I can as long as it's politics, other people, business but complete emotional abandonment if I dare say how I feel about our relationship. I get the silent treatment, I am the pretzel, all twisted up. He knows he's emotionally unavailable but doesn't care. Now neither do I.
I'm dealing with the silent treatment right now. Once I realized this pattern, I would always be the one to just start speaking again bc I thought it was so childish! It's now been months now, nd once i stopped volunteering myself to be the first to begin talking again, I said to myself, im not doing it any longer. So its been nearly 3 mos.The only time we use to speak would be around rent time, now he doesn't even do that, he puts his half in an envelope nd places it on the bookshelf, that way he doesn't hv to speak to me even then! So, our current lease is up in Dec. so on my last day here, I won't even hv to say goodbye, only continue the behavior we've been doing for previous months now! 😊
Thank you for your valuable insights. You’re absolutely right about my Christian faith complicating my situation - I thought I had to submit, God hates divorce, etc. If my narcissistic husband hadn’t raged out on me and stormed out and chose to live with another woman, I would not have filed for divorce, believing I would honor God only if I put up w/ my abusive husband.
I see the point you are making but it can also be seen as a form of gaslighting or enabling to someone that's being betrayed and their partner is trying to make one doubt their own reality
You’re so right, Sharmen, to say that some are so unaware of how their destructive actions/words are affecting the other that it’s dished out without any remorse or a shred of regret- repeatedly, and increasingly. So, then what? No one forces anyone to wake up and change course. It’s up to the right-minded one to leave the situation to stop the destructive cycle. I would love to talk with you and Andrew for a week…thank you both very much for this thorough, excellent, helpful discussion.
Excellent! The men's core group has been suggested for my husband and what "recovery looks like" was helpful. I identify with so much of what was said; not setting good boundaries, not being comfortable with things being uncomfortable, a necessary temporary break in the relationship, etc.
The abusers believes a woman is inferior to the abuser ….and not a whole person with rights . The abusers are NOT INSANE at all . Look at Ted Bundy ….he knew what he was doing at all times …..it’s all about hate and the privilege to abuse ….
There is a common misconception that psychology goes against spirituality. There are a couple of videos on our channel that address this topic called "Faith & Psychology: Are They At Odds?"
@@drdavidbhawkins They certainly can be at odds. Religion can also be at odds with a spiritual growth with the Only true Creator. Consider the basis for a relationship with Father God is described in the Bible. Man made tools should be allowed to assist in spiritual development only if these designs are Bible based. Any of the considered academic areas belong in the category of possible helps yet only within the Biblical paradigm.
This is hard to hear. The church has spent decades telling wives to submit and be a godly wife. Now wives are told you got it all wrong trusting God's teachers. It like oh, eggs are terrible for you, and now eggs are healthy why were you so foolish to listen to those in leadership? Why do therapist now get to change their beliefs and victim blame those who stayed to follow Christ and endure what Christ's biblical leaders were teaching? This was not the "Christian family modes of operand in previously, i.e.. Focus on the Family view point for one. Become one flesh. Let's be fair to the submissive Christ following wives who are now seen as immature in the eyes of Christian counselors and advised to be a self-versus a one flesh.
Who i am ? Character?? Habits? Beliefs? I am a wonderful person. Cordial. & Courteous?? Mixed & NEUTRAL position & broadminded to explore. Discoverer. NEUTRAL need to KNOW as much as possible. Communication is essential 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Triggers can be pushed on purpose sometimes to watch the abuser flip out to make the person pushing the trigger feel better, as to cover up their own abusive behaviour. Food for thought. idk
Why are you talking about having constructive conversations in an episode about abusive people? They don't communicate effectively. They don't listen, they don't care. They dominate and control and ignore. Im switching off
The psychologist told me later on the phone that my so called husband no longer honours, cherishes or values me. Left and divorced. Very painful journey. Still cry everyday. 😢 Yet there is joy as I move on and slowly heal!! 🙏✝️
I'm grateful to that psychologist for telling you the truth, even though it was painful. Someone was *finally* honest with you, and that is money well spent. It takes a long time to heal from a narcissist. Wishing you well on that long path~
Arrogant partners are unbearable to deal with. They do not hear Listen consider any bodies needs to be HONORED. WE SENIORS ARE ENTITLED to be heard RESPECTED, HONORED, Treated with dignity & integrity & loving-GOODNESS alawys!!!! Think about it. Listen 👂 process & act Cordial, Courteous. Speak Goodness every where!!!! 😅😂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤PEACE & LOVING-KINDNESS cherish, treasure 🧓 SENIORS. EVEN YOUNGER PEOPLE In their early 50s 50s 50s . Half a century young / old. Can treatment happen????
This was so spot on to me and my marriage. It will be hard, scary work to keep those boundaries in place. Too many times i fell for the short term change to get what he wanted only to revert back to the old controlling ways. Love bombing and discarding. It has wrecked havoc with my self esteem. I forgot how strong and independent I truely am. I gave up all my likes and wants to keep the marriage as that was the most important thing, even when i was physically hurt. I kept thinking forgiveness, without setting healthy boundaries. Thank you for this lesson that i need to maintain myself as being a good person even if i have to do it alone. I cannot force my husband to want to change. Now i see the pattern it changes everything. I feel rescued by being educated. Thank you!
Definitely the behavior was tactical and punitive, made incredibly obvious by the way I've been living compared to the life we built for 20 years. The goal was to destroy me, whether always conscious or only sometimes. Denial is a powerful self-defense tool. It can allow a toxic person to rewrite the entire narrative with no backdrop of truth or reality. Wild story. I expect God to show up, but it has been an emergency for fifteen years, literally.
Here is an important tip: if they would rail at, take umbridge with, retaliate and actively refuse to accept: The very same behaviors they are inflicting upon you, We have enough commonality between us to call their behavior--EMOTIONAL ABUSE Its deliberate,unacceptable if done to them and they aware it's doing great damage to you
Cheating, lying, yelling and swearing and neglect are deal breakers in a marriage. Was told to F. Off. I was called an embarrassing degrading idiot. Told to get out. He refused to go back for more counselling after one time. Was leaving me alone all night while out with a married Woman down the street from us.?Then going there all day as well. Had an affair in 2003 as well. Was a 42 year marriage. Don’t know how many other affairs he had since he worked out of town. Can’t even tell you all of the pure hell I went thru during the affair that started in 2019.
