Handling Rejection Like A Pro
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ค. 2024
- How do you deal with rejection like a pro? I'm offering a pep talk with my insights and best tips on how to develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with rejection. You'll face so much rejection in writing and publishing, and it's hard. Learn to process rejection in a healthy way so you can survive!
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I think 2020 might be the year i begin querying my current WIP so i’ll definitely be needing this video 😂
Me too! Good luck!
Same!!!!!!
Lost Goth Same to you!
Petra Wen Good luck!
@@lightquest2 thank you :) you too
This is great life advice in general. When I got my first rejection email (for a job I had convinced myself was PERFECT for me) I stormed around the house kicking walls and ugly crying for probably about an hour. By rejection twenty, I was much better at handling it! And when I got my first job, it was a much better fit for me than the one I'd cried about.
I love your thoughts on hope, and don’t think they’re “Susie Sunshine” at all. We NEED hope in order to produce action. And action is, of course, how we get where we’re headed.
I always think of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s characters, especially Emily of New Moon, going out to the mailbox to collect actual paper rejections. As a kid, I thought, that’s what I’m going to do when I grow up. That’s what it means to be a writer. I hope I can maintain that attitude as query rejections start rolling in!
I re-read those books a few months ago!
I got my first rejection this month. I spent an hour crying about it to my mom, and then I was right back to it, fixing what needed to be fixed. I know it was rushed because it was the first one I have worked on in years and it was a bit rushed at times. I have a family to take care of, so my best foot was not always forward. Thank you for your advice. I think I needed to hear it.
I come as an upcoming rapper and most of what Alexa says is so, so applicable to the journey. My work won't be for everyone but it will be for someone other than me
Before I indie published, I had acquired a pile of rejections taller than my papillon. A good way to look at rejections is to remember how many manuscripts publishing houses receive vs how many slots they have open in their publishing schedule / budget. It’s also fun to thumb through the rejections now, after 9 years of indie publishing. You are giving really great advice here.
Thankfully I only decided to actually try pursuing being a writer after I'd done a creative writing course, so I got used to the idea of opening my work up to criticism and/or rejection. I'm quite happy to be given constructive criticism, I can think of at least two occasions where someone's pointed out an issue with a story I wrote and having edited it I've thought "Y'know what, that actually IS better, I totally get what they meant". What...I suppose I could describe it as bothers me (at least outside of querying an agent, where I'm aware they may not have the time to go into detail as to why they aren't interested) is people who just say some blunt comment like "Well that's just shit". Thankfully something I've only experienced with my writing once.
Although I'm not naïve enough to assume I know everything about writing (I wish), so this is certainly a helpful video :-)
I haven't even treaded into publishing territory on my writing journey, but to brace myself for rejection I find solace in stories from well-established authors on how they were initially rejected but found an agent willing to go to bat for them and also, the fact that books I find repulsive are published. If books I find to be absolute garbage can be published, someone somewhere may give mine a chance and I've just got to keep trying. Using art as an example, if a banana duct-taped to a blank canvas can sell for $120k, my stories have hope. lol
Totally! I’m thinking specifically of a novel that came out this year that is Exhibit A author dream scenario in terms of glowing reviews and awards and attention in general. Like, EVERYONE loves this book. Personally I found it to be a masterpiece - a book I’m still thinking about months later. But sure enough, there are actual people out there who say it’s terrible garbage!! Alexa is totally right - there’s no work of art that is universally loved.
@@Gbutler777 Now I'm curious as to what book you're referring to lol I want to read it! :O
Sarah Burdett Fleishman is in Trouble!
I have committed to having a good attitude about rejection. It just means that just as my project isn’t a good fit for the agent or reader, it means they aren’t a good fit for me either, and a bad fit is worse than no fit at all.
This look is your best yet. That blouse is the perfect red for your skin and your make is ideal with that red. But, those eyes...oh my...you knocked this look out of the park! All that being said, your beaming smile and tinkling giggle as you chat is a lure that makes me smile. I feel so happy after watching one of your videos no matter what the content is. Superb presentation.
I think the ultimate rejection is a lack of sales. In the end, sharing our stories is the whole point and that generally comes through sales.
It's the Tati beauty pallette! This was my try-on day for my holiday party look :)
Yeahhhhhh sales are another massive form of rejection. It hurts a lot :(
Could you do a video on how to establish/find/create a healthy writing community?
I just received a form rejection. This is my fifth rejection out of 11 queries sent. But seeing this video really made me more hopeful. Thank you for this. I'm gonna keep on chanting,
"I'M NOT MY BOOK!!"
