7 Signs Your Cat Isn't Bonded to You
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 มิ.ย. 2024
- Worried that your cat may not be bonded with you? Here are 7 expert-recognized signs that your cat isn't feeling confident and safe with you.
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0:00 Introduction
0:18 Don't Beat Yourself Up!
1:51 Sign 1: No Belly Showing
2:22 Sign 2: Never Sleeping With Their Back to You
3:00 Sign 3: They Don't Sleep With You
3:24 Sign 4: They Don't Use The Litter Box In Front Of You
4:17 Sign 5: They Don't Greet You When You Come Home
4:42: Sign 6: They Don't Purr Around You
5:21 Sign 7: Their Eyes Are Always Big & Open
6:38 Ways to Help Your Cat
8:21 Conclusion
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God bless. My cat shows none of these bad signs. Unfortunately she's still plotting my murder and WILL throw hands at every opportunity, but now I not it's not personal: she's just like that.
My sweetie, one of two sisters, acts like I'm going to murder her, and I've had them since early December. Your sister is very comfortable around me and affectionate. I trust she'll come around.
BUT She does roll on her back a lot and she does sleep comfortably with me. She's so weird! Ha
My cat was 3 years old when i got her from the shelter. She'd been there so long, she had a date to be euthanized😢 we had quite a rocky road ahead of us and it took 6 months for her to sleep at the foot of my bed. Now she sleeps all night laying literally on top of me to the point i now sleep on my back 😂 ive had her 9 years now and she's such a good girl. It's obvious she didn't have the best life before and i always try to give her the greatest little kitty existence i can ❤
To any owners that free feed their cats,
The simplest change you could make right now to increase your bond with your animal is to transition from free feeding to meal feeding. This way, food is not a given, but instead, an automatic reward for being around you.
Feed your cat anywhere from 2-4 times a day, depending on your schedule (I do three, myself) & watch the difference as the positive reinforcement kicks in.
In order to make sure my cat eats his wet food, and to cut down on food waste, I began feeding it to him with a spoon. It's now become a regular habit that's brought us closer.
A tiny starving kitten ran out in front of my husband's car one day. She was quite skeletal and very very small. We immediately took her to the vet and the vet aged her at 3 weeks. We were horrified that a 3-week old kitten was alone and surmised that she was perhaps a day or two from death by starvation. We had just lost our last cat a few months prior so deciding to keep her was a no-brainer. Well, a few things about that first vet visit didn't sit right with us so we took her to an all-cat clinic and the new vet said she was actually closer to 6 weeks old! That's how underweight she was when we found her, she was half the size/weight she should have been. All that to say, we were taking in a feral kitten close to the end of her formative window. But she was so scared and starved and desperate for help that she had opened up to us from the first moment. She bonded very closely with me particularly. I suppose she was still seeking a mother to protect her.
She's now over a year old and comfortable with us and the other kitten we adopted a bit after so she'd have another cat companion in her life. That being said, we can definitely see how different she is from the other kitten. He is extremely trusting and docile. She is quite spicy and we can see glimpses of that feral nature still in place. We meet both of them where they are and try to respect her boundaries. But I think we got her just in time to shape her enough before her formative window completely closed, because she's very loving and affectionate in her own way. At night, she sleeps between my husband and me, but presses herself closely against me. Feeling her there and hearing her purr, I know that despite her rough start, she now feels safe and loved.
I was the only person in my household that my cat was coming to greet. The other person was her favourite to sleep next to. She literally told us how much she loved us through different behaviours.
my cat has since passed on but this was a nice reminder that he loved me and felt safe and comfortable around me ❤
This video reassures me that the stray/semi-feral cat we finally managed to catch 8 months ago likes us. He follows my adult son around and sleeps on my bed every night. I wake up in the morning with either his back about an inch from my face or his back paws and tail close to my face. I doubt he will ever be a lap cat and his purr is so soft, you feel it rather than hear it. I think he's forgiven us for catching him, getting him neutered and microchipped, turning him into a house cat and getting his sore leg fixed. When we caught him, he was really skinny. He's now a good weight and has really shiny black fur. He's learned to play with toys and our other cats. His life is good now and he's shown no interest in going outside. He's young, only around 3 1/2 years old so I hope he has a long and happy life with us.
My cat was feral, pictured here, but sleeps with me, shows me his tummy, etc. So I feel pretty good about that. However, my cat will never want hugs but he likes being with you. It takes time with strays but the reward is unbelievable once they bond with you.
As I was watching this, my cat moved from "loafing" with her back to me to rolling over and showing me her tummy and blinking at me, so that made me really happy LOL thank you for the video! I know my cat feels safe around me now. She was rescued from a meth house so I have no idea what her kittenhood was like but I can't imagine it was great. Thankfully she's super healthy and though she is a major diva, I'm glad she seems happy with me because I love her so much.
When I adopted Caesar and Cleopatra back in 2004, it was about a month before Cleo carefully stepped over on the couch and got on my lap. I was ecstatic. She turned into a daddy's girl after that.
Caesar took a little longer. It was probably 5-6 months before he wouldn't jump up if I walked by him, but he gradually warmed up. I think he ended up liking my wife a little more in the end.
They're both gone now, but, oh, the wonderful memories of those guys.
I love nothing more than to come home and see my cat, sitting, waiting for me. It's always lovely to be appreciated by a cat. I think a lot of it has to do with trust. A cat needs to know they can trust you. Again, it's so sweet to have a little animal know it can trust you.
Our ginger boy came to us as an adult…..over the fence and never left. His home was one block away, a busy home with other animals and kids…..so maybe noisy. He was just looking for a quiet place to sleep, we became grandma and grandpa. He can sleep anywhere, any position (except exposing his belly)…but his sleep habits are phenomenal, sleeps very deeply, we have to nudge him to get his attention (no he’s not deaf). He isn’t a lap cat, unless he decides it would be of benefit to him. We love him dearly, weren’t planning on having a pet, but here he is ❤❤❤ 😂
Thank you for this video. I have 3 cats. Two were rescued, having been ferral til about a year old. They are now about 9 years old. They are easily spooked, very shy, but they both sleep next to us, love bellyrubs, talk at us and slowblink.
