The reason we don't work as primary partners
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- This video responds to one of the most asked questions about what Brittany and Conor's relationship looks like now and the reason why it has evolved in this way. We hope to continue to offer both personal clarity and helpful insights. Thanks for being here with us!
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The grass is greener where you water it. I think Conor has grown in his emotional desires and goals. It feels good to have a solid relationship that you commit to despite chemistry, attractions and interest you might have with others. Could my husband and I find other partners? Absolutely. But do we want a lifetime of chasing every dangling jewel? No. What we have is shiny, beautiful and precious because we value it and invest into it.
Beautifully said❤
Amen!
Yes! Love this comment. This is why polyamory never appealed to me and seemed like something that just works in theory. I have watched C&B videos for a few years however, but because I genuinely enjoy their content. Mainly witnessing how they communicate; it's actually taught me a lot
Well said
But that's what they are talking about the whole video, right? They are talking about a nuance and both of them did not feel right in the relationship. If it were your case with your husband, you would feel it. I am happy for you, you guys found each other with the same vision.
I'm as monogamous as they come, but i have to say, i have learned so much from you guys. About relationships, both romantic and platonic, myself, other people,...i could go on and on. But the most important lesson i've learned is that we need to give ourselves and others room to grow, change is okay and shifts can be positive. Thank you for teaching me about all of these dimensions of love!
Very much the same for me as well.
I relate to Connor more.
I believe that relationships, if approached right, do guarantee both freedom to explore the world and advance ourselves and grow together, as well as security to feel safe and supported no matter what, which is not just a social need, but also an inspiration to be the best we can be. Being in a relationship shouldn't limit us, shouldn't become our prison, but a foundation to grow both together and individually, having an absolute freedom to be who we are.
And of course, just like you both said, there will be times when you meet other people you resonate with, but that desire to pursue them doesn't need to be acted upon. Life is about priorities, and prioritizing desires over long lasting commitments seems to be a very insecure way of behaving. Ultimately, everyone should pursue what feels right for them, but personally for me, the monogamous relationship I'm in is the most loving, supportive and safe relationship I've ever been it. I feel completely free to pursue whatever I want it life, at the same time knowing that there's always someone I can rely on, cheering for me and my goals. And I'm always there to support them as well.
Long time viewer here.
I love the beginning where Connor steps into his power of ‘let’s air it all out.’
So refreshing and such an ode to his growth and confidence in himself and where he stands in life.
I think he’s always been a confident man but this video just translates to beautiful growth.
Maturity and life experience and learning from relationship experience.
Love love love ❤
This conversation made me think about how our early childhood experiences can impact how we perceive “safety” in relationship with others later in life. Conor’s parents having been in a long term marriage and Brittany experiencing divorce. I wonder how that has impacted your perspectives today.
My understanding of this topic has been that you can be in a committed relationship with one person if that is what you desire. When that is what you truly want, more than being open in that way with other people, breaking that commitment is not so tempting. The other option is to prioritize other aspects of life over the relationship. Neither option is right or wrong of course, but I think it can certainly be less complicated to stick to one primary partner. But if that is not important or a priority for you, the other option may be worth it! I think it’s just about knowing what is most important to you in life and following that. We can want commitment and freedom in relationships for reasons based on fear but we can also want them out of desire and passion. Basically, as usual. it all depends 😜
Good point. I resonate with Brittany a lot. Although my parents are happily married for 30 years. But they both worked a lot when I was a kid. So I spent a lot of time with my grandparents my nanny, aunts and other relatives aswell. I never had this "one best friend" as a kid. But I remember building closer friendships with many different children and beeing sad when one of them moved away, even when we weren't that close anymore at some point. Still prefer relationships to be more open. I though a lot about if I might just be a commitment phobic. But I never had any trust issues in romantic relationships or any desire to leave when things got more serious. But something just feels better and "more safe" to me when I have more space for myself, other aspects of my life and other people.
I feel like I probably value safety over freedom. But the main thing that I want from another person is full transparency. Hiding nothing, which creates the feeling of safety for me. Which also plays into freedom because I want to have and the person I'm in relationship with to have full freedom to go with what feels fully resonant in every moment and have the safety to be fully honest with eachother about that. So they go hand in hand for me but I think in order to feel fully free in a relationship I need to feel safe first and foremost. If that makes sense. Really loved this video so much I am commenting twice. Thanks so much for sharing guys. Really inspiring.
While I have always been hyper-monogamous and I am very commitment-oriented, listening to these two make a case for “safety” versus “freedom” made me realize something - I would not be happy with a safety that was devoid of growth. I need change, exploration, variety, new horizons - WITH the same committed partner. To unveil new aspects of one another continually (as opposed to seeking that newness in the form of a completely different person). If someone told me that I could have all the safety and commitment in the world, but this is it, the relationship will never grow any deeper than it is now, we will never delve deeper into one another, we will never grow and come up with new things to share together - I would not want that at all!
I totally resonate with you! Need that change, new adventures, deeper conversations. Being able to just talk about anything and everything without being judged.
