Ben Shapiro's Terrible Book: The Saga Continues | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
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Ben Shapiro's Terrible Book: The Saga Continues | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
Robert is joined by Katy Stoll and Cody Johnston to continue reading Ben Shapiro's terrible novel.
Original Air Date: July 21, 2020
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There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
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![Story Structure Explained In 3 Words - Alan Watt [Founder of L.A. Writers' Lab]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/sZeTbegWX_w/mqdefault.jpg)
"The last non-Islamic cafe in Tehran," what the fuck does that mean, Ben? Instead of milk, do they stir pork lard into their tea?
Islamic is inherently a bad thing, you wouldn't want to be near a muslim
I said it before. This book is the Kobayashi Maru test for Editors. Dealing with absolute terror and facing the no win situation.
Does that mean that Captain Kirk would brainwash Ben Shapiro and force him to rewrite parts of the novel so it’s legible?
@@DeadCanuckHe'd steal it and rewrite it himself I think.
@@DeadCanuck Stop giving us glimpses of a better timeline.
Listened to this twice and still can't get over how Ben couldn't help but refer to a dead 8 year old as a 'black MAN' and not a child.
Also, if you go to Westside Tyler's video, it implies that the kid was also on drugs.
"We have returned returnedly". That was f-----g funny, Robert. Well done.
He *shut* the door... _stealthily_
S t e a l t h i l y
@@ryllo2886I love and hate this word lol
Book makes me want to toss myself out a window, bodily
And your goat.
The thing is, the reason he can't have the character use a shooting, which happens all the time anyway, to further his agenda isn't just bad writing. Ben, and his audience, believe that none of these are problematic shootings. Either each one was justified self-defense against a scary criminal, or he imagines it being a staged political event like the one he describes here.
Not enough commas, too many sentences, did not read, it wasn't enough commas.
1:08:37 I love hearing the switch from narrator voice to genuine bafflement as the sentence progresses
…and then Cody turns into a kookaburra
Cody's exasperated delight puts a huge smile on my face.
The blonde reporter bit feels like something that happened to Shapiro. I get the feeling Ben was a "nice guy"in college, and an absolute chad 6'4", leftist, blackman was spitting Marxist Theory. Swooped in and took Ben's crush.
It was me. I walked up to him with the exaggerated swagger of a black teen, called him a honkey, and quoted Das Kapital at him until he started crying.
And then Vaush appeared out of nowhere and told him "this is why Stacy chose Tyrone over you."
@@pennyforyourthots Yes. Together we will bring back honkey. Keep fighting the good fight.
The swat team scene makes it sound like they are all in a firing line, rotating to face the incoming cavalry charge of the racist 5th. Their squadlead lifts his saber, but before he can shout fire, the helicopter they stored all their nitroglycerin in randomly fell on them and exploded.
Ben wants to be this military realist that knows guns and will list the caliber of the ammo used but also thinks a helicopter will just fall out of the sky and explode when you shoot it with a handgun.
He made his senses
*sensitive*
He posted his comment
_commentarily_
@@chaosvii
He posted his reply….
_replyishly_
Hard to believe this man failed as a writer.
"Yusef, he'd heard one of the others call him. He wouldn't forget that any time soon." It's hilarious how meaningless that is. Yusef is a common Arabic name, which might not even be his real name, and Arabic naming conventions being as they are, Yusef is only one of however many different names he has.
This is a really helpful series because I know how bad writing can be, and my writing is not like that. Super encouraging.
The funny thing about the Pickett's charge reference is that in the actual Pickett's charge... Pickett's Confederate soldiers got slaughtered. And slaughtered so badly that after it was over he is reported to have told General Robert E. Lee that he no longer had a division to command.
Oh yeah and it was an infantry assault... that is... men on foot, with no horses (even officers would've dismounted, because riding a horse would've made them easy targets). Why not use a similar example from history like the Light Brigade?
Or the Scots Greys
The charge of the light brigade was also a miserable failure resulting from miscommunicated orders, but at least it was a cavalry charge and they weren't confederate scum.
American Brain
Because that would require Ben to Crack a book or....God forbid, spend 5 minutes on Wikipedia reading the overall gist of what happened there. Ben ain't got time for that.