I am married 53 years every thing you mentioned,I am still experiencing. He made my family including our children hate me,I don,t know how I could live and pay rent with my chronic pain due to him gunning our boat when he knew I was not secured.several bad surgey,s later he is still gas lighting,say,s he did not do that.without family or friends because I stayed with him.
I saw PAINFUL narcissistic abuse from father to mother (and me and my brother). It has destroyed both of our lives and I am just now getting out of that situation. My mom is still there 😔 I am so worried about her mental health
Hey !! Pundits! The stressed or disordered out of their minds stressed people are the RECIPIENTS of the abuse.. financial for example.. not to say only they have disordered brains but their partners if abusive have no incentive to learn.. ie.. they aren’t coercive controlling unfair and abusive and BLIND to their partners’ distress because they can’t COMPREHEND the damage being done .. so Please CAN WE GET TO THE POINT
He is answering in very robotic scientific none emotionally explanation. He may have well as been an AI robot. I think he is trying to avoid answering emotionally. She seems frustrated he is avoiding this subject. I found this very uncomfortable.
This is so good! I was the person who stayed to long because I wanted to honor God, it was a very hard road to walk down. But at some point I was willing to where that Scarlet letter of divorce. And either the grace of God was real and forgiveness from the Father is real or it ani’t. Btw it is!!!!
I don't like the conversation about God because too often it becomes an excuse for some of the poor behavior or tolerating the poor behavior, which is definitely crap.
Me: instantly my body activated with anxiety, and I’d look at him as if he was a predator… assessing how close he was to attacking… at all times. Was only until I moved out that I realized I lived like that 24-7… and I never felt what relief was until I moved out… 😳 I didn’t know it was possible to feel this happy or healthy… truly I thought at first I was actually manic…. 😳😳😳🤦🏻♀️ it was so dramatically better…
53:21 is where they get to the subject matter in the title & the bottom line is….he is being rewarded for behaving badly is like the reward given by cocain 💥 and it has been a learned behavior 😮in childhood. He grooms his victims to accept it as love. ❤. 😢. I hate that so many bad advisors saying it’s two to tango. The one trying to be loving, forgiving, empathetic, nurturing & continually lied to manipulated, controlled etc etc become re-victimized /traumatized by those in authority, (pastoral care, therapy, counseling) telling you, your the problem honey. You need boundaries! You’re too Reactive!! Look at yourself. You’re not okay, um even an animal will bite if you kick it, but after years of being kicked, you start to give up. Y’all can save yourself a lot of money. LeAVE!!! Find a way to leave! And learn to read the signs!! STOP LOVING PREDATORS! 🐊 🦈 🦊🦇🦍
There’s no excuse for abuse. I didn’t last 12 months with him. Neither of us come from abusive backgrounds, neither of us come from divorced parents. Both come from loving stable homes. Neither of us drink alcohol or do drugs. Neither of us cheated. He was jealous of anyone that even looked in our direction. Watched my online time. Criticized how I spoke, laughed, I couldn’t sleep early unless he was able to sleep, I couldn’t wash dishes unless he was busy too, he needed me in his reach 24/7, screamed at me, told me to F off, threatened to kill me and my family, threatened to kill men that I didn’t know, called me horrible names, punched walls behind my head, nothing made him happy about me. He never told me why he was angry with me. He was just angry.. when I tried to leave he’d cry and tell me he cannot live without me. Towards the end he could not go an hour or 2 a day before he started. I stayed almost 10 months. I went from a vibrant happy healthy woman, to hands shaking, nervous, crying, stomach pains. After being away from him one week I felt back to normal. I’d never ever go back to that. I’d never love someone enough to stay or try to get someone healthy.
@@bellapetalartone week and you're back to normal. What a bunch of bs. It sounded believable until you made that statement. It takes years and years to heal from that kind of abuse. Why lie about
@@HostileWorkplaceEXPOSED- Let me tell you something, sugar, you are NOT qualified to deny anybody's life experience on here unless YOU LIVED personally walked in her shoes...! You sound like you need to back off with judging anyone's experiences on here unless you are omniscient. And, your NOT...! Take a hike...!!!
100% agree, trauma EQUALS bad decisions. You can't see things clearly through cracked glasses. Multiple traumas without supportive caregivers really messes with your head and your view of yourself and the world. People who don't have it together shouldn't have kids! They set them up for a hard life✌
Thank you for sharing this video, hopefully it help changes my situation. I am in a marriage which i feel more and more worthless as the days goes by, feeling scared if i have done anything wrong everyday as it would trigger her outburst of anger and start to demean my personality, yell at me with hurtful words and demand me to answer question in a second or i am wasting her time (most of the time i just frozen and dont know what to say but said sorry) . She would said i can speak normally stop pretending i am struggling to put words together to answer her questions... Am i short of something in my brain to cope with this confrontational conversation ? Also, everytime i start to express myself and use the word "i" she could go "oh is me me me me me is all about you again, can anyone hear how selfish you are, you made me feel angry and yet it is all about you". Is there a way to hold a better conversation and lead to mutual understanding in this situation?
I'm sorry you're going through that. I just yesterday left a relationship in which I loved the person very much, but she was emotionally abusive towards me, a lot like how you described. I finally decided it had to end, nothing I said could change her. I don't deserve the way she treats me. I shouldn't feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and trying to be absolutely perfect, and still anger her over nothing. I felt like the ground was littered with landmines and there was no right way to step. It's very unfortunate, and sad. The way she treated me was not with love and respect, and there are plenty of people out there who will treat you the way you deserve. It is now time for me to spend this time with myself, (and my friends!) and discovering what it means to be free. I recommend watching Jocko willink's video on breakups. I will be watching it several times a day. Good luck to you, you will make it through this.
