Teach them how to treat YOU.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Question 2/100: How are you navigating boundaries this season? What advice would you give?
"What you allow, you teach."
Letters from a Stranger:
100 short films. 100 questions. 100 letters.
Video: 2/100
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the CINEMATOGRAPHY!!! ❤🔥
thank youuuu!! 🤗
Yes!
Indeed it's 🔥🔥🔥
Maaaaan🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
@@piccolaradge8333 never disaPPoints
I’ve learned how not to respond to everything. Not everything deserves or even requires a reply. I’ve learned the power of silence and not feeding into rubbish.
Amen. Actions speak louder than words. Even if that means silence.
10000000% THIS.
Love this reminder. Me too 💜
But not too much “silence”. REMEMBER: Silence is Consent. So being silent and not understanding the importance of gaining the ability to effectively speak up for yourself and set healthy boundaries can and will continue any and all abuse, disrespect and devaluation. It is important to know when the silent era of your life has ended. IF You don’t speak up the neglect and disrespect will continue. FACTS!
@@iamjacquejohnson Oh you’re absolutely right! There’s a time to be silent and a time to speak up. I agree with that. I was speaking on knowing when to preserve energy and not give it to foolish things. However, you raise a great point! People have to discern when their silence is being weaponized against them and not working for them. It’s a case by case basis.
You have a very important voice, Nneka.
thank you so much 🥹🙏🏽
@@nnekaj thank you back 🫵🏾
I’m 69 and only learned about boundaries at 65 after a 15 year marriage to an abuser who I didn’t know was an abuser. 🤦♀️ I had to grow up fast. Since then I’ve made a calm, quiet life for myself with little strife - until this week (!) when my neighbour, who I adored, objected to a tiny space outside that does not affect her in any way. I listened, I compromised, I compromised again. In fact, I compromised five times until, suddenly, I realised that this is not about my tiny space, this was about control. I withdrew, I removed all compromises and I’ve gone back to ground zero. I took my power back. I’ve regained my small space but in the process, I’ve discovered who my ‘lovely’ neighbour really is. It’s not over yet. She’s going to take it as far as she can but truly, it’s crucial for me to sit in my power and remain centred in my approach. The really sad thing in all of this is that she may never know what she has lost. Life eh? Many thanks for your video. I’m not going to lie, I have doubted myself this week. You helped to shore me up. 😊
🙏🏾🤗Best wishes. I hope this ends well and peacefully.
Yay to taking your power back & trusting yourself.
Your videos & voice scratch a part of my brain that’s sooo hard to reach. So refreshing & so felt. ❤
possibly my favorite compliment ever 🥹♥ thank you gorgeous
I learnt the hard way that it’s not my responsibility to relieve or ease someone’s lack of comfort with my boundaries. Boundaries are like an armor to me. I’ll always choose myself because the cost of putting other people first is one I’m not willing to pay. It took time to get to this place but it was worth it. Beautiful video as always Nneka! Thank you!!!❤❤
This! Nneka, this!!!!!!!! This conversation is so necessary and timely and needed! I too am starting to fully take up space in my world of people pleasing and this has been such a hard one to grasp for me. Boundaries. Right now, how I’m honoring my boundaries is by regularly checking in with myself when there is even an ounce of discomfort for ANYTHING. Asking myself question after question until I find the root in it. And even if it’s days later- if I feel like I made the wrong move or said yes when I really want to say no. I re-track my previous commitment and say actually, this does not work for me anymore and DO NOT DO IT. Or if it’s something that I must follow through with I do it and then let the person know I won’t be allowing this anymore and set the firm boundary right there. I am patient with myself through this re-learning of what I want and I give myself a lot of grace.
Alyssa I'm taking NOTES, from this. Like actual pen and paper out right now. This is so, so brave. The regular check ins with even an ounce of discomfort, allowing yourself to course correct days later, gosh when I read that it felt like the kindest thing someone could do for themselves. Thank you endlessly for THIS! I'll be returning to your words often ❤
I feel that I’ve been caught up in the “wait I take that back”. I feel like I’m a bad person if I don’t keep my “initial” word. I’ve gotten better at it nonetheless. Still going tho! Love the perspective!
