Understanding the Psychological Patterns of Alcoholism and Addiction
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Addiction is deeply rooted in the psychology of the human brain. As addiction progresses, it changes key aspects of the person's judgment, morality, and personality. These addictive changes happen in a predictable pattern. In this video, we'll explore the psychological stages addicts and alcoholics go through.
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I have to thank you for finally leading me to evict my guy friend after 7 years. He is a drug addict. I'm older and turned 70 in August. I wanted to be happy by 70! I watched your video months ago on a list of things that I had to experience with him. I had all but one! But, I did it! It's been 5 months without him, and I'M HAPPY AGAIN!
Great you’re happy but what about him? I hope he's still alive
Your 70 n watching yt
@@zowiebentley5740 - do you think there’s an age limit on people who can watch TH-cam ??
@@maxinebellows741 - hope you’re still well & enjoying your life 🙏
@@jamesgreenldn what about him ? The lady gave him seven years , you so get to a do or die place , it's called survival . You think she can save him .
13 days sober, never tried to stop drinking before but my alcohol use landed me in the ER and then a week in the behavioral hospital. I'm suffering extreme depression and anxiety after medicating with alcohol for over 10 years and I feel so much that I couldn't feel with alcohol. Watching lots of videos and started AA, but getting out of bed and talking to people is extremely difficult after isolating myself for so long.
Wishing you so much success with your sobriety, stay on track it will all be worth it soon.
I have suffered this tragic addiction for years, on and off. Finally in my eighties, I realise I was ill. Somehow I hope and believe I have conquered this long ging. I have been OK for twenty years. There is always hope.
In my case it got to the point where the alcohol was making me really ill and also making me very poor.
All est wishes, it will be worth it, promise.
I no its hard but aa will teach you about ur addiction from people who have done it b4 you.
Praying for you. ❤🙏
@@pathopewell1814
You read my mind I did think about sending it to my husband. I'm a grateful member of Al-anon married 20 years my husband was sober for 24 years and broke his sobriety. My boundaries have become quite clear. I got a horse and a part time job and I easily identified with what made happy and what doesn't. I truly the only one responsible for my own happiness. No longer codependent or OCD except maybe with horses! Amen
Broke his sobriety after 24 yrs😢😮 ? So sorry, are we never safe? This is so discouraging.
Sorry to hear of your story .I love horses i spend all my days with my dog im in recovery and doing the best I can .my dog is my life I spend all my time with him.all the money I used to spend on drugs I spend on him as he keeps me sain 😘❤❤
My husband is currently in rehab. He initiated it. I'm so proud of him. Prayers for us please.
🙏🏻
Keep up the good work 👍
Best wishes!
Prayers up
Praise God. Praying for both of you
Back when my husband was drinking, my mother-in-law always told me you knew he drank before you married him that was like her favorite line to throw in my face. It always got under my skin. One time when she said this to me I asked her what does mean ? That he can’t change he can’t get better? I should just accept it? She didn’t really have an answer for me. I finally had enough left him with our eight month old. She was mad at me for taking away her granddaughter, not acknowledging or recognizing the danger her son’s alcoholism was putting her in. I made her go over and stay with him while I left and he went to rehab. When he realized I’m not going to live my life with a drunk anymore. He has been sober since. I have been able to move on from the trauma from the alcoholism has caused, but I’m finding it a hard time moving on from the words his mother said to me. love your videos. Thanks so much.
You're misplacing the anger. She spoke the truth over and over and was correct. You don't like it. Put it on alcoholism and get to the healing process. Go to Alanon.
😢😢 Ji😢6 by😢
What type of resolve are you needing?
You are so smart. Lot's of people derp themselves into self-help channels but I feel like you are actually a smart person with reasonable advice.
Awwww thanks! 😁😁
To TRULY heal from addiction you must question EVERYTHING in your life... keep asking WHY until you the get to the bottom about everything around you. Why I'm I in this job, relationship, etc and then ask sincerely what they want from life... true recovery will mean profound change for yourself and it will inspire those around you. If the changes are not profound then relapse WILL come. The recovery process should make you highly self aware and humble to put that will be able to spot individuals who lack self awareness (even when they are not drug addicts).. you'll almost become a master of human behavior and psychologically.
I always fight with my ex about his drinking but had never dealt with alcoholism in my life, I didn’t know it was addiction. It was after he broke up with me because “I didn’t wanna go bar hopping with him and he’s afraid we will grow apart” and started drinking way more heavily that I realized there might be an issue, and I came across the world of alcoholics.
From the conversations and behaviours after we broke up and the verbal abuse/defence when I bring up his use of alcohol, I always thought he was just in denial. But after watching this, I’m afraid that he’s already in the “own it” stage although his career and life hasn’t been impacted much (other than his family relationships). I’m a bit worried but in the past weeks I learnt to detach myself and draw emotional boundaries so I’m still okay. We have been in no contact for almost a week but obviously I still care deeply for him, just that I can’t control and help him if he doesn’t wanna get help. I pray that he will find peace and get better everyday tho :)
My husband quit drinking last April but he still has many of the behaviors of the addiction. He makes me feel like the bad person when I express my feeling. He gets angry and turns everything on me to shut me up.
