"You can be gay if you want to" for me translates to "if you want to be gay, you probably are". But yeah, I also needed another lesbian to tell me that. Also, in hindsight, being gay isn't a choice, but if it would be, I'd still be gay. Like a wise lesbian once said "have you seen women?"
yeah my friend literally said to me when i was stressed about whether or not i was a lesbian “courtney, most women don’t worry about if they’re a lesbian this much, you’re probably a lesbian, just chill out” and i was like shit. cut to a few weeks later, frantically calling her at an ungodly hour being like “IM PRETTY SURE IM A LESBIAN AAAAAA”
@@ireallyreallyhategoogle exactly. I feel like straight men and lesbian women could be the greatest wingmen for each other. "Oh you're straight? Well heres my best friend!" Or "oh you're gay? Well I have just the girl for you!" Lmao
@@chloerene7858 The girl i was the most in love with was Bi and i loved going out with her and pointing out cute girls to her. On the other hand i've once met a lesbian that talked about women exactly like macho men and i found it just as ridiculous.
I was in a 31 year marriage when I came out as gay. Got a divorce, been living in USA with my life companion for 6 years and it's the happiest I have ever been. So gurl you be you and just enjoy your gay world and all it offers. Hugs!
Aweee another person who has similar story. Gay in High School. Religious shame led me to marrying a man. 23yrs miserable and shut down. Drinking alcohol to get naked with my husband. I walked away. I lost half my family. Screw them. They don’t love us if they don’t stick with us through our truth. Good for you! Stories like yours are an inspiration!!!! 🌈
@@sylviaboyd1880 congrats!!!!!! I’m dating someone 1500 miles away... 3 months today. Flew There once... about to do it again next month. Look at us living our truth happily! ❤️🌈❤️🌈❤️
I wasn't in a relationship when i realized i was a lesbian but i remember identifying as bi and having this sense that I didn't "want to end up with a man" almost like an intense fear of it, like i might just wake up one day with a husband next to me. Now i am a happy lesbian lol
Yes! It struck me too. It’s so nice to see, especially in contrast to all the people who speak badly about themselves. This just had so much warmth. ❤️
Jane Hilton that struck me too. Self love and compassion. It was beautiful. Many are able to have love and compassion for others, but have trouble doing so for themselves.
@@Steertanzer I read the original comment and posted a reply, then read the other comments in this string and realized I said almost exactly what you did! 😄🤷♀️
"i feel like i can breathe when for years i didn't even realize i was holding my breath." i think i just bawled my eyes out. i just wanted to share that eversince i came out to myself as a gay/lesbian i can easily fall asleep at night and wake up feeling good. i forgot the last time i had a decent sleep before i admitted to myself that i am a lesbian.
When I found out I am a lesbian it was like a weight has been lifted in me but then a new one (stronger even)came in place as I know my life and family and friends would change if they found out I am,, that’s why I try to stay in the closet and hide as best as I can bc I don’t want to lose anyone but I can’t keep suffocating anymore,, I wish figuring my lesbianism out put me in a better place but it actually complicated things even more,, so I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU! you deserve to be free and have amazing sleeps for the rest of your life,, remember that! (Just a reminder,, it’s okay if things get worse or better when you find out but always know that to take your time with yourself and be gentle to yourself and everyone around you,, take the time to learn and empress yourself,, it’s worth it someday)
Also want to add that it probably wasn’t only compulsive heterosexuality that made us assume liking men is a given, but also the fact that in our specific case, there was a specific man who we loved, so that must imply that liking men is a given, as part of the logic, not only because of the overall concept of comphet
as i said a year ago just because you changed letters does not mean you are still not family and captain holt said "Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better and more interesting place."
I remember thinking I was bi, becoming engaged to my male partner at the time and ultimately sobbing, wholeheartedly at the fact I wouldnt be able to go out and date women anymore. Here I am a few years later, gay as hell
I’m a gay man who had a super similar experience to you. Videos like this matter and will save some people a lot of heartache and inner turmoil. Keep doing you Alayna it’s so important.
Same here! I remember watching the video about comphet and going '... is there a version of this masterdoc for men to tell if they're bi or gay', and well... been out as gay since Christmas now! 🏳️🌈 I'm so happy you're living your authentic life Alayna, and in doing so helping others find their paths too, no matter where they lead.
As a bi, I loved your bi content. And I so clearly remember watching the “boyfriend rates my gay outfits” video and I knew right then something was a little sus 😂
Not to be noisy here, but I really wanted to hear that Dallas is fine a year later. I fully support you, but I always felt for him also in this situation, and always wished he turned out to be living happier, as you clearly are. He is just such a nice gentil person. Not details, I just needed someone to tell me he´s happy. I hope he is happy.
I also used to rationalize my 'attraction' to men as why I wasn't gay. But, you see, I was never attracted to men. My crushes on dudes were always 'someone said he was cute' or 'someone said he likes me' not 'I found myself liking him' and I never thought that attraction shouldn't be like that. I read the Lesbian Masterdoc a year (or two) ago, and... I pretended like it didn't exist, because I was scared. I was scared that maybe... I'd have to come out in my personal life. That I would have to be open. I was scared of people rejecting me, and I still am. However, I have come to terms with my sexuality, and that's... not something I saw myself having. If y'all are going through something similar, just know you aren't 'invalid' if you experienced 'attraction' to men, or at one point in your life were attracted to men. You are valid, and you are under no obligation to explain yourself to *anyone* (besides yourself).
Ugh, YES. With every guy I dated, I remember trying to FORCE myself to be sexually attracted to them, because they seemed to be into me and I ”should be grateful for that”. And even though I felt like that, I felt like I couldn’t call myself gay or live my life as a lesbian because I ”had been into guys”. Videos like Alayna’s, and comments like yours, are so healing.
Old lesbian follower here in the U.S. crying in the afternoon watching this. It's like I've been following the journey of a daughter or niece I've never met, and yet am no less invested in. So proud of you for having the courage to be vulnerable enough to share yourself and your story with so many. Never forget that what you do here on your channel touches so many lives. It matters. Thank you.
I finally admitted my truth to myself, at 36, and eight years into a heterosexual marriage, that I am a lesbian. I came out three months ago, and still living with my future ex, I'm pretty sure the stress will kill me, but you are a huge inspiration. I'm so scared and lost, and just feeling blah. So glad to have found your channel! I'm sincerely hoping I'll be in your spot this time next year, or any time in the future really. So much love to you. 💜🌈
@@quitaphillips well, I'm living in a different place but it's not working out either 😅 I'm planning on heading back to my home state and my family to be with them. Still waiting on the final divorce papers to go through as well, but I'm very close to being able to be myself! 💜🌈
here for the healing magic of 'wanting to be gay', and celebrating that as a pretty incredible and brave and authentic choice. and for the way you hold lil layner through the hard parts.
