It was beautiful watching you talk about this and like you both said, I pray it continues to get better for you Cassie. A book I recommend about Cassie's questions regarding why penetration doesn’t really work for women is "Come as You are" by Emily Nagoski. You’ll get to realise that the Penis is the equivalent of the clitoris for women (circumcised women also have internal clitorises) and our vagina is the scrotum equivalent in men. Most men wont feel so much pleasure if you only stroked their scrotum and left out their penis. This is why its important to be patient in learning and practicing sex till it gets good especially if you have never had penetrative sex before. A good partner cant be understated because in the time when I coached women through vaginismus, I found that the relationship between the couple helped to make things easier. Another point is that I've seen penetration struggles last from between 2 weeks to over one year. And when they achieve penetration, it also takes time for women get to that point where sexual pleasure peaks very similarly to what men have and then continues in waves. So, if you are struggling at the moment, you're not alone and its only this hard because you havent done it before. Please try to get the book I recommended its good whether you've had sex or not. Lastly, for people who are curious about how and where to get dilators in Nigeria, I still have a few left in stock from when I was actively coaching women through vaginismus, so you can reach out @Becomingmorewithdrm on instagram. This is probably the longest comment I've ever left on a youtube video, but this topic is something I'm really passionate about especially for religious women. Like Onyeka said, God created sex and sex is good in marriage. We are not asked to abstain to get all things good and easy, we do it to obey God.
I can't believe someone has finally had the courage to talk about this. After 13 years I can tell you this I have suffered with accepting my sexuality, just being comfortable with being intimate with my partner without the feeling shame. I was 24 years when I got married and a virgin too. Two or a year ago I've only started getting excited with the idea of sex. It was a struggle. I heard to educate myself, through various platforms and pray about it too.
Weldone sis. I am 25 years old and a virgin until I got married last month. Although I am yet to enjoy it fully and the pain is still there, but I never regretted my decision to wait.
Thank you for this video. So hard being a virgin as a guy with all these pressures. Hoping I can one day find a great wife and share this gift together with her.
Please stay encouraged! I can’t imagine how much a man deals with by not giving into society pressures to be sexually active. But please know your self discipline to stick to your morals is so rare and there ARE women out there who value that and truly appreciate it!
Most of the religious guys I know don't save their virginity for marriage. So, it's refreshing to hear that you're trying to, so stay strong! Just know that you're a rare gem, and there are women who admire, appreciate, and desire guys who also save their virginity for marriage.
I see ladies commenting and it looks like only the ladies got value from this video. But I'm a guy and I really enjoyed following this discussion to the end, every bit of it. Thank you Cassie.
I think it starts with the knowledge of your body, first of all, SEX EDUCATION. Not just to avoid sin or pregnancy, but to know your body. Then knowing that it's good to be celibate but as well understand that sex is good when done in the right contest and with the right person. Very important as well is having the right man by your side that understands you and treats you gently.
Yep! If they are both virgins, I can see how that could be a challenge. An older sister, a mother, an auntie… someone should educate the woman on what to expect and what “foreplay” is prior to the wedding night.
21 yrs old here...... looking forward to meeting a person who wont judge me negatively for saying that am waiting till marriage,. we live in a world that has normalised sex outside of marriage whilst it isnt right at all.......... i feel encouraged and strengthened by this, thank you Cassie☺☺☺
I appreciate this. It's not talked about. I suffered with this for 3 years into my marriage. Im that time, ive used all the lubes, dialators, vallium (muscle relaxer), been to all the doctors etc. They never found anything physically wrong. Nothing worked. This is year 3 and I'm finally learning to enjoy it without pain. It's hard to go from, "sex is bad/a sin" to "now you can do it whenever you want". My body was tense and guarded and as a result, down there was too. My sweet husband has been so patient and kind throughout this journey. Yes, he's gotten frustrated but he always apologized and we learned to do other things to please eachother until we figured it out. I recently read an article about sexual mental trauma.i was in denial until it listed the symptoms: Afraid to express pleasure during intimacy (moan, Screams, etc) Cringing at sexual topics Fear or touching own genitals Anxiety when time to be intimate Tension or pain with intercourse
I’m currently dealing with this, and have for many years. In a joking manner A doctor told me one way to get rid of vaginismus was to have kids, 😌 not ready for that. Thankful for this video ❤
OMG! This was my story. I got married at 25 and didn't have sex and consummate the marriage until I was 27. I was so afraid and couldn't relax. I thought I was the only person in the world dealing with this. Obviously those 2 years took a toll, and by the time we did it, it was a bit too late. My marriage ended in large part due to it. I'm 42 now, but I wish I would've had a tribe then. I felt so alone.
Hot married 2 months ago, a virgin at 28 One of the things that helped us was communication, research and counseling. With the Lube it took us 3 days (coupler tries in one day) to break my virginity and about 2 weeks to start enjoying it. Communication and being comfortable with each other, foreplay played a very important role too. I do get some small pain from time to time but it's a nice kinda pain.. Learning to communicate with your partner and doinv research together helps to overcome together above all 🤗Pray together
God is doing something new with you, Cassie. You have literally given a voice to the awkward parts of womanhood/femininity/feminine sexuality that many of us abstinent christian girlies have been conditioned to endure silently. I appreciate this video 😢😢
sis dont forsake doing things God way because its hard! He is faithful to help us through it all. ask Him for help. its not worth letting someone who is not your husband have that piece of you💞@@blessingknowseverything9609
This video felt just like a hug because I’ve had so much worries as someone who is waiting until marriage. This was so insightful and thank you both for talking about it. God bless you! 💗
Sis, it’s so worth the wait, especially when you can look back and not regret sharing your body with every man that has crossed your path, only to move on to the next woman. Stay encouraged, and God bless!
I’m not a virgin but man I am going through this issue. It may be because I was abstinent eventually after understanding fully God dislikes pre marriage sex. We are still learning one another’s body and I just have to enjoy the process and know God will make it better! ❤️🙌 Every time something goes wrong my Husband says “It’s okay we are still learning each others bodies.” I love that man!
Nothing can go wrong in sex. Talk about the things you like. Play with your bodies. Enjoy it but if you don't like something just say it respectfully. It's not to hurt anyone's feeling but to make the experience better. Sex was made for marriage enjoy it
Virgins or not, sex education is very important. Although I was rsised in a christian family. I had my first sex education at 14 year age. But not with more details, curious about the subject, I pushed more my research further. I appreciate your testimony. This will help the next generation. I did the same with young men to learn more how to please inexperienced women and be patient with them. Kudos to you. Much blessings
What a well thought and mature response Mr. I was so glad to read it. I hope that the men you educate truly listen to you and can then become amazing partners in the future.
Yes it is very important. And extremely important for both men and women to understand the female body. For example, during arousal our body makes adjustments to better accommodate our husband and reduce pain. I'm not just talking about getting wet. There are so many men who are impatient with foreplay or think it's ok to even skip it because they don't understand the importance. Our body's preparations are not as visible as theirs, so to them, it may seem like we are always physically "ready". And the way everyone gets aroused is different. Some are ready with just the thought of it. Some require touch. Some require a lot of passion and drama. Neither of you can assume that what it takes to prepare your body is the same as anyone else, or what you saw on TV, or even the same all the time. Choosing to continue sex without making sure the body is prepped (aroused) is Choosing to potentially damage (microtears, abrasion) or cause pain during the act. Personally, I think a husband prioritizing his need over his wife's pain is not ok when there are so many ways for her to satisfy his needs without penetration if he is not willing to put in the extra effort to ensure her body is ready. If she doesn't want to put in the extra effort with him to prepare her body, that is her choice.
@@mikochild2 yes, you are right. Many young men are not aware of the preparation of the woman's body,. Both physically and emotionally. Most of the time, we are misled by the beauty and seduction of women's body and we think they are ready for intimacy. Communication in the couple is also a key to gain a good intimacy( sex encounter).
Sisterssssssss, ya’ll have set some women FREE with this video!!! THANK YOU!!! Not sure how this popped up on my feed, but I just had to watch although I’m 12 years married. There’s so much truth in allllll of this. When you come from that Christian purity culture (even here in America), no one tells you that you can’t just emotionally, mentally, and physically flip a switch after you say I do, and everything will magically fall into place. Although I didn’t have trouble doing the “do,” it took three months for my body to make adjustments to where I could enjoy being with my husband. Newlyweds have to be very open to learning, exploring, and giving other tons of grace along the way. And the rediscovery starts all over again after having children! Again, thank you so much for sharing this information. May you have blessed, wonderful, and FULFILLING marriages!! And side note, next time, you don’t have to have music playing during the whole video. Honey, we wanted to hear the discussion with no distractions!!😂😂
Thank you for sharing this. I’m abstaining until o get married but this has been an underlying fear. Sometimes I get these bad thoughts of just having sex with someone just “to get over that hurdle” but my faith has pulled me through. I really appreciate this video🌸
Another thing, don't see sex as a duty because you won't find it fun. It's a way of expressing your love to your partner. Sometimes due to our education, we can see sex as something shamefull. It is really important to be comfortable with your body and have a good understanding of what is sex before your mariage. Mariage counceling on these topics is really important.