I cannot help but notice that in the comments it is mostly "he". She should also be talked about as women are as inclined to be as narcissistic and abusive as men. Maybe because women are weaker physically they are more inclined to be mentally abusive. Narcissistic traits are often passed on from parents to children in my experience. I grew up in a Christian environment. Treat others, do not steal or lie and in my naivety I assumed that most people think that way. Sadly even people whom call themselves Christian do not hold or understand these values. Mental abuse is destructive and destroys one's soul.....and it is so regardless if done by a man or a woman.
It’s not equal. Period. All you have to do is look at the amount of women abused throughout the world compared to women. Women definitely have NPD too and are abusive but they aren’t as likely to be malignant. My ex is a malignant narc and his mother is a narcissist too. It’s night and day to the amount of damage. The malignant wants to destroy you.
@@staceystrukel1917 The female Covert Narc crushes your soul over a long period of time! It may seem less destructive to you but believe me, it's not! I'm watching this happen to my son! It's heartbreaking! I feel your pain as well! God help us all!
@@karendillard5725 please list all the females murdering there family. When you talk about someone who is malignant there is usually criminally history involved. Emotional and mental abuse happens with all narcs. Some females are physical too but please don’t compare that to a woman and kids being physically threatened. Financial abuse is WAY more common with men too. Narcissistic abuse is awful for anyone but to not see that it’s happening more to women and the circumstances are usually worse for women is simply dishonest. I don’t see shelters for men everywhere who are homeless, broke and beaten by women. The worst part for men right now is it’s easier for women to take away the kids. One of the biggest issues on this planet right now is violence against women and children.
No...the marriage needs to be OVER .These people will NEVER change b c they like who they are and WILL CONTINUE to lie / cheat / manipulate/ and suck the life out of you or ANY one of their victims ! Narcissistic people are driven by the OWN fear / cowardness / insufficiency/ very low vibration with no TRUE moral compass ...do as I say not as I DO ! ! I can't even fathom why God allows these evil people to destroy living beings ( human and animals ) .After a lifetime of the horrifying abuse physically and mentally one tends to have many issues of fearful doubt /confusing / nightmares /brain fog / contemplating their every move so one can counter for protection.The smear campaigns to any one that you may come in contact with SO they can make YOU to be crazy BAD ! The realization when the vail has been lifted from the victims are HUMILIATING to think you LET this demon control / destroy every fiber of your being ..the children..the pets ..your family / friends ....all for the sake of LOVE MARRIAGE A RELATIONSHIP.
Yes, it is possible to create an internal environment where you feel safe despite what's happening in the external environment which we cannot control.
Don't let anyone incorrectly tell you that Christianity insists that a wife's submission has anything to do with being abused. Meanwhile, they ignore God's commandment that husband's love and protect their wives as Christ loves and gave Himself for the church. Their misinterpretation of God's Word and do even more harm by "councilling" a victim about what God hating divorce really means. It's not so much divorce itself that God hates. It's the sin of abuse and emotional torture which makes staying in a soul crushing marriage impossible. He detests what the offender is doing to destroy you and the marriage. Tragically many victims are guilt riden by being told that submission means that God wants them to just take it.
My husband told me I could not call myself a Christian because I am such a bad person. He also told me I could not teach Sunday School because I am a bad wife. He didn’t want anything to do with Christianity until he knew he could use it against me. I feel physically ill sitting next to him in church…. I’ve actually stopped going with him. He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing at church. He is full of hate at home. Drinks a lot and says he can do whatever he wants to. When the abuser knows that faith means something to the victim, they will use it against them. They know no bounds.
@taravanmeter6764 Please tell me you're no longer wth this cruel (sinless? Lol.) man! To say he has no idea what being a Christian is, is an understatement! You're a "bad wife"? No, you're not!! He's a BAD HUSBAND for treating you this way!!! Works based salvation is no salvation. Even though, after being saved ("by grace through faith"), the Holy Spirit gives us the desire to forsake deliberate, unrepentant sin and to live in obedience to Him in response to His great love and sacrifice for us, we're still imperfect humans, living in a fallen world. In that sense, we're still "bad".... just forgiven. But you know this stuff already, I hope. DO NOT believe his lies and let him come between you and the Lord. Or steal your joy. Or ruin your time of worship and fellowship with other believers or the children you teach in Sunday School. Please get supportive counseling from someone who understands narcissists. I, and I'm sure many others here, will be keeping you in prayer.
ABUSE OF ANY TYPE IS NEVER OK ….THE ABUSERS SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE…..MY ABUSER HAS TOO MANY ISSUES TO KEEP THE INSANITY OF “MARRIAGE “ going …..IT SLOWLY KILLING ME .
This whole discussion just sounds like gaslighting. As I listen on, I'm pretty disgusted to be honest. What planet are these two on? It's not possible to be in "partnership" with an abuser. That's the issue. They're talking about5 "problems" not abuse.
Count in Seniors still looking for HONESTHEARTED PROVIDER Providing diligent responsibility partner for rest of LIFE. ACTIVITIES to keep in great functioning HEALTH. TO LIVE WELL. ❤❤❤❤😂 COLLABORATING PARTNERSHIP. LOVE is not USING U. LOVE IS SUPPORTIVE. HEALTH!!! CONVERSATIONS to cause us to become SMARTER. SENIORS age.50yr. Through our 80 yrs. Of age. Young at Heart & vibrantly. ALIVE. LIVELY PHYSICALLY HEALTHY. Industrious activities!!!!! .Ok???
You lost me 20 minutes in, mainly because you strayed away from the title of your video. You were still treating this as a two-person problem. I will own up to my part in the abusive marriage, but only in the fact that I stayed for the kids and refused to subject them to kind of environment I was raised in. I was lied lo about what the objectives were and her honoring them, I was galighted when it came to any kind of accountability. I really just needed this video to help me understand why a covert narcissist feels like they have the right to manipulate, outright lie, and galight someone they profess to love. It was only when I set boundaries and made it clear that now the kids have moved out that I was prepared to leave, that some of the abusive behavior relented, but I am still seeing a lot of the nasty behavior (in subtle ways) as being present. If it weren't for how much I have invested and how long we have been together I would have walked out as soon as I had figured it all out.
