Exactly haha I just commented something similar. Just hearing the word in a context could be powerful enough to drive someone away from it's dark embrace. As soon as language is suppressed we all lose.
By blocking the word it makes a stigma still attached that will never go away until we stop censoring words. We live in such a pathetic world now that TH-cam censors mental health
Ren's given me answer on my problems when the medical community given me nothing but drugs to try and help me mentally. When all i needed was an outlet for my hurt. Thank you Ren love you ❤
I feel the same, An actual human being just like the rest of us.... being so vulnerable in such a creative way. He swims in the depths and it's where we all need to go without fear.. together. No more hierarchy,.... we are evolving out of those systems.
I don't know how the mental health system is there where you live, but here you do exactly what you said with your psychologist, you vent out, you talk about your griefs, your anger, you cry if you must to , and the therapist helps you deal to all that and ,to try to help you see things in a different light,so you can progress, to show you how you treat yourself, to help heal and if you need it build a self a esteem, is a work that each other has to do on its own, but the psychologist is there to guide you , to help so you can see things from other perspective
@@tazylab6233 sounds like here in Ireland, not that the government doesn't have money they just make more money off selling drugs and keeping people ill, they're useless bastards I've lost loads of people to mental health I've seen people doing themselves in its an actual epidemic
When Ren says he pictures getting there 5 minutes sooner and pulling him back from the edge, he means that literally. He got a phone call around 3am from a mutual friend alerting him Joe was on the bridge. Joe had called her, asking her to tell everyone goodbye for him. Ren got dressed and ran to the bridge. He estimates he was about 2 minutes too late. Ren pinned the whole story in the comments for the video.
You’re not “supposed” to say the word suicide, like a true artist and human, Ren has shared his art and pain and breaks that cruel taboo, the chorus “suicide, suicide, suicide”. God bless him
Is this an US thing or something? I'm seeing US reactors, people & companies (as TH-cam and FB are being very particular about it) in general being so wary of the word, like it's naming Voldemort... I find it a very weird it's such a taboo word. How can the situations be talked about, helped and discussed if ppl can't even utter it? I find as an European there isn't such a stigma to it around here
There is some worrying in the U.K. about teens encountering stuff on social media that encourages things like suicidal ideas (or sex or eating disorders or substance abuse) , I think it’s partly because American media flows so seamlessly into our own the general mass can pick things like that up even though our government and healthcare and educational systems are more inclined to open discussion/teaching about these things than in the US
@@DenTweedyes it is a thing here in the US and I feel like it is so counterproductive. Ren also talks about how ironic it is that the word suicide is so censored, yet the word murder and talking about murder (especially in music) is not given a second look. We are living in a backwards world !
In Dutch there’s a movement to use self-killing instead of self-murder (literal translations of our words for it) to take the connotation of committing a crime off of it. But ‘suicide’, pronounced the Dutch way, is okay to use too, there’s no taboo. I’m pretty sure that omitting the word does more harm than it helps, even despite the copycat effect that also exists…
Thank you for seeing RENs message for what it is. ❤ I’ve lost someone to suicide and it never gets easier, you just remember how much time has passed since it happened. Just having to accept it eventually. But being a person who also can feel that same sinking feeling, sees what unaliving yourself does to everyone around you. I was never the same after I realized how you can talk to someone one moment and lose them the next phone call. REN has all of this on his page and several interviews! Rest in peace Joe Hughes and anyone affected by his loss. ❤ If you’re feeling this way, or lost someone, just know you’re not alone. There are communities and doctors who DO care! Never give up 🫶🏻❤ Thank you Tom for another perfect mental health conversation! Reactions are my therapy ❤
Full context and story to this song: "Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write. Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday. I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came."
Thank you for posting this....I knew the last 2 minutes were done raw, and the crying was real. Can't imagine running to save your best mate to be 2 minutes late. He did do a livestream on Twitch, he's ok, Ren, that is, but of course, his memories of Joe will continue to pop up.
@@amydavies2529 Gosh, I really appreciate this , thanks for posting. My only sister died of a drug overdose, She too was covered in freckles. That song "Freckled angles" is salve
@karenflowers9611 I'm so sorry about your sister. I get it. My half-sister called me for lunch. She canceled the day of, a few days later, she committed suicide. I hate that I didn't insist on lunch.
@@amydavies2529 O Amy, I know. We had a fight before she died. She left me an apology message and I didn't get back to her in time. I lost a huge piece of myself, whatever I had when she left. I'm so sorry for your loss too and thank you
The recently added ending really completed the song. And made it absolutely heart wrenching. Beautiful vulnerability and song. Ren is doing something very important with his art by voicing things we don’t talk about enough. And he is bringing us together as humans that feel empathy and share similar emotions. We relate. We are less alone.
Yeah, I think the interview with Knox where KH asked Ren straight up if he had ever written about Joe from his personal POV finally inspired Ren to sit down and add that coda. Without the Coda, the song is ok, but it really does elevate the track to incredible heights.
A wise therapist told me that anytime I have suicidal ideation, I need to tell myself that my brain is playing tricks on me bc of my mental illness. This is my go to thought when needed & has saved my life many times 🇨🇦♥️🇨🇦
Ren: making it ok to be human again. Bless this man for his courage to be honest and put himself out there. And thankfully, because he is independent, a label can't make him change what he wants to do (Chop Suey anyone?). I'm so happy this is opening up a discussion.
I think that the taboo and silence on the subject makes it worse. My daughter attempted suicide at 15; I am so thankful she immediately ran to me and told me what she had done and taken and thankfully they could counter it. The wounds can never heal if people feel like they are not safe to talk and express freely what is going on in their heads and the biggest lesson I had to learn was it was okay for me to listen and say Baby this is beyond what I can help you with let us find the help we both need together.
Absolutely right. The more these issues are buried, the deeper they run and the more likely that when someone does reach that point, there is no pulling back because they don't feel safe turning to anyone around them. The fact that the word can't be used in the title and so many reactors have been even hesitant to say it for fear of demonetization or getting their videos pulled entirely is so wrong. And the reality is, there is not a single person that has not been touched by suicide in one way or another. Either you or someone you care about has thought about it or knows someone who has. And if you think "not me", you are in that very dangerous group that fears the word and doesn't want to talk about it. I'm glad you were able to help your daughter and wish only the best for you both.
@@joshuawilliams4314 I am as well, I still feel horrible guilt I did not see it prior but I am a much more knowledgeable person now and I am still learning how to be a better communicator and listener to support those around me.
@@cathryntruebloood3913 some people are really good at hiding it especially from parents as they don’t want to upset you so don’t blame yourself the important thing is that u were smart enough to understand that not something u can deal with at home
@@cathryntruebloood3913 Don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault. If anything, there was probably a conscious effort to hide it. And that’s not your fault either. I’m sure she doesn’t want you to feel any guilt either. I’ve been there, so I understand the other side of the story.
Great reaction - one of my faves. I think the purging deals with the Lyme. There are only 5 food items he can eat anymore. I’ve got a different autoimmune disorder & my body has started purging against my will or desire the last couple years. Ren’s situation has me determined to tackle mine with my dr next week. More tests, I’m done ignoring it. Gotta figure something out. 💜
I think it’s about Lyme too. I’m 31 years in and have been fighting GI failure for 9 years now, several periods of no foods left and lost central line to sepsis. OP, I hope the dr helps you, and you’re very right not to delay it. (If nothing ultimately helps, I’d suggest looking into mould.)
Remember that Ren was already coping with critical illness when this happened. He has said he would not hurt those who love him that way. It may end the bad possibilities but it ends the good ones too. People and Institutions need to stop trying to live in denial, that's what is killing people. Ren is trying to set us free. I too am a captive of this hurt that never goes away. Thank you for being there for those who need you.
The thing i love about Ren's music is the authenticity. He doesn't pull thee puches and the world needs more of that. The problem with suicide is when someone is in a dark place there are very few people who will chase after them. When we're in school learning the ABCs and numbers we should all be learning to look after each other.
The world NEEDS Ren it’s as simple as that, he’s such a positive powerful influence on the world, his music creates discussion, it’s helping people to be more comfortable being open being vulnerable and talking about things and he shows us we’re not alone
8 years ago I tried to end my life and came really close to succeeding. Was unconscious for the first 2 weeks with a brain hemorrhage. My family was notified to start making preparations. Somehow it stopped and things turned. No apparent reason. I remember waking up and seeing my 2 daughters crying in my room. That’s the worst feeling I ever felt. Knowing what pain I caused them and how much worse it could have been for them. They’re the reason I’ll never try again. No matter how strong the urge may get. I completely understand that “dig deep resist the feeling when it hits you.” line. I can’t and won’t pass my pain on to them.
