when we were going for a pride parade my friend got themselves a bi flag and was asking which way it goes, so they'd hold it in the correct way. after a moment of confused silence the only conclusion we got was "It's a bi flag! It goes both ways!" XD
@@menow. I mean, to know someone's cute you need to perceive their physical appearance somehow, don't you? it's not like they're judging other people's character based solely on looks lol they're just appreciating their cuteness
@@menow. That's a very binary way of seeing the world. I think you're the one who's being pedantic, seeing the world through a dialectic and not allowing even the thought of finding beauty in everyone, just in different ways. Cultural revolution is redefining the old concept of beauty, and we can all be a part of it. Or we can choose to not feel esthetic appreciation ever again so we don't judge people, as you propose (?) I respect your vision, but I enjoy the esthetic experiencie so much that I don't consider myself capable of giving it up anytime soon. Everyone has different types of beauty, they're not compatible with everyone's types of attraction, that's okay and that doesn't make the whole concept meaningless, it just expands its definition so we can expand our experience of it.
I cuff my jeans and there are other things like that, that are true, so I was like what, not this one? And then I pick my phone and it's like ooh it is, I totally forgot I have a transparent phone case
I'd never heard of pansexuality being used to erase trans identity and that makes me feel so sick, ugh. Trans men are men and trans women are women. Personally I identify as pan because 1, gender and sex have never been factors in if I'm attracted to someone or not, and 2 I myself am nb and when I figured that out I just felt weird still using "bi" as a label. I know that there are tons of nb people who identify as bi and bi people who are attracted to nb people but for me and my comfort, it just felt like the better fitting label.
Yeah, I've definitely met people who identified as pan because they were attracted to "men, women and trans people" and it has always made me really really uneasy
Yea I’ve heard of pansexual being used to trash on trans people , I even thought that it was that for a while , before I knew I was not a cishet male lol , but yea in identify most with pansexual , because I can see myself being with absolutely anyone if I loved them
That's such a weird concept that pansexuality would be used to erase trans identities. To me, as a cis bi girl, bisexuality means that someone is attracted to people of their gender and of the opposite gender, and that absolutely does not rule out trans or enby people. Correct me if I'm wrong but pansexuality seems to be "gender-blind" if you will, and someone who is pansexual does not take gender/sex into account when they like someone. I found that the bisexual label fit me better because I take gender into account more and tend to be attracted to either more masculine or more feminine people, but again it doesn't exclude trans or enby people
@@sprinkleofsuga7186 It's the idea of "opposite" gender that really made me feel like it wasn't the label for me, tbh! I identify as agender so trying to figure out the idea of "opposite" to myself left me feeling wrong footed. And then if I viewed it as either attraction to "men/women" or "two or more" genders it just all didn't really feel right to me. I think the differences between bi, pan, poly, and omnisexuality (plus others I'm sure I'm missing!) are real but also up to interpretation and the comfort of whoever is using the label. This doesn't mean sexuality should ever ever ever be used to erase someone's identity and tbh anyone who uses their sexuality that way makes me upset and sick. :/ I think pansexuality is indeed meant to be pretty "gender blind" or at least...That's how it's been in practice for me. I tend to be attracted to bodies in general, regardless of them being masc/femme/or androgynous. And when it comes to romance I'm interested in a personality more than anything. For me, that means pansexuality feels like the best fit. But I def wouldn't ever tell someone with the same patterns of attraction as me that identifying some other way wasn't equally as valid. Sexuality, like gender, is *deeply* personal after all.
"Bi is seen as the least LGBT+ of the LGBT+ identities" Idk, asexuality is often exempt from being considered LGBT+ at all. I guess it depends on the person
Yeah, sad that I see people arguing that asexuality doesn't deserve space in the community; some people also don't realise that many of these letters aren't mutually exclusive - you can be trans, intersex, and asexual while being L/G/B and there are certainly people who id as Bi + lesbian/gay (check social media discourses + personally know of a bi gay guy). I've seen intersex confused with non-binary too. The least-known letters on the fuller acronym (basically I'd say everything from B onwards, to different levels) are all too-often made invisible/tried to disregard from LGBTQIA+ (in name only) spaces and communities or forgotten about.
and pan too sadly, with people saying it’s just bi / biphobic. there’s a whole community dedicated to trying to convince others that pans aren’t real ;-;
Ah i was having a really bad day today. I recently came out as Non binary, and was immediately made fun of. I’ve been feeling crappy since the person made those comments, but this really made my evening better.
Congrats on coming out!! I'm sorry it got a bad reception from crappy people! Don't worry tho the lgbtq+ community has your back! 🏳️🌈 (love from the B!)
Sending love and applause, well done for having the courage to come out! You are valid, you are loved, and you are a better person than the buttholes that made fun of you 💪🏽💛
Shaaba. Thanks! This really meant a lot. I really want to get them to understand what being non binary is, so i’ll try my hardest to get them to listen.
@@SuperSouthchick just means that it appears straight. It's not a traditional "straight relationship" because both parties are not heterosexual, but to an outsider who doesn't know you, it would appear to be so.
Very thought-provoking, and I appreciate this discussion. As a straight CIS woman who absolutely supports all sexual orientations /gender identities, this really made me think. I previously didn't think I'd want to be with a male partner who is bi. Why? I don't know! I just don't feel like I'd want to. Not because of the fact that they've been with other guys, or think of other guys, or would leave me for a guy. Like you said, if they're gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. I think I'm just being closed-minded. It makes no sense...if a man is going to be monogamous with me, why would sexual orientation matter? You've really got me thinking, and I appreciate that. I am in a monogamous relationship with a straight male, so it's not like it's a practical decision I have to make...but rather a mindset that I need to tackle. And like most things in life, you don't know how you would react in a situation until you're in a situation. I hope any of that made sense!! But thank you again for making me think :) **Edited to add: I changed my original poor choice of wording from "sexual preference" to "sexual orientation." I am very sorry to all who I offended by my original choice of words. I will never stop learning! 💕
As a bi man who's struggled to date straight women once I've told them I'm bi, thankyou for owning it. It brings me joy that there are people doing that analysis on themselves - it's easy to say "I support LGBT+ people" but to actually mean it and dismantle internalised systemic prejudices when someone comes out to you in your own life (even including yourself) can be hard work. The impression I got (based on what questions those women I dated asked) was that many felt I was really gay, or didn't think I could commit. Hookups weren't a problem mostly, when long term thoughts weren't in the picture so much. Now happy to be monogamously married to a wonderful women who was ready to re-examine what she'd heard (from her gay best friend in the 90s and from society) about bi people - helped that she also had a (male) friend who she didn't know was bi (so few bi men are out), but who came out to her and helped answer her worries when she went to question him about me after I came out to her.
Hey not to be rude, but it’s more polite to call it sexual orientation rather than preference. Sexual preference is commonly used by homophobes to say it’s a choice. I don’t think you meant it to come off that way, but it kinda does. Thanks for the support! 🥰
@@PmpknHead Oh my gosh, thank you for pointing that out to me. I never ever want to offend or be rude. Please know that it wasn't my intention. I'm taking it as an educational moment and will adjust my language going forward! Much love to you, my apologies!
@@PmpknHead And re-reading your comment, it makes total sense for my comment using "sexual preference" to come off as rude AF! I understand it's not a choice. I just used really dumb terminology. Again, my apologies.
I've never heard the phrase "window shopping" used this way before! That's super cute! And you two pointing out cuties together is adorable. I'd love to have a partner I could do that with one day!
Also! I relate to wanting to be able to take care of a girl on a spiritual level! I think for me, part of it is wanting a chance to not just be the one who gets protected and taken care of. Though that's mostly due to my Christian upbringing and transness. I have a harder time picturing myself with a guy without being invalidated as nonbinary, especially because I'm fairly femme presenting. I know it can happen, I just struggle to picture it. It's a thing. And girls really are magnificent.