This discussion is somewhat confusing . Experiencing trauma does not excuse abuse. My husband was raised with very good and loving parents and he turned out a narcissist.
Is this video directed toward abusers? It certainly sounds like it. Unfortunately, I doubt very much they'll ever watch it, though their abused partners are probably lapping this up, hopeful their "insight" into their abusers behaviour and the rationalization for it will change what's going on in their own homes. Sadly, they'll learn, again no doubt, that abusers like the control they have in a relationship, and don't want to change. That's why they abuse. .
This is so off topic. I don't think many of us will be sending in the brain of the abuser. Good God. Stay in our lane. You are taking us to a place where we are not going to we are not going to do going to be able to use that information. Please give it up.
Glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
This is so true I got called needy multiple times and the one time I called him needy he hung up on me and gave me silent treatment and our relationship was pretty much over
As a hetrosexual male it would be really nice for women to speak directly not with enuindoes. As men we R not dumb, but we don't understand. When we got together you loved these traits about us. Now U don't & U want something different. U change we doubled down. If we (some of us) will do anything for U (our women). But we also need U 2 C our attempt & change. I changed & all she can C is what I did 24 years ago. I am no where near that guy. But I am not given any credit. All I hear is I'm controlling. Even though I have countless examples where I was trying to give space, give distance, being assertive, 🛑 pushing, words of encouragement exercising patience. But she says I was controlling. I don't know what to do with that. If I speak I'm controlling if I'm quit I'm controlling.
Knowing what we need, let alone knowing how to express them is not a natural skill most of us have, it needs to be learned. Good counselors can help. When we have trauma or "baggage" from past wounds, that must be addressed first, or no amount of communication skills will help.
She’s manipulating you. Ask yourself if you want to be with a manipulative person? Focus on you and not her. Speak about your feelings and if she doesn’t respond to your feelings and tries to take it down another path then that is manipulation. How long do you want to play that game for? It’s not about male and female, it’s about mental and emotional abuse. Good luck.
@@staceystrukel1917 Your right. I figured it out eventually (later). Now all U hear is women wanting men to B emotionally mature mature. Now I C the women R the ones who R emotionally immature & when they say that they R saying. They want a man they can 1. Control 2. Do what she wants 3. Not to tell her (the individual) what to do. This is emotional abuse Reaction abuse. I suggest men learn what women R doing & stay away & do not get them pregnant.
Watching from Tulsa Oklahoma. What amazes me is people who are in mental health that need help and refuse to get it. I refuse to allow anyone that's mental counsel me.
Being comfortable with your mind is the only sane way to live because if youre frightened of your mind how can you discern truths in any aspect of life?
Abuse & manipulation in almost every aspect has only one effect it dos kill trust to another person, same a person whom never take their responsibility to balance a relationship it cost frustration everything needs balance that's God's nature as well
I really can’t tell what the female doctor is talking about. She speaks in too general of terms and when she says, “You know,” I really don’t know and this video was super frustrating. Turning it off early. Horrible!!
Holy spirit HIGH QUALITIES IS WHAT MAN is praying to become in individual Personality to enable all of Us to live in Harmony & PEACE with each other as Our Almighty GOD'S purpose intended. People tend to overlook this Universal AGAPE LOVE . Have you ever prayed for Love & Peace? Through Jesus Christ ?? ❤❤❤❤❤
In charge of yourself with LOGIC. LOGICALLY SELF CONTROL, PATIENCE QUALITY. FLEXIBILITY to adapt to changes & troubles. Talk about issues & strategies to figure it out abilities. 😊😊
Not allowed to express my feelings, thoughts. No adult communication. He wants my attention, but when it’s my turn it doesn’t matter
I completely understand what you have just expressed , I am in separation from 29 year marriage.
That's abuse !
Time to go!
I can as long as it's politics, other people, business but complete emotional abandonment if I dare say how I feel about our relationship. I get the silent treatment, I am the pretzel, all twisted up. He knows he's emotionally unavailable but doesn't care. Now neither do I.
I'm dealing with the silent treatment right now. Once I realized this pattern, I would always be the one to just start speaking again bc I thought it was so childish! It's now been months now, nd once i stopped volunteering myself to be the first to begin talking again, I said to myself, im not doing it any longer. So its been nearly 3 mos.The only time we use to speak would be around rent time, now he doesn't even do that, he puts his half in an envelope nd places it on the bookshelf, that way he doesn't hv to speak to me even then! So, our current lease is up in Dec. so on my last day here, I won't even hv to say goodbye, only continue the behavior we've been doing for previous months now! 😊
Thank you for your valuable insights. You’re absolutely right about my Christian faith complicating my situation - I thought I had to submit, God hates divorce, etc. If my narcissistic husband hadn’t raged out on me and stormed out and chose to live with another woman, I would not have filed for divorce, believing I would honor God only if I put up w/ my abusive husband.
People need to realise God got a Divorce. He Divorced Israel for their unfaithfulness. Read your Bible.
These guys go to church to find the abused _ for total control over a female_ unfortunately the church feeds this sickness
Please do another episode together! The three of you are just incomparable to any therapy I’ve ever had in my life!
I see the point you are making but it can also be seen as a form of gaslighting or enabling to someone that's being betrayed and their partner is trying to make one doubt their own reality
You’re so right, Sharmen,
to say that some are so unaware of how their destructive actions/words are affecting the other that it’s dished out without any remorse or a shred of regret- repeatedly, and increasingly.
So, then what? No one forces anyone to wake up and change course. It’s up to the right-minded one to leave the situation to stop the destructive cycle.
I would love to talk with you and Andrew for a week…thank you both very much for this thorough, excellent, helpful discussion.
Excellent! The men's core group has been suggested for my husband and what "recovery looks like" was helpful. I identify with so much of what was said; not setting good boundaries, not being comfortable with things being uncomfortable, a necessary temporary break in the relationship, etc.
Thanks for your feedback! Hope you have taken steps in the direction you want to go with yourself and your relationship.
The abusers believes a woman is inferior to the abuser ….and not a whole person with rights . The abusers are NOT INSANE at all . Look at Ted Bundy ….he knew what he was doing at all times …..it’s all about hate and the privilege to abuse ….