Dolph Lundgren actually is huge in Slavic countries, and it actually is specifically because he played a Russian once and made them look really cool
I thikhe still is one of the cult action heroes ,even if he was i that godforsaken hean movie that really was flash gordon.
Always good to be reminded people are stupid and basic everywhere
The fact Ben can get published gives me hope
Same. My problem is that I've been spending years doing research so I understand the subject I'm writing about. Ben just writes and doesn't care if it's horrible.
I liked the part where Bruce Willis punched Ivan Drago and one shotted the chopper at the same time while jumping all the motorcycles through the flaming gas station as the Swat Tank exploded from Martian War Machine heat ray. Bravo Ben, good job.
And then our heroes were showered in cookies and pussy
Now I understand why Benny never had the success in screen writing he thought he so richly deserved
It's almost a shame. I don't think anyone could walk out of True Allegiance Pt1 without moving a few degrees left on the ol political compass.
@@MajorHickEReally this book is a radicalizing force for good.
I wrote a short story for a creative writing class where the point of view switched between two characters with very distinct voices, and as their paths meet the POV changes get faster, before one kills the other and the story briefly changes to third-person. I won't claim that it was a great story, but the perspective changes were a deliberate decision that I executed with care, which certainly isn't the case with Ben's writing.
Maybe it's because I just finished one of the books, but it sounds like he's trying to imitate Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive without understanding worldbuilding, pacing, character writing, or humanity in general. The Stormlight Archive is an excellent series with how it handles the world, character motivations and varying philosophies, moral ambiguity in war, and the struggles of individuals against their selves (mental health) and societal structures. It feels like Ben thinks he's doing that, but he definitely isn't.
The Stormlight Archive books are structured into multiple "parts" that are often closed out by a dramatic event that changes your perspective on something or shifts a dynamic in the story. There are interludes between the parts showing the viewpoints of "minor" characters that may shed light on wider happenings in the world or how the world works. That can be setting up chekov's guns or just exploring the world.
The big climactic battles in the Stormlight Archive tend to jump between different characters' viewpoints as the battlefield shifts and changes. Those are always different parts of a larger conflict all happening simultaneously, not just changing viewpoints for the sake of it. They're also switching between well-established characters in the heat of a conflict that has been built up for over 600+ pages. It helps that there are "* * *" line breaks between the viewpoints. When done well, and not by Ben, it builds tension and gives a sense of time and scale in a large conflict.
And its better todo something basic well than try to juddle as clearly not great author suddely several viewpoints. Espeially outside ya that at last lts you get away with hazy worldbuilding. There can be god worldbuilding, but there i a raon th "adult" harry pottr partys are weaker, and its not only less editing. whimsical ya can stillfing an audience if hazy in worldbuilding.
To be clear ben would suck there too but less embarasing trying to be a politicalthriller. Also jordan peterson in ya could be funny.
That is, if his walnut brain can handle such content
Stealthily closing doors is the exact opposite of what SWAT officers do
Doors aren't really functional after they open them 😝
I'd have to say, any kid regardless of race for the most part knows not to literally draw down on a cop with a toy. I'm white and I'm 100% sure I got that message as a kid from multiple sources
i didnt, but i also didnt grow up around toy guns. out of curiosity, how old are you?
Many kids are taught police are kind heroes and maybe some poor kid thinks he can play with the police with his toy gun cos "police only hurt bad people".
But its so much worse, because we as black children, in some form, usually get "the talk". Mainly because children are fundamentally miseducated on how cops operate by being propagandized on how cops ideally are _supposed_ to opeeate. That anyone wearing the uniform is automatically a hero. That they always think rationally and catch "bad guys" who are always clearly telegraphed "bad guys" like in cartoons and movies.
I'm around 20 and live in suburban New England. I ABSOLUTELY knew this as an upper middle class white kid in a nice neighborhood.
He shut the door... _shuttily._
I know this is an old-ass post, but Benny boy does, in fact, have a movie now! "Run, Hide, Fight." Y'all should review it, it'd be a hoot.
