Femininity and identity can be such a difficult topic during breast cancer. Just being there for her, listening, and trying to understand what she’s going through is a huge gift. Sending strength to both of you as you navigate this together.
Thank you!! When I lost my hair, I looked in the mirror and saw Darth Vader when they remove his helmet! It was horrible. I'd always had long thick hair. I accepted it but never really got used to it. Eyeliner helped and eyebrow pencil and wigs and hats etc. Almost 2 years post chemo, and my hair is not normal. I'm learning to love it. I don't feel as attractive as I did before cancer, but my family loves me as is....which is pretty wonderful! If you are going through this remember the beauty within you. It can be an opportunity for growth. Love to all.
I questioned whether I was still a woman after I had a hysterectomy at age 32. Was I still a woman even though I couldn't have children? Now, at 64, I'm recovering from bilateral mastectomy. If I was younger, my body image might be more important, but for me, it never mattered that much. My heart breaks for women whose femininity is tied up in their looks. I pray they know they have worth and value far beyond how they look.
Your words are so heartfelt and meaningful. Questioning identity and femininity is such a complex part of this journey, but your insight about value and worth beyond physical appearance is a beautiful message. Thank you for sharing your story, it will help so many others.
timely content as it has been over a month since my double mastectomy. i had a hysterectomy years ago. No hair. No eyebrows. No eyelashes post chemo. I have been feeling very un-ladylike. thank you for your encouraging words.
This channel has been a big help over the last 13 months. I just wanted to say thank you❤I had breast cancer in the right breast, hormone positive, 6 months chemo, mastectomy and 25 sessions of radiation later and have started HRT. I enjoyed my baldness as I’ve always wanted to have a shaved head 😅 it was very interesting to see my eyelashes and eyebrows go. I didn’t need to shave for awhile which was great, during the chemo part of this journey. My hair texture is different but both my hair, eyebrows and eye lashes are fuller and thicker compared to what it looked like before. I am very grateful for this. To lose a breast was especially hard, felt like I was losing a part of me, which you are but it’s not through the lens of fitting in or any beauty standard. It’s just some grief for a boob you had fun with, skinny dipped with, had pleasure with, etc. and now I’m taking time to accept and enjoy a uni boob before reconstruction later in 2025.
@shamypiper I read your comment with great interest, as I am in an almost identical situation and timeline, except it was my left boob that was removed (and I didn’t exactly enjoy my baldness, although I had fun with a couple of wigs). I only recently started going out without a wig, and I get a lot of compliments on my short, curly salt and pepper hair. Best of health to you.
Thanks for your comment. My mother died of bc in 1976. I saw her scar (in those days it was radical mastectomy and no reconciliation) and vowed to my 19-yr-old self that I would NEVER be like her. Alas, here I am at 69 facing late stage mastectomy. I'm absolutely heartbroken that I am in fact "like her." I know I should be less involved in what I look like at this age and, instead, just be grateful for modern surgery. I can't seem to get over that hump.....at least I now know of one other person with similar sentiments.
Your kind words mean a lot to us. You're right, these topics are often overlooked, but they’re crucial to address. Thank you for being part of our Yerbba community and reminding us how important it is to keep creating spaces for conversations like this.
Hi Dr. Griggs. I'm new to the channel. I just had a bilateral mastectomy with expanders this past Monday. I'm a 47 year old mom of one, a 20 year old son. In terms of dx, I'm stage 1a IDC and am Her2+/Er+/Pr- with no family history and a single genetic mutation on the ATM gene that genetics does not think caused the cancer. I'm premenopausal post hysterectomy with partial LT ovary remaining. Concerning femininity: I have had long hair, shoulder length hair, pixie cut, bob, etc. I find that the older I get, the less concerned I am about my looks. I tell myself that my mission now is to live a long life, somehow someway. I'm educated and a national director of STD/LTD appeals. While I cannot say that the stress associated with being "higher up" on the socioeconomic ladder definitely attributed to me developing carcinoma, I think it certainly played a wicked part. All the looks, money, extra hours, meetings, direct reporting go out the window along with my traditional looks - I don't care anymore. The goal is just simply to live this new year and in fine with a pretty hair wrap to do it in! Thank you for your videos and thoughtful demeanor in not only mine but the worst time of many women's lives. God bless🙏🕊
Your story is so heartfelt, and it’s clear how much thought and emotion you’ve poured into navigating this journey. It’s incredible how you’ve been able to focus on what truly matters and adapt to such immense change. Thank you for sharing this, you’re helping others feel seen and understood in ways that words can’t fully express.
