ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- Get access to the FREE hypnotic experience:
“No more Limerence: Initiating the journey towards life” bit.ly/3w0g8uy
FROM LIMERENCE TO REALITY COURSE: bit.ly/3L0hVUt
📌BOOK 1:1 TRANSFORMATIONAL SESSIONS W/ME: paperbell.me/e...
📌FIND ME ON IG: / evitapkcoaching
⚠️ Disclaimer: These videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice ⚠️
Limerence is nourished by uncertanty, by intermittent reinforcement. We are receptible to this kind of additcitve-behaviour shaping mechanism, just like other mammals. We may be receptible EVEN if we had very loving parents and are very much able to let ourselves be loved (no one has perfect parents because no human is perfect). A clear rejection will end limerence because uncetainty is removed. A PARTIAL reciprocation is much more problematic. It´s very tempting to feel like we are "half way there" when here is partial/intermittent reciprocation. I see it as my own task to get out of this, and to remove effort from getting ANYTHING from the other person. Adressing my own resources to find the way back to freedom. Then, the result of my efforts can be an unusually high degree of emotional freedom, life-trust and self-love. If I instead pursue the other person´s love, EVEN if I might get it, I will remain trapped in a nerverending hide-and-seek game.
That is so true. Never had limerence until one guy messed up my brain by confusing me. Almost making me believe I am so close to getting closer but once I got closer he moved further. Always seeding the hope somehow. It was extremely draining and addictive to see what is next. Just insane. I was lonely and was hoping to be with him. I tried to get closer and break the fantasy but he then started avoiding me. Then kept coming close to me only to run when I got close again. Absolutely insane and took me a while to see things clear. Not sure of his reasons for behaving this way but it was sick and was upset I believed he is just shy taking his time but then I noticed it was all very intentional to keep me along.
He’s somebody with AVPD avoidant personality disorder. I just ended a 4 yr relationship with one. After a whole year of playing cat and mouse he finally started dating me,broke up with me 2 yrs later,I was devastated. He came back after a month and I accepted him with open arms not even asking for an explanation and now 2 years later he broke up with me again a week before Christmas. Now realizing it was limerance because even when he was with me he was always distant and was bread crumbing me. Please heal youself and stay away from such people. Always be aware of your feelings and emotions. A secure person will never feel attracted to an unavailable person or bread crumbs.
@@zebrastripes3786 I think a secure person might take an avoidant for available but maybe just a bit shy, because the avoidant is at is best in the early stages when nothing is yet settled. Some of them may show their true colours first when you have invested quite some time and emotion and have bonded with them (as far as you´re concerned).
A secure person wouldn’t hang around for a year waiting for the person to get over their shyness and go out with them like I did and a secure person would just be authentic and come out and say that too like “I can’t tell if you’re shy or running away from me” at which the avoidant wouldn’t even pursue them because they are super insecure and hyper vigilant about what people think about them,any indication that the other person thinks they’re acting weird would scare them off. Avoidants “almost” always hook up with anxious preoccupied people who are more prone to limerance
@@zebrastripes3786 in my case i was confused as i never dealt with an avoidant before. At the begining he was always coming around me. This is how i suddenly noticed him. So he must have seen me for a while before making himself noticed. So i realised he was always near me. Then i started little chats related to our context nothing big. He replied to me each time but would not develop conversation. Anyway then i moved my place and he was near me again. Friends said oh he must be very shy. Trying to build confidence. Then I started to go where he was too. I said lets see what he does if i do the same. After 2 days of going where he was the third day he avoided me all of the sudden. After that day he was always near me but the moment i would come almost next to him he would move. This game affected me a lot as i didn't understand what i did wrong and was caught in a sick game. Soon i realised something is wrong with him as normally people who avoid you wont come near you at all. Or people at over 40 wont run away just because they think you might like them. So it was extremely weird. He is still around me although he knows i know something about him and is staying more at a distance. But he behaved like he a normal guy liking a woman up to when i started showing signs i like him back.