I’m so grateful for this video. Finally we don’t have to hide about being virgins. I feel like being a virgin has in a way been tagged as abnormal and almost shameful. I’m happy seeing two women who waited till marriage talk. I feel like I found my space. ❤❤❤
Same here. I was a virgin until a month ago when I got married. Sex is still very painful for me and I have been scared that it would take years or several months before I really enjoy it. Keep being strong, you are doing great!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! As a Christian and a virgin this topic is so important for our community and those also who aren’t virgins but will be getting married to one!
4:19- I think the reason African parents don’t talk to us about sex is because I think they’re still trying to figure it out for themselves too, especially if that exploration is against the backdrop of western sexual expectations.
Our African parents could really do better I can’t even explain how I’ve had to teach myself so many things and literally learn from my doctors and mentors at church because I had all this questions I needed proper answers on And even with dating we wait till we are so old and we don’t literally even know how to date and we save ourselves for marriage and finally get married without proper sex education It’s hard tbh
Cannot relate when it comes to" virgin until marriage"...but i love this conversation. Being vulnerable and eductioning on said topic is vital. Sex is a gift from God. Sex is beyond physical , majority of pleasure is through phycological. You have to have romance and foreplay and be relaxed with your husband.Its the little things that leads to great sexual experiences.100% agree with the friend balanced view on sex.❤
This topic💯! I'm not even done with the video yet but I had to drop a comment. So many important conversations that we ought to have but don't because of shame, fear and worrying about what people would say. I believe sex education is so important even if you're abstaining. Like we say in other areas, knowledge is power and that shouldn't exclude sex education. Where our African parents aren't able to talk to us, big sisters and brothers pls take up the mantle and educate your younger siblings. God help us all even me cos it can be awkward 😅🙈.
My conclusion is that God is making this knowledge available to help a lot of us ahead of our experiences. I love love the approach to the discussion. God bless you & Onyeka. Your contents are really wholesome 🙏🏽
Beautiful conversation! Thank you for being open and transparent! It's comforting to know that sex is/can be hard for us who waited until marriage, but there's still hope and light if we just keep God first in our marriages and keep trying to please each other.
This is so sad. I'm glad there's a video from this perspective but its just heartbreaking. The sexual bondage some women find themselves in, whether through religion, culture or patriarchy is ridiculous. Hearing grown women struggle so much is tragic
I agree. I’m very shocked by how hard this seems for some people. I’m 31 and am a virgin. I can’t relate at all why this is so hard. I’ve made out and could easily see how continuing to the final act would’ve been awesome. No shy virgin here. Sexis supposed to be an awesome thing with the right person. SMH
@@livw4180perhaps wait until you experience before speaking on others who are sharing theirs…Kissing is not the same level of intimacy as sex and requires much less finesse.
@@vampgee8006 I did not say kissing was on the same level. I said I could see how continuing to the final act would be a great thing with the right person. I believe that God made sex to be a beautiful thing. I agree with @tamiechimwendo7817 that this perspective is heartbreaking in MY opinion, which I’m entitled to. They stated what their opinions were pertaining to sex prior to having sex, I was simply stating my opinion as a virgin.
I'm almost in tears..... appreciate this so so much.... Everything in this conversation is me. And have thought it was only me going through this. Love also the understanding about how faith plays a role, also me! Thank you for this content. God bless!!
This is a groundbreaking video 14:00 - 15:00 This. The religious programming, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to view sex as bad, untouchable and not to be discussed before marriage. And I as a woman in her 30s who has never married, never had sex, and has never dated or kissed a man in her whole life, this really hits me in a tender place. I grew up with an unawareness of my own body until maybe 19 or 20. I never thought of myself as being "sexy" or sexual until my mid-20s. And reminders to keep it on lock before marriage really doesn't help me. It makes me feel unworthy, especially when I struggle with self gratification and the shame of that, because that is sin. However, it comes out of a deep longing and a curiosity at something that I have never experienced or felt worthy or good enough for. Not sex, but relationships with men. Flirting. Having fun. Romance. It makes me sad, confused, angry, lonely, all of the above. And it sometimes made it hard to connect to God, because it is hard for me to believe I could "enjoy" my sexuality in my single state and enjoy and honor God at the same time. I know it is possible, but I don't see how as yet.
It’s so sad that we are afraid of sex so much and we’re afraid of our own bodies and our desires when GOD DESIGNED SEX! I think I was 14 years old when I first read a Christian devotional that actually talked about sex as a beautiful thing, and it was eye opening. Women in particular feel great shame associated with sex because while the boys in the church are being taught, “stay away from the promiscuous woman” us girls were being taught, “don’t be that promiscuous woman.” That kind of teaching only directs the blame solely on women as the perpetrators of sexual sin instead of both parties being equal in responsibility of their bodies. Female desire and pleasure is so incredibly frowned upon in the church in general instead of being placed in high regard as men’s. Once we let go of that burden and stop believing we are dirty for our God-given desires, we can allow our bodies to enjoy such an incredible gift.
im 28 male, atheist and a virgin. i was in 2 relationships and remained a virgin, even though i dont believe in religion and god i hold value in marriage, wife and husband bond. people these days have sex with everyone they get into a relationship, or with friends(friends with benefits) or with strangers(one night stands). so what would remain special in a marriage if you have sex with everyone whom you wont be marrying, it would be just to have kids. but then again you can have kids without getting married too, like in the western countries. lose virginity to one, date others and do it with them too in the process, have kids with another, then get married to someone else and have kids with them too. and these people's kids would be like them or be more liberal than them too. if people do it with everyone there wont be anything special left for marriage or something special between the wife and husband. we live in a generation where people use each other for sex, there are cases where people even get promised of marriage in return for sex and later on get fooled. people are getting are getting more materialistic, selfish and lusty. its more about sex than love these days. humans are greedy beings you give them one right they will ask for more and when people become too liberal they'll become degenerates who dont put value on love and bonds. it would be just about themselves and their materialistic/superficial needs.
First off, Cassie I appreciate your vulnerability and learning spirit. You were unashamed to ask questions. That just shows how much of a learner you are. I have been married for just over a year too and could relate to a lot of what you said, especially the penetration/ orgasm part 😂 Secondly, that conversation about pornography in marriage... Two reasons why it is a 'no' for me: 1. We often forget that the concept of sexual sin can continue even in marriage and it is not just about fornication or adultery. Certain people struggle with impure thoughts and masturbation. Watching porn (even with your partner) simply opens up the portal for struggling with sexual sin, even though you are already married. 2. As your guest mentioned, it shifts the focus from each other to a third party (the video you are watching). Sex in marriage is a time to focus on each other and connect so beautifully and intimately. Watching porn takes that away. It is like introducing a third party into your bedroom/ having a threesome.
Absolutely love this video. I love how open you both have been. Another commenter has talked about how it can take women some time to have sexual pleasure that peaks similarly to that of men. And so, I want to point out that it can happen. Female orgasms work similarly and can have the rise and peak phases. Like you both have said, it is okay to figure things out slowly with your partner. It is part of what makes the journey exciting with someone who has never experimented. There is that pleasure in knowing that you have done this or that for your partner. It is not sad that a lot of us cannot have orgasms through penetrative sex. We have the advantage of multiple orgasms in one round!! Sex is not merely penetrative sex. You and your partner can have sex and be spent without penetration. Have fun figuring it out!! I am so happy that we have gotten to the point of having these frank conversations as Nigerians.
Yep, I hope she is able to explore and find out what would get her there. I can see why she found it sad, it would be sad to wait for marriage, spend 6 months preparing and still not be able to fully enjoy it.
I love this conversation. My sister and I was discussing this recently , and this is the big difference between Christian and Muslims(I work with Muslims from the Middle East- mostly males and they have kept their virginities until marriage). Christian scare their children about their body and sex while Muslims teach their children to rather value their bodies. So the results is Christians having sex early, getting pregnant out of wedlock while for many Muslims are able to remain pure until marriage. It’s the same with other things like drinking. I want to do better with my further children. Love Christ and your body and value it. We need to talk about other ramifications of sex, not just pregnancy and STI/Ds. The self value is even more important; not to mention the spiritual aspects. So much to say… anyways… I’ll continue watching. Thank you for this!
