Dear Blank, There are so many things people on the "other side" can tell you about coming out and finding yourself, but I'm sure you've heard it all, and know that when you are ready, you will come out. Please know that for every person out there who hates you for no reason other than being yourself, there are 100 more people who love you, for exactly who you are. You'd be surprised at how many awesome, loving people there are out there. I know it seems like hate floods everywhere, but hate is often much louder than love. It doesn't mean it's stronger though. Just think about all of the strangers who are here for you, ourselves included. Take care, and be HAPPY!
I did not realize I was gay till I was 27. I was in law enforcement also. I am now married to a great guy and the happiest I have ever been. It does get better. Accept yourself and do not use alcohol or drugs as an excuse to dull the pain, rejection, hate. Be happy, we only have one life in this world and we do not get any do overs. Go dating without the sex, find that person that is willing to wait till you are ready. Choose wisely and do not settle.
agree 100%, if not already try following Aaron & Jon (Husband&Husband), met at college, 10 years and counting, and Jerm. & Jon (Two Beeps), similar story - check out both their How we Met videos, Dom & Kol are newish, and in UK Dan & Jon + Trent & Luke, Stepsof2Foreginers, MarkE & Ethan, Matt & Blue, Him&Him, ... you see there are MANY couples, who are men, that just happen to be gay, they live just regular lives, (being gay is just a small part of you), and they happy to 'go public' and share their lives with all of us LGBTQ+ friends... yes sometimes it doesn't work out, that happens in str8 couples lives too, abt 50% I am told !, but its worth taking the 'risk', meet, talk, find common interest & 'date' in the real sense of the word. Just if you are young, check you can support yourself ££/$$/Yen (whatever), you have a mate you can crash at for at least a week, you have your ID/birth cert/docs, some clothes, a cell that is prepaid, so you can call true friends when /if in need of support, and look up the nearest LGBT centre, in case things are not so calm when you come out to family... just remember, you have had months/years to try and think your feeling through, when you tell ppl, their initial 'surprise' reaction may not be what you hoped for, but give them time... good luck & best wishes - and be safe - hugs from UK
Hi guys, as a National Lecturer on LGBTQ Civil Rights, Equality, anti-hate/bullying and acceptance to colleges and universities, I appreciate your post on this and the discussion. Thank you a million times. I work with students and families who deal with coming out and the struggles to do so. You are wonderful men and appreciated!
I am a 67 year-old straight woman. I have a relative that is gay and friends who are gay. I always wonder why it is anyone's business who you love. You are who you are. You can't change, so live your life and be happy. It probably won't be easy but find some friends who will accept YOU. This was a great video. I hurt inside when I think of all those of my generation who had to hide who they were and I hurt for those from way before I was born. But those who came out and lived their lives for who they were suffered for those of you today to be happy. Carson and Nate, you are good people and after reading all the comments from your followers, they are all wonderful, good people too. I love all of you. Be true to yourself, love yourself. Life is too short for being miserable. Be happy and screw all the haters. So there!
Dear Blank, I am 57 years old and I've always known that I was gay but didn't accept that fact until 2 years ago. I have so many regrets in life but I can't have that time back so I just have to move forward. Please don't be like me. Be true to yourself, be the person that you know deep down inside that you are!
I struggled from the age of seven to about the age of 18 in admitting to myself that I was gay and those where some of the worst years of my life. I couldn't be happy, I couldn't be myself and for a long time I questioned my existence and whether I really wanted to be in this world or not but my life made a drastic change when I finally realize and accepted what I was. Mr. Blank my coming out story was not easy I lost a lot of people in my life and a lot of horrible things happened to me but what I did find out was the true people in my life who love me and cared about me without any exceptions. I found my true friend and love ones who will do anything for me but most importantly I found peace, the one thing that I never had and to me that is priceless. Mr.blank accepting what we are is not easy nevertheless coming out but the one thing it can do for you is give you peace once the storm has passed and hopefully one day happiness. Don't lose faith in yourself and please don't give up in yourself, life can be beautiful but only if we allow ourselves to experience it.
Thank you for this content. I struggled for over 10 yrs with coming out because I got married to a woman who I truly loved very much but I realized several years into our marriage that I was simply trying to hide from the real me. So when I finally accepted the fact that I was gay and that it wasn't fair to my wife or me to hide it any longer, I chose to come out running. The first year was rough, but everyone I knew was happy for me. Seems like they all knew and were just waiting for me to figure it all out. I've been out now for just over 4 yrs and I must say that life could not be better. My ex and I are best friends, I'm currently seeing someone who is incredible and my family and friends couldn't be any more supportive. I wonder sometimes why it took me so long to get to where I am today, but the important thing is that I am who I am and life is amazing!
This is a great subject. Many people as you have stated are afraid of loosing their families. I lost mine and I am now 65 years old. I have come to the conclusion that if the family that I grew up with couldn't accept me then everything that I thought they were was an Illusion. I have been out for over 30 years and my life is much better with a better family than the old one that I had. I don't consider the old family my family anymore and my life is much more honest and better.
"If I could do it again I'd probably be right here...". You guys are just the sweetest men. The serene look on Carson's face just says volumes. I hope someday more people will be as happy as you two are. George
I totally understand what the person who wrote the letter is going through. I've been in the closet over twenty years and just recently came to accept that I'm gay. You first have to accept you are what you are and love yourself. Then you will be able to face others. Move at your on pace and no one else. Much love to you
Great video guys! Blank, I came out at 30 but new I was gay since I was a kid. I feel where you're coming from. The biggest thing that held me back was fear of losing my family. I regret not coming out sooner but am happy in my life with my partner 10 years later, along with my family's support. I hope you find yourself when the time is right for you. It's a scary journey and you may lose people along the way, but you will gain many more that love and appreciate you for you. Sending love your way.
The Fear is the key thing ruling this guy's life right now and letting that fear control him will keep him from achieving his best potential as a person. Living your life entirely for the concerns and expectations of everyone but yourself diminishes your worth and leaves you incomplete. Trying to feel that void with concepts like religion and straight values will only escalate the emptiness and hatred you feel about yourself. Accepting being gay and coming out seems frightening from inside the closet but the benefits of being real with yourself and being able to really discover who you are without limits through authenticity is priceless.
I knew from a very young age. I came out in the 70's at a very volatile time, but I finally had to. It was either that or be miserable for the rest of my life. I feel you already know your answer. Please be honest with yourself. It will be better for your health and your heart. We are a huge, loving and accepting community. You are not... and never will be... alone. ❤️❤️❤️
First of all Carson and Nate are awesome! It takes a lot of courage to come out; I essentially came out after college and I lost friends. I even went to a gay conversion camp. Coming out is the most freeing feeling you can ever experience. I'm 38 years old, life is too short, aim for happiness. I'm in the medical field going to school, I can't wait to find a partner after o graduate. Be true to yourself, you will feel a millions times better if you come out and be who you are. Love you guys peace.
Carson, I have been saying the same thing for months now that if you look at our generation and the generation after us. I think once the generation/s before us pass that the world will still have it's problems but to me will be a lot more loving and accepting of others as a whole. Social media has helped them realize that being "different" is not a bad thing and that everyone should be happy because we all know that there is plenty out there in life that is miserable, so let people be happy no matter how they find it
Hi Blank! 😉 First of all I'd say it's not a choice between straight, bi or gay; you could be anywhere in between those three options. It's a sliding scale, and by putting a label onto yourself you might be restricting your choices; just go with what feels right! Personally, I knew when I was a child that I was 'different', but didn't come out until I was in my early twenties. I was really afraid of what my parents and family would think of me being gay (I'm pretty much 100% gay, no alternatives there...), but in the 30-odd years after coming out, I've never had a problem with anyone. Sure, some people may drop out of your life, but others will replace them, and the people who really care about the YOU behind the sexuality will go through this change with you and support you no matter what. One word of caution: don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to change in any way to fit into the 'gay lifestyle'. Always be true to yourself, and don't let other people tell you what you should do or how you should dress or behave! Being straight/bi/gay/trans or whatever doesn't define you, it's just one aspect of your personality; don't let it take over your life! In short: always follow your feelings, not your thoughts, because your thoughts are not who you really are; the real you is the presence behind the thoughts. Good luck & be happy!
Life is too short to be hiding in the closet. Enjoy your life. Be yourself. Be true to yourself. You are perfect in a beautiful person just the way you are! Now please enjoy your life don't worry what people say. You may lose friends but then they weren't friends to start with. All the best to you.
Thanks for making this video guys! I was outed, back in 2003. It was the most fearful time in my life, but a blessing in disguise. I too tried to pray the gay away for years. I pushed it so far down that it was taking a horrible toll on my mental and physical health. When I was outed, the fears that I had were faced and for the most part were much worst in my head and heart than in reality. I hope the writer of that letter can live his authentic life. There are challenges everyday... if you are true and present in your life you will be happier than you could ever realize.
Dear Blank, I think you're very brave even for just reaching out and looking for help in this situation. Growing up in NC with a very religious family and my dad being a pastor I had these very same thoughts for 15 years. It took me a long time to "come to terms" with it and it also took finding someone I love and who loves me back to give me the courage. There is definitely no need to rush, take time to figure things out for yourself and think about what truly makes you happy. The rest will fall into place. Best of luck and hope everything works out for you! Also PS great video and topic guys!
Blank; I grew up in a small town at a time when no one spoke about being gay. EVER. There were no gay characters on tv, no gay role models, nothing. I suppressed my feelings for YEARS and hid my true self from everyone that really should have mattered, including myself. Hell, I never even typed the word GAY until I started interacting with some of the other fine folks who I see are also dropping comments below. There is no one in my life that ever really got to know me because I never let the real me out. Now here I am, a life time later, looking back and saying what the fuck. I have never really known love, never let anyone get close, and quite frankly never allowed myself to live. Did I have friends growing up? Yes. Did I have a tight family? Kinda. Would I have lost some of them if I had let the real me shine through? Maybe most, but none are in my life now anyway because I never let them in. Looking back would I have changed things? Of course. Times have changed and there is a very valuable support network out there that wasn't readily available to me growing up. Am I ashamed of being gay? Not in the least. I am proud of who I am. Whether you are gay, straight, bi, whatever it doesn't matter as long as you are true to yourself. Don't allow others or the "not knowing" to define you like I did. I am passionate, have a good heart, am true to the small number of people that matter (but don't really know) me, am left handed, tend to use way too many commas when I type, and yes, I happen to be gay. That is just a small part of who I am. Learn from my mistakes. Take the time to figure yourself out, surround yourself with safe, good people and allow yourself to live. Life is WAY too short. Trust me.
For love, it's never too late ! there are tons of people who fall in love when they are "a generation" year old, and that's the altering point when it starts to start :-)
Hello,I truly hope the person from the letter is doing well,please just embrace who you are and LOVE yourself and surround yourself with caring ,loving people. I have always been Gay and have known from when I was a young person.I send you all the best.Also Thanks To Nate and Carson for talking about this to help you!
For me I knew I was gay but wouldn't even say the sentence of "I am gay" until I was 23 because deep down although you know you continue to try to convince yourself you're not. I remember starting to watch people on TH-cam (which was a HUGE help) because it showed me I was not alone and you could get their perspective on things and life as well as their knowledge experiencing the same things I was going through. I kept saying I would never have my "Ah ha" moment of when I knew it was time to come out because that only happens on tv or fantasy world right? Wrong, I went on a date and really had an amazing time and was so excited and wanted to tell everyone. I realized in that moment that it was time to be myself and be true to me because at that moment I couldn't tell anyone and to me that was kind of my full circle moment of saying enough is enough and I need to stop hating myself for something I can't control and instead be proud of who I am and what I love. Nothing wrong with being gay no matter what people tell you cause at the end of the day, you are looking yourself in the mirror no one else and if you are happy with what you see then be happy and live your life!
