You are very brave to be so open on the internet. I was bullied most of my life as well and have never liked myself. I am now in my early 50's and finally becoming comfortable in my own skin. You are a bright light who has so much to offer the people you touch. Please be more loving and forgiving to yourself. You're worth it. ❤
kinda. This is like a "what came first, chicken or the egg" type of situation. You can have depression and/or anxiety because you're surrounded by assholes, or you can have it regardless of if you're surrounded by assholes or not. Sometimes it can improve once ppl stop hanging out around assholes, but it doesn't mean that it for sure will. For me, I'm around amazing people for the most part and yet my depression and anxiety is still prevalent.
As a late diagnosed autistic person, this was so similar to my experiences. I'm so happy you have someone who actually likes/ loves the real you. After a life time of negativity around being your real unmasked self, for me at least, having someone see and still like me was life changing and what I needed to start trying to unmask little by little in safe places
The people calling you "loser" are being abusive. It's nothing to do with who you are, but more a problem with their lack of empathy and compassion. It might be because they are dealing with trauma or their own internal struggles, or it might just be they are selfish and try to make themselves feel better by putting others down. Hopefully the people who love you are already telling you this because I'm very glad my parents instilled this concept in me from a very young age, but for me, it is fundamental that I reject any negative labels that people try to assign to me. It's none of their business, and I refused to internalize it. That doesn't mean that I ignore feedback from others about my behavior (i.e. someone says my words were offensive) but I won't accept their judgement of me, my worth, or worthiness for respect from others.
@@inspiringsimple I consider myself very lucky that I had the parents I did. If it wasn't for them and the support of my grandmother I would be a very different person if even still alive. As a parent now I can't imagine how people can sustain such cruelty toward their children. I hope that you can someday find peace from the harm done to you.
Cinzia you're fantastic. I wish there were more people like you in the world like you. I only recently started to realise that I'd been masking for years. More than 50 years. So I'd go through this cycle of getting more and more exhausted, wondering what the hell was wrong with me, then having a massive mental crash, which was always diagnosed as depression. Then I'd have a few months of complete isolation from everything and "get better", then throw myself back in to the theatre of being in the world. Rinse, repeat. Thing is, despite all my efforts, it never even really worked. Everyone still thought I was a bit odd, and I ended up having no idea who I really was. I'm still not entirely sure, but I'm working on it.
I decided to just be me in about 2013, and let people dislike me since they did anyway. In most situations. What happened is that all the low quality people got very mad and took themselves away, leaving me with just a few, but excellent people.
there could very well be, but you won't see that unless you create a space were people feel secure to be honest about they're thoughts and feelings. someone doing their groceries isn't going to open up. also keep in mind you're unmasked self might be very well be an asshole moron any adjective you associate negatively. but on the other hand could be them, difficult to know at the start, alexatheimia is a kick in the balls
Thank you so much for sharing this Cinzia. My wife of 15 years is leaving me, and I have been thinking a lot about the things she's said to me. I am realizing that, as a neurodivergent, I've been masking for most of our marriage - perhaps for all of it. I don't think she particularly liked the person she married and knew she didn't like him. She thought she could "change" or "fix" me into the man she wanted with time. Realizing this, I began masking around the one person I shouldn't have to mask around - my wife. I pretended to be someone else for her so that she would accept me. I did a decent job of it for awhile, but over time there were flashes of frustration or anger over the fact that even trying my hardest to be this "man" she wanted, it still wasn't enough. Unknowingly, I started to strike back passive-aggressively by pointing out her flaws and shortcomings as well. There came a point where both of us were just remarkably unhappy with each other, but unwilling to really talk about it. I am realizing that If I ever have another relationship, it needs to be someone who gets me and likes me for me.
Based on what you described, sounds like you should choose to end the relationship as well, rather than be “left”. You want to, you need to, why choose to describe yourself to others as being “left”. Take an active vocabulary and an active role in ending this terrible situation and pursue authenticity, for everyone’s sake. You can start now by being authentic to your future ex wife by breaking up with her rather than describing yourself as a victim being left.
You deserve to exist exactly as you are. This video felt like taking a deep breath compared to your scripted ones. We love the unmasked version of you. Time to unburden yourself of the expectations of others and revel in being congruent and authentically you ❤
Autistic. Just returned from work today, and feel beyond exhausted. Being at work brings it home that I’m not normal and makes me feel ashamed of who I am. At home I don’t feel any of this as I can just be myself but at work when I have to adhere to social expectations I have to keep a tight rein on myself and how I act and what I say. I hate being around people, and talking to people. I have nothing to say to them and couldn’t find the words even if I wanted to. Thank you for the video I think I was meant to see this today. ❤
Don't bother saying anything. Most folks just like the sound of their own voices anyway! If forced into conversational mode, I use the 5 prompts technique - who, what, where, when, how. The longest 'conversation' I have had, without volunteering any personal information, was 3/4 of an hour! E.g. how was your weekend? Who did you go with? What did you do there? When did you get there? Etc. An amusing game! I sound cruel, but on the other hand, I am giving them a chance to express themselves and, occasionally, you learn something!
@@lynnoorman2144 this made me laugh, it didn’t sound cruel. I’ve been in that situation. And in your head you wonder when is this conversation going to be over
I was diagnosed as autistic (actually, due to when it happened, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome) when I was 30. I am now nearly 50. I have a tween daughter, and I am seeing her struggle with many of the same things I struggled with. When you describe being told that you are a loser and being made to feel badly because you behave in a way that isn't the "norm" sounds very familiar to me, and one of the things that I have been working with my daughter on is helping her to understand that there's nothing wrong with her "weird" behaviors and reactions, while also recognizing that I can't shield her too much from the world - she has to learn how to deal with other people, but at least she has the advantage of having a parent who understands where she's coming from and works to help her feel okay with being different.
Currently feeling embarrassed about how I acted in book club on Sunday. To the point I'm tempted to quit...again. But it's literally the only socializing I do....and it's not even in person. I am trying to branch out...going to the library to take painting class tomorrow. I'll report back on that endeavor.
When you only have limited social interaction, they become disproportionately fraught. So a small slight from someone hurts more than it would if you had 18 other interactions a week. Realizing this helped me, I hope it helps you too.
True-ish, but only if the issue set is simplistic. Cinzia's sharing some of her most vulnerable thoughts about something she wants to be transparent about. It's complex. What she is telling us is not (just) about being liked. She's making movement, making effort to push against her discomfort. In this video, she's speaking her truth out loud.
@@TassieYarnivore I’m sure you didn’t mean that the way you said it, because where I’m from, Hallmark means trite and sappy. And, I’m not picking that up from Cindi’s or the other commenters.
Lady, the more of your videos I view, the more taken aback I feel at your tremendous courage. I'm a good bit older than you and I still haven't found the courage to tell my strange, offbeat, sad story. I'm still alone with it. The bullying started my first day of school, at four years of age. It proceeded to warp my entire life. I'm just astonished that you find it in you to work out the story of your life I still can't do it. I just feel too ashamed. .
Gosh Cinzia, you start to bring me to tears around 9:30. I still mask quite a great deal because at where I live, I feel like I would really alienate myself if I were to allow myself to truly be. But the strength you showed here and that you show by trying is remarkable and inspiring. You've done nothing but make my life better since I found your videos.
Lovely video, a few years ago I decided to ‘just be myself’, I have always been ‘a bit different’ to the mainstream and often struggle to relate to what other people are talking about/interested in. Truthfully it’s been overwhelmingly positive. It’s true, some people think I am strange, but I just laugh and agree, I say this is who I am. I refuse to be ashamed of my interests (I am very academic and research everything I am interested in in great depth). I am much happier and less exhausted and the people that do accept me - well they are my tribe ❤ You can be very different to someone and still be friends, if you practice kindness and acceptance yourself.
Kia Ora Cinzia! As an autistic person I just wanted to say that self diagnosis is completely valid, the formal diagnosis availability and accuracy is ridiculous but more importantly you tend to just know in yourself, so if you find yourself feeling comfort in that label, it's yours. + you're not alone in your masking struggles and your unmasked self is beautiful! ❤️
I feel for you... feeling ashamed about being yourself is a horrible feeling. There is just one you, I hope you can learn to appreciate yourself as we, your subscribers, do. Thanks for being so vulnerable and unmasked in this video.
