For decades I mistook "honour' with "obey". My mother was abusive and narcissistic. Her demands on me were unlimited. She set me up to fail. When I challenged her, I was told I had to 'honour' her. That does not mean obey every demand. I honoured my mother by leaving and making my own contribution in the world rather than staying as her personal slave where God's purpose for my life would never be realized. By living my life honourably, I bring honour to my parents.
Wow. Your reflections are profound and I think you’re right. Will need to continue thinking on this because I think you just blew my mind and hopefully helped me move forward. 🩵
How can you honor a parent when they're not even honorable... My mother punches me in the chest and says FU and I'm an adult... No one deserves that treatment but she tells my sister she deserved it😢
@@sandrawelch4893 You honour her by not becoming her. You become a better person than she is. So despite how bad she is, she has a daughter who has integrity. If it helps, replace 'honour your mother' with 'be a credit to your mother'.
Ty Rabbi so much for clarifying this. I come from childhood trauma and I’ve never heard this discussed. I went NO CONTACT from my parents over 20 years ago. My childhood was hell. Christians told me “how could u disrespect ur parents like this”? The question should have been “how could my parents commit a disgusting act on a 5 year old child “? I have left all organized religion also bc of no support in my recovery process. Subbed.
Those that said that to you were ignorant and cold hearted. I’m so sorry that you were hurt in what should have been a safe place. I’ve also been hurt by church people. They are just people. Forgive them and work on your Faith. Don’t let someone’s words rob you of a relationship with God. You are so worth a life of Faith ❤
I left my narcissistic family system (mother, father, brother) at 47 after G-d said to depart and not be entangled anymore. My church community said Have you forgiven them?! They did not understand by my separating from their abuse I was preventing them from actively sinning against me and protecting myself from being sinned against. I was suffering physically and emotionally. There was a current smear campaign going on as I the scapegoat walked out. Does that make me the giraffe? As in now I can be who I am -walking tall-without shame. I’m so sorry for your experience. Religion hurts. But a real & raw relationship with the Most High heals. Sometimes the most honor comes by honoring G-d and walking out of dishonoring situations like you did. When you do that you are loving G-d and your neighbor.
@@CC-wy1gn Proud of your love for yourself.Excellent🙌🙌More people need to have healthy self esteem for themselves like you,now you can teach this to other.
there are conditions in order to be forgiven - did narcs ask for forgiveness, did they offer remuneration ? no - so according to the Bible you do not owe them forgiveness - you leave them to God and to his judgment. Besides forgiveness can be done for some act but not deliberate years of abusing child - this is not a sin - this is in order to damage and kill a child - this is a pure wicked deliberate consistent evil. smakintosh channel is referring to this abuse of Bible teachings in case you are interested (th-cam.com/video/vUAzRZmKd0s/w-d-xo.html)
I remember years ago reading: " How can you honor the dishonorable? " R. Masters. So instead of not honoring at all. I honor with some distance in between.
My father is one of the wisest men whom I know, a true sage. And he has dedicated his life for me. And I am extremely blessed, to have such a supporting father. He is in fact probably the only thing that ties me to the material world.
I am sure you realise by now (even just be listening to this sermon and reading some of the comments) how rare and lucky your childhood has been in that respect. You have a wonderful legacy from your dad, go sow the seeds everywhere and spread the blessings. 🙏❤️
I’m not Jewish, but I absolutely love your sermons! I really appreciate the wisdom and truth shared, thank you. 🙏🏼🥰 BTW, I’m the black sheep of my Mormon family.🥴😁
Wow, sir. You elucidate these dynamics so clearly. Please keep speaking about this. It's time something is said (truthfully and in a tactful manner) about emotionally immature parents and their parasitic/incestuous feeding off of their children. This is one of the main reasons why generational trauma just continues - no accountability and selfishness on the part of the parents. Many parents simply expect 'respect' or 'gratefulness' from their kids for simply providing what the law (human and divine) requires of them for voluntarily bringing children into this world. (That's your innate responsibility as a parent - to take care of your children and show them how to make it in the world - expecting something in return is sick and twisted).
I love all my "U Tube mentors". Im a taoist , married a Christian,best friend is Muslim, the teachings the Torah have enriched my life tremendously. I feel that being open to diverse ideas and people affords one to adopt what works best for themselves personally.
I come from a broken family, being 34 and still having some issues to solve (issues which have affected me since my childhood) thank you very much for spending the time to share Torah knowledge regarding these complicated issues ❤
Thank you. This was healing to hear acknowledged. I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I love hearing from my Jewish brothers because you have a more accurate old testament. I believe it has retained some beautiful simple truths that Christianity is missing. Thank you for sharing these valuable thoughts, in English, with us gentiles. I'm deeply grateful 🙏
Unfortunately Joseph Smith changed who Jesus is in the Bible. NEVER said Jesus and Satan were brothers. And never never did Jesus say you are going to become a God. Joseph Smith book of Abraham is a lie. It's been proven a made up story. Satan wants to cloud your mind with such lies from Joseph S He was visited by angel of light. His family's history of the occult opened him up to demonic visions. I'm happy you see truth in teachings here
My childhood was a living hell, yet as a child that just wanted to be loved I would do anything to make my mother happy. It never worked. Not in childhood and not as an adult. I finally quit caring when her treatment continued onto my children. I then just separated from my family. Afterwards my children thanked me and shared things she did to them too (they never told me because they didn't want to hurt me),and my heart ached. that they sere treated so badly.
The biggest thing that impacted the way I treat my parents is to see how good my parents treat their parents, my grandparents. So my best advice for parents is to show the children by example how you are treating your parents with respect and gratitude, and hopefully, this is how they will treat you one day.
For those who can't do that due to toxic family systems, treat your children right and with proper respect and they will return it to you wen they're grown
I believe this is backwards. It’s putting the responsibility on the adult children to set an example by treating the parents as the parents should have been treating the adult children. Also the grandchildren learn not to have boundaries and accept bad treatment from their parents. This is backwards. I have two teenagers and I am no contact with my family of origin. I am honest with my children about the reasons for keeping my distance and they have witnessed enough to understand. I also make it a point to give my children the safety and unconditional love that I never got. We have an amazing bond just like described in the video. My son 19 always finds the right path out of sheer love and honour for me. It’s unbelievable. I explain to my children about cycles of abuse and they watch me lean and grow into a better mother every day. Like the video says it’s the parents heart that will return to the children and then the children will return to the parents. Thanks to God who has shown me the way I will never have to return to my children and my children will never have to return to their children. 🙏🏽
I found God when I became a single dad and started thinking as a giver rather than a selfish taker I grew up and sore the Devine in my children rather than bullshite wants and selfish needs...
Thank you Rabbi. Great teaching ❤❤❤ I love the lesson with Joseph seeing his father. My father died when I was twelve and left with a narcissistic mother. My father in my memory gave a sense of self.
I knew this in my heart and what I've studied. Thank you for such a validation. How do you honor people who blame you when you have cancer who spits on you hit and harm you in such a way when you're most vulnerable, people who tell you, that you are disgusting and deserve it people who would take food away from you. people who would put their child on the streets to be abused more. people who would allow the rape of their child people who reject neglect and abuse their child never giving love but always demanding obedience and servitude. people who have told you they are God people who lie on you people who would rather pay prostitutes but not their rent or for their child to go to school people who choose drugs and drinking over their child's needs people who scapegoat stone wall gaslight thank you for this
I believe that looking at the child they once were and imagining what they have been through, which doesn't mean we step in their shoes, we can't. Doesn't mean we are enabling whatever they do or say or stay close, better stay as far as we can. It helped me understand myself in the first place and then set them free for my own health, I don't deserve them.
Know that every knee will bow and that they have to take account of their life. They are hell bound currently and all you can do is stay away from them so you’re not in danger and if they call preach to them out of the Bible and pray that their hearts soften. If they hang up on you that’s on them. But you’ve done your absolute best. Pray to the Lord that he takes over parenting you and teach you the way of forgiveness and letting go. I’m in the middle of the forgiveness part and it’s the hardest thing to do to people who are not remotely remorseful and only see themselves as being right and you being wrong. Stay close to the Word of God and I pray that you heal and recover completely and live your life of self discovery and peace
Parents have responsibilities and they have a duty. If they forsake you the Lord will take over if you ask. He is the best Father and the best Mother. He loves you so much and thinks about you more than every single grain on sand on the earth. He knows every strand of hair on your head. He has a plan for you.
🎉 The Holy Spirit 🎉 Sends me most days to share with others moments of Jesus and our Father in heaven who grows closer though messages as this Rabi 😅 shared.
I so appreciate hearing your perspectives, particularly those about remembering the soul in each person, and also how our duty to each other is to enable each of us fulfill the soul purpose with which we were born. Listening, I feel inspired, thankful, and joyful. I send you a heartfelt hug and wish you many more years of sharing yourself and your wisdom with others.
I honored my parents... I had 2 parent-induced "miscarriages", and was forced to place my half-sister-daughter up for adoption for doing so to protect her from having to "honor" her father-grandfather.