You can’t compare two different religions in two different parts of the world. Fornication will bring “shame to your family” in the Middle East and is a punishable crime. Here in America, it isn’t likely for a woman to be beaten for sex outside of marriage. It also isn’t likely that her family will be ridiculed or harmed as a result. I’d say those are scare tactics as well. Christians tell their children not to have sex because of pregnancy. Other religions fear death for sitting too close to the opposite sex.
That's not necessarily true. Most people in "Christian" majority societies see sex outside of marriage as extremely normal. That being said, people do not learn about sex as much as they learn about the physical consequences of it. We learn about STDs, STIs, pregnancy, and "soul ties," but do not learn about the act itself, how its supposed to feel, what the interaction itself is like in a healthy way. Also, what you said in your comment contributes to the shame and fear associated with sex. You equated virginity to purity. Biblically speaking, this is inaccurate. Purity extends into so many other parts of ourselves. King David is one of the great examples of Christian purity. He was a muderer, adulterer and possibly r-pist, depending on your interpretation of the Bathsheba passage. Yet he was deemed as pure, righteous and moral in God's eyes, because of the state of his heart. The Lord looks at the heart. Christians err greatly when they adopt the world's idea that purity is only tied to virginity. Purity begins in the heart and can be observed in your speech, the way you think of others, how you treat them, and how you serve the Lord. The opposite of virginity is fornication. The opposite of purity is unrighteous, which encompasses fornication, but is much broader than that.
@@egiipta I agreed with much except I don't remember anywhere in the Bible where David was seen as "pure". Now, "chosen" & "a man after God's heart"? Yes. But "pure" would be more like Enoch & maybe Job.
This is such an important conversation and I'm so happy to see Christian women of all cultures and nationalities discussing this. Purity culture did all of us a disservice and the mindsets and bondage must be rectified. Kudos to you ladies for discussing this openly. Honestly, I wish churches would embrace this conversation and begin talking and teaching honestly about sex.
Cassie you are such a delight..you are quite knowledgeable about almost everything but in between you are vulnerable and yet so teachable. I enjoy and appreciate your TH-cam videos . Keep it up!
Indeed it's God who has made me come a cross this channel, I'm 24 yr old and still a virgin, thank you for this video God bless you ❤️❤️❤️its my first time here
Hi ladies 👋🏾 This video just so happened to popped on my main screen on this app and y’all thank you thank you thank you so much for sharing this! I’m 25 and still want to wait until marriage to have sex and it’s been really hard but I know God is there for me and knows my heart ❤so in the meantime I’m gonna continue to focus on me and Him into He sends me my person and we’re going to do things God’s way and not the world’s way. This topic is most definitely needs to be talked about more especially for the Black community and for the virgins in the room and for the ones that are trying to be celibate. No matter what you’re at in this journey, God’s got you. No one needs to pressure nobody for not wanting to have sex. Period! New subbie 😉
I was also a virgin when I got married, and the first month was not nice during intimacy. What help me was I read and come to the understanding to just relax and also train my mind before u know it everything was okay
I am so happy i waited for my fiancé, bc I couldn’t imagine myself losing it to someone who don’t have feelings for me. It would ruined me completely & when I was single I wanted to lose mine so badly even to an stranger but never did. So happy about it & that I knew my worth and never did it.
Great topic. Self-educating ourselves on the biology of ‘sex’ is important. Perhaps I’m always curious but I did and still do research the biology of sex. I speak to my GYN about and ask questions about where does the feeling of ‘pressure’ come from when a woman has sex for the first time. The pressure was compared to getting a Pap smear. As a woman that is a virgin I experienced a Pap smear and I was in tears. She goes into details about the canal and to imagine a space that has never been opened before. The information is out there however as mentioned in the video the topic of ‘sex’ is over spiritualized and not spoken about up until the wedding night. The topic of foreplay and all the different things that ties into making love is important. Some believe sex is just what happens on the wedding now then one and done. Stimulation is also necessary. Each body operates different and expectation is what leads to disappointment
Ooh gosh if it's like a pap smear... ion want it 🙅🏽♀️😅 I be laying there thinking "this isn't what it'll be like" but never mind. WELP! My obgyn recommended working with a pelvic floor physical therapist because women lose elasticity as they age. Now, I'm thinking that it's just too much work to be doing only for these men to disappoint you 😅😭
True about the gynecologist part, if most teens visit the gynecologist more often they would be more informed about things concerning their reproductive organ.
Very educative and I like that fact that you found a way to balance it in a way that won't push young people into trying out before marriage! Great job
Beautiful video. The part of not having a build-up and release though, isn't true. Women certainly experience orgasms as build-ups and releases, and also continuous after-waves, depending on different factors. But it is very 100% possible
My thoughts exactly. I was wondering, is it possible that women that start having sex while physically very tense, they have difficulty to realize that you can move and use your vagina during the intercourse. The vagina is not just unmovable thing that is just there. Also your hips are supposed to move the angle you are receiving your husband. Some moments the vaginal pleasure comes from relaxedness, some moments from active movements. I understand that the active use of your vagina requires first the tenseness transforming into relaxedness and further into active mobility. Also, for desiring your husband sexually is important to watch him. See him as a desirable person. See the beautiful and arousing traits in his physical appearance. This is the first steps of the foreplay.
I wish i waited,nobody taught me this things,but i decided to abstain,God has helped me abstain for a whole yr. I know there's no place for fornicators in heaven,yet i want to go there and be with my creator. Jesus has changed my life and I'm so happy now
I don’t comment on topics like these lol but I had to this time. I see a lot of videos/articles discussing this topic but often looking at it from either one side. Some say it’s amazing while others share how they regret it. As someone who is also waiting for marriage, I would often wonder which side would be “accurate” for me. I think this is the first time I have seen such a balanced take on the issue. You acknowledge the good aspects as well as the challenges that come along with this decision. God bless and I appreciate you sharing this with us.
I'm a school counselor. I dress modestly, my personality is bubbly but I'm quite timid around men in general. The worst comment I overheard some teenagers say about me was that they suspect I was still a virgin.. which I still am.. at 29. I hate this. I take care of everyone and everything and I've put off dating since I can't even remember.. the side effect is that I'm afraid of dating.. no, of intimacy. It came to a point about 4 months ago where I was having dark thoughts about un-aliving myself because the pressure as a female is something I never in my life thought I would ever experience.
I can relate with this. Similar situation here. Its sad that the pressure got to you wanting to unalive yourself. For me , knowing who I am in God has helped. Do not look into the world to define you. Find God and find peace. There is NOTHING wrong with you. God loves you and you are incredibly precious in his eyes. Talk to him, he cares. You can read these. Jeremiah 33:3, Romans 8:37-39, 1 Peter 2:9. Let the word of God be your mirror and not the eyes of the world.
What I learnt from this Talk about expectations, be honest, Most importantly if one doesn’t have an understanding patient partner it would be so hard. Thank you Cassie for sharing this, I can imagine how hard it was for you to do this. To add you are blessed with an amazing man. Thank you too Onyeka too she spoke so intelligently.❤
I’m glad you have a friend who is willing to be open with you! At one point your friend said we can continue off camera. And I loved that she is fully open and gives you the real deal about what sex is actually like. I had so many questions and my inner circle girlfriends laid it all out for me and were as raw as possible to help me see what it is really like. Not text book, not from a magazine article but what it is really like. They allow me to ask questions all the time as I’m figuring this thing out. The feeling of sex is more than just penetration. What I wasn’t told is that you have to get to know your body over time to get to the big O. And even that can be a learning process. Sometimes you just want to know if you are on the right track and those girlfriends who are more experienced that you have been my life saver when I want to give up because I feel like my body isn’t “doing it right” Thanks for sharing your story. You are not alone. I am in this same situation except going on 2 years!
Thanks for sharing this, I had a difficult time too, it took us weeks to manage the first penetration, now three years in marriage and we're still in the learning and discovering, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this journey
Ladies, do you understand that you should have a say what is happening during sex. You are supposed to express your needs, demand the things you want. The guy does not know your preferences if you do not tell him.
Thanks Cassie for the video. I don’t know whether what you mean by women getting high is Orgasm. Women do get to the peak of sexual pleasure during sex that’s orgasm. But not all women experience it.