You two are cute. I could see whenever you guys brought in Bridget that Connor seemed to be sorta the 3rd wheel. I think it is great that he has found someone that he can feel safe with and that you can feel freedom with. For myself being in a committed relationship has always worked. I don't have the need to find someone else. So I guess I would go with Conor. 😊
I love seeing these discussions between you! It’s great for people to see what love looks like off of the relationship escalator. Loving each other doesn’t always involve romance or sex, but that doesn’t make it any less powerful or real.
Thank you for seeing us
Thank you for this, the end where you were laughing and joking and touching was my favourite. I have watched you guys from the beginning and I have to say I had some feelings when you told us you had changed the dynamics. I am the hopeless romantic that wants to see everyone stay in love, this video shows that you still love each other very much and it’s beautiful. ❤️
Loved reading your reflection
The universe is just amazing!! I have spent the last few days writing out my feelings on the type of relationship I want. A person I was dating said he wants to understand better. He is still very unsure of what he wants or what would work for him. I found articulating what I feel so difficult, but it was a very helpful exercise to write it out. Just as I'm finishing up, boom you post this video. And you both articulate a lot of what I wrote also. I resonate very much with Conor. I used to think I wanted a very open style relationship like Brittany, but I read Esther Perel's book "Mating in Captivity" where she discusses these competing needs for safety and freedom. It made me realize that the issue is much more complex and for me likely would not be solved by being with multiple people. I am 26 and honestly very grateful and proud of myself for realizing these things about myself at such a young age before I choose the person I want to commit to. Feeling positive about the future :) Thank you as always for your vulnerability and openness.
“I like it about you and I like it about me” so powerful
I love your openness and vulnerability in sharing your relationships and journey. I have learned so much and it's helped me so much to know what I do and do not want in relationship both romantic and platonic. Thank you both for being such beautiful and brave souls 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Love this conversation!! I hold a similar preference to Connor. I believe this is partly because I experience more freedom in hierarchical structures then in nonhierarchical structures. The second reason is because hierarchical structures create a more healing space for my particular attachment style and triggers. The third reason is because I’m deeply romantic. And I associate romance with feeling special and someone’s favorite who they will commit to for life no matter what (within reason). I don’t get my need for romance met within nonhierarchical structures.❤️
What an honest comment x
I love hearing Brittany use the word "divine" - bc basically she's saying if someone feels a divine resonance with someone else then that is indeed flowing with the universe to follow that and best for everyone involved. It is the understanding of what divine resonance feels like is probably where some folks differ - bc if it is ego or trauma based resonance but you mistake it as divine.. then that is an issue. Trusting yourself and your partner and honoring the divine presence in our lives sounds beautiful.
Added once I finished your video:)
I feel like I resonate with both of your perspectives - I feel like the commitment Connor is speaking of resonances and I also agree with Brittany about following the divine resonance if it shows up in your life as truth. So for me as a non polyamorous person, I most align with having a primary committed divine partner and not be looking for other partnerships for cultivating that one. And then if someone came into my life who I felt divine resonance with, I would explore that as felt aligned/would simply follow my authentic present moment guidance. So I have no way of knowing what I would do until the moment presented itself. But to ignore inner authentic guidance for safety of a committed relationship would be disastrous for me - bc I am kinda on this soul path where my soul most def is in charge and my trauma self's need for the known or safety is veto'ed.. vc true safety only resides in our authentic guidance leading to an authentic life. And authentic guidance is personal truth and for the most expanded evolution of all people involved... and again cannot be known until you are in a situation receiving that guidance. peace and love to you all!
So much love to you
My husband is that kind of person who NEVER has jealousy or concern about our relationship. Not for a sec. I wish I could be more like him.
Conor’s haircut looks nice but I had to say something about the beard cut and style. They cleaned it up so nicely while still having that long free beard! Great look.
Are you still pursuing a secondary relationship with one another even though you know you cannot work as primary partners? Or is it very much about just being friends and co-parenting?
I feel I align more with Connor. When I've tried polyamory in the past though there was freedom there was a lack of safety and commitment. Having a partner who is safe and committed is more important
I love how respectful you are of each other when speaking and sharing. Goals ❤
My most meaningful relationships have been very long and committed one’s, so I am fall more in line with Conor on this but can appreciate Brittany’s views too. I value freedom hugely but that doesn’t include other partnerships……it has to do with my everyday choices, having space and not having any ‘controls’ put on me from my partner.
I resonate so much with this!
Thanks for sharing
I wonder what, if any, role Ilya played in the changes in your relationship. If you are willing I believe it might be helpful for some of your audience to hear how having a child had an impact (if, in fact, it did)
I am still so sad about this 😢
Me too, girl. But I think my sadness is attached to my admiration of the way Britt and Conor were together. I imagined if they couldn't be together, how could my relationship succeed? I also was so inspired by them and it helped me find internal freedom. But ultimately, their relationship(s) have nothing to do with me and them sharing this helps everyone process the changes. I do feel like it's important to reflect on polyamory. I am not poly anymore because of the chaos it brought to my life. I learned and grew in my ten years as poly but eventually it hurt me. So seeing this is actually quite validating because I don't think poly dynamics are healthy the majority of the time. I've seen so much in my years in the community and it isn't something I'd want to return to. But anyways sorry for the run on sentences.
