Childfree in my 30s - what's wrong with me.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ย. 2024
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i neither want kids nor have kids and i couldn’t be happier. still, the majority of the world doesn’t seem too pleased with my personal choice. the norm tells us women we should have children, and if we don't ? well, then we're perceived as selfish, individualistic, narcissistic traitors.
so why do others care so much about our unused uteruses?
do you want / don’t want / have / regret having kids ?
check out my previous videos on feminism:
9 reasons why NO KIDS makes me HAPPY: bit.ly/3mrmqK9
everything wrong with adele's weight loss: bit.ly/3cHRqB0
the ugly face detox - (getting out of the beauty addiction): bit.ly/348gu07
how the beauty industry makes you ugly: bit.ly/2S9UT1W
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- the guardian’s ‘childfree’ series and topics: bit.ly/3hFOJ3F, bit.ly/3muLwYu
- the high low podcast on motherhood and being childfree: apple.co/2ZLrXS0
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i talk about:
- childfree and happy
- why i don’t want kids
- am i selfish ?
- childfree vs childless
- ‘a woman’s job is to reproduce’
- travel / running a business / finances / career
- environmentalism / the planet / overpopulation / sustainability
- a tidy and toy-free space
- white walls without crayon stains - minimalism
- the biology behind it all … !
- what about david ?
- a selfish millennial not knowing what she’s doing
- ‘you’ll change your mind’
- ‘you’ll regret it when you’re old’
- not carrying on the genes
- a traitor to the arian race ?!
- our body, our rules
- changing the norm !
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#nokids #minimalist #childfree
NEVER have kids if you don't truly want them. Kids know when they're not wanted and they will forever feel that nobody else wants them around either. Don't hurt an innocent soul with such a painful legacy.
This
This is so so true. My parents were both very clear that they didn't want me. I'm almost 40 and it still haunts me, even though I've made great effort to get over it. It's a wound that never heals.
@@shimmeringchimps3842 it's OK to not get over something people heal differently
@Viktoriia V Yes. Absolutely correct
Very true
Having kids is women's ability not obligation....
bravo! very well said
worddddd
I can relate with that on a personal level because my aunt didn't had any kids even after 10 years of marriage and everyone was always picking on her .....she was even exempted from one of the happy occasions because they said that she was bad luck......now last year after 16 years of marriage, my cousin was born and people now shut up.....whats wrong with the society??
I can't even how absolutely geniously and simply this was said.
I would say it is women privilege:)
You are single, they ask you when will you get married
You get married, they ask you when will you have a baby
You have a baby, they ask you if you're thinking having more
People need to realize that these are personal decisions, not a social grocery list
These questiosn are okay, as long as people ask them like "Would you like to have kids in the future?" or "Would you like a sibling for x"? Not ask WHEN will you..
Social grocery list! Love that term!
THIS!
@@gg_ingy you are so right! A question doesnt have to force somebody.
It's like people can't find anything else to talk about
There's only enough room for one child in my household, and that's me.
HAHAHAHHAHAH
Good one 😂
THIS
🤣🤣🤣
Sad
Don't really understand this argument about being selfish. Isn't it selfish to make a child because you're scared of loneliness?
They want company, income, maybe some sort of pride / face etc "oh my kid is amazing s/he's doing this and that etc (and that's coz I raised him/her)"
If parents are so good, why don't they do amazing things themselves rather than asking the kids to do them instead?
@@birdieculture Most of those, who are boasting, that they raised their kid, do something what isn't the finest raising...
I had an example lady as I worked in a shop.
This lady strolled in and asked about things like accessories for PS4. So I showed her hardware and stuff, cuz' that's PS4 accessories...
Considering the fact, she didn't know, what games her kid played (which is fine, many parents don't, but we had a lot of parents and grandparents, who came in with a paper list what their kid played - as a parent, you can at least show some interest in what your kid plays), she even bragged that she didn't care for her kid, that she cares only for her daughter, and not for the boy.
I silently said, „maybe you should“ and she burst into angry shit, and that she will complain to my manager. Well, ok, complain, as if I care...
She ran into the shop few more times, first yelling at me, so I told her, that I studied pedagogics, and I have some basic knowledge about education and psychology, then buying random game merch things, while being on the phone and talking to someone, who knew what the boy was playing.
Maybe she realised, maybe she did not...
And as the corona quarantine rolled in, many people were actually staying with their kids at home and found out, that they actually don't like them, because they don't even know their children...
I am and going to be childfree, because a) world doesn't need more children b) I don't want to have children in a world like this. Not the quarantine, but how shitty are people treating each other.
I agree. I remember talking to friend who wanted a baby, not important that there was nobody to have the kid with. I do think having kids is totally selfish.
@@birdieculture yes. Absolutely correct.
@@emapelikanova478 Yes. Don't bring people to this hard hell kind of world.
Imagine if schools taught us that being childfree is a viable option.
imagine if schools taught math and science
@@tryphenasparks they already do that.
Unfortunately the curriculum won't be really changed.
@@AmerieFanbase They have very little time for that. Theyre too busy teaching you to be childless
@@tryphenasparks are you taught to be childfree when you're surrounded by mother's and father's?
Hi Jenny, I'm 60 and am child free by choice...a brave move for someone of my generation! I didn't decide...it's just how my life unfolded! And guess what? I have no regrets. I am happy living the life I was meant to live. Long live diversity and respect of other people's divisions and circumstances
AMEN to that last sentence! It really say it all!!
I like you very much. You are brave and forward thinking. And here I am, benefitting from your wisdom though I'm not your child! There are many ways to be a mother to the world. Isn't it wonderful?
yesyesyes! thank you for sharing this
Thank you for this, I'm in my 40s and my mother **still** thinks I should have kids and that she can change my mind. It is so reassuring to know that there are people like you out there living your best lives. Keep on keepin' on!!
I’m 62 and like Jenny, knew at a young age that I didn’t want children- despite having a wonderful childhood. I’ve had a full life as a designer and now art conservator, traveled extensively and consider my choice exactly the right one for me. It’s NO ONE’S business why a woman decides not to have kids! I haven’t regretted my decision- ever. I’m happy to see another generation of women unapologetic about their choices.
The only comment that actually hits home for me is the “you’ll regret when you’re older” comment since we legit only have a window of time to procreate. But then I just think making choices based on fear of the unknown rarely leads to happiness.
gwen mahan The thing about that argument is that it’s incomplete. Yes, you may regret not having children of your own. That’s a possibility. And if you have kids you may regret the things you missed out on because of the kids. I’m far more worried about the latter. I’d truly rather regret not having them than having them.
I guess you could also adopt, mentor or foster some one later in life as well. Does not have to be biological child to experience parenting. It really depends on what the individual wants from life.
@@chelsea7229 Exactly my thought! I'd rather feel regret on my own than having that feeling towards human beings. And especially when the only reason they came to this world was my choice! I imagine that feels much more painful.
"Making choices based on fear of the unknown rarely leads to happiness" this is so true
Exactly!! Couldn't agree more and in the end of the day, you could always adopt a kid if you really start feeling this way
I am 71 year old and love my life without children😍
Thank you for sharing this! You give the rest of us hope and courage :)
Yes, this is reassuring thanks
I have 2 wonderful cats.🐈🐈
thank you for sharing this!!
I love comments like this. I'm 25 and don't have plans to ever have kids. I don't really have that motherly instinct I guess.
