I am so thankful for this ministry. I am a Christian woman who has stayed in a toxic relationship for 42 years. My husband is a minister. I stayed quiet to protect his ministry for years. I finally started revealing the truth of our home life when my teenage daughter went to ministry in the church about it and was accused of lying. No one in this church group stepped up to help. The continued verdict has been you have to work it out. Divorce isnt an option. You can't fix a relationship with a narcissist. I have filed for divorce and pray it will be over soon. Listening to your program has enlightened me and encouraged me. Thank you.
As a narcissistic pastor's daughter, who married a narc as well, I applaud your courage and conviction. I'm in the process of disentangling with my husband. I never thought I'd be here, but I had to go way back as well, and realize that my pastor dad had ZERO EMPATHY, as well as sadistic behavior. It blew my mind to FINALLY put all these puzzling pieces of my relationship with him!! He was always an enigma to me. I also heard that the clergy has a HUGE number of narcissists in it. It makes sense- it feeds their ego and need for authority over others! My dad loved to weaponize the Scripture so he never had to show any of his personal " humanity". My condolences.
Prayers for you both. 39 years here and just got served papers. He’s doing his best to make me look like the evil one & abuser. They’re liars. Please keep me in your prayers.
I was in a married with a narcissist for 11 years. I didn’t know what a narcissist was until after I got divorced and then everything made sense. I prayed so much for God to change the ex, but it didn’t happen. The ex was abusive and then he really started scaring me and I didn’t feel safe. He was threatening to hurt me and shoving me for 4 days. I prayed for God to get me out and away from him. Then the ex tried to kill me. That’s when I realized that God didn’t want me with him and that my marriage wasn’t a marriage that God wanted. I left with my children, never to look back. I felt safer away from him. The ex is still abusive verbally when he picks up the children or when he tries to blame me for his life (been away from him for 9 years) and when the children misbehave when they are with him (he doesn’t discipline) and recently stole my tax information and bank information to steal my identity and money. I had to change my bank accounts and cards. He continues to be evil and hateful and criticize me, but I know that God protects me!
"A toxic relationship can poison your life, drain your energy, and rob you of your happiness. It is better to walk away and be alone than to stay and suffer." Assessing the health of our relationships is an important part of maintaining our emotional well-being. It is important to remember that relationships should uplift and support us, rather than draining us emotionally and mentally. Seeking professional help, like therapy, can be a helpful tool in navigating these complex issues and improving the quality of our relationships.
I was married to this for 25 years. I'm finally out but still dealing with drama and trauma from this person. Thank you for this information for others to avoid these types of people. But maybe should note they don't always show their true colors until marriage.
33 years of this. It certainly will wear you down. I hold on to God's word that nothing is impossible for Him. Waiting for my Exodus. Boy, I have learned a lot.
I experienced and experience that too from my expartner after his behaviour towards me came into the light and he got a punishment according to the law in my country. I didn't even want him to get punished for all that he did, but I suppose God arranged the situation that leaded to his exposure. He immediately discarded me, made himself the victim in his stories to his family and his close friends. And painted me of as a narcissistic person and the one who had been toxic. My expartner (58) has returned to the parental house of his old father(91) and an older brother where he also lived in the 7 years before we got into a relationship that lasted almost five and a half years although it was a spiritually/mentally/emotionally and fysically rollercoaster ride. His father recently told me that - no matter what his son had done to me- he always would stand behind his son... He even told me he understood that his son could nèver forgive me that he had been put in jail by the authorities for two days and a night. I should have done everything to get him out according to father. I told him that I even tried that in total despair, when that happened 3 years ago, but that this was not possible for the victim to do so in my country when there has been domestic violence. (And that on itself I belief is an understandable and good thing to protect against pushing and threads from family and friends). Then the father told me that when his passed wife would have done that and let that happen he also would never have forgiven her. So in fact he shows the same example of a hardened heart to me and confirms in this his son.... When I was still in the relationship and I reacted in those days in pain and desparation on his hurtfull words, irresponsible behaviours and rages( also with fysical violence) he always ran away to his father or tried to...leaving me behind in total despair. Now I'm back at the feet of Jesus- not recovered yet 3 years later- I slowly find my grounding back in Gods promises. Sometimes his gaslighting ( and that from the father) makes me still doubt myself. He always told me afterwards: " You made me do it , because of your asking to my motives and attitude!" ( I showed natural grief and disbelief about his actions sometimes). I pray every day for him, his father and family that God will bring him and them to their knees for our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ. I found a group Bibletrue Christians who also pray for them, so that I can focus on my recovery at he feet of Jesus. God can turn around any situation, I' m totally sure of that. But only he can: I asked Him for forgiveness that I tried what only Hè can do: bring people to their knees and send their haunting demons to hell. So they can see who God is - UNENDLY LOVE- and grap and surrender out of free will to the gift of the Blood of our saviour Jesus Christ. What a glorious day that will be!❤ I thank our Almighty God JHWH that He hears my/our consistent prayers and gathers the tears I cried in brokenness and faith🙏And I thank and praise my/our Saviour Jesus Christ that I'm protected against lies, hate and the hardened hearts of people I deeply love.He sets me apart now at His feet. I may rest know and know that I'm saved and forgiven by his Perfect Sacrifice for all Eternity. THE ALMIGHY GOD JHWH HAS THE LAST WORD: "BE STILL...AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"....☝️🙏💓🌈