Completely normal. It's worse when not drinking as now the person has to actually face their issues and not drown in them. Go learn about your part in this sickness and get to Alanon
You are an absolute God send Amber!❤❤
I've indulged in sooo many of your videos, it definitely helps keep my brain busy vs worry, and knowledge is always key!
Truly, a great WONDERFUL human you are!!
Thank you for all you do w your time! I hope you know how appreciated and loved you are just for being you! ❤❤
Wow, thank you!
I have been with my girlfriend for 41/2 years. She used to drink a bottle or more of red wine Monday to Thursday and at the weekends she would drink 3 bottles. She has a very high paying job and she is very good at her job.
She stopped drinking Monday to Thursday and that was amazing.
In the week, she was the best girlfriend. So loving and caring.
At weekends, she would get really drunk and sometimes would become verbally abusive and start arguments for no reason. She has in occasions became physically abusive.
She would always promise to stop drinking but would only last a few weeks then she would be back into it.
She would call me controlling and she can do what she likes. She would drink again then start verbally abusing me.
The next day she would be guilty and then do it again the next weekend.
I really love her but i feel like ive lost myself and my self respect.
It's time to go.
I have heard versions of all of these denials. The anger attack is where we have spent the most time. I have most recently heard a combo of all three denials. Once in a while isn’t a big deal, as long as I don’t go overboard….. you knew this about me when I met. I have made so many changes, can’t you just be happy that I fixed these other issues? And the coup de grace, my substance doesn’t contribute at all to his mood swings and uncontrolled behavior. Honestly it’s exhausting.
My biggest problem with the addictions of my loved ones is that when they are impaired they change and are not themselves and you never know when that's going to happen. It feels like being robbed or they're being kidnapped in a way by the drug the alcohol. They defend it so hard and bring up all the problems they have with me if it's mentioned.
I would want to know what problems they had with me to try and resolve , if possible . I think the biggest problem , 7s they may have no idea what they did or said , so what do they have to be sorry for . Vicious cycle 😢❤
My addicted daughter is in prison and in her early 30s. Her psychosis is out of control and she often brings up something that never really happened as a reason for blaming me. Last time it was.....continued
My last addiction was smoking - I’ve shopped that and now on vapes my. Peak flows gone up 100 in a few days.. next it will be the vape 💨 ❤
One Sunday afternoon I poured myself a drink and lite a cigarette put the glass to my mouth ,then a voice that was not my own said to me put it down and stop ,which I did and 11 years later I have never had the urge to drink or smoke again you are left with a big hole to fill which wasn’t easy and still isn’t but as long as the craving stays away I have learned to deal with it . Everyone’s life improves when you are not drinking there is no solution at the bottom of a bottle ,don’t lift the first drink and you can’t get get drunk and and they are good lessons to live by .Every thing this lady has talked about was me but now I wonder who that person was .The feeling of guilt is overwhelming but you have to slowly forgive yourself and realise you just can’t change the past there is loads of help and therapy out there to help you take advantage of that you won’t be sorry .❤
That my friend was the voice of Jesus Christ himself if you listen closely he will guide you. Recovering addict.
@debbiekearney7020 yes I think you are right he is my rock .
That was definitely God! ❤❤❤
Mine too Carolineok11
As a healthcare provider myself, I highly suggest adjusting your vocabulary on this particular topic to more person first language. Terms like “addict” have been proven to be really harmful and encourage further stigmatization towards PWUD and people with SUD.
I can appreciate where you're coming from on this topic. I have given it a lot of thought, actually. There are a few reasons why I've decided to keep using the terms addict and alcoholic. I actually made a video about it. You can watch it by clicking this link. In addition to what I talk about in the video... there is a practical reason as well. To help get information to the right people, I have to use the language that people looking for help would use. People who think they (or their loved ones) have a problem don't go into Google or TH-cam to search PWUD or SUD. If we can't reach them, we can't help them. For that reason, I use a common language instead of a clinical language. Here's the video where I talk about this subject: th-cam.com/video/JFNB4CYYIHo/w-d-xo.html
I'm 53.I lived in the same house for more than 30 years.Had to sell it cos it was falling down bringing next-doors home with it.After 6 months of offering all the cash in the world largely just cos I have a dog I haven't even had a viewing.I'm now trying to live in my allotment shed in winter & it has to be said yes,I'm keeping it together & remaining strong but unfortunately I've always had a huge tolerance to alcohol & I'm drinking whiskey in the morning, getting around town ok & charging 5 devices every day in the pub then going back to the shed & then it's just survival mode,I'm no stranger to when it does more harm than good.Anyway, astute analysis.x
I have heard and experienced most of these scenarios.
👋 bro died last April, lost job next month, not worked for year, about to go back to work, in between that been depressed! Drinking n smoking.
Alone in house.
56 soon, female... lot of long stories.. I'm listening to learn!
"being a victim".
The problem with excuses is that they are usually true.
Bad and good things happen at random, if we need to give up on something, we need to give up on the random occurrences that drove us to that position.