When I watched your video a year ago, I considered myself bisexual. Not because I thought, ah yes, I like women and men, therefore, I am bi, but because I thought I liked women, so I have to be bi. I didn't question my attraction regarding men and I completely ignored my attraction towards women. At that point, I had been in a relationship with a guy for 3 1/2 years, so of course I didn't question if I was attracted to men. The answer was right there in my relationship. Then I watched your video. I cried a lot. I panicked. And I couldn't get it out of my head. And since that moment I was constantly thinking to myself "I wish I could do that. I wish I could break up with my boyfriend and be gay. I wish I had that option." Thinking that I didn't. Thinking it would be better for both me and my partner to just ignore everything I've been feeling and try to carry on with a relationship that depressed me. Because on paper, we were happy and stable. Our friends and families saw us as the exemplary couple, so I tried to convince myself they were right and that I should want this, too. I was at a straight wedding of family friends and I thought "If they can do it and be happy, I can too" even though I dreaded actually marrying my partner. But I was certain that would be my inevitable future. Fast forward a couple of months. We broke up. And I have never felt so relieved before. Of course the break up sucked, but I got out of a situation that crushed me. Because I had that option and because it's okay to pursue a life that makes me happy. I'm still struggling with anxiety and depression. I'm still unsure about my sexuality (I have settled with queer for now, because I really don't know). I'm still figuring so many things out. But I don't regret this decision at all. So, thank you, Alayna. You really helped me a lot and pushed me into the right direction. Suddenly, a future with another person doesn't look so dreadful anymore.
Alayna, when I saw your video a year ago, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I was married to a man and proudly bi. Your honesty struck such a chord with me and I couldn’t deny myself questioning my attraction to men any longer. Don’t know what label I want still. But thankfully I’m now divorced, praise be to the gays and lil nas x.
I would love to see you react to THIS video a year from now (sort of like that annual Billie Eilish interview) to see how your life has changed and how you've grown! P.S. I love your content, that video was so helpful to me when I first came out as a lesbian.
I was married 23 years. He always knew my true sexuality as well. Isn't it funny what we can justify. I'm now the happiest I've ever been and not demi-romantic any more either now that I found the love of my life. She is perfect for me. I wish I had known I could've been queer earlier as well.
Your original video stopped me from going down the same path (engagement to a man). We were heading in that direction, but watching that video felt like a glaring warning sign because deep down I knew I was really gay and not bi. Within a few months, I ended the relationship, came out, and I have never been happier. Thank you, you have made a difference to so many of us, and you are truly not alone ❤
When I was still “straight” I was always telling my mum and friends that I wished I was gay so I would not have to deal with man anymore. Wel with 24 I kissed a girl for the first time and I was in love with her like immediately? 😄 I was fine with it from this moment on and I will be forever grateful to my first girlfriend for pushing open that door! ☺️
I work at a tool store and had kids at 17 and 19, so I can tell you gay or not, I still have to deal with men 🤣🤷♀️it's a cute idea though. I still tiptoe around fragile male ego on a daily
Quarantine and dating post divorce has shown me I'm definitely lesbian and not bi. I identified as bi for almost 30 years, was married to a man for 11 years of it. I'm turning 40 and just figuring it out lol
I had the opposite experience. I went from pretending I was a lesbian so I would make other people comfortable around me lol to going back to dating both genders. I have a bf and I care less about people talking shit to me about it than I would have in the past =). Still love women and still bi. No one should be afraid to be who they are. love is love! I also broke up with my gf at the beginning of the pandemic as well but for other reasons not related to my sexual orientation.
@@kaitlynmaclean6508 i know thats the point. People were uncomfortable with the fact that i was dating a girl and i happened to be bi. It was annoying so to stop the questions i just said i was gay for a while there. I didnt want to do it but it happened.
I'm only at 3:30 right now but if it makes you smile, my guinea pig is on my lap and intently watching you speak. She usually hates videos and will scurry away or make an angry rumble, but she was sat here watching you 💜
Anybody else crying a ton to this video? Or is it just me with constant panic about my sexuality hehe. Also "It doesnt just gets better, it gets lighter" is everything I needed to hear today. Thank you
I'm honestly do grateful for your videos. I came out as lesbian four years ago after identifying as bi for three years before that but being too afraid to talk to girls. It was not easy coming out at 29, but it was so liberating and it makes me feel less alone seeing other lesbians who didn't come out when they were teens.
I so relate to that sense of loss and mourning of if life had gone another way, I felt that when I was with my boyfriend of 6 years and thought that I was going to marry him before I came out as a lesbian after seeing your video last year actually
Not gonna lie, it was sad to “lose” a fellow bisexual, especially since your videos were huge for me coming to terms and accepting my bisexuality. BUT, love seeing you live authentically 😁
I was on a call with a friend from high school recently and we both told each other that we are queer and we both realized that your videos had helped us recognize that we are not straight and/or more gay than we realized so THANK YOU!! thank you to youtube and the algorithm for helping me recognize that I can be gay if I want to be because I do and I *always did* 😊 “you can be gay if you want to be” is so beautiful to me now but at first I had the same mental pushback that you talk about in this video but in the end it is exactly what I needed to hear
Same. I’m like maybe I’ll identify as a lesbian for a while and see how that feels, but then I get super sad that that means I’ll only be dating women and not men and I’m like, yeah... if that makes me feel like I’m missing out on something, then I’m bi af.
@@jeneregretterien7280 Pretty good indicator indeed if you feel like you'll be missing dating men that you are attracted to them. I feel like many people asks themselves these questions but in the way they react, you have the true indicator of the answer. Like the bi women I know (who've helped me realise I wasn't bi) ask themselves these questions but come to the conclusion that they still would want to date men (even if sometimes they might be over them periodically). And when I asked myself the question, I was like "I would be so *relieved* and happy if I never had to interact romantically or sexually with a man ever again". So.... Yup. Not bi. Same questions, different answers; different conclusions.
“You are giving the world a gift by being who you truly are.” - YES! Friggin preach, queen. I’m so proud of you, and thank you so much for sharing this journey of self-discovery with us 💚
The part where you tall about a sense of loss or mourning for a life you didnt have, a life with a woman really hit home for me. I cant believe how many times i wished i had dated girls before getting seriously involved with another boy, or wished it was a girlfriend i had instead of a boyfriend 🤦♀️ it seems so obvious looking back
Duuude, I owe you so much for posting that video. I think I would have gotten there in the end on my own, but as I watched your video it literally blew down the wall that was hiding what my “attraction” to men really was and everything just took off running after that. One year later I am out as a lesbian to my family and friends! And for once the prospect of a date makes me excited and nervous in a GOOD way, instead of dreading it and nervous in a “I want to die and literally would do anything to not be doing this” kind of way.
I watched your video a year ago and thought “wow that’s so cool I wish that was me” and a year later, I’ve officially come out as a lesbian to all my friends and family. And I feel so good 😭
I found your coming out video a year ago when I was in the exact same place as you. I ended a two year relationship with a man I loved dearly after realizing I was not bi, but very much a lesbian. I was so scared at that time, and your content made me feel so much less alone. Thank you so much for being so honest and vulnerable, and sharing it all with the world.