@smallbeginning2 Agreed. By the time I was 12 years old, I knew I could turn him in. What kept me from doing so was my mother's health condition. She was gravely ill and needed extensive medical care. My step-dad told me that her life was in my hands. My compliance or defiance was directly related to her well-being. So, when faced with this, I told God that I would be my mother's sacrifice, if that is what kept her alive. In that moment, I agreed to become this man's concubine, out of honor for my mother. Love knows no boundaries. I would do it again if I had to! That evil being never gained access to what he desired most. He claimed my body, but he was never able to take me.
Whoa… this story. It’s mind boggling… heartbreaking. Of course you loved your mother, at 12 my mother was everything. Oh boy is life unfair, I’m tripping over this. I’m an adult and I can’t even think myself out of that situation right now, as I try to imagine myself in your circumstance. So glad you saved your daughter from the inevitable. From the pain and confusion you yourself endured. How did you… do you… cope? Just when I was feeling sorry for myself.., I read your comment. And bam! That put things in perspective. So in a way, thank you for sharing, I guess? But more importantly… I’m sorry that happened to you and I really hope you’re okay and have found happiness in spite of everything.
@alexandraedwards7315 The only way I survived was to find a point of gratefulness. I was grateful that my mother and I had shelter, food, and medical care. I understood that I was and am a spirit on a human journey. I recognized this man wanted to possess my soul, not my body. No matter how often he beat me, he dominated me, or he claimed me, he never possessed me. I made my decision motivated by unconditional love. I do not regret my past, nor do I hate the man. If I allowed pain, regret, or hate to reside within me, then this man would have possessed my true self. That inner being who guides me, who comforts me, and who strengthens me, would have become someone who I do not want to be. In my darkest and weakest hours, I placed my spirit in my Lord's hands. I cried, Jehovah Nissi, you are my Banner, you are my Mighty Warrior, and you are my Victor. Whom shall I fear? I asked Jehovah Shalom to bring me peace, to comfort me. When my soul was empty, I opened my hands to El Shaddai, the one who poured forth love to nourish me. I was never alone for residing in me was the True Essence of Elohim! Every experience has strengthened and enhanced my life. The hardship and trials molded me and shaped me to be who I am. Blessings! Kimberly D. Forrest
How many parents are there out there that have no idea how to be a parent. Maybe every parent to be needs to attend classes on how to be a caring respectful parent. Too many children growing up with trauma due to unhealthy parenting. These cycles need to stop. Thank you Rabbi.
Morning Rabbi, I know we’re different but I will always feel a strong similarity that is of God. In general regards to others, I was taught to forgive 7 times in a day. What I missed in the text was to forgive those who have repented first , an acknowledgement to wrong doing / sin. Any true form of IM SORRY should suffice. No I’m not at all saying scorn your parents for everything those unapologetic jerk faces did... Satan is a deceiver with many tricks as tools; so do not fall prey to toxic loyalty as it can very likely turn from bitterness and ultimately into hatred, which is how we become alienated from the right path overall. Even if you never get that apology , you must seek peace , and if you can pray for enemies, imagine how much you should be praying for your parents. Be the best quality of person you can be, in honour of your parents.
Mashiach has come, The Spirit of Truth whom the world can not receive. Insightful teaching thank you, the One whom they pierced was the first to expose the narcissistic hypocrisy of those in control of the vulnerable. Even His parents neglectfully lost Him, and His family also stood without, rejecting Him. Thank you for birthing salvation to us gentiles, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Shalom to you and all you hold dear 🙏🕊🔥🕎🇮🇱
Be not wise in You own eyes but fear the lord and depart from evil. Departing from familial evil is a form of honor to Hashem and by extension to parents.
Just so people can realise how this emotional inc*est thing is so true, my narcissistic mother went through three divorces and used to call me "the home therapist" when I was maybe 9 or 10 years old. In adolescence for whatever reason I got interested in incestuous pornography, and up to my young adulthood (up this year, actually) I often had these incestuous wet dreams, and we those happened, I knew we'd have a fight that day. It's awful, but it's true.
Ha tantas nuances para essa situação. Mas acho que o principal é mesmo o sentimento sobre se os pais fazem por você (ainda que de forma muito errática) ou se estão fazendo apenas por eles mesmos...
The reason someone should give to the less fortunate is to give them hope.....right now there is alot of hypocrisy in these religions...alot of people that are in any kind of religion are selfish..me me me..🤑🤑🤑🤑
I thought honor your parents means that you take care of them financially and in other ways when they are old. I have never understood this to mean that you obey your parents into adulthood and let them infantanilize you
"People won't care what you say until they know you care." Unfortunately, we, human beings, are not wired that way at all. We listen to those we care about - not those who care about us. That is why celebrities have such influence, why the Jone's opinion about us matters so much, why an unloving parent can destroy a child's sense of self-worth... I need not prove that celebrities do not care a stone about their fans as individuals, that the Jones' seldom think about your welfare, and that, as you've expressed it, an unloving parent is more concerned about their own need than the needs of their offspring. Most of us have no difficulty in thinking about several instances when our caring deeply for someone did not at alll give us their attentive listening.
I understand, I am not a parent, but humans are not robots, I do not think that crying in front of your child or being sincere is wrong or the fact that it touches your soul also the communication with the child is wrong. Too much filosofy I believe. You are right in many aspects, but there can be parents who show their problems, and that is how children learn what life is about. Parents shouldn't lie to their children either, shouldn't bullshit them. You
The relationships were all ruled by the narcissist and even though I did not lean on my children they felt leaned on because the lack of communication and silence was a killer and everyone was hurting even though I did my best as a God loving mom. The narcissist was in control and as adult educated children they chose to protect the narcissist. I sent educational materials over the years in hopes that there would be understanding, repentance, forgiveness for my leaving (not for another man) I was always faithful to my marriage, but left for my emotional well being and could not be a part of the continued emotional abuse. I am up in years and so I decided to tell them not to refer to me as MOM.
Dear Rabbi thank you for such important content. I grew up with both narccissitic parenrs who sexually abused me, mentally, physicallly, and spiritually. I was raised as a slave who had no right for anything besides pleasing my parents crazy minds and fantasis. In the past 5 yrs been trying hard to help them do Tikun Nefesh so we can be a happy and healthy family but unfortunately it all went to the trash and made my mental health worst. I stopped my contact with my dad whos in prison, and i dont know how to keep a healthy contact with my mother who also claims i dont honor her just because i am no longer whilling to continue this sick cycle. I cant find myself in this world especially now that i do eevrything i can to break this generational curse and narcissistic cycle so my sisters can have a proper future. Its like theres too muvh distraction over and over that takes all my powers away and i feel like theres no way to keep contact with parents without wanting to killmyself over ans over again. What do i do? I am hopeless
Dear Joseph, I am sorry and sad to read about all you have had to endure and suffer from those who brought you into the world. You sound like the voice of wisdom and maturity in your family. Besides which you clearly also have a generous sense of responsibility for the safety of your sisters. Despite all that was harming and working against you. I, as a reader of your post, hope and pray you will stay especially close to your spiritual roots and G-D. May you seek and find all the resources you could want and need to continue to be strong, wise, discerning, level headed and courageous. May you be blessed beyond measure with all of your personal and therapeutic needs and wants being met abundantly. If you are not aware of the value of Boundaries in relationship to others, in your case your parents that may be a direction to explore. You were never meant to and don't have to continue to sacrifice yourself. Learning about personal boundaries can help on your journey. The story of Abraham and Issac and G-D's alternative sacrificial provision may have some meaning for you. All the best to you always. May G-D lead you forward in LOVE PEACE RESTORATION AND HEALING.
I truly wish that my parents were a) Jewish so that they could b) have listened to this message c) so that they would have given me a better sense of self and confidence .
but you re-raise yourself now, and become the most amazing you all the time. You are your child, and you are GOD's child. And you are loved beyond your capacity to understand. Your sense of self will grow, and your confidence too. consistent re-raising of you. God bless you, dear one. You are strong and gifted this opportunity , as hard as that can be to hear. You will surprise yourself, and develop a deep sense of self. And a true, not fake, confidence. A balanced you.
It is HaShem who deals the reward or punishment for this only Command. None of the Decalogue carries a reward or punishment, but this one. "The land 'I' will give to you.". 'I' is not the Rambam. 'I' is HaShem.
What you said about teenagers made me feel physically ill and the joke made it worse. I hate the stigma against teenagers. They aren’t naturally angsty is just typically the age you find out how well you actually did at raising them to be likable and respectful.
My parents sat me down at 12 years old and asked me if I thought I knew right from wrong. They explained that this was a time when many parents made lots of new rules for their teenagers. After hearing that I knew the difference, they said, that I should expect to gave permission to do what I wanted so long as they did not think it dangerous. The only thing they asked was that I tell them where I was going and with whom and leave the home number of my friends. If I went elsewhere, I would call and tell them where I was. They gave me so much freedom that I would never have betrayed their trust. That I believe is how one honors our parents.
My parents did something similar. They certainly has rules, which got looser as we matured; they also had clearly understood consequences for breaking the rules, and before meeting out discipline, they would discuss with us what the transgression was, and how it should be handled. I learned to take responsibility for my actions from a very young age, and when I do something "wrong" it's a conscious choice and I'm prepared to endure the consequences.