When speaking to your ex. Did you find negative tones and accusations dominated the conversation? I find that negative thoughts happen so quickly in our brains, that I would speak without thinking and the conversation would just downward spiral. This is a common occurrence in all marriage. To respond to the negative with another negative because those thoughts are very quick, happening in 1/400th of a second. The way to stop the downward spiral from happening is to ask a question in the conversation. So the slower more rational part of our brain can process the moment. So for example, if the wife tells me, "you can't complete that task!" Instead of replying, "I'd like to see you do it!" Reply with, why do you think I'm not competent enough to complete the task? It will catch them off guard and they will now have to be accountable for their comments....to which...many angry arguments never want to get close to accountability. They are always about how the other person is at fault, never turning inside to ask in the heat of the argument, is it I? So ask questions instead of arguing. I tell you all of this because I myself need to learn it! 😂
I believe this blame shifting is part of what most narcissists do. Stay in Scripture and get help from a trusted advisor to stay anchored in reality! My experience in a relationship with a narcissist is that I almost started to believe their warped version of "reality" and almost began to believe that I was all the negative things they accused me of. The only negative things I was actually doing was reacting in my flesh and lashing out when they did and said horrible, demeaning, and humiliating things to me. I prayed for strength from God to be more like Jesus, and I was given the power to stop reacting in my flesh-- I stayed low-key and worked in my own time to safely and calmly separate my life from the narcissist. It took time as we were living together but staying calm and leaning on Jesus got me through it.
@belogical3961 your advice might work in a regular relationship but not with a narcissist. If you ask a narcissist/abuser a question they turn on you with a vengeance. For the longest time I was completely baffled by my husband's rage and I would wait for him to calm down before asking him calmly what happened, but he would respond with threats and accusations. It was literally impossible to solve anything with him, because he was never interested in solutions or truth. He only cared to be right and to dominate.
This episode is so so so good! I’ve been in therapy for 14 yrs and in the divorce process for over 10 mo… THIS video has helped me tremendously to know that God doesn’t want me to stay in this abusive marriage, and to not let my soon to be ex husband brainwash me to think his treatment of me is my fault.
@@no_reservations25 It’s awesome that you’ve landed in the right place so early! I read too many comments from those dealing with those 20+ years. Keep those boundaries, girl!
Thank you so much for this session. Have been dealing with this for so long. Spouse who has refused to discuss anything. Red flags I've tried to address many times. Finally hit my limit after my healing. He was enabler to longtime friends who were abusive/toxic. So much hurt. God has given me the gifts of empathy and intuition and unbreakable strength. Husband is showing some signs of willingness to deal with toxicity. Time will tell. God knows his heart and will continue to reveal what needs to be seen. Have endured way too many narcissistic tactics and traits. Thanks be to God for strength and faith!
To understand goodbye to mean, "May God be with you!" is very helpful to me. I've had to draw some extreme boundaries with several people in my life. I still talk to them, but as little as possible. I keep the relationship on the surface;as, I feel, anything could be used against me. Even though I am certain that there needs to be boundaries, I have really struggled with feeling guilty over this. Thinking of my boundaries (which is basically goodbye, in that there's a loss of any intimacy) as, "May God be with you !" helps me see that I am not a terrible person for letting them go . Thank you ❤️This is a huge blessing for me.
Toxic narcissist husband. I am 50 years in and just understanding why I have been so unhappy. I have been in this unhealthy relationship for a half of a century.
I’m glad that you recognize the reality of your toxic marriage - it’s never too late to leave. Not that it’s easy, it’s not. I’ve been with a vulnerable narcissist for 36 years, and tolerated his treatment due to my childhood with an alcoholic father and a codependent mother. I was raised to not expect much from men and to enable their behavior. I was getting therapy and was close to ending it when he treated our 17 yr old daughter like he does me. That was IT for me. I could not ignore it. He always said he was aware and changed, but it was not genuine, his behavior never changed. Should be divorced in about 2 weeks and then sell the house and I’m free. My kids are choosing to live with me…they see the truth about their dad, praise God.
My ex was always boastful, a liar, arrogant, and refused to listen to anyone in authority. I was a young naive 16 yr old and thought he was awesome. Eventually he got to the point where he believed his lies and started to believe in delusions. He was diagnosed as schizo affective about 6 yrs ago. He does not stay on medicine and make any effort to get counsel. He believes he does no wrong and misused scripture to belittle me and tell 'to mind my place woman'. Finally divorced after 32 yrs the last 10 we were separated but I'd feel bad for him and let him live with me. So upset that I was so naive of scripture and what forgiveness really means. It takes 1 to forgive but 2 to reconcile.