1:16:43 Cody is so excited whenever ben goes mask off
My favorite parts of this series are when the gang just pulls an objectively better plot out of their ass.
I'm getting the vague sense that a man who never leaves his wealthy suburb, spent most of his life getting told he was a prodigy, rejects all criticism, and is prejudiced against 80% of the global population might not have the worldly experience or technical skill to publish a book without an editor.
Proven here :)
"She's a doctor, she has THINGS to do" I like to imagine that sums up most of Benny's interactions with his wife
“Not now, honey. I have to do Doctor Things”
I'm with Cody on this one, I desperately want to read Ben's re-write of Pride and Prejudice XD I want to read his version of every book ever written it'll be Endless comedy.
This book wasn’t even proof-read, much less edited. The completely mangled sentence structures, misused punctuation, perspective shifts and tense inconsistencies in the middle of sentences is stunning. Who read this and said, “This is a masterpiece.” MS Word’a grammar checker alone would turn the screen into a Jackson Pollack painting. The story itself is a glimpse into his insanely incorrect understanding of how the world functions.
"..into a Jackson Pollock painting" LOL
And then -Ben Shapiro- Commander Braun Steele *wordily* wrote a book
Typed out with his lengthy, muscular fingers
Writily.
Ben Shapiro, King of Adverbs
I love tall man Bent Hawpiro.
these episodes really could use numbers, just saying editors...
Thank you
My goodness, when he keeps making thse descriptions that would apply to 2001 era Al Qaeda when trying to paint a picture of the government agents of Iran in the middle of their capital city, it drives me wild
Some how listening to these now is retroactively making the 2020 lockdown more bearable.
bens writing style reminds me of tumblr girl fanfictions
fanfiction is pprobably more creative.
@@marocat4749
Right down to the hamfisted self insert. This is up there with My Immortal.
1:08:39
I couldn’t believe my ears and had to listen to this multiple times, because it’s straight out of the opening scene of The Naked Gun.
It's worth remembering that this is mid-2010s, the Rust Belt, a black child with a toy gun being shot down by a white police officer... this is Ben Shapiro's version of the Tamir Rice killing.
“Smiling. Smilingly.”
Yard, will never be forgotten
With a stealth bourne of primordial stealthiness, he shut the door, stealthily.
I do keep circling back to the idea that somehow, a cop shooting an unarmed kid is okay if someone else put the kid in the bad situation. I mean, you could even have the gang leader be morally gray -- he set up the kid to die because the ends justify the means. But Ben isn't a smart man or a good writer.
I couldn't help but notice that in Ben's stupid scenario, the kid never even pulled the toy gun. The cop just shoots him for not complying. Not even in the same galaxy as self-defense, and it's a fucking 8-yo child he's intimidated by
sometimes its about the worst people in all of history, sometimes its about the worst novel in all of history
So I'm just curious about one thing, Robert -- I mean, as far as writing goes, what do you think about that Ben Shapiro fellow?
Robert is being suspiciously cagey about whether Shapiro is a bad writer or a good writer.
@@Demonstray Yeah, I really have to wonder how Robert _really_ feels about Ben.
26:13 This section of the book might be the most rascist thing ive ever read
Lol ur sheltered.... that's tame.
Christ alive! I guarantee you good money that Little Ben read the Turner Diaries and decided that it needed a retelling, just without all the explicit Anti-Semitism.
To be fair, most people probably look tall to Ben Shapiro.
Her cookies bring all the SWAT to the house...
Two things:it’s funny that Dolph Lundgren was actually mentioned because that’s who I picture in my mind when hearing descriptions of Brett Hawthorne and this is even funnier and more detailed than the Chapo Trap House Reading Series and that’s reaaaally saying something.
Why not steven seagal, he would be awful enough for that book.
@@marocat4749 The way Hawthorne is written just doesn’t shout Seagal to me.
This book is essentially him dancing for peanuts.
Bodily works as a term meaning "forcefully," or "to use one's body." Though he could have used other words for that. I wish I weren't defending Benny's shitty writing.
I did not know Ben Shapiro as a novelist, but wow! Makes me think of another "great writer2 (who stands like 6,4 feet with loinfire..) The one and only Toad Daybell. Top of the pops LOL
Needed fun after Industrial Disaster one.