I'm terrified of people. Never been good with them. I would go to the store, try to avoid people, but in the end awkward things always seem to happen. I Walked into a woman once (I often walk with my head down, eyes on the ground.) And this woman tore me down for 10 minutes straight. I walked through the rest of the store in a stone cold haze, when I got home I just broke down. I have no friends and haven't for a long time, and I have gotten to the point where I enjoy the solitude. Silence doesn't hurt you like people do I think my doctor thinks I'm mentally inept. They talk to me like I'm going to snap at any moment. I am ashamed of who I have become. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I am tired of trying to figure it out. I hope your journey with unmasking works out for you and you can find your happiness. You deserve it❤
I am also autistic. I know you Don't have a diagnosis, and you don't need one, of course. But the masking thing you do hit home a lot. I'm an artist and my clothes are my colours and for the world I look insanely weird. Plus, I took off my hair because of sensory issues. So I look extremely odd. One thing is that strangers keep confronting me with their opinions about my looks, and it keeps me in the house a lot. Because these reactions just couldn't script. They bully me everywhere. And I just tried to react nice, which made me even stranger. I now, because of you realise I mask with my family too a lot. Just not with my partner and 1 friend. I'm tired all the time. So maybe I will 😮 your Quest. Letting go of the mask.
This was very honest and I found it special to hear of your own experience. Thank you for sharing it! For myself i realized that being full of shame and kinda terrified of other people made it hard to socialize, I was playing myself like a role for a long time. I wasn’t in a position to actually react to other people so I could only do stuff that I could guess the reaction to. I like myself a lot more these days , I worked on all that shame and have more trust in me. And I find a lot of things in life less difficult. People are less confusing, less scary. I can see them for what they are; a bunch of weirdos, some of them the kind of weird I like others not so much. I don’t put as much thought into why I like others or why they don’t like me. It’s not a matter of survival anymore to find out what I can change to fit in better.
All I can say is congratulations. As long as you live, you're not "too old" to...live, and I'm really happy for you that you're experiencing being loved for exactly who you are. I too have molded my life around what others have expected of me, and it did come to a point that I couldn't anymore.
Im 65. I have been on the outside, looking in my whole life, and have been bullied because I was different. Here's a few bits that I have learnt. Hope they help. Most other people are also hiding their true selves. Bullies = scared little cowards ( no matter how 'superior' they are job wise). People who call you looser or wierdo are terrified of you because you dont fit in with what they understand. If, and when, you walk away or at least minimise your time with them - its their loss! You come across on TH-cam as a fascinating and interesting person of great intelligence. Bright people have always been the outsiders from Thomas Hardy to Steven Fry - Florence Nightingale to Hannah Fry. Treat yourself and others with loving kindness - 'forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do' . Be unique - and be kind to the scared ones. Keep You Tubing, please. I find that I'm think about what you've said days later! Thank you.
❤️❤️❤️❤️ I just started accepting myself. It's scary to be judged but once you don't give AF about what ppl think it's life changing. You are awesome! I resonate with you in so many ways. Keep being you so you can find your tribe more easily❤❤❤
Definitely true. Struggled fitting in my whole life and tried changing myself to do it. Everyone else can tell when you're not being authentic though so it isn't worth the emotional toll. The people you want to fit in with won't care about your quirks anyway. Took me until high school to even start understanding that, honestly.
This is so honest & incisive, C. Why are all my favourites on YT realising they’re neurodiverse? Must be that beautiful neurospicy vibe. Have loved you a long time, and love you still x
I was just thinking about you a couple days ago as I recently realized I'm on the spectrum. I was thinking of people i know and youtubers i watch and wondered about you. Then only a day later I saw you making this video. I take it as a sign that thinking about you in this light was not a coincidence. ❤ Also you are not a weirdo. You are perfect as you are. Please keep being you. I feel honored to be able to see you more unmasked in this video. You have a wonderful personality and don't ever believe otherwise!
I am familiar with the term, but; I think of it less as a "mask" and more as a language - I am fluent-ish in neurotypical but wont speak it unless forced by circumstance. I don't really regret not being able to "fit in" because fitting in doesn't make me happy. I prefer being on the outside. It has its advantages and sometimes people come to visit. I think more people would be happy if they learned to be alone as well as I am. It's not about WHAT you are, but how GOOD you are at being what you are. I am alone, and I am good at being alone. Many people admire my independence.
Thanks for your bravery and vulnerability talking about this subject. You sharing your point of view and self understanding can help others. The people that see us as "weird" aren't our people and I hope you find more safe people to be your full self. Thanks for going off script and speaking so openly Cinzia.
Really admire you being so open and upfront on this topic :) had similar experiences and for what its worth, the ones youre safe enough to unmask around get the best you - those who dont accept unmasked ND people are missing out on a hell of a lot of goodness. Their loss i guess 🤷♂️😊
Daar Cinzia, as an late diagnosed autistic adhd person i resonate with what you are saying about masking. Been doing it for 40 years until i couldnt anymore. Until i lost the real me and i didnt know who i am anymore. Now i am trying to unmask. I am so lucky because at home i can be the real me. My husband loves my weird quirky me who flaps her arms when entering a book shop. Be proud of the beautiful unique you that you are. My mantra is: People are aloud to have their opinion but if the people are not in my inner circle, i dont have to do anything about it and with it. It is never good enough and that is their problem. This is the best i can do. And if someone bullies again tell them to go bother someone else because i dont care. You deserve a nice life and a place in it.
Regarding scripted/unscripted content, this video was highly fluent and I wouldn’t have even considered whether it was scripted or not. Your unmasking has not harmed your content!
You are one of the most wonderful and relatable people. I'm happy we get to experience the beautiful person you are to your viewers. I wish you more happiness and joy. We're learning from your courage in vulnerability.
I'm thankful that the algorithm recommended this to me. Towards the end I started tearing up because you captured how I've been feeling for a while. Thank you
Thank you for posting this video and for doing it completely unscripted, I could see while watching it that you looked more than a little terrified of what you were doing. Showing true vulnerability in such an honest and sincere way and laying yourself bare is such a daunting thing when you've spent a lifetime of trying to hide who you were because every time you tried to reach out and make connections you ended up suffering for your troubles. I've also felt an outsider for much of my life, never really comfortable fitting in anywhere at all. It took me a long time to realise that I was masking so much that I couldn't let that wall down at all even when I was with someone I felt 100% safe and comfortable with. Being able to see that who you are is actually someone worthwhile with skills and abilities to offer the world is hard to accept when the fear overwhelms. No matter how different from everyone else we may feel we are, we're are not alone and there are many like us who understand the difficulties of being different from the majority. Thank you once again, it took a lot of bravery to make this video and I for one am very grateful that you did.
We have to unhook our identity from our circumstances. I've seen the true you in your other videos, but this really shines your light. Thank you for your courage and authenticity. Keep.being you .
You are NOT a loser, period. Those people are fucked up. I had similar reactions from my birth family and my in laws. I also found one person who loves me for who I am and I married him. Thank God for my husband, he helped me save my life. I am also self-diagnosed autistic, when I realized that I was, I felt like: FINALLY, there really isn't something fundamentally wrong with me! Thank goodness!
I absolutely relate to this, the exhaustion is getting heavier and I just wanna throw the need to mask in the bin. I’ve had to change myself around different people, adopting others’ passions or interests that weren’t even mine for starters…It’s a process but it’ll be so liberating; I’m still learning though! So glad you found someone who accepts you for who you are, we all need one (or more) people like that! Thank you so much for sharing, very empowering ❤
Another great 😊 Cinzia. It’s so hard to be authentic to yourself and be that person to others. I think that’s why so many never take the chance at a relationship or changing careers. Honestly, I don’t care what other people think. But that’s why I’m single and live alone like a monk. Thank you again Cinzia.
Two years ago I decided to request an accommodation at work to be able to work from home. The mask was too much to bare. Now, looking back, I can see how much this affected my mental health. Now I can’t go back.
I have autism and the exhaustion from simply existing in the world described in this video runs so parallel to how I've been feeling. I was also made fun of and ridiculed for nearly my entire childhood, well into my 20's. I wasn't officially diagnosed with autism until around a year ago. One of the only people that I've ever felt like I could be myself around was my mother (and to a much less extent my father). I'm in my mid thirties now and moved them closer to me about a year ago because of their declining health. A long story short, both have died since - my father from stomach cancer and my mother from a series of heart attacks. Ever since I've found it even more difficult to leave bed, let alone the house. Socializing has become even more difficult and I wonder if it's because of a combination of masking and feeling like my best support system has fallen away so suddenly.
