UPDATED: MIL Thought She Could 'Boss Around' in Our House Because we Let Her Live With us..She Gives
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ย. 2024
- UPDATED: MIL Thought She Could 'Boss Around' in Our House Because we Let Her Live With us...She Gives me an Ultimatum Thinking FIL & my Husband Will Support Her, But She Doesn't Know They're Sick of Her Too
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I hate that it came to this, but we finally had to sit down and confront my mother-in-law. My relationship with her always used to be good, until we let her move in with us.
My father-in-law is a Multicultural Studies professor at the university here in town. He recently got the opportunity to teach for 2 semesters in Germany, which has always been a dream of his. The only thing is, my mother-in-law has some health conditions that require her to be near her healthcare providers. It would be too much of a hassle for her to find all new doctors in Germany, so they decided she will be staying in the states.
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story 1 - The MIL threatened to destroy her son's marriage without a thought to her grandchidren's welfare. That was a very threatening and vindictive act and not one that a loving mother and grandmother should even have cross their mind.
Damn right. It is very much NOT respecting BOUNDARIES. She is lucky that ALL that happened was an "intervention" and STERN WARNING instead of flat out kicking her out right then and there.
That one person saying everyone sucks: i would love to know what alternative they have to solve MIL who is intent on destroying her son's marriage just because she can't have her way. MIL & FIL had options to have MIL live in her own space. Should they have just said nothing and let MIL continue to run the house and terrize everyone? She wasn't uprooted so much as it was a collective choice to help them save move to let her move in.
@Saika Wingo MIL not only terrorizes the household but threatened to completely break up the family. She even took pleasure as she smiled about it. MIL is selfish and disgusting. I don't know how that commentator putting a stop to a grown woman's tantrum is harsh or cruel.
MIL threatened her AFTER they were in an argument. BEFORE MIL moved in, they should have sat down and TOLD her the rules of their house. They DID NOT let her move in they INVITED her. I guarantee MIL would NEVER have moved in with them, if they had told her what she could do and couldn't do in their home. It's their house and they have every right to run it the way they want. However, you DON'T INVITE an elderly man or woman, especially a parent who is set in their ways, to stay and wait until after they move in, to tell them what they can and can't do. DIL knew that and I believe she NEVER wanted her to move in, in the first place. She was afraid hubby would have been angry if said no. All of the turmoil and hurt could have easily been avoided, if they had used their brains
"When you adopt, you have to treat them this way."
Big words on their opinion on how adopted people should be treated, from someone who has almost assuredly not adopted anyone where their opinion could possibly have worth.
Big words from a despicable ahole
Story 1: OP wasn't too harsh and fortunate that her husband supported her.
My toxic, narcissistic mother has done a thousand times worse to my SIL and my brother never believed and supported her and after 16 years of marriage, they are divorcing.
At 65, he is still a mama's boy.
no the 1st Op is not in the Wrong she had common sense and stood up for her family and not let that monster in law terrorize her own family like that
that monster in law got her taste of her own medicine for being awful, rude and heartless
i got no sypathathy for monsters like that monster in law at all
Good for you 1st op
It stuns me how many deranged humans are out there. I have seen stark raving lunacy. 😐
Home made fish stew, had a relative that used to make that. It was so nasty even my father wouldn't eat it.
How did MIL know how file cabinet was disorganized.
Snoopy snoop strikes again.
Story one I disagree with the commenter who said that everyone is the idiot and that OP should’ve been more empathetic to the mother-in-law. I think that she definitely was doing her best to accommodate her until she went too far especially saying that she would talk her husband into leaving her. She was being a real jerk with that and treating her grandchildren so poorly too; that nothing to be taken lightly.
The story with the will, NTA. He didn’t adopt him cause he wanted a child. He adopted him to make sure his siblings child didn’t get lost in the system. There’s a difference. He educated him, clothed him, fed him and all. Doesn’t mean he has to leave him all his assets.
If you adopt a child you are making them yours. OP didn't have to adopt, they could have just had legal custody.. With legal custody the nephew would probably qualify for survivor's benefits that they may not have with legal adoption. If I have a child and adopt a child in the eyes of the law they are both equally my child. To treat them differently is not fair.
