I imagined everyone at their computer/phone just sobbing at the end feeling Ren's pain/loss. And thank you - I was one of the lucky few. I count my blessings for that ❤
@Tachy Tanya I've cried at every reaction, too. It's just an overwhelming amount of vulnerability. Just like yours. I'm so glad your husband came home for you. For me, it was my best friend randomly deciding to call me. 20 years ago, I still can never repay that one phone call.
This song makes we aware of the pain others have suffered from my :x3. I put my parents, friends and wife through torment. I am still vertical at 79 and still living with my shadow. Each time I was only conscious of the pain. Been there too.
We love you Tanya. You were so brave to open up and put it out there. Thank you for sharing. We understand how tough it is to talk about this subject, but it’s a conversation we benefit from. So glad you got lucky. I did too. I literally bumped into a friend as I was carrying a bottle of vodka and a bag of pills. That chance meeting saved me. It was meant to be
i’m a survivor of multiple suicide attempts. i remember once standing on the edge of a bridge. i looked down and saw that tranquility he talked about. an elderly women with three dogs approached me and begged for me to come down and talk to her. i did. i’m still here. i think about her often. this song really hit me.
I would say your voices matter, not because you are a suicide survivor but because your voices have always mattered. Life is not easy, but you are never alone. Is the mind powerful enough to make you feel that way, absolutely. But we must remember, we drive the ship - and that includes the mind. Peace and love. ❤
Ok, hi, my twin sister just yesterday tried to commit suicide, she has never been diagnosed but she took a really massive amount of xtc pills, if she had not called me, she would have succeeded, i called 112. And she's on ic right now, with a breathing tube. And i don't know what to do
Thank you for not editing your reaction! Seeing raw reactions like this makes me feel connected to others, something I don't feel anymore in real life since years. Ren and the reactions on his songs, reactions such as yours, make me feel less alone in my daily struggles. 3x attempted suicide, lost so many people, battling MS since 10 years, depression. It makes me feel so detached from the rest of the world until I watch some reactions on Ren's music. So thank you for the raw reaction you gave and I wish you all the best, all the strength and all the support you need!
MS is a really horrible illness. I'm sorry you must battle that on top of the inner voices. Dealing with both is such a struggle and is incredibly exhausting. It's understandable how you can become detached and almost numb to things. It's almost a survival instinct to protect your energy. I'm glad you are still here ❤ You are one tough cookie to have overcome so much and to keep going! Don't ever think for one second you're not strong enough or not worth it. You are and you matter 🤗
Tanya, don't dare think for one second that any of us watching you reaction aren't at the moment giving you a giant hug. Collectively whether subconsciously or consciously we should and are surrounding each other with hugs and support here. Both for ourselves and others. Like anyone who has been in a dark place like you were, I was....so many of us have been. Know you matter, you have value and the world is a better and brighter place with you still in it. Ren has done something remarkable here, He has given voice to immense pain, like I once felt. He has also reminded me (as others have tried to do), that no matter what the voices inside my mind have said, my absence from the lives that care for me will not improve their lives, but the opposite and possibly destroy them. Much like the line from Hi Ren, "Some people know me as hope. Some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on the rope". The line "I miss you, and I miss myself. I miss thinking we were indestructible as well". Those two lines will stay with me forever. For two very distinct and different reasons. Keep being you, doing what you do my friend.
If you're watching this and you feel you can't go on, think about your best friends running to help you and give them that two minutes it takes to get to you.
I felt this song so deeply. Im a survivor as well. 2 yrs ago my brother saved my life. Love Ren and his music. And thank you for being as open as you can about your struggles
There may be tears all over the world for those that have listened to this piece of Ren's today, but he is piecing Us, all together, in a community of sharing and caring for each other. What a gift to have an artist like this, to not shame or blame our fragile human spirits. Warm hug to You, Tanya
"I can't word." That's such a real statement after how this song leaves you feeling. As for Robin Williams, I don't think that it was him feeling worthless when he hit that point in his life. His diagnosis was telling him that he was going to be losing his cognitive ability and for a man like him, his quick wit and sharp mind was the core of who he was. His condition was going to have him slipping away into an unrecognizable person who he felt would become a burden on those he loved. He had a stand up at The Roxy back in '78 where he said "You're only given one spark of madness and you mustn't lose it because without it, you're nothing." I think that summed up the end of his days and how he felt. His condition was going to take his spark of madness and he couldn't imagine living without it. I loved that man dearly and he is still the only celebrity that I actually shed tears for, so I understand how his loss hits you right in the heart. 💕 Rest in Peace, Robin.
@ Ren makes the internet cry….. there is just something so special about Ren. The amazing thing is how so many people are resonating through his art. I’m glad that you were one of the lucky ones ❤
It ends the pain for you. Yes you are right it passes the pain on, but you have to understand, that's not a factor in the decision. Because escaping the pain you are in is the only thought.
@@jodiwest3534 Escaping the pain is all I really think about because I don't have anyone to pass the pain on to. I have no family who care about me and no "real" friends, only acquaintances. I'm already a two time survivor but I just know deep down that I won't survive next time.
Tears are good for the soul. There is not a lot to say after that song. It left me like Hi Ren did. Speechless and in tears, but I listen to him over and over. I am a 65 yr old Widow. I lost a friend to suic!de at age 16. My daughter passed away 8 years ago and my husband died from cancer during Covid. I trick myself every morning by saying not today. I will make it through today and reassess my situation tomorrow....like Ren...we are not alone. ❤ We need to help eachother each and every single day. My thought and prayers go with you 🙏🏻❣️
"Your body missing so we never got to wave to the hearse." That line hit so damn hard. It's one thing to lose someone. It's another to never have closure.
What is amazing is how vulnerable Ren was at when he wrote this and created this video plus currently releasing it all of us. 2nd is Ren’s loss is hud childhood when he lost his innocence and feeling of immortality. He reminds me of the Maestro Tuomas Holopainen who composed most of Nightwish songs, poetry in his lyrics, and music. One theme Tuomas has is Dead Boy meaning a loss of childhood. Finally, while emphasizing the pain Ren’s friend Joe was going through also showing how hurt he was by the choice his friend Joe made along with the guilt of just possibly missing getting to Joe in time to save him or even to say goodbye plus Joe’s body was never found for closure. In other words, the choices one makes affects more then oneself.
