My Friend HATES Black People
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
- Could YOU be friends with a racist?
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It’s time for another "Ask Jack and Ben"! Today’s question is “My friend HATES black people...” Could you deal with a friend who hates black people? Could YOU be friends with a racist? With Trump ruling America, times have definitely changed and people are getting BRAVE with their racism! Black people, muslims, and other ethnic minorities are facing serious hate. Luckily, we're a gay couple who love to TALK and we're not afraid to state our opinions! We TH-cam gay couples (especially gay boyfriends) have a load of life experiences that we can share on the internet. As a gay black British man, Ben has faced A LOT of racism, especially when he lived in Malaysia. Jack has experienced racism as a result of having a gay black British boyfriend too. We are SO fortunate that we have this platform to answer all of your questions, and discuss serious LGBT, gay, and general life topics, so thank you for being a part of our gay couple journey. Be warned, we do more than upload boyfriend tags, morning routines & night routines!
Love Jack & Ben, your friendly British interracial gay couple :)
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the lgbt community is just as racist as a lot of communities,but in 2017 i have no more time for it. i actually dated a white man who literally told me "i generally am afraid of black men, but im in love with you" and the thing is..i think he meant that as like a compliment or a loving moment. we were done the next day.
My husband is African American. We have been together for 25 years and we live in the U.S. Deep South. When my husband and I first got together I introduced him to my best, gay friend. This friend helped me in the coming out process and was was quite an LGBT menor. He, like me, is white.He told me races should not mix that way, even in the LGBT community. I was shocked and hurt. My husband and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary. We have adopted children and have had a great life so far. We are now grandparents and thinking of adopting again. I have not spoken to that best, gay friend in 25 years. When he told me races should not mix, I had to let him go. After 25 years I am still very much in love with my husband, who just happens to be African American. Over the years I have noticed that there is racism in the LGBT community as well, here in the American South.
so in high school i had this "friend" and we were talking about her crushes and stuff and she turned to me and said "you know I'm not racist or anything but like I don't think I could ever like a black person. I got up, and without a word left her in that stairwell. I'm hella lucky that I'm white and I'm not a racial minority but on behalf of white ppl everywhere I would like to apologize to every person of colour for every racial barrier that they will need to break because the honest truth is that they were probably made by my ancestors and I'm so incredibly ashamed of that.
It's so sad that I had to take out white people in my dating preference due to the fact that I've met so many racist white men. Or men who exotified me for the soul purpose of either my skin tone, and or the fact I look Latino! The kicker is I'm not even Latino I'm fucking Asian!! I'm done!
I'd cut that "friend" loose. They will be cancelled indefinitely, or probably just definitely. It's 2017. As a POC, I'm tired of trying to be a "teacher", or "good example", or trying to win over other people's hearts just to have some peace of mind. If I didn't do anything wrong, but you still want to treat me like I did, then it's time to for me to move on. There's not enough time in this life, and as the kids say, "YOLO." I'll catch 'em on the flip side (the other side of life whatever that may be).
I'm black proud of that and I don't owe anyone an explanation for my validation in that.
Couldn't be me.
Former friend and future murder victim: "I generally hate black people. But you're different."
Me: - calls my parents - "Get my bail money!" - click -
- throws hands -
I've had comments like this before, where someone tries to 'compliment' me by saying, "You're the kind of black person I can hang out with" Or things of that nature. Honestly it's offensive to say that to a black person because you're putting them in that stereotype and comparing them. If they have the mindset to say something like that, they are very ignorant of how life works. If they are your 'good friend' then give them a chance to be educated about their ignorance, if they don't want to understand, they gotta go.
Ben : why bring in Idris Elba
jack : cause he's the only black person I could think of
Huh? Boy! You dating one!😂😂😂😂😂
I've dated white, latino, asian and black guys. I prefer black guys. So when i'm looking (specifically searching) for someone on grindr etc, my settings are set to show only black/mixed. If someone messages me and I like them and we spark, I don't care their colour, but if I choose, then as the phrase goes, "once you go black, you never go back"
HAHAHA! The ending made me gag. I love it. -B x
I had a friend who told me he would not date a black woman but he would date an asian woman. I was so shocked that I cannot remember what I said. I tried to argue with him, but he did not see it as racist. We are not friends anymore and he was also a bit homophobic. I think a lot of people are being racist in small ways without realising it.