Jesus the Christ saved me from addiction and he can save you to
Walk down any typical city these days, please take 10 seconds to think, why would the bible god ACTIVELY intervene to save you from alcoholism yet deliberately choose to watch on and not save someone who at the the same time helping you is being abused? It's 2024 pal, gods are bronze age science, it's normal that bronze-age people and communities would assume there must be a god. And passed down generations. Why do devout religious people of all religions, upon seeing a loved one collapse, always ring medical science 911/999 instantly to come and save them, and then pray? It's cos deep down, you don't trust prayer as much as medical science. Gods never show up at such situations, no matter which god it is.
A good majic mushroom trip 3-5 grams will really help. Microdosing .25 to .50 every third day also works☮️
I got sober with psychedelics. 4.5 years now. It brought up all my demons and i would often cry the entire trip. I did that for 2 years and then was able to put the dope down after 37 years of addiction and walk away and never looked back. I don't even thnk about it anymore.
It is amazing that you can quit something you have done from 15 to 35! I quit alcohol, MJ, then after Carnivore and shrooms I got off all 8 meds that I was on 30-35 years for degenerative disc disease-last being Xanax and oxycodone. No withdrawal symptoms worse than quitting coffee☮️
We have a son that is an addict and despite doing everything in our power to help him out he is a waste of space. He has hit everybody in the family for money and is the usual liar and cheat. We have taken him from living on the streets and in his car and given him a room back home so he can sort himself out. It hasn't worked. There's lots I haven't told you. We've had enough, he's run out of rope as far as we're concerned . Oh , and by the way, he has a young son to support. When does someone like him start to take responsibility.
Once I put my foot back into drinking, it's a very steep road to addiction. I just carry on, or I will get psychosis, withdrawls still being sick when I wake up. Scared of going to hospital, where I've been put to sleep and scared of all the staff. My complex PTSD spares it every time. There's no fun but to numb the feelings of my trauma. It's been going on for 20 years now and have liver cirrhosis now. Not sure how long I have left and can't even make it to pre detox meetings for help. Can't even keep medication down now. Please don't get to my level, At 41 years old t's not good I'm afraid 😞
Hi I am listening to you first time.
My husband is taking drug for last few years. As a wife and family we try to talk to him and encourage to get help but he doesn’t want to.
How can I we help him?
Welcome to our little community. So glad you're here! Take a look at my playlist on getting someone out of denial
Surely u r n will make a diff wth ur persistent, intelligent info n understanding n lovin desire to help, thanks
Awwww thanks Peter! 🤗
My son and his fiancé and 4 year old lives with my husband and I. I find that I spend way too much time in my room or driving around to stay out of the house to avoid the environment when my son is drinking. My son is an alcoholic who was clean over a year ago but has relapsed. It started with 1 or 2 beers and has increased to several. His fiancé drinks with him sometimes but not to the extent that my son does. I feel sad for my grandson because it definitely affects him in a negative way and he’s really acting out. I’ve been to counselling but I am at a standstill because I am returning to the same environment. If they didn’t have a child I believe that I would have asked them to leave but I simply can’t thinking about the terrible situation that their child will be in. I am not sure where to start.
I feel like this video doesnt give justice to the cases that dont "end badly" in the traditional sense.
Dying young, killing potential, hurting people who know you could be so much more. Even in subtle ways. I sit and watch the stress people are under. I watch how devisive our leaders are. The motivation to turn negative into something positive is gone.
There are very very functional alcoholics out there. These examples sound like lunatics that dont deserve the care their loved ones are giving them. Threats and violence does not at all apply to some alcoholics.
🙋🏽♀️i have heard all of these!
My husband and I are recently separated due to his Drug use, he says its unfair I keep him at arms length which drives him to use again
My husband left me for another woman from one day telling me he loves me to the next telling me its not working out and left with another woman he just met a couple of months ago . He is using heroin and meth im so confused.
Here is my story on addiction. I quite smoking at the age of 8. Me , my sister , and brother. Wanted to see what a Camel cigarette tasted like. We took one of dad’s cigarettes packages. Went out behind the garage. Each kid got a cigarette. And lit 🔥 the dam thing. Puffing like it was going to be good. Well my mom , came looking for us. Caught us out back. Smoking. Each one of us got a beating with a leather belt 10 hits. And put to bed with out supper. I cried all night and still cry today at 66. Why. My mom would have gone to jail for wiping her children. My mom saved me from the devil and addiction. Yes any addiction. I would not drink alcohol. Play cards gamble. Lie. Throw money away on stupid stuff. My mother did something so wrong but it was so right to prove to me. Life is unfair. And full of enemies. My life has been ruined by. Woman that had addiction and hid them from me. Killing a marriage or relationship. I have seen what addiction will do to people , making them homeless. And America is full of homeless today because of addiction. So sad American society is broken.
