It's funny how much of the mainstream « advice » basically just comes down to bad attempts at mind-reading rather than simply talking with one's partner
I think movies and tv shows are a lot to blame with this. It assumes that you can have amazing sex with someone whom you've never had any kind of conversation with about what pleasures them.
This is such a throwback to my teenage self, frantically reading up on sex advice on the websites of both women's and men's magazines just to get an idea about why my peers are so obsessed with sex. It took me until starting uni to realise that asexuality exists and doesn't mean I will die lonely. XD I had a blast with this video.
When I had my last smear test, the nurse was FAN👏TAS👏TIC, in the way you said about avoiding saying ‘just relax’. It was more ‘try wriggle your toes’ ‘let’s try lift your bum up a bit’ ‘let’s take a break and think of plan B’ as I am small, my cervix is quite high up and my muscles tightened and were reluctant to budge…
It's funny how many similarities there are between bad sex tips and bad diet tips. Both of them are approached in this same way of 'just eat this superfood berry', 'just spell out the ABC's on her clit', 'just...'. There's such a market for selling people the idea that there's one quick fix to these complex issues. Ironically there actually is one quick fix for good sex; it's called 'LEARN TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY WITH YOUR PARTNER'.
The alphabet with your tongue was actually useful to me when I was figuring out which tongue movements my partner liked, but more as a way to encourage me to try new wriggles rather than going through it every time.
At my church youth group I was told that as a wife it is your duty to have sex everytime your husband wants it. That made me terrified of marriage for quite a while...
I have never actually looked up "how to be good in bed" articles. But I feel like a lot of implicit "how to be good in bed" expectations got scarred into my head anyway. Growing up, I think the written side of the internet was somewhat kind to me. It was easy to find content about how bodies come in all shapes and sizes, about body shaming and eating disorders, body hair being normal. Of course much of erotica on the internet beautifies and makes poems of perfect, hyper feminine bodies in a very male-gazey fashion, but none of that did as much damage as movies and porn, and now perfect instagram pictures. The most abundant "good in bed" advice for me is just the universal messaging around "beauty". I feel like for most part, the world just thinks "more attractive in bed" is "better in bed".
Is there sex advice like this in straight mens magazines? I'd be super curious to hear it if there is! Awesome video - and the emphasis on women performing correctly for men really struck me - boy was that toxic message rooted in my brain for way too long, still working on getting over that....
OMG, the donut scene 🤣 I remember reading Cosmo with my galpals, but me mostly laughed about it. No donut in Polish version, but there were some weird things with the celophane. It is terrible, how this advice is often structured. Even if I never took it seriously, it still influenced my "you need to make HIM happy" mindset a lot.
I saw sth in a magazine about 2(?) years ago about how to look "better" during sex - genuinely, there was advice in there as to how to arrange your body so your stomach would look flatter 🤡 it pissed me off so much, I mean why cause people even more anxiety over their bodies & why not give advice how to FEEL more comfortable!?
My partner has read online that you should spell out your name with your tongue. Needless to say that when he told me he's been doing this I laughed so hard.🤣🤣 Like, who comes up with this advice?🤣
You should make a genuine "how to be good at sex" advice video. It's probably things you've covered in the past but it would be interesting to think about what would be good advice in terms of sex as an act of intimacy or pleasure, rather than a performance 🤔 But then I suppose it encompasses everything from concent, self image and discovering what you like.
Holy crap my teenage brain just woke up 😂 I read Cosmo sex advice articles back to back, desperate to be good at sex when I "finally" did it. My god. Now I just do what my husband likes me to do and vice versa 🤷🏼♀️
I definitely think just "licking the alphabet" is still (at best) overrated but I've found it to be a semi-useful way to gauge what shapes/motions get better reactions from the other person, and thus hopefully please them better
Sparked from the video, I would love a video on blue balls (and if there is an equivalent for people with vulvas). the History and if there is any info on what it is. I honestly don't know anything beyond the general concept and I'd love to learn more.
Sorry Hannah, I missed your last post. Good advice for all of us. Also very funny as well. It is sad about bad advice of pain . Best to talk to each other.
Magazines need people to keep buying more issues, so they need another "5 ways to drive him wild!" every few issues to maintain interest. Much of this is, I think, a marketing and culture problem. I want someone that is present with me, is paying attention, and is enthusiastic. Talk, listen, be kind. It is definitely something that improves with time and practice. As long as you're being good humans to each other, I think there is no wrong way.
The latest in my vulva saga (Hannah’s mention of vulvodynia) the dermatologist has literally given me numbing lube. It makes me feel so ill that people might be forcing themselves to have sex despite pain. Fair enough if it’s an active choice for the vagina owner but I hate the thought of partners expecting sex despite medical issues. I will not be using it for sex but for general pain.
