They weaponize forgiveness...They think it's like a magic trick that removes all consequences and repercussions... as in from themselves, not from the ones they victimized. No acknowledgement, no honesty about what took place. Doing the bare minimum of external changes and expecting everything to be back to normal because of that. Thank you for a thoughtful explanation in this video.
Definitely agree with you! The magic “ word”..! A word that really has no energy or substance behind it..! Without honesty there is no Relationship..! Let’s keep ourselves also honest about not feeding into negative loop patterns that “ feed” those behaviors and lead to giving us hurt over and over again! Breaking through those cycles is essential and if that means a complete reset of where the relationship may head..so be it! It may take many years until we can unmask this type of toxic painful and destructive behaviors that lead to isolation, questioning, confusion, guilt as this people try to make you and counter blame to shift the attention and responsibility to the one victimized by their immature behaviors!
This video is so important. It’s exactly what my husband needs to understand…forgiving him doesn’t mean my body has forgotten the trauma. Repairing a marriage after abuse takes time, even with trauma therapy
In order to understand, they will need to *want to understand. Batterers generally don't want to understand, preferring instead to believe that forgiveness is the cure-all, and that it all rests on you, and that if magical healing is not instantaneous, then the problem is your "refusal" to forgive, thus accusing you of not forgiving. "Forgiveness," as perceived by many, puts all the responsibility on the one who "needs to forgive." No one else, apparently, has any accountability. Such are trash doctrines, doctrines of demons.
My prerequisites for forgiveness: Remorse, repair, reform. The person who hurt someone else should acknowledge what they did and show remorse, attempt to repair the damage (if possible), and demonstrate a commitment to avoid repeating the behavior, imo.
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
As someone who suffers from chronic depression and insecure attachments, my ex made the right decision by ending the relationship with me a month ago. I was way too crippled and paralysed with my own insecurities and my own toxic behaviors rooted in trauma to be able to reciprocate love the way he deserved it. I come from an abusive household and I never had the courage to help myself. I've been waiting forever for someone to help me, I've never learned to love myself. This is my time to do the work to heal and avoid doing the same mistakes. I cannot make someone else feel loved if I don't love myself. And this is so important in order to build a healthy relationship. Thank you for your videos, they give me an amazing insight and help me confirm my own limitations and what I can do to be a better person.
@@NoixDeCocoSplit Crappy Childhood Fairy Adam Lane Smith Healthy Gamer GG Are some great TH-cam channels for healing if you haven’t already found them May you find your serenity 🕊️💪
That's a powerful post right there! Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and believe that you are going to get to wonderful places. Keep up the hard work!
Jimmy has an outstanding understanding of humans. What a great gift he is to this world, by clearly explaining things that people need to know. If you read this, Jimmy, know that you are helping MILLIONS of people.
Share his wisdom and his videos with your friends and family. He deserves more followers and truly I believe -- around the world -- many more relationships will improve with his increased viewership.
@@goblinsRule Would you allow your progeny to be babysat by a known P? You preach forgetting, so would you? Are you just going to chalk that up to their being "fallible?"
@goblinsRule the point of the video, is that whilst you can forgive someone, it takes time to rebuild the trust, if at all.. ie, forgiven but not forgotten?
Forgiveness is about understanding your under story and their under story for both sides and then working towards better communication where trust is built and closeness in time 🙏🏼💗
There is a difference between forgiveness and fellowship and I think that is a hard concept for most. Especially the person seeking forgiveness. The expectation that fellowship will immediately follow forgiveness without healing causes imminent disappointment.
You know, I don’t think I have ever said to anyone that I care about their feelings, or “Thank you for telling me how you feel”. I do care, but I’ve never said it before. Thank you so much for making these videos!
Thank you for saying "depending on the betrayal, forgiveness is impossible" (or something like that). My mother put me on a very long 3 + year healing journey from serious long-term childhood neglect, lack of self-esteem that I've only been able to build in the last few years, and inability to stand up for myself which has led to some pretty toxic relationships. I don't want a hoarder, addict, and controlling individual as a mother anymore. She hasn't fixed it and only by keeping her away can I be calm and not feel anxiety spikes when she wants to spend holidays together. People tell me that I should forgive her and try to find ways to have her in my life, but they don't get it. I don't want to be like this anymore and now I have to fight to make ME.
@@GreenEggsAndGram Seeing is believing. Anything less than that, I won't believe, for their words are lip service, in vain, empty. Show me your change. I like Missouri's motto, Missouri is the 'Show Me' state.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Such an important video. You summed up the residual trauma well - yes, you forgive, but it doesn't mean you can jump back in as if nothing happened. You can't. Your internal world has been altered (trust, safety, expectation, confidence, etc). There must be real, tangible change by the person who hurt you; otherwise, it's only a matter of time before they do it again. Thanks for all you're doing, Jimmy. It's much appreciated by many.
Not just tangible change, but a *_long_* pattern of doing the right thing, to where it *_overcomes_* the past patterns and establishes a new good pattern. That is how someone becomes *_trust-worthy._* I've never seen any abuser get to that point. They somehow figure that once, twice or maybe three times of behaving themselves should be sufficient for the injured party to trust them completely. Hogwash.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
3:44 🤯 I finally came to this point, took 10 years, and ran. In the beginning we can walk away but when we ignore this long enough it becomes a running away for saftey. Please dear reader, dont wait too long like i did.
Immediately upon watching this, tears prick my eyes. I've tried explaining that I've forgiven and it can take years rebuilding trust. Some people don't understand that.
Its called resentment. Resentment is when you feel upset because the person moved on and you are still thinking about the event. You resent them for moving on to fast
Yep. Resentment and contempt are both relationship killers. Gotta talk about it. Get the feelings out. But also repair and have a plan with your partner for moving forward. Otherwise that resentment just festers. Been there. Mine lingered because I simply could not establish trust with my toxic partner :L
What they did, doesn't just go away because an apology happened, you forgave them. It takes a long time for that broken trust to heal, to knit back together, just like when a broken bone needs to heal over months. The pain (equal to "resentment"), slowly fades away as the broken bone (broken trust) is healing with proper care. And, putting stress on the broken bone (the broken trust) too soon is going to re-injure and cause malunion or nonunion of the two broken parts. So, trust has to be rebuilt, and that requires lots of care and attention, not neglect, not re-injury, not rehashing. Both parts need to do all that's needed to knit back together.