I so appreciate your videos!!! went through a double mastectomy, three months of chemo for both ILC and stage B cell Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, 30 sessions of radiation which I finished 2 weeks ago. I’m on hormone blockers, and soon to go on a lower dose of Verzenio ( the higher dose practically zero’d out my WBC’s, RBC’s etc and liver function. Dr wants to try me on the lowest dose. Getting a PET scan this next Monday to see what’s what. I’m feeling really good now much more energized and feeling like myself. I had tissue expanders when I had my mastectomy last June. I will see my wonderful Plastic surgeon for another fill or two on my non radiated breast and I’m so looking forward to the future ( I’ll find out when) I will have my expanders removed and replaced with silicone implants. I don’t care what society says how women should look I do care for myself how I should look. I’m a healthy and so many tell me a (beautiful) 73 year old woman who plans on living my best life. I’ve been wearing a very realistic wig (that thankfully my medical insurance reimbursed me for.) I’ve lost 14 pounds and plan on 15 more . When I had my husband shave my hair off before my chemo started I laughed even girlishly giggled because I knew it would grow back but I had decided I would never have to dye my hair again and I could just grow out the silver along with brown hair. It’s growing a bit slowly but I’m loving the color! Now I’m free from the trouble and expense of hair dyes! Amidst all the pain, the sickness and expense of breast cancer there is always something to celebrate. I am so grateful to the Lord that I’m alive and able to celebrate life! Thank you for your posts and your being so positive and bringing such light and goodness to us.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so uplifting to hear that you’re feeling more energized and optimistic, especially after everything you’ve endured. Tissue expanders, radiation, hormone blockers-it’s like you’ve tackled a whole medical marathon, and you’re coming out the other side looking toward the future. We love your outlook on your hair too, embracing the natural silver is such a power move! Wishing you the best with your PET scan and those upcoming steps. Thank you again for being part of our Yerbba community.
Antihormon treatment make us unfeminine too. Our skin is dry, joint and bone pain makes difficult to maintain our usual work out routine, depression and fatigue are often present, lost of libido and weight gain are common side effect.
Your comment captures so much of the emotional and physical toll anti-hormonal treatments can take, and it’s an experience many in this community share. Loss of femininity is deeply personal, and addressing these challenges often involves self-compassion, open conversations with your care team, and finding small ways to reclaim your sense of self. Thank you for sharing, you’re helping others feel less alone in this.
We’re so glad this resonated with you. Losing parts of ourselves physically or emotionally, can be overwhelming. We’re grateful to share content that helps in some way. Thank you for watching.
Before I started chemo I had my eyebrows micro bladed. I found some fake eyelashes online specially designed for women going through chemotherapy. I did have a wig but I also found a website selling chemo hats with scarfs or some embellishment to jazz it up. I also tightlined my upper lash line so gave some definition to my eyes. It was extremely difficult time as I have also looked after my appearance but these steps helped me look and feel a bit better. I hope they help someone else.
Struggling with femininity two years after is so valid. It’s not something that just “goes away,” and the fact that you’re still working through it shows how deeply impactful these experiences are. Please know that feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, it’s part of the journey, and you’re not alone in facing it. You’re still whole, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Thank you for being part of our Yerbba community.
I avoided the mirror for a long while, but now that I am feeling like my old self, I am focused on being healthy. It's the same me just a different look physically!😅
Avoiding the mirror after such a life-changing experience is something many people can relate to, and it’s a completely valid way to cope. It’s so empowering to hear that you’re finding a new sense of self, even if things look different physically. You’re showing incredible strength by shifting your perspective and prioritizing your well-being. It’s a reminder that healing is about embracing who we are at every stage. Thank you for sharing your journey; it’s inspiring to hear how you’re reclaiming your confidence, one step at a time.
I have scar tissue where the drain went and can't wear a bra. I am in pain if I try. My only problem with my breast that was not effective is that I need to wear a tight fitting vest which gives me a rash between the breast and my body during the hotter months in South Africa. I am single and have no partner so I never suffered with my image. Yes, it would of been nice to be able to wear a bra.
This is amazing content. My wife was diagnosed in December and I appreciate the insight and perspective. 🙏🏽
She is going to BEST CANCER! 🤍
Femininity and identity can be such a difficult topic during breast cancer. Just being there for her, listening, and trying to understand what she’s going through is a huge gift. Sending strength to both of you as you navigate this together.
