Hey babe. So nice to hear from you. Everything you're saying is exactly what I could say. I was diagnosed as autsitic on 15 Jan and I show traits of BPD. I have learned to simply support myself emotionally. I know it's awful that friends can't be there for you and you can't be there for them. My mother, who has BPD and probably undiagnosed autistic, is also struggling a lot with people and trust issues and she's isolated herself (she even pushes me away every other year). It is so hard navigating people. I really don't want friends. But at the same time I feel like I really need someone close.
I love your videos. And I relate so much. Being BPD and autistic at the same time is really heavy. Our emotions are not valid because "they are too much", our thinking is not valid because "it's too much thinking, you have a thinking disorder". If you try to socialize, people say "you're too much, why can't you shut the f*ck up?". If you don't socialize, then you're "anti-social and not trying enough". And, in the end, it's exactly like you said: we are who we are. Why should we change so much, if we are not actually hurting anyone? Living a life for others is slowly killing all of us. To accept ourselves is not easy in a world that is telling us opposite ideas all the time. In the end, our diagnosis are used by allistic people (when they know the diagnosis) to reduce us, not to know us. Like neurodivergent people can't have their our thinking and actually live and process reality without an allistic people telling us what to do, how and when. We don't know each other but I'd like to say that I support you and your channel. Thanks for bringing up these insights. It feels good to know that I'm not alone in this journey. Your work here is absolute gold.
I understand everything you said 100% and I’m in a similar position right now. Long story short, I allowed myself to be taken advantage of a little bit and I cut off a few inconsiderate friends myself - but without a hyper aggressive response, which was a grand achievement from where I was a year ago. I guess my way of overcoming the sensation of not being GOOD enough to be one of THEIR friends whom they so happily embrace and devote their attention to… it was by having a greater sense of openness to embracing new people in my life and helping them as best I could rather than trying to coax the affection that I needed out of someone in my life who was already there before - which was pretty selfish in and of itself. The fear of rejection made me selfish, so I became unselfish by becoming the thing I was so afraid of. I wasn’t sure how it happened and it’s difficult to explain, but that’s pretty much it. So I guess the best thing you can do is focus on not expecting anything back from someone you’re expressing your love to. Because if they’re going to give you their love, it’s not going to be because you asked for it. Your blog has been such a light in my life since I first discovered it and I’m so happy to see you back. Rock on girl 🤘
I came across one of your videos years ago around the time I was convinced I had BPD as well as dx autism and adhd.. I forever remembered that video because I felt almost everything you said made me feel so understood but never saved it so didn’t get back to watching anymore of your videos.. Fast forward to today I am in the middle of a BPD episode and feeling SO alone and misunderstood and button masher TH-cam videos to find something relatable, found your channel and honestly you’re helping me feel understood in this moment of pure chaos so thank you thank you thank you
I actually factually love you Flo. I'd love to be able to speak with you, your story resonates with me almost sentence for sentence. I don't necessarily want support, but just someone who has had similar experiences in life that I can feel comfortable opening up and being 'myself' around. I've watched every video, and you're such a lovely, real human and it hurts to see how you feel as I know where it's coming from. Chin up moosh! x
your account is such a gem. i've been seeing a therapist on and off my whole life (7 total, and the current one i just started seeing a few weeks ago after not getting therapy for years) and i've suspected i have BPD for a long time now. but i never considered that i could have bpd AND autism until a year or so ago. my therapist's told me that she does see some borderline in me (along with anxiety and depression) so far, but is iffy on the autism because there's usually an "emotional disconnect" or something and she wants to know more about my childhood first my diagnosed autistic boyfriend thinks im autistic, my friends think im autistic, my dad IS autistic, and my sister is autistic. My dad was also in SUPER denial about him or my sister being autistic when we were kids, so i related to your story about your dad a lot too. yet for a long time i didnt fully relate to the autism stereotypes or common symptoms i see in media and in my sister. being super quiet, avoiding attention, and lacking emotions were big ones i didnt relate too, especially the last one since i feel like im really emotional and care about my loved ones a lot (along with, for example, videos of things happening in palestine and such....awful it makes me cry). though come to think of it, i definitely have had a lot of moments where i just felt...blank, like i could tell someone might be upset but had a hard time relating. or i've literally had to IMAGINE literally putting myself in their shoes to be able to relate haha. HOWEVER, your account -- this video especially -- have been really eye opening for me. i relate so, so much to your feelings and thoughts, especially the first 4 minutes or so of this video. i didnt realize until this moment how its actually very very tough making friends, ive just mastered learning how to make acquaintances with neurotypicals (being in the office at work feels like an emotional warzone honestly) and IMMEDIATELY gravitating to people who seem autistic or different in some kind of way. in fact the more i think about it, i was definitely bullied and teased by my own friends in high school and early college and always felt self-conscious since they were mostly neurotypicals i think -- until i met my very very autistic current friend group haha. sorry for the long post, just wanted to say i really appreciate your content!!
