00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Ramit was a master in this episode. Compassionate, stern, and in control. Everything he said was true, even if it came off to the guests as tough. I hope the guests take his advice to heart.
I agree. I really appreciate the compassion and kindness he shows to his guests. And despite being a (multi?) millionaire, he is not out of touch with the economic world that most people live in.
"We pay $500 per year to get the camper towed so we need to buy a $75k truck to save money. " This is the ultimate example of "truck math". Enjoy your break-even point in 150 years!
Hence the reason I bought a $300 van 8 years ago. It's rusty but it can haul same as a chevy truck. Paid for itself the first time I hauled scrap in it
My biggest takeaway is how bad relationships can set you back financially. Also, these folks blame a lot of their current situation on irresponsible ex-partners. I wonder if the story would be different if we got to hear the ex-partners version of the story.
I was thinking that too. I’m not saying their exes weren’t problems, but they’re both causing financial problems for each other here too and almost split because of it!
It's telling that they started blaming each other immediately upon living together - she wasn't surviving without her daughter's rent and he can't afford $1000 a month. The "when I was single" phrase was repeated a lot - but neither were making it
I feel for him, I hope he wasn't embarrassed. I think their situation is SO MUCH more relatable than some. I'm disappointed in some of the comments 🙄🙄🙄 people beg for these more "realistic" situations and then talk junk about how ppl got there. I'm praying for them - seems like they're really making good changes 🙏🏽👏🏽👍🏽
I came here to say this! People bash the wealthy couples as if they would have compassion on the less wealthy just because their numbers are smaller, but this couple is going to evoke just as much scrutiny. Viewers imagine they could relate better to an average couple. The psychology is often a bigger problem than the numbers. The psychological roadblocks will irritate viewers independent of a couple’s numbers!
I would not expect her to keep the boundary with her daughters' cell phone bills based on her previous history with her son. If she gets any pushback she will cave.
I appreciate how Remit's vibe changes according to the circumstances - when it's a wealthy couple who are "struggling" because they didn't think of hiring a cleaner earlier he laughs, looks more relaxed and talks about a rich life with a smile, but when the couple is in REAL financial trouble he's more serious - because the situation is not funny. Great advice in both scenarios always
I've used the line with my kids at times "I'm saving today so you don't have to take care of me when I'm old. Maybe that means I can't give as much or do as much for you now, but hopefully someday you don't have to wipe my butt." 🙂
This is so true. I think one of the greatest gifts parents can give their kids (mine are 15, 13 and 10) is to never be dependent on them. Side note - I think the same is true of government. Everyone wants to save the world when they're young. Don't focus on saving the world in your 20s - focus on getting yourself on a good financial footing first. Only the strong can help the weak.
Well start praying because if that's how you went about it, they are going to cash that check. Make sure you are healthy all the rest of your life and that your end is swift...you have made no deposits into your children's love bank from which to withdraw. They know what sacrifice looks like. There is a difference between finance wisdom and being cheap with your kids.
@1bluegreen2 shouldn't the love bank be filled with eh idk LOVE?! I can tell you from experience that my parents gave me everything they could within their means and did not plan for retirement, and now that is something I will financially have to assume to a certain extent. It's def a burden. Even though they're wonderful so I will happily do it. However, neither extreme is healthy or fair. I think there's a fine balance between providing for your children but never forgetting to prepare for your future.
I love when Ramit calls people out for blowing him and his team off. He's so patient and he gives people incredibly valuable advice. I'd love to get 1:1 coaching like that!
This episode actually made me cry in frustration. She reminds me so much of my mom who let life happen to her as long as I can remember, and never took control of anything. My dad left 25 years ago and she's still not recovered from it. She thinks she'll be able to survive on $1200 a month from a pension and social security... she has nothing saved for retirement. Dawn is so "helpless" and it's triggering to watch.
My sister is a bit like this. She's nearly 50. Not a dime saved for retirement. Lived at home for free into her 30's. Got financial support from parents while living alone. Bullied her way back into living for free in our grandparents' old house - still can't save anything; no healthcare, a lot of debt, can't afford basics. Everything is everyone else's fault, she has no control over anything. She's relying on being given the house she lives in, maybe some inheritance, and social security to live on some day. I love my sister despite her issues, and it is hard to watch. The older she gets the more the reality closes in and the more frantic and angry she gets. It's hard on everyone.
I was triggered as well. It was the because she brought her fiancé onto the podcast like he was the problem. That assumption and lack of awareness is unconscionable. It doesn’t look like she will change but there is always hope.
This is for Dawn. I hope that you are able to read these comments. I really enjoyed the broadcast and my heart goes out to you. I am a mom of seven. They are all grown now. But I was a stay at home mom in a homeschooling mom and we lived on one income so it was quite tight. And my children would see things that their friends would get and want them, but they would be well beyond our means. I know that these things are hard to discuss with a 12 year-old son, but we found a way that worked out really well for us. I would just tell them that I can’t get you everything that you want, but I definitely can get you some of those things so when there’s something you want, we will just put it on a list. And then when a birthday or holiday comes around, I will have that list to go off of. It settled the matter for the children, knowing that I listened and that I cared about what they wanted, and I really did put it on a list. And they were already aware that they would never get everything on the list, but they would get some of it. It helped because I validated their feelings and was very honest about the situation without making them feel bad about my money situation or anything. And hopefully it has helped them in their adult lives and with their children to be respective toward the feelings of the child, but honest about the family financial structure.I hope the simple trick will help. Blessings to you.
As the Mandalorian says, This Is the Way. I wish my parents did this instead of just getting me everything I wanted when it came to material things. I would have felt heard and validated instead of them paying for everything then basically wanting me to leave them alone.
Love this. It’s so true that sometimes the kids just want to be heard and validated. I’m always shocked by how my 7 year old daughter is often satisfied when I take a picture of items (stuffies, clothes, toys) she comes across when we’re out running errands to “save later for her wish list” This miraculously has saved a lot of unnecessary impulse purchases!
Well, you can still get into a relationship while you're into the process of working on yourself. The real disaster comes when you aren't working at all on yourself.
Agreed, i took about a year of the time going through the divorce and 2.5 years after the divorce finalized to work on myself and get out of debt. It is such an amazing feeling now 5 years next month after the divorce was finalized. I can't believe how much better I am financially now with one income, and I paid for my child's undergrad. All i got was child support that paid exactly 1/2 of the college expenses for three years. In NY State, child support ends at 21, so I had to pay the last year alone bcuz my ex-husband didn't have it!
I wouldn't combine finances with HER. She has a great deal on a house - but instead of using her 100k from a house fund on said house she spend 30k on... stuff, mostly (vacation, renovation...). She gets ~1k from him each month (200-250 a week) and is still struggling. She went through bancrupcy but still hasn't leant how to budget. 5 children plus 10 grandchildren (and counting!) on which she spends more money than she can afford. She will never have "enough" money.
@@ebelen1 Yeah, I was confused too. She has been single for a long time, so that's a "distant" ex, right? And he puts her rent towards paying off the house so she will have to pay less once she buys it - shouldn't the amount be a lot lower by now? Or has she moved there a long time after they separated and the amount is still high because that is a new thing? It's confusing.
I really appreciate them coming on, it was so helpful to see someone making about what I do and how they should prioritize cleaning up a financial mess.
Thanks to Dawn and Richard for coming out and talking openly about this; Huge! ( time, effort, guts - like talking in front of 1,000's of people, and opening their situation to the world) The non-judgmental Ramit handle this was inspiring for others to learn from; we learn from other peoples struggles, failures and successes. Comments less so.
Home Depot doesn’t charge per mile. Unlimited miles on all vehicles and it’s charged by time (e.g. 75 minutes for $19). I’ve rented a truck from HD instead of buying one at least 20 times. 🎉
The follow ups were so disappointing. The fixation on who’s “paying bills” is just so far off. House is burning and they’re debating whose turn to wash dishes.