@@forestwizard1483totally agree. Was always so inspired by their dynamic and connection. Can’t help but feel invested in them. I like how they’re open to change though, guess it reflects in the ebbs and flows of life? Best of luck to you on your journey.
I love the open communication and care that was taken to make this video. Thank you so much for showcasing a truly honest and intimate conversation on the nuances of the human condition. Very interesting and wonderful to see, I wish more of us could be so open and kind towards one another.
I’ve been looking forward to this video for a long time. I’ve sensed it coming.
I’ve been married to the same man 20 years and we also have additional partners - there’s something extremely magical about a committed relationship with a human to weather the storms with and still explore experiences with other people as they arise.
When you find the safety in a person who truly sees you - life gets so much sweeter (even in the darker moments).
I’m glad you two can still be friends and honor each other as you are
Wow this is so relevant right now for me and very enlightening... thanks and hope you two keep making videos together regardless of where your individual paths lead
Agree with Brittany. My ultimate commitment has to be to the universe, growth and the flow 🌊🌊🌊
I have learned how to communicate what I need from a partner and how to adjust to growing myself. I’m so happy for you both. Like opening up to commitment, opening up to other possibilities of what a relationship looks like now. I love watching you guys because it seems so genuinely real, and not apart of hook-up culture. If that makes sense. What I’m trying to say is I love watching you guys and I learn so much from you two regardless of my preferences. ❤
Thank you Meg!
Freedom and commitment have been my desired dance partners for decades and in my seventies, I feel I’ve finally found someone who gets this creative contradiction, Yes it’s scary to be open to their loving somebody other than me and vice versa but it’s feeling free that allows me to commit ever deeper to them and the fact that we both turn up for each other in such committed ways gives the freedom we cherish more meaning.
Freedom and commitment feed each other, enhance each other. They are not mutually exclusive.
Astrologically we both have strong Uranus and Saturn influences in our charts which encourages freedom and commitment.
We’re also both neurodivergent and pansexual so I think that the underlying compatibility makes where we are different a place of growth rather than friction.
I resonate with both Conor and Brittany. You can see beautiful flowers without needing to pick them and you can also honour genuine feelings you have for more than one person by following them wherever they may lead . For me acting with as much integrity, honesty and sensitivity as you can is paramount.
The heart came up accidentally but I like it so I left it . You have both been such an inspiration and reassurance to me. Blessings to you both wherever life and love take you.xxx❤
I resonate with both of you! I don't know what I prefer for me, but I appreciate you embrace what feels good for you! That's the most important. You don't have to live what other people thinks it's good for you. Both perspectives are so valid, cause it's what is making you both happy!
Loving you!!
There is a difference between commitment and control. Commitment is consensual and mutual. Control, generally, is not.
Such a great video! Very helpful to hear these different perspectives/approaches. Definitely something I've been trying to figure out for myself as well.
I resonate more with Connor… I have been following you guys for years and watched you during these transitions.
If I am walking into a store and see a beautiful jacket that I want, is that the universe guiding me or is that my desire? Commitment is a choice, over and over again. It is a sacrifice of self for something greater. Is it always fun? No…is it always sexy? No. We can feel resonance with people and choose to do nothing. It just happens but it’s not necessarily a divine calling in my opinion. Neither is the jacket. Brittany, I think it’s cool that you have the courage and conviction to live the way that feels right for you…it’s just not for me. As someone who spent much of my life distracted by romances, emotions and feelings, it just wouldn’t be practical. I feel that I would not be an effective parent if I were hyper-aware of my personal wants, needs and fantasies as a priority. Stability, consistency and trust are a better fit for me.
I just love these authentic conversations.
I hope y’all keep making content too! I’ve watched since the beginning! Love you both! Probably align more with C. The commitment piece is so helpful for me and probably lean more towards that than the freedom piece. 💜 relationships are so interesting… so crazy how things shift and morph. I wish you both the best always.
I most align with Conor on this front.
I value monogamy and heterosexuality and
commitment and those make me feel safe and free to be myself and grow in the ways that matter to me. Saw this change coming for your relationship and hope that coparenting is smooth. I prefer more leadership from my partner in most areas and want my transition into motherhood to feel protected by him and to lean on our commitment to carry me through the changes to come.
The both of you are excellent! I’ve watched your journey together blossom over the years and thank you for sharing. Polyamory or CNM relationships have as much challenges as monogamy.
As with any relationship dynamics there comes a time when people grow apart and redefined their new friendship. You two embody that.
