Yeah I mean if you think about it, we are all gona die one day either way. All suicide really is, is giving up early. Skipping to the end. If your life is so painful and unbearable, if you truely believe you are a burden to the people you love. It's no wonder suicide rates are so high.
Suicide is a cause from a phatology, its not a "fast escape". The only goal is to survive and pass your genes to future generations. Those who commit suicide failed life miserably. Its just nature selection at its finest.
I am a man. And I am on the brink of also taking my own life. My reasons are failure. Having not accomplished anything in my life. And too tired to fix my life. Men are programmed to want to succeed. And when that doesnt seem possible anymore life becomes pointless
I too hear you mate. And I know we don’t know each other, as a bloke who also has had suicidal thoughts etc, I hope you had a good chat with good mates who do care about you and you are still here with us because of that, and if you are still here, as Ben says to ask in his speech, how are you out of 10 mate?
@@adude661 There is no help, people just want to lock him up. The only "help" is to live for the sake of antinatalism. People like him are going to exist over and over again unless its stopped by non procreation.
I have stood in my garage on a step ladder with a noose around my neck once. I chose to get down and give it another day, a week. In a way I am still stood there. From that point on I reserve the right to end my life whenever I want because it means that every day I wake up and get up I am choosing to live that day and to face whatever that day brings by choice, I am not a victim of life because I can leave whenever I wish. I made it until he mentioned talk club before I paused the video and went to the site. This is a great talk.
@@Bandalorian You know what buddy? I went through a divorce about a year after I posted this. And it is such a good job I was suicidal BEFORE I hit the divorce as I had already made my peace with keeping living. Because the divorce would have ended me for sure had I not gone through that. Thanks for asking. I am getting better now but it is rough going. I still have the same mentality, but I am also still here. I hope you are well.
God damn… I cried twice in this video. Im a men living with depression with anxiety (treated and in a good place) I’m so glad my wife understand my struggles and supports me all the way. I’ve developed a great culture with my employees to feel safe with each other to share anything, it is incredibly rewarding to have this safe zone where we look out for each other.
Men have to talk to other men about this. Women say they want you to talk about your feelings, but they don't really want to hear your insecurities. They will ditch you in a second. men understand this so they keep it all in.
@Sian Dyas There is little in a man that turns an average woman off more than a lack of confidence. That's romantically and generally speaking, of course - and since men are hardwired to actively seek relationships with women, there is little reason to talk about your own insecurities because doing so can indeed be (mis?)interpreted as a lack of confidence which lowers your chance for success.
I know the reason I didn't tell anyone that I was suicidal was that I didn't want to lose my friends. I was afraid that if they knew the truth about how I hated myself, they would agree with me. Then I would be alone and truly have nothing. I had to convince myself that my friends loved me and that it wasn't my own ego that made me think that way. It's a dark place to be and the negativity in the world just adds to it.
My Uncle committed suicide due to marital issues.. I only saw him as a 7yo. kid and remember him as that jolly guy who did that broken thumb 👍 trick for us and bring us chocolates.
@@xmikeox indeed it was... He was being tortured for money and the wife tormented him a lot. After he hung himself, people circulated his pictures on fb.. What a terrible society
@@ambreenfatima5258 this is what happens to alot of us. Now I know there's also men who abuse women in relationships, but in those cases the women receive quite alot of compassion and support from society. Men get slander when they get abused. I've been called a mysogynist because I was depressed "men are privileged, how can you be depressed?" "No men can't get abused and never feel abused, they don't have emotions" We get dehumanized so much it's turning many of us suicidal. (Hope you won't label me a mysogynist now)
My father told me when I was just a boy that a man is lucky if he can count on one hand true friends that last a lifetime. I didn’t understand him then. Now I am 64 years old and I am still trying to count on one hand my true friends.
Culture plays a huge part in why men are treated badly, Councils disregard men when they are homeless, disregard men when the woman are abusive, disregard men in the forces when they see friends die infront of them, CULTURE is the reason, change the culture, change the norm
These are problems with society, *not* culture. The proof is, these same exact problems exist in every culture. The alt right is not helping men in particular, because feeding people misinformation helps no one. Your oppressors are *not* women or other people who are *more* oppressed than men. Your oppressors are the governments (and individuals) who insist on keeping these societal problems that *do* oppress men.
@@aylbdrmadison1051 Excuse my ignorance. What is the difference between 'culture' and 'society' other than scale? If you do not fit a particular widely accepted 'ideal' in any culture/society then what is the actual 'problem' that can be attributed to a cause/effect?
Unfortunately society doesn't want to address male suicide and other major issues that ruin mens lives. Its heart breaking knowing how little the world cares about the male population. Its heart warming to see guys love their mates so much in the UK, your mates are like real brothers to you its so amazing to see how much they care about eachother. I have almost comitted suicide 7 or more times already, thinking about how my brother would take it stops me from going through with it.Ive tried seeking help. psychologist,psychiatrist...They dont help they try sound too professional and never seem genuinely interested in helping you,from my experience. Tried going to a Dr, didnt help either. Currently having suicidal thoughts as i type this out. With no shelters,no help,no one caring,no one interested,financially struggling,high anxiety,deep depression,adhd, introvert, social media calling and branding all men rapists,toxic,predators... Does my life really mean so little, just because i was born with specific genitals? When the world cares so little about men, its easy to see why they take their life. If this amount of women comitted suicide it would be addressed immediately. But because i was born a male, my suffering goes unheard
People care. There are even people like me who care about everyone. Because you do not see a thing from where you are doesn't net even imply it does not exist. But, do you care? I ask because I was at that brink once before, and then realized that there is no greater guilt trip I could ever lay on another person. Since having asked myself this question, I have not once contemplated suicide.
