it’s scary how parents are starting to feel like they deserve great children out the womb. I feel like having great children who are self sufficient but still love you as parents reflects on the parents ability, rather than the kids temperament.
I've always pondered the idea of hypothetically stranding a pair of twins on an island for 18 years and what they would turn out like, with how inhumane science was a while ago im surprised this has never been done to my knowledge
@@theyfeeltheboy you’re surprised that people didn’t need to test to find out what would happen if you left two babies alone on an island? they might not have had the same knowledge we have today back then but they weren’t braindead lmao.
@@caraanderson3877 it hasn’t happened w twins yet but the best case of absent parenting we’ve seen was genie the feral child. She was locked in a basement by her father for a decade I believe, which caused a load a developmental problems.
cody’s perspective about living for someone else/ other people by having children is totally valid but you can give yourself to other people without having kids. so it’s not necessarily selfish to not have kids. and you don’t have to be blood related to someone to give yourself to them and help them (ex. adoption, homeless people, fostering, myriad of other things). in a way wanting to take care of YOUR kids is a little selfish. or it can be seen that way. ALSO: the moral dilemma we now face as a society of the ethics of reproduction in the face of an increasingly unsustainable human population size on earth, and also the rapid acceleration towards an unliveable climate due to climate change in the future. for me and a lot of other people, it’s maybe sure someone wants a kid or not, but do they want to bring it into a world where the future is uncertain? idk complicated nuanced and obviously no right answer topic. but cool convo to listen to. luv u guys!
@@QTpatootie95 i acknowledge that in the first run-on sentence lol. and this is a comment section… which is partially for sharing opinions! so i shared my thoughts! have a good day x
@@shadydayadele I agree 100% And it really is something that Cody has mentioned many times before. He really does have this big fixation on the idea of being vain and selfish that, while allows one to humble themselves, seems to really be a driving force for him. Like I understand he definitely wants to use the resources he has to have a family but that idea of living a selfish life w/o just feels like a really weird reasoning to have a child.
20 countries, such as Japan, will halve in population size by the end of this century. In terms of population that's very soon and very quick. Those are both very bad things for human quality of life and prosperity. You have been misinformed (probably disinformed) about overpopulation. Most developed countries have completely unsustainable populations because there are _farrr_ too few young people and far too many old people to support and take care of. This means too few independent productive earners, too many dependant and unproductive pensioners. This is devastating economically and socially. China is fucked. Japan is fucked. Sweden is fucked. Etc etc. Countries with a lot of immigration will feel this same devastation but to a lesser extent. Fundamentally: for a population to stay stable and not change every two adults need to have 2.1 children. Developed, an even developing, countries typically have farrrr fewer children. Average rates are around 1.5, the worst cases are nearly 1. These numbers have fallen for decades upon decades now. I don't think any countries have positive growth rates in fertility rate. Even in developing countries the rate is decreasing, far more drastically than in developed countries. Educate yourself on the issue. It is dangerous.
Western countries are below replacement level. You're worrying about a made up problem while the real one is about to blow up in your face. What do you think happens when a society faces population collapse
Oh man, i completely relate to this. Even tho I'm only 22, I'm still on the fence about being a mom. It's super comforting hearing you both talk about this and not feeling alone on it. It's really scary to think about how you want to give them the world, until you realize how easily the world can hurt them.
I'm 22 and still on the fence about it too, though leaning more towards "I'd like them one day if I can have them". Pain/hurt is inevitable, but that doesn't mean suffering is necessary... I like to think I can help them grow into the adults they need to be so they can be resilient and persevering
Your job is not to shield the kids from everything, its to help them become so strong that they can handle anything the world throws at them, themselves. Pain, anxiety, grief, death, sickness is part of life, and everyone has to find a way to handle it in a way that doesnt further their own suffering
I never realized how overwhelming being a mom could be until I had my daughter. I love her so much it hurts. I wouldn’t change it for the world but I wish I knew how many new emotions I’d feel as a parent. Don’t make the choice lightly. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, but also the scariest.
It's actually selfish to produce more biological children instead of adopting millions of children that need homes. Childfree people understand the dilemma and hardships of parenting and that only 5-10% are the Kodak moments. Also, how can childfree people be selfish if we didn't want children in the first place? There are PLENTY are parents that shouldn't be parents. Parenthood should be choice NOT an obligation. We're not living in the 1950s anymore
i’m a teacher so i work with kids, and i’m still in my 20s so it might change, but i don’t really get why cody feels like living for yourself is selfish. for me, living for myself means that kids get an educator who loves life, but even if i didn’t work with kids, a happier person puts more good into the world in any job. we interact with a lot of humans, it’s not just kids that we can change and impact in amazing ways.
Agreed, not the most sound reason to procreate, in my opinion. Feeling like you have to have kids to "live for something else" is interesting because living for causes greater than oneself, giving in ways that will serve humanity at large, solves that feeling. And having kids to just care for another version of yourself seems like the most selfish way to deal with the feeling of wanting to live for something more than yourself. Especially from a place of privilege. Like it's still only serves YOU to have the kid. I have no problem with that, but I do think it's silly to think that's the only logical way to deal with that feeling.
