I know that we get a lot of labels. Did anyone else get "immature" or "emotionally immature"? Those always annoyed me and it was usually family and doctors
I got the term immature used on me so much, I don't think I'll ever recover fron being made to feel like that was the truth and feeling that I was defective. I am 46 and was called this from as far as I can remember through junior high, high school, as a young adult and on...that is really screwed up and screwed with my self image, self esteem, self worth, confidence, emotional and mental health.
I have strong feelings about the phrase "emotionally immature" being used, mostly by family. I really hate that phrase, because it is so belittling and such a misunderstanding and misrepresentation of what I'm going through in those times.
Haven’t watched this yet but it’s on my list since I feel like my autism is getting worse, and I wouldn’t presume to know what somebody else’s experience is but in my case I feel like if I have a meltdown the term emotionally immature definitely applies to me, I have failed to keep my emotions in check and my warped messed up state of mind is broadcast for others in a humiliating way. I have a responsibility as an adult in public to never do or say anything that could offend or make someone uncomfortable… I don’t see how a meltdown can ever be acceptable. EDIT: Please don’t take this as a criticism to anyone else, I am criticizing myself. I don’t have many friends and have a lot of anxiety even with people I trust. Meltdowns are a liability, I can’t afford to have people start hating me as much as I hate myself.
My father would always label me as “dramatic” when I was experiencing meltdowns. Hearing you say “don’t call someone dramatic” was SO validating. Thank you ❤❤
Once, I had to leave a wedding reception because I was having a meltdown (uncontrollable crying). I was a bridesmaid and everything. I was undiagnosed then but I think the thing I need people to understand for the future is that it's nothing personal but I have a strong need to go home when that happens. I didn't know what else, but I knew I had to be home ASAP. In this case, the bride was someone I know very well (obviously) and she could see that something was wrong and there was no bad blood between us because of it 😊
I had something very similar happen. I was maid of honor for one of my best friends. Fortunately, this had not entailed much other than helping to pick out the dresses for me and the other two bridesmaids and sometimes listening to my friend vent about her mom being difficult. Then we got to the bachelorette party. Stage 1 (dinner at an Irish pub) was fine. It wasn't super loud and our group was small, so I was still able to talk to people and whatnot. Then we moved onto part 2, a place that was more night-clubby. Not a lot of people, thank god, but I made the mistake of having a second drink while there. This was a bad idea because having more than one serving of alcohol seems to lower my ability to screen out the confusing sensory environment inherent to clubs (what with the loud music, flashing lights, etc.). Long story short, I ended up crying and couldn't stop. Luckily, several of the other ladies including my friend had apparently also been wishing they could go home, but just thought it would be impolite to just SAY that - so there were no negative social repercussions. Dang it was embarrassing, though! Not as embarrassing as when I had a weepy meltdown in front of the Dean during a job negotiation because I got so confused and frustrated (Internal monologue: "Why are you telling me X is impossible? That's clearly not literally true so...why won't you tell me what the actual problem is?"). But that's a whole other story!
I find it very uncomfortable when people ask me lots of questions during a meltdown. I want to answer their questions, I just can't and that stresses me out even more. So I would say PATIENCE is key! Just be there and be calm and know that we aren't ignoring you
Thank you for this. I have been impatient and realized later I acted badly. But also frustrated because my sister is in denial and masking but I see it so clearly. I wish she would just talk about it and we can all understand.
@@sandraschultz3104Is it possible SHE doesn't know what's going on? I only got my diagnosis 4 years ago, and I'm still trying to figure out what's going on and how to deal with it better. I'm 46, and I've been making and trying to live up to impossible standards my whole life. It's a lot to untangle.
a lot of autistic people have been (indirectly) punished for having a meltdown, so its quite common (for me at least) to fight through and mask as well as possible through a meltdown but that causes a huge amount of stress and fatigue. so if you really want to help someone be aware that they might try to show as little signs of a meltdown as possible (but will probably show irratibility or distractedness or other signs you can learn to pick up on) and allow them some time and space to work through it
@@lizzzturnerI’d honestly prefer that to freak outs that get protective services called on us at stores or wherever. I’m so tired of having to prove I’m not abusing my son.
I often experience being overwhelmed when I have a conflict with a loved one. I feel my own frustration and theirs in addition and it gets especially bad if they keep talking faster than I am able to compute it. So if you feel your loved ones are shutting/ melting down, reassure them that you love them and wait for their response before you continue with the next point, even if it may take a moment.
Yaaaasss!! I agree 100, but also would like to point out that abusive people, especially narcissistic types, will zero in on this as an opportunity to gaslight the living daylights out of you and leave you shaking and shattered from trying to respond to them talking over you and invalidating. Definitely give your own self space as well. Find a way to physically remove yourself if a "neurotypical" person is supposedly failing to understand
I am 48 and was just diagnosed a week ago. Sadly, I have never been able to safely have a meltdown. My parents punished me for anything and everything; stimming was done in secret. I was lazy, a daydreamer, rebellious, etc. My now husband doesn't understand me either. All I have ever wanted was for someone to understand the real me, and I don't think that will ever happen. It's lovely reading some of the comments where people have the support and understanding of loved ones.
I have a non-verbal, autistic toddler. It breaks my heart when she wants to communicate her needs but is unable to. I appreciate so much listening to people on the spectrum share and explain their experiences. This helps me so much to better understand what might be going on with my daughter. Thank you so much for your videos!
You might benefit from reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. TW for 9/11 sensitive material though and I much prefer the movie ending. The book is just so sad, but Oskar, the main character POV when he’s in meltdown…just gets it. He is so wise about what supports he needs, so I feel like the novel is basically about a recombining and reinvention of coping skills when his world goes to pieces.
My worst meltdown lasted for 2 hours of uncontrollable crying and rocking in the fetal position. I was in a safe place, but no one knew what to do with me. They tried to hug me, but physical touch worsen the meltdown.
This video was very helpful. My son's girlfriend is on the spectrum. She's been with our family a few times when she's had a meltdown. At the time I didn't realize what was happening. We weren't sure what to do. I definitely want to learn more so I can support her and understand her better.
I wish I was having meltdowns growing up. I was always really hard on myself because everyone seemed to handle things so much better than me! My children have meltdowns and I am compassionate with them whereas I was told I was overreacting or being dramatic. The more we know the better we can react. ❤
absolutely. your kids are so lucky to have you! I know that how you are able to support them has come at a price. So proud of you for the changes you've made to better support them AND yourself!
55 year old, not diagnosed... but I have signs and on-line tests support a self diagnosis. Anyway - in meetings, people continuously asking questions without waiting for me to answer or look up / figure out the answer puts me into a potential melt down. However, it is often just a shut down and I have to say - "please be quite while I figure out the first thing you asked me." I am a heavy masker but inside my brain I'm in complete panic while this is going on.
I'm 75, maybe the extra years help me. Maybe my "commanding appearance" ( a personnel fille note) helps, I am tall. I don't mask, perhaps because I am also moderately gifted. A lot like Doc Martin. I write scripts, so I don't respond quickly either. I'll talk about my autism to anyone who'll listen.
I can totally relate. It's also hard when someone at work sends me a request for support but they don't ask me directly. They sent a sentence with a minimal amount of words, all of which carries a lot of subtext. E.g. co-worker: Can we get this out on June 1st? My brain: Uhhhh....yes? Why wouldn't we be able to do that? Co-worker left out soooo much information. It takes a long time to figure out what they have tried so far and why they are in doubt, as well as what I can do to help. My brain explodes every time and it nearly sends me into a melt down. Hand flapping and pacing ensues.
@@Station737the subtext is overwhelming for me too. The reverse is true: I explain all my subtext, and so I look too talkative, but if I don't, people assume the worst, so it's infuriating.
When I was growing up, my mom and I devised a signal for when I would have an emotional shut down..so I would say I was in 'my alone mood' so my parents knew I was suffering from sensory overload and let me go off by myself. At family functions, they would explain it was my 'communing with nature' when they questioned my sudden exit from gatherings. At work, I would wear headphones or go off on walks along during breaks/lunches. Since being remote, I basically make my own schedule and still get the work done..and am allowed to come to meetings only if I have something to add( we all get meeting agendas ahead of time..which even a few of my NT co workers said they would prefer as well).
I feel deep sadness and fear deep down during my meltdowns. I appear angry and emotional but the anger is a mask for pain. And quite often I feel shame and guilt after meltdowns
Just listening to this makes me imagine how much my childhood could have been improved if people around knew this.. I owe large part of my childhood trauma to the response I would get when I was so overwhelmed I would start crying: "Tell me why you're crying or I will give you a reason."
This is something that I remember myself. Crying til the point of hyperventilating and unable to catch my breath, let alone stop crying. I am aware of that when my children start crying and I make sure I take the time to figure out what is going on to avoid meltdowns.
And that, right there, is why I get angry instead of crying. We have GOT to stop punishing kids for crying! They may not have the words to explain why they want to cry - they just need to let it out! Good grief, why is that so hard for some people to understand? Children are children - they CANNOT think in adult ways, and they aren't really capable of a lot of that stuff until at least 7 years old! Let kids be kids!
My girlfriend and I are both autistic and I have noticed that we have gotten very good at helping each other in meltdowns. I think this speaks to what you are saying here about having curious conversations afterward with the autistic person in your life. Great tip! Through asking lots of questions, we have gotten to understand each others needs very well in these difficult moments. This really helps, as communicating my needs while in meltdown feels impossible. As a late diagnosed autistic woman, I appreciate reassurance during meltdown that my experience is okay/valid with lots of encouragement to stim. And I find special interest time after meltdown be the best recovery! And food! I think I watched an Amethyst Schaber video where she described post-meltdown physical exhaustion as equivalent to running a marathon! I have found this to be true especially after a lot of big physical stims. So I think having long recovery time after meltdowns is important. Thanks for the video :)
My last meltdown was massive. And it’s actually what lead me to discover that I’m probably on the spectrum. But it happened because my family excluded me from a family event for like the millionth time and when I found out it felt like someone shot me through the heart. All I could do was sit down holding myself rocking back and forth and wailing. Fortunately, it was the catalyst to helping me find an amazing therapist and I’m on a waitlist to be tested. Idk if my family will stop excluding me if it’s confirmed. But at least I’m finally getting help to manage all of this.
I only realized I might be autistic after having a few massive meltdowns from PTSD triggers! I’m so sorry you’re going through it, but hopefully a diagnosis could be a silver lining 🙏
This video has been more helpful than I thought it would be. First, I am 65 years old and only learned about autism when my son and his daughter were diagnosed about 8 years ago......at which time my loving husband told us that he already knew and that I was autistic too. After learning about it, I could look back on my life and see it. I was only aware of severe meltdowns, so didn't even realize what I have been going through lately have also been meltdowns. I won't go into all the details, but my husband died last year, and 4 weeks ago a severe windstorm blew the roof off my house and the ceiling fell in on 1/3 of the house, including my craft rooms. I can't live in my house, can't work in my craft rooms, can't have my routines, and I'm not comfortable with all the different people involved and all the things that are happening. Sometimes I feel like they must think I'm weird as I just stare at them without talking. I don't want them touching my things either. So much....too much to put here. And things that I didn't understand were stimming, I do now. You have helped me learn more about myself. Thank you. These are things I can talk about in my appointment next week. Thank you so much 💗 Hugs.....Janie
@@dminnovatores Well.....over a year later my house still isn't finished. But exactly 1 year from when it happened I was finally able to move back in because the contractor made it liveable for me. I'm still seeing a therapist. My life is still upside down in some areas waiting for things to be finished so I can unpack boxes and find my things. But for the most part I'm adjusting. The words "things will never be the same again" have been a big part of my life over the past year, but I'm finding positive things, so I will be ok eventually. Thank you for asking 😊
This was the most validating and productive video! Thanks so much for sharing. ive just been added to the waiting list for an autism diagnosis and your videos help me learn about myself so much in the meantime and help me explain to people around me, thank you!
