My aunt got pulled over once. This little old lady who never sped and kept her car in perfect condition, getting pulled over by the Washington State Patrol. He asked her if she knew why he had pulled her over; she had no clue, so she replied "To sell me tickets to the policeman's ball?" He replied with "No ma'am, Washington State Patrol doesn't have balls." Realizing what he had said, he turned beat-red, got back in his car, and drove off. We never did find out why he had pulled her over.
@@FallenAnvilForge It's no joke, that really did happen. Though the woman it happened to wasn't really my aunt: she was my grandmother's best friend, but I called her "Aunt Lucille." I may have posted the incident before however.
Thank you Jeff Capri. For three years I've been trying to show my 31-year-old daughter how funny Dry Bar Comedy is. FINALLY ! Yesterday, she laughed! Dog owners get it.
I actually got pulled over by a bicycle cop for accidentally turning the wrong way down a one way street. The problem with driving away from a bike cop is that they can still read license plates. Lol.
Mine was: "I was just trying to catch up to the forward cars, until I saw you coming. That's when I realized I was definitely speeding." Officer laughed and let me go.
I was asked: "Do you know how fast you were going?" I answered: "Yes, I do, but that is for you to tell me." He was angry, but he had to let me go because he didn't clock me with the radar.
No joke, that question got me out of a ticket once, because I actually didn't know. I was in a bad mood and probably was speeding, because I had the fortune of timing a red light and being in a right lane that was totally empty while the rest of the lanes were backed up with traffic at the moment it turned green. The only choice I had was to either speed up and get across the intersection before the first car in the line, or else I would get stuck behind a car parked in my lane on the other side of the light and wouldn't have been able to get over until everyone else had gone. So I hit the gas as I neared the intersection with the light turning green and continued on when the guy lit me up. I had been already looking behind me in the mirror to make sure I had cleared the traffic so I saw him and pulled over so fast that the cop ended up blowing by me and the driveway I had pulled into of the corner shopping plaza, and he was a bit huffy about it all when he had to go around the corner to come into the lot where I was waiting for him, resigned to the annoyance of the ticket I was about to get. He was so mad, he came barrelling over, one hand on his gun and screaming at me, "DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING??" As it happened, I did not, as I hadn't had time to check because he lit me up so fast. And despite my foul mood, and since I was mildly curious about how much power my little car actually had to get up to the speed I had gotten to in such a short distance, I responded rather dryly, "Actually, no. How fast WAS I going?" This idiot was so flustered he actually stammered a second and then blurted out, "WELL -- I DON'T KNOW!! " It was the most satisfying thing in the world to get back my bail amount with a response to my Trial by Declaration which had been all of three sentences detailing the dialog we exchanged and the verdict of NOT GUILTY.
The guy who got pulled over by the mini van cop: I got pulled over by a cop in Louisiana who had a child seat in the back seat. And got a seat belt ticket!!!
I had a speedometer that was stuck at 65 all the time. I didnt get it fixed bc i was busy. Of course i got pulled over and the officer said " do you know how fast you were going?" I said " No i really don't ..see? I showed him the speedometer. He said" what? Hold on. " he goes and comes back with his partner." Can you believe this? I've never seen something like this" they were laughing really hard. Then they said " we are going to let you go without a ticket because thats hysterical . But get it fixed!!!"
The first act of the video: Hahahahahahshshshhshaha omg. "Here you are officer." Perfect. Brilliant. Edit: You guys should of seen us blow up laughing on the punchline. Omg. I am seeking this guy for more of his comedy. Omg. Brilliant. Just to make it easier for everyone- Melvin George was his name. I cant wait to see what else he has to say.
I had a real junker once while stationed overseas. The cable broke at a red light. I fixed it by using hemostats to hold the cable together. True story.