I have many pain issues down there. Sex hasn't been fully pain free since I was 17. I barely remember what it was like. But that doesn't mean I don't have the same sex drive. I want sex a lot. My body can't do it a lot. I use lidocaine, exercises from my pelvic floor physical therapist, a vibrator, and nerve pain medication to have sex I finally enjoy again despite it not being completely pain free again. Maybe one day. But without these tools I would have given up years ago and been miserable about it. I almost did, before stumbling on the right dr who actually finally helped me. I've had a partner who didn't care because he thought I was mak8ng it up before, and those years of my life were very traumatic. Current partner is very understanding and not pushy. And it took us a long time to work out how to have somewhat spontaneous, unstructured sex that I didn't have to stop early from pain. But it was a mutual decision led by me to keep trying until we figured it out. And I'm so glad we did. I think a lot about how not only did I absorb an insane amount of bad sex advice from magazines etc, I also was never taught something can be medically wrong down there besides stds and yeast infections. And how different my life would have been if anyone HAD taught me actually useful things about my parts and about sex. The taboos meant I lived in an ungodly amount of chronic pain and other symptoms for 14 years before a dr or anyone else believed me, and knew how to help. I'll be unpacking the trauma of that pain and sex and guilt and shame and loneliness for years and years to come, still. But for me at least, I finally have effective medicinal and stimulating help to start remembering what sex that mostly feels good is like again. 🙂
@@thayerwilliams905 thank you for sharing your story and enlightening me on other uses of lidocaine ❤️ I’m so glad that you’ve found what works for you and that you have a partner who is kind and doesn’t pressure you. Also, so with you on the bad sex advice and the lack of acknowledgement that something can be wrong which isn’t an STI or yeast infection! X
@@cally3763 something that caught us by surprise when we started using the lidocaine before was it needs roughly 15 minutes to absorb in, or it numbed HIM. It was one of those how did we not see that coming moments when we had that experience. There was a lot of trial and error on figuring out the minimum time window for it to help me and not numb him. We also tried me just using it for the pain afterwards (because the pain afterwards was multiple times stronger than the pain during) for a while. It's definitely a learning curve with anyone with "unusual" physical ailments to learn how to navigate life with them as best you can. Personally, I've been extremely appreciative of Hannah's openness about her stoma bag because otherwise I'd have no idea how anyone with those functioned in life, especially during sex. I've never read any comments from you about your own journey except this first one, so I hope you're doing well and figuring out how to live your life the best you can in the face of complications, especially chronic pain of any kind. I share my story when I see a moment where it could be beneficial to others because I desperately needed to hear other people managing who had the same or similar issues to me, and there was no one. I felt so utterly alone, and alone with a very taboo issue that I felt anyone who did know would blame me for having it. I'm firmly a believer of sharing is caring now. The more we know about what other humans are going through the better we can understand each other and have necessary compassion for our fellow humans. If you want to share your story so I can hear it, I'm very interested.
I feel like you're jumping to an unreasonable conclusion with this? It's completely plausible that the "vagina owner" is frustrated about not being able to do something they want to do (hence going to the doctor in the first place) and the numbing gel is supposed to STOP the pain so they don't have to power through it. When you assume that it would be all about what their partner wants, you are perpetuating all of those myths you're angry about. Why would you seek out help with penetration and associated pain if you didn't desire pain free penetration?
Two or my ex partners with vulvas came from the same town and are a month apart in terms of age. They were both convinced that a natural vulva will be too smelly for someone to enjoy oral with, I'm guessing a rumour went round both their schools to this effect at some point. As a result one of them used feminine wash and wipes as a matter of course and that used to put me off, because of the soapy taste, but was more than eager when she was more naturally scented down there.
I remember a Cosmo advice thing on getting someone with a vulva to come in a certain amount of time. They had a routine to follow, did nothing for me. Was amusing to get my partner at the time to try. But, they should've mentioned that no beans at dinner for him would be a good idea since he was sitting reverse cowgirl on me because that's the way they suggested to do this guaranteed orgasm finger routine. I remember the finger up the bum one, I talked to my bf at the time about playing there rather than "surprising/assaulting" him. I remember the doughnut one, it seemed so dumb.
About the guy "dipping his ball in hot water" thing: I watched a video by Jay Swanson a few months ago where he put that to the test (with scientific proof iirc). The video title is "I Made My Own Male Birth Control" if you want to check it out
The amount of WTF in some of that bad advice you were quoting. Couldn't help but giggle. Love to see you do an episode on solo sex and intimacy for people that are happily single (asexual and genital positive).
The pepper grinder really works when you have a lot of lube or spit!! I saw it in a comic on Oh Joy Sex Toy website and my partner went absolutely wild. But for context, that is after i've already been going down on him heavily and it is very wet and slippy. I think a lot of these tips, like you say, work for some people or that there isn't the full context of what's going on in the tip.
Totally not related to the subject of this video but I am noticing your videos seem to be a bit low in volume, at least for me. Anyone else experiencing this? It does keep me super focused on the video bc I have to really pay attention in order to hear everything ;)
RE: 6:30 - Check out The Welsh Twins' video called "Reacting To Vintage Beauty Adverts" which shows a a genuine example of how to get undressed for your husband...it's horrifically hilarious!
I really dreaded watching this video because sex has become such a difficult topic to me. My boyfriend wants sex much less then I do and it made me really doubt my sexual performance. This stigma that men always want to have sex really is damaging. I read a lot of this stuff too, until I realized that I just have to talk to him about what he likes. But because of both of our insecurities around the topic, it's so hard to have a casual conversation about it. I'm too emotional and he feels pressured and like he is not enough. He once said that I should talk to him about that stuff after we had sex, so that he doesn't feel like I'm upset about not having any, so last time I just asked him what I can do to turn him on and he just made a funny comment and didn't answer the question. It is absurd to me that after almost three years I still don't know what turns him on. I know what he likes in bed, but not how he gets in the mood. It is always super random. I don't initiate clearly anymore because I don't want to deal with the rejection. When he initiates and I'm not in the mood he can change that in a few minutes but I never managed to do that the other way around. I guess my question is how to have a casual talk about it when most talks either involved crying or didn't have any outcome or both.
I feel like it needs to be said, you missed a big one when it comes to the pain section. The grinding on a penis in all crazy directions and intensities and the one with the penis is supposed to just bare down and let the other person grind away. That’s happened to me so many times and it’s painful and a turn off
I feel like a lot of women just don't know what they enjoy, so they try to do what they think their partner will enjoy, unaware that they're supposed to be enjoying it too, and their partner fails to say what they DO like so they can both get closer to something great. It's almost easier to complain to "friends" about what was bad, even though they're not the ones having the bad sex.
@@mydogeatspukeI agree to disagree on some parts and a lot of it is toxic programming especially women as kids were always taught that their pleasure isn’t theirs and everything is to be around the man then all these standards along with porn damaging many people plays a HUGE part as well! Romance and erotica is the most listened to and bought genre in books and audios so I’d say women do know what they want but, everything is so centred around the male gaze especially with how sex can be approached by others can be damaging o everyone man and women. Things like masked men, biker men, fantasy characters like I don’t know about that because if people genuinely cared or attentive then they’d realize that it’s not hard to please a women plus, this is probably why queer gay well anyone of the LGBTQ+ community have much higher successful and fulfilling sex lives.