Here me out on my theory of suicide. We evolved through fight our flight, hundreds of thousands of years struggling to survive meant we had meaning. We went hungry, we went cold, we lived through ice ages and plagues. Now we don't have this and I think some men literally fall into that sadness or lack of purpose. The happiest days of my life were in my youth when I packed all my shit and left the country i was born in. I lived in my car, in a van, bunk rooms etc. I had a pillow that had "home sweet home" on it that i took everywhere. And a book that was a philosophical literature on being present. Then i grew up, but id done it all. Now I'm a father with stories to tell my kids one day when they are old enough to understand the beauty and tragedy that comes with life; because I've suffered a tremendous amount physically and emotionally. Dont get comfortable and lazy, do things that test you.
Ren was on twitch before, during and after the premiere for a few hours talking and answering questions. He doesn't feel like that now, he's come to terms with it and he's fine even though it will always be there to some extent.
Thank you for reacting to this song your words always make sense My backstory I tried to end my life many years ago but even now i live with guilt and shame I still remember everything vividly of that night I felt so lonely like I wasn't meant to be here I was trapped in a darkness that I couldn't find a way out I stood on the edge of the abyss knowing one more step and I would have fallen in to eternal darkness lost forever I would wake up each morning and felt that sinking feeling knowing I was still here I felt like a misfit out of place looking in the mirror and seeing a person with a blank expression I didn't even recognise that it was actually me it felt like a total stranger I sit for hours on end just staring into space not taking notice of what was going on around me I had become accustomed to wearing a mask around people using a fake smile to hide the cracks whilst voices in my head where saying no one will miss you trapped in an endless cycle wake up in pain constantly everyday put on facade to get through the day my brain was so tired nothing felt real screaming at top of my lungs but not a word came out so much loneliness and despair go to bed and hope I just don't wake up in the morning but I do and I repeat the same thing everyday just like groundhog day so I felt the only way to stop the cycle was to end my life and I would finally find solace in the peace my mind needed not thinking of the consequences of how it would affect those close to me but I felt already dead inside and that no one could save me from this torture I was going through to me their was no other way When I was 19 years old I was in so much pain everyday I went to the doctors they told me it would last approx 6 months but I should be back to normal well 35 years later I'm still in horrific,pain constantly I take approx 35-45 tablets a day just to get me through and I still feel the pain and it's a continuous battle with my body so the darkness is always with me and I know that won't change its part of who I am so to anyone who is contemplating suicide please understand that suicide is not the solution to your problems it's part of who you are and you will only find peace with yourself when you make peace with your demons and I know that is hard but there are people who can help you to manage your demons if you just let them in and you will find others are going through the same things as you so you will see your not alone and think of those you would leave behind because your pain may have stopped but once your gone theirs will be just be beginning
Imagine... being a couple minutes late from saving your best friends life! Then... spending 10 years of misdiagnosis and drug experiments that tore you up! And then there's the Pain too!!! Imagine that!!! PS... He's fine... Not considering it! Just wrote the track about what it's like on the other side of the action!
Fantastic reaction as always Tom!!! Hope you and the family are well! As soon as I heard this track, I’ve been checking every couple of hours for your reaction! I definitely agree, this is something that affects so many people and needs to be discussed more openly. On Ren’s channel, he has shared a link for a Gofundme he’s set up to raise money for the RNLI - this is an organisation here in the UK that works in water (rivers, sea, estuaries etc) and helps those in trouble, whether they’ve jumped, had boat trouble, if there is someone missing in the water etc. The RNLI spent many hours/days searching the waters for REN’s friend Joe, but didn’t find him. When I last checked, he had raised £15K in 36 hours. He’s also donating 50% of the profits from this track. He’s coming home for a couple of weeks in July and will present them with a cheque when he’s home.
Re' the food references, Ren has a severely restricted diet, as his illness has made him highly allergic to virtually all food. On top of that, he can't eat too much because his body rejects it. It can even cause his body to shut down.
You can't stop re-thinking what could have been done differently.. And it`s not a choice.. Its just there all the time.. What if.. Great reaction.. Shit i love Ren
It is worth it. Keep trying to find the therapist that fits for you. I went to 5 different therapists before i found one that did. I got sooo tired having to go through 'my story', but in the end it was worth it!
The fact that this is still being shown on TH-cam is a testament to the skill and openness of Ren. The fact that so many people are reacting shows how much it is impacting people as well.
This song feels like the first couple stages of grief, ending in depression/ guilt. Because the last verse explains his version of ‘ survivors guilt’ that blames himself for not being there. That if he was there his friend would still be here today.
I loved your reaction and break down of the song. I just found your channel and i wanted to say that the energy that you give off makes me feel like I am watching Mr. Rodgers.
I have been at that point. I’m still close but I know it’s the most selfish thing you can do. REN helps me so much. And so do the reactions and the the comments.
Thanks Michael. Actually, we have to be careful saying the word because the platform could take us or the video down. We recorded it LIVE on twitch and they will definitely take us down if it’s said, so…we need to talk about it and it needs to be able to be said for the betterment of mental health. Thanks for the comment😊👍
I'm from Russia. Living with chronic depression for more than half of my life. I experienced severe depression when I was practically a vegetable - I didn't want anything, I couldn't feel anything, even the blackest feelings - just absolute numbness. I've been taking drugs for as long as I can remember myself. They help - but to an extent. They help me to get through my life, to do smth instead of doing nothing at all. And I know that what I need is a good therapy (since I can't get over this by myself). BUT. In Russia, we have thousands of therapists. But finding at least decent therapist is a really difficult task. Like...it's almost impossible even if you have money (which I do). Watching your reactions, I see that I'd entrusted myself to you. Too bad that it's impossible. p.s. I've been close to su*cide like thrice, tried it twice (but I guess I wasn't really serious about it since I am still alive). Thought about it a million times. But I was too in vegetable-state then to actually do smth. p.p.s. And no, it's not that I'm whining. I fight for myself every day. It's just that sometimes I get so exhausted and fed up with this.
Physical pain every day... meds and depression and no sleep and agoraphobia... sometimes... it really really isn't worth waking up just to start all over again. Sorry. Bad pain day. I can't focus and this song....i can't stop crying. I've lost so many friends and loved ones by their own hand. I almost lost myself a few times, once very very nearly succeeded (years ago). I wouldn't do it now. I couldn't hurt my son and my family and bf. But OMG the thoughts. The tears the fighting. I relate so hard to this song and i have nowhere to put it. My therapist tries, but there's only so much you can do for someone when they can't take away the constant physical pain. It makes all the other stuff worse. I keep thinking, if i were a beloved pet, they wouldn't let me live like this. They'd put me out of my misery. Why am i less than a pet? Sorry again, I'm rambling and it's just been a really really bad day. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe tomorrow they will find the cure... or a magic wand. Hell I'll even take a reluctant genie at this point. Sorry for the pity party. But thank you for being here. Ren is a genius who has felt all the pain and then some. His art reflects his pain and makes something that we can all feel. And those of us who hear it and understand feel less alone at the same time crying that he's felt these things as well. Be well and remember to refill your cup. You can't pour for anyone if it's empty. Take care of you. Bless
You’re so positive to everyone in spite of all you’ve been through! Thank you for taking the time to share your story, to inspire me, and to give others a message of hope❤️ you’ve come this far, I know you must have inspired others around you to hang in there. Thank you again😊🙏
Great reaction! This one has been hard for me. I have dealt with depression for most of my life and much of what has kept me here is the realization of how it would hurt those I love. In a way, this song is very hard to listen to but it's also a good reminder of how it hurts those left behind. Musically, it's another masterpiece. The video is so beautiful. Louis Mardlin is the video editor for Ren's animated type videos and he did a fantastic job with this one.
When you look at the water and ready to jump ...You are looking at the breaks in clouds reflecting on water ...THUS "Falling through the cracks of the night sky . your understanding is a blanket of comfort for ppl.
I never actively "tried" but 15 years ago,I reached a point where i just didnt care,one way or the other. So i started engaging in more and more risky behaviors. Until i found myself doing 70 mph in front of a solid,non moving object. I never hit the brakes. And in that split second, just a flashing moment,i felt tranquility. I walked away from it with nothing more than a broken finger and a shattered kneecap(which even as i type is causing me horrible pain!). I had 5 young children at the time. I'm SO THANKFUL I'm here,to see my children grow up,and have children of their own...... In that moment when you don't want to reach out for help...thats when you MUST❤Please...you aren't alone,,people care❤
Ren's heavy breathing at the transition represents him being out of breath from running as fast as he could to the bridge where Joe was after he got a call from a friend telling him Joe was going to jump. Ren was the closet to the bridge and It's so heartbreaking that he was a few minutes too late 😢 RIP Joe Hughes. I know I myself need therapy, bad. And hopefully one day I'll get over my fear after a bad experience with a psychiatrist when I was 17. I've been saying that for 30 years though. Recently my mental health has taken a turn for the worse and it's been in my head the last few weeks wanting to disappear from this fvcked up existence. But when I heard the ending of this song and hearing the pain, sadness and Ren blaming himself it was like a smack to the face waking me from my one sided thought process. And I was reminded of all the times I've been utterly crushed by a friend or family members suicide and how I or someone else would blame themselves thinking there was more they could have done to save their life. It made me remember all the times when people would say that suicide is such a selfish act. Now I can agree and disagree with that statement at the same time because it's us who are left behind with the broken hearts, questions and blame and that isn't fair to us. But those who have committed and left us are so determined to end their pain and suffering that our thoughts and feelings aren't on their mind at all. It's all about that relief for them. And alot of times I've heard friends say they hate being so depressed or in physical pain that they think they would be doing us a favor because they feel like they're a burden on us. And that's never the cases for us. I understand they hurt, but I'd rather have them alive here with us. Then that brings up another question, are we being selfish by wanting them here with us even if they're suffering? Ugghhh
I don't know you but I'm glad you're here still. Keep up the fight please! Ren has shown us both sides of the coin again. From the view of someone thinking about taking their life, and the view from someone left behind. Then he goes online just to make sure his fans are ok! He's what we need in these dark times for sure!