Alcohol addiction is a horrible thing and its the only withdrawal that can actually kill you you can withdraw from heroin without methadone you will be in a world of hurt but you will be through the worst of it by ten days alcohol withdrawal without medication when you are truly addicted i mean throwing your guts up every morning until you get enough alcohol in your system to feel okay which is difficult when they are violently throwing up they also go into seizures and have fits too its the most horrendous thing to go through there is medication they can give you to ween you off without any pain or side effects but the waiting list to get it is so long most die waiting and this is the uk i can imagine the usa would probably charge a lot of money for that medication we have the nhs thankfully 😢
I am an alcoholic. And addict. I want so hard to be free... i am 50 years old. I feel like I am just a terrible person to my family...
👋 you have such a sweet voice...
Awwww thanks 🥰
Lost in the woods one needs discipline n learn moderation Where's the FIGHTER IN YOU stay sober and you'll get Over it😉😉😉😉❤️❤️
What about the psychology of addiction to Opiods
You really make me feel so bad about myself.
Following you
Hi Karen, Welcome to our little community. Glad to have you here 👋🏻😀
Minute 38 is pretty good
I am sorry but you are not talking to your subject name of your video. You have not answered your subject point.
I will say the verbal abuse does not have to come from parents that did that. It can jsut be from the way alcohol affects your mood and the need to use defense mechanisms. Personally I know that his parents were pretty good and definitely didn’t abuse him on any level.
Hey Amber. I joined last week, but for one reason or ten, I can't seem to navigate the channel. I found this video by chance as I was doing my Bible reading. I have meth head by proxy i believe😅. Been dealing with this "stuff" for more than half my life. It consumes me at times. I have so much on my phone. my fb and my pc I can't keep your channels all together. Can u help ?
Hi Dianne, Do you mean you subscribed to the TH-cam channel or do you mean you joined our private membership? This is the link to my TH-cam home page: There are playlists to help keep the videos organized: th-cam.com/channels/T8PE1v0xFR9zLXOijxM6hg.html If it's the private membership link you're looking for, this is the link to the website: (once you're there you'll log in: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/
How do you overcome addiction of 20 years plus
🤚🏼🤚🏼🤚🏼 I need to educate myself on invisible intervention
I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol i can't have 1 drink or 1 sip cos then i can't stop
1 year sober at least. Cravings much less if not even a thought most days.
No real professional help with addiction. Everyone is so different with different pasts and variables. You just have to be strong. I just weaned myself off xanax in 6 weeks not two years like Ashton prodical. Oxycodone was easy even after 35 years. Doctors really against it!
I’m sorry but I don’t agree with most of the things that you have said about addiction.
IWILL NEVER EXCEP IT NEVER
Yep I've done all these myself. 598 days sober for me!
Wow! that's impressive, Shelly 🤩
Well done
Great for you. Keep up your hard work.
I am very happy for you being sober
Wow, stay with it,
sweetie 👏 XOXO 🇬🇧 💕
11:43 - They start to train you that if you bring it up, if you confront me, if you start saying something is an issue, I’m going to act so ugly, that you’re going to regret bringing that up. And every time you do that, I’m going to act that way… wow.
Sadly I lost my husband of 42 years to alcoholism five months ago. I was at the end of my rope and he lost all hope. I listen to you to learn what transpired and to educate myself as part of my grief.
Sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult. I’ve watched a few loved ones taken by alcohol. It’s a very sad thing.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how hard that must be - I wish you all the best when it comes to healing.
Hi
Sorry to hear of your tragic loss. A similiar thing happened to me abour a year and a half ago with an ex boyfriend.
At the end he just did not have the capacity to recover. He was just too ill and gave up.
l did everything l could to help him but had to face it in end ,he was just too far gone. l am still grieving and getting help with that.
So, l good luck for your future life Keep watching Amber's channel to oearn more and that you are not alone in your loss
Sending you healing love from the UK.
All the best from Karen
😻🧚❤🇬🇧
Xxx
Sorry for your loss!!!
I’m so sorry you lost your husband. I have lost family members and suffered with a lot of guilt, mixed with the grief. I’m so glad you are educating yourself. The more I learned, the more my guilt eased. I wish the same to you! I’m sure you did everything you possibly could!
My sister Ann died April 2023 we are now awaiting Coroners Inquest
She lived alone and was totally isolated
Lived a terrible life for about 2 years before death
Yet I continued to visit did what I could when I visited
Brought in carers etc….
Kept her house running
She just had no motivation to do anything but drink
I am on here because it helps me understand this dreadful disease
Gabrielle Williamson
I am sorry for your loss. 'The man takes a drink then the drink takes the man' as the old saying goes...
Go to Alanon if you want to understand and heal.
I'm sorry for your loss 🙏😔
Sorry for your loss 😘❤🙏
Yeah it's a terrible disease and ppl need to realise its a disease. I was a drug addict for over 20 odd year, Godbless u and your family ❤❤
10 hard years i was addicted to cocaine, never ever thought I'd get out of it alive but here i am nearly 3 years sober 🎉
I had accepted i was going to live and die an extremely lonely and depressed person, but now I'm 6 months into the perfect relationship that I never thought would happen to me!
Unreal how much sense this video makes to me as i felt everything that was mentioned.😮
I'm so happy that you're finding happiness in sobriety!
