for me, it's kind of sad being asian american, you explained why well. i tell myself pretty much daily "you're not two halves of 2 cultures, you are completely both". but my subconscious feels a bit in limbo, 2 families that see me as a foreigner.
I'm half Asian and for a long time, I struggled with my identity not feeling enough for either culture. I always asked my parents to tell me all about their cultures so I could feel more a part of their communities but never felt enough. One time I talked to my mom (the Asian parent) about this and she told me that sometimes she doesn't feel Asian enough sometimes which is crazy because she lived in China for 40 years before immigrating. I thought if she doesn't feel Asian enough (a fully Chinese person who was born, raised, and lived there for a majority of her life) there's no way I'll ever feel Asian enough if I hold myself to others' standards. I still struggle with my identity a lot but it helps to remind myself that no one is asking me to be one way or another and that I just need to be Asian enough for myself. If I want to become immersed in Chinese culture then I can do that and if I don't, I don't have to do that.
I think its difficult with any family especially when you have language barriers. Adding more language barriers can make it even more challenging too. I also understand the culture of lies because growing up my mom had a Korean coworker and it was the age old comparing of children AND I WASN'T EVEN ASIAN! I'm hispanic! LOL
I am half Norwegian and half Polish. When people ask me what I feel like being the most Norwegian or Polish. I tell them I feel too Polish to be a Norwegain, and too Norwegian to be Polish. It made me feel bad when I was younger. Today I don't want to be either Norwegian or Polish. I am just myself. It has never bothered me since. I have lived in many different countires all my life and stopped trying too hard to fit it. I do my best to adapt and fit in to which ever country and culture I am in. That is the best I can do. If that does not please people I don't really care anymore.
My grandmother used to make this soup that took hours with lots of different Chinese herbs in it, every Chinese New Year she’ll serve it with noodles, and because of how much effort it takes to make I only got to eat it once a year. When she passed away I never got to eat it again. I can still remember the taste but I don’t even know what it’s called. I realised how much is lost when a person passes away. My grandmother was skilled at many handicrafts like sewing and knitting, and an excellent cook (she used to make and sell traditional pastries). My mum learnt several of these skills from her as well, but not everything. Meanwhile I barely know anything. I feel like as the years pass and the generations pass, I’m losing more and more of my culture
Thanks for your comment, I think a lot of us can relate to that feeling. For me it occurs with my mom as I see her getting older I wonder what I’ll still have of her when she’s gone. But hopefully we’ll be able to be comforted by our memories with our loved ones and have them in our hearts
I'm conflicted if I have a responsibility to pass this "culture" down to the next generation. Because my parents moved to the us from countries that changed rapidly over the last 30 years, the culture I would pass down would just be a dead/dying culture anyway. I'm also unsure of the benefits of passing down a culture at all even though I feel a strong need and guilt to do it
My own grandmother (we're Native America. I'm culturally Lakota, but grew up with my mother's people. Thusly, my maternal grandmother) died rather suddenly, from her Cancer. There was a lot, that she was unable to teach me. A LOT It still pains me, that there was a lot of promises we made to each other, that will never come to be. One of those, is indeed. A soup. It's made of Milkweed, normally considered a toxic plant by most westerners. My grandma, and her grandma, and so on, and so forth. Knew how to make it. Since milkweed only grows for three months in the summer, she made it once or twice a year (if we were lucky). She taught me how to prep it, to make the soup base... But Everytime I try to make it. I can never recapture the same intricate flavours. She never told me, what else you needed to add. She never taught me the history behind how and why it was created. When, in time. Our maternal ancestors brought the dish to the plains, during the Great Migration period (the Tribe was originally from the East Coast, but around the 10th century, there was a massive push inland, and her people were one of many who settled inland) And it hurts. So much.
@@HT-pl8du you pass down what you got and you get what you want. that is how culture thrives that is how it survives and that is how it evolves. its up to us as those that came after to be sure that those that came before don't get forgotten and the best way to do that is to hand down what they gave to us.
"She's not just afraid of loosing Nai Nai, She's afraid of loosing what used to be such a significant and meaningful part of her life.... in billie's eyes, Nai Nai's mortality raises a grim realization that without her she has no true link to her heritage" This really stuck a chord with me. As a 2nd generation immigrant I grew up in a house and group where I was too American to be really Chinese- and went out in the world where I was too "Ethnic" to be American. The fear of feeling life you're loosing half of who you are is very terrifying to me and something im trying to understand and navigate.
thats why if u marry someone from ur same cultural background u wont lose urself. I feel sorry that so many poc feel so pressured into marrying white people ... many of whom dont respect ur culture or how that shapes who u are.
@@sruthi671 What a ignorant thing to say. Racism comes in all forms and colors. Whites are no more or less racist than others. My loving wife is a Asian American and I am "white". We have always made just as much of a effort to keep both cultures in our home. And together, we both go forward as Americans. While its true that I had the advantage of growing up here. If we continue as we have in a thousand years we wont have races. Just humans. What a thing to imagine. I fully support someone dating or marrying someone they love or are attracted to, regardless of race. On the Inverse, my life long best friend is Asian American. His wife is white. Neither of us planned this. You love who you love and if you are not a bigot or a racist that should be good enough. If your spouse or significant other is not being respectful of who you are, that is a problem and you need to fix that problem. It doesnt matter your race. Inter racial relationships are the future. And its a good thing for all humanity.
@@Uthandol My dad had polio. We're Vietnamese. When we had our coming to terms shortly before he died, I told him how hard I felt I had it - my own struggle in the States. He was sympathetic, and then told me "Son, LIFE is hard." So I agree with you. You could be Asian and unhappy. Your wife could be white and unhappy. If you're happy together then fuck 'em. You won. Have a mixed race kid and tell 'em their race is "Bad M.F."
@@yakamen I am so glad that your father taught you well. It is not always easy in the united states for Asian immigrants. But its getting better every day. It is sad, but it seems every group has had to endure racism when first coming to America. The Irish encountered it as well and they are the same skin color. As I said, the future is one race. One people. It will take a good while to get there. But if we do, what a wonderful thing it will be!
I've never seen this movie but this video alone made me cry, the cultural disconnect and the fear of losing a grandmother hit close to home. Thank you for this beautiful analysis
Me too! I'm so glad this video came on my reccomended page I really thought I was alone in feeling so disconnected with my family and constantly living in this dissonance
As a chinese american, the scene where billie expressed how she felt when her grandpa passed away to his mom had me balling. I remember specifically when my parents didn't mention a word about my grandfather's illness until that week when he passed. I think they really nailed the dichotomy between eastern and western culture.
I am Swedish, but I grew up in Singapore and attended an American-based international school. I am definitely a third culture kid. My friends have always been people similar to me, kids growing up in another culture foreign to their own. Currently, I also have friends who are 'hidden immigrants'; they are American-born Chinese, but moved to Singapore later in life, where people assume they are Singaporean. They get recognized for being something they are not; I, on the other hand, who has spent most of my life in Singapore, will never be given any credit for my experiences. I will always be 'the foreigner'. While that is something I have come to accept as part of my life, it does not mean it's a painless reality.
i relate greatly to you, being first generation filipino, who is also half white, and raised everywhere and anywhere. ive lived in many places, and each place i took something with me, adding little morsels of variance in my already odd culture. i live in america now, its difficult to feel like a belonging piece in my fathers family and even my mothers, whom i look and feel closer to. i watch this movie and bawled. i feel more belonging knowing that there are others like me, confused, feeling lost, but most of all whole. our pain may not be the same, but our pain rhymes.
Hi there! I am Singaporean and I used to go to SAIS (did you go to SAS btw) but I didn’t live in Singapore until I was 8. I was definitely a ‘hidden immigrant’ in the countries I lived in though. The feelings you have are completely valid, and just remember that being a third culture kid is tough. However, you are officially multicultural and have a lot of life experiences.
this is also a fact that I have come to accept. although with pain, that what I look like is and will always be part of my identity and determine my belongings. doesn't matter my local accent. I just do not look like the stereotype. it's not an easy thing to accept. being born into a family of dying language, dying matriachy and dying cuisine. all of which died with my grandmother because I inherited more of the society I grew up in....
Because the thought of "foreigners" integrate into Asian culture is foreign for a lot of Asians...because that is the common thing people see...it's very rare for white people coming to Asia and use their languages and cultures... But once you show you speak the language and has local demeanor usually, asians who know you definitely think you are part of the people...sorry but it's true...for whole my career working with British company in south east asia, I can only find 1 British who learn our local language and try to be more considerate with the locals...the rest? Just speak in English no matter how long they have stayed in here..
I'm generation 1.5 Mexican-American (?). I came to the US as a 6 year old. It's hard to balance my very obvious US upbringing and my parents' way off thinking. The hardest thing to come to terms with, however, is realizing that my father's treatment of my mom and I might be the standard for a Mexican household, but in an American household, it's abuse. Growing up, I saw my uncles isolate my aunts and their children for others outside the family. So when I saw the same behavior from my dad, I thought it was just our culture, perfectly normal. But many college courses, therapy seasons, and deep conversions with my best friend, who is Latina and a counselor, I've come to see my father's behavior as abuse. But the hardest thing from this realization, is trying to figure out how I can still love my dad despite it all. My boyfriend is white, and when I tell him about the things I've had to go through, he gets angry. He tells me how I don't deserve to be treated like that. That makes me feel sad, angry, and confused. And when I talk to my friend, she kind of puts it into perspective. She too had to grow up in a Hispanic household while trying to be American. And of course, I feel extremely guilty whenever I think of all the sacrifices my parents have had to make for me. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to live up to their expectations, real or imagined. I feel like I'll never be Mexican enough for my family, and never American enough for this country.
Do whatever you want and just be yourself. The only true Americans are Native Americans, so as long as you have respect for the original people and others, that’s all that truly matters.
Do NOT try to live to their standards.I realized the harder I tried to live up to their expectations it was never enough it will never be enough. You don't owe them anyting. They are the ones who owe you becuse they are the ones who brought you in this world it's their resposability, their JOB to set you for life you don't have to repay them for doing the minimum.
As someone who identifies as a Chinese-American, I resonated so much with this film. The scene where the mom asks Billie how many wantons she wants to eat and the mother says that is too few before settling on a number the mom thinks is adequate is a conversation I've had with my mother all my life.
I'm not a U.S. American and I'm not an immigrant, but this really made me think. I'm from Argentina, a country heavily influenced by immigration, of which I am a result. My grandfather was born in Sofia, Bulgaria, and after he saw his hometown bombarded by the Allies, he moved to Germany, where he learned fluent German and became essentially fully germanized. People used to ask him what region of Germany he was from, his German was so good. But the war was still raging there, so he eventually applied for entry into Canada, Australia or Argentina, and Argentina answered first, so he moved there. There he met my grandmother in the German speaking community in Buenos Aires. His brother was married to a German woman and German culture was part of their every day life... in Argentina. He was a Bulgarian who was a German immigrant in Argentina. On the other hand you have my grandmother. She was not born in Germany, she was born in Paraguay, in a German speaking community. Her father was Swiss and her mother Austrian, and she spoke German at home and Guarani, an indigenous language spoken by most Paraguayans, with the kids from the neighborhood. She didn't learn Spanish until she started school. Her parents died when she was young, and she moved to Argentina, where she had family... in German speaking communities. Eventually she moved to Buenos Aires to look for work, where she frequented... the German speaking community. And that's where she met my grandad. I always think about their identities. What did they consider themselves to be. My grandfather went from country to country, taking bits and pieces but always ready to transform all over again, having a harder time each time the older he got. Eventually he was an honest to god mix of all of his experiences. My grandmother wasn't even born in the old country, but she carried that with her her entire life, never truly becoming of any land she was at, always connected to her heritage. At home, my dad and uncle were spoken to in German, not Bulgarian. They ate Fleishpflänzerlchen and danced around a Tenenbaum on Christmas. But interestingly, as my father started losing the language, they welcomed it fully. My father was more like my other grandfather in that way... My maternal grandfather was born in Argentina, but both his parents were Ukrainian Jews who separately came to Argentina. There are plenty of interesting stories of doubtful accuracy about their ordeal, but very little about what it meant for him to be the children of immigrants reached my ears. As far as I know he only spoke Spanish, and he married my grandmother, who was a devout catholic, so he couldn't have been hugely religious, having no qualms with his children being raised catholic as well. What was his relationship to his Ukrainian Jewish heritage? I don't know. I don't know if he spoke Yiddish or Russian at home. I don't know if he fought with his parents over religion or culture. All I know is that he was a good father to my mother. A good Argentinian father, in every way I know. My grandmother was a more traditional Argentine, her father was Italian, but that's extremely common in Argentina, and her mother was fully Argentine, with ancestors going back to the colonial era, and supposedly related to one of Argentina's founding fathers, Sarmiento. So when my grandmother met my grandfather, he just met another Argentinian man. I wonder what that was like for him. He died when I was three, so I'll never know. My father had a very similar experience. As a young child, he stood out because he was very blonde and German looking, in a neighborhood with no other German immigrants. He used to run around crying out for "Kartoffeln und Fleische! Kartoffeln und Fleische!" (meat and potatoes), which made the men working at home with his father building plastic trinkets laugh at him. He soon forgot all his German. He is one of the most Argentinian people I know, culturally, now. Both of his parents were okay with this. At the time, there was a false belief that bilingualism in childhood meant the kid wouldn't be able to speak either language properly. But I also think it's because they both knew how hard it was to be from elsewhere, to feel an other in your own home. They wished he would just grow up to be comfortable as a member of this new world of his. Even my grandma let it slide, with her love for all that is German. They were probably tired, and wanted a fully non-immigrant experience for my father, I don't know. I guess Aquafina's character shouldn't forget that what she thinks the U.S. is, and what makes it different from her background isn't fully what the U.S. really is, because the U.S. now has her, and lots of other Chinese Americans, changing the U.S. as she goes through it. I don't think I could conceive of what it means to be Argentinian without my ancestors' experience as a part of it. They came and felt the need to change themselves, but they couldn't help but change the place they came to as well. Billy will continue to live in the U.S., and although she may feel alienated from both sides, as she stays there, builds a life, and influences others around her, she is effectively contributing to turning the U.S. more like her. Other Americans without Chinese heritage will have aspects of what she brought to the table because she was there and was herself. Maybe she'll never feel like she truly belongs on either side, but she is unwittingly becoming part of what the U.S. needs in order for it to become something new, where her belonging is just part of the whole. As she loses her heritage, that loss isn't truly complete, because she is creating a new heritage in the U.S. that people after her will cherish and need the way she has cherished and needed her Chinese heritage. I mean, I can't relate to Bulgarian culture, I don't know anything about it. I can't truly say I'm Swiss or Austrian, I'm not really Jewish or Ukrainian... all I am is Argentinian. But I carry those stories with me. My heritage is in that struggle. What my forbearers went through stripped away the purity of their heritage, but that forced them to create something new, which is what they had to give to me, willingly or not, knowingly or not. IDK, just felt like commenting.