The last one was orphaned at 5 weeks and he has taken on the habbit of sucking on a blanket. He only does it if we sit next to him, and will do it until he falls asleep.
Wes and Forest are super stars!!! Gorgeous!! Who else here reads to their cats?
my cat was born in a really neglectful environment prior to me adopting him... when i bought him home he was really skittish and showed a lot of these signs but i met him where he was at and respected his boundaries and now he wont leave my side and misses me a whole lot when im gone 😅
thanks for your great content and reviews, my cat is actually on a food you recommended and has maintained a perfect state of health since then!
Excellent video, Mallory! It's so true that it doesn't make someone a "bad person" if their cat isn't comfortable with them. I have two "foster fails," siblings, Mausu (male gray tabby) and Zuki (female black with white markings on throat, chest and belly.) I rescued these two back in 2021 from a colony of Community Cats that I was getting spayed/neutered. The plan was for both of them to go to a rescue. Unfortunately, the rescue closed due to financial issues during the pandemic. I had tried to interact with them outside the best I could before it was their turn to get trapped and fixed. Mausu was more outgoing and adjusted well to the move indoors despite having spent the first 6 months outside. Zuki, on the other hand, was terrified by EVERYTHING. To make matters worse, Zuki had a respiratory infection and I had to give her medicine and put ointment in her eyes. No wonder she had such a negative view of me. She drew confidence from her brother, so I decided they would stay together and with me. One thing that helped Zuki was introducing her to the 7 foot cat tree in my bedroom. Being up high gave her confidence. I played with Zuki and let her move at her own pace. She'll follow me around and she'll "boop" my finger with her nose. A few weeks ago, she actually rubbed against me and let me stroke her. Progress! I'm a trauma impacted person living with PTSD and I've studied trauma informed care. I basically treat Zuki like a human with trauma. It takes time and patience to establish a bond with your cat. But, the results are so worth it.
I got a 2 year old female from the shelter because my senior male lost his mother from a nose tumor. She was TERRIFIED. Nine months later, I am finally able to pet her. I have no idea what she went through. I am just thankful I have her and she is starting to trust me.
I love this comment so much 😍 It sounds like you’re the PERFECT cat-parent to Mausu and Zuki, and it’s so lovely you’re using things you’ve learned from difficult experiences in your own past (and your studies that were informed by that) to help them with theirs ❤️
My cats had a very different start to life than yours (from a very small breeder with a young family - I’m really obstructively allergic to all but two cat breeds (that I currently know of!) which limits the cats I can live with)… but they’re super wary of new people (or even people they already know and like when they encounter them unexpectedly), noises (both new noises and just loud/annoying noises, even if they should be familiar by now!), and just unexpected things in general.
I’m using my own life experiences to relate to them on all of this too - I’m autistic and have ADHD, and part of that combo for me is sensory sensitivities, so I feel like I understand where they’re coming from! Some things are just overwhelming sometimes/in some situations, to some people/cats - and that’s ok. Both my cats are very curious (/adventurous/exploratory) about new places/experiences, and social with other humans when it’s on their terms; which tbh also applies to me, so I just try to respect their boundaries (and give them safe places to retreat to); even if they’re in a different place than I expected, and let them do things at their own pace.
A good example is Nikita (black/brown and cream tabby) - when I first met her with her mother and littermates, she wasn’t scared of me/the two humans with me, but was clearly more comfortable playing with her buddies she already knew, and wasn’t that interested in me one way or the other. I’m so glad I’d already fallen in love with her from her photos/videos and didn’t follow all of the really good wisdom about choosing the best fit cat for you from a litter based on your initial interactions (and it was great that the majority of other kittens from the litter of 8 were already spoken for! I was initially really struggling to choose between Nika and one of her sisters out of the whole litter, and it was a relief that particular decision was made for me 😹), because otherwise I’d have missed out on the sweetest and most loving cat I’ve ever known. And I was lucky that it took almost no time for her to feel comfortable with me when we were at home, without all the other cats and people around - I was prepared for a much longer and slower getting-to-know-each-other, with extended period of building trust, but I guess when she wasn’t so acutely aware of being the smallest cat of the bunch and dealing with the social implications of all that, she was a lot more open to bonding with a new human 😻
I was also happy to take the opportunity/excuse to adopt her alongside one of her brothers - there were two ginger tabby boys who looked essentially identical (both absolutely beautiful, and yet were somehow also the two other kittens who weren’t already reserved from the whole litter; even though IMHO they were both more beautiful, friendly, and playful than their other ginger tabby brother - I lucked out!), and in most of the photos and videos shared by the breeder online, Nika was almost always with one of those bros. Since they were more confident and people-focused than her, I thought she would draw confidence from her ginger bro and feel more secure in her new surroundings, as well as having a buddy she knew and loved to keep her company and play with. And I love a ginger tabby (hi Wessie 👋🧡)!
Little did I know…! Turns out, she’s actually the confident chief of the exploration department who leads the path for Harvey (her ginger bro; and turns out, unlike their kitten-personalities when with the whole rest of their litter, also a massive scaredy-cat!) to follow, and oftentimes also the outgoing welcoming committee for new people (she’s befriended many delivery drivers when she comes to see what’s going on and seek attention at the door!) 😸
Counterintuitively, even though Nika absolutely loves to sit on my lap and will usually seek it out at least once every day, she hates being picked up - it has to be on her terms. Conversely, Harvey hasn’t sat on my lap for any more than a passing moment for 4 months (it’s become such a rare occurrence than I know pics and can tell exactly when it last was! 🥺), but he’s reasonably chill when I sometimes pick him up - either to bring him home from his wayward excursions in the communal hallway outside my flat, or when he’s causing trouble inside and seeking attention - and seems to really enjoy the attention/closeness and different perspective on the world. He’ll usually come and snuggle next to my pillow in bed every morning too - he doesn’t necessarily want any strokes or scritches or snuggles, and will kick my hand away with his back foot if not, but he seeks me out/follows me round the house, and is so purry just from being close to me that he leaves me fairly certain that our bond is good.