I mean I guess it's like part of the human condition to want to live for something greater for yourself. We like belonging. Brené Brown talks a bit about that in her books. For some ppl that's religion, for others it could be career (e.g. your career as an educator is definitely greater than you). I can see how having children falls into that category... it all comes down to "legacy"
@@morindahoelzle559 i agree with you, i think it still is an egotistical approach to having children (and all reasons to have children might well be egotistical). feeling like you want someone else to live for is making that person an object for your benefit still. if not directly defined as selfish, it's totally about someone's ego and how they feel about *themselves*
@@chelseashift when deciding to have a child the child does not exist yet so there is no “personhood” of the child. No child asks to be born, it’s inherently selfish to choose to procreate. It’s fine if you want to, but don’t pretend it’s some great cause. There’s plenty of fully formed children with personhood in the world who need parents.
Being a woman, it’s always so complicated thinking about having kids. It’s so different for men and women. Women’s bodies are permanently changed for the worse, we’re the ones having to breastfeed at 3 a.m., we’re the ones who could get damaged during pregnancy or the birth, we’re the ones who will be meticulously judged by society if we do anything wrong, we’re the ones who will be expected to take care of every single detail that men can just overlook, we’re the ones who will truly sacrifice every aspect of our lives to raise a person. It’s not fair for Cody to say it’s selfish if we don’t want to go through any of that.
Absolutely. It’s incredible that they talk about selfishness by not having kids and when talking about having kids all they say is “I want I want”. Privileged people can be incredibly unaware.
Isn’t it more selfish to bring a child into the world if you know you can’t give it everything it needs emotionally? I’ve known my whole life I don’t want kids, I don’t think I’m selfish for not procreating, I put good into the world in other ways.
The relationship example is dealing with another human that is already living. You're talking about creating a life; very different. The conversation leaves me with the impression that, like most people, more time is spent thinking about the car or house you'll buy, than the deep and complex intricacies (and utter selfishness) of bringing a sentient, self-conscious human into this world.
This is one of my favorite podcast clips. So relatable and genuine. It also makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only 30something that wants kids but doesn’t have them yet. Thanks for sharing! ❤
I know the nature of the internet is that this whole dynamic is parasocial and not really real, but goddamn I have never related more to someone than when Ben was talking about his vulnerability with love. As someone two weeks away from 30, I've spent my entire adult life without a partner and further resistance toward pursuing love because of borrowed, preemptive fear of losing that love and not being able to recover after. Ben identifying with that fear, expressing his experience with how it compromised his relationships in the past, and learning to appreciate the love you do experience as a result was really really beautiful and profound. For a podcast I consult for shits and gigs, this was really unexpected but top tier. Thank you, Ben
Me and my husband made an email for our daughter, we send her emails often about random things, how she’s doing, what’s going on in the world, etc. when she’s 18 we’re going to give her the password. 🙃 totally stole it from it a TikTok
I don't understand how people can blame their kids for bad behavior and not realize that it's usually a direct result of their own approach. Like, no you don't hate your kids because they suck, they suck because you hate them
I have a best friend who’s mum had her when she was 16 by accident, because of that she couldn’t go to university even though she really wanted to. She projects it on her super hard and basically blames her for everything and doesn’t let her leave the house with her boyfriends. The sad thing is she’s willingly had two children since and she doesn’t act that way AT ALL to then
@@siennajade4885 lol if only it were so simple as this. I’m a teacher and I constantly see wonderful kids with terrible parents and honestly pretty awful kids with great parents. it is kinda random what sorta kid you end up with, it’s not just so simple as molding a child into being this perfect representation of yourself.
I'm 48 and female, and this just popped up on my feed. I'm really, honestly, positively not sorry for not having kids. And not getting married. I've seen some stuff and went through some stuff, and maybe that's why. Its really not for everyone. I've already made arrangements and put stuff in place cos I know I'm gonna grow old alone( if I make it there, I mean a truck can take you out tomorrow lol) but I'm content and happy. My life is good and peaceful and that's all I want.
I think a good point is that these are both men. They cannot carry the child and have their hormones and body changed forever in such a drastic way. Many women nowadays know the reality of what women experience as mothers and decide yknow what? That’s not something I want to sign up for.
100% not to mention how devastating post partum can be. My depression is already difficult enough on my body from my PMDD I dont want to bring a child into the world that would make me suffer so.
Lol what long term changes? Getting a bit chubby for some months? You can get in shape after it. Breasts get a bit saggy? Well though luck, it was going to happen anyway. Stretch marks, who gives a fuck? At the end of the day, you don't want to go through it because it's inconvenient and you are entitled to not wanting it. Just don't go through all that reasoning just to justify it to yourself. Your physical image will decay with age, so will everyone's. Seems like such a shallow reason to not have a kid, though it's probably for the better someone who thinks like that won't have one . Also, if there's any literature on hormonal changes from pregnancy causing long term harmful changes to the mind of moms, which there should be if you are claiming it, could you link it? I will literally concede every point to you, then.