I'm finding the true power of Ren is being so vulnerable and open in his music that you can't just intellectualize it away. It forces you to look at a mirror reflection and have a true dialogue with yourself and with others, open and honest free of polarization and judgement. People don't commit suicide because they want to die, they do it because they want the pain to stop and can't see any other way out. Your not alone in your suffering and by sharing our pain we can draw the strength and the courage to fight on. "Do not go gentle into that good night// rage, rage against the dying of the light" Dylan Thomas
Oh Tanya, my heart was breaking seeing you watch this, as a survivor of a suicide attempt myself after my ex wife drink drove with our daughter in the car, my ex survived without a scratch but our four year old passed away. As a result I jumped of a high building but landed on my feet, I ended up having my lower left leg amputated. Depression and constant pain is how I now live, but I’m living if that’s what you can call it but I realise there are people a lot worse off, but I’m doing the best I can. I hope you’re okay, I love watching your reactions, you’re just genuine and honest and that’s rare these days. Just thank you for being you, the world is a better place because of you. Gabriel 🇬🇧✌🏻❤️positivity
@@helenHTID I just want you to know, your "was it even worth it??" comment is one of the most ignorant, ridiculous, and heartless things I've ever read on TH-cam. Particularly because you answered your own ignorant question immediately after writing it which rendered it totally pointless. You are a prime example of someone who doesn't think before they speak, or in this case, before they type. You probably added to Gabriel's guilt and pain, so now I ask YOU: Was it even worth it? Do better. Think harder. Be more of a human.
I’m glad you’re still here. No matter how dark things get, it gets better. It might not be easy and it might require hard work to heal, but it is worth it. You matter ❤️
most of us live our lives and never have to think or react to the world you had, the world you lost, the woman that remains, and what you think about day to day.... so to hear your reaction is really the most honest and raw way we can peek into this reality...thank you so much for letting us in...much love!!
Thank you. Not many people come out on the other side. Let alone heal the things that take them to that darkest place. It's tough, but it's worth the effort. I hope sharing my story let's others know they can do it, too, and that they aren't alone.❤
He speaks so deeply to people who live with chronic pain and have dealt trying to fight to keep our own selves a live. I'm a survivor. You're tears are shared with mine.
I cried with you. Ren just has a way of dealing with these issues that others won't or can't. He is so very special. THanks for covering this with your honest and emotional reaction.
"There are no winners and there are no losers in psychological warfair....there are victims and there are students" glad to see you werent a victim and are now a student.
Bless you Tanya! I'm just as red-faced and teary-eyed as you right now. Can barely see what I'm writing. Every fibre of my being wants to reach out and give you all a massive hug, and Ren most of all because it's his pain I feel.
My wife found me just in time. Cut me down. Since then I've learned to appreciate just how much devastation I almost left behind. I got lucky too. The road to recovery has been long and very hard. But I am so grateful to be here. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us ❤. We need to talk and share together. I am now in school at UC Berkeley studying to be a clinical psychologist. I am sure you can guess my focus and motivation. I am to help others who face that dark and relentless abyss. God bless Ren.
I love how for every person a different line is the one that hits. For me it was "What it felt like to look down and see tranquility.". Personally I never attempted s**cide but was close to and therefore I know this song will save lives because that was the case foe me. I still vividly remember lying in bed at 3am feeling absolutely lost in the void and then finding "Would anyone care" by Citizen Soldier.
I am feeling with you. And with Ren. I am suffering myself from double depression, chronical depersonalization, anxiety disorder and a chronic pain disorder. Suicide thoughts (but not plans) are a regular part of my life. In 2020 I lost a brother in mind and heart by suicide. I never had anyone I could have so much fun with and do stupid / crazy things. That's something I never do but with him it was possible. And we shared our dark side, told us about our demons. It still hurts as hell and just thinking about that one movement and what came next (he killed himself with a rope) makes me feel miserable and sad and empty. I can feel so much with what Ren describes here. This hit so hard. This hit so deep! So honest. So true. So brutal. So painful: Emotionally and even physically.
Survivor here as well. This song hits so hard, fast and deep into a soul-searing gut-punch. I had the misfortune of being on both sides of that noose. I was the failed suicide and the failed savior. No matter which side, it hurts. It's a neverending hurt that bleeds even under the scars. Disabled now with autoimmune issues (was all lumped under fibromyalgia, now blood tests seem to be pointing at scleroderma as well) and all the hard work at overcoming my mental and emotional disorders (so many) crumbled with the onslaught of nonstop pain. Almost a decade of pain and no answers and developed new and fun (sarcasm) things like agoraphobia and my depression got an upgrade to major depressive disorder. I don't really want to die anymore. But how can anyone live this way? I wouldn't do that to my son anyway. Even though he's grown now, he's sensitive, and I know the pain of losing loved ones that way. So many. Most when I was young. Same time period as my attempts (one almost successful, the rest only scars)... This song hurts. But maybe in a way that it needs to. Not only as catharsis for Ren, that wonderful young man who lost so much, but for the world to see and feel that pain and make better efforts at helping. I don't really know; I'm just a nobody with a past. Ren, however, I think is one of the most important artists in the world today. Protect him.
Another survivor here. Thank you. For still being here. For helping others by continuing the tale and talking about it. We've got this. It can be hard to go on sometimes, but may we all have the strenght to keep going regardless
OMG! Thank you for your reaction, I'm crying too. I found Hi Ren about 2 weeks ago ... he has touched my humanity deeply ... and now you have too. Thank you!
As someone who felt so hopeless and suicidal in the past - and who has lived to see things get better, to heal and grow and experience light and love and joy again - Ren’s words and video bring me to tears as well. It hits deep. Thank you for sharing your heart and vulnerability - it may very well help someone get through the darkness into the light. Much love. ❤
Couldn't agree more on this one. Every time I listen to it I tear up as I lost a close friend to suicide and wished I could have been able to prevent it. Even if it was just sitting talking to him over a drink.