One thing that makes me feel better is reading the one-star reviews of books I admire. Some are garbage, but others make good points. The flaws are real, but I don't admire the work any less, and I'm so glad my favorite authors pushed through.
When I was younger and was querying my first time, I got very upset, even though I did keep trying, but eventually I just was like: *"Meh. Someone will say yes eventually and if not, I'll do it myself!"* it does take time though and some days I get down about it still, but you learn to roll with the punches.
I'm singing "I am not my book" in my head right now like "I am not my hair."
Thanks for the words of wisdom. Happy New Year!
This was exactly what I needed to be reminded. Thank you, this was helpful. ❤❤
Happy New Years' Eve Alexa! Hoping to see many more videos in the new year!
For the whole video, you look like you're reliving every rejection you've ever received. :)
Thanks for the pep talk... Hope you have an awesome new year (with minimal rejection).
Great post and timely as I'm currently on submission... Thank you and happy new year!
I think it’s helpful to find someone you trust to be honest with you ab your writing rather than relying on literary journals
I love this and your whole aesthetic is so good
This video rings painfully true. A positive attitude goes a long way, and people take it for granted. I live by the motto “Always believe something wonderful is about to happen.” And it fills me with hope to face each day as an opportunity and privilege to do my favorite thing: write.
And it is also true that things happen for a reason. It’s some kind of weird karmic magic imbibed into the fabric of our universe that works behind the scenes. I’ve been rejected by my dream agents and I’ve cried, feeling utterly hopeless and wanting to give up. But all of those rejections pave the way to the place you’re supposed to go.
Thanks Alexa for your words of wisdom!! ❤️ Erika
Thank you! I can’t tell you how much I love your channel. I thought I was ready for query rejection. I wasn’t. Battery acid - great analogy. I have become so frustrated (sometimes angry) and I’m learning to let it slide - it is NOT easy. So, I’ve been investing my time in my next book. It’s the best, most productive thing to do. Such a great video, Alexa!
This has really helped me. Thank you.
you always give the best down-to-earth advice ;A;
This is so great! I’m a photographer, and I’ve learned the hard way how important it is to take criticism in stride. Looking back, so many of the comments I received were helpful advice that I didn’t absorb, because I was so put off by being told that my early work was crap. As artists it’s really hard to separate ourselves from our work, but it’s so important for our growth.
I’m wondering if you could do a video on finding a healthy writing community? So much of what I’ve found online (reddit) is overwhelming and impersonal.
oh my goodness I only saw the tail but your cat is so FLUFFY!!! I love it! Again thank you so much for the helpful advice and the amazing content, I have been using your videos as motivation/help/tips to prep for NanoWriMo!
Thank you!!!!!!! For this video and year on this channel!
That's such good advice. Whenever a fic (yeah, still just fic writing...) flops, I just move onto the next one. That's honestly the thing that's got me through; to "move forward in hope," and understand there will be other fics (books, ideally), and other tries, and at the very least, I know now what isn't working, and I have more experience of trying to write.
awesome video alexa
I have dealt with a lot of rejection from teachers, classmates, honest family & friends, random people online who I have felt compelled to share my short stories/novels/poetry with and it’s because my writing ✍️ seemed extremely boring to them. I have been writing about vampires 🧛🏻♂️ since I was 10 years old so to hear everyone reject my stories ever since then to 27 year old me now
is quite obviously depressing. I have considered stopping my writing ✍️ and moving onto whatever else I may enjoy...which I haven’t figured out yet.
I was rejected more than ten times (I lost count after the tenth), before my first short story was published. It hurt so bad and I was afraid that I didn't have any talent. But I continued to write and read a little every day, and put myself out there in critique sessions in classes and writers' circles.
Now, as of May 2021, ten of my stories have been published and/or won awards, all in the span of a year. That said, I still get rejected. But I learned the hard way that you can't get accepted unless you get rejected. That keeps me grounded. It's a constant learning process.
Just over here casually watching this while I wait for a response from my latest short story submission. 😅
Gonna be querying my manuscript in 2020 so gonna be rewatching this video soon lol
Game of dozens works too. Plus throw in positive attitude.
Oh this came at a good time, one of the best scripts I’ve written just got rejected because there’s no market for it & though I’m not Too Sad, I’m still a bit sad yknow
I loved this. Universal advice, apliable to almpost anything especially in the professional area. ^_^
You know what. This is funny, because the same date that you published this, is the same day that I saw a comment on my collab partners story on Wattpad stating that My main character was a waste of space and text. Right after I read that comment, I felt a HUGE pit in my stomach like I did something really wrong.
Luckily I was already going back and editing, this is was the first person to say this.