So these are lessons that I learned on my current journey as a recovery people pleaser:
Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and self-care. Remember, “no” is a complete sentence, and you are not required to justify your limits. It’s not selfish to protect your energy, time, or mental well-being-it's necessary. You are not an emotional sponge, a financial crutch, or anyone's 24/7 lifeline. By honoring and prioritizing your own needs, you teach others how to respect your space. If standing firm makes someone think you're “selfish” or "mean" let them. Your peace should always be non-negotiable.
I LOVE boundaries…I genuinely enjoy being shown what works and what doesn’t and I love the safety they create for others and myself. That discomfort you speak of has become such a trigger for confidence for me. I grew up with none, in a highly toxic home and when I say I have never looked back at that, I mean it. I’m not perfect and every now and then I get it wrong but even that becomes fruitful because my own boundary with myself is not self-punishing when things go wrong. Because they will go wrong. For me, boundaries have been a way that I can honour The Lord because I do have to respect the Life, body and mind He’s given me and how do I do that if I allow myself and others to treat me like a dump? I don’t even remember where I learned them from but I just know that God has used those same boundaries to protect me and the ones I love. Just like how when you discipline your children correctly it makes them Love you more; when you teach people how to Love you it makes them do it very well! ❤
Edit:
If you read this I just want you to know you’re inspiring me to get out here and create as well. Such beautiful imagery and meaningful content. Thank you! 🙌🏾
I have done a lot of work to rethink boundaries recently. I have learned we set boundaries to keep people in our lives not to push them out. Not many people realize that. I have also learned when someone takes those boundaries as a push out, it’s best to let them go.
Wow the quality of this cinematography is absolutely AMAZING! This can be submitted as a short film! Or played in an art house/museum on a loop!
I would actually argue that it’s not making small positions or points, but it’s making possibly an addition to the house. As the eldest daughter of two immigrant parents, in my journey of healing, I have literally had to leave the house completely and find my own, and the boundaries has been me collecting my belongings and staying firm in my disconnect. I know eventually communication will come but right now it’s important is that I am placing all these puzzle pieces in front of me and navigating my own boundaries by creating a new space. I love this video so much because I came right in serendipitous timing as I put in my 3week notice at my retail part time job. I know what I’m longing for - which is a “part”- not a “place”. Rediscovering and refining what is “work” that I can be part of is how I am navigating boundaries. 🏁
Also- th-cam.com/video/dpzRZf8urC4/w-d-xo.htmlsi=6tlUJf-agsui4cgi actually
I pray for peace in your longing! You are worth it!
It's not an advice I learned myself but from a professor of mine. He said that not critiquing and not giving proper feedback when someone makes a mistake is a way of bullshitting people who actually do these things right. But he didn't mean that in way that we have to make the person who did something wrong feel bad in a toxic way. It's more about giving them the chance to recognize their mistake so they can improve. Additionally you indirectly signal to others who do a good job that you recognize that there is a difference between their work and "bad" work.
I think this principle can also be applied to boundary setting. I mean if I didn't communicate my boundaries effectively beforehand and they get overstepped then it's my fault. But if they were clear from the beginning and I don't react properly I kind of bullshit the "good" part in the other person. It's like what you and your mentor say: what you allow, you teach. And in this situation I would in some sense reward the bad part
I think Im learning what my needs are. Not absorbing those unnecessary feats of what people think I need in my life. Having boundaries has shown me the power of my own autonomy and has made my practice of protecting my peace more intentional than it has ever been. The word "No" still gives me butterflies in my stomach, but there is also this knowing of like "Its ok, I don't want that, I don't need that, and this is where I am."