I had the shifter linkage cable break in my f150 years ago, so I drilled 2 holes in the floor and ran 2 lines to the transmission. Pull one to shift up and the other to shift down. 😄
The guy who didn't understand why the cop says "do you know how fast you were going?" Here's a hint: it's a trick to get you to incriminate yourself by admitting you were speeding. You absolutely should say "I have no idea, Officer", just as innocently as possible. Leave it up to HIM to prove it. And yes, I know it was a joke! Write the joke better!
But it was a good one. I got a 95 in a 45 ticket . It sucked ,had to get a lawyer . The Judge asked me if I was prepared to go to jail for going that fast ,no sir .
@@joegilly1523 Did the officer calibrate their speed gun that morning? That’s some trick I hear often works because apparently they don’t all the time and apparently they’re supposed to. Heard it on a VinWiki story from some guy from Off The Record I think or something similar.
@@heroichitsuji It was out of calibration,I was going at least 100 on my bike at 5:30 in the morning. He was in Dunkin’ Donuts he told me. He chased me about 4 miles. He didn’t have his siren on. I didn’t see him hear him. I stopped for a red light that is how he cought me . He was smart,because I could have gotten away no problem. No one on the road but me. Have not rode my bike in 12 years now. Haven’t gotten any tickets in 12 years. .
I know...right.. but they exist . Once I got one from Rent a Wreck after the car broke down full of kids pets and camping vacation gear . It was a holiday so that's all there was!! YIKES But we got there and back. Lemonadé from lemons!
And if you tell him how fast you were going you just confessed and that video camera that will be turned off for the whole event if he chooses to beat you recorded the confession perfectly.
I once saw my neighbor get arrested by some sort of plainclothes cops that arrived in a mini van. This was about 30 years ago, and not in Washington. I always assumed it was the DEA, or somebody. A totally unmarked mini van with sliding rear door, LOL. They made him ride in the back. He was in prison for several years and when he got out, he was a much better person.
all 50 states require you to use mirrors, all cars and trucks have them by law. no camera. no "turning around". a woman here is doing 10 years for manslaughter because she "turned around to look", and crushed someone to death backing over him. don't use the camera if you don't want to be bubba's "wife".
@@heroichitsuji Thanks! I only posted it to yank a certain "grouchy" person's chain. Couldn't resist. 😋 Actually, just finished a convo w my mom, and the vlog popped up. Isn't DB cast and crew such a blessing? Love them. Have a super day.
@@majoroldladyakamom6948 Oh, I see that they’ve made their appearance, how intriguing. I do love DB, they got me through months of the early pandemic. Have a wonderful day.
@@heroichitsuji Right? Yanked his chain, though, didn't I? Toldja! so... So predictable. 😴 🤣 👊 👍 👊 🤣 Aside from being flat-out mean, demeaning, demoralizing, cruel, bad-mouthing complete strangers and a comment troll, he's also predictable, as well... and not just to me. Ugh. Aside from those dubious "sterling qualities", he didn't actually read the text correctly. As I indicated, I had just finished a call to my mom, who is 83 and not doing well. That usually means that the call had ended, as in finished, done, completed, over, etc. Who's the first grader now? Most people/grown adults just ignore haters, as is appropriate, right? 😎 I wonder when and why he became so (fill in the blank...)? He's got a bone to pick with people and life in general. I couldn't live in my own skin either, if I was him or a hater. It's so sad, you know? Stay safe and well to you and yours, from your eternal sister in Christ somewhere near Seattle, ok? ⚘ 🙏❤🙏 ⚘ BTW, my mom was raised on the Mission field in Tachekawa, Japan, right after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Married a Soldier from the US AF Base. Of course, Japan reigns as the most Centaurians per capita in the World - people who have lived to see their 100th Birthday. Could you imagine the stories they could tell?? Wow. Much respect for them, their culture, their low obesity rates and especially their food!! Yum. 👍 Very healthy.
"Well, I said. He was probably operating out of fear. He probably told you that I was doing 85 in a 30 too."
LMAO!!
That was the best!🤣👍
LMAO indeed. I didn't see that coming.
@@keesdevreugd9177 Me neither!
85 in a 30 is one of the funnier jokes I've heard in a while.