That is invisible to their eyes.Some parents want respect and the role goes with acting respectful.They see the child as less of a human being and they the adult as a God but they are not a God.
@@sunnyadams5842 parent and sibling for me, not both parents. hard to heal but we can do it. You know now, the REAL truth. You were never the broken one. I wish you happy, liberated healing now.
Yess...🙏 smh 😔😢that we have wounds that never heal sitting in the churches congregation. A lovely way of making us feel like peasants while parents always put on the fuckin padistol 🤬😡
One thing is for certain and that’s the parents feel they are always right regardless of the truth based solely on age and the commandment of honoring thy parents. I have finally accepted this fact and my broad shoulders have become more comfortable with this yoke of inconvenient truth. Please forgive them Heavenly Father as they know not what they do
My parents gave me everything when I was growing up. I’m 33 years old now and realize that I lived most my life in the Hansel and Gretel story. - everything looks good from the outside of the candy house but inside is where the witch (my mother) was making me fat of all types of lies, self egocentric believes and manipulation so that unconsciously she could eat my soul for her own validation and sake … I grew up with no self confidence and couldn’t think for my self until about 5years ago. I still like my parents for the good parts. I also have gratitude towards them but they’re not my best friends. -Don’t be scared to say no guys. Your boundaries are the container of a healthy soul.
Same here … figured it out when my dad became sick of cancer and my brother startet to acting out like a vicious brat against me and turned all the family against me just to get also my share of our inheritance. After I did a therapie I started to see through all the bs and why I always felt not too attached to my family … cause I was different - the truthteller … oh boy would I‘ve run when i had already knew what will come after me the following years. It has cost me a family by myself and 8 years of my life
I went through this as a child. I realized I wasn’t prepared for life when I was about 18 and was seen as easy prey wherever I went by the most toxic people in any environment. That began a lifelong quest for my identity. In the end, I tried to be free and my mother tried to destroy me. All I ever heard growing up was how much she was sacrificing and how miserable her life was. I’ve never experienced motherly love. I’m now in my 40s and have had to cut her off. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but it was necessary. I’m a mother now, and I am trying to do things the right way. As the family scapegoat, I am the one who broke free. This message needs to go viral.
Rabbi, I'm not Jewish and I am being tremendously blessed by your teachings. I did not have narcissistic parents but your teachings have been so helpful. As parents and children, we need to walk in humility and an abundance of love. Thank you for your ministry.
I will simplify this somewhat. Because ive deeply meditated on this. I believe many parents misconstrue worship with honor. Its honor thy father and thy mother not worship thy father and thy mother. Honor is about a moral level of respect and dignity. Worship is what many insecure immature maybe narsasistic parents expect from a child or children thats when we run into problems.
I watched this after watching the scapegoat/cycle breaker video. I grew up in a narcissist family system and am working to end the cycle. On my daughter's 16 birthday she sent her father and myself a text that made both of us cry and helped me realize I am breaking the cycle.
Such a wonderful comment. I also come from a disfunctional family. I have also seen the video you mentioned and then came here. Saddly, I don't have the same experience. I am breaking the cycle, by not having children. And I am still broken at 48 years old. I am a Catholic, and yes this is the generation. We will see God's Mercy and Healing. God bless.
You know life is pretty good and maybe you’re on the right track of being a good parent when your own kids say loving or respectful or thoughtful things to you, your father their siblings or do certain things for other family members, and sometimes with you that never in a million years could have ever happened in the family you grew up with. That they feel comfortable around you, that they are happy to spend time with you.
Rabbi....it really difficult to honor parents who have not shown you as a child or an adult respect. But respect and honor are expected of you. Being reminded of how much they have done for you??? Except for the necessities of life...food...clothing...shelter . No love, compassion, empathy. I attempted to be a good daughter for yrs but it was never enough. ( The heavy burdens and anger they raised up in me was terrible). Narcissist patents are to worst. I removed myself from the Abuse at age 44yrs and walked away. Sad but necessary. Being TRAMA Bonded to someone is the worst. Thank you!!
@@ThingsILike12 Yes, I am also learning this powerful technique. Hate and anger actually keep us attached to them. Loving them from a distance is a superpower I am learning. For right now, it's a process, but one day I will get to the point where I don't create any negative emotions at all when I think of them. One day soon I hope.
No love? If they weren’t loving you, you wouldn’t pass the week 1 of your life. What a bunch of ungrateful people you are. Love is show in clothes, food, medical care, etc. But at some point you should grow up and fill your own holes
@@JohnSmith-ks5xwi wish i could find that peace,its like my mother is my energy vampire,bit when i come from compassion and empathy and love,im not affected,but i allow jer to trigger me,i will do good for up to six seven days,then bam im teiggered,i think i harboe deep resentment,but im conscious of it and working on it.
Rabbi, I think I gained more therapy and healing in regard to my own childhood in this one talk / teaching, than I have in any therapist's office. You also validated my practice for when I'm with my nephew. As I'm not a parent, I never know if I am doing the right thing by him. I believe it is every adults job to protect and guide the children, any child, no matter where they come from. And not to burden them with our own worries. Thank you, thank you. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon your channel!
It's not cute,not pretty, when this parent is your94 yr old mother! This messes with your head so bad it makes you crazy trying to figure the whole mess out. When you are the last child to abandon them for your own sanity. Honor your parent do it from a distance to protect yourself.Their NEEDS are more than you can deliver and they see it as your problem.
Go back and listen to the worst kind of abuse and emotional incest then and only then can you come to me and apologize. Until then I will not accept guilt manipulation done by a stranger!!@@ShiyghanNyuysiysi
@@ShiyghanNyuysiysiI agree and I wish all people to understand this, but I think she’s saying there’s been a lifetime of psychological strain that has burdened them, causing her siblings to abandon the source, their mother, and she is all that’s left to honor her mother in spite of herself. And this is the warning he gives us… the sad state we may encounter when we impose upon our children in ways that are not appropriate. If only they could all be arguing over who “gets” to take care of their parent(s). Ahh a perfect world.
Wow! Please more on this parenting topic!!! I have been emotionally leaning on my daughters too!!! I will stop this asap!!! Please speak more on how to fix , heal and mend!
🥺💔 I thank God for waking me up and allowing me to shed the belief that I was born to protect my mother. She allowed me to be abused from a very young age, and i felt like it was my job to keep her safe. Sick stuff. Only took 38 years to walk away.
And you are loved beyond your ability to comprehend. And I pray that you always work to re-parent yourself, and that you are led to exactly what it takes , each and every day. For you to know. that you are SO important. and your best days are to come. Always honor yourself deeply. re-parent. make this a habit. and talking aloud to yourself, too, the body and mind and heart hears this. it matters. YOU matter so very much. You will have very good things. retrain the mind, and bit by bit by bit with consistency. Heal , and know that you are the most important child of God - the most important a child can be. Really do the re-parenting. The kingdom of heaven is within, and I pray for your full healing and full self-full-ness.
Bless you...this year ends 40 years of me trying to prove my value and worth in the Earth to the mother of my birth...I am Enough according to the God of More than Enough
It took me 40 years to realise the narcissism in my family. I don't know if I can completely heal from the damage done. But I have promised myself to break the cycle.
I’ve been seeking Abba on for answers. Ur lesson helped me so much. No matter what I love my parents and honor them. No matter what has happened I could never wish upon or return evil for evil. Now they need me and I pray that serving their needs will help me find peace.
Parents sometimes make mistakes. Honor is not the same as obey. I love my parents dearly, they are not perfect though and neither am I. A wonderful lecture.
Seems so desperate to become a decent and honourable of parent. But like an express train You dropped out unexpected way Train had reached it's destination almost. No longer a child. Isn't that too late to become A parent again? I am just looking for my son a decent girl with morals as good human beings as his girlfriend. Who could give a birth to good cultural a baby or good citizen in order to creating world with civilized people not a as monster as you.
God bless you! I had a horrific childhood as a child of divorced parents. Under my mother’s roof I suffered physical abuse under her fathers roof I suffered sexual abuse. My father fought for custody of me after my step dad shot my mother. So I never even thought his parenting was lacking and I always believed I was a burden, no value and damaged beyond repair. I was the family scapegoat placed in the role by my step mother. Took me 48 years to recognize this, and just as soon as I recognized it, I realized I had done the same to my daughter. I was so blinded by my role as “corrector and authority “ I dropped the ball when it came to building my children up. Now I just want my dad and step mom to hear me out and acknowledge the affect they had on my identity but they refuse. Knowing how that opens the door for healing, I do all I can to right that wrong to my kids. They are young adults now but I build them up like I should have done from the start, wishing I could go back and start over. But recognizing the generational dysfunction, I believe my kids will break the chain when they have kids! I thank you for sharing this with me!
so wonderful you being aware and changing things.. now we have tools. re-parent you. honor you and give yourself grace as you keep un-learning and learning anew. God bless.