Hey Destany, people like me do care. You're life means a hella lot, it can't be expressed with numbers how important you are. That being said, I hope you're doing much better now. If not, I'd like to help you as best as I can. So if you're ever feeling the need to talk to someone, you can always hit me up here on TH-cam or on Twitter: @kleinernerd. Just having someone listening to how you feel can work miracles.
I feel this so hard. I went through one year when I thought about death/suicide every day... and every hour I was awake. I was 34 back then. Before that, I had a happy life and couldn't even understand how people could feel that way. Well now feeling much better but it's nice to hear that there are people who care about each other.
'death' is there, its how it is, that doesn't mean it should be lumped together with 'suicide'. I know I will die, 'cease to exist' if you prefer, but 'suicide' is not on the books; unless I get/develop something where a rational 'off' would be preferable to the results of prolongation. I realised early on that peer-pressure/society was the the one with the 'mental problem' not me; that's just how it is, deal with it. Sorry you felt suicidal. Do you know why you felt like that? Have you addressed the cause(s) or just built a barrier and 'thick-skin' against it/them? If the former, good; if the latter, not so good. Peace.
Please ensure you look after your health, mind and nutrition. Sleep helps. The final Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him stated your body has rights over you, good nutrition, exercise and rest for both mind and body.
A man who can show empathy shouldn't be scorned. Men aren't terrible species, they're human beings and are vulnerable to whatever could ail a female. Get them talking about their feelings and you'll connect on an awesome level.
@@Bibibosh: "These days." You prove your own mental weakness by being an ageist. Things are different now, no generation of humans has had to deal with the same set of issues as people do now. Each generation has it's strengths *and* it's weaknesses. Your ageism is just another form of bigotry, and bigotry is a the main weapon of our common oppressor: the wealthy elite.
Aylbdr Madison you may be right. But when there was no government entity, the people had to get there own food, and if someone stronger killed them. That's too bad. Sorry but we are all here in this time because of those before us and we should consider following there lifestyles. We have changed our lifestyle within a few generations, probably to fast for the human entity. Like animal change can lead to entropic chaotic uncertainty!
I'm so sorry for your loss. My best friend also took her own life this past October. I had no idea how utterly depressed she was and I also blamed myself for not doing more to help her.
Hey Andria, I just wanna say that I'm sorry for your loss and that you please shouldn't blame yourself. You couldn't read her mind and it often is really difficult to see just how bad some people feel, how much pain they suffer. That's one of the big challenges when treating with mentally ill people as a relative.
Compassion = strength. Thank you for seeing that. It is a major flaw of too many people that they don't see this, and this is the path to healing some of the rifts that are currently growing. Once more people realize that greed is in fact one of the weakest qualities any human can have, then we can move forward and heal many of societies ills.
Tbh, men are compassionate in the case of depression and suicide, it's often women who dehumanize us. The amount I've been called a mysogynist for being depressed and suicidal is crazy "men can't be depressed, they're privileged!" "Men can't be abused! Because they have no emotions anyway!" That's the treatment I oftenly get when I try to share emotions with women. Where as men quite oftenly are very understanding and respectful.
4:30 most men that are really suicidal won't go out in public. Speaking from experience here. We will stay home we won't go outside. We will hide in our shell like a turtle until we finally decide to say goodbye.
Our society dictates that men simply cannot talk about their weaknesses. Women always say that men should "open up" about their inner feelings, but once men do this, women just lose interest. It's a fact of life and nature - women need to feel safe. No matter how much women will try to deny this, it's the truth. Men are born with the "duty" to perform. To work hard, to provide. If for whatever reason they fail to do that, then it's game over. Feeling useless, feeling like you cannot contribute anything, and being unable to talk about it or seek help. Women will never understand this struggle. Such a shame that so many people are lost every day... very powerful video, thank you Ben.
I only came to watch these Ted Talks to save myself. I know people love me especially my teenage son even tho i havent seen him in a very long time. No matter how much I fail, i cant leave him here alone. Im the only male in his life that mean anything to him. All the bills. The child support. Never having a way to provide is literally killing me. I never had a steady job in myy life. Im 40. But the only reason im still here is because i dream of the day i cansee him smile again. But Dad is tired. Dad hasnt been happy in years. Im 8 hours away from him. I needed these videos. Because as many people say they love me, i feel alone. I been feeling this way for years. Even with a wife. But its only so much she can do. Im tired..