The first time I saw this movie I was (ironically) on a plane to see my grandparents in Asia and was one of the rare times I’ve cried because of a movie. I won’t go into how it’s impacted me but as a first generation Asian American, it is one of the most important films to me. I don’t think I’ve seen an analysis for this film until now which is a damn shame so thank you for covering it. Edit: Fuck this video has me in tears
I'm terrified of losing my mother's parents. I'm mixed, my mom is Native American, and neither of us are fluent in the languages my grandparents know. when they die, part of the language will die with them and I feel like time is running out to inherit their knowledge. Mvto for making this.
I feel you so hard on this. I'm native too, and when it comes to school and career you end up so far from home, and for me being located in the south right now, I've never felt so far from home. There's literally nobody else like me here. It's extremely difficult to connect with your culture when you can't speak the language that has the culture literally ingrained in it
I’d recommend making recordings of your grandparents speaking their native language and do little translation projects. I doubt you are alone in wanting to preserve their knowledge. Maybe try to reach out to others whose older relatives also speak the same language so you can all work together to learn from them.
This is my opinion but you don't need to feel obligated to do this. Just because media and community says its important, that does not mean you need to uphold it, if you are not interested.
This speaks to me a lot, and I’m really grateful you’re talking about this film. I’m an immigrant (we’re Mexican), my gramma is the person I love more than anybody on this earth, she’s very old and I haven’t seen her in 5 years. I can’t afford to see her more often, but I genuinely feel like the earth will suffer a loss when she’s gone, like all of humanity is losing her and nor I or the species will ever really recover. I could never express how much I love her. I was raised there though, and to me it feels like my my Mexican-nes is dying, like I’m slowly allowing it to become ill and weak from daily pressures and insecurities around assimilation. I wasn’t raised here, but I’ve “adapted” beyond a point where I’ll ever cease to be American, I left my family, my country has changed and outgrown me and is unrecognizable to me now. My grandmother reminds me of this. Despite being a brilliant, loving, incredible person, despite accomplishing amazing feats, she’s going to die poor, Foreigness feels like an incredible, beautiful, grandmother who loves me, and I’m just helplessly watching her die. I’ve never felt like first or second generation immigrant experiences are very different. You’re too close to America to see home anymore, but you’ll never reach America, you’ll never stop being foreign. (Though not being allowed to vote and losing everything to immigrants, that might be just me, but then again I didn’t have to experience racism as a 4 year old and grew up unquestionably loving my culture.) PS. You have no idea how appreciated you are for making content about foreign experiences. It is such an underrepresented and immense topic. When you start your patreon, I’ll be sure to be there.
Thanks so much for your comment, we’re definitely planning on touching on these themes more in future videos. And we can very much relate to feeling like your culture is slipping through your fingers, it's a struggle for sure especially when we can't experience our native culture as often as we like, it feels so distant. But regardless, you will always be Mexican, that part of you can never be truly lost and you can always carry it forward. I’m very sorry to hear you haven't seen your grandmother in so long, she sounds like a wonderful person. Call her every day and let her know she's loved!
@@QualityCulture thanks mate :) I was gonna go back to the old country last year, but got postponed. I’m determined to see her this year. Really looking forward to more content! Hope you guys are very proud of the work you’ve done!
I'm a second-generation Asian American, and I lost my dad to stage 4 lung cancer a few months ago. I loved this movie when I saw in theatres, but revisiting it through your video essay/analysis helped me process some of the grief I've been holding in. Thank you for making me sob at 1 AM
I'm 100% British and I totally understand the idea of not telling someone they are dying in order make their limited time as happy as possible. I'm not saying if it's good or bad just that I get it
Well yeah it totally makes sense, everyone understands. But I think most westerners would think the right to know what's happening in your body would outweigh any other benefits
I dont get it tbh. If someone has a diagnosis of something that will kill them not yelling them isn't going to make their last days withering away anyless painful. They'll be miserable and scared no matter what you tell them about their diagnosis.
@@JonahNelson7 Well, I think it would be impossible to do this in most European countries and North American countries from what I know of their medical systems. Patient autonomy is codified into law so a doctor would have to tell the patient themselves their diagnosis unless they’re unconscious or of unsound mind.
@@charminsi American here, with HIPAA and such normally restricted between Doctor/patient outside guardianship, children, and maybe caretakers AFAIK. What was jarring to me at first was that was even an option but ignorance is bliss so I can see why the family would want that option. *sidenote for HIPAA is essentially just medical providers can't leak personal or identitifying info without permission.
It took me until adulthood to finally accept that I am me. As a Chinese descent born in Canada who can understand my parents Hakka but cannot speak it. At school in a dominantly Asian environment, I was the outsider. My thinking is too westernized to my classmates because I never held conservative values but I thoroughly enjoy the food, the culture and the celebrations of the Chinese. And now I can say with confidence, I am Chinese and I do not have to fit in just to be recognized. I believe we can love ourselves, for who we are and it doesn't make us any less than any other.
As both indigenous (Diné)/Latino who can't really speak either language, I've accepted who I am mostly. Culture comes and goes, but it's the people that matter most. Also as someone who's lost multiple family members suddenly (at different times). It sucks not being able to actually say good-bye. But I understand why they would do this a lot better now.
I’m not going to lie, this video was very hard to get through, it took two viewings for me to finally finish as it really cut deep and hits way way too close to home for me. My grandparents live with me at home and have taken care of me since I was born. They immigrated here from China after my birth to help my parents take care of me and my older brother because my parents worked all day. Growing up, they were basically my parents, and my grandmother felt most like my mom, more than my real mother did. My grandma would cook for me, help me with homework, cleaned for me, guided me through life, and share her wisdom with me. I maintained my fluency in Chinese because they only spoke Chinese at home. I know she loves me unconditionally. But as I grow older I don’t feel as connected to them as I did when i was a child, and my fluency in Chinese is waning because I’m not speaking it everyday at home, I’m off in college. Your points of billy fearing the death of her grandparents being tied to the loss of her perceived connection to China and her culture hit so damn hard, I started tearing up. You put into words the deep rooted fear and sadness I‘ve held since I was a child, of fearing the loss of my grandparents and what that means to me. In my mind my grandparents are immortal, since I’ve never dealt with a major death in the family, I have never grieved and I have no way to cope. It makes me cry and deeply distressed to even think of their passing. When I was a kid, if the thought came into my mind, i would start crying. But as I grow older, their mortality becomes more real. My grandfather has been dealing with health problems and for the past few month, have has problems walking without crutches. I used to see him exercise and do tai chi in the backyard. Now, he mostly spend his day sitting in his room watching television. He does go out with my grandma to visit my cousin and his parents, but I can visibly see his health declining. Nothing has been more of a deeply triggering and distressing thought than the reality of their mortality to me. In my quiet moments, when I think about the subject, I can’t help but instantly tear up and get incredibly emotional like when I was a child. This video rang so deeply personal to me, and helped put into words the distress I feel and have carried my entire life about my grandparents and losing them is more than losing family, but a direct connection to my culture and roots. My grandparents are my pillars in life. How do you stay standing once those pillars are knocked down ?
My mother immigrated form the Dominican Republic when she was a teen, and my father lived most of his childhood in Puerto Rico with his family. I've always felt this deep guilt because I can't speak any spanish. I find myself constantly beating myself up when my grandparents try to talk with me and I can't understand and need someones help to translate. It makes me worry that one day I will be without them and not know who they truly were, their life, their experiences, their advice. And I feel guilt knowing their is not much of my heritage I can pass on to my children one day...
Same here. My father grew up in Guatemala and my mother Canada. Worst part I don't even look the part in most others' eyes so as if other can just dismiss it when that is equally sad
I could not keep it together watching this movie in person. As a Caribbean-immigrant, I'm technically 1st gen but I came here so young and my grandmother never spoke about how she grew up. my family also didn't discuss it. I was literally with my grandmother mother everyday and I always spent summers with her. when she died, I literally felt a piece of me go with her. she was the matriarch, the biggest influence, but I only found out about her story after she died. It frustrated me that it took that long but she was a wonderful, powerful woman who never let anyone say I wasn't Caribbean enough. she was the main one always telling me to do what I want because that's why we were in America. I miss her everyday.
This video was so good. I love the structure of the analysis. Being mixed or growing up in a foreign country is tough and I like when ppl speak about these things without judging other cultures. This video explored delicate topics without attacking anyone and i thought it was great.
I relate to this even though I'm neither Asian nor American. I'm ethnically latino but have lived in Australia most of my life. I feel that, especially compared to when I was younger, I identify less and less with my latino roots. My control of Spanish has stagnated, and my connection to El Salvador is next to nothing; my parents do not take well to this because, like most first generation immigrants, they still hold their original culture above that of what should be their "new" culture. My parents still, after decades in Australia, speak with an outsiders voice about other Australians and do not seem themselves as Australian. On the contrary, I can only see myself as Australian because that is all I have; I may say I'm latino, but, ultimately, only ethnically. Funnily enough, the people that least accept me as Australian are my parents; they refuse to see me as Australian.Ultimately, it's such a strange limbo stage I feel I'm in. It's like neither side of you in wholly part of either culture.
Two years ago I visited El Salvador although it was one of the last places in the world I wanted to be up until the day I arrived. But the experience wound up changing me and my life in a very positive way. In spite of the struggles and the hardships there, the people that I met were so wonderful and taught me a lot. And of course, the nature is beautiful as well. I wish you and your family all the best, including any of your relatives that still live in El Salvador.
My mom grew up in a very neglectful household. Her mom was always out partying, and her dad was always working and drinking. She was also the oldest of 5 siblings, so she always had to spend her free time taking care of everyone. The only people who helped her were her aunt (my great) and grandmother (my great grandmother). They taught my mom how to cook, how to ride a bike, gave her history lessons on black musicians, gave her money for new clothes, and were the only ones who motivated her to study hard to get into a good college and move on from the family. When my great-grandmother died of diabetes, and my great aunt had pancreatic cancer, my mom felt like significant parts of her were gone forever. She was the closest to them out of everyone in her family. To this day, she still laments on how much she wished I could’ve met them and how much they would’ve loved me. However, she never forgot the lessons they taught her. Even though I never knew either of them, the way she tells stories about them makes me feel as if I did. She even imparts some of their wisdom onto me, thus carrying on their legacies. This is what people mean when they say just because someone is dead doesn’t mean they’re gone.
I am sitting at my grandmother's house and I notice this video essay hanging on the side as something that may be interesting to watch. I make a new tab and decide I will come back later. I soak up all the stories, the jokes, the support of my grandmother throughout the day. Learning about our past whenever there's a moment. As if every year I visit, I get one or two more puzzle pieces for my family's story mosaic. It's later, I give this video a play. Before I knew it, I was uncontrollably sobbing. The ugly kind of way. The experiences shared between the video essay and comment section have echoed everything that has been swelling within my heart and mind. Mi abuela truly is a pillar of my Cuban family, and the idea of losing her one day makes me ache. As a 3rd generation immigrant, you feel that disconnect ever more profoundly. Thank you for this incredible video essay.
Watching this essay after losing my grandmother 😭 we watched the film together originally, never foreseeing her sudden death , her last moments was cooking dinner for the family, making this all the more poignant
I haven't watched this movie, I'm not Asian and I'm not an immigrant or a child of one but, let me tell you, I was sobbing so hard by the end of this video. As a poc straddling two cultures (western and native), as someone who's disconnected from their native tongue and certain aspects of my culture, as someone who is still processing the grief of losing one parent and is constantly anxious about losing the other and what that would mean in terms of connection with my culture . . .just everything about your essay resonated with me. Amazing analysis. Now I'm off to buy a box of tissues so I can actually watch this gem of a movie.
I saw this movie a while ago and loved it. I'm from an immigrant family myself but one point you brought up did not touch me until now. The point of Billie's grandmother being the only one who accepts her efforts to bridge her two cultures wholeheartedly. I didn't realize how powerful it was until last month when I went to Portugal for the first time in 20 years. My Tia Mena was the only one who appeared willing to listen to my perspective on things and at least validate them. This review made me cry at that segment because it all just clicked for me then. Thank you for that.
I think this is the 1st time I've commented on a YT vid ever but I had to commend you for how well you unpacked the layered emotions that many immigrants felt while watching this movie. Especially in the final section when you discussed the complex grief of not only losing your grandmother, but also losing the last strong link to your heritage, and emotional anchor for nonjudgemental support that many immigrants don't have in their new countries, that hit really hard. Finding ways to maintain your heritage is so hard, and thinking about my "family responsibility" to pass that on in the future is daunting and evokes further guilt. Would love to see you do an essay on Minari, as it's kind of an inversion of the Farewell, about forging new identities instead of reconnecting to heritage. I think the strongest characterization in Minari also lies with grandmother, Soonja, and her willing but unspoken sacrifice to maintain her family's future and stability. Subbed!
I remember seeing this movie and feeling seen. I’m not East Asian, but collectivism is something that’s present in my culture too and it’s such a good portrayal of first-generation American children. Love this analysis and love this movie
i cried this entire movie, it hits so close to home. it’s such a beautiful film, perfect from the script, the photography and direction. nai nai reminds me so much of my own grandma who passed away when i was very young. i wonder how different my life would have been if i she was still alive today, how many things i didn’t have the chance to ask her and the many lessons i could have learnt from her and her migrant story. she was my closest connection to my japanese heritage, a heritage that for a long time i was ashamed for and now regret pushing away. when i lost her, i lost so much of my own identity too. this film touched me deeply and helped me heal the guilt i’ve always felt for not knowing better when i was younger, and falling into western ideas of who i should be. i love how you explained every point in this video, word for word is exactly what i thought while watching the movie, so thank you for that. i just loved this film so much!
Dude what the actual fuck , I was like "Oh, this video looks really interesintg" and I was loving the analysis, and now I cant stop crying. This is SO SO SO good, the social and cultural implication of this movie and the way you explain it , not to mention the emotional too, incredible. I really dont know how to explain it or say it but this video its amazing, congrats.
Six months ago i had to deal with this very situation. My grandma was in the hospital and at the end of her life and the doctors gave us two options, to take her off life support or to keep her on knowing not knowing how much longer she would live or how much pain she would be in. Everyone in my family except for me and my brother (who are both Canadian born and mixed-race) believed they shouldn’t tell her and just keep her on life support as long as they could. Unlike Billie in this story though, i did tell her in my broken hindi that she didn’t have much time left and we were going to stay by her side. It gave me a peace of mind but im still not sure if it was the right decision because even afterwards she clung unto the hope that she might survive. Unlike how Billie realized her culture would always be part of her, going through this I realized I would never truly belong to the asian community. I have different values, a different mindset and ultimately a whole different culture.
I relate to this story so much! I'm not Asian American but I'm the child of Bosnian and Hercegovian immigrants in Germany and this is exactly how I feel. I also have such a strong bond with my Grandparents and I go see them whenever I can. I could cry any moment thinking about how little time there could be left but I'm so grateful that they're still here.
I miss my grandfather. Died at 92 about two years ago.Patriarch of our family. He was an incredibly cool and smart guy. Smart, articulate, and handsome as hell. Looked like an Italian Gregory Peck. Had a ton of great and entertaining stories. His mind and memory was as sharp as a razor until the day he died. Also, I was his first grandchild and was named after him. And tragically, my father, his son, died when I was 17 years old. So my grandfather became my primary paternal figure and the strongest link to my late father. And despite my father passing away well over 20 years ago, both myself and my grandfather mourned him the most and for the longest time. All of these things made our bond incredibly strong, perhaps stronger than his bond with his other 7 beloved grandchildren. Miss you bigtime, Pops.