Although, his love language is hunting/biting, and he loves me all the more if, multiple times a day, I throw kibble biscuits for him to catch out of mid-air/chase/stalk/pounce, otherwise he takes the opportunity to yell at me, and will also literally bite my feet and ankles when I’m preparing his meals too slowly or when he’s otherwise bored… so he’s by no means simple or easy 😹
Great insight and well-said! I have complex PTSD from a lifetime of multiple abuses, so I think I subconsciously do this also. We get the overwhelm and triggers that can hit, so we take it less personal. And know how to respond. Thank you for saving them. 😊❤️
I adopted 2 kittens, 4 and 5 months old, a while back and initially I was really concerned that one of them disliked/feared me. She'd jump or run if I spoke too loud or moved quickly and would draw back if I tried to touch her, especially if I tried to pet by reaching over her head. The other kitten absolutely loved me and took to asking for belly rubs, following me around etc. within a week. The jumpy kitten also never meowed, ever - she still doesn't. It took about 3 weeks before she started laying around w her belly up and not watching my hands when I was nearby. Later on, I found out from the rescue that she was found as a lone kitten without mom or siblings and the rescue staff had to re-socialize her for 1-2 months before she even allowed people close. After 2 months, she made so much progress - she'd constantly head butt my hands, allowed me to pick her up and purred when I did, responded to her name, slept next to me. I've come to realize that she is just skittish by nature and it's nothing personal and based on how affectionate she has become, I think she just needed a lot more time to adjust ❤
I've been sick all week, and Catface has been right there at the foot of my bed snuggled up like "it's ok human, I'm here."
I've had him since he was 10 weeks old and he may drive me crazy sometimes but I'm definitely his deeply bonded person. :)
I still watch videos like these the way parents watch "are you screwing up your kids?" videos...
I knew it!
We’re bonded! ❤
I thought when my cats slept with their back to me they were pouting or disliked me, haha this makes me feel so much better. They are always doing this to me so I was getting worried I did something wrong. Good day today 😊 thanks for the video!
My cat ,Bella,has been with me about 2&1/2 years now, since she was about7-8 months old. She JUST NOW this year has started allowing me to rub her belly.But she is just extremely independent. It’s just how she is! She does cling to me when it thunders or when the neighbors have set off loud fireworks- she is scared of loud noises. She has her very loving moments and she will even give kisses! I am comfortable allowing her to be how she is and I love her.. and I know she loves me too!
My cat adores me! And I him!
I adopted a cat from a co-worker who's sister was in a accident and then diagnosed with cancer. I just couldn't refuse adopting her. The cat, ( a female) was very traumatized and obviously mistreated. She was not approachable and would hiss and claw any attempt of petting. It took two years to gain her trust and now I can pet her sometimes. I find it is more difficult to connect to and incorporate a female cat into a home than a male. The lessons they learn as kittens are extremely hard to reverse. But after three years my "Minnie Mouse" is a full family member in my household.
Aw, I love your love and patience for your kitty cat!
Thanks for addressing "not sitting on your lap." My cat does everything else but never sits on me. I kinda figured she just wasn't a lap cat, but never saw it addressed and it always worried me a little. So glad to finally get an answer on this. 😊
My dad's cat isn't much of a lap cat either. She loves attention and shows comfort in other ways (i.e. showing her belly, following us into the bathroom, rubbing against our legs), but she isn't a lap cat. She'll sleep on the back of the chair behind our head or next to us, but she doesn't like the lap. You are not alone. Every cat is unique so sometimes it's learning about your cat. Jackson Galaxy also does great educational cat videos.
I've seen previous strays who have been adopted don't always transition to being lap-cats. I think people forget that veterinary treatments (i.e. vaccinations) or trauma can impact how cats interact with other people. For example, a cat who was sick and received a lot of shots may feel safe with its owner, but may not necessarily want to be picked up and held. Or, (sometimes) it depends on the temperament of the breed as some breeds don't prefer sleeping on people (i.e. Bengals).
@@alyssapeterson2004 That's interesting to hear. My cat was a street rescue and she had to have a lot of vet visits and ultimately surgery the first year I had her. I always wondered how much that affected her as I had to be constantly "in her bubble" giving her meds, etc. But I didn't think that maybe it is about people in general and I am more the exception, as she certainly exhibits all the "likes me" behaviors.
@@DGG42 I'm sure she likes you and feels safe with you if she's showing other (positive) behaviors. She may not like being held due to a negative association between being held and the vet or it may be her preference depending on her temperament.
I found my cat when he was 8 weeks old... I'm not sure if he was abandoned or a stray. He sits on my lap, presents his butt to me (kittens sometimes do this with mother cats during grooming), and kneads my legs. But he doesn't greet me at the door. He chooses to sleep instead. But I know he feels safe around me because he will sit outside with me on the front step for a couple minutes before retreating back into the house. He is the only cat that I have not had to leash-train because once he was in the house, he was determined to never leave the house XD
Cats are funny... and most of it is learning how to read your pet. They don't have to show every comfort behavior, but if they show a good amount of behaviors-- it's generally a good sign :)
My cat isn't a lap cat or cuddler either. He will sleep by my legs, or sleep next to my head and Will tolerate being held for about 10 seconds but that's about it. Which is fine.
After almost 2 years after adoption my cat suddenly got on my lap. Her little heart was beating like crazy, like she was never. Then she settled down and stayed there. Now she likes to sit on my lap and make biscuits. It's been a really long process to gain her trust, many baby steps along the way. Toys, treats, pets, cat trees, giving space as needed.