Exactly. When a so called "friend " only calls to hijack the conversation with gossip, negative outbursts towards others, rarely asks how you are doing, and if they do, it's for manipulative reasons, gives gifts for manipulative reasons, gaslight you, makes passive aggressive comments, doesn't respect your boundaries, and you have given them time to make sure they are not getting it or don't care, its time to RUN! Listening to this too long is depressing and emotionally draining. They are not nice individuals, sad but true. We can pray for them. Amen! Great video.
I cried through this at several points...im so much like Lysa in her belief in marriage for life, not wanting things to be true, wanting to have even a hairsbreath of true repentance to be able forgive & restart, forgive with no repentance but hope it would come, find proof of good, of me being wrong,judgemental,cold unforgiving( all ive been accused of constantly) but im always forgiving & restarting..asking God that I would have integrity for my own self respect & his testimony, that I wouldnt be judgemental....but Jims words & Lysa like a hammer through my heart...stubborn, unrepentant,blaming..(me knowing )but been gaslighted , told Im overboard, delusional, mental problems, a liar,a fraud ,scammer( becos I injured with his anger) mocking me being injured.....this video is like a knife through my heart...because of the truth I never want to believe...but my mind,body & spirit are destroyed...I need God to give me the strength to take the steps I need...it going on 11 yrs with big escalation and increase...pls pray for me & my family..
You just wrote my story...my feelings. That whole first part is me. I'm praying for you and your family. I'm so sorry you've had to go through any of this.
You're on my prayer list 😊. God loves you and me- He's giving me, and you, the strength to get thru this season of trial. You are loved , and you are NOT alone. 😊
So glad God set me free. I have my son, daughter and grandkids! Living with a toxic person is a sad way of life. Rather be in my own peaceful place!! Praise and worship God!! ✝️🙏❤️
It took me an entire year to find this all out on my own .. WOW this blows me away how you spoke to my heart and soul as you unwrap this experience for me in my healing God bless you
You are describing what I, my family, and several other families suffered under a “preacher “ who so subtly over years abused innocent people who were sincerely desiring to live for Christ in truth. That man severely spiritually , emotionally, and financially abused. Physical abuse also, though not as it sounds, but so controlling and manipulating our everyday lives that we were left with no time of our own … he stole (literally) our family life. This is soooo deep. You’re the first I’ve heard that even recognize how toxic, how satanic a leader of a religious organization can be,(I’m talking about a IFB church) all the while the innocent are being toxically abused . Until 20-30 years pass by and then he becomes so bold with his actions that many recognized what he really is….but after severe trauma and abuse was already done. My story is a little different because my own husband (who also is a narcissist) stands with the toxic preacher . I got out of the toxic church, but my husband wouldn’t leave. He still lives in the same house, sleeps in same bed, eats meals I prepare, wears clothes I keep clean; but considers me and my son outcasts and spends all of his time with that toxic preacher . So much more I could say, but this scratches the surface. I feel trapped, rejected, abused, and used. My relationship with Christ Jesus holds me together.
Toxic relationships don’t come from God at all they come from the enemy!!! And only Godly relationships/marriages come from God!!@official Proverbs 31 ministries
Thank you so much for this! Im always praying for discernment and this is it! This whole discussion unfortunately describes my own child, my daughter. It is heartbreaking to remember how she was as a baby and toddler and to see what she has become. The worst part is that she has a 6 year old daughter that she has now isolated from me and most of her family. It is scary to know what kind of mother my granddaughter has! Controlling, lying, deceiving, slandering, one who stirs up trouble, promiscuous, all the things you read! I pray for my daughter, but my granddaughter is the innocent one she is hurting! I am trying to fight for my granddaughter through the court system and could definitely use your prayers! Thank you all! 50:44
My mother is a very difficult person. I just wonder sometimes WHY do they need everyone to think they are wonderful. But when we are home alone there is no issue shouting . Argueing and wanting to control every second of the day. I know more than one person who is like this. I do not see her as a safe person. I live with her but it drains me. She does not understand normal conversations, she gets insulted and then blames everyone except herself.
This has been one of your most helpful videos! I’m really connecting the dues in a relationship that has had me so completely confused and disoriented. THANK YOU.
Wow, this is deep. Thanks very much for this teaching. We were seen & not heard and as 10th child became tail bearer, God is showing me to go to Him with my frustrations and all things I'm dealing with.😮❤🙏
I just love this episodes Lysa my favourite love love her.God has me listening to this now for good reason I really needed this...from Kenya 🇰🇪 thank you so much.
I look forward these signs toxicity in people. I try to set boundaries first and if they find ways to hurt me even with the boundary in place again and again then I know it's time to end the relationship.
Had a finger wagged at us by our parent...usually Mam...n spoken sternly to with a ... ' Beeee suuuure your SINS will FIIIND YOU OUT ' ! Never grew up..feeling forgiven. Just condemned...shamed....inadequate.