Your comming out videos were actually so helpful to concour that fear. But, you know, I realized that Carson's one was somehow deleted... I was puzzled because, maybe he thought it was kinda unimportant story, which is not for me or someone else. I may haven't caught some notices, but it makes me lose confidence...
Hi blank, I know you are all confused and anxious. 1: take a deep breath. here is how I know, I was in 6th grade, I used to hangout with a couple of guys, good friends. But this particular guy whom I used to sit with during school, I happened to like a lot, here is why I knew I "liked" him. Holding his hand even for a while was just the most amazing feeling 💕 I wanted to be around him all the time. Then when he used to avoid me and hangout with other girls, I just wanted to pull their hair off 😅 It's okay, trust me try to surround of yourself with people from the community, talk to a counsellor maybe, you are still the same person ♥️I hope you figure things out.Hugs x
I've been through this too. I'm a single father now and I'm afraid of what I've chosen to put my child through. I tried to be or live the so called "straight," or "heterosexual" life. I was selfish about my thoughts and fears. I think it would have been A LOT better for everyone (not just myself) involved. Do yourself a favor a just be yourself. Be happy with yourself! EVERYTHING these two are saying is exactly true! LOVE YOURSELF! A LOT of people will still love you! I guarantee it! I'm sure the people closest to you already know. God bless you and good luck in all your future endeavors!
Nate and Carson, I applaud you two for sharing that letter! I'm touched by the amount of love and support in these comments, it's really inspiring to see. :-) I really think Blank will benefit from this.
I truly know what you're going through I am from a small and very Christian town, I had to either be myself or die that was no in-betweens I usually never make comments but I feel compelled to today, because you see I am transgender, and that was no way I could ever change because it was just a part of me I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone else, and I truly always knew that I was train, and I didn't think that my life was worth living because I was different, and could not change no matter how I tried, but as I got older I realize that God makes no mistakes and he loves me just as I am I pray that you come to terms with your lifestyle and realize that God loves you if you're straight or gay are trains I hope these help you a little bit because the truth you'll be going through something for the rest of your life I seen you acceptance love and hugs thank you Nate and carson, for being the perfect role model I wish I had someone like you when I was growing up love you both💕💕
Fine video gentlemen. Thanks! For "Blank." If you are safe and confident in your surroundings, do come out. I feared the worst and pretty much got no flack in the long run. I was and am surprised at the reactions from my oldest friends from Elementary School and High School. Funny story. One of my most religious friends has been one of my biggest supporters in the long haul. I really thought I would never speak to this person again once I actually came out, but she reminded me, that I always supported her when she needed it growing up, so she was comfortable and happy to support me. Best of luck. Be Well!
You'll know when you're ready to come out. Don't do it until you're ready...It was difficult in my day, being a teenager in the eighties. It's sad that it's still an issue coming out today. We should be proud...embrace it and enjoy it. But I feared the day, I would come out. But in the end it was a wonderfully liberating experience
Dear Blank, I understand how these thoughts can mess with your head and confuse the living hell out of you in ways that you never thought a person could feel. Not only am I gay but I also have Aspergers Syndrome which is a social disability that makes it incredibly difficult for me to interact with people in social situations and was another thing for me that made me a target growing up to be treated like shit for no reason. I even came ridiculously close to committing suicide on one occasion because I felt like the things that I wanted out of life were not in the cards for someone like me. I've been out for about four years. I have a house, I have things that I love to do and I have the best friends anyone would want After a while however long it may be you'll reach a threshold where you'll be tired of fighting and lying to yourself. You'll realise that you can't be responsible for other people's reactions so you might as well be honest and direct and if they don't like it that's they're problem. If certain people in your life don't like who you are it's they're loss because they're probably missing out on a really cool and "totally normal" guy. I can't speak for every gay person on earth but I do know for myself I know that you're not truly living if you're not being 100% honest and if you're not being true to yourself you're not going to reach true happiness If people do turn their backs on you there is a family out there that you'll create, friends out there waiting to celebrate everything about you but you have to go out and find it. At the end of the day you're responsible for your life and if you're waiting for someone to save you or help you you're wasting your time It's not easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. But once you find your love for yourself and everything that makes you who you are you will be so happy that you did and you'll be wishing you did sooner instead of waking up everyday being unhappy and miserable. There's only one you on this planet so however long it takes learn to love yourself Stay strong
I have so much to say about this subject as someone who has experienced/is experiencing this 'gay awakening'. So heres my verdict: When I first realised I was gay there were like 3 stages for me. Denial; which involved trying to look away from certain things and people and avoiding anything that made me feel/think I was gay. Then later on came acceptance; I finally understood what was happening and there was nothing I could do to stop it and that it wasn't my fault, and that it isn't something I should be ashamed about. Thirdly came embracing it; this is the part where you 'come out to yourself' and finally let go of any shame and live freely in your own mind. Although I'm not out yet (only my close family know) I feel very comfortable where I am and don't feel the need to come out to my acquaintances yet. Most of all I'm afraid of the part that being gay and out 'changes your whole life'. People hate change and are very scared of it, whether for better or worse; coming out is one of *the* biggest changes to anyone's life and I'm not ready for that. Coming out is a process, and it all starts with coming out to yourself. I'm only half way in my journey and the road could be bumpy ahead but who knows. I wish anyone in a similar situation as myself or the author of the letter luck and hope we can all live freely without hatred like Nate mentioned. That statement about our generation being the last generation of hate is a thought of mine that I've had for a while and really resonated with me. Thanks for making this video guys, it's great for a lot of reason, please continue with what you're doing and don't ever stop!
You've got to live life as your true self I think, Yes its scary but as Nate said once you accept who you are and live your life for you not for what others think you should be its really an uplifting and liberating time in your life. XOXO!!!
Hey you guys. Great video... I struggled for 13 years before I came out. I didn't want to be gay and was afraid to lose family and friends. But when I finally came out my life changed drastically and for the first time I was myself totally. And the thing I was afraid of didn't happen. All my family and friends stick by me. So be yourself and live the life you want to live. Love you guys
Very interesting video fellas. I went back & forth for years before coming out. As to the question How I know I was gay? -I always knew I was gay but didn't come out until I was 15 or 16 years old. There is nothing wrong with being gay at all. I'm not going to lie I was scared as hell to come out. Alot of people found out I was gay and treated me differently. I was bullied through high school. It was until I was 20 years old when I was truly comfortable with being who I am. I'm happy to be gay. I agree nobody wants to be different. But to the feeling of the guy you don't want it to be true: It's okay to be gay. It's okay to embrace. The way I really embraced was one day I sat down with my mom and just said it. Not knowing what she would say was scary but then she said what she wanted to say. She said she loves me regardless of what my sexuality is. As long as I'm happy everything will be okay. Once you hear words like that then you'll truly know it's okay to GAY!! Take your time with it. Don't rush it. Find 2 or 3 people u know that won't judge you for being who you are. Once you found those people sit the down and talk. U may cry as I did but that's okay. Let it come out n wait. If those people feel like they'll love you no matter what. Then that's the reassurance you'll need to live you life and be who you want to be. Life after coming out won't be easy but there are moments where you'll truly be happy. Life is a journey never be afraid to take the different pathways to get to the other side. The other side is the light in which you find peace and happiness. I hope this helps
The guys are so right about "if having to ask the question" and truth be told there will always be an experience of difference but fear isn't ever enough to trump the value of uniqueness. Being gay is a very special state. Welcome
OMG Nate you are so easy to love in this video. What heart felt feelings. I got tears in my eyes. I'm so happy for you. This is just what your writer needs to hear - no easy answer but so worth the struggles.
I hope you find what your looking for and embrace it. You are valued and I am sad that you even have this conflict in your life. Embrace who you are and live and love your life.
I always knew my whole life! Took me 37 years to be able to come out. I was forced out, and wasn't fun at first. But it does get better and you have to be the one to be ready to come out. Never let any one force you to come out. But life is so much better now that I came out!
I came out in 1995 and I felt immediate relief. Yes I was shaking in my boots at how friends and family would react, but you know, something wonderful happened. Most of the people in my life accepted it and some already knew. The people that care about you will support you no matter what. I had big masculine men in my life that protected me and said that if anyone bothers you that they would take care of them. Luckily that never happened but even today I will hear a comment or two when out and about and my friend gave me good advice. He said who cares. You have to go on living your life and can't let anyone stop you from being you. I am so glad that I am gay. I see what things really are.
Very good of you to answer this letter. It is so important for every gay person to be witness to the happiness of loving and living freely the way you feel about yourself. Accepting yourself first and then talking to someone you feel will be accepting, that way you will find the courage to keep on speaking about what you feel to others. Be positive and take it one day at a time.
Blank- I like Nate and Carson was raised in a very strict religious family. I was raised pentecostal. Always hope for the best buddy because self hatred will kill you. My family very luckily embraced me, I lost friends but I gained valuable friends and I'm now 12 years married to my husband and we are the greatest thing on earth, Fathers! Everyday gets better and family IS possible!
When I was a kid, I was very confused. I pray to God everyday to give me a light of who I am. I cried a lot. But after 6 or 7 years of feeling weird, I understood that no matter how hard I try to deny my truth it'd come and hit me in my face. After accept myself, I was relieved and start to loving myself, to feel proud of who I am. It's much easier to give yourself a chance to follow your heart and your feelings... If the guy that wrote the letter need some help, feel free to contact me or a friend or a support line in your country. Don't face it alone. I promise you, it'll get better!
Don't waste your life worrying about what others think or living in fear. Avoid negative people by surrounding yourself with those who will inspire you. You're not going to please everyone, so you're better off pleasing yourself. By living truthfully, you'll attract genuine people who will love and respect you for who you are.
Dear Blank, you are not even close to being in the boat alone. I was so afraid, I hid my feelings and struggled with them for over 20 years. And when I finally did slowly start coming out to people, I realized (a lot of times) that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, a lost a few friends, but I gained countless more. Both of my parents went to their graves not knowing who I was deep inside. My siblings found out less than 2 years ago, and I wondered why I had waited so long. I'm here for you, and praying for you. Peace and love!
Dear Blank, understand they are different stages to accepting who are you as your true self. I went through the same stage you're going through right now and my main piece of advice is to surround yourself with people who care about you regardless of who you are. It took me about 11 years (24 now) to come out and it took me 3 years to tell my best friend. I'm sure it's similar to everyone here in that once you come out of accept who you are it's the BIGGEST weight off your shoulders. I always struggled with my weight and once I came out all the stress holding me back has drastically allowed me to improve my self and well-being. My biggest piece of advice is to take your time accepting or understanding who you are because when you do it at your own pace then with time your general life will improve.
Asking and exploring if a person is gay is the worse thing in the world if you're alone...friendless, and with no family for support. Carson, you had your faith in a higher power, and I'm sure your Mother to turn to. Nate, I haven't heard about much of your coming out experience. But! this person sounds alone and afraid to face himself. He should be encouraged to seek the wise counsel of others, both lay and professional to see the larger picture. He is alive, he is loved by a higher power. It's not the end of the world, though he may characterize it that way. The important thing is for others to reach out to him right now so that he will not be overwhelmed by a darkness from which he may not come out of.