@@0fficialselena__90 speak for yourself, love. I was never taught as a child that my pleasure wasn't mine. In fact sexual gratification was never a conversation I had as a child. I discovered my own body in my own time and the only thing I was ever told was that it was mine alone to do with as I wished. Perhaps you just had really bad parents. The idea that "society" tells women all these sexist, harmful things is utter nonsense. I was never told I had to look a certain way, act a certain way, dress a certain way, be a certain weight, etc. So it's obviously not systemic, since I live within society. The reality is that a lot of women perpetuate the myth that society is to blame so that they don't have to take responsibility for their own choices. They make other women feel like there's a bar to be reached so that they can justify their own misery to themselves, and bring everyone else down with them. It's sad. I also never watched or tried to learn from porn, and was never told to or made to believe that I should put a man before myself. If you feel that you were, that was your experience, not every woman's experience lol. And even if every little girl was sat down as an infant and told to bow to a man sexually as well as socially, a highly inappropriate thing to say to a child to begin with, there's still this incredible word called "no." Try using it sometime. LGBT people don't have more satisfying sex lives or more successful relationships lol, in fact there's more domestic abuse in same sex relationships than straight ones. Also, LGBT isn't the same as BDSM and role play. There are lots of very vanilla same sex couples and lots of very experimental straight couples. But you obviously have your very wild beliefs and sadly everyone is entitled to believe whatever nonsense they like. Just as an aside though, someone can't listen to what you ask for if you don't SAY it. People aren't psychic. Being "attentive" and "caring" are pretty meaningless words in the context you've used them. Relationships are about communication, and they fail because the people in them stop communicating. Every time someone "fakes it," pretending to enjoy something they don't, their partner hears and sees that they did enjoy it and so they continue to do it because they want to please their partner, whilst resentment builds in the faker because they expect their partner to "care enough" to know they were lying the whole time whilst also not being at all offended or feeling betrayed or even embarrassed about it. If women (because we're a hive mind of pod people rather than individuals with our own experiences and beliefs) know what they want, perhaps they could go ahead and say something instead of expecting their partner to read their mind, or "be attentive" as you put it. Don't blame anyone else for your own problems, you'll never be satisfied if you can't take responsibility for yourself and make better choices.
Masturbation when you're in a relationship (Marriage) is fine, especially if your partner doesn't want any sex or intimacy from you, like my situation!
For the algorithm! This was very fun. Some advice I'd heard, some I hadn't. The idea that sex was supposed to be painful and that everyone could eventually grow to like it definitely didn't help me to realize I'm ace
I've heard of a lot of people being told that they should try alcohol for vaginismus by their doctor. I completely believe that, given the amount of incompetent doctors I've had the displeasure to encounter.
Yep donut is infamous, pretty sure it came out when I was in highschool, most of my friend group all laughed about it at the time and still remember it over 10 years later
“Never understood the appeal, but people are into what they’re into. If the people involved are up for it, it doesn’t hurt anyone.” - Max, 1. “I want to try it for two reasons: 1) I’m pretty submissive I’ll admit. The idea of being pegged is kind of a fetish I’ve had. 2) You need to experiment a little in your life. Otherwise, it’s just so boring.” - George, 2. “Willing to try if it was that important.” - Eashan, 3. (This three statement of the above people seemed unbelievable) 🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒
Rejection Sensory Disorder can throw a huge wrench in sexy time. Also the fundamentalist will tell the woman to submit to their husband's. Ie: potential spousal rape
I went to the doctors as a 17 year old with (unknowingly at the time) vaginismus and told her I was unable to use tampons or have penetration of any kind. She told me to have a glass of wine first... It wasn't even legal for me to drink!! 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
This was an excellent video, hilarious and made me want to cry in equal measure 😂 Supposedly the clingfilm thing was an old school (and clearly very terrible) thing people used to use if they didn't have condoms, and that's why in Grease they are doing suggestive dancing with the clingfilm.
I'm such a Cosmo sheep. I actually thought this video would give me advice on how to be good in bed. And I thought "Yes give me all the advice, I need it"
I love your videos! Including this one. But I've got to say i did a double take when I heard you dismiss blueballs. You usually keep a really neutral and open view on peoples experiences, but as someone having had suffered bad from blueballs since me early teens it's a bit of a slap in the face. Yes, scientists and doctors do not agree on blueballs (causes and names might vary) but they don't agree on the reasons of allergies either. But saying allergies don't exist would be slapping a lot of people in the face. My suffering from this contition is in itself irrelevant here, but to inform your audience (that I would dare to guess contains a big part of people having sex with someone with a penis) that it dont exist is going to make the life of some men really awful. With that said: NO, Blueballs is NEVER an excuse to coerce or talk someone into sex and many men have used it as such, which is disgusting. It is however a reason why some men can't take prolonged teasing from their partner. Because it hurts like *foul word of you choice* after a while. Also it's a reason why some men have to ejaculate, if not during sex with your partner, then after it on your own. And the myth that blueballs don't exist have given me a lot of crap from partners when I have to go to the bathroom to finish when my partner have had orgasms and feel they're finished.
100% agree, it's never an excuse to pressure another person into sex they don't want, but it's a valid reason to leave the room to masturbate if the other person would be uncomfortable with you doing that in their presence.
@@SomeoneBeginingWithII could just be old fashioned, I am quite old, but I feel like if you're happy to have sex with someone, you would surely want them to climax too? I have no problem finishing someone off or watching them do it themselves if my body has had enough. Rolling over because you're done and so it's over and tough luck for the other person, regardless of gender, feels so very rude and disrespectful.