I'd love to know what this looks like in a person that is in a process of trauma healing - Is there any grace, or maybe is it different when someone is doing the hard work to get through the things that cause these behaviors? Trauma is wild, and it is really difficult sometimes to be in the middle of it and know if you are still a good person or not.
I love this series. Unfortunately I can’t find a christian counselor within 100 miles of me, using the link you provided. I’m not even in a rural area. That’s disheartening.
We're so sorry to hear this, Kathy! Here is a link to additional resources. Hopefully one of those can provide you with some help. proverbs31.org/about/counseling-support
I live in east Tennessee and I am having problems finding help because they are not many people who know about narcissist or abusive behaviors and relationships..
Some experts call it malignant. 95% of the closest people/family, in my life have been malignant; cruel, vindictive, self-entitled, abusive, pretend Christians...
God can heal anyone!! He’s all powerful! We have to want to change! He will never force us Don’t listen to the Worlds opinion on relationships. They are false. Cling to Jesus!
@81Ardie Hi there! Here's the link to the Listener Guide: proverbs31.org/read/resource-library/resources/2023/03/16/therapy-theology-listener-guide-season-3-episode-1?
IF I OBSERVE PEOPLE TO ME EVERYONE IS TOXIC THEY ENVY ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL THATS WHY I HAVE 0 FRIENDS AND NO FAMILY ONLY MY SONS ARE WHOM I CAN TRUST AND GOD FOR THE REST I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN AND ITS SO DISTURBING BUT BEING ALONE IS SO MUCH FUN AND I HAVE A LOT OF PEACE IN MY LIFE
Please pray for me and my expartner and his family: that they may see and know Jesus Christ and accept his Holy Perfect Sacrifice. So that their hardened hearts may be hearts of flesh in His Love.The Almighty God JHWH can change EVERY situation and bring situations in lives where also people with hardened hearts can't deny HE IS GOD! We have to sit at the feet of Jesus and get out of Gods way and timepath..." Be still and know that I am God" Thank you Almighty and Only God Jehowáh, in Jesus' Name above àll names.. Amèn🙏☝️💓🌈
Ok where u guys are talking about lieing togue where they lie and see there lie as there true or the trueth when and its also becausethere munipulating and plus if u dont have anyone to see them doing this there lie they feel is the trueth or when its not but they convinced a bunch of others its true when its not then they work on u trying to covince u and get u to believe for the time being thats sosopathic tendency's then its when u start to question yourself and your belief's and they play it to where if u dont believe whats not true and there lie they feel is the trueth and u dont believe is where they start to make u feel like your crazy and tell others oh shes crazy my exhusband played that and sosopathic tendency's u tend to pick it up from others in prison or jail cause theres alot of those types in there its a survuval tenique to a point they seem to feel to get them out of really bad situations in life or they have gotten themselves into and there trying to get out and away from
I was fooled by the enemy with an angel of light disguise 🥸. He was v toxic and deceitful and opposite when he moved in my home. Yes I thought he was all but was like evil. God even told me through him calling my son a c.nt. He was dark. Son was transgender too and v v dark. I'm out now of four weeks. Can I ask you anyone reading you pray for me and my sons jack and Sam. I gave him two chances back and he was as God said...wicked. ( I asked God again when he got back in touch hoovering me....I read cards saying wicked web cobweb ....led to acts five.....).... I saw for myself his anger ...it lasted three weeks. Please pray
I am so thankful for this ministry. I am a Christian woman who has stayed in a toxic relationship for 42
years. My husband is a minister. I stayed quiet to protect his ministry for years. I finally started revealing the truth of our home life when my teenage daughter went to ministry in the church about it and was accused of lying. No one in this church group stepped up to help. The continued verdict has been you have to work it out. Divorce isnt an option. You can't fix a relationship with a narcissist. I have filed for divorce and pray it will be over soon. Listening to your program has enlightened me and encouraged me. Thank you.
As a narcissistic pastor's daughter, who married a narc as well, I applaud your courage and conviction. I'm in the process of disentangling with my husband. I never thought I'd be here, but I had to go way back as well, and realize that my pastor dad had ZERO EMPATHY, as well as sadistic behavior. It blew my mind to FINALLY put all these puzzling pieces of my relationship with him!! He was always an enigma to me. I also heard that the clergy has a HUGE number of narcissists in it. It makes sense- it feeds their ego and need for authority over others! My dad loved to weaponize the Scripture so he never had to show any of his personal " humanity". My condolences.
Prayers for you both. 39 years here and just got served papers. He’s doing his best to make me look like the evil one & abuser. They’re liars.
Please keep me in your prayers.
I was in a married with a narcissist for 11 years. I didn’t know what a narcissist was until after I got divorced and then everything made sense. I prayed so much for God to change the ex, but it didn’t happen. The ex was abusive and then he really started scaring me and I didn’t feel safe. He was threatening to hurt me and shoving me for 4 days. I prayed for God to get me out and away from him. Then the ex tried to kill me. That’s when I realized that God didn’t want me with him and that my marriage wasn’t a marriage that God wanted. I left with my children, never to look back. I felt safer away from him.