Let people share their feelings. It is better to talk about it to everyone then actually think about doing something to yourself. He says it never felt like the right time.
The first half of the song is survivor guilt dealing with the fact that no one talked to his friend and knew about his depression. That is what he meant with the lines about not talking about/approaching it.
I think the cracks in the night sky are him talking about the broken reflection of the sky in the water of the bridge Joe Hughes fell from… the last bit with the piano was added after his interview with Knox Hill… he talked about running to the bridge between Anglesey and Wales in an attempt to reach his best friend … he was too late
I've personally tried almost a dozen times but never successful and I'm so happy that I met my best friend/love of my life and I am trying to do better everyday than I did the previous day and somedays I do better than other days but I just hope I never stop trying to become a healthier person mentally, emotionally, and physically. I absolutely love watching your Reaction Therapy Videos ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I've never bought into religion, but my family is devout. If I ever brought up anything I was dealing with at home, I was immediately bombarded with bible quotes and biblical platitudes. So, I appreciate that you seem to be able to appreciate that that tack is not always the appropriate one and that faith doesn't blind you to compassion. I dig your content.
I think the not keeping food down is a reference to his illness. Skin issues too. I have the same illness and when I’m having a bad immune attack I do that too. It’s not intentional purging. Your body is trying to get rid of an allergen.
This song could give me healing, as my cousin just did the thing, 8 weeks ago. The pain is so fresh that listening to the last part zooms me right to her side, and I want to pull her back, and I can't. My heart broke on 27-04 when I got the news that she was dead. Finding her clear, but almost wordless, messages (a picture of herself, blacked out with marker and a note with her pin codes to her bankcards, with the words "Take what you need") made it so real. We said goodbye to her remains, that afternoon on the 3rd of May, and buried her ashes, since, but I still can't understand. Even though her reasons and issues became clear as day, since, I somehow refuse to accept it. Fuck.
Русских комментариев нет, но скажу, что понимаю Рена, больно видеть это в воспоминаниях, прокручивать это в голове до тошноты, винить себя что не успел, хоть и вины твоей нет. ❤️
I love this song so much. Thanks for reacting. I attempted suicide 7 years ago and was left with permanent memory loss. Life is harder because of that. This song makes me feel better, thanks for sharing!! ❤❤❤
Wow. Even the 50th time. Wow. For me, The first part seems to be a tribute, an ode, a requiem that uncloaks the heart, mind and soul collage of the suicidal. The second part seems to use his experience as a victim and a student to exhume the heart, mind and soul collage of those who did not get the bridge on time. Two different social sides of the same village coin.
I suffer from suicidal ideation. I attempted it 3 times by the time I was 15. I didnt know that wasn't normal for people to randomly think how easy it would be to end things until I was 40 years old. Ive worked in healthcare for 20 years and thought it was perfectly natural to think about it. Ive always joked about it and had a darker more warped sense of humor so no one ever thought anything of it. This song hits so hard and I bawl every time I hear the end.
The lyrics are open to interpretation .When he gets to the part where he says ," I think about that a lot, vividly.I imagine what it felt like to look down and see tranquility. " This is what I think it means.When his friend was to the point of actually jumping he had to look down at that water. He was in a state of turmoil. When he looked down at the water he was seeing tranquility, an ending to his pain, and then he jumped.
@Kielia - Yeah, that's exactly how I interpret it as well - Ren is thinking about that moment, vividly. He imagines what it was like for Joe in that moment, looking down at the water and seeing the possibility of an end to his pain and his turmoil, with just one little step. Fuck, what a heart-breaking thought.
As someone who had these feelings…I have to admit the worst part about it is the guilt afterwards. People telling you it’s selfish. People telling you your faking it. If you were serious you would have succeeded. Makes you feel like a coward for not doing it, but guilty for considering it.
I know I’m super late but I always ask “if it was for attention, isn’t that still pointing to a valid issue?” If someone is going to these lengths for attention, there is STILL a problem that they need support in working through.
You almost quoted some comments he left on TH-cam about giving up the chance to feel good, and how he could never imagine feeling good when he felt bad.
I love Ren. I resonate with his music so much and I love watching your reviews and different peoples perspective on him music. As someone who is also struggling I connect. He’s inspired me to start writing so here is my poem I wrote: Switch The light goes out as quick as a switch, The darkness it brings causes so much pain, the pain of which, Is destroying my life, breaking my soul, Pulling me into a dark deep hole, Twisting my thoughts, messing with my mind, Horrible voices which are highly unkind, Taking Meg away, filling her with sadness, Causing distress, scars and madness, As I lay here I shed a tear, My mental state is filling me with fear, Not recognising myself or my surroundings, Those I love and people around me, Angry and snappy that's not me, But it's what I've become and how I'm seen, I just can't help this, I've lost control, It hurts me so much that I've lost my soul, I've lost my way, lost my smile, Lost my spark, been like this a while. As I look in the mirror on the wall, I ask the question, why do I always fall? Eyes watering, I shed another tear, The reflection I see is a person full of fear, I may not recognise who I see, But I know she wishes she was free. How did I get in such a mess? Why are my days filled with dread and distress? Going to bed wishing I wouldn't wake up again, I can't keep living this awful game, Praying to God to take me, end my pain, Living like this I just can't remain.
As a SIDE NOTE FORE ALL THERAPISTS from someone who's been s*icidal 90% of my life (now 31).. when someone's s*icidal stop guilt tripping them with the "well what about ur family, they'll feel sad & guilty etc etc.." That's taking away from the real situations we face, as the s*icidal one, in our minds & bodies. Regardless if we are good with our family or not. That's saying to us that u don't care how much we're suffering every day just that others may or may not be sad for a little than eventually heal. If we're s*icidal already, chances are we're empathetic in some form so we've already spent our entire life putting other people's needs & wants before our own. Y'all say this is a serious topic, if so focus on the life ur trying to save not others. Guilt is not what u want to add to us to cripple us even more. It's s*icide we want not h*micide. It's only ending our own suffering, no one else's, so keep it focused on us & our emotions. Especially don't tell someone who doesn't have anyone good in their life this. I'm not good with my family but I have pets that mean more to me than anything, I can't trust anyone with them so they are why I'm still here. As a kid my dogs are what my mom used, I resented her for it still to this day. She didn't make me want to stay any more than I already do & I didn't suffer any less. What she did was anchor me to this earth by nailing my feet to my dogs. It didn't stop me from being s*icidal it just gave me a time frame on my suffering. Still to this day, when ever I hear s*icide brought up it's always well think about the people u'll leave behind. That doesn't matter, That doesn't stop the 24/7 365 days a year of suffering the s*icidal individual goes through. It doesn't stop never being able to know what it feels like to sleep longer than 2 hr intervals. Never going a day without being stuck in survival mode. Never going a day without even the littlest of things causing a hurricane for u. Let alone being able to eat food or even for some never being able to stop emotionally eating. Theres just something about a daily sec to sec life time of suffering that outways a strong sadness than slow healing. Please keep this in mind from a long time sufferer who deals with s*icidal thoughts. If they do have a good support system & u want to involve them then ask the s*icidal individual what the support system can do to help the individual make their suffering a little more bearable & let the support system know. It don't matter how u help just stop guilt tripping please and thank you 🙏
Ren has spoken on his friend Joe, he said Joe told him he wished he could just walk into the sea… Ren explained his friend was a funny joker kind of guy and didnt take it seriously… he then got a call to say Joe was on the bridge and he rushed to get there and missed trying to save his friend by minutes. So so sad and a raw track.