I dig that comment. For anyone reading, don't let the cause of resentment be your own lack of speaking up clearly and often. That would be like not telling your dancing partner they're stepping on your feet every night for years and then resenting them for not caring that they hurt you. Give them a chance to fix their steps by telling them clearly and respectfully how much it hurts getting stepped on over and over. Most partners want to avoid hurting their partner. If they won't hear you out or they simply don't care, cross that bridge when/if it comes.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this, Jimmy! Great explanation! So important that we understand these concepts. Religion often pushes us to forgive but doesn’t provide enough detailed understanding of the concept, and without a clear grasp of all the implications, forgiveness can actually keep us in harm’s way. I had to learn that while I may forgive someone on a spiritual level because we are all flawed human beings, I needed to keep a strong guard up against them and not allow my heart to soften toward them because they would just strike again. There are levels of forgiveness, access and closeness that we need to wisely maintain or adjust as needed.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
My husband and I have been talking about this for about a year. It's so validating for us to hear this expressed outside of our personal conversations.
I forgave and forgave and forgave. He would yell at me to just forgive him and let it go stop talking about it. I kept trying to explain this to him, that I have forgiven him however that doesn't mean we have security and trust back yet. It would just make him angry. We are separated now 😭
He would say "Drop it." I said calmly that we needed to talk about it because it was hurtful, it did damage. He sternly said "DROP IT." I said we need to resolve this, it has hurt our relationship. He yelled *_"DROP IT!! WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!"_* That meant that he was not willing to resolve or fix anything, that he was not going to be accountable to fix or change his behavior, and that he was going to continue being abusive, which he did. If I had had wisdom at that point, I would have left then. *_Trust is earned. It takes a long pattern of doing the right thing to overcome past violations. Abusers don't like accountability, they refuse it because it requires them to humble themselves, which they aren't going to do._*
Same here. He finally admitted he doesn't know how to love and is set in his own ways. No change desired, so I'm moving on. Enough time wasted trying to make it work alone.
Currently experiencing my partner not contacting me after talking on the phone and he flipped out and accused me of being ungrateful for anything he’s done/does for me which is totally untrue, we’ve been together for 8yrs now but we don’t live together it’s a mutual choice as we both have our own homes and my children still live at home with me, in the past I’ve always been the first one to make contact with him to try and resolve things but I’m waiting for him to make the first move as he’s always said he can’t live without me now it’s time for him to show me this and be a man of his word as actions speak louder than words!
The narcissist has a demon problem. He has allowed evil into his life, usually in the form of rebellion against God, and he practices narcissism to destroy people because the more damage he does, the more power he acquires from the dark side. Narcissism is a form of witchcraft, plain and simple. For my family, we have memorized Psalm 91 (the most powerful prayer for protection) and Psalm 140 (which exactly describes the different attacks that narcissists use). There are many more chapters that speak to these types of attack because in the Psalms we find the prayers of King David (before he was king) when he was being targeted and stalked and attacked by King Saul because the king was jealous of David and wanted him dead. (The king used his entire army to attack David.) The Imprecatory Psalms are the prayers of someone crying out for God to fight on their behalf to protect them from evil and to punish the wicked person.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Wow this is great to learn. When I think of seeing my brother again, I get freaked out a bit and filled with anxiety. His wife has decided she hates me and he goes along with it....Years of hurt, rejection, bad treatment from them because of her hateful stance. I have forgiven but there is ZERO trust there and I no longer want to see my brother.
Jimmy is really sharing some profound truths. Thank God somebody is. I forgave my husband years ago and don’t hold it over his head, but there are enormous boulders of consequence between us. That is HIS burden to work on to remove thru repair and new behaviors.
I don't think people in their shoes understand that, that it is their burden to remove through repair and new trustworthy behaviors. They don't understand what they must do, that regaining trust is their responsibility.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you so much for this Jimmy. I never knew what love truely is about. I was abused by some family members and had to deal with them. Consequently, I have put up with men's abuse for years, not knowing what real love is. I'm 69 years oldow realizing not a one took accountability or apologized for all the pain they caused me. I have let go of a futile 16-year relationship now. 😢 Hurting so badly!
@sharieallen2719 Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Ringo starr.
Yes, Amen brother. Forgiveness is not to go back with that one who hurt you or as you said trust them again. Is just about not holding grudges, about not getting bitter or resentful for. It is to set you and the person free of your hate but we shouldn't trust a person that hurts us repeatedly without a transformation in Christ. Only God can change a person and if they don't want to surrender their life to follow Him, they won't change much because we need God's strength to be really delivered of strongholds.
If someone creates a breach, a violation, and they don't fix it, they don't mend it, that breach will remain. People mistakenly call breaches "grudges" when those breaches are simply part of reality. Doing mental gymnastics to deny reality won't change it.
The first and main thing that many ask is "Have you forgiven them?" as if that will solve everything. They have asked it in the context of domestic violence, they asked it in the context of a one-sided situationship where the narcissist was chronically disrespecting while the one being asked (about forgiveness) was the one trying to fix things. It felt as if that was the only idea/focus/proposed "solution" they had, as if they had no idea what to say other than "Have you forgiven them?" There has been no accountability in the false church. Truth has not been upheld there, nor ethics, integrity, principles or precepts. Over the last fifty years, they have practiced antinomian notions, that of lawlessness, ignoring the attitudes of the heart and the fruit of it. Accountability has been rejected. Truth cannot do its work where it is rejected. Forgiveness doesn't enable accountability or change, but it does enable the abuse to continue.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
But few seem to know what repentance is, as many define it as simply saying 'Sorry.' No, it means completely forsaking the violational behavior, in action, for real. *_It is not lip service, it occurs in reality._*
This headline hurt my heart as I scrolled by- I forgave because it was good for my heart- but the trust was never repaired- it takes two to repair the trust, and sometimes that will never happen, and you have to choose your demand move on. Thank you for making this video- somebody out there is in a fragile state and needs to hear this. ❤
My older sister used to yell at me, for hours at a time even if it was the middle of the night and i had school the next day. She was trying to correct the unhealthy behavior i had of blowing up on people when i got stressed. I told her it hurt me when she did that and i didnt feel like she was a safe person. She said she was sorry i felt that way but thats the way she has to do it because i dont remember/pay attention when she tries to correct my behavior without yelling. If i tried to step away to cool off or ask her if we could schedule this talk later, she would refuse, saying no one has time for that, she's busy all the time, i just want to get away from this conversation, if she is important to me, I'll stay, etc. I would be shutting down while she's yelling at me. She isnt sorry for the way she goes about it because she says its the only way it works. I feel such resentment toward her for that. Even though our relationship is okay most of the time until I make that kind of mistake again. I thought she was done, ready to end our relationship a while back because she had to drill this lesson into me year after year for a decade and i still wasnt getting it. I tried but i just dont know how to forgive her for hurting me, even knowing i hurt her too.