As somebody with a narcisstic father, this was challenging to listen to at times. The image of how my father sees me has the opposite effect of giving me moral courage. But, this talk was very illuminating since I hope to be the one that breaks the cycle
Thank you very much. This is the best explanation on what parenthood is, I ever heard. I'm a mother and grandmother, and I will definitely take these teachings to heart and implement. Thanks again.
Little explanation; I grew up in a Catholic family, the youngest child of seven. I was praying for guidance so my family could be different than the one I grew up in. I couldn't find anyone who would explain it to me without putting even more guilt on me. Then your teaching pops on my screen. I know I have a lot to learn, but at least I know that God pointed me in your direction.
Thank you for this great video! I already wrote about this experience, and it might be of some use: I spent some years in Italy, I am from Romania, and I heard more than once from the people I worked for or lived with, not so intimate relationship, that my parents must be very proud of me for the way I was brought up. I am a scapegoated child, and my parents were never proud of me, to say the least. I used to cry when I was by myself , thinking, "If you only knew." It down on my then that this must be what honouring your parents must have been meant. I believe we are honouring ourselves in the end. Thank you gratefully, Rabi, for your videos and the effort you put into making them. ❤
Thank you for this discussion. It is eye opening. I remember reading "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok and there were a lot of problems going on, but the Father told his son to not worry and to focus on his school work( the Son's school work). Suggestion: A talk on how to cope with slander would be beneficial for many people. Peace.
I grow up seeing my mother never grateful for anything my father or anybody does for her,my father spend his whole life trying to please my mother anytime i think of my fathers struggles my heart hurts,he got hypertension very earlier and its like i have taken over him to satisfy my mother and siblings,no matter what i do for her its never enough or am a good person for a moment,she believes its my responsibility to take care of my other 6siblings who are just ungrateful like her.its break me everyday,only my father understands my pain and advice me to take care of myself first and quit trying to please her so I don't end up like him... I really pity my father he was such a loving father and a good husband. What if she speaks curses over my life if I don't always give her what she wants
My father was the same he died 15ys ago at 88. Many strokes took a lot from him over the years but it never took his love for me. I remember asking my mother how she felt about it, Her reply was it was a blessing, God did it cause SHE had suffered enough. He tried to tell me something was wrong but didn,t know the words to describe a covert. Education has to be the answer.
no fear and take it all to God. Caste out the fear or perceived curse - and bless bless bless you. Pray for your protection ~ and work on affirming good sayings: I am healing. I am finding my way. God has me. I will know what to do. Good things. Do your best to let go of stress and responsibility. Just BE. and work to be calm and let go of worry. that's been put on you. so work always to release it to God. and pray for your own health and energy field,, to be clean and to make good habits... lay down the burden anywhere you can. you matter so much. break the patterns. and "they' won't like it. But God will be proud , I believe! You will set a good example by not allowing to be shaken. Cry in private, talk to God, and ask for answers. They will come.. along and along. lay down the burden anywhere you can. God bless you.
Proverbs 26, 2 Like the sparrow in her wandering, like the swallow in her flying, So the curse without cause does not come and alight [on the undeserving
Thank you once again. I’m so glad that I stumbled onto your channel. This is my second video. The other was about the unique relationship one has with Gd as a result of narcissistic abuse. Because of that dynamic, I have struggled to understand the Biblical command of honoring your parents. It has felt like a massive mountain to climb, especially where my mother is concerned. Many times I have found myself not knowing how to brindle that gap at all, especially with what she has done in the wake of the loss of my father. In recent time, I have come to the conclusion, the only way that I can possibly honor her (she has completely cut off all contact with me) is to live my life to the very best of my ability, and to make a positive impact on the world around me. I have always gravitated toward public service, and altruistic volunteerism. So, I feel that in this way, letting “my Light shine” I am honoring her…in spite of her attempts to crush me for what ever reason. I have struggled with the concept of even speaking about what she has done to me, but I can’t seem to escape people asking me how she’s doing. I have carried the guilt of not knowing how to answer, and then the scorn when I say that the relationship is estranged. Most of my life she has placed the guilt onto me, and I have carried the responsibility for the state of the relationship. I especially appreciate how you begin with a concept, and then you examine it from all possible angles. As I listen to you, you manage to cover every question and detail of exactly what I need to hear. I very much appreciate the work, and devotion you have toward Gd and His Word to us and the energy that you have put into bringing the healing that comes with it. Shalom
Rabbi Taub's audiences seem to rarely laugh at his jokes but the Akedah joke is hillarious, his addition of humor keeps the flow and insightlful lectures very interesting.
Please, understand that not all parents are godly people. I don't care they are your parents, you cannot honor someone who is ungodly. Abusive people cannot be honor, because you have the obligation to put God first.
If I were to fully honor my parents, I would be committing so many sins. It would be off the charts. To honor my parents would be to believe in lies and support. Those lies. If I were to honor my parents, I would be a racist…. I would be a hater of wealthy I would hate my teachers. And I would take out life insurance on people whose lives I am trying to slander and psychologically destroy from every angle. If I were to honor my parents….. Thanks, but no thanks. I will keep a level head and continue to do what is right think what is right and not get bogged down with issues of division and hate
My mother is the best actress ever and I have adhd. She refuses that I can’t help it but she should that I am pretty damn smart! She tells me that I’m not disabled I don’t have problems. I’m just a sorry ass or a drug addict and lies about me to everybody. She tells people I mistreat her and who knows what else. My children and and grandchildren have been brainwashed by a monster . They hate me for nothing. Im sixty and leaving Alabama o Montana because they are all bullies to me.stripped I can’t stay to be abused by another generation . I have also been poisoned with arsenic by my mother, and I suspect she poisoned my father who knows? nobody listens to me.
This is so true. I have had to return to thank you for such a profound and meaningful lesson. I see even more clearly now my own mistakes as a parent. No one can deny the wisdom love and truth behind this message. With love and shalom from a Christian viewer
For decades I mistook "honour' with "obey". My mother was abusive and narcissistic. Her demands on me were unlimited. She set me up to fail. When I challenged her, I was told I had to 'honour' her. That does not mean obey every demand. I honoured my mother by leaving and making my own contribution in the world rather than staying as her personal slave where God's purpose for my life would never be realized. By living my life honourably, I bring honour to my parents.
Wow. Your reflections are profound and I think you’re right. Will need to continue thinking on this because I think you just blew my mind and hopefully helped me move forward. 🩵
🌟
How can you honor a parent when they're not even honorable... My mother punches me in the chest and says FU and I'm an adult... No one deserves that treatment but she tells my sister she deserved it😢
@@sandrawelch4893 You honour her by not becoming her. You become a better person than she is. So despite how bad she is, she has a daughter who has integrity. If it helps, replace 'honour your mother' with 'be a credit to your mother'.
@@l.5832 Thank you that makes it 🐻 bearable🙏💖🌹
I'm not Jewish but I absolutely love your wisdom.
Absolutely!!!
Same ❤
Same here 🥰
Me too. His wisdom is gold
Me also .. wisdom is without all.
Ty Rabbi so much for clarifying this. I come from childhood trauma and I’ve never heard this discussed. I went NO CONTACT from my parents over 20 years ago. My childhood was hell. Christians told me “how could u disrespect ur parents like this”? The question should have been “how could my parents commit a disgusting act on a 5 year old child “? I have left all organized religion also bc of no support in my recovery process. Subbed.
Those that said that to you were ignorant and cold hearted. I’m so sorry that you were hurt in what should have been a safe place. I’ve also been hurt by church people. They are just people. Forgive them and work on your Faith. Don’t let someone’s words rob you of a relationship with God. You are so worth a life of Faith ❤
Congratulations, for leaving.Their behavior sets children up for abusive adult relationship.
I left my narcissistic family system (mother, father, brother) at 47 after G-d said to depart and not be entangled anymore. My church community said Have you forgiven them?!
They did not understand by my separating from their abuse I was preventing them from actively sinning against me and protecting myself from being sinned against. I was suffering physically and emotionally. There was a current smear campaign going on as I the scapegoat walked out.
Does that make me the giraffe? As in now I can be who I am -walking tall-without shame.
I’m so sorry for your experience. Religion hurts. But a real & raw relationship with the Most High heals.
Sometimes the most honor comes by honoring G-d and walking out of dishonoring situations like you did. When you do that you are loving G-d and your neighbor.
@@CC-wy1gn Proud of your love for yourself.Excellent🙌🙌More people need to have healthy self esteem for themselves like you,now you can teach this to other.
there are conditions in order to be forgiven - did narcs ask for forgiveness, did they offer remuneration ? no - so according to the Bible you do not owe them forgiveness - you leave them to God and to his judgment. Besides forgiveness can be done for some act but not deliberate years of abusing child - this is not a sin - this is in order to damage and kill a child - this is a pure wicked deliberate consistent evil. smakintosh channel is referring to this abuse of Bible teachings in case you are interested (th-cam.com/video/vUAzRZmKd0s/w-d-xo.html)
I remember years ago reading:
" How can you honor the dishonorable? " R. Masters.
So instead of not honoring at all.
I honor with some distance in between.
Best comment I Crossed so far.👍
My father is one of the wisest men whom I know, a true sage. And he has dedicated his life for me. And I am extremely blessed, to have such a supporting father. He is in fact probably the only thing that ties me to the material world.
