Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 Why Men Have a Bad Reputation With Emotions 05:22 Men’s Emotions in Dating 15:28 How Do I Know If I Have Emotional Issues? 19:37 Why Men Try to Think Their Way Through Emotions 24:17 How to Start Feeling Your Feelings 40:36 How Men Can Deal With Anger & Anxiety 51:07 Should Men Mask Their Emotions at All? 1:05:41 How to Stop Explaining Away Emotions 1:12:34 Having Emotions Doesn’t Make You Less of a Man 1:24:36 Where to Find Connor
The full gambit of going from an overly emotional kid/young adult, largely brought about by being raised by a single mom, who had to work on stoicism and ‘doing the thing’ just to come back around to feeling feelings because my body is rejecting me has been a trip. The balance between Goggins screaming at me to carry the boats and Maté telling me to feel more is an interesting one. All the love to you, Chris and the whole team!
Definatly helpfull, patner left me and our 6 kids christmas. Never delt with emotions. Always bottled up, ended up with everything exploding out. Not really being able to cope because didnt know how to deal with it. Slowly learning how to deal with them and letting it out. Dont know why iv wrote this on here but this has been help ful
I'm sorry that happened to you and to the kids. You wrote it here because the hardship of it weighed on you and you needed someone to know the burden you carry. Even if it was strangers and even if nobody ever directly acknowledged what you're going through. I don't KNOW you. But I feel that pain and I do care. And I'm sorry things went that way. I don't know if it helps or means anything to you. But there is life after. I went through a similar (though not as bad) situation. And struggled to be the best version of myself possible while resolving to NOT be all the post divorce things I hated to see in my friends. Angry and bitter and petty. I failed. A LOT. 😅 It's a process to decouple the attachments you built over time. Especially with kids involved. But I did find another partner who showed me that a version of love was real that made what I thought I felt before seem like the "playskool" version of feeling affection for a romantic partner. She legitimately made me believe soul mates might be a real thing. And I went from feeling probably the loneliest, saddest, and lost I have ever felt to the most loved, and joyful, and filled with purpose I have ever felt. Some of that was work I did to be the version of me I wanted to be. But some of it was being the man I needed to be when she happened into my life. My point is, nothing is over. But it hurts like hell to collect the pieces you can't lose and then start again. But it can be so worth it. Good luck. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Amazingly important video here... BUT... Sometimes I need to be the machine, to just do the thing. Fear, anxiety, sadness, and other emotions would slow me down, or make me hesitate when I need to act. When people are relying on me - family, clients, friends - how I feel about it does not matter nearly as much as successfully doing the thing. If that is the cost of being a man (it surely is), I will pay it every time. I realize it sucks, but there it is.
Absolute banger of an episode. I feel like I'm a blue belt at this - but just like in BJJ, being a blue belt comes with the dangerous hubris of thinking you're a black belt. Still grinding, still got a lot of work to do, but the progress comes if you're patient and can weather the storm. Come on the boys 🫡
This is a powerful message! Connor Beaton does an excellent job of encouraging men to embrace their emotions. It’s so important to recognize and express our feelings-thanks for sharing these insights
your reputation is well-deserved! I explored the Helpful Advice section on your website, and I’m hooked. The way you break things down is truly inspiring. Kudos to you!
Not every situation calls for men to wear their emotions on their sleeves. Sometimes, resilience and stoicism are what’s needed to lead and protect. Balance is key, but vulnerability isn’t always the answer.
Hahah you wanted guys to comment but as a female I wanted to comment and let you know that there are women out here that are listening to your podcasts to understand their man….now how do I get my man to listen to your podcasts without feeling threatened, attacked, etc. I just want us to grow
Female here 🙂 I asked my husband: hey do you follow Chris? No, who is he. I said I find his podcasts really cool, he covers a lot of topics and has great guests on. Oh, I'll have a look.
That’s a really good point. I’m a guy, and I think what would make me look at some of the videos like this is to tell me about some of his more approachable videos that don’t necessarily deal with topics that I might feel threatened by, like the dating videos or About how to achieve success in life. And then after watching those I might look into other things that Chris did and find this video.
You can lead a horse to water, but he will only drink if he’s thirsty. Hard to say how you’d go about exposing him to videos he’s not familiar with because like puppies, we’re all different, remember that honesty is the best policy and manipulation will inflame whatever it is that is the problem, good luck.
Wish I could shake ur hand Chris. You’re bringing up stuff I’ve been desperately thinking about feeling like I’m the only one. It’s a breath of fresh air knowing I’m normal(ish) for having these thoughts. THANK YOU 🤝
I didn't realize i had a problem with "feeling" my emotions until a therapist was talking me through some issue i was struggling with where i was angry, and rightfully so. But my response to BEING angry was to try and get back to NOT angry as though anger was some sort of imbalance. He asked "why?" "Why can't you just be IN your anger for a bit? Its justified. You're not destructive or out of control. So aren't you ALLOWED to just FEEL angry for a moment?" 😐 Something inside of me that i had kept closed and locked tight broke open. There was definitely an.... adjustment period. A LOT of shit i had kept bottled up for basically my entire life came out. At times, pretty explosively. I'll be honest here. At a point, i think i had not cried in almost a decade. And one day after this revelation during a fight with my son's mother i found myself doubled over on the floor sobbing in a way so painful i didn't know that it was possible to cry like that. Everything i had held back came out all at once. I hope i never feel like that again. 😕 But what i would say i learned from it all was this: Feeling emotions is not bad. Being controlled BY your emotions is bad. There is nothing wrong with having feelings, positive or negative - as long as you remain in control of your behavior in spite of them. Sometimes you have to put feelings in a box and sort them out later when you've got a mission to finish. But don't LEAVE it boxed up or that shit turns into mental illness and spiritual weight.
One of the best ways in which I’ve learnt to open myself to emotion is by praying. And also, ive learnt to open up myself to my wife in the intimacy of my marriage.
