Great discussion fellas! My oldest son's dad TOLD ME "I'm not looking for a relationship "...I was 19-20 and like "I'll fix that." 2 years and a newborn later, he was serious smh...I met my now husband. He proposed not even 2 years in....we were married 6 months later. When a man is ready, he will show u. When he AINT, he will show u lol
What a set of mixed messages for women, were reared to look forward to and prepare for marriage young.. and men are taught the opposite. It sets us up for failure, we’ve got to change the narrative.
Really good conversation. I was upfront with my now husband when we met. I told him I was a wife and it was up to him if I was his wife or someone else’s. The choice was his but I wasn’t doing long-term dating or engagements. This is my second marriage so I definitely learned to speak up from my first. Men aren’t mind readers. Set your requirements and if they can’t live up to them then you know what to do.
@@jainell_all_day6887 The fear is crippling. They don't know how to be happy and alone. I spent 2 years really focusing on myself and my God. I traveled, met some super interesting people, picked up a few new fun hobbies and truly fell in love with me! I lost over 100 pounds and when I decided to date again it was with purpose and in truth! A man will show you who he is. I met my husband and by the 3rd date he was talking marriage. We were married 8 months after meeting. And I am SO grateful for that time alone and for being completely honest with him and more importantly MYSELF about what I was willing to give and take. Marriage is a delicate dance of compassion and compromise.
@@jainell_all_day6887 no need to be afraid. They can either get onboard or move on. You're better off knowing what you're getting into versus following along with them in fear. Know your worth and don't settle for anything less. Men are like buses, another one is coming along in due time. Work on yourself and do your own thing, like Ruth...she was out busy tending in the garden minding her own business and her comes Boaz. Enjoy yourself and fall in love with yourself and watch the Lord work. (speaking in general, not trying to overstep or assume you're "a lot of women" :-)
@@jainell_all_day6887 Don't be afraid! There is a school to thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
So glad Tank touched on alpha women in a positive light because a lot of times I hear folks talking about us as if we don't want a husband or we want to run a man and that's not the case. I just don't want a man trying to make me different because of his ideas of a woman or to try to put me down because I'm not more non-alpha. I appreciate y'alls marriage & how transparent y'all are because it helps me to see how 2 alpha beings can have a very successful relationship! Another great episode Sirs! 👏🏽
If you give out an alpha vibe as a woman, you'll end up with a lazy man.a Even if you get an alpha guy, your man will end up evolving to a beta. I have seen it in marriages, not worth it, because you'll end up draining yourself out as a woman. I'll advise you to tame down those masculine vibes
I agree with most things. But why would you give something wifey privileges before marriage? (~ 24:00). If he gives you the excuse that he’s not marrying you bc you aren’t doing those things, that’s typically a red flag!!! It’s manipulative. You could start doing those things and he may still not marry you. If he acts like that, he may not be the type of person you want to marry anyway. A lot of men may give that excuse, I’m just saying that’s a red flag and a reason to turn away, rather than a reason to just give into a man that makes that excuse.
So true! There is a school to thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️ I kept things real simple. I was upfront from the beginning. I went Dutch on dates. I literally dumped a guy because I told him we were going Dutch. He paid for my food when I went to the bathroom. I was pissed off because I don’t like people crossing my boundaries. For me, dating had to be fun. I hated feeling as if it was a chore or interrogation. I dated around, had fun and lived life. Too many women asked me how would he know if I’m wifey material. If you’re not married, you’re not wifey material. The joke of the day is I still got proposed to multiple times and I’m married now. Now I just live life and have fun. I’m not going to allow anyone to stress me out. I watch way too many women be stressed out over a man for years just for him to marry someone else who he only knew a year or less. My husband and I got married after knowing each other for 5 months. He knew that he wanted to marry me. It’s been 16 years now.
Thank you for sharing your story. I've long encouraged my single friends to consider going dutch so there's no expectation or pressure for sex or a continued relationship. If the date didn't go well he doesn't feel used and she has more agency to walk away at any point if she wants to. It also forces women to be honest with themselves. Your less likely to go on a date with someone you're not interested in if you have to pay your own way.
@@nr7920 She dumped him for not respecting her boundaries. Lots of men think if they pay for dinner, the woman should sleep with them so it's smart to avoid that issue altogether.
Again, great topic and so happy to hear a man's perspective. And ladies, please dont date a man for more than 2 years without a clear understanding of where you are headed as a couple. Just DON'T DO IT!
I agree Stacey. I believe that you do NEED time to get acquainted with the person but you don’t need eternity to make a decision. I think there should be a plan or a goal in place. Where is this going and what do you want? If you don’t want marriage that’s fine too but stop wasting people’s time and energy.
In some cases, even spending 2 years focused on someone hoping they do right is so risky. 3 breakups and all of a sudden you jeopardize you probability of having a biological child. There is a school of thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
Marriage is an investment you will get a return on your investment when you marry the right person and you put in the work to maintain a healthy marriage
These are the healthy discussions I wish were more viral. A true peek into a man’s thought process without the berating and belittling of women. This makes my soul smile. Thank you brothers! ✊🏾
I’m so glad y’all talked about how your lives improved after your wives. That’s not to take away from what you accomplished on your own or could continue to accomplish as a single man. I appreciate that because other podcasts have made it a fault of women to want their man to be ambitious and excel at whatever it is they do.
"You can't have expectations without communication." #TherapyIsDope It's sooooo funny seeing Mr. Zoooom-In himself @Marcus Tanksley in the "Don't get us canceled!" role here 🤣😁🤣 While y'all still reading comments, let me share regarding Greg's statements at 22:10 - Compared to people in my peer group, I had my first child "late" at age 30. I wanted to wait to make an announcement, but the person I was married to at the time started telling people almost from the moment I peed on the stick! The second time around at d@mn near 40 I had more information about doulas and midwives coupled with a much calmer relationship dynamic so I felt less stressed about my #geriatricpregnancy. At the same time I was deep into researching my family tree and realized my grandmother, great grandmother and great-great grandmother had all given birth to healthy children beyond age 39.