I wish I could talk directly to this person because I'd just want to say it's all about what you want and not what others around tell you to want. I always knew I didn't want to be with men, and before I came out I was scared I'd have to be in a relationship and fake how I was feeling. just the thought of that made me miserable. When I realized I might be gay, it was a relief. I knew why I didn't like men and knew I'd never have to fake anything. I could just be me. Just think about what you want and what makes you happy.
Universities can help with coming out discussion groups. 20 years ago + this has been a good outlet to talk about it and meet others going through the same experience. Even if you haven't decided what you identify as.
"Blank" I was 'older' when I eventually came out to my family & friends. Like you I was consumed in fear about my truth and paralyzed by that fear. When I finally made the move to talk with my family (they were the most important people in my life so there was my biggest fear) it was personally stressful but at the same time liberating. First I told my parents; I spoke from a position of a son they had raised with solid moral values who cared for and respected my fellow humans. I knew enough to not ruin the life of a beautiful woman by lying and living that lie with her just to live as my peers and my brothers lived. To do that to an innocent girl; to take her away from a chance to live a life with a different man who could love her fully as the woman and mother she could be I wasn't that selfish. So selfish to build a facade just to fit in with all those around me. My father was very hurt. Not as you might think; he was hurt because there was so much of my life he didn't get to share with me because I separated my 'real' life from my 'Gay' life. Mom feared for my future. With no children who would I have to share & care in my mature years? That is a fact we face, those of us with no children. My brothers, they responded very much as did my parents ( I am one of four sons ). You will come out to people you trust first and that will become the base upon which you will stand to come out to the others in your life. As the guys said, we ALL have been where you are right now. You are loved; you have value; you are worthy. Most of all, you are not alone.
hey blank , all i can say is " do you " and let everyone else do themselves. with that attitude you will attract the right kind of people you need in your life.
I can relate to this video. I realized I was gay in my late teens, I'm almost 30 and I'm still hiding for the most part. Within the last year or so I've gotten alittle better.. I've told a small handful of people but I still don't know how to act on it or be it, if that makes sense. I love your guys content and it definitely helps. So thank you! Keep it up.
Dear Blank, I feel the same way you do. I'm 27, Catholic, and gay. I've been longing for a meaningful relationship ever since I was in elementary school and have yet to fill that void. I struggle with depression and drug abuse because I've been suppressing my feelings, hoping, praying, that there's some way out of being gay. I've sacrificed many years of my life, ones that could have been filled with joyful memories...only to live in denial in order to please God and my family members. It feels like my heart, the charisma I once had is fading...and those same people I've aimed to please are indifferent to my suffering and don't understand why I'm unhappy all the time. I would like to share one piece of advice if I may...and this advice is something that I've failed to follow: PLEASE DO NOT WASTE TIME. Life is precious and you deserve to live life to the fullest. If you are gay, you must learn to not care what others think, believe, or say. This is so very important for you to thrive in this life. Life is short. The sooner you answer this question in your heart, the sooner you can move forward with your life and feel peace. I'm sorry to rant- I just feel for you and don't want you to suffer as I have. Peace and love to you buddy. Stay strong and just know that you're not alone. ;)
I noticed something was different about me when I was in 4th grade (9-10 yrs old). A year later I noticed boys were catching my eye a lot. The next year is when I heard gay/homosexual and it was this "ah ha!" moment that I understood what was going on with me. It was such a relief to have a name to go with these feelings. That relief was short lived though because I already knew there would be conflicts with my family and our religious beliefs. I confided in a friend and they helped me so so much. Long story short, they and our church still love and accept me, but it took another 4 years after finding my identity to accept it and tell everyone. For anyone struggling with this part of their identity, I highly recommend finding people who truly care about you no matter your sexual orientation. Also, being LGBT doesn't have to be everything you're about. Being gay is just a part of who I am. It doesn't define me, just who I'm attracted to.
Well said Nate and Carson! Dear Blank first know you are loved and accepted by many for who you are and know you are a beautiful person. Just be honest with yourself and live your life and be you for you. A lot of us have been where you are and asked ourselves the same question. I dated girls throughout school, even when I had the self realization I was gay, just because I was trying to fit in to society and my families expectations. Doing that I wasn't happy. I finally accepted myself and claimed my identity and said forget what others think, this is my life and it is who I am. I have never been happier. Those who love you will accept you and be there for you. Those who don't will leave and you might have that happen, but trust me it's not the end of the world and you will be happier in the end. Surround yourself with those who support and lift you up. You will be good. This is how you were created and who you are and there is nothing wrong with you. You are you and that is perfect and beautiful. Hugs.
I Applaud You Both For Taking Time To Bring Up This Issue. I Hope Blank Found His Way Out Of His Darkness And Into His light Of Accepting Himself And Finds Himself In A Better Stage Of Life And I Hope He Is Surrounded With Lots Of Love. You Guys Rock💖
Dear blank, I struggled with who I am for years, telling myself that I didn't know. But deep down I did and was just scared. I was allowing people's opinions to decide who I was rather than make the choice myself to be who I am. Take time to focus on what you really want, away from the opinions of others. For me it was hard to admit that I was bisexual because of my homophobic father but I had to make myself happy and live the way I wanted. Those who truly love you will continue to love you if you are being true to your self. Much love ❤✌
Dear blank. Firstly you are not the norm but you are normal. Excepting ourselves for whom we are is difficult regardless of where you are on the spectrum. Embrace your differences as thankfully we are all different as being the same would so boring. Be the best person you can possible be. These guys are good examples as they demonstrate the best of human spirit.
First, thank you guys for sharing. I continuously look forward to your guys' videos and I'm amazed at the love you two exude. To you who is struggling, I ask you not to do this alone. I tell you that you are not alone. I agree with Nate that we all struggle with things whether it be sexuality, depression, sickness, etc. Life isn't easy and as you get older you begin to realize just how hard it can be. We begin to realize that things aren't just black and white, but hundreds of thousands of shades of gray. With each honest voice, we become greater and greater; stronger and stronger. Trust yourself, trust your heart, understand that what you're feeling is normal. You are not wrong or flawed, but learning to be the perfect you. This life isn't about where we end up, because ultimately it's the same for us all; it's about where we go on the journey. All of our paths are different, but at some point they all cross. Your path is wide open for you and no one is pushing you to make a choice immediately. Take some time. Do some research. One of the hardest parts is over. You've reached out and asked for help. You are strong, you are brave, and you will figure this out. I wish I could say this will be the last struggle for you, but it won’t. With each struggle, we get stronger and stronger. We learn to be the person we were meant to be. I struggled for years. Other people had accepted my situation when I had not. I slowly realized that my unhappiness was bleeding onto others and that anger and fear were consuming my life. My ultimate realization was the most simple. We’re told that we can be anything when we grow up. We can do anything we put our minds to. This will make us happy. I was telling people that. Trusting this as truth, but denying it in my own life. Telling my sons that they can conquer the world with love, truth, and honesty all the while hiding behind a façade that I had created to deny these things in my life. I could no longer allow myself to lie to my sons, my wife, or my family. The greatest decision that I have made was not only to allow myself to be happy, but to allow EVERYONE around me to be happy as well. Again, to you who is struggling, understand that we will always struggle, life will not always be easy, and you will not always have the answers. But, you are strong, you are brave, and you will learn to be happy; whatever that may be for you. Good luck to you and, again, don’t do this alone. Find someone to talk to or write it down. Who knows, your story could one day help another person fighting the same battle. We all love you, truly.
I agree what nate had said....I've been struggle for many years about myself....especially i attracted to both sexes....reject myself....saying why am i attracted to a male....the same sex?....but the feeling is there....at last i said to myself "you know what yes i like male and female....that's who i am....i'm not gonna lie to myself"....& i felt free like freedom after i say that....all i can say is accept who you are....don't be afraid to admit who really you are.....take courage.....do not fear.....stand for yourself & there's a lot people out there just like you and me....
It took me 2 years to accept the fact that I'm gay it wasn't an easy process. youtube helped me alot hearing so many stories,from youtubers, normal people, celebrities, athletes,etc seeing videos made me comfortable who I am .their is nothing wrong about being gay I'm happy to be a unique person
Dear blank, I'm sorry you feel this way. As for me, I knew I was different since 5th grade but I didn't know what it was or how to put a name to it, yes I was shelter but it was only because of medical reasons. This continued until my junior year of high school but event then I didnt have the courage to come out but now looking back, I wish I would have. I hope you find the way to accept and love yourself and know that there are people out there, like Nate, Carson, who can inspire you. Good luck to you
Be safe before you come out, be in a situation where you are not reliant on the people you know will reject you - no matter who they are. Be very real about it. Be very kind to your self- it is your life and only you can live it, be very kind to your parents they have built up fantasies about your life and false expectations many have very little to do with who you have sex with but may be tied to that, be kind to grandparents they've been around and seen a lot, they are from a different time, be kind to other members of your family you've had more time dealing with these questions and perceptions about what they mean than they have in regards to you. Be kind to your friends, they have you in a box that you aren't obligated to and can take it overly personal when you "jump" out of that box-even when you've been telling them for years. You define you. Know this, you don't have to buy what other people tell you being lgbt (etc) means. Being a furry or fuzzy (as in fuzzy wuzzy) bear is not exclusive to the gay community, doing drugs and having sex (questionable or otherwise ) is not exclusive to the gay community. There are many men who love men and who have sex with men that don't define themselves as gay or bi, paddy O'Brien (it may be 'an') has done lots of gay porn but identifies as straight. If you are getting your information from American christian religious leaders, many have a political agenda against lgbtq and have had for a long time, they have cherry picked the text to read that way and their animus is blatant if you're willing to not buy their agenda - in this situation you already know. You don't have to buy their agenda or dogma, even if it's the only world you've known - probably especially.
Its touching and interesting to what blank had to say. I'm pretty sure I'm straight and I'm not against anyone being gay. But one thing to know is... be whatever you want to be and live the type of life you want to live even if it has changed. Just remember that change is okay. If you're gay or straight and you see someone that might be either straight, gay or something else, just remember to treat that person with respect even if you don't know the person.
Dear Blank, First of all, love and accept yourself. Don't let other people's opinion of you define you. Life has so much to offer if you're being free true to yourself. If you think you're not gonna fit in with the current people around you then it's okay. As you go on to your life you will tend to lose people anyway but those who really loves you will remain. Always consider your happiness and ofcourse your safety. Even here in the US there's a lot of places where being in a same sex relationship or just being gay as an individual are frowned upon and Im pretty sure that there are more of that in other coutries. If you think coming out will jeopardize your safety then hold on for a moment. Make yourself financially stable and move to a safer place that will accept you for who you really are. The highest point in the psychology of happiness is 'contentment'. Find a place where you can be contented of the way you live and of the people around you 😀.
This is something a lot of us deal with. I had to come to terms with it after I tried to 'change' it. I was in a Christian group and was taught about lust and homosexuality and sin. So I tried praying my homosexual desires away, and all sorts of other things that were painful and make me depressed thinking about it. After months of trying with no success I decided to stop putting myself in such pain and do what felt right at the time. I've never looked back since. It's really more about accepting yourself than anything else. That was the hardest part for me. The biggest misconception is that the people who really love you will stop doing so if you decide to not be heterosexual. Not everyone will but some people will and those people will become your support and family and will have your back when you need them. If you say you hope that you are not that's your choice and I wish you the best; but if you are gay, bi, pan etc. I hope you come to accept and love that about yourself.