There is so much I would like to answer to this, but it would be too many words. I feel you have been so brave Cinzia in aligning with your authenticity and being on your own side in doing this, nurturing your most vulnerable authentic self by alllowing it to come out. This to me is true self care. It is such a difficult balance in allowing ourselves to be who we feel we truly are, and also realizing there are boundaries and degrees of sharing, in contexts and with certain people. Brene Brown speaks a lot around vulnerability and shame and she does address the fact that we also need to choose who deserves to hear and see our most vulnerable parts. Whoever does get to know you in depth is a very lucky person. Love and Light your way Cinzia ✨🌷
You really sounds good unscripted. and very understandabkle and , lovely as always. I think that "weirdo" vibe makes you a pretty engaging influencer , and , yeah you made enthusiadtic research on greek mythology topics that sometimece are niche, i would guess thats, way more interesting than "normal", its you doing your passion. I would guess fans like that.
I'm not diagnosed but I'm sure I'm autistic. I relate closely to your story, especially the conflicting effects of masking. I unconsciously mask to keep myself safe, but I hate how it affects my ability to be and even know who I am. I too feel like it's a hopeless situation and am currently stuck isolating myself and not really knowing what else to do because getting hurt in social situations can be so deep and lasting, it's hard to keep trying more than occasionally. Nobody even needs to bully me directly, it's just the psychology of being in the situation and just not understanding anything or myself. It's so much. Being recently married and being accepted by my husband for my true self has helped me so much in figuring out how to be myself without a mask. I hope that in time, the practice I have in this environment will help me feel comfortable being myself more in public (though the thought still makes me cringe), as it's already given me a little more confidence and helped me to be less self-conscious.
I wanted to watch for my son who masks at school & quickly realized I mask too … I would get super excited jump up&down clap etc and other girls would look at me like I was so disgusting & embarrassing & tell me to stop. Thank you for this video. Sending lots of love & support 🖤🖤🖤
Thank you for this video. I've been struggling with masking myself and trying to peel off its layers I've so carefully arranged. One thing that has helped me immensely is coming across the term "highly sensitive person". It's a temperament trait that about 20-30% of people have that basically means that you notice more from your environment (both external and internal), you process more of the information, you are more empathetic and you get overwhelmed more easily due to the first two. For me, I've realised it's not autism or ADHD, it's that I am an HSP, more so that I am a "sensation-seeking" HSP, which combines two traits that do not always agree on how I should spend my time and energy! P.S. Being an HSP is a predisposition for developing different kinds of disorders.
"Normal" is the oldest fairytale still told today that sometimes remains believed to be true. Much love to you, Cinzia and partner! Hope to see more candid and maybe some goofy bits in future videos!
To this day I can hear your lovely voice in that brilliant video about all the cool things you can do on a no-buy, when you may be feeling like this won’t work or is too hard or means doing things that are different from what is “expected” by others: “Now fight the fear.” Love that line.
I don't know if anyone reads this, but - as someone who does (as far as I can tell) - a lot of masking and has done so much to improve the strategies behind it, I can say that "being confidently weird" is a really good asset for me. Luckily I had a big advantage in all school things during my apprentice years (another odd thing I did helped me there), so I experimented with a combination of helping people whenever I can, being confident, friendly and as approachable as humanly possible, while also leaning into the weirdness as much as I felt comfortable with (and a little more sometimes). I am at a point in life where - for example - if my divorced mom told me that she was going to get married again I could look her dead in the eyes and say with a straight face "my condolence" and be certain that she understands it to be a joke. With that said, I have a very good memory to have an absolute metric fuckton of sentences ready at any point and I have trained my brain to prepare more of them as I do other things (totaling about 90 to 100 hours of rehearsing what I will say if X every week) and I still sometimes struggle to keep up. Having said all that, I can't imagine the horror of doing all of the above (if it is indeed similar enough for comparison) on other people's terms Thank you for peeling back the curtain just a little bit Mrs. DuBois Keep it up, we believe in you
The more I look back at my life the more i realize that masking for me has taken the form of using bigger words and more complex sentences to obfuscate my actual feelings and initial thoughts. I'm finding it hard now to be more genuine in a way that fixes that, though. I think the way your expressing yourself here is very inspirational
This video was so validating to me. There are people who will like the authentic you, but it can be hard to find them if you're masking. It takes bravery. At the end of the day most people who dislike you care more about themselves, and hatred is a reflection of them, not you. Good luck on your unmasking journey. I'm right there with you!
I'm a dx Autistic person and you're basically describing the Au experience, esp how Masking gives you fatigue, that you hand flap, being scared of meeting people, the severity of your Masking (how much it hurts you), how you have been bullied, decompressing from bullying by having a shutdown (hiding in closet = dark and quiet), scripting, not matching your peers in speech, feeling fake or ashamed after socialising, giggling to let out energy during socialising. Perhaps you should take the RAADS-R? It's a free online Au screening tool, a study showed it is highly accurate. The Allistic score is
My most startling experience of masking as a concept was when a person I knew suddenly unmasked to me, by revealing a set of their unusual quirks in short order. They had already clocked my autistic behaviour but I had no idea about them.
I wish I had the energy to write a long comment with lots of encouragement and empathy, but I don't think I know how. So let me just say: I wanted to give you a big hug all this time, because you told MY story just as much as your own. I cried through the whole thing, especially the bit about losing your passions, feeling ashamed about who you are and being incredibly constricted in your own skin. I get it. I'm very sorry - but also very happy you found someone you can take that heavy mask off with. I hope that person is out there for me, too, one day!
Cinzia, from what I can gather, it sounds as if the things you are masking are your greatest strengths and the things that make you magical. With your example of how you are around books - I think it's fantastic when someone can feel excited and passionate about something like that. I admire (and sometimes envy) people who have the ability to get stoked about things. In my eyes, they are living life to the fullest, and I only aspire to be like that. If a friend confesses to me that there's something they would really like to do but perhaps they don't dare, I tell them that the desire they have is a gift and it's important to follow it. If anyone shames you for it then they are idiots and don't deserve to be in your life.
I was in my mid 30s when i finally found friends who did not only accept me, but where as different as i am and where i also could unmask. That helped me so much to accept who i am. Have you thought about a discord for your followers? To maybe communicate unmasked in a more or less save space?
Having the right people is so important. Just a few days ago I met with friends and told them: "I am sorry if I say stupid stuff, I am tired and the filter is off". They chuckled and we had a great evening saying stupid stuff together.
I was told frequently during my childhood that I am strange. Now, when I am an "adult", I have huge problems with getting a job. Interestingly enough, they usually like my CV (in like 40% of the time), but when they see me in real life and speak with me, they get to know that I have strange speaking patterns and am not big on watching people in the eyes. I am worrying about not being able to secure a job at least few times every week, sometimes just breaking down and pacing for hours, that greatly annoys my mom. I just do not know what to do. I am very seriously thinking that my life ended when my childhood ended, and it was much better to be bullied in school then being actually incapable of doing anything that adults have to do. I have never been in a relationship, never held a job for more than one season, never lived alone and am continuing unpractical education (and I have no willpower to break through those courses that I am not interested at). I am seen as a child even by people younger than me. I genuinely do not know what to do with my life. I am not even capable to form habits, I am just behaving on my impulses. Honestly, If at some point my health will fail me, I will not even be mad. I cannot see bright future for myself anymore.
@Judithsvd , yeah. I actually have a good job as a teacher now. I love children and it is mutual. Even if I will not be able to do it more than one year, it is a very cool experience. I know now that I actually want to not only make more knowledge, but also spread it.
Can't imagine how hard this video was to make. Huge respect. Just because you didn't conform does not make you a loser, and it's terrible those closest made you feel this way. It's a shame society shuns uniqueness. It makes for a rich tapestry of humanity. Your videos are fun and interesting to watch, and I'd happily befriend you in a book shop. I grew up a terribly introverted child, terrified of the world and what it thought of me, mainly because of so called friends pulling me down and using me as a joke. I believed I was insignificant. Like you it took kind people to allow me to be me and bring me out of my shell. Strangely I got the chance to visit my old school last year - an open day before they tore it down. Walking those corridors I realised how much I'd changed since that I was that scared little boy. I hope this person in your life giving you unconditional love is the turning point in yours. These videos will be a reminder as to how far you've come in the future. Huge love to everyone struggling to find themselves in this world. We'll get there! :)
I can definitely relate. Also not diagnosed on any neurotypical spectrum, but much of what you said in this video resonated with me too. I am just now entering my 30’s and have also been bracing myself to release the mask of my professional presentation of myself. I love books, movies, video games, and TV shows that are nerdy like sci-fi and fantasy. I’ve always dressed in a way that made me look like more of a “grown up” or whatever that was supposed to look like when I was told to grow up when I was 12. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Cinzia. 💜
People who have issues with you, that's their problem not yours. Your awesome. Thank you for making your videos. I've been unmasking for about 10 years now. It's part of what helped me heal the PTSD rage and anxiety, and the OCD lunatic that lived in my head. Anyone who liked the masked me has their own internal issues they need to work on, and that's not my problem. I'm only responsible for my intentions, my actions, and my internal dialogue. Good luck! It's quite the shock some times when you realize just how deep the masking goes.