Well done you should be so proud 😘❤❤
You lucky u didn't to crack or your life would have been destroyed
Congratulations 👍👍👍👍that’s where I wanna be. I’m 36 and been bingeing on alcohol and cocaine for 18 years I get bk on my feet them fall and lose everything again And again starting meetings this week.
@@lukefloyd3693Good luck love. From me in 🇬🇧. 👍
My substance abuse stemmed from an intense self loathing produced by emotionally negligent parenting and child sx abuse which I blamed myself for. Once I got the psychological help to explain to me, I am not the problem, I'm a victim, the self loathing disappeared and the desire for mind altering substances left me. Diagnosed Complex PTSD, I'm well into recovery.
Love how you explained that. I've just realised a narcissistic parent helped me become imbalanced.
My meditations have helped just as you mentioned. I hope others read your words.
@@jdrei5080 ❤️😊
Me, too! It was hurtful, to me, to hear that I was a “selfish addict,” hedonistic, etc. I absolutely used drugs to make myself more acceptable to abusive family and my abusive ex, by burying the feelings around abuse, which made me say “reprehensible lies” (according to my ex-husband and family). In short, so I wouldn’t talk about abuse and upset my abusers. In short, telling the TRUTH and being assertive got me beaten, punished, ridiculed and condemned. Telling the truth was a threat to my survival, but I was gaslit and made to believe that telling the made me a problem and a bad person. Information really helped in my recovery, but I didn’t think I could have accepted myself, without a kind, compassionate, trauma informed counselor. Once I saw that there was nothing wrong with me and I was scapegoated, so abusers didn’t get in trouble, I really didn’t need to use drugs. I had relapsed after 4 treatments, but after finding the counselor who helped me process my abuse, I was amazed that I just didn’t want to use. I’m so glad you had a similar experience of healing and finding the true knowledge that neither the abuse or your coping mechanisms were your fault. You did nothing wrong!
@@jdrei5080. Me, too! OP’s words and yours have the power to help a lot of people, in their search for healing ❤️🩹!
Well done to you
So I just relasped and started posting my journey for Help. I'm trying to not be so selfish in this selfish disease that I struggle with. I have made all the excuses in the book to drink and I'm done..working on being a better person and taking accountability for my actions. Addiction takes everything out of me literally EVERYTHING. I'm getting back on the right track and working on my relationships with my parents and loved ones.
That's amazing, good for you! Congratulations!
Welcome to this channel, it's invaluable. Good luck with your journey.
I am proud of you 👍🏻
🙏🏻🫶🏻💞
You are loved!! 🖤👍🏾
I was an addict and I would say not much thought is involved. It's actually all impulse. That's why Meditation is so great. You learn to feel the impulse and sit through it and let it pass. If the addict/alcoholic says they aren't addicted or they have control it's their ego trying to repress that fact which is a coping mechanism. The bigger the ego the longer & harder the fall.
Meditate on Jesus and ask his help to let pass.
My boyfriend went to rehab and has been home a month and half. He has told me he did not go rehab because he can control it. He only went rehab to make us happy (his children and myself). He still believes he is in control but he is not. He sees himself as the victim. I am not the bad guy, and his children are. I am scared he will start to use again. I know he is depressed of getting the diagnosis of him having vascular dementia. Sometimes, it is hard to figure out if it is his disease or he is using again.
Whether one is conscious of it or not the cravings tend to take up a LOT of mental hardware, dedicated to dealing with anxiety produced by not being able to satisfy a craving, keeping track of how much others are drinking, planning out when, where, and how much one is going to be able to drink, what excuses will be used after the fact,, and how to hide the addictive behaviors, which can involvev weaviing, in advance, a tangled web of lies meant to throw people off and avoid consequences (shame, rejection, judgement, difficult conversations, arguments, other's attempts to prevent one from following through with the plan). I would argue that a great deal of thinking is often involved
Meditation is awesome!!!
What do you consider a big Ego?
I’m nearly 11 years sober from alcohol. By the grace of god. I’m desperately needing serious help for disordered eating and waiting on insurance for approval. Prayers would be greatly appreciated. Glad to have this space to share with everyone and great channel, ty for teaching ppl about addiction and everyone here sharing ❤✨
Sending healing and loving prayers for you 🙏
Sending prayers! I’m glad you found this video and comment section. It has been a great help to me to find forums, such as this one, filled with positivity! I hope and pray your insurance comes through for you! No matter what happens, please keep reaching out! I thought I would never find a treatment program that worked for me and, by the grace of God, I did. Keep asking and I pray 🙏 your recovery will be provided for. I pray for your physical protection, while you seek help. You have taken brave and important steps, for your health and happiness! ❤️🩹
Your making a mistake going to a Doctor. 80% now work for Hospital systems and can’t order the tests or recommend what might benefit you. They have to follow protocol of the Hospital system their contracted with. You would be better off watching Dr. Ken Berry and stop eating crap. Doesn’t matter what food disorder you think you have ☮️
Keep learning and god bless you. Good luck.
12steps AA..12steps eating disorder...wouldn't,t hurt to try
My head is nodding so hard it now hurts.