Seriously! It seemed so clear from the conversation that he was in a much worse financial position than she, that he cannot be contributing as much as he had been to the rent/bills, and yet it seems like he is contributing even more in the follow-up? She dug a bit into how much her pension will pay out and it seems to have soothed her anxieties enough to not make any of the changes they discussed with Ramit. And no update from her partner. What a bummer.
Sorry but the last thing he needs is to marry this woman. She may be lovely but she’s supporting three kids, has a horde of grandchildren that she gives money to, two ex-husbands, is not great with money. He’s already had financial issues with his ex, etc. He doesn’t need to hitch is wagon to her. Will only lead to financial disaster.
They are both incredibly bad with money, either way. And 2 negatives don't make a positive in this case. She shouldn't get with him, since he can't even support the shared household costs, and is equally as bad with money.
Find out early. Watch everything like how they spend when they go out and make sure you make it a point to be like hey I'm frugal and I expect this from you too. Don't stick around waiting for people to change.
Yup, I m telling my kids better to be single than end up w financially stupid. It takes decades out of ur life. If ur going to bw a burden wo having medical issues, I would rather be single. Seems.lile she is mothering him n desperate to keep him. Ubhave ur kids, focus on ur kids.
Girl tell your kids no lmao I don't tell my kids "I don't have the money" I tell them "No, you're not getting that" and if they throw a fit they get in trouble and get less lol EDIT: You are NOT helping your kids, that's not helping them
I agree. She's pretty much laying the blame on not having money rather than just saying no I'm not buying you that and setting boundaries that you don't just get everything you want.
I agree. Telling them you don’t have money just reinforces that you were irresponsible, which is not something you should be or your kid to think you are. Also puts the blame on them and is going to forever mess up their relationship with money and yourself. Ramit should have couched her on that
Constantly saying "we don't have the money" and tying everything to financial stress isn't healthy either. The message you're sending is that when you do have money it's OK to overconsume. You can just say, "no, you don't need that" or set a budget, like you have $250 a season to spend on clothes. So if this $100 sweatshirt is super important, I'll buy it, but you have $150 left. Also, lack of gratitude and manners will get you $0 a season. Disgusting how her son behaves, but I blame the parenting for that.
@KM-ez7pk totally agree that she's reinforced that behavior with him which is why he does it. I used to get something expensive every now and then but the trade off was i had to do well in school. That's was my "job".
This show is such a breath of fresh air. I’ve been watching you every week since the Netflix series but I recently tried to branch out to Caleb Hammer. Mistake. What you said about not making your guests a spectacle and yelling at them is so important. Some others don’t seem to get that message. I appreciate your thoughtful, intentional approach because I learn a lot from watching these conversations. It’s helped me think more about my personal finances, start investing and start having regular conversations with my boyfriend about our finances and share vision.
I completely agree! I appreciate that Ramit treats his guests with dignity and understanding. I used to watch Caleb Hammer, but had to stop because of how he degrades his guests during the episodes and in the thumbnails and titles!
I discovered Caleb Hammer first and appreciate his advice but after some time, when he became more famous, I got turned off with the yelling. That's when I found Ramit's channel. There are takeaways on both styles, and Caleb does give practical calculations esp on how to pay off debt. I would say it's good to listen to different styles to get the best fit. Ramit's empathy and patience is definitely a plus.
Suggestion: give son a small chunk of cash, say $50. Then a small allowance of $10 a month. When he asks for non necessary items, tell him that the allowance is for him to use if he wants something. He’ll have to learn to save and prioritize.
it will not work, because kid models parent's behaviour. if they continue to live beyond their means, what do you think he will learn ? you have to discipline yourself first
This works well for my 8 year old. We started a savings account for him and when he earns money we add to it. If he wants something, we pull from it. Now he thinks twice about blowing it bc he has saved about $300 over time. It hits different when it’s their own money.
You can be together without getting married. That may be the best option for Rich and Dawn - they both have extremely complex financial pictures that may not be compatible. If you get along emotionally, but your finances just don't mesh - just don't get married.
@@oroville12345 I never got the impression she was trying to control him. I think she's legitimately concerned about the 'tire fire' of a financial situation he's currently in. I wouldn't advise these two to live together. She has to accept that getting his finances in order may never happen for him. He blames his former girlfriend but I wondered throughout the podcast how much of this problem was the former girlfriend and how much of this money problem was really was him. Dawn is setting herself up for yet a third divorce if she marries him
There is nothing wrong with that. My father married my mother who had 5 girls already. I was the youngest one at 12 years old. All of us started working at an early age. My mother worked one and sometimes two jobs at times. We all learned to support ourselves financially at a young age. I’m 47 now and have been debt free, including my house for 3 years and plan on retiring at the age of 50. This month I’m giving a class on personal finance to the younger generation in my family. My father gained 5 daughters who care about him and not his Chrysler pension.
This is why lately, I like this show the best. Not that I dislike the Ramsey show or Financial Audit because there is a time and place for both of those shows. But Ramit’s show takes the time to dive DEEP into people’s finances, history, family background but also with compassion and sternness. And he chooses guests that want to change, not just that will entertain.
Wow! Her children are half the problem. She doesn't understand she is raising them to have all the wrong values. She acts like her kids turned out this way as if it has nothing to do with her parenting. It's too late to parent them well now but at least she can learn boundaries with adult children. A fiance with 5 kids and a fiance in his 40s with no money. Poor choices all around.
So so so true. Her daughters are in their young 20s. Both have kids, divorced or out of wedlock already, and already remarrying to men with more kids. Total insanity. Reeks of serious impulse control issues and desperation on all sides. How is any of this ok? The entire extended family needs intervention- they seem like nice enough people, just with little discipline or accountability. I hope the entire family can regroup to a healthier long term choices dynamic.
@@tiamel5930 really? This current arrangement is worse than the alternative he has: - he could be living rent-free at his family duplex, forever (his words) - wouldn't be in charge of supporting a bratty 12yo who's not even his - would have time and money to work on his business - wouldn't have to pay rent and fix a house in which he had 0 equity Obviously he cares about her and is gaining something out of their arrangement to be willing to give up certain comforts for the relationship, but he is far, FAR from a freeloader. If anything, she's closer to one, she's gaining a lot materially that she couldn't afford it he wasn't there (paying contractors to fix the house, making the house payments, etc)
@@tiamel5930He's an avoider. He looks like he'd prefer to stay very far away from the money problem. At the same time, he is scared to death so he is also a worrier.
Sell the camper (you can rent one if you want to go camping) Pay CC dept Invest the rest in ETFs like VOO, mutual funds, or a target date (later year if want it to be more aggressive) Set up automation investments every paycheck. Don't see the money, don't spend it. Contribute a proportion of income to household bills (electric, rent, water, property tax if you pay it) Budget food, meal plan etc. Have an honest conversation with the son, showing him bills, income, etc., teaching him that money dont grow on trees, getting him involved. Showing him the value of investing, savings spending. As simple as tasking him with doing groceries every so often and paying with CASH, so he sees money going away.
I appreciate Ramith ability to stay positive and non judgmental despite knowing he probably disagrees with most of how this couple is choosing to precede with their financial decisions.
The only thing I disagree with Ramit on is that Richard cannot afford to pay $1000 towards household bills- if an adult employed person who isn’t ill or temporarily disabled cannot afford to spend $1000 on his household expenses (housing, utilities, groceries, household products) then he needs to move into his family building and get himself together. (Not from a place of shame but resetting his life) If she financially supports him 100% she will resent him, and they are not married yet. His contribution being lower because of his income etc is fair and equitable but he should contribute something (money) to where he sleeps and eats. I would say the same thing if the genders were reversed. If they were married or he was ill that would be a different situation.
in this day and age $1000 a month isn’t much money. Assuming there is food in the fridge, toilet paper in the bathroom, internet, electric and running water it IS being spent on his portion of household bills.