Hello, as someone who has also been working on unmasking lately I appreciate your candid video. It’s definitely a struggle, but I think everyone should be allowed to be as they are.
This is where I’m at, too. Self-identified Autistic, trying to unmask. I’m trying to take baby steps, and lean on those who are supportive. Best of luck to you ❤
I am 38y.o. neurotypical woman but I also decided some time ago to live mask free in most of my situations. And I have a strong conviction that we all would live easier lives without most of our masks. A year ago I fell in love with an AUDHD woman and I loved all of her different moves and specific ways. I wqs so happy that she felt safe enough with me to show me who she really is and to let me into her world a bit. I would not take it any other way. I hope that we as sociaties learn to be more gratious to each other. Thanks for the video and good luck with you unmasking journey. I hope it will make your life lighter and happier❤
Wow I’ve never heard masking explained so similarly to my experience 😓 I’m self-diagnosed neurodivergent. I can’t get a formal diagnosis because I would be discriminated against in my country, so I’m not sure what label(s) could be applied to me. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! You seem more comfortable speaking in your natural unscripted cadence. This video is really inspiring me! I’ve been becoming more and more miserable the older I get, and so lonely, because most neurodivergent people online have a lot of “evidence” from a young age, but I was forced to start masking extremely young. I just know that something is different about how my brain operates compared to my siblings and other people. You’ve inspired me to do a deep-dive to learn about unmasking. Thank you!!
I too am undiagnosed but I know that I am neurodivergent. Everything that you just said is my story too - exactly how I feel and how I have felt that I need to act in this neurotypical world. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, it helps all of us who are feeling the same way to realise that we are fine just the way we are and to feel connected to others in the world. I think you are amazing!!! Thank you!!
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience, many of us are going through similar ordeals. Accepting and embracing ourselves shouldn't be so hard. I for one, admire you and your work and have done so for some time now. YOU ARE AMAZING! So, you're gonna be just fine 🖤
I haven’t formally been diagnosed as autistic or neurodivergent, but I can really relate to everything you’ve discussed and I also really appreciate this video. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. Although I haven’t been diagnosed and the evaluation is just not feasible for me at this time I have been researching more on ocd and autism ( two things I’ve thought may apply to me). I really felt it when you talked about the shame of being yourself and also reading for fun. Due to stress and fatigue I have been having trouble with my short term memory and stuttering/ slowed speech so I find reading terrifying now compared to when I was a child and books were what saved me and gave me the friends I needed. I’m hoping to start my own journey of unmasking and one step for me is reading again and not being ashamed if I can only read comics or children’s books until I build up my stamina again. I do often have that feeling of grief like missing myself and I’d like to hopefully move on to a period of my life where I am myself and where I don’t find myself putting up all these masks. Thanks for another wonderful video ❤️
I’ve resonated with a few of your videos I’ve seen over the recent months, the year not buying stuff, making friends as an adult, and more pertinently this one. Socialising often feels a massive drain. Regardless it’s something I’m actively working on but it also feels like I’ve got two separate sections of the same life. Two sets of friends And a job with people I like but ultimately can’t be my full self around. Just rant posting anywho. Thanks for the video.
Just have started the 5 first minutes : it's heartbreaking honestly, I can also relate to your social experience to a certain extend while I feel like I went through this period... Glad to hear you have found someone who accepts you as you are. I hope someday you will be able to unmask without having to think about it. PS : You shouldn't be ashamed of your accent, it sounds very classy 👌
Thank you for opening up & being brave to try and be your authentic self. I constantly struggle with similar masking & going over things I have said & done worrying excessively only to find out that no one else was thinking about it or cared like I thought. Though at times I still struggle with unmasking, even around my 15 year partner, it is a constant checking in & attuning myself to my uniqueness to live a happier expressive life. If people do not enjoy your authentic self they can move on elsewhere, & you will be happier not having them bogging you down. Thank you again for vulnerability & please continue to express your creative musings✨
Full support for discovering your authentic self, I feel like we grow up with so much self edit, especially for those who are sensitive and don’t fit in the box. I had to go to art school to find my gaggle of gals and other artsy Fartsy folks. I hope you discover more and more friends you connect with that allow you to unmask and be free. I think you are wonderful and unique. ❤
I do understand the “masking” . It started at school, however I managed to subvert it at GSE & ALevel and degree level by out-performing my fellow pupils and appearing a cheerful soul, It has always been an undercurrent though and I definitely understand the bloody fatigue of putting one foot in front of another, every damned day. I too have always found escape in books and also a relief in growing and learning about the many “weird” cacti and succulent plants that I grow. Managing to germinate what seems to be a dust particle (seeds can be this tiny) and nurturing it into a living plant is a joy. Plants and cats, don’t criticise. Bless you on your journey 🤗
There are so many supportive comments here, that you should read, and be encouraged by. Personally, I love your videos and the personality behind them. Be exactly who you are, and only change what you decide to change, for you and only you. Who you are makes you stand out, and that’s what makes your channel distinct. None of us is perfect, but no one gets to dictate who you are. You opening up has given me a lot of strength. I’m sure it’s done the same for many, many others.
I’m only half way through the video. Just mainly want to say that you’re very articulate and this is very thoughtful. I feel myself having similar struggles, often being exhausted by the day-to-day living and trying to be normal, difficulty with and anxiety around reading, creating etc., even though I come from a different background. I don’t what’s the answer of it all, but surely being brave and true would be part of it. I’m hopeful for our exploration and hope you’ll get some strength in learning that the unmasked you is brilliant and appreciated.
I'm glad I realised you've got to front confidence and stop apologising for being yourself. Nobody's on your side before everyone's on your side. People only started liking me when I started liking myself.
I never got bullied, and I’m so glad for that. I don’t even know of anyone in my school being bullied. I have always felt like an outsider. I tried for years to be a certain way to have friends, and I often had a hard time with knowing where the social norm boundaries were (and even got an award for it which, by that time, I was proud of). Once I let that go and just decided to be me, to like what I like, to not try so hard to fit in, life became easier. I don’t always do or say the right thing. Banal chit chat bores me and I struggle to do it. But…I’m much happier. I find it easier to make friends now than I did before. The freedom to just Be is such a relief.
Wow, this is breathtaking! Thank you for sharing your experience. It is heartbreaking to me yet comforting that your experience has been so similar to mine.
Yep, the paralysis of not wanting to be exposed. For me it got to the point where I stopped giving a crap and developed the ability to fire back if someone decided to make it an issue. Accepting the conflict works for me, but conflict isn't for everyone.
This is your best video so far. Something I desperately needed. I have the exact same problem my entire life. Hope we will both be better eventually. Wish I could hug you. ❤❤❤
![Normal People: Letting Young Love Grow [Video Essay]](/img/n.gif)
You are very brave to be so open on the internet. I was bullied most of my life as well and have never liked myself. I am now in my early 50's and finally becoming comfortable in my own skin. You are a bright light who has so much to offer the people you touch. Please be more loving and forgiving to yourself. You're worth it. ❤
I've read once: Before you self-diagnose with depression or anxiety, first make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes.
!!!
Being surrounded by assholes is a common cause of depression and anxiety.
Can't get away from assholes when they're the ones running the asylum
kinda. This is like a "what came first, chicken or the egg" type of situation. You can have depression and/or anxiety because you're surrounded by assholes, or you can have it regardless of if you're surrounded by assholes or not. Sometimes it can improve once ppl stop hanging out around assholes, but it doesn't mean that it for sure will. For me, I'm around amazing people for the most part and yet my depression and anxiety is still prevalent.
Most people are.
As a late diagnosed autistic person, this was so similar to my experiences. I'm so happy you have someone who actually likes/ loves the real you. After a life time of negativity around being your real unmasked self, for me at least, having someone see and still like me was life changing and what I needed to start trying to unmask little by little in safe places
"To be truly seen is our greatest fear, and simultaneously, our greatest desire." ❤️
The people calling you "loser" are being abusive. It's nothing to do with who you are, but more a problem with their lack of empathy and compassion. It might be because they are dealing with trauma or their own internal struggles, or it might just be they are selfish and try to make themselves feel better by putting others down. Hopefully the people who love you are already telling you this because I'm very glad my parents instilled this concept in me from a very young age, but for me, it is fundamental that I reject any negative labels that people try to assign to me. It's none of their business, and I refused to internalize it. That doesn't mean that I ignore feedback from others about my behavior (i.e. someone says my words were offensive) but I won't accept their judgement of me, my worth, or worthiness for respect from others.