This video made me cry, and it makes me want to watch this movie and sob to it. Although I can’t relate to being Asian American and feeling that sense of disconnect, I do understand the loss of a grandparent. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I had turned 17, and the pain I feel doesn’t really stem from having lost them at such a young age, it’s the fact that I didn’t have a connection with any of them. My maternal grandmother died before I was even born, my maternal grandfather died when I was about 10, and I lost both of my paternal grandparents during the pandemic, so I wasn’t even able to attend their funerals. The reason why I didn’t have a connection with of my grandparents is because of my parent’s divorce. And it hurts that I couldn’t have the opportunity to have relationships that seem so integral to everyone else in the world but myself, and it wasn’t even my fault. This video is amazingly well done and helped me gain insight into the Asian American struggle, inter-generational issues, and dealing with grief and the loss of a grandparent that I wasn’t able to properly do myself. Thank you.
as a second generation/mixed person, the farewell lit up my memories of childhood in all the ways i never thought would be possible. especially in the goodbye scene..... my grandmother would tap on the windows of our car every time we left after visiting her. this essay is beautiful :,)
I left my country when I was four, I lost a bit of my native youngest as well. But I’m fortunate enough to have a grandma who seems to understand every word I say. This movie really hit home. It’s the simple things that make me thankful.
im not asian, but as an eastern european immigrant person this also deeply connected with me. when i was around 5, one of my relatives also had lung cancer, and she decided not to tell anyone other than her immediate family until it was too late. it was so confusing to me, why didnt she tell anyone? but it seemed like everyone ignored this. now that im getting older and moved away from my home country, i have to do the same thing constantly. i regularly video call with my grandparents, and most of our conversations is just us lying to each other, and we just accept it. its bizzare, but my mom explained that its supposed to be a time to make them happy, not to tell them the truth. its a but sad though, ill never be truly connected with them and neither will they be connected with me, but at least im keeping them happy? i still havent come to terms with this honestly.
listening to you explaining billi's point of view and feelings made me cry, cause it's very similar to how i feel in my life being a immigrant's daughter. having you validating her way of thinking made me feel so happy and accepted. thank you so much
I remember my Turkish friend in Germany telling me how he is in a perpetual limbo, feeling like he's neither German nor Turkish. It struck a chord with me.
Thank you for making a video about this movie even though it might not be a topic that gets a lot of views. Even if you cannot relate to being culturally adrift/distant, treasuring the ones you love while you can must be a universal feeling.
3rd gen Korean American here and this video just tugged on my heart strings, I guess this was recommended to me at the right time as My grandma is currently in the hospital and it got me thinking that without her I have no link to my heritage or where my family came from.
Descendants of immigrants have a good reason for not knowing their culture; they grew up in a different community. There's also becoming a foreigner to your own culture despite growing up surrounded by it. Both groups of people deal with a difficult type of isolation. This video is very compelling. Can't wait to watch the movie.
I have never felt more understood and "explained" than after watching this video. It felt like I was in a therapy session if that makes any sense. I am an immigrant myself and have experienced similar occurrences in my family. I will definitely watch this movie and probably cry my heart out too.
I'm the oldest in my family and a second generation Mexican-American. Losing my grandma definitely felt like losing the final link with my heritage. While my parents worked long hours, she raised me communicating solely in Spanish, telling me stories, sharing the many uses of Vicks when sick, and other . Its been over decade since she passed and I've lost my fluency. My parents never really took to Spanish or much from our heritage and in doing so, my younger siblings who did not know my grandma have almost no connection to our collective past. This movie had me reevaluating just how important our grandparents are in not just keeping families together, but keeping our culture alive.
what a great video essay. def teared up at the end of the movie while watching it and even the clips you included here. this movie does such a good job of showing that bond with your grandparents. i really enjoyed the push back by the parents, well her mom, in that dinner scene because it was showing the hypocrisy of what the other family member was saying and then judging folks by. oh gosh the otherness of being seen as american when you go to your parents' country is so real and also feeling like i am still, in my case Dominican but the othering and just not understanding that you can claim both like yes i'm american and dominican and having to grapple with those differing value systems and create my own.
MAN i was NOT expecting to cry midway through this but it all just hits SO hard Such an incredibly well-done analysis!!! I really love the topics being addressed here!
As a mexican-american, my grandmother would always call me while I am at college or work but at the end of the day, I would call back. She then would ask me questions, like how are you, are you eating, is everything at home okay and I would translate back in Spanish even if I was not fluent in it., but I am glad she calls because there are times I feel hopeless and these negative thoughts come in after coming home from a busy day but hearing her voice, I feel like I'm not alone. It really makes me happy i am still connected with her, she has always taught me patience, kindness and to be a hardworking since as a kid, I was a complicated child and was very aggressive. I have a counselor I talk to once a week to help me regulate my emotions from a family who have used intimidation and aggression to get their own way and to use that as way for me to be obedient.
My parents aren't Asian, but they both came from nothing and had to climb up the ranks of social class. My mother is also from a different country. Growing up, there were expectations, my failures were theirs and an education was the only thing that would save me from being stuck in my home town and not having any other options but marriage and children (not for me for a while, fortunately). Through all of this, my mother didn't mind what I did as long as I had a plan and my father wanted me to go into a VERY specific career. My grandparents were my tutors and they helped me through school. When I was seventeen I blew up at my granddad (the worst thing I have ever done in my life) because he happened to ask me what I was going to do in six months (when school was over), after I had been grilled about it for months by my father. My grandma, a creative woman who graduated in her late sixties with a first-class degree in art, told me that they (her and granddad) were worried about me... not disappointed, not angry, not frustrated, worried. She told me to take a year and work out what I wanted, what I really wanted, and go for that, not what anyone else wanted me to do. A year later I started university, four years later I started graduate school, I just started my PhD. I called grandma and grandad to tell them that I got into my first choice university and granddad answered, he is so proud. He gave the phone to grandma, she said that it was "wonderful news," I heard her lower the phone slightly and ask granddad "who is she?" My grandma, one of two people who actively encouraged me to pursue what I cared about, can't remember who I am. This video essay hit me hard in the first half and nearly had me in tears for the last segment.
This movie truly holds such a special place in my heart. I'm not Asian American, but I'm North African-German and 2.Gen so I could relate to a lot in the story too. Wonderful video essay!
Thank you for making this, and turning me on to this story. This story is something that I identify with as the daughter of an immigrant, my relationship with that culture, and my relationship with own maternal grandmother and losing her. When I was a teenager and she died it felt like a door to my heritage closed. Also that feeling of being caught between two cultures and not feeling like you are fully accepted by either at times.
I'm a children of Latvian inmigrants, living in Spain. I lived in Spain, and it never felt quite right. There was always something different about me, and I felt that people didn't like or didn't quite get... I always had a really small group of friends and always got picked on. Recently, I moved with my Spanish boyfriend back to Latvia. I experienced Latvia before, traveling in summer and so on. However, I still get the feeling that something is not quite right. It's difficult. I'm having a hard time feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Thanks for this, it makes me feel understood somehow.
It hits home how i feel a disconnect since my family are all Hispanic while i and my siblings are Mexican Americans so i relate to this well my learning disability and my mild optism is why i didn't speak spanish first compared to my siblings and relatives but whenever my grandparents from my dads side came to visit i tried what i can to learn and speak fluent spanish and have a mexican culture around them dispute it's a bit of mexican surroundings in a home while still influence in amercian culture and its out of my control. When my grandma died on my birthday i felt like i lost a part of my heritage and culture like sometimes i dont feel Hispanic. My grampa was the only one left and i still feel like i don't know what to do in that moment. This movie is fantastic.
I loved that you spoke to how there genuinely is this feeling of perpetual foreignness among second generation immigrants. I have no idea what generation of immigrant I would be classified as though. My mom is a mixed race American (white and Indian), and my dad grew up going to American international schools around the world for my grandfather's job. I was born in America to two Americans (one born, one naturalized), but then I grew up in India and the Philippines. I'm now back in the US for college, and I have no idea how to reconcile the different cultures I hold. Am I a first generation immigrant because I did not grow up in America and struggle with American culture? Am I a second generation immigrant because my parents are citizens? Am I further up the generational scale because 1/4 of my family has been in America since the 1700s? I've lived in the Philippines the longest, so that's where I consider home, but I'm not a pinoy. I am only fluent in English. I have Indian food, and meet my extended family in India every few years, but they consider me American because of the language and cultural barrier. Americans don't consider me American though, and that's also true for the Asian Americans I've met. I have no idea how to operate in any of the 3 countries I could be from, and so I'm always worried I'm violating some rule. When I lose my grandparents I will lose the bridge to my home culture that was always there.
I'm going through this a bit now especially having moved away from my parents. Luckily Whatsapp exists, and my grandma's first born daughter had always been an awesome auntie and keeps me in the loop of Chinese holidays and such. I didn't remember specifically voicing this concern of culture-loss to her, so I think she realized, and I'm so grateful.
This movie hit me so hard as a Chinese British person (parents migrated from China) and really spoke to my soul. They portrayed Billi's dynamic with her family in China so well and realistically in the farewell and so many aspects of Billi's life felt like a close parallel to my own. I watched it with my mother and we both cried so much. I don't think I will ever find another movie that relates to my own experiences so much from the tiniest details. This connection to my chinese heritage feels so tenuous sometimes but I cherish it. Even the lie is not something unfamiliar to me... This video essay really brought back all the feels huh :,)
I am from bosnia 2nd gen immigrant and this explained fully how i feel and my connection to my grandmother who i lost to corona, and last monday counted the 2nd year of her death.This made me cry! Thanks for explaining how i feel so well.. beautiful video
I'm 1st gen Mexican American, my parents are the immigrants. The part going over how we want to make our parent's sacrifice worth it hit me. I've always had the need to prove that whatever I'm doing is worthy. And by all accounts my mom brags about me to the point it's embarrassing, but I realized that not being 'successful' was never ever an option. My mom gave up her family to be here. 2nd thought is growing up, the trips to Mexico made me feel really close to not only my family, but understanding what it means to be Mexican. My grandma just passed a few months ago and she was definitely the greatest culture carrier in my life. The food, the way my family functions, the attitudes and humor that are integral to our day to day, it always came back to her. I couldn't go to mexico to say goodbye because of the pandemic, and just watching this video got me crying from 0:02 through the whole review.
I moved to Germany with my family when I was 10 and the cultural differences was a big part of why our family relationship was torn apart. I haven't seen my family since I was 18, I am 26 now. They were never able to accept me as I've adapted more and more of western thinking. I also wanted to pursue an artistic career instead of the stereotype doctor/lawyer/teacher thing. In the end everything became so bad they just abandoned me and pushed me out of everything. I still suffer from the consequences everyday and struggle with my own identity. I can totally relate to Billie and many scenes portrays her feelings really well. The thumbnail also says it all, well done!
One of the best films I have ever watched. This experience was so specific to Lulu Wang but it really struck a chord in me and I cried uncontrollably throughout the movie.
As someone Native American (Lakota, grew up on my mother's Reservation. Among my maternal culture; The Omaha's), I really appreciate hearing about the struggles immigrants go through In a juxtaposition, lot of Native Americans "feel like foreigners in our own ancestral countries", because of how pervasive, and influential "American" culture is. I'm a second generation (via my father), OUT of Rez child, while ironically. My mother is a first generation ON the Rez child. I grew up speaking my ancestral languages, and learning ancestral customs and kinship terms KoNha (pronounced GOH-Hah) is a generalized term from grandma, but I never called her such. She was offended by me saying that 🤣 Ina/Inoha is my mom and aunt, Leksi are my mother's brothers/my maternal uncle's, Ate/DateHoN is my father, but also my dad's brothers/my paternal uncles. But then I moved off Rez, and the whole world seemed different. I've met cousins, nieces and nephews and grandchildren (grand-nieces and nephews I guess????) Who know their Lakota/Omaha/Ponca, but don't speak the language They don't practice the spirituality I grew up with They don't eat the wild plants, mushrooms and berries I've grown up eating They drink, they smoke, some do drugs, others are christian And it felt so alien, for a long time But now, when I go back to the Reservation. I'm the foreigner. I'm the "City Indian", even though I know everyone's secrets, like they know mine. It just hits me everytime. When I listen to immigrant stories. Especially 2nd, and third generation children
Thank you for this video. You beautifully put what I have been thinking for so long into words. I’m half Canadian, half Chinese, and I feel guilty for “not being Asian enough” all the time. I tend to ask people whether or not they can tell I’m part Chinese because deep down, I am insecure about that aspect of my life being unrecognizable to other people and, subsequently, myself.
Thank you for validating my emotions. It also made me realize that my grandma did see the best in me. And that I did also fear losing the only bridge to my culture too T^T
I'm Filipina -- and we do tell these little, daily, necessary lies. I'd always hated it but I cannot change my parents . . . . . so we say what they need to hear. I wish I could stop almost-crying.
God, that dinner scene with Billi's mom arguing with the Chinese family member is so my mother. I remember an aunt from China coming over to see her son that goes to school in the US and she came over to our home and just started belittling the house we lived in for being small and the jobs my mother and father have being not well paying enough and my mom just pushing back with that a similar "well, if the US isn't good enough why did you send your son over" spiel. In my head I was like "fuck yeah, mom". And that whole Billi being confident in America but timid in China is totally me in a nutshell.
I'm not Asian but my great grandparents were polish, my grandfather was a first generation american and his parents definitely wanted him to be as American as possible. Thanks to that I have no ideas relating to anything of my polish ancestry, I just know it's there and there is this disconnect where I feel a little isolated because I have no culture, there's nothing to unite with others through be it through food, experiences, etc. I am just there.
I'm only 12 seconds into the video and I already know I'm going to cry. This movie came out shortly after my grandmother passed away and thankfully enough I work at a movie theater so when we watched it it was just me and my coworkers and I wasn't ugly crying around a bunch of randoms lol. But I loved it. And I think it was something I really needed at the time
I’ve been thinking about this subject of personal identity for a long time as a second generation Canadian. Not fitting in with your own cultural background and being the perpetual foreigner. It’s good to see and hear other stories and to finally being represented as a second or third generation foreigner.
This happened in Ireland too. My father in law was diagnosed terminal, even I was told. His wife told him he was getting better and would be back to the pub in no time. It was easy to keep the secret because he wasn't missing out on anything he was capable of doing. But I was shocked.