Hello everyone both, first of all thank you for this video and all those which you already made. For my part I think that you made well answer or at least try to reply to this letter. It is true that each history is different, for my part I always knew that I was gay, I made my out coming near my friends when I had 14 or 15 years, then around my 18 years with my family. It is not always obvious and I think only if O has doubts as you say one can deduce an answer already from it, but it is clear that before all things it should be acknowledged above all. The council that I will be able to give seen my age it is nothing to make the unwise one and which in any event it is necessary to speak with trustworthy people who will not judge. Once again thank you the guy for all these videos. You are adorable both.Big hugs and kisses from france
In the deep south it is hard blank . I always knew I was gay ! I tried hiding my feelings , as nate said I've prayed , I cried why me , but I realized it was me , the me I was meant to be . I felt I was in a prision cell an i was suffering, I was outted in a horrible thanksgiving scenario, but what my cousin meant as harm set me free ! I dis owned him an many others but my life is way freer than where I once was . Carson is right if you are thinking then you are one of the LGBTQI community. I suggest you find a local LGBTQI community chapter to talk too. That's a great place jus to talk .. good love blank , you are not alone on your journey ! Carson & Nate thanks for the videos ! It means a lot to watch an see what we all want . A loving , committed relationship between 2 hot an fabulous guys , even if Carson refuses to listen to nate vs GPS ! Lol ...
You will know when the time is right. Been there done that. Was such a weight lifted off me and strengthened me to embrace who I am and who I was born to be. My family did not disown me or hate me for me being me. You're next Mr Blank
First off, questioning is essential in life, and the first step towards answers and peace of mind. Second, don't focus so much on the labels, because the connotations associated with them can screw with your brain, instead think of what makes you feel like truly yourself (which is a process all in itself). At first it probably will not feel comfortable, but that's just the nerves and fear of the unknown, but I promise once you pass that step, it'll feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. Like the guys said, if you're questioning then you probably have a fluid sexual orientation. I think that's the best way to start thinking about it. Finally, I would say make sure you have a support system when making these decisions. I myself come from a conservative family and couldn't come out till I had friends that I knew would have my back if something happened. I wish you all the best.
Wise words, guys. Often the problem is looking yourself in the face and saying "I'm attracted to men. If I have a relationship I would much prefer it to be with a man". Then you have to decide if and how you are going to act on that. Sometimes the first experience can be tricky. You might be nervous and panic, you might find that the first guy only wants sex, you might be disappointed in the experience etc etc. The important thing to remember is that there will almost inevitably be drawbacks somewhere along the line (that was certainly my experience), but if you're honest with yourself and keep your perspective and remain stubborn in the search for who you really are, things will work out, and your life will become deeper and more fulfilling.
its true we are probably the last generation with this level of prejudice- i see younger children that have incredible acceptance and understanding. Living in a "fog" can be detrimental to your mental health. That is how I ended up in the ICU for three days from a liver/kidney failure and blood poisoning while temporarily losing my ability to hear- all brought on from an overdose. I took my lack of self acceptance to the extreme and I was moments from death. For a short while I was trying to self medicate through the loneliness/self loathing/ and shame I had but I realized I was bringing this all upon myself in my own situation. I still havent fully come out on my own terms but I plan to and I feel like my soul is finally at peace without all the turmoil I put myself (and my friends and family) through. So to this anonymous person: I hope you can find peace within yourself long before it could spiral out of control. The world is right with a lot more good than what you may be afraid of.
You're right guys! We should be who we are! 🌈 also in this video, Carson is so silent and seems to be high, smiling out of nowhere while Nate is talking about serious stuff 😂
I didn't come out when I was 46. And like Carson and Mate said my life is much better. I was miserable and not am very happy. I have the love of my life and wouldn't have found him if I had not come out. You are going thru a bad time believe me have been there and it only made me stronger. And happier.
I am married now but was hard to be out with my friends but now feels much better. Still hard because some of my family members don't know yet but I am working on it. Thank you guys for sharing this with us.
To Blank, there are SO MANY PEOPLE out here that know where you are and have been there. Trust me, I was one. I hated myself for being gay in my teens, but it was an impulse I could not control. When I turned 19, I came out and embraced the gay part of me. I am proud of who I am and the community that I am part of. Never be ashamed of who you are. Being different is a beautiful thing, a powerful thing. It allows you to establish and carve out a niche specifically just for you. Be honest with yourself, rely on your friends. If not, make some. Your life is waiting for you.
Take it in steps. I had a hugely difficult time with coming terms with it for a long time, I hated being different for the longest time. I'm openly bisexual (more interested in other men though) to my colleagues, family and friends and they're totally cool with it. I was in a terrible place before accepting it and did my absolute best to hide it. A very close family member took their own life far too young, it was a major catalyst for my decision to be open about my emotions and who I am. It sounds selfish, but it gave me the courage to fully express myself and it made me realise I should live for myself and just be, the rest of the world can deal with it. Yes there will be people that judge you, but that is life, straight or not. Be brave and be free. Once you take that first step and tell that first person, it gets easier. It's how you will make your true friends, the ones who look straight past it will be friends for life. Wish you all the best.
The more you focus on yourself and your own journey to find out who you truly are, the better and faster you will discover your own truth. Even though society and other people will judge you, you have to be who you truly are. And the more that you welcome your true self and then allow the light within you to shine, others will see that light and hopefully awaken from their ignorant slumber. Many blessings and stay strong!
Dear blank, I'm 38 years old, and JUST came out in June of this year. I've known I was gay since I was 14, so it took me damn near 25 years to accept myself and learn to accept myself! Coming out was literally the BEST decision I have in my entire life! As husband&husband said, there WILL be people who don't like it and therefore decide they don't like you! But, on the flip side, you'll meet some incredible new people! And you'll make all kinds of new friends! I grew up in a Christian home, and raised in a Christian church. I know all about the religious side of being gay, boy do I! I finally decided that since God created me, and He knows my heart and my desires, that being gay must not be a sin. I hope you can find the courage to answer your own question "Am I gay?" And learn to love and truly embrace your life and the person you love!!! Blessings to you sweety.
i am gay as well i went through a stage where i was not happy with myself and i was trying to date girls that was not happy with. I would cry every night because i thought something was wrong with me i am now happy as ever i actually live in virginia and i am now engaged to my dream man!!! so i do think that there is a certain way to get through this hard stage of finding yourself. But plz do this searching in a safe way. love you guys excited for the next vid!!!
You guys make we want to cry...with happiness. I have been a friend of the LGBT+ community for many years and remember many, many years ago when being a member of that community was a secret that many took to their grave. My oldest and dearest friend, truly my soulmate, came out to me when I was 18 and he was 20....that was 36 years ago and I still remember the fear in his voice (back then you could be fired for it). The people that we worked with had started rumors about him and it was making his life a living hell. Everyone would talk about him and not TO him. I was super young and naive but figured I owed it to him to speak to him about it like a human being. I said to him, "I have something I want to ask you." And he responded, "I have something I want to ask you--does it matter?" And in that moment I realized the utter stupidity of being someone's friend one moment and then changing your mind the next just because of their sexual orientation. I mean, it just struck me as just absolutely ludicrous. Since that day in 1981 we have been side by side through an HIV diagnosis (his), a horrible divorce (mine), and the loss of a parent (both of us). We've shared the happy times, confided in each other, cared for each other, and I've been lucky enough to have him as role model for my children even after I remarried. This video makes me think of how much I would have lost had I decided to discard my best friend on that day 36 years ago just because he was gay. I guess this is a very long way of my saying to "Blank" that anyone who doesn't like you just because you're gay stands to lose out on a lifetime of friendship and caring. I speak from experience when I say that, if that does happen, it will truly be their loss. I hope this helps.
Carson, you are a beautiful guy, but honestly your heart and your gentle soul is what's heartfelt and attractive. I like how gentle you are, easy going, you seem so grounded in who you are. All traits in a man that I hope to run across one day. Unlike the past LOL Never change, be who you are, and always be with one that truly appreciates you for the good man you are. Your mom did a beautiful job raising her sweet son! Who knows maybe I'll run across you in Raleigh one day...I'm in Cameron Village...and hope I see that on the camera that is the real you in life too. Take care!
One thing that helped me come out was to find support. Whether its other gay people or straight allies, there is a massive amount of accepting people out there who will love you for who you are. It took me awhile to get used to but when I no longer had to hide, to pretend to be someone I was not I truly felt like myself. But at the end of the day I had to be happy with who I was. I always knew I was gay at an early age, that was the easy part. How other people would react was the scary part. This was also 25 years ago and the country was a MUCH different place when it came to LGBT issues back then.
The only thing that I can say is that you should just take your time and think it through. it is not a quick process. it really depends on you though because a lot of factors can hinder or hasten it. I was just really lucky and blessed that I only have to come out to a specific group for our self-awareness session. I didn't have to come out to my parents because they already knew but it could be a different story for you. Once you're comfortable then maybe that's the right time for you and always remember to love yourself no matter what. People can make assumptions about you but its your own perception of yourself that truly defines who you are and the rest is just background noise.
I hope the letter writer is safe and successful on their journey . Here's a quote I found as a teen and has served me well since. “Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” ― James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
I knew I was gay when I was 5 years old but I didn't come out til I was 26. I spent all those years in the closet and afraid to come out. I also went to a church that preached being gay was wrong. Every time the preacher said that I thought to myself, "wow, he is talking about me". When I finally came out to my sister it made me feel a little better but was uncertain how my parents would react. I had the opportunity to move to another state not long after I came out and I took it. To come out to my parents was going to be tough. So I mailed a letter to my sister for her to read to them. They took it better then I thought, I was so relieved. After they knew I really didn't care what anyone else thought. Both my parents have passed, I am so glad that they knew before they passed. Coming out is the hardest thing I ever did. You have to be true to yourself, when that happens you will be happy. Hope the best for Blank.......
Being from a small town it was very taboo subject i made it known that i was gay when i was 18. I wanted to say be yourself listen to your heart and mind. There is world out there filled with pwople who love u for just the way you are. I know there is hate out there. But we all love u. Watching videos really just makes me say everything is going to be ok.
I remember this question posed within. It is more difficult being a gay man. Disappointment... from ourselves, from our friends, family, and co-workers. But it is a genetic trait. So acceptance is crucial to self esteem and happiness. Living in the right places in America is very important to a better life. Potentials for happiness are greater than ever before.
I was in denial for a long time thinking I just wanted to look like the guys I was attracted too. The best thing you can do is come out. If your in an environment that it's dangerous for you to come out then try to get out of there as soon as possible. But most people feel like there in a bad environment to come out because of the fear they have. Most people won't have a problem with you being gay especially if they know you already. I'm Hispanic and come from a super macho family and not one person had a problem with it. It's like my dad told me. At the end of the day you are a man and people need to respect you as a man.
Dear Blank, There are so many things people on the "other side" can tell you about coming out and finding yourself, but I'm sure you've heard it all, and know that when you are ready, you will come out. Please know that for every person out there who hates you for no reason other than being yourself, there are 100 more people who love you, for exactly who you are. You'd be surprised at how many awesome, loving people there are out there. I know it seems like hate floods everywhere, but hate is often much louder than love. It doesn't mean it's stronger though. Just think about all of the strangers who are here for you, ourselves included. Take care, and be HAPPY!
Well said guys! Remember #LOVEWINS
This comment was brought to you by a great set of role models. Husband and Husband. Love you guys.
Husband and Husband, Very well said!!! I have no doubt that will provide a lot of help to "Blank". It spoke volumes to me. 😀
Husband and Husband , couldnt have said it better.
Gentlemen: Well said, great advice. I will add "To thine own self be true". Stay strong and be happy. You are loved.