As somebody who's emotional states are either a pacifist people-pleaser and happy-to-help happy-to-live (98% of the time) or an absolut chair smashing police call inducing monster (2%) I find this episode very important. Nobody told me how to regulate and sometimes it is extremely difficult when people give you enough shit
Please stop ripping the thoughts from my head and speaking them! Good lord! I’ve heard allot about who I am or how I act, but this is such an accurate description of life as a people pleaser. Thank you 😊
Came onto this podcast from reels. This is my state from years really struggling with my house chores and always reactive and by the way I’m a female as I heard Chris and guest are talking about males.
Many things here resonate with me. I'm a fan of the work of Dr Gordon Neufeld, and the journey of helplessness is very similar to what he talks about when it comes to curinga bully, who has the cruelty you mentioned due to suppressing their vulnerability. And his six roots of attachment have "being known" as the deepest and most profound root.
Chris.. Connor used the term Grief to describe the torrent of emotions one experiences when we beat the odds, overcome the impossible, and arrive intact at a place that we swore was beyond our reach. I would offer the term Bitter-Sweet as a more apt descriptor of that experience. Like the blue and gold sphere in the movie Inside Out, which is the amalgam of sorrow and joy.. loss and triumph.. the steep price paid, and the glorious heights attained notwithstanding. I have come to believe that this complex emotional experience.. which we call bittersweet.. is the summum bonum of human experience.. the proverbial Hendrix Cord of human emotion. Love the show. Fred
Hey, single dude here, put this podcast on while driving all by myself! Just a guy trying to be better and wonder if there’s a better way to manage my daily suffering lol
At 1:58, Chris is referring to "The Honeymooners." Jackie Gleason's character, Ralph Kramden, would comically threaten his wife with "To the moon, Alice!!" He never actually hit her...and she was wayyyy more the pants-wearer in the family, of course.
I love this I’ve been working on sharing , learning more about my emotions. Thanks for this! PS the piece of lint on Chris’s head, should name it Excalibur
It's very simple really. Women value men who provide security and stability. Emotional men are anathema to what women want/need. This is a biologically programmed preference, there is no changing it.
This doesn't mean men can't express their emotions, but men should never appear to be unable to manage their emotions. That demonstrates weakness and healthy women aren't attracted to weak/unstable men.
I dont know how the express in my words the emotion I’m experiencing. Problem is that I didn’t read a book different from maths or engineering book in the last 8 years, don’t really watch movies I don’t know where to start do you have any idea?
58:10 Is Bruce Wayne’s experience in the movie….Batman Begins. When he decides to let go of his privileged life,to greater heights… WOW kinda cool right! 😯 It’s the Hero’s journey Joseph Campbell Plug 🔌
Great interview and insight! I'm a part of Connor's Men's Alliance It's great group with many wonderful resources. Highly recommend. We also meet weekly to connect and talk.
Suppressing emotions is underrated. Men have to do men things in society, a lot of these things don’t have to be spoken of or discussed. Such examples are going to war, slaughtering animals, burying people and pets. Sometimes you just have to get the thing done and then never speak of it ever again and let time heal it all.
I agree with that. It might be not what society is trying to sell us that men should be emotional. But its not what men built for. I don't say that you can't acknowledge what you are feeling but as a society that have gone softer we should not become that soft. Plus let's not get fooled by women that says that we should be emotional... They say it but at the end of the day they don't like it when we are vulnerable because it against what they deeply look for... A strong mate that can defend them or control a difficult situation, they want a protector, not an uncontrolled emotional man. If you are emotional, channel that emotion into something positive. Go for a run, do something physical. It helps and this how man are built.
Love the talk on grief and what that can include. The link between achievements and grief is mind blowing. The song 'Grief is only Love (that's got no place to go)' by Stephen Wilson Jr reflects all of this.
As someone who suppresses his feelings a lot, I used to think that the only emotion in my register was anger because it's the only one that I unwillingly let take control of myself on some rare occasions. Everything else I can just sweep under the rug with the right dosage of drugs and porn but I've been doing it so much and so effectively that I've even lost the ability to identify that there was something there in the first place. I didn't realize that I was so scared of my own sadness and despair these past few years and I think that it might be because I haven't found any healthy way to experience or express them outside of a therapy setting and also know that they might consume me if I try to do this on my own. It really is scary now that I stop and think about it. Thanks for this episode, now I know that I need to look more into Connor's work (and maybe send a few calls to some therapists).
Chris, I love both you and Connor but how do you know that men being more in touch with their emotions isn't just a luxury belief? One afforded to those who already have success and status but would negatively impact men lower than you. Do you think you would have ever reached this point of introspection without first achieving success? Men are more emotional today than ever, yet now we have high self deletion rates than previous generations that were raised to be emotionless. Wouldn't the cause be because men today lack purpose and relationships instead of being in touch with their emotions?
@zacar0ni would you consider that Chris may have reached this level of success because of his ability to be introspective? I also believe that if you consider being in touch with your emotions as a luxury (due to success) then you need a reframe. Many people are successful because they have been willing to do that work on themselves throughout hardship and shit happening in their lives, not doing it after they become successful, although that is also possible. The way we come to introspection is often not linear and definitely different for each person on their own journey.
Whether successful or not in a material sense, having a healthy relationship to your emotions, even vulnerable ones, is a very positive thing. You can go about your life not being terrified of your own psyche. You can accept yourself in good times and bad. You are accessible so that people can get to know you and love you. You feel better and more at ease with yourself. It's always where the true, sustainable, anti-fragile strength lies.
I would argue that men are generally less in control of their emotions than historically, but that it can manifest as being more emotionally incontinent. If you read older works, the men express emotion in ways that most men today would never dare to - weeping openly in public, embracing friends, etc As Chris pointed out, someone who suppresses emotions and someone who masters them can appear similar; likewise, someone who is ruled by their emotions and someone who expresses them can appear similar
Considering the pyramid of Maslow, yes. But that's almost always the case except when you are talking about how to get enough money to put food on the table. However, emotions are probably on the second step already (safety and [something else]). So I don't think this is as much of a luxuary as you think it is.
