing!!! I'm 20 and literally have never been!
In America we can go anytime at any age.
Same in Slovenia
And if you have any kind of bad health history in your family you have to go twice a year just to be sure.
I'm almost 29 and have gone to the gynecologist twice a year since I was 17. My mom had breast cancer when I was 16, my youngest aunt had it too and died this year from it so yeah I have to go twice.
Most people really only start going once they want to become sexually active and want to take birth control.
Pregnancy announcements can be really difficult when you haven't shared that your trying and if you aren't ready to share with lots of people at least share with one person. I shared that we were trying and had a miscarriage with my best friend and then I feel like I can moan to her for a few minutes about someone else pregnant and then that done and I can move on. I found it very difficult to share with loads of people but having at least one person I could message really helped.
Good luck to everyone trying! 🤞🏻❤
Hannah you really doing good! At the end of the day think of how much this child will be wanted and loved when they do decide to make an appearance. Enjoy yourself! There's no deadline. It's not always an easy process but totally worth it x
that last question reminded me so much of my own infertility journey and how I felt when other people got pregnant around me. It helped me so much being open about it. I remember I made a deal with my younger sister that if she became pregnant before me she should text me instead of telling me in person because I couldn't promise her that my face to face immediate respons would be complete happiness for her. And sure enough she got pregnant while we were on our third year of trying- and she texted me and I fell apart. But then I got my shit together before we met and I could congratulate her wholeheartedly in person. I love that she respected my wish and that she vas so sensitive to my situation- And I am so happy I could just be happy for her in person without having to fake it.
When you said you really want to experience pregnancy, I had the realisation that I thought everybody just sorta took up with it to be able to have kids, but no-one enjoyed it for its own sake. You disproved that and it makes me even more sure that I do not want pregnancy in my own life. Thank you :) I really enjoy hearing your thoughts on this topic and following your journey! I wish you all the best!
I've loved watching your journey.
It took me 4 years to get pregnant with my now 3 year old (including one miscarriage and 1 year of IUI, which is what resulted in the successful pregnancy). It can be an emotional rollercoaster with a lot of good and some hard times but having that strong relationship and support is the most important thing through it, imo.
Now we also have an almost 8 month old who we got pregnant kind of on accident. We were trying but not...as in I stopped birth control and we said "if it happens, cool, but we don't expect it to and that's okay too"...because I didn't want to go through fertility treatments again. It took about 10 months and then I was pregnant again!
Good luck on your journey and thanks for sharing it with your audience!!!
We were taught first week of med school that 10% of couples don’t get pregnant within a year. And for most of those people there isn’t anything “wrong”. It probably feels like forever but it might be calming to know that it’s more common than we might think ❤️
That's good to share!
Thank you for sharing I needed to hear that today. We have been struggling. We conceived but lost it and trying again feels like forever.
3:40 is such a helpful point. Thank you for that. It's shockingly comforting to hear it put as "once you've made the decision to be parents, this is part of the process". I know that my spouse and I will find a way to have kids eventually - so everything to get there is just part of the journey that will hopefully be the rest of our lives.
I was chatting to my dad about this series and he asked me to thank you. My parents tried for me for a year and he said he wished this kind of resource had existed then.
I'm very lucky in that we conceived our daughter very quickly. However, since then I have miscarried and I'm nervous to try again now. We're not going to start trying for a few more months but I am really nervous about it. This series is helping so thank you from me too.
Thank you so much for bringing light to all of this! Fertility, reproductive systems, trying to conceive and the problems that can happen during that journey can be so, so tough on people and it’s rarely talked about.
I love watching these videos because it's helping me feel not so alone in this. My husband and I have been trying for 14 months and and we started fertility treatment 4 months ago after we had a miscarriage in May. We do have a daughter that is a year and a half and and we lost 2 babies before her so we have had 3 miscarriages now.
Infertility is awful and I'm sorry you are going through this.
A little bit of hope though! One of my friends just announced yesterday that she is pregnant and she had the same surgery as you!
I absolutely love how informative this video this is. Also, Dan's clarity about how much time/energy he wants to devote to things he can control is quite admirable (I am secretly jealous). It is such an important life lesson. Sending a lot of love to you and Dan.
