How to Make Conversation Flow on a Date (Shidduch)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ต.ค. 2024
- Shlomo Zalman Bregman is the most followed and influential young Rabbi in the world. He is an internationally recognized Torah scholar, #1 best-selling author, matchmaker, entrepreneur, attorney, and media personality.
Shlomo’s energetic and empowering messages currently reach over 350,000 people per week via his content on social media, New York City radio, and newspaper columns worldwide.
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Yasher koyach, Thank you
I am now myself curious about a specific situation with being legally allowed but the torah standard requires more.
I ask a few closed ended questions and pay attention to when her eyes open up, inviting me to open that topic up with open ended questions. If the balance between closed and open ended questions is off, it won't flow, and it will be awkward, no matter which one is in greater supply.
I was hoping to listen to this, but all that hand movement made it too hard to focus.
Don't you just love when a conversation feels like a job interview?! Awkward ...
I try hard to salvage those kinds of situations (using light humor and open ended questions) but often the people are not a good match with me whether they are "applying" for the "position" of friend or romantic potential.
+Gladys Rodríguez Pitre Yeah, it happens -- in a few cases, it can be almost impossible to make a conversation flow, no matter what you try
I recently asked out my crush and we went to a resteraunt. I payed for the meal. we tried to make conversation but it was awkward and we never went out again. she seemed to like me but afterwards she seemed turned off. I wish I knew how to fix it
I hear you, my friend, and I'm sorry it didn't work out! Without knowing you super well, and the complete dynamics of your date, it's a bit tough for me to diagnose what may have been lacking (if anything). One idea though: have you considered asking her for her point of view? Feel free to keep in touch with me, and let me know if I can be of any further and very specific help to you. Please also check out the rest of my dating videos on my TH-cam Channel -- I have 60+ on this Playlist, you should be able to access them directly with this link below. Keep in touch, Polar Panda !
th-cam.com/video/I2Y_tBHuD6k/w-d-xo.html
+Rabbi Bregman Thank you my friend!
According to Dale Carnegies book entitled "How to Make Friends and Influence People" the best way to make the person feel good about you is to use their name often, and to get them talking -preferably about themselves. To do that you might ask them about themselves, particularly opinion type questions that require a long, thoughtful answer. What are your interests, goals, hopes, dreams, feelings, thoughts, sorrows, memories, needs, fears, concerns? The goal is to get them talking, and you do it by feeding them questions. Finally, at the end of your time with them, they will feel that the conversation went well, and that you took much personal interest in them, and you were interested, attentive, easy to talk to, caring and involved. You don't really want to make them feel harshly "interviewed" like you are conducting an intrusive job interview or a stressful third degree interrogation, but rather just get them cheerfully talking about light conversational patter, whatever is closest to their heart. Once you get them into chit chat mode, you can relax and they will feel good about you, and then you just make occasional eye contact to show your attention is still with them, you nod your head up and down and you say occasional slight remarks to show you have been listening. "Oh, that's interesting!" "Its amazing" "How did that make you feel" "What did you do after that?" "Thats unexpected" "So, tell me more..." "What happened next?" I used to reflexively ask men what do they do for a living but I stopped asking that because it made them feel financially "evaluated" like their self esteem is being taken to trial. I stopped asking them what they do for a living and began asking what they do in their spare time. That question got a better reaction. Ideally, its best to to diffuse the anxiety. You want to make your facial expression loving, caring, and friendly, and choose non threatening subject matter that puts them in a good mood, and if you can put them at ease to the point where they begin freely talking, its like a floodgate opening, and the facts will emerge in their own due time. I think the direct interrogation approach to dig deeply right to the pith generally backfires because you get rehearsed, planned responses that are deliberately short to shut you up and get you off the touchy subject. You learn more about who they truly are and whats really on their mind if you just get them into chat mode and then sit back and listen. If the conversation is focused on talking about themselves, and is non threatening subject matter, this is far better for you than the converse, which might be them asking you an onslaught of personal questions. One reason you are doing a lot of asking at the front end of the date is because you don't want to be sitting like a deer frozen in the headlights awaiting them to ask you a series of hard hitting interrogatories. Then you might find yourself sweating through the process of them posing to you an endless series of well targeted personal questions, digging deep, sweating you under the hot lights, prying out the facts, with follow on questions, quizzing you about your credentials, ferreting out verifiable facts they can telephone to your alma mater and contact your neighbors later to sleuth like a private detective, and drive to the county assessors office and delve into property tax records and court documents to check independently, noting inconsistencies in your timeline, going up your ass with a microscope, thats for sure, so you don't want to sit there leaving yourself open for them asking all the questions. You take control of the date when you ask them something, and then ask them something more.