Fluffy123 i hope you know thats most likely preference and not "racism"
It's only shocking to you because you conflate racism with sexual preferences.
None of my friends would say that to me but....... if they did those would be the last words they ever spoke to me as a friend.
i would back off the friendship. I would always be uncomfortable around them after that.
Reminds me of the time I was in a bar with an Asian mate of mine and I pointed out the Asian bartender who was smoking hot (by anyone's taste or standards - seriously this guy was an Adonis), and my mate said (no irony whatsoever) "I'm not into Asians". I later discovered this was actually a very common thing. It's so weird.
wow I always love black people. Just why my boyfriend is black :)
but about grinder app, unfortunately I saw a few black guys who says on their profiles "only black guys, please" or "whites don't try" :/
I think that even if a person has physical preferences, he shouldn't specify his intolerably as if only the appearance or a label matters to him.
That one dislike is looking mighty lonely. 😂😂😂😂
I SAW YOU TODAY ON BBC TAKLING ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE!! Such an important issue, thanks for talking about it!
If my so-called friend said that s*** to me or if anyone said that s*** to me I would educate them before I completely cut them out of my life because I don't need anyone like that in my life
well, I'm black and from Jamaica. all of my friends are black but if someone of a different race told me that I would feel offended. "I genuinely hate all black people" is such a far-fetched statement to make. I mean, do genuinely know all black people? are u still that close minded that u would draw such a conclusion to hate my people? and if I had a friend like that, I agree with u, I would definitely cut them off. I hate that mentality.
I don't think everyone is a little racist per say, I think the word is bias. And being biased is a natural human trait, but when you allow that bias to interfere with your judgment and interaction with people different than yourself, that's when the problems occur.
NO ONE never ever try or dare to tell me something like that. I experience discrimination and hate, but not from someone that told me is my friend. I will ghosted in a second like Ben says. I noticed people around me doing this, not my friends, but others, and if that person is a friend of one of my friends, I will tell my friend to be cautious and be aware that this person is a hater or racist. To the person who send the question, run for your life, not that you be killed, but definitely that person will ruin it...
Awesome advice! Thanks for sharing. -B x
I would be like "BYE FELICIA!!!!"🖐🏾
I'm with Jack. Yes, it is ignorance but you don't have to entertain it.
I see a lot of negativity about the " black family anti Gay" stereotype and I have to say that everyone is different. It's not because you're from a black family that's it's gonna be harder or easier than someone from a white or Asian family. My mom came from Congo, Africa when she was 17, she's really Catholic and yet she's so open minded, tolerant and sometimes way too excited about me being gay. Like she gives my number to every hot guy she sees 😑😑
Josh Josh That's kinda cute. I wish my mom was super excited about some aspect of me. I can see how it could get annoying though. LOL I need a wingwoman like you're mom though. I have no game. 😅
YOU👏DO👏NOT👏KNOW👏HOW MANY👏PEOPLE👏I'VE👏DROPPED👏BECAUSE 👏OF👏SHIT👏LIKE👏THIS. Just because I'm mixed with Indian, so my hair's not kinky and my eyes are a bit lighter, and because I was raised in suburbia, so I "talk white"; I'm somehow better than all the other black people. I've literally gotten up and walked out of a dinner date because he said, "You know I really never go for black guys, but there's just something about that's better than most." I have never collected my coat so quickly.
Now, that being said, you could argue that and in my and Simon's case, both people probably felt they were giving a genuine compliment without knowing how offensive their words were but...I just refuse to put up with such ignorance.
"I've never collected my coat so quickly" best thing ive read in a while
Davids Diary happened to me once as well from a Mexican guy. I hung up on his ass after I told him off and before blocked him apologies were being said. He messaged me on FB and Grindr saying he was told that by white guys before about being Mexican and he still didn't get it. Socialize yourself it's 2017.