I recently adopted a 1 yr old cat from a vet program at a university. She's v skittish and won't let me pick her up or sit in my lap. I've been trying to bond with her and she's come a long way in 5 weeks that I've had her. She's exposed her belly and have slept near me so hopefully she feels safe with me. 😻💕
Another one I’ve noticed over and over again (mainly with my dad, God bless him lol), is that cats don’t feel safe with people who walk fast and loudly and talk loudly. Or approach them suddenly and fast. I’ve seen LOTS of great, well-meaning people scare off cats accidentally by doing those things. So learning how to be yourself but also make the cat feel safe and not startled is huge, as well. 😊💕
My cat must really love me. She sits on me all the time and purrs constantly. Purrs when I get home , purrs before being fed , before treats , when laying on lap , she sleeps every night with me and purrs before going to sleep. She is always in the room with me. I think she has separation anxiety lol. My boy cat would sleep with me half of the time and he would ususlly sleep with me with his back up against mine. Both of them go to bathroom in front of me. My boy cat greeted me every single time I came home. The girl cat does maybe half the time. They both showed they love me in a different way
All very good points, and I really like the fact that you emphasized the importance of the cat feeling safe. I have three cats, all of them rescues. One, my male was raised with his siblings in what appeared to be a normal home and when they were seven years old, they were given to a shelter that took good care of them. He was the cat equivalent of a human born with a silver spoon in his mouth. The other two, both females, did not have such great beginnings and both apparently were physically abused and hit, with one of them not only having endured abuse but throw out of her home at around the age of seven or eight weeks and forced to fend for herself for a couple of weeks until she was found. The first female, the one who was "only" abused, came to trust us fairly quickly, taking about a year to fully trust us, though she was most of the way there by around the three month mark. The other female was much more challenging. All cats want their boundaries and wants respected, but this one, Sheena, was adamant about that. Our guess is she was born into a family with small children and unaware adults, and they took issue with Sheena fighting back when she didn't want to be touched or picked up. Sheena probably bit and scratched the humans, who fought back, ultimately resulting in her getting tossed into some business park in a seedy part of town, where she managed to somehow get just enough to eat, but was so dirty and grimy when she was found everyone thought she was a cat with black and grey fur. A neighbor found her near her work and had someone bring the cat to me. Sheena let me wash her (registering her complaints throughout) and it turned out she was a tuxedo.
We quickly saw that Sheena had been abused a goodly amount. She was not at all comfortable with us being too close to her and petting her was initially out of the question. Fortunately I'd had cats for a couple of decades by then and had learned a lot from Jackson Galaxy, so I knew to give her as much time as needed, pushing her boundaries only occasionally and in the slightest of ways, letting her know that she was in charge. Over time, she developed more and more trust, as she felt more and more safe. But she was simi-feral when we first got her and I think most "regular" cat owners wouldn't know how to handle a cat like Sheena and would end up either giving her to a shelter, where the cycle could end up repeating itself or have her euthanized. Sheena was challenging but fortunately she landed in our home, with people who knew what to do and how to handle her.
Which leads me to the two suggestions I have for you: To me, this video isn't as much about whether or not one's cat "likes" their human or not, it's about whether or not the cat feels safe. The title is a little misleading. But then a title like "Ways Your Cat Tells You They're Not Feeling Safe With You" may not generate as many clicks. Or maybe it would generate more, IDK. The other suggestion is to do a video about raising cats that haven't been properly socialized or that are somewhat if not fully feral - what to expect, how to deal with them, the things you can do to work around and help them to overcome their feral tendencies and so forth. I used to volunteer at a pet store and was able socialize cats that were fairly feral fairly quickly. It's more doable than most people think.
This is the first time I've been to your channel and I have to say I'm quite impressed. The information is solid, substantial and insightful. You have a disarming, compassionate and approachable demeanor and clearly know what you're talking about. You're right up there with Jackson Galaxy, and I mean that as a high compliment because he is the gold standard, as far as I'm concerned. I subscribed and look forward to seeing your other videos. Thanks for the good work you do and helping us to better understand and have better, more loving relationships with our cats!
Jackson Galaxy used to be my "gold standard" too. But, no more. He's partnering with Best Friends Animal Society. An organization that wants to make all shelters "no kill" by 2025. Our SPCA recently became "no kill" and has a 96% "save rate." Want to know how they do it? By refusing to admit any Community Cats, even friendly strays that were obviously socialized. The Executive Director of the York SPCA has even made the statement that "Cats have lived outside for thousands of years and not only survive, but thrive." Well, I help rescue cats and recently had to dispose of a deceased kitten that got a plastic cup stuck on it's face and suffocated. Jackson Galaxy is a sell out and I will never support him again.
Thank you so much for the thoughtful comment-means a lot to have you here.
@@wandadawnmiller1552 Many countries are "no kill" and it works very well. For cats, catch-neuter-release is being practiced.
@@wandadawnmiller1552 What's wrong with Best Friends Animal Society? You didn't explain.
@@suzannea2308 Her entire post was about the way they are following a model of not allowing in community cats, even when socialized. By leaving them outdoors. I used to think trap-nueter-release was a good alternative to taking them to a shelter where they would mostly be unadoptable and then killed. Until the 2 cats I had done this with and lived outdoors both wound up getting extremely ill and wasting away until they were so weak that I could finally capture them and take them to be euthanized. It was a horrible ending for them that wouldn't have happened if they'd been euthanized straight away. It sounds harsh, but not when you've seen animals lose their appetite, not be able to eat, or continue to eat and still waste away over weeks at a time. Both of the ones I 'rescued' went literally down to skin and bones (over weeks) until they were finally so weak that I managed to trap them and be able to put them out of their misery.. It was awful.
My cat (Mr.Tiger) snow shoe tabby uses the bathroom when I'm close, he let me rub his tummy when I groom him with a brush (recommended in this channel), sleep next to me and sometimes turn their back to me while sleeping, he purrs after I feed him. Mr. Tiger is a 8 years old stray cat, I took him in last year.
Fascinating info as always. My new little cat was abandoned in her previous life, and lived basically under a porch in a snowbank for two months before she was rescued by the shelter I help fundraise for. She came to me about two weeks after I lost my most beloved cat ever, and the shelter director knew my surviving cat was acting depressed and I was not happy either. Our new little one has bonded really well with me (and vice versa), and with Loki, but because I live alone, she is very suspicious of other people. So I've had a couple of friends in for a visit and we just ignore Cassie so she doesn't feel threatened, and as soon as the other person leaves, she comes right to me for reassurances. I think we'll get there. She is a joy and a great delight in both our lives.
sometimes i get worried my old gal just isn't as interested in my anymore but videos like this remind me she's the most comfortable with me, she just likes her space
Our cat when fully relaxed with us will start purring and he forgets to swallow. He'll start "leaking" drool on who ever he is sitting on lol.