Even for 100% "healthy" people, it can take up to 2 years for a pregnancy to catch 🤷🏼♀️ there is also the option of fertility management which is a couple steps down from IVF and aims to regulate your ovulation/menstrual cycle so you can conceive. 😅 I remember this from like 5 years ago when I was studying midwifery and may not be remembering correctly
It took us 1,5 year to get wife first time pregnant and second child was born 1,5 year later. For some reason first pregnancy can take time.
Kinda shows just how hard it actually is to conceive. Whilst you should always use contraception if you're trying to avoid pregnancy, we also overstate the risks of getting pregnant in most school sex ed. Nuance is difficult!
I wish people would be careful saying like this. I’ve seen it many times in the comments of these videos, and it concerns me. Yes, absolutely we need nuance. But we also do need to highlight that you can get pregnant just having unprotected sex once, and particularly for young people figuring things out, that may be more likely! We can talk about the difficulties TTC and with infertility without undermining the importance of sex ed that is clear about the risks of unplanned pregnancy.
Nuance is difficult however* It's also important to note that young people are typically more fertile and also are less likely to know the ins and outs of their ovulation etc., so this all increases their likelihood of getting pregnant way more than someone like Hannah.
I don't know if this applys here since Hannah talked multiple times about her possibly decreased chance of getting pregnant due to multiple major abdominal surgery. Also I had zero sex ed in school. So for me more is always better :)
I watched this video a week ago and have returned to say thank you because it's completely changed my mindset.
My husband and I have been trying for almost a year now and the mental toll it has been taking on me has been almost unbearable. I'm aware that my natural instinct is to cling to negativity and have been working hard to undo this each month but i've found it challenging to see positives! That is until you said you've been trying to enjoy doing things you couldn't do with a baby. We've done that this week and my happiness has skyrocketed.
So simple a mindset switch but you kickstarted it in me so thank you!
I've watched so many friends struggle with infertility or just the legal/financial complications of having kids when they're not cishetero. As someone who has never, ever, ever wanted kids (I knew the "family line" would be stop with me when I was 5 years old) it's great to hear to perspective of someone who really does. Helps with my empathy.
Also, the thought process that myself and my partner have is that we are environmentally conscious so our children will be too. We would rather people who were aware of the climate crisis had children and raised them with an aim of reducing their carbon footprint etc, rather than those people who are worried about the environment choosing not having kids due to those fears whilst people who are not concerned at all continue to have children who are not taught or interested in helping with the climate crisis.
Thanks for the Q&A, super interesting. I still haven't worked out if it makes me more or less stressed about trying to conceive in the future, but at the very least it's interesting and thank you for sharing.
yess I feel that too! If you haven't read/seen the play Lungs - would recommend!! It's a conversation between two people all about deciding whether to have kids or not and they talk about ALL OF THIS STUFF
@@hannahwitton oooh that sounds great! I'm definitely going to look it up.
The easiest way to do that is being plant based or vegan. There is no sustainable or ethical way to eat animal products and animal ag is driving the destruction of our planet.
@@AL-cg4vb Being vegan is just the best. And the "transition" has been easier than I had anticipated
Yes! We need those kind, empathetic, climate conscious etc voters. If only people who don’t care about the planet have kids, then a lot of the next generation won’t care. Or at least, some will, but percentage wise it’ll be more than it would be.
I just want to thank you for being so open about your journey. My partner and I have also been trying to conceive for a year. I've felt quite isolated and alone in it because we've so far chosen to not be open about it with friends and family. I've been holding on to a wish of getting that "surprise we're having a baby!" moment that I've always pictured and haven't been able to let go of it. We're starting our infertility investigation next month and it feels good to finally be able to get some help and hopefully some answers. And maybe it's time for us to share this with our friends and family now. I've been struggling a lot with not enjoying or valuing this stage of my life and simply wishing it was over. Honestly, trying to conceive has been a really dark and trying time so this video gives me hope that it doesn't "have" to be this way. My greatest fear for my entire twenties (i'm 29) has been that I might not be able to get pregnant so it feels a bit like a very dark self fulfilling prophecy. Wishing you all the luck in your fertility journey ahead.
wishing you the best of luck too!!