Derbyshire mental health team make you wait for up to 6 months for an appointment with a mental care 'nurse' who produces an A4 sheet with 8 or 10 questions all alluding to whether you are contemplating (title to this song). The bloody funeral would have taken place months before the appointment
,As said, That poetry at the end Is dedicated to one of his best mates Joe. In the interview Ren did, on the Knox Hill's YT Channel, starting from 37mins 15secs into the interview, Ren goes into great detail of what happened leading up to it and after, Joe Jumped. Ren said he had the same thoughts, but It was seeing the suffering, Joe's mother and family went through, Ren said, no matter how bad I get, I will never do that, and put his mother through that kind of suffering. For those who don't know, Joe jumped off the the Menai Straits Bridge, It's the bridge that separates, Wales from Anglesey. Ren ran as fast as he could. He was minutes late. They never found the body. The song "Freckled Angels" is about Joe, The Album "Freckled Angels" is Dedicated to Joe.
This song is rough to watch for me (in a good way). The closest I came to going through with it I had a surreal disconnect from the world being real, my body felt like a puppet I was dragging around, it didn’t even feel like it would be killing my self, it was another thing, not even me. This video nails that feeling.
I cant imagine how he felt when he got a phone call saying Joe was on the bridge saying he was going to jump, Ren ran to him and kept ringing him but it was engaged so he knew he was still there but just before he got there he rang again and the phone was dead and he knew he was too late to save him, so sad
Language and art is almost always subjective, and I suppose one angle for the line "I think about that sometimes, vividly, what it felt like to look down and see tranquility..." is to think of it from Ren's perspective of that particular scenery forever having association with Joe's self destruction; but I first interpreted it from Joe's perspective when I heard it. I feel Ren is trying to imagine what was going through Joe's head as he stared down, and, in an otherwise tumultuous universe, he conceived of a seductive idea: Just one movement (to step off of the bridge), and all of the noise in his head, all present and future problems, would stop in an instant. He saw tranquility when he looked down, because he felt that a few seconds of violence would buy him an eternity of peace...and so he made his choice...
I haven’t lost friends to suicide but I’ve lost friends to drugs and tbh worst of all losing my dog. Since then I can’t sleep. Cause all I see is their faces. And there’s this ever present feeling of it should of been me. All (including the dog) were better people than I was. But I’m still here. And it hurts but it’s also given me strength because even though they aren’t here. It’s my job to keep on their story. To allow their memory to forever flourish. Only when your forgotten are you truly dead, and it’s my duty as the living to keep them alive.
I wish you would also talk about how he also lost all his other friends from this group. He says he never contacts them; the distance is his plaster cast. So sad for everyone.
My earliest memory is of my mother in total despair. Things did not get better, and 19 years later she successfully opted out when I was 24. So things don’t always get better, an example of how that’s a super irrational thing to say.
That’s why I like to tell people, “things can always get better, it’s not easy, and it can be a lot of work, but tomorrow can be better than today”. Thanks for the comments😊👍
Hope is on the horizon. You can’t see it yet, but it’s there. Help is waiting. Real help. Reach out to love ones, if you can’t do that, reach out to this community. If you are in crisis, call the suicide hotline. I’ve held the gun to my head, I’ve tied the belt around my neck, I’ve felt the sting of the cut… but that was a whole life ago. I never had hope for any future, now I’m walking into it with freedom, love, art and real hope. A life you’ve always dreamed of, but never thought possible, actually exists and is waiting for you.. keep moving forward. Make the call.
You are doing great things and so is Ren. Such a hard topic to talk about. 4 in the last 5 years for me. 1 I was not surprised about because I pulled him off the ledge several times. The other was a complete surprise. The other 2 we were not as close but still sucks. Ren ended this so perfect. God bless him. Thank you RT
Today is my cousins/ best friend birthday. 1 day before mine. He took himself out over 10 years ago. This song hurts so bad. My kids and wife keep me here but it's so hard certain days.
My wife would here this song and ask why I listen to "depressing" music. I hear this, and it's fuel to keep moving forward. I am, and have been suicidal for more than a decade, but the heartbreak Ren shows makes me remember there are people that need me and people that love me. So I will never take my life, no matter how I feel. It's not about me. It's about those I love, and those who love me. I will continue to do what I have always done, keep it in, put a smile on and press on
I think the biggest misnomer is that slogan, "Reach out, you can get help." Maybe, if you have enough money and are lucky enough to see a "good" Therapist or? At this point, we need boots on the ground change so that People do not have to pay for company. It's like, "Just say No" Really? I have trained to treat Trauma as a body Therapist but the pandemic changed all of that. I can't cope with computer screens/IT life. I do think it's a viable option fore some who just can't handle this hellish place any longer. I have learned to tap into a higher vibration , spent my whole life healing from Complex EDT and living in a divided society is so challenging. So I crawl to a therapist window , hand over money I don't have and have the window shut on my fingers at 55 minutes. No thanks. I'm going to the help folks for donation only route. I think... living the question!! I adore Ren, He gets to the itch ... Now that's therapy
We can find therapy in music also, ren’s a great example of that. It’s also why 10% of my practice is always saved for clients that pay $0, so I can give a little back. Thanks for your feedback😊
@@ReactionTherapyOfficial I love REN. I treat Trauma but can't get back to work until I sort myself out a bit more. I've taken a massive hit by not wanting to be complicit in the high $ charges, not sure what to do yet. Doing my work and waiting for more clarity. Thanks for the response. My Sympathetic NS is jacked up...
I have had ideation for about half my life to some extent. A majority of that I have been receiving treatment and therapy. It has helped and it has changed some of my perspective on things, but it’s up to me to do the rest.
I've been suicidal most my life given things I've been through & now have to relive regularly (PTSD). Been in therapy most of it too but when I was a kid a therapist freaked out on me before I told her I was suicidal. She was threatening to baker act me, made me sign a contract saying I won't k*ll myself & it was just a very intense moment the way she handled it, to the point where I had to tell my mom & she never took me back to her. Now I'll never tell a therapist, psychologist or anybody in the medical field, let alone the hotline if I'm feeling like that. My fear over being involuntarily taken by a phsychward out ways my want for real help. I'm still getting help but I refuse to tell anyone about how severe it is. Kuz at that point if people are trying to forcibly take me out of my house they might as well just end my life like I want anyways kuz I'm going to be way more forceful in that scenario. I was baker acted as a kid because of a med reaction, they might as well call it prison for the mentally ill.
Brother, sister, mother and father are all metaphors (if thats the right word maybe, like "my body is my temple" if thats the right word for that😂)in this song, not a condemnation of him family. He has a sister who he loves and admires, and for his parents he has spoken highly of them in a interview.
I haven't seen your reactions in awhile so if you haven't watched "How To Be Me ” LIVE VERSION ft Chinchilla it should be next on your list. It's about his best friend, Joe. Freckled Angels is too but a happier song. Chalk Outlines is amazing too talking about the struggle as well.
![PASULOL รามเกียรติ์ ตอนที่ 4 นนทกพบรัก [Ramakien Ep.4: Nonthok in love]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tMUQgmZzf_A/mqdefault.jpg)
By blocking a word, you stop the discussion. No discussion will lead to more deaths. Open up the conversation TH-cam, don't just block it.
💯💯💯
Amen!😊👍
Right on brother but then again there are those that would love more deaths and seperation
Exactly haha I just commented something similar. Just hearing the word in a context could be powerful enough to drive someone away from it's dark embrace. As soon as language is suppressed we all lose.
By blocking the word it makes a stigma still attached that will never go away until we stop censoring words. We live in such a pathetic world now that TH-cam censors mental health
Love how he repeats the word over and over. Fight the stigma! Burying it or canceling the word doesn’t help anyone.
Amen
Is it blocking it, though?
Agreed.
Ren's given me answer on my problems when the medical community given me nothing but drugs to try and help me mentally. When all i needed was an outlet for my hurt. Thank you Ren love you ❤
I feel the same, An actual human being just like the rest of us.... being so vulnerable in such a creative way. He swims in the depths and it's where we all need to go without fear.. together. No more hierarchy,.... we are evolving out of those systems.
I don't know how the mental health system is there where you live, but here you do exactly what you said with your psychologist, you vent out, you talk about your griefs, your anger, you cry if you must to , and the therapist helps you deal to all that and ,to try to help you see things in a different light,so you can progress, to show you how you treat yourself, to help heal and if you need it build a self a esteem, is a work that each other has to do on its own, but the psychologist is there to guide you , to help so you can see things from other perspective
Wonderfully said.
@@tazylab6233 sounds like here in Ireland, not that the government doesn't have money they just make more money off selling drugs and keeping people ill, they're useless bastards I've lost loads of people to mental health I've seen people doing themselves in its an actual epidemic
When Ren says he pictures getting there 5 minutes sooner and pulling him back from the edge, he means that literally. He got a phone call around 3am from a mutual friend alerting him Joe was on the bridge. Joe had called her, asking her to tell everyone goodbye for him. Ren got dressed and ran to the bridge. He estimates he was about 2 minutes too late. Ren pinned the whole story in the comments for the video.
Oh my goodness, thank you for sharing, that is so sad😢
You’re not “supposed” to say the word suicide, like a true artist and human, Ren has shared his art and pain and breaks that cruel taboo, the chorus “suicide, suicide, suicide”. God bless him
And being independent, he can do that as well. System of a Down was forced to change their song to Chop Suey because of their label.