Hey Shaaba 🙂 The question about if you have a bi-cycle probably wasn't intended as a joke or pun - it's an actual 'thing'. When bi folk talk about their bi-cycle they're referring to their bisexual-cycle; periods of cycling between primary attractions towards different genders. For example, my bi-cycle orientated in favour of men for several years, then my gears changed and I went through a phase of only wanting to date women. Now I'm happily married to a wonderful man, but my bi-cycle still catches me out and I'll go through periods of days/weeks/months where I just really find myself drawn to women. Luckily my hubby is totally fine and supportive but for a lot of bi people this can cause problems in long-term relationships. Love the videos, keep the bi content coming! 💗💜💙 Xxx
i actually keep a list on my phone of celebrities that have come out and they themselves have said that they're bisexual so here's who i have so far: - Kristen Stewart - Stephanie Beatriz - Megan Fox - Billie Joe Armstrong - Drew Barrymore - Halsey - Lady Gaga - Fergie - Aubrey Plaza - Demi Lovato - Amber Rose - Cara Delevingne - Margaret Cho - Zoe Saldana - Rebecca Black - Aaron Carter - Rebecca Sugar - Alan Cumming - Angelina Jolie - Willow Smith - Auli’i Cravalho - Azealia Banks (a confusing addition to the list) - Evan Rachel Wood - SaracRamirez - Megan Mullally - Rina Sawayama - Tessa Thompson - Lili Reinhart - Michelle Rodriguez - Tove Lo - Dakota Johnson - Nicholas Petricca - Shailene Woodley - Anna Paquin - Ryan Potter - Dove Cameron
I came out when I was either 13 or 14 (I'm now 27) and my parents STILL think it's a phase 😅 I remember being in school and being bullied for "being a lesbian" and one day I just turned around and corrected them, saying if they were going to call me anything, use the correct term because I'm attracted to both men and women - no one ever made fun of my sexuality again 😂 I definitely "owned" it from that point 😊
@@krishikakamal7569 before I reply, I just want to say only come out when you're ready and make sure you're doing it for you. However, people are so much more accepting nowadays - it's still not perfect and we have a long way to go before we're fully accepted, but if you take anything away from my comment, please know that so many more people will respect you for owning up to who you are. I've been called so many nasty things, but as soon as I took control and insisted they use the correct terms for my sexuality they lost interest. Or even if you aren't comfortable to come out, you could always point out that it's not an insult to have someone call you what they think your sexual orientation is, it's more insulting that they'd think you'd be upset by that. I've had girls say they didn't want to be in the same changing room as me and I told them not to worry, that they really weren't my type. And finally, I'm sorry we live in a world where we feel we have to come out at all. You are wonderful just for being you and that has absolutely nothing to do with your gender or sexual orientation, in the same way that your favourite colour doesn't affect who you are as a person. I wish you all the best with your future 💜
Last time I stepped into a gay bar, I had guys insisting my bisexuality* was "just a phase" after I told them I knew since puberty. Here’s the kicker, I was in my mid-40s so apparently I was having a 30+ year long phase. When I laughed and remarked that that was a hell of a long phase, I still got insistent "you’ll see" responses. I just rolled my eyes. Good for you for not putting up with erasure. I have had similar conversations with people close to me over the years. * With the advantage of the more complex orientation descriptions in use today, I am more accurately pan and demi (never cared about the gender of people when it came to who attracted me but I need a strong connection to feel any sexual attraction). However, I am nearly 50 and lived for several decades clearly embracing the bisexual label as it was understood at the time (more broad in scope back then). I have described myself as bi for so long that I internalized it long ago and feel zero conflict in using both the bi and pan labels. I get that younger generations might draw a stronger distinction.
I love that you call it "window-shopping" and that you can do that as a bonding experience with your fiance! It's such a fantastic display of the trust and affection between you two! :D
Shaaba: "Oh, oh wait - I seem to be resinating a lot with what this person is saying. I think I'm bi!?" ...That is literally me right now watching this video and your other video on your bisexuality! For SOOOO long I have told myself, nah you can't be bi because of X, Y and Z....but your relaxed and clear explanation makes everything click into place for me, and completely validates how I've felt for such a long time. Thank you for this video, you have massively helped ❤️🌈
Maybe you should check out Melanie Murphy, especially perhaps her older videos? Apparently she's how Shaaba figured it out, and she is genuinely so great.
It’s funny how many instances you can write off as one-offs! I recently connected my first feeling of wanting to kiss someone with my bisexuality. Every person i had a “crush” on was male, so I never put it together. ... sooner or later you have so many “one-offs” you can’t really deny them lol
I was introduced to Shaaba as another TH-camr who'd more recently come out as bi by the 3rd person in this story (not Jamie), in person - think my understanding is correct there. And here I am commenting for the n'th time on this video of hers about bisexuality. Everyone in this story is lovely :) One of the standard experiences of being bi, btw, is questioning whether you're really bi, or whether you're bi enough, even if you were sure about it when you first worked it out. Commonly called bi imposter syndrome. I tackle it by reminding myself the times I've got hot under the collar for the gender I'm usually less attracted to/the one I am suspicious about (and it's the 'crush' type feeling, _not_ all the times I've kissed/hooked up with a guy and enjoyed it lots, even though you'd think those would be enough). I have a goto moment for it now which really helps dispatch that feeling.
I think it could also apply to people who could fit either category. Which that sounds like 'no one', but if you're attracted to women and nonbinary people, you could label yourself a lesbian (since lots of lesbians are attracted to nonbinary people along with women, or nonbinary themselves, especially if they're women-aligned, and there's historical precedent for lesbians liking enbies, Leslie Feinberg being an example). You could also label yourself bi, because that's attraction to more than one gender (it doesn't need to be binary, that's a misconception). Bisexuality and lesbianism in reality are significantly less 'clean' and neatly divided than a lot of people think. People's experiences are complex and the histories of different communities shows that.
@@Lisa_Flowers im so glad that this comment is so...neutral and kinda friendly, because, while im not even a lesbian OR bi, im so saddened by how much vitriol and hate ive seen about this particular label, and everytime i see it im like...who the fuck cares just let people be theyre not hurting anyone :/// its somehow always the same; even marginalized people will always punch down against people who are even more marginalized than them. or i guess, people who are even more "unconventional" than them. i hate it.
@@jannecapelle_art I totally agree with you it's sad when people outside the community treat as badly but to be treated badly inside the community that is supposed to protect you is even worst. And half of the time is just a misunderstanding that comes form not listening and wanting to present as good normal people to cishet society.
When she mentioned the moments from her childhood that totally made sense after she found out she was bi I was like “I don’t think i had any of those, as a bi girl” and then i remembered the time that when my best (female) friend and i were 10 we would reenact scenes from the princess bride. I would be Wesley and she would be Buttercup....including the kissing scenes.....😶 jesus it took me a long time to connect the dots....
I never felt more comfortable with my sexuality than right now. I came out this year as bisexual and because I am the only bi girl in my friendgroup and have nearly no friends that I know of, who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, I never had the opportunity to talk to other people about it who understand it. I feel like my sexuality is not taken serious and that makes me uncomfortable. Basically what I want to tell to you is thank you. I will stop ranting now. Sry, Love your Videos.
I'm bi but I never understood the ratio thing. Like, I don't know who I'm "more" atracted to. Sometimes I crush on so many girls that I wonder if I'm just a lesbian. But there are days when I remember some guys I was very into and think "are you sure you also like women?". It depends on the person, I guess? It's not my fault there's so many beautiful people out there.
I only ever felt an attraction to girls and identified as a lesbian. Until, I met my now husband. He's still the only man I find attractive. But I do find other women attractive. So I'm heavily skewed towards women.
Honestly I feel like for me it’s less to do with someone’s gender. Like I can be physically attracted to people of varying genders, but what I find most attractive is personality. It’s really a case by case thing for me
My boyfriend is bi and I'm straight. It made me a little nervous at first because of all the negative stereotypes I'd heard, but now we're four years in and I realized how little it matters in terms of our relationship. It's crazy how much judgment and disapproval there is for bi-ness, even within the LQBTQIA+ plus community. Like the professor that ran GAS at my community college hated bi people because he thought they made gay people look bad. He would go on about how bisexuality isn't real. I can't imagine how bad hearing that stuff must have felt. Hopefully this progresses too!
I'm aro-ace and I'm so happy that you mentioned asexuality in the beginning! And as someone who's never experienced any of this (attraction and all that), it was so interesting to hear you talk about all that and so very relatable in other moments (like the hindsight part). Thank you for this awesome video! You're amazing!
U deserve better than that. The only time I can see that being minutely acceptable is if the person identifying as bi is just experimenting and the receiving end would rather not. If those women r like that they aren't worth ur time and u will find better!