We were the same and after 4 years spoke to our family, now 5 years of our fertility the last year has been so much more helpful and positive because our family are with us and supporting us
@@hannahtuck3052 I'm so happy to hear that you have such good support from your family now. You inspire me to tell mine, i probably will at some point this coming month. Wish you all the luck in your journey x
It took us 9 years to conceive with our daughter we give up trying because we wanted to enjoy Xmas and New year and we found out I pregnant on valentines day we are just coming up to her 8 birthday 🎉 iv been through colorectal cancer from January but I think these are ment to see the road is to tough can you hold on to each other ans get through together you haven't failed together this far so hold on good things will happen for you sending love from Wales 🏴 💕💕💕💕
Have you tried herbal medications it worked for me it can for you too
Throughout this video series I can just sense that you are getting ready for parenthood and gathering so much wisdom. It's as much about the journey as it is the destination, and that is just lovely.
I have no intentions of having kids, but this series has been really interesting for me all the same. I feel closer to a journey that many people around me experience. And I believe you are very brave for sharing this online, I admire it along with your honesty about the whole process. Sending good vibes for your process!
A males perspective (dad (in 40's) of 4). There is a lot of questions aimed at you about your fertility health, don't forget there are two people here. Your partners fertility health should also be called out if your discussing your own.
Like some of the other comments, it can take 2 years or so, so trying after 1 year and not catching, I wouldn't be worried.
Some of the questions you answered give the impression that trying to get pregnant is an all encompassing activitiy. Really love the fact your highlighting that you both are continuing to do normal couple things and live your life. That is the best way.
I find you incredibly brave to be willing to share so many details about this as you do. I have no desire at all to be pregnant but being a mother is def in the plans (hopefully future wifie will want to do the whole baby bump thing or we'll go through the adoption proces). Regardless, I find it deeply fascinating to watch these vids because unwanted childlessness is really a thing that affects a lot of women and it needs to be more normal to talk about
I’m TTC for four years now, we identified PCOS in Jan 2020 and just completed first IUI treatment last week. This video was so refreshing and VERY relatable
People are SO disrespectful and you are so generous and gracious answering some really rudely phrased questions. Excited for you Hannah.
Big thank you to Dan for shooting down the Malthusiam sentiment in those questions! Population decline is a huuuge potential issue.
I totally agree! They both had such calm and measured responses, when in reality it shouldn’t really be okay to comment on whichever route people take to become parents. They’re obviously a bright couple who’ve put a lot of thought into this.
Every new person is not only a mouth to feed but also a pair of hands to work and a brain to invent new solutions.
And on a selfish note, we need more young people to look after us when we get old and we are below replacement rate now in much of the world. So, people who want to have kids, please have three to make up for the people who can't have or don't want kids!
I love these questions and I think it leads to a very good point. If you are unsure about becoming a parent and raising a child, just don't. If you know 100% you are committed to the next 20 years of your life AT LEAST, belonging to someone else, go for it, if you want to party and be selfish and just do you, don't have children. You don't HAVE TO have children, no one should be forced to have a child.
Love these questions. I’m going on 3 years trying to get pregnant with fertility treatments. It’s absolutely heartbreaking, not to mention extremely expensive. I always knew I wanted a large family and never thought I’d be 36 and just praying to bring home 1 child. 😢
I understand, going on 39 & I always wanted a big family. I always wanted to be a young mom. It’s uncertain if I will get to be an old mom. Praying for you if you are still struggling.
@@dominiquelewis Sadly I am still struggling. Hoping to have an ivf try sometime this year. It really sucks I’m almost 38 now.