I did not realize I was gay till I was 27. I was in law enforcement also. I am now married to a great guy and the happiest I have ever been. It does get better. Accept yourself and do not use alcohol or drugs as an excuse to dull the pain, rejection, hate. Be happy, we only have one life in this world and we do not get any do overs. Go dating without the sex, find that person that is willing to wait till you are ready. Choose wisely and do not settle.
agree 100%, if not already try following Aaron & Jon (Husband&Husband), met at college, 10 years and counting, and Jerm. & Jon (Two Beeps), similar story - check out both their How we Met videos, Dom & Kol are newish, and in UK Dan & Jon + Trent & Luke, Stepsof2Foreginers, MarkE & Ethan, Matt & Blue, Him&Him, ... you see there are MANY couples, who are men, that just happen to be gay, they live just regular lives, (being gay is just a small part of you), and they happy to 'go public' and share their lives with all of us LGBTQ+ friends... yes sometimes it doesn't work out, that happens in str8 couples lives too, abt 50% I am told !, but its worth taking the 'risk', meet, talk, find common interest & 'date' in the real sense of the word. Just if you are young, check you can support yourself ££/$$/Yen (whatever), you have a mate you can crash at for at least a week, you have your ID/birth cert/docs, some clothes, a cell that is prepaid, so you can call true friends when /if in need of support, and look up the nearest LGBT centre, in case things are not so calm when you come out to family... just remember, you have had months/years to try and think your feeling through, when you tell ppl, their initial 'surprise' reaction may not be what you hoped for, but give them time... good luck & best wishes - and be safe - hugs from UK
There should be a club or bar just for people like us you figured it out late.
William m sage advice here! ☝🏻️ well said William and congratulations on your happy life :)
William m yo, fellow William, you made my day!!!😄😄
Hi guys, as a National Lecturer on LGBTQ Civil Rights, Equality, anti-hate/bullying and acceptance to colleges and universities, I appreciate your post on this and the discussion. Thank you a million times. I work with students and families who deal with coming out and the struggles to do so. You are wonderful men and appreciated!
I am a 67 year-old straight woman. I have a relative that is gay and friends who are gay. I always wonder why it is anyone's business who you love. You are who you are. You can't change, so live your life and be happy. It probably won't be easy but find some friends who will accept YOU.
This was a great video. I hurt inside when I think of all those of my generation who had to hide who they were and I hurt for those from way before I was born. But those who came out and lived their lives for who they were suffered for those of you today to be happy.
Carson and Nate, you are good people and after reading all the comments from your followers, they are all wonderful, good people too. I love all of you. Be true to yourself, love yourself. Life is too short for being miserable. Be happy and screw all the haters. So there!
hi,iam Ahmed.i gay.i ready to live with you all my life
Dodo Birdo ,what a lovely comment and loving attitude you have! Live and let live!
sttgaegoaktd
Dear Blank,
I am 57 years old and I've always known that I was gay but didn't accept that fact until 2 years ago. I have so many regrets in life but I can't have that time back so I just have to move forward. Please don't be like me. Be true to yourself, be the person that you know deep down inside that you are!
hi,iam Ahmed.i gay and proud.i want to live with you all my life
Fellow North Carolinian here!! I absolutely love you guys!❤️
Easier said than done but remember to love yourself first and own your truth.
I struggled from the age of seven to about the age of 18 in admitting to myself that I was gay and those where some of the worst years of my life. I couldn't be happy, I couldn't be myself and for a long time I questioned my existence and whether I really wanted to be in this world or not but my life made a drastic change when I finally realize and accepted what I was. Mr. Blank my coming out story was not easy I lost a lot of people in my life and a lot of horrible things happened to me but what I did find out was the true people in my life who love me and cared about me without any exceptions. I found my true friend and love ones who will do anything for me but most importantly I found peace, the one thing that I never had and to me that is priceless. Mr.blank accepting what we are is not easy nevertheless coming out but the one thing it can do for you is give you peace once the storm has passed and hopefully one day happiness. Don't lose faith in yourself and please don't give up in yourself, life can be beautiful but only if we allow ourselves to experience it.
Thank you for this content. I struggled for over 10 yrs with coming out because I got married to a woman who I truly loved very much but I realized several years into our marriage that I was simply trying to hide from the real me. So when I finally accepted the fact that I was gay and that it wasn't fair to my wife or me to hide it any longer, I chose to come out running. The first year was rough, but everyone I knew was happy for me. Seems like they all knew and were just waiting for me to figure it all out. I've been out now for just over 4 yrs and I must say that life could not be better. My ex and I are best friends, I'm currently seeing someone who is incredible and my family and friends couldn't be any more supportive. I wonder sometimes why it took me so long to get to where I am today, but the important thing is that I am who I am and life is amazing!
This is a great subject. Many people as you have stated are afraid of loosing their families. I lost mine and I am now 65 years old. I have come to the conclusion that if the family that I grew up with couldn't accept me then everything that I thought they were was an Illusion. I have been out for over 30 years and my life is much better with a better family than the old one that I had. I don't consider the old family my family anymore and my life is much more honest and better.
"If I could do it again I'd probably be right here...". You guys are just the sweetest men. The serene look on Carson's face just says volumes. I hope someday more people will be as happy as you two are.
George
I totally understand what the person who wrote the letter is going through. I've been in the closet over twenty years and just recently came to accept that I'm gay. You first have to accept you are what you are and love yourself. Then you will be able to face others. Move at your on pace and no one else. Much love to you
Great video guys! Blank, I came out at 30 but new I was gay since I was a kid. I feel where you're coming from. The biggest thing that held me back was fear of losing my family. I regret not coming out sooner but am happy in my life with my partner 10 years later, along with my family's support. I hope you find yourself when the time is right for you. It's a scary journey and you may lose people along the way, but you will gain many more that love and appreciate you for you. Sending love your way.
The Fear is the key thing ruling this guy's life right now and letting that fear control him will keep him from achieving his best potential as a person.
Living your life entirely for the concerns and expectations of everyone but yourself diminishes your worth and leaves you incomplete.
Trying to feel that void with concepts like religion and straight values will only escalate the emptiness and hatred you feel about yourself.
Accepting being gay and coming out seems frightening from inside the closet but the benefits of being real with yourself and being able to really discover who you are without limits through authenticity is priceless.
I knew from a very young age. I came out in the 70's at a very volatile time, but I finally had to. It was either that or be miserable for the rest of my life. I feel you already know your answer. Please be honest with yourself. It will be better for your health and your heart. We are a huge, loving and accepting community. You are not... and never will be... alone. ❤️❤️❤️
I didn't come out until I was 65, although I knew from an early age. Please come out. It gets better.
First of all Carson and Nate are awesome! It takes a lot of courage to come out; I essentially came out after college and I lost friends. I even went to a gay conversion camp. Coming out is the most freeing feeling you can ever experience. I'm 38 years old, life is too short, aim for happiness. I'm in the medical field going to school, I can't wait to find a partner after o graduate. Be true to yourself, you will feel a millions times better if you come out and be who you are. Love you guys peace.
Carson, I have been saying the same thing for months now that if you look at our generation and the generation after us. I think once the generation/s before us pass that the world will still have it's problems but to me will be a lot more loving and accepting of others as a whole. Social media has helped them realize that being "different" is not a bad thing and that everyone should be happy because we all know that there is plenty out there in life that is miserable, so let people be happy no matter how they find it
Hi Blank! 😉
First of all I'd say it's not a choice between straight, bi or gay; you could be anywhere in between those three options. It's a sliding scale, and by putting a label onto yourself you might be restricting your choices; just go with what feels right!
Personally, I knew when I was a child that I was 'different', but didn't come out until I was in my early twenties. I was really afraid of what my parents and family would think of me being gay (I'm pretty much 100% gay, no alternatives there...), but in the 30-odd years after coming out, I've never had a problem with anyone. Sure, some people may drop out of your life, but others will replace them, and the people who really care about the YOU behind the sexuality will go through this change with you and support you no matter what.
One word of caution: don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to change in any way to fit into the 'gay lifestyle'. Always be true to yourself, and don't let other people tell you what you should do or how you should dress or behave!
Being straight/bi/gay/trans or whatever doesn't define you, it's just one aspect of your personality; don't let it take over your life!
In short: always follow your feelings, not your thoughts, because your thoughts are not who you really are; the real you is the presence behind the thoughts.
Good luck & be happy!
Life is too short to be hiding in the closet. Enjoy your life. Be yourself. Be true to yourself. You are perfect in a beautiful person just the way you are! Now please enjoy your life don't worry what people say. You may lose friends but then they weren't friends to start with. All the best to you.
George Garcia totally agree!!
Thanks for making this video guys! I was outed, back in 2003. It was the most fearful time in my life, but a blessing in disguise. I too tried to pray the gay away for years. I pushed it so far down that it was taking a horrible toll on my mental and physical health. When I was outed, the fears that I had were faced and for the most part were much worst in my head and heart than in reality. I hope the writer of that letter can live his authentic life. There are challenges everyday... if you are true and present in your life you will be happier than you could ever realize.
Dear Blank, I think you're very brave even for just reaching out and looking for help in this situation. Growing up in NC with a very religious family and my dad being a pastor I had these very same thoughts for 15 years. It took me a long time to "come to terms" with it and it also took finding someone I love and who loves me back to give me the courage. There is definitely no need to rush, take time to figure things out for yourself and think about what truly makes you happy. The rest will fall into place. Best of luck and hope everything works out for you!
Also PS great video and topic guys!
Blank; I grew up in a small town at a time when no one spoke about being gay. EVER. There were no gay characters on tv, no gay role models, nothing. I suppressed my feelings for YEARS and hid my true self from everyone that really should have mattered, including myself. Hell, I never even typed the word GAY until I started interacting with some of the other fine folks who I see are also dropping comments below. There is no one in my life that ever really got to know me because I never let the real me out. Now here I am, a life time later, looking back and saying what the fuck. I have never really known love, never let anyone get close, and quite frankly never allowed myself to live. Did I have friends growing up? Yes. Did I have a tight family? Kinda. Would I have lost some of them if I had let the real me shine through? Maybe most, but none are in my life now anyway because I never let them in. Looking back would I have changed things? Of course. Times have changed and there is a very valuable support network out there that wasn't readily available to me growing up. Am I ashamed of being gay? Not in the least. I am proud of who I am. Whether you are gay, straight, bi, whatever it doesn't matter as long as you are true to yourself. Don't allow others or the "not knowing" to define you like I did. I am passionate, have a good heart, am true to the small number of people that matter (but don't really know) me, am left handed, tend to use way too many commas when I type, and yes, I happen to be gay. That is just a small part of who I am. Learn from my mistakes. Take the time to figure yourself out, surround yourself with safe, good people and allow yourself to live. Life is WAY too short. Trust me.
For love, it's never too late !
there are tons of people who fall in love when they are "a generation" year old, and that's the altering point when it starts to start :-)
Hello,I truly hope the person from the letter is doing well,please just embrace who you are and LOVE yourself and surround yourself with caring ,loving people. I have always been Gay and have known from when I was a young person.I send you all the best.Also Thanks To Nate and Carson for talking about this to help you!
For me I knew I was gay but wouldn't even say the sentence of "I am gay" until I was 23 because deep down although you know you continue to try to convince yourself you're not. I remember starting to watch people on TH-cam (which was a HUGE help) because it showed me I was not alone and you could get their perspective on things and life as well as their knowledge experiencing the same things I was going through. I kept saying I would never have my "Ah ha" moment of when I knew it was time to come out because that only happens on tv or fantasy world right? Wrong, I went on a date and really had an amazing time and was so excited and wanted to tell everyone. I realized in that moment that it was time to be myself and be true to me because at that moment I couldn't tell anyone and to me that was kind of my full circle moment of saying enough is enough and I need to stop hating myself for something I can't control and instead be proud of who I am and what I love. Nothing wrong with being gay no matter what people tell you cause at the end of the day, you are looking yourself in the mirror no one else and if you are happy with what you see then be happy and live your life!