The ex is still abusive verbally when he picks up the children or when he tries to blame me for his life (been away from him for 9 years) and when the children misbehave when they are with him (he doesn’t discipline) and recently stole my tax information and bank information to steal my identity and money. I had to change my bank accounts and cards. He continues to be evil and hateful and criticize me, but I know that God protects me!
"A toxic relationship can poison your life, drain your energy, and rob you of your happiness. It is better to walk away and be alone than to stay and suffer."
Assessing the health of our relationships is an important part of maintaining our emotional well-being. It is important to remember that relationships should uplift and support us, rather than draining us emotionally and mentally. Seeking professional help, like therapy, can be a helpful tool in navigating these complex issues and improving the quality of our relationships.
I was married to this for 25 years. I'm finally out but still dealing with drama and trauma from this person. Thank you for this information for others to avoid these types of people. But maybe should note they don't always show their true colors until marriage.
Sooooooo TRUE!!!
33 years of this. It certainly will wear you down. I hold on to God's word that nothing is impossible for Him. Waiting for my Exodus. Boy, I have learned a lot.
Me too. 43+ years
Me too 47+years
What really is hard is when the narcissist thinks you are the narcissist
I experienced and experience that too from my expartner after his behaviour towards me came into the light and he got a punishment according to the law in my country. I didn't even want him to get punished for all that he did, but I suppose God arranged the situation that leaded to his exposure. He immediately discarded me, made himself the victim in his stories to his family and his close friends. And painted me of as a narcissistic person and the one who had been toxic. My expartner (58) has returned to the parental house of his old father(91) and an older brother where he also lived in the 7 years before we got into a relationship that lasted almost five and a half years although it was a spiritually/mentally/emotionally and fysically rollercoaster ride.
His father recently told me that - no matter what his son had done to me- he always would stand behind his son... He even told me he understood that his son could nèver forgive me that he had been put in jail by the authorities for two days and a night. I should have done everything to get him out according to father. I told him that I even tried that in total despair, when that happened 3 years ago, but that this was not possible for the victim to do so in my country when there has been domestic violence.
(And that on itself I belief is an understandable and good thing to protect against pushing and threads from family and friends).
Then the father told me that when his passed wife would have done that and let that happen he also would never have forgiven her. So in fact he shows the same example of a hardened heart to me and confirms in this his son....
When I was still in the relationship and I reacted in those days in pain and desparation on his hurtfull words, irresponsible behaviours and rages( also with fysical violence) he always ran away to his father or tried to...leaving me behind in total despair. Now I'm back at the feet of Jesus- not recovered yet 3 years later- I slowly find my grounding back in Gods promises.
Sometimes his gaslighting ( and that from the father) makes me still doubt myself.
He always told me afterwards: " You made me do it , because of your asking to my motives and attitude!" ( I showed natural grief and disbelief about his actions sometimes).
I pray every day for him, his father and family that God will bring him and them to their knees for our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ. I found a group Bibletrue Christians who also pray for them, so that I can focus on my recovery at he feet of Jesus. God can turn around any situation, I' m totally sure of that. But only he can: I asked Him for forgiveness that I tried what only Hè can do: bring people to their knees and send their haunting demons to hell. So they can see who God is - UNENDLY LOVE- and grap and surrender out of free will to the gift of the Blood of our saviour Jesus Christ.
What a glorious day that will be!❤ I thank our Almighty God JHWH that He hears my/our consistent prayers and gathers the tears I cried in brokenness and faith🙏And I thank and praise my/our Saviour Jesus Christ that I'm protected against lies, hate and the hardened hearts of people I deeply love.He sets me apart now at His feet. I may rest know and know that I'm saved and forgiven by his Perfect Sacrifice for all Eternity.
THE ALMIGHY GOD JHWH HAS THE LAST WORD: "BE STILL...AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"....☝️🙏💓🌈
When speaking to your ex. Did you find negative tones and accusations dominated the conversation?
I find that negative thoughts happen so quickly in our brains, that I would speak without thinking and the conversation would just downward spiral. This is a common occurrence in all marriage. To respond to the negative with another negative because those thoughts are very quick, happening in 1/400th of a second.
The way to stop the downward spiral from happening is to ask a question in the conversation. So the slower more rational part of our brain can process the moment.
So for example, if the wife tells me, "you can't complete that task!"
Instead of replying, "I'd like to see you do it!" Reply with, why do you think I'm not competent enough to complete the task?
It will catch them off guard and they will now have to be accountable for their comments....to which...many angry arguments never want to get close to accountability. They are always about how the other person is at fault, never turning inside to ask in the heat of the argument, is it I? So ask questions instead of arguing.
I tell you all of this because I myself need to learn it! 😂
Blameshifting is VERY common! Stand tall and help yourself.