Women do indeed feel orgasms, many do in fact. But it's a lot more psychological for women than for men. You kinda have to focus in a way, to get to that orgasmic point (if that's a word, lol), but not overthink it to the point where you get nervous and it doesn't happen. If you feel yourself getting to that point you kinda focus to get there, but don't overthink, and you may have to be going at it for a while before you do orgasm. Many factors can influence or hinder if you have am orgasm or not, like certain medications like anti-depressants, stress, fear, etc. So look into those. And ofc as Christian women we can pray to God about these things and ask Him to help us to please our partner in the best ways and yk, get an orgasm 😅. It's a beautiful learning journey, so be open and explore, but above all else, always seek to glorify God and don't leave him out on this journey. P.S. you can feel pleasure without an orgasm. N.B. I am very much a virgin, a Christian virgin, waiting on marriage. My above recommendations is based on what I know biologically based on research, I did research because of this video and based on a discussion I had with my female friends because of this video.
I really appreciate your boldness and maturity by discussing this topic and your guest, I love the manner in which she opened up on a lot of her personal convictions, I understood a lot. I will be 50 next year and still don't really enjoy sex. My husband is quite understanding but still complains as he is surprised that after 27 years of marriage, I am still not interested in it. I have had to pray about this and am still hoping for a change but trust me being perimenopausal now is not making it easy but oh well I can only keep hoping that all will be well.
Ladies, it is not all on women. The guys also have to adapt to what ladies like and wish. I definitely have certain things I do not want a guy to do, even if he would like to do it. It is very subtle change what can make a huge difference: rhythm, angle, the depth of penetration etc. If a guy does not want to find out what he can do for your pleasure he is not a right type for marriage. These things should be discussed before getting married to see if both are willing to work this out. .
I'm 37 and still a virgin. I have a lot of suitors coming for my hand in marriage... but the thought of losing my virginity and also the thought of marrying the wrong man, scares the life out of me. i have a lot of fears/ phobias like fear of having sex and fear of marrying the wrong person. 😭😭😭
I think you'll need to prioritize the most important thing which I would imagine is marrying the right man. Like someone else said, pray over it (if you're religious) but also spend time really outlining what a desired partner looks like or if you want to even have one! Sometimes our fears are really just self protection. Maybe you're not just ready. But if you are, you have to be really invested in outlining and manifesting what your desires are. Sex will naturally come later. I say this as someone in a similar situation. The moment I got sincere with what I really wanted, the easier picking potential partners became. Take your time and figure it out. And if possible, let God guide you too.
Too often in the church, we equate Purity with Ignorance. Error. And when the Bible says "The Truth will set you free", that's not just learning about Jesus. Or The Word. It's ALL truth. 🦋
Same happened with me. But I got such a loving husband that made me understand that sex is just not what the society thinks. Its what u like to do and incorporate it into your lives
An unwarranted, transparent note: I'd been struggling for some time to connect with your personality (here on the internet). While I greatly admired your talents and enjoyed the products of it, it kind of bruised my ego that you seemed not at all interested in furthering conversations with random people like me who simply relate so much with your stories. By furthering conversations, I mean liking the comments or replying to them or responding to questions we might have. So yea, my ego had been bruised and I wondered why you would make such vulnerable content if you didn't care about the after-effects on the humans who watch it. "Does she only want people who subscribe and like and share and keep it moving?" I asked myself. But in watching today's video and seeing you be yourself with minimal editing or fine-tuning, I think I understand better. So, no more boy-cotting your content cos of a bruised ego. God is doing something beautiful with you on these streets and I'd be depriving myself by staying aloof because you're a different kind of influencer than what I'm used to.
Unwarranted advice, thanks for your transparency. You have taken the first step in recognizing that it is your ego bruised. It is then important to moving to the next step of giving compassion to the another person. Putting your out for the world to see is hard enough, there is a level of anxiety that also comes with interacting with “strangers” in the comment section too. ❤️
I got married as a virgin at 23, I am 45 now with 4 kids, happy marriage. I say that "sex" is over rated, love making is what God intended, it gets better and greater for sure and you learn about your needs, partners needs and you learn about your body...
I like this video. When your young you need to know your body and understand it. Learn about it. Exercise. Stretch. And prepare it for when the time comes to have sex. Don’t ever be ashamed of it and learn the most you can that way you can get diagnosed early in life. Sex is meant to be enjoyed.
Thanks for sharing this, Cassie❤ A great book to read would be Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot by Mo Isom. The author is quite honest and transparent about her experiences and addresses sex through the lens of God’s Word.
Thank you for having this conversation. I’m currently a virgin and I hate it, I see it as a burden. I am a female and if I have sex I would only want it to be with another virgin male. But to me the thought of waiting until marriage knowing these men don’t know how keep their legs closed and wait just makes me not even what to marry.
33:35-34:30 that's a great advice...gently spoken yet firm. 44:22-44:45 that is awesome This whole thing is sooo wholesome and changes the game in the Christian world. As a man, the sex is a parrty for women that men are invited too is awesome.
GOD bless you Cassie for this topic It was very enlightening. I have zero knowledge about sex but the video was great. This video is worth a million views
It was beautiful watching you talk about this and like you both said, I pray it continues to get better for you Cassie.
A book I recommend about Cassie's questions regarding why penetration doesn’t really work for women is "Come as You are" by Emily Nagoski. You’ll get to realise that the Penis is the equivalent of the clitoris for women (circumcised women also have internal clitorises) and our vagina is the scrotum equivalent in men. Most men wont feel so much pleasure if you only stroked their scrotum and left out their penis.
This is why its important to be patient in learning and practicing sex till it gets good especially if you have never had penetrative sex before. A good partner cant be understated because in the time when I coached women through vaginismus, I found that the relationship between the couple helped to make things easier.
Another point is that I've seen penetration struggles last from between 2 weeks to over one year. And when they achieve penetration, it also takes time for women get to that point where sexual pleasure peaks very similarly to what men have and then continues in waves. So, if you are struggling at the moment, you're not alone and its only this hard because you havent done it before. Please try to get the book I recommended its good whether you've had sex or not.
Lastly, for people who are curious about how and where to get dilators in Nigeria, I still have a few left in stock from when I was actively coaching women through vaginismus, so you can reach out @Becomingmorewithdrm on instagram.
This is probably the longest comment I've ever left on a youtube video, but this topic is something I'm really passionate about especially for religious women.
Like Onyeka said, God created sex and sex is good in marriage.
We are not asked to abstain to get all things good and easy, we do it to obey God.
Thank you for this helpful comment!! 🤗
God bless you for this comment ❤. Very informative!
Thanks for the comment
It's worth it. That's why I'm very unpart
I can't believe someone has finally had the courage to talk about this. After 13 years I can tell you this I have suffered with accepting my sexuality, just being comfortable with being intimate with my partner without the feeling shame. I was 24 years when I got married and a virgin too. Two or a year ago I've only started getting excited with the idea of sex. It was a struggle. I heard to educate myself, through various platforms and pray about it too.
30 year old virgin here. God bless you
Me too, 33. Hoping he comes around soon. Has been very hard waiting.
Here too almost turning 27
Here too almost at the altar ...he is God fearing and we agreed to wait till marriage...am praying it won't be hard for us when the time comes
I'm 26 and am still a virgin and am so happy keeping it till marriage
Weldone sis. I am 25 years old and a virgin until I got married last month. Although I am yet to enjoy it fully and the pain is still there, but I never regretted my decision to wait.
Same here
Same- turn 26 in 4 months
Same 🙌🏽
Me too!! ❤️
"Sex is God's idea and I hate that the enemy is taking credit for it." Yeah, that was a good statement.
Whow that honestly makes my heart burn because of the truth.
Agree!!!!!
i love you
I used to think it was a sin, but everything that God creates is good if God created it then it good as long as it done in marriage☝🏾
False, sex was never God’s idea. God allows it in marriage by His permissive will.
Thank you for this video. So hard being a virgin as a guy with all these pressures. Hoping I can one day find a great wife and share this gift together with her.
Please stay encouraged! I can’t imagine how much a man deals with by not giving into society pressures to be sexually active. But please know your self discipline to stick to your morals is so rare and there ARE women out there who value that and truly appreciate it!
Stay strong. There’s a woman out there who will value that.
Most of the religious guys I know don't save their virginity for marriage. So, it's refreshing to hear that you're trying to, so stay strong! Just know that you're a rare gem, and there are women who admire, appreciate, and desire guys who also save their virginity for marriage.
I'm hearing many aren't meeting any, but idk how virginal/ abstaining men are not meeting virginal/ abstaining when so many are very vocal about it?
You will
I see ladies commenting and it looks like only the ladies got value from this video. But I'm a guy and I really enjoyed following this discussion to the end, every bit of it. Thank you Cassie.
Kudos to you sir!!!
Awwww!
I think it starts with the knowledge of your body, first of all, SEX EDUCATION. Not just to avoid sin or pregnancy, but to know your body. Then knowing that it's good to be celibate but as well understand that sex is good when done in the right contest and with the right person. Very important as well is having the right man by your side that understands you and treats you gently.