The biggest mindfuck I got from working out my sexuality was when I realised that unrequited love is an actual thing. If I liked someone and it wasn’t requited, I just stopped.
that is literally me idk my sexuality in both a gay-straight way or an ace-allo way and idk my gender fully either and its all very confusing so i just say im very gay lol
About the "is it biphobic to not date bi people" question: I think in case of a sexuality like bisexuality it is biphobic because someone's sexuality doesn't really say anything about their appearance or personality (it can, but that's usually an individual thing, you can't say "all bi people have this personality trait that I am not attracted to"). But sometimes people also say bisexuals (as opposed to pansexuals) are non-binary-phobic (is that a word?) which I don't think is the case since that's just not being attracted to certain genders or people without a gender or whatever. Like you wouldn't say straight girls are sexist against women for not dating them. A really difficult question I think is whether it is transphobic to not want to date trans people. I think in general it is, like if you say "I would never date a trans person", but on a case by case basis I think it makes sense that someone is maybe less physically attracted to someone because they are trans. It sounds very mean but in the end no one can change who they are attracted to. Something similar goes for asexual people, I can understand why allosexual people would not want to date someone who is asexual if that would influence their sexual relationship, but saying something like "I would never date someone who is asexual" is not okay since there are asexual people who would be comfortable having sex in a relationship. But hey that is just my opinion (as someone who is bi, asexual and cis-gender if that is helpful in any way) and this is a pretty complicated topic I think so I hope I didn't offend anyone.
I relate to almost everything Shabaa experienced. Thank you, girl. Just thought I leave here another thing that is pussing me away from coming out to my family in case someone can relate. So, my cousin is gay. It's one of those things where we all kinda knew since he was little. My family accepted him, with some drama but I think it never really got to him. I understood from an early age and love him just as much. The thing is two years ago I started realizing that I'm bi, but bc it wasn't "visible" and nobody doubt I was straight for one second, I thought I don't "deserve" the label. Like you know when they say there's always a gay cousin? Well, he was the one, so where does it leave me? The thing that hurt me the most is that he was the first person I told bc he had to understand, of course. But then... he accepted it, I guess, but he also said "yeah, because you're so modern and progressive" as it was some kind of trend. Really? From you? I haven't find the courage yet to tell my parents or anyone in my family after that, but I wanna say that no matter what, your experience is as valid as anyone else, and that there's not a correct way to be part of LGTB. Biphobia and bi erasure are very much real in and out of the community. We know what we like and we know who we are, and even when we doubt it, we're still the only people who can label our identity ❤️
Oh man this is so validating. I'm bi and I've been so confused about how I'm feeling. Good to know, that I can relate to all this stuff. I don't have any bi friends to ask these questions to, so thank you.
Not sure about the "you find this person super pretty but do you wanna SLEEP with them ?" in order to know whether you're bi. Because bisexuality is not just about sex, but attraction on so many levels. Also don't forget asexual people ! Personally I just can't picture myself in a sexual situation without an already established bond between the person and me. Doesn't need to be my best friend for 3 years, but an intellectual and values connection is absolutely necessary for me to develop a physical attraction.
Soooo... I've never been in a relationship with another girl, and I just got into my first relationship with a guy, which I'm very happy about. Anyways, I've been questioning my sexuality since 8th grade (I'm a sophomore now btw). After a while, I felt like the term "bisexual" best described my emotions/feelings (I define bisexuality as being attracted to your own gender and other genders). I also met one of my best friends last summer, and I had a lowkey crush on her, but I'm pretty sure that she's a straight ally. But that's beside the point lol. 😂 So I came out to my family around April, and my sister was great about it, no problems from her. My parents, on the other hand, said that they accepted me for who I am no matter what, but they were concerned about me making a big statement about it before I had ever experienced being in a relationship with a girl. I was kinda hurt that they said that, but I can understand where they're coming from I guess. But anyways, idk if that's something other people go through, that's just my story. Love your content Shaaba! 😊
Hey if that's what you feel describes you the best, then no one else gets a say in it! You know yourself best and you don't need to have a certain amount of experiences to identify as bi! I have never been in a relationship with anyone and I'm very much bi :D
@@forgetmenot277 well thank you for saying that, that makes me feel better about it. But I sometimes have doubts and I'm usually questioning still, but right now this feels right, so that's how I'm gonna identify. Have an awesome day!
@@thatchaoticqueertheatrekid5870 Exactly! And if your label might change later then so be it :D Thank you I wish you an awesome day too! Or well... night, whereever you are
You definitely don’t need to have any experiences with girls to know you’re attracted to them. Are straight people ever questioned about their straight-ness if they’ve never been in a relationship? But it’s also okay to change how you identify as you learn more about yourself. You’re doing fine. ❤️
It is genuinely scary how much my personality and my experiences (the whole family thing and not being attracted to your partner until they came out as trans) are alike . i love it and thanks for making this
I’ve been having trouble coming out as bi because for a while I identified as asexual, and it took me a long time to come to terms with my bisexuality. But I’m lucky to have very accepting parents, so it’s just a matter of me feeling comfortable with myself. Thank you for this video, it helps to be able to relate to someone I look up to.
I think the not dating bi people thing really depends, like from straight people it's usually ignorance or straight up biphoba/homophobia but with gay/homosexual people it's more wanting to have the same experiences as your partner? like you said you like to look at women and men with Jamie (sorry if that's spelled wrong) and you connect bc you're both bi, so a lesbian could rather date other lesbians bc she wants to be able to relate about how not being attracted to men really shapes your life growing up
Thank you so much for being honest sweet 🥰 I have just told my hubby I'm bi tonight ... Love thinking about women sexually more but I'm happy with my hubby relationally!! 🎉🎉
I really really LOVE that this kind of videos exist, so that if you have questions or just curiosity you can just come here. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I’ve always had questions about this, it came in just in time for me. Love yaaaaaa
I relate to the window shopping, most of my ex's have been bi and we'd often go out for coffee or cocktails at spoons and sit there chatting about all the attractive people around us, it's one of my fav things about being in bi couples. It also stops any jealousy from creeping in, because we're being honest about the fact that we're looking.
I feel like I know what I am and who I am, but I've been doubting a lot or having trouble expressing myself and this was very refreshing, hearing you talk about your experiences and your feelings with gender and sexuality. Thank you. It makes me want to open up more to myself and allow for exploration and expression.
As a newly out bisexual, I feel really happy that I don't have to do this alone and that I have channels like you to more, explore myself When I was questioning myself (which took two years and I don't understand why my family and family friends think that that's too short to think about it and that I don't have a lot of knowledge about it in a span of two years??), I was struggling by the fact that when I see myself with girls, it's weird to me, but when I was dating a guy, it also felt weird to me. I'm not asexual whatsoever though, I've had a couple of guy and girl crushes and have been fantasizing being in a relationship but that's besides the point I started having feelings for a girl and that was the time I started questioning myself, tho our relationship as friends was a bit... toxic, I still find her personality good and her beautiful, I should thank her for helping me find my way to my identity :)) I imagined myself with her and when I found it comfortable, I'm started seeing myself with other girls and well, that's how I found out I was bisexual xD My celebrity crush rn is Kirstie Maldonado, she is my absolute crush and idol and was also one of my key factors to finding out about myself ^^ I hope soon, bisexual people will finally be validated along with the rest of the Igbt community to society and we can finally express ourselves as our own :))
I'm in a monogamous cis hetero relationship rn, but I am a pansexual polyamorous cis girl. I realized I was bi at 15/16 when I kept having sex dreams about girls. I didn't have a crush on a girl i knew until I transferred schools my sr yr. But Effie from Skins (brit version), Angelina Jolie, and megan fox were definitely on my mind in hs. In 2013 when I moved to Austin a group of friends were discussing my sexuality (idfky) and I was introduced to pan and it fit. (But YES to bi not being trans exclusionary!) This is the first time i've shared my story. (sorry the post was so long.) I tend to feel ignored by my lgbtq+ friends bc of my relationship status and it sucks. I'm happy to be IDed as an ally, but also forgotten a bit.
Okay so real talk, you should absolutely do a TED talk. I don't know what you would do one about, but I feel you'd be able to share some very interesting perspectives.
as a newly realized bi I really appreciate this video because I was not fully sure I was bi but when you explained the whole romantic versus sexual thing it really helped thank you.