Short story. Im Black. I was on adam4adam once. A guy sent me a message saying I was hot. So I clicked on his profile and in it he says "into white guys" ...basically discarding everyone else. So I responded "thank you for the compliment but Im clearly not white, and i find racists to be disgusting". He responded saying "hey Im into all types of guys. I then said "well that's what your profile should say. Goodnight"
In any event, its not worth Simon having a conversation with the racist. End the friendship and then find your dignity Simon because you must not have any for you to even be questioning what to do in this situation.
Jon, you fired the cannon too soon. Simon said that he already knew what his response was; he wanted to know how Ben and Jack would respond.
I love this video so much. It touched on so many issues that I feel strongly about.
There have been times in the past when guys have said to me: "I generally don't do Asian guys, but I would date you", or "You're pretty good-looking for an Asian guy...". I think that's quite similar to saying, "I genuinely hate Black people, but you're different...". It's a racist comment coated with a compliment, and in doing so allows the comment to be somehow accepted in the conversation.
When I use to get these comments, I would think to myself, "Ouch, that hurts.", but then I would think, "but he's being nice to me, I really shouldn't get angry at him". Nowadays, I would just gently let him know why what he is saying is really not a compliment lol.
Kai S ... I've been there too and don't let it get you down. You're the only you and in that you're unique amazing and beautiful for being different. You don't owe anyone answers on being proud of being Asian or give them validation. The select white guys who believe because they're gay and white and think they have dominion and privilege over everyone else are severely wrong.
I genuinely do not understand racism. Like what is it about someone's skin color that that truly makes someone upset. How does racism actually make sense? I can understand other discrimination ( not that I discriminate) like against LGBT+ people because of religion and stuff and I can understand having preconcived thoughts drilled into your brain, but HATING a entire group of people because of something so insignificant like skin color. That goes to far. Just today two old ladies in a gas station threatened to call the police on a man just because he was black. He wasn't doing anything wrong! How in someone's mind does that make even a little bit of sense?
You just slayed it. Ehlanna for president. -B x
serczykowski No I when I said "preconcived thoughts" I was referring to societies stereotypes of different races. And I don't think any discrimination is okay I just understand religious stigmas around some groups of people. I DO NOT agree with discrimination of any kind. I'm sorry for the confusion.
I have a love and hate relationship with human beings, period. . .
I just don't understand how people can still think this way, it baffles me. If a friend said that to me i'd probably want to understand why they feel that way and try to educate them the best i can. But this chap clearly has some issues that needs sorting and instead of ending the friendship and ignoring him i'd like to see him help change his views and help him to become more accepting. Another great video guys :)
I live in South Africa and we have whites, blacks, Indians, Arabs, Chinese and coloured (mix race). We have so many races that we have been nicknamed "the rainbow nation. But usually people usually romantically prefer their own race. I feel like people can not help who they are attracted to so I can understand a person having a preference on a dating app. However, the same people that only date within their own race have no problem being friends with other races. I don't know, I wouldn't have a problem with people like that. But a friend who says to me " I hate black people..." is no longer my friend.
No jerk chicken and rice. #dead 😂 that killed me
Can you please watch GET OUT, and talk about it? I feel that it would make a funny ass video lol
I'm a black female and this question is on a serious front obviously disgraceful....but can we just take a moment for Ben's reactions 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 DEAD
To quote the They Might Be Giants song, ‘Racist Friend’:
“Can't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.”
As for Grindr: There's a difference between what turns your crank while rubbing one out, who you'd prefer to have sex with, and who you'd date. If you say, “I'd don't want to date Blacks,” that's quite different from saying, “I'm more turned on by .” The former is coded racism, the latter is a statement of preference.
The “who I'd prefer to fsck” is in a grey-area, because it involves what turns you on, but you're dealing with A Real Person now, not some image in porn. Grindr and other apps make it nigh-impossible to get any sense of the other guy's personality, something that you could get at the old club/bar scene.
Grindr will certainly let you justify your internalized-racism to yourself, though.
straight up...since its 2017... id loudly and clearly say..."bye Betty"... since Felicia is last year she can stay there along with this foolish racist person...
I love the two you. You laugh together so easily and that is great to watch. This was a heavy video and congrats on tackling it. I think I agree with Ben and would walk away from that person. I laud your approach to finding out where the ignorance comes from.