Is this an US thing or something? I'm seeing US reactors, people & companies (as TH-cam and FB are being very particular about it) in general being so wary of the word, like it's naming Voldemort... I find it a very weird it's such a taboo word. How can the situations be talked about, helped and discussed if ppl can't even utter it? I find as an European there isn't such a stigma to it around here
There is some worrying in the U.K. about teens encountering stuff on social media that encourages things like suicidal ideas (or sex or eating disorders or substance abuse) , I think it’s partly because American media flows so seamlessly into our own the general mass can pick things like that up even though our government and healthcare and educational systems are more inclined to open discussion/teaching about these things than in the US
@@DenTweedyes it is a thing here in the US and I feel like it is so counterproductive. Ren also talks about how ironic it is that the word suicide is so censored, yet the word murder and talking about murder (especially in music) is not given a second look. We are living in a backwards world !
In Dutch there’s a movement to use self-killing instead of self-murder (literal translations of our words for it) to take the connotation of committing a crime off of it. But ‘suicide’, pronounced the Dutch way, is okay to use too, there’s no taboo.
I’m pretty sure that omitting the word does more harm than it helps, even despite the copycat effect that also exists…
Thank you for seeing RENs message for what it is. ❤ I’ve lost someone to suicide and it never gets easier, you just remember how much time has passed since it happened. Just having to accept it eventually.
But being a person who also can feel that same sinking feeling, sees what unaliving yourself does to everyone around you. I was never the same after I realized how you can talk to someone one moment and lose them the next phone call.
REN has all of this on his page and several interviews! Rest in peace Joe Hughes and anyone affected by his loss. ❤
If you’re feeling this way, or lost someone, just know you’re not alone. There are communities and doctors who DO care! Never give up 🫶🏻❤
Thank you Tom for another perfect mental health conversation! Reactions are my therapy ❤
Thank you so much Kari! So well said by you about losing someone important😢🙏❤️
@@ReactionTherapyOfficial 🫠🥹 much love! I hope your family is having a great week! ❤️
Full context and story to this song:
"Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write.
Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday.
I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again.
This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary.
Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe.
Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then.
On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left.
Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late.
Joe’s body was never found.
Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe.
As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.
My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew.
Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came."
Thank you for posting this....I knew the last 2 minutes were done raw, and the crying was real. Can't imagine running to save your best mate to be 2 minutes late. He did do a livestream on Twitch, he's ok, Ren, that is, but of course, his memories of Joe will continue to pop up.
@@amydavies2529 Gosh, I really appreciate this , thanks for posting. My only sister died of a drug overdose, She too was covered in freckles. That song "Freckled angles" is salve
@karenflowers9611 I'm so sorry about your sister. I get it. My half-sister called me for lunch. She canceled the day of, a few days later, she committed suicide. I hate that I didn't insist on lunch.
@@amydavies2529 O Amy, I know. We had a fight before she died. She left me an apology message and I didn't get back to her in time. I lost a huge piece of myself, whatever I had when she left. I'm so sorry for your loss too and thank you
The recently added ending really completed the song. And made it absolutely heart wrenching. Beautiful vulnerability and song. Ren is doing something very important with his art by voicing things we don’t talk about enough. And he is bringing us together as humans that feel empathy and share similar emotions. We relate. We are less alone.
Yeah, I think the interview with Knox where KH asked Ren straight up if he had ever written about Joe from his personal POV finally inspired Ren to sit down and add that coda. Without the Coda, the song is ok, but it really does elevate the track to incredible heights.
A wise therapist told me that anytime I have suicidal ideation, I need to tell myself that my brain is playing tricks on me bc of my mental illness. This is my go to thought when needed & has saved my life many times 🇨🇦♥️🇨🇦
Very well said Cathy! Thank you for this😊🙏
Ren: making it ok to be human again. Bless this man for his courage to be honest and put himself out there.
And thankfully, because he is independent, a label can't make him change what he wants to do (Chop Suey anyone?). I'm so happy this is opening up a discussion.
I saw someone post under another reaction that doing this “takes your pain and gives it to the people you love instead”.
I think that the taboo and silence on the subject makes it worse. My daughter attempted suicide at 15; I am so thankful she immediately ran to me and told me what she had done and taken and thankfully they could counter it. The wounds can never heal if people feel like they are not safe to talk and express freely what is going on in their heads and the biggest lesson I had to learn was it was okay for me to listen and say Baby this is beyond what I can help you with let us find the help we both need together.
Absolutely right. The more these issues are buried, the deeper they run and the more likely that when someone does reach that point, there is no pulling back because they don't feel safe turning to anyone around them. The fact that the word can't be used in the title and so many reactors have been even hesitant to say it for fear of demonetization or getting their videos pulled entirely is so wrong. And the reality is, there is not a single person that has not been touched by suicide in one way or another. Either you or someone you care about has thought about it or knows someone who has. And if you think "not me", you are in that very dangerous group that fears the word and doesn't want to talk about it. I'm glad you were able to help your daughter and wish only the best for you both.
I’m glad u didn’t assume she was attention seeking a lot of parents do until it’s too late
@@joshuawilliams4314 I am as well, I still feel horrible guilt I did not see it prior but I am a much more knowledgeable person now and I am still learning how to be a better communicator and listener to support those around me.
@@cathryntruebloood3913 some people are really good at hiding it especially from parents as they don’t want to upset you so don’t blame yourself the important thing is that u were smart enough to understand that not something u can deal with at home
@@cathryntruebloood3913 Don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault. If anything, there was probably a conscious effort to hide it. And that’s not your fault either. I’m sure she doesn’t want you to feel any guilt either. I’ve been there, so I understand the other side of the story.
Great reaction - one of my faves.
I think the purging deals with the Lyme. There are only 5 food items he can eat anymore. I’ve got a different autoimmune disorder & my body has started purging against my will or desire the last couple years. Ren’s situation has me determined to tackle mine with my dr next week. More tests, I’m done ignoring it. Gotta figure something out. 💜
Thanks so much dena! It sounds so painful and I appreciate your insight to this, it helps a lot😊👍
"I’m done ignoring it". Marvellous words we should all use far more often. Good luck, I hope you find a solution. You got this. 🫂
Good on you for turning and facing your problem head on. I hope you and your doctor are able to find the cause and get it dealt with.
I think it’s about Lyme too. I’m 31 years in and have been fighting GI failure for 9 years now, several periods of no foods left and lost central line to sepsis. OP, I hope the dr helps you, and you’re very right not to delay it. (If nothing ultimately helps, I’d suggest looking into mould.)
Remember that Ren was already coping with critical illness when this happened. He has said he would not hurt those who love him that way. It may end the bad possibilities but it ends the good ones too. People and Institutions need to stop trying to live in denial, that's what is killing people. Ren is trying to set us free. I too am a captive of this hurt that never goes away. Thank you for being there for those who need you.
Appreciate your words😊👍
The thing i love about Ren's music is the authenticity. He doesn't pull thee puches and the world needs more of that. The problem with suicide is when someone is in a dark place there are very few people who will chase after them. When we're in school learning the ABCs and numbers we should all be learning to look after each other.
Heartbreaking tribute to his friend. Ren has a special talent in putting true experience and emotions into his art. Much love for all he is and does.
The world NEEDS Ren it’s as simple as that, he’s such a positive powerful influence on the world, his music creates discussion, it’s helping people to be more comfortable being open being vulnerable and talking about things and he shows us we’re not alone
8 years ago I tried to end my life and came really close to succeeding. Was unconscious for the first 2 weeks with a brain hemorrhage. My family was notified to start making preparations. Somehow it stopped and things turned. No apparent reason. I remember waking up and seeing my 2 daughters crying in my room. That’s the worst feeling I ever felt. Knowing what pain I caused them and how much worse it could have been for them. They’re the reason I’ll never try again. No matter how strong the urge may get. I completely understand that “dig deep resist the feeling when it hits you.” line. I can’t and won’t pass my pain on to them.
Ren is a voice for the voiceless 🕊
Here me out on my theory of suicide.
We evolved through fight our flight, hundreds of thousands of years struggling to survive meant we had meaning.
We went hungry, we went cold, we lived through ice ages and plagues. Now we don't have this and I think some men literally fall into that sadness or lack of purpose.
The happiest days of my life were in my youth when I packed all my shit and left the country i was born in. I lived in my car, in a van, bunk rooms etc. I had a pillow that had "home sweet home" on it that i took everywhere. And a book that was a philosophical literature on being present.
Then i grew up, but id done it all. Now I'm a father with stories to tell my kids one day when they are old enough to understand the beauty and tragedy that comes with life; because I've suffered a tremendous amount physically and emotionally.
Dont get comfortable and lazy, do things that test you.
Ren was on twitch before, during and after the premiere for a few hours talking and answering questions. He doesn't feel like that now, he's come to terms with it and he's fine even though it will always be there to some extent.