As a first generation Asian American that came at a young age, I definitely feel this. You are considered “other” from a young age because of your distinct physical characteristics like eyes while you can’t really relate to your roots because you’ve lived basically your whole life in America and consider yourself American. For those who are bilingual, what language do you guys think in? I think in English even though to my family I’m always speaking my native tongue. Also the whole thing with feeling guilty about not reaching the high expectations set by your family, it’s nothing like “Tiger Mom” where you’re afraid of your parents anger but it’s more so that you feel immense guilt for letting them down. To all my Asian Americans out there who feel this way, just keep working towards your goal, I believe in you.
the last segment is just pure beauty. i gained a new perspective not onkly on this film, but also on myself and this whole inner conflict. such a well directed, acted and written movie
I'm from India and have lived in India my whole life. But this video struck a chord with me. India is an amalgation of cultures and each state has its own identity. My father joined the armed forces as a young man and I have moved constantly my entire life (although never going out of my country). I always feel the need to keep in touch with my own culture but I've always struggled with that. I don't speak my mother-tongue fluently, don't know how to read it, or any of my culture's more intricate details. as a North-Easterner, we look and share east asian features, and so I am also always seen as somebody exotic. Whenever I meet someone new they, mostly, immediately either jump to the conclusion of me being a foreigner always making me feel slightly aliented (not helped by the fact that moving meant total shift in cultures as well). This movie seems to encapsulate all of these feelings despite being so foreign in narrative. I need to watch this film.
Judging from the comments, I think this is a common issue with children of immigrants such as myself from Europe, Asia, Africa and Latin America. I remember growing up being told by my family that I wasn't Portuguese and that I was just an American and would get laughed at when trying to say otherwise. Meanwhile most Americans I knew treated me like a foreigner. It didn't help that my name was a common Spanish name so I was often told to "go back to Mexico", despite being European. I've noticed, now that I live in Japan, westerners especially, are gonna be treated like foreigners no matter what, even if they get Japanese citizenship. However I feel like its worse for Japanese who have gone abroad and come back and for Japanese who were born abroad and come to Japan. It's like "you're Japanese only in name" kind of mentality, and I can feel for them.
There’s this line from the movie Selena (obviously about the singer Selena Quintanilla Pérez) where she’s talking to her dad about why she has to learn Spanish as a second generation child. He says “We have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, both at the same time! It's exhausting!” It’s that road where you are raised and assimilated into this western culture in order to do better but with that comes a very dumb cost of losing one’s own native culture? My parents didn’t teach my Spanish growing up and now that I’m older I feel so disconnected from my family. I’m teaching myself about my roots on my own but also, it’s embarrassing to go to my family to ask for help or to guide me to learn because they know it already, they knew it long before I did at my age of 22. I’m very proud of where I came from but I do feel like I’ve lost a connection to my culture and my family because of it. I have to try 2x as hard to be accepted in both cultures and still that’s not enough. And my grandmother is the last of that cultural tie, so once she’s gone I will truly feel like I have no ties to it anymore
It's been about a year since I lost my grandma, Even though we grew a bit apart in the last few years I still talked to her on the phone very often. I remember as a child I used to visit her in my grandparent's house, it always felt like a place where I was loved for all of myself. I remember she used to take care of my hair and cook me some really delicious food, we used to talk until late in the night and she told me so many of her childhood stories. when she passed away I didn't really cry, I was just a bit struck that she was completely gone and it was so sudden I maybe couldn't even believe it then. This video reminded me of her so much and I was crying almost halfway through the video. Now in my life when I'm so busy, thinking of her brings back those beautiful memories and a part of me becomes alive in my own beautiful culture.
I'm Chinese-Australian and I was scared about hearing how almost all of my family in China had covid. It made me so scared of not being able to see my grandparents anymore. Luckily everyone in my family recovered but I still feel sad about how I could've lost them. I haven't been there in 8-9 years and whenever I see them over facetime it's awkward because I speak so little Chinese and my dad has to translate. But even though I know I'll feel even more awkward in China, I still wanna visit all my grandparents so I can see them before they will inevitably pass away.
I’m a second generation Korean American and I don’t speak Korean very well. I don’t even understand it most of the time. I’ve always felt ostracized by other Koreans because of it, but the person who makes me feel most connected to my heritage is my grandmother. Watching this video made me want to go spend the day with her and enjoy her as much as I can while I can.
Technically, I'm 3rd generation but my grandparents quickly moved back when their kids were self sufficient. Thing is my parents left their homes when they were children and they had lived in a foreign land for longer than they had where they were born. The result of that is that whatever culture they had, was a version of it from when they left in the 60s. While we had some exposure to "home" by means of imported newspapers, magazines and TV shows, the reality is, their home slowly became somewhere that they actually were strangers to themselves. It wasn't until much later that they were able to spend more time there and it took a long time and multiple trips and longer stays, for them to adapt what it had become. From my perspective, I could see how frustrating and even confusing it was for them because it was literally where they were born and grew up but 30+ years changes a lot of things. On the other hand, I had always been a traveller so to me, it was almost "just" another city and if I received different treatment, then that was "just" like being in any other city. Sure, there is an element of me being a perpetual outsider but then again, the culture of my parents had moved on while they were away, leaving them behind, so what/where is my culture now? On the other hand, regardless of how I might be treated, where I grew up, *as an immigrant* was/is my culture. There is a generation of us with slightly different versions of the same story and we share experiences and stories of our own that are unique to *us*. I've never quite jived with the "third culture" concept because it defines my story by where my parents came from and where I grew up and somehow, that seems an inadequate description, especially when I see and hear the same stories from people who aren't immigrants. But I am not an American and so my experience is not going to be the same, especially given that I grew up in a large multi cultural town, where in my school classroom growing up, there really wasn't much of a minority. From a very young age, I had class mates from various West Indies islands, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka and of course, the UK (Wales, Scotland, England and, Northern Ireland). Not being the same as someone else wasn't really a thing because everyone was different.
Soo touched by this video, makes me cry a lot. I feel very related because I'm VERY close with my grandma, she is a big part of my childhood, very caring and super nice lady. Love her so much, feel guilty sometimes because I cant keep her company as much I should(I work and live in a faraway city) She is over 80 years old, I hope she can have a heathy and happy life!
My parents are from Poland, & as a second-generation kid growing up in Chicago (the most Polish-dense city in America), I always looked down on other 2nd gen Polish kids my age who didn't speak the language or didn't celebrate our holidays. But as I've grown older, I've stopped trying to live up to what my heritage "ought" to be, but instead follow what I truly consider to be apart of my identity, and now I identify myself as an American first & foremost. I don't know if this is the best course of action or how to go about this, but these are just my thoughts.
My sister and I, both 2nd Gen Asian Americans, went to go watch this in theater. full on ugly crying. Absolutely loving the rise in these kinds of stories and looking forward to see what the future has to hold about these intricate and complex narratives.
I watched The Farewell before viewing your video, which is wonderfully done. I could relate when I watched it being a 1st generation or so immigrant. I was born and raised in Jamaica, moved to the USA at 12. I've been here most of my life and still feel like an foreigner, yet going back home which is very rare I stand out as being a foreigner. I also went to school for visual art "illustration" to be exact which for most of my family is outside of the realm of reality. I got through on my own with grants, scholarships and kindness. I get judged by family about there being no future, "white" and other things. The last time I went back to Jamaica was for my Grandmothers funeral, I had been there the year before for her 101st birthday and had my final conversation with here. I had not seen her in person for ten years at that point due to matters I wont get into. She encouraged me to keep doing what I do, not because of how well I do it but because she knows how determined I am at my goals. One of the few people in my life who knows me and gets me. She spoke to me directly and not judging me, disappointed I didn't have girlfriend more for me than with me. As she said I need someone to watch my back and my place lol. She and other older family who are all passing or passed taught me about how to carry my self and treat others, how to take care of family. Important lessons especially for living and adapting in the states. So i'm trying to do my own thing while definitely not forgetting where I come from.
This video made me cry, I saw the movie when it came out. Due to covid it has been months since I last saw my grandmother. She went back to her country after being retired, but all of her children and grandchildren stayed here and we still live here now. I feel bad for not seeing her more often.
I have a grandmother exactly like Nai Nai. I was once Indian diaspora but my family came back to India after I turned 10, and I felt (and still feel) this disconnect. But my grandmother really gave me that space to grow, to share my favourite things with her, to connect with my Indian roots more.
Even though the contrast of cultures of the west and east isn't an issue for me, I have to say I felt the same as a Mexican American. All my family is in Mexico, my only family in the States are my parents. They were born and raised in Mexico so their point of view is in a way different from mine in some subjects even though my parents were able to assimilate. Some family members in Mexico say I'm just an American and wearing my 🇲🇽 flag next to my bio is wrong cause I'm living in the US, but I don't feel American. I say if I was raised or born in France it doesn't make me French, my roots and history is Mexican. But, at the same time, I'm not Mexican since I don't know much of what it's like being raised in Mexico like my parents and the rest of my family did and experience. It's like I know more about Mexico than the general American pov of Mexican issues and history and culture, but know way less about it too at the same time. I feel like a foreign in both countries
Don’t feel bad, be happy. My advice to you is know your history and culture both pre-Hispanic Meso-American culture and later conquest of Mexico. And as much as you can on American History and Culture: the good the bad and the worse. If you know more than both sides who criticize you, they can never use it against you. You’d be surprised on how ignorant both Mexicans from Mexico and Mexican-Americans are on Mexican Culture and history, especially when it’s your own people who say your not Mexican enough.
I'm a bi-racial american, not Asian at all, I grew up with a friend that's Chinese and a 3rd generation immagrant. We lived in the south so at times there weren't a lot of people who looked like us around and we were both often bullied. We talked a lot about the struggles we faced being girls of color in a predominately Caucasian area and really empathized with each other a lot. Those memories are precious for me because we live in a society thats tries to pit poc against each other when we'd be so much stronger together. I think growing up multiracial, and to this day having a diverse group of friends has allowed me to be more respectful and understanding of other people cultures, I myself am a person of Irish and African American descent (theres other stuff too like Cuban, Scottish, and German but my family is predominately Black and Irish americans so thats what I identify as). My chinese friend from back then, her mom would always say things like "Are you studying well? Are you eating well? Remember to work hard and be good." And she'd always feed me even if I wasn't hungry. Her mother was a no nonsense and intimidating woman but I knew that she said these things because she cared about me. She didnt care about my race, she just saw me as her daughter's friend and took care of me even though she didnt have to. The fact that we lived in such a racist climate didnt matter, she did right by me and treated me like a human being and thats something I'll be grateful for until the day I die. My knowledge of Chinese culture is limmited to what my childhood friend taught me and while its not a lot I get where the family in this movie is coming from. Sparing your loved one of the pain of knowing theyre going to die is noble in my opinion. Its not ethical but to see that they care about her so much that theyre all carrying that burden alone for her and crying alone so she wont see is something I can relate to and empathize with. As meantioned before I was bullied. Because of this i have a lot of issues that have followed me into adulthood that I'm trying to fix, seeing this family I thought "Wow that sounds like me, shouldering all my burdens alone and not asking for help." I however can see things from our main characters perspective as well. Suffering alone and keeping others in the dark is hard and its not fair to the grandmother. While believeing in the prosperity of the unit rather than the individual is an admirable goal her family doesn't seem to realise that personal hurt and trauma is a thing that is real and valid and something they're all suffering with. Every individual member of that family matters, even if they dont think so. I wont pick a side between them cause I honestly get both. My own grandmother died when I was very little. My mother did her best to try to explain it to me but I was so young i didnt understand. Death is hard for everyone regardless of age or gender or race and the fact that this movie shows that in such an open and honest way and doesnt make either side 'the bad one' is so special and important.
I think Quality Culture did a great job delineating the ethical dilemma depicted in The Farewell, and how Chinese cultural values play a role in the non-disclosure of medical diagnoses. Along the way, Quality Culture brings up journal articles and specific scenes in the movie to support their point, and most importantly, it was stressed that the film wasn’t necessarily arguing for one side or the other. Rather, this was a morally gray area that one of the main characters (Billi) had to navigate herself. Collectivism versus individualism was brought up, along with indirect versus direct communication styles. I wanted to expand upon the comparisons and frame it from the viewpoint of medical ethics. It can be argued that America favors patient autonomy while China prefers non-maleficence. When given a terminal diagnosis, American physicians are inclined to inform the patient and have the patient make a decision for themselves. Whereas in China, it is believed that the news of such a diagnosis would contribute towards a worse health outcome, that the emotional burden placed on the patient would be detrimental towards their well-being. As said in the film, “Chinese people have a saying: when people get cancer, they die. But it's not the cancer that kills them, it's the fear.” Therefore, when relying on the family to handle diagnosis disclosure, the grief and emotional burden is spread out amongst the family members rather than the patient solely. It may seem initially that the family members conspiring to hide the diagnosis from the grandmother (Nai Nai) are denying her autonomy, but in reality, they are sacrificing their own mental and emotional well-being for the grandmother’s own peace of mind. Funnily enough, Nai Nai herself is hiding how unwell she feels from the rest of the family, so as to not burden them. Having a physician directly hide a diagnosis from the patient does not exactly fall under beneficence, since the physician themself is not committing an act of kindness, mercy, or charity for the patient, despite their good intentions. The idea of not burdening others with one’s struggles or hardships is encompassed by non-maleficence. Despite the cultural differences, Quality Culture made an important point on how even in America, non-disclosure is often used in communication. The caveat here is that American physicians are legally obligated to inform a patient about their diagnosis, or at least give them that option. However, in everyday conversations or outside the physician-patient relationship, individuals can minimize or hide personally significant information from others. As an example, when one is going through some hardship, and someone asks how they are, the most common response is: “I’m fine.” Billi herself employed this communication tactic when asked about the fellowship that fell through and whether or not she could handle the weather in New York City. Being indirect is not exclusive to China, and despite being ethically dubious in America, diagnosis non-disclosure is not necessarily such a foreign concept.
I cried through a lot of the film. Even though this kind of lie wouldn't be perpetuated in my family or cultures, I completely understood the reasoning. I saw my little sister grapple with the concept of her own mortality at 13 years old and I wondered how she could understand that she was going to die. What does that concept mean to someone so young. And in contrast, what could it mean to a person who is so much older. The pain of grappling with these ideas tore holes in the fabric of my own identity, and trying to imagine it from her point of view was impossible. I don't know if it was right to tell her. I also don't know if it would have been right not to tell her. There's no right way to do these things.
My grandpa had cancer a few years ago and he was never told about it by the doctors my family lied and told him he had a stomach ulcer and thankfully the surgery was a sucess and they were able to get rid of the cancer but it still feels weird about how its normal in our culture to conceal medical information from sick people
for me, it's kind of sad being asian american, you explained why well. i tell myself pretty much daily "you're not two halves of 2 cultures, you are completely both". but my subconscious feels a bit in limbo, 2 families that see me as a foreigner.
having really diverse friends helps make it obvious you are a perfect amount of both
I'm half Asian and for a long time, I struggled with my identity not feeling enough for either culture. I always asked my parents to tell me all about their cultures so I could feel more a part of their communities but never felt enough. One time I talked to my mom (the Asian parent) about this and she told me that sometimes she doesn't feel Asian enough sometimes which is crazy because she lived in China for 40 years before immigrating. I thought if she doesn't feel Asian enough (a fully Chinese person who was born, raised, and lived there for a majority of her life) there's no way I'll ever feel Asian enough if I hold myself to others' standards. I still struggle with my identity a lot but it helps to remind myself that no one is asking me to be one way or another and that I just need to be Asian enough for myself. If I want to become immersed in Chinese culture then I can do that and if I don't, I don't have to do that.