"They're not american, they're from the UK." So savage, YES!
I had a best friend/ crush once and it was really amazing, 'cause we had the same taste in music, we'd discuss books and go to theatre together and stuff. And then he told me that all Asians should go home and called them names. He made fun of Asian eyes a lot. At first I brushed it off as a one-time joke (not my best moment). But it wasn't just one time, and when I realised, I was just very shocked and numb for a while. Because this is the person I've been in love with... I always thought, how could I not notice before? Things like this should come up when people discuss books, right? There should be an earlier time in a relationship where the person makes a hint that they're racist. When I told him that I'm actually one of "them" and he would notice I have Asian eyes too if he just took a look at me, he was like yeah, but you're different. This is what I don't get. So, because I'm different from the stereotype it means I don't get hurt when he insults people from my home country? Because I'm the only one different and there are no other people, who don't meet the stereotype but still get hurt, cause he knows nothing about them and insults them? Hell, it doesn't even matter that I'm different. Being so ignorant and generalizing and judging people's personalities by swiping them all under one "race" rug is just fucking disgusting.
Needless to say, it was the biggest turn off ever. Also after he said that, in his opinion, gays shouldn't be able to adopt cause gay = pedophile, I was like BOI BYE. I explained to him why I absolutely cannot live with this shit and then erased him from my life. He still tries to contact me sometimes, but I'm very cold lol
You both give me life! Thank you for being on TH-cam!
I would say.
From now on, we will be not friends anymore because we have different moral values.
If he insisted in explaining or justify his position, I would say to him, "Go to hell".
a few people have told me that I'm different than other black people(meaning it as a compliment).....i simply tell them to stop judging a race by what they see in the media(which is easily manipulated)
I feel like this issue would come up before friendship was even a thing. Black people are in and around most nonblack people's lives through music, social media, coworkers, classmates, etc. Although I've never been in Simon's situation, I feel like I would sniff out that ignorant part of that person off the top. Or at least I would feel something is uneasily strange about them and drop them before we wasted anymore time together. The "but you're different" part just infuriates me...different than what, exactly? And if one black person is different, then SURELY more can be, as well? It makes it sound like that person begrudgingly accepted that single solitary black person into their life, and is actively shutting the door against accepting any more, which would be a second reason to drop them as a friend.
As an American, I feel racism is rampant in the U.S. anymore! I have no actual facts, but as a white person I see it everyday! I work with people who hated President Obama from the day he got elected, claiming various reasons, but down deep there was only one reason....he was black! My boyfriend is black, and a good friend of mine planned a party for my mother's birthday, and asked me to invite one of my co-workers to the party! I did, she ask me if my boyfriend would be there, I said yes, and she said her husband wouldn't be coming, because he didn't like black people! This is the kind of crap that exists in America! It is the quiet racism that is most disturbing, the person you meet that acts like a very decent person, but in reality is very much against almost anything that is different from them....namely white, straight, and conservative! I think the whole attitude in America is one of disbelief in what America has become, specifically with the recent elections! I for one hate to watch the news anymore, because it constantly keeps me in a state of depression! Sorry if I have ranted, but hopefully soon we can come to understand that all races are good, and all have a few bad apples, and not group any race together as bad! I find it intolerable to even be around people who can not try to get past their prejudice! My grandparents were racists, and I don't condone it, but those were different times I guess, and even my parents had issues with race! I was actually shocked, and very proud, when my parents told me they voted for President Obama. I felt like things had changed, but since then, I have noticed that a lot of "good" God fearing people aren't so "decent" as I had hoped they were! I just wish for America to get past the next four years and hopefully gain some dignity back!
I just don't understand people these days?!
I agree with you Ben...we all little bit racist in not a serious way....we all make little comments...and even within our own race....Carribbeans v Africans for example
The same thing goes when your friend tells you that they hate gay people. I had these situations, when people have been telling me these things (I wasn't out to them at this time) and I was like: "so you hate me?" "You like me, because of what person I am but you also hate because of who I am." Should we be friends or not then?
Tell that “FRIEND” GOOD BYE.