In Germany we also have a GP (Hausarzt, which translates to House Doctor) who then refers us to specialists in most cases. This has some exceptions though, for example gynecologists, pediatricians and dentists. If you have a condition that requires you to see certain specialists regularly, you really only need one referral from your Hausarzt and then the specialist becomes "your" specialist. So you might have a psychiatrist or dermatologist which is the only one you see, so they know all about your case and can monitor your effectively. Hope this clears things up a little for anyone who was wondering :)
I just wanted to add a point regarding the PCO/PCOS and not wanting to have kids, from my personal experience you have to be careful if you’re not cycling at all or extremely irregularly. So if you’re only having 2 periods a year, a doctor may want to put you on birth control etc, as you can develop cervical cancer (worst case scenario!!) if you don’t shed your lining regularly. I love this video! I hope you’re doing well 💛
Thank you so much for this video. I've been trying to conceive with my husband for 5 months and I already freak out... This is very helpful and supportive.
It took two years for my wife and I to conceive with our first child. She ended up getting her tubes blown out. - I think that was what happened. Shortly after we succeeded.
Good luck. Don’t let it get you down.
It took me two years seven months to fall pregnant with my daughter. You will get there. For me it was agonising as all I want is a child. My anxiety heightened and my relationship with my husband became strained. I send you all my love xx
I really appreciate you sharing your journey. We have been trying for a year and a half. I finally got an appointment with a fertility specialist last month. I had more extensive bloodwork done, HSG procedure, and husband had his analysis and no issues were found. We moved forward with a medicated cycle (letrezole), trigger shot, and 2 IUIs back to back. I'm in my two week wait period now. Even if this one doesn't work, it felt nice to finally get some medicated help and made me feel like we're moving in the right direction
5 years and docs have said it will never happen, stay strong, it feels like grief but it get easier with time x
It took me over a year to conceive and miscarry and conceive again after 3 months. I now have a son and 10 months ago had a daughter. 😀 good luck 👍
I just wanted to say that I think your and Dan’s attitudes around this whole process are spot on! I can’t imagine how difficult the TTC process is (I’m very lucky to have 2 little ones) but you seem to have a very realistic yet positive mindset around it all, not letting sex becoming a chore, not stressing about it too much etc. It’s also super refreshing to hear someone without children say they are enjoying all the things they can do without kids! There are many things I miss and in retrospect I wish I’d done way more of before I had kids (travel, date nights, nights out, various experiences) that I just can’t do now, and probably won’t do for several more years in the same spontaneous way I could before. I think some people in my life think I have this picture perfect family life all the time and whilst I do feel very lucky and happy, it can definitely be hard and sometimes I am almost green with envy when I see my childless friends having loads of grown up fun! :)
For any wlw people out there curious about the process, Rose and Rosie's podcast takes you through their entire journey!
I think your point about enjoying life for what it is right now is so unbelievably important and an incredible perspective to have. I am sick this week and my toddler's nursery is closed for Summer and there's nothing for me to do but patiently wait for death to come and fling the occasional toy and snack in my child's direction in a vague attempt to keep them amused. I'm not for a second saying that my child is anything but the most precious thing in my life but oh how I reminisce of illnesses gone by where I could be left to rot in my filth in peace and how I took that for granted at the time. And that is not something I ever thought to be grateful for before I become a parent; even during out lengthy fertility journey to get get here. Looking back, I wish I had spent more time enjoying my life for what it was then rather than wishing life would just fast forward because it really wasn't a bad life and now it's gone forever so I wish I had given it more appreciation for what it was at that point like you say now. A great insight to have.
There is nothing selfish about wanting to be pregnant. It is your body and your choice. This was such an educational watch. Don’t give up :) as someone who has been trying for less than a year, had a miscarriage and now pregnant with my second.. it will all work out !
Regarding the choice of having kids in todays world. A quote that I found really hitting home is ''Never feel sorry for raising dragon-slayers in a time when there are actual dragons.''
That’s beautiful, I love that!🥺
It's ok to worry about your future, but when one obsesses about "our future," they leave reality behind.
Love this! This is one of the reasons I feel ok wanting to have kids. I feel like we as people and with things that we care about could try to raise someone who can help others and the world.
sorry but I feel like that's a desperate attempt at romanticizing a genuine threat just to feel better about your decision. you actually SHOULD consider things really carefully when deciding whether or not it's right to raise a child and you should recognize that there are legitimate threats in the near future that might very well truly affect your children or grandchildren
@@krullewietje ... The world has never been better. All indications are that it will be better yet when your children are grown-up.