@@mydogeatspuke I think a more common situation is that a couple are kissing or cuddling. One person gets turned on and is uncomfortable from being turned on for a long time, but the other person doesn't want to have sex.
@@SomeoneBeginingWithI perhaps if they're very young and inexperienced and have no self control. I definitely feel like you'd struggle to find anyone genuinely ok with you excusing yourself mid PG13 cuddle to knock one out though. That's actually quite weird.
Omg the doughnut one! This has unlocked a memory from when I was about 21. I was in a new relationship and made a massive list of like 500 things I wanted to try in bed 😂 I'm married to the man and I have never once looked at that list since 🤷🏼♀️
I specifically remember Dr. Lindsey Doe (of Sexplanations) recommending the toothbrush trick to try and improve deepthroating! I'm sure if you searched the back-catalog of her videos you'd find it. And I trust Dr. Doe about stuff like that.
I discovered a whole new type of ad on this video: clickbait sex advice given by a robot voice. I don't know what they're selling, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work here.
Honestly as an ace im just looking for big ass advice on how to make penetration more comfy bc i hated it the 1st time and im so reluctant to do it again
Thanks so much for advice encouragement Hannah! I appreciate you so much you are the GREATEST! Xoxo 😚 🍃🦃🤎🧡🧡🧡🦃🍃🍁🍁🍂🍂🍂🍁🧡🧡🤎🦃🍃🍃🍃🍃❤️🧡🍁🍁🍂🍂🍂🍂🧡🧡❤️🤎🦃🦃🍃🍃🤎❤️🧡🧡🧡❤️🦃🦃🍃🍃🍃🤎❤️🧡🍁🍁🍂🍂🍂🍁🍁🍂🍂🦃🤎🤎🧡🧡🧡❤️🤎🦃🍃🍃🍃🦃❤️❤️
Can you picture her rolling her eyes back and just screaming with joy in bed? You, or anyone, can make a woman turn into a wild animal in bed, by reading the stuff in Merle Winestol's guide (try go’ogling it).
The idea of eating off of genitals seems rather dangerous for getting public hair in the food. That idea would make it too impossible for me. I also have never found the idea of edible things, like chocolate sauce or whipped cream, mixing with the smells and tastes of genitals to be appealing either. I am just easily squeemish with food contamination I guess haha
Absolutely, I didn't realize that Merle updated his favorite way to make her explode in pure bliss, it’s amazingly satisfying. Although what he suggested before was fairly good, it doesn’t even compare, I did it go’ogling Merle Winestol's Secret, and she just can’t have enough now.
There is a method of protection from pregnancy that uses heating up the balls but that uses specific underwear and over a period of time and also not as hot. Thermal male underwear, jemaya for example produces them, two of my friends use them and their sperm count is like post vasectomy!
This is great advice. Also never more confused if I want a donut or not lmao. Very true about being too big to fit in a donut too. Science...I did science! ;p
My supervisor did her PhD in having good sex (I'm doing mine on a similar topic in sexual psychology)! I would highly recommend Magnificent Sex by Dr. Dana Menard as a book on research into what makes sex good!
It's funny how much of the mainstream « advice » basically just comes down to bad attempts at mind-reading rather than simply talking with one's partner
Precisely!
I think movies and tv shows are a lot to blame with this. It assumes that you can have amazing sex with someone whom you've never had any kind of conversation with about what pleasures them.
This is such a throwback to my teenage self, frantically reading up on sex advice on the websites of both women's and men's magazines just to get an idea about why my peers are so obsessed with sex. It took me until starting uni to realise that asexuality exists and doesn't mean I will die lonely. XD I had a blast with this video.
Aaah thanks!! Yeah omg none of those magazines ever mentioned that you might not be interested in sex 😅
That's why representation is important. Took me like 20 year till I realized I'm not a freak
I think with the bad health advice goes well with the saying ‘don’t do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to a paramedic or doctor’
😂😂
When I had my last smear test, the nurse was FAN👏TAS👏TIC, in the way you said about avoiding saying ‘just relax’. It was more ‘try wriggle your toes’ ‘let’s try lift your bum up a bit’ ‘let’s take a break and think of plan B’ as I am small, my cervix is quite high up and my muscles tightened and were reluctant to budge…
It's funny how many similarities there are between bad sex tips and bad diet tips. Both of them are approached in this same way of 'just eat this superfood berry', 'just spell out the ABC's on her clit', 'just...'. There's such a market for selling people the idea that there's one quick fix to these complex issues.
Ironically there actually is one quick fix for good sex; it's called 'LEARN TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY WITH YOUR PARTNER'.
" just be confident" well thanks. My problem was that I did not have your permission to feel confident and now it's solved
“Everything unlubed is a different story.” I want this on a t-shirt.
I think the pearls are for the sensation, but the idea of making a hand-job more elegant is hilarious 😂
The alphabet with your tongue was actually useful to me when I was figuring out which tongue movements my partner liked, but more as a way to encourage me to try new wriggles rather than going through it every time.
At my church youth group I was told that as a wife it is your duty to have sex everytime your husband wants it. That made me terrified of marriage for quite a while...
I'm so sorry.
OMG I forgot about that Comso donut advice!! That was a freaking riot. Kudos for trying that in the name of science!
Thanks for sharing Hannah!
I have never actually looked up "how to be good in bed" articles. But I feel like a lot of implicit "how to be good in bed" expectations got scarred into my head anyway. Growing up, I think the written side of the internet was somewhat kind to me. It was easy to find content about how bodies come in all shapes and sizes, about body shaming and eating disorders, body hair being normal. Of course much of erotica on the internet beautifies and makes poems of perfect, hyper feminine bodies in a very male-gazey fashion, but none of that did as much damage as movies and porn, and now perfect instagram pictures. The most abundant "good in bed" advice for me is just the universal messaging around "beauty". I feel like for most part, the world just thinks "more attractive in bed" is "better in bed".