If people say they don’t children I wouldn’t push them to do because you don’t want to be the kid of a parent that didn’t truly want you. I understand Cody’s point of view but there are plenty of other ways to give back and have a meaningful purpose, either by being a present aunt/uncle or giving back to your community for example
definitely, I dont think every single person has to reproduce for a fulfilling life.. Especially people who cant or dont want to get pregnant. There’s adoption and it’s sad that gets less attention
this was a beautiful conversation to watch. both cody and ben’s thoughts on this topic are admirable. im still not sure i’d be a good mother and i worry about raising a child, but this brings me some ease, knowing that most people are “on the fence” too. thank you for sharing this clip
Sorry but having kids because “it would be selfish not to” is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Somehow these people saying how it’s so important to have kids and selfish not to, never seem to want to adopt any of the already existing kids who desperately need good parents. Now THAT’S selfish.
literally, my mom had 4 of us and fucking HAAATES being a mom please don't have kids out of societal pressures of boredom, etc if you're not sure about having kids don't pop them out .
Not just 18 years? Uh..... is anyone paying attention to the world right now? Kids are not able to afford school, the job market is brutal, they can't save money, there IS no money, kids are either moving back in with their parents or they die in mass shootings. This economy is literally death, there is no future for children.
Pretty sure they’ve talked about that and taken it into account lmao. Don’t have a kid if you’re ableist. Disabilities aren’t “worst case scenarios”. As someone who is autistic, it’s HARDER growing up as the disabled kid in a family that doesn’t want you. Acting like you’re the one suffering this oh so god awful hell, “oh nooo I have to raise a disabled child :((“ is selfish as fuck. You’re an example of why most people shouldn’t have children.
The book “guess how much I love you” was special to me as a little kid. I bought a copy for my nephew and I’ve written a little note in it every year for his birthday.
I work at a preschool and while I love children I'm glad that I don't have any of my own. It's a lot of responsibility. It's not selfish to only think about yourself and not think about potential children. Living for yourself is valid as long as you're good to people.
Just make sure u dont have all kind of illnesses in the family you'd be passing down. Ur kid will hate u having them if they have to live a life filled w pain.
Had a boyfriend in high school whose mom just went to the sperm bank and came home pregnant. She raised him on her own and he never wanted for anything. However… it was really hard for him and the only time I saw him cry was when he was talking about not having a dad and never being able to know what he’s like.
Easy to say not having kids is selfish when youre not the one whose body permanently changes for the worst after birth and being a human juice box, not to mention post-partum depression and the miriad of complications that come with it.
It's very interesting hearing Cody talk about the selfishness of living for ones self because I feel the exact OPPOSITE. I feel it would be the most selfish to bring another being into this world when so many children/people are already suffering... I could never in good conscious bring a child into this world without feeling like I've doomed it from the start. But that's my own personal feelings about Parenthood ig
If everyone thought like you we would never have existed. When in humankind's history was life easier to live ? To me the selfish thing is failing that and whine about it like people in any other time had it easier or more comfortable.
@@vmrc_994 that's not an argument though. if humanity never existed, then it never existed. maybe then our oceans would be clean and forests wouldn't be mowed down. just because humanity had it "worse" in the past doesn't mean what we have now is paradise. and even if it was paradise, that doesn't mean everyone should be obligated to reproduce. reproduction is inherently selfish because you're literally creating more of yourself. most people reproduce because they're desperate to find meaning in a meaningless world, they want to right the wrongs of their own life experiences and live vicariously through their child, or they want to have a cute baby to tote around. it's a very selfish thing to create another entity that uses the earth's resources.
That subreddit is so hard to read, all these kids as well saying that they firmly believe their parents should have aborted them rather than have them 😞 imagine failing your kids that bad that they genuinely believe that. we just aren’t designed to do the full time job of raising kids as well as work full time jobs - no wonder people are going crazy
I think this video very clearly shows how men have to think about parenting vs women. And how much importance society places on becoming parents. You can even think of meaningful ways to live life besides kids?
I really wish my dad had written me a message like Ben's dad. I found some cool things of my dad's after he died which were fun to find like his military duffel bag from the Vietnam era and a sketchbook of drawings he did but without him around to talk about them they lacked a lot of context.
y'all so positive all the time ily guys, no homo honestly, changes my mind hear other's people perspectives in life because im so negative all the time, not trying to be sad just high hehe that reddit was depressing tho
theres so much casual ableism in those subreddits and in general the conversations about "why not to have kids" tend to involve a hypothetical disabled child which is always a bummer to read as an autistic and chronically ill adult who still relies on my parents. i appreciated ben skipping over actually reading out the ableist comments, he didnt make a big deal of it but i still felt a little better knowing that u guys werent engaging with that part of the conversation. my opinion has always been if you arent prepared to accept your child however they end up being you just shouldnt have kids, not bc you as the parent need that reprieve but because no kid deserves to feel like they disappointed their parent just by existing as they are.
It’s definitely not a term you would want to use today. I think he used it though because that’s how she “breaks the news” to Nicolas Cage’s character in the movie.
It’s actually extremely selfish to have a child. That child did not ask to be born and will be subject to suffering, pain, loss, etc. all to help appease a parent’s desires and fear of death. There are thousands of kids already here that need good loving homes without the need to add more to the population, not to mention there is no clue what kind of world you are bringing that child into re: climate change, economic chaos, etc.
not everyone sees life that way though, there are positives and not just negativity. it’s only selfish if you get a child and don’t give them the love, care and support they need. there’s always gonna be problems in this world, but it’s absolutely dystopian of you to think that getting children is a selfish act since it’s human.fucking.nature
Its a tragedy we live in the timeline where these two will never make soothing content like this together because of business differences. Appreciate what you got before it evaporates i guess.