Sure we are flooded with political Propaganda and Divisive Hysteria, but that is all a lie. It is just noise generated by politicians, to get the people to think there are all these problems, and if you vote for them, they will cure them all.... A great example is Joe Biden saying, durning his campaign "I will fix Climate Change." Of course he can't, as if Climate Change were even a real problem in the first place. So people vote for him thinking he will fix the world.... NEWS FLASH.... These problems are not real, he has never fixed anything, and he never will.
So don't bury yourself in all the "sky is falling" false narrative. Things have never been better. The world today has less; war, hunger, danger, infant mortality, poverty, and crime, than ever before in the history of mankind.
This is the perfect time to have as many children as you can. You will find help at every juncture; day care, school programs, health care, tax credits, even financial assistance.
There has always been this dilemma, of having children or not, people worry about these major decisions. Studies have shown that people that have children are much more satisfied later in life, then those that didn't have children. Having children and a family is a lot of hard work, but in the end your only regret will be if you chose not to.
Hannah I find all of your hormone diaries content so refreshing. I feel like you’re a friend on the other side of the internet. I have all sorts of hormonal issues going on at the moment so to know I’m not alone feels so validating 💛
Hannah, I am one of your male subscribers simply because you are a real joy to watch. Oh, I have learned more than a few things by watching your videos. In the end your “fertility journey” as you put it is your and Dan’s decision. It seems to me you are far more mature and grounded about all of this than your young age would otherwise dictate. I am certainly rooting for you and hope your dreams of having a baby happen soon. You and Dan are such a delightful couple and I am sure you are goIng to be wonderful parents. By the way, as a former US Army Officer who knows a good guy when I see one, your Dan is someone I would love to sit down and have a pint with. Take care and warmest wishes, David
I loved your reaction to the „why don’t you just give up“ comment! I think people see conceiving as the huge goal and forget that those babies will be adults one day and it takes sooo much work to help those adults not to be massive a-holes.
I disagree, I think some people just find it so painful to keep trying to have a baby with no result. Them taking care of their emotional well-being does not mean they would have been terrible parents.
I know someone who has had 7 miscarriages and I would not say that her giving up on trying to have children means she would have been a bad mother.
Completely unrelated, but I L O V E the sunflower dress (presuming it’s a dress)!
"There are no ups" I can't with Dan bahaha
he just says it as it is
And "all i can do, is jizz in woman." I don't really want that on a shirt but i also kinda do a bit.
@@hannahwitton tell Dan too leave his boots on or shoes when ur having Sex that might work
Just started watching and can’t believe people have the cheek to ask such loaded questions! It’s so unfair to question a couples motivation for having children. It’s a natural part of life, you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons for wanting to experience having your own children. Also people are incredibly naive about adoption. It’s not an easy process to go through and people seem to think that there’s an endless stream of babies waiting to be adopted which isn’t true at all.
We always question people who don't want children, I think it's more interesting to ask people who do want them. Granted, some of these questions sounded a bit accusatory, but that could just be because there's no tone in written text
I think unfair is a bit of an unreasonable word. I personally think it’s an interesting question to ask people, and given Hannah’s openness on the topic, I’m sure the people asking felt the same!
I agree, I don’t think it’s something people should ask. Adoption is also a really tough process. Yes very worth it but not people who have been through the process even say the amount of paperwork and holes to jump through is still crazy. I am very open to adoption but would like to at least experience pregnancy once too.
If there's ever been a place to ask those kinds of questions, the hormone diaries is definitely it.
I think i know what you mean, but i disagree that you "shouldnt ask". I think many people would do well to try and be more respectful, but she did choose these questions. If she didnt want do, she didnt have to, im sure she could have found other questions. What i mean is, in general i think people should be able to ask pretty much anything but also refuse to answer things they dont want to. Im speaking of a respectful conversational environment. If someone is attacking you and your choices, fuck that
Always amazed at your positive attitude and how healthy and strong your relationship is with Dan. Wishing you both all the best! Xx
It's your choice and not anyone's business! You owe noone an explanation!!