Hey Everyone 🤠 Find the parts that interest you: 0:00 - Why do men struggle with emotions? 1:18 - Generational emotional suppression in men 4:25 - Men not incentivized to express emotions 10:31 - Willingness to be transparent about emotions 12:31 - Importance of emotions in decision making 14:41 - Recognizing signs of emotional disconnection 21:00 - Understanding men's emotional suppression 24:17 - Developing body-oriented emotional awareness 30:12 - Building tolerance for difficult emotions 32:54 - Steps to process difficult emotions 35:01 - Permission to feel your feelings 42:28 - Understanding causes for emotional pauses 44:46 - Grief can accompany transitions in life 46:29 - Importance of witnessing grief for healing 53:00 - Men and emotions: a complex relationship 56:01 - Powerlessness as a path to growth 1:00:21 - Expressing feelings leads to deeper purpose 1:04:10 - Feeling miserable indicates unexpressed emotions 1:06:12 - Ask if you're explaining or expressing 1:09:01 - Involve others to support emotional expression 1:14:51 - Importance of emotional work 1:20:52 - Finding emotional compatibility early Chat with videos via Bumpups 🌲
I really related to how Connor describes his anger. I feel the same way when I’m really sad or upset, like there’s a pit in the middle of my chest that keeps spreading darkness in me. It’s helped me a lot.
I feel for you. Whenever I feel sad or frustrated or overwhelmed I get angry. I use that anger to suppress my other emotions so that I can keep moving forward and get things done.
Dear Chris your content is pretty amazing and really really helpful!! But I just want to say the generalization you give to what is masculine is sometimes a bit over indexed, yes you maybe right majority is male but not always. it makes some of the women who really love your podcast feel unseen! Nonetheless keep up the good work!
What was said at the end really hit the nail on the head, in my view. Men and women, because of their parental relationships, only know how to have dysfunctional relationships. I also think because people have relationships (one night stands all the way to long term ones) that are not pointed at the goal of marriage, many folks are just together to use each other. Men use women for validation and sex, women use men for validation and status/money. It’s a tale as old as time. People who are using each other for superficial reasons have no reason to be vulnerable with each other and won’t attract partners who are equipped for that.
(small recommendation) hey, big fan. i really wish if you could put more effort into making the vc podcasts as good as the others(audio and video), maybe hire person who would go to the guest and set things up. this would take a bit more efforts but i beleive will be 100% worth it. This one is really good and hope to see more like these and even better in the future. Thank you for all the value.
I believe Connor went ahead and recorded his own voice simultaneously, and sent it to Chris. Huge improvement, definitely should be like this in the future.
I've dated a couple men who assume that all women will reject them if they lower their guard and cry in front of their girlfriend. It's really sad. When my ex opened up with me about his depression and suicidality, I was thankful because I knew how to be there for him. It's just sad that men reject their emotions, an important part of themselves, because they fear being rejected from being loved. Like yall need a hug
I still don’t understand how to FEEL MY FEELINGS. I just startled therapy(CPTSD) and my female therapist told me to do that, I just don’t understand it at all. This didn’t help either. Where and where and how. Frustrating.
Acknowledge they exist if the first step. What you do with them once you find out how you feel if up to you. But I would think awareness is the first step. I'm kind of dealing with this too.
❤❤and Im a woman but have brothers that we talk about our childhood and some dont understand how that impacts a human and I had wonderful parents and grandparents but we saw their hurt and as we know what did our elders deal with in their time
I enjoyed this episode. However, I found it hard to stay engaged and follow along. I kind of wish he explained how to express emotions verbally. I think men, can benefit from learning how to "express" emotions without "explaining" or showing emotion.
I think it would be the same way as he demonstrated. If you asked a 3yo kid to draw the emotion, what would it look like: Iron Man's core consuming your body? Cold tar thick and sticky in your gut, creeping up your spine? A light shudder at the top of your chest, that makes you feel like you can do magic? Face, ears and neck hot, as if fevered? An explosion of lightness in your core that makes it seem like you could levitate? A sucking void in the diaphragm, as is if it turned into a black hole.... Use pictures, use movies, use music anything that you know. You have to map the dictionary yourself, because you are experiencing it.
As a woman I relate a lot to this. Feel like it’s to do with my attachment style- I’m an avoidant (like most of my guy friends) would love to know how many other women can’t access their emotions easily?
Woman here I have been a very emotionally distant person since I was young and had a very difficult time processing my emotions. The way I coped with emotions was just turning it off and detaching from myself or others. People used to describe me as cold, shallow and detached. But I always perceived myself as easy going, very happy go-lucky. The negative qualities of this did show up as lack of boundary setting, being easily overwhelmed by my external experience, and not really being able to express how i felt. I had the tendency to just cut people off out of nowhere and ghost. It took many years to reconnect with my emotional experience and it was challenging. But I'm much happier now and have found a better balance
I think the adoption of repression as the primary form of male emotional regulation in Britain happened in the first world war. Prior to that, there was a lot of emotionally demonstrative behaviour (duels, etc.) from men, and legal codes even made provision for it (crimes of passion). I think the early 20th century exposed the country as a whole to external events that required a resolute "stiff upper lip" approach for the first time. What i mean by that is it was the first time the country saw general mobilisation with all classes in all counties united to the same goal. I think the stuff upper lip attitude was a pragmatic realisation that times were going to be tough, and complaining about it wasn't going to help anyone, so one had to just tighten the belt and bootstraps and get on with it. Subsequent events (great depression & 2nd world war) probably served to reinforce the attitude and created a generation of people who'd known nothing but hardship and they passed the mindset down to the next. Boomers looked up to their stoic parents, kept calm and carried on. One could argue that the cold war provided conditions that further promoted that way of thinking. That's not to say that there was no emotional repression beforehand, but I think it was the war that spread it out evenly.