Hmmmm this timing is impeccable. My name is Jessica and I’m currently in a time in my life where I have to exercise and enforce boundaries. It’s extremely stressful and uncomfortable, but it provides more relief than letting people walk all over me.
i think its really dope to see both cinematography and just overall good message n story come together!!
thank youuuu 🥹🙏🏽
You’re a genius!!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 This one resonates with me deeply…I’m on this journey of setting solid boundaries. Thank You❤ 😊
thank you for watching beautiful 🥹🤎
I'm learning it isn't a one and done process. Unlearning people pleasing is the biggest one for me. Working on my fear of mistakes is another. Working on all of it being surrounded by the people who taught me not to have boundaries and to be a souless doormat is hard and sometimes impossible. I won't be perfect in doing it but my effort is more than worth it if it means I can have more self love/compassion for myself and healthy boundaries in my relationships. (sadly most of mine aren't healthy currently but it isn't my fault) Anyway what a great topic that sparked fear and discomfort in me! Which isn't a bad thing really. 💕
So very relatable. I'm grateful to you for sharing and starting the conversation! An important step for me has been forgiving myself every time I say yes when I mean to say no. And allowing myself the space to change my mind.
Your videos feel like home❤
This comment makes it all worth it. Thank you my dear 🤍
I'm trying to slow down again. I've been noticing that over these last couple years I've lost my ability to not respond and say "no" when necessary after coming out of being isolated for so long. I'm looking back and taking lessons from the person I've always been to ground myself in the kind of person I'm growing into
Everything… EVERYTHING you create and share is gold. Thank you for leaning into your many gifts. I have been a fan since waste his time Wednesdays and your evolution and growth is spectacular 👏🏾 🙌🏾
I’m not the eldest but I am the only girl (I have 1 brother) and this resonates so much. I have been slowly trying to assert my boundaries for the past couple of years. It is still a work in progress 😅 People don’t get it the first few times but I owe it to myself to persevere.
Setting boundaries can be hard, indeed. I once read that when you set boundaries you're actually setting them for yourself, therefore honouring how you expect to be treated irrespective of how your external world or people, places and things show up. With that being said, my journey is in getting to know myself navigating through that working out what I like and dislike. Working out how things that people may say or do actually make me feel and moving accordingly from there. Thanks for this video. I really appreciate listening to something real. Yeah, keep doing what you do ❤
I’m an Ada too… I so loved your last video Nneka, it’s inspired me to start creating too
Nwanne m! I'm so happy it found you and can't wait to see what you create. Ada's unite 💜 we're in this together.
Nwanne m!!😅 Thank you so much❤
What has helped me is understanding what communication styles are ❤
Say "No" to everyone for a day and don't explain yourself.
i am 1000% going to try this
@@nnekaj for me I never went out of my way to express myself. I would rather not be a nuisance. Doing this, for me, was a way to gain my world back, prioritizing myself for a change, and to see how I was truly appreciated by the people around me.
Girl you dropped gems and the cinematography is out of this world
First of all, wow. I love the way you shoot your videos! Such a beautiful aesthetic! Second, recognizing and honoring the feelings that may come up when interacting with people. I used to think I was overly sensitive and talked myself out of what I was feeling often but now, now I honor those feelings. I put words to what I'm feeling in my body and then I create a boundary around whatever caused a negative shift within me. As a recovering people pleaser, shoving my feelings down and aside came second nature to me so this has been a big adjustment but it's one worthy of my time and energy
Leaving the room with dignity, choosing the battle worthy of my attention l, ending the conversation, telling them immediately that this is unacceptable (depending on the situation) have been my strategies teaching them how to treat me.
This video was beautiful! As a fellow eldest daughter in an immigrant family, it's tough for me to set boundaries. Right now I'm in a place where I always try to be honest about my feelings to those around me and to myself. I no longer mask my feelings or manipulate my tone of voice to make myself easily digestible. It's very uncomfortable for me but I keep going. Others around me have noticed the shift in my behavior, and I keep getting asked "Are you okay?", and being told, "You seem different".However, I'm also learning that guilt or shame only hinders my growth, so I let it go and keep trying to love and accept myself a bit more every day.
Yeah, this was dope. I love the idea of building an "archive of understanding". For myself, boundary-setting started with envisioning what I ACTUALLY want in life, not just what I think I should want according to social pressures (fam, friends, media, et cetera). It also started with realizing that my emotional/psychological well-being is determined less about what happens in life and more about how I *respond* to what happens. At 29, this process is ever-evolving and looks different across various domains of my life.
Yes, thank you so much Nneka.
I'm drawn to your videos as they're totally relatable for me at the current phase of my life.