I am sure you realise by now (even just be listening to this sermon and reading some of the comments) how rare and lucky your childhood has been in that respect. You have a wonderful legacy from your dad, go sow the seeds everywhere and spread the blessings. 🙏❤️
I’m not Jewish, but I absolutely love your sermons! I really appreciate the wisdom and truth shared, thank you. 🙏🏼🥰 BTW, I’m the black sheep of my Mormon family.🥴😁
Give praise to The Most High for sharing truth and wisdom through reliable and trustworthy teachers of the living Word!
❤❤❤
Wow, sir. You elucidate these dynamics so clearly. Please keep speaking about this. It's time something is said (truthfully and in a tactful manner) about emotionally immature parents and their parasitic/incestuous feeding off of their children. This is one of the main reasons why generational trauma just continues - no accountability and selfishness on the part of the parents. Many parents simply expect 'respect' or 'gratefulness' from their kids for simply providing what the law (human and divine) requires of them for voluntarily bringing children into this world. (That's your innate responsibility as a parent - to take care of your children and show them how to make it in the world - expecting something in return is sick and twisted).
Very very well said.
As someone born into islam, i loved this lecture. Thank you rabbi
Thank you for your teachings because the truth is not taught and we are living in confusion.
Children are so precious and gift from God. I'm grateful for my children.
I love all my "U Tube mentors". Im a taoist , married a Christian,best friend is Muslim, the teachings the Torah have enriched my life tremendously. I feel that being open to diverse ideas and people affords one to adopt what works best for themselves personally.
I come from a broken family, being 34 and still having some issues to solve (issues which have affected me since my childhood) thank you very much for spending the time to share Torah knowledge regarding these complicated issues ❤
Thank you.
This was healing to hear acknowledged.
I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I love hearing from my Jewish brothers because you have a more accurate old testament. I believe it has retained some beautiful simple truths that Christianity is missing. Thank you for sharing these valuable thoughts, in English, with us gentiles. I'm deeply grateful 🙏
Unfortunately Joseph Smith changed who Jesus is in the Bible. NEVER said Jesus and Satan were brothers.
And never never did Jesus say you are going to become a God. Joseph Smith book of Abraham is a lie. It's been proven a made up story. Satan wants to cloud your mind with such lies from Joseph S He was visited by angel of light. His family's history of the occult opened him up to demonic visions.
I'm happy you see truth in teachings here
My childhood was a living hell, yet as a child that just wanted to be loved I would do anything to make my mother happy. It never worked. Not in childhood and not as an adult. I finally quit caring when her treatment continued onto my children. I then just separated from my family. Afterwards my children thanked me and shared things she did to them too (they never told me because they didn't want to hurt me),and my heart ached. that they sere treated so badly.
The biggest thing that impacted the way I treat my parents is to see how good my parents treat their parents, my grandparents. So my best advice for parents is to show the children by example how you are treating your parents with respect and gratitude, and hopefully, this is how they will treat you one day.
For those who can't do that due to toxic family systems, treat your children right and with proper respect and they will return it to you wen they're grown
@@beans4853exactly.
@beans4853 great answer, thank you!
Totally agree
I believe this is backwards. It’s putting the responsibility on the adult children to set an example by treating the parents as the parents should have been treating the adult children. Also the grandchildren learn not to have boundaries and accept bad treatment from their parents. This is backwards. I have two teenagers and I am no contact with my family of origin. I am honest with my children about the reasons for keeping my distance and they have witnessed enough to understand. I also make it a point to give my children the safety and unconditional love that I never got. We have an amazing bond just like described in the video. My son 19 always finds the right path out of sheer love and honour for me. It’s unbelievable. I explain to my children about cycles of abuse and they watch me lean and grow into a better mother every day. Like the video says it’s the parents heart that will return to the children and then the children will return to the parents. Thanks to God who has shown me the way I will never have to return to my children and my children will never have to return to their children. 🙏🏽
I found God when I became a single dad and started thinking as a giver rather than a selfish taker I grew up and sore the Devine in my children rather than bullshite wants and selfish needs...
Thank you Rabbi. Great teaching ❤❤❤ I love the lesson with Joseph seeing his father. My father died when I was twelve and left with a narcissistic mother. My father in my memory gave a sense of self.
Thank you for creating these videos. They are very helpful for those of us who are on this journey. Thank you.
Yes TRUTH should be enough, not whether or not I care about you. Ty again Rabbi for validating everything I’ve believed on my own.
Thank you so much for your inspiring, beautiful, and heartfelt shir - I cried with joy. Bless you and your work!
I knew this in my heart and what I've studied.
Thank you for such a validation.
How do you honor people who blame you when you have cancer who spits on you hit and harm you in such a way when you're most vulnerable, people who tell you, that you are disgusting and deserve it
people who would take food away from you.
people who would put their child on the streets to be abused more.
people who would allow the rape of their child
people who reject neglect and abuse their child never giving love but always demanding obedience and servitude.
people who have told you they are God
people who lie on you
people who would rather pay prostitutes but not their rent or for their child to go to school
people who choose drugs and drinking over their child's needs
people who scapegoat stone wall gaslight
thank you for this
I believe that looking at the child they once were and imagining what they have been through, which doesn't mean we step in their shoes, we can't. Doesn't mean we are enabling whatever they do or say or stay close, better stay as far as we can. It helped me understand myself in the first place and then set them free for my own health, I don't deserve them.
@@ginaiosef i feel you and vibe wit you
@@Heyokasireniei468sxso thanks ❤️
Know that every knee will bow and that they have to take account of their life. They are hell bound currently and all you can do is stay away from them so you’re not in danger and if they call preach to them out of the Bible and pray that their hearts soften. If they hang up on you that’s on them. But you’ve done your absolute best. Pray to the Lord that he takes over parenting you and teach you the way of forgiveness and letting go. I’m in the middle of the forgiveness part and it’s the hardest thing to do to people who are not remotely remorseful and only see themselves as being right and you being wrong. Stay close to the Word of God and I pray that you heal and recover completely and live your life of self discovery and peace
Parents have responsibilities and they have a duty. If they forsake you the Lord will take over if you ask. He is the best Father and the best Mother. He loves you so much and thinks about you more than every single grain on sand on the earth. He knows every strand of hair on your head. He has a plan for you.
Thank you Rabbi, you are amazing!
❤thank you !
Got a lot of repentance and change to do !
Lord have mercy on me as a mother .😞
I'm going to gift this video to my parents.
I enjoyed your seriousness, and your empathy , and playful spirit.
🎉 The Holy Spirit 🎉 Sends me most days to share with others moments of Jesus and our Father in heaven who grows closer though messages as this Rabi 😅 shared.
I so appreciate hearing your perspectives, particularly those about remembering the soul in each person, and also how our duty to each other is to enable each of us fulfill the soul purpose with which we were born. Listening, I feel inspired, thankful, and joyful. I send you a heartfelt hug and wish you many more years of sharing yourself and your wisdom with others.
The co-creator part aside, I appreciate your wisdom on this topic.
I honored my parents... I had 2 parent-induced "miscarriages", and was forced to place my half-sister-daughter up for adoption for doing so to protect her from having to "honor" her father-grandfather.
That's a terrible abuse of their power. I'm sorry.
@smallbeginning2 Agreed. By the time I was 12 years old, I knew I could turn him in. What kept me from doing so was my mother's health condition. She was gravely ill and needed extensive medical care. My step-dad told me that her life was in my hands. My compliance or defiance was directly related to her well-being. So, when faced with this, I told God that I would be my mother's sacrifice, if that is what kept her alive. In that moment, I agreed to become this man's concubine, out of honor for my mother. Love knows no boundaries. I would do it again if I had to! That evil being never gained access to what he desired most. He claimed my body, but he was never able to take me.
Whoa… this story. It’s mind boggling… heartbreaking. Of course you loved your mother, at 12 my mother was everything. Oh boy is life unfair, I’m tripping over this. I’m an adult and I can’t even think myself out of that situation right now, as I try to imagine myself in your circumstance. So glad you saved your daughter from the inevitable. From the pain and confusion you yourself endured. How did you… do you… cope? Just when I was feeling sorry for myself.., I read your comment. And bam! That put things in perspective. So in a way, thank you for sharing, I guess? But more importantly… I’m sorry that happened to you and I really hope you’re okay and have found happiness in spite of everything.
@alexandraedwards7315 The only way I survived was to find a point of gratefulness. I was grateful that my mother and I had shelter, food, and medical care. I understood that I was and am a spirit on a human journey. I recognized this man wanted to possess my soul, not my body. No matter how often he beat me, he dominated me, or he claimed me, he never possessed me. I made my decision motivated by unconditional love. I do not regret my past, nor do I hate the man. If I allowed pain, regret, or hate to reside within me, then this man would have possessed my true self. That inner being who guides me, who comforts me, and who strengthens me, would have become someone who I do not want to be. In my darkest and weakest hours, I placed my spirit in my Lord's hands. I cried, Jehovah Nissi, you are my Banner, you are my Mighty Warrior, and you are my Victor. Whom shall I fear? I asked Jehovah Shalom to bring me peace, to comfort me. When my soul was empty, I opened my hands to El Shaddai, the one who poured forth love to nourish me. I was never alone for residing in me was the True Essence of Elohim! Every experience has strengthened and enhanced my life. The hardship and trials molded me and shaped me to be who I am. Blessings! Kimberly D. Forrest
❤️❤️❤️
My mother stated multiple times in my childhood the only reason she had kids was so that someone would love her.