If a man is disabled, can’t be a provider, and doesn’t have much to offer financially…(due to medical bills).. what js his purpose? .. Relationships are obviously off the table. Career is gone. Friends are non existent. What’s the point?
i can't find any feelings usually when I look internally. too late for me? I have no anger, am ultra easy going. Father & child sappy commercials can almost bring a tear, but so does the end of lord of the rings so I do feel but day today I'm pretty zero.
This! If like to add something too. Feel the sensations and than think. What could someone having those sensations be feeling emotionally? Fear, anger, sadness, joy? Next step, could I be feeling that based on the situation I’m in or what I’ve recently been going through? Extra note Start with the simplest emotions and gradually get into more complex ones. This helped me progress greatly though gradually.
Alexithymia (emotional myopia) is an actual physiological condition often caused by damage to the amygdala by neonatal circumcision. The trauma is so violent it permanently scars both amygdala.
Stellar.... we were just talking about healthy rational expressions and harnessing........ suppose its when the expression exposes lies and others bs it becomes a problem....... many also learn to accept reality ... for instance living in poverty with ignorant evil criminals is a reality for many, some learn to smile and appreciate what they can...... and then feel lucky they are able to even do that, its not so easy when cold and hungry ..... do the best we can i guess
It's hard to learn when you've been a certain way for years, but it can be done. Get some therapy. Go to some men's groups so you're with some other guys who are trying to grow emotionally as well. I promise that in time your relationships will deepen. You'll feel bigger, more whole and more potent, because you've reclaimed so much more of your psyche's potential. You'll have more interesting conversations. You'll be less exhausted because your whole mind and body aren't fighting to repress stuff all the time. You'll have less angry outbursts. Less anger directed back towards yourself (depression). I honestly think that building capacity to feel, tolerate and express emotion is what moves us from boy psychology to man psychology.
ONLY Narcissistic women will swoop in and denigrate a man expressing his true emotions. NORMAL woman will welcome it, nurture him, sooth him and assure him that he is being truthful, which is a good thing for all. However, rage is not okay, nor violent rage is not okay. So, there are more positive outpourings, even sadness, crying are fine with stable, self actualized women...
It's easy to say that you'd be there for your husband if he broke down but you'll never truly know until you're in that situation. I recently watched Louise Perry's podcast with Cassie Jaye (she created the documentary "The Red Pill") and in that episode both Perry and Jaye said they felt a strong ick from the men talking about their struggles with family court and suicidal thoughts.
Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps:
00:00 Why Men Have a Bad Reputation With Emotions
05:22 Men’s Emotions in Dating
15:28 How Do I Know If I Have Emotional Issues?
19:37 Why Men Try to Think Their Way Through Emotions
24:17 How to Start Feeling Your Feelings
40:36 How Men Can Deal With Anger & Anxiety
51:07 Should Men Mask Their Emotions at All?
1:05:41 How to Stop Explaining Away Emotions
1:12:34 Having Emotions Doesn’t Make You Less of a Man
1:24:36 Where to Find Connor
thank you for this video man, thank you Connor didnt expect you to be so awfully cool
The full gambit of going from an overly emotional kid/young adult, largely brought about by being raised by a single mom, who had to work on stoicism and ‘doing the thing’ just to come back around to feeling feelings because my body is rejecting me has been a trip. The balance between Goggins screaming at me to carry the boats and Maté telling me to feel more is an interesting one. All the love to you, Chris and the whole team!
Same boat buddy. We can do it. Good job for going after the hard stuff! Celebrate even the small progress!
@ thank you for the kind words! We can do it, indeed. Celebrating you today as well!
“We never really encounter the world. All we experience is our own nervous system.” That’s profound. 💫
Definatly helpfull, patner left me and our 6 kids christmas. Never delt with emotions. Always bottled up, ended up with everything exploding out. Not really being able to cope because didnt know how to deal with it. Slowly learning how to deal with them and letting it out. Dont know why iv wrote this on here but this has been help ful
Keeping working on it, I'm rooting for you
That's horrible, wishing you all the best.
I'm sorry that happened to you and to the kids.
You wrote it here because the hardship of it weighed on you and you needed someone to know the burden you carry. Even if it was strangers and even if nobody ever directly acknowledged what you're going through.
I don't KNOW you. But I feel that pain and I do care. And I'm sorry things went that way.
I don't know if it helps or means anything to you. But there is life after. I went through a similar (though not as bad) situation. And struggled to be the best version of myself possible while resolving to NOT be all the post divorce things I hated to see in my friends. Angry and bitter and petty. I failed. A LOT. 😅
It's a process to decouple the attachments you built over time. Especially with kids involved.
But I did find another partner who showed me that a version of love was real that made what I thought I felt before seem like the "playskool" version of feeling affection for a romantic partner.
She legitimately made me believe soul mates might be a real thing. And I went from feeling probably the loneliest, saddest, and lost I have ever felt to the most loved, and joyful, and filled with purpose I have ever felt.
Some of that was work I did to be the version of me I wanted to be. But some of it was being the man I needed to be when she happened into my life.
My point is, nothing is over.
But it hurts like hell to collect the pieces you can't lose and then start again.
But it can be so worth it.
Good luck.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Amazingly important video here... BUT... Sometimes I need to be the machine, to just do the thing. Fear, anxiety, sadness, and other emotions would slow me down, or make me hesitate when I need to act. When people are relying on me - family, clients, friends - how I feel about it does not matter nearly as much as successfully doing the thing. If that is the cost of being a man (it surely is), I will pay it every time.
I realize it sucks, but there it is.
I can confirm that labelling the charge, rating the intensity and learning what it is trying to tell you is one the best practices you can do.
Absolute banger of an episode. I feel like I'm a blue belt at this - but just like in BJJ, being a blue belt comes with the dangerous hubris of thinking you're a black belt.
Still grinding, still got a lot of work to do, but the progress comes if you're patient and can weather the storm.