I literally got an ad on this video of someone saying you shouldn't be nice to women because then they'll never be turned on 🙃.
wtf
What the fuck was it advertising?! 😂😮
@@tx6845 Dating coaching.
Is there sex advice like this in straight mens magazines? I'd be super curious to hear it if there is!
Awesome video - and the emphasis on women performing correctly for men really struck me - boy was that toxic message rooted in my brain for way too long, still working on getting over that....
I'd say less sex tips more tips for how to make women want to have sex with you. Complete nonsense.
OMG, the donut scene 🤣
I remember reading Cosmo with my galpals, but me mostly laughed about it. No donut in Polish version, but there were some weird things with the celophane.
It is terrible, how this advice is often structured. Even if I never took it seriously, it still influenced my "you need to make HIM happy" mindset a lot.
I saw sth in a magazine about 2(?) years ago about how to look "better" during sex - genuinely, there was advice in there as to how to arrange your body so your stomach would look flatter 🤡 it pissed me off so much, I mean why cause people even more anxiety over their bodies & why not give advice how to FEEL more comfortable!?
My partner has read online that you should spell out your name with your tongue. Needless to say that when he told me he's been doing this I laughed so hard.🤣🤣 Like, who comes up with this advice?🤣
The "make it feel like his hand" one made me laugh tears 😂😂 imagine trying to find out what you had to do to feel like a hand inside yourself 😂
That one broke my brain. HOW DO I MAKE IT FEEL LIKE A HAND?!
Yes, how and also why would you want to do that? Like, most people have two hands, why not just use those?
When it comes to pushing through pain, not only can it leave physical marks, but it can also lead to vaginismus.
good point! always better to listen to your body!
You should make a genuine "how to be good at sex" advice video. It's probably things you've covered in the past but it would be interesting to think about what would be good advice in terms of sex as an act of intimacy or pleasure, rather than a performance 🤔 But then I suppose it encompasses everything from concent, self image and discovering what you like.
I think the problem is that genuinely good sex advice is pretty much just good communication advice and doesn't have much to do with sex at all.
Holy crap my teenage brain just woke up 😂 I read Cosmo sex advice articles back to back, desperate to be good at sex when I "finally" did it. My god. Now I just do what my husband likes me to do and vice versa 🤷🏼♀️
I definitely think just "licking the alphabet" is still (at best) overrated but I've found it to be a semi-useful way to gauge what shapes/motions get better reactions from the other person, and thus hopefully please them better
Brilliant video Hannah as always.....weirdly though i'm now getting adverts telling me not to be nice to women to get dates. Well done youtube.
The only thing that really helps to be better in bed. Is communicating with your bedpartner. And explore together
OMG CAN'T WAIT TO TRY ALL THESE SUGGESTIONS OUT! THANK YOU VERY MUCH HANNAH
Also, I feel like this video would've been also great with Mama Dr. Jones in collab!
😂😂😂
Sparked from the video, I would love a video on blue balls (and if there is an equivalent for people with vulvas). the History and if there is any info on what it is. I honestly don't know anything beyond the general concept and I'd love to learn more.
Hannah and mel having the same sponsor on the same day, bff goals 🤝
Sorry Hannah, I missed your last post. Good advice for all of us. Also very funny as well. It is sad about bad advice of pain . Best to talk to each other.
Magazines need people to keep buying more issues, so they need another "5 ways to drive him wild!" every few issues to maintain interest. Much of this is, I think, a marketing and culture problem.
I want someone that is present with me, is paying attention, and is enthusiastic. Talk, listen, be kind. It is definitely something that improves with time and practice. As long as you're being good humans to each other, I think there is no wrong way.
OMG, that "If it hurts you just to do it more often" hurts. My ex-gyno told me that. My current gyno found a scraring inside that was hurting me.
The latest in my vulva saga (Hannah’s mention of vulvodynia) the dermatologist has literally given me numbing lube. It makes me feel so ill that people might be forcing themselves to have sex despite pain. Fair enough if it’s an active choice for the vagina owner but I hate the thought of partners expecting sex despite medical issues. I will not be using it for sex but for general pain.
I have many pain issues down there. Sex hasn't been fully pain free since I was 17. I barely remember what it was like.
But that doesn't mean I don't have the same sex drive. I want sex a lot. My body can't do it a lot. I use lidocaine, exercises from my pelvic floor physical therapist, a vibrator, and nerve pain medication to have sex I finally enjoy again despite it not being completely pain free again. Maybe one day.
But without these tools I would have given up years ago and been miserable about it. I almost did, before stumbling on the right dr who actually finally helped me.
I've had a partner who didn't care because he thought I was mak8ng it up before, and those years of my life were very traumatic. Current partner is very understanding and not pushy. And it took us a long time to work out how to have somewhat spontaneous, unstructured sex that I didn't have to stop early from pain. But it was a mutual decision led by me to keep trying until we figured it out. And I'm so glad we did.
I think a lot about how not only did I absorb an insane amount of bad sex advice from magazines etc, I also was never taught something can be medically wrong down there besides stds and yeast infections. And how different my life would have been if anyone HAD taught me actually useful things about my parts and about sex. The taboos meant I lived in an ungodly amount of chronic pain and other symptoms for 14 years before a dr or anyone else believed me, and knew how to help. I'll be unpacking the trauma of that pain and sex and guilt and shame and loneliness for years and years to come, still. But for me at least, I finally have effective medicinal and stimulating help to start remembering what sex that mostly feels good is like again. 🙂
@@thayerwilliams905 thank you for sharing your story and enlightening me on other uses of lidocaine ❤️ I’m so glad that you’ve found what works for you and that you have a partner who is kind and doesn’t pressure you. Also, so with you on the bad sex advice and the lack of acknowledgement that something can be wrong which isn’t an STI or yeast infection! X
@@cally3763 something that caught us by surprise when we started using the lidocaine before was it needs roughly 15 minutes to absorb in, or it numbed HIM. It was one of those how did we not see that coming moments when we had that experience. There was a lot of trial and error on figuring out the minimum time window for it to help me and not numb him. We also tried me just using it for the pain afterwards (because the pain afterwards was multiple times stronger than the pain during) for a while.