Hah! One of my cats drools when she purrs too. 😂😂
Get off that rock wall, gurl! We adopted two cats three days ago, and they are showing us their bellies almost since day one. A very smooth transition, thankfully.
My sweet girl was all over me while I was talking on the phone for an interview. She's an aggressive baby, but she has her sweet moments and we understand our different behaviors. When you listen to their body language and respect them, they show it back!
Based on this video, I can proudly declare that my cat is in love with me 🥰😻
My 2 female cats run away from me, but nap with my wife. If she feeds they won't eat, I'll grab the same food and they'll eat it. Also I can scratch their bellies but they won't let her do it. Cats.😄😄😄
I have two cats and they have to share the attention I give them. They seem to both feel safe and loved so I feel very lucky. Thank you for the video.
My cat comes in from outside, locates me, meows then goes onto his bed to sleep. I like to think he's just saying hi.
Thank you. I fell better. There is still work to do. He's a rescue, and I don't know anything about his first two years. He won't cuddle, and will tolerate about four pets. He'll show me his belly but it's a trap!! he does greet me when I come home but I think it's because he's hungry. So there's some work to do. Thanks for your wisdom, you do give us hope 😸
I got my 2 year old from the shelter. She was listed as a stray. It took 9 months for her to actually come to my chair and request pets. She still runs when I come to her. Just be patient. He will come around over night! Just walk slowly around him and give him treats.
You say that your cat showing you his belly is a trap. Are you trying to touch it? For most cats, it's just a sign that they feel safe, not an invitation to actually touch their belly. Many will attack your hand if you try to touch their stomach. I recommend just talking nicely to him when he does that or even just ignoring him.
I was really worried that my cat wasn't bonded with me much, but this video really helped put my mind at ease, and now I know he feels safe and comfortable with me, thank you very much 💖
Thank goodness mine were All happy and confident just showed their love in different ways. I had 2 that were big cuddlers and lap cats and one that didnt care to be on my lap or cuddled. Different personalities, which is ok.
I have a little 2 year old feral girl-kitty. Sue was rescued when she was far past the socialization phase, so she is really shy on touch. We have a “big brother “ cat who she adores and she does almost everything in this video which makes us so happy. She just doesn’t like to be touched. On a good day, when she is really sleepy we can gently stroke her back. But for the most part, we know she loves us, but she is not comfortable with touching.
Aww 🥰 my cat lies on her back like a rotisserie chicken for hours sometimes 😂 the only one of these she doesn’t always do is greet me at the door every time. But she’s a heavy sleeper. When she wants to share the recliner with me she won’t even wait for me to pull it up, she’ll just sit behind me until I make room 😂❤❤ bless that little angel. I’m just as attached to her as she is to me. She’s my best friend. I even sing to her. 😅
I loved that you didnt blame the people,who didnt know these things. Or eho unintenionally made their cats feel unsave. I think that there is a lot of blaming in the "pet community". With wich you wont help the animals wich are beeing misunderstood. Everybody who wants to learn,and be better,is doing everyrhing perfectly right in my opinion.
🙏🏼🍀❣
I’m glad I have all the opposites of the bad signs ❤
My first two cats loved me like their mama, and it was so painful when they passed. My next two cats are reacued ferals. I still can not touch them. They do not sleep with me. They have no problem using the litter box in front of me and when I talk to them, they always give me the slow blink. They love me the best they can.
Oh my gosh… Forest’s voice! First time I’ve ever heard it! So cute 🤩🥰❤️
And also remember just because your cat doesn't sleep through the night next to you doesn't mean that not feeling totally safe. You could jjust be too much of a tosser for them to stay comfortable next you all night.👍
Not sure how the first year of my bubby's life went but I know it wasn't great. He was abandoned at a year old and it took a year for him to outgrow some of the fear he had.
Love my bubby and I know he loves me 😻
My cat never ever sat on my lap until like 2 weeks ago. I've had him for 4 years and I thought he would never do that, but I'm happy he's now decided I make a good chair lol
goddamn lady you literally squish the poor cat's eyeballs for a half second 3:21
This made me crack up at nearly 1 am, lmao 😂
I am so thankful. My cat has not shown these signs, and I thankful I’ve had her since she was a little kitten .
Excellent video. In my experience you're right on all points. Some cats take longer to warm up than others, sometimes a lot longer. All 3 of ours (all adopted as adults) have eventually exhibited the behaviors that you describe and became fully trusting of us and extremely loving. Thanks for helping new cat parents understand these behaviors and sharing common sense advice.
This year I adopted an 8 year old cat that's had a rough medical history. Nothing's known about her previous families but the shelter was certain she's not feral. She had her eyes removed so that alone puts her at a disadvantage. But she shows lots of signs of trusting me and being happy here. She's let me hold her once for about 5 minutes and she allows me to touch her belly when I'm patting her and brushing her. She's really good at being a cat and has a sweet and curious personality - I'm certain in time she'll be comfortable to lie with her tummy exposed and maybe even on my lap!
One thing to know about cats that have lost their eyes, is that it's not as big of a disadvantage as we might imagine. A huge part of cat's life involves navigating their world based on scent.