Ren is an amazing artist! I have been watching reaction videos while working (slow office job) and it's really difficult to hold back tears, I guess if I'm asked I will say I have allergies or something. Sending love to everyone!
Please don't lie about being human. I get the concern about job but honor the song and let your humanity show. That you get moved to tears is beautiful. Love you, fellow human.
We are so glad you are still here. This song and the conversations it generates will save lives. Joe's legacy will be one of salvation when it is needed most. Don't apologise for heavy breathing into the mic, there are ASMR channels that make money out of that. 😉 I had to watch the premiere with my feet up the wall as today is such a tachy day. Watching the wave of emotion roll over TH-cam as others see it and share pieces of themselves fills my wonky heart with hope. ❤
The RNLI is our Coastguard but they are a charity staffed by volunteers and are funded entirely by donations. No government money. Therefore this money will be very much appreciated and well used.
This is the hardest reaction video for me to watch, ever. Your reaction was so genuine that between you and Ren, you had me there with you. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of you. Very courageous. #suicidesurvivors
The rawness of your reaction is perfect to convey what many of the others in this yours and our ren community felt too. Im sure somewhere, maybe plenty places listening to this will give a light though the crack in the sky to change a suicidal mind. My friend got there in time too for me If you can manage to keep up this we love to see more from you and Ren. You have a beautiful soul. Love and hugs from England
I've put off listening to this song for quite a while. A big part of my life seems to have been swallowed up with having an intense feeling of wanting to leave. I've lost 3 very close friends, my Fiancée & very nearly myself to this 'obsession'. The process of ideation is there most days but is never completed & for now, today, I'm fine. I have good friends, I hold down a good job & live in a beautiful part of the world and from the outside all looks good & I'm sure there are many just like me who never voice what's going on in there heads for fear of rejection, misunderstanding & not wanting to seem dramatic. This felt like a very, very genuine reaction to a very powerful song. I'm glad your still here, I'm glad I'm still here & I'm glad that those who are with us, with the same feelings who still struggle are still here ❤
Sending you all the love in the world. I'm a survivor too and I'm seeing so many people not being afraid of saying this out loud. It's how we change things, by speaking about it. We are important. YOU are important! I'm happy you're still here. I hope we can make a difference in many other lives!
Thank you for reacting to this. I can see that it hurts, I know this will seem odd but I am jealous that you can feel that much. I'm a stone, but a few things break though. Seeing your reactions do cause me some feelings which is oddly nice.
You don't have to apologize for being human. I won't yell at you for that. I will say I appreciate your honesty and courage for posting this video. Big hug out to you.
Although it feels strange to say "great reaction", it's great in the sense that that you can face this deep trauma with such courage and confidence. I know it must be empowering and healing for so many. I know I had suggested the official video for Fire Away by Chris Stapleton, but if you haven't already seen it maybe it would be better not to.
Thank you. Many years and a lot of hard work in therapy makes it a little easier for sure. I have not heard the suggested song! I have it written down to check it out! Thank you again! Sending much love! ❤
I feel ya, I was in your situation too and this one hit me super hard. But I want to acknowledge Ren tackling this subject head, using the word, and not sugar coating his truth. I respect that. Glad you’re here and enjoy your reactions!
I'm crying as well. You may think you were just rambling, but everything you said made sense. I bear the scars of my suicide attempts inside and out and maybe that's why your words resonated with me. Ren's performance hit that suicide nerve with me too. I hope that he knows exactly what you tried to convey in that the place we were in was so dark that we were just so far removed from our loved ones. Had Joe thought of the way it would effect Ren, I would like to think he would have turned around that night and changed the course of his life. We are the lucky ones.
The pain he felt after Joe’s death was the thing that stopped him from attempting because he knew the pain he would cause to his loved ones. Even when I’ve watched this video so many times and listen to this song on a daily basis it still makes me emotional. I know about the promise of tranquility urging to end it. I am doing much better but I still hear that voice every once in a while. I’m glad you’re here. Loved your raw reaction. Ren has helped so many heal.
Tanya. Proud of you for going through this one. You were getting a strong response before it even started but you stuck it out and got through it. You faced it. Well done.
Thank you for your raw emotions. I know your kind of pain as I share it as well. I am also a survivor. Sharing hurts but it also helps. Hearing that someone else suffers too makes the struggle a little easier. I am so happy that you are still here. That we are here together. Thank you again.
I got lucky but my cousin wasnt in 2020. She was named after me and I cant stand to hear my name anymore. I survived but Im back there again after 20+ years. Ren really is amazing. He truly is a beacon of hope. So honest, raw and talented.
When I saw he had a new name out with the title it is... I ran here first to watch it. You know my story, I know some of yours. What I can say is, I'm so blessed you're here, because that ending did an amazing job of summing up what it feels to loose someone to that fate. I heard the story of Joe in his interview with another reactor, and I bawled my eyes out hearing that story. It's never easy, and I don't think most people realize the pain that's caused when you take your life... mostly because we now know how much they hurt to get to that point.
This doesn't get any easier,however many times you watch... Beautiful,thought provoking, talk inspiring, art. I'm so grateful my attempt failed. Ren is changing the world, track by track...
Thank you for sharing this reaction and making some of us feel less alone with our feelings. It means a lot more than I can put into words. Much love ❤
Your reaction, my reaction and everyone's reaction shows how much we need to talk about this. Ren's repetition of the word "suicide" in the song, to me, is an attempt to normalize the word so we can say it, and not hide the word in code. Mental health problems shouldn't be treated like a dirty secret. So glad you're still with us Tachy Tanya.
Sis, you are here for a reason, know that! Just your reactions mean something for some. If your story and survival reach one person and change their mind, you have done all you needed to. Life is a gift and the scars shape our hearts and allow our minds to see the beauty. Stay Strong and carry on. Much love
In this world of conflict, division, hostility and anger.... Ren brings us back to being human. I've watched countless reactions to this but it's the same every time. Tears That tranquility is alluring, it's what i crave ... peace and a place of quiet solitude away from those who i feel poison my soul but i can't escape
Ren's honesty and truth and the way he puts his memories and thoughts into his music can only ever be seen as deep therapy for the human condition, he shows us who have not been there the feeling we can see, feel and understand deep into our core it gives us a better understanding of those with depression, anxiety, mental illness and suicidal tendency's. The messages he brings will save thousands.