Thank you Taylor so much for the work you are putting in. I am a 52 year old male and I am going through the process (3rd day) of my self diagnosis. I did not realize that what I thought was avoidance was in fact a meltdown. Your ability to verbalize how I feel as well as using such a soft and kind touch to it has really helped me on my self-reflection and self-realization ❤.
I'm also experienced a meltdown period when I was in elementary school because I had a mild autism, at that time I would often throw tantrums at school, cry out loud, also being an aggressive, and my mother had to think about how to make me comfortable when I got home. What I usually do during a meltdown is take a bath, up to almost an hour Then when I felt calm, my mother would invite me to tell her what happened, why I had a tantrum. But if it's a meltdown, I usually can't tell but I'm can do drawing. My active mom asked questions and got a picture of her answers. Thankfully the older I get, the more I can tell what happened. This is very important for my mother, so that she can take the next appropriate action
After isolation we might need food and drinks, we are talking pepperoni pizza, Alaskan snow crab, 9 layer dip salsa with nachos. This is essential! If those cannot be secured, buying a gift card to a nice restaurant is another way you can help. Thank you, allistic allies!!! We will pay you back in excel spreadsheet troubleshooting and other fine brain gifts!!!
Again, I just want to say thank you Taylor for taking the time to do all of these videos. I too am late diagnosed, I wasn't diagnosed until 3 years ago and I'm 52 now. I work in a hospital setting as a Respiratory Therapist and having a deeper understanding of myself has done so much helping me get through my day working with patients and co-workers. You've really helped me with managing my stress levels and you've also helped my wife understand me and my quarks as well... Again, Thank You.
Great video Taylor, so helpful. It would be so useful if you could do a follow up on other triggers apart from sensory. E.g. emotional dysregulation from fear or anger - feeling excluded, misunderstood, marginalised, ignored, also observing or experiencing injustice, seeing others in pain, distress brought on by overwhelm of huge issues such as climate change, war etc. Other triggers can include our struggle to communicate, the brutal effect of hormonal changes and our sensitivity to them. (i.e Sensitivity to Cortisol and how it takes us longer to rid our system of it, puberty, menstrual cycle, perimenopause/menopause struggles...) Language processing issues leaving us struggling to follow, understand, question information. Our reliance on people telling the truth/ being straightforward and being wrongfooted by irony, sarcasm, exaggeration, outright lies.
Yes! Absolutely this! I do struggle with sensory overload at times but emotional dysregulation is much more likely to trigger me into having a full on meltdown, especially when it’s a tough conversation, e.g. with my husband about a sensitive issue, a disagreement etc. I struggle to get my point across and I can’t process thoughts and what I want to say quickly enough and everything feels like it builds up in my head which then goes *pop*. Unfortunately, I feel like this video wouldn’t actually help him to understand the above if I sent it to him :(
@@Laura-gw5of I hear you re the problem of communicating the issues to partners so they have a clearer understanding. If I have a big issue to discuss I plan it by writing it out in advance so I can focus on the key points and ensure I don't lose the thread or forget a point I need to bring up. Otherwise I find I get easily distracted or sidelined or overwhelmed or upset and I don't communicate half of what I need to say which doesn't help him either.
When I can't escape, retreat, isolate, self regulate, calm the f down: watch out. The harshness of my next words and actions could present as volatile. If I suddenly have an outburst it's because it's been boiling in here and there was no other option. Usually the person the comment/action is directed toward was the source of the straw that broke the camel's back. I have had experiences where people I was trying to be nice to, people who I was trying to explain my frazzlement to, have repeated my words as a question with a giggle. Me: I need you to move your cart forward a few more inches because I can't for my wheelchair and the cart in this very limited self checkout area. Them: giggling, scoffing, coughingly repeating what I said word for word as if I studdard. Then they add 'you could have asked' Me: I don't know how Them: showing their ignorance they, in a similar way but now louder repeat AGAIN what I just said Me: NO!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!! now half of Wal-Mart is wondering wtf happened and why is a grown woman yelling so loud 😢 three employees swarm the area to make sure things don't continue to escalate 😢 me (in a manual wheelchair) try to storm off to the other checkout area while also trying to process the lights and noise of the store. I couldn't. I couldn't handle one more anything. I wanted to scream. Yelling burst from me in that moment. I didn't know I was going to react that way. It was involuntary and embarrassing. They both (an adult daughter and her father) commented "rude" with a harsh scoff. I had lost control. 😭 Now I was desperate to leave. You could see my entire body shaking. I was trying to breathe with every pore of my body. My bones were desperate for air from their centers. The employees stepped back. They gave me the space i needed and watched indirectly from a distance. I was able to quickly check out and get to my vehicle. Until that day I didn't know how I would act in that situation. I don't ever so at Walmart during peak times now. I shop the last hour or hour and a half or the first hour. I had no idea there was a part of me that could speak like that. It was like a roar that came from every part of me simultaneously but with clearly formed words. Please don't be "sorry for my experience" I'm sharing for informational purposes. My body has a very real memory of that feeling. I feel it every time I think of it, like right now. I feel the way every fiber of my being expressed those words " NO!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!! " I remember the shame afterwards but it's not a part of that roar that happened. It felt very empowering to speak with that much power though. Like even my bone marrow got to speak out in that moment. At least I know I CAN live through it. I hope you learn something from this.
It's crazy the way our mind works. Not knowing how to ask for help but knowing how to retell an entire story. I hope you got the help you needed and it's great to hear you were able to learn from that situation.
Thank you! Your clear retelling is so much my own experience! I can only explain these things once I'm out the other side. Also, YOU DID ASK. No, you didn't say please, nor should you have HAD to - anyone with HALF a brain could see the problem. And those people were INCREDIBLY rude behaving as they did. Repeating what you said word for word, but doing nothing to help is HUGELY rude. And I would personally bet it's because you're in a wheelchair, sadly. The disabled, broadly, and wheelchair users specifically, get treated SO BADLY at times that it just blows my mind. I'm glad at least the Walmart staff were decent. Too bad nobody told those awful people off, though. If I had seen that, I would have stepped in, because I cannot STAND to see people mistreated.
@@bhopeful93 yes, I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism a couple months later (age 48). I was able to get helpful tips from TH-cam 'experts' - funny how they understand how to help so much more than people worth degrees
Hey, been watching your videos for a while, but starting to feel like a stocker so thought I should interact a little, I was one of those people who was falling through the cracks, and it was in prison that I was diagnosed, it was just dumb luck that the chief psychologist has a niece who was going through the assessment at that time, and she picked up on some similar traits, at one point I dam near ended up in the max, so because of her I understood things a little bit better, from there I crawled out of that hole, I was 37 back then, and that was like 25yrs ago, good to hear all this talk on autism, so thats me, great videos
I suspect so many underprivileged people in prison are actually autistic with no support, desperate and just trying to survive. We need to do better. 😢 I am so glad you found answers! ❤
You'd be surprised at how many unsupported privileged people are in prison because they were abused and disguaded by their own simply because they didn't fit the norm of the privileged lifestyle and they had to live in the same atmosphere, I don't think being privileged or not has a lot to do with it 😏
I wish my family cared enough to want to watch something like this. They didn't even say much when I was diagnosed and haven't asked any questions whatsoever since. I had to literally BEG them to watch a one hour Stanford lecture on depression after three hell deep depressions that nearly hospitalized me, and they couldn't even be bothered to do that.
My adult children won't watch these sort of things. I've given up on my son because he insists that I'm someone who nobody likes and that I like nobody. I'm not like that
Sleep right after is a must, dark room, cool ice pack in a pillow case across the forehead. I don’t set an alarm, when I wake, that’s the right amount. It’s usually 1-2 hrs each time. And then I wake rested. And don’t do any other big demands the rest of day.
So I have a person in my life that I love so much, that love has got us through rough times. She has brought this video to my attention and we both realize her self diagnosis is spot on. The information from your presentation has enlightened me to alternatives I have to keep our relation intake and improve from the space I'm in of almost giving up. I am going to watch all your videos and apply your suggestions from notes I will be taking and report about how our relationship improves and we can keep intack the love we share.
Its really helped me too. I am in the same situation with a partner who has been in my life for 10 years. We are together again for the 3rd time and only just realised that what happens for him are internal meltdowns. After trying so hard and loving so much I finally understand. He is 70 and never diagnosed and last time I mentioned it he was angry and said he never had aspergers/autism. Maybe there is hope for us now.
I was under the impression that meltdowns are always quite dramatlc events wlth lost of crying and screaming and rocking back and forth. This is why I thought I'd never had one. I just get very quiet and try to melt into a wall or just flee the situation as fast as I can.
Hi, I'm new to your channel and currently in the process of being evaluated for autism spectrum (39 years old and I'm just now hearing about this and having my mind blown). When I melt down, it's usually when plans change suddenly and the day or experience I prepared for is changing. I get really overwhelmed and feel despair which at the time I know is ridiculous but I also can't stop feeling it. Then on top of that is the shame I feel because I know I'm making it hard and awkward for everyone else around me (like my wife) which causes more spiral. Even though I don't usually have a big outward expression, especially in public, I can't function because of the internal meltdown. Anyway, thanks for this video. It's so helpful.
Watching this vid bc i felt super off td after a kinda bad morning. And just realized that im prolly going through meltdown/shutdown 😭 feels weird to be self aware of my tism sometimes
Not just after intensive interactions. I prefer to be alone most of the time, just not when I'm in crisis or in pain or needing comfort. I'm continually stunned by autistics who are married, because I need the care & support of a husband but my brain is too fuc**** broken by the disease of autism to even be able to freaking get to that point. #FML
47 diagnosed late last year. I've always worked hard on being the very best version of myself yet there have always been these things I can't ever do anything about, can't fix. Now so much is making sense. I'm thrilled to have this information and I have already come a long way in a short period of time since learning of my ASD. Sad I didn't have this knowledge decades ago, would have really helped. Anyway, I just wanted to thank this channel and everyone online that creates content or comments or whatever, you all have been such a help. Thank you all.
Thank you for this video! Super-Duper!!! Just the sort of info I need to help my undiagnosed neighbor! She drives me crazy. I always knew she was different and it took me years to figure her out. She's 83 with no family around here, so there isn't much to be done for her. BUT!!!! I LOVE learning how I can help her. She does have meltdowns! I have become her SAFE person as it turns out. You are helping me learn how I can help her as best I can. Keep the info coming! I NEED it.
@GBD channel How is she your hero? She could advocate we stop killing animals for food period but instead she literally designed slaughterhouse equipment.
This just made me tear up with joy. We never know how long we have on Earth and not knowing what will happen to family can be overwhelming. I love to know that there are kind souls looking to connect with people who don't have family left. You are a true blessing!
@@CrashBoomBang78 She doesn't follow your advice because she doesn't believe it and she does eat meat. Meat is a natural part of our diet as it is for cats, dogs, many fish and birds.
@John Summerfield Photographer Not at all true. Other animals eat it because of instinct and because that's what their bodies need. Humans on the other hand have a choice, and we can survive and thrive just fine without it hence it is unethical to take a life for the sake of mere palate pleasure.
OK my friend sent me this video. She didn't know I had a meltdown at work. I told her good timing. My co-worker started yelling me at work tonight. I work in a fast food restaurant. We had are dining room closed. Are Drive-Thru stayed open. It was just her and I. Well I did something wrong. And she just started yelling at me. I go on my hands and knees pulling my hair. I told her to stop yelling at me. I was banging hands on the floor and stop yelling at me. The stress of the environment wasn't helpful either just being short staffed. I have a major reaction when people yell at me. I go into a fight, flight freeze mode. I tense up. Sometimes I have a meltdown just tell the person to stop.