Yep! If they are both virgins, I can see how that could be a challenge. An older sister, a mother, an auntie… someone should educate the woman on what to expect and what “foreplay” is prior to the wedding night.
21 yrs old here...... looking forward to meeting a person who wont judge me negatively for saying that am waiting till marriage,. we live in a world that has normalised sex outside of marriage whilst it isnt right at all.......... i feel encouraged and strengthened by this, thank you Cassie☺☺☺
👍
I appreciate this. It's not talked about. I suffered with this for 3 years into my marriage. Im that time, ive used all the lubes, dialators, vallium (muscle relaxer), been to all the doctors etc. They never found anything physically wrong. Nothing worked. This is year 3 and I'm finally learning to enjoy it without pain. It's hard to go from, "sex is bad/a sin" to "now you can do it whenever you want". My body was tense and guarded and as a result, down there was too. My sweet husband has been so patient and kind throughout this journey. Yes, he's gotten frustrated but he always apologized and we learned to do other things to please eachother until we figured it out. I recently read an article about sexual mental trauma.i was in denial until it listed the symptoms:
Afraid to express pleasure during intimacy (moan, Screams, etc)
Cringing at sexual topics
Fear or touching own genitals
Anxiety when time to be intimate
Tension or pain with intercourse
Thanks for sharing. I went through the same thing. The only thing that helped was giving birth to be honest. Now it doesn’t hurt.
I’m currently dealing with this, and have for many years. In a joking manner A doctor told me one way to get rid of vaginismus was to have kids, 😌 not ready for that. Thankful for this video ❤
You're all making afraid of doing anything 😂 you won. I don't want it.
@@lleynem1426yikes🤣🤣🤣
OMG! This was my story. I got married at 25 and didn't have sex and consummate the marriage until I was 27. I was so afraid and couldn't relax. I thought I was the only person in the world dealing with this. Obviously those 2 years took a toll, and by the time we did it, it was a bit too late. My marriage ended in large part due to it. I'm 42 now, but I wish I would've had a tribe then. I felt so alone.
Hot married 2 months ago, a virgin at 28
One of the things that helped us was communication, research and counseling.
With the Lube it took us 3 days (coupler tries in one day) to break my virginity and about 2 weeks to start enjoying it. Communication and being comfortable with each other, foreplay played a very important role too.
I do get some small pain from time to time but it's a nice kinda pain..
Learning to communicate with your partner and doinv research together helps to overcome together above all 🤗Pray together
What lube did you use?
Yes!! I love this comment! Education is key
Wow! I learnt something. God bless u for ur comment.
I cannot imagine how much it took for you to film this.
Being vulnerable with us like this…
Thank you❤
That is one of the things they mentioned. You need not see this as vulnerability. It's just 2 women talking about a topic of life.
You just took the word out of my mouth talking about this and being this vulnerable is commendable. You are strong 💕
God is doing something new with you, Cassie.
You have literally given a voice to the awkward parts of womanhood/femininity/feminine sexuality that many of us abstinent christian girlies have been conditioned to endure silently.
I appreciate this video 😢😢
Yes waiting for marriage is hard , as a Christian girl contemplating not doing so
sis dont forsake doing things God way because its hard! He is faithful to help us through it all. ask Him for help. its not worth letting someone who is not your husband have that piece of you💞@@blessingknowseverything9609
This video felt just like a hug because I’ve had so much worries as someone who is waiting until marriage. This was so insightful and thank you both for talking about it. God bless you! 💗
Sis, it’s so worth the wait, especially when you can look back and not regret sharing your body with every man that has crossed your path, only to move on to the next woman. Stay encouraged, and God bless!
@@EbonyRivers1 thank you so much! and God bless you too 💗
I’m not a virgin but man I am going through this issue. It may be because I was abstinent eventually after understanding fully God dislikes pre marriage sex. We are still learning one another’s body and I just have to enjoy the process and know God will make it better! ❤️🙌 Every time something goes wrong my Husband says “It’s okay we are still learning each others bodies.” I love that man!
He’s a good man Savannah! ❤
I think that's what is the distinction.... being open to learning each other's bodies.
Nothing can go wrong in sex. Talk about the things you like. Play with your bodies. Enjoy it but if you don't like something just say it respectfully. It's not to hurt anyone's feeling but to make the experience better. Sex was made for marriage enjoy it
Virgins or not, sex education is very important.
Although I was rsised in a christian family. I had my first sex education at 14 year age.
But not with more details, curious about the subject, I pushed more my research further.
I appreciate your testimony.
This will help the next generation.
I did the same with young men to learn more how to please inexperienced women and be patient with them.
Kudos to you.
Much blessings
What a well thought and mature response Mr. I was so glad to read it. I hope that the men you educate truly listen to you and can then become amazing partners in the future.
Yes it is very important. And extremely important for both men and women to understand the female body. For example, during arousal our body makes adjustments to better accommodate our husband and reduce pain. I'm not just talking about getting wet. There are so many men who are impatient with foreplay or think it's ok to even skip it because they don't understand the importance. Our body's preparations are not as visible as theirs, so to them, it may seem like we are always physically "ready".
And the way everyone gets aroused is different. Some are ready with just the thought of it. Some require touch. Some require a lot of passion and drama. Neither of you can assume that what it takes to prepare your body is the same as anyone else, or what you saw on TV, or even the same all the time.
Choosing to continue sex without making sure the body is prepped (aroused) is Choosing to potentially damage (microtears, abrasion) or cause pain during the act. Personally, I think a husband prioritizing his need over his wife's pain is not ok when there are so many ways for her to satisfy his needs without penetration if he is not willing to put in the extra effort to ensure her body is ready. If she doesn't want to put in the extra effort with him to prepare her body, that is her choice.
@@mikochild2 yes, you are right. Many young men are not aware of the preparation of the woman's body,. Both physically and emotionally.
Most of the time, we are misled by the beauty and seduction of women's body and we think they are ready for intimacy.
Communication in the couple is also a key to gain a good intimacy( sex encounter).
Aaaaaaa
@@mikochild2what if he wants his needs satisfied in the traditional sense, but not through external
Sisterssssssss, ya’ll have set some women FREE with this video!!! THANK YOU!!! Not sure how this popped up on my feed, but I just had to watch although I’m 12 years married. There’s so much truth in allllll of this. When you come from that Christian purity culture (even here in America), no one tells you that you can’t just emotionally, mentally, and physically flip a switch after you say I do, and everything will magically fall into place. Although I didn’t have trouble doing the “do,” it took three months for my body to make adjustments to where I could enjoy being with my husband. Newlyweds have to be very open to learning, exploring, and giving other tons of grace along the way. And the rediscovery starts all over again after having children! Again, thank you so much for sharing this information. May you have blessed, wonderful, and FULFILLING marriages!! And side note, next time, you don’t have to have music playing during the whole video. Honey, we wanted to hear the discussion with no distractions!!😂😂
Two Christians talking so freely about sex in such a wholesome way, I love it so much. Thank you so much for this video.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m abstaining until o get married but this has been an underlying fear.
Sometimes I get these bad thoughts of just having sex with someone just “to get over that hurdle” but my faith has pulled me through.
I really appreciate this video🌸
I lost my virginity ...... I wish I could regain it please maintain.
Another thing, don't see sex as a duty because you won't find it fun. It's a way of expressing your love to your partner.
Sometimes due to our education, we can see sex as something shamefull.
It is really important to be comfortable with your body and have a good understanding of what is sex before your mariage.
Mariage counceling on these topics is really important.
Thank you for this refreshing and empowering sex education!!! Keep up the good work ! This is sooo Dope✨ And Happy International Women's Day 🌸💟🌸
I’m so grateful for this video. Finally we don’t have to hide about being virgins. I feel like being a virgin has in a way been tagged as abnormal and almost shameful. I’m happy seeing two women who waited till marriage talk. I feel like I found my space. ❤❤❤
@dike_a_Jennifer also it’s not only women there are guys who are waiting till marriage too stay strong
Thank God for this!
Same here. I was a virgin until a month ago when I got married. Sex is still very painful for me and I have been scared that it would take years or several months before I really enjoy it. Keep being strong, you are doing great!
There’s nothing shameful about being a virgin. They are just deceiving you into believing that. So you can be like them.
Only in the western world being a virgin is viewed as shameful.
I am happy we still have people who can wait till marriage. The society is turning everything to the wrong direction
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! As a Christian and a virgin this topic is so important for our community and those also who aren’t virgins but will be getting married to one!
4:19- I think the reason African parents don’t talk to us about sex is because I think they’re still trying to figure it out for themselves too, especially if that exploration is against the backdrop of western sexual expectations.