Not like I have kids but I feel like those regretful parent subreddits have problems with their children being their own people. Like idk, that's what raising a creature is, whether that's a human or a pet. Some ppl are up for it, some aren't.
My neighbour showed me her puppy over the fence, cuddled it and said ‘god, they’re so much better than children’ _in front of_ her daughter. I felt bad for the kid. Same woman that gave me a sh!tty look when I first met her when I said I didn’t want children (she asked).
I have a 3 month old son. So far, I have loved (almost) every minute. My husband feels the same way. It's hard sometimes, but it's also effortless sometimes. I think it's worth all the risks. (But that's easy for me to say because nothing has gone majorly wrong yet. But statistically, that's the majority.)
Cody's take is weird... he doesn't like that he's only caring about himself and finds it fulfilling to care about others, but instead of using that energy to care for others, he wants to make an extension of himself to care for? That's literally just caring for your own self instead of giving to others, because you're choosing to devote your time and energy and resources to your own DNA instead of to anyone outside of yourself. You're making it harder to give to anyone else because you're completely engrossed in caring for your own genes. Like if you want to have a kid, go ahead and do it, but don't act like it's some act of altruism.
Which one is Cody? The complete moron who says kids 20 years from now may become rockstars and buy their parents' houses??? Has anyone been paying attention to what's happening to kids today? 90+% of them are living at home with their parents into their 30's and can't afford anything.
Also they could turn into drug addicts or criminals so it never gets better😂 so it’s a total gamble with having kids you just gotta be willing to take that chance😂
As much as I like Noel's humor, I really like this deep, vulnerable talk
I wanna hear this from noel too, i love how meatcanyon is trying to pry it out of him but still cant get it out lmao
They need to do this once a month like they have 8 ball episodes
Is this Alex?
for real, this was raw and genuinely meaningful.
@@nonprophetlifts nah this guy is Ben. I think Alex is the producer who works with Noel on his own channel
this clip felt like a therapy session and i couldn’t be more grateful
Same. I needed this.
Same Ben is super insightful when he’s not being a silly goose lol
ben’s story about his dad was beautiful. as someone who lost their own it made me tear up :,)
So wholesome to hear Cody talk about wanting to be a dad & already recording things with Kelsey!
Right literally crying 😭 it’s so cute I want a relationship like this when I grow up 😭😭
@@erehsimasbe a good person and you will find a good person😊
look at em now!
Looking back Cody slipped up here and we never knew
Not that like, we’re pregnant or anything 😂
Man. What a weirdly helpful and cathartic watch this ended up being. Felt like I was being called out in a solid way.
one thing i love about the boys from TMG (all shows) is that they all show healthy masculinity and are genuine with the things they talk about
it’s scary how parents are starting to feel like they deserve great children out the womb. I feel like having great children who are self sufficient but still love you as parents reflects on the parents ability, rather than the kids temperament.
💯
I've always pondered the idea of hypothetically stranding a pair of twins on an island for 18 years and what they would turn out like, with how inhumane science was a while ago im surprised this has never been done to my knowledge
@@theyfeeltheboy you’re surprised that people didn’t need to test to find out what would happen if you left two babies alone on an island? they might not have had the same knowledge we have today back then but they weren’t braindead lmao.
@@caraanderson3877 it hasn’t happened w twins yet but the best case of absent parenting we’ve seen was genie the feral child. She was locked in a basement by her father for a decade I believe, which caused a load a developmental problems.
@@devinxoxo8350 experimenting on newborns nonconsensually still happens to this day, so yea i am surprised that's never occurred
cody’s perspective about living for someone else/ other people by having children is totally valid but you can give yourself to other people without having kids. so it’s not necessarily selfish to not have kids. and you don’t have to be blood related to someone to give yourself to them and help them (ex. adoption, homeless people, fostering, myriad of other things). in a way wanting to take care of YOUR kids is a little selfish. or it can be seen that way. ALSO: the moral dilemma we now face as a society of the ethics of reproduction in the face of an increasingly unsustainable human population size on earth, and also the rapid acceleration towards an unliveable climate due to climate change in the future. for me and a lot of other people, it’s maybe sure someone wants a kid or not, but do they want to bring it into a world where the future is uncertain? idk complicated nuanced and obviously no right answer topic. but cool convo to listen to. luv u guys!
Bruh it was just his opinion this fucking screams projection
@@QTpatootie95 i acknowledge that in the first run-on sentence lol. and this is a comment section… which is partially for sharing opinions! so i shared my thoughts! have a good day x
@@shadydayadele I agree 100% And it really is something that Cody has mentioned many times before. He really does have this big fixation on the idea of being vain and selfish that, while allows one to humble themselves, seems to really be a driving force for him. Like I understand he definitely wants to use the resources he has to have a family but that idea of living a selfish life w/o just feels like a really weird reasoning to have a child.
20 countries, such as Japan, will halve in population size by the end of this century. In terms of population that's very soon and very quick. Those are both very bad things for human quality of life and prosperity.