Woman/man.
I like the fact that they use and speak the word . And compare it to reality in the dynamic
My X shamed me for desiring to want to learn and grow. He spiritually abused me and said that I was acting Wordly
There is a common misconception that psychology goes against spirituality. There are a couple of videos on our channel that address this topic called "Faith & Psychology: Are They At Odds?"
@@drdavidbhawkins Flyfreesisterhood! Spiritual abuse is abuse
@@drdavidbhawkins They certainly can be at odds. Religion can also be at odds with a spiritual growth with the Only true Creator. Consider the basis for a relationship with Father God is described in the Bible. Man made tools should be allowed to assist in spiritual development only if these designs are Bible based. Any of the considered academic areas belong in the category of possible helps yet only within the Biblical paradigm.
Lots of men use patriarchy in religion to reduce women to tools
His voice almost put me to sleep. I had to catch myself...
You can see these things if you have what is called the gift of " discernment"
Need to say more
This is hard to hear. The church has spent decades telling wives to submit and be a godly wife. Now wives are told you got it all wrong trusting God's teachers. It like oh, eggs are terrible for you, and now eggs are healthy why were you so foolish to listen to those in leadership? Why do therapist now get to change their beliefs and victim blame those who stayed to follow Christ and endure what Christ's biblical leaders were teaching? This was not the "Christian family modes of operand in previously, i.e.. Focus on the Family view point for one. Become one flesh. Let's be fair to the submissive Christ following wives who are now seen as immature in the eyes of Christian counselors and advised to be a self-versus a one flesh.
Who i am ? Character??
Habits? Beliefs? I am a wonderful person. Cordial. & Courteous?? Mixed & NEUTRAL position & broadminded to explore. Discoverer. NEUTRAL need to KNOW as much as possible. Communication is essential 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yes d. My husband everything you say it's true because I true they have no😊
You can’t be in a marriage with three people
Triggers can be pushed on purpose sometimes to watch the abuser flip out to make the person pushing the trigger feel better, as to cover up their own abusive behaviour.
Food for thought. idk
Why are you talking about having constructive conversations in an episode about abusive people? They don't communicate effectively. They don't listen, they don't care. They dominate and control and ignore. Im switching off
That’s exactly what I was thinking! It almost sounds like they’re making excuses for abuse.
The psychologist told me later on the phone that my so called husband no longer honours, cherishes or values me. Left and divorced. Very painful journey. Still cry everyday. 😢 Yet there is joy as I move on and slowly heal!! 🙏✝️
❤️🩹 hope all is going well for you
Same 😢❤ we must chose ourselves. No one deserves this misery
I'm grateful to that psychologist for telling you the truth, even though it was painful. Someone was *finally* honest with you, and that is money well spent. It takes a long time to heal from a narcissist. Wishing you well on that long path~
Arrogant partners are unbearable to deal with. They do not hear Listen consider any bodies needs to be HONORED. WE SENIORS ARE ENTITLED to be heard RESPECTED, HONORED, Treated with dignity & integrity & loving-GOODNESS alawys!!!!
Think about it. Listen 👂 process & act Cordial, Courteous. Speak Goodness every where!!!! 😅😂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤PEACE & LOVING-KINDNESS cherish, treasure 🧓 SENIORS. EVEN YOUNGER PEOPLE In their early 50s 50s 50s . Half a century young / old. Can treatment happen????
May God continually heal you 🙏 God bless you
This was so spot on to me and my marriage. It will be hard, scary work to keep those boundaries in place. Too many times i fell for the short term change to get what he wanted only to revert back to the old controlling ways. Love bombing and discarding. It has wrecked havoc with my self esteem. I forgot how strong and independent I truely am. I gave up all my likes and wants to keep the marriage as that was the most important thing, even when i was physically hurt. I kept thinking forgiveness, without setting healthy boundaries. Thank you for this lesson that i need to maintain myself as being a good person even if i have to do it alone. I cannot force my husband to want to change. Now i see the pattern it changes everything. I feel rescued by being educated. Thank you!
Definitely the behavior was tactical and punitive, made incredibly obvious by the way I've been living compared to the life we built for 20 years. The goal was to destroy me, whether always conscious or only sometimes. Denial is a powerful self-defense tool. It can allow a toxic person to rewrite the entire narrative with no backdrop of truth or reality. Wild story. I expect God to show up, but it has been an emergency for fifteen years, literally.
Here is an important tip: if they would rail at, take umbridge with, retaliate and actively refuse to accept: The very same behaviors they are inflicting upon you,
We have enough commonality between us to call their behavior--EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Its deliberate,unacceptable if done to them and they aware it's doing great damage to you
I'd agree qith you. That's my parents and my ex. Dish it out, wouldn't tolerate it back. Definitely a huge red flag
Cheating, lying, yelling and swearing and neglect are deal breakers in a marriage. Was told to F. Off. I was called an embarrassing degrading idiot. Told to get out. He refused to go back for more counselling after one time. Was leaving me alone all night while out with a married Woman down the street from us.?Then going there all day as well. Had an affair in 2003 as well. Was a 42 year marriage. Don’t know how many other affairs he had since he worked out of town. Can’t even tell you all of the pure hell I went thru during the affair that started in 2019.
I am married 53 years every thing you mentioned,I am still experiencing. He made my family including our children hate me,I don,t know how I could live and pay rent with my chronic pain due to him gunning our boat when he knew I was not secured.several bad surgey,s later he is still gas lighting,say,s he did not do that.without family or friends because I stayed with him.
I'm sorry 😢
I saw PAINFUL narcissistic abuse from father to mother (and me and my brother). It has destroyed both of our lives and I am just now getting out of that situation. My mom is still there 😔 I am so worried about her mental health
Hey !! Pundits! The stressed or disordered out of their minds stressed people are the RECIPIENTS of the abuse.. financial for example.. not to say only they have disordered brains but their partners if abusive have no incentive to learn.. ie.. they aren’t coercive controlling unfair and abusive and BLIND to their partners’ distress because they can’t COMPREHEND the damage being done .. so Please CAN WE GET TO THE POINT
He is answering in very robotic scientific none emotionally explanation. He may have well as been an AI robot. I think he is trying to avoid answering emotionally. She seems frustrated he is avoiding this subject. I found this very uncomfortable.