This was so helpful to understanding myself and what I need. I am 65 and it has taken most of my life to understand myself. How I am different from others. It was truly a shock to me after I married that my husband did not process information like I did. I spend the next 17 years trying to figure out how to change myself so the marriage would work. I became suicidal. Some part of me knew that if I did not get out of my marriage I was definitely going to die. I saved myself by leaving my husband and two children, however the guilt was horrible and very destructive. Forward almost 30 years later, I am finally content with myself. I thank you for your help.
also 65, and an entire life of being the one who was "wrong" in some way. I hear you. I'm feeling much better now that I can be compassionate for myself. I'm not wrong. I'm autistic! I just have different ways of seeing the world.
I hope you actually fixed your relationship with them. Leaving them like that doesn't seem like a good idea. The trauma you inflicted on your children by denying them a mother and stable childhood is probably terrible.
Thank you for your education. I watch your channel to try to learn about what my daughter is going thru. She is 14 and was just diagnosed as she is my first kid and had symptoms from early on but I was not aware of them.
For me at least I need to be left alone when I'm having one. Touching or trying to get me to talk makes it much much worse. I've learned to self soothe to a degree that I will be able to pull myself back much quicker alone. Last time I had one was about a year ago on a public bus. Thankfully I live in a large city and seeing a woman hysterically crying isn't that unusual and barely garnered a second glance from anyone.
Yeees! The meltdowns are so different in each person. My wife HATES being alone but only wants to be around me when she experiences a meltdown (she says Im her person 😂). I have to walk her through the situation and let her stem during the process. She usually tells me what's causing the meltdown and I try to fix it immediately.
Wow.. I am impressed. How do you handle the meltdowns without taking it personal? Especially when the situation involves u directly? I have someone in my life who gives me a hard time but doesnt want to give up on me even though sometimes acts like they dislake me, after the meltdown they would apologize but only recently I figured out what is the problem and I am still trying to figure things out
@@emabella1000 In all honesty...patience! It's hard at times. When my wife has a meltdown that involves me, I have to remind myself that anything she might say (hurtful or not, even when she's just being honest and blunt) is because she's not in a happy place at that moment. I usually hear her out, tell her ok, and just let her be. After awhile she comes around and she apologizes. Trust me it took alot to get to the this point of me being calm when the meltdowns happen. Just remember if both of you are upset and yelling, nothing gets resolved. Usually the person with autism doesnt have as much control over the emotions as we might. As time progresses things will get easier 🥰
I keep figuring out what I'm experiencing after seeing other people discuss it. The echolalia during joy. Yes! Complete with bouncing, and flapping. It also happens when I'm extremely hyper. I am starting to unmask more. I'm 51 and hopefully getting diagnosed in the next couple months. I usually go nonverbal and cry during meltdown. But recently I had an angry meltdown over the news. I was very coherent, talking, swearing a lot, one hand was flapping (my spouse was holding the other). It lasted several minutes. I've gotten angry before, usually a very slow fuse. But I don't remember ever experiencing something like that before. It was intense.
🇬🇧 I am a 53yr Male who was Late-Diagnosed with ‘Asperger’s’ back in 2009 and have had sensory issues my whole life and for me it can be things like the sirens from emergency vehicles passing close-by that can over-whelm me, multiple conversations going on the same time can be a distraction, more so when they are happening in the same room so I have to either politely ask the person I’m talking to, to go somewhere more quiet for easier focus. I have an under-sensitivity to dull-pain, like I know its there but I learn to live with it until I can address it if I can. I have a preference for lots of layers of bed-linen/quilts with a higher tog-rating so I’m more comfortable & warm in bed in the colder seasons. I think its great that you made a video like this because people need to know so they can better understand what we’re going through, because its just the way we were made at the end of the day!
Guys I was eating a watermelon watching this video. I put a piece in my mouth and it fell out. I freaking forgot to close my mouth🤣 I’m rolling with laughter here
I tend to only majorly melt down when I’m away from home. The last two times have been while traveling. I was surrounded by people who I knew, but I was there to talk about my artistic pursuits, and I constantly felt like I was trying to articulate my thoughts and couldn’t. This was really difficult, and on both trips, I ended up calling my mom crying and having to isolate myself to calm down. It’s stressful and frustrating, and I didn’t know what was going on at the time, as I was still undiagnosed. My reaction makes a lot more sense now. I know a lot better now what my limits are, and how to prevent a meltdown like that in the future.
So I’m not diagnosed but I’m starting to wonder about being autistic. (I’m 15 years old) I get real really upset if something in my routine changes suddenly, or for example if we were going to eat something, but it changes last minute. I just feel all these emotions, anger, sadness, and I never know what to do with them. I completely shut down on get angry or agitated at the people around me, and the annoying this is that I don’t understand why myself. I have a lot of moments later on the day (mostly at night) that I just randomly start feeling so overwhelmed and sometimes my mom tries to help by talking but I completely shut down, I want to talk and know the words but it’s like I can’t get them out, and all I can do is just rock back and forth and be “stuck in my mind”. I’m just really scared to stim or shut down in public or with my friends or family, I’m afraid they’d think I’m faking it or simply wanting attention, I never get to out how I feel and always hide everything, putting on a so called mask. Then at night it feels like it all comes back. I’m not sure why I’m writing this, maybe just to get it off my mind or maybe get some advise. I just want to thank you for your video’s, they’ve been able to help me explore thing a bit more.
This was an awesome video. I am pretty sure my parent has autism, as they have always been "no smells!" and they can only eat the same thing over and over, and I'm seeking a diagnosis myself since my sibling has it, and, this was just a good video. Thanks.
My daughter is on the spectrum. She is 27 and high functioning but struggles with some adult things. Who doesn't? I am 49 and have had the traits of being on the spectrum since small. I was forced to mask for at least 40 of those years. I have not been diagnosed but my psychiatrist said that I would classify as high functioning autistic. I also have some mental health diagnoses. My daughter is helping me to see when I might be close to a meltdown and how to best respond. My husband has started to see when I might be having a meltdown. Since he has learned what helps me, it gives me a feeling of safety. I also have found items (fidgets, and movements that help.
If your psychiatrist uses reductive, dehumanizing and medically inaccurate terms, like “high-functioning,” I would run in the other direction. The autistic spectrum is structured like a color wheel. The traits you and your daughter have determine where you fall on that spectrum. The autistic spectrum is not nor has it ever been a linear functioning scale, and when someone refers to you or your daughter as “high-functioning,” they’re painting the way your brains work as suboptimal compared to a neurotypical person - essentially, they’re telling you you’re a broken toy, but not as broken as those other toys over there. Although it can be extremely hard to find a medical professional who will treat you with the respect you deserve, it’s worth looking for one.
@@GhostIntoTheFog These are terms I use when talking about myself. My psychiatrist has never used these terms when talking to me about this. He has been helping me see myself differently. I just have 40 years of masking in everything I was expected to do. Being a missionary kid we would sometimes be in a different church, sometimes in a different state. I was expected to have a smile on, sit still, and speak when spoken to when at these different churches. They were the ones that supported our mission work. The terms I use come from that messed up background.
@@natalieshicks7880 in essence all autistic people can have high or low functioning periods depending on how well they are doing at the time. if youre performing "normalcy" but youre severely stressed out or depressed, are you really performing well? you wouldnt say someone with a flu is doing well either, so mental health is definitely a part of how well someone is functioning, and if youre not doing well mentally or physically, then looking purely at what someone presents, and how much it botheres neurotypical people is, gives a completely wrong perspective. just because someone with a broken leg is ignoring the pain and walking anyway, it doesnt mean its not broken, and in fact it might cause more injury. in the end its about balancing your actual well being and your ability to perform needed tasks
it's me, i'm the loved one. and i am also myself, the autistic person. i love myself and i'm learning about my autistic meltdowns i've gone so long without identifying them!
Hi! My son and I can get triggered off of each other - say I startled him by yelling out the window at someone to say hi...he would freeze then retreat to his room and cry. I apologize but then feel so bad that I didn't remember not to yell that I feel like a really bad mother and then I hide in the bathroom and start crying (I also have CPTSD so its a snowball effect). How do I support him and support myself at the same time? I now try not to suggest breathing (it doesn't help) or ask him questions but just try to sit by him quietly BUT that's when my trigger starts up! I'm 50 and recently dx, and was dx with ADHD 5 years ago. Love your channel, thanks so much!
As a person now seeking official diagnosis after selfdiagnosing ASD, married to other person who I'm (and she is) 99% sure is on the spectrum - this explains so much about way we 'argue' (however rarely that happens)... Thank you, I'm sure it'll help a lot if it happens ever again - understanding both my own, and my wife's reactions.
Hi Taylor, it was really refreshing to learn about your channel and hear about the various topics. I am in my late 50s and I was not diagnosed as on the spectrum until my early '50s. So unfortunately I went a large portion of my life with not really knowing what my story was. I always knew I was a little bit different than most people and I would do with the neurotypical people considered strange behaviors. I've always known I was. I believe you use the term reactive to the environment. Personally, I don't really object to a term like hypersensitive or something. My whole life I've always fidgeted with things and particularly if I got nervous I would drum and tap on things and I never really understood why and I would have that flight fright or freeze response. Most of the time I would freeze but there were times in my life where I would fight both physically and verbally. Anyway, I probably going on too long with this but I definitely thank you for having this channel and I'm going to watch your other videos and pay more attention to you and some of the other people that have these channels relating to autism. The thing that really hurt is when I told my mom about my diagnosis that I was. You know on the autism spectrum she acted like it was some horrible thing like some kind of kiss of death and she said something like that's wrecked so many people's lives or something like that. And I of course was hurting offended. But on the other hand, she's 95 years old and not really in touch with reality too much. Again, thank you and forgive my long message. Please have a nice day
Hello Taylor I to am on the autism spectrum and I have suffered from many meltdowns through the years my most recent one was after an eye exam which didn't go well due to the test results my doctor thought that I might have a tumor on my pituitary gland so after the appointment I went back to the waiting area and just fell apart right there next to the check in desk. Luckily it didn't last long and one of the nurses who is a friend of mine came out to check on me to make sure that I was alright and also brought me a glass of water so after everything was said and done my doctor ordered a MRI of my brain to check for the tumor and luckily I didn't have any tumors on my brain or anywhere else
So I find it super helpful for me and my daughter (we are both Autistic, Daddy is not) to have a calm down bag/box ready and available. I take mine with me in the car when we are out and have it by my bedside as well. I also find it helpful to have capacity bracelets especially in times that I am non verbal or times when I cannot tolerate touch.
I think this is a critically important topic to discuss, especially in the wake of the Jordan Neely murder. Neely was autistic, but I haven’t heard any speculation that he may have been having a meltdown when he was killed. In fact, his neurotype seems to be completely ignored by most news sources.
*i love the video It's hard to explain to others what is happening or what's going on in our heads when we meltdown but i want to add is my leg shakes a lot. Ive always doing it with out recognizing it and others notice when it gets bad but i never say anything. I was brought up to sit still and dont be emotional so i had to keep it in and my leg was the only thing that did get me in trouble.
Such a good idea for a video, my fiancé is always asking me what he can do to help with my meltdowns, as I seem to have a lot of triggers at the moment. Agreed with a lot, the only thing is that personally I wouldn't like to be called reactive (in the UK it seems more like an insult) and I don't mind the word sensitive, because family members would use this word in a nice way to defend me ❤
When I pick it's because there's so much pressure in my skin that when I get whatever is pressuring me out it feels so good. And the blood thing isn't about pain. It's beautiful.
Thank you so much for this your videos my brother is age 63 and I'm 71 and there's always been something different about him than my other two brothers and now I get it you've helped me a great deal so thank you so much
I had a coworker that had the hearing issue. Now that I have seen this video and if I had known back then I would have told management what to do. Dammit! I feel so bad now. Where I worked was the perfect environment for her. The moved me to her physical space. Wow!