Plain and simple. You can work on forgiving someone but you never forget what they said to you that was hurtful. And when they never apologize, that just shows a lack of maturity.
When a person humbles themselves and has remorse over what they did, they will *_ask you for forgiveness,_* not merely "apologize" which only says 'Sorry.'
This applies to abuse as well. Forgiveness is a cop out, and avoids actually dealing with it. The abuser will continue their actions and just continue to hurt you. Cutting ties is the only way. Forgiving is avoiding it.
I remember talking to an old Friend. One of the last conversations I had discussed exactly what you said at 6:40. I said to him, if she’s going to constantly use that against you, she’s not forgiving you. Which isn’t healthy. You need to leave or confront it with her. Can’t tell you what happened between them. I gave him space.
Forgiveness doesn't heal violated trust. It is your friend's responsibility to cease the violating behaviors, and to consistently replace those with trustworthy behaviors to do the right thing and to rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust is your friend's job, not the one who may or may not "forgive." Forgiveness doesn't mean that the damage done by those violations is gone. You've got the shoe on the wrong foot. Forgiveness doesn't need to be enforced, your friend needs to be held accountable to behave honorably and in a trustworthy manner. Until your friend rebuilds trust over the long haul, that damage remains, and they will *not be trusted. It sounds like your friend and you believe that your abusing friend is innocent and on the high ground. It sounds like you are enabling your friend's false innocence and false pride, and not understanding that damage from violated trust remains until trust is reestablished. Only your violating friend can reestablish that. If they don't, they will never be trusted by their ex.
I went on one date with a guy…it was ok. He sent me a message late in the night that I took as booty call. Every person I have shared the message with has agreed with me. He apologized BUT then he told me he was mad that I didn’t trust him. I replied “I don’t know you.” One date and then you booty call me and you’re mad that I don’t trust you? Act trustworthy and then I’ll trust you.
The guy's false pride/ego was defensive. They knew they were busted, and were trying to cover. Lame, blatantly unethical and obviously immature, untrustworthy. If a person can't own up, they can't be trusted, and unethical behavior can't be trusted.
A video on how long “hurt feelings” can dominate every situation would be nice. Repair is important but I don’t want to feel like I’ve lost myself in a relationship because I made mistakes out of unhealthy and impulsive behavior.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
First your emotional wounds need to heal, then forgiveness comes by itself. But healing takes time, lots of time, distance and love. And those three ingredients are not available to everyone always. You cannot will or force forgiveness. Anyone saying so do not know forgiveness.
If the offending or abusing party sees what they did, changes their mind, heart and behaviors, and becomes reliably trustworthy, that can go a very long way to healing broken trust.
Forgiveness is a process, and it takes time to heal one's self and to build safety and trust back into the relationship. It starts with boundaries and leads us to do that inner work to find peace with that inner turmoil to find ultimate peace comes from within.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
I can forgive you and move on when you finally put something on that shelf. Kidding, of course. This was a great video. Forgiveness is crucial, but change has to happen for the relationship to change!
I appreciate your videos so much. You're an excellent teacher. Love your role playing videos too; the wigs are hilarious. We have to laugh, right?! Thanks again, very thought provoking always. Thinking is a 'good thing!' Take care.
As someone who neglected my relationships because of deep unsolved insecurities, be kind and true to yourself. It's NOT your fault. You tried, you did your best. We have to acknowledge and work on our shortcomings on our own. Stay strong, be true to yourself ❤
a genuine question from someone that has hurt their partner in the past and is trying very hard to do better: you talk in your videos a lot about acknowledging and accepting past hurt and making people feel heard and understood while I do understand that as a concept... what happens next? yes hurt has happened, yes we can sit down and look at the rubble all day long and talk about it and accept it but how does that help rebuild what happens after that, how can we go from a pile of well understood rubble to putting the bricks back where they go one thing I've learned from the various arguments and conversations me and my partner have had over the years is that my brain works drastically different to theirs and Im trying so so hard to lean how it works, they actually sent me this video to help me do research into this topic any help is appreciated
While discussing the mess can potentially bring insights as to what and how it happened, it doesn't repair the breach. Trust must be rebuilt, which is the responsibility of the one who violated it. Other comments here mention remorse, asking forgiveness, changing of the heart, mind and behavior to fly right. Then that right behavior reliably continued over a long period of time to establish a new trustworthy pattern can reestablish trust. Being willing to hear and comfort their broken heart also goes a long way.
There are more costs created by violations that are *not paid for at Calvary, damages and consequences that will remain, as the abuser needs to repent in *real life and deed (NOT lip service) and reestablish a whole new pattern of honorable accountability and trustworthy behavior. If the abuser did physical damage, then that physical damage may remain. Christianity and forgiveness do not mean that the results and consequences/costs of abuse don't exist. Such doctrines are of fairytales. Head injuries *do exist due to batterers, there are *real consequences. Broken bones and damage are real results of violations, you are not counting the costs of reality. If the abuser is going to jail, they are still going to jail, regardless of your simplistic doctrines. If a parent unalives their child, or a batterer does the same to their victim, that is a lasting reality that will not be undone by your no-consequence doctrine.