Don't see the disagreement. You've just said the same thing he did from a different pov. Only difference is that he is realistic enough to know he cannot tell them what to do even if we can all see they have no business being engaged. Did you miss the part where he urged him to set a timeline on his business otherwise just get a minimum wage. You cannot unpick people's lives in a few hours. Especially these two. There's way too much to dig up. For example; if you take him at his word that his ex just took money from their joint accounts and left him in debt then why didn't he file criminal charges? Not a lawyer but that's at best an unfair split of assets if not outright theft. Then he disengaged and did not send an update to the show. 🤷🏻♂️ Ramit navigated this minefield of a relationship with great aplomb
There's no "we" here at all. It's all my money, his money, he pays for this, I pay for that, I'm not paying for him to retire with my money, etc. And she's talking like it's going to be that way AFTER they get married.
“What are you doing in 20 years? I’m not paying for you.” These people should not get married until they understand the sheer absurdity of this question. They’ve normalized financial instability.
The greatest gift my parents gave me was to become financially stable themselves. Of course I was furious as a teenager when they wouldn't buy me everything I wanted. As an adult, I'm so glad they set boundaries and said no to me. Now they are multimillionaires in their late 60s. I see them enjoying life, taking multiple trips per year, flying business class, dining at nice restaurants. They go on cruises and spend money on enhancing their experience. I don't have to worry about their daily life. As a child, that's the greatest gift I can receive from them and it allows me to grow my own finances freely.
Thank you Ramit for this episode. This definitely hit home for me as I am a single mom and have two grown kids. I am also the second oldest out of seven siblings so alot is on my shoulders. I usually put myself last. This is a good reminder to have healthy boundaries and to put myself first.
She’s not going to attract better men because her finances and dynamic with her children is a mess. This will be her 3rd marriage if they actually follow through. There’s a common denominator here. It’s not about the men.
Yes, I wish Ramit would emphasize this more with parents who have not saved. They WILL be a source of stress for their grown children, as the kids are trying to take care of THEIR families and retirement
Yes, because the way she has raised her kids, they will be living in poverty and will be completely unable to assist her in her 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. They won’t even be able to support themselves.
Don’t buy a house with a person you’re not married to. When things go bad it’s a problem. Until you’re married, you’re nothing but roommates. Do not share bank accounts.
41:37 - 42:12 "[W]e can simultaneously call for systemic reform while encouraging personal responsibility." Sentiments like this are what continue to affirm my belief that Ramit is one of the best resources in the online personal finance sphere. Not to mention his patience and professionalism when conducting these interviews/interventions.
I've been financially independent since age 18. I'm now 50 and heading toward early retirement with healthy investments. I can tell you, my parents not giving me everything I and my siblings wanted is the BEST gift they ever gave us!
Not surprised about the follow-up to be honest. Richard looked spaced out. When asked questions about creating a vision, he talked a good game, hope he can execute on it.
I'm wondering of he wasn't day dreaming about living in that family duplex for free, and at most, just being her boyfriend. There would be nothing wrong with that, the last thing he needs is to marry into this family.
The biggest thing these two seem to have in common is their inability to take responsibility for their own situations. You don't just magically get garnished one day - they have to go to court to do that, so you get a lot of contact before hand. And there's zero excuse for not being involved in your own finances. And that she's only just now looking to see what her pension pays is sort of revealing about her own understanding of finances. They blame their exes, yet in ever relationship they have the same problems. "Where ever you go; there you are." They seem like nice enough people, but they could do with a dose of accountability and self awareness.
They do seem to default to blaming exes & life when it’s a behavioral issue on their end. The behavioral changes are the hardest to make but necessary. Honestly, I know she loves that house, but their best chance of avoiding poverty is moving into his free duplex together to cut bills & save. That would force her to cut the kids off & stop all those renovation costs
In Dawn's followup she didn’t even mention how she would stop giving money to her children. Only changing the cellphone plan isn’t enough. I hope Richard realizes that it is best for him to live in his family duplex for free and stop paying for Dawn's expenses.
Great that you chose a couple who aren’t high earners and have true financial issues! Ramit listens! However, this couple is a mess. Marriage/house buying need not be a concern. They both need to heal from their past relationship drama (ahem, therapy) and really get to the root of things. Finances should be kept separate because each needs to learn how to handle their finances independently. She needs to let her grown daughters be adults and he needs to man up and get some real income. Live apart and date but honestly, they can’t even afford to do that. I don’t think they are going to change and his lack of response to follow up further shows that.
Great episode! A relatable couple with interesting decisions to make. Thanks to both of them for coming on the show and being brave enough to put themselves out there.
@@mithicash1444 Neither is "the problem", but neither has any agency and both have significant changes to make if they want to avoid working forever and/or dying poor.
@@mithicash1444 this comment has nothing to do with who was a bigger problem. It is rude to not give an update considering how much work the team puts into helping them
I hope she can follow through and put her foot down for those children. If she doesn't then the world will do it for her, and that is never a good thing. She is not doing them any favors.
I don't even know where to start. Whatever has happened in Richard's life, it has aged him 20 years. I can't believe he's 43. He just looks defeated. Dawn and her son. Shaking my head. I can see the kind of boy turning to a man she's unleashing on the world and its scary. Taking a loan on your 401k to buy a camper!!!??? A CAMPER!!!!??? I don't know why people can't see that giving your kids $50 a month so they can spend hundreds or thousands a month caring for you in old age, is a good trade off. Hopefully the numbers at the end were a wakeup call.
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Hey ramit, phone salesman here. Whenever guests run into this issue of "I pay my kids phone bill because it's cheaper to do that" let them know that if all the kids got off and created their own family plan without the parents on the plan they'd likely be paying the same. Obviously run the numbers and remember in phone sales that the numbers you come up with are not always the number that will be reflected on your bill but you can get down to a relatively reasonable range of what you would pay and then always shoot $20 higher than that just to be safe. That's my two cents on the phone stuff though
For the same reason we do these interviews at all. To learn from mistakes. It's so so rare for anyone to talk about what an enormous effect children can have on finances. We act like it's just an entitlement.
Follow up video: Him: crickets Her: I checked and I'm pretty much fine 🙄 Insufferable couple. Ramit did an excellent job at trying to lead the horse to water
It's amazing how you grow with parents that gives you everything and you pass this to the next generation. She was crying for not be able to help her adult kids. 😮😮 My daugther is so independent...she even support me on vacations and give me a lot of gifts. 😊😊
When she approaches the idea of not buying things for her kids, she frames it as, “I tell them I don’t have any money for that.” I wonder if changing that mindset would impact other areas of her financial life. How about, when her 12-year-old says he wants the $125 jacket, she simply says, “No. That’s not a priority. You can save up to buy it for yourself.”
She keeps talking about vacation and shit. Their finances are screwy. She has a "rent to own" house from her destitute ex husband. That ex could just sell that house out from under them. Rent to own is NONSENSE.
Ngl, as I was watching this my main thought was how I’d run far away from this relationship if I was either of them. They seem like nice enough people who make bad decisions and lack accountability (so much blame on previous relationships). Between them there’s garnishments, loans, divorces and a bunch of kids with no investments/savings at 40+ years old. I’m not surprised he didn’t send a follow up - he seemed uncomfortable and defeated (he was even embarrassed to tell her his salary). I hope she gets over the mom guilt. Removing the daughters from the phone plan might not make a big difference financially but hopefully it establishes boundaries and breaks a cycle.
Yes, it might be best for both of them to just date and live a part, be companions. If things change in the next 3 or so years (or when her son graduates HS) they can re-evaluate.
She shouldn't be living in a house she can't afford on her own, first red flag... His wages are being garnished, foreclosed house, repossessed car... Second red flag... Both of these things are entirely their own faults, not the exes... You choose those exes and you chose not to manage your money at all.