I have AuDHD and I kinda forgot to listen to most of what you said. Sorry. But the video did prompt me to contact a psychyatrist regarding getting the actual diagnosis of Autism, so thank you :)
Thanks for sharing this video and having this channel. Is having symptoms of Intermittent Explosive Disorder or breaking stuff is something common in folks with this situation? I really believe being open and getting diagnosis early on, helps the partners or school staff to help the folks better. My wife exhibits such symptoms but didn't really show any interest in getting a diagnosis and our kid is having similar shut down situations in school, being super sensitive or having sensory overload but my wife constantly blames the school staff instead of trying to find the root cause because she strongly believes all of her negative feelings or our son is caused by the society and others and they need to change. It's not about changing a person or society or finding who's behavior is right or wrong, it's about acknowledging why we behave certain way and being open about it and seeking help. You are so open about the stuff that you even put them on TH-cam but some folks are even so negative about having a private consultation with a shrink or Dr regarding their feelings or hyper reactions or anger or sensitivity to very simple easy things for average person. Thanks
I have been processing this for while now. On and off I realize again; I’m not all the negative traits I’ve always been/still get told- I just am different. I genuinely am ADHD/Autistic. Every single female characteristics I have. Every single one. It answers so many things. Ahh this video too!!’ I feel sad right now because this has been my whole life. I masked for so many years. I am 42 and only started truly researching this for me the past 2 years. Rec’d ADHD combined ex when I was 30, but they didn’t mention autistic and I didn’t think about it back then. You’re videos have seriously helped me identify so many things I’ve not been able to explain and for me this is overwhelming right now haha❤❤❤❤
In responding to someone in meltdown, the most important thing I need to remember is that it’s not about me. I’m not being ignored, punished, etc. and I am not responsible for getting the person out of meltdown. I am obviously pretty self-oriented but not remembering what’s in my control and what isn’t usually makes things worse.
I’m usually unaware that I’m having a meltdown until afterwards and then I feel horribly guilty for days, at times weeks, even months. Now that I’m in my early 30’s and that I’ve experienced much in the world I realize that they do progress in the sense that when I was a child I would hit myself and nowadays I certainly do not hit (slap myself in the face) when I’m upset. I might if someone dies sure, but not because I’ve received a bad grade in college (It took me 10 years for my brain to be ready to attend college). I suppose my point here is that my meltdowns have progressed in a positive manner in the sense that they’re less violent toward myself HOWEVER unfortunately im still unaware they’re happening until after the events and my “zone out” to process. Great video I love hearing from you keep posting!
I broke free, I have ADHD and autism. It took 4 days for them both to come out full force!! 52 years of masking and suppressing. People don't recognize me as the same person!!😎 I am going to write a paper on everything I feel as I try and slow down the peaks. Thanks for your helpful videos.👍😎👻🌶️
This was very helpful. My sister who is in denial and masking has recently gone thru almost all of these melt down actions you described with me and what I call “Twisting” it back on me as the problem. Highly intolerable of me and others. I also saw childhood traumas come out too. I’m not sure how to address or support her but she has not admitted to herself yet.
Before knowing about my autism I used to give clear instructions to my ex-partners about how to handle my meltdowns - which I didn't have that word for. They never learned, though... they pretty much escaped from the situation. My current partner hadn't gotten my "handbook" for this yet, when he witnessed it for the first time - and he did the absolutely best thing intuitively! Which in my case was to hold me tight and safe until I could calm down. And he just took care of me.
I got "You are such a Drama Queen!! Quit it!" But often my ears hurt from loud sounds that bother others not at all, or only a little. A fire drill is a nightmre for me. I would gladly run outside. But because i now live where a majority of residents use walkers, the instructions were to go in the hall between firedoors ( where alarms continued to echo) and wait for directions. I was glad i happened to have foam earplugs with me, but swimmer's earplugs would be better able to damp out sound.
I would recommend getting Loop earplugs. They have different ones for the level of silence that you want. They are a huge benefit for me. Plus the colors are super cute.
Oh my gosh, recently it finally dawned upon me that I'm autistic, at age 38, and I have recognised SO much of myself in your videos, for example I cried when watching "16 overlooked traits in autistic women", because it listed things I've really struggled with not understanding why. But now I watched a few videos about autistic meltdowns and thought "hmm...I don't have meltdowns, maybe I'm not autistic after all?". But then I read some comments here about uncontrollable crying and other reactions and suddenly I see lots of flashbacks from my childhood and adult life! As an adult I've sometimes thought: "No one can possibly cry as much as I do? If the water of the Nile was like my river of tears over the years, it would drench cities". I remember how I would break down and cry on the floor of shopping malls when my mom took me there. I remember the feeling although I was so little, it was never that I was upset because my mom wouldn't get me something I wanted, it was just complete overwhelm and my mom struggled with it, maybe it was tiring and embarrassing for her (she was so sweet and loving though, right up until the end when she died by my side at age 74 this February 💔♥️). I believe an autistic meltdown I had was even caught on tape when I was a wee little girl. It's a video of a family visit with friends where we're out walking. Our family friend had a film camera in the 1980's and filmed us. I'm tired from walking and express that I want to be carried but noone picks me up and I sit down and cry and seem inconsolable. Later the filming goes on and the other children play knights fighting with sticks, but I sit below a tree sobbing. "What's wrong?" my dad asks concerned, but gets no reaction from me. Then there's a cut to another scene, where I'm finally being carried and have stopped crying. In two other videos filmed by the same friend where I'm maybe 3-4 years old, my brother and the friend's children are playing and I'm just gazing into the distance, not participating. When one kid says that I can be Batman in their game, I just keep gazing out the window saying slowly "I don't want to join". The "I don't want to join" thing stuck with me when it comes to wild games and activities...I was for example totally uninterested in joining freshman games when starting high school or university. I didn't enjoy parties with alcohol until I lived with hill tribe people in China starting at age 27, where the people were of all ages and would sing beautiful drinking songs and dance folk dances. But I'd often cry at such parties if I got a bit drunk, they could feel really overwhelming then. Throughout my life, I've often looked for private spaces where I could get away from the crowd at parties or I'd just find one person to chat with and stay in that bubble. Ah, what a ride learning about autism and suddenly having so many memories come back to me of past experiences that I now see in a different light! How I wish I would have learned of this sooner.
I tend to be sensitive to touch and sound during these moments and so i stay silent with noise reduction headphones and wring my hands repeatedly until i feel better. I mentioned my shutdowns to my therapist a few days ago and she said, "well why won't you try speaking to people when this happens" 😐 Well gee golly doctor, i havent thought if that.
Thank you Taylor …..your help is so good did not realize y twin sister had this problem…..I’ve done very well with my daughter but stopped using words I thought were doing her good .light affects her eyes …
"Emotionally immature" is a term that seems to be spreading like wildfire and I feel like it's even turning into a buzzword for the dating pool as well. It's almost as if it's becoming a rubber stamp
I can't understand what people are saying if there are multiple audio inputs, in particular multiple conversations such as the TV on, my daughter talking, and my wife talking to me. I frustrate her but I literally can't process what she's saying to me.
My thoughts are as follows, People often say they have a migraine as a descriptive but if they where having an actual migraine odds are they would be in the fetal position or throwing up... they just have a bad headache with milder symptoms... Headaches are a spectrum though but migraines have a very definitive set of symptoms . From Stephen Wiltshire to Albert Einstein is how broad the Autism spectrum can be and we should admit it is not definitive and it is not understood well at all ... for instance autistic and schizotypal phenotypes share many common traits. A person with schizotypal would test positive for Autism with todays diagnostics. Where as a schizotypal would try and associate abstract patterns to match, a person with autism is more likely associating like patterns during mental analysis of a subject. Almost all of the other traits match though. (A dyslexic would probably type a rather broad and disjointed response like I am doing now. and edit, re-read it, change all the P's he ment to be B's to try and make it legible) An Autistic, A dyslexic and a schizotypal walk into a doctors office... Anyway it's fine to self diagnose just understand that these are not always well defined terms and autism is the least defined. Wasn't historically that long ago we were drilling holes in peoples heads to let out evil spirits . the science of the human mind is not even fractionally close to being understood. Also that Bingo card describes most people in one way or another and reminds of the click bait surveys that want to know what scooby-do character you are. Sincerely, Velma
Thank you, for not calling it a disorder. 1:51 wow.. i never thought about my chronic pain as being a lead to a melt down. 😮 Just a thought i had. I dont feel pain right. It has to be a 10 for me to notice. But if my body is feeling it... Yeah thays all i got. Divers response. I think its called, for helping a meltdown.
I love your description over the Autistic- experience you have such a way with words and, I really appreciate everything you say 🥰 I'm a Autistic adult but.. I just happen not to have 'sensory processing disorder', so for that reason meltdowns aren't horrific or painful for me, it's just essentially a mountain load/ outpour of..... Unprocessed emotion, that ends up being released 😘 Said with love and kindness
I had a meltdown today trying to tell an automated phone robot or computer what I was trying to do. I literally had a angry cursing meltdown over nothing really. It didn't work because used the wrong words.
Thanks. I am self diagnosed, although several professionals feel I fit the old "Aspergers' diagnosis. As a women it is extra hard. I've had two kids on the spectrum.
I just had a meltdown in the street during the school run - because I’m a big loud man it’s scary and intimidating - now I’ve been shamed because my mrs is concerned what the neighbours will think. I think it’s BS that my meltdowns are only acceptable if they aren’t being observed - I know my kids don’t deserve it but I can’t stop myself in the moment 😮💨
The trouble can be knowing what is overwhelming us when acknowledgement of our differences has been forbidden since we were toddlers upon pain of shunning. No one wants to deal with TYPICAL but inconvenient needs of children, nevermind unusual needs. Too expensive, too much time, interferes with productivity. So first, the autistic person has to figure out which environmental stimuli we find unusually overwhelming; generally, the ones we’ve been repeatedly told are no big deal and to shush and not be rude about. Then, we have to feel safe sharing that information; information we are likely to have been criticized or taunted for sharing in the past.
I know that we get a lot of labels. Did anyone else get "immature" or "emotionally immature"? Those always annoyed me and it was usually family and doctors
Emotional damage 💔
I got the term immature used on me so much, I don't think I'll ever recover fron being made to feel like that was the truth and feeling that I was defective.
I am 46 and was called this from as far as I can remember through junior high, high school, as a young adult and on...that is really screwed up and screwed with my self image, self esteem, self worth, confidence, emotional and mental health.
I have strong feelings about the phrase "emotionally immature" being used, mostly by family. I really hate that phrase, because it is so belittling and such a misunderstanding and misrepresentation of what I'm going through in those times.
I saw it on my personnel file, some years after the comment was made. It didn't bother me, after all I was young then. and I know nothing of autism.
Haven’t watched this yet but it’s on my list since I feel like my autism is getting worse, and I wouldn’t presume to know what somebody else’s experience is but in my case I feel like if I have a meltdown the term emotionally immature definitely applies to me, I have failed to keep my emotions in check and my warped messed up state of mind is broadcast for others in a humiliating way. I have a responsibility as an adult in public to never do or say anything that could offend or make someone uncomfortable… I don’t see how a meltdown can ever be acceptable.
EDIT: Please don’t take this as a criticism to anyone else, I am criticizing myself. I don’t have many friends and have a lot of anxiety even with people I trust. Meltdowns are a liability, I can’t afford to have people start hating me as much as I hate myself.
My father would always label me as “dramatic” when I was experiencing meltdowns. Hearing you say “don’t call someone dramatic” was SO validating. Thank you ❤❤
same! dude we are reacting appropriately to what's going on for us. what's going on is INTENSE
yes, the same. because of it i was in depression from 19 to 27... before i get the diagnosis
dont overreact@@NerakanDrac
same except people called me sensitive a lot instead of dramatic
@@NerakanDracI've also been called intense when I thought i was being chill 😢
Once, I had to leave a wedding reception because I was having a meltdown (uncontrollable crying). I was a bridesmaid and everything. I was undiagnosed then but I think the thing I need people to understand for the future is that it's nothing personal but I have a strong need to go home when that happens. I didn't know what else, but I knew I had to be home ASAP. In this case, the bride was someone I know very well (obviously) and she could see that something was wrong and there was no bad blood between us because of it 😊
Sorry for your experience, but it's nice your friend supported you.
