Sadly, mine too. I relate to so much of the pain and I have worked through it a lot like her. I grieved the dream of what I thought my marriage would be. 59 years of marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have some peace and I don’t expect anything from him. That way I’m not disappointed.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m moved by your courage. I, like you have basically detached but I constantly get questioned about that. He’s always blaming me for not connecting and meeting his needs. But I have to detach for my own well-being. I feel like I have post-traumatic stress from years of emotional abuse. How do people handle it when you detach, but get frequent questions about it? Do you simply stop explaining yourself. That’s the piece I don’t know how to handle at this point. I pray for courage everyday
Thank you for your testimony. Many of my dynamics are different, but I have arrived in a very similar place in my relationship. I am working on me. 30 years of the struggle has taken it's toll, but the benefits of staying still out weigh the price of leaving.
Thank you for sharing your story. I and my son had to detach. Some people do not understand, but they haven't lived what we have lived. God understands.
I can relate to most of this points not all. I understand saying to God, "ok..I am ok w/ what I envisioned this marriage to be might or will never happen". Now, I am stuck in..."why would God want me to stay in a loveless marriage"? Why stay w/ just a roommate? If this is truly not what a Godly marriage should mirror, in what grounds do we stay? If there is no intimacy, no connection, I just cook and do the laundry and groceries and I am the mother of your child...that is all I bring to the table....why?? Why do we stay?
My question: what about the kids? Are they aware of their dad's abuse, their mom's pain, and their own issues living in such a dysfunctional "Christian"(?) marriage?
This is a marriage on paper only. I understand she is doing what she needs to do at this point. I am concerned for her children too, that this is what they are seeing a marriage is. It isn't a marriage at all. I speak as an abuse survior. I just feel for her, she deserves to be loved, but I can't say what her path should be. I am glad she is finding her voice, no longer being used and hopefully teaching her kids what a true marriage is.
I’m in this kind of “marriage” too. It’s an in-home separation. My 12+ years kids all know what’s going on but the littles don’t. They know dad’s bedroom is downstairs. My 8 yr old is starting to see her dad’s issues and we talk about them as they are reviewed to her. It’s tricky, but I financially cannot leave.
My story as well. Thanks for sharing! Been separated for 9 yrs in our home and I just thought I must be crazy to still be here esp since our kids are grown …but so glad I’ve come across these various videos that I’m not alone!!! I had never heard of covert narcissism and just putting his behavior in words has set me even more free!!! I’m so encouraged to learn how to detach in a healthy way now and focus on changing how i respond to his behavior .. only what I can control! Me!! No longer trying to control him! I’ve been growing and maturing in the Lord during this season like never b4 and I make sure I keep my heart from Any bitterness or unforgiveness .. my prayer life is my weapon!! I’m learning letting go and acceptance while still being kind!!! A gentle and quiet spirit! God has given me supernatural peace to stay in the marriage until further notice! It’s been almost 30 yrs with the last 10 being the most challenging … I’m leaning in to hear my Fathers voice everyday … He’s a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path!!! He will never lead me astray!!! Hallelujah!!!
This woman is telling my story.
Sadly, mine too. I relate to so much of the pain and I have worked through it a lot like her. I grieved the dream of what I thought my marriage would be. 59 years of marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have some peace and I don’t expect anything from him. That way I’m not disappointed.
What a beautiful testimony! I am deeply moved and was helped in my own situation. God bless you my sister. God is so very proud of you 👏
I’m so proud of this story. It’s the beginning of my story.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m moved by your courage. I, like you have basically detached but I constantly get questioned about that. He’s always blaming me for not connecting and meeting his needs. But I have to detach for my own well-being. I feel like I have post-traumatic stress from years of emotional abuse. How do people handle it when you detach, but get frequent questions about it? Do you simply stop explaining yourself. That’s the piece I don’t know how to handle at this point. I pray for courage everyday
I think you’re allowed to share that it’s your personal boundary because your needs are being met; as the guest shares you may not feel safe
Thank you for your testimony. Many of my dynamics are different, but I have arrived in a very similar place in my relationship. I am working on me. 30 years of the struggle has taken it's toll, but the benefits of staying still out weigh the price of leaving.
At different points of my 32 yr marriage- this story mirrors mine. I love your advice!
Thank you for sharing your story. I and my son had to detach. Some people do not understand, but they haven't lived what we have lived. God understands.
Amen!! She is telling a lot of women’s stories.
I can relate to most of this points not all. I understand saying to God, "ok..I am ok w/ what I envisioned this marriage to be might or will never happen". Now, I am stuck in..."why would God want me to stay in a loveless marriage"? Why stay w/ just a roommate? If this is truly not what a Godly marriage should mirror, in what grounds do we stay? If there is no intimacy, no connection, I just cook and do the laundry and groceries and I am the mother of your child...that is all I bring to the table....why?? Why do we stay?
I don’t think you have to stay (personally)… but many may not have the resources to file for a divorce
Excellent testimony! Thank you!
My question: what about the kids? Are they aware of their dad's abuse, their mom's pain, and their own issues living in such a dysfunctional "Christian"(?) marriage?
This is a marriage on paper only. I understand she is doing what she needs to do at this point. I am concerned for her children too, that this is what they are seeing a marriage is. It isn't a marriage at all. I speak as an abuse survior. I just feel for her, she deserves to be loved, but I can't say what her path should be. I am glad she is finding her voice, no longer being used and hopefully teaching her kids what a true marriage is.
I’m in this kind of “marriage” too. It’s an in-home separation. My 12+ years kids all know what’s going on but the littles don’t. They know dad’s bedroom is downstairs. My 8 yr old is starting to see her dad’s issues and we talk about them as they are reviewed to her. It’s tricky, but I financially cannot leave.
My story as well. Thanks for sharing! Been separated for 9 yrs in our home and I just thought I must be crazy to still be here esp since our kids are grown …but so glad I’ve come across these various videos that I’m not alone!!! I had never heard of covert narcissism and just putting his behavior in words has set me even more free!!! I’m so encouraged to learn how to detach in a healthy way now and focus on changing how i respond to his behavior .. only what I can control! Me!! No longer trying to control him! I’ve been growing and maturing in the Lord during this season like never b4 and I make sure I keep my heart from
Any bitterness or unforgiveness .. my prayer life is my weapon!! I’m learning letting go and acceptance while still being kind!!! A gentle and quiet spirit! God has given me supernatural peace to stay in the marriage until further notice! It’s been almost 30 yrs with the last 10 being the most challenging … I’m leaning in to hear my Fathers voice everyday … He’s a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path!!! He will never lead me astray!!! Hallelujah!!!
Hallelujah!
This is my life minus the anger from him and money control. mine has zero interest in a relationship.
Wow. I had to get away.
Over 3 months of no hugs/ kiss/ no affection. Trying to stay well.
Is this the kind of marriage God wants for you and the family unit God wants for your children? I’m puzzled.
It’s still not a healthy marriage. Your children will see this.
This is okay temporarily, for a season until you figure things out. The kids are suffering as well as you
❤