My parents were the ones who tore me down. I find it crippling to deal with.
@@inspiringsimple I consider myself very lucky that I had the parents I did. If it wasn't for them and the support of my grandmother I would be a very different person if even still alive. As a parent now I can't imagine how people can sustain such cruelty toward their children. I hope that you can someday find peace from the harm done to you.
@@inspiringsimplethere are channels to help you. Like the crappy childhood fairy.
Cinzia you're fantastic. I wish there were more people like you in the world like you. I only recently started to realise that I'd been masking for years. More than 50 years. So I'd go through this cycle of getting more and more exhausted, wondering what the hell was wrong with me, then having a massive mental crash, which was always diagnosed as depression. Then I'd have a few months of complete isolation from everything and "get better", then throw myself back in to the theatre of being in the world. Rinse, repeat. Thing is, despite all my efforts, it never even really worked. Everyone still thought I was a bit odd, and I ended up having no idea who I really was. I'm still not entirely sure, but I'm working on it.
I decided to just be me in about 2013, and let people dislike me since they did anyway. In most situations.
What happened is that all the low quality people got very mad and took themselves away, leaving me with just a few, but excellent people.
there could very well be, but you won't see that unless you create a space were people feel secure to be honest about they're thoughts and feelings. someone doing their groceries isn't going to open up.
also keep in mind you're unmasked self might be very well be an asshole moron any adjective you associate negatively. but on the other hand could be them, difficult to know at the start, alexatheimia is a kick in the balls
I'm almost 50 and it never occurred to me that masking is what I was doing. The concept didn't even exist.
Thank you so much for sharing this Cinzia. My wife of 15 years is leaving me, and I have been thinking a lot about the things she's said to me. I am realizing that, as a neurodivergent, I've been masking for most of our marriage - perhaps for all of it. I don't think she particularly liked the person she married and knew she didn't like him. She thought she could "change" or "fix" me into the man she wanted with time. Realizing this, I began masking around the one person I shouldn't have to mask around - my wife. I pretended to be someone else for her so that she would accept me. I did a decent job of it for awhile, but over time there were flashes of frustration or anger over the fact that even trying my hardest to be this "man" she wanted, it still wasn't enough. Unknowingly, I started to strike back passive-aggressively by pointing out her flaws and shortcomings as well. There came a point where both of us were just remarkably unhappy with each other, but unwilling to really talk about it. I am realizing that If I ever have another relationship, it needs to be someone who gets me and likes me for me.
Based on what you described, sounds like you should choose to end the relationship as well, rather than be “left”. You want to, you need to, why choose to describe yourself to others as being “left”. Take an active vocabulary and an active role in ending this terrible situation and pursue authenticity, for everyone’s sake. You can start now by being authentic to your future ex wife by breaking up with her rather than describing yourself as a victim being left.
Be you. That's who I'm interested in hearing.
You deserve to exist exactly as you are. This video felt like taking a deep breath compared to your scripted ones. We love the unmasked version of you. Time to unburden yourself of the expectations of others and revel in being congruent and authentically you ❤
Autistic. Just returned from work today, and feel beyond exhausted. Being at work brings it home that I’m not normal and makes me feel ashamed of who I am. At home I don’t feel any of this as I can just be myself but at work when I have to adhere to social expectations I have to keep a tight rein on myself and how I act and what I say. I hate being around people, and talking to people. I have nothing to say to them and couldn’t find the words even if I wanted to. Thank you for the video I think I was meant to see this today. ❤
Don't bother saying anything. Most folks just like the sound of their own voices anyway! If forced into conversational mode, I use the 5 prompts technique - who, what, where, when, how. The longest 'conversation' I have had, without volunteering any personal information, was 3/4 of an hour! E.g. how was your weekend? Who did you go with? What did you do there? When did you get there? Etc. An amusing game! I sound cruel, but on the other hand, I am giving them a chance to express themselves and, occasionally, you learn something!
Sorry you have so much pressure.
@@lynnoorman2144 this made me laugh, it didn’t sound cruel. I’ve been in that situation. And in your head you wonder when is this conversation going to be over
I was diagnosed as autistic (actually, due to when it happened, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome) when I was 30. I am now nearly 50.
I have a tween daughter, and I am seeing her struggle with many of the same things I struggled with. When you describe being told that you are a loser and being made to feel badly because you behave in a way that isn't the "norm" sounds very familiar to me, and one of the things that I have been working with my daughter on is helping her to understand that there's nothing wrong with her "weird" behaviors and reactions, while also recognizing that I can't shield her too much from the world - she has to learn how to deal with other people, but at least she has the advantage of having a parent who understands where she's coming from and works to help her feel okay with being different.
What a sad world we live in, if "losers" are the people who love to read, think, learn and ponder.
That's why I won't create another life. Being child-free is the only way to break this curse of a hell.
Currently feeling embarrassed about how I acted in book club on Sunday. To the point I'm tempted to quit...again. But it's literally the only socializing I do....and it's not even in person. I am trying to branch out...going to the library to take painting class tomorrow. I'll report back on that endeavor.
Please report back 😊 and remember that one “bad” action doesn’t define us
@@SaraLeanne forced myself to go. Seems like it went OK. I talked to the 2 people at my table...they didn't appear to be put off by me lol
Brave you! Other folk have surprisingly short attention spans and probably won't remember anyway. Best of luck.
When you only have limited social interaction, they become disproportionately fraught. So a small slight from someone hurts more than it would if you had 18 other interactions a week.
Realizing this helped me, I hope it helps you too.
You have to risk being disliked for who you are in order to have a chance at being liked for who you are.
True-ish, but only if the issue set is simplistic. Cinzia's sharing some of her most vulnerable thoughts about something she wants to be transparent about. It's complex. What she is telling us is not (just) about being liked. She's making movement, making effort to push against her discomfort. In this video, she's speaking her truth out loud.
Reads like a Hallmark card 🧐
@@TassieYarnivore I’m sure you didn’t mean that the way you said it, because where I’m from, Hallmark means trite and sappy. And, I’m not picking that up from Cindi’s or the other commenters.
Cinzia.. thank you, autocorrect!
Lady, the more of your videos I view, the more taken aback I feel at your tremendous courage.
I'm a good bit older than you and I still haven't found the courage to tell my strange, offbeat, sad story. I'm still alone with it. The bullying started my first day of school, at four years of age. It proceeded to warp my entire life.
I'm just astonished that you find it in you to work out the story of your life I still can't do it. I just feel too ashamed. .
Gosh Cinzia, you start to bring me to tears around 9:30. I still mask quite a great deal because at where I live, I feel like I would really alienate myself if I were to allow myself to truly be. But the strength you showed here and that you show by trying is remarkable and inspiring.
You've done nothing but make my life better since I found your videos.
Lovely video, a few years ago I decided to ‘just be myself’, I have always been ‘a bit different’ to the mainstream and often struggle to relate to what other people are talking about/interested in. Truthfully it’s been overwhelmingly positive. It’s true, some people think I am strange, but I just laugh and agree, I say this is who I am. I refuse to be ashamed of my interests (I am very academic and research everything I am interested in in great depth). I am much happier and less exhausted and the people that do accept me - well they are my tribe ❤ You can be very different to someone and still be friends, if you practice kindness and acceptance yourself.
You're my cup of tea. I am an avid consumer of your view of history. Thank you.
Kia Ora Cinzia! As an autistic person I just wanted to say that self diagnosis is completely valid, the formal diagnosis availability and accuracy is ridiculous but more importantly you tend to just know in yourself, so if you find yourself feeling comfort in that label, it's yours. + you're not alone in your masking struggles and your unmasked self is beautiful! ❤️
I feel for you... feeling ashamed about being yourself is a horrible feeling. There is just one you, I hope you can learn to appreciate yourself as we, your subscribers, do. Thanks for being so vulnerable and unmasked in this video.
I'm terrified of people.
Never been good with them.
I would go to the store, try to avoid people, but in the end awkward things always seem to happen. I Walked into a woman once (I often walk with my head down, eyes on the ground.) And this woman tore me down for 10 minutes straight. I walked through the rest of the store in a stone cold haze, when I got home I just broke down.
I have no friends and haven't for a long time, and I have gotten to the point where I enjoy the solitude. Silence doesn't hurt you like people do
I think my doctor thinks I'm mentally inept. They talk to me like I'm going to snap at any moment.
I am ashamed of who I have become.
I don't know what's wrong with me, and I am tired of trying to figure it out.