I couldn't stop smiling throughout this whole video! I'm a cis gay guy, but even though this didn't directly apply to me, it did give me a lot to think about, because I do have a bit of internalized homophobia that I'm trying to work through, and hearing your perspective and hearing how confident you were in yourself made me so happy! Thank you Shaaba ❤️
Thank you for your sharing so openly. I really appreciate your videos which i discovered around navitagting trans rights and concerns. I also appreciate your honesty around sexuality which is very importand necessary. You have definitely helped me understand myself and some family members a great deal. I also appreciate your base line of acceptance of "you do you." My one worry is the normalisation of porn. Although I'm aware that many who are involved in that industry are comfortable with their work, there is still an issue around coercion and exploitation which does not sit comfortably with your main values. Would love to hear more on this from you.
I 100% want to send anyone with questions about my bisexuality to this video first and then open the floor for discussion! I am a bisexual married to a cis man, and feel very discounted in many LGBT+ conversations. I recently discovered you and @jammidodger and am so glad I did! Thank you for spreading thoughtful and informed opinions and information!
i know this is ages ago but i have to leave a message. i dunno why this appeared in my feed. i have been a sub since before Jaime was bugging you for a dog (rofl nah no1is that long ago) was i watched the video thoroughly enjoyed it & giggled along. Left with, as normal, a smilen my face & went to like only to see i already had. i wonder if i commented how much i enjoyed it at the time, as i did this time. i was worried for a moment but then i think i will embrace it as i can watch loads of stuff again & still be shocked & entertained.
I hate those comments like „do I now have twice the competition?“ or „are you gonna leave me now because you can leave me for a man or a woman?“. It questions my integrity and my character based on my sexuality which is something I can‘t change and didn‘t choose. Immediately makes me respect a partner less if a comment like that comes up 😔
I’ve noticed that you and Jaimie have very similar speech patterns and cadences and it is so cute. I adore your relationship and I really appreciate you guys
I relate to you so much Shaaba. I'm also sexually more attracted to women but romantically more attracted to men. It just feels so good hearing my sexuality being validated. 💕❤️🌈🏳️🌈
Thank you for being so open 😁🌈 I'm sure a lot of people can relate to the differences in terms of attraction. Going through bi stuff in the internet, I always get the impression that most bi people feel weird about expressing their preferences and we love some good validation ✌🏼
I’ve heard of people using Pansexual over Bisexual as a way of differentiation when they don’t feel comfortable thinking about societal “binary” genders. I’ve also heard of people going more for Bisexual because they aren’t necessarily attracted to androgynous or nb individuals. Which I think is valid, as they are looking at the whole person and not just the “parts” of those people. I personally identify as Panromantic Demisexual. Which I feel kind of goes hand in hand. My personal opinion of the difference is mainly the percentage or ratio thing. Most Bisexual people I know have percentages, whether it be 20/30/50 for men/women/nb respectively, or 60/40 women/men respectively. I personally don’t have those percentages, which is why I think of myself more as Pan. As for Demisexual, some people say Pansexual and Demisexual are the same, which I feel like they go together well, but not necessarily the exact same. Pan has been used in a “hearts over parts” way, but since I view it more as not having percentages, I also have demisexuality as a way of saying that I cannot “window shop” basically. I can say objectively that someone is attractive, but I am far more attracted to the relationship I have developed with them. This can lead to being sexually attracted to friends, that doesn’t mean I would consider dating them, more that I would consider hooking up with friends. All of this is to say that everyone has a different understanding of what their sexuality is and many of them are valid (so long as they aren’t discriminating against a particular people group). People need to stop forcing their own opinions of what sexuality means on those who have a different definition than them. It is their sexuality and they can choose to identify however they feel inside. A person’s sexuality is not a choice, but the label they put on it is.
This was such a good video! Melanie Murphy definately convinced me of my bisexuality at one point, too, although it should have been obvious to me, looking back, a lot earlier. I was raised in such a bubble that I didn't even know it was an option to like more than one gender.
This video just helped me so much validate myself more as not being straight because i never had like other bisexual girl tell me about her experience with it and realization and i constantly wasn't sure if i'm indentifying myself and my feeling right. Thank you 💕
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
OMG you’re bi!?!
Oh my god, I love that XDD
Hahahah
Such a shocker... 😂😂
Everything about both of you is wholesome and adorable. My heart can't take it 😭😭
I adore both of you. Thanks for being open so people like me can learn.
when we were going for a pride parade my friend got themselves a bi flag and was asking which way it goes, so they'd hold it in the correct way. after a moment of confused silence the only conclusion we got was "It's a bi flag! It goes both ways!" XD
LOVE THIS!
Btw, pink is on top. But made me smile with the both ways, that most popular of bi jokes.
@@telepathicmagicshop omg i-
@@telepathicmagicshop YXD7DJDJDGDH 😖
@@telepathicmagicshop fsldfjsldkfjie yes
"I prefer the idea of sexual experiences with women but I prefer the idea of relationships with men."
SAME! SO MUCH SAME.
Lol that's the opposite for me 😂
SAME SAME SAME
Same!!! 😁
I can definitely relate 👍
yesssss
My bi awakening was this inner dialogue
"oh hey that guy is really cute!"
"Oh that's a woman"
"Still cute though.... waaiiiiitttttt..."
Same (^_^)
Haha!
@@menow. I mean, to know someone's cute you need to perceive their physical appearance somehow, don't you? it's not like they're judging other people's character based solely on looks lol they're just appreciating their cuteness
@@menow. they never talked about someone not being cute, you inserted negativity into the conversation
@@menow. That's a very binary way of seeing the world. I think you're the one who's being pedantic, seeing the world through a dialectic and not allowing even the thought of finding beauty in everyone, just in different ways.
Cultural revolution is redefining the old concept of beauty, and we can all be a part of it. Or we can choose to not feel esthetic appreciation ever again so we don't judge people, as you propose (?) I respect your vision, but I enjoy the esthetic experiencie so much that I don't consider myself capable of giving it up anytime soon. Everyone has different types of beauty, they're not compatible with everyone's types of attraction, that's okay and that doesn't make the whole concept meaningless, it just expands its definition so we can expand our experience of it.
"I just appreciate the female form" -Claudia Kellgren-Fozard and Shaaba
Litterally what I thought for 19 years…. 😂😂😂💖💜💙
“All Bi people have transparent phone cases.”
Me with my transparent phone case : 👁👄👁
I cuff my jeans and there are other things like that, that are true, so I was like what, not this one? And then I pick my phone and it's like ooh it is, I totally forgot I have a transparent phone case
me, questioning if i might be bi, with my transparent phone case 🤔
right lmao, i already had questions and then she said cuffing your jeans and transparent phone case and i was like 😳🧐
Stefania Campos same I literally check off all the dumb stereotype traits 😂😂 are these the signs telling me sth 😂
Oh dang. Is how I felt. I’m bi and I never heard of this stereotype. I don’t like other cases!
I'd never heard of pansexuality being used to erase trans identity and that makes me feel so sick, ugh. Trans men are men and trans women are women. Personally I identify as pan because 1, gender and sex have never been factors in if I'm attracted to someone or not, and 2 I myself am nb and when I figured that out I just felt weird still using "bi" as a label. I know that there are tons of nb people who identify as bi and bi people who are attracted to nb people but for me and my comfort, it just felt like the better fitting label.
Yeah, I've definitely met people who identified as pan because they were attracted to "men, women and trans people" and it has always made me really really uneasy
Yea I’ve heard of pansexual being used to trash on trans people , I even thought that it was that for a while , before I knew I was not a cishet male lol , but yea in identify most with pansexual , because I can see myself being with absolutely anyone if I loved them
That's such a weird concept that pansexuality would be used to erase trans identities. To me, as a cis bi girl, bisexuality means that someone is attracted to people of their gender and of the opposite gender, and that absolutely does not rule out trans or enby people. Correct me if I'm wrong but pansexuality seems to be "gender-blind" if you will, and someone who is pansexual does not take gender/sex into account when they like someone. I found that the bisexual label fit me better because I take gender into account more and tend to be attracted to either more masculine or more feminine people, but again it doesn't exclude trans or enby people
@@sprinkleofsuga7186 Yes!!