Come on the boys 🫡
My wife sent this to me as soon as it was released! “Not just for you, but for me, too” 😂 16:43
This is a powerful message! Connor Beaton does an excellent job of encouraging men to embrace their emotions. It’s so important to recognize and express our feelings-thanks for sharing these insights
I really liked your video! Is there still a chance for remote involvement with your team?
your reputation is well-deserved! I explored the Helpful Advice section on your website, and I’m hooked. The way you break things down is truly inspiring. Kudos to you!
Not every situation calls for men to wear their emotions on their sleeves. Sometimes, resilience and stoicism are what’s needed to lead and protect. Balance is key, but vulnerability isn’t always the answer.
Reading the channel bio could be helpful for finding ways to connect with their recruiting team, Starting remote work feels like such a big step
Hahah you wanted guys to comment but as a female I wanted to comment and let you know that there are women out here that are listening to your podcasts to understand their man….now how do I get my man to listen to your podcasts without feeling threatened, attacked, etc. I just want us to grow
Female here 🙂 I asked my husband: hey do you follow Chris? No, who is he. I said I find his podcasts really cool, he covers a lot of topics and has great guests on. Oh, I'll have a look.
That’s a really good point. I’m a guy, and I think what would make me look at some of the videos like this is to tell me about some of his more approachable videos that don’t necessarily deal with topics that I might feel threatened by, like the dating videos or About how to achieve success in life. And then after watching those I might look into other things that Chris did and find this video.
You can lead a horse to water, but he will only drink if he’s thirsty. Hard to say how you’d go about exposing him to videos he’s not familiar with because like puppies, we’re all different, remember that honesty is the best policy and manipulation will inflame whatever it is that is the problem, good luck.
Wish I could shake ur hand Chris. You’re bringing up stuff I’ve been desperately thinking about feeling like I’m the only one. It’s a breath of fresh air knowing I’m normal(ish) for having these thoughts. THANK YOU 🤝
What an amazing podcast, you both did a great job. So many different insights. One of your very best Chris.
When it comes to the topic of men showing emotion, we are damned if we do and we damned if we don't.
It takes a lot of bravery to do it, but it gets easier.
@@tweetingsit's harder to not.
@@cydra_infinity1423 Very true.
I didn't realize i had a problem with "feeling" my emotions until a therapist was talking me through some issue i was struggling with where i was angry, and rightfully so. But my response to BEING angry was to try and get back to NOT angry as though anger was some sort of imbalance.
He asked "why?"
"Why can't you just be IN your anger for a bit? Its justified. You're not destructive or out of control. So aren't you ALLOWED to just FEEL angry for a moment?"
😐
Something inside of me that i had kept closed and locked tight broke open.
There was definitely an.... adjustment period. A LOT of shit i had kept bottled up for basically my entire life came out. At times, pretty explosively. I'll be honest here. At a point, i think i had not cried in almost a decade. And one day after this revelation during a fight with my son's mother i found myself doubled over on the floor sobbing in a way so painful i didn't know that it was possible to cry like that. Everything i had held back came out all at once. I hope i never feel like that again. 😕
But what i would say i learned from it all was this:
Feeling emotions is not bad. Being controlled BY your emotions is bad.
There is nothing wrong with having feelings, positive or negative - as long as you remain in control of your behavior in spite of them.
Sometimes you have to put feelings in a box and sort them out later when you've got a mission to finish.
But don't LEAVE it boxed up or that shit turns into mental illness and spiritual weight.
Thank you for sharing.
One of the best ways in which I’ve learnt to open myself to emotion is by praying. And also, ive learnt to open up myself to my wife in the intimacy of my marriage.
Love this episode, now we just need advice about how women can manage their men sharing their emotions and react appropriately
Start with what you can control: your reactions to your own emotions
Yes, we all want to be known. To be radically loved and accepted for being ourselves. Amen.
Chris using psychology articles to flirt is about what I expected 😂
As somebody who's emotional states are either a pacifist people-pleaser and happy-to-help happy-to-live (98% of the time) or an absolut chair smashing police call inducing monster (2%) I find this episode very important. Nobody told me how to regulate and sometimes it is extremely difficult when people give you enough shit
Please stop ripping the thoughts from my head and speaking them! Good lord! I’ve heard allot about who I am or how I act, but this is such an accurate description of life as a people pleaser. Thank you 😊
Came onto this podcast from reels. This is my state from years really struggling with my house chores and always reactive and by the way I’m a female as I heard Chris and guest are talking about males.
Man talks is a part of my mental health routine
Many things here resonate with me. I'm a fan of the work of Dr Gordon Neufeld, and the journey of helplessness is very similar to what he talks about when it comes to curinga bully, who has the cruelty you mentioned due to suppressing their vulnerability. And his six roots of attachment have "being known" as the deepest and most profound root.
Really good Chris, thank you and Connor!
Enjoying the video, I spontaneously clicked on it, I’m struggling to do the things I need to do, I don’t really know how I’m feeling 😅
Chris.. Connor used the term Grief to describe the torrent of emotions one experiences when we beat the odds, overcome the impossible, and arrive intact at a place that we swore was beyond our reach. I would offer the term Bitter-Sweet as a more apt descriptor of that experience. Like the blue and gold sphere in the movie Inside Out, which is the amalgam of sorrow and joy.. loss and triumph.. the steep price paid, and the glorious heights attained notwithstanding. I have come to believe that this complex emotional experience.. which we call bittersweet.. is the summum bonum of human experience.. the proverbial Hendrix Cord of human emotion. Love the show. Fred
thank you brothers 🫂
This was transformative for me, like realizing situations where I communicated poorly as you were explaining things. Thank you both
Thank you.
This is so good. Really helpful..
Grief = transitioning from the identity you kept in your mind to what reality is
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate… leads to suffering
Yoda was right all along...
@@hasanraza5 to be fair he had a bit more time to think on it than the rest of us
Wasn't expecting a Yoda quote in the comments lol. A lot of truth then, and certainly now
BS.