Your comming out videos were actually so helpful to concour that fear. But, you know, I realized that Carson's one was somehow deleted... I was puzzled because, maybe he thought it was kinda unimportant story, which is not for me or someone else. I may haven't caught some notices, but it makes me lose confidence...
Hi blank, I know you are all confused and anxious. 1: take a deep breath. here is how I know, I was in 6th grade, I used to hangout with a couple of guys, good friends. But this particular guy whom I used to sit with during school, I happened to like a lot, here is why I knew I "liked" him. Holding his hand even for a while was just the most amazing feeling 💕 I wanted to be around him all the time. Then when he used to avoid me and hangout with other girls, I just wanted to pull their hair off 😅 It's okay, trust me try to surround of yourself with people from the community, talk to a counsellor maybe, you are still the same person ♥️I hope you figure things out.Hugs x
Divyanshu Verma well said
I've been through this too. I'm a single father now and I'm afraid of what I've chosen to put my child through. I tried to be or live the so called "straight," or "heterosexual" life. I was selfish about my thoughts and fears.
I think it would have been A LOT better for everyone (not just myself) involved. Do yourself a favor a just be yourself. Be happy with yourself! EVERYTHING these two are saying is exactly true! LOVE YOURSELF!
A LOT of people will still love you! I guarantee it! I'm sure the people closest to you already know. God bless you and good luck in all your future endeavors!
Nate and Carson, I applaud you two for sharing that letter! I'm touched by the amount of love and support in these comments, it's really inspiring to see. :-) I really think Blank will benefit from this.
I truly know what you're going through I am from a small and very Christian town, I had to either be myself or die that was no in-betweens I usually never make comments but I feel compelled to today, because you see I am transgender, and that was no way I could ever change because it was just a part of me I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone else, and I truly always knew that I was train, and I didn't think that my life was worth living because I was different, and could not change no matter how I tried, but as I got older I realize that God makes no mistakes and he loves me just as I am I pray that you come to terms with your lifestyle and realize that God loves you if you're straight or gay are trains I hope these help you a little bit because the truth you'll be going through something for the rest of your life I seen you acceptance love and hugs thank you Nate and carson, for being the perfect role model I wish I had someone like you when I was growing up love you both💕💕
Fine video gentlemen. Thanks! For "Blank." If you are safe and confident in your surroundings, do come out. I feared the worst and pretty much got no flack in the long run. I was and am surprised at the reactions from my oldest friends from Elementary School and High School. Funny story. One of my most religious friends has been one of my biggest supporters in the long haul. I really thought I would never speak to this person again once I actually came out, but she reminded me, that I always supported her when she needed it growing up, so she was comfortable and happy to support me. Best of luck. Be Well!
You'll know when you're ready to come out. Don't do it until you're ready...It was difficult in my day, being a teenager in the eighties.
It's sad that it's still an issue coming out today. We should be proud...embrace it and enjoy it.
But I feared the day, I would come out. But in the end it was a wonderfully liberating experience
Dear Blank,
I understand how these thoughts can mess with your head and confuse the living hell out of you in ways that you never thought a person could feel. Not only am I gay but I also have Aspergers Syndrome which is a social disability that makes it incredibly difficult for me to interact with people in social situations and was another thing for me that made me a target growing up to be treated like shit for no reason. I even came ridiculously close to committing suicide on one occasion because I felt like the things that I wanted out of life were not in the cards for someone like me.
I've been out for about four years. I have a house, I have things that I love to do and I have the best friends anyone would want
After a while however long it may be you'll reach a threshold where you'll be tired of fighting and lying to yourself. You'll realise that you can't be responsible for other people's reactions so you might as well be honest and direct and if they don't like it that's they're problem. If certain people in your life don't like who you are it's they're loss because they're probably missing out on a really cool and "totally normal" guy.
I can't speak for every gay person on earth but I do know for myself I know that you're not truly living if you're not being 100% honest and if you're not being true to yourself you're not going to reach true happiness
If people do turn their backs on you there is a family out there that you'll create, friends out there waiting to celebrate everything about you but you have to go out and find it.
At the end of the day you're responsible for your life and if you're waiting for someone to save you or help you you're wasting your time
It's not easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. But once you find your love for yourself and everything that makes you who you are you will be so happy that you did and you'll be wishing you did sooner instead of waking up everyday being unhappy and miserable.
There's only one you on this planet so however long it takes learn to love yourself
Stay strong
Thank you Andy for this comment!
Glyn Robinson no worries
I have so much to say about this subject as someone who has experienced/is experiencing this 'gay awakening'.
So heres my verdict:
When I first realised I was gay there were like 3 stages for me. Denial; which involved trying to look away from certain things and people and avoiding anything that made me feel/think I was gay. Then later on came acceptance; I finally understood what was happening and there was nothing I could do to stop it and that it wasn't my fault, and that it isn't something I should be ashamed about. Thirdly came embracing it; this is the part where you 'come out to yourself' and finally let go of any shame and live freely in your own mind.
Although I'm not out yet (only my close family know) I feel very comfortable where I am and don't feel the need to come out to my acquaintances yet. Most of all I'm afraid of the part that being gay and out 'changes your whole life'. People hate change and are very scared of it, whether for better or worse; coming out is one of *the* biggest changes to anyone's life and I'm not ready for that.
Coming out is a process, and it all starts with coming out to yourself. I'm only half way in my journey and the road could be bumpy ahead but who knows. I wish anyone in a similar situation as myself or the author of the letter luck and hope we can all live freely without hatred like Nate mentioned. That statement about our generation being the last generation of hate is a thought of mine that I've had for a while and really resonated with me.
Thanks for making this video guys, it's great for a lot of reason, please continue with what you're doing and don't ever stop!
You've got to live life as your true self I think, Yes its scary but as Nate said once you accept who you are and live your life for you not for what others think you should be its really an uplifting and liberating time in your life. XOXO!!!
Hey you guys. Great video... I struggled for 13 years before I came out. I didn't want to be gay and was afraid to lose family and friends. But when I finally came out my life changed drastically and for the first time I was myself totally. And the thing I was afraid of didn't happen. All my family and friends stick by me. So be yourself and live the life you want to live. Love you guys
Great role models. Thanks for doing this.
Very interesting video fellas. I went back & forth for years before coming out. As to the question How I know I was gay? -I always knew I was gay but didn't come out until I was 15 or 16 years old. There is nothing wrong with being gay at all. I'm not going to lie I was scared as hell to come out. Alot of people found out I was gay and treated me differently. I was bullied through high school. It was until I was 20 years old when I was truly comfortable with being who I am. I'm happy to be gay. I agree nobody wants to be different. But to the feeling of the guy you don't want it to be true: It's okay to be gay. It's okay to embrace. The way I really embraced was one day I sat down with my mom and just said it. Not knowing what she would say was scary but then she said what she wanted to say. She said she loves me regardless of what my sexuality is. As long as I'm happy everything will be okay. Once you hear words like that then you'll truly know it's okay to GAY!! Take your time with it. Don't rush it. Find 2 or 3 people u know that won't judge you for being who you are. Once you found those people sit the down and talk. U may cry as I did but that's okay. Let it come out n wait. If those people feel like they'll love you no matter what. Then that's the reassurance you'll need to live you life and be who you want to be. Life after coming out won't be easy but there are moments where you'll truly be happy. Life is a journey never be afraid to take the different pathways to get to the other side. The other side is the light in which you find peace and happiness. I hope this helps
The guys are so right about "if having to ask the question" and truth be told there will always be an experience of difference but fear isn't ever enough to trump the value of uniqueness. Being gay is a very special state. Welcome
OMG Nate you are so easy to love in this video. What heart felt feelings. I got tears in my eyes. I'm so happy for you. This is just what your writer needs to hear - no easy answer but so worth the struggles.
I hope you find what your looking for and embrace it. You are valued and I am sad that you even have this conflict in your life. Embrace who you are and live and love your life.
I always knew my whole life! Took me 37 years to be able to come out. I was forced out, and wasn't fun at first. But it does get better and you have to be the one to be ready to come out. Never let any one force you to come out. But life is so much better now that I came out!
I came out in 1995 and I felt immediate relief. Yes I was shaking in my boots at how friends and family would react, but you know, something wonderful happened. Most of the people in my life accepted it and some already knew. The people that care about you will support you no matter what. I had big masculine men in my life that protected me and said that if anyone bothers you that they would take care of them. Luckily that never happened but even today I will hear a comment or two when out and about and my friend gave me good advice. He said who cares. You have to go on living your life and can't let anyone stop you from being you. I am so glad that I am gay. I see what things really are.
Very good of you to answer this letter. It is so important for every gay person to be witness to the happiness of loving and living freely the way you feel about yourself. Accepting yourself first and then talking to someone you feel will be accepting, that way you will find the courage to keep on speaking about what you feel to others. Be positive and take it one day at a time.
Blank- I like Nate and Carson was raised in a very strict religious family. I was raised pentecostal. Always hope for the best buddy because self hatred will kill you. My family very luckily embraced me, I lost friends but I gained valuable friends and I'm now 12 years married to my husband and we are the greatest thing on earth, Fathers! Everyday gets better and family IS possible!
I Love you both so much!! Thank you for being such amazing individuals
When I was a kid, I was very confused. I pray to God everyday to give me a light of who I am. I cried a lot. But after 6 or 7 years of feeling weird, I understood that no matter how hard I try to deny my truth it'd come and hit me in my face. After accept myself, I was relieved and start to loving myself, to feel proud of who I am. It's much easier to give yourself a chance to follow your heart and your feelings... If the guy that wrote the letter need some help, feel free to contact me or a friend or a support line in your country. Don't face it alone. I promise you, it'll get better!
Don't waste your life worrying about what others think or living in fear. Avoid negative people by surrounding yourself with those who will inspire you. You're not going to please everyone, so you're better off pleasing yourself. By living truthfully, you'll attract genuine people who will love and respect you for who you are.
Dear Blank, you are not even close to being in the boat alone. I was so afraid, I hid my feelings and struggled with them for over 20 years. And when I finally did slowly start coming out to people, I realized (a lot of times) that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, a lost a few friends, but I gained countless more. Both of my parents went to their graves not knowing who I was deep inside. My siblings found out less than 2 years ago, and I wondered why I had waited so long. I'm here for you, and praying for you. Peace and love!
Dear Blank, understand they are different stages to accepting who are you as your true self. I went through the same stage you're going through right now and my main piece of advice is to surround yourself with people who care about you regardless of who you are. It took me about 11 years (24 now) to come out and it took me 3 years to tell my best friend.
I'm sure it's similar to everyone here in that once you come out of accept who you are it's the BIGGEST weight off your shoulders. I always struggled with my weight and once I came out all the stress holding me back has drastically allowed me to improve my self and well-being. My biggest piece of advice is to take your time accepting or understanding who you are because when you do it at your own pace then with time your general life will improve.
Asking and exploring if a person is gay is the worse thing in the world if you're alone...friendless, and with no family for support. Carson, you had your faith in a higher power, and I'm sure your Mother to turn to. Nate, I haven't heard about much of your coming out experience. But! this person sounds alone and afraid to face himself. He should be encouraged to seek the wise counsel of others, both lay and professional to see the larger picture. He is alive, he is loved by a higher power. It's not the end of the world, though he may characterize it that way. The important thing is for others to reach out to him right now so that he will not be overwhelmed by a darkness from which he may not come out of.