Our African parents could really do better
I can’t even explain how I’ve had to teach myself so many things and literally learn from my doctors and mentors at church because I had all this questions I needed proper answers on
And even with dating we wait till we are so old and we don’t literally even know how to date and we save ourselves for marriage and finally get married without proper sex education
It’s hard tbh
Cannot relate when it comes to" virgin until marriage"...but i love this conversation. Being vulnerable and eductioning on said topic is vital. Sex is a gift from God.
Sex is beyond physical , majority of pleasure is through phycological. You have to have romance and foreplay and be relaxed with your husband.Its the little things that leads to great sexual experiences.100% agree with the friend balanced view on sex.❤
God loves you and wants you to give your life to Him.
20yrs still a virgin very proud of myself
19yrs virgin woman! No man has access to my body until we walk down the altar ✝️💓
That's very good. Keep it that way, but I've known people that are in their 30's maybe 39 and are still waiting.
This topic💯!
I'm not even done with the video yet but I had to drop a comment. So many important conversations that we ought to have but don't because of shame, fear and worrying about what people would say.
I believe sex education is so important even if you're abstaining. Like we say in other areas, knowledge is power and that shouldn't exclude sex education.
Where our African parents aren't able to talk to us, big sisters and brothers pls take up the mantle and educate your younger siblings. God help us all even me cos it can be awkward 😅🙈.
My conclusion is that God is making this knowledge available to help a lot of us ahead of our experiences. I love love the approach to the discussion. God bless you & Onyeka.
Your contents are really wholesome 🙏🏽
I like that you didn’t edit certain parts you intended to. This is really insightful , thanks for sharing ❤
That’s the reason why I said,before marriage you should have a lot of conversation with sexologist.
Beautiful conversation! Thank you for being open and transparent! It's comforting to know that sex is/can be hard for us who waited until marriage, but there's still hope and light if we just keep God first in our marriages and keep trying to please each other.
Am a 20 years old virgin, thank you for this insights
Never seen this channel before, but I appreciate this conversation, ladies!
Thank you! Please share so others can see it for the first time like you too 🧎🧎🧎🧎
Me too it's my first time here
I love that you're not afraid to put your quirkiness on screen. It's a skill i need to learn- abandoning perfection like what's perfection anyways?
This is so sad. I'm glad there's a video from this perspective but its just heartbreaking. The sexual bondage some women find themselves in, whether through religion, culture or patriarchy is ridiculous. Hearing grown women struggle so much is tragic
LMAO. The women who chose the opposite aren't happy either ! They cry themselves to sleep because the men only use them for sex !
I agree. I’m very shocked by how hard this seems for some people. I’m 31 and am a virgin. I can’t relate at all why this is so hard. I’ve made out and could easily see how continuing to the final act would’ve been awesome. No shy virgin here. Sexis supposed to be an awesome thing with the right person. SMH
@@livw4180perhaps wait until you experience before speaking on others who are sharing theirs…Kissing is not the same level of intimacy as sex and requires much less finesse.
@@vampgee8006 I did not say kissing was on the same level. I said I could see how continuing to the final act would be a great thing with the right person. I believe that God made sex to be a beautiful thing. I agree with @tamiechimwendo7817 that this perspective is heartbreaking in MY opinion, which I’m entitled to. They stated what their opinions were pertaining to sex prior to having sex, I was simply stating my opinion as a virgin.
Is it that no man is attracted to you?@@livw4180
I'm almost in tears..... appreciate this so so much.... Everything in this conversation is me. And have thought it was only me going through this. Love also the understanding about how faith plays a role, also me! Thank you for this content. God bless!!
its not becz of faith only it is bcoz some fear pregnant
This is a groundbreaking video 14:00 - 15:00 This. The religious programming, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to view sex as bad, untouchable and not to be discussed before marriage. And I as a woman in her 30s who has never married, never had sex, and has never dated or kissed a man in her whole life, this really hits me in a tender place. I grew up with an unawareness of my own body until maybe 19 or 20. I never thought of myself as being "sexy" or sexual until my mid-20s. And reminders to keep it on lock before marriage really doesn't help me. It makes me feel unworthy, especially when I struggle with self gratification and the shame of that, because that is sin. However, it comes out of a deep longing and a curiosity at something that I have never experienced or felt worthy or good enough for. Not sex, but relationships with men. Flirting. Having fun. Romance. It makes me sad, confused, angry, lonely, all of the above. And it sometimes made it hard to connect to God, because it is hard for me to believe I could "enjoy" my sexuality in my single state and enjoy and honor God at the same time. I know it is possible, but I don't see how as yet.
You are not alone. You will be just fine. Talk to God about how you feel ❤
It’s so sad that we are afraid of sex so much and we’re afraid of our own bodies and our desires when GOD DESIGNED SEX! I think I was 14 years old when I first read a Christian devotional that actually talked about sex as a beautiful thing, and it was eye opening. Women in particular feel great shame associated with sex because while the boys in the church are being taught, “stay away from the promiscuous woman” us girls were being taught, “don’t be that promiscuous woman.” That kind of teaching only directs the blame solely on women as the perpetrators of sexual sin instead of both parties being equal in responsibility of their bodies. Female desire and pleasure is so incredibly frowned upon in the church in general instead of being placed in high regard as men’s. Once we let go of that burden and stop believing we are dirty for our God-given desires, we can allow our bodies to enjoy such an incredible gift.
im 28 male, atheist and a virgin. i was in 2 relationships and remained a virgin, even though i dont believe in religion and god i hold value in marriage, wife and husband bond. people these days have sex with everyone they get into a relationship, or with friends(friends with benefits) or with strangers(one night stands). so what would remain special in a marriage if you have sex with everyone whom you wont be marrying, it would be just to have kids. but then again you can have kids without getting married too, like in the western countries. lose virginity to one, date others and do it with them too in the process, have kids with another, then get married to someone else and have kids with them too. and these people's kids would be like them or be more liberal than them too.
if people do it with everyone there wont be anything special left for marriage or something special between the wife and husband. we live in a generation where people use each other for sex, there are cases where people even get promised of marriage in return for sex and later on get fooled.
people are getting are getting more materialistic, selfish and lusty. its more about sex than love these days. humans are greedy beings you give them one right they will ask for more and when people become too liberal they'll become degenerates who dont put value on love and bonds. it would be just about themselves and their materialistic/superficial needs.
I pray you come to the Faith brother
First off, Cassie I appreciate your vulnerability and learning spirit. You were unashamed to ask questions. That just shows how much of a learner you are.
I have been married for just over a year too and could relate to a lot of what you said, especially the penetration/ orgasm part 😂
Secondly, that conversation about pornography in marriage... Two reasons why it is a 'no' for me:
1. We often forget that the concept of sexual sin can continue even in marriage and it is not just about fornication or adultery. Certain people struggle with impure thoughts and masturbation. Watching porn (even with your partner) simply opens up the portal for struggling with sexual sin, even though you are already married.
2. As your guest mentioned, it shifts the focus from each other to a third party (the video you are watching). Sex in marriage is a time to focus on each other and connect so beautifully and intimately. Watching porn takes that away. It is like introducing a third party into your bedroom/ having a threesome.
Woww this is reasonable ❤thanks ma for your lovely opinion
Great response!
Absolutely love this video. I love how open you both have been. Another commenter has talked about how it can take women some time to have sexual pleasure that peaks similarly to that of men. And so, I want to point out that it can happen. Female orgasms work similarly and can have the rise and peak phases. Like you both have said, it is okay to figure things out slowly with your partner. It is part of what makes the journey exciting with someone who has never experimented. There is that pleasure in knowing that you have done this or that for your partner. It is not sad that a lot of us cannot have orgasms through penetrative sex. We have the advantage of multiple orgasms in one round!! Sex is not merely penetrative sex. You and your partner can have sex and be spent without penetration. Have fun figuring it out!! I am so happy that we have gotten to the point of having these frank conversations as Nigerians.
what are some examples of sex without penetration?
I personally do think it is sad some of us don't orgasm from penetration
Yep, I hope she is able to explore and find out what would get her there. I can see why she found it sad, it would be sad to wait for marriage, spend 6 months preparing and still not be able to fully enjoy it.
I love this conversation. My sister and I was discussing this recently , and this is the big difference between Christian and Muslims(I work with Muslims from the Middle East- mostly males and they have kept their virginities until marriage). Christian scare their children about their body and sex while Muslims teach their children to rather value their bodies. So the results is Christians having sex early, getting pregnant out of wedlock while for many Muslims are able to remain pure until marriage. It’s the same with other things like drinking. I want to do better with my further children. Love Christ and your body and value it. We need to talk about other ramifications of sex, not just pregnancy and STI/Ds. The self value is even more important; not to mention the spiritual aspects. So much to say… anyways… I’ll continue watching. Thank you for this!