@@sprinkleofsuga7186 It's the idea of "opposite" gender that really made me feel like it wasn't the label for me, tbh! I identify as agender so trying to figure out the idea of "opposite" to myself left me feeling wrong footed. And then if I viewed it as either attraction to "men/women" or "two or more" genders it just all didn't really feel right to me. I think the differences between bi, pan, poly, and omnisexuality (plus others I'm sure I'm missing!) are real but also up to interpretation and the comfort of whoever is using the label. This doesn't mean sexuality should ever ever ever be used to erase someone's identity and tbh anyone who uses their sexuality that way makes me upset and sick. :/
I think pansexuality is indeed meant to be pretty "gender blind" or at least...That's how it's been in practice for me. I tend to be attracted to bodies in general, regardless of them being masc/femme/or androgynous. And when it comes to romance I'm interested in a personality more than anything. For me, that means pansexuality feels like the best fit. But I def wouldn't ever tell someone with the same patterns of attraction as me that identifying some other way wasn't equally as valid. Sexuality, like gender, is *deeply* personal after all.
"Bi is seen as the least LGBT+ of the LGBT+ identities"
Idk, asexuality is often exempt from being considered LGBT+ at all. I guess it depends on the person
Yeah, sad that I see people arguing that asexuality doesn't deserve space in the community; some people also don't realise that many of these letters aren't mutually exclusive - you can be trans, intersex, and asexual while being L/G/B and there are certainly people who id as Bi + lesbian/gay (check social media discourses + personally know of a bi gay guy). I've seen intersex confused with non-binary too.
The least-known letters on the fuller acronym (basically I'd say everything from B onwards, to different levels) are all too-often made invisible/tried to disregard from LGBTQIA+ (in name only) spaces and communities or forgotten about.
and pan too sadly, with people saying it’s just bi / biphobic. there’s a whole community dedicated to trying to convince others that pans aren’t real ;-;
"The A stands for Asterisk" -my well-meaning cishet friend when I told him it didn't stand for ally
Asexuals are valid as hell!! Aroace people are definitely part of the community, never question that
@@alix6553 definitely! But it's far too often people either explicitly exclude them or simply don't account for them, even in LGBTQ+ spaces.
This video makes my little bi heart happy! Don't mind me in my corner, happily sipping tea listening to a wonderful bicon
I’m far from a bicon, but sending lots of love to you and your lil bi heart! x
@@shaaba ahhh I love you you're such a wonderful person and so inspirational!!! You're definitely my bicon 🥺👉👈❤️✨
yo could i join ya i got soda
@@baldpineapple4464 of course! Want a sip of my tea?
@@fardareismai4495 sure never had tea before
Ah i was having a really bad day today. I recently came out as Non binary, and was immediately made fun of. I’ve been feeling crappy since the person made those comments, but this really made my evening better.
Congrats on coming out!! I'm sorry it got a bad reception from crappy people! Don't worry tho the lgbtq+ community has your back! 🏳️🌈 (love from the B!)
P Lestrange ahh thank you! These things happen, and i’ve tried teaching them about stuff. But, you can’t teach someone who’s unwilling to learn.
Sending love and applause, well done for having the courage to come out! You are valid, you are loved, and you are a better person than the buttholes that made fun of you 💪🏽💛
don’t worry we love and accept you in here 💛🤍💜🖤
Shaaba. Thanks! This really meant a lot. I really want to get them to understand what being non binary is, so i’ll try my hardest to get them to listen.
My confidence as a bi person in a straight-passing relationship has been dwindling lately, and this was the perfect pick me up 😘
Same :D
Yes! I feel slightly less invisible now.
What is straight passing? Yall weird
@@SuperSouthchick just means that it appears straight. It's not a traditional "straight relationship" because both parties are not heterosexual, but to an outsider who doesn't know you, it would appear to be so.
Very thought-provoking, and I appreciate this discussion. As a straight CIS woman who absolutely supports all sexual orientations /gender identities, this really made me think. I previously didn't think I'd want to be with a male partner who is bi. Why? I don't know! I just don't feel like I'd want to. Not because of the fact that they've been with other guys, or think of other guys, or would leave me for a guy. Like you said, if they're gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. I think I'm just being closed-minded. It makes no sense...if a man is going to be monogamous with me, why would sexual orientation matter? You've really got me thinking, and I appreciate that. I am in a monogamous relationship with a straight male, so it's not like it's a practical decision I have to make...but rather a mindset that I need to tackle. And like most things in life, you don't know how you would react in a situation until you're in a situation. I hope any of that made sense!! But thank you again for making me think :) **Edited to add: I changed my original poor choice of wording from "sexual preference" to "sexual orientation." I am very sorry to all who I offended by my original choice of words. I will never stop learning! 💕
As a bi man who's struggled to date straight women once I've told them I'm bi, thankyou for owning it. It brings me joy that there are people doing that analysis on themselves - it's easy to say "I support LGBT+ people" but to actually mean it and dismantle internalised systemic prejudices when someone comes out to you in your own life (even including yourself) can be hard work. The impression I got (based on what questions those women I dated asked) was that many felt I was really gay, or didn't think I could commit. Hookups weren't a problem mostly, when long term thoughts weren't in the picture so much.
Now happy to be monogamously married to a wonderful women who was ready to re-examine what she'd heard (from her gay best friend in the 90s and from society) about bi people - helped that she also had a (male) friend who she didn't know was bi (so few bi men are out), but who came out to her and helped answer her worries when she went to question him about me after I came out to her.
Hey not to be rude, but it’s more polite to call it sexual orientation rather than preference. Sexual preference is commonly used by homophobes to say it’s a choice. I don’t think you meant it to come off that way, but it kinda does. Thanks for the support! 🥰
@@PmpknHead Oh my gosh, thank you for pointing that out to me. I never ever want to offend or be rude. Please know that it wasn't my intention. I'm taking it as an educational moment and will adjust my language going forward! Much love to you, my apologies!
@@PmpknHead And re-reading your comment, it makes total sense for my comment using "sexual preference" to come off as rude AF! I understand it's not a choice. I just used really dumb terminology. Again, my apologies.
@@melrulztheroost3751 it’s alright just wanted to let you know. I do not fault you in any way. It was a simple mistake
Shaaba: I guess I’m just erasing myself
Me: *Grabs pencil*
shaba: " I'm bi"
me: same
I feel that... 😂
Mood
I've never heard the phrase "window shopping" used this way before! That's super cute! And you two pointing out cuties together is adorable. I'd love to have a partner I could do that with one day!
Also! I relate to wanting to be able to take care of a girl on a spiritual level! I think for me, part of it is wanting a chance to not just be the one who gets protected and taken care of. Though that's mostly due to my Christian upbringing and transness. I have a harder time picturing myself with a guy without being invalidated as nonbinary, especially because I'm fairly femme presenting. I know it can happen, I just struggle to picture it. It's a thing. And girls really are magnificent.
@@shenenigans2037 wait, you're telling me wanting to protect women is due to my sexuality? 😂 I thought it was being a nice friend
“i laugh because if i don’t i’ll cry”
bi culture
this made me laugh harder than it shouldve
Hey Shaaba 🙂 The question about if you have a bi-cycle probably wasn't intended as a joke or pun - it's an actual 'thing'. When bi folk talk about their bi-cycle they're referring to their bisexual-cycle; periods of cycling between primary attractions towards different genders. For example, my bi-cycle orientated in favour of men for several years, then my gears changed and I went through a phase of only wanting to date women. Now I'm happily married to a wonderful man, but my bi-cycle still catches me out and I'll go through periods of days/weeks/months where I just really find myself drawn to women. Luckily my hubby is totally fine and supportive but for a lot of bi people this can cause problems in long-term relationships. Love the videos, keep the bi content coming! 💗💜💙 Xxx
Hey, that's the first time I've heard this term. Come to think abt it I do have these cycles of predominantly attracted to one gender
i actually keep a list on my phone of celebrities that have come out and they themselves have said that they're bisexual so here's who i have so far:
- Kristen Stewart
- Stephanie Beatriz
- Megan Fox
- Billie Joe Armstrong
- Drew Barrymore
- Halsey
- Lady Gaga
- Fergie
- Aubrey Plaza
- Demi Lovato
- Amber Rose
- Cara Delevingne
- Margaret Cho
- Zoe Saldana
- Rebecca Black
- Aaron Carter
- Rebecca Sugar
- Alan Cumming
- Angelina Jolie
- Willow Smith
- Auli’i Cravalho
- Azealia Banks (a confusing addition to the list)
- Evan Rachel Wood
- SaracRamirez
- Megan Mullally
- Rina Sawayama
- Tessa Thompson
- Lili Reinhart
- Michelle Rodriguez
- Tove Lo
- Dakota Johnson
- Nicholas Petricca
- Shailene Woodley
- Anna Paquin
- Ryan Potter
- Dove Cameron
every woman is interesting and sexy, we just can't stop winning :D
I think Amandla Stenberg actually re-came out as gay
@@Lisa_Flowers ope youre right AND I misspelled their name, imma just ~remove that real quick~
We need more bi men
@@kjlm4574 we REALLY DO!!!