Shoutout to the cameraman/producer for introducing the fourth camera for RICHard! I noticed his image was blurry and thought, 'This needs fixing,' and they nailed it in real-time. Top-notch work!
Interesting that she didn't mention her financial dynamics with her kids at all in the update -- I'm sure nothing has changed with that and she's still paying the phone bills for her daughters and buying everything her son texts her pictures of
Maybe I missed it but is her house deal with her ex-husband in writing? If not, I would worry that he won’t honor it. She should just buy it from her ex husband and owe the bank with a mortgage. It could be a major risk that her ex could sell the house to someone else.
@@saeedhossain6099 she is a walking set of red flags. Selfish and irresponsible. and twice divorced, and apparently her last husband was smart enough to have a prenup!!!
That’s the problem with moving a guy in when you’re not on top of your personal finances. They NEED this relationship to work - they’re financially indigent without each other. This is a really complicated position to live in
Be fair. If the positions were reversed, would you say the same thing? If it were Richard concerned that Dawn might be a financial drain? This is common sense, not a woman trying to squeeze a broken man. It would be equally logical to say that Richard has found himself a cash cow that he intends to milk dry. Both claims are mean-spirited and based on the claimant's prejudices.
@@SuzanneU except that Richard is making far less and a sinking his money into her entire family. It doesn’t sound like he’s got any ownership steak or claim in the house and she doesn’t sound to be willing to share her retirement or pension with him so it’s all about her and her family.
Behavioral changes are difficult and take time.Ramit has said repeatedly that many couples need therapy and open communication ❤️ as always, I am grateful for all the stories that show different ways people see finances. This couple and many others is incredible brave to expose their problems and to seek solutions. I wish them nothing but success. It is possible even when you don't fully believe it
I totally get her wanting to help her kids, and I think most parents have the desire to do that well into their kids' adulthood. But at this point they are adults who have made their own decisions to have multiple (i.e., 4+) kids of their own at young ages. At some point you have to let them feel the gravity of that decision financially.
This guy is a mess as far as finances, he doesn’t coke off as responsible at all, a red flag in my opinion. I was married for 30 years to someone who wasn’t responsible with money! Not fun!
I mean she isn’t much better herself. Just because she makes more on paper, she’s worse with what she makes. Granted he needs to go find work that he can make a decent living. She is expecting WAY too much from him.
I thank this couple are coming on. I don’t have a lot of hope for them. Especially with her follow up in the lack of his. From her follow up I feel she’s clearly not gonna change her plan because she feels her pension is so great. Did a quit Google and I think the max she could get for 70 a year. Still not enough, Girl. My big Takeaway is neither of them take responsibility for their own lives or financial situations and probably never will. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. I don’t think lower income + high debt are the best for Ramits philosophy. Sure can you learn from everybody’s a little bit but this couple would probably be better off on Caleb show and getting some sense knocked into them. Also, she clearly didn’t read the book. I don’t know why she lied about that.
Excellent episode. 100% right call for you to encourage Dawn to make a giant step forward for herself on the cellphone bill. Yes, the savings isn't game changing but that's not the point. She needs to prioritize herself and I believe she needed to do it during that conversation or it's doubtful it would have ever happened.
I’m only 15 minutes into this video and twice already she has answered for him by blaming his former wife/girlfriend for his financial setbacks while he just nods in agreement… not a good sign, IMO. She wasn’t present in his previous relationship but talks like she knows his ex was at fault.
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Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Very good episode. Complex, nuanced, and Ramit did well!
terrific episode, thank you for having more couples in realistic situations. Designing a plan out of their situation was most enlightening
Ramit was a master in this episode. Compassionate, stern, and in control. Everything he said was true, even if it came off to the guests as tough. I hope the guests take his advice to heart.
He's far better than many licensed therapists out there.
I agree. I really appreciate the compassion and kindness he shows to his guests. And despite being a (multi?) millionaire, he is not out of touch with the economic world that most people live in.
"We pay $500 per year to get the camper towed so we need to buy a $75k truck to save money. " This is the ultimate example of "truck math". Enjoy your break-even point in 150 years!
Truck math 😂
Truck math is truly an epidemic lol
Their math is not mathing 😁
Hence the reason I bought a $300 van 8 years ago. It's rusty but it can haul same as a chevy truck. Paid for itself the first time I hauled scrap in it
And that is a break even point without taking opportunity costs into account, and the truck somehow surviving for the next 150 years.
My biggest takeaway is how bad relationships can set you back financially. Also, these folks blame a lot of their current situation on irresponsible ex-partners. I wonder if the story would be different if we got to hear the ex-partners version of the story.
I thought the same thing. If it was about ex partners, they’d be both financially stable now, but they’re not
It’s easy to get stuck in a story you create about yourself.
@@tracyaf6084what you say is so, so true!
I was thinking that too. I’m not saying their exes weren’t problems, but they’re both causing financial problems for each other here too and almost split because of it!
It's telling that they started blaming each other immediately upon living together - she wasn't surviving without her daughter's rent and he can't afford $1000 a month. The "when I was single" phrase was repeated a lot - but neither were making it
I feel for him, I hope he wasn't embarrassed. I think their situation is SO MUCH more relatable than some. I'm disappointed in some of the comments 🙄🙄🙄 people beg for these more "realistic" situations and then talk junk about how ppl got there. I'm praying for them - seems like they're really making good changes 🙏🏽👏🏽👍🏽
I came here to say this! People bash the wealthy couples as if they would have compassion on the less wealthy just because their numbers are smaller, but this couple is going to evoke just as much scrutiny. Viewers imagine they could relate better to an average couple. The psychology is often a bigger problem than the numbers. The psychological roadblocks will irritate viewers independent of a couple’s numbers!
Respectfully, how do you know they’re making good changes? He didn’t even respond with a follow-up.
I would not expect her to keep the boundary with her daughters' cell phone bills based on her previous history with her son. If she gets any pushback she will cave.
Agreed. "Relatable" means not always getting it right. I certainly haven't been perfect.
I appreciate how Remit's vibe changes according to the circumstances - when it's a wealthy couple who are "struggling" because they didn't think of hiring a cleaner earlier he laughs, looks more relaxed and talks about a rich life with a smile, but when the couple is in REAL financial trouble he's more serious - because the situation is not funny. Great advice in both scenarios always
I've used the line with my kids at times "I'm saving today so you don't have to take care of me when I'm old. Maybe that means I can't give as much or do as much for you now, but hopefully someday you don't have to wipe my butt." 🙂
Exactly!
I love this 😂😂😂.
This is so true. I think one of the greatest gifts parents can give their kids (mine are 15, 13 and 10) is to never be dependent on them. Side note - I think the same is true of government. Everyone wants to save the world when they're young. Don't focus on saving the world in your 20s - focus on getting yourself on a good financial footing first. Only the strong can help the weak.
Well start praying because if that's how you went about it, they are going to cash that check. Make sure you are healthy all the rest of your life and that your end is swift...you have made no deposits into your children's love bank from which to withdraw. They know what sacrifice looks like. There is a difference between finance wisdom and being cheap with your kids.
@1bluegreen2 shouldn't the love bank be filled with eh idk LOVE?!
I can tell you from experience that my parents gave me everything they could within their means and did not plan for retirement, and now that is something I will financially have to assume to a certain extent. It's def a burden. Even though they're wonderful so I will happily do it. However, neither extreme is healthy or fair. I think there's a fine balance between providing for your children but never forgetting to prepare for your future.
I love when Ramit calls people out for blowing him and his team off. He's so patient and he gives people incredibly valuable advice. I'd love to get 1:1 coaching like that!