I hope your journey with unmasking works out for you and you can find your happiness. You deserve it❤
So do you! ❤️
I am also autistic. I know you Don't have a diagnosis, and you don't need one, of course. But the masking thing you do hit home a lot. I'm an artist and my clothes are my colours and for the world I look insanely weird. Plus, I took off my hair because of sensory issues. So I look extremely odd. One thing is that strangers keep confronting me with their opinions about my looks, and it keeps me in the house a lot. Because these reactions just couldn't script. They bully me everywhere. And I just tried to react nice, which made me even stranger. I now, because of you realise I mask with my family too a lot. Just not with my partner and 1 friend. I'm tired all the time. So maybe I will 😮 your Quest. Letting go of the mask.
This was very honest and I found it special to hear of your own experience. Thank you for sharing it! For myself i realized that being full of shame and kinda terrified of other people made it hard to socialize, I was playing myself like a role for a long time. I wasn’t in a position to actually react to other people so I could only do stuff that I could guess the reaction to. I like myself a lot more these days , I worked on all that shame and have more trust in me. And I find a lot of things in life less difficult. People are less confusing, less scary. I can see them for what they are; a bunch of weirdos, some of them the kind of weird I like others not so much. I don’t put as much thought into why I like others or why they don’t like me. It’s not a matter of survival anymore to find out what I can change to fit in better.
All I can say is congratulations.
As long as you live, you're not "too old" to...live, and I'm really happy for you that you're experiencing being loved for exactly who you are.
I too have molded my life around what others have expected of me, and it did come to a point that I couldn't anymore.
Im 65. I have been on the outside, looking in my whole life, and have been bullied because I was different. Here's a few bits that I have learnt. Hope they help. Most other people are also hiding their true selves. Bullies = scared little cowards ( no matter how 'superior' they are job wise). People who call you looser or wierdo are terrified of you because you dont fit in with what they understand. If, and when, you walk away or at least minimise your time with them - its their loss! You come across on TH-cam as a fascinating and interesting person of great intelligence. Bright people have always been the outsiders from Thomas Hardy to Steven Fry - Florence Nightingale to Hannah Fry. Treat yourself and others with loving kindness - 'forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do' . Be unique - and be kind to the scared ones. Keep You Tubing, please. I find that I'm think about what you've said days later! Thank you.
Keep being candid my friend, you're far from a weirdo. You're giving us all hope and you don't even know it.
❤️❤️❤️❤️ I just started accepting myself. It's scary to be judged but once you don't give AF about what ppl think it's life changing. You are awesome! I resonate with you in so many ways. Keep being you so you can find your tribe more easily❤❤❤
Definitely true. Struggled fitting in my whole life and tried changing myself to do it. Everyone else can tell when you're not being authentic though so it isn't worth the emotional toll. The people you want to fit in with won't care about your quirks anyway. Took me until high school to even start understanding that, honestly.
This is so honest & incisive, C. Why are all my favourites on YT realising they’re neurodiverse? Must be that beautiful neurospicy vibe. Have loved you a long time, and love you still x
I was just thinking about you a couple days ago as I recently realized I'm on the spectrum. I was thinking of people i know and youtubers i watch and wondered about you. Then only a day later I saw you making this video. I take it as a sign that thinking about you in this light was not a coincidence. ❤ Also you are not a weirdo. You are perfect as you are. Please keep being you. I feel honored to be able to see you more unmasked in this video. You have a wonderful personality and don't ever believe otherwise!
I am familiar with the term, but; I think of it less as a "mask" and more as a language - I am fluent-ish in neurotypical but wont speak it unless forced by circumstance. I don't really regret not being able to "fit in" because fitting in doesn't make me happy. I prefer being on the outside. It has its advantages and sometimes people come to visit. I think more people would be happy if they learned to be alone as well as I am. It's not about WHAT you are, but how GOOD you are at being what you are. I am alone, and I am good at being alone. Many people admire my independence.
I love the rephrasing to see it as a language. I'm a NT learning the ND language so I'm able to communicate with you guys ❤.
Thanks for your bravery and vulnerability talking about this subject. You sharing your point of view and self understanding can help others. The people that see us as "weird" aren't our people and I hope you find more safe people to be your full self. Thanks for going off script and speaking so openly Cinzia.
Really admire you being so open and upfront on this topic :) had similar experiences and for what its worth, the ones youre safe enough to unmask around get the best you - those who dont accept unmasked ND people are missing out on a hell of a lot of goodness.
Their loss i guess 🤷♂️😊
Daar Cinzia, as an late diagnosed autistic adhd person i resonate with what you are saying about masking. Been doing it for 40 years until i couldnt anymore. Until i lost the real me and i didnt know who i am anymore. Now i am trying to unmask. I am so lucky because at home i can be the real me. My husband loves my weird quirky me who flaps her arms when entering a book shop. Be proud of the beautiful unique you that you are. My mantra is: People are aloud to have their opinion but if the people are not in my inner circle, i dont have to do anything about it and with it. It is never good enough and that is their problem. This is the best i can do. And if someone bullies again tell them to go bother someone else because i dont care. You deserve a nice life and a place in it.
Regarding scripted/unscripted content, this video was highly fluent and I wouldn’t have even considered whether it was scripted or not. Your unmasking has not harmed your content!
Such an vulnerable and heart felt completely conversation. The amount of courage you demonstrated is inspiring. Thank you 🤗
You are one of the most wonderful and relatable people. I'm happy we get to experience the beautiful person you are to your viewers. I wish you more happiness and joy. We're learning from your courage in vulnerability.
I'm thankful that the algorithm recommended this to me. Towards the end I started tearing up because you captured how I've been feeling for a while. Thank you
Thank you for posting this video and for doing it completely unscripted, I could see while watching it that you looked more than a little terrified of what you were doing. Showing true vulnerability in such an honest and sincere way and laying yourself bare is such a daunting thing when you've spent a lifetime of trying to hide who you were because every time you tried to reach out and make connections you ended up suffering for your troubles.
I've also felt an outsider for much of my life, never really comfortable fitting in anywhere at all. It took me a long time to realise that I was masking so much that I couldn't let that wall down at all even when I was with someone I felt 100% safe and comfortable with. Being able to see that who you are is actually someone worthwhile with skills and abilities to offer the world is hard to accept when the fear overwhelms.
No matter how different from everyone else we may feel we are, we're are not alone and there are many like us who understand the difficulties of being different from the majority.
Thank you once again, it took a lot of bravery to make this video and I for one am very grateful that you did.
well said
We have to unhook our identity from our circumstances. I've seen the true you in your other videos, but this really shines your light. Thank you for your courage and authenticity. Keep.being you .
You are NOT a loser, period. Those people are fucked up. I had similar reactions from my birth family and my in laws. I also found one person who loves me for who I am and I married him. Thank God for my husband, he helped me save my life.
I am also self-diagnosed autistic, when I realized that I was, I felt like: FINALLY, there really isn't something fundamentally wrong with me! Thank goodness!
Thanks!
I absolutely relate to this, the exhaustion is getting heavier and I just wanna throw the need to mask in the bin. I’ve had to change myself around different people, adopting others’ passions or interests that weren’t even mine for starters…It’s a process but it’ll be so liberating; I’m still learning though!
So glad you found someone who accepts you for who you are, we all need one (or more) people like that! Thank you so much for sharing, very empowering ❤
Another great 😊 Cinzia. It’s so hard to be authentic to yourself and be that person to others. I think that’s why so many never take the chance at a relationship or changing careers. Honestly, I don’t care what other people think. But that’s why I’m single and live alone like a monk. Thank you again Cinzia.
no worries
Two years ago I decided to request an accommodation at work to be able to work from home. The mask was too much to bare. Now, looking back, I can see how much this affected my mental health. Now I can’t go back.
Continue to be you. Because truly everyone else is already taken. Looking forward to more amazing adventures.
I have autism and the exhaustion from simply existing in the world described in this video runs so parallel to how I've been feeling. I was also made fun of and ridiculed for nearly my entire childhood, well into my 20's. I wasn't officially diagnosed with autism until around a year ago. One of the only people that I've ever felt like I could be myself around was my mother (and to a much less extent my father). I'm in my mid thirties now and moved them closer to me about a year ago because of their declining health. A long story short, both have died since - my father from stomach cancer and my mother from a series of heart attacks. Ever since I've found it even more difficult to leave bed, let alone the house. Socializing has become even more difficult and I wonder if it's because of a combination of masking and feeling like my best support system has fallen away so suddenly.
idk how anyone could hate your accent, its elegant and youre really well spoken
Yes! Cinzia, you are a delight to listen to.