There are so many bad parents who were pushed by society to have kids. Imagine how many fewer unhappy, unloved, neglected, or even abused kids there would be if this pressure of society would disappear.
Yep, I saw it with my father, he was never meant to have children, never knew how to treat us, never played with us, or paid any attention to what was going on in our lives, to him being a father meant giving money to my mother to buy groceries. He was so unhappy all his life and made us the same.
So true. First hand experience.
For real.
Totally this. I have seen the results of this and it's tragic.
@@MeidoInHebun me too...except he didn’t provide anything at all tbh
My wife and I married in our late 20s. Neither of us wanted kids. We are now in our mid-60s. NO REGRETS. No screaming, no commotion, no emergencies, no disappointments--just a nice peaceful life. We do have someone else...our cat, Alfie.
What happens when you die in a couple years and your wife has like 20 more
@@ThatGuy-js6mu she continues living (finding a new journey). The same way you came into this world (alone) is the same way you leave (alone). Some people aren’t scared of being alone, some find comfort. That’s not to mention extended family you can hang with if your an aunt or uncle, churches, communities, nursing homes. Death is apart of life, no one escapes it but that doesn’t mean you should be afraid of it or bring a child into this world because your wife dies before you. Get real, your question is baseless. What if? What if? What if? Women statistically outlive men, meaning he could die before. We don’t know what the future holds, we can only live for today and be present in the now.
@@ammandamarrie ah no thats kind of a cliche. Many dont leave alone, they are surrounded by their children. I mean, sure youd have friends at your death bed who came around to see you once a month but thats not that great. Spouse and children are the only people you see regularly enough to not make you feel alone.
And yes you have friends now but youre young. Gets harder and harder to keep friends around as we age.
@@ThatGuy-js6mu And you're sure that's going to happen. I know plenty of men who lost their wives first. And plenty of couples who live long lives together. And to have children and then expect them to take care of you is incredible hubris. Your children have no obligation to you other than to respect and honor you.
@@MrTrashcan1 yes but many children want to care for their parents because idk...they love them?
And yes it is possible to live a long happy life with your spouse and die days apart, but its just far less likely.
And it is possible to live a happy, fulfilled life for 10 years after your spouse dies, but again, extremely difficult and far less likely without children/grandchildren.
My favourite is, "who will take care of you when you're older?" ..."The people I pay." Having someone to take care of you when you're older *maybe* isn't a reason to procreate. I like children, I respect them. They should be raised by people who want them.
Not to mention from what I see everyone ends up in a home and the kids that visit their parents every week say their parents still cry that they never come visit them because they have alzheimers so....seems like we are all ending up in the same place lol
And the ones that are in their right mind are usually pushed off to the homes because their kids can't be bothered with them
I save for my retirement since I got a job, that's how I plan to do 😅
Exactly! Making people so you oblige them to take care of you when you are old is the selfish thing, not not having children wtf.. Society is so stupid..I can't..
They totally want them, TO BE SLAVES 🤦♀️ smh
I have three kids one of whom is severly autistic, I worry more about who will take care of him when I'm gone.
I'm an almost 29 year old woman. All my life I thought things like "I won't be able to do x when I have kids". Worrying when I'd have them, thinking about how I'd raise them, thinking about names I like, worrying about having to deal with teachers and other parents, and dozens of other random things like that. Mostly, it just stressed me out. A lot.
One day last year I had this sudden realisation: I don't HAVE TO have kids at all. That was incredibly powerful. It had honestly never occurred to me that I could just not have kids. I just assumed I would.
After that I thought about it a lot and realised I really, really do not want kids. I've been through a lot of trauma in my life and I'm only now slowly getting to the point where I feel like my life is one that I actually like. I want to finally enjoy myself, feel safe, and be a priority for myself. I don't want to rush to have kids before I'm too old, I don't want to be stressed, I don't want to be responsible for another human being.
Similar to me! Had rising anxiety for years about the thought of it, feeling anxious that I wasn't even getting the 'urge' to procreate... then realised I didn't have to! It was like the sun finally came out again! But then it felt like I had to 'come out' to my parents. Dad was fine, Mum took it a lot harder and still makes comments. I sent her a photo of me holding a relative's baby (which in hindsight was maybe not the best idea!) and she said holding a baby suited me. It's a baby, not a winter jacket...
"I don't have to have kids at all." Thanks, I needed to hear this.
We have very similar stories. Thank you for posting!
This is EXACTLY what happened to me recently 😂
I realised the same thing recently and now I feel like I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to do everything I want! Thank you for your words. I needed to remind myself that is okay to not have kids! 🥰
My standard response is "I'm not having kids but if I change my mind I'll adopt a 12 year old and catch up". It usually gets a laugh and people stop with the 20 questions.
Great response!
So clever!
Lmao
they stop with the questions cause they realize you're a clown
Man it's no wonder you cant find anyone to breed with you, you're seriously screwed up in the head.
Why is it only women getting the heat. I’m a guy who never wants kids & I don’t get as much judgment. 🤔 Well I guess we all know the answer
my mom's partner is in his late 30s and never had children. I asked him the other day if he even gets asked if he has kids and he was like 'um, no.' Whereas my mom is in her early 40s, has me (i'm 23) and gets constantly asked/told that she should have another kid. ridiculous
Partly because governments all over the world are trying to control women's uteruses and reproductive choices and decisions and have done for hundreds of years. Look at how low the bar is set for men. Birth control for you is easily bought, freely available and completely disposable and men have always had the option of walking away and not needing to deal with it
Dude ... some guys never had even a girl friend, they're called ''Incels''.
How about gamer guys? Do you think they will ever have kids?
Basically if you are not having sex with anyone the chances of getting anyone pregnant is zero.
How many guys never planned it and then BAM ... she's knocked up ... oh well, now I am a dad.
So if you really think about it, we men are only ever partially in control of a planned or unplanned pregnancy.
@@TheEwanMC You’re correct👍. Although vasectomy & male sterilisation works so you can have sex without getting her pregnant.
This is absolutely true!! When I made up my mind about not having children (the year I turned 30) I told my boyfriend and he said he didn’t want kids either (for me it was obvious, he doesn’t like kids at all). And I kept talking about the issue for months and months he would only listen and agree and said he was happy about the decision. But I was so worried!! I was always asking: “what are we going to say to our parents? What am I going to say to my friends? How I am going to explain it?” He finally said: I don’t care. I don’t have to give explanations to anyone. And it blew my mind, “sure! You’re a man” I said, like if I had discovered light or fire for the first time. Men don’t have to give a lot of explanations about not having kids. Women are always pressured. They would even say to you: you don’t need to marry, you don’t need to be in a relationship, you can be a single mother if you don’t have a partner but HAVE a kid. Don’t miss the opportunity and waste time! They say. Pressure for childless woman is way more. People even pitty you if you’re lates 30 or 40s and don’t have kids. They always think that you can’t and you wish you could.
I am in my mid-fifties, happily married, and childfree. I have never regretted not having children. Not all women have a maternal instinct.
I am exactly at the same place: 41, married, no kids and very happy. I actually think there’s no such a thing as “maternal instinct”. That’s something we’re told (women) very early on, so we think we have to be mothers. I ve never heard about “paternal instinct “.
@@nati3914 you have a point!
@@amyk222 I am a Childfree man from India. We exist but are few in numbers and are a small minority.