This episode actually made me cry in frustration. She reminds me so much of my mom who let life happen to her as long as I can remember, and never took control of anything. My dad left 25 years ago and she's still not recovered from it. She thinks she'll be able to survive on $1200 a month from a pension and social security... she has nothing saved for retirement. Dawn is so "helpless" and it's triggering to watch.
My sister is a bit like this. She's nearly 50. Not a dime saved for retirement. Lived at home for free into her 30's. Got financial support from parents while living alone. Bullied her way back into living for free in our grandparents' old house - still can't save anything; no healthcare, a lot of debt, can't afford basics. Everything is everyone else's fault, she has no control over anything. She's relying on being given the house she lives in, maybe some inheritance, and social security to live on some day. I love my sister despite her issues, and it is hard to watch. The older she gets the more the reality closes in and the more frantic and angry she gets. It's hard on everyone.
@@user-uq2ti7tj6k Ugh, my relative also. The house in question, however, was under a trust.
❤
oh yeah, the inner wounded child is going "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING????"
I was triggered as well. It was the because she brought her fiancé onto the podcast like he was the problem. That assumption and lack of awareness is unconscionable. It doesn’t look like she will change but there is always hope.
This is for Dawn. I hope that you are able to read these comments. I really enjoyed the broadcast and my heart goes out to you. I am a mom of seven. They are all grown now. But I was a stay at home mom in a homeschooling mom and we lived on one income so it was quite tight. And my children would see things that their friends would get and want them, but they would be well beyond our means. I know that these things are hard to discuss with a 12 year-old son, but we found a way that worked out really well for us. I would just tell them that I can’t get you everything that you want, but I definitely can get you some of those things so when there’s something you want, we will just put it on a list. And then when a birthday or holiday comes around, I will have that list to go off of. It settled the matter for the children, knowing that I listened and that I cared about what they wanted, and I really did put it on a list. And they were already aware that they would never get everything on the list, but they would get some of it. It helped because I validated their feelings and was very honest about the situation without making them feel bad about my money situation or anything. And hopefully it has helped them in their adult lives and with their children to be respective toward the feelings of the child, but honest about the family financial structure.I hope the simple trick will help. Blessings to you.
As the Mandalorian says, This Is the Way.
I wish my parents did this instead of just getting me everything I wanted when it came to material things. I would have felt heard and validated instead of them paying for everything then basically wanting me to leave them alone.
Love this. It’s so true that sometimes the kids just want to be heard and validated. I’m always shocked by how my 7 year old daughter is often satisfied when I take a picture of items (stuffies, clothes, toys) she comes across when we’re out running errands to “save later for her wish list”
This miraculously has saved a lot of unnecessary impulse purchases!
Thank you for this amazing comment 💟.
@@jenlollygag6815you are welcome 🤗 ❤
I read this comment to Dawn, she said to tell you thank you, and wishes you well..
Lesson from this episode: work on yourself before starting a relationship.
Don’t get in a relationship with a financial careless person.
Well, you can still get into a relationship while you're into the process of working on yourself.
The real disaster comes when you aren't working at all on yourself.
I did this and now I don’t WANT a relationship. 😂
Real
Agreed, i took about a year of the time going through the divorce and 2.5 years after the divorce finalized to work on myself and get out of debt. It is such an amazing feeling now 5 years next month after the divorce was finalized. I can't believe how much better I am financially now with one income, and I paid for my child's undergrad. All i got was child support that paid exactly 1/2 of the college expenses for three years. In NY State, child support ends at 21, so I had to pay the last year alone bcuz my ex-husband didn't have it!
I wouldn't combine finances with HER.
She has a great deal on a house - but instead of using her 100k from a house fund on said house she spend 30k on... stuff, mostly (vacation, renovation...).
She gets ~1k from him each month (200-250 a week) and is still struggling.
She went through bancrupcy but still hasn't leant how to budget.
5 children plus 10 grandchildren (and counting!) on which she spends more money than she can afford.
She will never have "enough" money.
most people would kill for that kind of livign arrangment, but they are sqaundering it away
1000% agreed! Couldn’t have said it better.
I don't get the house thing. If I'm her ex and need money, why not sell it for market value? For the kids? Maybe but it doesn't make sense to me.
@@ebelen1 Yeah, I was confused too. She has been single for a long time, so that's a "distant" ex, right? And he puts her rent towards paying off the house so she will have to pay less once she buys it - shouldn't the amount be a lot lower by now? Or has she moved there a long time after they separated and the amount is still high because that is a new thing? It's confusing.
Probably the arrangement in the divorce decree. So the ex can't change it!
I really appreciate them coming on, it was so helpful to see someone making about what I do and how they should prioritize cleaning up a financial mess.
Thanks to Dawn and Richard for coming out and talking openly about this; Huge! ( time, effort, guts - like talking in front of 1,000's of people, and opening their situation to the world)
The non-judgmental Ramit handle this was inspiring for others to learn from; we learn from other peoples struggles, failures and successes. Comments less so.
What a great episode. I think this is very indicative of a lot of families in the United States.
You can rent a truck from Home Depot for $29.99, you don't need to pay $50k + for weekend trips.
U-Haul is even less when you account for miles (Home Depot charges per mile, U-Haul didn’t last time we rented with them)
Home Depot doesn’t charge per mile. Unlimited miles on all vehicles and it’s charged by time (e.g. 75 minutes for $19). I’ve rented a truck from HD instead of buying one at least 20 times. 🎉
yeah but he has a Jeep SUV of some kind - see if that can tow and if not sell the camper and go SUV-camping instead.
@@bethworthleyuhaul absolutely charges per mile
@@honeybison it must vary by location then because we weren’t charged per mile
The follow ups were so disappointing. The fixation on who’s “paying bills” is just so far off. House is burning and they’re debating whose turn to wash dishes.
Seriously! It seemed so clear from the conversation that he was in a much worse financial position than she, that he cannot be contributing as much as he had been to the rent/bills, and yet it seems like he is contributing even more in the follow-up? She dug a bit into how much her pension will pay out and it seems to have soothed her anxieties enough to not make any of the changes they discussed with Ramit. And no update from her partner. What a bummer.
Sorry but the last thing he needs is to marry this woman. She may be lovely but she’s supporting three kids, has a horde of grandchildren that she gives money to, two ex-husbands, is not great with money. He’s already had financial issues with his ex, etc. He doesn’t need to hitch is wagon to her. Will only lead to financial disaster.
They are both incredibly bad with money, either way. And 2 negatives don't make a positive in this case. She shouldn't get with him, since he can't even support the shared household costs, and is equally as bad with money.
they are just repeating old patterns and stuck in a rut
And he does not have a truck to tow all the grand kids and their baby daddies
@@dnah02🤣
@@rebeltheharem7028 exactly. She does not need to marry HIM. He is another dead weight she would add on top of her children and grand children.
This is what im scared of.
Partnering up with someone who is careless with money.
Find out early. Watch everything like how they spend when they go out and make sure you make it a point to be like hey I'm frugal and I expect this from you too. Don't stick around waiting for people to change.
Yup, I m telling my kids better to be single than end up w financially stupid. It takes decades out of ur life. If ur going to bw a burden wo having medical issues, I would rather be single. Seems.lile she is mothering him n desperate to keep him. Ubhave ur kids, focus on ur kids.
The son is 12. Let’s not write him off. He sounds like a kid with some empathy.
Nightmare!
Girl tell your kids no lmao
I don't tell my kids "I don't have the money" I tell them "No, you're not getting that" and if they throw a fit they get in trouble and get less lol
EDIT: You are NOT helping your kids, that's not helping them
I agree. She's pretty much laying the blame on not having money rather than just saying no I'm not buying you that and setting boundaries that you don't just get everything you want.