Thank you!! When I lost my hair, I looked in the mirror and saw Darth Vader when they remove his helmet! It was horrible. I'd always had long thick hair. I accepted it but never really got used to it. Eyeliner helped and eyebrow pencil and wigs and hats etc. Almost 2 years post chemo, and my hair is not normal. I'm learning to love it. I don't feel as attractive as I did before cancer, but my family loves me as is....which is pretty wonderful! If you are going through this remember the beauty within you. It can be an opportunity for growth. Love to all.
I questioned whether I was still a woman after I had a hysterectomy at age 32. Was I still a woman even though I couldn't have children? Now, at 64, I'm recovering from bilateral mastectomy. If I was younger, my body image might be more important, but for me, it never mattered that much. My heart breaks for women whose femininity is tied up in their looks. I pray they know they have worth and value far beyond how they look.
Your words are so heartfelt and meaningful. Questioning identity and femininity is such a complex part of this journey, but your insight about value and worth beyond physical appearance is a beautiful message. Thank you for sharing your story, it will help so many others.
Thank you, Dr Griggs, for your persistence in breast cancer (health awareness) and treatments.
Thank you for your kind words! It means so much that this community feels supported.
timely content as it has been over a month since my double mastectomy. i had a hysterectomy years ago. No hair. No eyebrows. No eyelashes post chemo. I have been feeling very un-ladylike. thank you for your encouraging words.
This channel has been a big help over the last 13 months. I just wanted to say thank you❤I had breast cancer in the right breast, hormone positive, 6 months chemo, mastectomy and 25 sessions of radiation later and have started HRT. I enjoyed my baldness as I’ve always wanted to have a shaved head 😅 it was very interesting to see my eyelashes and eyebrows go. I didn’t need to shave for awhile which was great, during the chemo part of this journey. My hair texture is different but both my hair, eyebrows and eye lashes are fuller and thicker compared to what it looked like before. I am very grateful for this.
To lose a breast was especially hard, felt like I was losing a part of me, which you are but it’s not through the lens of fitting in or any beauty standard. It’s just some grief for a boob you had fun with, skinny dipped with, had pleasure with, etc. and now I’m taking time to accept and enjoy a uni boob before reconstruction later in 2025.
@shamypiper I read your comment with great interest, as I am in an almost identical situation and timeline, except it was my left boob that was removed (and I didn’t exactly enjoy my baldness, although I had fun with a couple of wigs). I only recently started going out without a wig, and I get a lot of compliments on my short, curly salt and pepper hair. Best of health to you.
@ it’s so nice to hear about the compliments for your short hair! Thank you and best of health and luck for the rest of your journey.
Thanks for your comment. My mother died of bc in 1976. I saw her scar (in those days it was radical mastectomy and no reconciliation) and vowed to my 19-yr-old self that I would NEVER be like her. Alas, here I am at 69 facing late stage mastectomy. I'm absolutely heartbroken that I am in fact "like her." I know I should be less involved in what I look like at this age and, instead, just be grateful for modern surgery. I can't seem to get over that hump.....at least I now know of one other person with similar sentiments.
Wonderful advice Dr. Griggs - thank you so much for being one of the very few medical professionals who has addressed this important concern.
Your kind words mean a lot to us. You're right, these topics are often overlooked, but they’re crucial to address. Thank you for being part of our Yerbba community and reminding us how important it is to keep creating spaces for conversations like this.
Hi Dr. Griggs. I'm new to the channel. I just had a bilateral mastectomy with expanders this past Monday. I'm a 47 year old mom of one, a 20 year old son. In terms of dx, I'm stage 1a IDC and am Her2+/Er+/Pr- with no family history and a single genetic mutation on the ATM gene that genetics does not think caused the cancer. I'm premenopausal post hysterectomy with partial LT ovary remaining.
Concerning femininity: I have had long hair, shoulder length hair, pixie cut, bob, etc. I find that the older I get, the less concerned I am about my looks. I tell myself that my mission now is to live a long life, somehow someway. I'm educated and a national director of STD/LTD appeals. While I cannot say that the stress associated with being "higher up" on the socioeconomic ladder definitely attributed to me developing carcinoma, I think it certainly played a wicked part. All the looks, money, extra hours, meetings, direct reporting go out the window along with my traditional looks - I don't care anymore. The goal is just simply to live this new year and in fine with a pretty hair wrap to do it in!
Thank you for your videos and thoughtful demeanor in not only mine but the worst time of many women's lives.