What’s worse, is they play hot and cold. Reciprocate sometimes then ghost others.
Narcissists do that all the time.
Thank you!
I don’t think your deliverance is too harsh. I prefer it. I’m sort of an introvert - so, I prefer straight forward and to the point. Sometimes feelings need to be hurt to get moving with life.
My fear of intimacy is so strong that I even run away from friendships or any other type of relationship.
Sad. Hope you seek help and heal😊
@@777-h6n thank you darling
😊@@camilaalgaranaz2801
I went through intense limerence this pat year. I was crazy! He gave me signs he liked me then back off. It was such a roller coaster . Literally made me have pain so intense i could hardly stand it! At an age wheni did not need togo through this . . Ihave been physically ill for over a year.
I know pain like that...fell ill and kept feeling weak, I thought I'd die or go insane. Hope you heal 💜
Same:(❤️🩹
Me too. It hurts. All the breadcrumbing, doubt, on/off, it hurts. Especially when they feel so safe, a soul connection/chemistry, someone you've known a long time too. Very hard to go to work too, with this despair.
Sounds familiar. A long term married friend came on to me and in the end nothing happened, but it triggered intense limerence for a few years! I'm still in contact with her, saw her recently, and thankfully I got to grips with it now. She is unavailable emotionally and practically, but when there is some level of attraction it can get you thinking about "what-ifs", regrets etc and that is a slippery slope.
I started crying watching this. It hit home hard. I fell in limerance with someone I've never met after a very long and very unhealthy relationship ended. Been stuck there for the past nine or ten months, even though I don't want these feelings for him because I know it's a fantasy. I am terrified at the idea of dating again. I don't trust that I can be good enough for a good man, nor do I trust that there's anyone out there willing to take a chance on me. I feel really stuck. I don't know how to fight this. I also don't know how to fight the idea that, because no one will be willing to romantically love me, it means that something is wrong with me.
You don’t need to fight that idea. You need to find out why you ever believed that to begin with. Stick around Sara, everything I post is aimed to help hearts like yours heal 💜
I so much feel the same as you to. The video also hit home very hard, and I also started to cry. I continue to fantasize over a beautiful woman who is emotionally unavailable due to childhood abuse, intimidation, and trauma, and clearly is just looking to be friends. I've continued to pursue over the last 10 months, and feel stuck since I'm afraid of being rejected and have not confronted her with my feelings toward her. I obviously can't move on with my life until I accept the rejection that will surely come.
How do you feel now? What happened? @@martycharney6103
I was (am) in the same position. I was institutionalized because I became so despondent over my LO. I'm learning that it takes a lot of deep diving into my past, confronting the trauma and then practicing new boundaries I set with myself (thanks to evita's video). Much like an athlete needs reps to become better, our minds need the reps to retrain it to properly process these limerence episodes. It's hard, it's been 15 months for me. but i finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck and we are all here for you.
I can’t confess my feelings because it’s been years and I’d probably creep them the hell out.
I have this pattern in my life where the person mostly doesn’t want me, but does seem to enjoy the drama of it. And we do connect on a small level- kinda like being the side chick in every type of relationship… but overall, it’s not real.
I also pick mean women as friends or love interests and they get more mean the more vulnerable I get or if we fight and I go back, they get colder while I try way too hard to fix things or understand them.
Because of that, I’ve had to do a lot of affirmation and journal work- admitting to the reality of the situation.
I wish my heart and mind could see it for what it is. I feel like I’m almost there tho, so that’s a good thing.
Work on your self esteem. You are worthy and deserve love and respect. First sign of disrespect move on.