If the problem is ignorance we could take as an opportunity to educate the person and stop racism in that person
i agree with ben that everyone is a little bit racist because society is racist and you pick up on this/learn the subtleties of racism throughout your life. this doesn't mean you are a bad person or are ill intentioned. it isn't anyone's fault as you can't control your childhood environment/society/the media - but what you can control is to actively fight against the inherent racism that you possess. i am white and must acknowledge that i'm inherently a little bit racist even though i don't want to be. an example of such subtle racism is that i noticed i was immediately imagining book characters were white if the colour of their skin wasn't mentioned, as if it's the default. it's similar to internalised homophobia and misogyny (even though i am gay and a woman). the important thing is to fight against it, acknowledge privilege and try to diversify one's own consumption and thinking. thanks for the great video x
marisdc True that. Even as a person of colour, I noticed, as a little kid who LOVED reading, that I would always assume that a character was white unless described otherwise. It's because society (or at least those with the most power to influence society eg: Film makers) perpetuates the idea that 'str8 white males' are the norm. It's the same reason why if a TV show has a female lead it's usually considered a girl's/women's show. I guess it's (somewhat) understandable that everyone assumes that most people/characters they encounter are heterosexual - because the vast majority of human beings are - but it's all rooted in this inaccurate idea of what the "average human" being is
Awesome points. Really incredible! -B x
When you're new to grindr and you're getting alot of the same from a specific race..(similar features you dislike)
Race-generalism begins to form. Often times at that point, the person will give up on the race entirely and put a race-block on their profile.. It's a sad phenomena and its because they haven't experienced beautiful people
No jerk chicken no rice 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I'm done
LOL. I can't either. -B x
Simple response is "delete my number babes" then walk away
Kvng_Taf II that is too much effort. Fade away into the wind and take ghosting to the next level.
I think it's okay to have preferences when it's a one night stand, but not in dating/romance/friendship.
I actually have this conversation a lot in and out of my circle of friends. Usually when someone says shit like that my reactions are in this exact order: shocked, wtf are you talking about, now listen child.
No one can be expected to know everything and we all grow up in a racist world so we need to educate them on this matter. If they keep talking about preferences (that's racist btw) or don't apply this knowledge then they clearly don't understand the underlying structures of racism (yes, people, racism is not only discrimination) and it's time for the chop.
The 'but you're different' part is what's getting me.... That statement just shows either the person's stupidity or immaturity to think like that. We're not even going to talk about the racism part... I'm genuinely tired of addressing that at this point...
Thank you , thank you, thank you, thank you! When you prefer something, you have a greater liking for it, but you don't completely exclude other options. If you prefer chicken over ham, it means you'd still eat ham, but you generally like chicken better. Now, there's nothing wrong with having preferences bc we all have them, but when you outright exclude an entire group of people bc of their race, that's prejudice, period. You've excluded an entire group of people based on preconceived opinions you've developed about that race, whether you realize it or not.
I would look my "friend" in the eyes and stare until they ask what I'm doing. Then I'd tell them, "If I'm different, then everyone else is, too," and walk away.
As a product of 1/8 Jewish 1/8 white 3/4 Asian 🇨🇦👬 I just don't understand why some people will hate others by their race🙅♂️
racism is learned, no one is born hating people because of the color of their skin.
My parents didn't raise us to be racist, I had the pleasure of dating people of all races . The color of a person's skin doesn't matter to me but I've seen racism before in people I didn't know were like that .
AGREED. -B x
I can't with this, I'm 4000% dead
Racism is REAL. -B x
In terms of racial prefrence, I'll paste a comment I wrote on another video.
"a group of people who happen to be the same race, do not all look the same nor do they act the same. So what is it exactly that puts you off?
You may say, I don't like the big nose on a black man, and I can show you a black man with a thin nose. You may say you don't like the brown skin on an south Asian man, and I'll show you a light skinned south Asian man. You may say you don't like east Asian men because they're shy, and I'll show you a confident east Asian man.
So its really all down to you deciding "this race all look and act like *insert things you don't find attractive*, therefore I'm not attracted to said race. You don't see the racism here?"