I found his voice calm and soothing 😅
This is so good! I was the person who stayed to long because I wanted to honor God, it was a very hard road to walk down. But at some point I was willing to where that Scarlet letter of divorce. And either the grace of God was real and forgiveness from the Father is real or it ani’t.
Btw it is!!!!
I don't like the conversation about God because too often it becomes an excuse for some of the poor behavior or tolerating the poor behavior, which is definitely crap.
@@joeldwest I agree keeps us in bondage
@@Datb2Exactly. Why do Christians worry so much about God not wanting them to divorce a cruel, abusive, selfish, uncaring, reckless spouse?
How do I feel in their presence? Good test.
Me: instantly my body activated with anxiety, and I’d look at him as if he was a predator… assessing how close he was to attacking… at all times. Was only until I moved out that I realized I lived like that 24-7… and I never felt what relief was until I moved out… 😳 I didn’t know it was possible to feel this happy or healthy… truly I thought at first I was actually manic…. 😳😳😳🤦🏻♀️ it was so dramatically better…
Scary. Frightening. Learning
& growing to be TRUE TO OURSELVES????? HEALTHY. HOLD MY HAND through the changes. 😢😢😢😢😢😢
53:21 is where they get to the subject matter in the title & the bottom line is….he is being rewarded for behaving badly is like the reward given by cocain 💥 and it has been a learned behavior 😮in childhood. He grooms his victims to accept it as love. ❤. 😢.
I hate that so many bad advisors saying it’s two to tango. The one trying to be loving, forgiving, empathetic, nurturing & continually lied to manipulated, controlled etc etc become re-victimized /traumatized by those in authority, (pastoral care, therapy, counseling) telling you, your the problem honey. You need boundaries!
You’re too Reactive!! Look at yourself. You’re not okay, um even an animal will bite if you kick it, but after years of being kicked, you start to give up.
Y’all can save yourself a lot of money. LeAVE!!! Find a way to leave! And learn to read the signs!! STOP LOVING PREDATORS! 🐊 🦈 🦊🦇🦍
Amen
There’s no excuse for abuse. I didn’t last 12 months with him. Neither of us come from abusive backgrounds, neither of us come from divorced parents. Both come from loving stable homes. Neither of us drink alcohol or do drugs. Neither of us cheated. He was jealous of anyone that even looked in our direction. Watched my online time. Criticized how I spoke, laughed, I couldn’t sleep early unless he was able to sleep, I couldn’t wash dishes unless he was busy too, he needed me in his reach 24/7, screamed at me, told me to F off, threatened to kill me and my family, threatened to kill men that I didn’t know, called me horrible names, punched walls behind my head, nothing made him happy about me. He never told me why he was angry with me. He was just angry.. when I tried to leave he’d cry and tell me he cannot live without me. Towards the end he could not go an hour or 2 a day before he started. I stayed almost 10 months. I went from a vibrant happy healthy woman, to hands shaking, nervous, crying, stomach pains. After being away from him one week I felt back to normal. I’d never ever go back to that. I’d never love someone enough to stay or try to get someone healthy.
My lord going through same thing.
@@tavares11000 I hope you find comfort, peace, and safety. It’s horrible going through it.
@@bellapetalartone week and you're back to normal. What a bunch of bs. It sounded believable until you made that statement. It takes years and years to heal from that kind of abuse. Why lie about
@@HostileWorkplaceEXPOSED- Let me tell you something, sugar, you are NOT qualified to deny anybody's life experience on here unless YOU LIVED personally walked in her shoes...!
You sound like you need to back off with judging anyone's experiences on here unless you are omniscient.
And, your NOT...!
Take a hike...!!!
100% agree, trauma EQUALS bad decisions. You can't see things clearly through cracked glasses. Multiple traumas without supportive caregivers really messes with your head and your view of yourself and the world. People who don't have it together shouldn't have kids! They set them up for a hard life✌
Uh, most of us mere mortals aren’t arguing about whether to go skiing at St Barthes or at Vale.
Thank you for sharing this video, hopefully it help changes my situation. I am in a marriage which i feel more and more worthless as the days goes by, feeling scared if i have done anything wrong everyday as it would trigger her outburst of anger and start to demean my personality, yell at me with hurtful words and demand me to answer question in a second or i am wasting her time (most of the time i just frozen and dont know what to say but said sorry) . She would said i can speak normally stop pretending i am struggling to put words together to answer her questions... Am i short of something in my brain to cope with this confrontational conversation ?
Also, everytime i start to express myself and use the word "i" she could go "oh is me me me me me is all about you again, can anyone hear how selfish you are, you made me feel angry and yet it is all about you". Is there a way to hold a better conversation and lead to mutual understanding in this situation?
I'm sorry you're going through that. I just yesterday left a relationship in which I loved the person very much, but she was emotionally abusive towards me, a lot like how you described. I finally decided it had to end, nothing I said could change her. I don't deserve the way she treats me. I shouldn't feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and trying to be absolutely perfect, and still anger her over nothing. I felt like the ground was littered with landmines and there was no right way to step. It's very unfortunate, and sad. The way she treated me was not with love and respect, and there are plenty of people out there who will treat you the way you deserve. It is now time for me to spend this time with myself, (and my friends!) and discovering what it means to be free. I recommend watching Jocko willink's video on breakups. I will be watching it several times a day.
Good luck to you, you will make it through this.
I cannot help but notice that in the comments it is mostly "he". She should also be talked about as women are as inclined to be as narcissistic and abusive as men. Maybe because women are weaker physically they are more inclined to be mentally abusive. Narcissistic traits are often passed on from parents to children in my experience.
I grew up in a Christian environment. Treat others, do not steal or lie and in my naivety I assumed that most people think that way. Sadly even people whom call themselves Christian do not hold or understand these values. Mental abuse is destructive and destroys one's soul.....and it is so regardless if done by a man or a woman.
I think that is true- I just think still more are women due to the stations each holds of power based on religion, etc.