You will be wonderful parents!
I so greatly appreciate you putting your journey out into the world! My husband and I have experienced two miscarriages over the past two years and it's been really tough. For us, that is where the "high" comes in, followed by a dramatic "low" in terms of our fertility journey. I am at a point where I will tell people openly about our struggles so that it is not so "taboo". When I had my first miscarriage, I thought I didn't know anyone who had experienced one... but turns out I know many, just no one talks about it. When you started this series, I was felt triggered by it as it was so close to my second miscarriage. Now, I've gone back to catch up because I am getting so much useful information from it. Lots of love and fertility magic your way, girl!
Girl, I've been there! I relate to most of what you're sharing, except that you seem to be handling it much better than I did! I've followed you for years and I really respect you. We need good people like you and Dan to raise healthy and happy future humans that will make the world a better place, so please don't listen to some of those comments that seem to judge your beautiful dream to be a mother. Thank you for doing this series and breaking down yet another taboo! You're helping a lot of people. And I know, one way or another, all your dreams will come true.
This series has, unfortunately, been very helpful as my best friend has been TTC for about as long as you have now and been faced with almost the exact same issues. I've been sharing your experience because she's been feeling so beaten down... It doesn't help that all our friends conceived in a blink (funny story, our friends conceived on the first try, she gave birth naturally on her due date, and baby has been sleeping through the night since the first night, how ironic. 😂). She thought she was the only one, so your videos have been helping. 🙂
I’ve just got my period again after cycle 5 and I’m rewatching this video. It is one of the most comforting and reassuring videos I’ve seen on this topic and I love the positivity you bring. So thank you for your honesty 💜
It's amazing that the UK requires you to stop trying to conceive before you can adopt! It's so important that adoptive kids are not saddled with the pain of infertility. A lot of people fail to consider the trauma that is inherent in adoption and this is just one small step that might help ensure that people are properly dealing with it.
Loved the video, I'm not trying to conceive at the moment but since I've always had irregular cycles I'm scared it will be hard to conceive in the future. One comment about birth control not affecting fertility is that the injection does affect the fertility for the first year after you stop taking it. The nurse warned me about this when I was getting informed about birth control and I think it's important to know. Hugs and I wish you all the best ❤️
I’d love another collab with Sierra Schultzie. Seeing has she struggled with PCOS and getting pregnant. I having watching/listening to these type of discussions
It honestly means so so much to me to hear someone in a very similar position to me talk about all this stuff. It's not talked about enough, I'm a bit behind you in this journey but it's so reassuring being able to listen to other people's stories to prepare for what I'll probably be facing in the future. You're doing so amazing, thank you so much for sharing this with us x
So I have PCOS, in terms of issues outside of fertility, about 80% of women with PCOS have issues with insulin resistance - this is something that needs to be monitored, I have doctor's appointments every 4-6 months to monitor this, also having periods less than 3 times a year can contribute to issues with your endometrial lining. My advice is to find a really good doctor that is thorough and understands your needs. I remember when I was first diagnosed I felt really anxious about it and having a fantastic doctor made it much easier for me to cope with 🙂
I’ve avoided a lot of TTC videos as we’re at 13 months of TTC here and finding it really tough but I’m glad I watched this one.
I’d love to adopt but that’s more difficult due to my disabilities - it’s almost like I need to prove I can parent a child before they would give me a child. We’re due to start blood tests and ultrasound to see if there’s anything obviously wrong and then go from there. I’ve been very open with friends and family about our journey and agree with you that the support has been helpful! Really hope you’re successful on your journey
that sucks about adoption/disability, wishing you best of luck on your journey!
I remember Jessica Kellgren-Fozard talking about that problem in one of her and Claudia's baby q+a videos.
you absolutely should have to prove you can parent before you are allowed to adopt.
It's a shame that isn't the case for biokids as well.
Thank you for taking us along on your journey to parenthood. 💕
Thank you for talking about this stuff. As someone who can’t have children but whose friends all managed ‘miracles’ after years of infertility, it’s good to hear someone else say that sometimes you just have to walk away from a conversation for a bit. As you say m I’m delighted for them, but that doesn’t erase the grief I feel. I do as you suggest and try to appreciate the things I do have in my life, but it is hard.