The man I loved very much, who suffers from some kind of personality disorder and addiction (drugs and alcohol) gave me three weeks to forgive him all the mistreatment that was happening for months and when I expressed my frustration he left me again, the second time, and said how I didn`t appreciate him trying to come back and that, actually, he doesn`t want to take me back. I felt like I am in the twilight zone, as if I was the one who verbally abused him, and was drunk for most of the time. Eventually, it turned out I was, as he said "proudly defiant" and he doesn`t want to expose his future children to my behaviour. :/
Narcissists and criminals, abusers and batterers, make a practice of turning the tables so far around that the victim of their crime is, in their delusional mind, the perpetrator. It is a total perversion where reality is upended, where up is called down, down is called up, where evil is called good, where truth is not honored or upheld. They have departed from reality, and that is insanity. You have escaped the abuser's clutches, that is excellent. They are full of lies, and darkness rules their disordered minds.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Exactly! Repair is what is necessary, not forgiveness. Forgiveness is an individual's need, not what the relationship needs. Forgiveness CAN be an outcome of repair but should not be expected nor sought.
Forgiveness is for YOU. The person who hurt you couldn't care less. Forgiveness is for your OWN well-being. And it also doesn't mean you condone the behavior--it just means that you see what it is and you're moving on. Holding onto that will just make YOU bitter and ugly--and basically THEM. Get rid of it. Forgive.
As long as you first feel all the anger, hurt, sadness, etc. Jumping to forgiveness without that is immensely harmful. It's so tempting though, because to most people, saying you've forgiven someone feels good, like you've taken the high road. But it can be a shield from more vulnerable feelings and pretending it didn't affect you. Essentially, a spiritual bypass. Forgiveness is the last part of the healing process. And honestly, for some people's process, it isn't necessary.
I see what they are/were, what their behavior was, I chose to move on from them, but I have also observed that "forgiveness" disables accountability. As a result, for now at least, I no longer believe in "forgiveness." Radical acceptance of who and what they are/were, and what they did, but not "forgiveness." Many spiritual and scriptural principles have been misused, mistaught and weaponized, such that those principles are used to further victimize the wronged. Accountability belongs to the violators, and it's time that they were held accountable. Both the "church" and the culture have long abandoned accountability, and accountability is what is needed.
Thank you, Jimmy, I really needed to hear this today as this is exactly what I have been struggling with intensely the past days. Lots of love, keep up the good work!
Some people can't forgive and they don't understand what forgiveness is no matter how small or how large so they can't move on. That kills a relationship as much as mistrust.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
so good, christians love to throw in the words of Jesus that we must forgive without ever understanding what forgiveness is and what it is not. Jesus is on the side of the broken and He who knows what the bodies, souls and minds have gone through and cares about healing the brokenness and providing safety and not be limited to keeping up relationships for the sake of the world.
My ex is maybe trying to hard to keep a connection by my gut would just churn and sink when it comes to interacting with him. I told him, he does not believe me. But that he does not believe me is his problem. I will listen to my gut.
Hello, I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that. This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going. Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same Love and Light Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you so very much for the videos. I struggle with talking to my fiance about emotional needs but your videos have helped me learn and grow as an individual so much. 😊
If they are not going to come clean and establish reliable, trustworthy behavior, then I hope you're free of them. I'm sure that many here understand how you feel.
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
The best advice I ever got was this:
Love Needs Action
Trust Needs Proof
Sorry Needs Change
Excellent.
Excellent!
@@Stillpril Excellent 🌼
Perfect! I wrote that down. Thank you for sharing that ❤
@@Stillpril love this!! Thank you!!
They weaponize forgiveness...They think it's like a magic trick that removes all consequences and repercussions... as in from themselves, not from the ones they victimized. No acknowledgement, no honesty about what took place. Doing the bare minimum of external changes and expecting everything to be back to normal because of that. Thank you for a thoughtful explanation in this video.
💯
Yup walking away from a porn addiction aint enough, no repair/understanding was being made on his part. Im still here but feel distrust in my body.
They reject accountability.
Well said, very true.
Definitely agree with you! The magic “ word”..! A word that really has no energy or substance behind it..! Without honesty there is no Relationship..! Let’s keep ourselves also honest about not feeding into negative loop patterns that “ feed” those behaviors and lead to giving us hurt over and over again! Breaking through those cycles is essential and if that means a complete reset of where the relationship may head..so be it! It may take many years until we can unmask this type of toxic painful and destructive behaviors that lead to isolation, questioning, confusion, guilt as this people try to make you and counter blame to shift the attention and responsibility to the one victimized by their immature behaviors!
Forgiveness is for me..
Trust is for them to prove themselves.
Trust is earned.
This video is so important. It’s exactly what my husband needs to understand…forgiving him doesn’t mean my body has forgotten the trauma. Repairing a marriage after abuse takes time, even with trauma therapy
In order to understand, they will need to *want to understand. Batterers generally don't want to understand, preferring instead to believe that forgiveness is the cure-all, and that it all rests on you, and that if magical healing is not instantaneous, then the problem is your "refusal" to forgive, thus accusing you of not forgiving. "Forgiveness," as perceived by many, puts all the responsibility on the one who "needs to forgive." No one else, apparently, has any accountability. Such are trash doctrines, doctrines of demons.
@@cacatr4495 I agree. 100%
@@cacatr4495 Well said.
My prerequisites for forgiveness:
Remorse, repair, reform.
The person who hurt someone else should acknowledge what they did and show remorse, attempt to repair the damage (if possible), and demonstrate a commitment to avoid repeating the behavior, imo.
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
As someone who suffers from chronic depression and insecure attachments, my ex made the right decision by ending the relationship with me a month ago.
I was way too crippled and paralysed with my own insecurities and my own toxic behaviors rooted in trauma to be able to reciprocate love the way he deserved it.
I come from an abusive household and I never had the courage to help myself. I've been waiting forever for someone to help me, I've never learned to love myself. This is my time to do the work to heal and avoid doing the same mistakes.
I cannot make someone else feel loved if I don't love myself. And this is so important in order to build a healthy relationship.
Thank you for your videos, they give me an amazing insight and help me confirm my own limitations and what I can do to be a better person.
Wow, you're doing great by having this self-reflection. I recommend reading the book "CPTSD" by Pete Walker.
@@NoixDeCocoSplit Crappy Childhood Fairy
Adam Lane Smith
Healthy Gamer GG
Are some great TH-cam channels for healing if you haven’t already found them
May you find your serenity 🕊️💪
That's a powerful post right there! Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and believe that you are going to get to wonderful places. Keep up the hard work!
Wow, you have incredible self-awareness, indispensabile prerequisite for healing. Best wishes on your healing journey!