@@dannyhustle2599 what do you mean?
@@otakuneet5467 I am 25
My psychologist said that the 40% of her patients are complaining about regretting their decision and they want to undo everything. Having kids ruined their relationship,their career, they have no privacy anymore and these people will never be allowed to express their problem because this Is a huge taboo. As a parent you can’t say such thing. When I was hesitating about what I want in my life I got an advice from someone: if you are not 100% sure about having kids, then don’t have them. And it has to be seriously 100%. Otherwise everyone will suffer. If everyone would consider this before making kids a large part of global problems would be resolved.
True. Kids suck and are expensive. Just cheap labor supply for billionaires to exploit.
The problem is most people who think they are 100% prepared are blissfully clueless and unaware.
People: Do you have kids?
Me: No.
People: Why not?
Me: I love my freedom.
People: You’ll want them someday.
Me: I’m 45.
Very good decision. Don't make another human being suffer in this world
@@fallonb2362 She is not understanding what I am saying. Calling me a mental patient
@@Fan-zx1lz Sorry Arjun, I thought you were trolling. My mistake. But dont let this big bad world stop you from having kids if that’s what you want to do. The beauty of having children is that you can teach them how to make the world better. But if you’re perfectly happy without them, that’s okay too.
@@fallonb2362 but with intense family pressure and low income I have to depend on them so I need to obey them and procreate. That's the problem.
@@Fan-zx1lz No. Don't have kids if you don't want them, for anything or anyone. They will know you never wanted them. You're being treated as a baby making machine and not a human in your own right. Don't do it.
I’m 52 and I was in a 27 year stable and loving relationship, we were 18 and 20 when we met. At the time we didn’t even question it, we thought we would have children. When the time came, we both realized that we loved our life the way it was and we decided not to have children. The people who were close to us never criticized us, but we regularly received comments from the outside “you will regret it later”, “who will take care of you when you’re old”, etc. Having children is not a guarantee that they will take care of you when you’re old, retirement homes are filled with people who have children that never visit them, or just a few times a year.
I never regretted my choice, and I was always confident enough to face the criticism. Even today I get weird comments, but really... I don’t care 😉
A very good reason
Thank you for sharing. I have enjoyed reading your experience particularly as I have decided not to have children and it was wonderful and relieving to read a small part of your story. 😊
Honestly kids change a lot through out there childhood it’s not till they are adults that you’ll know how they treat the parents
I see your happy face in the pic and it's already enough to understand)) By the way you look like women in the their 40ies here in Ukraine, much younger on my opinion!)
Hello 👋 how are you doing
I wish more women would talk openly about not wanting to have kids. I don't want them either and I am happy with my decision. Why is it so hard to understand for some people?
I genuinely think the reason is because of the internet, people in the past who were childfree would all have die out and the only voice that came through have always been this "having children is selfless / we all need to procreate" ideology. So all generations use to think this.
But nowadays the situation is different. People are smarter and can share different voices. Plus videos don't just "die" (disappear) like how childfree people did in the past, thus create more open discussions.
@@birdieculture Yes. Absolutely.
So, I am an Asian woman from a pretty traditional household in her early 30s who is not planning to get married nor have kids the future. I think that pretty much summarizes my every day struggles. My mom has been nagging me since my late 20s and recently my dad has joined her. It's funny because they hated the idea of me dating back in college, saying things like how I should focus on the studies instead of doing useless things. As soon as I graduated and found a stable job, the first thing they wanted me to do is to find a boyfriend and get married within 2 years. I actually work with a lot of children and I interact with their families, so it came as a surprise to most of my friends that I don't want kids of my own. For me, there are honestly over 10 good reasons why I don't want to have kids. The most important one is probably the FACT that I know I will never be ready to be responsible for another human being. My dad keeps on telling me that "having kids is the right thing for a woman" or "if you don't get married, you will regret it later in life and you will die alone". It's hard for them to understand the idea of not wanting children. Every time when my mom tries to set me up with one of her friend's friend's friend's sons, I straight up tell my mom "no thank you". Then we would argue, fight, and not talk with each other for weeks. I wish they would understand that getting married and having children is an option, not the only way to go =/
i understand you well. i'm from that sucky traditionalistic part of europe, still not as bad as asian upbringing, i've spent a few years in japan and korea, studied oriental studies, so while i won't ever understand the entirety of that struggle, i know what you mean. you're right, it must be pretty unfathomable for your parents. but gee wheez, asian perceptions of women are totally annoying me, it's even worse than here. i wish you good luck.
Are you still living with your parents?. If you are, you should not, you should live alone instead, so they wont bother you anymore with that.
Your parents should have just let you date in college, especially if they wanted grandchildren LOL. It takes time to meet the right person, so if they really wanted you to have children they should have been encouraging you to start trying to meet the right guy when you were in college. Ah, crazy expectations.
@@natalies753 or they could leave their child tf alone and realize women aren’t their baby poppers. Not every woman now and days wants a man anyways
@@RainjojoReeeeeee! In the interest of all the nice men out there, it would be best if you stay single forever! I really hope you never have babies :)
I’m 27 and every year I’m more sure that I’m gonna be that childless auntie giving her nieces/nephews cool presents and ✨living my life✨ 😌
same! Being a cool, loving auntie is the best
Lovely comment 🥰❤️ same for me, 28yo 🥰🤗
Same only my brother feels the same so we will both never be parents or aunts/uncles 😔
I am that auntie to my friends' kids, and I can tell you you won't regret living your life as you see fit. Stay true to you.
I am 26 and I can barely take care of myself, my hair and my one houseplant, so no kids for me lol
My husband and I are in our mid-50s, chose not to have kids and feel we made the right choice. Just glad I'm past the age where people constantly ask me why I don't want/have kids.
I can't wait. The questions keep coming. But not for my male partner though...
@@daswarschonimmerso my husband is a high school teacher and his students have always asked why he doesn't have kids.
Am 50 years my husband 60 years old and we are happy not having children
Yas you go girl
@@daswarschonimmerso Tell them to discuss it with your husband instead of you. Full stop.
My boyfriend taught me a very useful phrase that I've been using in this context A LOT: "I'd rather not base such important life choices on maybes".
Has already helped to end quite a lot of discussions around the topic.
I'm 31, getting pregnant has always been my biggest nightmare.
Mine too.im 32🤣
Me too!
Same here!! No thank you😱🙅🏻♀️
If you were born in rural India. You will be beaten to death it's so unfortunate here in India that nobody understand about Childfree minded people.
@@Fan-zx1lz That's terrible :( :(
I actually want kids, but I find the argument of being too selfish to have kids is not accurate. Ask people why they want kids: to have a family of their own (because they want one, because they want to have a kid to shape and influence). That’s actually also quite selfish. I’m fine with that, but still, it’s stupid to say people without kids are too selfish while they have selfish reasons for having kids they just don’t realize it.
great mature take on topic....wish more people all over world got it.
Yeah, people don't say that about other life choices. "Oh, you chose to move to another country? How selfish!"
Also, true selflessness would probably mean taking in a child that already needs a home instead of creating a new one. So much for their selflessness...
I have children, but I completely agree it’s for selfish reasons! It makes me laugh also when people say this x
I want kids and I personally aknowledge that IT IS selfish. I want kids because I WANT them, not because I need to have them or because i want to follow my parents wishes or something. Being selfish isn't necessarily a bad thing and every human being is more or less selfish (and they should be a bit selfish).