Heya! I'm 27 and have been trying for 4 years. PCOS. I just wanted to drop in here and send my love, but acknowledge I cannot watch these videos because of the sadness I feel about my own journey. All the best, and I thoroughly enjoy all your other vids! xx
huge thanks to you. even though my partner and I don't want kids this series and your openness has been helpful for our journey with depression and my partner's transition, because openly talking, not blaming someone for their varying sexual urges and not putting pressure on the future but just enjoying the now, even though it isn't what we necessarily want... is very freeing. so thanks!
As someone who wants to have kids in the future, it's been really interesting to see the processes of the families on TH-cam. Jessica and Claudia's conception and pregnancy journey, the Frey Life in their ongoing adoption process, Colleen Ballinger in her second pregnancy with twins, and Hannah and Dan trying for a baby right now. They are all so different and that reminds me that my future journey is probably not going to be exactly what I imagine it to be. I wish everyone on a journey to/through parenthood the best of luck :)
Same!!!! I looked at my Google ad settings recently (the bit that shows you what categories you are in for advertising purposes) and it thinks I am in my late twenties/early thirties, have biological children and am interested in adopting more, mostly due to me also watching all the youtubers you just mentioned! 👀 The only difference is that I am 21, single and not interested in having kids yet if at all.
Seriously, the TH-cam algorythm is fuelling my baby fever!
Keep faith we been trying for 2 years and finally found out today we are pregnant
Youuu read my question 😍😍 this was so the highlight of an otherwise crappy day.
What you said in your video today was really uplifting, about how trying to become parents is such a small part of the journey that really hit deep. Thank you so much for being so candid always and sharing your journey, it makes me feel less alone (especially with all the people I follow right now somehow being all pregnant or have newborns)
HANNAH!!! Oh my goodness. I feel the exact same way that you feel. My boyfriend and I really want to become parents in the future. Pregnancy is something that I’d love to experience too, and I carry the EXACT same “guilt” that you mentioned!!!!! I thought I was the only one. However, let me tell you that my aunt had both experiences. My aunt had a pregnancy with my cousin, and then she adopted two babies. When you see your kids grow up, you fall in love with them and she says that she truly loves them equally!!! My cousins are all so beautiful and special. Adoption is beautiful, but also pregnancy is beautiful. Wanting to experience pregnancy does not make you selfish. If anything, you can consider doing what my aunt did. Have a lovely day Hannah! Thanks for the video, I love it
I came across the book "It starts with the egg" from Rebecca Fett and it changed my life! I followed the advice in the book that were applicable to me and for the first time in my life I had a healthy cycles! I found it after having secondary infertility problems and I am pretty sure I would still be in that limbo without her book.
I only got diagnosed with PCOS this year, I have very few and irregular periods, I agree if it doesn't bring present distress no need to worry but in regards to fertility it is important to explore. I've been advised you have to experience atleast 3 periods per year to be healthy.
PCOS patient here! On the general health point, if your cycles are just a bit longer and irregular, it’s generally “ok”. My doctor said if you’re regularly going multiple months without bleeding, that could increase your risk of certain medical complications so still something to watch out for even if you aren’t trying to conceive!
I really admire you for sharing this and being open and honest. I wish I had done the same with our fertility journey as I felt so very alone. I also have PCO, it took us 3 years but we finally got there and are expecting, it's very early and I'm very nervous but I'm so ready and feel like whilst it took so long it's made our relationship so strong! I hope that's an ok thing to mention and it's meant in a positive way. Also in the UK and if you can, do seek private advice. My experience with the NHS is that after you reach a certain timeframe they push you to private anyway and just hash over the same general advice, it's very hard to obtain the right treatment from them. I wish you the very very best and hope you get your positive soon! Much love xx
Really loving and appreciating how open you are about your emotions and stuff during this whole tourney. It's gonna make a huge difference for a lot of women whilst also understanding they can get their own induvidual boundaries. Yas ❤️
About 9:03:
Very interesting! Here in Austria (and I think it's the same in Germany), you go to the gynecologist once a year. And that starts already as a teenager ;)
There you make a smear - for cancer - look if everything is okay, measure for instance the position of the uterus and make an ultrasound. I was so surprised when you brought up the cysts because you see something like that immediately on ultrasound. But if the situation with a GP in England is different, it is understandable...