God loves you, he heals. He healed me. It took time, but I did the work. Now I can love back
Jimmy has an outstanding understanding of humans. What a great gift he is to this world, by clearly explaining things that people need to know. If you read this, Jimmy, know that you are helping MILLIONS of people.
Share his wisdom and his videos with your friends and family. He deserves more followers and truly I believe -- around the world -- many more relationships will improve with his increased viewership.
@@dianeatpeace337 I absolutely agree!
Forgiven but not forgotten...
That is resentment, it never works, the real forgiveness accept that the other is fallible and it doesn't reflect you, just them.
@@goblinsRule
Would you allow your progeny to be babysat by a known P? You preach forgetting, so would you? Are you just going to chalk that up to their being "fallible?"
@goblinsRule the point of the video, is that whilst you can forgive someone, it takes time to rebuild the trust, if at all.. ie, forgiven but not forgotten?
Forgiveness is about understanding your under story and their under story for both sides and then working towards better communication where trust is built and closeness in time 🙏🏼💗
this is perfect & lovely, thank you :)
There is a difference between forgiveness and fellowship and I think that is a hard concept for most. Especially the person seeking forgiveness. The expectation that fellowship will immediately follow forgiveness without healing causes imminent disappointment.
That is absolutely the case. The difference between the two is vast.
You know, I don’t think I have ever said to anyone that I care about their feelings, or “Thank you for telling me how you feel”. I do care, but I’ve never said it before. Thank you so much for making these videos!
Sure. Perfectly valid. I have forgiven him, because holding on to anger only hurts me myself, but want him nowhere near my life again.
Thank you for saying "depending on the betrayal, forgiveness is impossible" (or something like that). My mother put me on a very long 3 + year healing journey from serious long-term childhood neglect, lack of self-esteem that I've only been able to build in the last few years, and inability to stand up for myself which has led to some pretty toxic relationships. I don't want a hoarder, addict, and controlling individual as a mother anymore. She hasn't fixed it and only by keeping her away can I be calm and not feel anxiety spikes when she wants to spend holidays together. People tell me that I should forgive her and try to find ways to have her in my life, but they don't get it. I don't want to be like this anymore and now I have to fight to make ME.
Good for you! Stand up for yourself and keep telling yourself you are worthy of something so amazing.
Forgiveness is a component of the grieving process and it is for our own healing💚
Forgive but never forget. It’s just that.
@@GreenEggsAndGram
Seeing is believing. Anything less than that, I won't believe, for their words are lip service, in vain, empty. Show me your change. I like Missouri's motto, Missouri is the 'Show Me' state.
Not necessary
THANK YOU. FINALLY SOMEONE ON OUR SIDE AND NOT GASLIGHTING US. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Such an important video. You summed up the residual trauma well - yes, you forgive, but it doesn't mean you can jump back in as if nothing happened. You can't. Your internal world has been altered (trust, safety, expectation, confidence, etc). There must be real, tangible change by the person who hurt you; otherwise, it's only a matter of time before they do it again. Thanks for all you're doing, Jimmy. It's much appreciated by many.
Not just tangible change, but a *_long_* pattern of doing the right thing, to where it *_overcomes_* the past patterns and establishes a new good pattern. That is how someone becomes *_trust-worthy._* I've never seen any abuser get to that point. They somehow figure that once, twice or maybe three times of behaving themselves should be sufficient for the injured party to trust them completely. Hogwash.
Absolutely. Forgiveness is the starting line, not the finishing line! 🏁
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
3:44 🤯
I finally came to this point, took 10 years, and ran. In the beginning we can walk away but when we ignore this long enough it becomes a running away for saftey. Please dear reader, dont wait too long like i did.
Immediately upon watching this, tears prick my eyes. I've tried explaining that I've forgiven and it can take years rebuilding trust. Some people don't understand that.
Its called resentment. Resentment is when you feel upset because the person moved on and you are still thinking about the event. You resent them for moving on to fast
Yep. Resentment and contempt are both relationship killers. Gotta talk about it. Get the feelings out. But also repair and have a plan with your partner for moving forward. Otherwise that resentment just festers. Been there. Mine lingered because I simply could not establish trust with my toxic partner :L
What they did, doesn't just go away because an apology happened, you forgave them. It takes a long time for that broken trust to heal, to knit back together, just like when a broken bone needs to heal over months. The pain (equal to "resentment"), slowly fades away as the broken bone (broken trust) is healing with proper care. And, putting stress on the broken bone (the broken trust) too soon is going to re-injure and cause malunion or nonunion of the two broken parts.
So, trust has to be rebuilt, and that requires lots of care and attention, not neglect, not re-injury, not rehashing. Both parts need to do all that's needed to knit back together.
There can be resentment because they never bothered to abandon their violational behaviors, and make things right, having no remorse.
I dig that comment.
For anyone reading, don't let the cause of resentment be your own lack of speaking up clearly and often.
That would be like not telling your dancing partner they're stepping on your feet every night for years and then resenting them for not caring that they hurt you. Give them a chance to fix their steps by telling them clearly and respectfully how much it hurts getting stepped on over and over.
Most partners want to avoid hurting their partner.
If they won't hear you out or they simply don't care, cross that bridge when/if it comes.
@@PostThaMost
Excellent metaphor, very well expressed. I'm sure your post will assist in understanding.
You covered all the areas I needed to hear. Now I don't feel so bad removing myself from a painful situation 🥺
Works with family too.
Absolutely. Works with any relationship
LOVE LOVE LOVE this, Jimmy! Great explanation! So important that we understand these concepts. Religion often pushes us to forgive but doesn’t provide enough detailed understanding of the concept, and without a clear grasp of all the implications, forgiveness can actually keep us in harm’s way. I had to learn that while I may forgive someone on a spiritual level because we are all flawed human beings, I needed to keep a strong guard up against them and not allow my heart to soften toward them because they would just strike again. There are levels of forgiveness, access and closeness that we need to wisely maintain or adjust as needed.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
My husband and I have been talking about this for about a year. It's so validating for us to hear this expressed outside of our personal conversations.