Your videos are brilliant. I look forward to every one of them. They feed my soul...
There is so much I would like to answer to this, but it would be too many words. I feel you have been so brave Cinzia in aligning with your authenticity and being on your own side in doing this, nurturing your most vulnerable authentic self by alllowing it to come out. This to me is true self care. It is such a difficult balance in allowing ourselves to be who we feel we truly are, and also realizing there are boundaries and degrees of sharing, in contexts and with certain people. Brene Brown speaks a lot around vulnerability and shame and she does address the fact that we also need to choose who deserves to hear and see our most vulnerable parts. Whoever does get to know you in depth is a very lucky person. Love and Light your way Cinzia ✨🌷
You really sounds good unscripted. and very understandabkle and , lovely as always.
I think that "weirdo" vibe makes you a pretty engaging influencer , and , yeah you made enthusiadtic research on greek mythology topics that sometimece are niche, i would guess thats, way more interesting than "normal", its you doing your passion. I would guess fans like that.
I'm not diagnosed but I'm sure I'm autistic. I relate closely to your story, especially the conflicting effects of masking. I unconsciously mask to keep myself safe, but I hate how it affects my ability to be and even know who I am. I too feel like it's a hopeless situation and am currently stuck isolating myself and not really knowing what else to do because getting hurt in social situations can be so deep and lasting, it's hard to keep trying more than occasionally. Nobody even needs to bully me directly, it's just the psychology of being in the situation and just not understanding anything or myself. It's so much.
Being recently married and being accepted by my husband for my true self has helped me so much in figuring out how to be myself without a mask. I hope that in time, the practice I have in this environment will help me feel comfortable being myself more in public (though the thought still makes me cringe), as it's already given me a little more confidence and helped me to be less self-conscious.
the best to you
I wanted to watch for my son who masks at school & quickly realized I mask too … I would get super excited jump up&down clap etc and other girls would look at me like I was so disgusting & embarrassing & tell me to stop. Thank you for this video. Sending lots of love & support 🖤🖤🖤
no worries
Thank you for this video. I've been struggling with masking myself and trying to peel off its layers I've so carefully arranged. One thing that has helped me immensely is coming across the term "highly sensitive person". It's a temperament trait that about 20-30% of people have that basically means that you notice more from your environment (both external and internal), you process more of the information, you are more empathetic and you get overwhelmed more easily due to the first two. For me, I've realised it's not autism or ADHD, it's that I am an HSP, more so that I am a "sensation-seeking" HSP, which combines two traits that do not always agree on how I should spend my time and energy!
P.S. Being an HSP is a predisposition for developing different kinds of disorders.
good luck!
"Normal" is the oldest fairytale still told today that sometimes remains believed to be true.
Much love to you, Cinzia and partner!
Hope to see more candid and maybe some goofy bits in future videos!
To this day I can hear your lovely voice in that brilliant video about all the cool things you can do on a no-buy, when you may be feeling like this won’t work or is too hard or means doing things that are different from what is “expected” by others: “Now fight the fear.” Love that line.
I don't know if anyone reads this, but - as someone who does (as far as I can tell) - a lot of masking and has done so much to improve the strategies behind it, I can say that "being confidently weird" is a really good asset for me.
Luckily I had a big advantage in all school things during my apprentice years (another odd thing I did helped me there), so I experimented with a combination of helping people whenever I can, being confident, friendly and as approachable as humanly possible, while also leaning into the weirdness as much as I felt comfortable with (and a little more sometimes).
I am at a point in life where - for example - if my divorced mom told me that she was going to get married again I could look her dead in the eyes and say with a straight face "my condolence" and be certain that she understands it to be a joke.
With that said, I have a very good memory to have an absolute metric fuckton of sentences ready at any point and I have trained my brain to prepare more of them as I do other things (totaling about 90 to 100 hours of rehearsing what I will say if X every week) and I still sometimes struggle to keep up.
Having said all that, I can't imagine the horror of doing all of the above (if it is indeed similar enough for comparison) on other people's terms
Thank you for peeling back the curtain just a little bit Mrs. DuBois
Keep it up, we believe in you
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Cinzia!
Thank you for your honesty. Your expressing yourself off script will help a lot of us who have similar experiences.
The more I look back at my life the more i realize that masking for me has taken the form of using bigger words and more complex sentences to obfuscate my actual feelings and initial thoughts. I'm finding it hard now to be more genuine in a way that fixes that, though. I think the way your expressing yourself here is very inspirational
This video was so validating to me. There are people who will like the authentic you, but it can be hard to find them if you're masking. It takes bravery. At the end of the day most people who dislike you care more about themselves, and hatred is a reflection of them, not you. Good luck on your unmasking journey. I'm right there with you!
I'm a dx Autistic person and you're basically describing the Au experience, esp how Masking gives you fatigue, that you hand flap, being scared of meeting people, the severity of your Masking (how much it hurts you), how you have been bullied, decompressing from bullying by having a shutdown (hiding in closet = dark and quiet), scripting, not matching your peers in speech, feeling fake or ashamed after socialising, giggling to let out energy during socialising. Perhaps you should take the RAADS-R? It's a free online Au screening tool, a study showed it is highly accurate. The Allistic score is
My most startling experience of masking as a concept was when a person I knew suddenly unmasked to me, by revealing a set of their unusual quirks in short order. They had already clocked my autistic behaviour but I had no idea about them.
no worries
I wish I had the energy to write a long comment with lots of encouragement and empathy, but I don't think I know how. So let me just say: I wanted to give you a big hug all this time, because you told MY story just as much as your own. I cried through the whole thing, especially the bit about losing your passions, feeling ashamed about who you are and being incredibly constricted in your own skin. I get it. I'm very sorry - but also very happy you found someone you can take that heavy mask off with. I hope that person is out there for me, too, one day!
Cinzia, from what I can gather, it sounds as if the things you are masking are your greatest strengths and the things that make you magical. With your example of how you are around books - I think it's fantastic when someone can feel excited and passionate about something like that. I admire (and sometimes envy) people who have the ability to get stoked about things. In my eyes, they are living life to the fullest, and I only aspire to be like that. If a friend confesses to me that there's something they would really like to do but perhaps they don't dare, I tell them that the desire they have is a gift and it's important to follow it. If anyone shames you for it then they are idiots and don't deserve to be in your life.
I always learn something with your videos. Thanks 😊
Thank you so much, Robert! I'm glad they help (:
This made me tear up, I recognise a lot of myself in you. Thanks so much for being so open!
I was in my mid 30s when i finally found friends who did not only accept me, but where as different as i am and where i also could unmask. That helped me so much to accept who i am.
Have you thought about a discord for your followers? To maybe communicate unmasked in a more or less save space?
Having the right people is so important. Just a few days ago I met with friends and told them: "I am sorry if I say stupid stuff, I am tired and the filter is off". They chuckled and we had a great evening saying stupid stuff together.
I was told frequently during my childhood that I am strange. Now, when I am an "adult", I have huge problems with getting a job. Interestingly enough, they usually like my CV (in like 40% of the time), but when they see me in real life and speak with me, they get to know that I have strange speaking patterns and am not big on watching people in the eyes. I am worrying about not being able to secure a job at least few times every week, sometimes just breaking down and pacing for hours, that greatly annoys my mom. I just do not know what to do. I am very seriously thinking that my life ended when my childhood ended, and it was much better to be bullied in school then being actually incapable of doing anything that adults have to do. I have never been in a relationship, never held a job for more than one season, never lived alone and am continuing unpractical education (and I have no willpower to break through those courses that I am not interested at). I am seen as a child even by people younger than me. I genuinely do not know what to do with my life. I am not even capable to form habits, I am just behaving on my impulses. Honestly, If at some point my health will fail me, I will not even be mad. I cannot see bright future for myself anymore.
there is hope
@Judithsvd , yeah. I actually have a good job as a teacher now. I love children and it is mutual. Even if I will not be able to do it more than one year, it is a very cool experience. I know now that I actually want to not only make more knowledge, but also spread it.
Can't imagine how hard this video was to make. Huge respect. Just because you didn't conform does not make you a loser, and it's terrible those closest made you feel this way. It's a shame society shuns uniqueness. It makes for a rich tapestry of humanity. Your videos are fun and interesting to watch, and I'd happily befriend you in a book shop. I grew up a terribly introverted child, terrified of the world and what it thought of me, mainly because of so called friends pulling me down and using me as a joke. I believed I was insignificant. Like you it took kind people to allow me to be me and bring me out of my shell. Strangely I got the chance to visit my old school last year - an open day before they tore it down. Walking those corridors I realised how much I'd changed since that I was that scared little boy.