Fear & anger are both suffering as well, to say one leads directly to another is also a big leap that’s certainly not always true
Hey, single dude here, put this podcast on while driving all by myself! Just a guy trying to be better and wonder if there’s a better way to manage my daily suffering lol
Keep listening to Modern Wisdom. 🙏🏻 otherwise idk but wish you less suffering 😊
@ thanks! And yea I’ve been listening to Chris for a few years now! Thanks!
At 1:58, Chris is referring to "The Honeymooners." Jackie Gleason's character, Ralph Kramden, would comically threaten his wife with "To the moon, Alice!!" He never actually hit her...and she was wayyyy more the pants-wearer in the family, of course.
we men AND women need more of exposure to subject once in a while
I love this I’ve been working on sharing , learning more about my emotions. Thanks for this! PS the piece of lint on Chris’s head, should name it Excalibur
Actually i found this talk the most interesting i ve listened lately
Chris, I am here of my own accord. Hi I am Enzo and I have a problem. My problem is emotions. I am here to change. ❤
It feels hollow yet its addressing something deeply profound.
16:43 !! Already sent to a couple of friends hahaha
Love Connor Beaton. Another great episode as per usual gentlemen. Lots of insight here and major takeaways.
wow
I dont even want to express what this did with me, thank you godly amounts of much
Stoic till I die. Very interesting and informative.
It's very simple really. Women value men who provide security and stability. Emotional men are anathema to what women want/need. This is a biologically programmed preference, there is no changing it.
This doesn't mean men can't express their emotions, but men should never appear to be unable to manage their emotions. That demonstrates weakness and healthy women aren't attracted to weak/unstable men.
Repressing emotions isn't actually managing emotions at all.
⏱️ Timestamps by TimeSkip ⏱️
00:00:00 - Introduction to Men's Emotions
00:02:38 - Masculinity and Emotional Control
00:05:22 - Navigating Emotional Vulnerability
00:12:38 - Importance of Emotional Awareness
00:16:50 - Recognizing Emotional Problems
00:20:00 - Rational vs. Intuitive Mind
00:24:17 - The Role of Awareness in Emotions
00:30:14 - Building Tolerance for Emotions
00:37:12 - Navigating Emotional Intensity
00:39:22 - Developing a Relationship with Emotions
00:41:14 - Understanding Grief and Sadness
00:43:09 - Recognizing Grief Beyond Loss
00:45:30 - Witnessing Grief for Healing
00:48:13 - Navigating Depression and Seeking Help
00:57:44 - Powerlessness and Emotional Mastery
01:00:11 - Discovering Emotional Truths
01:04:01 - Understanding Emotional Disconnect
01:07:30 - Creating Cognitive Space for Feelings
01:10:11 - The Importance of Community Support
01:12:52 - Embracing Vulnerability as Strength
01:14:51 - Challenging Emotional Suppression
01:19:54 - Recognizing Emotional Immaturity
01:21:52 - Acknowledging Emotional Avoidance
01:24:32 - Embracing Life Fully
It’s been only 14 minutes my dude.
@@ajinkyapawar9665they used AI
I watched cause I quickly told myself I didn’t care to watch. Then thought “Answers are typically where you don’t want to find them”
thank you for this episode Chris
Good stuff guys!
I dont know how the express in my words the emotion I’m experiencing. Problem is that I didn’t read a book different from maths or engineering book in the last 8 years, don’t really watch movies I don’t know where to start do you have any idea?
Men who are independent allow themselves to be emotional because they are not afraid to cut ANYONE out of their lives who can't respect their humanity
58:10 Is Bruce Wayne’s experience in the movie….Batman Begins. When he decides to let go of his privileged life,to greater heights… WOW kinda cool right! 😯 It’s the Hero’s journey Joseph Campbell Plug 🔌
Great interview and insight!
I'm a part of Connor's Men's Alliance
It's great group with many wonderful resources. Highly recommend. We also meet weekly to connect and talk.
Suppressing emotions is underrated. Men have to do men things in society, a lot of these things don’t have to be spoken of or discussed. Such examples are going to war, slaughtering animals, burying people and pets. Sometimes you just have to get the thing done and then never speak of it ever again and let time heal it all.
I agree with that. It might be not what society is trying to sell us that men should be emotional. But its not what men built for. I don't say that you can't acknowledge what you are feeling but as a society that have gone softer we should not become that soft. Plus let's not get fooled by women that says that we should be emotional... They say it but at the end of the day they don't like it when we are vulnerable because it against what they deeply look for... A strong mate that can defend them or control a difficult situation, they want a protector, not an uncontrolled emotional man. If you are emotional, channel that emotion into something positive. Go for a run, do something physical. It helps and this how man are built.
We need more people saying this
Did you actually listen to the episode?
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😊so good
I’m just a guy listening to this because I looked for it and was interested
This episode hit me right between the eyes. It hit close to home to the point that it hurt to listen to but I choked it down. I have work to do.
Love the talk on grief and what that can include. The link between achievements and grief is mind blowing. The song 'Grief is only Love (that's got no place to go)' by Stephen Wilson Jr reflects all of this.
As someone who suppresses his feelings a lot, I used to think that the only emotion in my register was anger because it's the only one that I unwillingly let take control of myself on some rare occasions. Everything else I can just sweep under the rug with the right dosage of drugs and porn but I've been doing it so much and so effectively that I've even lost the ability to identify that there was something there in the first place. I didn't realize that I was so scared of my own sadness and despair these past few years and I think that it might be because I haven't found any healthy way to experience or express them outside of a therapy setting and also know that they might consume me if I try to do this on my own. It really is scary now that I stop and think about it.
Thanks for this episode, now I know that I need to look more into Connor's work (and maybe send a few calls to some therapists).
I can confirm not to share emotions with most girlfriends/wives. If you have a good male friend that's the only safe place 👌
Great interview.
Chris, I love both you and Connor but how do you know that men being more in touch with their emotions isn't just a luxury belief? One afforded to those who already have success and status but would negatively impact men lower than you. Do you think you would have ever reached this point of introspection without first achieving success?