I forgave and forgave and forgave. He would yell at me to just forgive him and let it go stop talking about it. I kept trying to explain this to him, that I have forgiven him however that doesn't mean we have security and trust back yet. It would just make him angry. We are separated now 😭
He would say "Drop it." I said calmly that we needed to talk about it because it was hurtful, it did damage. He sternly said "DROP IT." I said we need to resolve this, it has hurt our relationship. He yelled *_"DROP IT!! WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!"_* That meant that he was not willing to resolve or fix anything, that he was not going to be accountable to fix or change his behavior, and that he was going to continue being abusive, which he did. If I had had wisdom at that point, I would have left then.
*_Trust is earned. It takes a long pattern of doing the right thing to overcome past violations. Abusers don't like accountability, they refuse it because it requires them to humble themselves, which they aren't going to do._*
Wherever you are, I hope you are safe and thriving.
I just walked away from someone that I thought was gonna be my ride or die😢
I’m so sorry, I know that’s so hard
Me too 😭
Me too
Me too. It’s exquisitely painful to let go of my fantasy of happily ever after.
Same here. He finally admitted he doesn't know how to love and is set in his own ways. No change desired, so I'm moving on. Enough time wasted trying to make it work alone.
Currently experiencing my partner not contacting me after talking on the phone and he flipped out and accused me of being ungrateful for anything he’s done/does for me which is totally untrue, we’ve been together for 8yrs now but we don’t live together it’s a mutual choice as we both have our own homes and my children still live at home with me, in the past I’ve always been the first one to make contact with him to try and resolve things but I’m waiting for him to make the first move as he’s always said he can’t live without me now it’s time for him to show me this and be a man of his word as actions speak louder than words!
Yes!!!
Stay strong. You deserve only the best.
The narcissist has a demon problem. He has allowed evil into his life, usually in the form of rebellion against God, and he practices narcissism to destroy people because the more damage he does, the more power he acquires from the dark side. Narcissism is a form of witchcraft, plain and simple. For my family, we have memorized Psalm 91 (the most powerful prayer for protection) and Psalm 140 (which exactly describes the different attacks that narcissists use). There are many more chapters that speak to these types of attack because in the Psalms we find the prayers of King David (before he was king) when he was being targeted and stalked and attacked by King Saul because the king was jealous of David and wanted him dead. (The king used his entire army to attack David.) The Imprecatory Psalms are the prayers of someone crying out for God to fight on their behalf to protect them from evil and to punish the wicked person.
So true. Forgiveness was given. But the betrayal continues. Bye bye I'm worth more
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Wow this is great to learn. When I think of seeing my brother again, I get freaked out a bit and filled with anxiety. His wife has decided she hates me and he goes along with it....Years of hurt, rejection, bad treatment from them because of her hateful stance. I have forgiven but there is ZERO trust there and I no longer want to see my brother.
Jimmy is really sharing some profound truths. Thank God somebody is. I forgave my husband years ago and don’t hold it over his head, but there are enormous boulders of consequence between us. That is HIS burden to work on to remove thru repair and new behaviors.
I don't think people in their shoes understand that, that it is their burden to remove through repair and new trustworthy behaviors. They don't understand what they must do, that regaining trust is their responsibility.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you Jimmy for all of your videos. It has helped me in being more aware of what it looks like to be in a healthy and self-aware relationship.
So refreshing. It only took me 55 years to understand this but it is liberating to your mind and spirit. Thanks for sharing.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you so much for this Jimmy. I never knew what love truely is about.
I was abused by some family members and had to deal with them. Consequently, I have put up with men's abuse for years, not knowing what real love is.
I'm 69 years oldow realizing not a one took accountability or apologized for all the pain they caused me. I have let go of a futile 16-year relationship now. 😢
Hurting so badly!
@sharieallen2719 Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Ringo starr.
Yes, Amen brother. Forgiveness is not to go back with that one who hurt you or as you said trust them again. Is just about not holding grudges, about not getting bitter or resentful for. It is to set you and the person free of your hate but we shouldn't trust a person that hurts us repeatedly without a transformation in Christ. Only God can change a person and if they don't want to surrender their life to follow Him, they won't change much because we need God's strength to be really delivered of strongholds.
@anointedhealthcoach YES AMEN! AGREE 💯
If someone creates a breach, a violation, and they don't fix it, they don't mend it, that breach will remain. People mistakenly call breaches "grudges" when those breaches are simply part of reality. Doing mental gymnastics to deny reality won't change it.
The first and main thing that many ask is "Have you forgiven them?" as if that will solve everything. They have asked it in the context of domestic violence, they asked it in the context of a one-sided situationship where the narcissist was chronically disrespecting while the one being asked (about forgiveness) was the one trying to fix things. It felt as if that was the only idea/focus/proposed "solution" they had, as if they had no idea what to say other than "Have you forgiven them?"
There has been no accountability in the false church. Truth has not been upheld there, nor ethics, integrity, principles or precepts. Over the last fifty years, they have practiced antinomian notions, that of lawlessness, ignoring the attitudes of the heart and the fruit of it. Accountability has been rejected. Truth cannot do its work where it is rejected.
Forgiveness doesn't enable accountability or change, but it does enable the abuse to continue.
@@cacatr4495 I agree.
One
Thousand percent everything you said, thank you for this.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Forgiveness requires repentance. Everything else is just moving on.
But few seem to know what repentance is, as many define it as simply saying 'Sorry.' No, it means completely forsaking the violational behavior, in action, for real. *_It is not lip service, it occurs in reality._*
or skipping over it because they don't want or know how to deal with the truth.
💜 Thank you! As usual, you do an amazing job explaining a touchy subject, with grace & clarity.
This headline hurt my heart as I scrolled by- I forgave because it was good for my heart- but the trust was never repaired- it takes two to repair the trust, and sometimes that will never happen, and you have to choose your demand move on. Thank you for making this video- somebody out there is in a fragile state and needs to hear this. ❤
Amen
Excellent thanks very much 😅
This is your best video, in my opinion!