Dude I am 35 and I have been telling this joke since I was f****** 15
The 1st joke
@@aaronakin7064 It's too bad you're not that funny, or you could be on the show.
My aunt got pulled over once. This little old lady who never sped and kept her car in perfect condition, getting pulled over by the Washington State Patrol. He asked her if she knew why he had pulled her over; she had no clue, so she replied "To sell me tickets to the policeman's ball?" He replied with "No ma'am, Washington State Patrol doesn't have balls." Realizing what he had said, he turned beat-red, got back in his car, and drove off. We never did find out why he had pulled her over.
I think I have hear that somewhere before, I love the joke though
@@FallenAnvilForge It's no joke, that really did happen. Though the woman it happened to wasn't really my aunt: she was my grandmother's best friend, but I called her "Aunt Lucille." I may have posted the incident before however.
🤣🤣🤣 I will have to use that one. That is IF I can keep a straight face. 🤣🤣
Lmao thats halarious 😂
Thank you Jeff Capri. For three years I've been trying to show my 31-year-old daughter how funny Dry Bar Comedy is. FINALLY ! Yesterday, she laughed! Dog owners get it.
That first joke I’ve heard before, but the way he presents it is really funny
I actually got pulled over by a bicycle cop for accidentally turning the wrong way down a one way street. The problem with driving away from a bike cop is that they can still read license plates. Lol.
... and have radios to call in reinforcement.
👏😆👏
Not if you don’t have one;)
@@Trijem not if you have a jammer
B.REASON
Yes !!! Still. Hilarious !!!!
Love that deep smooth voice !!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My favorite was the guy with the 1978 maverick with the string 🤣🤣 omg
I had a car like that! I used a choke cable! Kinda like cruise control!🤪🤪🤪
1972
@@mikemhoon m
My mother had one of those Mavericks. String not included.
Mine was: "I was just trying to catch up to the forward cars, until I saw you coming. That's when I realized I was definitely speeding." Officer laughed and let me go.
I was asked: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
I answered: "Yes, I do, but that is for you to tell me."
He was angry, but he had to let me go because he didn't clock me with the radar.
All these guys are so funny! Best compilation I have seen!
No joke, that question got me out of a ticket once, because I actually didn't know. I was in a bad mood and probably was speeding, because I had the fortune of timing a red light and being in a right lane that was totally empty while the rest of the lanes were backed up with traffic at the moment it turned green. The only choice I had was to either speed up and get across the intersection before the first car in the line, or else I would get stuck behind a car parked in my lane on the other side of the light and wouldn't have been able to get over until everyone else had gone. So I hit the gas as I neared the intersection with the light turning green and continued on when the guy lit me up. I had been already looking behind me in the mirror to make sure I had cleared the traffic so I saw him and pulled over so fast that the cop ended up blowing by me and the driveway I had pulled into of the corner shopping plaza, and he was a bit huffy about it all when he had to go around the corner to come into the lot where I was waiting for him, resigned to the annoyance of the ticket I was about to get.
He was so mad, he came barrelling over, one hand on his gun and screaming at me, "DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING??" As it happened, I did not, as I hadn't had time to check because he lit me up so fast. And despite my foul mood, and since I was mildly curious about how much power my little car actually had to get up to the speed I had gotten to in such a short distance, I responded rather dryly, "Actually, no. How fast WAS I going?"
This idiot was so flustered he actually stammered a second and then blurted out, "WELL -- I DON'T KNOW!! "
It was the most satisfying thing in the world to get back my bail amount with a response to my Trial by Declaration which had been all of three sentences detailing the dialog we exchanged and the verdict of NOT GUILTY.
The guy who got pulled over by the mini van cop:
I got pulled over by a cop in Louisiana who had a child seat in the back seat.
And got a seat belt ticket!!!
Do you know how fast you were going is the one that got me the most. omg I laughed so hard!