I was married for 5 years to a man and I always thought I was bi because I did love him dearly. It took me forever to realize I might love him so much but I wasn’t in love with him. I felt like I was grieving a life where I would never be truly me after that. Now that we’re divorced I feel free and wish him absolutely nothing but the best in life. Only took me til I was 27 but here we are. 😂
“Wish him nothing hit the best”. I’m sure this makes him feel so much better about finding out his wife doesn’t like men after being married to him for 5 years.
@@amiejohnson3424 Also, let’s be honest, what would be harder on a guy, “I can’t be with you anymore, because I fell in love with another guy” Or “I can’t be with you anymore because I know in my heart I want to be with a woman”? I would think that situation warrants “wishing” each other “the best”.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I was with a man for 7 years before realizing I was a lesbian. It's crazy how much it helps to hear other peoples similar stories
I’m crying watching this because even though I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone I too identified as bi for years, then last year I realised I was a lesbian. It was just as you said, I had taken attraction to men as a given and had never questioned it even though I knew I was into women but once I did question my attraction to men I realised I had none. I was so fearful of one day having to date a man but knowing now that I never have to brings me so much joy.
you were the person that said 'you can be gay if you want to' to me, and that's pretty neat. seeing you have so much compassion to past you, struggling, gives the current struggling me hope.
Many straight identifying women do, to the point that it's kind of a joke. On a smaller scale some straight identifying men find women gross to sleep with.
Same-sex relationships are still remaining stigmatized. And people, who find out some inclinations of them, are scared to come out because the consequences can be not that good as expected. It's natural to be scared of social disapproval or misunderstanding, and any video like this is truly brave step.
I know I'm gay. I'm also in a relationship with a man. I don't wanna leave him, I care for him so deeply and I feel like no-one understands, but watching your video really helped me feel less alone. I feel so suffocated and scared, but I don't know what to do. Anyway, thank you for this x
Listen, I know I’m like 22 hours late and you probably won’t even see this but I thought you should know. I’m a 15 year old girl who is out and proud in a southern town. I’ve known I was gay(literally since jump rope for heart) since fourth grade. But your experience and your old videos still educate and help me to this day. From your videos on bisexuality helping me overcome that lesbian distaste of bisexuality, or your recent videos showing me that you are never to old to be who you really are. You are really truly an inspiration in many ways Ms. Fender. Keep being you.
This is helping me so much, I'm thinking about leaving my partner of 12 years and I'm scared. But deep down I know it's the right thing to do. Thank you for your update and your vulnerability
(to the tune of The Safety Dance) "You can gay if you want to, You can leave weddings behind! Cause you don't like men And if you don't like men Then you shouldn't date a guy! I say, you can gay if you want to, seek love out and try to find, And we can act like we come from out of the closet For the second time - it's fine!"
"I KNEW. I knew it, but I doubted. Because I thought how can you really know without living it." THIS. I had this deep down feeling that I was gay but I had never had any romantic or sexual experiences to base it on. I'm talking never even kissed a boy or a girl in my life. And that was part of the reason why it was so terrifying telling my parents at age 28. It was like I was making the boldest claim of my life and risking my relationship with my parents for a literal THEORY that I'd been going over in my head for 7 years. It's nice to know there are others feeling the same way.
You should watch "Shame" by Contrapoints, I feel like that video would really resonate with you. She is a trans lesbian who dealt with a lot of comphet and also realized she was a lesbian while in a relationship with a man she loved. You are so far from alone! :)
Sooo.. contra was basically a bi(-curious) male? A male that loves women is straight or bi. Nothing comphet about it. Lesbians don't have dicks and are not born with dicks either
I love listening/watching to you talk because you make discoveries with yourself while you’re filming, none of it is scripted, and you’re so genuinely yourself. Thank you for your rawness
I am 61, and just came out 20 years post divorce. I knew at that time of the divorce that I was gay, but I stuffed it away until I finished raising my kids. I am so thankful to the TH-camrs like you who share their stories, and let me see that I am not alone in struggling to find my identity. I have never felt so free.
Thank you so much for this video and others. I spent 7 years in a relationship with a man, and I only recently came out as gay. It is such a relief to hear from someone else who also had to call off their engagement to be who they wanted to be.
22:48 “I hope you will all stick around?” “You did!” This part made me cry so hard, I’ve been a fan of you sense I came out to myself around the same time you did. I’m forever grateful I had you when I needed a queer creator to look up to. I felt so alone and you helped me feel normal. Thank you so much
It was a very sweet video! I wish someone had also told me that t-shirt slogan. Would have punched them in the face but still have appreciated it, deep down. I'm so fricking glad that you embrassed the gayness you deserve.
I came out in my 30s...I was married. Got a divorce and I am with my partner that I have always truly wanted to be with since I was 21 or 22. I wish someone would have told me it is okay to be gay as well and I could have had the life I always wanted years ago. So happy some of us can take that leap and go after the life we really want.
I realized last year, at 36, that I am gay. I had repressed myself for so long, I never even allowed myself to explore my attraction to women. No wonder I was staring at what I saw as the inevitable failure of my second marriage (I had only been in toxic relationships with men). Alayna, your videos have helped me so much. I have been able to find community (online) with other late bloomer lesbians. I found your videos during one of my darkest and deepest times of depression and they helped me have hope again. It seems dramatic to say that your videos and sharing your story helped save my life, but it’s true
Two months ago I ended my 3 year relationship with a man and came out as a lesbian. Aside from timeline differences, your experience is almost VERBATUM what happened between my ex-partner and I and this is so validating, relatable, and emotional to watch. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences
The compassion you show toward yourself in this video is so beautiful and special to witness. Thank you for always being honest and sharing your journey in all of it's rawness.
I wish the idea that you can 100% love and want to spend the rest of your life with someone you aren’t romantically or sexually attracted to was more common, I feel like it would save a lot of people a good deal of confusion. I don’t think I worded this very well, but it’s the best way I can think of right now
This video made me cry so much. I literally feel all those feelings right now. I figured out I’m not straight two years ago. I’m married to a straight male and I haven’t explored really at all with anyone else. We’ve been together for ten years. I don’t know what to do. He said he’ll let me explore but I’m scared I will like it too much and then I’ll be super unhappy with him. I love him but I also want to love a girl. It’s hard. Thanks for sharing this video. Much love to you. ❤️
I'm sorry you're going through this Shelby. I went through something similar. I was married 14 years to a person I loved and always had that voice in the back of my head saying something wasn't right. It was exhausting trying to ignore that voice for so many years, while still loving my ex. You will know the best thing to do for you. I hope you find peace, whatever that decision is.
It's so nice to see someone look back at their past self with so much compassion. It's kind of healing. I'm really happy to see you in such a good place in your life 💛
Your videos really helped me realize I'm a lesbian and not bisexual. I'm still feeling unsure because I haven't had the chance to really live as a lesbian and I still need to come out to people.
After watching your video it made everything click. I came out to my husband of 8 years 2 days before Christmas. He has been my biggest support and my best friend. We are still married because of our kids but we broke up and everything is good. It feels good to finally breathe and be myself
The most inspiring thing in this video is how you look at yourself with care... it's touching. Also "I knew, but I was doubting". Yup... still in this stage... ahah!