EXACTLY. I understand he might feel left out of the will...but did HE offer to half HIS inheritance from HIS bio parents with her? No? So he keeps all of his, gets exactly half of hers and will THAT be enough for him? Kind of doubt it. If the OP hopes to salvage this relationship, I'd suggest counseling but somehow I doubt Tris will be happy with anything except substantially more than OP can give. If OP split everything down the middle, Tris might still feel hard done by...he is showing that he isn't at all appreciative of the efforts made on his behalf to keep him OUT of the foster care system. My own family fostered relatives, even distant ones...my grandparents especially kept a few out of the system...but every one behaved with love and gratitude. Tris, though? Appalling. Only a ghoul counts on the proceeds from a will while the loved one is still alive...and throws away the whole relationship over wanting a cut.
@@NunyaDammeBiznis and you’d be wrong. OP coulda left him in the system and called it a day.
@@NunyaDammeBiznis Well Kid UR WRONG. What he did for his nephew was WAY MORE than what he did for his daughter. Remember he mentioned that he lived in a country that was in the 20 POOREST in the world???? That means he saved him from likely being adopted or sold into slavery and end up dead. And since they do live in one of the poorest countries in the world he would not have been fed nearly as well. And then there is the FACT that when he took this kid in it automatically TOOK AWAY from his Daughters inheritance.
The Kid should be more grateful. Entitled Karens like u that think u should get everything just cause u exist and to hell with others. U are not owed anything go out and work for it
It's strange to be concerned about the will of a living person... He must live his live without needing the money of the will.
The people in story 2 who say that OP is the asshole for not letting the child go into an abusive foster system are out of their minds.
I get that adopting him and giving him half of their daughter's inheritance would have been even nicer. But the important thing is that this child was rescued from an abusive childhood. Doing that should not obligate them to give him half their daughter's inheritance.
OP legally adopted him but never had father-son relationship with his nephew. A lot of parents don't pay for their bio-children's education, some even kick their children out at 18. OP did for his nephew more than anyone, why would his bio-child suffer because of it. His daughter deserves to have her inheritance from her parents. I am sure OP's nephew wouldn't divide his inheritance with his cousins either, he isn't entitled to someone else's money. He has his good life because his uncle raised and financially supported him.
I'm also assuming that he had an inheritance from his bio parents as well.
@@AzraelThanatos Favoritism was never done until it came to a financial inheritance. Karma is coming!! Wait until Tris becomes successful, and his cold "uncle" now destitute needs help. Too bad. Too sad.
@@paulleckner8235 there was no favoritism. The inheritance was never rightfully his.
@@rikubrown8109 A relationship was never rightly Ops either, but here he is whinning on Reddit about it.
Let’s not forget. That sister did speak in a very negative way about the thin sister as well as asking her if she thought she was a beast.
I don’t agree with commenters on the adoption story. He made sure Tris was supported through college. I understand him being hurt by being cut out of the will is hurtful but TBH he was lucky not to go to foster care. Where is the extended family? I bet if Tris Sue’s after Ops death if he’s legally Ops son he can get part of the estate
@@G_de_Coligny You are right. I had twin cousins move in with my family when I was little and my brothers and I had to go without b/c of them. Their dad had a new wife and couldn't stand them. Having to live with them I realized why. 🙄
It sucked and now one of them is married with 3 kids and wants to move back in with my mom! So infuriating!
Story 1: bossy people have to be knocked back when they try to throw their weight around.
OP is an idiot to herself for not kicking the mother-in-law out immediately after their intervention. She had no right whatsoever to say what she did to OP in her own home. She literally threatened OP! She should’ve immediately been kicked out.
I would have set up a tent in the backyard and told her "welcome to you new room".
I would set up a tv in the guest room. It’s flat out obnoxious and rude to change the channel and demand she watch her own shows.
Story 2
Your nephew is not entitled to any more than you have already given he would have gone into care and not had the education and you invested money into his care but that doesn't entitle him to your daughters money,and he can mope but you are not extremely wealthy people
Story 1 I would have told her to start packing she isn't welcome here any more! You were not the AH, for allowing her to act like that in your house she was making everyone unhappy! Upset the grandkids because she thinks it is her God given right to force yucky foods down their throats ot taking THE TV away from them! If she wants to watch TV get her own in her bedroom
This right here. Tell the meddling MIL to pack her shit and get the hell out of Dodge, and don't let the door hit her on the ass on the way out.