I hope this person in your life giving you unconditional love is the turning point in yours. These videos will be a reminder as to how far you've come in the future.
Huge love to everyone struggling to find themselves in this world. We'll get there! :)
I can definitely relate. Also not diagnosed on any neurotypical spectrum, but much of what you said in this video resonated with me too. I am just now entering my 30’s and have also been bracing myself to release the mask of my professional presentation of myself. I love books, movies, video games, and TV shows that are nerdy like sci-fi and fantasy. I’ve always dressed in a way that made me look like more of a “grown up” or whatever that was supposed to look like when I was told to grow up when I was 12. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Cinzia. 💜
People who have issues with you, that's their problem not yours. Your awesome. Thank you for making your videos. I've been unmasking for about 10 years now. It's part of what helped me heal the PTSD rage and anxiety, and the OCD lunatic that lived in my head. Anyone who liked the masked me has their own internal issues they need to work on, and that's not my problem. I'm only responsible for my intentions, my actions, and my internal dialogue. Good luck! It's quite the shock some times when you realize just how deep the masking goes.
Hello, as someone who has also been working on unmasking lately I appreciate your candid video. It’s definitely a struggle, but I think everyone should be allowed to be as they are.
This is where I’m at, too. Self-identified Autistic, trying to unmask. I’m trying to take baby steps, and lean on those who are supportive. Best of luck to you ❤
all the best to you
@ thank you ❤️
I am 38y.o. neurotypical woman but I also decided some time ago to live mask free in most of my situations. And I have a strong conviction that we all would live easier lives without most of our masks. A year ago I fell in love with an AUDHD woman and I loved all of her different moves and specific ways. I wqs so happy that she felt safe enough with me to show me who she really is and to let me into her world a bit. I would not take it any other way. I hope that we as sociaties learn to be more gratious to each other. Thanks for the video and good luck with you unmasking journey. I hope it will make your life lighter and happier❤
This is a great video! I’ve been masking so much and I know now that I’m neurodivergent, I have my own channel. You are refreshing and authentic.
good luck
Wow I’ve never heard masking explained so similarly to my experience 😓 I’m self-diagnosed neurodivergent. I can’t get a formal diagnosis because I would be discriminated against in my country, so I’m not sure what label(s) could be applied to me.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! You seem more comfortable speaking in your natural unscripted cadence. This video is really inspiring me! I’ve been becoming more and more miserable the older I get, and so lonely, because most neurodivergent people online have a lot of “evidence” from a young age, but I was forced to start masking extremely young. I just know that something is different about how my brain operates compared to my siblings and other people. You’ve inspired me to do a deep-dive to learn about unmasking. Thank you!!
Here’s to you being able to be you and unmask! 🙏🏾
I too am undiagnosed but I know that I am neurodivergent. Everything that you just said is my story too - exactly how I feel and how I have felt that I need to act in this neurotypical world. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, it helps all of us who are feeling the same way to realise that we are fine just the way we are and to feel connected to others in the world. I think you are amazing!!! Thank you!!
From someone learning the same lesson: I'm rooting for you. Sending you all the good things.
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience, many of us are going through similar ordeals. Accepting and embracing ourselves shouldn't be so hard. I for one, admire you and your work and have done so for some time now. YOU ARE AMAZING! So, you're gonna be just fine 🖤
I haven’t formally been diagnosed as autistic or neurodivergent, but I can really relate to everything you’ve discussed and I also really appreciate this video. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. Although I haven’t been diagnosed and the evaluation is just not feasible for me at this time I have been researching more on ocd and autism ( two things I’ve thought may apply to me). I really felt it when you talked about the shame of being yourself and also reading for fun. Due to stress and fatigue I have been having trouble with my short term memory and stuttering/ slowed speech so I find reading terrifying now compared to when I was a child and books were what saved me and gave me the friends I needed. I’m hoping to start my own journey of unmasking and one step for me is reading again and not being ashamed if I can only read comics or children’s books until I build up my stamina again. I do often have that feeling of grief like missing myself and I’d like to hopefully move on to a period of my life where I am myself and where I don’t find myself putting up all these masks. Thanks for another wonderful video ❤️
I’ve resonated with a few of your videos I’ve seen over the recent months, the year not buying stuff, making friends as an adult, and more pertinently this one. Socialising often feels a massive drain.
Regardless it’s something I’m actively working on but it also feels like I’ve got two separate sections of the same life. Two sets of friends
And a job with people I like but ultimately can’t be my full self around.
Just rant posting anywho. Thanks for the video.
Just have started the 5 first minutes : it's heartbreaking honestly, I can also relate to your social experience to a certain extend while I feel like I went through this period...
Glad to hear you have found someone who accepts you as you are. I hope someday you will be able to unmask without having to think about it.
PS : You shouldn't be ashamed of your accent, it sounds very classy 👌
Thank you for being honest and genuinely proud of you made this step. Never feel bad for being your genuine self. 👏
Thank you for opening up & being brave to try and be your authentic self. I constantly struggle with similar masking & going over things I have said & done worrying excessively only to find out that no one else was thinking about it or cared like I thought. Though at times I still struggle with unmasking, even around my 15 year partner, it is a constant checking in & attuning myself to my uniqueness to live a happier expressive life. If people do not enjoy your authentic self they can move on elsewhere, & you will be happier not having them bogging you down. Thank you again for vulnerability & please continue to express your creative musings✨
You are my hero, continue to be you, we celebrate, YOU ARE NOT A LOSER , continue with your journey, interested in the outcome, love all the books!
I can relate so much! It's so brave that you try to unmask now, keep it up!
Full support for discovering your authentic self, I feel like we grow up with so much self edit, especially for those who are sensitive and don’t fit in the box. I had to go to art school to find my gaggle of gals and other artsy Fartsy folks. I hope you discover more and more friends you connect with that allow you to unmask and be free. I think you are wonderful and unique. ❤
I do understand the “masking” . It started at school, however I managed to subvert it at GSE & ALevel and degree level by out-performing my fellow pupils and appearing a cheerful soul, It has always been an undercurrent though and I definitely understand the bloody fatigue of putting one foot in front of another, every damned day.
I too have always found escape in books and also a relief in growing and learning about the many “weird” cacti and succulent plants that I grow. Managing to germinate what seems to be a dust particle (seeds can be this tiny) and nurturing it into a living plant is a joy.
Plants and cats, don’t criticise.
Bless you on your journey 🤗
Cinzia, what a brave soul you are for laying yourself so bare, thank you so much for helping me understand on so many levels x
There are so many supportive comments here, that you should read, and be encouraged by. Personally, I love your videos and the personality behind them. Be exactly who you are, and only change what you decide to change, for you and only you. Who you are makes you stand out, and that’s what makes your channel distinct. None of us is perfect, but no one gets to dictate who you are. You opening up has given me a lot of strength. I’m sure it’s done the same for many, many others.
well said
I’m only half way through the video. Just mainly want to say that you’re very articulate and this is very thoughtful.
I feel myself having similar struggles, often being exhausted by the day-to-day living and trying to be normal, difficulty with and anxiety around reading, creating etc., even though I come from a different background. I don’t what’s the answer of it all, but surely being brave and true would be part of it. I’m hopeful for our exploration and hope you’ll get some strength in learning that the unmasked you is brilliant and appreciated.
I like and admire the unscripted, unmasked, courageous, vulnerable Cinzia! Well done, sister!
I'm glad I realised you've got to front confidence and stop apologising for being yourself. Nobody's on your side before everyone's on your side. People only started liking me when I started liking myself.
I never got bullied, and I’m so glad for that. I don’t even know of anyone in my school being bullied.
I have always felt like an outsider. I tried for years to be a certain way to have friends, and I often had a hard time with knowing where the social norm boundaries were (and even got an award for it which, by that time, I was proud of). Once I let that go and just decided to be me, to like what I like, to not try so hard to fit in, life became easier. I don’t always do or say the right thing. Banal chit chat bores me and I struggle to do it. But…I’m much happier. I find it easier to make friends now than I did before.
The freedom to just Be is such a relief.
Wow, this is breathtaking! Thank you for sharing your experience. It is heartbreaking to me yet comforting that your experience has been so similar to mine.
Yep, the paralysis of not wanting to be exposed. For me it got to the point where I stopped giving a crap and developed the ability to fire back if someone decided to make it an issue. Accepting the conflict works for me, but conflict isn't for everyone.
This is your best video so far. Something I desperately needed. I have the exact same problem my entire life. Hope we will both be better eventually. Wish I could hug you. ❤❤❤
Good for you! I feel similarly and it is worse because of my foreign accent, but trying to accept that I can't please everyone.