I just realized how similar my experience was to yours omg. Quarantine helped me realize that too, Quarantine is making everyone gay 😂 I've dated men before and I loved them but it never felt right. I realized how often I mistook dread, fear, anxiety, male validation, platonic and aesthetic attraction as romantic feelings. Like oof damn, comp het is a b*tch smh
"it's okay to be gay" is honestly so powerful I'm almost in tears. Thank you so much for sharing your truth because it's helped me come to terms with mine. It's okay to be gay, especially if you want to❤️
Can you please talk about the nom-monogamy? I’m not sure if you’ve already talked about it in another video (besides the coming out one) but would really like to hear you talk about it in more depth
no, you aren't alone in figuring stuff out late. I realized while in a relationship, just before going to college. then, i SUPPRESSED, reasoned that i must be bi because i'd had crushes on guys or thought some were attractive (simple aesthetic and later i realized it's not the same as sexual attraction), and confused the whole issue. later, my metric for figuring this out was "yeah, but who would you *sleep* with?" OH. yeah, totally different, there. bi to a point. basically anything after kissing is a big ol' NO WAY. (sometimes we just gotta walk ourselves through some logic, i guess. especially if we don't have experiences to compare. and i hadn't had anything but the guy relationships.)
What if we are married and don't even enjoy kissing to the point we almost have never kissed in 15 years? No feeling of intimacy.... or closeness. It's a lonely existence.
I'm tearing up at the compassion you have for yourself Alayna. So beautiful to watch!!! I was so happy for you when you came out then, and I'm still so happy for you now. ...If not a little confused about the capacity in which I'm attracted to men...
I dated a man for 5 years. Until I was 25. I really love him... But I wasn't in love with him... I thought that that's what I was supposed to feel.. I believed that I was bi... Turns out I'm not. Now a 27 years old lesbian living with the love of my life. I now I'm going to marry her some day. Late bloom lesbians for ever!
Oh no I'm crying just as much over you re-watching this as I did when I first saw that video. My experience with my own sexuality has also been difficult, and I just have so much respect for you. I'm so happy for you :)
honestly, you being that vulnerable in tht video has really helped me see clearly and you might not know it but u are a safe space. i am currently going thru the exact same thing, the same questions and thinking as u were. and honestly u helped me so much and just hearing someone else voice those same thoughts was exactly what i didn't know i wanted. thank you so much alayna
Oh Alayna, I am with you. I was in a hetero relationship for 10 years, also engaged, and had to step away from it all after I figured out I was gay at the age of 30. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but the most authentic I’ve been able to live. Wouldn’t change a thing! Thank you for sharing your truth. I feel heard and seen when I hear you speak about your experience. ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Alayna! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely love your channel and your smile and laugh. Like, your smile is always so genuine and seeing someone happy makes me happy. Although I do not identify as anything on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, I do fully 100% support you guys and I love you guys. Some of my cousins are gay and lesbian, as are some of my friends, and I first started watching your channel so that I would know how to support them best. Now, your channel is one of the things that I use to brighten my day because you inspire me to be myself, to not care what others think and to be happy. Thank you so much, Alayna! You do truly being joy to us, your subscribers! Faith
I thought I was bi and came out as a lesbian about a year ago. And this week I came out to my mom and she accepted me so I cried like a baby when alayna said "it's ok to be gay"
You literally came out around the time I did. I thought I was bi too, in a relationship with a guy. The amount of validation, company and safety that gave me is unmatched. Keep doing what you do Alayna!
Oh God, I remember watching this video when it came out. It was such a rollercoaster of emotion. It could feel all your anxiety and sadness and at the same time the reliiiief. I'm so happy to see what a long way you've come. ✨
"you can be gay if you want to" is a super powerful phrase, and I've never heard it said like that before. thank you, alayna! (and now I need one of those shirts...)
"You can be gay if you want to" for me translates to "if you want to be gay, you probably are". But yeah, I also needed another lesbian to tell me that. Also, in hindsight, being gay isn't a choice, but if it would be, I'd still be gay. Like a wise lesbian once said "have you seen women?"
yeah my friend literally said to me when i was stressed about whether or not i was a lesbian “courtney, most women don’t worry about if they’re a lesbian this much, you’re probably a lesbian, just chill out” and i was like shit. cut to a few weeks later, frantically calling her at an ungodly hour being like “IM PRETTY SURE IM A LESBIAN AAAAAA”
"Have you seen women?"
Same reason i'm a straight man
@@courtkendell I always thought everyone had these thoughts but now I'm realizing I'm just gay 🙃
@@ireallyreallyhategoogle exactly. I feel like straight men and lesbian women could be the greatest wingmen for each other. "Oh you're straight? Well heres my best friend!" Or "oh you're gay? Well I have just the girl for you!" Lmao
@@chloerene7858 The girl i was the most in love with was Bi and i loved going out with her and pointing out cute girls to her.
On the other hand i've once met a lesbian that talked about women exactly like macho men and i found it just as ridiculous.
I was in a 31 year marriage when I came out as gay. Got a divorce, been living in USA with my life companion for 6 years and it's the happiest I have ever been. So gurl you be you and just enjoy your gay world and all it offers. Hugs!
Absolutely love that, I aspire to be so cool
Aweee another person who has similar story. Gay in High School. Religious shame led me to marrying a man. 23yrs miserable and shut down. Drinking alcohol to get naked with my husband. I walked away. I lost half my family. Screw them. They don’t love us if they don’t stick with us through our truth. Good for you! Stories like yours are an inspiration!!!! 🌈
Same here, I was married for 27 years and now divorced. My partner is from Finland and I am hoping to move there as soon as I can.
@@sylviaboyd1880 congrats!!!!!! I’m dating someone 1500 miles away... 3 months today. Flew
There once... about to do it again next month. Look at us living our truth happily! ❤️🌈❤️🌈❤️
@@sylviaboyd1880 welcome to Finland when you come here! 🤗💕 Even our PM has grown up with two moms
I wasn't in a relationship when i realized i was a lesbian but i remember identifying as bi and having this sense that I didn't "want to end up with a man" almost like an intense fear of it, like i might just wake up one day with a husband next to me. Now i am a happy lesbian lol
like I'm pansexual but only want to ever have a wife now 😂😭
Saaaaaaaaame
Omg same!!!
I feel this currently. Thank you for sharing! I hadn't heard anyone share this until now and it eases my worries.
Same here, hell before i thought i was bi i thought i was demi because i didn’t like guys lmao. lesbian here too ✌️
This video is a study in self-compassion. The way you address “12 months ago Alayna” is so kind and gentle and caring.
Exactly what i was thinking, it's really great
Yes! It struck me too. It’s so nice to see, especially in contrast to all the people who speak badly about themselves. This just had so much warmth. ❤️
Yes!
Jane Hilton that struck me too. Self love and compassion. It was beautiful. Many are able to have love and compassion for others, but have trouble doing so for themselves.