One of the most heartwrenching and difficult topics to speak about, especially from a personal perspective. I decided that if there was ANYTHING concrete that I could take away from it that would serve me in future, it was worth my time because I have someone whom I love dearly at risk. I don't think I have ever seen someone struggle so mightily to speak because of the emotions present and I am grateful for your courage and commitment to this cause. 💜
Thank you Ben…My 🧠 hurts, my 💔 hurts, and I have been broken for as long as I can remember…viewing your TEDx @ 3:40 am pst in California is a lifeline of hope for me. Not confident I will choose to stay, but you are making a powerful impact…🙏🏾👊🏾😥✌️
I am a 40 year old father of 5, married and by all accounts should be living a happy life. My wife is actually a good woman who really loves me, and every one of my children are amazing. I am also suicidaly depressed, and have been struggling with this most of my life. Some days are particularly hard. Some years I'm surprised i survived. Nobody would know by the way i compose myself. Men that are preoccupied with protecting and providing don't really have much space to talk about these things. We should have a better path to networking between us. Stay strong, don't give up, work towards making it until tomorrow, and know that you're not alone... we struggle together.
@@FireRising86 You must not comprehend the things you read very well. How dare you. READ IT AGAIN. Slowly. And if you come at me again with such accusations, I'll make it my life goal to get retribution.
When men live desperately for themselves ( to prove a point to others) suicidal thoughts is around the corner but if they deliberately live for something bigger than themselves.... meaning will come and suicidal will be far
How many of you remember then life had promise? Even if we weren't happy back then, there was hope that someday we would be. Somewhere along the journey hope gave out.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ― Viktor E. Frankl
i love this quote. people can try to control you all they want, but they can never truly read your mind or change your mind for you... THAT’S UP TO YOU AND NOBODY ELSE!
That quote just feels like an accusation that it's my own fault if I feel bad. To suicidal people, that's rarely a liberating statement and ends up feeling judgemental.
Hey bayden, I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad that you're still here and that I hope that you're doing better now (despite the circumstances, the world has to face). You're very important, in fact no score can express how important and valuable you are. There are a lot of people out there that would love to see you outlast your struggles, me included. I know that it can be a depressing struggle to hold onto life. But I, as someone who has had and still has his fair share of mental problems and suicidal thoughts, I can only encourage you to keep on fighting, you can do it. I would like to help you get better, so if you need someone to talk, no matter the topic, just let me know please (either here on TH-cam or on Twitter: @kleinernerd). I wish you the best. (Sorry for my English btw.)
Literally nobody cares about this topic because it doesnt involve women. 65,000 views in 6 months. Nothing will be changing folks. And men. Look out for yourselves: nobody else cares, no matter the cries for help.
1. Help them have better lives 2. De-stigmatize mental health treatment for men 3. Support your bros 4. Encourage and nurture children early to minimize the risk of developing extreme personality traits or disorders 5. Actually put some resources toward helping these ruined, forgotten men that society doesn't care about There are plenty of things we know to be effective that can be done at an individual and collective level if we actually wanted to address this problem.
So powerful, this resonates with me so much. To quantify an emotion, a feeling, to put it in context, that can be the start of the combat towards something that can really battle it. Great talk 👍🏽
When you’ve been crapped on by your family and your friends for your whole life, when you’ve no job, no prospects, no money, no hope of any change and can’t even talk to anyone because they will section you and basically lock you up and throw away the key, and when you don’t want to talk about your private life to a bunch of ‘professionally concerned’ strangers, what difference does it make if you are not even there.
Makes a difference to everyone around you actually - for family and friends very obviously - even people who do not know you and who you will never know. Think about a teenage boy neighbour who hears about suicide of a neighbour. I remember hearing about suicide of friend's neighbour (not a near neighbour - think the neighbour at the end of the same street which happened before I was even born) as a kid - thinking back, I can still feel how I was feeling hearing about it as a kid. What I said does not help with men getting the support they need - or addressing the difficulties you mentioned - but having good men around who will be doing fine is very important even to people you will never know.
I am amazed that so many people just don't see the signs of someone who is about to give up on life. Very few people take their own lives without crying out for help first. People live in total denial about this issue. They choose not to see the problem until it is too late and then we get all the hand wringing and questions about 'why did he do it?' Men who choose to take their own lives (women as well) are labelled as mentally defective in some way. Sorry but that is just insulting. We are supposed to be grateful to be alive, I have never quite seen why.
It's true, but I know from personal experience they often cry for help to those who are least likely to notice. A dear friend of mine hung himself decades ago. He was obsessed with a girl who repeatedly cheated on him. I never understood why he didn't just move on and find someone who felt more like he did. But she was the only one who he told much of how he really felt, and worse, he was attached to forcing it to work with her, when it was too obvious to the rest of us it would never work (but I've been stuck there before too, so I feel for him in that way as well). I knew these things upset him and tried to get him to talk to me about it, but he never told me how bad it was and how desperate he felt. I only found out after his 4 year old son found him hanging in the basement 2 days later. :(
Many times it is completely hidden because the individual feels that by doing this, they are somehow making it better for those left behind. Other ideas also point to it being hidden many times. I do agree that we fail to stop and truly listen to those dear to us. Life gets in the way. Maybe we can find ways to change that.