❤
😂
Yes I’ve been through all the stages . My person is my child. I’m listening to everything you say. Thank you for saying all these things, just talking about these things, helps me, get through life.
It’s been killing me for a long time.
Hi Misty, Thank you so much for your positive feedback!
For me its my child also sadly
I feel.like with every sip her footing is moving towards the grave and I don't want to buiry .my child
Wow…..like she is literally reading my life and what happened with alcoholic husband. I left with two kids because of anger issues…..took a year to kill himself with alcohol and on his deathbed he blamed me because i left. Tragic
If you are a heroin addict and you have been to rehab 9 tines or even a few times and it "doesn't work" get that person to a MAT program. A medicated assisted treatment program. I am a pill addict... The only thing that has ever helped me become clean was getting into an MAT. Yeah at 1st it feels like trading one drug for another but it is clean, u don't know what you're getting on the streets and its monitored by drs and nurses etc then when you're ready while working on your recovery you can titrate until you're completely off. It is the only program I could ever have done. Just trying to detox and get off and play sober in 30, 60, 90 days.... no way! They demonize the MAT program but it helps more then many know. I'll be forever grateful for it.
I'm on that program too ! I feel it's best for me but I'm just tapering down I'm just nervous if the withdrawl actually get lesser
My husband is a heavy “weekend” drinker- it ruins every weekend & we end up fighting - he sees it as his reward for working hard all week - I just see it as ruining every weekend that we should be looking forward to. He won’t stop as he thinks it’s his right to do what he wants after a week of working - he doesn’t think he has a problem but it’s been going on for years.
I lost my 35 yr old son to alcoholism 6 months ago after 2 years of estrangement. I tried to contact every single month but he lived latterly I think in isolate with his wife . A shared psychosis that seems to have warped everything. So sad and such a waste - was brilliant but complicated.
So sorry for your pain😘❤💙🙏
Dang ❤
35 is no age ,I'm 55 and never thought I'd see more than 40 years on this rock
I am so very sorry for your family's tragic loss.
My husband is about to be out of rehab. Im so very proud. Prayers please for continued sobriety. Self initiated 😊I just pray he sees after 5 yrs it's time to just be free from the devil. Thank you for youre amazing videos ❤😊
Wonderful!
I'd like to understand why alcoholics often see themselves as victims in life in so many aspects of their lives. my DUI friend who put a man in a wheelchair cried to me about his name being in the paper, and not being hired at this job and that due to his record. They don't understand that the victims are everyone around them they're effecting for real.
You cannot use if you're not in victimhood. Blaming and being a victim are required for an addict. Not being a victim means taking responsibility for your life and your well-being. An addict cannot do this. So they blame everyone and everything else for their lot in life.
❤ I adore this video! I am trying to carry as many people up the stairs with me as I go on my journey to overcome my addictions. Thus, this video is ideal for supporting them 👌
That's fantastic! You're going to be blessing to many others.
Unmanageablity has far more to do with how the alcoholic or addict feels inside rarther than the obvious, extetnal "drama" and "jackpots". It's a common misconception thats it is all the external chaos, its the inner chaos and insane thinking (ie: self loathing, depression, lack of accountability, etc ) that creates the external shitstorm.This is why just stopping drinking or drugging never changes the problem since using is just a symptom, not the actual problem. This must be understood before anyone can get into honest recovery.
So true Todd! Also, family members can't see the internal unmanageability, which makes them think the person isn't experiencing any consequences,
What if he isn’t denying his addiction but says it is all he has to do is go to bars and drink? I’m referring to an ex, who is always looking to our daughter to bail him out. He doesn’t see how he is destroying the only person left in life who really cares about him.
Lost my ex husband of 25 years to an meth/fentanyl overdose on Dec 10. I had to divorce him, and am struggling with this. 😢
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Get to Naranon. Answers for yourself and healing are there for the taking.
😢
@@laurelzacharias8431 thank you 🙏 ❤️
Amber...you are the BEST! I have been listening to your videos and incorporating your techniques and using you suggestions and THEY ARE WORKING...AMEN!
That makes my heart so happy! 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻
Hello Amber, my partner is in the last phase. He has started drinking again about 8 weeks ago after being completely off it for 4 months. During this time his physical and emotional wellbeing, as well as increased clarity, was amazing to see. He said to me so often how good he felt, how he is not going to drink again, he could see how alcohol was not good for his life. Two months ago after his mother passed away he started drinking again. Just every now and again. Daily now, I think. We are currently separated. Last week he said he is giving up working on getting our relationship back on track. Said he tried and can not see this all working out. He is also ok with drinking again, said there is nothing wrong with it. It feels like he is cutting his ties with me and just wants to be left alone. How do you get someone out of the last phase, the phase were they just resign to the fact that this is how it is??
This sounds so hard. Sending you hugs
You need professional help to get free
Sending much love your way😘
The answer is You do NOT. You go take care of you! Get to Alanon.
YOU accept it & worry about your own life, period👉there’s no reward in being a martyr 😢
✋️. I am a very grateful recovering addict. I am 2 years sober and just started college to become an Addiction Counselor. I have learned a lot thru experience and from you and I am extremely grateful!