Story1: That poor FIL finally managed to get his life back and is free and breathing fresh air without the putrid harpy that's been choking him for the past 30 years... The whole family is a bunch of enablers and spineless sods. Haven't any of these people ever heard of setting up healthy boundaries?
Thank you. Stay warm, Stay safe, Stay awesome. 🎄✨
Thank you! You too!
Also binge eating is also an ED. Both sisters are suffering from an ED. Wonder who shamed them or had an ED like a mom as they grew up
MIL issue. :MIL needs to get her own T.V in her own room...and teasmade...and microwave etc.
They call them "hotels"
Story 1, NTA. I can understand that it's hard to live with your grandmother at least at first. My grandmother didn't realize how bad my autism was and almost constantly argued with me over my love for anime and Japan. In the end she accepted my love for anime and actually became my most needed advisor through life on dealing with my autism. Yeah, my family and her chaffed over the TV, cooking, and so on sometimes. But in the end we were a loving family and I still cry as I miss my grandmother. But that evil woman is not family and no grandma. All she cares about was her way and if she wasn't going to get it she was going to try to ruin her own son's marriage. The ultimatum op and her husband gave her was reasonable but the one that witch tried to give op was WAY out of line. I'm not surprised that she chose to leave and thinks everyone but her is the wrong. It's not op's fault that the witch decided if she wasn't going to get her way and everyone trumped her card then she was going to leave. I'm betting there's going to be an exchange of words when fil comes home. The witch is ruining her own marriage by refusing to listen to her husband and thinking he's betraying her. It's on her if fil divorces her.
Regarding the land whale sister, if you can't stand the heat...
Really? Land whale? It's people like you that cause others to have issues with their bodies in the first place.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Go FIL!
Stick it to mil!
Problem for years I imagine!
1st Story. OP You did NOTHING WRONG! She is a guest in your home YOUR DOMAIN you and your families, not MIL'S place to begin making her own rules and trying to set her tone. Not her place as a guest family of not, it is not her place to criticize and try to change things in your home! The TV in the living room not hers to dictate the time on, not her place PERIOD. She has a room, assuming she had favorite TV shows , she had to have had at least one TV of her own she could put in her room so she can watch her shows with out interruption with out intruding on everyone else. MIL has showed herself to be a completely toxic and narcissistic witch. Who has made it painfully obvious she thinks the world is meant to cow tow to her. She needed a serious wake up call.
Story 2 - Tris is ungrateful and greedy. OP has every right to leave everything to his daughter. NC with Tris is a good thing.
my Words Exactly! WTF? Entitled much..Tris?
You’re technically right, but would it have killed her to leave a little something for Tris.
I'm a adopted child. Any family that adopts, they become your family, you are supposed to love and treat the children the same. That would include in the will.
I pity Tris, to know your relatives just felt like you were a ablogation nothing more is heartbreaking.
YTA, as an most other respondents on this thread. None of you understand family so should all stfu when the subject comes up. I hope you all find rejection and betrayal in your worthless lives
@@mpmansell GET BENT...CRETIN!
Re MIL story - if she has supposedly been this way for years why did her husband date her and then marry her? Were there no signs while they were dating? Was she fine and then changed after her son was born? Hopefully marriage counseling is in their future.
I think the ESH comment in story one forgot about the nasty ultimatum MIL gave OP first.
Why do persons think they ARE entitled to other person's belongings? You cared for the child up to adulthood he had a good education and all. Why do persons think you SHOULD put him in your Will ? Your belongings are YOURS to do whatever you want with it. Some persons give their possessions to VOLUNTARY ORGANIZATIONS. You gave yours to your BIOLOGICAL CHILD, so what ???
Some persons just CRAVE other people's possessions.
That last comment is exactly why mil has gotten the way she is, nobody was willing to hold her accountable for her rude behaviour so it just got worse
Story 3
Your older sister should understand you have developed a eating disorder it happens because of stress and peer pressure it's a terrible illness and you should not have been judged by some one who has not spoken to you in three years, you have anorexia nervosa and are in a desperate situation and your daughter should have supported you and it's more common than people know because I have known a young boy and a woman it's about control the young man was bullied by a coach teaching rugby and the girl developed it as form of control in her life sad ,I wish you well in your journey to recovery
Can't you discuss a schedule in the house with MIL. Tv time, bathroom, meals, chores. Then everyone can agree and know what to expect.