This is amazing.. Love the podcast. I was the one hesitating on marriage. I wanted degrees, to build up my finances, I didn't want any kids, and I wanted to be in a particular occupation.He gave me an ultimatum and a child. Best decision of our lives.
it's so dope to find a podcast like this. 2 married brothers having a qualityconversation without being vulgar and outrageous. Glad I found you brothas
Another great one 💯💪🏾 On a sidenote I got married before my dad...I got married 2014 (We met in high school in '06 and started dating her first year of college/my senior year in fall of '07) my dad, who said he'd never get married, got married last year.
I respect this conversation about the anxiety men have about becoming a husband/father being tied to provision insecurity. As a child, an adult told me that my dad was angry when my mom was having me, (even though they were married) and for YEARRRRSSSSS I thought he didn’t want ME (in general), but it was really his fear of being able to provide for a growing family. Parents, PLEASE talk to your children about this (especially if they know they were a “surprise”).
I just realized while watching this that I'm an Alpha female. I spent so much time working on healing from my childhood trauma that I had to re-learn who I was. I just talked about this with my fiance and he said, "Uh yeah! That's why you're so bossy, but that's why I love you because you be right majority of the time." Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences guys!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Love that! My mom always gets on my case about being too assertive with my husband and my husband always says he likes that I'm fiesty and willing to challenge him.
I agree fellas. You have to be upfront about your expectations. I met my husband at 20 and he was still 19(2 weeks before his 29th bday). Once we decided to be exclusive and serious, I told him I was not gonna be a 10 year girlfriend. We got married at 26, 2 kids later and are still very happily married.
I love so many things about this episode but two things that stood out to me was Goolz’s point about would you feel comfortable leaving your kids with this person and their family for an extended period of time and Marcus’s celibacy journey. A lot of wisdom here. I hope everyone finds someone they’re equally yoked with. Marriage is blessing and probably the second most important decision someone can make in their life. Great video. I took notes
Ok last comment on this but I have to say Marcus is really a good dude! I started following you because I of Angel and from Angel working with Kevonstage. I did notice you looked a little uptight on your podcast with Angel but didn’t realize it was because of what you were dealing with when it came to work. I know you mentioned your father’s passing on your other podcast. What a difference you steeping out in your own. You seem more carefree, open, vulnerable, and genuinely happy! Kudos to you and your family for taking that leap of faith. I know it’s hard I’m going through it myself but as a single person 🙃. Once again love to Pod this is going to blow up for sure! Looking forward to more topics like this and learning about you and Gooz more! Y’all dropping gems 💎 frfr on this!
Summer time so now I am catching up on missed episodes of podcasts. This week I decided to start with episode 1 of Let us Tell it. I am glad I did...love the episodes. Sad that the show has ended. I hope you guys come back because the Black community needs this positive show of Black men.
Thank yall so much! Thank you for being positive and vulnerable. It's refreshing to not hear us a women, black women being beat down and disrespected. You both have been helpful and encouraging! Thank you! Thank You for hope! Thank you and God bless!
It’s so good to hear real men in real healthy relationships talk about topics like this. Thank y’all for this discussion. I really enjoyed this, keep it up! 👏🏽👏🏽
I loved this. Such a regular level headed discussion. Marriage is what you make of it. If you and your partner want to party and be in the clubs together than do that. If you and your partner want separate bedrooms than do that. It doesnt have to be a big deal or change in your relationship. Like yall will grow and change over time but as long as there is some effort put in there to understand eachother and meet eachothers needs you'll be okay.
True - be a team and work it out together among the two of you. Your relationship does not have to be just like everyone else's as long as you respect each other.
I stopped listening to a lot of what men think videos because they can come off negatively but you guys are successfully married and are being transparent on a black man's perspective. One thing I will clarify is that black men are not raised to be married. Asians, Indians, Africans, Persians, White men, etc. are expected to get married and start families and that's the challenge when black women want to get married and raise a family with one man. Good podcast!
You all are really getting into your pocket! Tank, it appeared as though you felt you had to lead bc you have more experience and Goos it seemed you fell back a little, maybe bc you don't have the same on mic experience, however, that's truly what makes the podcast good! Goos, you clearly think before you speak and have a desire to bring wisdom in what you are saying or you won't say anything. Tank, your organization shines. You too balance while, truly trust how "organic" you two really are. You're on to something and I'm sure the majority of your audience is women and we are listening! My hope is that eventually you both will have your wives on for an episode or two. Keep it going yall!
As a single woman who just turned 36 *let me tell you*..... it's not so easy doing this upfront "don't waste my time" bit....that energy can come across as desperate quite easily which repels a lot of guys and they feel rushed and/or pressured. You also don't wanna feel this is so urgent that you end up settling.
I'm unsure how don't waste my time energy can come across as desperate? Would you mind giving examples? If a woman is clear about her intentions and a man's intentions don't match so he's run off that seems beneficial she's avoiding wasting her time on those who aren't on the same page.
@@keishapuryear8180 don't waste my time upfront can come across jarring...it implies a sense of urgency, meaning you're desperate to secure something before it's too late
I love this conversation. 👏🏼 Exploring men's reasons for not being ready. I love the idea of a partnership that allows us both to grow in both our careers which allows us to be more financially stable. When we are both ready we will have a conversation about growing our family. Conversation and partnership we can do it all together. This will open some men's eyes. Great job guys. 👍🏽
Lmao Goooolzby was caught all up in it, 'ho's n different area codes" Tank all calm "they not ho's they just women" hahaha!! Not his shoulders were too small, omg that's a new one, lol!!! Another great episode guys....