I believe this blame shifting is part of what most narcissists do. Stay in Scripture and get help from a trusted advisor to stay anchored in reality! My experience in a relationship with a narcissist is that I almost started to believe their warped version of "reality" and almost began to believe that I was all the negative things they accused me of. The only negative things I was actually doing was reacting in my flesh and lashing out when they did and said horrible, demeaning, and humiliating things to me. I prayed for strength from God to be more like Jesus, and I was given the power to stop reacting in my flesh-- I stayed low-key and worked in my own time to safely and calmly separate my life from the narcissist. It took time as we were living together but staying calm and leaning on Jesus got me through it.
@belogical3961 your advice might work in a regular relationship but not with a narcissist. If you ask a narcissist/abuser a question they turn on you with a vengeance. For the longest time I was completely baffled by my husband's rage and I would wait for him to calm down before asking him calmly what happened, but he would respond with threats and accusations. It was literally impossible to solve anything with him, because he was never interested in solutions or truth. He only cared to be right and to dominate.
This episode is so so so good! I’ve been in therapy for 14 yrs and in the divorce process for over 10 mo… THIS video has helped me tremendously to know that God doesn’t want me to stay in this abusive marriage, and to not let my soon to be ex husband brainwash me to think his treatment of me is my fault.
I feel you so much, I've been married 8 months and every time we get into an argument, it's somehow ALWAYS my fault
@@no_reservations25 It’s awesome that you’ve landed in the right place so early!
I read too many comments from those dealing with those 20+ years. Keep those boundaries, girl!
@@ThingsILove2266 thank you for the encouragement 😊🙏
@@no_reservations25 I know what you're saying! I ignored that red flag for 30 years! And it almost killed me! Get out now!
@@vickieharrod WOW I'm sorry to hear that! So glad you are leaving that horrible situation 🙏
Thank you so much for this session. Have been dealing with this for so long. Spouse who has refused to discuss anything. Red flags I've tried to address many times. Finally hit my limit after my healing. He was enabler to longtime friends who were abusive/toxic. So much hurt. God has given me the gifts of empathy and intuition and unbreakable strength. Husband is showing some signs of willingness to deal with toxicity. Time will tell. God knows his heart and will continue to reveal what needs to be seen. Have endured way too many narcissistic tactics and traits. Thanks be to God for strength and faith!
To understand goodbye to mean, "May God be with you!" is very helpful to me.
I've had to draw some extreme boundaries with several people in my life. I still talk to them, but as little as possible. I keep the relationship on the surface;as, I feel, anything could be used against me.
Even though I am certain that there needs to be boundaries, I have really struggled with feeling guilty over this.
Thinking of my boundaries (which is basically goodbye, in that there's a loss of any intimacy) as, "May God be with you !"
helps me see that I am not a terrible person for letting them go .
Thank you ❤️This is a huge blessing for me.
Could you do a podcast on spouses with ptsd? When loving them through it is hurting you and kids.
This is what my daughter is dealing with. And how to know when it’s truly PTSD or just who they are.
How bout PTSD from the abuser.
Toxic narcissist husband. I am 50 years in and just understanding why I have been so unhappy. I have been in this unhealthy relationship for a half of a century.
We're so sorry you've had to walk through this, Karen. We're praying for you today!
love this you tibe station. watch more. also listen to dr.David Clarke on you tube, her books are good and his books are good. I feel your pain.
I’m glad that you recognize the reality of your toxic marriage - it’s never too late to leave. Not that it’s easy, it’s not. I’ve been with a vulnerable narcissist for 36 years, and tolerated his treatment due to my childhood with an alcoholic father and a codependent mother. I was raised to not expect much from men and to enable their behavior. I was getting therapy and was close to ending it when he treated our 17 yr old daughter like he does me. That was IT for me. I could not ignore it. He always said he was aware and changed, but it was not genuine, his behavior never changed. Should be divorced in about 2 weeks and then sell the house and I’m free. My kids are choosing to live with me…they see the truth about their dad, praise God.
My ex was always boastful, a liar, arrogant, and refused to listen to anyone in authority. I was a young naive 16 yr old and thought he was awesome. Eventually he got to the point where he believed his lies and started to believe in delusions. He was diagnosed as schizo affective about 6 yrs ago. He does not stay on medicine and make any effort to get counsel. He believes he does no wrong and misused scripture to belittle me and tell 'to mind my place woman'. Finally divorced after 32 yrs the last 10 we were separated but I'd feel bad for him and let him live with me. So upset that I was so naive of scripture and what forgiveness really means. It takes 1 to forgive but 2 to reconcile.
Exactly. When a so called "friend " only calls to hijack the conversation with gossip, negative outbursts towards others, rarely asks how you are doing, and if they do, it's for manipulative reasons, gives gifts for manipulative reasons, gaslight you, makes passive aggressive comments, doesn't respect your boundaries, and you have given them time to make sure they are not getting it or don't care, its time to RUN! Listening to this too long is depressing and emotionally draining. They are not nice individuals, sad but true. We can pray for them. Amen! Great video.