That's so wonderful, Sudbury! I love that you're going to use your experience to help others 🤩🤩🤩🤩
Well done your an inspiration to others it is so hard 😘❤
Well done
👍 my son admits he’s a drug addict and says that’s just who he is. He doesn’t want to get sober or get help
And, you need to ‘accept’ that, unfortunately 😢
Then listen again to this video. Do what you know you have to do. Protect yourself, your sanity, other members of your family too. Someone I know didn't and she is bled dry by her violent abusive son. Keep listening over and over until you know. It's not for us to tell you ❤
Thank you, I do need to listen to it over and over
This is a question: I would love to hear advice for husbands/father's dealing with an alcohol addicted wife. How do you deal with the teenagers who recognize and almost give up with it all. How do you deal with it emotionally when you want to figure out the best way to help your spouse when it seems like you are the only one trying?
Don't ask an alcoholic or addict how to do this. Ask the people who have been through it already. Go to Alanon.
Tell the whole family to stop drinking cold turkey, don’t go to the places where alcohol is served, do not watch any movies, because if you notice, any movie is promoting alcohol consumption, there are lots of triggers for addicts just in the movies. And most importantly she needs to work on her trauma. Any addiction typically is a way to escape trauma, to numb it.
@@yankalu2000 oh yeah that will work!!! Complete control over another's life is the answer. I get the feeling you haven't dealt with nor loved an alcoholic.
@@liveandletlive9333 I have. I am not offering complete control. I am suggesting to create a non triggering environment. And for you and the whole family to try to quit drinking yourself what so ever. Then you will know what it feels like. And it should help.
Realising that "wives and daughters" aren't in a separate category of addicts would be my first step if I were you.
Hi Amber - I'm in Australia so I'm watching after this live feed. I want to commend you for this channel and the Sanity that the teaching brings to my life. Using your techniques has helped me to cope, and therefore, within two years I am seeing my son take his own steps towards Sobriety ❤❤❤
That's wonderful! Thank you for sharing that with me! Hearingvtgese types of stories helps me stay motivated to keep going. ❤️❤️
Yay, we need more success stories!
This weekend coming.. i'll be 6 months sober 🎉
💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
I've been a addict for many years and I completely agree with everything your saying. I'm currently trying to get off benzodiazepines , since my partner died 2 years ago I've been using xanax or diazepam, even before that I was a addicted to opiates which I no longer use. I'm greatfull for you because you have given me some inspiration and I think maybe strength.
I'm 26 Months Sober and doing great 👍,,,no more depression,,, cool job,,, good sober friends 🙏,,
This is so great, Paul! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
I’m on day 27 🎉 , I feel great, got my life back, I’m eating like a horse, I’m on 16 mil subutex , it’s great to be alive after 2 years flat out, I just had enough, I just had enough of drug life, I’m lucky to have my wife still❤,
I just want people to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏
Congratulations Nick! That's wonderful 🤩
What drugs?
I was trying to relate to this, but it was kind of funny. I just have like a phone, internet, games, snacks addictions lol 😆 like noo don't take it away from me
I am wondering out loud if Vagus Nerve Therapy will start to have a place in addiction counseling. It seems like anxiety from this fight or flight mechanism that fails to go back to neutral, or homeostasis, may play a significant role in why people seek out mood altering drugs, definitely including alcohol. I listen to so many people talk about anxiety and not being able to fully relax without something to "take off the edge." Just what edge are they talking about?
This is a good question, John. I did a video on this a while back. Here's the link: th-cam.com/video/UW8olrjOkac/w-d-xo.html. To answer your question about why people need something to "take the edge off". Many times, the "edge" is actually withdrawal. So they need to use/drink to stop the anxiety, restlessness, etc... being caused by withdrawal.
Thanks for the link it was a great interview. I think there is something important in this work for some of us that have never felt safe, had an unstable home life, parents who were always anxious, whatever might be the cause. If a person has never felt that deep calmness naturally, I think we seek it out externally without really understanding why because that anxious state of mind is all we've ever known. @@PutTheShovelDown
With alcohol, prolonged use results in a reduction of GABA in the brain. γ-Aminobutyric acid (gamma-aminobutyric acid) or GABA, is the chief inhibitory neurotransmitter for us, meaning it allows the brain and nervous system to relax. Low levels of this leave one in a semi-agitated state, with unfocused general anxiety. The drink will depress the nervous system, evening things out for a time, but the problem will return with the onset of sobriety. Takes (in my personal experience) between 5 days and several weeks being sober before those levels of GABA normalize.
This is so helpful! I fell for a guy who, from a distance, was perfect for me. Shortly after our first few encounters, his behavior became super erratic. We ended up going away for a long weekend, and it was on this trip that he decided to show me his problem. I was in shock. Never in my life have I seen someone consume so much alcohol without vomiting or going to the ER. It was upsetting, alarming, disheartening, etc. I was already head over heels for him, so this was a harsh reality to face. Having never known a binge drinker, I was not prepared for the mood fluctuations and bizarre hot/cold attitude. Whenever I feel heartbroken for being unable to help or be with him, your channel is here to bring me back to earth.