For sure.. having kids is very selfish
‘’You’ll regret it when you’re older’’ - as if your future children will care about you! I know so many parents in elderly care homes, their kids never visiting. If you have children who care about you, and take care of you, please know you’re lucky and blessed.
Yes. Absolutely correct.
Kids are not wired to take care of they're parents and they shouldn't be
"who will take care of you later", there is no guarantee that your child and you are on good terms later in life. there is no guarantee that they even live close by, or anything. i never understood that one. but ok. each to their own. i am childfree and i will stay childfree. cannot agree more when you said, that there is not a good reason to have a child.
Fully agree, very well said
"the same nurses taking care of you cus we'll both be in a home".
A robot will take care of me if we aren't all already dead
Exactly!!! You dont have chemistry with everybody as an adult and children becomes adults! im close to my mother and we enjoy spending time together but my husband and my inlaws are just spending time together because they "have to". The most important thing, it seams to me, is to care for your friends, and make new ones, those bonds are more reliable
That argument never holds up for me! Bringing someone into this world with the burden that they have to be your caretaker? I don't think so.
I always feel like people who call childfree people selfish haven't thought that argument through. What do they want us to do? Bring an unwanted child into this world solely to appease other people? Because that would be so great for that child?
exactly!
Ask a pro-lifer, he'll say yes to that...
amennnnnn
I always day "selfish?I'm not the one who needs to see myself in someone else."
There’s many people who like have large families.
I'm 19 and I know that I don't want kids. Like ever. But EVERYONE always tells me "you just wait until you're older". It infuriates me. Just because I'm a girl does not mean that one day I will want kids!! And if I do for some reason change my mind, I know for a fact that I'd rather adopt.
I was a teen when I realized I didn’t want kids. I’m 26 now. Still 0% want kids, they told me I’d change my mind too.
I think the best counter to the 'why don't you have kids?' is 'why dont you have an horse'
I always ask that 😂😂😂😂😂
As a horse person I have to say that wouldn't help me 😂
Honestly, a horse would be less work and less sh*t to clean up (maybe more volume but less often)...
I am happily kid-free at 27. And I work with kids in supporting their development, which I absolutely LOVE. But I do feel a sense of shame in expressing the fact that I don’t want kids and I’m happily kid-free.. as if I’d somehow be viewed as less capable in my career. And I also feel weird expressing it because I don’t want to come off as if I’m invalidating people’s choice to have kids.. it’s a weird place to be
Imma use that!
It is gory indeed. I almost died the day I had my son. So many women lose their lives during childbirth still. I do not regret becoming a mother. I was one of these women struggling with infertility and wanted a baby more than anything. I did however have a very hard time adjusting to motherhood and suffered a lot the first year. Both physically and psychologically. In hindsight, I think if I hadn’t been brainwashed my whole life about procreating, I might have also opted out of it. Keep your uterus intact with good conscience, Jenny!
Hello 👋 how are you doing
I am a 35 year old childfree by choice married woman who cannot fathom why people give a crap what I do with my uterus. I do not want kids because I do not want kids simple. No explanation necessary. I do not understand why people are shocked that others think differently to them. I love videos like this thanks Jenny
I think some people ask out of genuine curiosity. In which case, I dont mind answering. Maybe they will gain an understanding that will enable them to be more accepting and non judging towards us childfree by choice. A little more understanding benefits all.
35 and have NEVER wanted children. Finally the “you’ll change your mind” comments have lessened, but I still feel a low key aggression from women who have children, almost as if my choice threatens them. It’s odd.
Maybe they are jealous that you are free and happy and you can do what you want and when you want :D
carissime No- I actually do think that’s it. I’ve had the same thought before. I don’t think all moms are secretly jealous- I feel like some of them absolutely love being moms and wouldn’t change it for anything. But I have a feeling that the tediousness and difficulty of being a parent isn’t talked about, so a lot of moms see my happily child free life and it makes them envious of the things I get to do- travel and pursue a career I love and such- that are out of reach while they have the kiddos.
It’s actually a common situation, but you see it more with mothers to their young daughters. When a woman has kids too early, they often see their children (particularly their daughters) as a living image of how different their lives could have been and many grow to resent their children for having certain freedoms or opportunities that they never had or that they couldn’t have once they had children. I think you’re receiving something similar, sort of jealousy but more so resentment as you may be a living reminder of what exactly they have missed out on or couldn’t achieve because they had children.
@@mikellyarte9106 I feel this with my mother. When I was younger she would take her frustrations out on me as if her life was my fault. She was very unkind and unloving towards me.
Haha Yes! I feel they are just jealous that childless woman can be so free and happy. I’m sure deep down some of them have tiny bit regrets of having kids.
When we decided to be child-free, the angriest responses were always from acquaintances. Our family was cool with it, our friends expected nothing else, but coworkers and friends of friends? Oh boy, they had opinions.
It's so bizarre isn't it?! Surely we (as general human acquaintances) should be supportive or atleast ambivalent to people when they make conscious thought through decisions even if we don't choose them for ourselves!
Yeah, they wanted to draw you into their circle of suffering. :-)
@@raluko1111 hahaha, amen to that ;)
Yes, they are jealous that you don’t suffer as much as they do.
They are probably jealous off you.
I do like how the term has gone from “child-less” to “child free”. Change of perspective from “missing something” towards making a proactive choice for personal freedom to live ones life! Progress!
"Childless" is still used by women who physically can't have children.
@@thasright7067 I think they were specifically referring to the topic of the video. But yes, 'childless' is still used for those who can't have kids, rather than those who don't want to - I think it's good that this distinction is made. Gives both groups a voice.
I don't want kids, I have never wanted kids, and I can't understand why so many people find it necessary to have kids.
I agree with everything you said.
Hello 👋 how are you doing
A few months ago I heard a lady say to a friend of hers, that her daugther was a bad person because she was not going to give her grandaugther a brother or sister. I wanted to tell her "Dear, it's not your problem and also not your choice"
Period.
My grandma is the only person who understands me why I don’t want kids. She says that kids grow up and leave and u r left alone anyways with kids or without when u grow old.Thank u for this video.
That depends on how close your family is. Me and my bf's family ar every close, and i wouldn't stuff them in a carehome and visit twice a year. They can live on our property when the time is there. Besides that though, OBVIOUSLY you don't have kids so they can take care of you. There are 1000 of reasons why they won't or can't. I hope you visit your grandma, i feel bad for the elderly who are alone.
Hello 👋 how are you doing
I live abroad and I visit my nan more (about once every one / two years) than my cousin who lives 10min walking distance away from her.
good news jesus love you good gosple good
Thirty-three, have a wonderful partner and we don’t want children, when I had a false pregnancy scare a year ago it, it made it me realise just how much I didn’t want children.
Honestly the idea of falling pregnant accidentally is one of my biggest fears so completely understand how affirming that could be.
Hitting thirties here. Same! :)
I’ve had a Salpingectomy to avoid unwanted pregnancies which is a nightmare too. Glad you came out good from the scare. :-)
Why not get your partner to have a vasectomy. Simple effective and worry free!
38 and still don't want kids!! Good to know I'm not alone!
“Children are just not my vibe.” - you just read my mind and said it.
At almost 35, I am blissfully childfree and a happy parent of 2 amazing dogs. Life couldn’t get better!