I think its difficult with any family especially when you have language barriers. Adding more language barriers can make it even more challenging too. I also understand the culture of lies because growing up my mom had a Korean coworker and it was the age old comparing of children AND I WASN'T EVEN ASIAN! I'm hispanic! LOL
I am half Norwegian and half Polish. When people ask me what I feel like being the most Norwegian or Polish. I tell them I feel too Polish to be a Norwegain, and too Norwegian to be Polish. It made me feel bad when I was younger. Today I don't want to be either Norwegian or Polish. I am just myself. It has never bothered me since. I have lived in many different countires all my life and stopped trying too hard to fit it. I do my best to adapt and fit in to which ever country and culture I am in. That is the best I can do. If that does not please people I don't really care anymore.
@@Natzeit you're half asian it's not that deep.
My grandmother used to make this soup that took hours with lots of different Chinese herbs in it, every Chinese New Year she’ll serve it with noodles, and because of how much effort it takes to make I only got to eat it once a year. When she passed away I never got to eat it again. I can still remember the taste but I don’t even know what it’s called. I realised how much is lost when a person passes away. My grandmother was skilled at many handicrafts like sewing and knitting, and an excellent cook (she used to make and sell traditional pastries). My mum learnt several of these skills from her as well, but not everything. Meanwhile I barely know anything. I feel like as the years pass and the generations pass, I’m losing more and more of my culture
Thanks for your comment, I think a lot of us can relate to that feeling. For me it occurs with my mom as I see her getting older I wonder what I’ll still have of her when she’s gone. But hopefully we’ll be able to be comforted by our memories with our loved ones and have them in our hearts
fuck dude im terrified
I'm conflicted if I have a responsibility to pass this "culture" down to the next generation. Because my parents moved to the us from countries that changed rapidly over the last 30 years, the culture I would pass down would just be a dead/dying culture anyway. I'm also unsure of the benefits of passing down a culture at all even though I feel a strong need and guilt to do it
My own grandmother (we're Native America. I'm culturally Lakota, but grew up with my mother's people. Thusly, my maternal grandmother) died rather suddenly, from her Cancer.
There was a lot, that she was unable to teach me. A LOT
It still pains me, that there was a lot of promises we made to each other, that will never come to be.
One of those, is indeed. A soup.
It's made of Milkweed, normally considered a toxic plant by most westerners. My grandma, and her grandma, and so on, and so forth. Knew how to make it.
Since milkweed only grows for three months in the summer, she made it once or twice a year (if we were lucky).
She taught me how to prep it, to make the soup base...
But Everytime I try to make it. I can never recapture the same intricate flavours. She never told me, what else you needed to add.
She never taught me the history behind how and why it was created. When, in time. Our maternal ancestors brought the dish to the plains, during the Great Migration period (the Tribe was originally from the East Coast, but around the 10th century, there was a massive push inland, and her people were one of many who settled inland)
And it hurts. So much.
@@HT-pl8du you pass down what you got and you get what you want. that is how culture thrives that is how it survives and that is how it evolves. its up to us as those that came after to be sure that those that came before don't get forgotten and the best way to do that is to hand down what they gave to us.
"She's not just afraid of loosing Nai Nai, She's afraid of loosing what used to be such a significant and meaningful part of her life.... in billie's eyes, Nai Nai's mortality raises a grim realization that without her she has no true link to her heritage"
This really stuck a chord with me. As a 2nd generation immigrant I grew up in a house and group where I was too American to be really Chinese- and went out in the world where I was too "Ethnic" to be American. The fear of feeling life you're loosing half of who you are is very terrifying to me and something im trying to understand and navigate.
thats why if u marry someone from ur same cultural background u wont lose urself.
I feel sorry that so many poc feel so pressured into marrying white people ... many of whom dont respect ur culture or how that shapes who u are.
this made me sob
@@sruthi671 What a ignorant thing to say. Racism comes in all forms and colors. Whites are no more or less racist than others. My loving wife is a Asian American and I am "white". We have always made just as much of a effort to keep both cultures in our home. And together, we both go forward as Americans. While its true that I had the advantage of growing up here. If we continue as we have in a thousand years we wont have races. Just humans. What a thing to imagine. I fully support someone dating or marrying someone they love or are attracted to, regardless of race. On the Inverse, my life long best friend is Asian American. His wife is white. Neither of us planned this. You love who you love and if you are not a bigot or a racist that should be good enough.
If your spouse or significant other is not being respectful of who you are, that is a problem and you need to fix that problem. It doesnt matter your race. Inter racial relationships are the future. And its a good thing for all humanity.
@@Uthandol My dad had polio. We're Vietnamese. When we had our coming to terms shortly before he died, I told him how hard I felt I had it - my own struggle in the States. He was sympathetic, and then told me "Son, LIFE is hard." So I agree with you. You could be Asian and unhappy. Your wife could be white and unhappy. If you're happy together then fuck 'em. You won. Have a mixed race kid and tell 'em their race is "Bad M.F."
@@yakamen I am so glad that your father taught you well. It is not always easy in the united states for Asian immigrants. But its getting better every day. It is sad, but it seems every group has had to endure racism when first coming to America. The Irish encountered it as well and they are the same skin color.
As I said, the future is one race. One people. It will take a good while to get there. But if we do, what a wonderful thing it will be!
I've never seen this movie but this video alone made me cry, the cultural disconnect and the fear of losing a grandmother hit close to home. Thank you for this beautiful analysis
Me too! I'm so glad this video came on my reccomended page I really thought I was alone in feeling so disconnected with my family and constantly living in this dissonance
guarantee to make you cry again when you watch :)
Same. All the way down to crying. Goddamn.
I've watched this twice and it always hits very close to home. So close.
Same. 😩 I want to watch it with my family now.
As a chinese american, the scene where billie expressed how she felt when her grandpa passed away to his mom had me balling. I remember specifically when my parents didn't mention a word about my grandfather's illness until that week when he passed. I think they really nailed the dichotomy between eastern and western culture.
That's fucked up...
I am Swedish, but I grew up in Singapore and attended an American-based international school. I am definitely a third culture kid. My friends have always been people similar to me, kids growing up in another culture foreign to their own. Currently, I also have friends who are 'hidden immigrants'; they are American-born Chinese, but moved to Singapore later in life, where people assume they are Singaporean. They get recognized for being something they are not; I, on the other hand, who has spent most of my life in Singapore, will never be given any credit for my experiences. I will always be 'the foreigner'. While that is something I have come to accept as part of my life, it does not mean it's a painless reality.
i relate greatly to you, being first generation filipino, who is also half white, and raised everywhere and anywhere. ive lived in many places, and each place i took something with me, adding little morsels of variance in my already odd culture. i live in america now, its difficult to feel like a belonging piece in my fathers family and even my mothers, whom i look and feel closer to. i watch this movie and bawled. i feel more belonging knowing that there are others like me, confused, feeling lost, but most of all whole. our pain may not be the same, but our pain rhymes.
S gab you are sewdish embrace and celebrate it its good being Scandinavian.
kaya m you are pagpaglander end 😂🤣
Hi there! I am Singaporean and I used to go to SAIS (did you go to SAS btw) but I didn’t live in Singapore until I was 8. I was definitely a ‘hidden immigrant’ in the countries I lived in though. The feelings you have are completely valid, and just remember that being a third culture kid is tough. However, you are officially multicultural and have a lot of life experiences.
this is also a fact that I have come to accept. although with pain, that what I look like is and will always be part of my identity and determine my belongings. doesn't matter my local accent. I just do not look like the stereotype. it's not an easy thing to accept. being born into a family of dying language, dying matriachy and dying cuisine. all of which died with my grandmother because I inherited more of the society I grew up in....
Because the thought of "foreigners" integrate into Asian culture is foreign for a lot of Asians...because that is the common thing people see...it's very rare for white people coming to Asia and use their languages and cultures...
But once you show you speak the language and has local demeanor usually, asians who know you definitely think you are part of the people...sorry but it's true...for whole my career working with British company in south east asia, I can only find 1 British who learn our local language and try to be more considerate with the locals...the rest? Just speak in English no matter how long they have stayed in here..
I'm generation 1.5 Mexican-American (?). I came to the US as a 6 year old. It's hard to balance my very obvious US upbringing and my parents' way off thinking. The hardest thing to come to terms with, however, is realizing that my father's treatment of my mom and I might be the standard for a Mexican household, but in an American household, it's abuse. Growing up, I saw my uncles isolate my aunts and their children for others outside the family. So when I saw the same behavior from my dad, I thought it was just our culture, perfectly normal. But many college courses, therapy seasons, and deep conversions with my best friend, who is Latina and a counselor, I've come to see my father's behavior as abuse. But the hardest thing from this realization, is trying to figure out how I can still love my dad despite it all. My boyfriend is white, and when I tell him about the things I've had to go through, he gets angry. He tells me how I don't deserve to be treated like that. That makes me feel sad, angry, and confused. And when I talk to my friend, she kind of puts it into perspective. She too had to grow up in a Hispanic household while trying to be American.
And of course, I feel extremely guilty whenever I think of all the sacrifices my parents have had to make for me. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to live up to their expectations, real or imagined.
I feel like I'll never be Mexican enough for my family, and never American enough for this country.
Damn..
Similar boat here. Lots of confusion and not knowing what to do with it
Do whatever you want and just be yourself. The only true Americans are Native Americans, so as long as you have respect for the original people and others, that’s all that truly matters.
Same here you're not alone
Do NOT try to live to their standards.I realized the harder I tried to live up to their expectations it was never enough it will never be enough. You don't owe them anyting. They are the ones who owe you becuse they are the ones who brought you in this world it's their resposability, their JOB to set you for life you don't have to repay them for doing the minimum.
As someone who identifies as a Chinese-American, I resonated so much with this film. The scene where the mom asks Billie how many wantons she wants to eat and the mother says that is too few before settling on a number the mom thinks is adequate is a conversation I've had with my mother all my life.
I'm not a U.S. American and I'm not an immigrant, but this really made me think. I'm from Argentina, a country heavily influenced by immigration, of which I am a result.
My grandfather was born in Sofia, Bulgaria, and after he saw his hometown bombarded by the Allies, he moved to Germany, where he learned fluent German and became essentially fully germanized. People used to ask him what region of Germany he was from, his German was so good. But the war was still raging there, so he eventually applied for entry into Canada, Australia or Argentina, and Argentina answered first, so he moved there. There he met my grandmother in the German speaking community in Buenos Aires. His brother was married to a German woman and German culture was part of their every day life... in Argentina. He was a Bulgarian who was a German immigrant in Argentina.
On the other hand you have my grandmother. She was not born in Germany, she was born in Paraguay, in a German speaking community. Her father was Swiss and her mother Austrian, and she spoke German at home and Guarani, an indigenous language spoken by most Paraguayans, with the kids from the neighborhood. She didn't learn Spanish until she started school. Her parents died when she was young, and she moved to Argentina, where she had family... in German speaking communities. Eventually she moved to Buenos Aires to look for work, where she frequented... the German speaking community. And that's where she met my grandad. I always think about their identities. What did they consider themselves to be. My grandfather went from country to country, taking bits and pieces but always ready to transform all over again, having a harder time each time the older he got. Eventually he was an honest to god mix of all of his experiences. My grandmother wasn't even born in the old country, but she carried that with her her entire life, never truly becoming of any land she was at, always connected to her heritage. At home, my dad and uncle were spoken to in German, not Bulgarian. They ate Fleishpflänzerlchen and danced around a Tenenbaum on Christmas. But interestingly, as my father started losing the language, they welcomed it fully. My father was more like my other grandfather in that way...
My maternal grandfather was born in Argentina, but both his parents were Ukrainian Jews who separately came to Argentina. There are plenty of interesting stories of doubtful accuracy about their ordeal, but very little about what it meant for him to be the children of immigrants reached my ears. As far as I know he only spoke Spanish, and he married my grandmother, who was a devout catholic, so he couldn't have been hugely religious, having no qualms with his children being raised catholic as well. What was his relationship to his Ukrainian Jewish heritage? I don't know. I don't know if he spoke Yiddish or Russian at home. I don't know if he fought with his parents over religion or culture. All I know is that he was a good father to my mother. A good Argentinian father, in every way I know. My grandmother was a more traditional Argentine, her father was Italian, but that's extremely common in Argentina, and her mother was fully Argentine, with ancestors going back to the colonial era, and supposedly related to one of Argentina's founding fathers, Sarmiento. So when my grandmother met my grandfather, he just met another Argentinian man. I wonder what that was like for him. He died when I was three, so I'll never know.
My father had a very similar experience. As a young child, he stood out because he was very blonde and German looking, in a neighborhood with no other German immigrants. He used to run around crying out for "Kartoffeln und Fleische! Kartoffeln und Fleische!" (meat and potatoes), which made the men working at home with his father building plastic trinkets laugh at him. He soon forgot all his German. He is one of the most Argentinian people I know, culturally, now. Both of his parents were okay with this. At the time, there was a false belief that bilingualism in childhood meant the kid wouldn't be able to speak either language properly. But I also think it's because they both knew how hard it was to be from elsewhere, to feel an other in your own home. They wished he would just grow up to be comfortable as a member of this new world of his. Even my grandma let it slide, with her love for all that is German. They were probably tired, and wanted a fully non-immigrant experience for my father, I don't know.
I guess Aquafina's character shouldn't forget that what she thinks the U.S. is, and what makes it different from her background isn't fully what the U.S. really is, because the U.S. now has her, and lots of other Chinese Americans, changing the U.S. as she goes through it. I don't think I could conceive of what it means to be Argentinian without my ancestors' experience as a part of it. They came and felt the need to change themselves, but they couldn't help but change the place they came to as well. Billy will continue to live in the U.S., and although she may feel alienated from both sides, as she stays there, builds a life, and influences others around her, she is effectively contributing to turning the U.S. more like her. Other Americans without Chinese heritage will have aspects of what she brought to the table because she was there and was herself. Maybe she'll never feel like she truly belongs on either side, but she is unwittingly becoming part of what the U.S. needs in order for it to become something new, where her belonging is just part of the whole. As she loses her heritage, that loss isn't truly complete, because she is creating a new heritage in the U.S. that people after her will cherish and need the way she has cherished and needed her Chinese heritage. I mean, I can't relate to Bulgarian culture, I don't know anything about it. I can't truly say I'm Swiss or Austrian, I'm not really Jewish or Ukrainian... all I am is Argentinian. But I carry those stories with me. My heritage is in that struggle. What my forbearers went through stripped away the purity of their heritage, but that forced them to create something new, which is what they had to give to me, willingly or not, knowingly or not.
IDK, just felt like commenting.
The first time I saw this movie I was (ironically) on a plane to see my grandparents in Asia and was one of the rare times I’ve cried because of a movie. I won’t go into how it’s impacted me but as a first generation Asian American, it is one of the most important films to me. I don’t think I’ve seen an analysis for this film until now which is a damn shame so thank you for covering it.
Edit: Fuck this video has me in tears
Commas are important)
I'm terrified of losing my mother's parents. I'm mixed, my mom is Native American, and neither of us are fluent in the languages my grandparents know. when they die, part of the language will die with them and I feel like time is running out to inherit their knowledge. Mvto for making this.