Hope you're ok, it's an amazing song that's very sad linspiring and powerful. I'm not familiar with you and only just discovered your channel. At this point I don't know your back story. Seems to me at this point in time that you helping people, be proud of that x
Well done getting through that one Tanya 😢 these reaction videos are going to be hard for us all this week. Sorry you’re going through your health issues. Hope they get better soon. Glad your still here to light up peoples screens with your smile ✌🏻🏴
I'm glad you are still with us and your reaction was beautiful and perfect and there's no need to apologize. For decompression purposes, please consider reacting to Ren's "Humble" or "Hold on"
Thank you for not editing and allowing us to connect with you. I think what makes Ren so special is that he doesn't edit himself emotionally, he is so raw. It needs to be more acceptable for us to be vulnerable and I think you are doing a beautiful job paving the way. Thank you
Iv already shared this song like 3 different times and listened to it around 15 lol this song is what TRUE suicide awareness lookes like thanks for makeing this i know it must have been hard
As a surviver myself I feel that God gave Ren to us all in this time we're all living through. A voice of reason and a vessel to show us all that no matter how bad things get there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for such a beautiful reaction. I was crying uncontrolably along with you and was thankful for the abaility to do so. Thanks from the UK xx
You're a beautiful person, and you're not rambling! These things need talking about and talking about honestly. You're right, its easy to say 'think about your family and friends', but when that darkness takes over, you can't see, hear or think about anything else. By having a more open and wide ranging dialogue it will not only encourage people to open up more and to accept that this is more common than they think, it will also give people the tools to recognise when friends or family might need that extra help and support to get through a tough time. Big hugs to you and your husband.
I had the same reaction, burst into tears on the last section, now crying again watching your reaction and feeling your emotions too, being empathic is a blessing and a curse x
Honest emotion is one of the most powerful feelings that can ever be expressed. Watching this and your honest reaction tells me that the world is a far better place with you still in it. God Bl;ess you and may your days be numerous.
I watched Ren's original posting of this song and it hurt. I lost a friend to suicide 34 years ago and the shock of that hit me hard at the time and effected my life drastically. I have watched a few of my favourite reactors videos as they reacted to this and they have all been emotional over it. I had purposefully put off watching your reaction to it because I knew it was going to break you and that was going to be hard to watch. When you cried I cried with you, hope you are ok.
You were incredibly brave watching and listening to that. I wanted to reach across the screen and give you a big hug. Huge respect and much love sent x
I'm 2.06 in. New viewer and I'm locked in and terrified for you. I'm a suicide survivor too, but unlike the story of managing to make where your friend is or not make it, I just miraculously didn't die. I remember being so surprised when I got woken. No one knew of course. I was just stunned. It definitely should have worked. I drank 50ml of straight and strong GHB. It's completely illogical that I survived. I tried again too. With more. Then when I woke up AGAIN, I ended up telling my ex and the look on his face, the shock and horror and how freaked out he was (especially because our eldest teenage son was there and probably would have found me and THAT'S how much I didn't care and wanted to die and that horrifies me now, I can't even understand myself then) that look on his face brought me hard into the reality of it. I'm ok now.
You weren't lucky, you were blessed. I almost died of covid last year, being on life support 12 days, hospitalized 3 months, suffering numerous strokes, non functioning lung and several chronic issues. I was blessed to teturn home 30 March 2022 to my wife and 6 kids, 6 months to 13 at the time. God blessed me and He blessed you. Bob Clark
![TEEDEE TADA - DIAMOND NARAKORN X LEGO LYKN [Special Dance Performance]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QgtZedFeumA/mqdefault.jpg)
We're all crying at this one. So glad you're still here.
I imagined everyone at their computer/phone just sobbing at the end feeling Ren's pain/loss. And thank you - I was one of the lucky few. I count my blessings for that ❤
@Tachy Tanya I've cried at every reaction, too. It's just an overwhelming amount of vulnerability. Just like yours. I'm so glad your husband came home for you. For me, it was my best friend randomly deciding to call me. 20 years ago, I still can never repay that one phone call.
This song makes we aware of the pain others have suffered from my :x3. I put my parents, friends and wife through torment. I am still vertical at 79 and still living with my shadow. Each time I was only conscious of the pain. Been there too.
We love you Tanya. You were so brave to open up and put it out there. Thank you for sharing. We understand how tough it is to talk about this subject, but it’s a conversation we benefit from. So glad you got lucky. I did too. I literally bumped into a friend as I was carrying a bottle of vodka and a bag of pills. That chance meeting saved me. It was meant to be
God I wish more artists were as blatantly honest as Ren
i’m a survivor of multiple suicide attempts. i remember once standing on the edge of a bridge. i looked down and saw that tranquility he talked about. an elderly women with three dogs approached me and begged for me to come down and talk to her. i did. i’m still here. i think about her often. this song really hit me.
The sea of tranquility.
"Holy shit Ren" just about sums it up.
Keep strong, lovely girl
Indeed sums it up 🤣 and thank you, sending strength back ❤️
I am also a suicide survivor, and here to say Thank you. Our voices are important which is why we are still here. Our story continues ;❤
I’m glad you are still here ❤️ sending you much love and hugs 🤗
; Light, Love, and Magic Always!
❤❤❤
I would say your voices matter, not because you are a suicide survivor but because your voices have always mattered. Life is not easy, but you are never alone. Is the mind powerful enough to make you feel that way, absolutely. But we must remember, we drive the ship - and that includes the mind.
Peace and love. ❤
Ok, hi, my twin sister just yesterday tried to commit suicide, she has never been diagnosed but she took a really massive amount of xtc pills, if she had not called me, she would have succeeded, i called 112. And she's on ic right now, with a breathing tube. And i don't know what to do
To every suicide survivor in this thread, I’m so glad you’re still here. Your lives matter so much and you all matter. You’re never alone ❤
Ren is what we need in this world today. He is a reason - a reason to be honest, a reason to be real, a reason to hope. A reason to be human.
😢 not one of us has a dry eye after this. Ren has a way of bringing out the raw emotions in all of us. Don't apologize for being real.