90 to 99 percent of women want to get married. Ladies, be smart. Listen to what's being said and what's not being said. Communicate and stop acting like a wife when you're not. Two years max (and I'm being way too generous) are all you/they need to know what the next steps are. Actually, 3 to 6 months you should have a conversation of where is this going. Men, stop using women to feel a lustful void or any void when you know you're not ready to marry or you're unsure about her. Indecision is a decision. Be up front and just leave her alone. It's not that hard. It really isn't. God's way is the best way.
There is a school to thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
I too don’t understand y men don’t want to let go of women yet they don’t want to be with them saying this is not going anywhere is the hard thing but the best thing to tell someone
@@faridahnakayemba1496 True! Unfortunately it's a combination of lust and laziness. If a woman is available for sex, a man will continue to date her until someone new (or someone he perceives as better) comes along.
@@CyberSecurityFashionDesigner Trust in the LORD (spirit) with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths. 🩷
Lol, my husband and I met at 23,married by 25, had our first child at 29, 30,31, and our surprise at 37. i got pregnant every single time. It comes down to the health (weight, insulin, thyroid) of the two parties. We waited so I could be a stay at home mom and so we could travel before kids. We grew together too. From two broke college students to upper middle class.
Great practical advice on deciding to marry 🖤 My ex husband told me Im not his momma so he doesn't need to get me a gift for Mother's Day but at the time the kid was just a baby. He didn't even get me anything on her behalf 🤦🏾♀️
My husband believed the same in the beginning likely because he didn't grow up seeing his dad celebrate his mother on Mother's Day. He would give a card and gift but believed he should spend Mother's Day only wurh his mother. It takes emotional intelligence and growth. He gets it now
@@joanna0988 yes of course!! My father died when I was a child so there was never an opportunity to treat him to his own medicine. Some people just aren't raised to think from another's perspective or question the validity of their own beliefs. I definitely struggled for years being with someone like that
Thank you gentlemen for this conversation. I too was the female who wasted 9 and a half years of my great years on a man who said, we would get married, only to get me to move into his house that he purchased and had me living with him paying half of his mortgage. I now had to completely move on purchase my own house, now he wants me back and once again says stuff like “you win, We can get married!” We we’re dating while he was in his late 40’s and I was in my early 30’s. I already had my son and no longer anted children, meanwhile in his late 40’s he just fathered a new baby. Men just can’t get it right at times! what a loser! I’m not angry, just disappointed!!!!
This is the male perspective that they don’t tell us. Thank you so much for the content. Dating at 27 has been a whirlwind but this gives me greater understanding of what I went through. Soo many single women my age that need to hear this. THANK YOU!
I wonder how we can better prepare young male children to be mentally prepared for marriage and the weight that comes with both people? If it’s finances then how do we better equip them instead of letting them have to figure it out on their own. If our community focused on this the outcome for marriage would be higher and more successful!
I think that's a great question. One of the gentlemen talked about his Dad as a role model for this, but what do we do for boys that grow up in single parent households.
@@patriciasmith8334 exactly! Also since finances play a major role how can we help them be financially prepared or in a better position. That’s only one part of it but it’s a major part since most divorces are due to finances!
My best friend is Indian and their families really set them up well. They live in huge houses to accomodate everyone and pay off that mortgage then when the kids get married the parents put a big chunk down for their down payment. There are obviously downsides because the family is more involved and invested but the system works well for finanical stability and success.
I've heard of that. That's one way to start building generational wealth. Especially if you're starting at ground level. It's how families used to do it until WW2.
I learned this the hard way. I stayed in a situationship for 5 years…. CONSTANTLY ignoring the red flags, & ignoring what friends and family told me. Fast forward 5 years and a child later he said he don’t want to try at a relationship and now I have to heal & suffer the consequences.
Yet another great episode!👏🏽 I'm one of the (seemingly unusual) women who never dreamt of or particularly had a desire to be married. My spouse and I got married because (for my part) it was the most logical thing to do under the circumstances at that time in my life. I had already turned down previous proposals, so he asked under the right circumstances/timing. I wasn't afraid of marriage per se and was raised in a two-parent home, it just wasn't a priority, especially since I didn't desire having children either.
I was the same way Annyetta. I didn't dream of my wedding. I did marry for 3 years then went through divorce. I might want to get marry. I've moved to a new city/state and will bring myself to the areas I need as well as getting a matchmaker for safety sake.
When Goose said if you 34 then you will have to wait until your 35 😂😂😂😂 lmaoo unfortunately the way life works some people have to wait a long time to find a suitable partner.
Love that you and Angel are both alphas!! As an alpha as well, ya'll give me hope that marriage to someone who will appreciate the way God has shaped me is possible.😀
Thank you for your transparency about your feelings about being single and moving into marriage. It is difficult, I'm sure, to open up. But I thank God that the seeds you are planting will touch many men and allow them to know it's okay to be vulnerable. I enjoy both of you so much!!
Love this episode very real and transparent! One thing I wanted to know from you two, were you both really willing to go with the flow until your woman said something? Lol Also if the man is supposed to lead why shouldn’t his intentions be made more clear and upfront? Lastly since both of you have young children are you going to prepare them to date with intention? that would be another great episode! Keep it up!
At the time i wasn't thinking about marriage but after she brought it up we were engaged a year later (im glad she brought it up) Most young guys are playing field and not looking to lead. A 30 and up guy should definitely be clear about his intentions and if not leave him alone.
I throughly enjoyed this. This is my 1st time tuning in & I feel like y’all are my older brothers. & I’m just sitting back & listening & taking notes. I’ll definitely be tuning in too the previous videos. Thank you for that REAL TALK w/o being disrespectful 🤎
You lose friends when you straight up tell the truth. I learned my lesson stay out peoples buisness. One friend boyfriend refused to see her, cause of the risk of covid, both pcr negative. I told her dump him.