There are warning signs but some people refuse help I work in the mental health field and my brother refuse treatment he refused therapy he refused ketamine treatments he refused support groups he refused to get help and still killed himself so I disagree with your statement there anything can be done about somebody that wants to die
I really like the Tedx channel, "ideas worth spreading". I immediately asked myself, how I am out of ten, and what I will do to get better. Very cool, certainly gonna share with family and friends, appreciate the founder for finding a solution to a problem verses accepting his friend's suicide and the staggering number of male suicides in his age group just are the way things are.
Thank you so much for sharing with us the lost of your childhood best friend. I am sorry for him, and also for the husband of my friend and my old neighbor. I am so sad that it happened. My old neighbor, he's the kindest man on earth, ready to help others. Thanks to technology, TH-cam and TEDx, I can watch and listen to you, even though, I am living on the top of the mountain in Italy.
I know this old and maybe no one is there rn. But I made it 5mins in. And just broke. I doing great in life. Great job, Decent Honda, everything that makes me feel wrong for complaining. Yet I find myself struggling with my own thoughts constantly. I choke back emotions constantly. Usually with ease. But something here made the tears start to pour while trying to be quite so my family wouldn’t hear me. I’m 21 years old. My name is nick and I feel like I can’t. I want to break and let it all go but I feel a weight on my chest choking me. I need help but i grew up thinking people would just assume I want attention. You guys are not alone.
The way we feel sometimes gets away from us. I used to feel pretty damn bad in the 20s, even though having real good external circumstances. Went searching insistently and after some years found. The biggest difference I think that pushed the way forward at the start was the simple realisation that we are going to die anyway soon - we only have 50-60 years of a one-off chance to experience life, and all the other's expectations, and our own expectations and goals re money, family, jobs - yes, they are important but not THAT important. Might as well try to at least look around while we got the rare chance. That realisation just took the pressure off, and I started making sure that I do at least 3 small simple things I genuinely enjoy each day. For me its morning coffee, looking at sunsets/sunrises I can see out of my window, listening/watching something interesting, and just sitting and letting myself feel good whatever is happening around or in my life (body scan meditation helped with that, and saying OK - this is happening an I feel this about it but for just 30 min I am putting stresses, worries, others etc aside). Those are independent of anything around me, people, etc., that you can come back to even with a crappiest day, no friends and no money. Once you whack yourself out of circle of stress/rush/focus on what needs to be done/pressure repeatedly during the day for a while, you get more mental space to go up mentally and stepwise address the issues (internal or external) to feel better. And it becomes an interesting exploration. My dad told me once that often things settle with age, and he turned out to be very right. You clearly need to take care of yourself more and take some steps to feel better, so go on the search.
Maybe stop trying to control how men are and act in formal environments like jobs and schools. It's why domestic violence is a thing. Instead help us and lead us in the right direction
This is why I think the idea, at least in the US, that it's easy to be a man and we are all privileged is detrimental to young men. It disregards men's issues. Suicide, homicide, and incarceration all destroying young men in staggering rates while colleges cancel talks on men's issues because they're deemed "sexist".
Some say it is no solution, and some even say it is an anti-solution. That said, I understand the inclination, life can feel unbearable at best sometimes. But we need to remember that in a very real way, suicide is the biggest guilt trip we can ever lay on those who love us.
@@charlesbrightman4237 Because often times people who consider or even try suicide don't exactly want to end their life but just the terrrible situation and the pressure they're in. With enough help and support that can be done without ending one's life. Please don't glorify suicide. It often is just the only way you see for yourself in that kind of situations. (Btw I don't judge or blame victims of suicide either) If you could save a fellow humans life just by supporting him, why shouldn't you do everything you can to do so?
@@tobiasaddicks9695 Who though is society to interfere with an individual's own life and body? We are ALL going to die one day from something. So why cannot the individual have an input as to when, where, how, etc? It's their own life, isn't it? Edit: and oh, when you say "If you could save a fellow humans life...", you are not 'saving' anybody. You are only delaying the inevitable. You might even be prolonging their suffering, whatever suffering they may or may not truly have, perceived or actual.
I am a woman, I care very deeply for my male platonic friends. I am not a man, I cannot speak for men, but I wonder if it would be helpful for ''industrialized countries'' to create more non-job, non-employment healthy outlets for men to feel validated and feel manly? Just a wild guess... I theorize this because it seems to me that it is completely unfair to expect men to work harder and longer for less pay... whether, janitors, factory workers or bankers, stockbrokers or cooks or stay-at-home fathers...This goes way beyond a discussion on labour relations or class. It is about re-examining our entire culture.
First of all, thanks for the compassion, it's very rare to see a woman care about issues men face. One of the big part isn't working hard or long hours tho, that's great if your supporting a loving family with a wife and kids, having a future and proivding them with a future. In return being aknowlegde and respected for that effort. And a man will be the happiest man he could be! But sadly, that is a very rare thing to come by. The real thing a man validates himself in is having his own family.