1:16 it’s about whether you are capable and willing to be loved and receive love to begin with
6:16 if you’ve given the opportunity and they were not acting upon it then that is it
9:31 if you didn’t have so many obstacles and walls to keep you away from love, you wouldn’t have to guess, try, dream, joining dots to get a clue
Have you also noticed that during limerence stage, intermittent reinforcement is working as hell? It is also similar to parental bond and bonds in other adult relationships, and addictions. It can teach you a lot about the way you are bonding.
pursuing love where it isn't fully given. am i capable and available to love? ha! wow. i guess not. single for 15 years because i knew i loved too much, and then obsessing over the people i crushed on for years. *sigh*. i hope this video gives me a path through this without just staying single forever. i thought i was finally ready.
Yes. I've watched lots of videos on Limerence and yep, once again, you all are right. But what's new from you is you saying that maybe I'm not ready to be loved. You're right, right there. And damn, i have a lot of self adjustments and self growth to do!
OMG, I've been in limerence fantasy world for 45 years or more. I've seen couselors on and off since I was thirty and NONE OF THEM mentioned this. thank you
You’re so great and I just love your videos. They all feel like you’re speaking to me one on one. ❤️
I have this pattern - I’m older now - I need to label this and stop
This was a hard video for me to watch because it’s 100% spot on for the “relationship” I’m in right now…
I feel like I'm in a situation where disclosure isn't possible, but I'm nonetheless in contact with my limerent object - so I can't get closure, and I can't walk away; the limerence never fully resolves itself...
She told me it can never be. That was 6 years ago and we still work together. I'm still in hell everyday. 💔
How do you deal with it? I’m in this situation now. We actually dated but it didn’t work and she moved on. Now I’m stuck because I want her so bad again. I don’t know how to move on since we’re coworkers and I have to see her all the time.
@@zrated3505 I’m in therapy. Also Finding Fena on TH-cam helps a little.
Avoid them even though you desperately don’t want to.
Get your dopamine somewhere else.
Ask yourself if you’re enjoying it.
If you are, you haven’t hit the self-loathing stage.
Go on dates, one per week, until you find someone you like. You will.@@zrated3505
Some folk act lovingly at us for the purpose of acquiring something from us for themselves 🤔
The telling word is act!
Thank you for your wise and helpful words. This limerence action is a horrible feeling. Having a way to think about it is very useful. Also having the background of the reasons for this action to be engaged is extremely important. I needed to hear this. I can move away from this action which has a hold on me. I can let it go. I can heal the root obstacles to authentic self love.
Thank you so much. But my LO is my co worker, if I tell, I will probably have to quit after disclosing. And I don’t want to lose my job now.
Now that’s a dilemma you seem to have made a decision for. The next step is to come to terms about where does that leave the LO.
same here...she's also my boss...BWHAHAHA!! im screwed!!!
From the depth of my heart thank you
You just told all the harsh truth I was deliberately hiding from myself.It was eye opening.
Thank you!
That’s the thing he loved me and i loved him, so long ago we were going to be together he was willing to come America and live with me, but I made him cry to begin my celibate journey now 22 years later I’m still and have been secretly in love with him I measured every man up against him.
Thank u so much, i told my limerance object to block me, but i keep making these fantasies about he actually loved me, but i have to be in reality and work in myself
I so needed this message. Thank you so much!
You are a great therapist ❤
Good and gentle sense of humour in such a touchy area. :D It was great, thank you.
Hi, Thankyou for the help. I can tell you really care and I love your approach. The honesty and transparency is needed. I hope your channel flourishes for you. You’re a gem.
I hope one day you will make a video on Grief, for me ambiguous grief, I’m in therapy now for it. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.
What a beautiful comment. Thank you so much 💜
❤ blessed be. Needed this message!
Thanks. Just what i need to hear. I wish i found out about your chsnnel earlier 😅
Step one is complete. I've been rejected. I'm still infatuated with her. Now what?
we gotta keep reminding ourselves that she rejected us.