The suitcase chapter was critical, because he needed to fit in the Dolf Lundgren line.
Wait, 2016? I thought he wrote this in high school or something, wow.
Ok so it's Republicans version of threat level midnight
This is the Troll 2 of fiction books 😂😂
Repetition legitimizes. Repetition legitimizes. Repetition legitimizes.
🤣😂🤣😂
Bad sentences is a valid writing tool, if you know what you're doing.
The best example is if you're reading a characters thoughts(so not Ben's outside narrator perspective), having a thought break off mid way through before a swear is a great way to show realising something bad. "That voice, it was Julia's. Then the person who tried to kill me was... F*ck"
I think one of my favourites is in a fanfic story where the MC suffers aphasia after a head injury 2/3rds of the way in. The sentences in the MCs head are fine, but all spoken words from then on are garbled, sometimes in ways you can understand "laughed, laughed. Torn laughter" is clearly "left, left. Turn left here"; while others are just completely incomprehensible until later in the story.
I haven't laughed so hard in months.
28:14 It’s a „Robocop 2“!!!
Not being executed might be the one thing Ben got right, accidentally, and still incorrectly. They do actually do a lot of dry runs of the execution so the victim doesn't know when the real thing will happen. But... they don't record them, so he still screwed it up. His protagonist should know this, and probably note this, as it makes him seem smart. Which is why I suspect he doesn't actually KNOW this because it means he didn't try to make himself sound smart.
I theorize the cookie sharing scene is his way of showing an intense romantic exchange where in other stories would be a sex scene
Aside from bad writing, bigotry, shite overall story line, reeks of written by someone who's never been a fist fight much less a fire fight... I have found new levels of 'WTF😂 Ben'
Pronoun Trouble the book. Between overusing the pronouns and tossing in a ton of adjectives like cognitive landmines, Ben makes it nearly impossible to follow who's doing what.
Brett Hawthorne has the exact same personality as a member of Team America.
Can anyone tell me what was on Ashami's breath? Sounds like chelo Kuresh?
Never mind. I managed to download a copy of the book. Apparently it's a Persian lamb-neck stew, chelo khoresh.
to pick one up, bawdily
I'd like to open the floor to this question:
"Does Ben Shapiro know that he's a racist?"
I'm not sure if he's consciously aware of it or if he just has a bunch of racist nonsense rolling around in his head that informs his behavior.
I'm not sure it matters at this point
The first job I ever quit was typesetting for a publisher that exclusively printed cheesy romance novels. I can say with some authority that Shapiro would be right at home if he tried his hand at erotica. Half-page run on sentences and vague pronoun usage are the norm rather than the exception.
Maybe you could get Neil breen to direct the movie
Ben Shapiro strikes me as that kid who read what he wrote aloud in English class and everyone praised him because his story sounded cool to his peers, so he thought he was hot stuff. I'm making the guess because I was that kid.
Granted, we were definitely not taught to actually critique writing beyond some spelling and grammar mistakes, and what people liked and disliked. Reading some of my fiction from high school makes me cringe, which I'm glad for because that means I've improved beyond a high school level... unlike some people, who truly enjoy, who write words, sometimes with adjectives. Slammed the door attentively or something. Not to mention Hawthorne sounds increasingly like Alex Jones, so that's whose voice I hear when he speaks.
You can still encourage writers while pointing out actual mistakes. Not ever critic is wrong.
We have conclusive proof that God does not exist, in the fact that Ben wasn't struck by lightning when he drafted that prayer. ⚡
Did he lie about graduating Magna cum laude from Harvard, or did he bribe someone or something?
I've read somewhere that Dolph Lundgren was cast in Johnny Mnemonic because he was a big star in the middle east, but I can't find the reference.