This presentation brings me hope. I got furious when I heard about feminists cancelling men's mental health events, when it is an actual problem. I'm glad to see people adress these problems. Thanks
RESPECT: "He wasn't a number, he was a father ...lovely every day fun amazing bloke!" People who die by suicide are not mere numbers and they are not , I REPEAT - NOT - commuters of crime as in they "commit suicide". IF U HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL UNWANTED IN ANY WAY - REACH OUT! Ben, I feel you and I hear you . I know this is really hard. You are right - one has to move forward, it's the only way.
Translation: _I like this Tedx talk because it's something I personally have a connection with. But other Tedx talks are shyte because they are about troubles I don't experience or care about, since I am solely self-interested._ Courage and strength are shown when one endeavors to selflessly help others and or to defend those who are less able to defend themselves. This is the path of the hero. To promote an agenda that denies that others have their struggles for freedom as well is the path of the anti-hero, the villain.
I have been mentally ill and diagnosed with clinical depression for 3 years now. Opening up was never a choice since the society around me ridiculed it to the point where men's feelings are nth but a laughing stock. Even when you say you're a bit upset, people look at you like you just farted in their faces. They say just man up. So even if I opened up there's no point. However, I found this one friend online, and she's always so kind and supportive to me, and always tries to understand what my problems are and comfort me. We rlly need more ppl like her. Sadly, I haven't gotten any news from her since she left social media 7 months ago...
Mental illness is such a tough one to live with. I know because I suffer it myself and have never really fixed it. There are many of us with this problem, so don't hate yourself. You're braver than you realise.
Men have never been more vilified than they are in the 21st century. I’m amazed that more men haven’t taken their own lives. The stigma hasn’t been removed: it’s shifted. People are certainly more open about it now, but it creates more distance once people know that your depressed.
Thank you for sharing your heart felt thoughts about how to talk about personal struggles in life wholeheartedly regularly . In a men's group within a safe space on a scale of one to ten. Let the talk club gathering begin.
I have thought about it every day since I was a pre teen, most of my life. What stops me? It would give my enemys satisfaction if I did. What’s the hurry, we all get there sooner than we expect anyway, so let’s stick around and watch the show. Statistically, we are already dead, it’s just an anomaly that we exist now at all, so what’s the hurry Maybe someone needs my help
I'm not sure that suggesting people will receive favourable treatment by a supernatural entity (blessed by God) is productive given that entity didn't give favourable treatment to the ones who took their own lives.
@@Wishwader People treat one another badly and God gets the blame. Many people that kill themselves don't believe in God and don't have any hope. I am a believer, but I am also mentally ill and have been suicidal quite a lot. Without my faith in God, I would have killed myself long time ago.
@@chiggifant For what its worth I can identify with your situation. I’ve never believed in a god but what I can recommend is to get a pet. Lots of published health benefits about animal companionship, or animal assisted therapy as some call it. A loyal dog always knows when their owner is feeling under the weather and seems to know what to do. Even if surrounded by family, a dog (or any animal) is worth its weight in gold.
My boss took her own life 3 years ago. We were both 34 and now I'm 37. The only time I haven't thought about her was the 3 months between when I left the organization and she took her life. I know she didn't realize the well of sadness she would take everyone to. But this sucks so much.
When contemplating suicide, it is important to remember that although it comes from feeling backed into a corner there is no escape from, it is also the biggest guilt trip one can impose on others.
The issue is baked into our society… male self delete is seen as selfish, female as a tragedy. For millennia male death has been celebrated: sending men to war to die, public executions for insignificant crimes, colosseum battles to the death. To expect women and other men to suddenly care about male death rates is a fruitless endeavor; it’s only after those people are actually personally affected by a dead male family member or it takes a large enough toll on society economically/ socially will they actually be moved to do something about it. Again, not because male suicide is a significant problem to anybody… but because men dying personally affected them negatively in some way…
The bigger question is: "Besides those directly affected by the loss of a male loved one or friend, *_Who out there actually cares?"_* The answer is very, very few people and it is getting worse, not better.
In our modern world, nobody cares until it’s too late. So I ask you this: Please, care now. Show that you care by listening without judgement. Take it easy on others. You just might save a life.
If there's something called toxic masculinity there should be toxic femininity too. And if toxic masculinity ia a reason for male suicide then toxic femininity is a reason too. Don't be salty that this man talk about a problem men have. It doesn't hinder women empowerment. Stop with your sexist implications on a serious matter. You are a reason for this demise.
Toxic masculitiny doesn't mean men are toxic, it means norms and attitudes that limit "maleness" to being tough, insensible, emotionless, aggressive are toxic, especially for men! It acknowledges the harmful cultural disposition and the effect it has on all men and women living in society.
@@MG-gu7fu The way I interpreted the point is that there's been a construct attributed to masculine behaviours that's deemed toxic but no corresponding attributes of female behaviours identified as toxic when there are in fact, toxic female behaviours. So if there's no corresponding construct of 'toxic femininity', then by extension there's no such construct as toxic masculinity.
@@zinawoolridge8597 I see what you mean, but why does it have to be one or the other? Also, I do think there are traits that are deemed "feminine" that are toxic for women, for example taking on the role of a care-giver in all sorts of relationships (family, partnership, etc.). However, I don't think the presumed absence of "toxic femininity" refutes the presence of toxic masculinity.