It’s not equal. Period. All you have to do is look at the amount of women abused throughout the world compared to women. Women definitely have NPD too and are abusive but they aren’t as likely to be malignant. My ex is a malignant narc and his mother is a narcissist too. It’s night and day to the amount of damage. The malignant wants to destroy you.
@@staceystrukel1917 Now explain why more men commit suicide than women.
@@staceystrukel1917 The female Covert Narc crushes your soul over a long period of time! It may seem less destructive to you but believe me, it's not! I'm watching this happen to my son! It's heartbreaking! I feel your pain as well! God help us all!
@@karendillard5725 please list all the females murdering there family. When you talk about someone who is malignant there is usually criminally history involved. Emotional and mental abuse happens with all narcs. Some females are physical too but please don’t compare that to a woman and kids being physically threatened. Financial abuse is WAY more common with men too. Narcissistic abuse is awful for anyone but to not see that it’s happening more to women and the circumstances are usually worse for women is simply dishonest. I don’t see shelters for men everywhere who are homeless, broke and beaten by women. The worst part for men right now is it’s easier for women to take away the kids. One of the biggest issues on this planet right now is violence against women and children.
When Trust has been broken through out the marriage it has to be restored.
No...the marriage needs to be OVER .These people will NEVER change b c they like who they are and WILL CONTINUE to lie / cheat / manipulate/ and suck the life out of you or ANY one of their victims ! Narcissistic people are driven by the OWN fear / cowardness / insufficiency/ very low vibration with no TRUE moral compass ...do as I say not as I DO ! ! I can't even fathom why God allows these evil people to destroy living beings ( human and animals ) .After a lifetime of the horrifying abuse physically and mentally one tends to have many issues of fearful doubt /confusing / nightmares /brain fog / contemplating their every move so one can counter for protection.The smear campaigns to any one that you may come in contact with SO they can make YOU to be crazy BAD ! The realization when the vail has been lifted from the victims are HUMILIATING to think you LET this demon control / destroy every fiber of your being ..the children..the pets ..your family / friends ....all for the sake of LOVE MARRIAGE A RELATIONSHIP.
I want to feel safe in the face of lies
Yes, it is possible to create an internal environment where you feel safe despite what's happening in the external environment which we cannot control.
@@drdavidbhawkins Not everyone is capable of living with Psychological Abuse
@@tearthangel373 no body is. It'll end up killing us
@@drdavidbhawkinshow can I do this, I’m in a situation I can’t financially leave my emotionally abusive relationship.
Don't let anyone incorrectly tell you that Christianity insists that a wife's submission has anything to do with being abused. Meanwhile, they ignore God's commandment that husband's love and protect their wives as Christ loves and gave Himself for the church. Their misinterpretation of God's Word and do even more harm by "councilling" a victim about what God hating divorce really means. It's not so much divorce itself that God hates. It's the sin of abuse and emotional torture which makes staying in a soul crushing marriage
impossible. He detests what the offender is doing to destroy you and the marriage. Tragically many victims are guilt riden by being told that submission means that God wants them to just take it.
THANK 👏🏿 YOU 👏🏿 LOUDER FOR THE OLD TIME PREACHERS IN THE BACK!!!
My husband told me I could not call myself a Christian because I am such a bad person. He also told me I could not teach Sunday School because I am a bad wife. He didn’t want anything to do with Christianity until he knew he could use it against me. I feel physically ill sitting next to him in church…. I’ve actually stopped going with him. He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing at church. He is full of hate at home. Drinks a lot and says he can do whatever he wants to. When the abuser knows that faith means something to the victim, they will use it against them. They know no bounds.
@taravanmeter6764 Please tell me you're no longer wth this cruel (sinless? Lol.) man! To say he has no idea what being a Christian is, is an understatement! You're a "bad wife"? No, you're not!! He's a BAD HUSBAND for treating you this way!!! Works based salvation is no salvation. Even though, after being saved ("by grace through faith"), the Holy Spirit gives us the desire to forsake deliberate, unrepentant sin and to live in obedience to Him in response to His great love and sacrifice for us, we're still imperfect humans, living in a fallen world. In that sense, we're still "bad".... just forgiven. But you know this stuff already, I hope. DO NOT believe his lies and let him come between you and the Lord. Or steal your joy. Or ruin your time of worship and fellowship with other believers or the children you teach in Sunday School. Please get supportive counseling from someone who understands narcissists. I, and I'm sure many others here, will be keeping you in prayer.
Tells lies to families and friends
Going inward is the ultimate challenge and it needs to be meaningful enough to let people do that.
ABUSE OF ANY TYPE IS NEVER OK ….THE ABUSERS SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE…..MY ABUSER HAS TOO MANY ISSUES TO KEEP THE INSANITY OF “MARRIAGE “ going …..IT SLOWLY KILLING ME .
Being punished, for his past
Bingo 💯
This whole discussion just sounds like gaslighting. As I listen on, I'm pretty disgusted to be honest. What planet are these two on? It's not possible to be in "partnership" with an abuser. That's the issue. They're talking about5 "problems" not abuse.
This is so so so interesting. Please do more. Its so real and gives me great validation.
The abuser knows exactly what he does! Normally a narcissist or f graze fom disfunctional snit childhood
They're so broken 😢
Count in Seniors still looking for HONESTHEARTED PROVIDER Providing diligent responsibility partner for rest of LIFE. ACTIVITIES to keep in great functioning HEALTH. TO LIVE WELL. ❤❤❤❤😂
COLLABORATING PARTNERSHIP. LOVE is not USING U. LOVE IS SUPPORTIVE. HEALTH!!! CONVERSATIONS to cause us to become SMARTER. SENIORS age.50yr. Through
our 80 yrs. Of age. Young at
Heart & vibrantly. ALIVE. LIVELY PHYSICALLY HEALTHY. Industrious activities!!!!! .Ok???
Excellent discussion and advice! Thank you immensely! God bless you both and the MRC ministry!!🙏
Thanks for your feedback, glad it was helpful!