My older sister used to yell at me, for hours at a time even if it was the middle of the night and i had school the next day. She was trying to correct the unhealthy behavior i had of blowing up on people when i got stressed. I told her it hurt me when she did that and i didnt feel like she was a safe person. She said she was sorry i felt that way but thats the way she has to do it because i dont remember/pay attention when she tries to correct my behavior without yelling. If i tried to step away to cool off or ask her if we could schedule this talk later, she would refuse, saying no one has time for that, she's busy all the time, i just want to get away from this conversation, if she is important to me, I'll stay, etc. I would be shutting down while she's yelling at me. She isnt sorry for the way she goes about it because she says its the only way it works. I feel such resentment toward her for that. Even though our relationship is okay most of the time until I make that kind of mistake again. I thought she was done, ready to end our relationship a while back because she had to drill this lesson into me year after year for a decade and i still wasnt getting it. I tried but i just dont know how to forgive her for hurting me, even knowing i hurt her too.
Plain and simple. You can work on forgiving someone but you never forget what they said to you that was hurtful. And when they never apologize, that just shows a lack of maturity.
When a person humbles themselves and has remorse over what they did, they will *_ask you for forgiveness,_* not merely "apologize" which only says 'Sorry.'
@@cacatr4495 I guess that is all I can hope for at this point.
This applies to abuse as well. Forgiveness is a cop out, and avoids actually dealing with it. The abuser will continue their actions and just continue to hurt you. Cutting ties is the only way. Forgiving is avoiding it.
Your courageous and sincere presentation is SO true... please keep sharing this message, every generation has to learn it....
❤❤❤
As a therapist, I have seen folks go through this and when it works…it is beautiful.
Thank you for this video! 🎉
I remember talking to an old
Friend. One of the last conversations I had discussed exactly what you said at 6:40. I said to him, if she’s going to constantly use that against you, she’s not forgiving you. Which isn’t healthy. You need to leave or confront it with her. Can’t tell you what happened between them. I gave him space.
Forgiveness doesn't heal violated trust. It is your friend's responsibility to cease the violating behaviors, and to consistently replace those with trustworthy behaviors to do the right thing and to rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust is your friend's job, not the one who may or may not "forgive." Forgiveness doesn't mean that the damage done by those violations is gone. You've got the shoe on the wrong foot. Forgiveness doesn't need to be enforced, your friend needs to be held accountable to behave honorably and in a trustworthy manner. Until your friend rebuilds trust over the long haul, that damage remains, and they will *not be trusted. It sounds like your friend and you believe that your abusing friend is innocent and on the high ground. It sounds like you are enabling your friend's false innocence and false pride, and not understanding that damage from violated trust remains until trust is reestablished. Only your violating friend can reestablish that. If they don't, they will never be trusted by their ex.
I went on one date with a guy…it was ok. He sent me a message late in the night that I took as booty call. Every person I have shared the message with has agreed with me. He apologized BUT then he told me he was mad that I didn’t trust him. I replied “I don’t know you.” One date and then you booty call me and you’re mad that I don’t trust you? Act trustworthy and then I’ll trust you.
The guy's false pride/ego was defensive. They knew they were busted, and were trying to cover. Lame, blatantly unethical and obviously immature, untrustworthy. If a person can't own up, they can't be trusted, and unethical behavior can't be trusted.
Thank you Jimmy 🥰🙏🥰 I'm inspired, again 🙌 Years in and out of therapy and interesting relationship choices and THIS is the clarity 💝 thank you 💖
This video couldn't have come at a better time.... For myself and what I have to tell my children. Thank you so much.
A video on how long “hurt feelings” can dominate every situation would be nice. Repair is important but I don’t want to feel like I’ve lost myself in a relationship because I made mistakes out of unhealthy and impulsive behavior.
You are truly a gem ❤
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
First your emotional wounds need to heal, then forgiveness comes by itself. But healing takes time, lots of time, distance and love. And those three ingredients are not available to everyone always. You cannot will or force forgiveness. Anyone saying so do not know forgiveness.
If the offending or abusing party sees what they did, changes their mind, heart and behaviors, and becomes reliably trustworthy, that can go a very long way to healing broken trust.
Forgiveness is a process, and it takes time to heal one's self and to build safety and trust back into the relationship. It starts with boundaries and leads us to do that inner work to find peace with that inner turmoil to find ultimate peace comes from within.
This is so true! Thank you for the video.
Perfect. Couldn't agree more. Thank you.
Such good insight, explained so well!
I don't forgive him and don't have to. That gives me peace.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
excellent as always, i really appreciate this, thank you! 🔑
So well said!
I can forgive you and move on when you finally put something on that shelf.
Kidding, of course. This was a great video. Forgiveness is crucial, but change has to happen for the relationship to change!
Thank you so much!!!
Thank you Jimmy I needed to see this right now, over a 23 year old wound resurfacing..
I like that plant. Very lush.
Thank you, I needed to hear this!
I appreciate your videos so much. You're an excellent teacher. Love your role playing videos too; the wigs are hilarious. We have to laugh, right?! Thanks again, very thought provoking always. Thinking is a 'good thing!' Take care.
“The only way to get RID of that negative energy is …” .
For way too long I assumed their disinterest was MY fault and MY issue to "get over" right? Had no idea that was self abandonment ❤
As someone who neglected my relationships because of deep unsolved insecurities, be kind and true to yourself. It's NOT your fault. You tried, you did your best. We have to acknowledge and work on our shortcomings on our own.
Stay strong, be true to yourself ❤
a genuine question from someone that has hurt their partner in the past and is trying very hard to do better:
you talk in your videos a lot about acknowledging and accepting past hurt and making people feel heard and understood
while I do understand that as a concept... what happens next?
yes hurt has happened, yes we can sit down and look at the rubble all day long and talk about it and accept it
but how does that help rebuild
what happens after that, how can we go from a pile of well understood rubble to putting the bricks back where they go
one thing I've learned from the various arguments and conversations me and my partner have had over the years is that my brain works drastically different to theirs
and Im trying so so hard to lean how it works, they actually sent me this video to help me do research into this topic
any help is appreciated
While discussing the mess can potentially bring insights as to what and how it happened, it doesn't repair the breach. Trust must be rebuilt, which is the responsibility of the one who violated it. Other comments here mention remorse, asking forgiveness, changing of the heart, mind and behavior to fly right. Then that right behavior reliably continued over a long period of time to establish a new trustworthy pattern can reestablish trust. Being willing to hear and comfort their broken heart also goes a long way.