God bless🙏🕊
Your story is so heartfelt, and it’s clear how much thought and emotion you’ve poured into navigating this journey. It’s incredible how you’ve been able to focus on what truly matters and adapt to such immense change. Thank you for sharing this, you’re helping others feel seen and understood in ways that words can’t fully express.
I so appreciate your videos!!!
went through a double mastectomy, three months of chemo for both ILC and stage B cell Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, 30 sessions of radiation which I finished 2 weeks ago. I’m on hormone blockers, and soon to go on a lower dose of Verzenio ( the higher dose practically zero’d out my WBC’s, RBC’s etc and liver function. Dr wants to try me on the lowest dose. Getting a PET scan this next Monday to see what’s what. I’m feeling really good now much more energized and feeling like myself.
I had tissue expanders when I had my mastectomy last June. I will see my wonderful Plastic surgeon for another fill or two on my non radiated breast and I’m so looking forward to the future ( I’ll find out when) I will have my expanders removed and replaced with silicone implants.
I don’t care what society says how women should look I do care for myself how I should look. I’m a healthy and so many tell me a (beautiful) 73 year old woman who plans on living my best life. I’ve been wearing a very realistic wig (that thankfully my medical insurance reimbursed me for.) I’ve lost 14 pounds and plan on 15 more . When I had my husband shave my hair off before my chemo started I laughed even girlishly giggled because I knew it would grow back but I had decided I would never have to dye my hair again and I could just grow out the silver along with brown hair. It’s growing a bit slowly but I’m loving the color! Now I’m free from the trouble and expense of hair dyes!
Amidst all the pain, the sickness and expense of breast cancer there is always something to celebrate. I am so grateful to the Lord that I’m alive and able to celebrate life!
Thank you for your posts and your being so positive and bringing such light and goodness to us.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so uplifting to hear that you’re feeling more energized and optimistic, especially after everything you’ve endured. Tissue expanders, radiation, hormone blockers-it’s like you’ve tackled a whole medical marathon, and you’re coming out the other side looking toward the future. We love your outlook on your hair too, embracing the natural silver is such a power move! Wishing you the best with your PET scan and those upcoming steps. Thank you again for being part of our Yerbba community.
Antihormon treatment make us unfeminine too. Our skin is dry, joint and bone pain makes difficult to maintain our usual work out routine, depression and fatigue are often present, lost of libido and weight gain are common side effect.
Yup. As I say, it's not a beauty treatment, but I'm grateful for the help.☺
Your comment captures so much of the emotional and physical toll anti-hormonal treatments can take, and it’s an experience many in this community share. Loss of femininity is deeply personal, and addressing these challenges often involves self-compassion, open conversations with your care team, and finding small ways to reclaim your sense of self. Thank you for sharing, you’re helping others feel less alone in this.
Thank you❤…
We’re so glad this resonated with you. Losing parts of ourselves physically or emotionally, can be overwhelming. We’re grateful to share content that helps in some way. Thank you for watching.
Before I started chemo I had my eyebrows micro bladed. I found some fake eyelashes online specially designed for women going through chemotherapy. I did have a wig but I also found a website selling chemo hats with scarfs or some embellishment to jazz it up. I also tightlined my upper lash line so gave some definition to my eyes. It was extremely difficult time as I have also looked after my appearance but these steps helped me look and feel a bit better. I hope they help someone else.
2 years after, and I still struggle with it sometimes
Struggling with femininity two years after is so valid. It’s not something that just “goes away,” and the fact that you’re still working through it shows how deeply impactful these experiences are. Please know that feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, it’s part of the journey, and you’re not alone in facing it. You’re still whole, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Thank you for being part of our Yerbba community.
I avoided the mirror for a long while, but now that I am feeling like my old self, I am focused on being healthy. It's the same me just a different look physically!😅
Avoiding the mirror after such a life-changing experience is something many people can relate to, and it’s a completely valid way to cope. It’s so empowering to hear that you’re finding a new sense of self, even if things look different physically. You’re showing incredible strength by shifting your perspective and prioritizing your well-being. It’s a reminder that healing is about embracing who we are at every stage. Thank you for sharing your journey; it’s inspiring to hear how you’re reclaiming your confidence, one step at a time.
I have scar tissue where the drain went and can't wear a bra. I am in pain if I try. My only problem with my breast that was not effective is that I need to wear a tight fitting vest which gives me a rash between the breast and my body during the hotter months in South Africa. I am single and have no partner so I never suffered with my image. Yes, it would of been nice to be able to wear a bra.