Survivors guilt is one of the hardest pains you will ever feel
Thank you for reacting to this song your words always make sense
My backstory I tried to end my life many years ago but even now i live with guilt and shame
I still remember everything vividly of that night
I felt so lonely like I wasn't meant to be here I was trapped in a darkness that I couldn't find a way out I stood on the edge of the abyss knowing one more step and I would have fallen in to eternal darkness lost forever
I would wake up each morning and felt that sinking feeling knowing I was still here
I felt like a misfit out of place looking in the mirror and seeing a person with a blank expression I didn't even recognise that it was actually me it felt like a total stranger
I sit for hours on end just staring into space not taking notice of what was going on around me I had become accustomed to wearing a mask around people using a fake smile to hide the cracks whilst voices in my head where saying no one will miss you trapped in an endless cycle wake up in pain constantly everyday put on facade to get through the day my brain was so tired nothing felt real screaming at top of my lungs but not a word came out so much loneliness and despair go to bed and hope I just don't wake up in the morning but I do and I repeat the same thing everyday just like groundhog day so I felt the only way to stop the cycle was to end my life and I would finally find solace in the peace my mind needed not thinking of the consequences of how it would affect those close to me but I felt already dead inside and that no one could save me from this torture I was going through to me their was no other way
When I was 19 years old I was in so much pain everyday I went to the doctors they told me it would last approx 6 months but I should be back to normal well 35 years later I'm still in horrific,pain constantly I take approx 35-45 tablets a day just to get me through and I still feel the pain and it's a continuous battle with my body so the darkness is always with me and I know that won't change its part of who I am so to anyone who is contemplating suicide please understand that suicide is not the solution to your problems it's part of who you are and you will only find peace with yourself when you make peace with your demons and I know that is hard but there are people who can help you to manage your demons if you just let them in and you will find others are going through the same things as you so you will see your not alone and think of those you would leave behind because your pain may have stopped but once your gone theirs will be just be beginning
Thank you for sharing😊❤️
Imagine... being a couple minutes late from saving your best friends life!
Then... spending 10 years of misdiagnosis and drug experiments that tore you up! And then there's the Pain too!!!
Imagine that!!!
PS... He's fine... Not considering it! Just wrote the track about what it's like on the other side of the action!
Fantastic reaction as always Tom!!! Hope you and the family are well!
As soon as I heard this track, I’ve been checking every couple of hours for your reaction!
I definitely agree, this is something that affects so many people and needs to be discussed more openly.
On Ren’s channel, he has shared a link for a Gofundme he’s set up to raise money for the RNLI - this is an organisation here in the UK that works in water (rivers, sea, estuaries etc) and helps those in trouble, whether they’ve jumped, had boat trouble, if there is someone missing in the water etc. The RNLI spent many hours/days searching the waters for REN’s friend Joe, but didn’t find him.
When I last checked, he had raised £15K in 36 hours.
He’s also donating 50% of the profits from this track.
He’s coming home for a couple of weeks in July and will present them with a cheque when he’s home.
Thanks so much emma! Always great to see your comments, and especially with this song. He is so talented and such a good heart to help people😊❤️
song is in memory of his friend Joe. who jumped off a bridge 2 minutes before Ren could get to him. They never found his body.
😢
Re' the food references, Ren has a severely restricted diet, as his illness has made him highly allergic to virtually all food. On top of that, he can't eat too much because his body rejects it. It can even cause his body to shut down.
You can't stop re-thinking what could have been done differently.. And it`s not a choice.. Its just there all the time.. What if.. Great reaction.. Shit i love Ren
It is worth it. Keep trying to find the therapist that fits for you. I went to 5 different therapists before i found one that did. I got sooo tired having to go through 'my story', but in the end it was worth it!
The fact that this is still being shown on TH-cam is a testament to the skill and openness of Ren. The fact that so many people are reacting shows how much it is impacting people as well.
When a friend goes silent that is the time to listen.
This song feels like the first couple stages of grief, ending in depression/ guilt. Because the last verse explains his version of ‘ survivors guilt’ that blames himself for not being there. That if he was there his friend would still be here today.
I loved your reaction and break down of the song. I just found your channel and i wanted to say that the energy that you give off makes me feel like I am watching Mr. Rodgers.
He was literally sprinting to the bridge and was only moments late....
I have been at that point. I’m still close but I know it’s the most selfish thing you can do. REN helps me so much. And so do the reactions and the the comments.
Seeing a lot of mixed messages from some commenters/reactors: "Needs to be discussed more" and "Don't say the word!"
Thanks Michael. Actually, we have to be careful saying the word because the platform could take us or the video down. We recorded it LIVE on twitch and they will definitely take us down if it’s said, so…we need to talk about it and it needs to be able to be said for the betterment of mental health. Thanks for the comment😊👍
I'm from Russia. Living with chronic depression for more than half of my life. I experienced severe depression when I was practically a vegetable - I didn't want anything, I couldn't feel anything, even the blackest feelings - just absolute numbness. I've been taking drugs for as long as I can remember myself. They help - but to an extent. They help me to get through my life, to do smth instead of doing nothing at all. And I know that what I need is a good therapy (since I can't get over this by myself). BUT. In Russia, we have thousands of therapists. But finding at least decent therapist is a really difficult task. Like...it's almost impossible even if you have money (which I do). Watching your reactions, I see that I'd entrusted myself to you. Too bad that it's impossible.
p.s. I've been close to su*cide like thrice, tried it twice (but I guess I wasn't really serious about it since I am still alive). Thought about it a million times. But I was too in vegetable-state then to actually do smth.
p.p.s. And no, it's not that I'm whining. I fight for myself every day. It's just that sometimes I get so exhausted and fed up with this.
Physical pain every day... meds and depression and no sleep and agoraphobia... sometimes... it really really isn't worth waking up just to start all over again.
Sorry. Bad pain day. I can't focus and this song....i can't stop crying. I've lost so many friends and loved ones by their own hand. I almost lost myself a few times, once very very nearly succeeded (years ago). I wouldn't do it now. I couldn't hurt my son and my family and bf. But OMG the thoughts. The tears the fighting. I relate so hard to this song and i have nowhere to put it.
My therapist tries, but there's only so much you can do for someone when they can't take away the constant physical pain. It makes all the other stuff worse.
I keep thinking, if i were a beloved pet, they wouldn't let me live like this. They'd put me out of my misery. Why am i less than a pet?
Sorry again, I'm rambling and it's just been a really really bad day.
Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe tomorrow they will find the cure... or a magic wand. Hell I'll even take a reluctant genie at this point.
Sorry for the pity party.
But thank you for being here.
Ren is a genius who has felt all the pain and then some. His art reflects his pain and makes something that we can all feel. And those of us who hear it and understand feel less alone at the same time crying that he's felt these things as well.
Be well and remember to refill your cup. You can't pour for anyone if it's empty. Take care of you. Bless
You’re so positive to everyone in spite of all you’ve been through! Thank you for taking the time to share your story, to inspire me, and to give others a message of hope❤️ you’ve come this far, I know you must have inspired others around you to hang in there. Thank you again😊🙏
Great reaction! This one has been hard for me. I have dealt with depression for most of my life and much of what has kept me here is the realization of how it would hurt those I love. In a way, this song is very hard to listen to but it's also a good reminder of how it hurts those left behind.
Musically, it's another masterpiece. The video is so beautiful. Louis Mardlin is the video editor for Ren's animated type videos and he did a fantastic job with this one.
When you look at the water and ready to jump ...You are looking at the breaks in clouds reflecting on water ...THUS "Falling through the cracks of the night sky . your understanding is a blanket of comfort for ppl.
Thanks for these words 😊👍
I never actively "tried" but 15 years ago,I reached a point where i just didnt care,one way or the other. So i started engaging in more and more risky behaviors. Until i found myself doing 70 mph in front of a solid,non moving object. I never hit the brakes. And in that split second, just a flashing moment,i felt tranquility. I walked away from it with nothing more than a broken finger and a shattered kneecap(which even as i type is causing me horrible pain!). I had 5 young children at the time.
I'm SO THANKFUL I'm here,to see my children grow up,and have children of their own......
In that moment when you don't want to reach out for help...thats when you MUST❤Please...you aren't alone,,people care❤
Ren's heavy breathing at the transition represents him being out of breath from running as fast as he could to the bridge where Joe was after he got a call from a friend telling him Joe was going to jump. Ren was the closet to the bridge and It's so heartbreaking that he was a few minutes too late 😢 RIP Joe Hughes.