I love this and can totally resonate! I really had to unlearn my default 'yes/good girl' thinking and stop overextending myself for others. Learning to stand in my truth, own my power, and say 'no' was very uncomfortable at first, but now it's become such a freeing feeling. Thank you for addressing such an important topic! ❤
Another fantastic video. I can't remember which artist said it, but the givers have to set limits because the takers never will. You'll learn to set limits now. Or when they use every last bit of you up and then leave you for good when you have nothing left to give.
The joy i experienced when i saw this one my feed should be studied.
So good!
Could not relate to this more. THANK YOU (and I'm so glad I found your channel)
thank you so much for taking the time to watch, Amanda! 🤎 we got this 🤞🏽
I am starting to start convos with "My goal for today/this week/this year is to be ....happy, fullfilled, peaceful. What yoou are doing is not is not helping me get there. Are you willing to change this behavior? yes/no Assumed no: ok well i am going to put myself in a position where you cant stop me from being happy, fulfilled, peaceful, without or without you in my life.
Love this ❤❤❤ so much
And I can totally relate as the ADA of my family too
Ada! Welcome my dear 🥹🤎
Me this is me . I learned I’m not a villain if I want time to myself , or I want to have boundaries. I’m 34 . Started learning to set boundaries last year and I’m still struggling, but the little progress I made already made a huge difference. My self love journey is making me honest to myself and why I do or say or react the way I do . I learned if I don’t have boundaries can I say I actually love myself ?
Sometimes I over exert energy when I talk to people, I enjoy it but realize how socially drained I am afterwards. If i start to feel the weight, I simply talk less and listen more. I've done a good job at noting that feeling, it helps a lot, simply, resting your voice in conversation and allowing the other person to talk more than you feel you would want to as well.
“…because you read one book” 😂 you’re a beautiful storyteller. I always look forward to experiencing whatever you create
I’m just kind of isolating myself from others to prevent having to set boundaries with them as setting boundaries with myself is already hard enough… 😅 For me, sometimes distance is the answer. Like I feel if you’re so close to someone all the time, there will inevitably be a point where you will have to set a boundary. I’m not trying to promote this distance or isolation method but I just feel this is what the current phase of my life is calling me for, as I cannot bear more heartbreak or trespassing…
this is done so well cinematographically !
….being kinder to myself about it…..being okay with the tears I naturally shed……
The intro !!!! Love it ❤
thank you beauty 🥹🤎
Woww, this is the first video of yours I'm watching and I have to say i absolutely love the production
ahhh welcome! and thank you for your kind words AND for watching 🫶🏽
such good value on this! needed this today Nneka! thanks so much!
I see an Oscar in your future.
claiming this!! thank you so much ♥
-lonely, used, and completely misunderstood 🥺
Phenomenal.
thank you so much! ❤
I'm working on this . ❤ 😂. I know it's going to be hard.
a hard and worthy endeavor, my friend!
This intro hits home 🥹❤️❤️
beautiful work.
you speak to my soul😍😭
I love your voice!! Keep it up 💪💪
thank you Emma 🥹🤎
JUST FACTS
😩🙏🏽🤎
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽on point
this is so beautifull!
as a ARIES you opened my heart to set higher boundaries how dare i not protect myself letting go fully of being a BOUND-ARIES 🫶🏽🫶🏽✨ i appreciate you
I finally learned to start setting healthy boundaries when I stopped needing to be liked.
oooowwee! yes Ingrid. yes.
How did you do that?
Yes yes yes
I love this ❤️
YESSSSS be okay with being perceived as the villain
"This boundary shit is hard. But I don't want to harbour unnecessary resentment anymore." Real.
ya girl is TIRED!
I'm a simple man. I see a video by Nneka, i click.
this made my day, thank you friend 🥹❤️
Period
The same
I am also a simple woman ❤️
Very demuree
When it comes to boundaries I'm learning to not only be honest with self but honest with those around me about how something makes me feel. Whether that's what I'm going through or how things make me feel. Saying "no" and being okay with people being disappointed with me or thinking I'm being distant. We are all characters in each other's books anyways. Why not utilize our ability to create who we want and not worrying what others think.