YESSSSSSSSSSSS! -B x
I so agree with Jack I would not give that so-call friend the time of day, because you cannot hate all black people but love me. That person is a dam hypocritic.
I agree with Jack on this one, save your breath and just walk away. Perhaps a brief "wow, that is so racist I cannot" and calmly walk away while trying to figure out how/why I was friends with this person in the first place...
i will tell them "we are done, we cant be friends any longer.
racism is racism no matter how it is intended
you both are meant to be because you both throw the most shadeeee lmao
Thank you for this. I need to listen more. Love you two!
I was speechless throughout the entire video. Or maybe my brain was filled with so many competing thoughts, trying to race to the surface, that I just couldn't think clearly. As a minority myself (Asian, gay male whose ethnicity is considered a minority even in my own home country), I will definitely unfriend that person immediately. I have enough issues to deal with on a daily basis. I don't need more of it. Besides, what a fu**** up statement that was! "I genuinely hate..., but you're different." For real? It honestly feels like (to me, at least) a very patronizing statement. "Look at me. I hate your kind of people, but be amazed at/grateful for my generosity because at least I like you for you're different than the other people of your kind." FU**! With friends like that, who needs enemies?
It's been a while guys :) great video as always 🙏🏾🙏🏾and happy V day 😂😂😂😂i had the same thing happened to me back in high school , and quite frequently as well while I was traveling after high school , I remember one friend of a friend (I don't even know her that much) was like I don't normally hangout with Africans , but you're different , I was like why am I different I'm still African and that won't change (her answer shock me ) she said and I quote "you're one of the rare anomalies coming from a diplomatic and a scientific family and you can afford living like us " 😂😂😂😂I just laughed at her face and was like honey I don't know that much nor that I want to know you for what it matters but let me tell you something you can't just hate an entire continent just coz they don't live a certain way that you think relevant, if you actually go and visit some of the great nations in Africa you will be shocked and stunned , and what you just told me about me being different shows how superficial and shallow minded you are , and one more thing never ever call my existence an anomaly I know African ppl who can trade (buy- sell-enslave ) you're entire family +extended one you dumb *** ***** 😂😂😂😂and l walked away from the table and never herd or saw her again 😂😂😂 my friend kept on apologizing for her but I was like nah I'm done with her shallowness , and I'm sorry you have friends like that 🕺🏽
I would tell them that they are missing out on meeting a large swath of a diverse cultural rich society by being a racist....and further that his attitude is unacceptable to me..
BYE Felicia! I've come across people like that oh "Brian, your different and West Indians don't have such a chip on their shoulders". That's a backhanded comment. Also I come from a Trinidadian family that were so accepting when I came out so that excuse is bs. I dated a German for a few weeks who was anti-Semitic and I told him that's NOT a good look. He tried every excuse in the book but all I could think about is two of my Jewish friends who would think I've lost my mind. You can present the facts on why it's wrong but ultimately people have to change their own minds. In the meantime BYE Felicia!
I think it is fine to educate someone some of the times. But I am with Jack on this one, I wouldn't give the person a reason why u stop talking to them. Just cut them off, let them go. As soon as I hear my friend say something like that just get up and walk away and call her a stupid bitch.
TreyShelt79 but how does the person learn? you need to tell them what the issue is and then walk away....
Krazily Eclectic If you say a comment like that to me and you don't know what the problem is/are. Then I can't be the one to teach you, because that statement would have me fired up.
I agree. I'm just saying before you walk off you should let the person know that what they said, is not ok, and give the reason why... some ppl are just that clueless b/c they want to remain that way and not take responsibility for their actions. Btw, I'm not saying read them an essay or anything, but simply say "what you said was hateful and racist and I don't condone that" or something to that effect, and then simply walk away no need for you to wait for them to respond.
TreyShelt79 of course you are entitled to react however you feel no judgment. Just a friendly debate. No biggie
Krazily Eclectic I agree with you and I wasn't mad or anything. I just sharing my thoughts and opinion. Good Debate.
we have them here so many..."i generally hate roma, gays, trans people, but you are different.."to what i reply with only one thing-"Bye!"
Great answers! The last time someone said that to me, I simply walked away.