I am 26 and wanted kids till 1.5 years ago. My breaking point was going on holidays with kids. We wanted to party and drink with our cousins, just have a great time. In reality, we had to look after kids who did not have the best manners and demanded constant attention. These 6 days were the worst holidays I ever had. Also, I am in no way financially nor emotionally stable enough for kids. I don't want to sacrifice my time, body and health for kids I might regret so I just won't have them.
I'm 25 and I do want a child in the future, BUT I think it's funny that women who don't want kids are being called "selfish". One could argue that having a child is the most selfish thing a human can do in this day and age. Aside from having a child when the earth is overpopulated, you literally create a little being who depends on you to survive, and doesn't that make you as a new parent, feel very important and needed? To some, it's mainly to give themselves a purpose, I mean, who REALLY has a child mainly because they want humankind not to die out? Assuming that's the reason why one is "selfish" when they choose not to have a child.
I very agree with this statement. My dad actually told me we should fight to keep humanity because who is going to appreciate art and philosophy if we all die out?? and talking to a jobless 30 year old with no hope for a better future who is seeing life get progressively worse for most people around me - AHAHAh as if that's a concern when you're working 12 hours a day with one break a week for minimum wage.
I agree with you. I have a kid and it is not a selfless act in my eyes. When you choose to have a family you are actually more focused on your self as the care giver and your child who depends on you for everything. You rarely have the luxury to care about anything else.
It's expected that by 2100, there will be 21 billion people on this planet. I'm all for people having children *if they will be devoted, good parents.* Unfortunately, some people give birth to children that they didn't want or didn't expect to have causing guilt on those children and make them feel like they're unwanted.
Besides there's plenty of narcisstic and genuinely selfishoms put there. We dont need more toxic ass people becoming parents. Some people that I know that dont have children are more capable to "love" kids compared to a lot of folks 💀
And that is exactly my answer when people ask me why I don't want kids. "Because I am selfish and I wanna choose me." I always wave 👋 at kids on the street and admire people that chose to have them. But it's not the life I want.
I actually have a kid and still get judged for not having two. If a person does not want children, or has only one, or has more than two, they will get judged. I have the privilege to plan my family and I intend to do just that. This is a serious topic and after you have the kid there is no turning back. I also think it is important to not depend on our children in order to feel complete in life. Being a parent is great but a person can definitely be happy and fulfilled childless.
omg I actually hear that comment so often too, good that you said it! Personally, I'm 27, still in university and definitely not ready to have kids for at least 5 more years, but I hear it so often around me that especially all the aunts and granparents comment things like "Oh he needs a brother now!" Or oh, the next one will be a girl etc. ... to new parents, when their first baby starts to barely crawl... I would get so pissed, if someone said that to me.
@@ingalien8102 I still remember times when I was still in school when me and almost all kids my age were the only kids, and that was ok, now suddenly this stigma of having only one child got to my country, and we have this nonsense too. I am happy to be the only child, never wanted siblings, I was disappointed when I learned that I have a half-sister from my father's first marriage, but I never met her, cause she cut all contact with father, and she is 22 years older than me, so it is fine. But I don't get where people take idea, that kids always want siblings, from
I didn't even think about people saying that, omg its just never enough for people is it!
@@thatgirlwiththefeathertat1290 it has to do with politics too, which makes it even worse. The last government had a campaign against abortion and promoted having more children. I am so grateful they did not make major changes to the laws so it is still relatively easy for women to choose how many children they want.
I heard it described as child free once! You’re not less of a person for not having one!
They want to call me "selfish" for not having kids but then they say "Who will take care of you when you're older?" Isn't that selfish? 🤔 Having kids because you're scared you'll have no one to take care of you? What do you think hospitals are for?
I have kids, but could've just as well not had them if I hadn't gotten married and chose to have them. All decisions are valid, and nothing should be forced. Life can be wonderful with and without kids.
@@eduardochavacano
What is up with you?
I actually actively dislike children, I don't even have remnants of a mother gene, everything about them that other women find cute is completely annoying to me. try explaining that to anyone without being called a monster 😐
SAME HERE! Lol . I very much lack the "mom gene"
@@cynthiagaona1660 thanks for saying that! SO good to hear from someone else. 🙂
same here, i'm 27, i don't find kids particularly interesting, especially when most are on this stupid side and causing problems all the time no matter how hard you try. I might rethink this topic if i ever find a suitable man to be in a serious relationship with. Maybe then my hormones would somehow kick in and having one child with a person who is also responsible, wouldn't be such a horrible idea. But let's be real, i have maybe 10 years to meet the guy, live with him for a few years, get married, have enough money to then have a child. I don't see big chances for that when for the past 10 years my dating life was nothing but disaster. So yeah, it's more complicated than that unless someone doesn't care if they bring to this world another miserable child. Then you can have it anytime i guess
@@hanami741 don't get yourself talked into having a child if you're not prepared to raise it alone. you can't half-ass something like that, it'll only make you miserable. and the child as well.
I think there must be some sort of “mom gene” as you say. I’ve been so maternal since as long as I can remember. I can’t wait to be a mum one day. But having said that I completely agree with you. If I wasn’t super maternal then I wouldn’t want to have children. Surely if anyone is a monster it is people who think that everyone needs to have children. Many people who should never have had children do and that is surely way worse than them not? I’m not sure if my point makes sense.
You are such a cool woman. Let’s start the Childless Old lady Club so we can all look out for one another. 2060 Childless Old lady Club shall commence
I vote for it to be child-free badass lady club.
I simply must be a part of this club! Lol
I'd absolutely love to join.
Yeah!! I totally love the idea of 2060 Childless Old Lady Club....I will be 63 by then.....cheers to our freedom
Please seriously contact me in 40 years for this. Will be seeking housemates.
Title made me laugh! Sick that women are constantly interrogated on this topic. I'm 20 but my mom had children at 18 (really old-fashioned traditional family) and I'm always asked these sorts of uncomfortable questions by my family... at least let me get my bachelor's degree first lol
Sounds terrible, plus you're only 20.
@@noblemily Yeah that's like at least five extra years to listen to that question.
I get the same as well! My mother, knows I am financially unstable, keeps asking me if I am going to have children while finishing my bachelor's degree. Lol. Like no! It's hella stressful, but also I have already claimed my position of being the cool aunt and I'm cool with it. Haha
@@sopheikemarie lucky me!
@Indira Y Hi! Are you from -stan kind of Eurasian country? You're name is just local. I am from KZ and the situation is even worse here. Many women think that much children you get, much cooler and respective woman you are, they give medals... Sometimes I think that these elderly men and women consider a woman just as an incubater for kids and housekeeper
I married a man with an adult daughter and we now have three grandsons. I love them all dearly, but a day of hanging out with the boys reaffirms that I definitely made the right call to not have any of my own biological offspring. at the end of the day, I am exhausted, brain-fried, and craving my own quiet space.
But at least you can visit them without the kids staying over everyday.
Hello 👋 how are you doing
This is actually my dream scenario. Having adult kids to have fun with without the whole pregnancy, birth and raising part.
thats why i feel when i spend the day with my niece
I'm mid 40's and never wanted children and I have NO REGRETS about not having any. I love peace and quiet and the freedom to do what I want when I want. It's a much easier, carefree life without them.