Thank you for not editing your reaction!
Seeing raw reactions like this makes me feel connected to others, something I don't feel anymore in real life since years. Ren and the reactions on his songs, reactions such as yours, make me feel less alone in my daily struggles.
3x attempted suicide, lost so many people, battling MS since 10 years, depression. It makes me feel so detached from the rest of the world until I watch some reactions on Ren's music. So thank you for the raw reaction you gave and I wish you all the best, all the strength and all the support you need!
MS is a really horrible illness. I'm sorry you must battle that on top of the inner voices. Dealing with both is such a struggle and is incredibly exhausting. It's understandable how you can become detached and almost numb to things. It's almost a survival instinct to protect your energy. I'm glad you are still here ❤ You are one tough cookie to have overcome so much and to keep going! Don't ever think for one second you're not strong enough or not worth it. You are and you matter 🤗
@@TachyTanya we cried together...
Tanya, don't dare think for one second that any of us watching you reaction aren't at the moment giving you a giant hug. Collectively whether subconsciously or consciously we should and are surrounding each other with hugs and support here. Both for ourselves and others. Like anyone who has been in a dark place like you were, I was....so many of us have been. Know you matter, you have value and the world is a better and brighter place with you still in it.
Ren has done something remarkable here, He has given voice to immense pain, like I once felt. He has also reminded me (as others have tried to do), that no matter what the voices inside my mind have said, my absence from the lives that care for me will not improve their lives, but the opposite and possibly destroy them.
Much like the line from Hi Ren, "Some people know me as hope. Some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on the rope". The line "I miss you, and I miss myself. I miss thinking we were indestructible as well". Those two lines will stay with me forever. For two very distinct and different reasons.
Keep being you, doing what you do my friend.
If you're watching this and you feel you can't go on, think about your best friends running to help you and give them that two minutes it takes to get to you.
I felt this song so deeply. Im a survivor as well. 2 yrs ago my brother saved my life. Love Ren and his music. And thank you for being as open as you can about your struggles
I am glad you are still here. Sending love and hugs to you ❤️🤗
@@TachyTanya Thank you. And I'm glad you are still here as well ♥️
There may be tears all over the world for those that have listened to this piece of Ren's today, but he is piecing Us, all together, in a community of sharing and caring for each other. What a gift to have an artist like this, to not shame or blame our fragile human spirits. Warm hug to You, Tanya
"I can't word." That's such a real statement after how this song leaves you feeling.
As for Robin Williams, I don't think that it was him feeling worthless when he hit that point in his life. His diagnosis was telling him that he was going to be losing his cognitive ability and for a man like him, his quick wit and sharp mind was the core of who he was. His condition was going to have him slipping away into an unrecognizable person who he felt would become a burden on those he loved. He had a stand up at The Roxy back in '78 where he said "You're only given one spark of madness and you mustn't lose it because without it, you're nothing." I think that summed up the end of his days and how he felt. His condition was going to take his spark of madness and he couldn't imagine living without it. I loved that man dearly and he is still the only celebrity that I actually shed tears for, so I understand how his loss hits you right in the heart. 💕 Rest in Peace, Robin.
Jeez this young man has gone through hell and survived. Please we all need to protect him from the haters.
@ Ren makes the internet cry….. there is just something so special about Ren. The amazing thing is how so many people are resonating through his art. I’m glad that you were one of the lucky ones ❤
Always remember: suicide doesn’t end the pain; it just passes the pain onto those you left behind.
It ends the pain for you. Yes you are right it passes the pain on, but you have to understand, that's not a factor in the decision. Because escaping the pain you are in is the only thought.
@@jodiwest3534 Escaping the pain is all I really think about because I don't have anyone to pass the pain on to. I have no family who care about me and no "real" friends, only acquaintances. I'm already a two time survivor but I just know deep down that I won't survive next time.
@@_n_d_ I really hope you do. I know how you feel. But I still want you to fight for your life. I'm still fighting for mine.
Tears are good for the soul. There is not a lot to say after that song. It left me like Hi Ren did. Speechless and in tears, but I listen to him over and over. I am a 65 yr old Widow. I lost a friend to suic!de at age 16. My daughter passed away 8 years ago and my husband died from cancer during Covid. I trick myself every morning by saying not today. I will make it through today and reassess my situation tomorrow....like Ren...we are not alone. ❤ We need to help eachother each and every single day. My thought and prayers go with you 🙏🏻❣️
The thought, 'Lets see whether tomorrow is better first' has been me through a lot of hard times.
😢💚🍀🙏🥹🤍
"Your body missing so we never got to wave to the hearse."
That line hit so damn hard.
It's one thing to lose someone. It's another to never have closure.
What is amazing is how vulnerable Ren was at when he wrote this and created this video plus currently releasing it all of us.
2nd is Ren’s loss is hud childhood when he lost his innocence and feeling of immortality. He reminds me of the Maestro Tuomas Holopainen who composed most of Nightwish songs, poetry in his lyrics, and music. One theme Tuomas has is Dead Boy meaning a loss of childhood.
Finally, while emphasizing the pain Ren’s friend Joe was going through also showing how hurt he was by the choice his friend Joe made along with the guilt of just possibly missing getting to Joe in time to save him or even to say goodbye plus Joe’s body was never found for closure. In other words, the choices one makes affects more then oneself.
I'm finding the true power of Ren is being so vulnerable and open in his music that you can't just intellectualize it away. It forces you to look at a mirror reflection and have a true dialogue with yourself and with others, open and honest free of polarization and judgement. People don't commit suicide because they want to die, they do it because they want the pain to stop and can't see any other way out. Your not alone in your suffering and by sharing our pain we can draw the strength and the courage to fight on.
"Do not go gentle into that good night// rage, rage against the dying of the light" Dylan Thomas
Oh Tanya, my heart was breaking seeing you watch this, as a survivor of a suicide attempt myself after my ex wife drink drove with our daughter in the car, my ex survived without a scratch but our four year old passed away. As a result I jumped of a high building but landed on my feet, I ended up having my lower left leg amputated. Depression and constant pain is how I now live, but I’m living if that’s what you can call it but I realise there are people a lot worse off, but I’m doing the best I can. I hope you’re okay, I love watching your reactions, you’re just genuine and honest and that’s rare these days. Just thank you for being you, the world is a better place because of you.