@@Steertanzer I read the original comment and posted a reply, then read the other comments in this string and realized I said almost exactly what you did! 😄🤷♀️
"i feel like i can breathe when for years i didn't even realize i was holding my breath."
i think i just bawled my eyes out. i just wanted to share that eversince i came out to myself as a gay/lesbian i can easily fall asleep at night and wake up feeling good. i forgot the last time i had a decent sleep before i admitted to myself that i am a lesbian.
That particular line really hit home to me too. I remember watching her video a year ago and thinking WOW.... Yep. ❤️✌️
When I found out I am a lesbian it was like a weight has been lifted in me but then a new one (stronger even)came in place as I know my life and family and friends would change if they found out I am,, that’s why I try to stay in the closet and hide as best as I can bc I don’t want to lose anyone but I can’t keep suffocating anymore,, I wish figuring my lesbianism out put me in a better place but it actually complicated things even more,, so I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU! you deserve to be free and have amazing sleeps for the rest of your life,, remember that! (Just a reminder,, it’s okay if things get worse or better when you find out but always know that to take your time with yourself and be gentle to yourself and everyone around you,, take the time to learn and empress yourself,, it’s worth it someday)
same. litterally
if someone told me "you can be a guy if you want to" I would've identified as trans a lot sooner
facts
Also want to add that it probably wasn’t only compulsive heterosexuality that made us assume liking men is a given, but also the fact that in our specific case, there was a specific man who we loved, so that must imply that liking men is a given, as part of the logic, not only because of the overall concept of comphet
as i said a year ago just because you changed letters does not mean you are still not family
and captain holt said "Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better and more interesting place."
Alayna drinking coffee and nodding emphatically at herself is so funny to me for some reason
I remember thinking I was bi, becoming engaged to my male partner at the time and ultimately sobbing, wholeheartedly at the fact I wouldnt be able to go out and date women anymore. Here I am a few years later, gay as hell
I’m a gay man who had a super similar experience to you. Videos like this matter and will save some people a lot of heartache and inner turmoil. Keep doing you Alayna it’s so important.
Yes. Thank you for this comment. ❤️
Same here! I remember watching the video about comphet and going '... is there a version of this masterdoc for men to tell if they're bi or gay', and well... been out as gay since Christmas now! 🏳️🌈
I'm so happy you're living your authentic life Alayna, and in doing so helping others find their paths too, no matter where they lead.
Wish I had seen this a few years ago...
hey so i wanted to say thank you becaue of you i realised i`m gay and i also thought i was bi before
Same here!
literally same
me too
Me too!
Same! I showed my boyfriend at the time your videos and they helped him understand 🙏🏻💕
As a bi, I loved your bi content. And I so clearly remember watching the “boyfriend rates my gay outfits” video and I knew right then something was a little sus 😂
So sus 😂 I thought the same
Or the ironic party she threw that she was straight now for getting engaged.
when your girlfriend is sus
Poor guy.
I kind of get it, trying to signify interest in women through clothing. Because lesbians have a "look" but I agree that it didn't add up.
Not to be noisy here, but I really wanted to hear that Dallas is fine a year later. I fully support you, but I always felt for him also in this situation, and always wished he turned out to be living happier, as you clearly are. He is just such a nice gentil person. Not details, I just needed someone to tell me he´s happy. I hope he is happy.
He is absolutely thriving, I promise ❤️
@@AlaynaJoyOfficial thank you!
@@AlaynaJoyOfficial oh thank you SO MUCH. All I needed
i just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because your videos helped me realize i'm a baby gay. thank you for helping me find a part of myself 💕
omg congrats I hope you're doing well
❤️
@@kristadunkers2294 thank you!!
@@ItsStyleTheory 💕
Congrats wishing u the best
I also used to rationalize my 'attraction' to men as why I wasn't gay. But, you see, I was never attracted to men. My crushes on dudes were always 'someone said he was cute' or 'someone said he likes me' not 'I found myself liking him' and I never thought that attraction shouldn't be like that. I read the Lesbian Masterdoc a year (or two) ago, and... I pretended like it didn't exist, because I was scared. I was scared that maybe... I'd have to come out in my personal life. That I would have to be open. I was scared of people rejecting me, and I still am. However, I have come to terms with my sexuality, and that's... not something I saw myself having. If y'all are going through something similar, just know you aren't 'invalid' if you experienced 'attraction' to men, or at one point in your life were attracted to men. You are valid, and you are under no obligation to explain yourself to *anyone* (besides yourself).
Ugh, YES. With every guy I dated, I remember trying to FORCE myself to be sexually attracted to them, because they seemed to be into me and I ”should be grateful for that”. And even though I felt like that, I felt like I couldn’t call myself gay or live my life as a lesbian because I ”had been into guys”. Videos like Alayna’s, and comments like yours, are so healing.
I wish I’d read this 35 years ago. I love this community 💜
"I could breathe, when, for years, I didn't even realize I was holding my breath" this line still hits different. I'm proud of you
Old lesbian follower here in the U.S. crying in the afternoon watching this. It's like I've been following the journey of a daughter or niece I've never met, and yet am no less invested in. So proud of you for having the courage to be vulnerable enough to share yourself and your story with so many. Never forget that what you do here on your channel touches so many lives. It matters. Thank you.
As a late bloomer lesbian I really appreciate your honesty about your experiences. It's so reassuring and validating to hear you speak on it.
I finally admitted my truth to myself, at 36, and eight years into a heterosexual marriage, that I am a lesbian. I came out three months ago, and still living with my future ex, I'm pretty sure the stress will kill me, but you are a huge inspiration. I'm so scared and lost, and just feeling blah. So glad to have found your channel! I'm sincerely hoping I'll be in your spot this time next year, or any time in the future really. So much love to you. 💜🌈
You're so brave, Megan! Hope you're doing okay, you deserve to be very happy
Very brave of you. 😌
Any update?
@@quitaphillips well, I'm living in a different place but it's not working out either 😅 I'm planning on heading back to my home state and my family to be with them. Still waiting on the final divorce papers to go through as well, but I'm very close to being able to be myself! 💜🌈
How is he dealing with it? Has he been kind and supportive? Does he want to remain friends?
here for the healing magic of 'wanting to be gay', and celebrating that as a pretty incredible and brave and authentic choice. and for the way you hold lil layner through the hard parts.
So happy to have you back around these internet parts ❤️❤️
When I watched your video a year ago, I considered myself bisexual. Not because I thought, ah yes, I like women and men, therefore, I am bi, but because I thought I liked women, so I have to be bi. I didn't question my attraction regarding men and I completely ignored my attraction towards women. At that point, I had been in a relationship with a guy for 3 1/2 years, so of course I didn't question if I was attracted to men. The answer was right there in my relationship.
Then I watched your video. I cried a lot. I panicked. And I couldn't get it out of my head. And since that moment I was constantly thinking to myself "I wish I could do that. I wish I could break up with my boyfriend and be gay. I wish I had that option."