I cried through this at several points...im so much like Lysa in her belief in marriage for life, not wanting things to be true, wanting to have even a hairsbreath of true repentance to be able forgive & restart, forgive with no repentance but hope it would come, find proof of good, of me being wrong,judgemental,cold unforgiving( all ive been accused of constantly) but im always forgiving & restarting..asking God that I would have integrity for my own self respect & his testimony, that I wouldnt be judgemental....but Jims words & Lysa like a hammer through my heart...stubborn, unrepentant,blaming..(me knowing )but been gaslighted , told Im overboard, delusional, mental problems, a liar,a fraud ,scammer( becos I injured with his anger) mocking me being injured.....this video is like a knife through my heart...because of the truth I never want to believe...but my mind,body & spirit are destroyed...I need God to give me the strength to take the steps I need...it going on 11 yrs with big escalation and increase...pls pray for me & my family..
You just wrote my story...my feelings. That whole first part is me. I'm praying for you and your family. I'm so sorry you've had to go through any of this.
You're on my prayer list 😊. God loves you and me- He's giving me, and you, the strength to get thru this season of trial. You are loved , and you are NOT alone. 😊
So glad God set me free. I have my son, daughter and grandkids! Living with a toxic person is a sad way of life. Rather be in my own peaceful place!! Praise and worship God!! ✝️🙏❤️
It took me an entire year to find this all out on my own .. WOW this blows me away how you spoke to my heart and soul as you unwrap this experience for me in my healing God bless you
You are describing what I, my family, and several other families suffered under a “preacher “ who so subtly over years abused innocent people who were sincerely desiring to live for Christ in truth. That man severely spiritually , emotionally, and financially abused. Physical abuse also, though not as it sounds, but so controlling and manipulating our everyday lives that we were left with no time of our own … he stole (literally) our family life. This is soooo deep. You’re the first I’ve heard that even recognize how toxic, how satanic a leader of a religious organization can be,(I’m talking about a IFB church) all the while the innocent are being toxically abused . Until 20-30 years pass by and then he becomes so bold with his actions that many recognized what he really is….but after severe trauma and abuse was already done. My story is a little different because my own husband (who also is a narcissist) stands with the toxic preacher . I got out of the toxic church, but my husband wouldn’t leave. He still lives in the same house, sleeps in same bed, eats meals I prepare, wears clothes I keep clean; but considers me and my son outcasts and spends all of his time with that toxic preacher . So much more I could say, but this scratches the surface. I feel trapped, rejected, abused, and used. My relationship with Christ Jesus holds me together.
So glad you got out of that situation 🙏🏻
Praying for you today, sweet friend!
I AM SO SO SO SORRY
Get out and let him live alone and pay for a cook & housekeeper!
Have nothing to do with them!
I just started to watch it and want to say - you all have such pleasant faces and energy.
Toxic relationships don’t come from God at all they come from the enemy!!! And only Godly relationships/marriages come from God!!@official Proverbs 31 ministries
Sometimes relationship is brought together for God's purposes
Thank you so much for this! Im always praying for discernment and this is it! This whole discussion unfortunately describes my own child, my daughter. It is heartbreaking to remember how she was as a baby and toddler and to see what she has become. The worst part is that she has a 6 year old daughter that she has now isolated from me and most of her family. It is scary to know what kind of mother my granddaughter has! Controlling, lying, deceiving, slandering, one who stirs up trouble, promiscuous, all the things you read! I pray for my daughter, but my granddaughter is the innocent one she is hurting! I am trying to fight for my granddaughter through the court system and could definitely use your prayers! Thank you all! 50:44
My mother is a very difficult person. I just wonder sometimes WHY do they need everyone to think they are wonderful. But when we are home alone there is no issue shouting . Argueing and wanting to control every second of the day. I know more than one person who is like this. I do not see her as a safe person. I live with her but it drains me. She does not understand normal conversations, she gets insulted and then blames everyone except herself.
So timely ❤ Thank You ! So incredibly helpful - all of it and the 3 of you! ❤ Very clarifying
Love this trio of treasure. Thankyou for blending biblical truth into counseling gold!!!
We're glad you enjoyed it!
Also Toxic because things don't change. Angry from the spouse continuously saying things will change
This has been one of your most helpful videos! I’m really connecting the dues in a relationship that has had me so completely confused and disoriented. THANK YOU.
Wow, this is deep. Thanks very much for this teaching. We were seen & not heard and as 10th child became tail bearer, God is showing me to go to Him with my frustrations and all things I'm dealing with.😮❤🙏
Wonderful pod cast Theology & Therapy! Excellent and yes Lisa!!
Great job your channel has been eye opener.
Thank you. I received some much needed clarity from this conversation. I will listen to it many more times. God bless all of you.
Thank you for watching!
Excellent! Thank you ❤
❤Lysa Thank You for sharing your wisdom
❤ such a help for healthier boundaries & self awareness
😢 Some of these behaviours were in me till Christ got a hold of me. Thank God it is no longer I that liveth but Christ who liveth in me.
Thank you! This helped a lot!
Glad to hear!
I just love this episodes Lysa my favourite love love her.God has me listening to this now for good reason I really needed this...from Kenya 🇰🇪 thank you so much.