Men are more emotional today than ever, yet now we have high self deletion rates than previous generations that were raised to be emotionless. Wouldn't the cause be because men today lack purpose and relationships instead of being in touch with their emotions?
@zacar0ni would you consider that Chris may have reached this level of success because of his ability to be introspective? I also believe that if you consider being in touch with your emotions as a luxury (due to success) then you need a reframe. Many people are successful because they have been willing to do that work on themselves throughout hardship and shit happening in their lives, not doing it after they become successful, although that is also possible. The way we come to introspection is often not linear and definitely different for each person on their own journey.
Whether successful or not in a material sense, having a healthy relationship to your emotions, even vulnerable ones, is a very positive thing. You can go about your life not being terrified of your own psyche. You can accept yourself in good times and bad. You are accessible so that people can get to know you and love you. You feel better and more at ease with yourself. It's always where the true, sustainable, anti-fragile strength lies.
I would argue that men are generally less in control of their emotions than historically, but that it can manifest as being more emotionally incontinent. If you read older works, the men express emotion in ways that most men today would never dare to - weeping openly in public, embracing friends, etc
As Chris pointed out, someone who suppresses emotions and someone who masters them can appear similar; likewise, someone who is ruled by their emotions and someone who expresses them can appear similar
Considering the pyramid of Maslow, yes.
But that's almost always the case except when you are talking about how to get enough money to put food on the table.
However, emotions are probably on the second step already (safety and [something else]). So I don't think this is as much of a luxuary as you think it is.
Hey Everyone 🤠
Find the parts that interest you:
0:00 - Why do men struggle with emotions?
1:18 - Generational emotional suppression in men
4:25 - Men not incentivized to express emotions
10:31 - Willingness to be transparent about emotions
12:31 - Importance of emotions in decision making
14:41 - Recognizing signs of emotional disconnection
21:00 - Understanding men's emotional suppression
24:17 - Developing body-oriented emotional awareness
30:12 - Building tolerance for difficult emotions
32:54 - Steps to process difficult emotions
35:01 - Permission to feel your feelings
42:28 - Understanding causes for emotional pauses
44:46 - Grief can accompany transitions in life
46:29 - Importance of witnessing grief for healing
53:00 - Men and emotions: a complex relationship
56:01 - Powerlessness as a path to growth
1:00:21 - Expressing feelings leads to deeper purpose
1:04:10 - Feeling miserable indicates unexpressed emotions
1:06:12 - Ask if you're explaining or expressing
1:09:01 - Involve others to support emotional expression
1:14:51 - Importance of emotional work
1:20:52 - Finding emotional compatibility early
Chat with videos via Bumpups 🌲
I really related to how Connor describes his anger. I feel the same way when I’m really sad or upset, like there’s a pit in the middle of my chest that keeps spreading darkness in me. It’s helped me a lot.
You better man up head up shoulders back you supposed to be a warrior
I feel for you. Whenever I feel sad or frustrated or overwhelmed I get angry. I use that anger to suppress my other emotions so that I can keep moving forward and get things done.
With utmost sincerity I wanna say thank you for this conversation. I will implement these exercises immediately ❤
this is the least watched video the largest amount of men need.
“How do men start feeling their emotions?” *video buffers* yeah that just about sums it up
I wish that i had a man to try to sneakily get him to listen to this episode 😅💔😶🌫️
Dear Chris your content is pretty amazing and really really helpful!! But I just want to say the generalization you give to what is masculine is sometimes a bit over indexed, yes you maybe right majority is male but not always. it makes some of the women who really love your podcast feel unseen! Nonetheless keep up the good work!
What was said at the end really hit the nail on the head, in my view. Men and women, because of their parental relationships, only know how to have dysfunctional relationships.
I also think because people have relationships (one night stands all the way to long term ones) that are not pointed at the goal of marriage, many folks are just together to use each other. Men use women for validation and sex, women use men for validation and status/money. It’s a tale as old as time. People who are using each other for superficial reasons have no reason to be vulnerable with each other and won’t attract partners who are equipped for that.
Eaton is the man, looking forward to it
(small recommendation)
hey, big fan. i really wish if you could put more effort into making the vc podcasts as good as the others(audio and video), maybe hire person who would go to the guest and set things up. this would take a bit more efforts but i beleive will be 100% worth it.
This one is really good and hope to see more like these and even better in the future.
Thank you for all the value.
sheeeesh
I believe Connor went ahead and recorded his own voice simultaneously, and sent it to Chris. Huge improvement, definitely should be like this in the future.
I've dated a couple men who assume that all women will reject them if they lower their guard and cry in front of their girlfriend. It's really sad. When my ex opened up with me about his depression and suicidality, I was thankful because I knew how to be there for him. It's just sad that men reject their emotions, an important part of themselves, because they fear being rejected from being loved. Like yall need a hug
"When my ex" Wouldnt be an ex if it worked.
THE POWER TO BRING THIS FROM 999 likes to 1K is impalpable
I still don’t understand how to FEEL MY FEELINGS. I just startled therapy(CPTSD) and my female therapist told me to do that, I just don’t understand it at all. This didn’t help either. Where and where and how. Frustrating.
Acknowledge they exist if the first step. What you do with them once you find out how you feel if up to you. But I would think awareness is the first step. I'm kind of dealing with this too.
❤❤and Im a woman but have brothers that we talk about our childhood and some dont understand how that impacts a human and I had wonderful parents and grandparents but we saw their hurt and as we know what did our elders deal with in their time
I enjoyed this episode. However, I found it hard to stay engaged and follow along. I kind of wish he explained how to express emotions verbally. I think men, can benefit from learning how to "express" emotions without "explaining" or showing emotion.
I think it would be the same way as he demonstrated. If you asked a 3yo kid to draw the emotion, what would it look like:
Iron Man's core consuming your body? Cold tar thick and sticky in your gut, creeping up your spine? A light shudder at the top of your chest, that makes you feel like you can do magic? Face, ears and neck hot, as if fevered? An explosion of lightness in your core that makes it seem like you could levitate? A sucking void in the diaphragm, as is if it turned into a black hole....