"Why not utilize our ability to create who we want and not worrying what others think." powerful. I appreciate your words so much, Assata ❤ thank you for sharing
Being the firstborn male of my family, the fact about saying yes to everything and to everyone is so true...i remember being strict about boundaries last year, and it was the most peaceful year i've had...but lately, these past few months i've not been feeling at ease with myself, and this video have just made me realized why, thank you Nneka for this ❤
Say only yes if you mean yes, and no if you mean no. If you say more than yes or no, it is from the Evil One.
Matthew 5:37
This has really helped me navigate boundaries.
thank you so much for sharing this 🙏🏽
You are so kind, thank you ❤
@@nnekaj you are most welcome
I too am the eldest, however setting boundaries with family is not necessarily the area I have difficulty it with people who I desired to be friends with. The give and take that comes with begining new friendship have been taxing at my big age, however in an effort to have these friendship I gave to much and now the pull back to create this new boundary is what is super uncomfortable. however I will countinue to puch though the "hard" cause its the right thing to do. Thank you for creating the content, even when Im not commenting its great journaling material. You are very talented and real! I love it.
Thank you, Sophia! I was just having a conversation about boundaries in friendships today. I find my familial habits spilling into this area a lot, and I'm constantly having to remind myself that clarity is a kindness that can lead to health, not destruction. And listen, I felt the "at my big age" in my bones! Thank you for sharing, reading this was comforting 💗
I seen “Bound Aries” as your thumbnail and clicked and learned exactly what I needed to lol thanks!
I started this boundary thing on Sunday, two days ago and its been amazing.
Sure i hear the voice teling me I'm being mean
But then again, people have been mean to me all my life. Now, it's time for some me time.
I chose to be selfish for the first time in my life and it's been peaceful.
I let silence respond to those whose words don't deserve answers. I learn to walk away from relationships where I'm not valued.
I'm not in a hurry nor under pressure to be liked. I'm comfortable in my skin and i love myself.
With these reinforcements, setting boundaries have been easy...ish.
The part about people reading minds is tough, because even after coming to a place where I can look people in the face and tell them I don't like something I still find myself with a puzzle when they don't listen. Glad you said it though, I feel like tons of people need to not expect people to read minds. It would be nice if people did things without you having to ask and some of us need to remember those people aren't us. Loved the video
When i became unrecognizable to myself is when I new i had to for the life of me, set a lot of new boundaries. I removed the ropes, guidelines and rules and quieted myself and decided what is best for me. That has meant losing some long time friendships. It has even meant cutting off some family. There was too much lack of consideration for me as a person. I'd invested in places, that when it was my turn to be fed. There wasn't even an empty plate to be found. My new boundaries are to help me recover myself. My true self. I look forward to meeting her.
I learned that when I have a healthy self-esteem there’s things I don’t care about. And when I don’t care about them I don’t even give time or access to those things or people because I know they aren’t for me.
Something I have learned about boundaries and setting them, is it's also letting people know what YOU are going to do. In order to not make your boundary a request. Example "I need you to stop talking about this subject and if you don't, I am leaving the room." Then proceed to get up and leave the room without hesitation if they continue to talk about it.
I'm right there with you though, setting boundaries is HARD! Especially being the older siblings and needing to be the "good child" in order to "set the example" for your younger siblings.
My biggest thing was realizing that I was actually being selfish by not having any boundaries and being a people pleaser. I wasn’t being honest or authentic in these relationships which isn’t fair to everyone involved. Your quote “creating space for yourself so you can give yourself ROOM in these relationships” girllll 👏🏾 that is so spot on. I wasn’t allowing myself to take up space in someone’s life. I took a step back from everyone and started relearning how to love myself. I haven’t reentered the relationships. I kind of ghosted them 😭 which isn’t healthy. But I’m working on it and when I have the strength I can apologize and state my case with my newfound integrity ✊🏾
thank TH-cam for recommending this masterpiece to me 🙏❤
thank you so much for watching!
Family has been my challenge but I am working on being better to me and letting go of relationships that are not reciprocal. I also deal with the guilty feelings and let them go reminding myself this boundary is for my benefit.