While I have been there before and feel sorry that you are going through such a terrible time, I wasn't thinking of how taking ones own life is the biggest guilt trip anyone could ever lay on those who care about them. I Obviously didn't go through with it, and since realizing that, have not even once contemplated it. It solves nothing no matter how you look at it anyway. I hope you will find the love for others in your own heart to keep you from doing it too. Besides, life can and often does get better, *if* you are still alive to experience that happening. I hope you hang in there and see better times soon. Just don't forget that some of that is up to you too. At least make a call, there are many who give much of their time to help people in such a place. +hugs ^-^
Man : no matter how hard you try to help me by talking about my problems, you can't help because that's not what I need. All I need is a hug, a romantic kiss and some true loyal love because that's what i miss.
In the 1980’s there was pressure for men to be less macho and more sensitive. There were very few men’s groups. Men made an effort to be more sensitive and less assertive, but that also is nit what women wanted. I’m an integrative psychiatrist who has treated hundreds of suicidal people, and people who overdosed. A psychiatrist will lose patients to suicide. I’ve lost 3 in my 44 year career. I believe that people kill themselves when they are in a situation in which they feel totally trapped and hopeless. It’s like living in a house with no doors and no windows. There is a feeling of “ no escape.” It might be depression that led to No Escape. Men’s identities are very much tied in with what they do, what they accomplish, their ability to work hard to support a family. A lot of people are one paycheck from being homeless. Because men want to provide, do things, make things, they are rarely supported for Who they are and what they feel. Since the late 1960’s only one male author/speaker has endured the slings and arrows, and that’s Warren Farrell. A therapist’s job is to create a safe setting in which their male client feels they can express any thought or emotion. A psychiatrist’s job is not to spend 15 minutes, give you a diagnosis and a drug. This video shows the power of giving men a male space to share. A person kills himself when he no longer has a sense of purpose...and he feels totally trapped. Connecting with a man who can listen starts to break up our negative thoughts, and the belief that their prison has a key. You can’t always tell if someone has decided to kill themselves. If someone has been very depressed for a long time, then suddenly becomes calm and cheerful , he is a high risk. If that decision has been made, a person stops dreading their future. They are waiting for the right time. This is a time to pay extra attention to this man, for he has a plan...and seems at peace. Sometimes God makes it clear that suicide isn’t going to happen . As a psychiatry resident I treated a woman who had jumped off the Coronado Bridge in San Diego...a very high bridge that fewer than 10 have survived. My patient had some broken records bs. A few years later I ran into her in a psych hospital. She told me she had tried to shoot her self in the head, but no bullet fired. She then pointed the gun at a wall, fired and blew a hole in the wall. I said to her, “You have made 2 of the most serious suicide attempts possible. Sounds like that is not God’s plan.” She agreed. 80% of suicides are committed by men, so videos like this are literally life savers.
Stop telling them they have to be strong and brave. Emotion is the brains way of dealing with life. There’s no shame in being sad, upset and emotional and more importantly it isn’t shameful to get help when you need it.
I’m a man and im close to ending it all. I couldn’t careless about the world because it’s a waste of time and energy to put effort into something that’s meaningless. I have lost so much and gained so little in my 25 years so far. The thing that frustrates me the most is someone telling me that things get better but instead the wound gets deeper and bigger. So much suffering, violence and hatred in the world why would anyone even want to keep living? The only thing stopping me right now are my close friends and my oldest brother. My moms death almost 2 years ago didn’t help with any of this but I’m still living for now ✨
My best friend was a manic depressant and he & his mother never told anyone. 2 decades after high school he was unbearable in a social way. But, if they told me about his condition, I would have known and treated him with understanding.
Im going through, well not going through im IN IT. Extremely devastating traumatic events, that i cannot handle. Life as i known it is over. The PTSD, from just 1 of the trauma event is unbearable, but to have multiple deaths!, to have all your $ and assets taken away, and to loose my Career job and all a great job provides!! Even the social interactions. Identity, purpose.. Gone! Then, to have ptsd, anxiety, chronic insomnia, and severe depression added to all the tragedies. My mental and physical health are declining, and its caused my eyesight to go Blurry..!! I don't want to live anymore. I really hate suffering every day. Everyday!! No one can help me. This has to end
Probably because TED is usually busy with their so-called empowerment of women that brutalizes and castrates men. This upload is such hypocrisy on their part. There's been a war on men for years.
Because feminists don’t want to distract from the narrative they’re pushing that all men are pigs and that we can’t possibly have issues much more complex than their own
Maybe if society stops vilifying men for anything they feel disgruntled about and labelling all men as bad, even when they contribute to a functioning society
The comments section is not what I expected it to be; admittedly I haven't watched the video yet. 🤪 You guys are pretty wholesome! 👍🤘 Edit: Whoaaa this is jaw dropping! Finished watching it, it's very impactful. So sad seeing him choke up. It's very real.