You have been misinformed (probably disinformed) about overpopulation. Most developed countries have completely unsustainable populations because there are _farrr_ too few young people and far too many old people to support and take care of. This means too few independent productive earners, too many dependant and unproductive pensioners. This is devastating economically and socially.
China is fucked. Japan is fucked. Sweden is fucked. Etc etc. Countries with a lot of immigration will feel this same devastation but to a lesser extent.
Fundamentally: for a population to stay stable and not change every two adults need to have 2.1 children. Developed, an even developing, countries typically have farrrr fewer children. Average rates are around 1.5, the worst cases are nearly 1. These numbers have fallen for decades upon decades now. I don't think any countries have positive growth rates in fertility rate.
Even in developing countries the rate is decreasing, far more drastically than in developed countries.
Educate yourself on the issue. It is dangerous.
Western countries are below replacement level. You're worrying about a made up problem while the real one is about to blow up in your face. What do you think happens when a society faces population collapse
Oh man, i completely relate to this. Even tho I'm only 22, I'm still on the fence about being a mom. It's super comforting hearing you both talk about this and not feeling alone on it. It's really scary to think about how you want to give them the world, until you realize how easily the world can hurt them.
How does it feel to be a mom only bananas
I'm 22 and still on the fence about it too, though leaning more towards "I'd like them one day if I can have them". Pain/hurt is inevitable, but that doesn't mean suffering is necessary... I like to think I can help them grow into the adults they need to be so they can be resilient and persevering
Your job is not to shield the kids from everything, its to help them become so strong that they can handle anything the world throws at them, themselves. Pain, anxiety, grief, death, sickness is part of life, and everyone has to find a way to handle it in a way that doesnt further their own suffering
I never realized how overwhelming being a mom could be until I had my daughter. I love her so much it hurts. I wouldn’t change it for the world but I wish I knew how many new emotions I’d feel as a parent. Don’t make the choice lightly. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, but also the scariest.
I would also love to be a mum someday just need to find the right moment where I feel I can take the responsibility
It's actually selfish to produce more biological children instead of adopting millions of children that need homes. Childfree people understand the dilemma and hardships of parenting and that only 5-10% are the Kodak moments. Also, how can childfree people be selfish if we didn't want children in the first place? There are PLENTY are parents that shouldn't be parents. Parenthood should be choice NOT an obligation. We're not living in the 1950s anymore
It’s crazy that we literally get to watch Cody grow up
It seemed like only yesterday he was 50 years old, just a kid with a crazy dream
no literally
@@noahsherwood2445HAHAHAHA literally he was so young 😢
i’m a teacher so i work with kids, and i’m still in my 20s so it might change, but i don’t really get why cody feels like living for yourself is selfish. for me, living for myself means that kids get an educator who loves life, but even if i didn’t work with kids, a happier person puts more good into the world in any job. we interact with a lot of humans, it’s not just kids that we can change and impact in amazing ways.
Agreed, not the most sound reason to procreate, in my opinion. Feeling like you have to have kids to "live for something else" is interesting because living for causes greater than oneself, giving in ways that will serve humanity at large, solves that feeling. And having kids to just care for another version of yourself seems like the most selfish way to deal with the feeling of wanting to live for something more than yourself. Especially from a place of privilege. Like it's still only serves YOU to have the kid. I have no problem with that, but I do think it's silly to think that's the only logical way to deal with that feeling.
I mean I guess it's like part of the human condition to want to live for something greater for yourself. We like belonging. Brené Brown talks a bit about that in her books.
For some ppl that's religion, for others it could be career (e.g. your career as an educator is definitely greater than you). I can see how having children falls into that category... it all comes down to "legacy"
@@morindahoelzle559 it definitely doesn't only serve you to have children, that ignores the personhood of the children 😐
@@morindahoelzle559 i agree with you, i think it still is an egotistical approach to having children (and all reasons to have children might well be egotistical). feeling like you want someone else to live for is making that person an object for your benefit still. if not directly defined as selfish, it's totally about someone's ego and how they feel about *themselves*
@@chelseashift when deciding to have a child the child does not exist yet so there is no “personhood” of the child. No child asks to be born, it’s inherently selfish to choose to procreate. It’s fine if you want to, but don’t pretend it’s some great cause. There’s plenty of fully formed children with personhood in the world who need parents.
Being a woman, it’s always so complicated thinking about having kids. It’s so different for men and women. Women’s bodies are permanently changed for the worse, we’re the ones having to breastfeed at 3 a.m., we’re the ones who could get damaged during pregnancy or the birth, we’re the ones who will be meticulously judged by society if we do anything wrong, we’re the ones who will be expected to take care of every single detail that men can just overlook, we’re the ones who will truly sacrifice every aspect of our lives to raise a person.
It’s not fair for Cody to say it’s selfish if we don’t want to go through any of that.
❤
Yeah you’re definitely way too sensitive to be a mother lol. You would probably try to constantly make your kids and husband feel bad for you.
Not to take away from the rest of your points but I would hope a mother's partner would take a fair share of feeding responsibilities via bottle.