I agree. Telling them you don’t have money just reinforces that you were irresponsible, which is not something you should be or your kid to think you are. Also puts the blame on them and is going to forever mess up their relationship with money and yourself. Ramit should have couched her on that
Constantly saying "we don't have the money" and tying everything to financial stress isn't healthy either. The message you're sending is that when you do have money it's OK to overconsume. You can just say, "no, you don't need that" or set a budget, like you have $250 a season to spend on clothes. So if this $100 sweatshirt is super important, I'll buy it, but you have $150 left. Also, lack of gratitude and manners will get you $0 a season. Disgusting how her son behaves, but I blame the parenting for that.
@KM-ez7pk totally agree that she's reinforced that behavior with him which is why he does it. I used to get something expensive every now and then but the trade off was i had to do well in school. That's was my "job".
@@CuriousApollo
*coached
This show is such a breath of fresh air. I’ve been watching you every week since the Netflix series but I recently tried to branch out to Caleb Hammer. Mistake. What you said about not making your guests a spectacle and yelling at them is so important. Some others don’t seem to get that message. I appreciate your thoughtful, intentional approach because I learn a lot from watching these conversations. It’s helped me think more about my personal finances, start investing and start having regular conversations with my boyfriend about our finances and share vision.
I completely agree! I appreciate that Ramit treats his guests with dignity and understanding. I used to watch Caleb Hammer, but had to stop because of how he degrades his guests during the episodes and in the thumbnails and titles!
I discovered Caleb Hammer first and appreciate his advice but after some time, when he became more famous, I got turned off with the yelling. That's when I found Ramit's channel. There are takeaways on both styles, and Caleb does give practical calculations esp on how to pay off debt. I would say it's good to listen to different styles to get the best fit. Ramit's empathy and patience is definitely a plus.
Ouch, this was a painful episode to watch. Thank you for sharing! I appreciate the transparency.
Suggestion: give son a small chunk of cash, say $50. Then a small allowance of $10 a month. When he asks for non necessary items, tell him that the allowance is for him to use if he wants something. He’ll have to learn to save and prioritize.
My dad did this with me and it was what I bought video games for myself with. It did teach me to save and think about what I wanted to spend it on.
it will not work, because kid models parent's behaviour. if they continue to live beyond their means, what do you think he will learn ? you have to discipline yourself first
@@TheSharmam this is self discipline. She gives him a small set amount and sticks to it.
This works well for my 8 year old. We started a savings account for him and when he earns money we add to it. If he wants something, we pull from it. Now he thinks twice about blowing it bc he has saved about $300 over time. It hits different when it’s their own money.
You can be together without getting married. That may be the best option for Rich and Dawn - they both have extremely complex financial pictures that may not be compatible. If you get along emotionally, but your finances just don't mesh - just don't get married.
But she won't have him by the balls if they are not married.
@@oroville12345 I never got the impression she was trying to control him. I think she's legitimately concerned about the 'tire fire' of a financial situation he's currently in. I wouldn't advise these two to live together. She has to accept that getting his finances in order may never happen for him. He blames his former girlfriend but I wondered throughout the podcast how much of this problem was the former girlfriend and how much of this money problem was really was him. Dawn is setting herself up for yet a third divorce if she marries him
@@jip230she is clearly highly educated and knows how to walk around a subject. She absolutely wants to control him. They aren't connected at all.
@@Deathwigems100you sound insecure
Or make a well-structured prenup
agreeing to marry someone with 5 other kids is INSANE work
It sure is!!!
i do feel subconsiously daughters are repeating mom's behaviour, for better or for worse
There is nothing wrong with that. My father married my mother who had 5 girls already. I was the youngest one at 12 years old. All of us started working at an early age. My mother worked one and sometimes two jobs at times. We all learned to support ourselves financially at a young age. I’m 47 now and have been debt free, including my house for 3 years and plan on retiring at the age of 50. This month I’m giving a class on personal finance to the younger generation in my family. My father gained 5 daughters who care about him and not his Chrysler pension.
@@aprilracine It worked for you but have to think that five kids in their 20's is a tough ask. Not bad or good, just tough.
You’re probably right. We were very independent women.
This is why lately, I like this show the best. Not that I dislike the Ramsey show or Financial Audit because there is a time and place for both of those shows. But Ramit’s show takes the time to dive DEEP into people’s finances, history, family background but also with compassion and sternness. And he chooses guests that want to change, not just that will entertain.
Wow! Her children are half the problem. She doesn't understand she is raising them to have all the wrong values. She acts like her kids turned out this way as if it has nothing to do with her parenting. It's too late to parent them well now but at least she can learn boundaries with adult children. A fiance with 5 kids and a fiance in his 40s with no money. Poor choices all around.
Ramit did a great job addressing this. I would be such a Caleb Hammer if I was the host 😂
Correction: She and her children’s fathers raised those kids with the wrong values. It’s a shared responsibility of parents.
So so so true. Her daughters are in their young 20s. Both have kids, divorced or out of wedlock already, and already remarrying to men with more kids.
Total insanity. Reeks of serious impulse control issues and desperation on all sides.
How is any of this ok?
The entire extended family needs intervention- they seem like nice enough people, just with little discipline or accountability.
I hope the entire family can regroup to a healthier long term choices dynamic.
@@CambieSweets we cannot blame the entire blame on her. even if father was not around, that itself is a failing on his part.
@@TheSharmamWas this comment meant for me? I was responding to the OP.
I'm not surprised that Richard didn't give a follow up. He looked like he hated being there the entire time.
He looks traumatized like chronically
He’s a freeloader.
@@tiamel5930 really? This current arrangement is worse than the alternative he has:
- he could be living rent-free at his family duplex, forever (his words)
- wouldn't be in charge of supporting a bratty 12yo who's not even his
- would have time and money to work on his business
- wouldn't have to pay rent and fix a house in which he had 0 equity
Obviously he cares about her and is gaining something out of their arrangement to be willing to give up certain comforts for the relationship, but he is far, FAR from a freeloader. If anything, she's closer to one, she's gaining a lot materially that she couldn't afford it he wasn't there (paying contractors to fix the house, making the house payments, etc)
@@katelyndefreitas2810 Ding ding ding
@@tiamel5930He's an avoider. He looks like he'd prefer to stay very far away from the money problem. At the same time, he is scared to death so he is also a worrier.
She acts like grandma moneybags with a couple million in the bank, but she’s not.
Grandma moneybags LOL
Sell the camper (you can rent one if you want to go camping)
Pay CC dept
Invest the rest in ETFs like VOO, mutual funds, or a target date (later year if want it to be more aggressive)
Set up automation investments every paycheck. Don't see the money, don't spend it.
Contribute a proportion of income to household bills (electric, rent, water, property tax if you pay it)
Budget food, meal plan etc.
Have an honest conversation with the son, showing him bills, income, etc., teaching him that money dont grow on trees, getting him involved. Showing him the value of investing, savings spending. As simple as tasking him with doing groceries every so often and paying with CASH, so he sees money going away.
I appreciate Ramith ability to stay positive and non judgmental despite knowing he probably disagrees with most of how this couple is choosing to precede with their financial decisions.
The only thing I disagree with Ramit on is that Richard cannot afford to pay $1000 towards household bills- if an adult employed person who isn’t ill or temporarily disabled cannot afford to spend $1000 on his household expenses (housing, utilities, groceries, household products) then he needs to move into his family building and get himself together. (Not from a place of shame but resetting his life)
If she financially supports him 100% she will resent him, and they are not married yet. His contribution being lower because of his income etc is fair and equitable but he should contribute something (money) to where he sleeps and eats.
I would say the same thing if the genders were reversed. If they were married or he was ill that would be a different situation.
Agreed. He needs the second job.
He also works on the home renovation--3-4 days a week. I think he should pay $0 a month.
I agree, but this one was weird. He's giving her this money, but who knows what she spends it on.
in this day and age $1000 a month isn’t much money. Assuming there is food in the fridge, toilet paper in the bathroom, internet, electric and running water it IS being spent on his portion of household bills.