How many parents are there out there that have no idea how to be a parent. Maybe every parent to be needs to attend classes on how to be a caring respectful parent. Too many children growing up with trauma due to unhealthy parenting. These cycles need to stop. Thank you Rabbi.
The sunset does not have emotions.
It is pure beauty.
Morning Rabbi, I know we’re different but I will always feel a strong similarity that is of God. In general regards to others, I was taught to forgive 7 times in a day. What I missed in the text was to forgive those who have repented first , an acknowledgement to wrong doing / sin. Any true form of IM SORRY should suffice. No I’m not at all saying scorn your parents for everything those unapologetic jerk faces did... Satan is a deceiver with many tricks as tools; so do not fall prey to toxic loyalty as it can very likely turn from bitterness and ultimately into hatred, which is how we become alienated from the right path overall. Even if you never get that apology , you must seek peace , and if you can pray for enemies, imagine how much you should be praying for your parents. Be the best quality of person you can be, in honour of your parents.
Mashiach has come, The Spirit of Truth whom the world can not receive. Insightful teaching thank you, the One whom they pierced was the first to expose the narcissistic hypocrisy of those in control of the vulnerable. Even His parents neglectfully lost Him, and His family also stood without, rejecting Him. Thank you for birthing salvation to us gentiles, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Shalom to you and all you hold dear 🙏🕊🔥🕎🇮🇱
Wow! I wish I discovered you years ago but at the same time hearing it now is confirmation I’m going in the right direction. Thank you!
"Hone" - this is what honor means.
It's also the root of "honesty" - all Sons of men are honed by truth.
I agree with everything you said 100%. And what does that say about God who created us to meet his needs?
that we are God experiencing itself
Allow me a little correction: Him/Herself
There is more of a chance a person has to avoid being a parent than to avoid being a child.
We don't realise the damage we do to our children😿
Bless You, Brother.
Thank You 🔯❤️🔥
It is the golden child besides the scapegoat...
Not the strong sense of self, but rather the strong sense of life.
Great video bud
Glad you enjoyed
Be not wise in You own eyes but fear the lord and depart from evil.
Departing from familial evil is a form of honor to Hashem and by extension to parents.
So what I took from the explanation in the beginning is that a parent who deserves the honor, won't hold their child to it?
Just so people can realise how this emotional inc*est thing is so true, my narcissistic mother went through three divorces and used to call me "the home therapist" when I was maybe 9 or 10 years old. In adolescence for whatever reason I got interested in incestuous pornography, and up to my young adulthood (up this year, actually) I often had these incestuous wet dreams, and we those happened, I knew we'd have a fight that day.
It's awful, but it's true.
Ha tantas nuances para essa situação. Mas acho que o principal é mesmo o sentimento sobre se os pais fazem por você (ainda que de forma muito errática) ou se estão fazendo apenas por eles mesmos...
Sobre essa escolha primordial todas as demais se basearão...
How can parents expect compassion, validation and emotional support from the child when they don't give it to the child?
No borders... enmeshment.
25:49 amen
The reason someone should give to the less fortunate is to give them hope.....right now there is alot of hypocrisy in these religions...alot of people that are in any kind of religion are selfish..me me me..🤑🤑🤑🤑
❤
I would say it is rampant depending on specifics demographics and then it changes its form with different demographics
Went back to read Bereshith 39 and trying to find the bit on Yosef seeing the image of Yakov to deter him from sinning, is that a Talmudic teaching'?
Yes it is. Thank you for asking.
I look at life as the beauty of the unknown.
Not as power and authority.
I thought honor your parents means that you take care of them financially and in other ways when they are old. I have never understood this to mean that you obey your parents into adulthood and let them infantanilize you
Same . I think it means don't let them starve to death and don't go about slandering them unnecessarily.
"People won't care what you say until they know you care."
Unfortunately, we, human beings, are not wired that way at all. We listen to those we care about - not those who care about us. That is why celebrities have such influence, why the Jone's opinion about us matters so much, why an unloving parent can destroy a child's sense of self-worth... I need not prove that celebrities do not care a stone about their fans as individuals, that the Jones' seldom think about your welfare, and that, as you've expressed it, an unloving parent is more concerned about their own need than the needs of their offspring. Most of us have no difficulty in thinking about several instances when our caring deeply for someone did not at alll give us their attentive listening.
I understand, I am not a parent, but humans are not robots, I do not think that crying in front of your child or being sincere is wrong or the fact that it touches your soul also the communication with the child is wrong. Too much filosofy I believe.
You are right in many aspects, but there can be parents who show their problems, and that is how children learn what life is about. Parents shouldn't lie to their children either, shouldn't bullshit them.
You
Where do I find this in writing
You mean this lecture? I never wrote it up.
@@SoulWords No you say honor your mother and father and then you fallow it up with the context such as do not pretend something did not happen?
To make a heavy burden.
The relationships were all ruled by the narcissist and even though I did not lean on my children they felt leaned on because the lack of
communication and silence was a killer and everyone was hurting even though I did my best as a God loving mom. The narcissist was
in control and as adult educated children they chose to protect the narcissist. I sent educational materials over the years in hopes that
there would be understanding, repentance, forgiveness for my leaving (not for another man) I was always faithful to my marriage, but
left for my emotional well being and could not be a part of the continued emotional abuse. I am up in years and so I decided to tell them
not to refer to me as MOM.
Dear Rabbi thank you for such important content. I grew up with both narccissitic parenrs who sexually abused me, mentally, physicallly, and spiritually. I was raised as a slave who had no right for anything besides pleasing my parents crazy minds and fantasis.
In the past 5 yrs been trying hard to help them do Tikun Nefesh so we can be a happy and healthy family but unfortunately it all went to the trash and made my mental health worst.
I stopped my contact with my dad whos in prison, and i dont know how to keep a healthy contact with my mother who also claims i dont honor her just because i am no longer whilling to continue this sick cycle.
I cant find myself in this world especially now that i do eevrything i can to break this generational curse and narcissistic cycle so my sisters can have a proper future. Its like theres too muvh distraction over and over that takes all my powers away and i feel like theres no way to keep contact with parents without wanting to killmyself over ans over again.
What do i do? I am hopeless
Brother! PRAY, pray absolutely and incessantly with utter devotion and you will receive the support you need! Blessings! 🌹
Dear Joseph, I am sorry and sad to read about all you have had to endure and suffer from those who brought you into the world. You sound like the voice of wisdom and maturity in your family. Besides which you clearly also have a generous sense of responsibility for the safety of your sisters. Despite all that was harming and working against you. I, as a reader of your post, hope and pray you will stay especially close to your spiritual roots and G-D. May you seek and find all the resources you could want and need to continue to be strong, wise, discerning, level headed and courageous. May you be blessed beyond measure with all of your personal and therapeutic needs and wants being met abundantly. If you are not aware of the value of Boundaries in relationship to others, in your case your parents that may be a direction to explore. You were never meant to and don't have to continue to sacrifice yourself. Learning about personal boundaries can help on your journey. The story of Abraham and Issac and G-D's alternative sacrificial provision may have some meaning for you. All the best to you always.
May G-D lead you forward in LOVE PEACE RESTORATION AND HEALING.
I truly wish that my parents were a) Jewish so that they could b) have listened to this message c) so that they would have given me a better sense of self and confidence .
but you re-raise yourself now, and become the most amazing you all the time. You are your child, and you are GOD's child. And you are loved beyond your capacity to understand. Your sense of self will grow, and your confidence too. consistent re-raising of you. God bless you, dear one. You are strong and gifted this opportunity , as hard as that can be to hear. You will surprise yourself, and develop a deep sense of self. And a true, not fake, confidence. A balanced you.
stay lifelong consistent. this is key.
It is HaShem who deals the reward or punishment for this only Command. None of the Decalogue carries a reward or punishment, but this one. "The land 'I' will give to you.". 'I' is not the Rambam. 'I' is HaShem.
Do not honor in vein
Im jewish but never told my family who im life not easy been hurt and beat glad dont live there anymore move on my own ✡️
Hope he is teaching other Rabbi z
What you said about teenagers made me feel physically ill and the joke made it worse.
I hate the stigma against teenagers. They aren’t naturally angsty is just typically the age you find out how well you actually did at raising them to be likable and respectful.
My parents sat me down at 12 years old and asked me if I thought I knew right from wrong. They explained that this was a time when many parents made lots of new rules for their teenagers. After hearing that I knew the difference, they said, that I should expect to gave permission to do what I wanted so long as they did not think it dangerous. The only thing they asked was that I tell them where I was going and with whom and leave the home number of my friends. If I went elsewhere, I would call and tell them where I was. They gave me so much freedom that I would never have betrayed their trust. That I believe is how one honors our parents.