I came out when I was either 13 or 14 (I'm now 27) and my parents STILL think it's a phase 😅 I remember being in school and being bullied for "being a lesbian" and one day I just turned around and corrected them, saying if they were going to call me anything, use the correct term because I'm attracted to both men and women - no one ever made fun of my sexuality again 😂 I definitely "owned" it from that point 😊
Holy shit I was bullied for the same reason as a kid
Exactly y i'm scared to come out
@@krishikakamal7569 before I reply, I just want to say only come out when you're ready and make sure you're doing it for you. However, people are so much more accepting nowadays - it's still not perfect and we have a long way to go before we're fully accepted, but if you take anything away from my comment, please know that so many more people will respect you for owning up to who you are. I've been called so many nasty things, but as soon as I took control and insisted they use the correct terms for my sexuality they lost interest. Or even if you aren't comfortable to come out, you could always point out that it's not an insult to have someone call you what they think your sexual orientation is, it's more insulting that they'd think you'd be upset by that. I've had girls say they didn't want to be in the same changing room as me and I told them not to worry, that they really weren't my type.
And finally, I'm sorry we live in a world where we feel we have to come out at all. You are wonderful just for being you and that has absolutely nothing to do with your gender or sexual orientation, in the same way that your favourite colour doesn't affect who you are as a person. I wish you all the best with your future 💜
Last time I stepped into a gay bar, I had guys insisting my bisexuality* was "just a phase" after I told them I knew since puberty. Here’s the kicker, I was in my mid-40s so apparently I was having a 30+ year long phase. When I laughed and remarked that that was a hell of a long phase, I still got insistent "you’ll see" responses. I just rolled my eyes.
Good for you for not putting up with erasure. I have had similar conversations with people close to me over the years.
* With the advantage of the more complex orientation descriptions in use today, I am more accurately pan and demi (never cared about the gender of people when it came to who attracted me but I need a strong connection to feel any sexual attraction). However, I am nearly 50 and lived for several decades clearly embracing the bisexual label as it was understood at the time (more broad in scope back then). I have described myself as bi for so long that I internalized it long ago and feel zero conflict in using both the bi and pan labels. I get that younger generations might draw a stronger distinction.
I love that you call it "window-shopping" and that you can do that as a bonding experience with your fiance! It's such a fantastic display of the trust and affection between you two! :D
Shaaba: "Oh, oh wait - I seem to be resinating a lot with what this person is saying. I think I'm bi!?"
...That is literally me right now watching this video and your other video on your bisexuality!
For SOOOO long I have told myself, nah you can't be bi because of X, Y and Z....but your relaxed and clear explanation makes everything click into place for me, and completely validates how I've felt for such a long time.
Thank you for this video, you have massively helped ❤️🌈
Maybe you should check out Melanie Murphy, especially perhaps her older videos? Apparently she's how Shaaba figured it out, and she is genuinely so great.
It’s funny how many instances you can write off as one-offs!
I recently connected my first feeling of wanting to kiss someone with my bisexuality. Every person i had a “crush” on was male, so I never put it together. ... sooner or later you have so many “one-offs” you can’t really deny them lol
Im so happy for you!!
I was introduced to Shaaba as another TH-camr who'd more recently come out as bi by the 3rd person in this story (not Jamie), in person - think my understanding is correct there. And here I am commenting for the n'th time on this video of hers about bisexuality. Everyone in this story is lovely :)
One of the standard experiences of being bi, btw, is questioning whether you're really bi, or whether you're bi enough, even if you were sure about it when you first worked it out. Commonly called bi imposter syndrome. I tackle it by reminding myself the times I've got hot under the collar for the gender I'm usually less attracted to/the one I am suspicious about (and it's the 'crush' type feeling, _not_ all the times I've kissed/hooked up with a guy and enjoyed it lots, even though you'd think those would be enough). I have a goto moment for it now which really helps dispatch that feeling.
I think the bi lesbian thing is about bisexual and homoromantic women
I think it could also apply to people who could fit either category. Which that sounds like 'no one', but if you're attracted to women and nonbinary people, you could label yourself a lesbian (since lots of lesbians are attracted to nonbinary people along with women, or nonbinary themselves, especially if they're women-aligned, and there's historical precedent for lesbians liking enbies, Leslie Feinberg being an example). You could also label yourself bi, because that's attraction to more than one gender (it doesn't need to be binary, that's a misconception). Bisexuality and lesbianism in reality are significantly less 'clean' and neatly divided than a lot of people think. People's experiences are complex and the histories of different communities shows that.
I think they are trying to say that they are attracted to both but exclusively date women
I agree. (It could also be residual comphet that hasn't been rinsed way.)
@@Lisa_Flowers im so glad that this comment is so...neutral and kinda friendly, because, while im not even a lesbian OR bi, im so saddened by how much vitriol and hate ive seen about this particular label, and everytime i see it im like...who the fuck cares just let people be theyre not hurting anyone :/// its somehow always the same; even marginalized people will always punch down against people who are even more marginalized than them. or i guess, people who are even more "unconventional" than them. i hate it.
@@jannecapelle_art I totally agree with you it's sad when people outside the community treat as badly but to be treated badly inside the community that is supposed to protect you is even worst. And half of the time is just a misunderstanding that comes form not listening and wanting to present as good normal people to cishet society.
Shaaba: I'm Bi.
Me: I'm Gay.
My sister: I'm Nonbinary
My brother: I'm trans
My other sister: I'm Bisexual
My other other sister: I'm a Lesbian
I feel this, me and both my sisters are bi
A whole LGBT family! That's beautiful!
@@funnyvideoguy3216 a rainbow
Sibling*
"I like the beards!
I like the ruggedness!
And the geekiness
And the--I like Jamie..."
😂
When she mentioned the moments from her childhood that totally made sense after she found out she was bi I was like “I don’t think i had any of those, as a bi girl” and then i remembered the time that when my best (female) friend and i were 10 we would reenact scenes from the princess bride. I would be Wesley and she would be Buttercup....including the kissing scenes.....😶
jesus it took me a long time to connect the dots....
I never felt more comfortable with my sexuality than right now. I came out this year as bisexual and because I am the only bi girl in my friendgroup and have nearly no friends that I know of, who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, I never had the opportunity to talk to other people about it who understand it. I feel like my sexuality is not taken serious and that makes me uncomfortable. Basically what I want to tell to you is thank you. I will stop ranting now. Sry, Love your Videos.
"they are as straight a ruler"
First thought that pops into my head " a bendy ruler"
I'm bi but I never understood the ratio thing. Like, I don't know who I'm "more" atracted to. Sometimes I crush on so many girls that I wonder if I'm just a lesbian. But there are days when I remember some guys I was very into and think "are you sure you also like women?". It depends on the person, I guess? It's not my fault there's so many beautiful people out there.
I only ever felt an attraction to girls and identified as a lesbian. Until, I met my now husband. He's still the only man I find attractive. But I do find other women attractive.
So I'm heavily skewed towards women.
Honestly I feel like for me it’s less to do with someone’s gender. Like I can be physically attracted to people of varying genders, but what I find most attractive is personality. It’s really a case by case thing for me
I think it can refer to intensity as well as numbers/percentage?
My boyfriend is bi and I'm straight. It made me a little nervous at first because of all the negative stereotypes I'd heard, but now we're four years in and I realized how little it matters in terms of our relationship. It's crazy how much judgment and disapproval there is for bi-ness, even within the LQBTQIA+ plus community. Like the professor that ran GAS at my community college hated bi people because he thought they made gay people look bad. He would go on about how bisexuality isn't real. I can't imagine how bad hearing that stuff must have felt. Hopefully this progresses too!
lol this vid is so much my experience i feel SEEN
I'm aro-ace and I'm so happy that you mentioned asexuality in the beginning! And as someone who's never experienced any of this (attraction and all that), it was so interesting to hear you talk about all that and so very relatable in other moments (like the hindsight part). Thank you for this awesome video! You're amazing!