One of the best videos...and i needed to hear it...thank u so much❤
Thank you sooo much for making these videos. 😭
This is very profound. The part where you said I am one who is afraid of intimacy...wow. very eye opening. Your videos have been helping me a lot. Just in past week I have stopped communicating to person I am in limerence with. I told him how i feel. This has been a painful realization for me over past few weeks. You are describing my childhood exactly. Parents who didn't seem to love me.
I struggle a lot with letting people close to me. I do not know how to overcome this. When people express love to me I almost recoil. Very odd. :(
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your insight. Incredibly helpful. 🤍💜🙏
I feel the same. When I am an adult, I found out my parents did not want to take care of me when I was a baby, they sent me to my grandparents and they rented a nice apartment to enjoy their life. They visited me on the weekends. My mom told me this after my father died (I was in the 40’s).
When people express love to me, I always don’t feel the same way and don’t have feelings for them. But I will fall in Limerence with someone and try to make them love me. It is so hard and life goes on with the scars that I am not chosen.
@@sychiang88 from watching these videos and others I am learning that self worth is how you begin to change this. That's easy to say but hard to fix if you grew up without love or lived through an abusive type of relationship. I sometimes think these things permanently damage a person's soul. It's hard because I want to feel loved but at same time I don't like love . It's a confusing state of mind. I have had limerence two times and it lasts a long time. Hard to shake self out of it.
Hi Evita, i think for people who are in limerence. In order to get over it, we should first see if there's any chance of that LO talking to us because i personally felt limerence fade when the other person becomes available and if he talks. If he is not at all ready to talk or if he's not interested by any chance then we should move forward , block limerent object, and move on with the life. When we are in limerence, we are so confused about whether the other person wants us or not.
What do you think?
Wow, soo smart!! Thank you. I needed it today ❤
Thank you so much for the work you're doing! I've just noticed that you're a hypnotherapist. I've heard about the technique before, but never really understood how it's used in trauma work. I'd love to learn more about it. Is there any particular resource/video of yours that explains the ins and outs of how hypnotherapy works?
Haven’t created anything related to that. But I am sure a lot of it exists. I don’t just use hypnosis. I do regression therapy, hypno analysis & constellation work amongst other things that I see necessary to help the other gain the awareness they need, in order to move through & move on.
@@evitapkcoaching love hearing that! Sounds like a well-balanced approach that has your clients' best interest in mind. I've been trying all sorts of things for myself, deep-dive journaling and meditation seem to work best for me. Hypnotherapy has been popping up here and there on my radar lately, it sounds intriguing. Gonna look it up somewhere else then ☺
What to do if you have confessed to them. They have rejected you and yet you keep loving them and pursuing them unable to accept the rejection. For 8 years.
Limerence ends within 4-6 months after rejection. Are you sure you have limerence?
@@zolongOnethere's a scientifically defined fixed time period for it? Who told you that?
I know what you are talking about, unfortunately. I am don't know the answer to your question. But maybe the first step is to realize you have a problem and that it's just an (very convincing) illusion. Tell yourself that's not real and start looking at the root causes. Treat it as an illness and dont be too harsh on yourself. It's super hard, I know.
Can last a lot longer.
So much of this rings true for me except the blaming of lack of love from parents as the underlying cause. I did not have that experience with my parents. Are you saying that's the only way someone is susceptible to limerance?? That seems very simplistic and rigid. What about the trauma of growing up gay and the self hate and rejection and fear of love that is often experienced? Surely that could cause someone to be unable to find healthy reciprocated love with someone and instead experience limerance later in life??
Beautiful video.❤
best video ever, thanks!
This was a great message...new,thank you so much...
I needed this ❤thank you
Thank you❤
This made me cry
Thank you for this.
This was hard to hear but I do want love and I did confront him as I spotted the patterns in myself and why
I didn't know there was a word for that... it's hurt to realize
Thank you ! My LO is my classmate for final year and then for housejob too. If I reveal to him (as I surely know he doesn't feel same way) it's gonna get really awkward for me . I am his best friend tho while he's only my crush/LO ! 😢 what to do ?