This theory is not accurate .
You can’t compare two different religions in two different parts of the world. Fornication will bring “shame to your family” in the Middle East and is a punishable crime. Here in America, it isn’t likely for a woman to be beaten for sex outside of marriage. It also isn’t likely that her family will be ridiculed or harmed as a result. I’d say those are scare tactics as well. Christians tell their children not to have sex because of pregnancy. Other religions fear death for sitting too close to the opposite sex.
That's not necessarily true. Most people in "Christian" majority societies see sex outside of marriage as extremely normal.
That being said, people do not learn about sex as much as they learn about the physical consequences of it. We learn about STDs, STIs, pregnancy, and "soul ties," but do not learn about the act itself, how its supposed to feel, what the interaction itself is like in a healthy way.
Also, what you said in your comment contributes to the shame and fear associated with sex. You equated virginity to purity. Biblically speaking, this is inaccurate.
Purity extends into so many other parts of ourselves. King David is one of the great examples of Christian purity. He was a muderer, adulterer and possibly r-pist, depending on your interpretation of the Bathsheba passage. Yet he was deemed as pure, righteous and moral in God's eyes, because of the state of his heart. The Lord looks at the heart. Christians err greatly when they adopt the world's idea that purity is only tied to virginity. Purity begins in the heart and can be observed in your speech, the way you think of others, how you treat them, and how you serve the Lord.
The opposite of virginity is fornication. The opposite of purity is unrighteous, which encompasses fornication, but is much broader than that.
Well said
@@egiipta I agreed with much except I don't remember anywhere in the Bible where David was seen as "pure". Now, "chosen" & "a man after God's heart"? Yes. But "pure" would be more like Enoch & maybe Job.
This is such an important conversation and I'm so happy to see Christian women of all cultures and nationalities discussing this. Purity culture did all of us a disservice and the mindsets and bondage must be rectified. Kudos to you ladies for discussing this openly. Honestly, I wish churches would embrace this conversation and begin talking and teaching honestly about sex.
Do you believe in soul bonds?
Cassie you are such a delight..you are quite knowledgeable about almost everything but in between you are vulnerable and yet so teachable. I enjoy and appreciate your TH-cam videos . Keep it up!
The fact that you shared your experience is simply amazing.
I'm glad you're in a better space with your husband.😊
Indeed it's God who has made me come a cross this channel, I'm 24 yr old and still a virgin, thank you for this video God bless you ❤️❤️❤️its my first time here
Having this conversation from a Christian perspective has been very helpful. Thank you 😊
Right it's good relating god to sex and knowing it's God's gift to a marriage
Being vulnerable in this kinda space is a big deal, that's lovey of you guys to do. This is the beet of the best - episode🎈. Great 👏👏👏
Sis said "God in his infinite wisdom said girl you deserve nice things and He gave us a clit" that is a whole word!!! Hallelujah somebody 😂🎉 💃🏾♥️
😂😂😂
Hi ladies 👋🏾 This video just so happened to popped on my main screen on this app and y’all thank you thank you thank you so much for sharing this! I’m 25 and still want to wait until marriage to have sex and it’s been really hard but I know God is there for me and knows my heart ❤so in the meantime I’m gonna continue to focus on me and Him into He sends me my person and we’re going to do things God’s way and not the world’s way. This topic is most definitely needs to be talked about more especially for the Black community and for the virgins in the room and for the ones that are trying to be celibate. No matter what you’re at in this journey, God’s got you. No one needs to pressure nobody for not wanting to have sex. Period! New subbie 😉
I pray God continues to strengthen you to stay on the right path ❤️
I was also a virgin when I got married, and the first month was not nice during intimacy. What help me was I read and come to the understanding to just relax and also train my mind before u know it everything was okay
Thanks for sharing your experience
I am so happy i waited for my fiancé, bc I couldn’t imagine myself losing it to someone who don’t have feelings for me. It would ruined me completely & when I was single I wanted to lose mine so badly even to an stranger but never did. So happy about it & that I knew my worth and never did it.
🥰❤️❤️
Jesus loves you and is coming back soon.
I pray you repent and baptise
If you haven't as yet.
This is becoming more open, I thank God for the lady who did a video on virginismus. She exposed everything.
*Vaginismus, not 'virginismus' 😔 Both virgin and non-virgin women can experience vaginismus.
@@leaellas8400 😂🤦🏽♀️
Which lady?
Great topic. Self-educating ourselves on the biology of ‘sex’ is important. Perhaps I’m always curious but I did and still do research the biology of sex. I speak to my GYN about and ask questions about where does the feeling of ‘pressure’ come from when a woman has sex for the first time. The pressure was compared to getting a Pap smear. As a woman that is a virgin I experienced a Pap smear and I was in tears. She goes into details about the canal and to imagine a space that has never been opened before.
The information is out there however as mentioned in the video the topic of ‘sex’ is over spiritualized and not spoken about up until the wedding night. The topic of foreplay and all the different things that ties into making love is important. Some believe sex is just what happens on the wedding now then one and done. Stimulation is also necessary. Each body operates different and expectation is what leads to disappointment
Ooh gosh if it's like a pap smear... ion want it 🙅🏽♀️😅 I be laying there thinking "this isn't what it'll be like" but never mind. WELP!
My obgyn recommended working with a pelvic floor physical therapist because women lose elasticity as they age. Now, I'm thinking that it's just too much work to be doing only for these men to disappoint you 😅😭
True about the gynecologist part, if most teens visit the gynecologist more often they would be more informed about things concerning their reproductive organ.
This is a conversation that’s usually tough to have so thank you for broaching it
Very educative and I like that fact that you found a way to balance it in a way that won't push young people into trying out before marriage! Great job
Beautiful video. The part of not having a build-up and release though, isn't true. Women certainly experience orgasms as build-ups and releases, and also continuous after-waves, depending on different factors. But it is very 100% possible
My thoughts exactly.
I was wondering, is it possible that women that start having sex while physically very tense, they have difficulty to realize that you can move and use your vagina during the intercourse. The vagina is not just unmovable thing that is just there. Also your hips are supposed to move the angle you are receiving your husband.
Some moments the vaginal pleasure comes from relaxedness, some moments from active movements.
I understand that the active use of your vagina requires first the tenseness transforming into relaxedness and further into active mobility.
Also, for desiring your husband sexually is important to watch him. See him as a desirable person. See the beautiful and arousing traits in his physical appearance. This is the first steps of the foreplay.
I haven’t felt the waves… I wonder is there something wrong with me
The release I don’t know if I have felt.. maybe clench once..
Or twice but some women describe it like much bigger and longer
I wish i waited,nobody taught me this things,but i decided to abstain,God has helped me abstain for a whole yr. I know there's no place for fornicators in heaven,yet i want to go there and be with my creator. Jesus has changed my life and I'm so happy now
Thank you I am 71 years young and I really needed to know it's not just me
It’s the openness! Wow thank you Cassie, this is so brave of you to share
Thank you for sharing this Cassie. You don’t know how much you are helping us.
I don’t comment on topics like these lol but I had to this time. I see a lot of videos/articles discussing this topic but often looking at it from either one side. Some say it’s amazing while others share how they regret it. As someone who is also waiting for marriage, I would often wonder which side would be “accurate” for me. I think this is the first time I have seen such a balanced take on the issue. You acknowledge the good aspects as well as the challenges that come along with this decision. God bless and I appreciate you sharing this with us.
Cassie is a gift that keeps giving!
Just like the benefits, the toll of "purity at all costs" is high.
Thank you to you and your friend for coming out to share this
🤗🤗
I'm a school counselor. I dress modestly, my personality is bubbly but I'm quite timid around men in general. The worst comment I overheard some teenagers say about me was that they suspect I was still a virgin.. which I still am.. at 29. I hate this. I take care of everyone and everything and I've put off dating since I can't even remember.. the side effect is that I'm afraid of dating.. no, of intimacy. It came to a point about 4 months ago where I was having dark thoughts about un-aliving myself because the pressure as a female is something I never in my life thought I would ever experience.
I can relate with this. Similar situation here. Its sad that the pressure got to you wanting to unalive yourself. For me , knowing who I am in God has helped. Do not look into the world to define you. Find God and find peace. There is NOTHING wrong with you. God loves you and you are incredibly precious in his eyes. Talk to him, he cares. You can read these. Jeremiah 33:3, Romans 8:37-39, 1 Peter 2:9. Let the word of God be your mirror and not the eyes of the world.
I appreciate this, internet friend ❤
Sigh. Don't find other ways to enjoy life Hun. Serving God can still be good.