I know I myself need therapy, bad. And hopefully one day I'll get over my fear after a bad experience with a psychiatrist when I was 17. I've been saying that for 30 years though. Recently my mental health has taken a turn for the worse and it's been in my head the last few weeks wanting to disappear from this fvcked up existence. But when I heard the ending of this song and hearing the pain, sadness and Ren blaming himself it was like a smack to the face waking me from my one sided thought process. And I was reminded of all the times I've been utterly crushed by a friend or family members suicide and how I or someone else would blame themselves thinking there was more they could have done to save their life. It made me remember all the times when people would say that suicide is such a selfish act. Now I can agree and disagree with that statement at the same time because it's us who are left behind with the broken hearts, questions and blame and that isn't fair to us. But those who have committed and left us are so determined to end their pain and suffering that our thoughts and feelings aren't on their mind at all. It's all about that relief for them. And alot of times I've heard friends say they hate being so depressed or in physical pain that they think they would be doing us a favor because they feel like they're a burden on us. And that's never the cases for us. I understand they hurt, but I'd rather have them alive here with us. Then that brings up another question, are we being selfish by wanting them here with us even if they're suffering?
Ugghhh
I don't know you but I'm glad you're here still. Keep up the fight please! Ren has shown us both sides of the coin again. From the view of someone thinking about taking their life, and the view from someone left behind. Then he goes online just to make sure his fans are ok! He's what we need in these dark times for sure!
Let people share their feelings. It is better to talk about it to everyone then actually think about doing something to yourself. He says it never felt like the right time.
The first half of the song is survivor guilt dealing with the fact that no one talked to his friend and knew about his depression. That is what he meant with the lines about not talking about/approaching it.
I think the cracks in the night sky are him talking about the broken reflection of the sky in the water of the bridge Joe Hughes fell from… the last bit with the piano was added after his interview with Knox Hill… he talked about running to the bridge between Anglesey and Wales in an attempt to reach his best friend … he was too late
I've personally tried almost a dozen times but never successful and I'm so happy that I met my best friend/love of my life and I am trying to do better everyday than I did the previous day and somedays I do better than other days but I just hope I never stop trying to become a healthier person mentally, emotionally, and physically. I absolutely love watching your Reaction Therapy Videos ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
His Lyme disease caused his body to rebel against most foods in an extremely painful way.
I've never bought into religion, but my family is devout. If I ever brought up anything I was dealing with at home, I was immediately bombarded with bible quotes and biblical platitudes. So, I appreciate that you seem to be able to appreciate that that tack is not always the appropriate one and that faith doesn't blind you to compassion. I dig your content.
Thank you Robert, I don’t like Bible thumpers and people who try to tell me how I’m supposed to believe. Appreciate you watching😊👍
You should listen to his song freckled angels. It’s also about Joe, god both songs make me cry.
Imagine knowing your friend jumped you get there and look in the water and don’t see him splashing instead it’s tranquility
I think the not keeping food down is a reference to his illness. Skin issues too.
I have the same illness and when I’m having a bad immune attack I do that too.
It’s not intentional purging. Your body is trying to get rid of an allergen.
This song could give me healing, as my cousin just did the thing, 8 weeks ago. The pain is so fresh that listening to the last part zooms me right to her side, and I want to pull her back, and I can't.
My heart broke on 27-04 when I got the news that she was dead. Finding her clear, but almost wordless, messages (a picture of herself, blacked out with marker and a note with her pin codes to her bankcards, with the words "Take what you need") made it so real. We said goodbye to her remains, that afternoon on the 3rd of May, and buried her ashes, since, but I still can't understand. Even though her reasons and issues became clear as day, since, I somehow refuse to accept it.
Fuck.
This is such an important message and piece of art. Thanks for this.
Русских комментариев нет, но скажу, что понимаю Рена, больно видеть это в воспоминаниях, прокручивать это в голове до тошноты, винить себя что не успел, хоть и вины твоей нет. ❤️
I love this song so much. Thanks for reacting. I attempted suicide 7 years ago and was left with permanent memory loss. Life is harder because of that. This song makes me feel better, thanks for sharing!! ❤❤❤
Wow. Even the 50th time. Wow.
For me,
The first part seems to be a tribute, an ode, a requiem that uncloaks the heart, mind and soul collage of the suicidal.
The second part seems to use his experience as a victim and a student to exhume the heart, mind and soul collage of those who did not get the bridge on time.
Two different social sides of the same village coin.
Well said 😊👍
The lyrics are brilliant. But we also have to appreciate the animations.
Best way to react to Ren is 1st listen in full.. then go back through it.
Thank you for your reaction. R.I.P. Joe! ❤️
This song hits so hard been dealing with mental issue for years and it makes me want to fight on seeing the perspective from friends and family
I suffer from suicidal ideation. I attempted it 3 times by the time I was 15. I didnt know that wasn't normal for people to randomly think how easy it would be to end things until I was 40 years old. Ive worked in healthcare for 20 years and thought it was perfectly natural to think about it. Ive always joked about it and had a darker more warped sense of humor so no one ever thought anything of it. This song hits so hard and I bawl every time I hear the end.
The lyrics are open to interpretation .When he gets to the part where he says ," I think about that a lot, vividly.I imagine what it felt like to look down and see tranquility. " This is what I think it means.When his friend was to the point of actually jumping he had to look down at that water. He was in a state of turmoil. When he looked down at the water he was seeing tranquility, an ending to his pain, and then he jumped.
I thought it might reference when he looked over the bridge and didn't see Joe: tranquility, but because Joe was already gone.
@Kielia - Yeah, that's exactly how I interpret it as well - Ren is thinking about that moment, vividly.
He imagines what it was like for Joe in that moment, looking down at the water and seeing the possibility of an end to his pain and his turmoil, with just one little step.
Fuck, what a heart-breaking thought.
As someone who had these feelings…I have to admit the worst part about it is the guilt afterwards. People telling you it’s selfish. People telling you your faking it. If you were serious you would have succeeded. Makes you feel like a coward for not doing it, but guilty for considering it.
I know I’m super late but I always ask “if it was for attention, isn’t that still pointing to a valid issue?” If someone is going to these lengths for attention, there is STILL a problem that they need support in working through.
You almost quoted some comments he left on TH-cam about giving up the chance to feel good, and how he could never imagine feeling good when he felt bad.
I love Ren. I resonate with his music so much and I love watching your reviews and different peoples perspective on him music. As someone who is also struggling I connect. He’s inspired me to start writing so here is my poem I wrote:
Switch
The light goes out as quick as a switch,
The darkness it brings causes so much pain, the pain of which,
Is destroying my life, breaking my soul,
Pulling me into a dark deep hole,
Twisting my thoughts, messing with my mind,
Horrible voices which are highly unkind,
Taking Meg away, filling her with sadness,
Causing distress, scars and madness,
As I lay here I shed a tear,
My mental state is filling me with fear,
Not recognising myself or my surroundings,
Those I love and people around me,
Angry and snappy that's not me,
But it's what I've become and how I'm seen,
I just can't help this, I've lost control,
It hurts me so much that I've lost my soul,
I've lost my way, lost my smile,
Lost my spark, been like this a while.
As I look in the mirror on the wall,
I ask the question, why do I always fall?
Eyes watering, I shed another tear,
The reflection I see is a person full of fear,
I may not recognise who I see,
But I know she wishes she was free.
How did I get in such a mess?
Why are my days filled with dread and distress?
Going to bed wishing I wouldn't wake up again,
I can't keep living this awful game,
Praying to God to take me, end my pain,
Living like this I just can't remain.
As a SIDE NOTE FORE ALL THERAPISTS from someone who's been s*icidal 90% of my life (now 31).. when someone's s*icidal stop guilt tripping them with the "well what about ur family, they'll feel sad & guilty etc etc.." That's taking away from the real situations we face, as the s*icidal one, in our minds & bodies. Regardless if we are good with our family or not. That's saying to us that u don't care how much we're suffering every day just that others may or may not be sad for a little than eventually heal. If we're s*icidal already, chances are we're empathetic in some form so we've already spent our entire life putting other people's needs & wants before our own. Y'all say this is a serious topic, if so focus on the life ur trying to save not others. Guilt is not what u want to add to us to cripple us even more. It's s*icide we want not h*micide. It's only ending our own suffering, no one else's, so keep it focused on us & our emotions. Especially don't tell someone who doesn't have anyone good in their life this. I'm not good with my family but I have pets that mean more to me than anything, I can't trust anyone with them so they are why I'm still here. As a kid my dogs are what my mom used, I resented her for it still to this day. She didn't make me want to stay any more than I already do & I didn't suffer any less. What she did was anchor me to this earth by nailing my feet to my dogs. It didn't stop me from being s*icidal it just gave me a time frame on my suffering. Still to this day, when ever I hear s*icide brought up it's always well think about the people u'll leave behind. That doesn't matter, That doesn't stop the 24/7 365 days a year of suffering the s*icidal individual goes through. It doesn't stop never being able to know what it feels like to sleep longer than 2 hr intervals. Never going a day without being stuck in survival mode. Never going a day without even the littlest of things causing a hurricane for u. Let alone being able to eat food or even for some never being able to stop emotionally eating. Theres just something about a daily sec to sec life time of suffering that outways a strong sadness than slow healing. Please keep this in mind from a long time sufferer who deals with s*icidal thoughts. If they do have a good support system & u want to involve them then ask the s*icidal individual what the support system can do to help the individual make their suffering a little more bearable & let the support system know. It don't matter how u help just stop guilt tripping please and thank you 🙏
Ren has spoken on his friend Joe, he said Joe told him he wished he could just walk into the sea… Ren explained his friend was a funny joker kind of guy and didnt take it seriously… he then got a call to say Joe was on the bridge and he rushed to get there and missed trying to save his friend by minutes. So so sad and a raw track.