I almost got married but she turned out to not be the woman I thought she was. Luckily i didnt waste too much time or had any kids in the relationship.
Thank you guys for this podcast and sharing your perspectives. Thanks Marcus for disclosing the contradictions men are taught about deciding to get married
I really enjoyed listening to this podcast...funny, honest, and respectful advice.....easier to receive when you're not being belittleed...Thanks guys definitely gained a new follower!😁
This was a wonderful discussion. I have no idea even how I found this channel, but I am glad that I did. If I heard what the gentleman in the black sweatshirt stated correctly there seems to be a psychological difference for men between even living together versus being married. My question is this: why do we women have to bring it up always? I understand if a man is not where he wants to be in his job and/or dealing with financial issues he may not mention marriage but most women I know do not want to be a long term girlfriend or a forever fiancé. We date for a purpose: to marry and to have a family. It just seems like when we find who we can envision doing that with then we have to mention marriage first. Is it truly just the fear? No one wants to feel like they had to give an ultimatum in order to get down the aisle. I am just curious about that. I am 51 and single, not even dating now. I was upfront about what I wanted. However, I also do not believe in acting like a wife with a man who will not make me his wife. I feel like a lot of women waste their best years going the extra mile with men who are never going to marry them and it’s just sad. Are men truly commitment phobic? Listening to these men, I do not think so. I think I, and many other women, grow up assuming we will marry when we are grown and that is a mistake. We need to raise our girls with the preparation for life in the event they don’t marry. I think more people are starting to do that, but I still wonder why most men do not want to marry yer most women do.
Whoever finds a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Some men are looking for favor but not trying to get married. Make it make sense cause the math ain’t mathing lol 😆
Thanks my husband grilling …all meat no veggies or starches …lol this was great!!! I didn’t expect to get married but here I am married and expecting loooool sure wasn’t apart of the timeline but I’m grateful 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Omg! That look gets women all the time! We melt when men look at us like that. And the light skin brother talking about staring off into the sunset to show his brown eyes🤣🤣🤣 I had no idea you all knew what you guys were doing. This was a great conversation overall 👍🏻 Hopefully, women who are dating will listen from a males perspective and apply.
Guys, this channel is much needed with all of the B.S. outchea! Single and Celibate almost 6yrs after a break up from my fiance. Love and support ur your content.
Great discussion fellas! My oldest son's dad TOLD ME "I'm not looking for a relationship "...I was 19-20 and like "I'll fix that." 2 years and a newborn later, he was serious smh...I met my now husband. He proposed not even 2 years in....we were married 6 months later. When a man is ready, he will show u. When he AINT, he will show u lol
Thats a perfect example .
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Ok you beautiful Sources I’m listening 😍
He will TELL you too, you gotta be listening 🙃
🙏🏽✨
What a set of mixed messages for women, were reared to look forward to and prepare for marriage young.. and men are taught the opposite. It sets us up for failure, we’ve got to change the narrative.
So true. I'm glad these conversations of truth are being had.
I really wish marriage was not an expected event to happen with women. The time would be better spent on my career.
It’s a cultural thing cause other races of men marry early and some even view it as a status symbol.
Yup. But somehow. It's women's fault that they aren't married
Yes! If you want to get married, only date someone who wants that as well. You cannot change anyone.
Exactly 💯
👏👏👏👏
I’m so happy to see well adjusted black men just talk about normal every day things.
Yass 👏🏽
💯
“Well adjusted” lol. They look very good. 💯
It's sad that this has to be said though.
❤ This!
Really good conversation. I was upfront with my now husband when we met. I told him I was a wife and it was up to him if I was his wife or someone else’s. The choice was his but I wasn’t doing long-term dating or engagements. This is my second marriage so I definitely learned to speak up from my first. Men aren’t mind readers. Set your requirements and if they can’t live up to them then you know what to do.
Yep!
True. Unfortunately a lot of woman are scared to do that 😔
@@jainell_all_day6887 The fear is crippling. They don't know how to be happy and alone. I spent 2 years really focusing on myself and my God. I traveled, met some super interesting people, picked up a few new fun hobbies and truly fell in love with me! I lost over 100 pounds and when I decided to date again it was with purpose and in truth! A man will show you who he is. I met my husband and by the 3rd date he was talking marriage. We were married 8 months after meeting. And I am SO grateful for that time alone and for being completely honest with him and more importantly MYSELF about what I was willing to give and take. Marriage is a delicate dance of compassion and compromise.
@@jainell_all_day6887 no need to be afraid. They can either get onboard or move on. You're better off knowing what you're getting into versus following along with them in fear. Know your worth and don't settle for anything less. Men are like buses, another one is coming along in due time. Work on yourself and do your own thing, like Ruth...she was out busy tending in the garden minding her own business and her comes Boaz. Enjoy yourself and fall in love with yourself and watch the Lord work. (speaking in general, not trying to overstep or assume you're "a lot of women" :-)
@@jainell_all_day6887 Don't be afraid! There is a school to thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
Y'all don't understand how much I need this as a man. I'm constantly battling stuff in my own head with no outlets.
I'm a single woman and this is the relationship advice podcast that's valuable! We need the good married, family men to tell it like it is.
So glad Tank touched on alpha women in a positive light because a lot of times I hear folks talking about us as if we don't want a husband or we want to run a man and that's not the case. I just don't want a man trying to make me different because of his ideas of a woman or to try to put me down because I'm not more non-alpha. I appreciate y'alls marriage & how transparent y'all are because it helps me to see how 2 alpha beings can have a very successful relationship! Another great episode Sirs! 👏🏽
well said🙂
If you give out an alpha vibe as a woman, you'll end up with a lazy man.a Even if you get an alpha guy, your man will end up evolving to a beta. I have seen it in marriages, not worth it, because you'll end up draining yourself out as a woman. I'll advise you to tame down those masculine vibes
I agree with most things. But why would you give something wifey privileges before marriage? (~ 24:00). If he gives you the excuse that he’s not marrying you bc you aren’t doing those things, that’s typically a red flag!!! It’s manipulative. You could start doing those things and he may still not marry you. If he acts like that, he may not be the type of person you want to marry anyway. A lot of men may give that excuse, I’m just saying that’s a red flag and a reason to turn away, rather than a reason to just give into a man that makes that excuse.