I have adopted a feral cat and his family (i have 7 cats now), and yesterday the feral cat was laying down in my bed, it allowed me to touched him and show me his belly :D i think hes comfortable :D hes been in the house since november last year and just allowed me to pet him back in march. i have feed him for 2 years now and i had to use a tramp to put him inside of the house, but he can see me going outside and doesnt even try to escape, not even once, so i guess im doing it right :D many people told me it was crazy to try to bring him inside, but he used to spend majority of his day by my windows, so i new he was looking forward to be a house cat even when he may not seem interested enough,
Thank you, Mallory! I'm also a young cat lady, like yourself and I have four beautiful, lovely kitties: Momma cat and three of her babies, who turned 5 yrs old this spring.❤ I knew we were bonded strongly, I just watched this to be assured.😊
The only problem is, that we have roommates they are scared of and stressed by and unfortunately for good reason.😢 And I'm scared for them too, every day, we have to hide in our own home. I hate that they have to live in stress every day bc of them and that I can't seem to be able to do anything about it. 😔
I wish we could move, even though they were born here and lived here all their life, this place is all they know and I'd hate to uproot them, but if it meant we could live in our own place safely, I'd do it. Very carefully to not upset them too much and I'd be with them all the way even if our forever home is far away...we just want to live peacefully. 🤍
My adult rescue feels more comfortable every month, to the point that she now jumps up on my lap for pets and i wake up with her on the bed. A year ago she did neither.
Not a cat owner, but I go over to my partner's place fairly often and they have four cats and a dog, and it always hurt a little to see the two more skittish kitties bolt away as soon as they realized I was in the room. But I just came back from pet-sitting for several days, and I'm starting to realize that they were probably just really overstimulated all the other times? My partner lives with her family, so that's four cats, one dog, and four humans in the same townhouse. At least three of the humans like rock music, and one of them plays the drums in the basement with no additional sound absorption set up. And all four of them are pretty aggressive cat lovers.
Wow. Now that I'm writing this out, I'm feeling kind of stupid.
Anyways, over the three days I was there, I have slept with every single one of the cats in the same room, with them in all sorts of positions. I'm not sure I would have believed it myself if I didn't have photographic evidence, but by the evening of the first day, the most skittish one laid herself out like she was being painted as a French girl within arm's reach. And by the second day, I got the second most skittish to come to me for pets and eventually sleep in my lap. _Thrice._ It was honestly kind of a miracle.
But of course, when my partner's family all arrived back home, everything snapped back to normal. Neither of the two really wanted to be around me, and the more that I'm writing this, the more okay (and stupid) I'm feeling about that. I'll just have to hold onto those blissful few days of total cat acceptance, and in the meanwhile, I will continue to treat them with the dignity and respect they deserve until the next time comes.
Wow! My Buu feels totally safe, apparently. Thanks for the informative video. ❤🐾
My 14 year old Black Long haired Tom Cat (think Siberian Forest Background) learned to syllablize English words from listening to me yaking for years, (I guess) Many folks think I'm kidding as he will only do it with me and my wife. He says Hello very clearly every day, especially when he wants some food. When I ask him , "where is Minnie ?" He says" I don't know." My Black Cat has never meowed at all, He talks in two syllable sounds.Very different cat I have ever owned, and I have had many, I'm 76 years young. Mini was a kitten rescued from a Great Horned owl in my back yard. After the vet, I placed the 6 week old Tabby female with my old Tom Cat. He took her right in a raised her like his own. She loves her old gramps very much. I'm sure her mother was farel and was hit by a car. Mini is a traditional Tabby. She can only Meow and took a long time to get tame and trust me. Can't do 2 syllable sounds, but runs old grandpa cat crazy. At his age he only wants to play with his year old daughter for about 5 minutes and he leaves the area as he's very old. He will play hard for the five minutes though. Nice watching your videos !
Good video, thanks. One thing as well," How you are, they are". That is, they pick up/sense how you're feeling. So if there's anything making you ill at ease, anxious, or angry, or you're not genuine for the feline, the cat will react to that feeling and never get close to you.
The only sign my cats show is the running to greet me. Oftentimes they do run to greet me, but sometimes they just chirp at me from where they’ve been napping because I don’t think they want to get up lol
Thank you for this information!! I've had dogs all my life prior to getting our two little girls, and our cats are much more subtle than my previous dogs. I had no idea about the turning your back while sleeping, but sure enough, I can remember when we got them nine months ago vs now. I'm so grateful for them and I hope we can love each other for a long time ❤
We bought our 2 cats at 12 weeks old. We have no small children, they do whatever they want, they go outside in our fenced garden under our supervision. They have stress free life and yet they did not bond with us at all. Strangely they were more bonded when they were small, with age they became more aloof. Maybe because we travel between our 2 homes in Finland and in France and they absolutely hate to travel. They also became worse travellers than when they were small. Especially younger one does not trust us at all. Probably he is scared we will take him and out him in the carriage and start long travelling. They also never meet us at the door. They never sleep in our bed and they never purr. They did when they were small. We also always were playing with them and of course feeding them. They come, eat treats, and leave immediately
Hmm, that's interesting. You say your cats only go out when supervised, but I have noticed that outdoor cats tend to behave more like this; they just have so many interesting things going on that they sort of lose interest in the humans in the home.
Thank you for this video, a lot more things make more sense now :)
My kitten (just turned 5 month old today!) is my first cat, too, and there's so much I'm still discovering about her and cats in general. She's been sleeping in my bed pretty much from the first evening, but on the other hand she doesn't like being held and will whine every time. She doesn't sit in my lap in the evenings, but she does it in the mornings. So I guess she just has her own preferences/rhythm, as an individual.
(A couple of weeks ago, she started kneading my legs when we're in bed in the evening. Also, she drools all over me while doing so. I guess overall, it means she quite likes me? 😅)
You're 100% right about their first few weeks of life shaping who they turn out to be. My oldest cat I got when she was 6 weeks old. My roommate's coworker had been fostering a cat and didn't know she was pregnant until she had a litter. When I went to pick out a kitten when they were 3 weeks old I saw that the litter, mom, and 4 or 5 other adult cats were all in one little camping trailer and the adult cats were bullying the kittens. It was also to the side of the property so I don't think the kittens got all that much human attention. They wanted the kittens gone ASAP so I took her home at 6 weeks. I worked with her to get her used to touching ears and paws and being held. Two weeks later it was like a switch turned and her personality changed to not wanting to be touched at all and from then on it was like she woke every day and actively chose violence. She had been skittish from the moment I brought her home and she was scared of everything and everyone. Except for myself and my roommate's boyfriend. Heck, even now, 5 years later, she'll attack my hands and arms if they're within a foot of her, but she'll curl up on my lap all the time and sleep on my legs or at my side. She'll let me pet her MAYBE two times before swiping at me. She always wants to be near or on me, greets me, definitely shows me she loves me in so many ways. And yet, my roommate's boyfriend is still the only one who can pet her for more than a moment. She definitely prefers attention from him, but she also loves me and spends most of her time around me, and goes to me for comfort.