Gabriel 🇬🇧✌🏻❤️positivity
❤💋
@@helenHTID I just want you to know, your "was it even worth it??" comment is one of the most ignorant, ridiculous, and heartless things I've ever read on TH-cam. Particularly because you answered your own ignorant question immediately after writing it which rendered it totally pointless. You are a prime example of someone who doesn't think before they speak, or in this case, before they type.
You probably added to Gabriel's guilt and pain, so now I ask YOU: Was it even worth it? Do better. Think harder. Be more of a human.
Sending big hugs and prayers to you! 🫶🏻✌️🙏🏻☀️🌻
@@amyaeschbach3581 Thank you, ✌🏻❤️positivity 🇬🇧
❤❤😢❤❤
this song saved my life today thank you for reacting to this sending you big love from the UK, you have a beautiful soul ❤❤❤
I’m glad you’re still here. No matter how dark things get, it gets better. It might not be easy and it might require hard work to heal, but it is worth it. You matter ❤️
As a survivor of it myself your reaction was very validating
This world needs Ren
most of us live our lives and never have to think or react to the world you had, the world you lost, the woman that remains, and what you think about day to day.... so to hear your reaction is really the most honest and raw way we can peek into this reality...thank you so much for letting us in...much love!!
Thank you. Not many people come out on the other side. Let alone heal the things that take them to that darkest place. It's tough, but it's worth the effort. I hope sharing my story let's others know they can do it, too, and that they aren't alone.❤
It's like getting flamethrowered with someone else's real raw pain. Truly amazing song. Absolutely phenomenal
He speaks so deeply to people who live with chronic pain and have dealt trying to fight to keep our own selves a live. I'm a survivor. You're tears are shared with mine.
I cried with you. Ren just has a way of dealing with these issues that others won't or can't. He is so very special. THanks for covering this with your honest and emotional reaction.
"There are no winners and there are no losers in psychological warfair....there are victims and there are students" glad to see you werent a victim and are now a student.
Let me just say that I am glad you are still here 🙂That was an incredibly brave and honest reaction. Thank you!
Thank you for letting it out. Ren is helping us process these difficult emotions that have been buried too long. We are stronger together!
Bless you Tanya! I'm just as red-faced and teary-eyed as you right now. Can barely see what I'm writing. Every fibre of my being wants to reach out and give you all a massive hug, and Ren most of all because it's his pain I feel.
Never apologise for protecting your peace. 💜
Sending so much love to you, Tanya.
Holy shit Ren... exactly that!!!
This one hit hard, you're not the only one in tears...
Big virtual hug from the Netherlands ❤
Thank you! Sending a big virtual hug right back!🤗
You might have got 'lucky' but you are thanking your husband in the best possible way by being here now,stay strong and be proud of yourself.
Thanks to everything giving Ren's voice amplication. We all need it
My wife found me just in time. Cut me down. Since then I've learned to appreciate just how much devastation I almost left behind. I got lucky too. The road to recovery has been long and very hard. But I am so grateful to be here. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us ❤. We need to talk and share together. I am now in school at UC Berkeley studying to be a clinical psychologist. I am sure you can guess my focus and motivation. I am to help others who face that dark and relentless abyss. God bless Ren.
"Holy shit, Ren!"
Yeah. Exactly.
I love how for every person a different line is the one that hits. For me it was "What it felt like to look down and see tranquility.". Personally I never attempted s**cide but was close to and therefore I know this song will save lives because that was the case foe me. I still vividly remember lying in bed at 3am feeling absolutely lost in the void and then finding "Would anyone care" by Citizen Soldier.
I am feeling with you. And with Ren.
I am suffering myself from double depression, chronical depersonalization, anxiety disorder and a chronic pain disorder. Suicide thoughts (but not plans) are a regular part of my life. In 2020 I lost a brother in mind and heart by suicide.
I never had anyone I could have so much fun with and do stupid / crazy things. That's something I never do but with him it was possible.
And we shared our dark side, told us about our demons.
It still hurts as hell and just thinking about that one movement and what came next (he killed himself with a rope) makes me feel miserable and sad and empty. I can feel so much with what Ren describes here.
This hit so hard. This hit so deep!
So honest. So true. So brutal. So painful: Emotionally and even physically.
Survivor here as well. This song hits so hard, fast and deep into a soul-searing gut-punch.
I had the misfortune of being on both sides of that noose. I was the failed suicide and the failed savior. No matter which side, it hurts. It's a neverending hurt that bleeds even under the scars.
Disabled now with autoimmune issues (was all lumped under fibromyalgia, now blood tests seem to be pointing at scleroderma as well) and all the hard work at overcoming my mental and emotional disorders (so many) crumbled with the onslaught of nonstop pain. Almost a decade of pain and no answers and developed new and fun (sarcasm) things like agoraphobia and my depression got an upgrade to major depressive disorder.
I don't really want to die anymore. But how can anyone live this way? I wouldn't do that to my son anyway. Even though he's grown now, he's sensitive, and I know the pain of losing loved ones that way. So many. Most when I was young. Same time period as my attempts (one almost successful, the rest only scars)...
This song hurts. But maybe in a way that it needs to. Not only as catharsis for Ren, that wonderful young man who lost so much, but for the world to see and feel that pain and make better efforts at helping.
I don't really know; I'm just a nobody with a past. Ren, however, I think is one of the most important artists in the world today. Protect him.
Another survivor here. Thank you. For still being here. For helping others by continuing the tale and talking about it. We've got this. It can be hard to go on sometimes, but may we all have the strenght to keep going regardless
OMG! Thank you for your reaction, I'm crying too.
I found Hi Ren about 2 weeks ago ... he has touched my humanity deeply ... and now you have too. Thank you!
As someone who felt so hopeless and suicidal in the past - and who has lived to see things get better, to heal and grow and experience light and love and joy again - Ren’s words and video bring me to tears as well. It hits deep. Thank you for sharing your heart and vulnerability - it may very well help someone get through the darkness into the light. Much love. ❤
The tears will flow for everyone to this one, you are not alone.