Don't see the disagreement. You've just said the same thing he did from a different pov. Only difference is that he is realistic enough to know he cannot tell them what to do even if we can all see they have no business being engaged. Did you miss the part where he urged him to set a timeline on his business otherwise just get a minimum wage.
You cannot unpick people's lives in a few hours. Especially these two. There's way too much to dig up. For example; if you take him at his word that his ex just took money from their joint accounts and left him in debt then why didn't he file criminal charges? Not a lawyer but that's at best an unfair split of assets if not outright theft. Then he disengaged and did not send an update to the show. 🤷🏻♂️
Ramit navigated this minefield of a relationship with great aplomb
There's no "we" here at all. It's all my money, his money, he pays for this, I pay for that, I'm not paying for him to retire with my money, etc. And she's talking like it's going to be that way AFTER they get married.
I wonder if that is why HE did not do a follow up.
“What are you doing in 20 years? I’m not paying for you.” These people should not get married until they understand the sheer absurdity of this question. They’ve normalized financial instability.
The best gift she can give to her children is not being financially dependent on them in her old age. I hope she sees that! ❤
The greatest gift my parents gave me was to become financially stable themselves. Of course I was furious as a teenager when they wouldn't buy me everything I wanted. As an adult, I'm so glad they set boundaries and said no to me. Now they are multimillionaires in their late 60s. I see them enjoying life, taking multiple trips per year, flying business class, dining at nice restaurants. They go on cruises and spend money on enhancing their experience. I don't have to worry about their daily life. As a child, that's the greatest gift I can receive from them and it allows me to grow my own finances freely.
Thank you Ramit for this episode. This definitely hit home for me as I am a single mom and have two grown kids. I am also the second oldest out of seven siblings so alot is on my shoulders. I usually put myself last. This is a good reminder to have healthy boundaries and to put myself first.
She needs to stop with spoiling her kids... find better men to get into relationships.
Set some boundaries
She’s not going to attract better men because her finances and dynamic with her children is a mess. This will be her 3rd marriage if they actually follow through. There’s a common denominator here. It’s not about the men.
It’s funny how it initially sound like he’s the issue, but then you see she’s all over the place.
They are equally the issue.
Agree, but at least she makes decent money. So painful to hear this episode. Cringe producing.
10 grandkids at age 48 is wild lol
A 22 yr old with 3 kids. Wow
And a 25 yr old with a fiancee with 5 kids. Imagine being a step mom of 5 kids at 25.
Bring back Iyanla Vanzant.
Recipe for lifelong poverty. Their men will eventually leave if they haven’t already.
They always bail.
Prioritize your retirement please! Especially if you care about your children. You don’t want to be a financial burden for them later on.
Yes, I wish Ramit would emphasize this more with parents who have not saved. They WILL be a source of stress for their grown children, as the kids are trying to take care of THEIR families and retirement
Yes, because the way she has raised her kids, they will be living in poverty and will be completely unable to assist her in her 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. They won’t even be able to support themselves.
Don’t buy a house with a person you’re not married to. When things go bad it’s a problem. Until you’re married, you’re nothing but roommates. Do not share bank accounts.
Learnt the hardway
Stop taking care of all those kids and grandkids. And tell the kids to stop making more kids if they can’t take care of themselves.
41:37 - 42:12 "[W]e can simultaneously call for systemic reform while encouraging personal responsibility." Sentiments like this are what continue to affirm my belief that Ramit is one of the best resources in the online personal finance sphere. Not to mention his patience and professionalism when conducting these interviews/interventions.
1:05:17 you can help your kids by planning for your retirement so that the financial burden doesn't fall on them later on in life
Her kids are going to be broke because they’re learning poor behavior from her. So there will be no one to take care of her later in life.
I've been financially independent since age 18. I'm now 50 and heading toward early retirement with healthy investments. I can tell you, my parents not giving me everything I and my siblings wanted is the BEST gift they ever gave us!
Not surprised about the follow-up to be honest. Richard looked spaced out. When asked questions about creating a vision, he talked a good game, hope he can execute on it.
I doubt it
I'm wondering of he wasn't day dreaming about living in that family duplex for free, and at most, just being her boyfriend.
There would be nothing wrong with that, the last thing he needs is to marry into this family.
The biggest thing these two seem to have in common is their inability to take responsibility for their own situations. You don't just magically get garnished one day - they have to go to court to do that, so you get a lot of contact before hand. And there's zero excuse for not being involved in your own finances. And that she's only just now looking to see what her pension pays is sort of revealing about her own understanding of finances. They blame their exes, yet in ever relationship they have the same problems. "Where ever you go; there you are."
They seem like nice enough people, but they could do with a dose of accountability and self awareness.
They do seem to default to blaming exes & life when it’s a behavioral issue on their end. The behavioral changes are the hardest to make but necessary. Honestly, I know she loves that house, but their best chance of avoiding poverty is moving into his free duplex together to cut bills & save. That would force her to cut the kids off & stop all those renovation costs
Blaming the ex yet was single for 11 years. Quite telling.
@@rachelhall6287 love the duplex idea, why on earth wasn't that raised ...
This is pretty much the definition of letting life happen to them
I enjoyed this episode. I was tired of hearing from couples with high incomes and high investments.
In Dawn's followup she didn’t even mention how she would stop giving money to her children. Only changing the cellphone plan isn’t enough. I hope Richard realizes that it is best for him to live in his family duplex for free and stop paying for Dawn's expenses.
These people haven't learned much from their past relationships.
You take care of your kids by teaching them how to live properly. Because one day you won't be here.
Two real everyday Americans, real relatable incomes and struggles. Refreshing to see 👍
Great that you chose a couple who aren’t high earners and have true financial issues! Ramit listens!
However, this couple is a mess. Marriage/house buying need not be a concern. They both need to heal from their past relationship drama (ahem, therapy) and really get to the root of things. Finances should be kept separate because each needs to learn how to handle their finances independently. She needs to let her grown daughters be adults and he needs to man up and get some real income. Live apart and date but honestly, they can’t even afford to do that. I don’t think they are going to change and his lack of response to follow up further shows that.
This whole family is a mess omg... I think they should focus on getting their lives together before even thinking about marriage
Great episode! A relatable couple with interesting decisions to make. Thanks to both of them for coming on the show and being brave enough to put themselves out there.
There is a cigarette budget but no savings….
Ramit, you are so brilliant at your job. Bravo!
Lame he doesn’t have the common decency to give an update after all the time and effort you and your team put into them.
You really think he is the problem in this situation?
@@mithicash1444 Neither is "the problem", but neither has any agency and both have significant changes to make if they want to avoid working forever and/or dying poor.
@@mithicash1444 this comment has nothing to do with who was a bigger problem. It is rude to not give an update considering how much work the team puts into helping them
@@mithicash1444did I say that?? I think it’s lame he didn’t respond 👀 Cleary he’s not the only problem in this relationship.
@@laundrygoddess4 thank you for clarifying some people need extra help 🥸
I hope she can follow through and put her foot down for those children. If she doesn't then the world will do it for her, and that is never a good thing. She is not doing them any favors.
I don't even know where to start. Whatever has happened in Richard's life, it has aged him 20 years. I can't believe he's 43. He just looks defeated. Dawn and her son. Shaking my head. I can see the kind of boy turning to a man she's unleashing on the world and its scary. Taking a loan on your 401k to buy a camper!!!??? A CAMPER!!!!??? I don't know why people can't see that giving your kids $50 a month so they can spend hundreds or thousands a month caring for you in old age, is a good trade off. Hopefully the numbers at the end were a wakeup call.
Hey ramit, phone salesman here. Whenever guests run into this issue of "I pay my kids phone bill because it's cheaper to do that" let them know that if all the kids got off and created their own family plan without the parents on the plan they'd likely be paying the same. Obviously run the numbers and remember in phone sales that the numbers you come up with are not always the number that will be reflected on your bill but you can get down to a relatively reasonable range of what you would pay and then always shoot $20 higher than that just to be safe. That's my two cents on the phone stuff though
She’s 48 with 10 grandchildren! What in the Mormon?!