So true! There is a school to thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️ I kept things real simple. I was upfront from the beginning. I went Dutch on dates. I literally dumped a guy because I told him we were going Dutch. He paid for my food when I went to the bathroom. I was pissed off because I don’t like people crossing my boundaries. For me, dating had to be fun. I hated feeling as if it was a chore or interrogation. I dated around, had fun and lived life. Too many women asked me how would he know if I’m wifey material. If you’re not married, you’re not wifey material. The joke of the day is I still got proposed to multiple times and I’m married now. Now I just live life and have fun.
I’m not going to allow anyone to stress me out. I watch way too many women be stressed out over a man for years just for him to marry someone else who he only knew a year or less. My husband and I got married after knowing each other for 5 months. He knew that he wanted to marry me. It’s been 16 years now.
Thank you for sharing your story. I've long encouraged my single friends to consider going dutch so there's no expectation or pressure for sex or a continued relationship.
If the date didn't go well he doesn't feel used and she has more agency to walk away at any point if she wants to.
It also forces women to be honest with themselves. Your less likely to go on a date with someone you're not interested in if you have to pay your own way.
You dumped a guy for paying for your meal? American women are weird
@@nr7920 She dumped him for not respecting her boundaries. Lots of men think if they pay for dinner, the woman should sleep with them so it's smart to avoid that issue altogether.
@@joanna0988 I see. Understood..makes sense
@@nr7920 Ya it's annoying but you will hear a lot of dating gurus say to not even do dinner dates if you're not willing to have sex!
"they not hoes man it's just women" lmaoooooo 😭😭😭 he said it so calm
Again, great topic and so happy to hear a man's perspective. And ladies, please dont date a man for more than 2 years without a clear understanding of where you are headed as a couple. Just DON'T DO IT!
I agree Stacey. I believe that you do NEED time to get acquainted with the person but you don’t need eternity to make a decision. I think there should be a plan or a goal in place. Where is this going and what do you want? If you don’t want marriage that’s fine too but stop wasting people’s time and energy.
In some cases, even spending 2 years focused on someone hoping they do right is so risky. 3 breakups and all of a sudden you jeopardize you probability of having a biological child. There is a school of thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
Time waits for no one.
@@joycewatt8289 I agree. And men, please let her go and leave her alone.
Marriage is an investment you will get a return on your investment when you marry the right person and you put in the work to maintain a healthy marriage
These are the healthy discussions I wish were more viral. A true peek into a man’s thought process without the berating and belittling of women. This makes my soul smile. Thank you brothers! ✊🏾
This part!!!! Enlighten me dont belittle me!
I’m so glad y’all talked about how your lives improved after your wives. That’s not to take away from what you accomplished on your own or could continue to accomplish as a single man. I appreciate that because other podcasts have made it a fault of women to want their man to be ambitious and excel at whatever it is they do.
Its hard for some men to take advice from their ladies' and not take it as criticism when it's really motivation.
"You can't have expectations without communication." #TherapyIsDope
It's sooooo funny seeing Mr. Zoooom-In himself @Marcus Tanksley in the "Don't get us canceled!" role here 🤣😁🤣
While y'all still reading comments, let me share regarding Greg's statements at 22:10 - Compared to people in my peer group, I had my first child "late" at age 30.
I wanted to wait to make an announcement, but the person I was married to at the time started telling people almost from the moment I peed on the stick!
The second time around at d@mn near 40 I had more information about doulas and midwives coupled with a much calmer relationship dynamic so I felt less stressed about my #geriatricpregnancy. At the same time I was deep into researching my family tree and realized my grandmother, great grandmother and great-great grandmother had all given birth to healthy children beyond age 39.
A good friend of mine gave the best advice about proposing. "It's never going to be the perfect time".
This is amazing.. Love the podcast. I was the one hesitating on marriage. I wanted degrees, to build up my finances, I didn't want any kids, and I wanted to be in a particular occupation.He gave me an ultimatum and a child. Best decision of our lives.
I was the same way. Things workout once I realized i was wasting time waiting on the perfect time.
it's so dope to find a podcast like this. 2 married brothers having a qualityconversation without being vulgar and outrageous. Glad I found you brothas
Another great one 💯💪🏾 On a sidenote I got married before my dad...I got married 2014 (We met in high school in '06 and started dating her first year of college/my senior year in fall of '07) my dad, who said he'd never get married, got married last year.
I wonder if your choices influenced his perspective?
@@joanna0988 maybe a little 🙂
I respect this conversation about the anxiety men have about becoming a husband/father being tied to provision insecurity. As a child, an adult told me that my dad was angry when my mom was having me, (even though they were married) and for YEARRRRSSSSS I thought he didn’t want ME (in general), but it was really his fear of being able to provide for a growing family.
Parents, PLEASE talk to your children about this (especially if they know they were a “surprise”).
I just realized while watching this that I'm an Alpha female. I spent so much time working on healing from my childhood trauma that I had to re-learn who I was. I just talked about this with my fiance and he said, "Uh yeah! That's why you're so bossy, but that's why I love you because you be right majority of the time." Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences guys!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Love that! My mom always gets on my case about being too assertive with my husband and my husband always says he likes that I'm fiesty and willing to challenge him.