Thinking that I didn't. Thinking it would be better for both me and my partner to just ignore everything I've been feeling and try to carry on with a relationship that depressed me. Because on paper, we were happy and stable. Our friends and families saw us as the exemplary couple, so I tried to convince myself they were right and that I should want this, too.
I was at a straight wedding of family friends and I thought "If they can do it and be happy, I can too" even though I dreaded actually marrying my partner. But I was certain that would be my inevitable future.
Fast forward a couple of months. We broke up. And I have never felt so relieved before. Of course the break up sucked, but I got out of a situation that crushed me. Because I had that option and because it's okay to pursue a life that makes me happy.
I'm still struggling with anxiety and depression. I'm still unsure about my sexuality (I have settled with queer for now, because I really don't know). I'm still figuring so many things out.
But I don't regret this decision at all. So, thank you, Alayna. You really helped me a lot and pushed me into the right direction. Suddenly, a future with another person doesn't look so dreadful anymore.
I hope you are doing well now❤
Alayna, when I saw your video a year ago, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I was married to a man and proudly bi. Your honesty struck such a chord with me and I couldn’t deny myself questioning my attraction to men any longer. Don’t know what label I want still. But thankfully I’m now divorced, praise be to the gays and lil nas x.
I would love to see you react to THIS video a year from now (sort of like that annual Billie Eilish interview) to see how your life has changed and how you've grown! P.S. I love your content, that video was so helpful to me when I first came out as a lesbian.
Hi good morning
You are so sweet 🌷
It happened, the video is out
This is my story. I'm now married to a woman and we are expecting our second child in July
That is so freakin great! Congratulations!!!
Beautiful news, congratulations ☺️☺️☺️
Oh my God this warms my heart. Why do I want to cry with every positive comment?!
omg!!! is the baby here yet?
congrats!!!!
I was married 23 years. He always knew my true sexuality as well. Isn't it funny what we can justify. I'm now the happiest I've ever been and not demi-romantic any more either now that I found the love of my life. She is perfect for me. I wish I had known I could've been queer earlier as well.
Your original video stopped me from going down the same path (engagement to a man). We were heading in that direction, but watching that video felt like a glaring warning sign because deep down I knew I was really gay and not bi. Within a few months, I ended the relationship, came out, and I have never been happier. Thank you, you have made a difference to so many of us, and you are truly not alone ❤
When I was still “straight” I was always telling my mum and friends that I wished I was gay so I would not have to deal with man anymore. Wel with 24 I kissed a girl for the first time and I was in love with her like immediately? 😄 I was fine with it from this moment on and I will be forever grateful to my first girlfriend for pushing open that door! ☺️
I’m pretty much had the same experience! 😆
me
I work at a tool store and had kids at 17 and 19, so I can tell you gay or not, I still have to deal with men 🤣🤷♀️it's a cute idea though. I still tiptoe around fragile male ego on a daily
Alayna since you recame out, you’ve become a totally differently person. So free and genuinely happy. I could not be happier for you.
Quarantine and dating post divorce has shown me I'm definitely lesbian and not bi. I identified as bi for almost 30 years, was married to a man for 11 years of it. I'm turning 40 and just figuring it out lol
I had the opposite experience. I went from pretending I was a lesbian so I would make other people comfortable around me lol to going back to dating both genders. I have a bf and I care less about people talking shit to me about it than I would have in the past =). Still love women and still bi. No one should be afraid to be who they are. love is love! I also broke up with my gf at the beginning of the pandemic as well but for other reasons not related to my sexual orientation.
You shouldn't knowingly pretend to be a lesbian.
@@kaitlynmaclean6508 i know thats the point. People were uncomfortable with the fact that i was dating a girl and i happened to be bi. It was annoying so to stop the questions i just said i was gay for a while there. I didnt want to do it but it happened.
"you are giving the world a gift by being who you truly are."
I immediately started crying 😢
thank you Alayna
I don't believe it yet but thank you
I believe it for you.
I'm only at 3:30 right now but if it makes you smile, my guinea pig is on my lap and intently watching you speak. She usually hates videos and will scurry away or make an angry rumble, but she was sat here watching you 💜
That is so incredibly wholesome 🥺
I love the compassion you have for yourself at the beginning. I can see on your face the compassion and empathy.
Yes! Such a beautiful example of self-compassion. Makes me feel inspired to try to be like that more with myself.
Anybody else crying a ton to this video? Or is it just me with constant panic about my sexuality hehe. Also "It doesnt just gets better, it gets lighter" is everything I needed to hear today. Thank you
I'm honestly do grateful for your videos. I came out as lesbian four years ago after identifying as bi for three years before that but being too afraid to talk to girls. It was not easy coming out at 29, but it was so liberating and it makes me feel less alone seeing other lesbians who didn't come out when they were teens.
I so relate to that sense of loss and mourning of if life had gone another way, I felt that when I was with my boyfriend of 6 years and thought that I was going to marry him before I came out as a lesbian after seeing your video last year actually
two marriages later, i found out i'm a lesbian tks to your videos. It has been liberating and I am grateful for that. Kisses from Brazil
Not gonna lie, it was sad to “lose” a fellow bisexual, especially since your videos were huge for me coming to terms and accepting my bisexuality. BUT, love seeing you live authentically 😁
I was on a call with a friend from high school recently and we both told each other that we are queer and we both realized that your videos had helped us recognize that we are not straight and/or more gay than we realized so THANK YOU!! thank you to youtube and the algorithm for helping me recognize that I can be gay if I want to be because I do and I *always did* 😊 “you can be gay if you want to be” is so beautiful to me now but at first I had the same mental pushback that you talk about in this video but in the end it is exactly what I needed to hear
Omggg I had a similar experience I thought I was asexual and later I realized I was gay✨
I love your videos so much🥺💕
Same 💕
Oh yhea that feeling of not being interested to the guys around and thinking you are asexual is a big thing hahah
Oh wow me
I am so confused rn if i am gay or bi after a long time but never mind i am happy
Same. I’m like maybe I’ll identify as a lesbian for a while and see how that feels, but then I get super sad that that means I’ll only be dating women and not men and I’m like, yeah... if that makes me feel like I’m missing out on something, then I’m bi af.
@@jeneregretterien7280 Pretty good indicator indeed if you feel like you'll be missing dating men that you are attracted to them.
I feel like many people asks themselves these questions but in the way they react, you have the true indicator of the answer. Like the bi women I know (who've helped me realise I wasn't bi) ask themselves these questions but come to the conclusion that they still would want to date men (even if sometimes they might be over them periodically).
And when I asked myself the question, I was like "I would be so *relieved* and happy if I never had to interact romantically or sexually with a man ever again". So.... Yup. Not bi. Same questions, different answers; different conclusions.
@@jeneregretterien7280 i relate to this but its only because ive never had any dating experience so idk still
“You are giving the world a gift by being who you truly are.” - YES! Friggin preach, queen.