Drinking a tea at 1 am watching Shaabas video because shes awesome and told me to get some tea :)
Yeah dating right now is so hard.....I'm so depressed with just how many woman won't even text me other than "I don't talk to bi females"
U deserve better than that. The only time I can see that being minutely acceptable is if the person identifying as bi is just experimenting and the receiving end would rather not. If those women r like that they aren't worth ur time and u will find better!
@@rjkbuny this!!! Mya, there will be people worth your time and love, I'm sure
The biggest mindfuck I got from working out my sexuality was when I realised that unrequited love is an actual thing. If I liked someone and it wasn’t requited, I just stopped.
I’m graysexual and I don’t know if I’m lesbian or bi or pan so every times someone asks I just answer with “I’m ExTrEmElY gAy”
that is literally me idk my sexuality in both a gay-straight way or an ace-allo way and idk my gender fully either and its all very confusing so i just say im very gay lol
About the "is it biphobic to not date bi people" question: I think in case of a sexuality like bisexuality it is biphobic because someone's sexuality doesn't really say anything about their appearance or personality (it can, but that's usually an individual thing, you can't say "all bi people have this personality trait that I am not attracted to"). But sometimes people also say bisexuals (as opposed to pansexuals) are non-binary-phobic (is that a word?) which I don't think is the case since that's just not being attracted to certain genders or people without a gender or whatever. Like you wouldn't say straight girls are sexist against women for not dating them. A really difficult question I think is whether it is transphobic to not want to date trans people. I think in general it is, like if you say "I would never date a trans person", but on a case by case basis I think it makes sense that someone is maybe less physically attracted to someone because they are trans. It sounds very mean but in the end no one can change who they are attracted to. Something similar goes for asexual people, I can understand why allosexual people would not want to date someone who is asexual if that would influence their sexual relationship, but saying something like "I would never date someone who is asexual" is not okay since there are asexual people who would be comfortable having sex in a relationship.
But hey that is just my opinion (as someone who is bi, asexual and cis-gender if that is helpful in any way) and this is a pretty complicated topic I think so I hope I didn't offend anyone.
I relate to almost everything Shabaa experienced. Thank you, girl. Just thought I leave here another thing that is pussing me away from coming out to my family in case someone can relate.
So, my cousin is gay. It's one of those things where we all kinda knew since he was little. My family accepted him, with some drama but I think it never really got to him. I understood from an early age and love him just as much.
The thing is two years ago I started realizing that I'm bi, but bc it wasn't "visible" and nobody doubt I was straight for one second, I thought I don't "deserve" the label. Like you know when they say there's always a gay cousin? Well, he was the one, so where does it leave me?
The thing that hurt me the most is that he was the first person I told bc he had to understand, of course. But then... he accepted it, I guess, but he also said "yeah, because you're so modern and progressive" as it was some kind of trend. Really? From you?
I haven't find the courage yet to tell my parents or anyone in my family after that, but I wanna say that no matter what, your experience is as valid as anyone else, and that there's not a correct way to be part of LGTB. Biphobia and bi erasure are very much real in and out of the community. We know what we like and we know who we are, and even when we doubt it, we're still the only people who can label our identity ❤️
Oh man this is so validating. I'm bi and I've been so confused about how I'm feeling. Good to know, that I can relate to all this stuff. I don't have any bi friends to ask these questions to, so thank you.
Not sure about the "you find this person super pretty but do you wanna SLEEP with them ?" in order to know whether you're bi. Because bisexuality is not just about sex, but attraction on so many levels. Also don't forget asexual people ! Personally I just can't picture myself in a sexual situation without an already established bond between the person and me. Doesn't need to be my best friend for 3 years, but an intellectual and values connection is absolutely necessary for me to develop a physical attraction.
Saaba: *describes her ideal manly man* ...maybe my bisexuality is towards women and Jamie. *looks at engagement ring* Yep. I'm Jamie-sexual.
Soooo... I've never been in a relationship with another girl, and I just got into my first relationship with a guy, which I'm very happy about. Anyways, I've been questioning my sexuality since 8th grade (I'm a sophomore now btw). After a while, I felt like the term "bisexual" best described my emotions/feelings (I define bisexuality as being attracted to your own gender and other genders). I also met one of my best friends last summer, and I had a lowkey crush on her, but I'm pretty sure that she's a straight ally. But that's beside the point lol. 😂
So I came out to my family around April, and my sister was great about it, no problems from her. My parents, on the other hand, said that they accepted me for who I am no matter what, but they were concerned about me making a big statement about it before I had ever experienced being in a relationship with a girl. I was kinda hurt that they said that, but I can understand where they're coming from I guess. But anyways, idk if that's something other people go through, that's just my story. Love your content Shaaba! 😊
Hey if that's what you feel describes you the best, then no one else gets a say in it! You know yourself best and you don't need to have a certain amount of experiences to identify as bi! I have never been in a relationship with anyone and I'm very much bi :D
@@forgetmenot277 well thank you for saying that, that makes me feel better about it. But I sometimes have doubts and I'm usually questioning still, but right now this feels right, so that's how I'm gonna identify. Have an awesome day!
@@thatchaoticqueertheatrekid5870 Exactly! And if your label might change later then so be it :D
Thank you I wish you an awesome day too! Or well... night, whereever you are
@@forgetmenot277 ❤️❤️❤️
You definitely don’t need to have any experiences with girls to know you’re attracted to them. Are straight people ever questioned about their straight-ness if they’ve never been in a relationship? But it’s also okay to change how you identify as you learn more about yourself. You’re doing fine. ❤️
It is genuinely scary how much my personality and my experiences (the whole family thing and not being attracted to your partner until they came out as trans) are alike .
i love it and thanks for making this
I’ve been having trouble coming out as bi because for a while I identified as asexual, and it took me a long time to come to terms with my bisexuality. But I’m lucky to have very accepting parents, so it’s just a matter of me feeling comfortable with myself. Thank you for this video, it helps to be able to relate to someone I look up to.
Just wanted to send you a virtual hug because your comment is literally something I could have written ❤️❤️❤️
FearlessWinkie Thank you! Virtual hug back 💖💖💖
When Shaaba said to get tea, i literally paused the video and made myself a cup of tea before continuing
SAME
Shaaba describing her type in men and realizing that it's Jamie lol so cute
Damn, I agree with almost every answer. Really glad you're making this content. I feel very seen right now.
"Alas" is bi culture - it checks out, she's legit! XD
I think the not dating bi people thing really depends, like from straight people it's usually ignorance or straight up biphoba/homophobia but with gay/homosexual people it's more wanting to have the same experiences as your partner? like you said you like to look at women and men with Jamie (sorry if that's spelled wrong) and you connect bc you're both bi, so a lesbian could rather date other lesbians bc she wants to be able to relate about how not being attracted to men really shapes your life growing up
Love that this video exists and felt "same" on every question.. haha
Thank you so much for being honest sweet 🥰 I have just told my hubby I'm bi tonight ... Love thinking about women sexually more but I'm happy with my hubby relationally!! 🎉🎉
Thank you for existing :)
I really really LOVE that this kind of videos exist, so that if you have questions or just curiosity you can just come here. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I’ve always had questions about this, it came in just in time for me. Love yaaaaaa
I'm not a bisexual lesbian, but I understand it to mean homoromantic bisexual
yup, that's it!
THaNK YoU !!!!! For validating my thoughts and feelings! I spent the whole video yelling SAME. SAME. Oh totally SAME!!
I resonate so much with the way you are describing this. The erasure sucks a lot, but being able to window shop with my partner is fun.
8:40 i imaged u disappearing in marvel’s infinity war and now i can’t stop laughing 🤣
I relate to the window shopping, most of my ex's have been bi and we'd often go out for coffee or cocktails at spoons and sit there chatting about all the attractive people around us, it's one of my fav things about being in bi couples. It also stops any jealousy from creeping in, because we're being honest about the fact that we're looking.
okay but hearing about ur bi awakening is so relatable i feel like i had the exact same experience
This video just felt so validating, thank you thank you thank you haha
Oooh this is a good video concept for me to watch. Thanks!
Why is this whole video so damn relatable?