Im just drawn to how healthy their friendship is, like her friend is so reassuring of her❤ when she says something she validates her. Love to see it😊
I'm 30 yrs old and i'm still a Virgin.Thank you Cassie. It's my first time here.
❤️
What I learnt from this
Talk about expectations, be honest,
Most importantly if one doesn’t have an understanding patient partner it would be so hard.
Thank you Cassie for sharing this, I can imagine how hard it was for you to do this. To add you are blessed with an amazing man.
Thank you too Onyeka too she spoke so intelligently.❤
This was beautiful and vulnerable. Thank you for sharing especially for ppl like us that are in that same field and waiting for marriage ❤
We are in the same boat, am waiting for marriage too
I’m glad you have a friend who is willing to be open with you!
At one point your friend said we can continue off camera. And I loved that she is fully open and gives you the real deal about what sex is actually like.
I had so many questions and my inner circle girlfriends laid it all out for me and were as raw as possible to help me see what it is really like. Not text book, not from a magazine article but what it is really like.
They allow me to ask questions all the time as I’m figuring this thing out.
The feeling of sex is more than just penetration. What I wasn’t told is that you have to get to know your body over time to get to the big O. And even that can be a learning process.
Sometimes you just want to know if you are on the right track and those girlfriends who are more experienced that you have been my life saver when I want to give up because I feel like my body isn’t “doing it right”
Thanks for sharing your story. You are not alone. I am in this same situation except going on 2 years!
Thank you for doing this. And I love the casual, natural, unrehearsed vibe
Thanks for sharing this, I had a difficult time too, it took us weeks to manage the first penetration, now three years in marriage and we're still in the learning and discovering, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this journey
Ladies, do you understand that you should have a say what is happening during sex. You are supposed to express your needs, demand the things you want. The guy does not know your preferences if you do not tell him.
Thanks Cassie for the video. I don’t know whether what you mean by women getting high is Orgasm. Women do get to the peak of sexual pleasure during sex that’s orgasm. But not all women experience it.
How do you know you got there and if I think I haven’t… how can I get there?
28year old virgin waiting til marriage! It’s not easy!
Am 24, years but it's not easy 😢
@@janerose92 still not married but I don’t have much relationship drama 🎭 peace! Also in Gods time is best.
Women do indeed feel orgasms, many do in fact. But it's a lot more psychological for women than for men. You kinda have to focus in a way, to get to that orgasmic point (if that's a word, lol), but not overthink it to the point where you get nervous and it doesn't happen. If you feel yourself getting to that point you kinda focus to get there, but don't overthink, and you may have to be going at it for a while before you do orgasm. Many factors can influence or hinder if you have am orgasm or not, like certain medications like anti-depressants, stress, fear, etc. So look into those. And ofc as Christian women we can pray to God about these things and ask Him to help us to please our partner in the best ways and yk, get an orgasm 😅. It's a beautiful learning journey, so be open and explore, but above all else, always seek to glorify God and don't leave him out on this journey.
P.S. you can feel pleasure without an orgasm.
N.B. I am very much a virgin, a Christian virgin, waiting on marriage. My above recommendations is based on what I know biologically based on research, I did research because of this video and based on a discussion I had with my female friends because of this video.
I really appreciate your boldness and maturity by discussing this topic and your guest, I love the manner in which she
opened up on a lot of her personal convictions, I understood a lot. I will be 50 next year and still don't really enjoy sex. My husband is quite understanding but still complains as he is surprised that after 27 years of marriage, I am still not interested in it. I have had to pray about this and am still hoping for a change but trust me being perimenopausal now is not making it easy but oh well I can only keep hoping that all will be well.
Has he ever wondered if it's his technique? 🤔
Ladies, it is not all on women. The guys also have to adapt to what ladies like and wish.
I definitely have certain things I do not want a guy to do, even if he would like to do it. It is very subtle change what can make a huge difference: rhythm, angle, the depth of penetration etc. If a guy does not want to find out what he can do for your pleasure he is not a right type for marriage.
These things should be discussed before getting married to see if both are willing to work this out. .
I'm 37 and still a virgin. I have a lot of suitors coming for my hand in marriage... but the thought of losing my virginity and also the thought of marrying the wrong man, scares the life out of me. i have a lot of fears/ phobias like fear of having sex and fear of marrying the wrong person. 😭😭😭
You need prayers
@@renabubbles9658 I don’t know if this comes from a place of concern or just a passing statement, either way you sound very rude.
Girl please don’t be scared. That only makes the experience worse
Sex is meant to be enjoyed
I think you'll need to prioritize the most important thing which I would imagine is marrying the right man. Like someone else said, pray over it (if you're religious) but also spend time really outlining what a desired partner looks like or if you want to even have one! Sometimes our fears are really just self protection. Maybe you're not just ready. But if you are, you have to be really invested in outlining and manifesting what your desires are. Sex will naturally come later.
I say this as someone in a similar situation. The moment I got sincere with what I really wanted, the easier picking potential partners became. Take your time and figure it out. And if possible, let God guide you too.
Thank you for creating a safe place for conversations for young ladies and women who choose to honour God with their bodies.
❤️❤️
@teawithdmm Onyeka, thank you for your contribution to this video. It was invaluable.
I’m glad this video was informative.❤
O wow am 37 and still do not know and this a pointer for me to get informed not go start doing anything but understand what is proper. Thank you
Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable 🤗
Onyeka is so full of wisdom😍😍. Enjoyed every bit if this
Thank you for sharing this with us, it will help alot of women coming behind you. ❤❤❤
Too often in the church, we equate Purity with Ignorance. Error.
And when the Bible says "The Truth will set you free", that's not just learning about Jesus. Or The Word. It's ALL truth.
🦋
Same happened with me.
But I got such a loving husband that made me understand that sex is just not what the society thinks. Its what u like to do and incorporate it into your lives
An unwarranted, transparent note:
I'd been struggling for some time to connect with your personality (here on the internet).
While I greatly admired your talents and enjoyed the products of it, it kind of bruised my ego that you seemed not at all interested in furthering conversations with random people like me who simply relate so much with your stories.
By furthering conversations, I mean liking the comments or replying to them or responding to questions we might have.
So yea, my ego had been bruised and I wondered why you would make such vulnerable content if you didn't care about the after-effects on the humans who watch it.
"Does she only want people who subscribe and like and share and keep it moving?" I asked myself.
But in watching today's video and seeing you be yourself with minimal editing or fine-tuning, I think I understand better.
So, no more boy-cotting your content cos of a bruised ego.
God is doing something beautiful with you on these streets and I'd be depriving myself by staying aloof because you're a different kind of influencer than what I'm used to.
Unwarranted advice, thanks for your transparency. You have taken the first step in recognizing that it is your ego bruised. It is then important to moving to the next step of giving compassion to the another person. Putting your out for the world to see is hard enough, there is a level of anxiety that also comes with interacting with “strangers” in the comment section too. ❤️
@@nkbaby759 Yes, I have now come into that level of understanding.
Thanks. 🤍
I got married as a virgin at 23, I am 45 now with 4 kids, happy marriage. I say that "sex" is over rated, love making is what God intended, it gets better and greater for sure and you learn about your needs, partners needs and you learn about your body...
Question difference between sex and love making lol 😂
Wow! Thank you for sharing Cassie. This is Major Tea like she shared
I like this video. When your young you need to know your body and understand it. Learn about it. Exercise. Stretch. And prepare it for when the time comes to have sex. Don’t ever be ashamed of it and learn the most you can that way you can get diagnosed early in life. Sex is meant to be enjoyed.
Thank you for this wise comment
Thanks for sharing this, Cassie❤
A great book to read would be Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot by Mo Isom.
The author is quite honest and transparent about her experiences and addresses sex through the lens of God’s Word.
wow, good to know .God bless you for sharing
How can one get the book
I love your energy and honesty
...I guess it's time for women to embrace their sexuality
Thank you so much for having this convo!
Thank you for making this video. I've sent this to some special women in my life. Very educational.
Thank you for having this conversation. I’m currently a virgin and I hate it, I see it as a burden. I am a female and if I have sex I would only want it to be with another virgin male. But to me the thought of waiting until marriage knowing these men don’t know how keep their legs closed and wait just makes me not even what to marry.
It's about honouring God first and then yourselg sweetheart. Even if I don't get married, God's way is the best way.
33:35-34:30 that's a great advice...gently spoken yet firm.
44:22-44:45 that is awesome
This whole thing is sooo wholesome and changes the game in the Christian world.
As a man, the sex is a parrty for women that men are invited too is awesome.
Thank you so much for having this much needed conversation ❤
This topic is such an eye opener. Thanks for taking out time to discuss it.
GOD bless you Cassie for this topic
It was very enlightening. I have zero knowledge about sex but the video was great. This video is worth a million views