The whole thing about “giving yourself to others” is someone women are conditioned to do throughout life already lol
Absolutely. It’s incredible that they talk about selfishness by not having kids and when talking about having kids all they say is “I want I want”. Privileged people can be incredibly unaware.
Isn’t it more selfish to bring a child into the world if you know you can’t give it everything it needs emotionally?
I’ve known my whole life I don’t want kids, I don’t think I’m selfish for not procreating, I put good into the world in other ways.
Damn, Ben do be spitting wisdom like that, respect
Love the dynamic of these two. I'm all for making this show a little more real/vulnerable and less joke focused
I expected some reddit readings/opinions and instead we got a therapy-session sprinkled with platitude ramblings.
The relationship example is dealing with another human that is already living. You're talking about creating a life; very different. The conversation leaves me with the impression that, like most people, more time is spent thinking about the car or house you'll buy, than the deep and complex intricacies (and utter selfishness) of bringing a sentient, self-conscious human into this world.
This is one of my favorite podcast clips. So relatable and genuine. It also makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only 30something that wants kids but doesn’t have them yet. Thanks for sharing! ❤
I know the nature of the internet is that this whole dynamic is parasocial and not really real, but goddamn I have never related more to someone than when Ben was talking about his vulnerability with love. As someone two weeks away from 30, I've spent my entire adult life without a partner and further resistance toward pursuing love because of borrowed, preemptive fear of losing that love and not being able to recover after. Ben identifying with that fear, expressing his experience with how it compromised his relationships in the past, and learning to appreciate the love you do experience as a result was really really beautiful and profound. For a podcast I consult for shits and gigs, this was really unexpected but top tier. Thank you, Ben
Literally this duo and their life talk made me become a member. It just feels great to hear the sincere thoughts of someone farther along in life
Me and my husband made an email for our daughter, we send her emails often about random things, how she’s doing, what’s going on in the world, etc. when she’s 18 we’re going to give her the password. 🙃 totally stole it from it a TikTok
awww that's adorable! make sure you backup the emails somewhere
Make sure you have them all backed up otherwise if the email program/website you're using shuts down they are all lost.
I’ll make sure to back up the emails! Thank you.
unrelated but I love your profile picture 😭 so cute!
This clip didn't have to make me cry like that 💀 Ben's dad seemed like such a gem, my heart
I've seen that regretful parents subreddit and my worst fear is that they channel this resentment to their child(ren), which makes it even sadder
they definitely would
I don't understand how people can blame their kids for bad behavior and not realize that it's usually a direct result of their own approach. Like, no you don't hate your kids because they suck, they suck because you hate them
Definitely, probably without even realizing
I have a best friend who’s mum had her when she was 16 by accident, because of that she couldn’t go to university even though she really wanted to. She projects it on her super hard and basically blames her for everything and doesn’t let her leave the house with her boyfriends. The sad thing is she’s willingly had two children since and she doesn’t act that way AT ALL to then
@@siennajade4885 lol if only it were so simple as this. I’m a teacher and I constantly see wonderful kids with terrible parents and honestly pretty awful kids with great parents. it is kinda random what sorta kid you end up with, it’s not just so simple as molding a child into being this perfect representation of yourself.
Damn dude i love this soft side of bros talking about the nuances of love and life fr
never in my life did i think ben would make me stop and think like that, needed this one :)
it's not selfish to not want kids
this conversation could’ve never happened with Noel in the room because he wouldn’t take it seriously
I'm 48 and female, and this just popped up on my feed. I'm really, honestly, positively not sorry for not having kids. And not getting married. I've seen some stuff and went through some stuff, and maybe that's why. Its really not for everyone. I've already made arrangements and put stuff in place cos I know I'm gonna grow old alone( if I make it there, I mean a truck can take you out tomorrow lol) but I'm content and happy. My life is good and peaceful and that's all I want.
I think a good point is that these are both men. They cannot carry the child and have their hormones and body changed forever in such a drastic way. Many women nowadays know the reality of what women experience as mothers and decide yknow what? That’s not something I want to sign up for.
100% not to mention how devastating post partum can be. My depression is already difficult enough on my body from my PMDD I dont want to bring a child into the world that would make me suffer so.
Lol what long term changes? Getting a bit chubby for some months? You can get in shape after it. Breasts get a bit saggy? Well though luck, it was going to happen anyway. Stretch marks, who gives a fuck?
At the end of the day, you don't want to go through it because it's inconvenient and you are entitled to not wanting it. Just don't go through all that reasoning just to justify it to yourself.
Your physical image will decay with age, so will everyone's. Seems like such a shallow reason to not have a kid, though it's probably for the better someone who thinks like that won't have one .
Also, if there's any literature on hormonal changes from pregnancy causing long term harmful changes to the mind of moms, which there should be if you are claiming it, could you link it? I will literally concede every point to you, then.
If people say they don’t children I wouldn’t push them to do because you don’t want to be the kid of a parent that didn’t truly want you. I understand Cody’s point of view but there are plenty of other ways to give back and have a meaningful purpose, either by being a present aunt/uncle or giving back to your community for example
definitely, I dont think every single person has to reproduce for a fulfilling life.. Especially people who cant or dont want to get pregnant. There’s adoption and it’s sad that gets less attention
this was a beautiful conversation to watch. both cody and ben’s thoughts on this topic are admirable. im still not sure i’d be a good mother and i worry about raising a child, but this brings me some ease, knowing that most people are “on the fence” too. thank you for sharing this clip
Foreshadowing to Cody becoming a father @2:50
Sorry but having kids because “it would be selfish not to” is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Somehow these people saying how it’s so important to have kids and selfish not to, never seem to want to adopt any of the already existing kids who desperately need good parents. Now THAT’S selfish.