Hey Glo, it's so good to see you back again. But I 100% understand why you haven't been on, and 100% understand everything you said too. I'm 54 and in the same place as you, in many ways. Don't feel like you need to please anyone else except yourself. You aren't perfect, and neither is anyone else. I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves. I hope you felt better after making the video. Look after yourself hun. xx 😘💕
Exactly my life right now, minus a wife :’) I have a boyfriend that I actually resent quite much but can’t decide if I want to leave him because he’s the person who fills the loneliness of having no friends due to them dropping me for all the things you’ve said you’ve been described as as well.
I feel exactly what youre saying - i was always friendly with people because i just wanted to please them all the time due to abuse. I had a few close friends, but eventually, they all stopped talking to me for reasons i dont understand (or i had to cut them off bc they were toxic). Everyone has always seen me as weird, so I'm always trying to blend in and not be noticeable - I'm only just learning to try just be myself and stop caring about what people think of me. But it does suck having no friends irl, its so isolating
I hope you're doing okay and that you start to feel better soon, there's people out there for everyone. One day we'll find people who will treat us how we treat them. Go easy on yourself x
I’m following you so I can understand my daughter better. I’m really trying. My daughter got stuck where you are. Frustrated, disappointed in herself, lonely. I hope I helped her by just saying, it must be exhausting for you. She’s been in therapy since age 12 and she was 24. I suggested to take a break from everything therapy. Just until she felt less burnt out. She’s back to therapy after 10 months off, a different type. I admire her persistence, therapy is exhausting. She too thinks she’s not enough. I think she’s more than enough. And so we disagree. 😢
I've had BPD since I was 18 and am now discovering my real ND behind it, especially the ASD/ADHD and why I do and feel things differently. I to wish I had friends, tried too many times to count and I get why you and i wish fir friends, yet it's too much energy maintaining ourselves and the friendships. I always just go where and what makes me happy, not what doesn't. If people think its weird, fuck em lol. Do you have special interests, hobbies? I find them the most enjoyable over "socialising" 🤢
Hey babe. So nice to hear from you. Everything you're saying is exactly what I could say. I was diagnosed as autsitic on 15 Jan and I show traits of BPD. I have learned to simply support myself emotionally. I know it's awful that friends can't be there for you and you can't be there for them. My mother, who has BPD and probably undiagnosed autistic, is also struggling a lot with people and trust issues and she's isolated herself (she even pushes me away every other year). It is so hard navigating people. I really don't want friends. But at the same time I feel like I really need someone close.
I love your videos. And I relate so much. Being BPD and autistic at the same time is really heavy. Our emotions are not valid because "they are too much", our thinking is not valid because "it's too much thinking, you have a thinking disorder". If you try to socialize, people say "you're too much, why can't you shut the f*ck up?". If you don't socialize, then you're "anti-social and not trying enough".
And, in the end, it's exactly like you said: we are who we are. Why should we change so much, if we are not actually hurting anyone?
Living a life for others is slowly killing all of us. To accept ourselves is not easy in a world that is telling us opposite ideas all the time. In the end, our diagnosis are used by allistic people (when they know the diagnosis) to reduce us, not to know us. Like neurodivergent people can't have their our thinking and actually live and process reality without an allistic people telling us what to do, how and when.
We don't know each other but I'd like to say that I support you and your channel. Thanks for bringing up these insights. It feels good to know that I'm not alone in this journey. Your work here is absolute gold.
I understand everything you said 100% and I’m in a similar position right now. Long story short, I allowed myself to be taken advantage of a little bit and I cut off a few inconsiderate friends myself - but without a hyper aggressive response, which was a grand achievement from where I was a year ago.
I guess my way of overcoming the sensation of not being GOOD enough to be one of THEIR friends whom they so happily embrace and devote their attention to… it was by having a greater sense of openness to embracing new people in my life and helping them as best I could rather than trying to coax the affection that I needed out of someone in my life who was already there before - which was pretty selfish in and of itself. The fear of rejection made me selfish, so I became unselfish by becoming the thing I was so afraid of. I wasn’t sure how it happened and it’s difficult to explain, but that’s pretty much it. So I guess the best thing you can do is focus on not expecting anything back from someone you’re expressing your love to. Because if they’re going to give you their love, it’s not going to be because you asked for it.
Your blog has been such a light in my life since I first discovered it and I’m so happy to see you back. Rock on girl 🤘
I came across one of your videos years ago around the time I was convinced I had BPD as well as dx autism and adhd.. I forever remembered that video because I felt almost everything you said made me feel so understood but never saved it so didn’t get back to watching anymore of your videos.. Fast forward to today I am in the middle of a BPD episode and feeling SO alone and misunderstood and button masher TH-cam videos to find something relatable, found your channel and honestly you’re helping me feel understood in this moment of pure chaos so thank you thank you thank you
Big big hugs 🩷
I actually factually love you Flo. I'd love to be able to speak with you, your story resonates with me almost sentence for sentence. I don't necessarily want support, but just someone who has had similar experiences in life that I can feel comfortable opening up and being 'myself' around. I've watched every video, and you're such a lovely, real human and it hurts to see how you feel as I know where it's coming from. Chin up moosh! x
your account is such a gem. i've been seeing a therapist on and off my whole life (7 total, and the current one i just started seeing a few weeks ago after not getting therapy for years) and i've suspected i have BPD for a long time now. but i never considered that i could have bpd AND autism until a year or so ago. my therapist's told me that she does see some borderline in me (along with anxiety and depression) so far, but is iffy on the autism because there's usually an "emotional disconnect" or something and she wants to know more about my childhood first
my diagnosed autistic boyfriend thinks im autistic, my friends think im autistic, my dad IS autistic, and my sister is autistic. My dad was also in SUPER denial about him or my sister being autistic when we were kids, so i related to your story about your dad a lot too. yet for a long time i didnt fully relate to the autism stereotypes or common symptoms i see in media and in my sister. being super quiet, avoiding attention, and lacking emotions were big ones i didnt relate too, especially the last one since i feel like im really emotional and care about my loved ones a lot (along with, for example, videos of things happening in palestine and such....awful it makes me cry). though come to think of it, i definitely have had a lot of moments where i just felt...blank, like i could tell someone might be upset but had a hard time relating. or i've literally had to IMAGINE literally putting myself in their shoes to be able to relate haha.
HOWEVER, your account -- this video especially -- have been really eye opening for me. i relate so, so much to your feelings and thoughts, especially the first 4 minutes or so of this video. i didnt realize until this moment how its actually very very tough making friends, ive just mastered learning how to make acquaintances with neurotypicals (being in the office at work feels like an emotional warzone honestly) and IMMEDIATELY gravitating to people who seem autistic or different in some kind of way. in fact the more i think about it, i was definitely bullied and teased by my own friends in high school and early college and always felt self-conscious since they were mostly neurotypicals i think -- until i met my very very autistic current friend group haha.
sorry for the long post, just wanted to say i really appreciate your content!!
wow, it's like you're talking about me. I'm so sorry, I can really empathise. x
Hey Glo, it's so good to see you back again. But I 100% understand why you haven't been on, and 100% understand everything you said too. I'm 54 and in the same place as you, in many ways. Don't feel like you need to please anyone else except yourself. You aren't perfect, and neither is anyone else. I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves.
I hope you felt better after making the video. Look after yourself hun. xx 😘💕
Exactly my life right now, minus a wife :’) I have a boyfriend that I actually resent quite much but can’t decide if I want to leave him because he’s the person who fills the loneliness of having no friends due to them dropping me for all the things you’ve said you’ve been described as as well.
I feel exactly what youre saying - i was always friendly with people because i just wanted to please them all the time due to abuse. I had a few close friends, but eventually, they all stopped talking to me for reasons i dont understand (or i had to cut them off bc they were toxic). Everyone has always seen me as weird, so I'm always trying to blend in and not be noticeable - I'm only just learning to try just be myself and stop caring about what people think of me. But it does suck having no friends irl, its so isolating
I hope you're doing okay and that you start to feel better soon, there's people out there for everyone. One day we'll find people who will treat us how we treat them. Go easy on yourself x
I’m following you so I can understand my daughter better. I’m really trying. My daughter got stuck where you are. Frustrated, disappointed in herself, lonely. I hope I helped her by just saying, it must be exhausting for you. She’s been in therapy since age 12 and she was 24. I suggested to take a break from everything therapy. Just until she felt less burnt out. She’s back to therapy after 10 months off, a different type. I admire her persistence, therapy is exhausting. She too thinks she’s not enough. I think she’s more than enough. And so we disagree. 😢
I got bpd and autism I struggle with the issue it's painful x 💔
I've had BPD since I was 18 and am now discovering my real ND behind it, especially the ASD/ADHD and why I do and feel things differently. I to wish I had friends, tried too many times to count and I get why you and i wish fir friends, yet it's too much energy maintaining ourselves and the friendships. I always just go where and what makes me happy, not what doesn't. If people think its weird, fuck em lol. Do you have special interests, hobbies? I find them the most enjoyable over "socialising" 🤢
Hard same
😭