My other cat is just an absolute sweetheart. I have no idea what her first few months were like, but I met her when she was about 6 months old at a cat rescue I volunteered at. She seeks attention and pets sometimes, but mostly just wants to play all the time and sleep nearby.
It can be so funny how differently cats act. But I definitely think spending her first 6 weeks in a chaotic environment didn't do my scaredy cat any favors at all. She's gotten much better over the years, but she'll always be a scaredy cat who is VERY particular about her personal bubble.
I’m so glad you are so accepting and loving of your cat nonetheless. 😻
@@alienaquarian my fault I guess for choosing the kitten that looked most frightened by its surroundings to rescue instead of choosing a kitten I felt a connection with like with my newest cat. She feels safe with me, and I don't think there are many who would deal well with her violent tendencies, so I'm happy to love her and jeep her safe for her entire life, and just cherish the rare moments when she's genuinely sweet.
I have a rescue who is comfortable but seems to be in need of a place for him to be "free and wild". He's a perfect indoor gentleman. I love and care for him and I know he acknowledges and appreciates it. I'd like to build him a catio. Your advice is very much appreciated. What types of enrichment would you recommend?
A catio would be _fantastic_ ! Just going for supervised trips outdoors is also a good idea. Other than that, a cat tree, shelves, and interactive play are all good for indoor kitties. Wishing you and your cat all the best!
Thanks for confirmation my little Miku loves me. Everything you said that shows ur cat is bonded to u is my Miku and me. Belly rubs, actually poses for pics on her back lol. Sleeps in too of me or her whole back and body molded to me when I sleep. Greets at door with stories to tell. Your video is very refreshing. 🐈😸
Maybe I'm making too much of this... a lot of it is also semantics too. But to me, cats are like humans in... some... ways. With humans, like a security guard told me years ago, it's basically you like me or you don't. I suppose if you take in a young child, or a young kitten, it may be different. My last 3 cats have all been rescues of sorts. Daisy was taken from her mother as the last of her litter toward the end of her kittenhood. Caesar was a young adult... and bascially, more or less, a feral cat. Kayla, my current cat, I got as a young adult. I think she was a couple years old when I adopted her. Daisy was found by my Godmother and directed to me, Caesar just showed up on our doorstep (really! ...) not long after Daisy passed away. After Caesar passed away, I went to the local shelter and met all the various cats there and Kayla and I got along the best... by a substantial measure. I don't know... she just seemed to be the one. I don't think Caesar ever much like any humans... perhaps me more than other humans, but I don't think he ever had much affinity for any human. Daisy was OK with me, but a bit aloof. Kayla is by far the one I get along with the best and the best pairing I've had with a cat. I think the difference here is that with Kayla I had the opportunity to go to the shelter and find a cat with whom I was more compatible with. That wasn't the case with Daisy or Caesar. So, certainly if you're going to get a cat that's not a kitten, I'd recommend going to the shelter and trying to find a cat that you're more compatible with... one where you seem to like each other more. "Cause there's only so much you can do to make someone like you. Because to a certain extent I think there is truth to saying that "Either you like me, or you don't".
I get it. Realistically, I'm not too fussed and am happy to let my cats feel however they want to feel about me or anything else. I agree with your observations on the difference between choosing a cat and having one choose you. In fact, sometimes I like it when I see a cat not being so interested in me or anyone else; it's not their job to be our little huggy buddies, and I like them asserting their independence. Perhaps it would be better to present this view in future videos. Thank you.
Whew- was worried at first
I’ve just adopted a new cat so I have most of these signs, it’s really good to know what to look for though. It’s only been a week and he’s definitely showing signs of affection and does sleep with his back to me so I think we are on the right path. I really wanna pick him up and fuss him but I’ll just have to wait.
Both of my current kittys were adopted well after the bonding stage. Aoife was 2, she was a stray who was hit by a car, she needed surgery and wear a wheel thingy until she could walk again. She is my shadow, everywhere I go she goes, she's a cuddler but only with me, she avoids other people like they have the cooties.
My second kitty Jabberwocky (Jabbers) just turned 1 year, I adopted her 5 months ago, she was abandoned, living in a house about to be demolished, all her claws had been ripped out and she was starving. She's a ball of energy, bonded very quickly with me and Aoife, not as much of a cuddler. she likes to chase things, plays fetch like a dog with her squeaky mouse. They both sleep next to me or with each other in a ball of fur. The only times they run and hide is when someone else is in the apartment, they don't trust anybody else, they were both likely abused by people.
I've had a dozen cats and 7 dogs in my 53 years, never had any problem bonding, animals just seem to like me.
Thanks, always helpful.
Well, I already knew that my two cats are bonded with me (and with my husband) and this just confirms it. It was fun to see what your signs were. One of my cats doesn't come to greet us when we get home, but he's a nervous cat, wary of the door in general.
My cat greets me at the door 95 percent of the time and sleeps with me every night. She hides from everyone, but me. I'm glad she feels comfortable around me. I feel honored she chose to trust me so much. I do wish she was a little more comfortable around strangers, but I found her alone on the street at 9 weeks old so I understand that she may stay that way. She is almost 1 year old now.
Well done Mallory. Great stuff in this video. I’m encouraged my Kitty is well bonded to me. ❤
I don't have anything to worry about ❤😂. I almost can't get my cat to NOT lay against me or on my lap when the weather is very hot but absolutely the best company when the weather is colddd. 😊 but she loves when I take her outdoors (we live far from the city) and walk around. She will mimick birds chirping 😂 and she lets me pet her belly.