You can't .... Once you SEE the world and the people for what they are.... There is no hiding from it any more. Sucks it happens.... Thinking about it EVERY day. See it as... "I'm ready to see something else"
I used to operate a bar, One thing I can tell you for sure is that there are certain things that men choose to take to the grave, how long you live depends on how strong you are to handle it. For example, its not possible for a man to come out and say, '' Hi, my name is XYZ, my wife, the love of my life, my everything, the mother to my generation, is sleeping with her gym instructor who has 6 packs compared to my one pack beer belly, he drives a Ferrari, he has between 7-14 inches between his legs compared to my pickle that can not function while I am drunk, he is tall dark and handsome. She is leaving me to go stay with him in his beach house.'' Men we suffer in secrecy because we are only loved depending on the things we can do. If for a moment you cant meet the needs of the people around you, everyone moves away like dust. If you can provide another cloud of dust is blow towards you.
Wow I don't know how much feelings I had when I listened him! His heart and his history took my mind. This kind of moments come back to you an especific moment! Are you doing the right things?! I'm gonna to ask to my family and friends, how are you out of ten.
@KC Starr you just proved my point because as you said " now we have freedom to provide for ourselves " because when women earns she thinks of herself and feels independent and while men earns he thinks how he can provide best to her wife and family . Please don't further explanation because you might be not even in relationship now and I have been three and three of them left me just because of materialistic things or something I don't know .
How exactly does oppressing women make men less oppressed? Men are oppressed by the wealthy elite, not by women. And trying to force them to do what you want is only more oppression. I have a hunch your real problem is that you oppress your female partners and that's why they left you, as they should. Be strong and have compassion and love for others, that is how you get compassion and love back for you.
“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”
― Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Yeah I mean if you think about it, we are all gona die one day either way. All suicide really is, is giving up early. Skipping to the end. If your life is so painful and unbearable, if you truely believe you are a burden to the people you love. It's no wonder suicide rates are so high.
Suicide is a cause from a phatology, its not a "fast escape". The only goal is to survive and pass your genes to future generations. Those who commit suicide failed life miserably. Its just nature selection at its finest.
Seems like men have to do all the courageous things. Should we bear this cross too?
@@catrionacollins2593 Based. I quit the game. I love this narrative.
@@catrionacollins2593 not always a 'burden', sometimes just being realistic, the latter being the minority these days.
I am a man. And I am on the brink of also taking my own life. My reasons are failure. Having not accomplished anything in my life. And too tired to fix my life. Men are programmed to want to succeed. And when that doesnt seem possible anymore life becomes pointless
How are you now?
How are you doing dude? Please reach out for help.
I hear you man!
I too hear you mate. And I know we don’t know each other, as a bloke who also has had suicidal thoughts etc, I hope you had a good chat with good mates who do care about you and you are still here with us because of that, and if you are still here, as Ben says to ask in his speech, how are you out of 10 mate?
@@adude661 There is no help, people just want to lock him up. The only "help" is to live for the sake of antinatalism. People like him are going to exist over and over again unless its stopped by non procreation.
I have stood in my garage on a step ladder with a noose around my neck once. I chose to get down and give it another day, a week. In a way I am still stood there.
From that point on I reserve the right to end my life whenever I want because it means that every day I wake up and get up I am choosing to live that day and to face whatever that day brings by choice, I am not a victim of life because I can leave whenever I wish.
I made it until he mentioned talk club before I paused the video and went to the site. This is a great talk.
stay strong brother, I hope you keep on going pal. Be kind to yourself.
I can only subscribe to what Sean already wrote. I'm glad you chose life. Best regards.
I hope you've stayed off that ladder
@@Bandalorian You know what buddy? I went through a divorce about a year after I posted this. And it is such a good job I was suicidal BEFORE I hit the divorce as I had already made my peace with keeping living. Because the divorce would have ended me for sure had I not gone through that.
Thanks for asking. I am getting better now but it is rough going. I still have the same mentality, but I am also still here.
I hope you are well.
God damn… I cried twice in this video. Im a men living with depression with anxiety (treated and in a good place) I’m so glad my wife understand my struggles and supports me all the way. I’ve developed a great culture with my employees to feel safe with each other to share anything, it is incredibly rewarding to have this safe zone where we look out for each other.
big hug brother. stay strong.
Men have to talk to other men about this. Women say they want you to talk about your feelings, but they don't really want to hear your insecurities. They will ditch you in a second. men understand this so they keep it all in.
did karen take the kids?
@Sian Dyas There is little in a man that turns an average woman off more than a lack of confidence. That's romantically and generally speaking, of course - and since men are hardwired to actively seek relationships with women, there is little reason to talk about your own insecurities because doing so can indeed be (mis?)interpreted as a lack of confidence which lowers your chance for success.
Agreed
Look at fresh and fit
A lot of us will be here because we want all of you to understand your feelings and be heard. Men are human too and they need to be helped
I know the reason I didn't tell anyone that I was suicidal was that I didn't want to lose my friends. I was afraid that if they knew the truth about how I hated myself, they would agree with me. Then I would be alone and truly have nothing. I had to convince myself that my friends loved me and that it wasn't my own ego that made me think that way. It's a dark place to be and the negativity in the world just adds to it.
My Uncle committed suicide due to marital issues.. I only saw him as a 7yo. kid and remember him as that jolly guy who did that broken thumb 👍 trick for us and bring us chocolates.