I had something very similar happen.
I was maid of honor for one of my best friends. Fortunately, this had not entailed much other than helping to pick out the dresses for me and the other two bridesmaids and sometimes listening to my friend vent about her mom being difficult.
Then we got to the bachelorette party. Stage 1 (dinner at an Irish pub) was fine. It wasn't super loud and our group was small, so I was still able to talk to people and whatnot. Then we moved onto part 2, a place that was more night-clubby. Not a lot of people, thank god, but I made the mistake of having a second drink while there. This was a bad idea because having more than one serving of alcohol seems to lower my ability to screen out the confusing sensory environment inherent to clubs (what with the loud music, flashing lights, etc.). Long story short, I ended up crying and couldn't stop.
Luckily, several of the other ladies including my friend had apparently also been wishing they could go home, but just thought it would be impolite to just SAY that - so there were no negative social repercussions.
Dang it was embarrassing, though! Not as embarrassing as when I had a weepy meltdown in front of the Dean during a job negotiation because I got so confused and frustrated (Internal monologue: "Why are you telling me X is impossible? That's clearly not literally true so...why won't you tell me what the actual problem is?"). But that's a whole other story!
@@passaggioalivello 😊
Yes definitely nice that your friend supported you. I TOTALLY understand needing to go home ASAP. That is the only place that always feels 100% safe.
Yes! The strong need to go home, be in your safe space & reduce stimuli as much as possible is so real!
I find it very uncomfortable when people ask me lots of questions during a meltdown. I want to answer their questions, I just can't and that stresses me out even more. So I would say PATIENCE is key! Just be there and be calm and know that we aren't ignoring you
Yes exactly, I am the same way don't want to be asked questions until I am relaxed
YES! I can’t talk at all when I meltdown so asking me anything is just going to upset me more!
@@cammie49 yes absolutely feel the same way
Thank you for this. I have been impatient and realized later I acted badly. But also frustrated because my sister is in denial and masking but I see it so clearly. I wish she would just talk about it and we can all understand.
@@sandraschultz3104Is it possible SHE doesn't know what's going on? I only got my diagnosis 4 years ago, and I'm still trying to figure out what's going on and how to deal with it better. I'm 46, and I've been making and trying to live up to impossible standards my whole life. It's a lot to untangle.
a lot of autistic people have been (indirectly) punished for having a meltdown, so its quite common (for me at least) to fight through and mask as well as possible through a meltdown but that causes a huge amount of stress and fatigue. so if you really want to help someone be aware that they might try to show as little signs of a meltdown as possible (but will probably show irratibility or distractedness or other signs you can learn to pick up on) and allow them some time and space to work through it
It's possible to mask through a meltdown? That is really validating for me, I needed to know that. Thank you
I really love this suggestion! Would be soooo helpful!! 💛✨
My parents held me down under a cold shower when I was having meltdowns as a kid so now I just have shutdowns which are less obvious
@@lizzzturner im sorry to hear that, i hope theyve come to understand more by now
@@lizzzturnerI’d honestly prefer that to freak outs that get protective services called on us at stores or wherever. I’m so tired of having to prove I’m not abusing my son.
I often experience being overwhelmed when I have a conflict with a loved one. I feel my own frustration and theirs in addition and it gets especially bad if they keep talking faster than I am able to compute it. So if you feel your loved ones are shutting/ melting down, reassure them that you love them and wait for their response before you continue with the next point, even if it may take a moment.
Yaaaasss!! I agree 100, but also would like to point out that abusive people, especially narcissistic types, will zero in on this as an opportunity to gaslight the living daylights out of you and leave you shaking and shattered from trying to respond to them talking over you and invalidating. Definitely give your own self space as well. Find a way to physically remove yourself if a "neurotypical" person is supposedly failing to understand
I am 48 and was just diagnosed a week ago. Sadly, I have never been able to safely have a meltdown. My parents punished me for anything and everything; stimming was done in secret. I was lazy, a daydreamer, rebellious, etc. My now husband doesn't understand me either. All I have ever wanted was for someone to understand the real me, and I don't think that will ever happen. It's lovely reading some of the comments where people have the support and understanding of loved ones.
I have a non-verbal, autistic toddler. It breaks my heart when she wants to communicate her needs but is unable to. I appreciate so much listening to people on the spectrum share and explain their experiences. This helps me so much to better understand what might be going on with my daughter. Thank you so much for your videos!
You might benefit from reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. TW for 9/11 sensitive material though and I much prefer the movie ending. The book is just so sad, but Oskar, the main character POV when he’s in meltdown…just gets it. He is so wise about what supports he needs, so I feel like the novel is basically about a recombining and reinvention of coping skills when his world goes to pieces.
Does she have AAC stuff to help her communicate?
My worst meltdown lasted for 2 hours of uncontrollable crying and rocking in the fetal position. I was in a safe place, but no one knew what to do with me. They tried to hug me, but physical touch worsen the meltdown.
Oh yeah, no touch!
@@joyh6770 I don't like it, but it depends. Everyone is different, some autistic people find physical touch very comforting.
@passaggioalivello I find light touch or unexpected touch very unpleasant. However, if someone were to give me a firm tight hug, that is nice.
The first time that happened as severe as it’s been happening to me the last few years, my husband very carefully asked if someone had died.
@@themustardseedfarm9570 At least that was a kind question
This video was very helpful. My son's girlfriend is on the spectrum. She's been with our family a few times when she's had a meltdown. At the time I didn't realize what was happening. We weren't sure what to do. I definitely want to learn more so I can support her and understand her better.
YOU’RE SUCH A SWEET MOTHER :,)
I love it when my husband, who is my safe person, asks me how he can help or tells me it's going to be OK. He will listen to me and hug me gently. ❤
💓 so great to hear you have this support
I wish I was having meltdowns growing up. I was always really hard on myself because everyone seemed to handle things so much better than me! My children have meltdowns and I am compassionate with them whereas I was told I was overreacting or being dramatic. The more we know the better we can react. ❤
A wise truth.
absolutely. your kids are so lucky to have you! I know that how you are able to support them has come at a price. So proud of you for the changes you've made to better support them AND yourself!
55 year old, not diagnosed... but I have signs and on-line tests support a self diagnosis. Anyway - in meetings, people continuously asking questions without waiting for me to answer or look up / figure out the answer puts me into a potential melt down. However, it is often just a shut down and I have to say - "please be quite while I figure out the first thing you asked me." I am a heavy masker but inside my brain I'm in complete panic while this is going on.
I'm 75, maybe the extra years help me. Maybe my "commanding appearance" ( a personnel fille note) helps, I am tall. I don't mask, perhaps because I am also moderately gifted. A lot like Doc Martin. I write scripts, so I don't respond quickly either. I'll talk about my autism to anyone who'll listen.
I can so relate to you on this. Much gratitude for your post.
I can totally relate. It's also hard when someone at work sends me a request for support but they don't ask me directly. They sent a sentence with a minimal amount of words, all of which carries a lot of subtext. E.g. co-worker: Can we get this out on June 1st? My brain: Uhhhh....yes? Why wouldn't we be able to do that? Co-worker left out soooo much information. It takes a long time to figure out what they have tried so far and why they are in doubt, as well as what I can do to help. My brain explodes every time and it nearly sends me into a melt down. Hand flapping and pacing ensues.
@@Station737the subtext is overwhelming for me too.
The reverse is true: I explain all my subtext, and so I look too talkative, but if I don't, people assume the worst, so it's infuriating.
When I was growing up, my mom and I devised a signal for when I would have an emotional shut down..so I would say I was in 'my alone mood' so my parents knew I was suffering from sensory overload and let me go off by myself.
At family functions, they would explain it was my 'communing with nature' when they questioned my sudden exit from gatherings.
At work, I would wear headphones or go off on walks along during breaks/lunches. Since being remote, I basically make my own schedule and still get the work done..and am allowed to come to meetings only if I have something to add( we all get meeting agendas ahead of time..which even a few of my NT co workers said they would prefer as well).
I feel deep sadness and fear deep down during my meltdowns. I appear angry and emotional but the anger is a mask for pain. And quite often I feel shame and guilt after meltdowns
Just listening to this makes me imagine how much my childhood could have been improved if people around knew this..
I owe large part of my childhood trauma to the response I would get when I was so overwhelmed I would start crying: "Tell me why you're crying or I will give you a reason."
This is something that I remember myself. Crying til the point of hyperventilating and unable to catch my breath, let alone stop crying. I am aware of that when my children start crying and I make sure I take the time to figure out what is going on to avoid meltdowns.
❤
That’s awful and cruel. I’m sorry you went through that, you deserved better.
And that, right there, is why I get angry instead of crying. We have GOT to stop punishing kids for crying! They may not have the words to explain why they want to cry - they just need to let it out! Good grief, why is that so hard for some people to understand? Children are children - they CANNOT think in adult ways, and they aren't really capable of a lot of that stuff until at least 7 years old!
Let kids be kids!
I really appreciate that you didn't call it a disorder and called it what it *really* is: a neurological difference.
My girlfriend and I are both autistic and I have noticed that we have gotten very good at helping each other in meltdowns. I think this speaks to what you are saying here about having curious conversations afterward with the autistic person in your life. Great tip! Through asking lots of questions, we have gotten to understand each others needs very well in these difficult moments. This really helps, as communicating my needs while in meltdown feels impossible.
As a late diagnosed autistic woman, I appreciate reassurance during meltdown that my experience is okay/valid with lots of encouragement to stim. And I find special interest time after meltdown be the best recovery! And food! I think I watched an Amethyst Schaber video where she described post-meltdown physical exhaustion as equivalent to running a marathon! I have found this to be true especially after a lot of big physical stims. So I think having long recovery time after meltdowns is important. Thanks for the video :)
Literally sobbing right now. Had no idea this is what was happening. Thank you.
My last meltdown was massive. And it’s actually what lead me to discover that I’m probably on the spectrum. But it happened because my family excluded me from a family event for like the millionth time and when I found out it felt like someone shot me through the heart. All I could do was sit down holding myself rocking back and forth and wailing. Fortunately, it was the catalyst to helping me find an amazing therapist and I’m on a waitlist to be tested. Idk if my family will stop excluding me if it’s confirmed. But at least I’m finally getting help to manage all of this.
I only realized I might be autistic after having a few massive meltdowns from PTSD triggers! I’m so sorry you’re going through it, but hopefully a diagnosis could be a silver lining 🙏
This video has been more helpful than I thought it would be. First, I am 65 years old and only learned about autism when my son and his daughter were diagnosed about 8 years ago......at which time my loving husband told us that he already knew and that I was autistic too. After learning about it, I could look back on my life and see it. I was only aware of severe meltdowns, so didn't even realize what I have been going through lately have also been meltdowns. I won't go into all the details, but my husband died last year, and 4 weeks ago a severe windstorm blew the roof off my house and the ceiling fell in on 1/3 of the house, including my craft rooms. I can't live in my house, can't work in my craft rooms, can't have my routines, and I'm not comfortable with all the different people involved and all the things that are happening. Sometimes I feel like they must think I'm weird as I just stare at them without talking. I don't want them touching my things either. So much....too much to put here. And things that I didn't understand were stimming, I do now. You have helped me learn more about myself. Thank you. These are things I can talk about in my appointment next week. Thank you so much 💗 Hugs.....Janie
Thank you very much for sharing, Janie. I wish you all the best ❤
Hello Janie. How are things going?
@@dminnovatores Well.....over a year later my house still isn't finished. But exactly 1 year from when it happened I was finally able to move back in because the contractor made it liveable for me. I'm still seeing a therapist. My life is still upside down in some areas waiting for things to be finished so I can unpack boxes and find my things. But for the most part I'm adjusting. The words "things will never be the same again" have been a big part of my life over the past year, but I'm finding positive things, so I will be ok eventually. Thank you for asking 😊
This was the most validating and productive video! Thanks so much for sharing. ive just been added to the waiting list for an autism diagnosis and your videos help me learn about myself so much in the meantime and help me explain to people around me, thank you!