I feel like an imposter when ever I say I'm bi, and am always questioning my feelings. This helped me quite a lot. Thank you!
shaaba, what are your opinions on the whole bi vs pan discussion? love ur videos
She mentioned in the video she has a whole video about bi. Vs pan. Planned
@@spriddlez true lol, I posted this before watching and then forgot I had posted it lmao
@@spriddlez or do you mean…..pan-ed?
Oh shoot, I need to bi an transparent phone case
I feel like I know what I am and who I am, but I've been doubting a lot or having trouble expressing myself and this was very refreshing, hearing you talk about your experiences and your feelings with gender and sexuality. Thank you. It makes me want to open up more to myself and allow for exploration and expression.
Ok well you said get something to drink but I just came back from getting a piece of lemon cake and see this in my notifications, I guess that works😂
Siren_The_ Enby_Fander I thought you said lesbian cake😂🤣
Lemon cake is an appropriate drink for this video 🙌🏽
@@hoesforbangtan7 😂 nope
“i like super feminine women and super [masc] men.” girl. it me. as soon as you started the sentence i got it. LOL!
As a newly out bisexual, I feel really happy that I don't have to do this alone and that I have channels like you to more, explore myself
When I was questioning myself (which took two years and I don't understand why my family and family friends think that that's too short to think about it and that I don't have a lot of knowledge about it in a span of two years??), I was struggling by the fact that when I see myself with girls, it's weird to me, but when I was dating a guy, it also felt weird to me. I'm not asexual whatsoever though, I've had a couple of guy and girl crushes and have been fantasizing being in a relationship but that's besides the point
I started having feelings for a girl and that was the time I started questioning myself, tho our relationship as friends was a bit... toxic, I still find her personality good and her beautiful, I should thank her for helping me find my way to my identity :))
I imagined myself with her and when I found it comfortable, I'm started seeing myself with other girls and well, that's how I found out I was bisexual xD
My celebrity crush rn is Kirstie Maldonado, she is my absolute crush and idol and was also one of my key factors to finding out about myself ^^
I hope soon, bisexual people will finally be validated along with the rest of the Igbt community to society and we can finally express ourselves as our own :))
I'm in a monogamous cis hetero relationship rn, but I am a pansexual polyamorous cis girl.
I realized I was bi at 15/16 when I kept having sex dreams about girls. I didn't have a crush on a girl i knew until I transferred schools my sr yr. But Effie from Skins (brit version), Angelina Jolie, and megan fox were definitely on my mind in hs. In 2013 when I moved to Austin a group of friends were discussing my sexuality (idfky) and I was introduced to pan and it fit. (But YES to bi not being trans exclusionary!)
This is the first time i've shared my story. (sorry the post was so long.) I tend to feel ignored by my lgbtq+ friends bc of my relationship status and it sucks. I'm happy to be IDed as an ally, but also forgotten a bit.
I just discovered your channel. Hello! ♥️
I love that you call it "window shopping" 😀
Okay so real talk, you should absolutely do a TED talk. I don't know what you would do one about, but I feel you'd be able to share some very interesting perspectives.
I'd be super interested in a video about the creators you're thinking of when mentioning bi-culture !
as a newly realized bi I really appreciate this video because I was not fully sure I was bi but when you explained the whole romantic versus sexual thing it really helped thank you.
i know this video hasen't been up long but it warms my heart to see that it has 0 dislikes at this point
2:00 meeee... lmao i was like ooooh no wonder i had a crush on lizzie mcguire as a little girl XD
I couldn't stop smiling throughout this whole video! I'm a cis gay guy, but even though this didn't directly apply to me, it did give me a lot to think about, because I do have a bit of internalized homophobia that I'm trying to work through, and hearing your perspective and hearing how confident you were in yourself made me so happy! Thank you Shaaba ❤️
Ngl i was able to recognize myself in you and that's so reaffirming, thank you for this video!
Don't be embarrassed lovely, that sounds so caring when you said about like someone to look after ❤️❤️❤️
The first minute in, and I'm already relating so hard. Thanks for uploading, your videos always make me happy! :)
You always make me smile. Thank you. I needed that today 😊
"I laugh because if I don't I'll cry" same shaaba, same
Shaaba I love the “I love boobs” idk why it made me laugh so much
Thank you for your sharing so openly. I really appreciate your videos which i discovered around navitagting trans rights and concerns. I also appreciate your honesty around sexuality which is very importand necessary. You have definitely helped me understand myself and some family members a great deal. I also appreciate your base line of acceptance of "you do you." My one worry is the normalisation of porn. Although I'm aware that many who are involved in that industry are comfortable with their work, there is still an issue around coercion and exploitation which does not sit comfortably with your main values. Would love to hear more on this from you.
I really love your channel and Jammis channel you both are so wholesome 🙂
I 100% want to send anyone with questions about my bisexuality to this video first and then open the floor for discussion! I am a bisexual married to a cis man, and feel very discounted in many LGBT+ conversations. I recently discovered you and @jammidodger and am so glad I did! Thank you for spreading thoughtful and informed opinions and information!
It is so refreshing to see people share your feelings. 💛
i know this is ages ago but i have to leave a message. i dunno why this appeared in my feed. i have been a sub since before Jaime was bugging you for a dog (rofl nah no1is that long ago) was i watched the video thoroughly enjoyed it & giggled along. Left with, as normal, a smilen my face & went to like only to see i already had. i wonder if i commented how much i enjoyed it at the time, as i did this time. i was worried for a moment but then i think i will embrace it as i can watch loads of stuff again & still be shocked & entertained.
It's always such a delight to spend time with you! Thank you!
I hate those comments like „do I now have twice the competition?“ or „are you gonna leave me now because you can leave me for a man or a woman?“. It questions my integrity and my character based on my sexuality which is something I can‘t change and didn‘t choose. Immediately makes me respect a partner less if a comment like that comes up 😔
I just found you. This brings me so much Joy like you have no idea ❤️
"I am a basic bitch" Relatable
I don’t really understand Bisexuality but I’m willing to learn :)
The potatoes in the background with their little smiles made me smile.
Brilliant video too 🍋🍋🍋
I’ve noticed that you and Jaimie have very similar speech patterns and cadences and it is so cute. I adore your relationship and I really appreciate you guys
I relate to you so much Shaaba. I'm also sexually more attracted to women but romantically more attracted to men. It just feels so good hearing my sexuality being validated. 💕❤️🌈🏳️🌈
Yours and Jamie’s videos make me so happy
Thank you for being so open 😁🌈
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to the differences in terms of attraction. Going through bi stuff in the internet, I always get the impression that most bi people feel weird about expressing their preferences and we love some good validation ✌🏼
I’ve heard of people using Pansexual over Bisexual as a way of differentiation when they don’t feel comfortable thinking about societal “binary” genders. I’ve also heard of people going more for Bisexual because they aren’t necessarily attracted to androgynous or nb individuals. Which I think is valid, as they are looking at the whole person and not just the “parts” of those people. I personally identify as Panromantic Demisexual. Which I feel kind of goes hand in hand. My personal opinion of the difference is mainly the percentage or ratio thing. Most Bisexual people I know have percentages, whether it be 20/30/50 for men/women/nb respectively, or 60/40 women/men respectively. I personally don’t have those percentages, which is why I think of myself more as Pan. As for Demisexual, some people say Pansexual and Demisexual are the same, which I feel like they go together well, but not necessarily the exact same. Pan has been used in a “hearts over parts” way, but since I view it more as not having percentages, I also have demisexuality as a way of saying that I cannot “window shop” basically. I can say objectively that someone is attractive, but I am far more attracted to the relationship I have developed with them. This can lead to being sexually attracted to friends, that doesn’t mean I would consider dating them, more that I would consider hooking up with friends. All of this is to say that everyone has a different understanding of what their sexuality is and many of them are valid (so long as they aren’t discriminating against a particular people group). People need to stop forcing their own opinions of what sexuality means on those who have a different definition than them. It is their sexuality and they can choose to identify however they feel inside. A person’s sexuality is not a choice, but the label they put on it is.
This was such a good video! Melanie Murphy definately convinced me of my bisexuality at one point, too, although it should have been obvious to me, looking back, a lot earlier. I was raised in such a bubble that I didn't even know it was an option to like more than one gender.
This video just helped me so much validate myself more as not being straight because i never had like other bisexual girl tell me about her experience with it and realization and i constantly wasn't sure if i'm indentifying myself and my feeling right. Thank you 💕