But the person had a great point about my character though, she was overpowered.
So now I am redoing the story to fix the details that I thought would make the book better. I already took down the chapters and now I'm kinda regretting it.
But if anything, it was really just an excuse for me to fix my story. But its really a worst timing, I'm going into a contest and the contestants are going to be reviewing each other's books on January 5th.
I wish I would have seen this clip sooner.
I really love your videos, Thanks to you, I know how to properly describe when the character themselves are blushing and what not to do in a Fan Fiction. I will take your advice for my fan fiction and apply it.
Thank you so much for everything. :D
Maybe you already made a video on this and I missed it, but one of my biggest fears when it comes to my book is that I'll finish it, submit it, and discover, at some point in the gate-keeping process, that I have run it past every agent or, in the submission phase, every editor I can and it's now dead. I've poured my absolute entire being into this story for well over a decade, so the idea that I might engage with traditional publishing, only to run out of avenues to head in, would be...crushing. At least, the impression I've gotten from videos I see on youtube by authors like you is that, once you submit a manuscript to an agent/editor, you can never submit that same manuscript to them again. If you already did a video that kind of covers this, I'd appreciate it if you could direct me toward it, and if not, I suppose that's an idea for another one you could film. I can imagine you already have a crazy backlog, but still, I would be grateful for anything you might have to give me to kind of...alleviate some of my fears, maybe? Or at least give me perspective. I've never known you to sugarcoat what you say and your pep talks are always tempered with realism, so you're the best person on this site I can think to ask about this.
Thank you very much and I LOVE your videos. They are massively helped and informative. I'm so glad you decided to start a youtube channel. A lot of perspective authors have richer lives because of it.
I'm not Alexa (and not a published author), but maybe this thought helps: Traditional publishing is not the only way to get your story out into the world. If you run out of traditional publishing options, you can consider self-publishing, or posting it on sites like Wattpad, or any number of other distribution mechanisms. Beyond that, my advice would be to enjoy the writing process itself. If I never publish anything in my entire life, I won't regret the countless hours I've poured into writing because they were fun hours and I get a huge amount of personal satisfaction from my writing.
I think of myself as a positive person. I'm not one to handle rejection badly, I know it's inevitable. It's part of the process. What I can't cope with it the bias I've encountered in the writing community towards people that write romance. So, when you spoke of people having a support system to help through the tough times, I couldn't relate. I've had people talk to me like I was a third-class writer, and have picked away everything I've said to prove that I don't have the capacity to write good fiction. It's a shame because I actually pay to be a member of that discord.
I love you! 🤗
Your are a witch who tells me what I want to hear at that moment. How are you doing that? You are the best. I did something out of rage and I am regretting it. I feel like goddess of writing herself rejected me and I cannot take it no matter what.
How did you know I'm querying my book nowwwww
I ghost-faded a CP… but let me explain! I sent her three chapters to read. Three! and she sent me 450 pages. Mostly dialogue with no tags so I kept losing who was talking. It was dreadful. I didn’t know what to say, she had already read mine….
I'm not a writer, but I've submitted to two agents for illustrator rep. The first submission got a yes, while I was rejected, respectfully, by the second (who I felt like I would really connect with). Ofc it stung, but not so much. I'm not sure if it's because I already got a yes, or because growing up I literally lost in every art contest I've ever joined so I got used to it.
I'm lucky. I'm entirely cynical and pessimistic, rejection is the expectation so if anything is ever accepted ... well hell how the fuck did that happen?
I'm actually thankful for constructive criticism. When people like your work without giving any pointers gets old. Also, I'm my own worse critic.
Also, I'm my own worst critic.
I really thought my first completed book was a masterpiece that was going to rock the world. My beta readers nicely told me otherwise. It hurt a lot but I'm glad for the ego deflation. I'm much more practical about my current writing project, knowing it might never get picked up for publication and that's okay, and allowing my critique partners rip it apart is much less painful. But it's also much better than my first book.
I understand that taste is subjective, but we also have to consider the possibility that our writing just isn’t up to snuff.
Well, yes, but that's for another video topic :) (Which I've done!)
Because we see the people who publicly freak out about rejection and it's definitely not a good look!
Also, I fear I may have got publicly frustrated once...although I can at least say it was short-lived...and didn't mention anyone specific. I'm aware that might not be much better.
I wish I had this video when I was younger. I would become a complete mess whenever I got the smallest critique and it would ruin my week. Don't be like me kids, listen to this video and grow your craft so you don't become a mountain troll like me.
I am bracing myself for my first rejections soon ... got my Big Girl Pants on!
vent, privetely, PRIVATELY
say it with me everyone: oof