I feel you so hard on this. I'm native too, and when it comes to school and career you end up so far from home, and for me being located in the south right now, I've never felt so far from home. There's literally nobody else like me here. It's extremely difficult to connect with your culture when you can't speak the language that has the culture literally ingrained in it
I’d recommend making recordings of your grandparents speaking their native language and do little translation projects. I doubt you are alone in wanting to preserve their knowledge. Maybe try to reach out to others whose older relatives also speak the same language so you can all work together to learn from them.
^ Record them, write everything down, so that when they're gone, you'll always have these words.
This is my opinion but you don't need to feel obligated to do this. Just because media and community says its important, that does not mean you need to uphold it, if you are not interested.
Then go learn the language.
first time ive cried at a film essay ty :)
i thought i'd be safe from crying watching a video on the farewell and lets just say i was so wrong
This speaks to me a lot, and I’m really grateful you’re talking about this film. I’m an immigrant (we’re Mexican), my gramma is the person I love more than anybody on this earth, she’s very old and I haven’t seen her in 5 years. I can’t afford to see her more often, but I genuinely feel like the earth will suffer a loss when she’s gone, like all of humanity is losing her and nor I or the species will ever really recover. I could never express how much I love her.
I was raised there though, and to me it feels like my my Mexican-nes is dying, like I’m slowly allowing it to become ill and weak from daily pressures and insecurities around assimilation. I wasn’t raised here, but I’ve “adapted” beyond a point where I’ll ever cease to be American, I left my family, my country has changed and outgrown me and is unrecognizable to me now.
My grandmother reminds me of this. Despite being a brilliant, loving, incredible person, despite accomplishing amazing feats, she’s going to die poor, Foreigness feels like an incredible, beautiful, grandmother who loves me, and I’m just helplessly watching her die.
I’ve never felt like first or second generation immigrant experiences are very different. You’re too close to America to see home anymore, but you’ll never reach America, you’ll never stop being foreign. (Though not being allowed to vote and losing everything to immigrants, that might be just me, but then again I didn’t have to experience racism as a 4 year old and grew up unquestionably loving my culture.)
PS. You have no idea how appreciated you are for making content about foreign experiences. It is such an underrepresented and immense topic. When you start your patreon, I’ll be sure to be there.
Thanks so much for your comment, we’re definitely planning on touching on these themes more in future videos. And we can very much relate to feeling like your culture is slipping through your fingers, it's a struggle for sure especially when we can't experience our native culture as often as we like, it feels so distant. But regardless, you will always be Mexican, that part of you can never be truly lost and you can always carry it forward.
I’m very sorry to hear you haven't seen your grandmother in so long, she sounds like a wonderful person. Call her every day and let her know she's loved!
@@QualityCulture thanks mate :) I was gonna go back to the old country last year, but got postponed. I’m determined to see her this year.
Really looking forward to more content! Hope you guys are very proud of the work you’ve done!
I'm intrigued by your username. Any specific reason for it not being in neither spanish nor english ?
I'm a second-generation Asian American, and I lost my dad to stage 4 lung cancer a few months ago. I loved this movie when I saw in theatres, but revisiting it through your video essay/analysis helped me process some of the grief I've been holding in. Thank you for making me sob at 1 AM
I'm 100% British and I totally understand the idea of not telling someone they are dying in order make their limited time as happy as possible. I'm not saying if it's good or bad just that I get it
Well yeah it totally makes sense, everyone understands. But I think most westerners would think the right to know what's happening in your body would outweigh any other benefits
I dont get it tbh. If someone has a diagnosis of something that will kill them not yelling them isn't going to make their last days withering away anyless painful. They'll be miserable and scared no matter what you tell them about their diagnosis.
@@thepinkestpigglet7529 true, it's not like they're totally normal and then oops just die one day
@@JonahNelson7 Well, I think it would be impossible to do this in most European countries and North American countries from what I know of their medical systems. Patient autonomy is codified into law so a doctor would have to tell the patient themselves their diagnosis unless they’re unconscious or of unsound mind.
@@charminsi American here, with HIPAA and such normally restricted between Doctor/patient outside guardianship, children, and maybe caretakers AFAIK.
What was jarring to me at first was that was even an option but ignorance is bliss so I can see why the family would want that option.
*sidenote for HIPAA is essentially just medical providers can't leak personal or identitifying info without permission.
It took me until adulthood to finally accept that I am me. As a Chinese descent born in Canada who can understand my parents Hakka but cannot speak it. At school in a dominantly Asian environment, I was the outsider. My thinking is too westernized to my classmates because I never held conservative values but I thoroughly enjoy the food, the culture and the celebrations of the Chinese. And now I can say with confidence, I am Chinese and I do not have to fit in just to be recognized. I believe we can love ourselves, for who we are and it doesn't make us any less than any other.
As both indigenous (Diné)/Latino who can't really speak either language, I've accepted who I am mostly. Culture comes and goes, but it's the people that matter most.
Also as someone who's lost multiple family members suddenly (at different times). It sucks not being able to actually say good-bye. But I understand why they would do this a lot better now.
I’m not going to lie, this video was very hard to get through, it took two viewings for me to finally finish as it really cut deep and hits way way too close to home for me. My grandparents live with me at home and have taken care of me since I was born. They immigrated here from China after my birth to help my parents take care of me and my older brother because my parents worked all day.
Growing up, they were basically my parents, and my grandmother felt most like my mom, more than my real mother did.
My grandma would cook for me, help me with homework, cleaned for me, guided me through life, and share her wisdom with me. I maintained my fluency in Chinese because they only spoke Chinese at home. I know she loves me unconditionally.
But as I grow older I don’t feel as connected to them as I did when i was a child, and my fluency in Chinese is waning because I’m not speaking it everyday at home, I’m off in college.
Your points of billy fearing the death of her grandparents being tied to the loss of her perceived connection to China and her culture hit so damn hard, I started tearing up.
You put into words the deep rooted fear and sadness I‘ve held since I was a child, of fearing the loss of my grandparents and what that means to me.
In my mind my grandparents are immortal, since I’ve never dealt with a major death in the family, I have never grieved and I have no way to cope. It makes me cry and deeply distressed to even think of their passing. When I was a kid, if the thought came into my mind, i would start crying.
But as I grow older, their mortality becomes more real.
My grandfather has been dealing with health problems and for the past few month, have has problems walking without crutches. I used to see him exercise and do tai chi in the backyard. Now, he mostly spend his day sitting in his room watching television. He does go out with my grandma to visit my cousin and his parents, but I can visibly see his health declining.
Nothing has been more of a deeply triggering and distressing thought than the reality of their mortality to me. In my quiet moments, when I think about the subject, I can’t help but instantly tear up and get incredibly emotional like when I was a child.
This video rang so deeply personal to me, and helped put into words the distress I feel and have carried my entire life about my grandparents and losing them is more than losing family, but a direct connection to my culture and roots. My grandparents are my pillars in life. How do you stay standing once those pillars are knocked down ?
My mother immigrated form the Dominican Republic when she was a teen, and my father lived most of his childhood in Puerto Rico with his family. I've always felt this deep guilt because I can't speak any spanish. I find myself constantly beating myself up when my grandparents try to talk with me and I can't understand and need someones help to translate. It makes me worry that one day I will be without them and not know who they truly were, their life, their experiences, their advice. And I feel guilt knowing their is not much of my heritage I can pass on to my children one day...
Same here. My father grew up in Guatemala and my mother Canada. Worst part I don't even look the part in most others' eyes so as if other can just dismiss it when that is equally sad
Maybe you should try to learn some Spanish and learn more about your heritage so you can keep some aspects alive.
it feels real when you realized you feel a disconnect from your heritage this movie is so brilliant, I can relate to that well in my family.
I could not keep it together watching this movie in person. As a Caribbean-immigrant, I'm technically 1st gen but I came here so young and my grandmother never spoke about how she grew up. my family also didn't discuss it. I was literally with my grandmother mother everyday and I always spent summers with her. when she died, I literally felt a piece of me go with her. she was the matriarch, the biggest influence, but I only found out about her story after she died. It frustrated me that it took that long but she was a wonderful, powerful woman who never let anyone say I wasn't Caribbean enough. she was the main one always telling me to do what I want because that's why we were in America. I miss her everyday.
that feeling you described of losing a part of yourself and the fear of losing your culture... god that hit hard.
This video was so good. I love the structure of the analysis. Being mixed or growing up in a foreign country is tough and I like when ppl speak about these things without judging other cultures. This video explored delicate topics without attacking anyone and i thought it was great.
I relate to this even though I'm neither Asian nor American. I'm ethnically latino but have lived in Australia most of my life. I feel that, especially compared to when I was younger, I identify less and less with my latino roots. My control of Spanish has stagnated, and my connection to El Salvador is next to nothing; my parents do not take well to this because, like most first generation immigrants, they still hold their original culture above that of what should be their "new" culture. My parents still, after decades in Australia, speak with an outsiders voice about other Australians and do not seem themselves as Australian. On the contrary, I can only see myself as Australian because that is all I have; I may say I'm latino, but, ultimately, only ethnically. Funnily enough, the people that least accept me as Australian are my parents; they refuse to see me as Australian.Ultimately, it's such a strange limbo stage I feel I'm in. It's like neither side of you in wholly part of either culture.
Two years ago I visited El Salvador although it was one of the last places in the world I wanted to be up until the day I arrived. But the experience wound up changing me and my life in a very positive way. In spite of the struggles and the hardships there, the people that I met were so wonderful and taught me a lot. And of course, the nature is beautiful as well. I wish you and your family all the best, including any of your relatives that still live in El Salvador.
My mom grew up in a very neglectful household. Her mom was always out partying, and her dad was always working and drinking. She was also the oldest of 5 siblings, so she always had to spend her free time taking care of everyone. The only people who helped her were her aunt (my great) and grandmother (my great grandmother). They taught my mom how to cook, how to ride a bike, gave her history lessons on black musicians, gave her money for new clothes, and were the only ones who motivated her to study hard to get into a good college and move on from the family. When my great-grandmother died of diabetes, and my great aunt had pancreatic cancer, my mom felt like significant parts of her were gone forever. She was the closest to them out of everyone in her family. To this day, she still laments on how much she wished I could’ve met them and how much they would’ve loved me. However, she never forgot the lessons they taught her. Even though I never knew either of them, the way she tells stories about them makes me feel as if I did. She even imparts some of their wisdom onto me, thus carrying on their legacies. This is what people mean when they say just because someone is dead doesn’t mean they’re gone.
I am sitting at my grandmother's house and I notice this video essay hanging on the side as something that may be interesting to watch. I make a new tab and decide I will come back later. I soak up all the stories, the jokes, the support of my grandmother throughout the day. Learning about our past whenever there's a moment. As if every year I visit, I get one or two more puzzle pieces for my family's story mosaic.
It's later, I give this video a play. Before I knew it, I was uncontrollably sobbing. The ugly kind of way. The experiences shared between the video essay and comment section have echoed everything that has been swelling within my heart and mind. Mi abuela truly is a pillar of my Cuban family, and the idea of losing her one day makes me ache.
As a 3rd generation immigrant, you feel that disconnect ever more profoundly. Thank you for this incredible video essay.
Watching this essay after losing my grandmother 😭 we watched the film together originally, never foreseeing her sudden death , her last moments was cooking dinner for the family, making this all the more poignant
I haven't watched this movie, I'm not Asian and I'm not an immigrant or a child of one but, let me tell you, I was sobbing so hard by the end of this video. As a poc straddling two cultures (western and native), as someone who's disconnected from their native tongue and certain aspects of my culture, as someone who is still processing the grief of losing one parent and is constantly anxious about losing the other and what that would mean in terms of connection with my culture . . .just everything about your essay resonated with me. Amazing analysis. Now I'm off to buy a box of tissues so I can actually watch this gem of a movie.
I saw this movie a while ago and loved it. I'm from an immigrant family myself but one point you brought up did not touch me until now. The point of Billie's grandmother being the only one who accepts her efforts to bridge her two cultures wholeheartedly. I didn't realize how powerful it was until last month when I went to Portugal for the first time in 20 years. My Tia Mena was the only one who appeared willing to listen to my perspective on things and at least validate them. This review made me cry at that segment because it all just clicked for me then. Thank you for that.
I think this is the 1st time I've commented on a YT vid ever but I had to commend you for how well you unpacked the layered emotions that many immigrants felt while watching this movie. Especially in the final section when you discussed the complex grief of not only losing your grandmother, but also losing the last strong link to your heritage, and emotional anchor for nonjudgemental support that many immigrants don't have in their new countries, that hit really hard. Finding ways to maintain your heritage is so hard, and thinking about my "family responsibility" to pass that on in the future is daunting and evokes further guilt.
Would love to see you do an essay on Minari, as it's kind of an inversion of the Farewell, about forging new identities instead of reconnecting to heritage. I think the strongest characterization in Minari also lies with grandmother, Soonja, and her willing but unspoken sacrifice to maintain her family's future and stability. Subbed!
I remember seeing this movie and feeling seen. I’m not East Asian, but collectivism is something that’s present in my culture too and it’s such a good portrayal of first-generation American children. Love this analysis and love this movie
i cried this entire movie, it hits so close to home. it’s such a beautiful film, perfect from the script, the photography and direction. nai nai reminds me so much of my own grandma who passed away when i was very young. i wonder how different my life would have been if i she was still alive today, how many things i didn’t have the chance to ask her and the many lessons i could have learnt from her and her migrant story. she was my closest connection to my japanese heritage, a heritage that for a long time i was ashamed for and now regret pushing away. when i lost her, i lost so much of my own identity too. this film touched me deeply and helped me heal the guilt i’ve always felt for not knowing better when i was younger, and falling into western ideas of who i should be. i love how you explained every point in this video, word for word is exactly what i thought while watching the movie, so thank you for that. i just loved this film so much!
Dude what the actual fuck , I was like "Oh, this video looks really interesintg" and I was loving the analysis, and now I cant stop crying. This is SO SO SO good, the social and cultural implication of this movie and the way you explain it , not to mention the emotional too, incredible. I really dont know how to explain it or say it but this video its amazing, congrats.
Six months ago i had to deal with this very situation. My grandma was in the hospital and at the end of her life and the doctors gave us two options, to take her off life support or to keep her on knowing not knowing how much longer she would live or how much pain she would be in. Everyone in my family except for me and my brother (who are both Canadian born and mixed-race) believed they shouldn’t tell her and just keep her on life support as long as they could. Unlike Billie in this story though, i did tell her in my broken hindi that she didn’t have much time left and we were going to stay by her side. It gave me a peace of mind but im still not sure if it was the right decision because even afterwards she clung unto the hope that she might survive. Unlike how Billie realized her culture would always be part of her, going through this I realized I would never truly belong to the asian community. I have different values, a different mindset and ultimately a whole different culture.
I relate to this story so much! I'm not Asian American but I'm the child of Bosnian and Hercegovian immigrants in Germany and this is exactly how I feel. I also have such a strong bond with my Grandparents and I go see them whenever I can. I could cry any moment thinking about how little time there could be left but I'm so grateful that they're still here.
I miss my grandfather. Died at 92 about two years ago.Patriarch of our family. He was an incredibly cool and smart guy. Smart, articulate, and handsome as hell. Looked like an Italian Gregory Peck. Had a ton of great and entertaining stories. His mind and memory was as sharp as a razor until the day he died.