Can not reason with the insane.
@@semperinfidel2115 or the entitled I suppose.
Shows mil isn't bright or nice. A cluttered desk or house is a sign of high intelligence.
you aren't keeping the peace if the kids are crying
I would have re-homed MIL at that threat.
Something that majority of the dumbasses in the comment section forgot to realize is if op did adopt Tris, then he's going to be able to contest the will and take some of the inheritance.
So if he's not going to leave anything his nephew then he should leave a small portion of the inheritance just so he can't contest it.
Story One: MiL is so accustomed to getting what she wants no matter who it hurts that she would rather leave than act like a decent human being. It wouldn't surprise me if one day she ends up 100% alone because her husband has divorced her and her son has gone No Contact, taking his family with him.
S1 Why not something simpler? OP agrees with husband that they rent a basic studio aptt for MIL till FIL comes back. No need to let her join the circus. And no need to expel her later.
S1 FIL could have so easily taken her along to his new place of work!But he was probably happy HE was going to be far away from her insane behavior for months
If you adopted Tris, why haven't you included him in the will? His parents are gone - YOU ARE IT!!!!! Give him a small portion, just something so he doesn't feel worthless.!!!
He gave him more than enough, by not letting him go into foster care. And by paying for his education
S3 - she is body positive but mocks thinner people then her wow what good definitely not some roadside pseudo activist.
S2 YTA you raised tris and put him threw college, hes greedy and ungrateful. Point out to him what would have happened if he went to foster care. He has no say is what you do with your will, did you actually adopt him?
Did you mean NTA?
@@crash92la98 in which story?
@@unicornjennie 🤦♂️Nevermind
@@crash92la98 he's both actually
Ok, I admit that this is a little off the main topic but I do NOT think it is good for a marriage when a couple are separated for a YEAR like this. Even with technology like Skype and Zoom and facetime and maybe they had something set up where every few months she would fly over to visit him for a week or so (not sure if they set anything like that up or something where he flies back to visit her) its a LONG time for a married couple to be physically separated by several thousand miles.
Many MILITARY marriages are ruined from this (and I do not think the spouse returning home with severe PTSD helps much). Maybe its different due to their ages but I suspect people get a longing for affection (which can included sexual activity) and one or both spouses might cheat or consider doing so and grow apart so that it feels awkward when the year is over. It is just too long for a healthy marriage.
Business trips that are a week or 2 long are manageable and might sometimes even be BENEFICIAL as it gives both partners a little time apart and to themselves which can be a good thing but a YEAR is just really pushing it.
Tris is greedy and ungrateful. And the people that left opinions that op is a butt hole are out of line. He saved tris when no one else would. He paid for education. Tris now is an adult with his own family. He needs to act like one. He was lucky op stepped in when no other of the family would.
Story 2 -YTA When you adopt a child they become yours. When you left him out of the will because he was not your biological child you were making it clear you never thought of him as your child as well. I believe your nephew thought of you as his parents and didn't realize that you didn't think of him as your child. He was 7 when you adopted him for pete's sake! You are acting like you adopted a 17 yr old and that he should behave as if he knew the situation was temporary. Going no contact was not about the money or things but that you did not think of him as your child! It sounds like you adopted him out of obligation and not for love!
No the nephew didn't as he called him uncle. Also why would he think of him as his child? He didn't want him, he just took him in because none of the other family would and didn't want him to go into the system. Your last sentence is spot on the money.
Last story: As a formerly FAT person I find those who aggressively tell others that their obesity is beautiful are stupid. Obesity is as dangerous to your health as smoking or drinking, and insisting otherwise is mere denial of scientific fact.
I had an eating disorder based on my abusive father using food as punishment. He would decide we had been bad, and punish us by eating all the ice cream or strwberries himself! Yes, he was a terrible man, and left me in a position where I would eat everything nice immediately before he could take it away, even after I had moved out to escape him. By thirty I weighed nearly three hundred pounds at five foot seven. Thankfully I was not fooled by those who think body positivity is the way to go, and I lost a hundred and fifty pounds to save my life.