Wow, I guess I'm not that bad of a writer after all
idk why you guys are so surprised at all the ambiguous uses of "he". it's a well known fact ben shapiro doesn't understand pronouns
sure, options for "bodily picking her up" would be "mentally, magically, philosophically, sexually"
A clipped accent is a real thing. Kinda surprised none of them had seen it written before. I guess it's easy to get carried away with criticism when nearly every sentence is embarrassing as hell
yeah every once in a while theyll say something in eps like these and im like "oh dang, i thought we were all book nerds here" lol
Yeah... there's definitely a few moments where they laugh it up at something that's pretty common and accepted in novels and it kind of betrays the fact that they don't read them often
Jesus, hearing these passages reminds me of shitty TV fanfiction I have read and (embarrassingly) have written as a younger person. The writing styles are similar. At least I was writing about superheroes and not racism...
The little fanfiction I've read was written far better than whatever the fuck this is.
7.62 nato is not legally a handgun round outside of those AR "pistols" which are only pistols in a pedantic legal sense.
Heck...................
................................................................................................................................................................
Small nitpick, but 308 is a pretty heavy caliber, I dont think anyone would call that a "handgun round".
It is because AR10/CETME/etc pistols exist
Those pistols aren't handguns, though. They just lack certain features that specific ATF regs require to define something as a rifle.
7.62 actually is a bigger caliber and .308 is also a larger rifle round.
SoldierDads Unite bro
ben wants so badly to be the big leather daddy dom but he will only ever be a pocket gay 😔 a classic tragedy
👍
Ben has just pulled everything from his fantasy for this book. He doesnt even know anything about the Middle East or Islam or black people or gangs he knows NOTHING and he didn't bother to learn. If I was Ben I would be so ashamed of this book.
I know that Robert is just reading and commenting aloud in real time, but, and I mean this with all due respect, when he says that he must have a thing for cutting off testicles because he writes the phrase twice in a single sentence, he gets confused as to who he is talking about.
...
I!
I get confused about who he is talking about.
Sorry;
I got confused,
Go rent an apartment in the shitty part of Memphis for 3 months... you will change ur tune real quick. I'm not afraid of the local fauna and I am capable of coexisting when forced to; however it is far from ideal
The short jokes are awful.
I appreciate the pronunciation change from LeVon to Leevon, it makes the story exponentially funnier
ngl i think it was an accidental change 😂 sometimes robert says words in a way that lets me know hes never heard them before and sometimes he says them in a way where you can tell hes never seen it written before. he probably says leevon bc of levi, rather than thinking of it like levon sounds like devon (and ofc where you put the emphasis can change as well 🤷♂️)
Is anyone else 100% sure that Ben came up with the name "kendrick malone" by first asking himself - "what do the blacks do?", deciding on "rap", then googling "popular rap people", seeing kendrick lamar and post malone, and assuming that they were both black?
7.62x51 isn't a handgun round, I think Robert must be thinking of the pistol AR craze which uses 5.56x45 (and is now dying off quite a bit because all the 'pistol braces' - that were obviously only ever used as stocks to get around SBR restrictions - were just overtly taunting the ATF)
I mean 7.62 still isn't what I'd call a 'heavy caliber' round, whatever the shit that phrase means.
It’s a full sized rifle cartridge but definitely not “high calibre”.
What’s really funny about this is that Ben can’t even write for his intended audience because he doesn’t know anything about guns. All those little gaffs would be infuriating for his audience.
I would have guessed 7.62 X 39 which is the most common version of that round and used by AKs and SKSs. Which is a fairly solid assault rifle round, but not as heavy as any sniper rifle round. 7.62 X 54R used by the SVD is a heavy round but it's a Soviet era calibre and not one any SWAT team would ever use.
@@D64nz US police use NATO rounds not soviet... 7.62x51 is what is being referred to
yeah neither Robert nor Ben know much about firearms
What they didn't read was those rounds weren't coming from a handgun, but rather a helicopter mounted minigun. Westside Tyler also does a read of this book and goes over all the things Ben gets wrong about the military side of things.
Ben has crushed my dream of writing one of the worst novels ever.
Our generation's The Eye of Argon.
At lest the Eye of Argon has the excuse of being written by a sixteen year old.
See I always thought that if you were too lazy to come up with a name for a black character you just called him a letter, like D. I really did think that was the bare minimum, but facts do not care about my feelings.
This is still more entertaining than Critical Drinkers book 😂