Oh my god just adopt, there are already kids that exist raise those ones.
literally, my mom had 4 of us and fucking HAAATES being a mom please don't have kids out of societal pressures of boredom, etc if you're not sure about having kids don't pop them out .
I don't think cody is aware of all the types of disabilities lol. Worst case scenario parenting is not just 18 years
Not just 18 years? Uh..... is anyone paying attention to the world right now? Kids are not able to afford school, the job market is brutal, they can't save money, there IS no money, kids are either moving back in with their parents or they die in mass shootings. This economy is literally death, there is no future for children.
Pretty sure they’ve talked about that and taken it into account lmao. Don’t have a kid if you’re ableist. Disabilities aren’t “worst case scenarios”. As someone who is autistic, it’s HARDER growing up as the disabled kid in a family that doesn’t want you. Acting like you’re the one suffering this oh so god awful hell, “oh nooo I have to raise a disabled child :((“ is selfish as fuck. You’re an example of why most people shouldn’t have children.
Bens dad seemed like such a great dad 🥹
There isn't a single reason to have kids that isn't selfish
The book “guess how much I love you” was special to me as a little kid. I bought a copy for my nephew and I’ve written a little note in it every year for his birthday.
8:21 Casually does the best impression of Homer Simpson.
I work at a preschool and while I love children I'm glad that I don't have any of my own. It's a lot of responsibility. It's not selfish to only think about yourself and not think about potential children. Living for yourself is valid as long as you're good to people.
It is the definition of selfish
@@radhiadeedou8286Selfish towards... hypothetical people that don't exist? Sure, dude.
@@radhiadeedou8286 it really isn't. if anything, having kids while not being ready to provide for them and give them care they need is selfish.
@@radhiadeedou8286I love being selfish :) I’ll never have kids. Cry
If Ben can love his Volvo that much, I know he will adore his own kid !!
The TMG and Trillionaire boys truly give me hope for finding a “real man” out there someday
I'm 26 and going through this exact thing daily, it was nice to hear other people talking about it ❤
Just make sure u dont have all kind of illnesses in the family you'd be passing down. Ur kid will hate u having them if they have to live a life filled w pain.
Parental regret is real... Best to really think before reproducing
I love how even when talking about deep stuff like this Ben goes "so there was this one time I was high"
Cody is going to be a great dad. Both him and Kelsey are going to be great parents
This is at LEAST $20 therapy - doctor Noel can’t compete
just the mention of the letter from bens dad had me burst into tears lol
Damn, I love their energy. This was relaxing
“Have you seen Raising Arizona?”
*Cody almost lying* uhhhh… no
Had a boyfriend in high school whose mom just went to the sperm bank and came home pregnant. She raised him on her own and he never wanted for anything. However… it was really hard for him and the only time I saw him cry was when he was talking about not having a dad and never being able to know what he’s like.
Easy to say not having kids is selfish when youre not the one whose body permanently changes for the worst after birth and being a human juice box, not to mention post-partum depression and the miriad of complications that come with it.
idk why but i love hearing ben talk
It's very interesting hearing Cody talk about the selfishness of living for ones self because I feel the exact OPPOSITE. I feel it would be the most selfish to bring another being into this world when so many children/people are already suffering... I could never in good conscious bring a child into this world without feeling like I've doomed it from the start. But that's my own personal feelings about Parenthood ig
If everyone thought like you we would never have existed. When in humankind's history was life easier to live ? To me the selfish thing is failing that and whine about it like people in any other time had it easier or more comfortable.
@@vmrc_994 that's not an argument though. if humanity never existed, then it never existed. maybe then our oceans would be clean and forests wouldn't be mowed down. just because humanity had it "worse" in the past doesn't mean what we have now is paradise. and even if it was paradise, that doesn't mean everyone should be obligated to reproduce. reproduction is inherently selfish because you're literally creating more of yourself. most people reproduce because they're desperate to find meaning in a meaningless world, they want to right the wrongs of their own life experiences and live vicariously through their child, or they want to have a cute baby to tote around. it's a very selfish thing to create another entity that uses the earth's resources.
That's why I want to be a foster mom and adopt
you can never stop people from getting children lmao, that argument of selfishness is crazy…
You can tell these guys had great dads and parents.
I will marry Ben in a second. he seems such a good guy
bens story about his dad writing that letter and opening it after his death….literally tearing up so bad
That subreddit is so hard to read, all these kids as well saying that they firmly believe their parents should have aborted them rather than have them 😞 imagine failing your kids that bad that they genuinely believe that. we just aren’t designed to do the full time job of raising kids as well as work full time jobs - no wonder people are going crazy
that stuff ben said about his dad made me want to cry
their hearts are so beautiful and pure 🥹 I love these boys
I think this video very clearly shows how men have to think about parenting vs women. And how much importance society places on becoming parents. You can even think of meaningful ways to live life besides kids?