Thank you for this. I thought my oldest cat might not be connected with me but so far, most of the behaviors mentioned happens but inconsistent, he greets me when I arrive home, purrs when I kiss him and exposes his belly/back, maybe I'm just too clingy lol!
i have 4 kittens that will be 8 weeks old in 3 days. They have known nothing but loving human touch and devotion from birth! They were born boy, girl, girl, boy. The boys are orange tabbies and the girls are tortoise shells. They don't claw or bite hard except on toys and they know what a clay and\or wood pellet litter box is used for! Each one has a distinct personality, but they all run to me whenever i walk in!
i am looking for 2 forever homes with a loving person(s) to take over from here. They must go in pairs for multiple reasons!! Great chunks of my heart will be ripped out when these precious loving little creatures go. But go they must. my heart will heal knowing that love is Eternal !:-) 😻🙏
Good, my cat loves me. She doesn’t really come running to the door, but she does this really cute meow when she sees me and kinda nods her head at me. She won’t sit on mine or anyone else’s knee, but she will stand on my knee for attention. I think she just likes her own space. She was hand reared and the only kitten surviving from her litter so I reckon she just isn’t cuddly. We’re bringing a new kitten into the house soon to keep her company so I will use these techniques on our new kitty when she arrives. My cat is so needy and wants a lot of attention so I hope a kitten would be good for her.
My cat doesn’t like me in the same room while she uses her litter box, but she screams at me after she’s done. I’m thinking she’s bossing me around to go clean it. She definitely sleeps with me and shows me her belly. I want to smother her in love so badly because I love her so much, she’s my favorite in the whole world, but she would for sure hate it, I have no question, so I completely avoid that. However, I know I love her 100x more than she loves me… I think she would rate me as needs improvement on my performance review. As for coming to the door, she doesn’t, but shortly over she comes yelling at me… I’m assuming because I left for too long, and by too long I mean anything more than 15 mins. I will spend my whole existence worshipping her and trying to get her to love me more. Thanks for the video, it was encouraging.
So I suppose my two cats are well bonded with me. I get to pet their bellies. They ask for it by rolling onto their backs when I approach.
I agree, the most important thing is to be able to mind your own business around cats. Give them space and don't force interactions on them.
Secondly, feed them.
Thirdly play with them.
I used to have dogs and thought cats weren't for me. Until I took care of two cats five years ago for a friend who had to go away for two months. They came into my home and melted my heart ❤️
Agreed! I didn’t become a “cat person” until I got a cat, haha! 🐈⬛ 💕 I actually wanted a dog even though I like cats too but it wasn’t time yet for a pupper. Even my mum who’s not an animal person is becoming a fan as well. 😻 And she’s gets excited the more my cat becomes comfortable around her!
I don't know why I wanted to watch this video. My cats literally will not leave me alone. I sleep with 24 lbs of cat on me every night. They follow me around all day.
What do you think? Has your cat bonded with you, or are they still feeling a little shy? Let us know!
I take care of 2 barn cats. A young mother 1 1/2 yr old and her kitten 7 months. The mother cat had a litter of 6, and we now have just the one kitten. All the kittens were well socialized (for barn cats)... but the mother cat is so extremely aloof. We had her since she was a kitten, and unlike her littermates, she was always aloof, and they weren't picked up enough as kittens.
I try not to take it personally, but I wish Mama cat would be a little more friendly.
Somedays she rolls around and shows her belly, and when she was pregnant and nursing, she was more friendly, and appreciative of her human help. She does the slow eye-blink, so I tell her I know she really does like me. She's a total challenge, and at this point I know I just need to let her do her thing. As for barn cats, they have a pretty good set-up... well fed and safe (as can be expected).
I passed with flying colors 🐱🐾🐱🐾
Well now I've had my boy for 16 yrs but when I first adopted him it took about a year to get the belly. And 10 years before he slept in my bed and it's just off and on. Also he was 10 before he came to my lap. I figure it's because he was wanting heat lol. He's an MC and he still prefers the floor most of the time.
Thank-you for reminding me to sit on the floor and play, great results.
Interesting! The only thing my cat doesn't do is show her belly. She only did while she was in heat (don't worry, she's getting spayed soon). But I've only had her for a month, and she's been curling up on my lap and sleeping next to me on my bed since day one, so I think it may just be a her thing. Maybe she just doesn't like showing her belly in general, or maybe it's a final level of trust that I still need to achieve, which I don't blame her for after just one month of living with me.
Excellent video!!
Glad you liked it!
Solid content as usual, Mallory. And you’re spot on about the no-lap thing. Mine would never jump onto my lap but slept by my side every night as well as other trusting behaviours. Keep up the “purr”-fect work. See what I did there? 😊
Same with my cat. He isn't a lap kitty. He will sleep by my legs, sleep by my head, sleep in the chair next to my chair at the table. He's just not a big cuddler.
You look SO pretty Mallory! ❤ I think you'd also look so beautiful with more defined brows ☺
Thanks for the suggestion!
Love your videos !
Thanks, Barrie. :)
OMG, that is my cat Henny @7:16 even the moew
Not sure why I clicked on the video, as one of my cats, both of whom enthusiastically greet me when I get home, is lying on my chest and purring. He feels comfortable around me, but is jumpy. I think somebody used to beat him - he jumps when touched unexpectedly. None of my other cats have done this. I'm happy he's with me now, and not with whoever caused this.
Wow! I have a comfortable, safe feeling cat. My cat sleeps in our bed.
All is well. Sugarplum is bonded.❤
Well that is encouraging. Both of my cats do all of these things.
Me and cats are very well bonded
Watching lot's of videos to see if my cat loves me is keeping me sane
I have a adopted torbie who was a year old when I adopted her. She is very bonded with me and likes to go outside for just a little bit unless I go out with her. If I leave her in the house when I go and work in the yard she sits by the screen door and cries to be let out so she can be with me. She always sleeps facing away from me, usually at the foot of the bed because it allows her to get p quickly if she happens to hear a mouse in the house. I live in a manufactured home and mice can get in by going through the holes in the foundation that are put in the floor under the cabinets for the pipes. The manufactures unfortunately don't put any barrier to prevent the mice from entering the house.
yay - my kittys love me - thank you
My cat loved this video.