I wish I could talk directly to this person because I'd just want to say it's all about what you want and not what others around tell you to want. I always knew I didn't want to be with men, and before I came out I was scared I'd have to be in a relationship and fake how I was feeling. just the thought of that made me miserable. When I realized I might be gay, it was a relief. I knew why I didn't like men and knew I'd never have to fake anything. I could just be me. Just think about what you want and what makes you happy.
Universities can help with coming out discussion groups. 20 years ago + this has been a good outlet to talk about it and meet others going through the same experience. Even if you haven't decided what you identify as.
"Blank" I was 'older' when I eventually came out to my family & friends. Like you I was consumed in fear about my truth and paralyzed by that fear. When I finally made the move to talk with my family (they were the most important people in my life so there was my biggest fear) it was personally stressful but at the same time liberating. First I told my parents; I spoke from a position of a son they had raised with solid moral values who cared for and respected my fellow humans. I knew enough to not ruin the life of a beautiful woman by lying and living that lie with her just to live as my peers and my brothers lived. To do that to an innocent girl; to take her away from a chance to live a life with a different man who could love her fully as the woman and mother she could be I wasn't that selfish. So selfish to build a facade just to fit in with all those around me. My father was very hurt. Not as you might think; he was hurt because there was so much of my life he didn't get to share with me because I separated my 'real' life from my 'Gay' life. Mom feared for my future. With no children who would I have to share & care in my mature years? That is a fact we face, those of us with no children. My brothers, they responded very much as did my parents ( I am one of four sons ). You will come out to people you trust first and that will become the base upon which you will stand to come out to the others in your life. As the guys said, we ALL have been where you are right now. You are loved; you have value; you are worthy. Most of all, you are not alone.
hey blank , all i can say is " do you " and let everyone else do themselves. with that attitude you will attract the right kind of people you need in your life.
I can relate to this video. I realized I was gay in my late teens, I'm almost 30 and I'm still hiding for the most part. Within the last year or so I've gotten alittle better.. I've told a small handful of people but I still don't know how to act on it or be it, if that makes sense. I love your guys content and it definitely helps. So thank you! Keep it up.
Dear Blank, I feel the same way you do. I'm 27, Catholic, and gay. I've been longing for a meaningful relationship ever since I was in elementary school and have yet to fill that void. I struggle with depression and drug abuse because I've been suppressing my feelings, hoping, praying, that there's some way out of being gay. I've sacrificed many years of my life, ones that could have been filled with joyful memories...only to live in denial in order to please God and my family members. It feels like my heart, the charisma I once had is fading...and those same people I've aimed to please are indifferent to my suffering and don't understand why I'm unhappy all the time.
I would like to share one piece of advice if I may...and this advice is something that I've failed to follow: PLEASE DO NOT WASTE TIME.
Life is precious and you deserve to live life to the fullest. If you are gay, you must learn to not care what others think, believe, or say. This is so very important for you to thrive in this life. Life is short. The sooner you answer this question in your heart, the sooner you can move forward with your life and feel peace. I'm sorry to rant- I just feel for you and don't want you to suffer as I have.
Peace and love to you buddy. Stay strong and just know that you're not alone. ;)
I noticed something was different about me when I was in 4th grade (9-10 yrs old). A year later I noticed boys were catching my eye a lot. The next year is when I heard gay/homosexual and it was this "ah ha!" moment that I understood what was going on with me. It was such a relief to have a name to go with these feelings. That relief was short lived though because I already knew there would be conflicts with my family and our religious beliefs. I confided in a friend and they helped me so so much. Long story short, they and our church still love and accept me, but it took another 4 years after finding my identity to accept it and tell everyone.
For anyone struggling with this part of their identity, I highly recommend finding people who truly care about you no matter your sexual orientation. Also, being LGBT doesn't have to be everything you're about. Being gay is just a part of who I am. It doesn't define me, just who I'm attracted to.
Well said Nate and Carson! Dear Blank first know you are loved and accepted by many for who you are and know you are a beautiful person. Just be honest with yourself and live your life and be you for you. A lot of us have been where you are and asked ourselves the same question. I dated girls throughout school, even when I had the self realization I was gay, just because I was trying to fit in to society and my families expectations. Doing that I wasn't happy. I finally accepted myself and claimed my identity and said forget what others think, this is my life and it is who I am. I have never been happier. Those who love you will accept you and be there for you. Those who don't will leave and you might have that happen, but trust me it's not the end of the world and you will be happier in the end. Surround yourself with those who support and lift you up. You will be good. This is how you were created and who you are and there is nothing wrong with you. You are you and that is perfect and beautiful. Hugs.
I Applaud You Both For Taking Time To Bring Up This Issue. I Hope Blank Found His Way Out Of His Darkness And Into His light Of Accepting Himself And Finds Himself In A Better Stage Of Life And I Hope He Is Surrounded With Lots Of Love. You Guys Rock💖
I'm straight so can't really talk. But know those who love you won't faultier in the truth. Be you and love yourself.
Lara Tichnell hey girl you speak! The LGBT community needs to know we have allies !!
Dear blank, I struggled with who I am for years, telling myself that I didn't know. But deep down I did and was just scared. I was allowing people's opinions to decide who I was rather than make the choice myself to be who I am. Take time to focus on what you really want, away from the opinions of others. For me it was hard to admit that I was bisexual because of my homophobic father but I had to make myself happy and live the way I wanted. Those who truly love you will continue to love you if you are being true to your self. Much love ❤✌
Dear blank. Firstly you are not the norm but you are normal. Excepting ourselves for whom we are is difficult regardless of where you are on the spectrum. Embrace your differences as thankfully we are all different as being the same would so boring. Be the best person you can possible be. These guys are good examples as they demonstrate the best of human spirit.
First, thank you guys for sharing. I continuously look forward to your guys' videos and I'm amazed at the love you two exude.
To you who is struggling, I ask you not to do this alone. I tell you that you are not alone. I agree with Nate that we all struggle with things whether it be sexuality, depression, sickness, etc. Life isn't easy and as you get older you begin to realize just how hard it can be. We begin to realize that things aren't just black and white, but hundreds of thousands of shades of gray. With each honest voice, we become greater and greater; stronger and stronger. Trust yourself, trust your heart, understand that what you're feeling is normal. You are not wrong or flawed, but learning to be the perfect you. This life isn't about where we end up, because ultimately it's the same for us all; it's about where we go on the journey. All of our paths are different, but at some point they all cross. Your path is wide open for you and no one is pushing you to make a choice immediately. Take some time. Do some research. One of the hardest parts is over. You've reached out and asked for help. You are strong, you are brave, and you will figure this out. I wish I could say this will be the last struggle for you, but it won’t. With each struggle, we get stronger and stronger. We learn to be the person we were meant to be. I struggled for years. Other people had accepted my situation when I had not. I slowly realized that my unhappiness was bleeding onto others and that anger and fear were consuming my life. My ultimate realization was the most simple. We’re told that we can be anything when we grow up. We can do anything we put our minds to. This will make us happy. I was telling people that. Trusting this as truth, but denying it in my own life. Telling my sons that they can conquer the world with love, truth, and honesty all the while hiding behind a façade that I had created to deny these things in my life. I could no longer allow myself to lie to my sons, my wife, or my family. The greatest decision that I have made was not only to allow myself to be happy, but to allow EVERYONE around me to be happy as well. Again, to you who is struggling, understand that we will always struggle, life will not always be easy, and you will not always have the answers. But, you are strong, you are brave, and you will learn to be happy; whatever that may be for you.
Good luck to you and, again, don’t do this alone. Find someone to talk to or write it down. Who knows, your story could one day help another person fighting the same battle. We all love you, truly.
I agree what nate had said....I've been struggle for many years about myself....especially i attracted to both sexes....reject myself....saying why am i attracted to a male....the same sex?....but the feeling is there....at last i said to myself "you know what yes i like male and female....that's who i am....i'm not gonna lie to myself"....& i felt free like freedom after i say that....all i can say is accept who you are....don't be afraid to admit who really you are.....take courage.....do not fear.....stand for yourself & there's a lot people out there just like you and me....
It took me 2 years to accept the fact that I'm gay it wasn't an easy process. youtube helped me alot hearing so many stories,from youtubers, normal people, celebrities, athletes,etc seeing videos made me comfortable who I am .their is nothing wrong about being gay I'm happy to be a unique person
Dear blank, I'm sorry you feel this way. As for me, I knew I was different since 5th grade but I didn't know what it was or how to put a name to it, yes I was shelter but it was only because of medical reasons. This continued until my junior year of high school but event then I didnt have the courage to come out but now looking back, I wish I would have. I hope you find the way to accept and love yourself and know that there are people out there, like Nate, Carson, who can inspire you. Good luck to you
Be safe before you come out, be in a situation where you are not reliant on the people you know will reject you - no matter who they are. Be very real about it. Be very kind to your self- it is your life and only you can live it, be very kind to your parents they have built up fantasies about your life and false expectations many have very little to do with who you have sex with but may be tied to that, be kind to grandparents they've been around and seen a lot, they are from a different time, be kind to other members of your family you've had more time dealing with these questions and perceptions about what they mean than they have in regards to you. Be kind to your friends, they have you in a box that you aren't obligated to and can take it overly personal when you "jump" out of that box-even when you've been telling them for years.
You define you.
Know this, you don't have to buy what other people tell you being lgbt (etc) means. Being a furry or fuzzy (as in fuzzy wuzzy) bear is not exclusive to the gay community, doing drugs and having sex (questionable or otherwise ) is not exclusive to the gay community. There are many men who love men and who have sex with men that don't define themselves as gay or bi, paddy O'Brien (it may be 'an') has done lots of gay porn but identifies as straight. If you are getting your information from American christian religious leaders, many have a political agenda against lgbtq and have had for a long time, they have cherry picked the text to read that way and their animus is blatant if you're willing to not buy their agenda - in this situation you already know. You don't have to buy their agenda or dogma, even if it's the only world you've known - probably especially.
Its touching and interesting to what blank had to say. I'm pretty sure I'm straight and I'm not against anyone being gay. But one thing to know is... be whatever you want to be and live the type of life you want to live even if it has changed. Just remember that change is okay. If you're gay or straight and you see someone that might be either straight, gay or something else, just remember to treat that person with respect even if you don't know the person.
Dear Blank,
First of all, love and accept yourself. Don't let other people's opinion of you define you. Life has so much to offer if you're being free true to yourself. If you think you're not gonna fit in with the current people around you then it's okay. As you go on to your life you will tend to lose people anyway but those who really loves you will remain. Always consider your happiness and ofcourse your safety. Even here in the US there's a lot of places where being in a same sex relationship or just being gay as an individual are frowned upon and Im pretty sure that there are more of that in other coutries. If you think coming out will jeopardize your safety then hold on for a moment. Make yourself financially stable and move to a safer place that will accept you for who you really are. The highest point in the psychology of happiness is 'contentment'. Find a place where you can be contented of the way you live and of the people around you 😀.
This is something a lot of us deal with. I had to come to terms with it after I tried to 'change' it. I was in a Christian group and was taught about lust and homosexuality and sin. So I tried praying my homosexual desires away, and all sorts of other things that were painful and make me depressed thinking about it. After months of trying with no success I decided to stop putting myself in such pain and do what felt right at the time. I've never looked back since. It's really more about accepting yourself than anything else. That was the hardest part for me. The biggest misconception is that the people who really love you will stop doing so if you decide to not be heterosexual. Not everyone will but some people will and those people will become your support and family and will have your back when you need them. If you say you hope that you are not that's your choice and I wish you the best; but if you are gay, bi, pan etc. I hope you come to accept and love that about yourself.