It's definitely a learning curve with anyone with "unusual" physical ailments to learn how to navigate life with them as best you can. Personally, I've been extremely appreciative of Hannah's openness about her stoma bag because otherwise I'd have no idea how anyone with those functioned in life, especially during sex.
I've never read any comments from you about your own journey except this first one, so I hope you're doing well and figuring out how to live your life the best you can in the face of complications, especially chronic pain of any kind. I share my story when I see a moment where it could be beneficial to others because I desperately needed to hear other people managing who had the same or similar issues to me, and there was no one. I felt so utterly alone, and alone with a very taboo issue that I felt anyone who did know would blame me for having it. I'm firmly a believer of sharing is caring now. The more we know about what other humans are going through the better we can understand each other and have necessary compassion for our fellow humans. If you want to share your story so I can hear it, I'm very interested.
I feel like you're jumping to an unreasonable conclusion with this? It's completely plausible that the "vagina owner" is frustrated about not being able to do something they want to do (hence going to the doctor in the first place) and the numbing gel is supposed to STOP the pain so they don't have to power through it. When you assume that it would be all about what their partner wants, you are perpetuating all of those myths you're angry about. Why would you seek out help with penetration and associated pain if you didn't desire pain free penetration?
@@mydogeatspuke thanks, someone else clarified and I made a further post. I did jump to a conclusion and was enlightened :)
Two or my ex partners with vulvas came from the same town and are a month apart in terms of age. They were both convinced that a natural vulva will be too smelly for someone to enjoy oral with, I'm guessing a rumour went round both their schools to this effect at some point. As a result one of them used feminine wash and wipes as a matter of course and that used to put me off, because of the soapy taste, but was more than eager when she was more naturally scented down there.
I remember a Cosmo advice thing on getting someone with a vulva to come in a certain amount of time. They had a routine to follow, did nothing for me. Was amusing to get my partner at the time to try. But, they should've mentioned that no beans at dinner for him would be a good idea since he was sitting reverse cowgirl on me because that's the way they suggested to do this guaranteed orgasm finger routine.
I remember the finger up the bum one, I talked to my bf at the time about playing there rather than "surprising/assaulting" him.
I remember the doughnut one, it seemed so dumb.
About the guy "dipping his ball in hot water" thing: I watched a video by Jay Swanson a few months ago where he put that to the test (with scientific proof iirc). The video title is "I Made My Own Male Birth Control" if you want to check it out
I saw it, it was a really well made and interesting video!
I read that ‘suck him off in his sleep’ thing in a Tracey Cox article and was like wtf are you on about
Oh god, the minuite you said "I like to get my tongue like right in the crease" about the ice creams... my brain went places 😂😂
The amount of WTF in some of that bad advice you were quoting. Couldn't help but giggle.
Love to see you do an episode on solo sex and intimacy for people that are happily single (asexual and genital positive).
The pepper grinder really works when you have a lot of lube or spit!! I saw it in a comic on Oh Joy Sex Toy website and my partner went absolutely wild. But for context, that is after i've already been going down on him heavily and it is very wet and slippy. I think a lot of these tips, like you say, work for some people or that there isn't the full context of what's going on in the tip.
Totally not related to the subject of this video but I am noticing your videos seem to be a bit low in volume, at least for me. Anyone else experiencing this? It does keep me super focused on the video bc I have to really pay attention in order to hear everything ;)
Absolutely LOVED this video 😍 🍩 dismantling bad sx advice is so important!
The never let someone see you get undressed advice is so funny: literally Burlesque! 🤣🤣❤️❤️ Umm...yes please!
RE: 6:30 - Check out The Welsh Twins' video called "Reacting To Vintage Beauty Adverts" which shows a a genuine example of how to get undressed for your husband...it's horrifically hilarious!
I really dreaded watching this video because sex has become such a difficult topic to me. My boyfriend wants sex much less then I do and it made me really doubt my sexual performance. This stigma that men always want to have sex really is damaging. I read a lot of this stuff too, until I realized that I just have to talk to him about what he likes. But because of both of our insecurities around the topic, it's so hard to have a casual conversation about it. I'm too emotional and he feels pressured and like he is not enough. He once said that I should talk to him about that stuff after we had sex, so that he doesn't feel like I'm upset about not having any, so last time I just asked him what I can do to turn him on and he just made a funny comment and didn't answer the question. It is absurd to me that after almost three years I still don't know what turns him on. I know what he likes in bed, but not how he gets in the mood. It is always super random. I don't initiate clearly anymore because I don't want to deal with the rejection. When he initiates and I'm not in the mood he can change that in a few minutes but I never managed to do that the other way around. I guess my question is how to have a casual talk about it when most talks either involved crying or didn't have any outcome or both.
The hair thing is a kink! So some people are definitely into it but most people I've spoken to with a penis recoil in horror at the idea 😂
@ville1315 different strokes for different folks (pun intended!)
Also read the one about the doughnut. In Croatian edition :)
I feel like it needs to be said, you missed a big one when it comes to the pain section. The grinding on a penis in all crazy directions and intensities and the one with the penis is supposed to just bare down and let the other person grind away. That’s happened to me so many times and it’s painful and a turn off
I feel like a lot of women just don't know what they enjoy, so they try to do what they think their partner will enjoy, unaware that they're supposed to be enjoying it too, and their partner fails to say what they DO like so they can both get closer to something great. It's almost easier to complain to "friends" about what was bad, even though they're not the ones having the bad sex.