Thank you Taylor so much for the work you are putting in. I am a 52 year old male and I am going through the process (3rd day) of my self diagnosis. I did not realize that what I thought was avoidance was in fact a meltdown. Your ability to verbalize how I feel as well as using such a soft and kind touch to it has really helped me on my self-reflection and self-realization ❤.
I'm also experienced a meltdown period when I was in elementary school because I had a mild autism, at that time I would often throw tantrums at school, cry out loud, also being an aggressive, and my mother had to think about how to make me comfortable when I got home. What I usually do during a meltdown is take a bath, up to almost an hour
Then when I felt calm, my mother would invite me to tell her what happened, why I had a tantrum. But if it's a meltdown, I usually can't tell but I'm can do drawing. My active mom asked questions and got a picture of her answers.
Thankfully the older I get, the more I can tell what happened. This is very important for my mother, so that she can take the next appropriate action
yes to baths
After isolation we might need food and drinks, we are talking pepperoni pizza, Alaskan snow crab, 9 layer dip salsa with nachos. This is essential! If those cannot be secured, buying a gift card to a nice restaurant is another way you can help.
Thank you, allistic allies!!! We will pay you back in excel spreadsheet troubleshooting and other fine brain gifts!!!
Again, I just want to say thank you Taylor for taking the time to do all of these videos. I too am late diagnosed, I wasn't diagnosed until 3 years ago and I'm 52 now. I work in a hospital setting as a Respiratory Therapist and having a deeper understanding of myself has done so much helping me get through my day working with patients and co-workers. You've really helped me with managing my stress levels and you've also helped my wife understand me and my quarks as well... Again, Thank You.
Great video Taylor, so helpful. It would be so useful if you could do a follow up on other triggers apart from sensory. E.g. emotional dysregulation from fear or anger - feeling excluded, misunderstood, marginalised, ignored, also observing or experiencing injustice, seeing others in pain, distress brought on by overwhelm of huge issues such as climate change, war etc. Other triggers can include our struggle to communicate, the brutal effect of hormonal changes and our sensitivity to them. (i.e Sensitivity to Cortisol and how it takes us longer to rid our system of it, puberty, menstrual cycle, perimenopause/menopause struggles...) Language processing issues leaving us struggling to follow, understand, question information. Our reliance on people telling the truth/ being straightforward and being wrongfooted by irony, sarcasm, exaggeration, outright lies.
Yes! Absolutely this! I do struggle with sensory overload at times but emotional dysregulation is much more likely to trigger me into having a full on meltdown, especially when it’s a tough conversation, e.g. with my husband about a sensitive issue, a disagreement etc. I struggle to get my point across and I can’t process thoughts and what I want to say quickly enough and everything feels like it builds up in my head which then goes *pop*. Unfortunately, I feel like this video wouldn’t actually help him to understand the above if I sent it to him :(
@@Laura-gw5of I hear you re the problem of communicating the issues to partners so they have a clearer understanding. If I have a big issue to discuss I plan it by writing it out in advance so I can focus on the key points and ensure I don't lose the thread or forget a point I need to bring up. Otherwise I find I get easily distracted or sidelined or overwhelmed or upset and I don't communicate half of what I need to say which doesn't help him either.
When I can't escape, retreat, isolate, self regulate, calm the f down: watch out. The harshness of my next words and actions could present as volatile. If I suddenly have an outburst it's because it's been boiling in here and there was no other option. Usually the person the comment/action is directed toward was the source of the straw that broke the camel's back.
I have had experiences where people I was trying to be nice to, people who I was trying to explain my frazzlement to, have repeated my words as a question with a giggle.
Me: I need you to move your cart forward a few more inches because I can't for my wheelchair and the cart in this very limited self checkout area.
Them: giggling, scoffing, coughingly repeating what I said word for word as if I studdard.
Then they add 'you could have asked'
Me: I don't know how
Them: showing their ignorance they, in a similar way but now louder repeat AGAIN what I just said
Me: NO!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!!
now half of Wal-Mart is wondering wtf happened and why is a grown woman yelling so loud 😢 three employees swarm the area to make sure things don't continue to escalate 😢 me (in a manual wheelchair) try to storm off to the other checkout area while also trying to process the lights and noise of the store.
I couldn't. I couldn't handle one more anything. I wanted to scream. Yelling burst from me in that moment. I didn't know I was going to react that way. It was involuntary and embarrassing. They both (an adult daughter and her father) commented "rude" with a harsh scoff. I had lost control. 😭 Now I was desperate to leave.
You could see my entire body shaking. I was trying to breathe with every pore of my body. My bones were desperate for air from their centers. The employees stepped back. They gave me the space i needed and watched indirectly from a distance. I was able to quickly check out and get to my vehicle.
Until that day I didn't know how I would act in that situation. I don't ever so at Walmart during peak times now. I shop the last hour or hour and a half or the first hour. I had no idea there was a part of me that could speak like that. It was like a roar that came from every part of me simultaneously but with clearly formed words.
Please don't be "sorry for my experience" I'm sharing for informational purposes. My body has a very real memory of that feeling. I feel it every time I think of it, like right now. I feel the way every fiber of my being expressed those words " NO!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!! " I remember the shame afterwards but it's not a part of that roar that happened. It felt very empowering to speak with that much power though. Like even my bone marrow got to speak out in that moment.
At least I know I CAN live through it. I hope you learn something from this.
It's crazy the way our mind works. Not knowing how to ask for help but knowing how to retell an entire story. I hope you got the help you needed and it's great to hear you were able to learn from that situation.
Thank you! Your clear retelling is so much my own experience! I can only explain these things once I'm out the other side.
Also, YOU DID ASK. No, you didn't say please, nor should you have HAD to - anyone with HALF a brain could see the problem. And those people were INCREDIBLY rude behaving as they did. Repeating what you said word for word, but doing nothing to help is HUGELY rude. And I would personally bet it's because you're in a wheelchair, sadly. The disabled, broadly, and wheelchair users specifically, get treated SO BADLY at times that it just blows my mind.
I'm glad at least the Walmart staff were decent. Too bad nobody told those awful people off, though. If I had seen that, I would have stepped in, because I cannot STAND to see people mistreated.
@@bhopeful93 yes, I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism a couple months later (age 48). I was able to get helpful tips from TH-cam 'experts' - funny how they understand how to help so much more than people worth degrees
@@kateshiningdeer3334 thank you
Thank you for sharing your story. ♥️
Hey, been watching your videos for a while, but starting to feel like a stocker so thought I should interact a little, I was one of those people who was falling through the cracks, and it was in prison that I was diagnosed, it was just dumb luck that the chief psychologist has a niece who was going through the assessment at that time, and she picked up on some similar traits, at one point I dam near ended up in the max, so because of her I understood things a little bit better, from there I crawled out of that hole, I was 37 back then, and that was like 25yrs ago, good to hear all this talk on autism, so thats me, great videos
I suspect so many underprivileged people in prison are actually autistic with no support, desperate and just trying to survive. We need to do better. 😢 I am so glad you found answers! ❤
You'd be surprised at how many unsupported privileged people are in prison because they were abused and disguaded by their own simply because they didn't fit the norm of the privileged lifestyle and they had to live in the same atmosphere, I don't think being privileged or not has a lot to do with it 😏
Wow that's an incredible story. I'd love to see an interview of you
You inspire me to challenge the way I think and speak about my receptivity and it's helping me feel more self-compassion and empowered. :)
I wish my family cared enough to want to watch something like this. They didn't even say much when I was diagnosed and haven't asked any questions whatsoever since. I had to literally BEG them to watch a one hour Stanford lecture on depression after three hell deep depressions that nearly hospitalized me, and they couldn't even be bothered to do that.
My adult children won't watch these sort of things. I've given up on my son because he insists that I'm someone who nobody likes and that I like nobody. I'm not like that
Sleep right after is a must, dark room, cool ice pack in a pillow case across the forehead. I don’t set an alarm, when I wake, that’s the right amount. It’s usually 1-2 hrs each time. And then I wake rested. And don’t do any other big demands the rest of day.
So I have a person in my life that I love so much, that love has got us through rough times. She has brought this video to my attention and we both realize her self diagnosis is spot on. The information from your presentation has enlightened me to alternatives I have to keep our relation intake and improve from the space I'm in of almost giving up. I am going to watch all your videos and apply your suggestions from notes I will be taking and report about how our relationship improves and we can keep intack the love we share.
Its really helped me too. I am in the same situation with a partner who has been in my life for 10 years. We are together again for the 3rd time and only just realised that what happens for him are internal meltdowns. After trying so hard and loving so much I finally understand. He is 70 and never diagnosed and last time I mentioned it he was angry and said he never had aspergers/autism. Maybe there is hope for us now.
This is so nice. Currently here bc I feel my partner escalates the situation with his responses.
I was under the impression that meltdowns are always quite dramatlc events wlth lost of crying and screaming and rocking back and forth. This is why I thought I'd never had one. I just get very quiet and try to melt into a wall or just flee the situation as fast as I can.
Hi, I'm new to your channel and currently in the process of being evaluated for autism spectrum (39 years old and I'm just now hearing about this and having my mind blown). When I melt down, it's usually when plans change suddenly and the day or experience I prepared for is changing. I get really overwhelmed and feel despair which at the time I know is ridiculous but I also can't stop feeling it. Then on top of that is the shame I feel because I know I'm making it hard and awkward for everyone else around me (like my wife) which causes more spiral. Even though I don't usually have a big outward expression, especially in public, I can't function because of the internal meltdown. Anyway, thanks for this video. It's so helpful.
Watching this vid bc i felt super off td after a kinda bad morning. And just realized that im prolly going through meltdown/shutdown 😭 feels weird to be self aware of my tism sometimes
Isolation, especially after intense interaction, always.
Not just after intensive interactions. I prefer to be alone most of the time, just not when I'm in crisis or in pain or needing comfort. I'm continually stunned by autistics who are married, because I need the care & support of a husband but my brain is too fuc**** broken by the disease of autism to even be able to freaking get to that point. #FML
47 diagnosed late last year. I've always worked hard on being the very best version of myself yet there have always been these things I can't ever do anything about, can't fix. Now so much is making sense. I'm thrilled to have this information and I have already come a long way in a short period of time since learning of my ASD. Sad I didn't have this knowledge decades ago, would have really helped.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank this channel and everyone online that creates content or comments or whatever, you all have been such a help. Thank you all.
Thank you so much for this channel!! I just turned 35 and realizing now I may be autistic, and it’s helping me to understand why I am the way I am.
Thank you for this video! Super-Duper!!! Just the sort of info I need to help my undiagnosed neighbor! She drives me crazy. I always knew she was different and it took me years to figure her out. She's 83 with no family around here, so there isn't much to be done for her. BUT!!!! I LOVE learning how I can help her. She does have meltdowns! I have become her SAFE person as it turns out. You are helping me learn how I can help her as best I can. Keep the info coming! I NEED it.
Find books by Temple Grandin. She's autistic, 75, a regular subject of study, and her obsession is animal husbandry. She's known for both.
@GBD channel How is she your hero? She could advocate we stop killing animals for food period but instead she literally designed slaughterhouse equipment.
This just made me tear up with joy. We never know how long we have on Earth and not knowing what will happen to family can be overwhelming. I love to know that there are kind souls looking to connect with people who don't have family left. You are a true blessing!
@@CrashBoomBang78 She doesn't follow your advice because she doesn't believe it and she does eat meat. Meat is a natural part of our diet as it is for cats, dogs, many fish and birds.
@John Summerfield Photographer Not at all true. Other animals eat it because of instinct and because that's what their bodies need. Humans on the other hand have a choice, and we can survive and thrive just fine without it hence it is unethical to take a life for the sake of mere palate pleasure.