Couldn't agree more on this one. Every time I listen to it I tear up as I lost a close friend to suicide and wished I could have been able to prevent it. Even if it was just sitting talking to him over a drink.
You’re in safe company. We are all crying
Talk about raw honesty, emotion, and truth. Much love Tanya. Ren really told truth to the world with that.
Ren is an amazing artist! I have been watching reaction videos while working (slow office job) and it's really difficult to hold back tears, I guess if I'm asked I will say I have allergies or something. Sending love to everyone!
Couldn't agree more! Put some tissues and a little bottle of Claritin on your desk 😅 Sending love right back to you! ❤
Please don't lie about being human. I get the concern about job but honor the song and let your humanity show. That you get moved to tears is beautiful. Love you, fellow human.
We are so glad you are still here. This song and the conversations it generates will save lives. Joe's legacy will be one of salvation when it is needed most.
Don't apologise for heavy breathing into the mic, there are ASMR channels that make money out of that. 😉 I had to watch the premiere with my feet up the wall as today is such a tachy day. Watching the wave of emotion roll over TH-cam as others see it and share pieces of themselves fills my wonky heart with hope. ❤
The RNLI is our Coastguard but they are a charity staffed by volunteers and are funded entirely by donations. No government money. Therefore this money will be very much appreciated and well used.
This is the hardest reaction video for me to watch, ever. Your reaction was so genuine that between you and Ren, you had me there with you. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of you. Very courageous. #suicidesurvivors
My eyes hurt from crying. Tanya, your reaction was amazing and poignant.
Sending love and hugs ❤🤗 Are you doing better now?
The rawness of your reaction is perfect to convey what many of the others in this yours and our ren community felt too. Im sure somewhere, maybe plenty places listening to this will give a light though the crack in the sky to change a suicidal mind. My friend got there in time too for me If you can manage to keep up this we love to see more from you and Ren. You have a beautiful soul. Love and hugs from England
I'm glad you are still here ❤ I hope I can help others. I know for certain Ren is. Thank you for your kind words. Sending love and hugs right back! ❤🤗
I've put off listening to this song for quite a while. A big part of my life seems to have been swallowed up with having an intense feeling of wanting to leave. I've lost 3 very close friends, my Fiancée & very nearly myself to this 'obsession'. The process of ideation is there most days but is never completed & for now, today, I'm fine.
I have good friends, I hold down a good job & live in a beautiful part of the world and from the outside all looks good & I'm sure there are many just like me who never voice what's going on in there heads for fear of rejection, misunderstanding & not wanting to seem dramatic. This felt like a very, very genuine reaction to a very powerful song. I'm glad your still here, I'm glad I'm still here & I'm glad that those who are with us, with the same feelings who still struggle are still here ❤
Your Still here
The world got lucky.
Very lucky, never forget that.
Bless you
Stay strong
"First off holy shit Ren" should be like on his tombstone or something. The way he cuts straight to the heart. It's incredible
Sending you all the love in the world. I'm a survivor too and I'm seeing so many people not being afraid of saying this out loud. It's how we change things, by speaking about it. We are important. YOU are important! I'm happy you're still here. I hope we can make a difference in many other lives!
I am sitting here crying with you. Thanks for being real and showing that to us! Hugs!!❤❤❤
This one makes everyone cry, nothing wrong with that. Its perfectly normal. Try Ren with Back in 74 for a cheerful song, sweetheart.
Ren's music is more than just a feeling you get when listening it's an experience. Crying too.
Thank you for reacting to this. I can see that it hurts, I know this will seem odd but I am jealous that you can feel that much. I'm a stone, but a few things break though. Seeing your reactions do cause me some feelings which is oddly nice.
I found this reaction really touching. It is a horrible, painful subject. But watching you and Ren connect was powerful and human.
We are so glad you are here and sharing your emotion❤❤❤. Sending a hug and subscribing!! A huge thank you to your Husband❤
You don't have to apologize for being human. I won't yell at you for that. I will say I appreciate your honesty and courage for posting this video. Big hug out to you.
Somebody was there on time for you and now you can be a part of healing process for somobody else. I appreciate you immensely.
Although it feels strange to say "great reaction", it's great in the sense that that you can face this deep trauma with such courage and confidence. I know it must be empowering and healing for so many. I know I had suggested the official video for Fire Away by Chris Stapleton, but if you haven't already seen it maybe it would be better not to.
Thank you. Many years and a lot of hard work in therapy makes it a little easier for sure. I have not heard the suggested song! I have it written down to check it out! Thank you again! Sending much love! ❤
I was exactly the same Tanya, cried my damn eyes out!! He's done it again! What an absolute genius.
I feel ya, I was in your situation too and this one hit me super hard. But I want to acknowledge Ren tackling this subject head, using the word, and not sugar coating his truth. I respect that.
Glad you’re here and enjoy your reactions!
Brave, Courageous and Heartbreaking - both the song and your reaction. Much love to you both ❤
I'm crying as well. You may think you were just rambling, but everything you said made sense. I bear the scars of my suicide attempts inside and out and maybe that's why your words resonated with me. Ren's performance hit that suicide nerve with me too.
I hope that he knows exactly what you tried to convey in that the place we were in was so dark that we were just so far removed from our loved ones. Had Joe thought of the way it would effect Ren, I would like to think he would have turned around that night and changed the course of his life.
We are the lucky ones.
The pain he felt after Joe’s death was the thing that stopped him from attempting because he knew the pain he would cause to his loved ones. Even when I’ve watched this video so many times and listen to this song on a daily basis it still makes me emotional. I know about the promise of tranquility urging to end it. I am doing much better but I still hear that voice every once in a while. I’m glad you’re here. Loved your raw reaction. Ren has helped so many heal.
Tanya. Proud of you for going through this one. You were getting a strong response before it even started but you stuck it out and got through it. You faced it. Well done.
Thank you for your raw emotions. I know your kind of pain as I share it as well. I am also a survivor. Sharing hurts but it also helps. Hearing that someone else suffers too makes the struggle a little easier. I am so happy that you are still here. That we are here together. Thank you again.
I got lucky but my cousin wasnt in 2020. She was named after me and I cant stand to hear my name anymore. I survived but Im back there again after 20+ years. Ren really is amazing. He truly is a beacon of hope. So honest, raw and talented.