@@mydogeatspukeI agree to disagree on some parts and a lot of it is toxic programming especially women as kids were always taught that their pleasure isn’t theirs and everything is to be around the man then all these standards along with porn damaging many people plays a HUGE part as well! Romance and erotica is the most listened to and bought genre in books and audios so I’d say women do know what they want but, everything is so centred around the male gaze especially with how sex can be approached by others can be damaging o everyone man and women. Things like masked men, biker men, fantasy characters like I don’t know about that because if people genuinely cared or attentive then they’d realize that it’s not hard to please a women plus, this is probably why queer gay well anyone of the LGBTQ+ community have much higher successful and fulfilling sex lives.
@@0fficialselena__90 speak for yourself, love. I was never taught as a child that my pleasure wasn't mine. In fact sexual gratification was never a conversation I had as a child. I discovered my own body in my own time and the only thing I was ever told was that it was mine alone to do with as I wished. Perhaps you just had really bad parents. The idea that "society" tells women all these sexist, harmful things is utter nonsense. I was never told I had to look a certain way, act a certain way, dress a certain way, be a certain weight, etc. So it's obviously not systemic, since I live within society. The reality is that a lot of women perpetuate the myth that society is to blame so that they don't have to take responsibility for their own choices. They make other women feel like there's a bar to be reached so that they can justify their own misery to themselves, and bring everyone else down with them. It's sad. I also never watched or tried to learn from porn, and was never told to or made to believe that I should put a man before myself. If you feel that you were, that was your experience, not every woman's experience lol. And even if every little girl was sat down as an infant and told to bow to a man sexually as well as socially, a highly inappropriate thing to say to a child to begin with, there's still this incredible word called "no." Try using it sometime. LGBT people don't have more satisfying sex lives or more successful relationships lol, in fact there's more domestic abuse in same sex relationships than straight ones. Also, LGBT isn't the same as BDSM and role play. There are lots of very vanilla same sex couples and lots of very experimental straight couples. But you obviously have your very wild beliefs and sadly everyone is entitled to believe whatever nonsense they like. Just as an aside though, someone can't listen to what you ask for if you don't SAY it. People aren't psychic. Being "attentive" and "caring" are pretty meaningless words in the context you've used them. Relationships are about communication, and they fail because the people in them stop communicating. Every time someone "fakes it," pretending to enjoy something they don't, their partner hears and sees that they did enjoy it and so they continue to do it because they want to please their partner, whilst resentment builds in the faker because they expect their partner to "care enough" to know they were lying the whole time whilst also not being at all offended or feeling betrayed or even embarrassed about it. If women (because we're a hive mind of pod people rather than individuals with our own experiences and beliefs) know what they want, perhaps they could go ahead and say something instead of expecting their partner to read their mind, or "be attentive" as you put it. Don't blame anyone else for your own problems, you'll never be satisfied if you can't take responsibility for yourself and make better choices.
consent people consent.
why not? If not I would say that it would be rape
Masturbation when you're in a relationship (Marriage) is fine, especially if your partner doesn't want any sex or intimacy from you, like my situation!
I have spelled the word 'condoms' before while on top and that was a succes
Nooo, age restriction, why! I'm not giving youtube a picture of my ID, but I also really want to watch this...
For the algorithm! This was very fun. Some advice I'd heard, some I hadn't. The idea that sex was supposed to be painful and that everyone could eventually grow to like it definitely didn't help me to realize I'm ace
Really good video 💙
I've heard of a lot of people being told that they should try alcohol for vaginismus by their doctor. I completely believe that, given the amount of incompetent doctors I've had the displeasure to encounter.
Sounds like a lot of doctors have really bad sex….
OMG!!! Hilarious. I really needed this.
Yes, men hate seeing women undress. Strip clubs are a lie 😂
Yep donut is infamous, pretty sure it came out when I was in highschool, most of my friend group all laughed about it at the time and still remember it over 10 years later
“Never understood the appeal, but people are into what they’re into. If the people involved are up for it, it doesn’t hurt anyone.”
- Max, 1.
“I want to try it for two reasons: 1) I’m pretty submissive I’ll admit. The idea of being pegged is kind of a fetish I’ve had. 2) You need to experiment a little in your life. Otherwise, it’s just so boring.”
- George, 2.
“Willing to try if it was that important.”
- Eashan, 3.
(This three statement of the above people seemed unbelievable) 🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒
Rejection Sensory Disorder can throw a huge wrench in sexy time.
Also the fundamentalist will tell the woman to submit to their husband's. Ie: potential spousal rape
The dirty talking in sex education (the nextflix show) is a brilliant comedic story of how dirty talk is really personal and individual
I went to the doctors as a 17 year old with (unknowingly at the time) vaginismus and told her I was unable to use tampons or have penetration of any kind. She told me to have a glass of wine first... It wasn't even legal for me to drink!! 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
Communicate.
(Easier said then done but true)
Definitely read that cosmo article.
Also bad advice I got - after tearing, I asked for a lube recommendation and he said Crisco (shortening).
I'm a lesbian, I don't even know what I'm doing here
Hannah's accountant, "I see you have claimed a doughnut as a business expense can I ask why?"....
The most important ultra secret technique is... communication.
Love your earrings :)
😂Eating the doughnut🤣
This was an excellent video, hilarious and made me want to cry in equal measure 😂
Supposedly the clingfilm thing was an old school (and clearly very terrible) thing people used to use if they didn't have condoms, and that's why in Grease they are doing suggestive dancing with the clingfilm.
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
I love the earrings
I'm about 99% sure that the people that wrote this stuff for Cosmo were literally just making it up on the spot.
I'm such a Cosmo sheep. I actually thought this video would give me advice on how to be good in bed. And I thought "Yes give me all the advice, I need it"
your advice is very good, I'm surprised
I love your videos! Including this one. But I've got to say i did a double take when I heard you dismiss blueballs. You usually keep a really neutral and open view on peoples experiences, but as someone having had suffered bad from blueballs since me early teens it's a bit of a slap in the face. Yes, scientists and doctors do not agree on blueballs (causes and names might vary) but they don't agree on the reasons of allergies either. But saying allergies don't exist would be slapping a lot of people in the face.