You're a good person! -B x
Fuck that actually made me cry......what happens in people's heads
As a teacher I wouldn't be able to resist trying to educate, however offended I might be.
As a gay man I would be thinking how could you limit yourself in that way.
A serious topic, but you still managed to make me smile, thank you.
This reminds of how Daniel Radcliffe said he has openly racist friends and how he clearly thinks racism is something you can just have a difference of opinion about. What does it say about you that you are choosing to be around someone saying and believing dehumanizing things about black people... makes me think on some level you think that's okay.
Dan said what? Please don't tell me he actually said that, or I'll have to cancel him.
There are a lot of white LGBTQ folks who want to believe that it isn't racism to express a bias against men of color, you're literally rejecting someone on the basis of their race. Also, just because you can do it doesn't mean it's not racist.
The scariest takeaway is that this person doesn't think they are racist as long as they're not as bad as the worst example e.g. Trump or a neo-Nazi so they don't question their own behavior and then you get PewDiePie saying the n-word, Tilda Swinton whitewashing, Colton Haynes doing black and brownface, Shane Dawson thinking his racially stereotypical jokes are okay because their intent wasn't to offend anybody and these folks won't get called on it instead fans defend them.
he said it during and interview about this movie where he's an FBI agent who goes undercover with neo-Nazis... I haven't been able to enjoy HP since.
Yeah, okay, then in that case, he's cancelled. That really fucking sucks.
It depends on the significance of the friend. If this was a new friend that I didn't know that well I'd dismiss them and keep it pushing. A friend who id been investing in and cared about Id take the educational approach and try to break it down with them. If they still felt that way at the end of the convo, I'd sadly tell them we could no longer remain friends as I can understand & support differences of opinion. But I can't support hate or be comfortable with someone who does.
Ben, I feel you, I have faced racism because of my skin color, heritage etc. I know that racism exists but now is not a good time to bring up the dark past and what we have suffered through. In America, there has been a lot of racism and racist murders happening all over but wherever most people go to another country for vacation or holiday, the others will have bad assumptions about that person, maybe because of what they look like or what they might do. If we go back and look at Martin Luther King Jr, Rosa Parks and Nelson Mandela and other people who stopped racism, we can look at how they were trying to unite black people with whites, for the civil rights movement and human rights, maybe we can be a part of them and all together, united, if we are American, Canadian, Indian, Caribbean (Jamaican, Guyanese or Trinidadian), African-American, Muslim, Asian (Chinese), British (Irish, Scottish), Mexican, South African, Australian or of a Mixed Group or from another part of the world, we can all speak a message of love, a message of peace, a message of friendship and trust and for all of us to be equal and to be one love and also have equal rights and privileges. Just like the Black Lives Matter movement, we all want to have equal respect and rights because we have learned so much that others did not know how to respect and value other people just because they're different and have many diverse backgrounds and religions. In Canada, where I live, we are a multicultural country and everyone is welcome and we have no problems with that because our Prime Minister is welcoming immigrants to start afresh. Racism exists, not only in one country, but around the world and is alive and there could be some ways as to how we can help stop it before it gets any worse. But there are some people who are also racist and may say a lot of bad things to us but we would not let that get to us because of who we are and we have rights and privileges, just like everyone else does, just like you and I. If those people out there are racist and verbally abusive to us, we may as well ignore them and their vile remarks.
Don't kill the intro you guys do at the opening, I love it! Also, what is the name of the theme song? I find myself humming it at odd times.
Well someone did say that to me....and so seeing that I am married to a black person. All I did was spit at them and walked off. I could not even control my reaction.
I genuinely don't blame you for your reaction! That is SO awful. -B x
Definitely a strong emotional topic. I was with non-emotional Ben on this... my first thing was curiosity as to why someone would say something like that. My hope (though it still wouldn't be much better) would be that what they meant was "From my personal experience, some people I have met, who happen to have been black, had these negative traits that I didn't like, and I stupidly generalized that attribute to a whole race" ..... as I said, not much better but at least this could be an inlet for education......