Your relationship is a success and continuing as friends into your next chapter is wonderful. I hope more people can model being friends than awkward enemies when primary relationship ends. 🌻
Thank you love 💗
Thank you both for sharing so honestly. It's been so inspiring to see your relationship evolve over the years, and my own relationships have benefitted so much from the wisdom I've gained from you both!! I think as long as we are being honest about our truth then we can't get it wrong and we will be guided to what is right for us ❤️
Mmmmmmm. I think I align more with Brittany. In a relationship, I need a commitment to being loving and supportive in all aspects, including my freedom. I imagine it's challenging to make that transition from one primary partner to another while still maintaining all the love when some harder feelings arise on either end. I'm curious how my system would feel about that.
I have watched y'all for years and just want to say I love y'all so much. I support you no matter what. ❤
Muah!
I love how honest you both are and how you share your thoughts. Thank you for sharing all of this. So is Conor completely committed now then? Question: Do either of you want anymore children.
Thank you for sharing these very personal feelings and thoughts! I am very happy that you found new loves.
You guys are just so cool. Thankyou for sharing your world with us, and CONSTANTLY demonstrating what it looks like to honour your own experiences and how they are different to others. As you both said, this video is retrospective and I imagine it took a lot to get here... I am blown away by your open-ness with each other and commitment to understand each others difference. No defensive-ness, no trying to prove who is right, just two different perspectives existing at the same time. SO much love.
Thank you so much!
I think that you two wound up at the same spot that a monogamous couple would end up at in a similar situation. As a monogamous person, if you meet someone you resonate more with and you have the courage, you end your prior relationship and pursue the new one. You could do all of this while being monogamous person who has monogamous relationships.
It will be interesting to see how it all unfolds...
I am more in alignment with Conner. I value the safety that a committed relationship brings.
You guys are so amazing and beautiful. I love hearing about your knowledge and wisdom on relationships, and even though I have never been in a romantic one for now, I'm still learning things from your videos and I hope to put it to good use one day.
I kinda agree with Conor and low key I do feel its easy to be poly just because partly you don’t need to deal with difficult emotion’s
I feel like I’m in the middle of just screwed up!! Lol. I’ve been super committed and connected before and since my marriage I’ve felt like commitment to one said person is scary.
Freedom or commitment or safety. Wow. I think my mind and my core is commitment sometimes feeling in conflict with freedom. I would say I'm more like Conor because I believe in one person only, even though it hasn't really panned out that way. Hard to explain. I am blown away that you guys "broke up." I know, you haven't, but you know what I mean. I feel a bit sad about it, but happy you feel happiness in your respective partners.
Does this mean anything for your youtube channel? and courses/coaching etc?
Hi love! We are still offering courses and coaching with the option to book us individually or together: www.conorbrittany.com/coaching, and we will still continue to share on TH-cam whatever is authentically unfolding in our relationships with the intention that it will be of service to those watching ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing, this video in particular was so interesting to watch for me... Really got me thinking, and put into words some thoughts I had.
Cool question at the end! My needs resonate more with Brittany's.
I align with both of you so much. I was in a monogamous relationship, but the reason my partner broke up with me was very similar. He was more like Brittany, I was more like Conor 😅 I'm glad you can communicate so openly. I'm still hurting too much and too jealous to communicate properly with my ex partner. I have to, because we have a child, but it's rough.
You guys are inspirational. Proud of you both.
Thanks Zoe 🥰
I feel you guys are talking about commitment as if it was only possible with one person, or only relevant with a primary partner. But can't commitment present itself in different ways and forms? Depending on the relationship and the circumstances. I feel every relationship needs commitment, same as emotional responsibility and empathy. I don't think it should be the contrary to freedom. They should always work together.
If a single small thing is able to destroy the essence of a long relationship, that means that it wasn’t really strong. I see it specially in the way they are using too many words tu explain emotions emotions and never showing negative perspectives. And also seeing that they want to appear always equals, which is impossible as each person has different needs and ways of feel. What really happens in these case is that one person is trying to adapt to the other in order not to be harmful and that brings dishonesty even if you don’t want to. Peace ✌🏿
I feel like I am a combo of choosing my relationship from wounded and not wounded parts. I am more like Conor, but not even that "open."
I am so happy you two still are able to connect the way you have always had, with love and pure intentions with one another. I do think I align with both of you, just in different ways. In relationships, due to my anxiety, I like the aspect of commitment to one singular person, as I think it can enhance connection and build trust and an unconditional love. For me personally, it would be difficult to be in an open relationship with someone because my mind would constantly ruminate on if they come across someone they see as a better fit... so I guess it would just be my fears that would take over, even though that possibility happens in monogamous and poly relationships. I think I also benefit more from monogamy (currently) in my life because I am especially busy as a student and hospital worker, and I feel like I would need to devote a lot more time into a poly relationship due to my struggles with jealousy etc. Having a monogamous relationship I guess is just more of a comfort to me, and kind of makes me feel more confident that my partner will prioritize our relationship and working on growing together, as opposed to searching for other connections elsewhere.
Team Conor !!!!
I think that love is what keeps the coherence of things in the universe....I think that when we resonate with the universe be grow into being our true selves....committed monogamous partners or dedicated polyamorous lovers....both are true and exist at the same time. The question is where you feel more happy and free and secure.
What a vulnerable and sexy video, you guys. Thank you for this beautiful content.