My suffering from this contition is in itself irrelevant here, but to inform your audience (that I would dare to guess contains a big part of people having sex with someone with a penis) that it dont exist is going to make the life of some men really awful.
With that said: NO, Blueballs is NEVER an excuse to coerce or talk someone into sex and many men have used it as such, which is disgusting.
It is however a reason why some men can't take prolonged teasing from their partner. Because it hurts like *foul word of you choice* after a while. Also it's a reason why some men have to ejaculate, if not during sex with your partner, then after it on your own. And the myth that blueballs don't exist have given me a lot of crap from partners when I have to go to the bathroom to finish when my partner have had orgasms and feel they're finished.
100% agree, it's never an excuse to pressure another person into sex they don't want, but it's a valid reason to leave the room to masturbate if the other person would be uncomfortable with you doing that in their presence.
@@SomeoneBeginingWithII could just be old fashioned, I am quite old, but I feel like if you're happy to have sex with someone, you would surely want them to climax too? I have no problem finishing someone off or watching them do it themselves if my body has had enough. Rolling over because you're done and so it's over and tough luck for the other person, regardless of gender, feels so very rude and disrespectful.
@@mydogeatspuke I think a more common situation is that a couple are kissing or cuddling. One person gets turned on and is uncomfortable from being turned on for a long time, but the other person doesn't want to have sex.
@@SomeoneBeginingWithI perhaps if they're very young and inexperienced and have no self control. I definitely feel like you'd struggle to find anyone genuinely ok with you excusing yourself mid PG13 cuddle to knock one out though. That's actually quite weird.
SO EXCITED!!!!🍃🍂🧡🦃🦃🍂🍁🍁🍁🦃🤎🤎🤎🤎❤️❤️🦃🧡🍂🍁🍁🍃🍃🍂🧡🤎❤️❤️🤎🦃🦃🧡🍂🍃🍃🍁🍂🍂🦃🤎❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🦃🧡🍂🍁🍁🍃🍃🍃🍁🍂🧡🦃❤️❤️❤️🤎🦃🦃🍂🍃🍃
Love your earrings 😍
Omg the doughnut one! This has unlocked a memory from when I was about 21. I was in a new relationship and made a massive list of like 500 things I wanted to try in bed 😂 I'm married to the man and I have never once looked at that list since 🤷🏼♀️
How can I lose my pelvic floor muscles? I would love some advice as penetration is painful for me 😞
I've tried massages but it's not getting better
Good morning Hannah! Hope you have a wonderful day xoxo 😚 ❤️🍂🍃🦃🦃🦃🍂❤️🍁❤️🍃🦃🦃🧡🧡🤎🤎🦃🍃🍂❤️❤️🍁🍁🍁❤️🍂🦃🦃🦃🍃❤️🍁🍁🦃🤎🤎🧡🧡🧡🤎🦃🦃🍃🍂🍂❤️❤️🍁🍁❤️🍃🤎🤎🧡🧡🧡🤎🤎🧡🍃❤️❤️
Wait hold up I just ordered the Lelo Sila (not cruise though) 😂
The Lelo link is not clickable
😍😍you certainly get your exercise while you talk.🥰😂🥰😂
Oh gosh i dedinifsly did fhe coconut thing
9:30 as someone who bites ice cream, this does not sound like a good idea.
I specifically remember Dr. Lindsey Doe (of Sexplanations) recommending the toothbrush trick to try and improve deepthroating! I'm sure if you searched the back-catalog of her videos you'd find it. And I trust Dr. Doe about stuff like that.
I discovered a whole new type of ad on this video: clickbait sex advice given by a robot voice. I don't know what they're selling, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work here.
Honestly as an ace im just looking for big ass advice on how to make penetration more comfy bc i hated it the 1st time and im so reluctant to do it again
Thanks so much for advice encouragement Hannah! I appreciate you so much you are the GREATEST! Xoxo 😚 🍃🦃🤎🧡🧡🧡🦃🍃🍁🍁🍂🍂🍂🍁🧡🧡🤎🦃🍃🍃🍃🍃❤️🧡🍁🍁🍂🍂🍂🍂🧡🧡❤️🤎🦃🦃🍃🍃🤎❤️🧡🧡🧡❤️🦃🦃🍃🍃🍃🤎❤️🧡🍁🍁🍂🍂🍂🍁🍁🍂🍂🦃🤎🤎🧡🧡🧡❤️🤎🦃🍃🍃🍃🦃❤️❤️
Bad advice: Don't eat in bed!
"Everything un-lubed is a different story"
Can you picture her rolling her eyes back and just screaming with joy in bed? You, or anyone, can make a woman turn into a wild animal in bed, by reading the stuff in Merle Winestol's guide (try go’ogling it).
The idea of eating off of genitals seems rather dangerous for getting public hair in the food. That idea would make it too impossible for me. I also have never found the idea of edible things, like chocolate sauce or whipped cream, mixing with the smells and tastes of genitals to be appealing either. I am just easily squeemish with food contamination I guess haha
Absolutely, I didn't realize that Merle updated his favorite way to make her explode in pure bliss, it’s amazingly satisfying. Although what he suggested before was fairly good, it doesn’t even compare, I did it go’ogling Merle Winestol's Secret, and she just can’t have enough now.
There is a method of protection from pregnancy that uses heating up the balls but that uses specific underwear and over a period of time and also not as hot. Thermal male underwear, jemaya for example produces them, two of my friends use them and their sperm count is like post vasectomy!
💖
Wow that didn't do well on view. Wtf is so good
This is great advice. Also never more confused if I want a donut or not lmao. Very true about being too big to fit in a donut too. Science...I did science! ;p
😂😂😂
Um...how does one make their vagina feel like their partner's hand???
My supervisor did her PhD in having good sex (I'm doing mine on a similar topic in sexual psychology)! I would highly recommend Magnificent Sex by Dr. Dana Menard as a book on research into what makes sex good!