You lost me 20 minutes in, mainly because you strayed away from the title of your video. You were still treating this as a two-person problem. I will own up to my part in the abusive marriage, but only in the fact that I stayed for the kids and refused to subject them to kind of environment I was raised in. I was lied lo about what the objectives were and her honoring them, I was galighted when it came to any kind of accountability. I really just needed this video to help me understand why a covert narcissist feels like they have the right to manipulate, outright lie, and galight someone they profess to love. It was only when I set boundaries and made it clear that now the kids have moved out that I was prepared to leave, that some of the abusive behavior relented, but I am still seeing a lot of the nasty behavior (in subtle ways) as being present. If it weren't for how much I have invested and how long we have been together I would have walked out as soon as I had figured it all out.
This discussion is somewhat confusing . Experiencing trauma does not excuse abuse. My husband was raised with very good and loving parents and he turned out a narcissist.
Is this video directed toward abusers? It certainly sounds like it. Unfortunately, I doubt very much they'll ever watch it, though their abused partners are probably lapping this up, hopeful their "insight" into their abusers behaviour and the rationalization for it will change what's going on in their own homes. Sadly, they'll learn, again no doubt, that abusers like the control they have in a relationship, and don't want to change. That's why they abuse. .
Double standards
This is so off topic. I don't think many of us will be sending in the brain of the abuser. Good God. Stay in our lane. You are taking us to a place where we are not going to we are not going to do going to be able to use that information. Please give it up.
Very helpful discussion--- thank you, both!
Glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
This is so true I got called needy multiple times and the one time I called him needy he hung up on me and gave me silent treatment and our relationship was pretty much over
Miller Richard Williams Linda Rodriguez Deborah
As a hetrosexual male it would be really nice for women to speak directly not with enuindoes. As men we R not dumb, but we don't understand. When we got together you loved these traits about us. Now U don't & U want something different. U change we doubled down. If we (some of us) will do anything for U (our women). But we also need U 2 C our attempt & change. I changed & all she can C is what I did 24 years ago. I am no where near that guy. But I am not given any credit. All I hear is I'm controlling. Even though I have countless examples where I was trying to give space, give distance, being assertive, 🛑 pushing, words of encouragement exercising patience. But she says I was controlling. I don't know what to do with that. If I speak I'm controlling if I'm quit I'm controlling.
Knowing what we need, let alone knowing how to express them is not a natural skill most of us have, it needs to be learned. Good counselors can help. When we have trauma or "baggage" from past wounds, that must be addressed first, or no amount of communication skills will help.
She’s manipulating you. Ask yourself if you want to be with a manipulative person? Focus on you and not her. Speak about your feelings and if she doesn’t respond to your feelings and tries to take it down another path then that is manipulation. How long do you want to play that game for? It’s not about male and female, it’s about mental and emotional abuse. Good luck.
@@staceystrukel1917 Your right. I figured it out eventually (later). Now all U hear is women wanting men to B emotionally mature mature. Now I C the women R the ones who R emotionally immature & when they say that they R saying. They want a man they can 1. Control 2. Do what she wants 3. Not to tell her (the individual) what to do.
This is emotional abuse Reaction abuse. I suggest men learn what women R doing & stay away & do not get them pregnant.
Yeah, I was appreciating this until Satan entered the room. Scary that actual therapists believe in ghosts.
Watching from Tulsa Oklahoma. What amazes me is people who are in mental health that need help and refuse to get it. I refuse to allow anyone that's mental counsel me.
disney beauty and the beast promoted an abusive toxic relationship
Oh and he wanted the divorce. I gave him so many chances to stop the affair. Our Pastor said he was mentally gone. He drinks a lot alcohol.
All of the above
someone once said to never go into one's mind alone ..it is a very dangerous place.
Being comfortable with your mind is the only sane way to live because if youre frightened of your mind how can you discern truths in any aspect of life?
What?
Abuse & manipulation in almost every aspect has only one effect it dos kill trust to another person, same a person whom never take their responsibility to balance a relationship it cost frustration everything needs balance that's God's nature as well
Well said, thanks for sharing.
Abusive strategy is like a games & COMPETITIVE WINNERS & LOSERS. POWER & CONTROLLERS.
RELATIONS. ADORATION ?? 😮😮😮😮
I really can’t tell what the female doctor is talking about. She speaks in too general of terms and when she says, “You know,” I really don’t know and this video was super frustrating. Turning it off early. Horrible!!
I was told, I should have know since it happened to first wife
Holy spirit HIGH QUALITIES IS WHAT MAN is praying to become in individual Personality to enable all of Us to live in Harmony & PEACE with each other as Our Almighty GOD'S purpose intended. People tend to overlook this Universal AGAPE LOVE .
Have you ever prayed for Love & Peace? Through Jesus Christ ?? ❤❤❤❤❤
Ordinary day to day life of partnership FRIENDS. LOVERS. UNSELF VS SELF .
AGREE TO DISAGREE.
Excessive ROLES PARTBERSHIP. LEADS TO EXHAUSTION, CAREWORN MENTAL HEADACHES, TROUBLED INTESTINES & HEARTS . GIVE UP.
In charge of yourself with LOGIC. LOGICALLY SELF CONTROL, PATIENCE QUALITY. FLEXIBILITY to adapt to changes & troubles. Talk about issues & strategies to figure it out abilities. 😊😊
I am just blown away with this young lady doctor she is describing things as I am just in agreement of awe, but it’s all relative for both sides.
The inner child is feeling UNSAFE. NEEDS GENTLE COMFORT
The WHEREWITHAL THINKING & EXPERIENCES
& KNOWLEDGE?????
Omg... you sound exactly like Elon Musk. I closed my eyes and your voice is Elon Musk's voice!
This is the best therapist that I heard this far.
She is the best therapist that I heard so far. She speaks truth
Glad you found it helpful. Thanks for your feedback!
*"What would a Healthy Person Do?"♡
Thank you, so well said.
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback
Wherewithal ??😮😢 Thinking? 😮
Abuse is bad harmful behaviors .
Good QUESTION. INTERESTING 😮
He speaks truth also
Good video
People need to realize that humans screw up things and stop to blame Satan for all the shits we do.
So if she stays and he kills her, who's fault is that? If there is children involved then there mother is gone forever and their father's in prison.