And I wonder about the "personal preference" in dating (and on apps), like where does it come from? was it a few bad first dates that leads to generalization, or just some thoughtlessness.... for example.... I've never dated anyone asian.... That wouldn't lead me to say "no asians" if I were on a dating app, but if I were scrolling through just a set of pictures, might I be more likely to pass over someone asian (instead of looking at their profile)??? maybe? Could it be because they don't look like the pool of people I've already dated?
If I were black and had a friend that said he genuinely hated black people, but felt I was different, I would definitely, out of curiosity, ask what the differences were, explain what an idiot he is, and end the friendship. Same thing if he were straight and said he hated gay people, but I was different. Again, I would try to educate him, but chances are he would want to debate it, when the issue is undebatable. The damage would be done, and so would our relationship. Choosing to hate an entire race of people is a choice made of bigotry and absolutely no rationale. But, when it comes to dating someone, and/or having sex, I feel such choices are, or at least, can be seen as a matter of taste, and not hate. Being sexually attracted to a certain type of man I would like to think is a matter of appetite. We take no issue with someone preferring blue eyes over brown, brunette hair over blond, needs to be a certain height, clean shaven or bearded. But when it comes to weight, and particularly race, we want to impose our likes and dislikes upon their personal desires and cravings. Perhaps it's the terminology we use to specify our attractions that need to be less on point as far as being seen as a slur. Sexual attraction, and the sex act itself, is as personal and intimate an act as there is. Everyone should be able to order exactly what they want off the menu. I, myself, love a smorgasbord of men. I just need to find them attractive, what they are is secondary, or not even a consideration. I guess my mother raised me right.
I have an innate need to fix things (ignorance, bad thinking, and so on). I would try to discuss the basis of why they say that and then try to educate them or point to things that will educate them.
i would say "have a good day bitch " and just go somewhere else far away to this person.
Just have to say that one of my best friends said that she generally hates foreigners, but I don't really count as one because I'm apparently culturally norwegian...(I'm Sudanese btw) Well, I just stuck with it and asked her how could she know that foreigners couldn't be as different as norwegians? To say it this way, today she is dating a middle-eastern guy because she got rid of all her prejudice :)
Just discovered you guys yesterday. Im living.
:) Cant wait to see what else you guys have up your sleeve!
PS. I thought EMBROIDER was quite a marvellous choice of word ;-)
I think all people are equal the only problem comes when people grow up in a society that has negativity towards a certain race😊....you guys are awesome 💜💜
I hate racist profiles it's not preference it's pure hatred no need to have such stupidity on profiles
I think people who put no blacks no Asians
They are mainly left on the shelf and have to use such apps to hook up be you make a lovely couple hance I am in a mix relations keep it strong much love
Educate, them if you can. This make's me so sad.
I love your insight Ben. I agree with what you said completely. Racism, bigotry and discrimination is never ever ok under circumstance. If i had a friend like that I dont think i could be friends with them anymore.
"no jerk chicken no rice" 😂😂
I love this, I love the shade and I love you guys 😭😂💕
Thanks Delina! -B x
First off, thanks for the upload. I really do enjoy these videos.
Now, I am an African American Male from Texas. I live among-st many students and I promise, at least 3-8 of my "friends" and many more acquaintances have said something along the lines of "I just don't like black people" or "they just aren't my type." Each one having their own justifications of why they feel that way. I have grown tired of explaining to so many people that having these feelings stems from different places, one being home environments and school environments. Another being how media portrays others and poor access to accurate information while growing up. This goes for all races and cultural bias'. Seeing your faces during the beginning of this video made me chuckle, but as the end came around, I remembered that this is a very real issue. I have never had a dating app before but the whole grinder thing is just appalling.
New Term for my everyday life: Ghosting
Location: Bush
Rank: Petty
Thanks: Ben
I was scared as to how you would respond; but this makes me so happy!! Love ya both!
Hate is a learned emotion. Love is a natural emotion. You decide which emotion you prefer. That's preference.
Lol, I love how people on the comments think that preference and racism are mutually exclusive. But I understand how you guys want to believe you are innocent when it comes to racism instead of interrogating what influences your preferences. The truth that scares you is that your preferences are heavily steeped in racism.
That person would not be my friend any more .... now on to the good I love you two your funny and smart and just cool I love your channel