I agree fellas. You have to be upfront about your expectations. I met my husband at 20 and he was still 19(2 weeks before his 29th bday). Once we decided to be exclusive and serious, I told him I was not gonna be a 10 year girlfriend. We got married at 26, 2 kids later and are still very happily married.
I love so many things about this episode but two things that stood out to me was Goolz’s point about would you feel comfortable leaving your kids with this person and their family for an extended period of time and Marcus’s celibacy journey. A lot of wisdom here. I hope everyone finds someone they’re equally yoked with. Marriage is blessing and probably the second most important decision someone can make in their life. Great video. I took notes
Hey Tank and Goolzby! I'm enjoying the podcast so far! Yall working the kinks out every week
Ok last comment on this but I have to say Marcus is really a good dude! I started following you because I of Angel and from Angel working with Kevonstage. I did notice you looked a little uptight on your podcast with Angel but didn’t realize it was because of what you were dealing with when it came to work. I know you mentioned your father’s passing on your other podcast. What a difference you steeping out in your own. You seem more carefree, open, vulnerable, and genuinely happy! Kudos to you and your family for taking that leap of faith. I know it’s hard I’m going through it myself but as a single person 🙃. Once again love to Pod this is going to blow up for sure! Looking forward to more topics like this and learning about you and Gooz more! Y’all dropping gems 💎 frfr on this!
This is was a good conversation much needed for the 30 and up
Summer time so now I am catching up on missed episodes of podcasts. This week I decided to start with episode 1 of Let us Tell it. I am glad I did...love the episodes. Sad that the show has ended. I hope you guys come back because the Black community needs this positive show of Black men.
Thank yall so much! Thank you for being positive and vulnerable. It's refreshing to not hear us a women, black women being beat down and disrespected. You both have been helpful and encouraging! Thank you! Thank You for hope! Thank you and God bless!
The zoom in!!!🤣🤣🤣 But, really, thank y'all for giving wise counsel to the folk that need it.👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I'm so enjoying the podcast. #TanksRyderz🏎️🏎️🏎️
It’s so good to hear real men in real healthy relationships talk about topics like this. Thank y’all for this discussion. I really enjoyed this, keep it up! 👏🏽👏🏽
I loved this. Such a regular level headed discussion. Marriage is what you make of it. If you and your partner want to party and be in the clubs together than do that. If you and your partner want separate bedrooms than do that. It doesnt have to be a big deal or change in your relationship. Like yall will grow and change over time but as long as there is some effort put in there to understand eachother and meet eachothers needs you'll be okay.
True - be a team and work it out together among the two of you. Your relationship does not have to be just like everyone else's as long as you respect each other.
Another great podcast fellas! Goolzby talking more and more every episode! Love to see it!!
Im trying
I stopped listening to a lot of what men think videos because they can come off negatively but you guys are successfully married and are being transparent on a black man's perspective. One thing I will clarify is that black men are not raised to be married. Asians, Indians, Africans, Persians, White men, etc. are expected to get married and start families and that's the challenge when black women want to get married and raise a family with one man. Good podcast!
Thank you for this. 🙂
Thank you Marcus for saying those disclaimers…it is a higher risk you have with pregnancy over 35 but it is also a sensitive topic
You all are really getting into your pocket! Tank, it appeared as though you felt you had to lead bc you have more experience and Goos it seemed you fell back a little, maybe bc you don't have the same on mic experience, however, that's truly what makes the podcast good! Goos, you clearly think before you speak and have a desire to bring wisdom in what you are saying or you won't say anything. Tank, your organization shines. You too balance while, truly trust how "organic" you two really are. You're on to something and I'm sure the majority of your audience is women and we are listening! My hope is that eventually you both will have your wives on for an episode or two. Keep it going yall!
Thank you !
As a single woman who just turned 36 *let me tell you*..... it's not so easy doing this upfront "don't waste my time" bit....that energy can come across as desperate quite easily which repels a lot of guys and they feel rushed and/or pressured. You also don't wanna feel this is so urgent that you end up settling.
I'm unsure how don't waste my time energy can come across as desperate? Would you mind giving examples? If a woman is clear about her intentions and a man's intentions don't match so he's run off that seems beneficial she's avoiding wasting her time on those who aren't on the same page.
100% I can definitely relate to this
@@keishapuryear8180 don't waste my time upfront can come across jarring...it implies a sense of urgency, meaning you're desperate to secure something before it's too late
I love this conversation. 👏🏼 Exploring men's reasons for not being ready. I love the idea of a partnership that allows us both to grow in both our careers which allows us to be more financially stable. When we are both ready we will have a conversation about growing our family. Conversation and partnership we can do it all together. This will open some men's eyes. Great job guys. 👍🏽
Lmao Goooolzby was caught all up in it, 'ho's n different area codes" Tank all calm "they not ho's they just women" hahaha!! Not his shoulders were too small, omg that's a new one, lol!!! Another great episode guys....
90 to 99 percent of women want to get married. Ladies, be smart. Listen to what's being said and what's not being said. Communicate and stop acting like a wife when you're not. Two years max (and I'm being way too generous) are all you/they need to know what the next steps are. Actually, 3 to 6 months you should have a conversation of where is this going. Men, stop using women to feel a lustful void or any void when you know you're not ready to marry or you're unsure about her. Indecision is a decision. Be up front and just leave her alone. It's not that hard. It really isn't. God's way is the best way.
There is a school to thought that encourages the idea of stopping being a girlfriend when you feel ready to be a wife. In a nutshell: Once you feel ready to get a ring move out if you were shacking up and start dating several people at the time (ideally without sex to avoid losing your discernment) knowing that the only exclusive relationship you will end up being in will be marriage. Many coaches (Adrienne Everheart, The Universe Guru, Sienna Skills etc) explain this using the terms quantum dating, rotational dating. Quite a fascinating concept. I believe that better will step up their game when women dare to raise the stake a little bit higher.