I really wish my dad had written me a message like Ben's dad. I found some cool things of my dad's after he died which were fun to find like his military duffel bag from the Vietnam era and a sketchbook of drawings he did but without him around to talk about them they lacked a lot of context.
Most people should not have kids
This is such a deep and beautiful conversation to have heard especially coming from men, we never hear these kind of perspectives its graat
More of this please.. please!
y'all so positive all the time ily guys, no homo honestly, changes my mind hear other's people perspectives in life because im so negative all the time, not trying to be sad just high hehe that reddit was depressing tho
if you’re older than 13 you can definitely do without the “no homo honestly” bullshit
theres so much casual ableism in those subreddits and in general the conversations about "why not to have kids" tend to involve a hypothetical disabled child which is always a bummer to read as an autistic and chronically ill adult who still relies on my parents. i appreciated ben skipping over actually reading out the ableist comments, he didnt make a big deal of it but i still felt a little better knowing that u guys werent engaging with that part of the conversation. my opinion has always been if you arent prepared to accept your child however they end up being you just shouldnt have kids, not bc you as the parent need that reprieve but because no kid deserves to feel like they disappointed their parent just by existing as they are.
Did Cody say "soon" 😭😭😭😭😭
ben’s story ab his dad has me tearing up man that is so beautiful 😭😭😭😭
saying a woman is "barren" is so brutal to me
It’s definitely not a term you would want to use today. I think he used it though because that’s how she “breaks the news” to Nicolas Cage’s character in the movie.
It's the word though?? Like what else are people supposed to say
@@cathy4697 infertile.
@@jak4716 like we're cows?
@@cathy4697 Where did you get that from? Infertile is commonly used to refer to women who are unable to have children. Try Googling infertility.
2:54 Okay but what if your kid isn’t a short king and becomes taller than you?
Also not all kids grow up to make their own money, but I don’t think that should devalue people
If you have a child. Those are your responsibilities.
If you have a child, you ruin at least 3 lives.
weirdly insightful clip lol
Is there a full version of the intro song?
The MJ subreddit
"Fuck 'em kids"
Karl malone special
I need the intro music in a full song ASAP
It’s actually extremely selfish to have a child. That child did not ask to be born and will be subject to suffering, pain, loss, etc. all to help appease a parent’s desires and fear of death. There are thousands of kids already here that need good loving homes without the need to add more to the population, not to mention there is no clue what kind of world you are bringing that child into re: climate change, economic chaos, etc.
You. Are. My. Hero!
not everyone sees life that way though, there are positives and not just negativity. it’s only selfish if you get a child and don’t give them the love, care and support they need. there’s always gonna be problems in this world, but it’s absolutely dystopian of you to think that getting children is a selfish act since it’s human.fucking.nature
Do some more charity work if you’re feeling selfish!
Need more of this
one of my fav clips ever
Adoption exists.
What is the song at the beginning 😮
Is the movie the switch w Jennifer aniston? And he changes out the IVF to his own and then the kid comes out neurotic and anxiety ridden, LOLLLL 😂
Its a tragedy we live in the timeline where these two will never make soothing content like this together because of business differences. Appreciate what you got before it evaporates i guess.
Not like I have kids but I feel like those regretful parent subreddits have problems with their children being their own people. Like idk, that's what raising a creature is, whether that's a human or a pet. Some ppl are up for it, some aren't.
I know my family history. I know roughly how long I've got left.
i like this better than noel and hunter tbh
Just adopt
My old boss told me that she never wanted her kids and that she tells them that almost everyday
My neighbour showed me her puppy over the fence, cuddled it and said ‘god, they’re so much better than children’ _in front of_ her daughter. I felt bad for the kid. Same woman that gave me a sh!tty look when I first met her when I said I didn’t want children (she asked).
it’s from The Office too
I legit had a convo like this yesterday with my friend. Wanna be my baby daddy Ben???
I have a 3 month old son. So far, I have loved (almost) every minute. My husband feels the same way. It's hard sometimes, but it's also effortless sometimes. I think it's worth all the risks.
(But that's easy for me to say because nothing has gone majorly wrong yet. But statistically, that's the majority.)
Cody's take is weird... he doesn't like that he's only caring about himself and finds it fulfilling to care about others, but instead of using that energy to care for others, he wants to make an extension of himself to care for? That's literally just caring for your own self instead of giving to others, because you're choosing to devote your time and energy and resources to your own DNA instead of to anyone outside of yourself. You're making it harder to give to anyone else because you're completely engrossed in caring for your own genes. Like if you want to have a kid, go ahead and do it, but don't act like it's some act of altruism.
Which one is Cody? The complete moron who says kids 20 years from now may become rockstars and buy their parents' houses??? Has anyone been paying attention to what's happening to kids today? 90+% of them are living at home with their parents into their 30's and can't afford anything.
a child is whole individual person and not just an extension of their parents wtf, thats the weirdest way to describe a family.
@@samiraghostin Some parents have a real screw loose.
Why did this make me cry lmao
Also they could turn into drug addicts or criminals so it never gets better😂 so it’s a total gamble with having kids you just gotta be willing to take that chance😂