Her daughters, in their early and mid 20s, are with men who brought children with them. Sounds like only 2 of the 10 are her biological grandchildren.
For the same reason we do these interviews at all. To learn from mistakes. It's so so rare for anyone to talk about what an enormous effect children can have on finances. We act like it's just an entitlement.
I would not marry nor combine finances with a cigarette smoker that doesn’t have any retirement savings. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Finally a couple that makes a "normal " amount of money
Appreciate a couple in their 40s!
Love the episode as always but love even more the new camera angles and editing. Getting better and better 💪🏽
Follow up video:
Him: crickets
Her: I checked and I'm pretty much fine 🙄
Insufferable couple.
Ramit did an excellent job at trying to lead the horse to water
It's amazing how you grow with parents that gives you everything and you pass this to the next generation. She was crying for not be able to help her adult kids. 😮😮
My daugther is so independent...she even support me on vacations and give me a lot of gifts. 😊😊
When she approaches the idea of not buying things for her kids, she frames it as, “I tell them I don’t have any money for that.” I wonder if changing that mindset would impact other areas of her financial life.
How about, when her 12-year-old says he wants the $125 jacket, she simply says, “No. That’s not a priority. You can save up to buy it for yourself.”
If I was Richard I would get another job at least part time to catch-up on my savings
She keeps talking about vacation and shit. Their finances are screwy. She has a "rent to own" house from her destitute ex husband. That ex could just sell that house out from under them. Rent to own is NONSENSE.
Ngl, as I was watching this my main thought was how I’d run far away from this relationship if I was either of them.
They seem like nice enough people who make bad decisions and lack accountability (so much blame on previous relationships). Between them there’s garnishments, loans, divorces and a bunch of kids with no investments/savings at 40+ years old. I’m not surprised he didn’t send a follow up - he seemed uncomfortable and defeated (he was even embarrassed to tell her his salary).
I hope she gets over the mom guilt. Removing the daughters from the phone plan might not make a big difference financially but hopefully it establishes boundaries and breaks a cycle.
Perfect summarization here!
Yes, it might be best for both of them to just date and live a part, be companions. If things change in the next 3 or so years (or when her son graduates HS) they can re-evaluate.
She shouldn't be living in a house she can't afford on her own, first red flag... His wages are being garnished, foreclosed house, repossessed car... Second red flag... Both of these things are entirely their own faults, not the exes... You choose those exes and you chose not to manage your money at all.
Shoutout to the cameraman/producer for introducing the fourth camera for RICHard! I noticed his image was blurry and thought, 'This needs fixing,' and they nailed it in real-time. Top-notch work!
She doesn’t need to make more money. She needs to learn how to manage her money starting with saying no to her family
Especially that 12 year old.
Oh thats not a membership. It's a campground time share.
That you, Caleb?
She also said she uses the campground "for free" 😬
I was thinking it sounded like a timeshare.
Really dope to see normal people on here
Interesting that she didn't mention her financial dynamics with her kids at all in the update -- I'm sure nothing has changed with that and she's still paying the phone bills for her daughters and buying everything her son texts her pictures of
Maybe I missed it but is her house deal with her ex-husband in writing? If not, I would worry that he won’t honor it. She should just buy it from her ex husband and owe the bank with a mortgage. It could be a major risk that her ex could sell the house to someone else.
I’m just passed eight minutes in and she doesn’t see him as a partner, but rather as a source of income
yeah, she found herself a broken man and wants to squeeze what is left out if him, consciously or unconsciously.
@@saeedhossain6099 she is a walking set of red flags. Selfish and irresponsible. and twice divorced, and apparently her last husband was smart enough to have a prenup!!!
That’s the problem with moving a guy in when you’re not on top of your personal finances. They NEED this relationship to work - they’re financially indigent without each other. This is a really complicated position to live in
Be fair. If the positions were reversed, would you say the same thing? If it were Richard concerned that Dawn might be a financial drain?
This is common sense, not a woman trying to squeeze a broken man.
It would be equally logical to say that Richard has found himself a cash cow that he intends to milk dry.
Both claims are mean-spirited and based on the claimant's prejudices.
@@SuzanneU except that Richard is making far less and a sinking his money into her entire family. It doesn’t sound like he’s got any ownership steak or claim in the house and she doesn’t sound to be willing to share her retirement or pension with him so it’s all about her and her family.
Behavioral changes are difficult and take time.Ramit has said repeatedly that many couples need therapy and open communication ❤️ as always, I am grateful for all the stories that show different ways people see finances. This couple and many others is incredible brave to expose their problems and to seek solutions. I wish them nothing but success. It is possible even when you don't fully believe it
Where are the captions?? This feature is essential for people with hearing difficulties and who struggle with accents.
No automated captions either! Please hire someone to do the captioning!
Great episode! Very interesting and complex situation.
Really enjoyed this intro…well done. Caught my attention and made me excited to watch the episode.
I totally get her wanting to help her kids, and I think most parents have the desire to do that well into their kids' adulthood. But at this point they are adults who have made their own decisions to have multiple (i.e., 4+) kids of their own at young ages. At some point you have to let them feel the gravity of that decision financially.
Engaged to a man with 5 kids.. seems like she's about to repeat the same habits.
I didn’t hear where they said he had 5 kids. At 2:40 Ramit said Rich has no children.
@kemi1486 it's one of her daughters
@@kemi1486one of the daughters has five step children (which is why it’s ten grandchildren in total)
This guy is a mess as far as finances, he doesn’t coke off as responsible at all, a red flag in my opinion. I was married for 30 years to someone who wasn’t responsible with money! Not fun!
It's like having a 4th child
I mean she isn’t much better herself. Just because she makes more on paper, she’s worse with what she makes. Granted he needs to go find work that he can make a decent living. She is expecting WAY too much from him.
If he’s a mess then she’s a disaster.
I thank this couple are coming on.
I don’t have a lot of hope for them. Especially with her follow up in the lack of his. From her follow up I feel she’s clearly not gonna change her plan because she feels her pension is so great. Did a quit Google and I think the max she could get for 70 a year. Still not enough, Girl.
My big Takeaway is neither of them take responsibility for their own lives or financial situations and probably never will. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. I don’t think lower income + high debt are the best for Ramits philosophy. Sure can you learn from everybody’s a little bit but this couple would probably be better off on Caleb show and getting some sense knocked into them. Also, she clearly didn’t read the book. I don’t know why she lied about that.
Great comments
I absolutely agree! Or maybe Romaine Faure (who is more gentle) but still will push you and show how dire your situation is if you don't change.
Excellent episode.
100% right call for you to encourage Dawn to make a giant step forward for herself on the cellphone bill. Yes, the savings isn't game changing but that's not the point. She needs to prioritize herself and I believe she needed to do it during that conversation or it's doubtful it would have ever happened.
I’m only 15 minutes into this video and twice already she has answered for him by blaming his former wife/girlfriend for his financial setbacks while he just nods in agreement… not a good sign, IMO. She wasn’t present in his previous relationship but talks like she knows his ex was at fault.
Yes! Lots of WANTS. I am really questioning what they are willing to do to get their finances under control.
1:05 "you talk a lot about what you want, vs what you are willing to do" wow
This man can’t afford a gray divorce. He can’t afford to date until he has a solid foundation.
Having the pension is a lifesaver for her. Ppl in her situation don’t have to plan the same as others.
Mint sim for all. It's $15 per line per month. This will drop their family phone bill to 45 for 3 lines: him, her, her son.
I feel bad for Richard here - he didn't get much help here, honestly. It was almost all her.
I like these videos that you can find in between sponsor breaks
Just here to say thanks for the non-millionaire episode.