I had a speedometer that was stuck at 65 all the time. I didnt get it fixed bc i was busy. Of course i got pulled over and the officer said " do you know how fast you were going?" I said " No i really don't ..see? I showed him the speedometer. He said" what? Hold on. " he goes and comes back with his partner." Can you believe this? I've never seen something like this" they were laughing really hard. Then they said " we are going to let you go without a ticket because thats hysterical . But get it fixed!!!"
Look at the cop n straight face like "Where am i?"
Love these compilations!
Tks Dry Bar!
The first act of the video: Hahahahahahshshshhshaha omg. "Here you are officer." Perfect. Brilliant.
Edit: You guys should of seen us blow up laughing on the punchline. Omg. I am seeking this guy for more of his comedy. Omg. Brilliant. Just to make it easier for everyone- Melvin George was his name. I cant wait to see what else he has to say.
Great cimics! Very funny. 😄
Have the Amish guy, yelling through a cardboard cone, “Whoop, whoop!”.
these were great😂 loved them... remember people... they are just jokes😂 but TYSM for the dmv information
J ek
Thank you so much TYSM?
@@Sun_Henry_Connie yes, sorry 😂 thank you so much
Showing my age I guess, I actually had to use the string throttle trick one night so I could get home.
I had a real junker once while stationed overseas. The cable broke at a red light. I fixed it by using hemostats to hold the cable together. True story.
Tons of great laughs
Love this channel
The guy who “forgot his baby at Burger King again” and the last one about the dog was hilarious 😂
Yes, the last comedian had me 🤣
Family of 5 🤣 😂
I had the shifter linkage cable break in my f150 years ago, so I drilled 2 holes in the floor and ran 2 lines to the transmission. Pull one to shift up and the other to shift down. 😄
In Nebraska the cops usually give you a warning
Hilarious!
Omg i live in Nebraska, so funny
The guy who didn't understand why the cop says "do you know how fast you were going?" Here's a hint: it's a trick to get you to incriminate yourself by admitting you were speeding. You absolutely should say "I have no idea, Officer", just as innocently as possible. Leave it up to HIM to prove it.
And yes, I know it was a joke! Write the joke better!
Write it better? LoL. You even said you know it's a joke and you still take it literally. I doubt any rewrite will change that.
😮 never thought of it that way! ty
Amish cop! 😆 🤣 😂
Especially the carpet shock trick
Wait a minute. That first dude's joke is years old
Has to be. Yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrsssss old
Brand new to me! I thought that was gold!
But it was a good one. I got a 95 in a 45 ticket . It sucked ,had to get a lawyer . The Judge asked me if I was prepared to go to jail for going that fast ,no sir .
@@joegilly1523 Did the officer calibrate their speed gun that morning? That’s some trick I hear often works because apparently they don’t all the time and apparently they’re supposed to. Heard it on a VinWiki story from some guy from Off The Record I think or something similar.
@@heroichitsuji It was out of calibration,I was going at least 100 on my bike at 5:30 in the morning. He was in Dunkin’ Donuts he told me. He chased me about 4 miles. He didn’t have his siren on. I didn’t see him hear him. I stopped for a red light that is how he cought me . He was smart,because I could have gotten away no problem. No one on the road but me. Have not rode my bike in 12 years now. Haven’t gotten any tickets in 12 years. .
The last one was creepy, lol
Oh yeah! ....be registered 🙄
Favorite is Sam Adams
I think Sam Adams is my favorite if I could only choose one. Dude's hilarious.
I saw a story of a pregnant woman that was pulled over for driving in the car pool lane. She fought the ticket saying there was 2 people in the car
True
14:35 - take one of the 'eyes' from those glasses and he'd look like Mad-Eye Moody....
Whats the first gentleman's name? I haven't seen him yet.
What kind of rentals is this guy getting that doesn't have back up cameras?
I know...right.. but they exist . Once I got one from Rent a Wreck after the car broke down full of kids pets and camping vacation gear . It was a holiday so that's all there was!! YIKES
But we got there and back. Lemonadé from lemons!
85 in a 30.... I heard that joke 30 years ago.
So?