I too don’t understand y men don’t want to let go of women yet they don’t want to be with them saying this is not going anywhere is the hard thing but the best thing to tell someone
@@faridahnakayemba1496 True! Unfortunately it's a combination of lust and laziness. If a woman is available for sex, a man will continue to date her until someone new (or someone he perceives as better) comes along.
This!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Why are all these topics needed 💯and to be REAL/RAW 💯 something BW need to hear and understand 😂😊thank you for the truth 🙏🏾😉
God answered my prayers in regard to marriage and both of you double confirmed it 🙏🏽 Thank you.
Any advice?? I hope I find mine!
@@CyberSecurityFashionDesigner Trust in the LORD (spirit) with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths. 🩷
Keep the podcast coming guys. Your work and information is needed.
Thank you for being honest and transparent on this subject. Another great episode guys!
This is a great and needed podcast for black men and I’m happy to catch it from the beginning ✌🏾❤️🖤💚 Leach
Boy! Y’all got me together. I appreciate the advice fellas. Another great episode
Lol, my husband and I met at 23,married by 25, had our first child at 29, 30,31, and our surprise at 37. i got pregnant every single time. It comes down to the health (weight, insulin, thyroid) of the two parties. We waited so I could be a stay at home mom and so we could travel before kids. We grew together too. From two broke college students to upper middle class.
Wow that’s wonderful
Godbless
Great practical advice on deciding to marry 🖤 My ex husband told me Im not his momma so he doesn't need to get me a gift for Mother's Day but at the time the kid was just a baby. He didn't even get me anything on her behalf 🤦🏾♀️
I will never understand guys who think like that, it's Mother's Day not My Mother's Day.🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
My husband believed the same in the beginning likely because he didn't grow up seeing his dad celebrate his mother on Mother's Day. He would give a card and gift but believed he should spend Mother's Day only wurh his mother. It takes emotional intelligence and growth. He gets it now
I am so sorry you end up with a man like him.
Did he expect anything for Fathers Day??
@@joanna0988 yes of course!! My father died when I was a child so there was never an opportunity to treat him to his own medicine. Some people just aren't raised to think from another's perspective or question the validity of their own beliefs. I definitely struggled for years being with someone like that
LOL BOTH OF Y'ALL EYE ZOOM-IN LOOKS ARE PRICELESS
Thank you gentlemen for this conversation. I too was the female who wasted 9 and a half years of my great years on a man who said, we would get married, only to get me to move into his house that he purchased and had me living with him paying half of his mortgage. I now had to completely move on purchase my own house, now he wants me back and once again says stuff like “you win, We can get married!” We we’re dating while he was in his late 40’s and I was in my early 30’s. I already had my son and no longer anted children, meanwhile in his late 40’s he just fathered a new baby. Men just can’t get it right at times!
what a loser! I’m not angry, just disappointed!!!!
This is the male perspective that they don’t tell us. Thank you so much for the content. Dating at 27 has been a whirlwind but this gives me greater understanding of what I went through. Soo many single women my age that need to hear this. THANK YOU!
I wonder how we can better prepare young male children to be mentally prepared for marriage and the weight that comes with both people? If it’s finances then how do we better equip them instead of letting them have to figure it out on their own. If our community focused on this the outcome for marriage would be higher and more successful!
I think that's a great question. One of the gentlemen talked about his Dad as a role model for this, but what do we do for boys that grow up in single parent households.
@@patriciasmith8334 exactly! Also since finances play a major role how can we help them be financially prepared or in a better position. That’s only one part of it but it’s a major part since most divorces are due to finances!
My best friend is Indian and their families really set them up well. They live in huge houses to accomodate everyone and pay off that mortgage then when the kids get married the parents put a big chunk down for their down payment. There are obviously downsides because the family is more involved and invested but the system works well for finanical stability and success.
@@joanna0988 wow!
I've heard of that. That's one way to start building generational wealth. Especially if you're starting at ground level. It's how families used to do it until WW2.
This that pureeeee uncuutttt! This my first time seeing you guys. I have subscribed.
Thank you fellas! God I pray for restoration behind the many years lost 🙏
I learned this the hard way. I stayed in a situationship for 5 years…. CONSTANTLY ignoring the red flags, & ignoring what friends and family told me. Fast forward 5 years and a child later he said he don’t want to try at a relationship and now I have to heal & suffer the consequences.
New sub here! I am so grateful that I came across this channel. God speed to you both!
your transparency is rare and appreciated 🤞🏾 love this
Yet another great episode!👏🏽
I'm one of the (seemingly unusual) women who never dreamt of or particularly had a desire to be married. My spouse and I got married because (for my part) it was the most logical thing to do under the circumstances at that time in my life. I had already turned down previous proposals, so he asked under the right circumstances/timing. I wasn't afraid of marriage per se and was raised in a two-parent home, it just wasn't a priority, especially since I didn't desire having children either.
I was the same way Annyetta. I didn't dream of my wedding. I did marry for 3 years then went through divorce. I might want to get marry. I've moved to a new city/state and will bring myself to the areas I need as well as getting a matchmaker for safety sake.
I am in the same boat but I haven't meet anyone that I feel it would be more beneficial of leaving my singlehood for.
OK, I'm going to need a t-shirt that says "Theoretical Booty" LOL 😆! Tank you and Goolzeby need to add this to the your merch line ASAP! 😄
When Goose said if you 34 then you will have to wait until your 35 😂😂😂😂 lmaoo unfortunately the way life works some people have to wait a long time to find a suitable partner.
The quickest subscribe I ever hit!! I need to Know what my husband be thinking!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Love that you and Angel are both alphas!! As an alpha as well, ya'll give me hope that marriage to someone who will appreciate the way God has shaped me is possible.😀
I’m bouta lose a friend sharing this video lmaooo 😂
But I love y’all and it’s too real not to share. #STRAIGHTTALKFORSTRAIGHTUNDERSTANDING
Said the same.