Your sister is fat because she has no self discipline, and prefers a bad diet and self indulgence to a long and healthy life. You, at least, understand that you have a problem. Believe me, that is a major step to good health. I admit I gained another twenty back once I bottomed out at one fifty, and I am comfortable where I am. I am also seventy years old, and FAT me wouldn't have lasted this long. Be ready to bury your sister when he body wears out from hauling all that FAT around. Also, consider an exercise regimen to go along with the healthy eating.
Learn to love hollandaise sauce, too. Good luck, and do try to discover just why both you and your sister developed eating issues.
S1: Okay so OP, her husband and FIL confronted the MIL and put her in her place. So why feel bad and keep repeating feeling so bad, fvcking feeling so bad. Just get the things straight and live your life.
Opinion 2 on story 1 sounds as though it was written by an abusive mother in law.
No op their relationship was already on the rocks ergo the overseas assignment. He's as sick of her spit as you are. Probably lining up for a divorce.
Story 1 not the a/h she was a lot nicer than I would've been and if she kept acting like that she would have a week
So the sister knows the younger sis is anorexix. And makes weight statements to the person with ED! What did she think was going to happen that she would get a healthy statement from someone who doesn’t see her body or food in a normal way. Ya something is wrong with the way their parents raised them if putting each other down is their way of communicating love.
People who say they can’t lose weight bc of a medical condition… my mom has thyroid issues and several other… it didn’t stop her from eating healthy and losing weight… it just made it more difficult… this whole body positive while you are eating yourself to death is absolutely ridiculous
Gee. Didn't she threaten to interfere in your marriage
story 1 i guess we know why the FIL took that job in germany for a year. lmao
MIL Woahs: You could offer as a Peace offering to put a TV in her room so she can have TV & not interrupt the kids. Also, ask her to help you make meals for your family. Welcome her into the family, not find all her faults... She's feeling out of place.
I don’t think anyone is ever entitled to an inheritance unless it is generational wealth that has been inherited from families before. Only there is it right to keep passing it down to bio children. But if it’s your own money that you earned yourself, you can give it to whoever you want. It was a great thing that OP took that child in because literally no one else did! But that does not mean that a child that is now an adult is entitled to OP‘s life savings. Of course OP is going to leave everything they have to their actual child! They did a great thing stepping up in raising this kid and financially supporting them and then the freaking kid hast to act like such a brat! OP should be asking him where does he think he would’ve been if she didn’t take him in. No one else wanted him. He literally has the life he has today because of OP and he’s acting like a brat about an inheritance!
What the hell was wrong with the OP of the first story and her family? Fish stew sounds DELICIOUS!! I love stew. I love fish. What the hell is not to like??
Anything can be ruined if made badly.
@@mbyerly9680 A STEW is basically a thickened version of soup. I love the fish soup BOLUBASE so I am imagining that but thicker. Fish stew made WELL might be DELICIOUS. That being said ANY dish would taste terrible if you really effed it up.
So what, she got butt hurt and embarrassed, well she should be, her being embarressed means she actually heard what was said. Either treat people the way you would like people to you, or people will treat you the way you treat them. Your a guest , act like one
1st off you put your MIL in her place. She clearly over stepped her bounds!!! You have to protect your family at all costs. You tried to make her as comfortable as possible and all she did was try to run your house and then threatened to do everything in her power to ruin your marriage in what world is this type of behavior acceptable? I would've put her in her place as soon as the words came out of her mouth what nerve! Either accept the way you run my house and let you have peace or leave because you didn't have to allow her to come live with you period. But her threatening you man it couldn't have been me because my husband would've come home and found his mother and all her bags on the front curb where the trash goes.
You really think that a treath
Story one. Everyone sucks here, for decades everyone enabled her behavior never addressed it and now when she is well well into old age everyone wants to tell her how wrong she is and how her behavior is not acceptable. She was wrong for what she's done but everyone else was wrong as well for allowing it to go on so long and then deciding to stage a quote unquote intervention which honestly sounds like everyone ganged up on her and of course her husband felt comfortable enough to speak his mind when he's in Germany and not having to deal with the fallout like Opie. The saying that evil flourishes when good men do nothing becomes more and more obvious every day. But then again we all like to believe we're just victims right?
JFC - why do people need validation, and here’s to the muyht that thinks muyht mil was ‘ambushed’ GAGF!
Calling bs but good story