When I saw he had a new name out with the title it is... I ran here first to watch it. You know my story, I know some of yours. What I can say is, I'm so blessed you're here, because that ending did an amazing job of summing up what it feels to loose someone to that fate. I heard the story of Joe in his interview with another reactor, and I bawled my eyes out hearing that story. It's never easy, and I don't think most people realize the pain that's caused when you take your life... mostly because we now know how much they hurt to get to that point.
This doesn't get any easier,however many times you watch...
Beautiful,thought provoking, talk inspiring, art. I'm so grateful my attempt failed.
Ren is changing the world, track by track...
Thank you for sharing this reaction and making some of us feel less alone with our feelings. It means a lot more than I can put into words. Much love ❤
Your reaction, my reaction and everyone's reaction shows how much we need to talk about this. Ren's repetition of the word "suicide" in the song, to me, is an attempt to normalize the word so we can say it, and not hide the word in code. Mental health problems shouldn't be treated like a dirty secret. So glad you're still with us Tachy Tanya.
Sis, you are here for a reason, know that! Just your reactions mean something for some. If your story and survival reach one person and change their mind, you have done all you needed to. Life is a gift and the scars shape our hearts and allow our minds to see the beauty. Stay Strong and carry on. Much love
In this world of conflict, division, hostility and anger.... Ren brings us back to being human. I've watched countless reactions to this but it's the same every time. Tears
That tranquility is alluring, it's what i crave ... peace and a place of quiet solitude away from those who i feel poison my soul but i can't escape
Ren's honesty and truth and the way he puts his memories and thoughts into his music can only ever be seen as deep therapy for the human condition, he shows us who have not been there the feeling we can see, feel and understand deep into our core it gives us a better understanding of those with depression, anxiety, mental illness and suicidal tendency's. The messages he brings will save thousands.
Another survivor of multiple suicide attempts - the first one at 10 years old. Thanks for being vulnerable and honest. It helps us all to share.
Hope you're ok, it's an amazing song that's very sad linspiring and powerful. I'm not familiar with you and only just discovered your channel. At this point I don't know your back story. Seems to me at this point in time that you helping people, be proud of that x
Well done getting through that one Tanya 😢 these reaction videos are going to be hard for us all this week. Sorry you’re going through your health issues. Hope they get better soon. Glad your still here to light up peoples screens with your smile ✌🏻🏴
I'm glad you are still with us and your reaction was beautiful and perfect and there's no need to apologize. For decompression purposes, please consider reacting to Ren's "Humble" or "Hold on"
I'm so glad you're still here to embrace all those little moments that remind us of why we all do it every day. Stay strong!
Thank you for not editing and allowing us to connect with you. I think what makes Ren so special is that he doesn't edit himself emotionally, he is so raw. It needs to be more acceptable for us to be vulnerable and I think you are doing a beautiful job paving the way. Thank you
Iv already shared this song like 3 different times and listened to it around 15 lol this song is what TRUE suicide awareness lookes like thanks for makeing this i know it must have been hard
I agree. Putting it to music the way Ren did ... I can't even put into words just how incredible it is.
no one's going to yell at you and you don't have to aplogise, it's ok and brave of you to show and share your feelings♥
As a surviver myself I feel that God gave Ren to us all in this time we're all living through. A voice of reason and a vessel to show us all that no matter how bad things get there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for such a beautiful reaction. I was crying uncontrolably along with you and was thankful for the abaility to do so. Thanks from the UK xx
You're a beautiful person, and you're not rambling! These things need talking about and talking about honestly. You're right, its easy to say 'think about your family and friends', but when that darkness takes over, you can't see, hear or think about anything else. By having a more open and wide ranging dialogue it will not only encourage people to open up more and to accept that this is more common than they think, it will also give people the tools to recognise when friends or family might need that extra help and support to get through a tough time. Big hugs to you and your husband.
I had the same reaction, burst into tears on the last section, now crying again watching your reaction and feeling your emotions too, being empathic is a blessing and a curse x
Ren leaves most people speechless - i think because he reaches so deeply into us that words can’t express how we’re feeling.
Honest emotion is one of the most powerful feelings that can ever be expressed. Watching this and your honest reaction tells me that the world is a far better place with you still in it. God Bl;ess you and may your days be numerous.
I watched Ren's original posting of this song and it hurt. I lost a friend to suicide 34 years ago and the shock of that hit me hard at the time and effected my life drastically. I have watched a few of my favourite reactors videos as they reacted to this and they have all been emotional over it. I had purposefully put off watching your reaction to it because I knew it was going to break you and that was going to be hard to watch. When you cried I cried with you, hope you are ok.
You were incredibly brave watching and listening to that. I wanted to reach across the screen and give you a big hug. Huge respect and much love sent x
I'm 2.06 in. New viewer and I'm locked in and terrified for you. I'm a suicide survivor too, but unlike the story of managing to make where your friend is or not make it, I just miraculously didn't die. I remember being so surprised when I got woken. No one knew of course. I was just stunned. It definitely should have worked. I drank 50ml of straight and strong GHB. It's completely illogical that I survived. I tried again too. With more. Then when I woke up AGAIN, I ended up telling my ex and the look on his face, the shock and horror and how freaked out he was (especially because our eldest teenage son was there and probably would have found me and THAT'S how much I didn't care and wanted to die and that horrifies me now, I can't even understand myself then) that look on his face brought me hard into the reality of it. I'm ok now.
You weren't lucky, you were blessed. I almost died of covid last year, being on life support 12 days, hospitalized 3 months, suffering numerous strokes, non functioning lung and several chronic issues. I was blessed to teturn home 30 March 2022 to my wife and 6 kids, 6 months to 13 at the time. God blessed me and He blessed you. Bob Clark
My little girl is going through cancer going on TH-cam is a little escape from everything going on. Thank you for being a light , thank you mate
The world would not be the same if we didn't have you in it Tanya. Thank you for what you do and continue to do. We love ya!
Hey Internet stranger, I feel soooo compelled to just give you a really awesome hug.
Beautiful raw reaction. Life is hard. Thank you for sharing x