Wow, mutual respect. What a gift 💝
My parents did something similar. They certainly has rules, which got looser as we matured; they also had clearly understood consequences for breaking the rules, and before meeting out discipline, they would discuss with us what the transgression was, and how it should be handled. I learned to take responsibility for my actions from a very young age, and when I do something "wrong" it's a conscious choice and I'm prepared to endure the consequences.
@@LastingHope, you're right! Respectful parenting counts for a lot!
I love this!
Right on! I did the same with my child. I now have a strong, Independent loving woman as a daughter.
The manual says "parents, do not provoke your children to anger."
That is invisible to their eyes.Some parents want respect and the role goes with acting respectful.They see the child as less of a human being and they the adult as a God but they are not a God.
Parents are too Egotistical to interpret or mentally accept the meaning of this lesson.
I see now, @ 58, that my parents loved to make me cry. 😢 And then I was called over-emotional and out of control. 😢❤
yep!!!
@@sunnyadams5842 parent and sibling for me, not both parents. hard to heal but we can do it. You know now, the REAL truth. You were never the broken one. I wish you happy, liberated healing now.
Everyone teaches honor ur parents but no one quotes “Do not provoke ur children to wrath “. How convenient.
Yess...🙏 smh 😔😢that we have wounds that never heal sitting in the churches congregation. A lovely way of making us feel like peasants while parents always put on the fuckin padistol 🤬😡
It's so true! ❤
One thing is for certain and that’s the parents feel they are always right regardless of the truth based solely on age and the commandment of honoring thy parents. I have finally accepted this fact and my broad shoulders have become more comfortable with this yoke of inconvenient truth. Please forgive them Heavenly Father as they know not what they do
@@lehakwelesetla1631I feel ya and have lived the experience. ❤
It takes a lot more than spawning a child and abusing them their whole life to be a parent. That much I cannot honor.
Honor is born of respect. Respect is earned.
My parents gave me everything when I was growing up. I’m 33 years old now and realize that I lived most my life in the Hansel and Gretel story. - everything looks good from the outside of the candy house but inside is where the witch (my mother) was making me fat of all types of lies, self egocentric believes and manipulation so that unconsciously she could eat my soul for her own validation and sake … I grew up with no self confidence and couldn’t think for my self until about 5years ago. I still like my parents for the good parts. I also have gratitude towards them but they’re not my best friends. -Don’t be scared to say no guys. Your boundaries are the container of a healthy soul.
Gaslighting?
@@lvcretius ... and more.
Same here … figured it out when my dad became sick of cancer and my brother startet to acting out like a vicious brat against me and turned all the family against me just to get also my share of our inheritance. After I did a therapie I started to see through all the bs and why I always felt not too attached to my family … cause I was different - the truthteller … oh boy would I‘ve run when i had already knew what will come after me the following years. It has cost me a family by myself and 8 years of my life
😊😊
I love you Mr. Rabbit because you are absolutely right🎉🎉🎉.
Finally a Rabbi with some Seichel talking about real issues and how to behave as a human being, religious or not
Agreed, some big brass Seichel !!
I went through this as a child. I realized I wasn’t prepared for life when I was about 18 and was seen as easy prey wherever I went by the most toxic people in any environment. That began a lifelong quest for my identity. In the end, I tried to be free and my mother tried to destroy me. All I ever heard growing up was how much she was sacrificing and how miserable her life was. I’ve never experienced motherly love. I’m now in my 40s and have had to cut her off. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but it was necessary. I’m a mother now, and I am trying to do things the right way. As the family scapegoat, I am the one who broke free. This message needs to go viral.
Rabbi, I'm not Jewish and I am being tremendously blessed by your teachings. I did not have narcissistic parents but your teachings have been so helpful. As parents and children, we need to walk in humility and an abundance of love. Thank you for your ministry.
❤❤❤
I will simplify this somewhat. Because ive deeply meditated on this. I believe many parents misconstrue worship with honor. Its honor thy father and thy mother not worship thy father and thy mother. Honor is about a moral level of respect and dignity. Worship is what many insecure immature maybe narsasistic parents expect from a child or children thats when we run into problems.
boom. so super boom. nailed it.
@mudchat4486 so super boom 🤣 I'm using this now, thank you.
❤
I watched this after watching the scapegoat/cycle breaker video. I grew up in a narcissist family system and am working to end the cycle.
On my daughter's 16 birthday she sent her father and myself a text that made both of us cry and helped me realize I am breaking the cycle.
Amazing! This is the generation!
Such a wonderful comment. I also come from a disfunctional family. I have also seen the video you mentioned and then came here.
Saddly, I don't have the same experience. I am breaking the cycle, by not having children. And I am still broken at 48 years old.
I am a Catholic, and yes this is the generation. We will see God's Mercy and Healing.
God bless.
You know life is pretty good and maybe you’re on the right track of being a good parent when your own kids say loving or respectful or thoughtful things to you, your father their siblings or do certain things for other family members, and sometimes with you that never in a million years could have ever happened in the family you grew up with. That they feel comfortable around you, that they are happy to spend time with you.
Rabbi....it really difficult to honor parents who have not shown you as a child or an adult respect. But respect and honor are expected of you. Being reminded of how much they have done for you??? Except for the necessities of life...food...clothing...shelter . No love, compassion, empathy. I attempted to be a good daughter for yrs but it was never enough. ( The heavy burdens and anger they raised up in me was terrible). Narcissist patents are to worst. I removed myself from the Abuse at age 44yrs and walked away. Sad but necessary. Being TRAMA Bonded to someone is the worst. Thank you!!
Went through this also ..narcisst parents..golden child sister ..ughh
@@kimberlychilstrom6888Same. God bless them but my love will have to be from afar.
@@ThingsILike12 Yes, I am also learning this powerful technique. Hate and anger actually keep us attached to them. Loving them from a distance is a superpower I am learning. For right now, it's a process, but one day I will get to the point where I don't create any negative emotions at all when I think of them. One day soon I hope.
No love? If they weren’t loving you, you wouldn’t pass the week 1 of your life. What a bunch of ungrateful people you are. Love is show in clothes, food, medical care, etc. But at some point you should grow up and fill your own holes
@@JohnSmith-ks5xwi wish i could find that peace,its like my mother is my energy vampire,bit when i come from compassion and empathy and love,im not affected,but i allow jer to trigger me,i will do good for up to six seven days,then bam im teiggered,i think i harboe deep resentment,but im conscious of it and working on it.
Rabbi, I think I gained more therapy and healing in regard to my own childhood in this one talk / teaching, than I have in any therapist's office. You also validated my practice for when I'm with my nephew. As I'm not a parent, I never know if I am doing the right thing by him. I believe it is every adults job to protect and guide the children, any child, no matter where they come from. And not to burden them with our own worries. Thank you, thank you. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon your channel!
I’m happy you found this channel too
It's not cute,not pretty, when this parent is your94 yr old mother! This messes with your head so bad it makes you crazy trying to figure the whole mess out. When you are the last child to abandon them for your own sanity. Honor your parent do it from a distance to protect yourself.Their NEEDS are more than you can deliver and they see it as your problem.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your story is a primary example of why I’m trying to get parents to understand what healthy parenting looks like.
Exactly or the 95 year old mother in-law😢
You can't abandon your parents because of old age it's a righteous thing to take care of your parents at old age and a huge blessing
Go back and listen to the worst kind of abuse and emotional incest then and only then can you come to me and apologize. Until then I will not accept guilt manipulation done by a stranger!!@@ShiyghanNyuysiysi
@@ShiyghanNyuysiysiI agree and I wish all people to understand this, but I think she’s saying there’s been a lifetime of psychological strain that has burdened them, causing her siblings to abandon the source, their mother, and she is all that’s left to honor her mother in spite of herself. And this is the warning he gives us… the sad state we may encounter when we impose upon our children in ways that are not appropriate. If only they could all be arguing over who “gets” to take care of their parent(s). Ahh a perfect world.
Wow! Please more on this parenting topic!!! I have been emotionally leaning on my daughters too!!! I will stop this asap!!! Please speak more on how to fix , heal and mend!
🥺💔 I thank God for waking me up and allowing me to shed the belief that I was born to protect my mother. She allowed me to be abused from a very young age, and i felt like it was my job to keep her safe. Sick stuff. Only took 38 years to walk away.
And you are loved beyond your ability to comprehend. And I pray that you always work to re-parent yourself, and that you are led to exactly what it takes , each and every day. For you to know. that you are SO important. and your best days are to come. Always honor yourself deeply. re-parent. make this a habit. and talking aloud to yourself, too, the body and mind and heart hears this. it matters. YOU matter so very much. You will have very good things. retrain the mind, and bit by bit by bit with consistency. Heal , and know that you are the most important child of God - the most important a child can be. Really do the re-parenting. The kingdom of heaven is within, and I pray for your full healing and full self-full-ness.
🙏
@@mudchatpotterynbricks Thank you ❤️
Bless you...this year ends 40 years of me trying to prove my value and worth in the Earth to the mother of my birth...I am Enough according to the God of More than Enough
It took me 40 years to realise the narcissism in my family. I don't know if I can completely heal from the damage done. But I have promised myself to break the cycle.