@@RainRemnant a good comedian writes their own stuff.
Lolz. Nice
Did anyone have the roll up sunroof?! Anyone back in 70s 80s?!? my buddy fiftys had one ,craziest thing, but it was awesome then
I didn't have the roll up sunroof, but I saw a few. What I did have was the factory 2-50 air conditioning.
That's a footloose scene where he pulls the the string on the vw bug
😂🤣😂
And if you tell him how fast you were going you just confessed and that video camera that will be turned off for the whole event if he chooses to beat you recorded the confession perfectly.
Police mini van!!! He got pulled over by our SWAT team!!! (13:00mins)
I have MORE THAN RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE HARASSING ME! DESTAIN RINGS A BELL!🤕💥😯
Keith Barnay looks like Trumps actual son
I have a backup camera... but no car.
I believe the Washington State Patrol mini-vans are K-9 units, but I'm not sure.
I once saw my neighbor get arrested by some sort of plainclothes cops that arrived in a mini van. This was about 30 years ago, and not in Washington. I always assumed it was the DEA, or somebody. A totally unmarked mini van with sliding rear door, LOL. They made him ride in the back. He was in prison for several years and when he got out, he was a much better person.
Hahahaha
shoot almost peed my pants in the office ...would you love a treat , yes youd love a donut wouldnt you ...
😂😂😂😂😂
Millennials can't drive without a backup camera
Gebius
all 50 states require you to use mirrors, all cars and trucks have them by law. no camera. no "turning around". a woman here is doing 10 years for manslaughter because she "turned around to look", and crushed someone to death backing over him. don't use the camera if you don't want to be bubba's "wife".
Chill! It's a comedy show.
the camera is an adition, its not camera or mirror, its a more reliable way to avoid hitting the wall when backing
Looking over your shoulder before making a turn is good practice, though. The mirrors have dead angles (or whatever you call those in English).
@@keesdevreugd9177 Blind spots
Wow that sounds ridiculous!
That's an old joke.
FIRST!!
Congratulations!
@@heroichitsuji Thanks!
I only posted it to yank a certain "grouchy" person's chain. Couldn't resist. 😋
Actually, just finished a convo w my mom, and the vlog popped up.
Isn't DB cast and crew such a blessing? Love them.
Have a super day.
@@majoroldladyakamom6948 Oh, I see that they’ve made their appearance, how intriguing. I do love DB, they got me through months of the early pandemic. Have a wonderful day.
@@heroichitsuji
Right? Yanked his chain, though, didn't I? Toldja! so...
So predictable. 😴
🤣 👊 👍 👊 🤣
Aside from being flat-out mean, demeaning, demoralizing, cruel, bad-mouthing complete strangers and a comment troll, he's also predictable, as well... and not just to me.
Ugh.
Aside from those dubious "sterling qualities", he didn't actually read the text correctly. As I indicated, I had just finished a call to my mom, who is 83 and not doing well. That usually means that the call had ended, as in finished, done, completed, over, etc.
Who's the first grader now?
Most people/grown adults just ignore haters, as is appropriate, right? 😎
I wonder when and why he became so (fill in the blank...)? He's got a bone to pick with people and life in general. I couldn't live in my own skin either, if I was him or a hater. It's so sad, you know?
Stay safe and well to you and yours, from your eternal sister in Christ somewhere near Seattle, ok?
⚘ 🙏❤🙏 ⚘
BTW, my mom was raised on the Mission field in Tachekawa, Japan, right after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Married a Soldier from the US AF Base.
Of course, Japan reigns as the most Centaurians per capita in the World - people who have lived to see their 100th Birthday. Could you imagine the stories they could tell?? Wow.
Much respect for them, their culture, their low obesity rates and especially their food!! Yum. 👍 Very healthy.
@@grumpyoldguy584 The word is not "try". It's "trying" to be... Just saying, lol.
That joke the first comedian told is an old joke he stole from an anonymous internet meme as I read it a long time ago on facebook. Pretty pathetic.
😂😂😂😂