I totally agree on your reasoning about if you feel no hope, it's impossible to break the habit, because what is there to look forward to except for the moment? Even if I knew it was bad reasoning, when I didn't see my life improving any time soon I just couldn't bring myself to care. I'm a high functioning autistic man who struggles a lot with creating meaningful connections, because as a kid (10 years old or so) I started telling myself I'm chronically lonely and will probably die alone. This thought pattern spiralled a lot and made my teenage years so miserable, to the point where I made an attempt on my life by overdosing on anti-depressives - the pills didn't do anything for me and I felt like I was worse on them. But in retrospect, I'm so glad now that it failed and that I was stupid enough to believe the doctor would give me something that could potentially harm me. After the attempt I quit therapy and didn't think as much about my struggles on a daily basis anymore, I felt like I passed through the worst hurdle and thought it can't get worse than this, so let's see what happens. I had my first drink the same year I turned 20, before that I was so isolated and only stayed at home. I could finally "connect" with people because all my inhibitions lowered and the things that bothered me didn't matter as much. It felt like I was finally living life, but my apathy for my future was always in the back of my mind. Having a drink would make me numb to those thoughts, so basically, I traded off the future for the moment. The reason I put "connect" in quotation mark above is because all of the people I've met when I've been drinking never led anywhere except to more drinking and drugs. And so for the past 9 years, it have been a real rollercoaster in my addictions. I went from only drinking when celebrating, to every other weekend, to every weekend and to every day - and the worst of times was when I drank by myself because I have an addictive personality and high alcohol tolerance, so I didn't notice how drunk I'd get until it was too late. However, four years ago I got my first job at 26 years old, right out of college as the pandemic started. It was so exciting because I got to work with my special interest on a daily basis, and I can't get enough of it, I want to do it on my free time as well. But where I live (Sweden) it's a painful process to just get an apartment to rent, so I was sharing an apartment with a guy I know from college, commuting for 6 hours every day to and from work. That took a lot of mental energy out of me, my new life style couldn't support my drinking habit and so I naturally dialled back on it to only drink on Fridays or Saturdays. But last year when I turned 29, and I just felt the birthday dread I always feel because none except for my parents would congratulate me, all the people I considered friends or acquaintances over the years were silent again. I had a real urge to go out and drink to numb my feelings, but I caught myself thinking of that and thought how I would feel the day after and decided it was not worth it. So right there and then I decided that I'm going to spend my last year in my 20's sober. So, I'm soon 11 months sober, and I just got my first apartment a few weeks ago after having been in the housing queue for years, and I got to say, even if I haven't solved my loneliness, life feels pretty good now and I'm looking forward to what's next. I don't know if I'm going to be sober indefinitely, but one thing I know for sure is that I never want to drink when I'm by myself again. I'm sorry for the wall of text, I just couldn't help myself to not share after watching your video.
@anomalyraven I'm so sorry you've been through all of this. It sounds like a really difficult time. Congratulations on 11 months sober, that's amazing and like with any other big changes, it's good to take it one day at a time! It sounds like you've got lots to look forward to now and I'm really happy for you!
I can truly relate to your story. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. I will be 64 this month and I’ve spent my entire life trying to understand why I didn’t fit in anywhere and couldn’t communicate well. So many wrong diagnoses throughout the years. I can’t tell you all. Ended up in situations not understanding the hierarchy. Not addicted to alcohol but certainly abused it and no longer drink. Can’t tell you how you’ve helped validate my own story. Sending you so much love. You are not alone, this will help so many that can relate. 🦋
@sayusayme7729 thank you for sharing too! I'm so glad this video has helped to validate your experience. It's important to talk about these things for this very reason. Please know, you're never alone. Sending love.
I hope that you are incredibly proud of yourself!! Congratulations on your 4.5 years of sobriety!! You give me hope for my loved ones who suffer. Thank you for bravely sharing your story. ❤
Sound so familiar. I’m the same age. Undiagnosed autism, depressed since the age of fourteen, started drinking around the same time. Kept drinking till I hit the rock bottom and nearly ruined myself. Thank goodness, after a sudden moment of revelation, I’ve been 14 years sober now. Due to that, I got freedom to live my life as I want it, not being controlled by this small shot of liquid, as you absolutely accurately put it. Thanks for the video, I wish you happiness and peace of mind.