I have enjoyed watching you both over the years even when it became clear a year ago that you were no longer compatible as primary partners. It will be a shame for the content to end, you taught me a lot about sharing your truth with a partner but the title of this video implies you are still secondary partners who share intimacy, which is not how you put it in the video. It's interesting that you are both monogamous now, and I'm glad you're both happy. Stay close friends for Ilya. All the best.
i also want commitment to one person/or job/place/whatever to be true but it also doesn't work for me. i feel like this can also apply for anything else besides partnership. i have to choose growth and going with what feels right over the security of sticking to sth that works in the moment (bc even though it's good now doesn't mean it still works tomorrow) and it's scary as hell. but i find that to be the only way to go (and feel safe in the commitment to my own growth) for me and i guess everyone has to choose the way in which they can grow and expand the most: choosing commitment or freedom first. and my guess is it's the one that feels the most uncomfortable at first but also right and true - and for me this can also mean not pursuing sth.
I guess it doesn't sound so much like a "philosophical difference" as it does a difference in needs.
Porque no los dos?? I'm definitely somewhere in the middle. I agree with both of you. I want to have that commitment like that and I can easily be loyal to that person for life. But I can also have another person for life. I want to be able to fall in love as deep as God plans for me to love the person, and still have my one person who I'm safe with forever. So I guess I do believe in hierarchical relationships in the sense that I could marry someone, but not in the literal sense where they mean more to me than anyone else will.
Even more than I've enjoyed following along on your journeys in polyamory, I have enjoyed and following along on your journeys as HUNANS!! Two humans dedicated to their growth and to love. How that manifests continually shifts and morphs exactly as it should, and as it does for all beings, but those two foundational principals are keys to living and keys that you have shared with so many humans over so many years!! So much respect and honor for you both. :)
Thanks for being here with us Emily!
i feel the same as you in terms of openness and right relationship. what about when you cant connect with anyone? in theory i feel like i have love to give and i could share it with multiple people but cant in reality even make one friend
Thank you for sharing
I am more of a swinger lifestyle with my partner and she's my main squeeze..Amazing points though! Need vs desire...I've always felt we are born with these boxes to fullfil..it's a bit hard to explain, almost like a sexual orientation, we are wired different and born a certain way.
You guys are great
I'm more of a Brittany when it comes to relationships. I am currently in 4 intimate relationships, and potentially adding a 5th play partner. I'm bi and agender. However, ironically and chronologically, my first relationship is with a cishet guy who is solo poly, so there's that. Then my second relationship is a super chill, almost bro-y but kinky dynamic with a poly pan enby who has a primary. The third relationship is a super emotionally and sexually connected with a married poly cis queer man. And the fourth relationship is new (like about 2 months) but it's much more traditional in the dating style/frequency/dynamic with a bi woman (however she is only non-monogamous casually but wants to end up monogamous...further conversation in a month-ish cuz she has solid potential for an anchor/domestic partner from my perspective)
So ass backwards, I've fallen into a more freedom/independence while deeply committed to each of these individuals...luckily it works for me and our respective schedules. Plus relationship #4 is aware that I won't drop #1-3 if she decides that monogamy is more valuable to her than whatever our romantic/sexual relationship is at that point a.k.a. any ultimatum would be futile
It amazes me that you would have the energy for this many relationships! Good on you!
Hello! I suppose at this point in my life I am feeling more in alignment with Conor's sentiments about commitment. I used to be in some polyamorous relationships but always without long term commitment because I was planning to move countries. This was back when poly was fairly new to mainstream culture so I wasn't meeting ppl with ethical practices or philosophical beliefs about polyamory back then in my small hometown, lots of liars and ppl just trying to use poly to cheat. Anyhow I still love the idea of polyamory but as I've gotten older I feel like I would not have the time or energy to keep up with multiple partners on a deep level. Now I am in a monogamous marriage because I fell in love with someone who is not interested in polyamory and I guess I am now realizing that I chose commitment over complete freedom. However my partner is not jealous at all about me having close relationships with other ppl so in a way I am still free to connect with ppl, just not "in the bedroom". Sometimes it saddens me that I am not completely free to just go do whatever I want or run off and travel anytime I want because I have to consider this other person, but there is beauty in that too and once we have children then I would have that feeling of needing to consider them all the time too, so I guess it is just me adjusting my freedom mindset to the stability and commitment of my current relationship.
Semantics. Connor is monogamous. Brittany is polyamorous.
Team Conor!!
I think Brittany lost more than Conor did when their relationship ended, although it might have seemed the opposite at the beginning. Conor really seems to know what he wants and seems to be at peace with himself. At 11:00 when Brittany said that he had a better resonance with Bridgette with Conor, I couldn't help but think that she is confusing a "better resonance" with being freshly in love when your hormones are going crazy. I mean, she and Conor had a few amazing years together and when the initial craziness for each faded away, Bridgette came into play...the question is, whether Brittany would choose Bridgette over Conor if she met both of them at the same time. If we all lived according to her philosophy, we could easily change partners every 2-3 years in the hope of finding THAT person that we most resonate with. I bet we would be disappointed to find that THAT person doesn't exist. That is also one of the reasons why people tend to cherish stable long-term relationships when they get older: fewer people are romantically interested in us when we get older and we have fewer chances to choose from, so the philosophy "I will be with whom I resonate more" doesn't pay off anymore.
