I'm glad I listened in today. There's a spectrum from rude to respect. I'm between tolerate and politeness. My goal would be total respect meaning you're an individual, and a son of God. Taking time to look the individual in the eyes and listen and not that person off before they're finished speaking. So there that's what I need to work on 😅
The flip side is we’re now more free to say the things we’ve always wanted to say, allowing for more authenticity and less fear about stepping on people’s toes. When someone’s interpretation is negative when the tone isn’t available, it tells you more about their own psychology. The truth doesn’t always feel good.
Allie your last few fb post and videos have been almost atuned to my situation this past week. I feel so grateful to you in showing your authentic self despite critics and the like. Your post on letting others believe what they want to about you. And choosing to belong in your self, was amazing big sister advice that I needed. Even how you responded to rudeness. These 10 days I will for sure be working on reconciliation and Forgiveness.
Thanks for your honesty about your "rudeness" with your kids. It's something I've been working on too, especially the last few years. The overstimulation is HARD. Your description is like you were in my house last night. Lol Some day, we'll get there.
I worked hard to eliminate family patterns with this type of rude and defensive behavior. Last weekend I had a vulnerable conversation with my mother. Before it, I made a concious decision to be a "circuit breaker" and bring up some things that were heavy on my heart after not seeing her for 6 months (for myself to be honored) and let the electric energies be disconnected at me, like mentioned. I said my prayers for help and vulnerably communicated my feelings about some things and stories I was telling myself. I don't think anything I communicated went through, she just dismissed herself after she brought up her usual tactics and saw that they weren't having the desired effect of bringing in confusion. I don't know yet where this will go. God has just told me I am justified. It's a regular prayer topic. I was just telling someone yesterday about how growing up, my mom would say, "We treat the people closest to us the worst. They are who get our worst when no one else is around to see especially." I find that completely horrifying for an adult tell a child now. I remember thinking as a child that couldn't be true, because I did not behave that way. I would tell her that, and she would say that I was judging her and when I was an adult I would understand why she was the way she was. That I was just a kid who didn't understand. Adults understand that in a way kids don't. She was right that when I was an adult, I would understand...i just understand now differently than she implied I would. It was very confusing to have a parent who was one person in front of others, and a different person if another person was around or out in public... Even when my dad was home she showed up differently that when he was gone. She could appear in public so sweet and selfless. I was told constantly by adults that I had a sweetheart for a mother, yet at home that person didn't show up with any consistency.
When I approach a situation I usually start with respect and politeness. There are times when I match there impoliteness when they see my politeness as a weakness. For example I never wore a face cover back a few years ago. When I would be going about my business people thought it was there job to approach me and my children and were quite rude. Initially I would say, ‘no thank you’re or ‘I’m fine’. If things persisted I would get more belligerent. I don’t usually approach a situation with being rude first.
I know a woman EXACTLY as you described when talking about the couple that you deeply respected in all other manners. It's so hard to wrap my mind around the way she treats her husband and see how Christ-like she can be in other areas of her life. I, myself have only been a victim a couple of times but it's terrifying. What advice would you give to someone who by nature is submissive and a people pleaser, I feel like I am extremely polite and believe that manners should almost always take precedence over irrational feelings- and when confronted with rudeness freezes,and doesn't know how to respond or diffuse the situation? Especially within in-law situations that seem to crop up often? I would love to not be a target and instead a peacemaker....
I'm glad I listened in today. There's a spectrum from rude to respect. I'm between tolerate and politeness. My goal would be total respect meaning you're an individual, and a son of God. Taking time to look the individual in the eyes and listen and not that person off before they're finished speaking. So there that's what I need to work on 😅
The flip side is we’re now more free to say the things we’ve always wanted to say, allowing for more authenticity and less fear about stepping on people’s toes. When someone’s interpretation is negative when the tone isn’t available, it tells you more about their own psychology. The truth doesn’t always feel good.
Allie your last few fb post and videos have been almost atuned to my situation this past week. I feel so grateful to you in showing your authentic self despite critics and the like.
Your post on letting others believe what they want to about you. And choosing to belong in your self, was amazing big sister advice that I needed. Even how you responded to rudeness. These 10 days I will for sure be working on reconciliation and Forgiveness.
yes! So much this! I feel like the art of civil conversation has really become a lost art! Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks for your honesty about your "rudeness" with your kids. It's something I've been working on too, especially the last few years. The overstimulation is HARD. Your description is like you were in my house last night. Lol Some day, we'll get there.
So powerful and true ✨
Perfect timing on helping my kid know how to learn when to just apologize ❤ and me too!
I worked hard to eliminate family patterns with this type of rude and defensive behavior. Last weekend I had a vulnerable conversation with my mother. Before it, I made a concious decision to be a "circuit breaker" and bring up some things that were heavy on my heart after not seeing her for 6 months (for myself to be honored) and let the electric energies be disconnected at me, like mentioned. I said my prayers for help and vulnerably communicated my feelings about some things and stories I was telling myself. I don't think anything I communicated went through, she just dismissed herself after she brought up her usual tactics and saw that they weren't having the desired effect of bringing in confusion. I don't know yet where this will go. God has just told me I am justified. It's a regular prayer topic.
I was just telling someone yesterday about how growing up, my mom would say, "We treat the people closest to us the worst. They are who get our worst when no one else is around to see especially." I find that completely horrifying for an adult tell a child now. I remember thinking as a child that couldn't be true, because I did not behave that way. I would tell her that, and she would say that I was judging her and when I was an adult I would understand why she was the way she was. That I was just a kid who didn't understand. Adults understand that in a way kids don't. She was right that when I was an adult, I would understand...i just understand now differently than she implied I would.
It was very confusing to have a parent who was one person in front of others, and a different person if another person was around or out in public... Even when my dad was home she showed up differently that when he was gone. She could appear in public so sweet and selfless. I was told constantly by adults that I had a sweetheart for a mother, yet at home that person didn't show up with any consistency.
Nice try! 💗 It can take time to integrate ourselves. I found Nonviolent Communication helpful.
This was so good and helpful!
Thank you so much for sharing ❤
When I approach a situation I usually start with respect and politeness. There are times when I match there impoliteness when they see my politeness as a weakness.
For example I never wore a face cover back a few years ago. When I would be going about my business people thought it was there job to approach me and my children and were quite rude. Initially I would say, ‘no thank you’re or ‘I’m fine’. If things persisted I would get more belligerent.
I don’t usually approach a situation with being rude first.
I know a woman EXACTLY as you described when talking about the couple that you deeply respected in all other manners. It's so hard to wrap my mind around the way she treats her husband and see how Christ-like she can be in other areas of her life. I, myself have only been a victim a couple of times but it's terrifying. What advice would you give to someone who by nature is submissive and a people pleaser, I feel like I am extremely polite and believe that manners should almost always take precedence over irrational feelings- and when confronted with rudeness freezes,and doesn't know how to respond or diffuse the situation? Especially within in-law situations that seem to crop up often? I would love to not be a target and instead a peacemaker....
I once read a book called How to Stop Being Manipulated. I recommend it.
How do we respond to children? My impatience is rude.