A very very familiar story, I used to have crippling social fobia when I was a teen, and I remember alchohol would fix it for a while, and once I drank my self into a coma at a school graduation party.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Really appreciate the courage and determination you show. Incredibly motivating. Xx
@vyoletsiren you’re welcome. Thank you for listening and for your lovely comment xx😊
I totally agree on your reasoning about if you feel no hope, it's impossible to break the habit, because what is there to look forward to except for the moment? Even if I knew it was bad reasoning, when I didn't see my life improving any time soon I just couldn't bring myself to care. I'm a high functioning autistic man who struggles a lot with creating meaningful connections, because as a kid (10 years old or so) I started telling myself I'm chronically lonely and will probably die alone. This thought pattern spiralled a lot and made my teenage years so miserable, to the point where I made an attempt on my life by overdosing on anti-depressives - the pills didn't do anything for me and I felt like I was worse on them. But in retrospect, I'm so glad now that it failed and that I was stupid enough to believe the doctor would give me something that could potentially harm me. After the attempt I quit therapy and didn't think as much about my struggles on a daily basis anymore, I felt like I passed through the worst hurdle and thought it can't get worse than this, so let's see what happens.
I had my first drink the same year I turned 20, before that I was so isolated and only stayed at home. I could finally "connect" with people because all my inhibitions lowered and the things that bothered me didn't matter as much. It felt like I was finally living life, but my apathy for my future was always in the back of my mind. Having a drink would make me numb to those thoughts, so basically, I traded off the future for the moment. The reason I put "connect" in quotation mark above is because all of the people I've met when I've been drinking never led anywhere except to more drinking and drugs. And so for the past 9 years, it have been a real rollercoaster in my addictions. I went from only drinking when celebrating, to every other weekend, to every weekend and to every day - and the worst of times was when I drank by myself because I have an addictive personality and high alcohol tolerance, so I didn't notice how drunk I'd get until it was too late.
However, four years ago I got my first job at 26 years old, right out of college as the pandemic started. It was so exciting because I got to work with my special interest on a daily basis, and I can't get enough of it, I want to do it on my free time as well. But where I live (Sweden) it's a painful process to just get an apartment to rent, so I was sharing an apartment with a guy I know from college, commuting for 6 hours every day to and from work. That took a lot of mental energy out of me, my new life style couldn't support my drinking habit and so I naturally dialled back on it to only drink on Fridays or Saturdays. But last year when I turned 29, and I just felt the birthday dread I always feel because none except for my parents would congratulate me, all the people I considered friends or acquaintances over the years were silent again. I had a real urge to go out and drink to numb my feelings, but I caught myself thinking of that and thought how I would feel the day after and decided it was not worth it.
So right there and then I decided that I'm going to spend my last year in my 20's sober. So, I'm soon 11 months sober, and I just got my first apartment a few weeks ago after having been in the housing queue for years, and I got to say, even if I haven't solved my loneliness, life feels pretty good now and I'm looking forward to what's next. I don't know if I'm going to be sober indefinitely, but one thing I know for sure is that I never want to drink when I'm by myself again.
I'm sorry for the wall of text, I just couldn't help myself to not share after watching your video.
@anomalyraven I'm so sorry you've been through all of this. It sounds like a really difficult time. Congratulations on 11 months sober, that's amazing and like with any other big changes, it's good to take it one day at a time!
It sounds like you've got lots to look forward to now and I'm really happy for you!
I can truly relate to your story. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience.
I will be 64 this month and I’ve spent my entire life trying to understand why I didn’t fit in anywhere and couldn’t communicate well.
So many wrong diagnoses throughout the years.
I can’t tell you all. Ended up in situations not understanding the hierarchy.
Not addicted to alcohol but certainly abused it and no longer drink.
Can’t tell you how you’ve helped validate my own story.
Sending you so much love.
You are not alone, this will help so many that can relate.
🦋
@sayusayme7729 thank you for sharing too!
I'm so glad this video has helped to validate your experience. It's important to talk about these things for this very reason.
Please know, you're never alone. Sending love.
I hope that you are incredibly proud of yourself!! Congratulations on your 4.5 years of sobriety!! You give me hope for my loved ones who suffer. Thank you for bravely sharing your story. ❤
@AngelaMonteith that's very kind of you. Thank you so much. I really hope your loved ones can find peace and healing.
Sound so familiar. I’m the same age. Undiagnosed autism, depressed since the age of fourteen, started drinking around the same time. Kept drinking till I hit the rock bottom and nearly ruined myself. Thank goodness, after a sudden moment of revelation, I’ve been 14 years sober now. Due to that, I got freedom to live my life as I want it, not being controlled by this small shot of liquid, as you absolutely accurately put it. Thanks for the video, I wish you happiness and peace of mind.
@solovvajulie5731 thank you for sharing and so glad that you're enjoying life now. Wishing happiness to you too. Take care.
A very very familiar story, I used to have crippling social fobia when I was a teen, and I remember alchohol would fix it for a while, and once I drank my self into a coma at a school graduation party.
@Ikkepop I'm so sorry you experienced that. Hope things are better for you now.
@@NeuroCath yes they are now. I barely even drink anything ever now. Though adhd is still an open issue
thank you for your story! Have a fantastic day
Thank you so much! You too!