Also, I was his first grandchild and was named after him. And tragically, my father, his son, died when I was 17 years old. So my grandfather became my primary paternal figure and the strongest link to my late father. And despite my father passing away well over 20 years ago, both myself and my grandfather mourned him the most and for the longest time.
All of these things made our bond incredibly strong, perhaps stronger than his bond with his other 7 beloved grandchildren.
Miss you bigtime, Pops.
This video made me cry, and it makes me want to watch this movie and sob to it. Although I can’t relate to being Asian American and feeling that sense of disconnect, I do understand the loss of a grandparent. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I had turned 17, and the pain I feel doesn’t really stem from having lost them at such a young age, it’s the fact that I didn’t have a connection with any of them. My maternal grandmother died before I was even born, my maternal grandfather died when I was about 10, and I lost both of my paternal grandparents during the pandemic, so I wasn’t even able to attend their funerals.
The reason why I didn’t have a connection with of my grandparents is because of my parent’s divorce. And it hurts that I couldn’t have the opportunity to have relationships that seem so integral to everyone else in the world but myself, and it wasn’t even my fault.
This video is amazingly well done and helped me gain insight into the Asian American struggle, inter-generational issues, and dealing with grief and the loss of a grandparent that I wasn’t able to properly do myself.
Thank you.
as a second generation/mixed person, the farewell lit up my memories of childhood in all the ways i never thought would be possible. especially in the goodbye scene..... my grandmother would tap on the windows of our car every time we left after visiting her. this essay is beautiful :,)
I left my country when I was four, I lost a bit of my native youngest as well. But I’m fortunate enough to have a grandma who seems to understand every word I say. This movie really hit home. It’s the simple things that make me thankful.
im not asian, but as an eastern european immigrant person this also deeply connected with me. when i was around 5, one of my relatives also had lung cancer, and she decided not to tell anyone other than her immediate family until it was too late. it was so confusing to me, why didnt she tell anyone? but it seemed like everyone ignored this. now that im getting older and moved away from my home country, i have to do the same thing constantly. i regularly video call with my grandparents, and most of our conversations is just us lying to each other, and we just accept it. its bizzare, but my mom explained that its supposed to be a time to make them happy, not to tell them the truth. its a but sad though, ill never be truly connected with them and neither will they be connected with me, but at least im keeping them happy? i still havent come to terms with this honestly.
I’ve cried because of this movie so many times, and I cried because of this video. Thank you for articulating everything that this movie made me feel
Glad we can cry together ❤️
listening to you explaining billi's point of view and feelings made me cry, cause it's very similar to how i feel in my life being a immigrant's daughter. having you validating her way of thinking made me feel so happy and accepted. thank you so much
I remember my Turkish friend in Germany telling me how he is in a perpetual limbo, feeling like he's neither German nor Turkish. It struck a chord with me.
Thank you for making a video about this movie even though it might not be a topic that gets a lot of views.
Even if you cannot relate to being culturally adrift/distant, treasuring the ones you love while you can must be a universal feeling.
3rd gen Korean American here and this video just tugged on my heart strings, I guess this was recommended to me at the right time as My grandma is currently in the hospital and it got me thinking that without her I have no link to my heritage or where my family came from.
Descendants of immigrants have a good reason for not knowing their culture; they grew up in a different community.
There's also becoming a foreigner to your own culture despite growing up surrounded by it. Both groups of people deal with a difficult type of isolation.
This video is very compelling. Can't wait to watch the movie.
I have never felt more understood and "explained" than after watching this video. It felt like I was in a therapy session if that makes any sense. I am an immigrant myself and have experienced similar occurrences in my family. I will definitely watch this movie and probably cry my heart out too.
I'm the oldest in my family and a second generation Mexican-American. Losing my grandma definitely felt like losing the final link with my heritage. While my parents worked long hours, she raised me communicating solely in Spanish, telling me stories, sharing the many uses of Vicks when sick, and other . Its been over decade since she passed and I've lost my fluency. My parents never really took to Spanish or much from our heritage and in doing so, my younger siblings who did not know my grandma have almost no connection to our collective past. This movie had me reevaluating just how important our grandparents are in not just keeping families together, but keeping our culture alive.
what a great video essay. def teared up at the end of the movie while watching it and even the clips you included here. this movie does such a good job of showing that bond with your grandparents. i really enjoyed the push back by the parents, well her mom, in that dinner scene because it was showing the hypocrisy of what the other family member was saying and then judging folks by. oh gosh the otherness of being seen as american when you go to your parents' country is so real and also feeling like i am still, in my case Dominican but the othering and just not understanding that you can claim both like yes i'm american and dominican and having to grapple with those differing value systems and create my own.
MAN i was NOT expecting to cry midway through this but it all just hits SO hard
Such an incredibly well-done analysis!!! I really love the topics being addressed here!
As a mexican-american, my grandmother would always call me while I am at college or work but at the end of the day, I would call back. She then would ask me questions, like how are you, are you eating, is everything at home okay and I would translate back in Spanish even if I was not fluent in it., but I am glad she calls because there are times I feel hopeless and these negative thoughts come in after coming home from a busy day but hearing her voice, I feel like I'm not alone. It really makes me happy i am still connected with her, she has always taught me patience, kindness and to be a hardworking since as a kid, I was a complicated child and was very aggressive. I have a counselor I talk to once a week to help me regulate my emotions from a family who have used intimidation and aggression to get their own way and to use that as way for me to be obedient.
My parents aren't Asian, but they both came from nothing and had to climb up the ranks of social class. My mother is also from a different country. Growing up, there were expectations, my failures were theirs and an education was the only thing that would save me from being stuck in my home town and not having any other options but marriage and children (not for me for a while, fortunately). Through all of this, my mother didn't mind what I did as long as I had a plan and my father wanted me to go into a VERY specific career.
My grandparents were my tutors and they helped me through school. When I was seventeen I blew up at my granddad (the worst thing I have ever done in my life) because he happened to ask me what I was going to do in six months (when school was over), after I had been grilled about it for months by my father. My grandma, a creative woman who graduated in her late sixties with a first-class degree in art, told me that they (her and granddad) were worried about me... not disappointed, not angry, not frustrated, worried. She told me to take a year and work out what I wanted, what I really wanted, and go for that, not what anyone else wanted me to do.
A year later I started university, four years later I started graduate school, I just started my PhD. I called grandma and grandad to tell them that I got into my first choice university and granddad answered, he is so proud. He gave the phone to grandma, she said that it was "wonderful news," I heard her lower the phone slightly and ask granddad "who is she?" My grandma, one of two people who actively encouraged me to pursue what I cared about, can't remember who I am.
This video essay hit me hard in the first half and nearly had me in tears for the last segment.
This movie truly holds such a special place in my heart. I'm not Asian American, but I'm North African-German and 2.Gen so I could relate to a lot in the story too. Wonderful video essay!
Thank you for making this, and turning me on to this story. This story is something that I identify with as the daughter of an immigrant, my relationship with that culture, and my relationship with own maternal grandmother and losing her. When I was a teenager and she died it felt like a door to my heritage closed.
Also that feeling of being caught between two cultures and not feeling like you are fully accepted by either at times.
I'm a children of Latvian inmigrants, living in Spain. I lived in Spain, and it never felt quite right. There was always something different about me, and I felt that people didn't like or didn't quite get... I always had a really small group of friends and always got picked on. Recently, I moved with my Spanish boyfriend back to Latvia. I experienced Latvia before, traveling in summer and so on. However, I still get the feeling that something is not quite right. It's difficult. I'm having a hard time feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Thanks for this, it makes me feel understood somehow.
It hits home how i feel a disconnect since my family are all Hispanic while i and my siblings are Mexican Americans so i relate to this well my learning disability and my mild optism is why i didn't speak spanish first compared to my siblings and relatives but whenever my grandparents from my dads side came to visit i tried what i can to learn and speak fluent spanish and have a mexican culture around them dispute it's a bit of mexican surroundings in a home while still influence in amercian culture and its out of my control.
When my grandma died on my birthday i felt like i lost a part of my heritage and culture like sometimes i dont feel Hispanic. My grampa was the only one left and i still feel like i don't know what to do in that moment.
This movie is fantastic.
I loved that you spoke to how there genuinely is this feeling of perpetual foreignness among second generation immigrants. I have no idea what generation of immigrant I would be classified as though. My mom is a mixed race American (white and Indian), and my dad grew up going to American international schools around the world for my grandfather's job. I was born in America to two Americans (one born, one naturalized), but then I grew up in India and the Philippines. I'm now back in the US for college, and I have no idea how to reconcile the different cultures I hold. Am I a first generation immigrant because I did not grow up in America and struggle with American culture? Am I a second generation immigrant because my parents are citizens? Am I further up the generational scale because 1/4 of my family has been in America since the 1700s? I've lived in the Philippines the longest, so that's where I consider home, but I'm not a pinoy. I am only fluent in English. I have Indian food, and meet my extended family in India every few years, but they consider me American because of the language and cultural barrier. Americans don't consider me American though, and that's also true for the Asian Americans I've met. I have no idea how to operate in any of the 3 countries I could be from, and so I'm always worried I'm violating some rule.
When I lose my grandparents I will lose the bridge to my home culture that was always there.
I'm going through this a bit now especially having moved away from my parents. Luckily Whatsapp exists, and my grandma's first born daughter had always been an awesome auntie and keeps me in the loop of Chinese holidays and such. I didn't remember specifically voicing this concern of culture-loss to her, so I think she realized, and I'm so grateful.
This movie hit me so hard as a Chinese British person (parents migrated from China) and really spoke to my soul. They portrayed Billi's dynamic with her family in China so well and realistically in the farewell and so many aspects of Billi's life felt like a close parallel to my own. I watched it with my mother and we both cried so much. I don't think I will ever find another movie that relates to my own experiences so much from the tiniest details. This connection to my chinese heritage feels so tenuous sometimes but I cherish it. Even the lie is not something unfamiliar to me...
This video essay really brought back all the feels huh :,)
I am from bosnia 2nd gen immigrant and this explained fully how i feel and my connection to my grandmother who i lost to corona, and last monday counted the 2nd year of her death.This made me cry! Thanks for explaining how i feel so well.. beautiful video
I'm 1st gen Mexican American, my parents are the immigrants. The part going over how we want to make our parent's sacrifice worth it hit me. I've always had the need to prove that whatever I'm doing is worthy. And by all accounts my mom brags about me to the point it's embarrassing, but I realized that not being 'successful' was never ever an option. My mom gave up her family to be here.
2nd thought is growing up, the trips to Mexico made me feel really close to not only my family, but understanding what it means to be Mexican. My grandma just passed a few months ago and she was definitely the greatest culture carrier in my life. The food, the way my family functions, the attitudes and humor that are integral to our day to day, it always came back to her. I couldn't go to mexico to say goodbye because of the pandemic, and just watching this video got me crying from 0:02 through the whole review.
I moved to Germany with my family when I was 10 and the cultural differences was a big part of why our family relationship was torn apart. I haven't seen my family since I was 18, I am 26 now. They were never able to accept me as I've adapted more and more of western thinking. I also wanted to pursue an artistic career instead of the stereotype doctor/lawyer/teacher thing. In the end everything became so bad they just abandoned me and pushed me out of everything. I still suffer from the consequences everyday and struggle with my own identity. I can totally relate to Billie and many scenes portrays her feelings really well. The thumbnail also says it all, well done!
One of the best films I have ever watched. This experience was so specific to Lulu Wang but it really struck a chord in me and I cried uncontrollably throughout the movie.
As someone Native American (Lakota, grew up on my mother's Reservation. Among my maternal culture; The Omaha's), I really appreciate hearing about the struggles immigrants go through
In a juxtaposition, lot of Native Americans "feel like foreigners in our own ancestral countries", because of how pervasive, and influential "American" culture is.
I'm a second generation (via my father), OUT of Rez child, while ironically. My mother is a first generation ON the Rez child.
I grew up speaking my ancestral languages, and learning ancestral customs and kinship terms
KoNha (pronounced GOH-Hah) is a generalized term from grandma, but I never called her such. She was offended by me saying that 🤣
Ina/Inoha is my mom and aunt, Leksi are my mother's brothers/my maternal uncle's, Ate/DateHoN is my father, but also my dad's brothers/my paternal uncles.
But then I moved off Rez, and the whole world seemed different.
I've met cousins, nieces and nephews and grandchildren (grand-nieces and nephews I guess????) Who know their Lakota/Omaha/Ponca, but don't speak the language
They don't practice the spirituality I grew up with
They don't eat the wild plants, mushrooms and berries I've grown up eating
They drink, they smoke, some do drugs, others are christian
And it felt so alien, for a long time
But now, when I go back to the Reservation. I'm the foreigner. I'm the "City Indian", even though I know everyone's secrets, like they know mine.
It just hits me everytime. When I listen to immigrant stories. Especially 2nd, and third generation children
As a migrant to Australia, I grieve that I never knew my grandparents at all.
Thank you for this video. You beautifully put what I have been thinking for so long into words.
I’m half Canadian, half Chinese, and I feel guilty for “not being Asian enough” all the time. I tend to ask people whether or not they can tell I’m part Chinese because deep down, I am insecure about that aspect of my life being unrecognizable to other people and, subsequently, myself.
Thank you for validating my emotions. It also made me realize that my grandma did see the best in me. And that I did also fear losing the only bridge to my culture too T^T
I'm Filipina -- and we do tell these little, daily, necessary lies. I'd always hated it but I cannot change my parents . . . . . so we say what they need to hear. I wish I could stop almost-crying.
好棒的分析。“卡在中间”，是最难受的感觉了吧。泪目。😭😭😭😭😭😭
God, that dinner scene with Billi's mom arguing with the Chinese family member is so my mother. I remember an aunt from China coming over to see her son that goes to school in the US and she came over to our home and just started belittling the house we lived in for being small and the jobs my mother and father have being not well paying enough and my mom just pushing back with that a similar "well, if the US isn't good enough why did you send your son over" spiel. In my head I was like "fuck yeah, mom".
And that whole Billi being confident in America but timid in China is totally me in a nutshell.
I'm not Asian but my great grandparents were polish, my grandfather was a first generation american and his parents definitely wanted him to be as American as possible. Thanks to that I have no ideas relating to anything of my polish ancestry, I just know it's there and there is this disconnect where I feel a little isolated because I have no culture, there's nothing to unite with others through be it through food, experiences, etc. I am just there.
I'm only 12 seconds into the video and I already know I'm going to cry. This movie came out shortly after my grandmother passed away and thankfully enough I work at a movie theater so when we watched it it was just me and my coworkers and I wasn't ugly crying around a bunch of randoms lol. But I loved it. And I think it was something I really needed at the time
I’ve been thinking about this subject of personal identity for a long time as a second generation Canadian. Not fitting in with your own cultural background and being the perpetual foreigner. It’s good to see and hear other stories and to finally being represented as a second or third generation foreigner.
This happened in Ireland too. My father in law was diagnosed terminal, even I was told. His wife told him he was getting better and would be back to the pub in no time. It was easy to keep the secret because he wasn't missing out on anything he was capable of doing. But I was shocked.