SUCH a challenge. but a worthy one indeed. And I could write a whole dissertation on reciprocity! thank you for sharing, beautiful ♥
the structure of your videos is one to be studied!!!! you are soooooooooo goooooooood at what you do. Thank you for showing up
this means the WORLD! thank you beautiful 😩🤎
The Cinematography is mind blowing 🤯
My name is Jessica, and I'm the first child and eldest daughter.
And yes, as the "ada" I had to say yes to everyone and everything even if it meant my peace and comfort.
The times I tried to say "No" I was met with resistance, attention and affection was withdrawn, resources were seized.
So, I grew up a people pleaser which is something I've been unlearning these past few months.
The book you recommended has been on my to-read list for months and I don't need another cue to finally start it.
Thank you for putting this out here. I don't know how this 100 questions series started, but thank you for pushing through with it and making this video for me.
And how did I find this video?
My friend shared the link with me with me and was like, girllll, you need to see this. 😂
I'm turning on the notification for your channel sis. ❤️
I’ve constantly found myself being pulled towards instilling boundaries, in most of my interpersonal relationships. Building resentment because in fact wanted to keep the peace, and then being misunderstood in the process of that has been - well, crushing. I’m currently just forcing myself to accept that my future self will thank me more. And that if there’s failure to receive me in a way that I believe is fair, you’re simply just not for me. Selfishly pursuing myself without losing the essence of what makes me, me, a selfless person without losing parts of myself in the guise of being boundary-less and then regretting it later.
thank you so much for sharing, my dear. "my future self will thank me more" I love this and I'm constantly trying to keep this in mind. there's no win in us living with resentment because we wanted to keep the peace. even if our voices shake, it's worth saying it ❤
First of all you’re a great visual storyteller, the talent jumps out EVERY SINGLE TIME📸🤩! Second this topic is sooo important. I am also the first born of immigrants. Healthy boundaries are the way for all relationships and dynamics because ppl love to push! 🙌🏿 our peace is should not always be sacrificed to save everyone else.
I'm back to the beginning of the lesson and remembering that the boundaries exist for me and not for them. Also that crossed boundaries require consequences. It's HARD.
“boundaries exist for me not them” ahh Jennifer. thank you. it is HARD. i’m right there with you, friend. doing it hard.
I must say setting boundaries has been hard cause I would always said Yes but lately I've been feeling the freedom of saying No. And man it's Liberating ❤
so damn liberating! thank you for sharing, Precious 🥹🤎
i’ve also read a book recommended by my therapist called “boundaries,” and one of my best takeaways has been recognizing the stages of boundary setting and giving myself space as you spoke of. currently in a season of “if they’re going to make you the villain, let them.” superrr uncomfortable being misunderstood and having words misused/construed but really choosing my battles as wisely as i can and affirming my own feelings before bringing them to others has helped A LOT. new sub from TikTok, loved this so much !
This 👏🏽I didn’t figure this out til I was 33 - three years later I’m living a totally different life. A happy life ❤. Yes, I set them boundaries in my blood ok 😂
i’m following suit 😩 these boundaries have to be set in my blood! thank you Bianca
Nneka this is one of the best videos I've seen this year!! THE CINEMATOGRAPHY! THE WRITING! THE MESSAGE! wow
I’ve honestly gotten to the point where I’ve annoyed myself enough to be alittle rude (to my standards) in setting my boundaries. I’m such a kind and gentle hearted person it kinda hurts to set them. But what has worked for me is saying I love myself more than what I’m allowing to happen to me. It hurts way more, constantly letting myself get used and treated as an object rather than sticking up for myself and having a difficult conversation. I’m worth it and pray you all see you are too!
First video of yours I’ve watch and you got a sub out of me! Love it.
Also it helps when you realize how dope you are. Makes it easier to protect yourself and your energy!
Asserting boundaries is the physical manifestation of your self respect. It places value on your person. Think about a top secret government facility. Not just anyone can enter into that type of space. For you to enter, you need some sort of pass. Some sort of access. you need to fulfill a certain criteria. In some instances, even if you’ve fulfilled the criteria, going inside still isn’t as straightforward. It’s should be exactly the same with us as people.
most of us are afraid to put our boundaries forth in fear of losing people we’ve become so accustomed to. The downside to that is, those very same people could be quite unhealthy for you. They could be the ones hindering your growth.
