Why I Don't Want to Go on Testosterone - Nonbinary Transgender

I ramble about reasons I don't want to go on testosterone and how I arrived at that decision. I also talk a bit about how I'm working on transitioning without hormones.
Ryan Cassata:
/ xqueerkidx
Voice Training:
• FTM: How to Lower Voic...
• How to Deepen Your Voi...
• Video

[@FutureCatNZ]

I like what you say about diversity of experiences. Social media so often presents a single picture of what non-binary is "supposed" to look like, but in reality it's an umbrella term that covers a multitude of individual identities, each with our own experiences and each with our own needs when it comes to what will make us comfortable in our bodies and society.

[@sherckianofasgard]

Thank you so much for making this video. I feel the exact same way about the changes T brings and the reasons I'd want to or not want to go on it. But for some reason I keep flip-flopping between whether it's worth the bottom growth, body hair, and masculine face (especially since all the men in my family are very hairy and masucline looking). I'm glad theres another androgynous nonbinary person out there who isn't going on T for the same reasons I've been pondering because it makes me feel less alone and more confident in my decision. Thank you

[@mxaugust1364]

I'm glad you found the video helpful! It makes me really glad to find other people like me as well.

[@marvelquing]

Oh my gosh I've been looking for someone who also feels like this and your the first video I feel exactly described it so perfectly. Like I'm a trans guy, but I don't wanna go on T coz I don't wanna look too much on the male side🥺thank your so much this has helped so much

[@Toseuteuu]

I was thinking about transitioning without going on T

[@intuneknitter4220]

I appreciate you putting yourself out there.
Being MTF myself, I don't understand the idea of transitioning without a clear idea of what you're transitioning to. I know my end goal: To have as female of a body as is possible. It's not to do with how other people perceive me. It's so that I'm finally able to exist in my body without agony. I don't think that it will every be entirely possible to alleviate all "dysphoria" but I only have one life and one body so I have to somehow make it work.
I don't understand how you transition without a "goal". The transition must stop some day. Eventually you will have made as many changes as are possible to achieve a body with which you can life fairly comfortably. I hope I am making sense.

[@mxaugust1364]

You're definitely making sense, and I appreciate your response! It really is strange transitioning without a clear end goal. I do have intense physical dysphoria, and the primary reason for my transition is for the same reason as you - to exist in my body without agony. It's just a little more confusing since having a totally male body would cause me as much dysphoria as a totally female body currently does. My desire to appear androgynous is a product of both physical and social dysphoria. And like you, I don't think I'll ever be able to totally alleviate all of my dysphoria - I'll always have wider hips than I want, for example - but I think I can alleviate it enough to live happily.
Ultimately, the closest I've come to a final transition "goal" is top surgery + hysterectomy + voice training. I think that's what it will take to alleviate my dysphoria, but if it doesn't, I'll have to reevaluate. I don't think there necessarily needs to be a concrete end goal, though - people change throughout their lives in so many respects, and what I need now may differ from what I need in the future. I hope I explained this well - let me know!

[@t.terrell7037]

Hi your results are great! Was top surgery covered or did you have to pay out of pocket and if so, how long did you have to save and did you do fundraisers? In terms of pain was it really bad. How was Dr. Dulin as a surgeon? Thanks

[@mxaugust1364]

Hi! My surgery was covered by my insurance, but it was a battle to get them to approve it. I'm going to make a more detailed video about it at some point, but it took me about 8 months of fighting with my insurance and ultimately getting legal help for it to be covered. The remainder after insurance I was able to pay with out of my own savings.
As far as pain, it honestly wasn't too bad. I only took the prescribed painkillers for 2 days, and after that I switched to extra-strength Tylenol. The first night when I had an ace bandage around my chest was the worst; after that came off, I mainly just experienced some pretty strong soreness. I was only really in pain if I moved in a way I wasn't ready for, i.e. raising my arms.
Dr. Dulin is a very skilled surgeon, and he's very professional and friendly. The only issue I had was him trying to convince me to get nipple grafts, but it was easy enough to stand my ground on that. I'd highly recommend him.
Hope this answers your questions, and thanks for the comment!

[@t.terrell7037]

I’m researching getting insurance to cover cost now but it seems soo complicated. I’m not on T so I was wondering how that plays into everything, if at all. Please keep me posted on the insurance video because I’d love to see it. I was almost thinking of moving to another state to try for different perhaps better insurance coverage with no exclusions. Thanks