🤣😂
Thank you for your transparency about your feelings about being single and moving into marriage. It is difficult, I'm sure, to open up. But I thank God that the seeds you are planting will touch many men and allow them to know it's okay to be vulnerable. I enjoy both of you so much!!
Thank you gentlemen!! As a woman this was very insightful
I love seeing that Uncle Nearest bottle on the side. Thanks to Tank, that’s the only alcohol I buy (outside of buying drinks at restaurants and stuff)
Awww this is great I hope a lot of men are exposed to this. Feels like a space where they can be vulnerable 🤞🏽
Love this episode very real and transparent! One thing I wanted to know from you two, were you both really willing to go with the flow until your woman said something? Lol Also if the man is supposed to lead why shouldn’t his intentions be made more clear and upfront? Lastly since both of you have young children are you going to prepare them to date with intention? that would be another great episode! Keep it up!
At the time i wasn't thinking about marriage but after she brought it up we were engaged a year later (im glad she brought it up) Most young guys are playing field and not looking to lead. A 30 and up guy should definitely be clear about his intentions and if not leave him alone.
@@goolzby Glad she did too! You two have a beautiful family! 🤎
I think that is a blk cultural thing I can speak for tha Americas. Thing most Other cultures mind set is family
@@cvzdez it’s definitely what the media pushed on us to no longer be a family but that’s not how we started …
Great show Tank and Goolzby!!!!
I throughly enjoyed this. This is my 1st time tuning in & I feel like y’all are my older brothers. & I’m just sitting back & listening & taking notes. I’ll definitely be tuning in too the previous videos. Thank you for that REAL TALK w/o being disrespectful 🤎
I really appreciate y'all holding men accountable.
You lose friends when you straight up tell the truth. I learned my lesson stay out peoples buisness. One friend boyfriend refused to see her, cause of the risk of covid, both pcr negative.
I told her dump him.
Exactly, in my experience she will dump you before she dumps the dude 😅
I almost got married but she turned out to not be the woman I thought she was. Luckily i didnt waste too much time or had any kids in the relationship.
Thank you guys for this podcast and sharing your perspectives. Thanks Marcus for disclosing the contradictions men are taught about deciding to get married
I really enjoyed listening to this podcast...funny, honest, and respectful advice.....easier to receive when you're not being belittleed...Thanks guys definitely gained a new follower!😁
This was a wonderful discussion. I have no idea even how I found this channel, but I am glad that I did. If I heard what the gentleman in the black sweatshirt stated correctly there seems to be a psychological difference for men between even living together versus being married. My question is this: why do we women have to bring it up always? I understand if a man is not where he wants to be in his job and/or dealing with financial issues he may not mention marriage but most women I know do not want to be a long term girlfriend or a forever fiancé. We date for a purpose: to marry and to have a family. It just seems like when we find who we can envision doing that with then we have to mention marriage first. Is it truly just the fear? No one wants to feel like they had to give an ultimatum in order to get down the aisle. I am just curious about that. I am 51 and single, not even dating now. I was upfront about what I wanted. However, I also do not believe in acting like a wife with a man who will not make me his wife. I feel like a lot of women waste their best years going the extra mile with men who are never going to marry them and it’s just sad. Are men truly commitment phobic? Listening to these men, I do not think so. I think I, and many other women, grow up assuming we will marry when we are grown and that is a mistake. We need to raise our girls with the preparation for life in the event they don’t marry. I think more people are starting to do that, but I still wonder why most men do not want to marry yer most women do.
I just wrote out my entire story because this convo hit home. but Thanks for the pov.
Great conversation guys!
Great convo! Y'all are doin the Lord's work giving women all this insight 🙌🏾 lol
There are some great nuggets in this here podcast 🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯
Whoever finds a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Some men are looking for favor but not trying to get married. Make it make sense cause the math ain’t mathing lol 😆
I love this segment! This is good stuff!
Love the healthy perspective!! Podcast is 🔥
Thanks my husband grilling …all meat no veggies or starches …lol this was great!!! I didn’t expect to get married but here I am married and expecting loooool sure wasn’t apart of the timeline but I’m grateful 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Thank you so much for coming out with this episode is so informative and women really don't know how men think
Omg! That look gets women all the time! We melt when men look at us like that. And the light skin brother talking about staring off into the sunset to show his brown eyes🤣🤣🤣 I had no idea you all knew what you guys were doing.
This was a great conversation overall 👍🏻 Hopefully, women who are dating will listen from a males perspective and apply.
Great discussion! Thanks for your honesty gentlemen!
Absolutely good episode also I waited 33 years to have my first child she came out beautiful and healthy and no high risk for me at all.
I typed in something and landed here...great discussion...boom new subscriber...I enjoy listening to stuff like this 👌🏽
Thank you for this helpful information. Great podcast guys!!!!
Great Advice 👍🏽👍🏽. Great Content. 👍🏽👍🏽
At 50, I fell for "I am just looking for a friend". It is funny to hear you guys say the exact thing he said to me. 🙂
Did y'all get married?
Men don't want female friends 😅 If they have some it's by accident like a friend's woman or coworker.
Another great conversations... Keep it up guys...
Such a good conversation! Thanks for the great tips!
I love your podcast and I'm learning so much from you guys that helps me in my dating life
Great episode! I love the topics and the honest and relevant commentary
Yall out here having kidd with your 15 year roommate🤣🤣🤣
Greg is for sure from Atlanta with that “Hey Miss Lady…I’m just looking for a friend.” That’s dating in Atlanta in a nutshell 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I look forward to this podcast weekly. Thank y’all
Guys, this channel is much needed with all of the B.S. outchea! Single and Celibate almost 6yrs after a break up from my fiance. Love and support ur your content.