I think you maybe misunderstand Brittany. She is talking about divine resonance. A connection with someone so strong that you feel you have to explore it, maybe that is romantically or not, and see where the universe takes you. You said, “according to her philosophy we could change partners every 2-3 years in hopes of finding that person we roseate with” however, again she is talking about already having a connection and not breaking up and hoping to find one again. She isn’t simply talking about crushes but actual deep connections.
Well observed @sasavs
I agree. It's an emotionally immature stance to take that you go wherever there's resonance.
that sounds a bit like fear based commitment. Not everyone would be disappointed that "the ONE" doesn't exists . .. because not all of us ever believed they did. Being solo doesn't always inspire fear or regret. Missing out on amazing connections because I'm stuck on finding "the one" spells regret for me. We're still allowed to talk about polyamory here, right?? Your question of Brittany would choose Bridgette over Conor doesn't really apply in a polyamorous context, that's one of the awesome benefits of this relationship structure.
@@dr.jenniferma3914 do you have a source for that? I'm curious about emotional maturity, I do build my life on playfulness a lot and haven't explored this topic very scientifically. Since you are a Dr. maybe you could point me in the right direction?
This relationship has been spiraling down for the past few years. I think when Britney chose someone else over Conor it was kind of eye opening to him as far as how important he really is to Britney. I also think the way they use language is kind of dishonest. They talk all around the issue without actually naming it. I feel there’s some friction between the two especially when they talk about the other partners. It’s almost like they are taunting each other with the fact they have other partners that are working better for them.
I especially appreciated when B says that C didn’t feel safe with her and I feel that was showing thru on the videos. Obviously women are going to have an easier time in open style relationships and B made it clear she wasn’t going to hold back just to make someone else feel safe. She probably felt that C was holding her back because he didn’t feel safe and him feeling safe meant she would have to do things differently. This doesn’t seem to be something B is interested in doing.
It also just occurred to me that Britney said that since Bridget showed up she’s been more committed to Conor but I just had to laugh. Conor moved out because he didn’t want to live with Britney and her romantic partner. So Britney chose Bridget over Conor.
I totally agree with you! I hate how they talk in circles. It very simple, Brittany wasn’t into him anymore and he wanted more of a commitment. He wanted a primary partner and she didn’t or at least she didn’t want him to be her primary partner. They sugar coat everything it’s so annoying.
I agree, why make it complicated when it’s so obvious. Bizarre.
I agree! I find Connor more honest actually. Brittany speaks in rainbows and bunnies lingo, not actually saying much but gibberish. Don't get me wrong, I've been watching them for years and it's been an interesting journey but I feel that if you are going to share your life openly and give advice then you should be honest and fill in the blanks. Brittany especially candy coats things and it's really getting annoying. Just be real for once and tell it like it is. Also how does Bridget feel about Brittany seeing other people and what about Flora too? So many unanswered questions. I get this is also a business for them and I suppose they must be doing OK but really if they were more transparent and honest perhaps they'd do even better.
@@lesleyroper1026omg exactly. as a long time watcher of this channel, i honestly stayed for Conor, Brittany always seemed off putting , irked me, disingenuous.
Way more in alignment with Conor. Just like with life in general, there are weeks, maybe months, where partnerships don't feel good. But if you have a commitment in place, you won't be as quick to allow yourself to jump ship during those rough patches. Building that kind of trust is what life is all about, in my humble opinion and lived experience.
And if you've ever truly been in love through the years you've weathered many storms and even potential breakups and traumas, but guess what happens if you continue to try? You fall in even deeper love. You fall back in love again and again and again. That's the most magical thing.
Fascinating. I can tell this is truly where your divide is because I've never seen you guys talk over each other so much in a video before! Thank you for being so honest in this!!
"You're not wrong. You can only be right. It's good to know where you are."
So simple yet I needed to hear this (the reason I love watching this channel) ❤️
Your commitment to and ability to communicate clearly and respectfully is an inspiration to me.
Much agreed.
The energy in this felt much more awkward than usual and I think you guys are finally starting to be completely truthful with your audience. You've built your brand on polyamory but it's been obvious for many over the last few years that you've been struggling with aspects of it. I truly hope you can both find happiness. There's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone, it doesn't mean the love and connection you had before will not have happened.
"built your brand on polyamory" THIS. I think that's why they often seem to speak indirectly about what's been going on. They definitely have a strong brand identity and company assets all based in polyamory/open relationships/non-monogamy. It's gotta be tense behind the scenes at C&B headquarters when they discuss the future of the brand.
I guess it's all individual perspective because I felt so relaxed and smiling and secure while watching this. Witnessing 2 people navigating their needs, discussing their differences and still honouring a connection. I thought it was really beautiful to see.