I’ve been seeking Abba on for answers. Ur lesson helped me so much. No matter what I love my parents and honor them. No matter what has happened I could never wish upon or return evil for evil. Now they need me and I pray that serving their needs will help me find peace.
Parents sometimes make mistakes. Honor is not the same as obey. I love my parents dearly, they are not perfect though and neither am I. A wonderful lecture.
Yours is the best comment, thank you.
Seems so desperate to
become a decent and
honourable of parent.
But like an express train
You dropped out unexpected
way Train had reached it's
destination almost.
No longer a child.
Isn't that too late to become
A parent again?
I am just looking for my
son a decent girl with
morals as good human beings as
his girlfriend. Who could
give a birth to good cultural
a baby or good citizen in order to creating world
with civilized people not a as
monster as you.
God bless you! I had a horrific childhood as a child of divorced parents. Under my mother’s roof I suffered physical abuse under her fathers roof I suffered sexual abuse. My father fought for custody of me after my step dad shot my mother. So I never even thought his parenting was lacking and I always believed I was a burden, no value and damaged beyond repair. I was the family scapegoat placed in the role by my step mother. Took me 48 years to recognize this, and just as soon as I recognized it, I realized I had done the same to my daughter. I was so blinded by my role as “corrector and authority “ I dropped the ball when it came to building my children up. Now I just want my dad and step mom to hear me out and acknowledge the affect they had on my identity but they refuse. Knowing how that opens the door for healing, I do all I can to right that wrong to my kids. They are young adults now but I build them up like I should have done from the start, wishing I could go back and start over. But recognizing the generational dysfunction, I believe my kids will break the chain when they have kids! I thank you for sharing this with me!
We can all do better by our children,Do our own healing before they have to heal from having us as parents!!!
so wonderful you being aware and changing things.. now we have tools. re-parent you. honor you and give yourself grace as you keep un-learning and learning anew. God bless.
Gosh, I am sorry for your pain growing up. I can't imagine going thru what you went thru. 🙏🙏
😢
As somebody with a narcisstic father, this was challenging to listen to at times. The image of how my father sees me has the opposite effect of giving me moral courage. But, this talk was very illuminating since I hope to be the one that breaks the cycle
HOW HOLY FATHER SEES YOU IS PURE JOY AND LOVE AND ADORATION, our earth fathers have not shown us this example Bless you and you Heal and become Free ❤
Incest doesn’t have to be physical. There are many types of emotional and psychological incest. Learned this from much research.
Thank you very much. This is the best explanation on what parenthood is, I ever heard. I'm a mother and grandmother, and I will definitely take these teachings to heart and implement. Thanks again.
Little explanation; I grew up in a Catholic family, the youngest child of seven. I was praying for guidance so my family could be different than the one I grew up in. I couldn't find anyone who would explain it to me without putting even more guilt on me. Then your teaching pops on my screen. I know I have a lot to learn, but at least I know that God pointed me in your direction.
Thank you for this great video!
I already wrote about this experience, and it might be of some use: I spent some years in Italy, I am from Romania, and I heard more than once from the people I worked for or lived with, not so intimate relationship, that my parents must be very proud of me for the way I was brought up. I am a scapegoated child, and my parents were never proud of me, to say the least. I used to cry when I was by myself , thinking, "If you only knew." It down on my then that this must be what honouring your parents must have been meant. I believe we are honouring ourselves in the end.
Thank you gratefully, Rabi, for your videos and the effort you put into making them. ❤
❤
🫂😿💙 I'm so sorry for your pain. May Love peace be with you.
🦋Blessings,
another scapegoat.
I wonder if we should now be calling ourselves escaped goats Love and blessings@@bookbeing
❤❤❤
B''H, Amen. Thank You Hashem so much for saving me from my parents, in Moshiach Ben David Name Amen.
Thank you for this discussion. It is eye opening. I remember reading "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok and there were a lot of problems going on, but the Father told his son to not worry and to focus on his school work( the Son's school work).
Suggestion: A talk on how to cope with slander would be beneficial for many people.
Peace.
Yes. Please address slander
I grow up seeing my mother never grateful for anything my father or anybody does for her,my father spend his whole life trying to please my mother anytime i think of my fathers struggles my heart hurts,he got hypertension very earlier and its like i have taken over him to satisfy my mother and siblings,no matter what i do for her its never enough or am a good person for a moment,she believes its my responsibility to take care of my other 6siblings who are just ungrateful like her.its break me everyday,only my father understands my pain and advice me to take care of myself first and quit trying to please her so I don't end up like him...
I really pity my father he was such a loving father and a good husband.
What if she speaks curses over my life if I don't always give her what she wants
You’re breaking the cycle
My father was the same he died 15ys ago at 88. Many strokes took a lot from him over the years but it never took his love for me. I remember asking my mother how she felt about it, Her reply was it was a blessing, God did it cause SHE had suffered enough. He tried to tell me something was wrong but didn,t know the words to describe a covert. Education has to be the answer.
no fear and take it all to God. Caste out the fear or perceived curse - and bless bless bless you. Pray for your protection ~ and work on affirming good sayings: I am healing. I am finding my way. God has me. I will know what to do. Good things. Do your best to let go of stress and responsibility. Just BE. and work to be calm and let go of worry. that's been put on you. so work always to release it to God. and pray for your own health and energy field,, to be clean and to make good habits... lay down the burden anywhere you can. you matter so much. break the patterns. and "they' won't like it. But God will be proud , I believe! You will set a good example by not allowing to be shaken. Cry in private, talk to God, and ask for answers. They will come.. along and along. lay down the burden anywhere you can. God bless you.
@@mudchatpotterynbricks thank you very much.i need to screen shot this
Proverbs 26, 2 Like the sparrow in her wandering, like the swallow in her flying, So the curse without cause does not come and alight [on the undeserving
Thank you once again. I’m so glad that I stumbled onto your channel. This is my second video. The other was about the unique relationship one has with Gd as a result of narcissistic abuse. Because of that dynamic, I have struggled to understand the Biblical command of honoring your parents. It has felt like a massive mountain to climb, especially where my mother is concerned. Many times I have found myself not knowing how to brindle that gap at all, especially with what she has done in the wake of the loss of my father. In recent time, I have come to the conclusion, the only way that I can possibly honor her (she has completely cut off all contact with me) is to live my life to the very best of my ability, and to make a positive impact on the world around me. I have always gravitated toward public service, and altruistic volunteerism. So, I feel that in this way, letting “my Light shine” I am honoring her…in spite of her attempts to crush me for what ever reason. I have struggled with the concept of even speaking about what she has done to me, but I can’t seem to escape people asking me how she’s doing. I have carried the guilt of not knowing how to answer, and then the scorn when I say that the relationship is estranged. Most of my life she has placed the guilt onto me, and I have carried the responsibility for the state of the relationship. I especially appreciate how you begin with a concept, and then you examine it from all possible angles. As I listen to you, you manage to cover every question and detail of exactly what I need to hear. I very much appreciate the work, and devotion you have toward Gd and His Word to us and the energy that you have put into bringing the healing that comes with it. Shalom
Thank you so much! I’m glad you found this channel.
Rabbi Taub's audiences seem to rarely laugh at his jokes but the Akedah joke is hillarious, his addition of humor keeps the flow and insightlful lectures very interesting.
I am willing to bomb with the live audience to amuse the online audience 😊
Please, understand that not all parents are godly people. I don't care they are your parents, you cannot honor someone who is ungodly.
Abusive people cannot be honor, because you have the obligation to put God first.
True!! 👏✨
Makes total sense.
Makes me upset why I feel like I was setup to fail from failed parenting actions.
If I were to fully honor my parents, I would be committing so many sins. It would be off the charts. To honor my parents would be to believe in lies and support. Those lies.
If I were to honor my parents, I would be a racist…. I would be a hater of wealthy
I would hate my teachers. And I would take out life insurance on people whose lives I am trying to slander and psychologically destroy from every angle. If I were to honor my parents…..
Thanks, but no thanks. I will keep a level head and continue to do what is right think what is right and not get bogged down with issues of division and hate
My mother is the best actress ever and I have adhd. She refuses that I can’t help it but she should that I am pretty damn smart! She tells me that I’m not disabled I don’t have problems. I’m just a sorry ass or a drug addict and lies about me to everybody. She tells people I mistreat her and who knows what else. My children and and grandchildren have been brainwashed by a monster . They hate me for nothing. Im sixty and leaving Alabama o Montana because they are all bullies to me.stripped I can’t stay to be abused by another generation . I have also been poisoned with arsenic by my mother, and I suspect she poisoned my father who knows? nobody listens to me.
❤
Adhd and child abuse are linked. It’s when you get stuck in freeze mode - dissociating from the abuse. I pray for your recovery
❤️
@@wakinglife7065Agreed. Very difficult to heal.
@@wakinglife7065hardly anyone seems to know this. Thank you for mentioning it.
This is so true. I have had to return to thank you for such a profound and meaningful lesson. I see even more clearly now my own mistakes as a parent. No one can deny the wisdom love and truth behind this message. With love and shalom from a Christian viewer