I’m so proud of you, and thank you so much for sharing this journey of self-discovery with us 💚
The part where you tall about a sense of loss or mourning for a life you didnt have, a life with a woman really hit home for me. I cant believe how many times i wished i had dated girls before getting seriously involved with another boy, or wished it was a girlfriend i had instead of a boyfriend 🤦♀️ it seems so obvious looking back
Duuude, I owe you so much for posting that video. I think I would have gotten there in the end on my own, but as I watched your video it literally blew down the wall that was hiding what my “attraction” to men really was and everything just took off running after that. One year later I am out as a lesbian to my family and friends! And for once the prospect of a date makes me excited and nervous in a GOOD way, instead of dreading it and nervous in a “I want to die and literally would do anything to not be doing this” kind of way.
I watched your video a year ago and thought “wow that’s so cool I wish that was me” and a year later, I’ve officially come out as a lesbian to all my friends and family. And I feel so good 😭
I was so scared that she was calling off another wedding, lmao.
same
Her and Tik Tok lesbian were supposed to get married but called it off! Right? 😮😂
@@shannonbolton6005 dont think so every video of them was just friendship and fun
I found your coming out video a year ago when I was in the exact same place as you. I ended a two year relationship with a man I loved dearly after realizing I was not bi, but very much a lesbian. I was so scared at that time, and your content made me feel so much less alone. Thank you so much for being so honest and vulnerable, and sharing it all with the world.
I was married for 5 years to a man and I always thought I was bi because I did love him dearly. It took me forever to realize I might love him so much but I wasn’t in love with him. I felt like I was grieving a life where I would never be truly me after that. Now that we’re divorced I feel free and wish him absolutely nothing but the best in life. Only took me til I was 27 but here we are. 😂
I came out at 36!!
Um this is my EXACT situation.
“Wish him nothing hit the best”. I’m sure this makes him feel so much better about finding out his wife doesn’t like men after being married to him for 5 years.
@@coolhand4585 it does actually. He has a new girlfriend and is happy as can be now. ☺️
@@amiejohnson3424 Also, let’s be honest, what would be harder on a guy, “I can’t be with you anymore, because I fell in love with another guy” Or “I can’t be with you anymore because I know in my heart I want to be with a woman”? I would think that situation warrants “wishing” each other “the best”.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I was with a man for 7 years before realizing I was a lesbian. It's crazy how much it helps to hear other peoples similar stories
I’m crying watching this because even though I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone I too identified as bi for years, then last year I realised I was a lesbian. It was just as you said, I had taken attraction to men as a given and had never questioned it even though I knew I was into women but once I did question my attraction to men I realised I had none. I was so fearful of one day having to date a man but knowing now that I never have to brings me so much joy.
The compassion you have for your previous self is really touching 🥺
you were the person that said 'you can be gay if you want to' to me, and that's pretty neat. seeing you have so much compassion to past you, struggling, gives the current struggling me hope.
"..there's no reality where I get to have that"
Damn that hits hard. But I also found my reality where I get to have it
When i dated men I honestly thought everyone thought men were kinda gross to sleep with.
Many straight identifying women do, to the point that it's kind of a joke. On a smaller scale some straight identifying men find women gross to sleep with.
@@faycoleman9023 then they should maybe reevaluate if they're all that straight.
Same-sex relationships are still remaining stigmatized. And people, who find out some inclinations of them, are scared to come out because the consequences can be not that good as expected.
It's natural to be scared of social disapproval or misunderstanding, and any video like this is truly brave step.
I know I'm gay. I'm also in a relationship with a man. I don't wanna leave him, I care for him so deeply and I feel like no-one understands, but watching your video really helped me feel less alone. I feel so suffocated and scared, but I don't know what to do. Anyway, thank you for this x
Listen, I know I’m like 22 hours late and you probably won’t even see this but I thought you should know. I’m a 15 year old girl who is out and proud in a southern town. I’ve known I was gay(literally since jump rope for heart) since fourth grade. But your experience and your old videos still educate and help me to this day. From your videos on bisexuality helping me overcome that lesbian distaste of bisexuality, or your recent videos showing me that you are never to old to be who you really are. You are really truly an inspiration in many ways Ms. Fender. Keep being you.
This is helping me so much, I'm thinking about leaving my partner of 12 years and I'm scared. But deep down I know it's the right thing to do. Thank you for your update and your vulnerability
We are all so proud of you, and you are such an inspiration too so many young queers, and old for that matter. Thank you
I laughed so hard at the Jump Rope for Heart reference.
Same. Brought me right back to my elementary school gym, and to the free tshirts they gave us!
it hit
(to the tune of The Safety Dance)
"You can gay if you want to,
You can leave weddings behind!
Cause you don't like men
And if you don't like men
Then you shouldn't date a guy!
I say, you can gay if you want to,
seek love out and try to find,
And we can act like we come from out of the closet
For the second time - it's fine!"
"I KNEW. I knew it, but I doubted. Because I thought how can you really know without living it."
THIS. I had this deep down feeling that I was gay but I had never had any romantic or sexual experiences to base it on. I'm talking never even kissed a boy or a girl in my life. And that was part of the reason why it was so terrifying telling my parents at age 28. It was like I was making the boldest claim of my life and risking my relationship with my parents for a literal THEORY that I'd been going over in my head for 7 years. It's nice to know there are others feeling the same way.
18:51 HEY SHE SAID IT, the things I think or thought, I couldn't put into words. :D
You should watch "Shame" by Contrapoints, I feel like that video would really resonate with you. She is a trans lesbian who dealt with a lot of comphet and also realized she was a lesbian while in a relationship with a man she loved. You are so far from alone! :)
oooo, yes! loved her video!
Sooo.. contra was basically a bi(-curious) male? A male that loves women is straight or bi. Nothing comphet about it. Lesbians don't have dicks and are not born with dicks either
@@kam-lw4ez you're welcome to keep your transphobia to yourself.
@@kam-lw4ez Of course there is a transphobic person 🤦🏾♀️
I love listening/watching to you talk because you make discoveries with yourself while you’re filming, none of it is scripted, and you’re so genuinely yourself. Thank you for your rawness
I hadn't realized how much I needed someone to say "it's okay that you want to be gay, because you are" until I watched this. Oh no, the feels.
I am 61, and just came out 20 years post divorce. I knew at that time of the divorce that I was gay, but I stuffed it away until I finished raising my kids. I am so thankful to the TH-camrs like you who share their stories, and let me see that I am not alone in struggling to find my identity. I have never felt so free.
Thank you so much for this video and others. I spent 7 years in a relationship with a man, and I only recently came out as gay. It is such a relief to hear from someone else who also had to call off their engagement to be who they wanted to be.
I've only been watching this video for 2 minutes and a half and just wanted to say : I am so, so grateful for you
22:48 “I hope you will all stick around?” “You did!” This part made me cry so hard, I’ve been a fan of you sense I came out to myself around the same time you did. I’m forever grateful I had you when I needed a queer creator to look up to. I felt so alone and you helped me feel normal. Thank you so much
The way you empathize with yourself a year ago is so heartwarming and inspiring. I want to be able to get there too🧡
It was a very sweet video! I wish someone had also told me that t-shirt slogan. Would have punched them in the face but still have appreciated it, deep down. I'm so fricking glad that you embrassed the gayness you deserve.