Im currently in Bad guy role. My son and DIL are both in denial, i was doing pretty well, but called out what was happening thru texts to DIL and son texted me back, calling me delusional. It is so hard having to deal with this while he is married with 3 kids.
So much much word salad. I didn’t sober up until my sponser in AA told me “ you either quit or you end up in psych ward, jail 14:22 or in the cemetery. Plain speaking and to the point stopped me from looking for more excuses to keep drinking. Only one alcoholic or drug addict in sobriety understands clearly and can see through the lies and denials.
Thank you Amber for sharing!! I needed this.
QUESTION: if a person is in the last phase you mention, how to proceed / break through those mechanisms so they can finally commit to
Their recovery ?My ex BF accepted his alcoholism a while
Ago and know
It’s had an impact
In his life. he said he’d work on getting over it, but he couldn’t do it and it’s worse
Than ever. He’s a functional
Alcoholic but is resistant to recovering. He’s in self
Sabotage and self destruction mode and “it’s who I am” was his last phrase after we broke up last week . “We’ll all
Die anyways “ is the other one… he’s a complex
Case because he seems sober always and hides his alcoholism very well. What do do in this case ?? Thanks for all the info you share on your videos !!!
Its normal to us, we were built to do it. But getting into rehab we are shown how to grow out of it. Thats my experience. We do need to deal with anxiety in a different way. Thats not minimising it. If we could stop we would. We will justify it. We are self medicating. And if we're nagged we will drink....its not personal. We will get clean only if we want to or think its worth it.
What stage of denial is someone stuck in if they are trying to get sober, like literally telling you so every few days how they want to give alcohol up completely but still keeps falling back into old behavior, and avoids conversation about any messes they create while under influence? Any tips for family members going through this situation?
I call that the "bargaining phase"
Your loved one can only help themselves. Regardless of what they do or don’t do I suggest looking into Al-Anon. It’s not about the alcoholic, it’s about setting boundaries and taking care of yourself so that you don’t get sucked into the chaos.
Tips for family members... go to Alanon. Every single answer can come from being in program for yourself.
Its called manipulation. They say that so you get off their back. Anything to stop the nagging and let them drink in peace.
Thank you Amber ❤love from India
Have you done (or could you) do a video on the physical changes during recovery. E.g. anhedonia, tiredness, etc. thanks for all the wonderful content.
Yes! I am studying addiction and it helps my recovery to learn and help others. I found out that people in active addiction and early recovery have a deficit of dopamine and, often, serotonin. Because of this. It’s extremely difficult to find pleasure in the things we did, before we used drugs. Many well-meaning people suggest that we engage in our favorite hobbies and activities and it certainly can’t hurt and will help, down the line. Still, it’s very normal for it to not be very effective, early on in the game. It may feel (or indeed be) impossible, at times. Dopamine is not just a pleasure chemical. It’s essential to having any motivation. People could not get out of bed or go to work, with very low dopamine! It’s not that we like drugs more than anything else, or want to get high, when we have cravings. At that stage, we just want to be able to do anything normal people do. People who say we choose to use, over our families, jobs, or other important things, don’t realize that, in active addiction, we can’t do any of those things without the chemicals. It takes incredible strength and effort to push through a dopamine deficit, to maintain abstinence for ANY period of time. Reading about these neuroscience findings made me feel SO much better about not “wanting”. to be abstinent, or feeling excited and motivated to enjoy my new recovery. If we can get through any little increment of time without using and remind ourselves that I
I've Realise, addiction is a denial,of ones true Self.. you have to use your real qualities.in the social ladder of life,to take the first step, Upwards.. climb baby, Climb 😳🤫🤔🏴🔥👍
Over the last 35 years I’ve often thought addiction can be a form of self harming
🖐 Emma, I am a woman don't let off my one of my girlfriends that does drugs. She meets that she's a told her that I cannot deal with her, because she's she smokes weed and she just takes her money and has spent on weed. D*** plus when she needs money. She expects me to buy her food. In other things that she needs. I feel like it's not fair to me. And I tell her I cannot do anymore helper what's wrong
Listen you will never understand as you've not been there...
They do see it and realise it depending on t
What stage I,there at they just might not care r be ready to get well
👍 He drinks a 1.75 ltr of whiskey over three days. He has a budget of $200 and he never goes over it. He thinks he has it under control.
O my goodness my AH drinks the same amount at the moment. From one pay week to the next.
Learning so much from Amber.
Please can you please keep my hubby Rich in prayer that he sees he has got a problem
...last time it was about that she always had a fetish for feeling fabric when clothes shopping and I was somehow a bad mom for not recognizing it. I thought we were having a reasonably good conversation and I told her it would be normal to feel fabric while clothes shopping and she hung up on me. I cannot call her back but can send her emails in prison. She has not responded to any of them and not called me for 2 months. I have only been writing positive things like how I want the best for her and love her. I know her dad is sending her lots of money and I am positive she is getting drugs in prison. My husband calls my ex her drug dealer. Should I just be patient or is there something else I can write to her to break the ice? Thank you.