As a first generation Asian American that came at a young age, I definitely feel this. You are considered “other” from a young age because of your distinct physical characteristics like eyes while you can’t really relate to your roots because you’ve lived basically your whole life in America and consider yourself American. For those who are bilingual, what language do you guys think in? I think in English even though to my family I’m always speaking my native tongue. Also the whole thing with feeling guilty about not reaching the high expectations set by your family, it’s nothing like “Tiger Mom” where you’re afraid of your parents anger but it’s more so that you feel immense guilt for letting them down. To all my Asian Americans out there who feel this way, just keep working towards your goal, I believe in you.
the last segment is just pure beauty. i gained a new perspective not onkly on this film, but also on myself and this whole inner conflict. such a well directed, acted and written movie
I'm from India and have lived in India my whole life. But this video struck a chord with me. India is an amalgation of cultures and each state has its own identity. My father joined the armed forces as a young man and I have moved constantly my entire life (although never going out of my country). I always feel the need to keep in touch with my own culture but I've always struggled with that. I don't speak my mother-tongue fluently, don't know how to read it, or any of my culture's more intricate details. as a North-Easterner, we look and share east asian features, and so I am also always seen as somebody exotic. Whenever I meet someone new they, mostly, immediately either jump to the conclusion of me being a foreigner always making me feel slightly aliented (not helped by the fact that moving meant total shift in cultures as well).
This movie seems to encapsulate all of these feelings despite being so foreign in narrative. I need to watch this film.
Please don't stop making videos! I could watch these all day!
Judging from the comments, I think this is a common issue with children of immigrants such as myself from Europe, Asia, Africa and Latin America.
I remember growing up being told by my family that I wasn't Portuguese and that I was just an American and would get laughed at when trying to say otherwise.
Meanwhile most Americans I knew treated me like a foreigner.
It didn't help that my name was a common Spanish name so I was often told to "go back to Mexico", despite being European.
I've noticed, now that I live in Japan, westerners especially, are gonna be treated like foreigners no matter what, even if they get Japanese citizenship. However I feel like its worse for Japanese who have gone abroad and come back and for Japanese who were born abroad and come to Japan. It's like "you're Japanese only in name" kind of mentality, and I can feel for them.
There’s this line from the movie Selena (obviously about the singer Selena Quintanilla Pérez) where she’s talking to her dad about why she has to learn Spanish as a second generation child. He says “We have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, both at the same time! It's exhausting!” It’s that road where you are raised and assimilated into this western culture in order to do better but with that comes a very dumb cost of losing one’s own native culture? My parents didn’t teach my Spanish growing up and now that I’m older I feel so disconnected from my family. I’m teaching myself about my roots on my own but also, it’s embarrassing to go to my family to ask for help or to guide me to learn because they know it already, they knew it long before I did at my age of 22. I’m very proud of where I came from but I do feel like I’ve lost a connection to my culture and my family because of it. I have to try 2x as hard to be accepted in both cultures and still that’s not enough. And my grandmother is the last of that cultural tie, so once she’s gone I will truly feel like I have no ties to it anymore
It's been about a year since I lost my grandma, Even though we grew a bit apart in the last few years I still talked to her on the phone very often. I remember as a child I used to visit her in my grandparent's house, it always felt like a place where I was loved for all of myself. I remember she used to take care of my hair and cook me some really delicious food, we used to talk until late in the night and she told me so many of her childhood stories. when she passed away I didn't really cry, I was just a bit struck that she was completely gone and it was so sudden I maybe couldn't even believe it then. This video reminded me of her so much and I was crying almost halfway through the video. Now in my life when I'm so busy, thinking of her brings back those beautiful memories and a part of me becomes alive in my own beautiful culture.
I'm Chinese-Australian and I was scared about hearing how almost all of my family in China had covid. It made me so scared of not being able to see my grandparents anymore. Luckily everyone in my family recovered but I still feel sad about how I could've lost them. I haven't been there in 8-9 years and whenever I see them over facetime it's awkward because I speak so little Chinese and my dad has to translate. But even though I know I'll feel even more awkward in China, I still wanna visit all my grandparents so I can see them before they will inevitably pass away.
I’m a second generation Korean American and I don’t speak Korean very well. I don’t even understand it most of the time. I’ve always felt ostracized by other Koreans because of it, but the person who makes me feel most connected to my heritage is my grandmother. Watching this video made me want to go spend the day with her and enjoy her as much as I can while I can.
Technically, I'm 3rd generation but my grandparents quickly moved back when their kids were self sufficient. Thing is my parents left their homes when they were children and they had lived in a foreign land for longer than they had where they were born. The result of that is that whatever culture they had, was a version of it from when they left in the 60s. While we had some exposure to "home" by means of imported newspapers, magazines and TV shows, the reality is, their home slowly became somewhere that they actually were strangers to themselves.
It wasn't until much later that they were able to spend more time there and it took a long time and multiple trips and longer stays, for them to adapt what it had become.
From my perspective, I could see how frustrating and even confusing it was for them because it was literally where they were born and grew up but 30+ years changes a lot of things.
On the other hand, I had always been a traveller so to me, it was almost "just" another city and if I received different treatment, then that was "just" like being in any other city.
Sure, there is an element of me being a perpetual outsider but then again, the culture of my parents had moved on while they were away, leaving them behind, so what/where is my culture now?
On the other hand, regardless of how I might be treated, where I grew up, *as an immigrant* was/is my culture. There is a generation of us with slightly different versions of the same story and we share experiences and stories of our own that are unique to *us*.
I've never quite jived with the "third culture" concept because it defines my story by where my parents came from and where I grew up and somehow, that seems an inadequate description, especially when I see and hear the same stories from people who aren't immigrants.
But I am not an American and so my experience is not going to be the same, especially given that I grew up in a large multi cultural town, where in my school classroom growing up, there really wasn't much of a minority. From a very young age, I had class mates from various West Indies islands, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka and of course, the UK (Wales, Scotland, England and, Northern Ireland). Not being the same as someone else wasn't really a thing because everyone was different.
Soo touched by this video, makes me cry a lot. I feel very related because I'm VERY close with my grandma, she is a big part of my childhood, very caring and super nice lady. Love her so much, feel guilty sometimes because I cant keep her company as much I should(I work and live in a faraway city) She is over 80 years old, I hope she can have a heathy and happy life!
My parents are from Poland, & as a second-generation kid growing up in Chicago (the most Polish-dense city in America), I always looked down on other 2nd gen Polish kids my age who didn't speak the language or didn't celebrate our holidays. But as I've grown older, I've stopped trying to live up to what my heritage "ought" to be, but instead follow what I truly consider to be apart of my identity, and now I identify myself as an American first & foremost. I don't know if this is the best course of action or how to go about this, but these are just my thoughts.
I watched this movie when i lost my granny to lung cancer so it hit a little too close to home. I had tears in my eyes the whole movie
These videos are so well done, I hope more people find this channel.
My sister and I, both 2nd Gen Asian Americans, went to go watch this in theater. full on ugly crying. Absolutely loving the rise in these kinds of stories and looking forward to see what the future has to hold about these intricate and complex narratives.
I watched The Farewell before viewing your video, which is wonderfully done. I could relate when I watched it being a 1st generation or so immigrant. I was born and raised in Jamaica, moved to the USA at 12. I've been here most of my life and still feel like an foreigner, yet going back home which is very rare I stand out as being a foreigner. I also went to school for visual art "illustration" to be exact which for most of my family is outside of the realm of reality. I got through on my own with grants, scholarships and kindness. I get judged by family about there being no future, "white" and other things.
The last time I went back to Jamaica was for my Grandmothers funeral, I had been there the year before for her 101st birthday and had my final conversation with here. I had not seen her in person for ten years at that point due to matters I wont get into. She encouraged me to keep doing what I do, not because of how well I do it but because she knows how determined I am at my goals. One of the few people in my life who knows me and gets me. She spoke to me directly and not judging me, disappointed I didn't have girlfriend more for me than with me. As she said I need someone to watch my back and my place lol. She and other older family who are all passing or passed taught me about how to carry my self and treat others, how to take care of family. Important lessons especially for living and adapting in the states. So i'm trying to do my own thing while definitely not forgetting where I come from.
This video made me cry, I saw the movie when it came out. Due to covid it has been months since I last saw my grandmother. She went back to her country after being retired, but all of her children and grandchildren stayed here and we still live here now. I feel bad for not seeing her more often.
I haven't watch "The Farewell" but your video makes me cry.
I am not asian nor american, but the bond between billi and her grandma really resonates with me
I have a grandmother exactly like Nai Nai. I was once Indian diaspora but my family came back to India after I turned 10, and I felt (and still feel) this disconnect. But my grandmother really gave me that space to grow, to share my favourite things with her, to connect with my Indian roots more.
Even though the contrast of cultures of the west and east isn't an issue for me, I have to say I felt the same as a Mexican American. All my family is in Mexico, my only family in the States are my parents. They were born and raised in Mexico so their point of view is in a way different from mine in some subjects even though my parents were able to assimilate. Some family members in Mexico say I'm just an American and wearing my 🇲🇽 flag next to my bio is wrong cause I'm living in the US, but I don't feel American. I say if I was raised or born in France it doesn't make me French, my roots and history is Mexican. But, at the same time, I'm not Mexican since I don't know much of what it's like being raised in Mexico like my parents and the rest of my family did and experience. It's like I know more about Mexico than the general American pov of Mexican issues and history and culture, but know way less about it too at the same time. I feel like a foreign in both countries
Don’t feel bad, be happy. My advice to you is know your history and culture both pre-Hispanic Meso-American culture and later conquest of Mexico. And as much as you can on American History and Culture: the good the bad and the worse. If you know more than both sides who criticize you, they can never use it against you. You’d be surprised on how ignorant both Mexicans from Mexico and Mexican-Americans are on Mexican Culture and history, especially when it’s your own people who say your not Mexican enough.
I'm a bi-racial american, not Asian at all, I grew up with a friend that's Chinese and a 3rd generation immagrant. We lived in the south so at times there weren't a lot of people who looked like us around and we were both often bullied. We talked a lot about the struggles we faced being girls of color in a predominately Caucasian area and really empathized with each other a lot.
Those memories are precious for me because we live in a society thats tries to pit poc against each other when we'd be so much stronger together. I think growing up multiracial, and to this day having a diverse group of friends has allowed me to be more respectful and understanding of other people cultures, I myself am a person of Irish and African American descent (theres other stuff too like Cuban, Scottish, and German but my family is predominately Black and Irish americans so thats what I identify as).
My chinese friend from back then, her mom would always say things like "Are you studying well? Are you eating well? Remember to work hard and be good." And she'd always feed me even if I wasn't hungry. Her mother was a no nonsense and intimidating woman but I knew that she said these things because she cared about me. She didnt care about my race, she just saw me as her daughter's friend and took care of me even though she didnt have to. The fact that we lived in such a racist climate didnt matter, she did right by me and treated me like a human being and thats something I'll be grateful for until the day I die.
My knowledge of Chinese culture is limmited to what my childhood friend taught me and while its not a lot I get where the family in this movie is coming from. Sparing your loved one of the pain of knowing theyre going to die is noble in my opinion. Its not ethical but to see that they care about her so much that theyre all carrying that burden alone for her and crying alone so she wont see is something I can relate to and empathize with. As meantioned before I was bullied. Because of this i have a lot of issues that have followed me into adulthood that I'm trying to fix, seeing this family I thought "Wow that sounds like me, shouldering all my burdens alone and not asking for help."
I however can see things from our main characters perspective as well. Suffering alone and keeping others in the dark is hard and its not fair to the grandmother. While believeing in the prosperity of the unit rather than the individual is an admirable goal her family doesn't seem to realise that personal hurt and trauma is a thing that is real and valid and something they're all suffering with. Every individual member of that family matters, even if they dont think so.
I wont pick a side between them cause I honestly get both. My own grandmother died when I was very little. My mother did her best to try to explain it to me but I was so young i didnt understand. Death is hard for everyone regardless of age or gender or race and the fact that this movie shows that in such an open and honest way and doesnt make either side 'the bad one' is so special and important.
I think Quality Culture did a great job delineating the ethical dilemma depicted in The Farewell, and how Chinese cultural values play a role in the non-disclosure of medical diagnoses. Along the way, Quality Culture brings up journal articles and specific scenes in the movie to support their point, and most importantly, it was stressed that the film wasn’t necessarily arguing for one side or the other. Rather, this was a morally gray area that one of the main characters (Billi) had to navigate herself.
Collectivism versus individualism was brought up, along with indirect versus direct communication styles. I wanted to expand upon the comparisons and frame it from the viewpoint of medical ethics. It can be argued that America favors patient autonomy while China prefers non-maleficence. When given a terminal diagnosis, American physicians are inclined to inform the patient and have the patient make a decision for themselves. Whereas in China, it is believed that the news of such a diagnosis would contribute towards a worse health outcome, that the emotional burden placed on the patient would be detrimental towards their well-being. As said in the film, “Chinese people have a saying: when people get cancer, they die. But it's not the cancer that kills them, it's the fear.” Therefore, when relying on the family to handle diagnosis disclosure, the grief and emotional burden is spread out amongst the family members rather than the patient solely.
It may seem initially that the family members conspiring to hide the diagnosis from the grandmother (Nai Nai) are denying her autonomy, but in reality, they are sacrificing their own mental and emotional well-being for the grandmother’s own peace of mind. Funnily enough, Nai Nai herself is hiding how unwell she feels from the rest of the family, so as to not burden them. Having a physician directly hide a diagnosis from the patient does not exactly fall under beneficence, since the physician themself is not committing an act of kindness, mercy, or charity for the patient, despite their good intentions. The idea of not burdening others with one’s struggles or hardships is encompassed by non-maleficence.
Despite the cultural differences, Quality Culture made an important point on how even in America, non-disclosure is often used in communication. The caveat here is that American physicians are legally obligated to inform a patient about their diagnosis, or at least give them that option. However, in everyday conversations or outside the physician-patient relationship, individuals can minimize or hide personally significant information from others. As an example, when one is going through some hardship, and someone asks how they are, the most common response is: “I’m fine.” Billi herself employed this communication tactic when asked about the fellowship that fell through and whether or not she could handle the weather in New York City. Being indirect is not exclusive to China, and despite being ethically dubious in America, diagnosis non-disclosure is not necessarily such a foreign concept.
I cried through a lot of the film. Even though this kind of lie wouldn't be perpetuated in my family or cultures, I completely understood the reasoning. I saw my little sister grapple with the concept of her own mortality at 13 years old and I wondered how she could understand that she was going to die. What does that concept mean to someone so young. And in contrast, what could it mean to a person who is so much older. The pain of grappling with these ideas tore holes in the fabric of my own identity, and trying to imagine it from her point of view was impossible.
I don't know if it was right to tell her. I also don't know if it would have been right not to tell her.
There's no right way to do these things.
My grandpa had cancer a few years ago and he was never told about it by the doctors my family lied and told him he had a stomach ulcer and thankfully the surgery was a sucess and they were able to get rid of the cancer but it still feels weird about how its normal in our culture to conceal medical information from sick people