First of all, really appreciate the cinematography and storytelling in this video. And the overall message and lesson is priceless. I learnt this quite some time back and I love to see that the same destination my intuition has brought me towards is exactly the same message this video is intended on putting out.
top tier video Nneka. as always. 🔥
An amazing and beautiful testament to what many people navigate. Thank you
love you hehe ❤
As the eldest daughter, I had to learn this the hard way. But creating boundaries overtime has been the most uncomfortable yet rewarding experience for my personal growth and self-love journey.
Nneka🙌🏾.
A very uncomfortable but necessary conversation.
veryyyy uncomfortable 😩 but we try my friend! thank you for watching
Yes to this work of art thank you❤
thank you for watching beautiful!
First thing first, I've stopped telling people what is actually going on in my life. Especially when it comes to projects I'm working on and happy (and miraculous) stuff that keeps happening in my life.
Then, I've learned how to stop explaining myself and sharing my opinion with anybody. People would always say: "Best defense is to attack." No. Not always, at least. The best way to defend your boundaries is to stop engaging w/ toxic people. Do not try to start a fight with them because you will end up exhausted and defeated.
Boundaries are meant for u to preserve your energy. So, in the process of creating your boundaries, keep in mind that the real main goal is to save yourself from those toxic people that will call u "difficult " because you are not easy to manipulate, and "disrespectful" because u don't wanna do what they wantt u to do.
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries… such a difficult topic. I actually mentioned it in your first letter-question. I have a hard time with boundaries because I have an incessant need to be liked. Whether that’s liked for my art, liked for my work in my career, liked for my morals and attitude. Maybe liked is not even the word, the word is more understood. I have a huge fear of being misunderstood, misinterpreted and so I let things just be even if it’s eating at me. This letter reminded me that it’s a one step, one day at a time endeavor. A hard one, but a needs and meaningful one.
Thank you.
*Proper* boundary setting for me started when I became pregnant. Now my Girl is about to turn 2, the boundaries have been getting set for a little while now. Alienation, aggression and plain shock is what I've recieved as a result (just to name a few reactions) but theres also been some reponses of deep respect and understanding, as well as encouragement to stand firm in my boundaries.
A friend of mine did mention that when setting boundaries, tweaking small parts of my language will make all the difference, so this book you've mentioned will come in handy when it arrives to me.
Setting boundaries with a Trinidadian mother and Ghanaian father alongside extended African family is challenging but I have little eyes and little ears taking in everything it means to be a woman now so, you know, gotta keep going!
Thank you for sharing this art x
"Alienation, aggression and plain shock" whew. this is so incredibly relatable, Jordan! Congrats on 2 years around the sun for your little one, I can't imagine all the nuances that come with setting boundaries as a parent. thank you for these words, this perspective, this insight ♥
I love this topic!! My advice from my boundaries practice is to understand the stories you tell yourself about why you would rather “push through” than set a boundary. Notice the stories that are attached to the resistance, so you can heal them. Healing them makes it easier to set boundaries!
One of the hardest stories to admit to myself was the one where I believed that if I set a boundary I wasn’t a strong person. It felt like I was admitting my own fragility out loud and that did not feel good. Until I sat with those feelings and helped myself understand that our frail and fragile parts are what make us human, the resistance would make boundaries feel like an uphill battle.
Random Middle-Aged men who don't understand boundaries are the ones that are getting on my nerves 🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I like your cinematography, not sure if you're self-taught or not, but nice work 👍
self-taught! and still have much to learn. thank you 🙏🏽
Realizing how long the discomfort from allowing people to disrespect my boundaries lives in me was a big eye opener. They move on fast, cause it’s nothing to them, but the damages to me are heavy to carry around. And I really don’t want to keep feeling bad just because I wanted someone to feel good about themselves.
Hey guys, I am starting my boundaries journey + being who I TRULYYYYY am when I go back to college on Monday, will be uodating, wish me luck x:
Day 1: