You hit the nail on the head with psychology today. Therapists have turned their job into a box ticking exercise - and they tick every single issue. There's no way to find somebody who can help other than judging their face and a short biography.
@@EquilibriumTelevision not many people enter the profession without baggage. We talk about it. That baggage can make for a great empathic therapist or not. I said it as a joke but all jokes contain truth.
Profound indeed. I'm a country boy, born in Oklahoma living the daily grind of music in Nashville. I keep waking up in a nightmare because of relationship choices ive made, praying the write words happen and my life is resurrected. ..Living the dream.
@@belight6280 Wrong thing you can do is damaging would be not caring for the inner child that you are so take care of that inner child before you try to take care of other people and the Bible says love your neighbour as yourself you definitely can't do that if you don't love yourself. If you loved yourself you don't let other people beat up on you you don't let people treat you abusively you have self-respect and you protect yourself from people who don't value you so that's loving yourself
What a definitely smart reply yeah when you're always trying to help others you neglect your own sanity. It's like the mechanic that tests all the cars in his yard that need repair but of course his customers come first. Not a good example. Or what about the dentist whose kids have the worst teeth because he's helping all the other kids in school get their teeth fixed can you imagine the dentist working on you and he's got cavities and a bad breath LOL. So it's like as a psychologist and a psychiatrist if they take on too much responsibilities great just can't cope anymore and then in Reverse it would be the clients that would be helping the psychologist. The psychologist or psychiatrist is already loaded with too many issues when he gets home it doesn't even have time for his wife or family so what good is he?
Happy Holidays, Dr. Ross! I took my last step: My personal Exodus from (narcistic) Egypt! That means I wished him 'A Happy Pessach' , hung up and at night, when the Israelites left in great hurry, I blocked and deleted his phone number! I'm 4000 miles away in another country, but his "magic" voice still kept me in bondage. Now, with G'Ds help and your advice I packed my stuff and I MUST keep moving foreward through the desert into the Holy Land, where no narcs are allowed to reside!!! חג פסח שמח!
It's been 5 years, since my long term marriage counselor/psychologist handed Ross' "Human Magnet Syndrome" book to me in front of my then husband and told me to go tell my women's group that I am self love deficit. And told us he could no longer see my husband. "Narcissist" was not a daily buzzword then, I had never heard of it. And what a long strange trip it has been!
I was in counseling on and off for decades. Not once did a therapist recommend a book to me or bring up the word narcissust! I even finished an MS as a MPHNP in 2015 and there was little in the program on personality disorders. I read testimonials on Quora in 2019 and thought over & over, "That's what happened to me!" The DSM gives a shallow description of what NPD looks like. I understand it now though, thank God, and as the adage goes, " knowledge is power."
This is one of the absolute best videos I've seen about this subject, & I've watched a lot. I want to elaborate on why & how it resonated, bit I can't right now. I will definitely come back to this when I have a little more time & thought collected to write. Just wanted to say really quick that I LOVE this video! Thank you so much for "ranting" on this. It's so, so, so good!!
Thank you very much! Went to Alateen back in the day late '70s, so the term co dependent certainly was for that program. Main thing I learned if you pour it down the drain, you are taking bread and food OFF the table because they will go buy more. Fast forward Father became sober early 80's. onward. PS, It was a crowed group.
I agree with you whole heartedly. I am annoyed when people use psych terminology incorrectly. I've seen physicians even do it. However, terminology does change over time. The APA (both psychiatric & psychogical) is remiss in not publishing a current dictionary of psychological/psychiatric terms everytime the DSM is updated. We all need to be on the same page. There are so many nuances for the interpretation of diagnosis that make diagnosis difficult enough. Having terminology that means different things to different people only makes diagnosis more complicated. It also gives further credence to the idea that psychology is not a real science. To even use the term social science may be stretching it a bit. Just found your videos today. You give fresh insights that make sense.
I have been over prescribed for years!!! Because doctors have been treating me for BIPOLAR DISORDER! And I have been depressed!!! Not BIPOLAR!!! Thank you!!!!
Yes, SLDD was the issue, I used to care too much for others, gave too much to the narcissist and forgot about what I need myself. I'm recovering! I stayed with many, friends and family, who don't actually love me for too long. Thank you for encouraging us on our way. I like the strident tone of this episode!
My mom died when I was 5 and my father was never at home. I have grown up alone, and all my life I have given so much of myself. I just came out of a narcissistic relationship and just found out I am codependent. I dont know how to love myself. When I have expressed mu feelings to my father he does not care.
Thank you very much 😍 realy codependency is not a problem just Saying yes too much or having no boundaries or being weak , it's a problem with serious emotional issues trauma , pathological loneliness , shame and addiction ..
Dr Rosenberg, I would fit your SLD definition quite well (childhood trauma, long history of looking after others more than I look after myself, distorted idea of self etc etc) except for one KEY ingredient: I do not feel lonely. Sad at times yes, lonely no. In fact, I feel quite comfortable when I am by myself. I do have children and I dearly love them and they keep me preoccupied pretty much the whole time but even in those moments when I am by myself I actually feel much better than being around any Narc but esp. their father (covert Narc) who has left us and abandoned for most parts. So where does that put me? Is it possible some SLDs don’t feel lonely? Or do I fit somewhere else? I looked at your 9 stage recovery pyramid and I find myself at stage 7 (not quite ready for stage 8, still have trust issues, and it may take a long time before I even get there). I have been consciously working on myself for the past 5 years so I do recognize the 6 stages I have passed through though I wasn’t really aware of them. Prior to those 5 years I do remember my inner compulsion to fix ‘broken’ things and that’s probably why I compulsively kept going back to the Narc by telling myself maybe I just didn’t try hard enough the last time. That’s all in the past now. I no longer make any attempt (zero) or even hope to change Narcs anymore because I now fully understand, all the way down to the spiritual essence and reasons, why that does not work. If I were 100% financially independent this moment I’d be out of here in no time. However, I am working on getting back on my feet financially now so I can ‘physically’ depart too. And so the sadness that I sometimes feel stems from several factors ... from not being quite there yet (100% financially independent), for not having cared about my own self enough by allowing myself to go through so much abuse for such a long time but also from the knowledge that there really are people out there who consider themselves ‘humans’ but have no qualms about ruining their lives and others and these people are irredeemable. The big difference now is that the same sad knowledge today does not lead me to put my own self in harm’s way to instinctively jump in and ‘rescue’ or ‘save’ someone else, esp. someone who not only has not asked for my help but who also doesn’t even realize that what he/she is engaged in is self-sabotage.
Your Human Magnet Syndrome probably saved my life. I was in such deep despair. Everything clicked when I found you on You Tube. I can not thank you enough. It is a daily effort for me to change the tapes inside my head. I wish I had learned about this years ago before I had my children. ☮
Wow! All I can say is this is me AND THANKYOU!. Been yelled at by the last ex after asking her calmly, "WHEN can you start helping with the rent again as its been 3 yrs", ... this 1 question yielded this response: "you need to get over your co-dependant ass, if you were any kind of man you'd pay it and wouldn't complain." I gave her the world, she took the world, NEVER visa versa
Thank you for your message Every thing in on a spectrum that is why it is never the same, I need your help (again) I am not afraid to be alone, but I moved to another state to start over. Well? I am still having problems attracting the hurtful people Im ok being alone I just don’t prefer that…. I have blocked my phone number from these hurtful people well actually there’s only one or two but they control the main stay…. I live in a very small town of 100 people should I move again? Or just isolate?? I trust you, I read your book along time ago and it is the gospel of this problem.
Sounds like my Puerto Rican culture and my own family !!! I’m in a mess due to the Pentecostal Culture in the Puerto Rican culture and the use of these toxic systems and family structures!!
Thank you for this important video. I never understood the term “codependent” because most people who fall under the term take care of everyone else while hoping someone will take care of them. When I heard your term SLDD, it resonated because that’s the core cause.
Wouawww . Did u got a third ball installed or what ? Love this vibe . Manly as f ck . Love your message . Sorry if you don't like my joke . Big respect . Love from Belgium
Great rant, love this. You forgot to rant about the “diagnosed narcissism experts” who say SLDs don’t exist, and are instead unaware narcissists. Your work has helped me immensely, thank you Ross! Excited for your next rant.
I got the human magnet syndrome...I got it on audiobooks and i listen and re listen to various parts multiple times daily...Thank you for such an amazing book its helping me big time...Thank you so much
I would never put up or go back if not for my kids - each time he would use them as pawns and terrorize Them have them gang staked , so that’s a mother does what she does she sacrifices her sanity for her kids - until it doesn’t help anymore cuz they don’t care .. boy do I regret it
The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why we love the people who hurt us ........ and ....... The Human Magnet Syndrome: The codependent narcissistic trap - Are these completely different books or is the second a revision of the first. I have the first one, not sure if I want to invest in the second or if there will be overlap in content.
I can’t thank you enough for this video it’s exactly right on I about fell off my chair when I heard this rant it’s the best damn rant I have ever ever heard in in my life I will be reading your book. Thank you again.
Question: isn't the Narcissist self love deficient as well? This is why they can't experience love? Are the two more similar than we SLDs would like to admit?
Do you find great pleasure in causing others pain for a lifetime? Weaving lies that last a lifetime to destroy everyone else's relationships with each other around you? Entire families are destroyed...You find this incredibly enjoyable? You LOVE to cause suffering of others including animals and pets? I don't care if the narc has no love for themselves. That does not make me the monster that they are.
@@YesPlease1 we are not like them. PLEASE don't ever concern yourself with the "poor widdle narc" who doesn't "love" themself... I assure you, they do.. They love themselves more than we could even imagine.
@@KARENboomboomROXX I don't think they do, though. Self love obtained through the rejection of the parts of themselves they don't like, are flawed, ugly, toxic etc. isn't self love. It's self rejection. It's self loathing. Vaknin talks about this in depth.
I have to say, I truly appreciate your enthusiasm and all your life’s work. I also relate to most of what you say regarding SLD and NPD/BPD/ASPD. I concur with everything you’ve stated in this rant. I also agree that those who are seeking help must find someone like yourself in this area. I’ve fallen short with pretty much all therapists who don’t have experience in these particular issues. I find it to be a waste of money, time, and effort when the therapist doesn’t understand Narcissistic abuse and the SLDD. Thank you Ross! I wish I could go through personal therapy with you as my therapist. I’ve been struggling for well over a decade after my first real LTR with a manipulative women and just when I thought I was completely over it, a younger, sexier and more manipulative version of her sucked me into her vortex of lies, deceit and betrayal.
Indeed, how can one walk away from the whole family, who are narcs each of a kind. It takes dozens of years to separate from them psychologically, it is one's childhood and much much more. You wouldn' consider family ties an addiction but they are
Can you please answer this? Will a narcissist return to a codependent intimate partner who abandoned him years ago by involving police and putting him in prison? The relationship lasted a year...
Yeah, that is what you tube is full of advice for people pleasers, pushovers - with advice to stop it. And I write in comments - that it is trauma, it cannot be switched off at the press of a button. Advice with good intention that has counter-effect (such as telling person who fawn to stop fawning and labeling it as weak) can be as damaging as wrong advice.
Thank you, Ross! Some things people say, including therapists, are so toxic!!!! One told me to stop drinking and smoking before he could help me. He also thought that shaming me would make me change. Ummmm no!
Thank you for your informative & entertaining rant - I look forward to more. I appreciated hearing your thoughts here which make so much common sense. A rare treat it was to hear a rant delivering valid & needed insights.
Always great content, but Mr. Ross please position that Microphone somewhere else tords you, it really looks awkward, especially because it’s moving every time you move😂🙈It just distract me from the topic, lol Edit: I jyst forgat to say, thanks for the better sound!
Thank you Ross for the informative rant! As a recovering SLD, I've found it hard to find a therapist who can relate. I've read your book and gone through The Codependency Cure workshop from your website. It's been invaluable in helping my recovery!
? Love the real information here. Your mention doing due diligence by asking questions. I’m so new to self love recovery that I don’t know the questions to ask to find a good therapeutic fit for me. What kind of questions should I ask?
Hi Edie, Ross offers a seminar on SelfLoveRecovery.com titled, "Buyers Guide to Good Psychotherapy," which will be sure to answer all of your questions to help you make the best informed decision when seeking the help of a highly qualified and effective psychotherapist. You can find the seminar here 👇 www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars/products/the-buyers-guide-to-psychotherapy
Great example graduate school no time for anyone can't you blanket that across the board with out it becoming an excuse 40hr work week wanting to maintain hobbies & more or teenagers bombarded with after-school activities snap at younger siblings wanting love & attention for example - & everyone is stressed & busy & wish they had more time to do things - relationships can hamper goals - being driven is great to reach goals- .... this stumps me still.
Being driven causes you to miss out on the reason we are alive...and that is to share our lives with other humans. Obsession with goals is what causes disconnection and leads to broken relationships and a feeling of loneliness and emptiness for many. One size fits all lifestyle of madly driven workaholic to accomplish what? Momentary fleeting success. Relationships are necessary for health of everything. All things in moderation. And remember to find the balance point.
@@titanbuck7 I love my son i want so desperately to change childhood hurts that robbed him of that season & I will aways know part of what happened wanting to excuse narc tendencies as a mom it seems cruel & just as evi l not to bare all things patiently in love - not give up entirely thanks for your comment ❣
Tips when coparent’s girlfriend (he is covert narc, she is RAGING codependent who would set anyone on fire to keep him warm) and she is harassing me, being extremely toxic and will not stop on his behalf - any idea what to do here? I don’t want anything to do with either of them, I’ve explained to her we are not friends and I do not want her or him in my life even if they are around the girls, nothing I do or say will get her to back off of me and I’m at my freaking limit with this psycho behavior from someone who I shouldn’t have to deal with at all
? The narcissist is evil, like they have no soul. They are a pretend, wanna be person. They are not real: they wear a mask on the outside. They are not what they appear to be. They are masters of deception, they are academy award winning actors and actresses. They will suck the life out of you and throw you away like a piece of garbage. Often times they will steal your finances and leave you $ broke. They are users. Abusers verbally and emotionally mostly. They have hidden agendas. They are dishonest. They a chronic Liars. Who they are at home behind closed doors (bad), is not the same as the (good) person they appear in public. The best thing to do when you figure out the "real" them, is run! Fast!
Speak it ross. Love what im hearing. I definitely need to read your book. Thanks Ross I appreciate everything you do, I love your that your passionate about it.nate
Very good. I really enjoyed this.👍Just want to send a quick thank you and will share again later. I've been learning and in recovery many years now. Still it needs to be worked and shared with those unaware and at a loss for what is wrong let alone what to do about their pain. Lastly. I just love Lewis Blacks humor we saw him 'live' and laughed the whole night long and all the way home too. Thank you for sharing.
Wow great stuff Ross.. You were over the top today, great energy. Love the rant, yeh doing the work or the workout, finding self-love. Is an all out foundational work, in a consistent, disciplined effort, get ready for a smaller, safer and healthier lifestyle. Get his book, get ready to drop these low frequency flyers off at the next port.. yes 70-80% fewer vampires..✌
love this... id like to see a video about rage, anger and outbursts - not by the narcissist but through narcissistic abuse or bullying. Especially for HSP persons which can be easily overwhelmed by all the input. Often they are the ones then seen as too emotional and at fault of course by the abuser but also by bystanders and "normies" so to speak because they just see someone in big anger and tend to dismiss that behaviour in general. I think there is a good case for righteous anger and rage and it should be more discussed in our society. We are still humans with emotions AND reason neither shd we be barbarians nor robots in my humble opinion.
What I want to add, I realize that I was trying to run away from my narcissistic past (in California) to a place that I could feel safe (south Dakota) Unfortunately I had to take me with me I think that is the problem… its me somehow I am doing this but I don’t know why.
You go Ross!!!!! I use the term S.L.D.D. since l read your book... It is a precise term..In general, l find people know the terms A.D.D., A.D.H.D., O.D.D. so l tell them to look at your videos then we will talk.... S.L.D.D. RANT FOREVER (is long overdue).
Great video Ross, it is very informative with many thanks for your work. It is an enormously complex subject to study and understand, and it could as such bring confusion. Happy Passover Seder with best wishes 🙏
Just like giving a substance addict what they want (endless supply) sometimes if done right can help generate a want to quit giving an abundance of narcissistic supply can detour the foxes on the target in some types of narcissist, correct??? Good stuff right here Mr. Rosenberg!
Thanks and good job. I'm on this path, but switching gears from toxic relationships to healthy relationships is hard. It seems that society reinforces toxic relationships.
Hey Rod, thank you so much for your content and all the decades that you spent helping people. I’m worried that I have narcissistic personality disorder and I am hoping that you know a cure or treatment because everything you’ve said in this video is true and applies to me and I don’t want to be this way. If you don’t reply then thank you for making this video. 😊 If you don’t think I have a narcissistic personality disorder than at least have traits that need to be dealt with because it’s interfering with my life and the life of others. Again thank you. 🙏🏼
It’s next to impossible to NPDs to have the self awareness you have and the self compassion and compassion for others that you express in your post. You may be narcissistic but not pathologically. I’m sure you can grow and improve for the better if you work at it 💯
Love is not meaningful unless it has an object outside of itself to love. Self-love is nonsensical and meaningless, and by definition lonely. I have never and will never buy that it is a virtue or something to attain. It is just nihilism and fodder for breakup memes.
Thank you🥰🌹
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I’m so sick of people saying it’s a personality DISORDER!!! It’s NOT!!!
Thank you Dr. Rosenberg! God bless you! ♥️♥️
You hit the nail on the head with psychology today. Therapists have turned their job into a box ticking exercise - and they tick every single issue. There's no way to find somebody who can help other than judging their face and a short biography.
When I stopped practicing as a Psychologist, I used say, I left the field because I got well.
@@EquilibriumTelevision not many people enter the profession without baggage. We talk about it. That baggage can make for a great empathic therapist or not. I said it as a joke but all jokes contain truth.
Profound indeed. I'm a country boy, born in Oklahoma living the daily grind of music in Nashville. I keep waking up in a nightmare because of relationship choices ive made, praying the write words happen and my life is resurrected.
..Living the dream.
@@belight6280
Wrong thing you can do is damaging would be not caring for the inner child that you are so take care of that inner child before you try to take care of other people and the Bible says love your neighbour as yourself you definitely can't do that if you don't love yourself.
If you loved yourself you don't let other people beat up on you you don't let people treat you abusively you have self-respect and you protect yourself from people who don't value you so that's loving yourself
What a definitely smart reply yeah when you're always trying to help others you neglect your own sanity.
It's like the mechanic that tests all the cars in his yard that need repair but of course his customers come first.
Not a good example.
Or what about the dentist whose kids have the worst teeth because he's helping all the other kids in school get their teeth fixed can you imagine the dentist working on you and he's got cavities and a bad breath LOL.
So it's like as a psychologist and a psychiatrist if they take on too much responsibilities great just can't cope anymore and then in Reverse it would be the clients that would be helping the psychologist.
The psychologist or psychiatrist is already loaded with too many issues when he gets home it doesn't even have time for his wife or family so what good is he?
Well done!! I left the field too for the same reason 💜
Love, love, love this rant. Thank you Ross. Many, many blessings - you and your work are a Godsend.
Happy Holidays, Dr. Ross!
I took my last step: My personal Exodus from (narcistic) Egypt! That means I wished him 'A Happy Pessach' , hung up and at night, when the Israelites left in great hurry, I blocked and deleted his phone number! I'm 4000 miles away in another country, but his "magic" voice still kept me in bondage. Now, with G'Ds help and your advice I packed my stuff and I MUST keep moving foreward through the desert into the Holy Land, where no narcs are allowed to reside!!! חג פסח שמח!
Exactly!! Thank you. I’m super independent. But yes I have SLD. Which I am in the process of shedding to just be ME!
It's been 5 years, since my long term marriage counselor/psychologist handed Ross' "Human Magnet Syndrome" book to me in front of my then husband and told me to go tell my women's group that I am self love deficit. And told us he could no longer see my husband.
"Narcissist" was not a daily buzzword then, I had never heard of it.
And what a long strange trip it has been!
I was in counseling on and off for decades. Not once did a therapist recommend a book to me or bring up the word narcissust! I even finished an MS as a MPHNP in 2015 and there was little in the program on personality disorders. I read testimonials on Quora in 2019 and thought over & over, "That's what happened to me!" The DSM gives a shallow description of what NPD looks like. I understand it now though, thank God, and as the adage goes, " knowledge is power."
I want to give you the loudest THANK YOU possible! Thank you. ⭐️
This is one of the absolute best videos I've seen about this subject, & I've watched a lot. I want to elaborate on why & how it resonated, bit I can't right now. I will definitely come back to this when I have a little more time & thought collected to write. Just wanted to say really quick that I LOVE this video! Thank you so much for "ranting" on this. It's so, so, so good!!
Wooo! Tell us how you really feel Dr. Rosenberg! This was great!
Thank you very much! Went to Alateen back in the day late '70s, so the term co dependent certainly was for that program.
Main thing I learned if you pour it down the drain, you are taking bread and food OFF the table because they will go buy more.
Fast forward Father became sober early 80's. onward. PS, It was a crowed group.
I agree with you whole heartedly. I am annoyed when people use psych terminology incorrectly. I've seen physicians even do it. However, terminology does change over time. The APA (both psychiatric & psychogical) is remiss in not publishing a current dictionary of psychological/psychiatric terms everytime the DSM is updated. We all need to be on the same page. There are so many nuances for the interpretation of diagnosis that make diagnosis difficult enough. Having terminology that means different things to different people only makes diagnosis more complicated. It also gives further credence to the idea that psychology is not a real science. To even use the term social science may be stretching it a bit. Just found your videos today. You give fresh insights that make sense.
Thank you Ross
I have been over prescribed for years!!! Because doctors have been treating me for BIPOLAR DISORDER! And I have been depressed!!! Not BIPOLAR!!! Thank you!!!!
Yes!
Yes, SLDD was the issue, I used to care too much for others, gave too much to the narcissist and forgot about what I need myself. I'm recovering! I stayed with many, friends and family, who don't actually love me for too long. Thank you for encouraging us on our way. I like the strident tone of this episode!
way to go Doc. I enjoyed your rant.
Made a whole of a lot sense to me.
I enjoyed the rant! Thank you for your passion!
My mom died when I was 5 and my father was never at home. I have grown up alone, and all my life I have given so much of myself. I just came out of a narcissistic relationship and just found out I am codependent. I dont know how to love myself. When I have expressed mu feelings to my father he does not care.
THANK YOU 🙏
Thank you very much 😍
realy codependency is not a problem just Saying yes too much or having no boundaries or being weak , it's a problem with serious emotional issues trauma , pathological loneliness , shame and addiction ..
You are the BEST!!!
Dr Rosenberg, I would fit your SLD definition quite well (childhood trauma, long history of looking after others more than I look after myself, distorted idea of self etc etc) except for one KEY ingredient: I do not feel lonely. Sad at times yes, lonely no. In fact, I feel quite comfortable when I am by myself. I do have children and I dearly love them and they keep me preoccupied pretty much the whole time but even in those moments when I am by myself I actually feel much better than being around any Narc but esp. their father (covert Narc) who has left us and abandoned for most parts. So where does that put me? Is it possible some SLDs don’t feel lonely? Or do I fit somewhere else? I looked at your 9 stage recovery pyramid and I find myself at stage 7 (not quite ready for stage 8, still have trust issues, and it may take a long time before I even get there). I have been consciously working on myself for the past 5 years so I do recognize the 6 stages I have passed through though I wasn’t really aware of them. Prior to those 5 years I do remember my inner compulsion to fix ‘broken’ things and that’s probably why I compulsively kept going back to the Narc by telling myself maybe I just didn’t try hard enough the last time. That’s all in the past now. I no longer make any attempt (zero) or even hope to change Narcs anymore because I now fully understand, all the way down to the spiritual essence and reasons, why that does not work. If I were 100% financially independent this moment I’d be out of here in no time. However, I am working on getting back on my feet financially now so I can ‘physically’ depart too. And so the sadness that I sometimes feel stems from several factors ... from not being quite there yet (100% financially independent), for not having cared about my own self enough by allowing myself to go through so much abuse for such a long time but also from the knowledge that there really are people out there who consider themselves ‘humans’ but have no qualms about ruining their lives and others and these people are irredeemable. The big difference now is that the same sad knowledge today does not lead me to put my own self in harm’s way to instinctively jump in and ‘rescue’ or ‘save’ someone else, esp. someone who not only has not asked for my help but who also doesn’t even realize that what he/she is engaged in is self-sabotage.
I honestly have to say I learned something today. And the pieces are falling together for me.
Thx for the recommandation . I ll check Lewis . Again thaaaaaaaaaank you .
Boulder Colorado has 1 therapist per 88 people in the county not kidding, choose wisely and/ or say NEXT if needed.
Your Human Magnet Syndrome probably saved my life. I was in such deep despair. Everything clicked when I found you on You Tube. I can not thank you enough. It is a daily effort for me to change the tapes inside my head. I wish I had learned about this years ago before I had my children. ☮
You could also read "Complex PTSD" to learn how to change those tapes in your head.
I thoroughly enjoyed your rant! ❤
Truthful.dysfunctional equals ...happy holidays.
Wow! All I can say is this is me AND THANKYOU!. Been yelled at by the last ex after asking her calmly, "WHEN can you start helping with the rent again as its been 3 yrs", ... this 1 question yielded this response: "you need to get over your co-dependant ass, if you were any kind of man you'd pay it and wouldn't complain."
I gave her the world, she took the world, NEVER visa versa
Thank you for your message Every thing in on a spectrum that is why it is never the same,
I need your help (again) I am not afraid to be alone, but I moved to another state to start over. Well? I am still having problems attracting the hurtful people Im ok being alone I just don’t prefer that…. I have blocked my phone number from these hurtful people well actually there’s only one or two but they control the main stay…. I live in a very small town of 100 people should I move again? Or just isolate?? I trust you, I read your book along time ago and it is the gospel of this problem.
Ranting Ross is fabulous! 😄
Sounds like my Puerto Rican culture and my own family !!! I’m in a mess due to the Pentecostal Culture in the Puerto Rican culture and the use of these toxic systems and family structures!!
Thank you for this important video. I never understood the term “codependent” because most people who fall under the term take care of everyone else while hoping someone will take care of them. When I heard your term SLDD, it resonated because that’s the core cause.
Best Rant ever
Thank you Ross!
Ross, can you recommend a therapist in South Florida?
Wouawww . Did u got a third ball installed or what ? Love this vibe . Manly as f ck . Love your message . Sorry if you don't like my joke . Big respect . Love from Belgium
Great rant, love this. You forgot to rant about the “diagnosed narcissism experts” who say SLDs don’t exist, and are instead unaware narcissists.
Your work has helped me immensely, thank you Ross! Excited for your next rant.
Love the rant.
Ross, many thanks for another great video. I really enjoy hearing your thoughts and the way in which you convey them.
I got the human magnet syndrome...I got it on audiobooks and i listen and re listen to various parts multiple times daily...Thank you for such an amazing book its helping me big time...Thank you so much
I would never put up or go back if not for my kids - each time he would use them as pawns and terrorize
Them have them gang staked , so that’s a mother does what she does she sacrifices her sanity for her kids - until it doesn’t help anymore cuz they don’t care .. boy do I regret it
The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why we love the people who hurt us ........ and ....... The Human Magnet Syndrome: The codependent narcissistic trap - Are these completely different books or is the second a revision of the first. I have the first one, not sure if I want to invest in the second or if there will be overlap in content.
The 2nd one was rewritten, reorganizes and includes new content
Beautiful. Finally. Well said👏👏 Thanks
I think I am SLD. I prefer to be alone. Maybe it's the people I attract?
I am in so much pain, it's nearly unbearable. Please help
I can’t thank you enough for this video it’s exactly right on I about fell off my chair when I heard this rant it’s the best damn rant I have ever ever heard in in my life I will be reading your book.
Thank you again.
Thank you so much for your videos! They are helping me tremendously!
Same here🥰🇦🇺
Question: isn't the Narcissist self love deficient as well? This is why they can't experience love? Are the two more similar than we SLDs would like to admit?
Do you find great pleasure in causing others pain for a lifetime? Weaving lies that last a lifetime to destroy everyone else's relationships with each other around you? Entire families are destroyed...You find this incredibly enjoyable? You LOVE to cause suffering of others including animals and pets? I don't care if the narc has no love for themselves. That does not make me the monster that they are.
@@KARENboomboomROXX None of the above, fortunately
@@YesPlease1 we are not like them. PLEASE don't ever concern yourself with the "poor widdle narc" who doesn't "love" themself... I assure you, they do.. They love themselves more than we could even imagine.
@@KARENboomboomROXX I don't think they do, though. Self love obtained through the rejection of the parts of themselves they don't like, are flawed, ugly, toxic etc. isn't self love. It's self rejection. It's self loathing. Vaknin talks about this in depth.
I have to say, I truly appreciate your enthusiasm and all your life’s work. I also relate to most of what you say regarding SLD and NPD/BPD/ASPD. I concur with everything you’ve stated in this rant. I also agree that those who are seeking help must find someone like yourself in this area. I’ve fallen short with pretty much all therapists who don’t have experience in these particular issues. I find it to be a waste of money, time, and effort when the therapist doesn’t understand Narcissistic abuse and the SLDD.
Thank you Ross! I wish I could go through personal therapy with you as my therapist. I’ve been struggling for well over a decade after my first real LTR with a manipulative women and just when I thought I was completely over it, a younger, sexier and more manipulative version of her sucked me into her vortex of lies, deceit and betrayal.
Indeed, how can one walk away from the whole family, who are narcs each of a kind. It takes dozens of years to separate from them psychologically, it is one's childhood and much much more. You wouldn' consider family ties an addiction but they are
So so so so TRUE🥰🇦🇺
Can you please answer this? Will a narcissist return to a codependent intimate partner who abandoned him years ago by involving police and putting him in prison? The relationship lasted a year...
Highly unlikely as you've caused a major narcissistic injury . I'd say you're safe to put it behind you
Amen!
Yeah, that is what you tube is full of advice for people pleasers, pushovers - with advice to stop it.
And I write in comments - that it is trauma, it cannot be switched off at the press of a button. Advice with good intention that has counter-effect (such as telling person who fawn to stop fawning and labeling it as weak) can be as damaging as wrong advice.
Thank you, Ross! Some things people say, including therapists, are so toxic!!!! One told me to stop drinking and smoking before he could help me. He also thought that shaming me would make me change. Ummmm no!
Excellent Ross, many of us needed to hear that! We are misusing and invalidating these conditions… thanks 👌🏼😇❤️
Even though it is technically meaningless I still prefer the term codependent to self love deficient. Self love deficient sounds so "poor me."
I empathize with you. I don't like either term.
Thank you for your informative & entertaining rant - I look forward to more. I appreciated hearing your thoughts here which make so much common sense. A rare treat it was to hear a rant delivering valid & needed insights.
Always great content, but Mr. Ross please position that Microphone somewhere else tords you, it really looks awkward, especially because it’s moving every time you move😂🙈It just distract me from the topic, lol
Edit: I jyst forgat to say, thanks for the better sound!
😊🙌
This was fantastic, thank you. I’ve come a long way in my understanding but this is the first of me hearing SLD and oh. Ya.
You should do this more
thanks for everything you do
Thank you Ross for the informative rant! As a recovering SLD, I've found it hard to find a therapist who can relate. I've read your book and gone through The Codependency Cure workshop from your website. It's been invaluable in helping my recovery!
The volume of your video is now very good.
? Love the real information here. Your mention doing due diligence by asking questions. I’m so new to self love recovery that I don’t know the questions to ask to find a good therapeutic fit for me. What kind of questions should I ask?
Hi Edie,
Ross offers a seminar on SelfLoveRecovery.com titled, "Buyers Guide to Good Psychotherapy," which will be sure to answer all of your questions to help you make the best informed decision when seeking the help of a highly qualified and effective psychotherapist. You can find the seminar here 👇
www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars/products/the-buyers-guide-to-psychotherapy
Words matter…thank you for the reminder to be precise. Self-love deficient is most accurate 💖
I agree have sympathy but it's different when it's your parent that has SLDD and they excuse anything the bully parent does
I'm glad you did this also. Yes I'm at about ten years fallowing.
Excited👍❤your work
Great example graduate school no time for anyone can't you blanket that across the board with out it becoming an excuse 40hr work week wanting to maintain hobbies & more or teenagers bombarded with after-school activities snap at younger siblings wanting love & attention for example - & everyone is stressed & busy & wish they had more time to do things - relationships can hamper goals - being driven is great to reach goals- .... this stumps me still.
Being driven causes you to miss out on the reason we are alive...and that is to share our lives with other humans. Obsession with goals is what causes disconnection and leads to broken relationships and a feeling of loneliness and emptiness for many. One size fits all lifestyle of madly driven workaholic to accomplish what? Momentary fleeting success. Relationships are necessary for health of everything. All things in moderation. And remember to find the balance point.
@@titanbuck7 I love my son i want so desperately to change childhood hurts that robbed him of that season & I will aways know part of what happened wanting to excuse narc tendencies as a mom it seems cruel & just as evi l not to bare all things patiently in love - not give up entirely thanks for your comment ❣
Freaking awesome..
Tips when coparent’s girlfriend (he is covert narc, she is RAGING codependent who would set anyone on fire to keep him warm) and she is harassing me, being extremely toxic and will not stop on his behalf - any idea what to do here? I don’t want anything to do with either of them, I’ve explained to her we are not friends and I do not want her or him in my life even if they are around the girls, nothing I do or say will get her to back off of me and I’m at my freaking limit with this psycho behavior from someone who I shouldn’t have to deal with at all
I can't even relate to most people that tell me all about their narcissistic ex...
? The narcissist is evil, like they have no soul. They are a pretend, wanna be person. They are not real: they wear a mask on the outside. They are not what they appear to be. They are masters of deception, they are academy award winning actors and actresses. They will suck the life out of you and throw you away like a piece of garbage. Often times they will steal your finances and leave you $ broke. They are users. Abusers verbally and emotionally mostly. They have hidden agendas. They are dishonest. They a chronic Liars. Who they are at home behind closed doors (bad), is not the same as the (good) person they appear in public. The best thing to do when you figure out the "real" them, is run! Fast!
Speak it ross. Love what im hearing. I definitely need to read your book. Thanks Ross I appreciate everything you do, I love your that your passionate about it.nate
Yes, they do harm people! What's even worse, is they enjoy harming people.
💔they never gave a f.. I learned the hard way.
Very good. I really enjoyed this.👍Just want to send a quick thank you and will share again later. I've been learning and in recovery many years now. Still it needs to be worked and shared with those unaware and at a loss for what is wrong let alone what to do about their pain. Lastly. I just love Lewis Blacks humor we saw him 'live' and laughed the whole night long and all the way home too. Thank you for sharing.
Wow great stuff Ross.. You were over the top today, great energy. Love the rant, yeh doing the work or the workout, finding self-love. Is an all out foundational work, in a consistent, disciplined effort, get ready for a smaller, safer and healthier lifestyle. Get his book, get ready to drop these low frequency flyers off at the next port.. yes 70-80% fewer vampires..✌
love this... id like to see a video about rage, anger and outbursts - not by the narcissist but through narcissistic abuse or bullying. Especially for HSP persons which can be easily overwhelmed by all the input. Often they are the ones then seen as too emotional and at fault of course by the abuser but also by bystanders and "normies" so to speak because they just see someone in big anger and tend to dismiss that behaviour in general. I think there is a good case for righteous anger and rage and it should be more discussed in our society. We are still humans with emotions AND reason neither shd we be barbarians nor robots in my humble opinion.
Anger is a secondary emotion or something like that it is the response to another feeling like shame sadness or pain
Rave reviews for Ross’s Rants, I really recommend 😉
You sum it all up for me right here! You said everything I've wanted to say to people misusing the term!
What I want to add, I realize that I was trying to run away from my narcissistic past (in California) to a place that I could feel safe (south Dakota)
Unfortunately I had to take me with me I think that is the problem… its me somehow I am doing this but I don’t know why.
You have a lot of insight
I would be interested in a video about child narcissism and its collision with NPD of adult caregivers.
I am thinking of * a thirty-year-old yelling at her three-year-old to finally stop acting like a child *
You go Ross!!!!!
I use the term S.L.D.D. since l read your book... It is a precise term..In general, l find people know the terms A.D.D., A.D.H.D., O.D.D. so l tell them to look at your videos then we will talk....
S.L.D.D. RANT FOREVER (is long overdue).
Great video Ross, it is very informative with many thanks for your work. It is an enormously complex subject to study and understand, and it could as such bring confusion. Happy Passover Seder with best wishes 🙏
Are you doing your own editing? Because you are getting pretty good.
Great rant haha... Such a Great book too! I have bought one for a friend & told numerous others
Just like giving a substance addict what they want (endless supply) sometimes if done right can help generate a want to quit giving an abundance of narcissistic supply can detour the foxes on the target in some types of narcissist, correct??? Good stuff right here Mr. Rosenberg!
Agreed- the most confusing term created.
It's funny Ross, this video has to be
your 1st slightly angry video.
All down to frustration in a world of
misinformation I guess.
Thank You for this rant :)
Thanks and good job. I'm on this path, but switching gears from toxic relationships to healthy relationships is hard. It seems that society reinforces toxic relationships.
A rant a day. May keep the Dr away 👍💐
Hey Rod, thank you so much for your content and all the decades that you spent helping people. I’m worried that I have narcissistic personality disorder and I am hoping that you know a cure or treatment because everything you’ve said in this video is true and applies to me and I don’t want to be this way. If you don’t reply then thank you for making this video. 😊
If you don’t think I have a narcissistic personality disorder than at least have traits that need to be dealt with because it’s interfering with my life and the life of others. Again thank you. 🙏🏼
It’s next to impossible to NPDs to have the self awareness you have and the self compassion and compassion for others that you express in your post. You may be narcissistic but not pathologically. I’m sure you can grow and improve for the better if you work at it 💯
@@sandialoser I completely agree with what you said. 💯💪😎
Love is not meaningful unless it has an object outside of itself to love. Self-love is nonsensical and meaningless, and by definition lonely. I have never and will never buy that it is a virtue or something to attain. It is just nihilism and fodder for breakup memes.
In your book, you talk about codependency a lot tho 🤷🏼♀️so now it’s NOT a thing anymore?