My own mom called me selfish and said that’s not how she raised me when I told her I might not want kids. It was a huge argument that really stuck with me and hurt a lot :(
Hm...I thought a lot about this family thing...I know that I will disappoint my dad when we won't have kids...BUT: your family/parents are maybe not the best advisors in this point...bc - guess what: THEY decided to have kids! We all come from a family...but we have to decide for ourselves how our life will look like and where WE will go.
We’re here for you!
I don’t understand how it could be selfish ? Grew up in Sweden though... love and support to you. 🥰
Tell her to mind her own business. Boone has the right to dictate how others live and what they choose to do with their own bodies.
I’m sorry :( I’m not sure what to say to help but I hope one day she’ll understand you.
"You will regret it when you're old and lonely." I would definitely regret more a child vomitting over a stranger in a mall or crayons on my wall, thanks.
Also, nice of them to assume we'll be lonely when we're old. Who knows, might be raving in the bingo hall with my fellow wrinklies : D
@@lilmisscoopie lol, I love this comment.
Hello 👋 how are you doing
Wanting a kid so they wont be alone when they are old... it's selfish
Yes. After watching this video and some talk with myself. I realised that an innocent soul should not be bought into this horrible world for our selfish needs, better hire a househelp.
I'm 47 and child-free very much by choice. I took a lot of flack for it in my 20s and 30s, especially from my mother but I have zero regrets. Children are a huge undertaking under the best of circumstances and most people don't give the matter enough thought before having kids. I'm glad I was stubborn enough to hold my ground and not give in to appease others.
I'm surprised that your mum believed you and just didn't think you'd change your mind!
@@louisemc3680 Oh she did. Until I turned 40 and she just gave up. Even she had to admit that ship had sailed.
@@kaleidoscopeeyes1184 It's probably sad for her as no grandchildren but you have to do what feels right for you.
When people kept asking me the question (especially when they have kids themselves), I feel like, "hey, are you feeling it's unfair that you have to endure all the sufferings of having kids while I don't?"
I have so much financial freedom and free time to spare, which I know, are envied by many people.
Hello? U had your time to make a choice and please don't feel bitter when someone else chooses a better life than you.
Yeah I find moms saying that to me all the time but then going wow I wish I had traveled like you're doing at your age but I had kids or wow how do you have so much savings and I'm like simple no kids just myself lol
But of course "oh well you'll want them in a few years you'll see"
Exactly.
Hello 👋 how are you doing
Wanting to have kids is ok.
Wanting to stay childfree is ok.
Changing your mind at any age to have kids is ok.
I've made my choice already. I have goals for the future, to travel, to find work I really like, to write a book, to eat food I want, to listen to the music I want, to just live without worrying about anyone else. It bothers me that childless women, whether they are 20 or 40, are still asked when they are children and pushed to have them. It is old-fashioned, and insensitive.
I married a man when I was 18, and the baby questions started immediately. I thought it was so weird and invasive. I’m so incredibly glad that I never gave into the pressure, as my life now in my late thirties is in no way conducive to being a mother, and likely will never be.
I can't be the only one who noticed how so many CF women look so much younger, happier and smarter? Like every Interview I have seen, these women radiated so much life and fun!
It’s our best kept, yet free, anti aging secret 🤣👏🏻
Take a guess why...
I'm 46 and still waiting for the moment people foretold that I would want to have children... ;) I totally identify with how you feel and although I have stronger personal reasons to not want a child than you say you do, I feel that it comes down to not feeling any desire to have one. My husband feels the exact same. We have two adorable nieces and 3 cute-as-can-be pets to love and that is enough for us.
In Portugal, given the strong catholic background, not wanting to have kids is mostly seen as immensely strange and I guess I could have been led to have kids by that pressure, which is scary. Fortunately I think I was always seen as a weirdo anyway and the no-kids was perceived as simply another aspect of my "weirdness".
It's really curious how people feel threatened by child-freedom, pretty much the same way as they feel threatened by non heterosexuality and so on. It's not like anyone is going to force anyone to be or choose something they are not or choose not! :\
Now I am waiting for old age to know if, as people say, I will regret my decision. :D
42 no kids! You're not alone.
49 no kids ...Irish Catholic ..I also have very personal reasons for not wanting them , I don’t regret it ..I would have regretted more having a child and ruining its life x
I'm pretty sure that the people who are trying to pressure others into having kids are secretly missing their own freedom and don't want others to have what they have lost 😂 Glad you did your own thing and didn't let anyone pressure you into having kids!
@@cazridley5822 Same here.
@@johannasophia8989 TRUTH! I have always felt this way. My Mom has always told me NOT to have kids (she has 4) because it is overrated and she would never do it again. She loves us to death and has always defended us and protected us and she did her best as a Mom BUT I always knew she could have done without us. Not in a bad way but women back then didn't have as many options and having kids was absolutely expected of them. Many of them didn't want kids and raised them with resentment.
Those who think,not wanting to have kids is selfish,isn't having a child so that you have someone to take care of you when you are old,also selfish???
There’s moms who want only one kid get pressured into why they don’t have a second.
Having a kid just because you need to have someone to help you when youget old is a very risky investment. Well, apart from moving to another city/country,there are all kind of bad scenarios: your grownup kid might have a bad relationship with you, the kid might get sick/injured after an accident and need care himself, or even die before you.. life is so unpredictable! So yeah, probably cheaper to save for a care assistant..
Yes
to quote the popular meme; "When ever anyone asks if I want children, I simply respond with 'this blood line dies with me.' simple, strong, doesn't invite any questions."
I love this, thanks for all that you do!
6:30 I'd rather waking up one day and regret the fact that I DIDN'T have children, than wake up one day and regret the fact that I DID have children
"It's not that I can't find reasons why I shouldn't have kids, it's more that I can't find a single reason why I should" Perfect argument! :) Have kids isn't an imperative of life. It's just one of many more free decisions
100% I'm almost 30 and happily married. Always get asked when the kids are coming and get a very suprised look when I say never.
My 26 year old son just got married last week, if they never want kids that would be fine by me, I already have an adorable grandpuppy from them! 🐶
I find that hard to beleive
@@charlottesmom My mum has a grandkitty :D
@@woolypuffin392 @charlottesmom My mum will one day have a grandpuppy but she refuses to accept that I don't want children.
i'm aromantic asexual, which might be one of the reasons i don't want to have ANY children, ever - and as you are, i'm privilidged enough to be able to not care what anyone else thinks on that topic. i am, however, pressured into relationships and babymaking on a regular basis, which i find, frankly, quite infuriating. interestingly, one of the most frequent comments i get, when i say that i don't like children and i don't want any of my own, is the most baffling one - "but you were a child once too!"... ok? what does that have to do with anything? love from Poland ;)
Abe The Egyptian Pharaoh sorry but that is a really stupid comment. Why should the children look after you and yes they’d be carrying on my name not the fathers. I’m child free by choice and am way past the age when I can have children. It’s fantastic. We, my hubby and me, can travel when we want and have pretty good pensions. We have a great life free of responsibilities. There are enough children in the world.
Abe The Egyptian Pharaoh You shouldn’t expect to be their responsibility just because you chose to have them. If they decide they don’t want to take care of you, it shouldn’t be held against them.This is probably more of a cultural difference than anything else though.
@@ibrahimsafwat There is absolutely no guarantee that having kids will stop you being alone in your old age. I used to spend every Sunday with my grandmother at a nursing home from the age of 5 until the age of 8 when she passed. I still remember that Almost nobody had relatives visiting. And my friends, two of whom now work in nursing homes have said that so many people are rarely visited by their children and grandchildren. Having kids solely for companionship when you get old is ridiculous and selfish.