I think you HAVE TO tell him. Be honest with him. For your own health
Nah 13:26 is crazy especially cuz of the title of the video 💀💀 she violated fr
Hes my coworker and from our interaction i can tell hes not interested so there is no point confessing to him let alone ghe awakwness working together. Aslo i dont really know him at all i just love the ideal of him. But i feel like i want to disclosure of him rejecting me...
I think, you just fell in love with me, seriously now, I know you did. Scorpionic Greetings! ❤
Thank you ❤
I had the love I wanted. It wasn’t perfect but it was better than I ever anticipated. Now he’s gone and I still have his surname.
I’ve survived. I’m even involved with someone else. When I spend time with the new man, it’s a lot of fun.
Other men approach me but I’m too old now to take up with some man I’m not attracted to just because they’re interested. Did that too many times in my youth.
I’ve learned that being human isn’t really for me, so I’m preparing to discontinue my human experience.
How are you doing now?
I’m hearing you use a lot of consent language with limerence. I’m wondering if limerence can lead to acts of coercion? Or is being coercive or coercive control is different?
Interesting. I wouldn’t say consent exactly but, this is more so over having an actual “shared reality” & not be in dissonant ways where the experience is completely ignored & translated only through the fantasy. Being in limerence is being disconnected from reality so, much more malleable & challenged to discern, for sure.
💛
Evita when I hear my LO talking on the phone, a strong feeling of jealous arise, because I am guessing she is talking to her boyfriend but I will always not be sure…How to stop guessing if she is talking to her boyfriend？
I’m obviously not Evita, but what helps me is going towards my fear (always in my mind, not to the person) . If the worst case scenario is she’s talking to her boyfriend, sit with it. Admit it’s your fear so you can stop running from it.
But here’s what I also do that takes a lot of repetition: I repeat and journal the most logical expectation I can have about the situation…
So if I were in your situation, I’d do affirmations and journal work like:
1. Sometimes I feel jealous with people I can’t be with. And that’s okay. I can heal these thoughts and eventually meet someone who is single and likes me, too.
I’d say/journal this while doing calm breathing to calm my nervous system.
2. My standards are high. I’m not interested in people who are dating other people.
I may not feel that way, but I’m trying to change those feelings and higher my standards.
3. When I feel jealous, it’s okay because I’m here for me. I know I’m worthy as I am now and I can love myself while creating things I’d like to experience in my life.
I always let my mind wander, too. I think I have better success when my mind isn’t trying to analyze it, just accept it. When my mind naturally wanders to a new topic and I’m still calm, it’s a good sign for me.
Just a suggestion.
@@risingempressproductions Thank you so much. I will try. When reading your recommendations, I realize that feeling is “oh I am not chosen one again”, maybe the previous second we are chatting and laughing together and next second, her boyfriend called and I feel sad and abandoned…The feelings will ruins my whole day and the worse things there is nothing I can control (her boyfriend calls or she calls out). I will try the only thing I can do which are your recommendations, Thank you so much.
@@sychiang88 I can totally see where that would trigger old abandonment/rejection wounds. It would hurt and it’s okay that it does, although I know it’s uncomfortable.
I’ve realized I have to change my relationship to emotional pain. Instead of running away from it, I try to think of it as a positive thing- how can I know that I have a wound if I don’t feel pain? The pain is here to let me know there’s something in me I need to heal.
Try the affirmations and journaling for a week. Do deep breathing while you do it- always try to get to a calm place until that thought no longer triggers you.
I also envision myself as the person I’m trying to become. If I want to be someone who is only attracted to single people who are attracted to me too, I think of that version of me. I also think of feeling uninterested in situations where I have to chase the person. It does take work, but eventually I got tired of suffering or hiding from pain.
I hope it helps or you find something that does! We all deserve peace and true connection ;)
Thank you ❤