More of this channel's videos: th-cam.com/video/ARJxDNalUoU/w-d-xo.html
And this is exactly why we need Jesus, our mistakes do have a cost, but He already paid it ❤
There are more costs created by violations that are *not paid for at Calvary, damages and consequences that will remain, as the abuser needs to repent in *real life and deed (NOT lip service) and reestablish a whole new pattern of honorable accountability and trustworthy behavior. If the abuser did physical damage, then that physical damage may remain. Christianity and forgiveness do not mean that the results and consequences/costs of abuse don't exist. Such doctrines are of fairytales. Head injuries *do exist due to batterers, there are *real consequences. Broken bones and damage are real results of violations, you are not counting the costs of reality. If the abuser is going to jail, they are still going to jail, regardless of your simplistic doctrines. If a parent unalives their child, or a batterer does the same to their victim, that is a lasting reality that will not be undone by your no-consequence doctrine.
Perfectly said!
The man I loved very much, who suffers from some kind of personality disorder and addiction (drugs and alcohol) gave me three weeks to forgive him all the mistreatment that was happening for months and when I expressed my frustration he left me again, the second time, and said how I didn`t appreciate him trying to come back and that, actually, he doesn`t want to take me back. I felt like I am in the twilight zone, as if I was the one who verbally abused him, and was drunk for most of the time. Eventually, it turned out I was, as he said "proudly defiant" and he doesn`t want to expose his future children to my behaviour. :/
Narcissists and criminals, abusers and batterers, make a practice of turning the tables so far around that the victim of their crime is, in their delusional mind, the perpetrator. It is a total perversion where reality is upended, where up is called down, down is called up, where evil is called good, where truth is not honored or upheld. They have departed from reality, and that is insanity. You have escaped the abuser's clutches, that is excellent. They are full of lies, and darkness rules their disordered minds.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Forgiveness doesn't equal repair.... this should be taught in school instead of "turn the other cheek" 🙌
Exactly! Repair is what is necessary, not forgiveness. Forgiveness is an individual's need, not what the relationship needs. Forgiveness CAN be an outcome of repair but should not be expected nor sought.
It's a both/and not an either/or, I think.
@@true8843 Why do you need forgiveness? Why does anyone really??? I don't get it.
Shout out to all the toxic families out there weaponizing the “turn the other cheek” mentality 📣📣
@@potsnpaninis That must have struck a nerve because I was eating and I started coughing. Our bodies always remember our toxic family relationships.
What happened to all the plants on the shelf!!!?
I totally wondered the same thing!
So that's what seemed different. I really love all the plants. It's relaxing.
In the New Testament It says. IF they repent change Forgive them
What is needed for truth and reality to be upheld is Accountability. Forgiveness doesn't do that.
No interest in repairing. Key component.
Forgiveness is for YOU. The person who hurt you couldn't care less. Forgiveness is for your OWN well-being. And it also doesn't mean you condone the behavior--it just means that you see what it is and you're moving on. Holding onto that will just make YOU bitter and ugly--and basically THEM. Get rid of it. Forgive.
As long as you first feel all the anger, hurt, sadness, etc. Jumping to forgiveness without that is immensely harmful. It's so tempting though, because to most people, saying you've forgiven someone feels good, like you've taken the high road. But it can be a shield from more vulnerable feelings and pretending it didn't affect you. Essentially, a spiritual bypass. Forgiveness is the last part of the healing process. And honestly, for some people's process, it isn't necessary.
I see what they are/were, what their behavior was, I chose to move on from them, but I have also observed that "forgiveness" disables accountability. As a result, for now at least, I no longer believe in "forgiveness." Radical acceptance of who and what they are/were, and what they did, but not "forgiveness." Many spiritual and scriptural principles have been misused, mistaught and weaponized, such that those principles are used to further victimize the wronged. Accountability belongs to the violators, and it's time that they were held accountable. Both the "church" and the culture have long abandoned accountability, and accountability is what is needed.
Thank you, Jimmy, I really needed to hear this today as this is exactly what I have been struggling with intensely the past days. Lots of love, keep up the good work!
Some people can't forgive and they don't understand what forgiveness is no matter how small or how large so they can't move on. That kills a relationship as much as mistrust.
Benjie! I can’t. I told you already.
Forgiveness is closeness to yourself…
Your videos are always so awesome!
This was helpful ❤ Thank you
Forgiveness isn’t about them it’s about us. Jesus forgives me so I can forgive others
Aaaw so perfectly explained 😢😭🫶🏼✨
thank you
You can’t un-ring a bell. Once you hurt me, I’ll never look at you the same again. Never.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Yeah...maybe in my next life this will be a thing.
❤ 3:11 earth angel Jimmy face 3:28
3:58 😮😅 4:00 🎉😢 4:04 😢 4:05 😢
Are you exalting someone? The message of the video is important, not their appearance.
Maybe just move on.. without them... if you can't stay close after forgiveness.... This one's on you to be honest with yourself.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Forgiveness doesn't rebuild trust. That's a separate task. It is upheld trust that allows people to be close.
I'm trying to decide if the last 5 years have been worth it?
so good, christians love to throw in the words of Jesus that we must forgive without ever understanding what forgiveness is and what it is not. Jesus is on the side of the broken and He who knows what the bodies, souls and minds have gone through and cares about healing the brokenness and providing safety and not be limited to keeping up relationships for the sake of the world.
My ex is maybe trying to hard to keep a connection
by my gut would just churn and sink when it comes to interacting with him.
I told him, he does not believe me. But that he does not believe me is his problem. I will listen to my gut.
Hello,
I just want to take a moment to send a huge THANK YOU your way. The love and support you show never goes unnoticed, and I am grateful for that.
This journey wouldn't be possible without your support, and I'm constantly blown away by how you ride with me through it all. I feel that energy, and it keeps me going.
Stay blessed, stay real, and keep doing what you love. I'm gonna keep doing the same
Love and Light
Jimmy Knowles.
Thank you so very much for the videos. I struggle with talking to my fiance about emotional needs but your videos have helped me learn and grow as an individual so much. 😊
Excellent ❤
The hurt story of my life...the last 16 yrs with my ex.
If they are not going to come clean and establish reliable, trustworthy behavior, then I hope you're free of them. I'm sure that many here understand how you feel.
Hi bro, why didn't you do SEO on your big channel? Do you know about SEO?
❤
Needed to hear this today...thank you🙏🏼
LOVE