Well I'm definitely envious of that system!
It’s the same in the Czech republic
@@OddlyElly Can I ask how do you get a smear test or contraception when you doesn’t have a gynecologist? You need a GP referral or?
@@luciedvorakova2167 I'm in Australia and our GPs do it as a general check up once every 5 years, but it used to be every 2 years. We only see gynaecologists if we're pregnant and even then only regularly if we're considered high rise - midwives look after most of pregnancy.
@@OddlyElly Thanks, interesting. On the one hand it’s convenient that for a regular check up you need to go to only one doctor, but on the other hand when you have problem like Hannah has, it’s much slower to get to a gynecologist and diagnosis.
Just want to make a note for any young period havers, it is SUPER “normal” to have irregular periods during your teens. What is not normal is if they are not slowly regulating in your 20s. A huge section of your cycles are annovulatory when you first get your period, meaning you have failed ovulations which in turn prolongs the cycle. It is annoying to have those irregular cycles but it’s just your body figuring stuff out!
Hey Hannah!
In Germany they actually, in many cases, do not do the Barbie Butt surgery when removing the rectum as often the sphincter muscles have to be removed and this could cause infertility but also stability problems within that area. When becoming older it could also cause incontinence as the stability around those muscle areas down there is missing. Instead they remove the whole mucosa in the rectum, so that there is no intestinal mucosa anymore and therefore no inflammation, this then heals from the inside and you will still have your after. So everything looks just as usual. Another option is also to take some fat tissue from the belly and move it down there (called Omentumplombe in Germany). As the tissue is still connected to blood supply it helps closing that wound. In each case the surgery is not really causing much problems regarding fertility, as the surgeons do not have to operate around many nerves etc. Last reason for not doing the Barbie Butt surgery, from what my surgeon told me, is actually the wound healing issues that affect 50%.. so for quite a few people the whole wound needs to be left open to heal which can take months including a lot of weeks in the hospital. Maybe you have same options in the UK and a less intense surgery is possible?
It's definitely good to set boundaries! I'm glad you're able to do it for your well being.
I needed to do the same in a smaller setting when my relatives and friends gave birth, after I had a very difficult birth myself. I could hear "they gave birth, it went well, everyone's okay", but no more, or the anxiety would be overwhelming.
Still shook about the gynecologist thing 😳 i started regular check ups at 17-18, it’s actually highly recommended to visit twice per year here.
Rose and Rosie's podcast goes into a bit more detail about their journey.
Two things
When people say about children affecting the planet, surely we will need climate savvy children in the future… so in a way if you care about the planet but also want children, you are able to teach them to care too and that is very important for the future generation. (I also find this hard as you can be made to feel guilty for something that is so natural to living things since the beginning of time)
I find it really tricky when I hear baby announcements, jealousy is something I have always struggled with since little and it’s even harder when it’s something like fertility.
Couple that with comments like, you’ll know when you have children, or just wait until you have children - hate them. I guess that’s where you being open is really helpful.
You go girl!!! It will happen 💚 And thank you foe being vulnerable and contributing to an open discussion about pregnancy. For some people it's so easy to get pregnant, for others it's not. Knowing that each joirney is different helpst us understand and have empathy with each other.
My parents tried for 4 years before getting pregnant with their oldest, I know that's a long time but they went on to have 4 kids so don't lose hope!
Hi Hannah, the best specialist to see after one year of trying is a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Usually, a lot of fertility specialists have that qualification on top of being an OB-GYN. Regular OB-GYNs don't have that much expertise on infertility (infertility is technically defined as not being able to conceive after 12 months of trying if you're under 35 and 6 months if you're over 35). Good luck with everything! I have some more resources and can share them with you if you're intersted.