Plus, most times when I ask people what they do for their own parents or grandparents, I'm greeted with a vacant stare.
I'm asexual, too, and I think probably aromatic (the line between what is romantic love and what isn't is still blurry for me). I like kids and work with them, but I've never felt the desire to have my own. When I see people making arguments about why women should have kids or saying that women are selfish or whatever else if they choose not to have kids, I just wonder, would they want someone like me, who has absolutely zero desire to be a mother, to have kids anyway? Makes no sense to me.
@@ibrahimsafwat Let's face it: what kind of "legacy" do you have? None. Most of us don't. Whether you have children or not, your name and all your achievements will likely be forgotten in less than 200 years. That's nothing, it's a blink.
Oh, and I have worked with old people as well, in a rural part of my country where family and responsibility is all the rage. Most didn't get a visit from family even once a month. That is a reality. Kids just have their own lives, their own families. If you don't want to die alone, maybe consider getting friends and building meaningful relationships instead of procreating with the idea that your kids owe you because you 'made' them.
My client is 72 and has kids. None of them want to take care of her because they are so busy and running their lives. She is ALONE literally all the time
For the longest time I was convinced I would never want children, and I got very mad at everyone telling me I would change my mind. But in the last couple of years I've been going baby crazy! Especially since I got little nieces and nephews, I am more and more sure that the parenthood life is a life for me. So yeah, I did change my mind. But that's me. That's not everyone's story. And just because those people telling me I would change my mind were right, I'm no less mad at them. They had no right to project such a personal life choice on me, and on any other woman for that matter.
👍
And that’s ok! As long as people don’t EXPECT this to happen (I’m talking about all the ‘you’ll change your mind’ comments)
I think that’s fomo 😂😂
I had the same. Didn't want kids till i was 31. Told my bf, we may never have children. Then suddonly i started looking at family channels on youtube, thinking of decorating baby rooms, and i was just...broody af out of nowhere. Lucky to have my son now, and i wish i could have 2 more, but it's hard at age 34 and with PCOS. The love i feel for my son is a love i never felt before, it's protective, unconditional, even though i was never a "mommy" type of woman. Maybe you change your mind, maybe you don't, idk why anyone would care (unless maybe your parents who'd like to be grandparents one day).
@@gg_ingy my parents do want to become grandparents but they weren't good parents so, I don't think they will make good grand parents either. Plus, I prefer to make myself and choices a priority before trying to please them.
"Selfish. Yes, I am." Thank you so much for saying this! I have my own dreams, and they have never involved having children. Why shouldn't I feel free to pursue those dreams? Why shouldn't ANY woman? Are only men allowed to have aspirations that aren't child-related?
"Selfish." Yes, I am. And THAT'S OKAY.
It's not even selfish at all bcos your decisions won't affect the child or anyone else anyway.
@@thasright7067 Yes. Absolutely
@@thasright7067 exactly. regretting having a kid would affect your child immensely
What I noticed is that every female TH-camr I have seen who got pregnant became super boring, tired and lost their humor. It's so sad that these smart women have committed themselves to be household slaves for their husbands and kids.
Unless you all live in the same country don't always believe that your kids will be there when you get old. It's a myth. They lead their own lives. It's better to learn to get along on your own.
We can’t raise a next generation of dependent adults. They need there own life
Pushing 40 and still no regrets. Planning out my best life because my time is my own and my money is my own.
Ok
I love this. This is exactly the life I am aiming for. Peace,minimalism, job I like, travelling and reading books forever.
I DECIDED at the age of 12 that I would not have children. I am in my late 50's and have never wavered from my decision. 👍
High school chemistry lab where there's a bit of oil and grease on the tables
andover trip in 2 days weather looks in the clear the plan will be brought out
thinking about compounds lately .,..
Love that this is getting talked about more and more.
I never thought about it, concretely, until I got into my 30’s and you start to realize you only have so much time left (for a biological baby, anyway).
I was always waiting for that “baby fever” to hit me, like it did for all of my friends, and it never did (I’m 37 now)
I always imagined when I was younger that some time in the very distant future I would have kids, but when I got older and started thinking of the logistics of it and everything that it requires, it didn’t appeal to me at all.
I really love my quiet life with my husband, cat and time to myself.
I absolutely love being an Aunt and that is enough for me ❤️
When I was reading this,I thought, this is me! Literally every sentence. I am 33 now and I love that it is just me and my boyfriend :)
@@87Ashlee So nice to know that we're not alone with these decisions. I started to really think about it when I turned 33 as well
A famous influencer and youtuber Kaushal (or Kaushal beauty) said casually in one of her videos that she does not want kids. As a fellow Indian I can tell how monumental that is! My life literally got destroyed and I became a loner because of the pressure I had from my family to have kids. I might have had them on my own timeline but I almost died from the kind of stress I was put through and that relationship was destroyed by my family’s demands and intrusions. But in their mind they are looking out for me and only want my happiness. Gave up on trying to reason it.
"Who's gonna take care of you when you are older?"
Let me tell you how many daughters and sons stop talking and seeing their parents for several reasons when they're old, who guarantees that they actually gonna be there for you??
the hardest part is finding a man who doesn’t want kids :(
I think people have trouble being totally and brutally honest. There are men and women that don't want kids, quite frankly more and more of them come out of the closet each day. I found when I was a young dating lady, who never wanted kids ever, dating men 10 years older made all the difference. Don't mess around with someone on the fence about it or think you will change them one way or another. My husband and I have been happily and childlessley together for over 16 years. The stigma will subside the more people talk about it. The most horrible thing ever is bringing an unwanted person into the world bc of something as stupid as social pressure.
Mine says that he would like to have children, but he's willing to compromise in order to stay with me. I don't like that, it makes me feel like I'm stealing something from him..
It must be so frustrating! For me what did it was telling it on the first or second date and also dating a men older then me. My bf and I met when I was around 18, he was 26. 7 years later we're still going strong! We're lucky to have each other. We're both coming to an age where some of our friends have kids, and we're really glad we're choosing the child-free life. Good luck to you in finding that in a partner, and yes, as an other commenter said, maybe look for men who are a bit older than you and know for sure if they want kids or not.
My husband is very easy going, he said if I don't want kids, neither does he... since realistically women do most of the childrearing anyways (typically)
I agree I've dated, hooked up and made friends with men of all ages and backgrounds and they all want kids. I found my dream partner...but he really wants kids and I get more sure each day I don't. I think maybe at 45 I'd want a teenager but aside from adoption women don't have the option of having kids past 35 and at that point it seems selfish since most likely the child will have health issues :(
'you just haven't met the right man yet' is a classic I've heard often. It makes people uncomfortable if you don't do what everyone does. People seem to like conformity. And yes, I can totally relate to your aversion to the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. It is my nightmare, literally. Of course, everybody should do whatever they want. But it is not for me. (and my ship has sailed, lol)
To me the fact that some people think of having children so they would have someone to take care of them when they grow old sounds rather selfish
Absolutely! The lack of self-awareness is staggering!!
The clock never started ticking in my case, maybe it's broken. There are too many people already, it would be very selfish of me to place even more children on this terrible earth. I also don't like routine and with children that is necessary. What about the millions of diapers we dispose of...soo bad for the environment! I'm 46 now and I don't regret my decision.