OK my friend sent me this video. She didn't know I had a meltdown at work. I told her good timing. My co-worker started yelling me at work tonight. I work in a fast food restaurant. We had are dining room closed. Are Drive-Thru stayed open. It was just her and I. Well I did something wrong. And she just started yelling at me. I go on my hands and knees pulling my hair. I told her to stop yelling at me. I was banging hands on the floor and stop yelling at me. The stress of the environment wasn't helpful either just being short staffed. I have a major reaction when people yell at me. I go into a fight, flight freeze mode. I tense up. Sometimes I have a meltdown just tell the person to stop.
This was so helpful to understanding myself and what I need. I am 65 and it has taken most of my life to understand myself. How I am different from others. It was truly a shock to me after I married that my husband did not process information like I did. I spend the next 17 years trying to figure out how to change myself so the marriage would work. I became suicidal. Some part of me knew that if I did not get out of my marriage I was definitely going to die. I saved myself by leaving my husband and two children, however the guilt was horrible and very destructive. Forward almost 30 years later, I am finally content with myself. I thank you for your help.
also 65, and an entire life of being the one who was "wrong" in some way. I hear you. I'm feeling much better now that I can be compassionate for myself. I'm not wrong. I'm autistic! I just have different ways of seeing the world.
I hope you actually fixed your relationship with them. Leaving them like that doesn't seem like a good idea. The trauma you inflicted on your children by denying them a mother and stable childhood is probably terrible.
@@eri_noemi1462 I actually was able to developed a much better relationship with my children.
I would add that dimming the lights or turning them off can help us out. At least for me I get super extra light sensitivity during/after a meltdown.
Thank you for your education. I watch your channel to try to learn about what my daughter is going thru. She is 14 and was just diagnosed as she is my first kid and had symptoms from early on but I was not aware of them.
For me at least I need to be left alone when I'm having one. Touching or trying to get me to talk makes it much much worse. I've learned to self soothe to a degree that I will be able to pull myself back much quicker alone. Last time I had one was about a year ago on a public bus. Thankfully I live in a large city and seeing a woman hysterically crying isn't that unusual and barely garnered a second glance from anyone.
It often takes me quite a bit of time to realize I'm melting down, so saying something like 'are you starting to have a meltdown?' could be helpful
What is the difference between a meltdown and shutdown??? Could you perhaps do a video on this? PLEASSSEEE???
Yeees! The meltdowns are so different in each person. My wife HATES being alone but only wants to be around me when she experiences a meltdown (she says Im her person 😂). I have to walk her through the situation and let her stem during the process. She usually tells me what's causing the meltdown and I try to fix it immediately.
Thanks for sharing this insight!
Wow.. I am impressed. How do you handle the meltdowns without taking it personal? Especially when the situation involves u directly? I have someone in my life who gives me a hard time but doesnt want to give up on me even though sometimes acts like they dislake me, after the meltdown they would apologize but only recently I figured out what is the problem and I am still trying to figure things out
@@emabella1000 In all honesty...patience! It's hard at times. When my wife has a meltdown that involves me, I have to remind myself that anything she might say (hurtful or not, even when she's just being honest and blunt) is because she's not in a happy place at that moment. I usually hear her out, tell her ok, and just let her be. After awhile she comes around and she apologizes. Trust me it took alot to get to the this point of me being calm when the meltdowns happen. Just remember if both of you are upset and yelling, nothing gets resolved. Usually the person with autism doesnt have as much control over the emotions as we might. As time progresses things will get easier 🥰
Monotone voices are SO physically strenuous to focus on!
I keep figuring out what I'm experiencing after seeing other people discuss it. The echolalia during joy. Yes! Complete with bouncing, and flapping. It also happens when I'm extremely hyper. I am starting to unmask more. I'm 51 and hopefully getting diagnosed in the next couple months. I usually go nonverbal and cry during meltdown. But recently I had an angry meltdown over the news. I was very coherent, talking, swearing a lot, one hand was flapping (my spouse was holding the other). It lasted several minutes. I've gotten angry before, usually a very slow fuse. But I don't remember ever experiencing something like that before. It was intense.
I loose my sense of taste if it is too loud... thank you for the video
🇬🇧 I am a 53yr Male who was Late-Diagnosed with ‘Asperger’s’ back in 2009 and have had sensory issues my whole life and for me it can be things like the sirens from emergency vehicles passing close-by that can over-whelm me, multiple conversations going on the same time can be a distraction, more so when they are happening in the same room so I have to either politely ask the person I’m talking to, to go somewhere more quiet for easier focus.
I have an under-sensitivity to dull-pain, like I know its there but I learn to live with it until I can address it if I can. I have a preference for lots of layers of bed-linen/quilts with a higher tog-rating so I’m more comfortable & warm in bed in the colder seasons.
I think its great that you made a video like this because people need to know so they can better understand what we’re going through, because its just the way we were made at the end of the day!
Trauma also can trigger meltdowns, and also everything related to the trauma, even words or expressions or smell can provoque them…
Guys I was eating a watermelon watching this video. I put a piece in my mouth and it fell out. I freaking forgot to close my mouth🤣 I’m rolling with laughter here
I tend to only majorly melt down when I’m away from home. The last two times have been while traveling. I was surrounded by people who I knew, but I was there to talk about my artistic pursuits, and I constantly felt like I was trying to articulate my thoughts and couldn’t. This was really difficult, and on both trips, I ended up calling my mom crying and having to isolate myself to calm down. It’s stressful and frustrating, and I didn’t know what was going on at the time, as I was still undiagnosed. My reaction makes a lot more sense now. I know a lot better now what my limits are, and how to prevent a meltdown like that in the future.
So I’m not diagnosed but I’m starting to wonder about being autistic. (I’m 15 years old) I get real really upset if something in my routine changes suddenly, or for example if we were going to eat something, but it changes last minute. I just feel all these emotions, anger, sadness, and I never know what to do with them. I completely shut down on get angry or agitated at the people around me, and the annoying this is that I don’t understand why myself. I have a lot of moments later on the day (mostly at night) that I just randomly start feeling so overwhelmed and sometimes my mom tries to help by talking but I completely shut down, I want to talk and know the words but it’s like I can’t get them out, and all I can do is just rock back and forth and be “stuck in my mind”. I’m just really scared to stim or shut down in public or with my friends or family, I’m afraid they’d think I’m faking it or simply wanting attention, I never get to out how I feel and always hide everything, putting on a so called mask. Then at night it feels like it all comes back. I’m not sure why I’m writing this, maybe just to get it off my mind or maybe get some advise. I just want to thank you for your video’s, they’ve been able to help me explore thing a bit more.
This was an awesome video. I am pretty sure my parent has autism, as they have always been "no smells!" and they can only eat the same thing over and over, and I'm seeking a diagnosis myself since my sibling has it, and, this was just a good video. Thanks.
My daughter is on the spectrum. She is 27 and high functioning but struggles with some adult things. Who doesn't? I am 49 and have had the traits of being on the spectrum since small. I was forced to mask for at least 40 of those years. I have not been diagnosed but my psychiatrist said that I would classify as high functioning autistic. I also have some mental health diagnoses. My daughter is helping me to see when I might be close to a meltdown and how to best respond. My husband has started to see when I might be having a meltdown. Since he has learned what helps me, it gives me a feeling of safety. I also have found items (fidgets, and movements that help.
If your psychiatrist uses reductive, dehumanizing and medically inaccurate terms, like “high-functioning,” I would run in the other direction. The autistic spectrum is structured like a color wheel. The traits you and your daughter have determine where you fall on that spectrum. The autistic spectrum is not nor has it ever been a linear functioning scale, and when someone refers to you or your daughter as “high-functioning,” they’re painting the way your brains work as suboptimal compared to a neurotypical person - essentially, they’re telling you you’re a broken toy, but not as broken as those other toys over there. Although it can be extremely hard to find a medical professional who will treat you with the respect you deserve, it’s worth looking for one.
@@GhostIntoTheFog These are terms I use when talking about myself. My psychiatrist has never used these terms when talking to me about this. He has been helping me see myself differently. I just have 40 years of masking in everything I was expected to do. Being a missionary kid we would sometimes be in a different church, sometimes in a different state. I was expected to have a smile on, sit still, and speak when spoken to when at these different churches. They were the ones that supported our mission work. The terms I use come from that messed up background.
@@natalieshicks7880 in essence all autistic people can have high or low functioning periods depending on how well they are doing at the time. if youre performing "normalcy" but youre severely stressed out or depressed, are you really performing well? you wouldnt say someone with a flu is doing well either, so mental health is definitely a part of how well someone is functioning, and if youre not doing well mentally or physically, then looking purely at what someone presents, and how much it botheres neurotypical people is, gives a completely wrong perspective. just because someone with a broken leg is ignoring the pain and walking anyway, it doesnt mean its not broken, and in fact it might cause more injury. in the end its about balancing your actual well being and your ability to perform needed tasks
Virtual hugs to everyone here.
it's me, i'm the loved one. and i am also myself, the autistic person. i love myself and i'm learning about my autistic meltdowns i've gone so long without identifying them!
Hi! My son and I can get triggered off of each other - say I startled him by yelling out the window at someone to say hi...he would freeze then retreat to his room and cry. I apologize but then feel so bad that I didn't remember not to yell that I feel like a really bad mother and then I hide in the bathroom and start crying (I also have CPTSD so its a snowball effect). How do I support him and support myself at the same time? I now try not to suggest breathing (it doesn't help) or ask him questions but just try to sit by him quietly BUT that's when my trigger starts up! I'm 50 and recently dx, and was dx with ADHD 5 years ago. Love your channel, thanks so much!
As a person now seeking official diagnosis after selfdiagnosing ASD, married to other person who I'm (and she is) 99% sure is on the spectrum - this explains so much about way we 'argue' (however rarely that happens)... Thank you, I'm sure it'll help a lot if it happens ever again - understanding both my own, and my wife's reactions.
Hi Taylor, it was really refreshing to learn about your channel and hear about the various topics. I am in my late 50s and I was not diagnosed as on the spectrum until my early '50s. So unfortunately I went a large portion of my life with not really knowing what my story was. I always knew I was a little bit different than most people and I would do with the neurotypical people considered strange behaviors. I've always known I was. I believe you use the term reactive to the environment. Personally, I don't really object to a term like hypersensitive or something. My whole life I've always fidgeted with things and particularly if I got nervous I would drum and tap on things and I never really understood why and I would have that flight fright or freeze response. Most of the time I would freeze but there were times in my life where I would fight both physically and verbally. Anyway, I probably going on too long with this but I definitely thank you for having this channel and I'm going to watch your other videos and pay more attention to you and some of the other people that have these channels relating to autism. The thing that really hurt is when I told my mom about my diagnosis that I was. You know on the autism spectrum she acted like it was some horrible thing like some kind of kiss of death and she said something like that's wrecked so many people's lives or something like that. And I of course was hurting offended. But on the other hand, she's 95 years old and not really in touch with reality too much. Again, thank you and forgive my long message. Please have a nice day
Hello Taylor I to am on the autism spectrum and I have suffered from many meltdowns through the years my most recent one was after an eye exam which didn't go well due to the test results my doctor thought that I might have a tumor on my pituitary gland so after the appointment I went back to the waiting area and just fell apart right there next to the check in desk. Luckily it didn't last long and one of the nurses who is a friend of mine came out to check on me to make sure that I was alright and also brought me a glass of water so after everything was said and done my doctor ordered a MRI of my brain to check for the tumor and luckily I didn't have any tumors on my brain or anywhere else
So I find it super helpful for me and my daughter (we are both Autistic, Daddy is not) to have a calm down bag/box ready and available. I take mine with me in the car when we are out and have it by my bedside as well. I also find it helpful to have capacity bracelets especially in times that I am non verbal or times when I cannot tolerate touch.
I think this is a critically important topic to discuss, especially in the wake of the Jordan Neely murder. Neely was autistic, but I haven’t heard any speculation that he may have been having a meltdown when he was killed. In fact, his neurotype seems to be completely ignored by most news sources.
Which is odd given how most would mention people's race if they are a minority but not a neurotype if they are a minority.