Use pictures, use movies, use music anything that you know. You have to map the dictionary yourself, because you are experiencing it.
As a woman I relate a lot to this. Feel like it’s to do with my attachment style- I’m an avoidant (like most of my guy friends) would love to know how many other women can’t access their emotions easily?
Woman here
I have been a very emotionally distant person since I was young and had a very difficult time processing my emotions. The way I coped with emotions was just turning it off and detaching from myself or others. People used to describe me as cold, shallow and detached. But I always perceived myself as easy going, very happy go-lucky. The negative qualities of this did show up as lack of boundary setting, being easily overwhelmed by my external experience, and not really being able to express how i felt. I had the tendency to just cut people off out of nowhere and ghost. It took many years to reconnect with my emotional experience and it was challenging. But I'm much happier now and have found a better balance
I think the adoption of repression as the primary form of male emotional regulation in Britain happened in the first world war.
Prior to that, there was a lot of emotionally demonstrative behaviour (duels, etc.) from men, and legal codes even made provision for it (crimes of passion).
I think the early 20th century exposed the country as a whole to external events that required a resolute "stiff upper lip" approach for the first time.
What i mean by that is it was the first time the country saw general mobilisation with all classes in all counties united to the same goal.
I think the stuff upper lip attitude was a pragmatic realisation that times were going to be tough, and complaining about it wasn't going to help anyone, so one had to just tighten the belt and bootstraps and get on with it.
Subsequent events (great depression & 2nd world war) probably served to reinforce the attitude and created a generation of people who'd known nothing but hardship and they passed the mindset down to the next.
Boomers looked up to their stoic parents, kept calm and carried on. One could argue that the cold war provided conditions that further promoted that way of thinking.
That's not to say that there was no emotional repression beforehand, but I think it was the war that spread it out evenly.
2:16 you mean Jackie Gleason's Honeymooners character?
The bang, zoom, straight to the moon is a reference to PA.
@@mowerds33 Definitely what he was thinking. Us old guys lol
"All in the Family" is another one.
You're thinking of Jackie Gleason.
"One of these days Alice! Straight to the moon!"
"All in the Family" is another one from a different time.
Bring it back !!!!!!
Bring it back !!!!!!
Bring it back !!!!!!
Can you make a video of how do not have all these feelings? They're overrated, only problematic.
If a man is disabled, can’t be a provider, and doesn’t have much to offer financially…(due to medical bills).. what js his purpose? ..
Relationships are obviously off the table. Career is gone. Friends are non existent.
What’s the point?
Big fan
i can't find any feelings usually when I look internally. too late for me? I have no anger, am ultra easy going. Father & child sappy commercials can almost bring a tear, but so does the end of lord of the rings so I do feel but day today I'm pretty zero.
Start to feel sensations in your body. Focus on your tight shoulder and feel what is there then wait for the emotion to arise.
This!
If like to add something too. Feel the sensations and than think. What could someone having those sensations be feeling emotionally? Fear, anger, sadness, joy?
Next step, could I be feeling that based on the situation I’m in or what I’ve recently been going through?
Extra note
Start with the simplest emotions and gradually get into more complex ones.
This helped me progress greatly though gradually.
Men. Keep control of your emotions around others.
Alexithymia (emotional myopia) is an actual physiological condition often caused by damage to the amygdala by neonatal circumcision. The trauma is so violent it permanently scars both amygdala.
Interesting
Very interesting. Male trucker 37 like to learn more while driving ty
I like Chris and he’s podcasts but in this conversation It’s seems like Chris didn’t know what Connor was talking about 😅😂😅
King makers. Thank you gentlemen.
Under 10 minute people 🙌🙌
Stellar.... we were just talking about healthy rational expressions and harnessing........ suppose its when the expression exposes lies and others bs it becomes a problem....... many also learn to accept reality ... for instance living in poverty with ignorant evil criminals is a reality for many, some learn to smile and appreciate what they can...... and then feel lucky they are able to even do that, its not so easy when cold and hungry ..... do the best we can i guess
If the primary purpose, justification for life is not to feel what the hell.does anyone think it is?
It's hard to learn when you've been a certain way for years, but it can be done. Get some therapy. Go to some men's groups so you're with some other guys who are trying to grow emotionally as well. I promise that in time your relationships will deepen. You'll feel bigger, more whole and more potent, because you've reclaimed so much more of your psyche's potential. You'll have more interesting conversations. You'll be less exhausted because your whole mind and body aren't fighting to repress stuff all the time. You'll have less angry outbursts. Less anger directed back towards yourself (depression). I honestly think that building capacity to feel, tolerate and express emotion is what moves us from boy psychology to man psychology.
@@Savvynomad225 And that!
So early only chris & the timestampers are here 👌
ONLY Narcissistic women will swoop in and denigrate a man expressing his true emotions. NORMAL woman will welcome it, nurture him, sooth him and assure him that he is being truthful, which is a good thing for all. However, rage is not okay, nor violent rage is not okay. So, there are more positive outpourings, even sadness, crying are fine with stable, self actualized women...
This is how it “should” be. Not how it is. My vulnerability awakens rage in my partner.
Let me guess you’re one of the good ones right?
It's easy to say that you'd be there for your husband if he broke down but you'll never truly know until you're in that situation.
I recently watched Louise Perry's podcast with Cassie Jaye (she created the documentary "The Red Pill") and in that episode both Perry and Jaye said they felt a strong ick from the men talking about their struggles with family court and suicidal thoughts.
I see you taking a sip of LMNT after saying there may be other elements at play…. 3:45
TH-cam podcasts are my emotional role models. And I cooked, chat?
Because most of us are in control of our emotions like adults .
Immediately sent it to my husband and told him to share it with his mates 🙌🏼☺️
1:13:04
There's no crying in baseball.