About the diapers, cloth diapering is becoming more popular, i never got into it though, but wish i did. Cheaper too.
I have to say i am so grateful to read comments like yours. I am 29 and i know in my heart i do not want kids. But people always try to scare you that you will regret it when you are much older and it will be too late then. So reading your comment just gives me so much reassurance to follow my heart and ignore the fears. Thank you.
@@lial216 you’re so welcome gorgeous! 😊
@@lial216 A like minded CF here
I'm a Brazilian 43-year old who doesn't have kids, and I'm very lucky I face no disapproval from my family. This is a very conservative country and many women say I'll never know "what true love is". I'm afraid that deep down some of them just want me to be as miserable as they are.
Brazil? It's sad to hear it as a conservative country. I have a doubt why the population is still low in Brazil, if it's a procreating country?
Male. Unmarried. Childless. Couldn't be any happier. The planet is a fucking mess as it is.
I’m 21 and as of right now I don’t see myself having kids. The idea of having them never exited me. I do however keep my mind open to change, but respect all others in their decisions
In my family, women are subconsciously and sometimes even consciously not seen as an adult despite being of adult age, until they’re married or have kids. So when I turned 18 I did have this want for bearing children but I didn’t because I realized the only reason I wanted a child was because my family wouldn’t stop treating me like a 12 year old unless I had a kid. I am now about to be 21 and don’t see children in my life any time soon if ever. Even if my family still treats me like a child, and often expect me to do as I am told, I am content with being the fun, childless aunt that is always traveling and making very “risky” decisions for a young Latin woman.
My decision to not have kids is 100% due to selfishness. 100% proud of it.
Being childfree is not even selfish.
The breeders are the selfish ones.
@Elio
Those aren't selfish reasons. You can only be selfish if your decisions directly affect someone else. Not having children does not harm anyone.
@@HikaruYamamoto calling parents breeders. Crawl back to r/child free.
@@Aaron-pg1sm You don't automatically get respect for shitting out a kid because you had sex. Breeders just breed, they don't give a shit about if they can actually parent or care for a child. I have no respect for mindless breeders. If you are offended then you have a breeder mentality.
When I was a child, I could not imagine myself as a parent. That never changed. I am 50, and so glad I did not have children. It is the best of my life choices.
Hi
I have One Son, and that's enough for me. I don't want more children, but everyone around me, my friends at work, even my patients, always ask me why you only have one child? it's sad, because it's my life and my choice ... society is always attacking women, not men, not only when it comes to children, but whether you have a partner or not, your career, etc.
Thank you for this topic.
Have a nice day from Poland
How old is your son and does he like not having siblings? I'm an only child and I loved it. (and still do now as an adult)
I love it when you tell people that you don't want kids and they say, "You'll change your mind". As if they know me better than I know myself !
when they have talked to you only for one hour xD
Childfree, happy with it. It gives me more time and energy to be there for my friends and family, to show up for myself, and to enjoy the freedom I didn’t have as a kid and teenager. I had to grow up fast when I was young, always act responsibly, fulfill obligations and expectations, all while putting up with loads of verbal and emotional abuse and a general sense of being a burden, not fitting in, being not enough. Not having kids has given me the opportunity to heal - including working on relationships within my family so that we now get along much better than we used to. My sister has a child, so I’m a happy aunt - and one that is relaxed and has had enough sleep. The world needs childfree people in so many areas, and sometimes simply so that parents can have a little break. I love to focus on creating things, caring for animals, and again, just enjoying freedom and recovering from past experiences.
As a loving mother myself I definitely need to tell you: never ever let youself talking into having kids, when it is not your upper most desire. For me being a mother was all I ever wanted. And in fact the love of your child is the most purest and innocent you will ever experience and I would never in my life trade this for all the sleep in the world, BUT raising kids is so f**king hard and exhausting. Yes sometimes their little warm hands an your cheek and a little smile can wash this exhaustion off in the blink of an eye, but someone there is no compensation for the hard work. It will eat you up and sometimes it releases the beast in you - not proud to admit that mom rage is a very real thing!
Furthermore kids these days become a status symbol, something to show off or a version their parents always wanted to be themselves. To many parents want their children to make them happy, but most times children don't behave or develope like you expect them to do. It is way to much of a burden for a child to be a trophy.
Live your life to the fullest! With our without children it can be fulfilling and meaningful. Just listen to your heart.
That's beautiful
I love this. Thank you for sharing.
There’s many parents who force kids into doing all these sport and activities to compete with other kods
Thank you for sharing this! Best wishes to you and your family 💓💓
I’ve told someone before that if I get pregnant my uterus will detach from the lining of my body and I’ll die. Sometimes people just can’t accept that you just simply don’t want kids
Childfree and married, I'm 56 y.o. and have never regretted my decision. I'm very happy that I don't have kids to worry about esp now during these awful times. I love my peaceful, quiet life.
My husband and I had 2 children! Our oldest is married with 2 children, whereas our youngest is happily single with no children! We respect each their choices! I think it's better for each person to make that choice for themselves and not be felt that they have to explain their choice!
I'm 31 and child-free! I just don't want to ever be pregnant, give birth or raise a child. I had myself sterilized a few years ago, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made for my health/life!
(I realized at some point that the only circumstance under which I'd raise a kid is if I found an abandoned child during the apocalypse. :P)
Are you from the UK at all? I've heard really awful stories of women being told they can't be sterilised until after they have children and it's something I would consider having done but feel like I'll be turned away.
@@lamonochromatique Nope, I'm in the US :(. The CF subreddit has a good list of CF-friendly doctors in the US. I think it's even more complicated in the UK, but here's what they've compiled: www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors#wiki_united_kingdom
I got really lucky in that I didn't get any pushback from my doctor at all. I just wish my experience was way, way more common.
@@lamonochromatique Yeah I've heard that's a real menace here. 'Luckily' for me I have a genetic disorder that makes pregnancy potentially life threatening and the illness has a 50/50 chance to pass on. I could never have kids in good conscience or safely.
Plus my doctor, goddess that she is, said she'd absolutely appeal to the hospital of my choosing for me despite the battle it will be to get it approved most likely.
@@katiek.982 oh fantastic, thank you for sending that to me 😊 I really think it depends on the doctors you speak to regardless of country. I just wish doctors would take women's wishes seriously.
@@LadyAhro I'd be horrified if someone denied you of it under your circumstances. I find it horrifying that people get denied anyway but I would be completely mind blown if it were the case for you also! I've never known a man to have problems like women do when they say they would like sterilisation.
My body, my rules! Me as a childfree Turkish married woman, age of 38, I feel the pressure of family, friends, colleagues, strangers on my social media even it’ s mostly unspoken. Thanks Jenny, you put great thoughts of this sensitive topic. Next Gen will learn to respect other’s choices, this generation cannot deal with that yet.
How did you find your Childfree partner? That too in a traditional country like turkey.
I'm 47 and I knew when I was 15 that I didn't want kids. My husband and I are living our lives the way we want. I sometimes feel badly for my mother who would love grandchildren, but she understands.... motherhood was never for me. I love my life.
I'm 31 and I also don't want to have my own kids. Don't wanna add in the world's overpopulation and I value my freedom more than anything else.
I'm happily childfree too ❤️ Like you, I can't think of any reason I'd want to have kids (especially with the current state of the world)!