So good…..so helpful.
Thank you!!🔥
I look forward these signs toxicity in people. I try to set boundaries first and if they find ways to hurt me even with the boundary in place again and again then I know it's time to end the relationship.
Had a finger wagged at us by our parent...usually Mam...n spoken sternly to with a ... ' Beeee suuuure your SINS will FIIIND YOU OUT ' !
Never grew up..feeling forgiven.
Just condemned...shamed....inadequate.
So good guys
Thank you very much for your ministry I wish I learn all this in the early age and year God bless
Thanks for watching, friend!
Please do one on ptsd
Like God says you have to forgive, not always. I think at a point that a mistake is a lie to gain the trust of the other person.
So good
"This is the armor of satan"
I'd love to know what this looks like in a person that is in a process of trauma healing - Is there any grace, or maybe is it different when someone is doing the hard work to get through the things that cause these behaviors? Trauma is wild, and it is really difficult sometimes to be in the middle of it and know if you are still a good person or not.
Spectrum of severity and spectrum of occurrence.
God bless ❤
I love this series. Unfortunately I can’t find a christian counselor within 100 miles of me, using the link you provided. I’m not even in a rural area. That’s disheartening.
We're so sorry to hear this, Kathy! Here is a link to additional resources. Hopefully one of those can provide you with some help. proverbs31.org/about/counseling-support
I've used BetterHelp and found a great Christian counselor I speak to weekly
I surly didn't see this coming.
I live in east Tennessee and I am having problems finding help because they are not many people who know about narcissist or abusive behaviors and relationships..
Hi Sharon! We recommend finding someone from the American Association of Christian Counselors: aacc.net
Some experts call it malignant. 95% of the closest people/family, in my life have been malignant; cruel, vindictive, self-entitled, abusive, pretend Christians...
Can a toxic person (narcissistic) change?
Highly unlikely. I believe the statistics are only 3% will be self aware enough to seek help and only 1% can do any changing at all.
God can heal anyone!! He’s all powerful! We have to want to change! He will never force us Don’t listen to the Worlds opinion on relationships. They are false. Cling to Jesus!
Only if God changes them.
Hello the l listener guide is erroring with the link🙃when click on it
Hi there! Thanks so much for letting us know. The link should be fixed now :)
@81Ardie Hi there! Here's the link to the Listener Guide: proverbs31.org/read/resource-library/resources/2023/03/16/therapy-theology-listener-guide-season-3-episode-1?
Is there an actual video of this?
@@TheTeddytumtum No, unfortunately, there is no actual video with this one.
IF I OBSERVE PEOPLE TO ME EVERYONE IS TOXIC THEY ENVY ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL THATS WHY I HAVE 0 FRIENDS AND NO FAMILY ONLY MY SONS ARE WHOM I CAN TRUST AND GOD FOR THE REST I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN AND ITS SO DISTURBING BUT BEING ALONE IS SO MUCH FUN AND I HAVE A LOT OF PEACE IN MY LIFE
Exactly
Wow..who's armor are you wearing!!
TOXIC: what does “O” stand for?
Obnoxious
Please pray for me and my expartner and his family: that they may see and know Jesus Christ and accept his Holy Perfect Sacrifice. So that their hardened hearts may be hearts of flesh in His Love.The Almighty God JHWH can change EVERY situation and bring situations in lives where also people with hardened hearts can't deny HE IS GOD! We have to sit at the feet of Jesus and get out of Gods way and timepath..." Be still and know that I am God" Thank you Almighty and Only God Jehowáh, in Jesus' Name above àll names.. Amèn🙏☝️💓🌈
Praying for you today, Erica!
WOWwww………
Ok where u guys are talking about lieing togue where they lie and see there lie as there true or the trueth when and its also becausethere munipulating and plus if u dont have anyone to see them doing this there lie they feel is the trueth or when its not but they convinced a bunch of others its true when its not then they work on u trying to covince u and get u to believe for the time being thats sosopathic tendency's then its when u start to question yourself and your belief's and they play it to where if u dont believe whats not true and there lie they feel is the trueth and u dont believe is where they start to make u feel like your crazy and tell others oh shes crazy my exhusband played that and sosopathic tendency's u tend to pick it up from others in prison or jail cause theres alot of those types in there its a survuval tenique to a point they seem to feel to get them out of really bad situations in life or they have gotten themselves into and there trying to get out and away from
I was fooled by the enemy with an angel of light disguise 🥸. He was v toxic and deceitful and opposite when he moved in my home. Yes I thought he was all but was like evil. God even told me through him calling my son a c.nt.
He was dark. Son was transgender too and v v dark.
I'm out now of four weeks.
Can I ask you anyone reading you pray for me and my sons jack and Sam.
I gave him two chances back and he was as God said...wicked.
( I asked God again when he got back in touch hoovering me....I read cards saying wicked web cobweb ....led to acts five.....)....
I saw for myself his anger ...it lasted three weeks.
Please pray
Praying for you right now, friend!