That guy was a CRIMINAL. He was NOT murdered. You are so ignorant it disgusts me.
Such a tragic loss.
*i love the video It's hard to explain to others what is happening or what's going on in our heads when we meltdown but i want to add is my leg shakes a lot. Ive always doing it with out recognizing it and others notice when it gets bad but i never say anything. I was brought up to sit still and dont be emotional so i had to keep it in and my leg was the only thing that did get me in trouble.
Thank you very much, especially with regard to replacing disorder with sensitivity. :)
Thank you for this informative video. And it is so much better coming from someone with ASD. May Abba [God] bless you, your family, and your ministry.
Such a good idea for a video, my fiancé is always asking me what he can do to help with my meltdowns, as I seem to have a lot of triggers at the moment. Agreed with a lot, the only thing is that personally I wouldn't like to be called reactive (in the UK it seems more like an insult) and I don't mind the word sensitive, because family members would use this word in a nice way to defend me ❤
The look on the faces of loved ones. I can’t handle that look anymore. It breaks my very being
When I pick it's because there's so much pressure in my skin that when I get whatever is pressuring me out it feels so good. And the blood thing isn't about pain. It's beautiful.
Thank you so much for this your videos my brother is age 63 and I'm 71 and there's always been something different about him than my other two brothers and now I get it you've helped me a great deal so thank you so much
I had a coworker that had the hearing issue. Now that I have seen this video and if I had known back then I would have told management what to do. Dammit! I feel so bad now. Where I worked was the perfect environment for her. The moved me to her physical space. Wow!
I have AuDHD and I kinda forgot to listen to most of what you said. Sorry. But the video did prompt me to contact a psychyatrist regarding getting the actual diagnosis of Autism, so thank you :)
Ummm, not sure how to break all that down!
This was great! Thank you. I hope you do one for shutdowns as well
Thanks for sharing this video and having this channel. Is having symptoms of Intermittent Explosive Disorder or breaking stuff is something common in folks with this situation? I really believe being open and getting diagnosis early on, helps the partners or school staff to help the folks better. My wife exhibits such symptoms but didn't really show any interest in getting a diagnosis and our kid is having similar shut down situations in school, being super sensitive or having sensory overload but my wife constantly blames the school staff instead of trying to find the root cause because she strongly believes all of her negative feelings or our son is caused by the society and others and they need to change. It's not about changing a person or society or finding who's behavior is right or wrong, it's about acknowledging why we behave certain way and being open about it and seeking help. You are so open about the stuff that you even put them on TH-cam but some folks are even so negative about having a private consultation with a shrink or Dr regarding their feelings or hyper reactions or anger or sensitivity to very simple easy things for average person. Thanks
I have been processing this for while now. On and off I realize again; I’m not all the negative traits I’ve always been/still get told- I just am different. I genuinely am ADHD/Autistic. Every single female characteristics I have. Every single one. It answers so many things. Ahh this video too!!’
I feel sad right now because this has been my whole life. I masked for so many years. I am 42 and only started truly researching this for me the past 2 years. Rec’d ADHD combined ex when I was 30, but they didn’t mention autistic and I didn’t think about it back then.
You’re videos have seriously helped me identify so many things I’ve not been able to explain and for me this is overwhelming right now haha❤❤❤❤
In responding to someone in meltdown, the most important thing I need to remember is that it’s not about me. I’m not being ignored, punished, etc. and I am not responsible for getting the person out of meltdown. I am obviously pretty self-oriented but not remembering what’s in my control and what isn’t usually makes things worse.
I’m usually unaware that I’m having a meltdown until afterwards and then I feel horribly guilty for days, at times weeks, even months. Now that I’m in my early 30’s and that I’ve experienced much in the world I realize that they do progress in the sense that when I was a child I would hit myself and nowadays I certainly do not hit (slap myself in the face) when I’m upset. I might if someone dies sure, but not because I’ve received a bad grade in college (It took me 10 years for my brain to be ready to attend college). I suppose my point here is that my meltdowns have progressed in a positive manner in the sense that they’re less violent toward myself HOWEVER unfortunately im still unaware they’re happening until after the events and my “zone out” to process. Great video I love hearing from you keep posting!
I broke free, I have ADHD and autism. It took 4 days for them both to come out full force!! 52 years of masking and suppressing. People don't recognize me as the same person!!😎 I am going to write a paper on everything I feel as I try and slow down the peaks. Thanks for your helpful videos.👍😎👻🌶️
This was very helpful. My sister who is in denial and masking has recently gone thru almost all of these melt down actions you described with me and what I call “Twisting” it back on me as the problem. Highly intolerable of me and others. I also saw childhood traumas come out too. I’m not sure how to address or support her but she has not admitted to herself yet.
Thank you for your videos, my daughter was just diagnosed at 12 years old and it's really helping me understand and empathize with her.
Before knowing about my autism I used to give clear instructions to my ex-partners about how to handle my meltdowns - which I didn't have that word for. They never learned, though... they pretty much escaped from the situation. My current partner hadn't gotten my "handbook" for this yet, when he witnessed it for the first time - and he did the absolutely best thing intuitively! Which in my case was to hold me tight and safe until I could calm down. And he just took care of me.
I got "You are such a Drama Queen!! Quit it!" But often my ears hurt from loud sounds that bother others not at all, or only a little. A fire drill is a nightmre for me. I would gladly run outside. But because i now live where a majority of residents use walkers, the instructions were to go in the hall between firedoors ( where alarms continued to echo) and wait for directions. I was glad i happened to have foam earplugs with me, but swimmer's earplugs would be better able to damp out sound.
I would recommend getting Loop earplugs. They have different ones for the level of silence that you want. They are a huge benefit for me. Plus the colors are super cute.
Oh my gosh, recently it finally dawned upon me that I'm autistic, at age 38, and I have recognised SO much of myself in your videos, for example I cried when watching "16 overlooked traits in autistic women", because it listed things I've really struggled with not understanding why. But now I watched a few videos about autistic meltdowns and thought "hmm...I don't have meltdowns, maybe I'm not autistic after all?". But then I read some comments here about uncontrollable crying and other reactions and suddenly I see lots of flashbacks from my childhood and adult life! As an adult I've sometimes thought: "No one can possibly cry as much as I do? If the water of the Nile was like my river of tears over the years, it would drench cities". I remember how I would break down and cry on the floor of shopping malls when my mom took me there. I remember the feeling although I was so little, it was never that I was upset because my mom wouldn't get me something I wanted, it was just complete overwhelm and my mom struggled with it, maybe it was tiring and embarrassing for her (she was so sweet and loving though, right up until the end when she died by my side at age 74 this February 💔♥️).
I believe an autistic meltdown I had was even caught on tape when I was a wee little girl. It's a video of a family visit with friends where we're out walking. Our family friend had a film camera in the 1980's and filmed us. I'm tired from walking and express that I want to be carried but noone picks me up and I sit down and cry and seem inconsolable. Later the filming goes on and the other children play knights fighting with sticks, but I sit below a tree sobbing. "What's wrong?" my dad asks concerned, but gets no reaction from me. Then there's a cut to another scene, where I'm finally being carried and have stopped crying. In two other videos filmed by the same friend where I'm maybe 3-4 years old, my brother and the friend's children are playing and I'm just gazing into the distance, not participating. When one kid says that I can be Batman in their game, I just keep gazing out the window saying slowly "I don't want to join". The "I don't want to join" thing stuck with me when it comes to wild games and activities...I was for example totally uninterested in joining freshman games when starting high school or university. I didn't enjoy parties with alcohol until I lived with hill tribe people in China starting at age 27, where the people were of all ages and would sing beautiful drinking songs and dance folk dances. But I'd often cry at such parties if I got a bit drunk, they could feel really overwhelming then. Throughout my life, I've often looked for private spaces where I could get away from the crowd at parties or I'd just find one person to chat with and stay in that bubble.
Ah, what a ride learning about autism and suddenly having so many memories come back to me of past experiences that I now see in a different light! How I wish I would have learned of this sooner.
I tend to be sensitive to touch and sound during these moments and so i stay silent with noise reduction headphones and wring my hands repeatedly until i feel better. I mentioned my shutdowns to my therapist a few days ago and she said, "well why won't you try speaking to people when this happens" 😐 Well gee golly doctor, i havent thought if that.
Thank you Taylor …..your help is so good did not realize y twin sister had this problem…..I’ve done very well with my daughter but stopped using words I thought were doing her good .light affects her eyes …
🥰😍 Thank You Taylor
"Emotionally immature" is a term that seems to be spreading like wildfire and I feel like it's even turning into a buzzword for the dating pool as well. It's almost as if it's becoming a rubber stamp
I can't understand what people are saying if there are multiple audio inputs, in particular multiple conversations such as the TV on, my daughter talking, and my wife talking to me. I frustrate her but I literally can't process what she's saying to me.
My thoughts are as follows, People often say they have a migraine as a descriptive but if they where having an actual migraine odds are they would be in the fetal position or throwing up... they just have a bad headache with milder symptoms... Headaches are a spectrum though but migraines have a very definitive set of symptoms .
From Stephen Wiltshire to Albert Einstein is how broad the Autism spectrum can be and we should admit it is not definitive and it is not understood well at all ... for instance autistic and schizotypal phenotypes share many common traits. A person with schizotypal would test positive for Autism with todays diagnostics.
Where as a schizotypal would try and associate abstract patterns to match, a person with autism is more likely associating like patterns during mental analysis of a subject. Almost all of the other traits match though. (A dyslexic would probably type a rather broad and disjointed response like I am doing now. and edit, re-read it, change all the P's he ment to be B's to try and make it legible)
An Autistic, A dyslexic and a schizotypal walk into a doctors office...
Anyway it's fine to self diagnose just understand that these are not always well defined terms and autism is the least defined. Wasn't historically that long ago we were drilling holes in peoples heads to let out evil spirits . the science of the human mind is not even fractionally close to being understood.
Also that Bingo card describes most people in one way or another and reminds of the click bait surveys that want to know what scooby-do character you are.
Sincerely,
Velma
Thank you, for not calling it a disorder.
1:51 wow.. i never thought about my chronic pain as being a lead to a melt down. 😮 Just a thought i had. I dont feel pain right. It has to be a 10 for me to notice. But if my body is feeling it... Yeah thays all i got.
Divers response. I think its called, for helping a meltdown.
I love your description over the Autistic- experience you have such a way with words and, I really appreciate everything you say 🥰 I'm a Autistic adult but..
I just happen not to have 'sensory processing disorder', so for that reason meltdowns aren't horrific or painful for me, it's just essentially a mountain load/ outpour of.....
Unprocessed emotion, that ends up being released 😘 Said with love and kindness
Bold of you to talk about nail picking....as I'm picking at my nails🤣🤣🤣jkjk
I cried watching this video. I was recently diagnosed and my family isnt receiving it well.
I had a meltdown today trying to tell an automated phone robot or computer what I was trying to do. I literally had a angry cursing meltdown over nothing really. It didn't work because used the wrong words.
Thanks. I am self diagnosed, although several professionals feel I fit the old "Aspergers' diagnosis. As a women it is extra hard. I've had two kids on the spectrum.
I just had a meltdown in the street during the school run - because I’m a big loud man it’s scary and intimidating - now I’ve been shamed because my mrs is concerned what the neighbours will think.
I think it’s BS that my meltdowns are only acceptable if they aren’t being observed - I know my kids don’t deserve it but I can’t stop myself in the moment 😮💨
The trouble can be knowing what is overwhelming us when acknowledgement of our differences has been forbidden since we were toddlers upon pain of shunning. No one wants to deal with TYPICAL but inconvenient needs of children, nevermind unusual needs. Too expensive, too much time, interferes with productivity. So first, the autistic person has to figure out which environmental stimuli we find unusually overwhelming; generally, the ones we’ve been repeatedly told are no big deal and to shush and not be rude about. Then, we have to feel safe sharing that information; information we are likely to have been criticized or taunted for sharing in the past.