Derbyshire mental health team make you wait for up to 6 months for an appointment with a mental care 'nurse' who produces an A4 sheet with 8 or 10 questions all alluding to whether you are contemplating (title to this song). The bloody funeral would have taken place months before the appointment
Sorry to hear that 😢
I was actually waiting for your reaction MOMENTS after listening the song for the first time. 😳 you are awesome. Loved it
Thank you so much!😊
,As said, That poetry at the end Is dedicated to one of his best mates Joe. In the interview Ren did, on the Knox Hill's YT Channel, starting from 37mins 15secs into the interview, Ren goes into great detail of what happened leading up to it and after, Joe Jumped. Ren said he had the same thoughts, but It was seeing the suffering, Joe's mother and family went through, Ren said, no matter how bad I get, I will never do that, and put his mother through that kind of suffering. For those who don't know, Joe jumped off the the Menai Straits Bridge, It's the bridge that separates, Wales from Anglesey. Ren ran as fast as he could. He was minutes late. They never found the body. The song "Freckled Angels" is about Joe, The Album "Freckled Angels" is Dedicated to Joe.
This song is rough to watch for me (in a good way). The closest I came to going through with it I had a surreal disconnect from the world being real, my body felt like a puppet I was dragging around, it didn’t even feel like it would be killing my self, it was another thing, not even me. This video nails that feeling.
I cant imagine how he felt when he got a phone call saying Joe was on the bridge saying he was going to jump, Ren ran to him and kept ringing him but it was engaged so he knew he was still there but just before he got there he rang again and the phone was dead and he knew he was too late to save him, so sad
I miss chillin with the fuckin lads, too
Language and art is almost always subjective, and I suppose one angle for the line "I think about that sometimes, vividly, what it felt like to look down and see tranquility..." is to think of it from Ren's perspective of that particular scenery forever having association with Joe's self destruction; but I first interpreted it from Joe's perspective when I heard it.
I feel Ren is trying to imagine what was going through Joe's head as he stared down, and, in an otherwise tumultuous universe, he conceived of a seductive idea: Just one movement (to step off of the bridge), and all of the noise in his head, all present and future problems, would stop in an instant. He saw tranquility when he looked down, because he felt that a few seconds of violence would buy him an eternity of peace...and so he made his choice...
The foid issue is the lyme disease and auto immune. He still can only eat aboit 5-10 things. Used yo have his food blended
😢
SO HAPPY U FOUND THIS SONG WE NEEDED THE BREAKDOWN TY TY TY
I haven’t lost friends to suicide but I’ve lost friends to drugs and tbh worst of all losing my dog. Since then I can’t sleep. Cause all I see is their faces. And there’s this ever present feeling of it should of been me. All (including the dog) were better people than I was. But I’m still here. And it hurts but it’s also given me strength because even though they aren’t here. It’s my job to keep on their story. To allow their memory to forever flourish. Only when your forgotten are you truly dead, and it’s my duty as the living to keep them alive.
Its funny, I think this came out just before his song Murderer. He didn't have to censor that title. Let's think about that one!
Help does nothing if they don't want it,lead a horse to water but can't make them drink
COULDN'TR AGREE MORE MENTAL HEALTH PLAYS SUCH A LARGE ROLE
You need to listen to Freckled Angels which he wrote to the same friend 10 years ago!
I wish you would also talk about how he also lost all his other friends from this group. He says he never contacts them; the distance is his plaster cast. So sad for everyone.
My earliest memory is of my mother in total despair. Things did not get better, and 19 years later she successfully opted out when I was 24. So things don’t always get better, an example of how that’s a super irrational thing to say.
That’s why I like to tell people, “things can always get better, it’s not easy, and it can be a lot of work, but tomorrow can be better than today”. Thanks for the comments😊👍
You CAN'T make blanket promises like that.
Hope is on the horizon. You can’t see it yet, but it’s there. Help is waiting. Real help. Reach out to love ones, if you can’t do that, reach out to this community. If you are in crisis, call the suicide hotline. I’ve held the gun to my head, I’ve tied the belt around my neck, I’ve felt the sting of the cut… but that was a whole life ago. I never had hope for any future, now I’m walking into it with freedom, love, art and real hope. A life you’ve always dreamed of, but never thought possible, actually exists and is waiting for you.. keep moving forward. Make the call.
Very cool Corey😊
I lost my son to suicide then my daughter overdosed. A mother isn't supposed to bury her children.
😢😢😢 so sorry to hear this, thank you for sharing
HIs family background is his mother is musically trained/a teacher and his dad is: a therapist!
You are doing great things and so is Ren. Such a hard topic to talk about. 4 in the last 5 years for me. 1 I was not surprised about because I pulled him off the ledge several times. The other was a complete surprise. The other 2 we were not as close but still sucks. Ren ended this so perfect. God bless him. Thank you RT
Today is my cousins/ best friend birthday. 1 day before mine. He took himself out over 10 years ago. This song hurts so bad. My kids and wife keep me here but it's so hard certain days.
My wife would here this song and ask why I listen to "depressing" music.
I hear this, and it's fuel to keep moving forward. I am, and have been suicidal for more than a decade, but the heartbreak Ren shows makes me remember there are people that need me and people that love me. So I will never take my life, no matter how I feel. It's not about me. It's about those I love, and those who love me.
I will continue to do what I have always done, keep it in, put a smile on and press on
Ren is starting a movement of love ❤❤
Suicide never ends pain, it just transfers it to someone else.
Sickbo call back because this track is going to be on the Sickboi album.
Such a beautiful meaningful song! Blocked by stupidity! So much could have been learned from this therapist’s reaction….
Ren never misses touches every button. Lost my sil to the s word on my birthday. It never hurts less.😢
I think the biggest misnomer is that slogan, "Reach out, you can get help." Maybe, if you have enough money and are lucky enough to see a "good" Therapist or? At this point, we need boots on the ground change so that People do not have to pay for company. It's like, "Just say No" Really? I have trained to treat Trauma as a body Therapist but the pandemic changed all of that. I can't cope with computer screens/IT life. I do think it's a viable option fore some who just can't handle this hellish place any longer. I have learned to tap into a higher vibration , spent my whole life healing from Complex EDT and living in a divided society is so challenging. So I crawl to a therapist window , hand over money I don't have and have the window shut on my fingers at 55 minutes. No thanks. I'm going to the help folks for donation only route. I think... living the question!! I adore Ren, He gets to the itch ... Now that's therapy
We can find therapy in music also, ren’s a great example of that. It’s also why 10% of my practice is always saved for clients that pay $0, so I can give a little back. Thanks for your feedback😊
@@ReactionTherapyOfficial I love REN. I treat Trauma but can't get back to work until I sort myself out a bit more. I've taken a massive hit by not wanting to be complicit in the high $ charges, not sure what to do yet. Doing my work and waiting for more clarity. Thanks for the response. My Sympathetic NS is jacked up...
@@karenflowers9611 thank you! For watching and giving great comments😊🙏
I have had ideation for about half my life to some extent. A majority of that I have been receiving treatment and therapy. It has helped and it has changed some of my perspective on things, but it’s up to me to do the rest.
I've been suicidal most my life given things I've been through & now have to relive regularly (PTSD). Been in therapy most of it too but when I was a kid a therapist freaked out on me before I told her I was suicidal. She was threatening to baker act me, made me sign a contract saying I won't k*ll myself & it was just a very intense moment the way she handled it, to the point where I had to tell my mom & she never took me back to her. Now I'll never tell a therapist, psychologist or anybody in the medical field, let alone the hotline if I'm feeling like that. My fear over being involuntarily taken by a phsychward out ways my want for real help. I'm still getting help but I refuse to tell anyone about how severe it is. Kuz at that point if people are trying to forcibly take me out of my house they might as well just end my life like I want anyways kuz I'm going to be way more forceful in that scenario. I was baker acted as a kid because of a med reaction, they might as well call it prison for the mentally ill.
Brother, sister, mother and father are all metaphors (if thats the right word maybe, like "my body is my temple" if thats the right word for that😂)in this song, not a condemnation of him family. He has a sister who he loves and admires, and for his parents he has spoken highly of them in a interview.
I haven't seen your reactions in awhile so if you haven't watched "How To Be Me ” LIVE VERSION ft Chinchilla it should be next on your list. It's about his best friend, Joe. Freckled Angels is too but a happier song. Chalk Outlines is amazing too talking about the struggle as well.
Haven’t seen that one, thanks 😊👍