@@BrilliantHumanyup.. bc you’re grounded and observing. i feel like the comments above are mostly judgy and projecting
Yep. I've watched them on and off for a few years. Usually feels weird but this was just awkward.. hope they find their Happiness and Bliss soon.
Seems like it would be hard on a nervous system to always be unconsciously hypervigilant that your partner is open to replacing you if they meet someone they like better.
I wonder how Bridgette has learned to live comfortably with Brittany's 'calling' to be poly as she herself identified as monogamous.
I guess it fuels the passion though...
Applies in monogamy and poly
You said it perfectly well. I have felt exactly this from someone with whom we had mono relationship. It's terrible, it makes you insane and especially if you are highly sensitive. It left traumas in me that years didn't heal and only very conscious work on myself did.
@@anna-mariamarkova9584Yep. Turning love into a competition is the problem
I love that Connor is talking for himself without trying to edit for what always seemed like Britney’s plan.
Selfishly … I feel like I am grieving the romantic partnership between the two of you. And also I love you so much and love where you both are. So so proud of you two and grateful for your family.
We love you too!
As someone who is more monogamous in relationship; I relate to both needs, in different ways. Commitment in relationship is appreciated, and I relate to Connor's view point of not 'needing' (or even desiring, on my end) to explore every potential options, but rather more interest in diving deep with the one that resonates. I also understand Brittany's sentiment of , if the shoe eventually does not fit, to not try to force it to fit. I also relate to Brittany's need for freedom, however, less so in relationship... To me, I need to be free to travel, to pursue my passions, to have space and time for myself, to do what I want, to not have a conventional job, and to live life on my own terms... Showing up in monogamy with a good, healthy partner does not mire or restrict these things for me.
I have the same, I need a lot of freedom but not in a relationship in itself. I need freedom to evolve, I need freedom to be myself.
Even somehow freedom in a relationship for me is that I'm free to be in an exclusive relationship. That feels like a freedom to me.
I'm free to be myself!
@@you-vi2tmReal freedom can only be found within limitations. This is the fractal nature of reality. Beyond the edges of the fringe, dis-integration, breaking apart, and ultimately chaos will present. Observe for yourself and find it to be true…
Not one to usually comment buut I’ve been watching you guys since I was about 16…I’m 26 now. I want to thank you for the continued vulnerability, thoughtfulness and WISDOM you guys bring. Seeing you guys interact over the years has allowed me to see the possibility of depth that relationships can go - no matter the form it takes. Truly inspiring! This is a beautiful transition and I say this without discounting the work and pain that I can tell it took to get there.
Wishing you the best 🙏🏿
Absolutely felt this comment. Yes! ✨
What a beautiful comment to read
I started watching them when i was about 16 or 17 as well and now I’m 25 💗 i definitely resonate with this!
I don’t even remember when I started watching them. There was a lot more acro-yoga with striped trousers and vlogs going on. I had no kids, they had no kid, and they looked at each other in another way. So many years and a lot of things passed.
Thanks for the update:-)
Me too! 17, now 27. It’s like I grew up with them and they partly raised me ❤
I align more with Conor's sentiment on commitment. I've been married 16 years have 3 children, and it has only gotten better. It's gotten stronger, more solid, more relaxed, more convenient, more fun, more calm, more centered.
I love both of you and I don't want to sound harsh, but this feels honest for me... I feel like Britni's life philosophy is self centered, and I have always been about the other person, without neglecting my needs. I would never keep myself open to what may or could be better, because I made a promise to my husband. I'm committed to that and the building up of that with all of me, and for life, with every cell of passion in my body. It's made me a beautiful world full of so much love. I am made more because of my love for him and our children.
This man is kind, loving, unselfish, committed, hard working, fatherly, fun and funny, prone to whimsy, but also so solid and steadfast.
This feels safe and secure for me. We've built up a tiny empire of love, trust, and commitment that will live on far after we are gone, in the hearts of our children, and everyone who has been able to see our love in action.
I'm so glad that Conner has found a new love 💕
Same ❤ he is such a catch!
Me too
He has taken so much crap from the queen bee.
@@pj3998 ---I always wondered why he tolerated that. She led him by the nose
@@pj3998 He’s an empath…
As soon as Bridget came into the picture (in the videos), I immediately sensed this difference between you guys that you are now describing. I even had a convo with a friend and explained how interesting this change was that I felt like Conor deep down wanted a person as a “forever” person with safety and Brittany wasn’t set on that idea. At the time I felt very sad for Conor bc it all felt out of his control. How you guys explained the “desire” vs the “need” of how you relate to another person outside of the primary partnership explains it really well imo. I’m glad you guys were able to come to this understanding between the two of you ❤
Although it's unfortunate to watch your romantic partnership come to an "end", I still completely support each of you and your decision to do what's best for each other. If one thing remains true is you BOTH allow and encourage each other to live your very best lives, and that's not easy to come by. Thank you Connor and Brittany for continuing to show up for your viewers, and allowing us a small peek into your lives!
I love this comment. It actually made me cry. I feel the same way 💙 unconditional love is what comes to mind.