Hello everyone both, first of all thank you for this video and all those which you already made. For my part I think that you made well answer or at least try to reply to this letter. It is true that each history is different, for my part I always knew that I was gay, I made my out coming near my friends when I had 14 or 15 years, then around my 18 years with my family. It is not always obvious and I think only if O has doubts as you say one can deduce an answer already from it, but it is clear that before all things it should be acknowledged above all. The council that I will be able to give seen my age it is nothing to make the unwise one and which in any event it is necessary to speak with trustworthy people who will not judge. Once again thank you the guy for all these videos. You are adorable both.Big hugs and kisses from france
In the deep south it is hard blank . I always knew I was gay ! I tried hiding my feelings , as nate said I've prayed , I cried why me , but I realized it was me , the me I was meant to be . I felt I was in a prision cell an i was suffering, I was outted in a horrible thanksgiving scenario, but what my cousin meant as harm set me free ! I dis owned him an many others but my life is way freer than where I once was . Carson is right if you are thinking then you are one of the LGBTQI community. I suggest you find a local LGBTQI community chapter to talk too. That's a great place jus to talk .. good love blank , you are not alone on your journey ! Carson & Nate thanks for the videos ! It means a lot to watch an see what we all want . A loving , committed relationship between 2 hot an fabulous guys , even if Carson refuses to listen to nate vs GPS ! Lol ...
You will know when the time is right. Been there done that. Was such a weight lifted off me and strengthened me to embrace who I am and who I was born to be. My family did not disown me or hate me for me being me. You're next Mr Blank
First off, questioning is essential in life, and the first step towards answers and peace of mind. Second, don't focus so much on the labels, because the connotations associated with them can screw with your brain, instead think of what makes you feel like truly yourself (which is a process all in itself). At first it probably will not feel comfortable, but that's just the nerves and fear of the unknown, but I promise once you pass that step, it'll feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. Like the guys said, if you're questioning then you probably have a fluid sexual orientation. I think that's the best way to start thinking about it. Finally, I would say make sure you have a support system when making these decisions. I myself come from a conservative family and couldn't come out till I had friends that I knew would have my back if something happened. I wish you all the best.
Wise words, guys. Often the problem is looking yourself in the face and saying "I'm attracted to men. If I have a relationship I would much prefer it to be with a man". Then you have to decide if and how you are going to act on that. Sometimes the first experience can be tricky. You might be nervous and panic, you might find that the first guy only wants sex, you might be disappointed in the experience etc etc. The important thing to remember is that there will almost inevitably be drawbacks somewhere along the line (that was certainly my experience), but if you're honest with yourself and keep your perspective and remain stubborn in the search for who you really are, things will work out, and your life will become deeper and more fulfilling.
When you do make that leap and are strong enough, make no apologies and definitely Show No Fear! They can smell it! Good luck Buddy.
its true we are probably the last generation with this level of prejudice- i see younger children that have incredible acceptance and understanding. Living in a "fog" can be detrimental to your mental health. That is how I ended up in the ICU for three days from a liver/kidney failure and blood poisoning while temporarily losing my ability to hear- all brought on from an overdose. I took my lack of self acceptance to the extreme and I was moments from death. For a short while I was trying to self medicate through the loneliness/self loathing/ and shame I had but I realized I was bringing this all upon myself in my own situation. I still havent fully come out on my own terms but I plan to and I feel like my soul is finally at peace without all the turmoil I put myself (and my friends and family) through. So to this anonymous person: I hope you can find peace within yourself long before it could spiral out of control. The world is right with a lot more good than what you may be afraid of.
You're right guys! We should be who we are! 🌈 also in this video, Carson is so silent and seems to be high, smiling out of nowhere while Nate is talking about serious stuff 😂
I didn't come out when I was 46. And like Carson and Mate said my life is much better. I was miserable and not am very happy. I have the love of my life and wouldn't have found him if I had not come out. You are going thru a bad time believe me have been there and it only made me stronger. And happier.
I am married now but was hard to be out with my friends but now feels much better. Still hard because some of my family members don't know yet but I am working on it. Thank you guys for sharing this with us.
To Blank, there are SO MANY PEOPLE out here that know where you are and have been there. Trust me, I was one. I hated myself for being gay in my teens, but it was an impulse I could not control. When I turned 19, I came out and embraced the gay part of me. I am proud of who I am and the community that I am part of. Never be ashamed of who you are. Being different is a beautiful thing, a powerful thing. It allows you to establish and carve out a niche specifically just for you. Be honest with yourself, rely on your friends. If not, make some. Your life is waiting for you.
LOVE the CAM down y'all's way!
Take it in steps. I had a hugely difficult time with coming terms with it for a long time, I hated being different for the longest time. I'm openly bisexual (more interested in other men though) to my colleagues, family and friends and they're totally cool with it.
I was in a terrible place before accepting it and did my absolute best to hide it. A very close family member took their own life far too young, it was a major catalyst for my decision to be open about my emotions and who I am. It sounds selfish, but it gave me the courage to fully express myself and it made me realise I should live for myself and just be, the rest of the world can deal with it.
Yes there will be people that judge you, but that is life, straight or not. Be brave and be free. Once you take that first step and tell that first person, it gets easier. It's how you will make your true friends, the ones who look straight past it will be friends for life.
Wish you all the best.
The more you focus on yourself and your own journey to find out who you truly are, the better and faster you will discover your own truth. Even though society and other people will judge you, you have to be who you truly are. And the more that you welcome your true self and then allow the light within you to shine, others will see that light and hopefully awaken from their ignorant slumber. Many blessings and stay strong!
Dear blank, I'm 38 years old, and JUST came out in June of this year. I've known I was gay since I was 14, so it took me damn near 25 years to accept myself and learn to accept myself! Coming out was literally the BEST decision I have in my entire life! As husband&husband said, there WILL be people who don't like it and therefore decide they don't like you! But, on the flip side, you'll meet some incredible new people! And you'll make all kinds of new friends! I grew up in a Christian home, and raised in a Christian church. I know all about the religious side of being gay, boy do I! I finally decided that since God created me, and He knows my heart and my desires, that being gay must not be a sin. I hope you can find the courage to answer your own question "Am I gay?" And learn to love and truly embrace your life and the person you love!!! Blessings to you sweety.
i am gay as well i went through a stage where i was not happy with myself and i was trying to date girls that was not happy with. I would cry every night because i thought something was wrong with me i am now happy as ever i actually live in virginia and i am now engaged to my dream man!!! so i do think that there is a certain way to get through this hard stage of finding yourself. But plz do this searching in a safe way. love you guys excited for the next vid!!!
You guys make we want to cry...with happiness. I have been a friend of the LGBT+ community for many years and remember many, many years ago when being a member of that community was a secret that many took to their grave. My oldest and dearest friend, truly my soulmate, came out to me when I was 18 and he was 20....that was 36 years ago and I still remember the fear in his voice (back then you could be fired for it). The people that we worked with had started rumors about him and it was making his life a living hell. Everyone would talk about him and not TO him. I was super young and naive but figured I owed it to him to speak to him about it like a human being. I said to him, "I have something I want to ask you." And he responded, "I have something I want to ask you--does it matter?" And in that moment I realized the utter stupidity of being someone's friend one moment and then changing your mind the next just because of their sexual orientation. I mean, it just struck me as just absolutely ludicrous. Since that day in 1981 we have been side by side through an HIV diagnosis (his), a horrible divorce (mine), and the loss of a parent (both of us). We've shared the happy times, confided in each other, cared for each other, and I've been lucky enough to have him as role model for my children even after I remarried. This video makes me think of how much I would have lost had I decided to discard my best friend on that day 36 years ago just because he was gay. I guess this is a very long way of my saying to "Blank" that anyone who doesn't like you just because you're gay stands to lose out on a lifetime of friendship and caring. I speak from experience when I say that, if that does happen, it will truly be their loss. I hope this helps.
Carson, you are a beautiful guy, but honestly your heart and your gentle soul is what's heartfelt and attractive. I like how gentle you are, easy going, you seem so grounded in who you are. All traits in a man that I hope to run across one day. Unlike the past LOL Never change, be who you are, and always be with one that truly appreciates you for the good man you are. Your mom did a beautiful job raising her sweet son! Who knows maybe I'll run across you in Raleigh one day...I'm in Cameron Village...and hope I see that on the camera that is the real you in life too. Take care!
It's always hard, I came from a religious family and have felt this, find someone who won't care and tell them, it'll be so much better
Carson and Nate, love your channel. Wish I had had people like you around when I was younger!
One thing that helped me come out was to find support. Whether its other gay people or straight allies, there is a massive amount of accepting people out there who will love you for who you are. It took me awhile to get used to but when I no longer had to hide, to pretend to be someone I was not I truly felt like myself. But at the end of the day I had to be happy with who I was. I always knew I was gay at an early age, that was the easy part. How other people would react was the scary part. This was also 25 years ago and the country was a MUCH different place when it came to LGBT issues back then.
The only thing that I can say is that you should just take your time and think it through. it is not a quick process. it really depends on you though because a lot of factors can hinder or hasten it. I was just really lucky and blessed that I only have to come out to a specific group for our self-awareness session. I didn't have to come out to my parents because they already knew but it could be a different story for you. Once you're comfortable then maybe that's the right time for you and always remember to love yourself no matter what. People can make assumptions about you but its your own perception of yourself that truly defines who you are and the rest is just background noise.
It is so oversaid, but it really does get better. Live your most authentic life and love yourself.
I hope the letter writer is safe and successful on their journey . Here's a quote I found as a teen and has served me well since.
“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.”
― James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
I knew I was gay when I was 5 years old but I didn't come out til I was 26. I spent all those years in the closet and afraid to come out. I also went to a church that preached being gay was wrong. Every time the preacher said that I thought to myself, "wow, he is talking about me". When I finally came out to my sister it made me feel a little better but was uncertain how my parents would react. I had the opportunity to move to another state not long after I came out and I took it. To come out to my parents was going to be tough. So I mailed a letter to my sister for her to read to them. They took it better then I thought, I was so relieved. After they knew I really didn't care what anyone else thought. Both my parents have passed, I am so glad that they knew before they passed. Coming out is the hardest thing I ever did. You have to be true to yourself, when that happens you will be happy. Hope the best for Blank.......
Being from a small town it was very taboo subject i made it known that i was gay when i was 18. I wanted to say be yourself listen to your heart and mind. There is world out there filled with pwople who love u for just the way you are. I know there is hate out there. But we all love u. Watching videos really just makes me say everything is going to be ok.
More blessings to you guys!! You're inspiration to everyone 😍🙏🏽
hi Blank
I remember this question posed within. It is more difficult being a gay man. Disappointment... from ourselves, from our friends, family, and co-workers. But it is a genetic trait. So acceptance is crucial to self esteem and happiness. Living in the right places in America is very important to a better life. Potentials for happiness are greater than ever before.
I was in denial for a long time thinking I just wanted to look like the guys I was attracted too. The best thing you can do is come out. If your in an environment that it's dangerous for you to come out then try to get out of there as soon as possible. But most people feel like there in a bad environment to come out because of the fear they have. Most people won't have a problem with you being gay especially if they know you already. I'm Hispanic and come from a super macho family and not one person had a problem with it. It's like my dad told me. At the end of the day you are a man and people need to respect you as a man.