I came out in my 30s...I was married. Got a divorce and I am with my partner that I have always truly wanted to be with since I was 21 or 22. I wish someone would have told me it is okay to be gay as well and I could have had the life I always wanted years ago. So happy some of us can take that leap and go after the life we really want.
I realized last year, at 36, that I am gay. I had repressed myself for so long, I never even allowed myself to explore my attraction to women. No wonder I was staring at what I saw as the inevitable failure of my second marriage (I had only been in toxic relationships with men). Alayna, your videos have helped me so much. I have been able to find community (online) with other late bloomer lesbians. I found your videos during one of my darkest and deepest times of depression and they helped me have hope again. It seems dramatic to say that your videos and sharing your story helped save my life, but it’s true
Two months ago I ended my 3 year relationship with a man and came out as a lesbian. Aside from timeline differences, your experience is almost VERBATUM what happened between my ex-partner and I and this is so validating, relatable, and emotional to watch. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences
The compassion you show toward yourself in this video is so beautiful and special to witness. Thank you for always being honest and sharing your journey in all of it's rawness.
I wish the idea that you can 100% love and want to spend the rest of your life with someone you aren’t romantically or sexually attracted to was more common, I feel like it would save a lot of people a good deal of confusion. I don’t think I worded this very well, but it’s the best way I can think of right now
This video made me cry so much. I literally feel all those feelings right now. I figured out I’m not straight two years ago. I’m married to a straight male and I haven’t explored really at all with anyone else. We’ve been together for ten years. I don’t know what to do. He said he’ll let me explore but I’m scared I will like it too much and then I’ll be super unhappy with him. I love him but I also want to love a girl. It’s hard.
Thanks for sharing this video. Much love to you. ❤️
Sending you hugs as you navigate this difficult journey!
@@evercuriousmichelle thank you 💕
I'm sorry you're going through this Shelby. I went through something similar. I was married 14 years to a person I loved and always had that voice in the back of my head saying something wasn't right. It was exhausting trying to ignore that voice for so many years, while still loving my ex. You will know the best thing to do for you. I hope you find peace, whatever that decision is.
@@jesssmyles7273 thank you so much 💕
It's so nice to see someone look back at their past self with so much compassion. It's kind of healing.
I'm really happy to see you in such a good place in your life 💛
Your videos really helped me realize I'm a lesbian and not bisexual. I'm still feeling unsure because I haven't had the chance to really live as a lesbian and I still need to come out to people.
After watching your video it made everything click. I came out to my husband of 8 years 2 days before Christmas. He has been my biggest support and my best friend. We are still married because of our kids but we broke up and everything is good. It feels good to finally breathe and be myself
The most inspiring thing in this video is how you look at yourself with care... it's touching. Also "I knew, but I was doubting". Yup... still in this stage... ahah!
I just realized how similar my experience was to yours omg. Quarantine helped me realize that too, Quarantine is making everyone gay 😂 I've dated men before and I loved them but it never felt right. I realized how often I mistook dread, fear, anxiety, male validation, platonic and aesthetic attraction as romantic feelings. Like oof damn, comp het is a b*tch smh
"it's okay to be gay" is honestly so powerful I'm almost in tears. Thank you so much for sharing your truth because it's helped me come to terms with mine. It's okay to be gay, especially if you want to❤️
Can you please talk about the nom-monogamy? I’m not sure if you’ve already talked about it in another video (besides the coming out one) but would really like to hear you talk about it in more depth
Same!
Yes this!
+
she kind of said here that this is a very private topic that she wouldn‘t usually talk about
no, you aren't alone in figuring stuff out late. I realized while in a relationship, just before going to college. then, i SUPPRESSED, reasoned that i must be bi because i'd had crushes on guys or thought some were attractive (simple aesthetic and later i realized it's not the same as sexual attraction), and confused the whole issue.
later, my metric for figuring this out was "yeah, but who would you *sleep* with?"
OH.
yeah, totally different, there. bi to a point. basically anything after kissing is a big ol' NO WAY. (sometimes we just gotta walk ourselves through some logic, i guess. especially if we don't have experiences to compare. and i hadn't had anything but the guy relationships.)
What if we are married and don't even enjoy kissing to the point we almost have never kissed in 15 years? No feeling of intimacy.... or closeness. It's a lonely existence.
I'm tearing up at the compassion you have for yourself Alayna. So beautiful to watch!!! I was so happy for you when you came out then, and I'm still so happy for you now.
...If not a little confused about the capacity in which I'm attracted to men...
I dated a man for 5 years. Until I was 25. I really love him... But I wasn't in love with him... I thought that that's what I was supposed to feel.. I believed that I was bi... Turns out I'm not. Now a 27 years old lesbian living with the love of my life. I now I'm going to marry her some day. Late bloom lesbians for ever!
Oh no I'm crying just as much over you re-watching this as I did when I first saw that video. My experience with my own sexuality has also been difficult, and I just have so much respect for you. I'm so happy for you :)
honestly, you being that vulnerable in tht video has really helped me see clearly and you might not know it but u are a safe space. i am currently going thru the exact same thing, the same questions and thinking as u were. and honestly u helped me so much and just hearing someone else voice those same thoughts was exactly what i didn't know i wanted. thank you so much alayna
Oh Alayna, I am with you. I was in a hetero relationship for 10 years, also engaged, and had to step away from it all after I figured out I was gay at the age of 30. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but the most authentic I’ve been able to live. Wouldn’t change a thing! Thank you for sharing your truth. I feel heard and seen when I hear you speak about your experience. ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Alayna! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely love your channel and your smile and laugh. Like, your smile is always so genuine and seeing someone happy makes me happy.
Although I do not identify as anything on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, I do fully 100% support you guys and I love you guys. Some of my cousins are gay and lesbian, as are some of my friends, and I first started watching your channel so that I would know how to support them best. Now, your channel is one of the things that I use to brighten my day because you inspire me to be myself, to not care what others think and to be happy.
Thank you so much, Alayna! You do truly being joy to us, your subscribers!
Faith
Yes girl that was the first video I saw of yours and have been here since!!! Couldn’t be more proud of you 🥰
i want to have as much love for myself one day as alayna shows for her past self in this video
I thought I was bi and came out as a lesbian about a year ago. And this week I came out to my mom and she accepted me so I cried like a baby when alayna said "it's ok to be gay"
You literally came out around the time I did. I thought I was bi too, in a relationship with a guy. The amount of validation, company and safety that gave me is unmatched. Keep doing what you do Alayna!
Oh God, I remember watching this video when it came out. It was such a rollercoaster of emotion. It could feel all your anxiety and sadness and at the same time the reliiiief. I'm so happy to see what a long way you've come. ✨
"you can be gay if you want to" is a super powerful phrase, and I've never heard it said like that before.
thank you, alayna! (and now I need one of those shirts...)
OMG, Alayna! You look so confident and composed. Happy for you!