I hope you guys never stop making content! I've been watching you two forever and the way you communicate is so inspiring, the love is always so present as well. I've learned so much from you both. A tiny part of me is sad that your relationship has changed but it's also so refreshing to see how you've dealt with it in such a healthy mature way. Ilya is so lucky to have such amazing parents.
Aww so happy to read this!
How has this changed co parenting? Do you plan on bringing more children into the family?
This might sound like a back-handed comment but....if "beating around the bush" was a person, you guys would win an Oscar...lol!! Seriously all love though...thanks for the vlogs!
Exactly!!!!!!
Totally agree. They talk in circles about absolutely nothing on every video.
agreed!
RIGHT?! So intensely this!!!
Haha peace and love and I feel the same 😄
ahhh i feel like conor just needs to flat out say that healthy and authentic monogamy (which can be flexible in different circumstances or evolve) is where he currently feels comfortable.
I think he has always been monogamous
But he said he still wants the freedom to have sex with other people and fall in love with other people…as long as it doesn’t take away from the committed partnership?
@@meganngeorge But how is it that different from Brittany's perspective?
@@87enoughBULL their partnership was disrupted by Bridget (I don't mean that negatively)- conor no longer was the primary partner. This is what I am understanding from it
@@87enoughBULL Technically monogamy in this day and age is to have a single romantic and sexual partner at a single point in time. And the boundaries are discussed within that context about what is accepted/okay and not accepted/okay like watching porn, casual flirting etc. But having a single romantic and sexual partner is fixed.
As it approaches the border and becomes monogamish, its not being sexually exclusive. So a single romantic partner but sexually open.
Then as it goes farther and farther to the other spectrum, it reaches polyamory where there is no single, exclusive romantic and sexual partner. There's the space to have both romantic and/or sexual partnerships with others.
The main difference at this end of spectrum is relationship anarchy and hierarchical relationship.
In hierarchical, there's a primary, committed, pair bonded relationship. A central relationship with other satellite relationships. But the primary, central is always the main one, having importance over others.
In relationship anarchy, all are seen as of same value.
So both are polyamorous. Conor is in a hierarchical, pair bonded, primary polyamorous relationship with Flora, currently in a monogamous phase, but still open to love and sex with others in future, if so.
And that's the difference between Conor and Brittany. He wants a hierarchical one and she the other. Atleast that's what I understood.
Hope I made it clear.
PS: Personally I feel relationship anarchy is impractical for the vast majority of people and rather than juggling two or three or four, its better to focus on one stable and deep partnership, at most two if the first is on a really really solid footing and I mean really really solid. One has to be practical and prioritise as there's only so much time and energy.
My two cents -
All of us want love, intimacy at the end. I define them as such.
Love (Bell Hooks definition) - as an act of will, an intention and action to put one's self out there for flourishing of one's self and the other's inner growth
Intimacy - deep understanding and acceptance of the other, an emotional closeness without any romantic, sexual flavour.
And love doesn't have to be from romantic partnerships, its also from family, friendships and from deep within oneself as a sense of Being after one does the necessary spiritual work. Love brings intimacy and family, friendships, and personal spiritual work fulfill that too, romantic path is not the only way.
Also a good romantic relationship has to be built on the foundation of good friendship, good emotional intimacy. Romance, sex is an additional layer on top of that good friendship.
Then even if the romance fades away, the good friendship will remain.
If not, the romance will lose its steam quick and collapse probably.
I think I align with Brittany. As I constantly grow and change and gain new perspectives, the idea of committing to a future I think I want now and making choices based on that for the rest of my life is terrifying. I feel like I would lose myself completely if I tried, like I would become my script. I've found safety in flow, in the freedom to move with it. It does feel a bit icky that we are suddenly talking about commitment and nonmonogamy as mutually exclusive, but that's likely just my gut reaction to the discomfort of my years of practicing the opposite being challenged.
i actually suffer from that without having any partnerships. I had so many ideas, ideologies, plans, callings, commitments since childhood, and by pushing myself to pursue that instead of checking in (connecting) with myself moment by moment to really feel into my PRESENT moment what i really want NOW has made me burnt-out and depressed. It is also extremely hard to change such strongly and deeply wired habits. So yeah, i’m extremely grateful for Brittany leading by example 💚
I get a weird vibe that maybe Connor is still hurt by brittnee's décision to replace him with another partner and that maybe he doesn't really want to be friends anymore.
Glad for your peace now BUT there was a very long time when you were making videos saying how wonderful your triad was. Many people pointed out to you the obvious pain. Why the denial?
what about having no partner for a while?
I go in and out with watching Conor and Brittany as this is not the path I would choose to go down, but I find it really interesting. I do feel that Conor was almost like a 3rd wheel in the past and I would feel bad for him. It appeared (to me) that he was waiting for Brittany to join him where he was in the journey, but she never did and found Bridget and he appeared (to me) to be almost excluded. Then he found someone else to partner with and Brittany's jealousy which she is so open about, is the glue that binds them more than her love for Conor. This works for them so more power to them.