That breaks me heart. :/ Q_Q
@@xmikeox indeed it was... He was being tortured for money and the wife tormented him a lot.
After he hung himself, people circulated his pictures on fb.. What a terrible society
@@ambreenfatima5258 this is what happens to alot of us.
Now I know there's also men who abuse women in relationships, but in those cases the women receive quite alot of compassion and support from society.
Men get slander when they get abused.
I've been called a mysogynist because I was depressed "men are privileged, how can you be depressed?" "No men can't get abused and never feel abused, they don't have emotions"
We get dehumanized so much it's turning many of us suicidal.
(Hope you won't label me a mysogynist now)
Wives and family courts must be a top cause of suicide. Family law needs reformed badly, but nobody with power will address it.
This hit in a different way. I lost my friend Donnie 4 years and 5 days ago today. I felt the same way when it happened.
Sorry for your loss Cris B
I’m sorry that has to be really hard
Thanks everyone.
I'm sorry for your loss.
There are very few true friends. That's probably a big reason.
My father told me when I was just a boy that a man is lucky if he can count on one hand true friends that last a lifetime. I didn’t understand him then. Now I am 64 years old and I am still trying to count on one hand my true friends.
@@kentsears5452 Oh no. 😟
Hugs. Men don't get enough hugs.
I tell you. You got no idea how many hugs I need on a daily basis but get none for months 😆😐😅
I love giving hugs!!! 🤗 Hugs are a beautiful gift to both the giver and receiver.🤗🤗🤗🤗
hugggie🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
@TTLt106 🍄
I bet u need (i.e. 'crave')...a hug.
Culture plays a huge part in why men are treated badly, Councils disregard men when they are homeless, disregard men when the woman are abusive, disregard men in the forces when they see friends die infront of them, CULTURE is the reason, change the culture, change the norm
Lack of real culture is the reason...
right on
These are problems with society, *not* culture. The proof is, these same exact problems exist in every culture. The alt right is not helping men in particular, because feeding people misinformation helps no one. Your oppressors are *not* women or other people who are *more* oppressed than men. Your oppressors are the governments (and individuals) who insist on keeping these societal problems that *do* oppress men.
youre both wrong. its aliens trying to weaken the front lines so they can finally get the big mac formula. prove me wrong ill wait
@@aylbdrmadison1051 Excuse my ignorance. What is the difference between 'culture' and 'society' other than scale? If you do not fit a particular widely accepted 'ideal' in any culture/society then what is the actual 'problem' that can be attributed to a cause/effect?
Unfortunately society doesn't want to address male suicide and other major issues that ruin mens lives. Its heart breaking knowing how little the world cares about the male population. Its heart warming to see guys love their mates so much in the UK, your mates are like real brothers to you its so amazing to see how much they care about eachother.
I have almost comitted suicide 7 or more times already, thinking about how my brother would take it stops me from going through with it.Ive tried seeking help. psychologist,psychiatrist...They dont help they try sound too professional and never seem genuinely interested in helping you,from my experience. Tried going to a Dr, didnt help either. Currently having suicidal thoughts as i type this out. With no shelters,no help,no one caring,no one interested,financially struggling,high anxiety,deep depression,adhd, introvert, social media calling and branding all men rapists,toxic,predators... Does my life really mean so little, just because i was born with specific genitals? When the world cares so little about men, its easy to see why they take their life. If this amount of women comitted suicide it would be addressed immediately. But because i was born a male, my suffering goes unheard
People care. There are even people like me who care about everyone. Because you do not see a thing from where you are doesn't net even imply it does not exist. But, do you care? I ask because I was at that brink once before, and then realized that there is no greater guilt trip I could ever lay on another person. Since having asked myself this question, I have not once contemplated suicide.
Hey Destany, people like me do care. You're life means a hella lot, it can't be expressed with numbers how important you are. That being said, I hope you're doing much better now. If not, I'd like to help you as best as I can. So if you're ever feeling the need to talk to someone, you can always hit me up here on TH-cam or on Twitter: @kleinernerd. Just having someone listening to how you feel can work miracles.
@@aylbdrmadison1051 You have completely missed every point of this guy's post. It is so clear that you as a female can never understand this...
I feel this so hard. I went through one year when I thought about death/suicide every day... and every hour I was awake. I was 34 back then. Before that, I had a happy life and couldn't even understand how people could feel that way. Well now feeling much better but it's nice to hear that there are people who care about each other.
Good to hear you made it through, man
I'm glad to hear that you're doing better.
'death' is there, its how it is, that doesn't mean it should be lumped together with 'suicide'. I know I will die, 'cease to exist' if you prefer, but 'suicide' is not on the books; unless I get/develop something where a rational 'off' would be preferable to the results of prolongation.
I realised early on that peer-pressure/society was the the one with the 'mental problem' not me; that's just how it is, deal with it.
Sorry you felt suicidal. Do you know why you felt like that? Have you addressed the cause(s) or just built a barrier and 'thick-skin' against it/them? If the former, good; if the latter, not so good.
Peace.
Please ensure you look after your health, mind and nutrition. Sleep helps. The final Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him stated your body has rights over you, good nutrition, exercise and rest for both mind and body.
@@rosem5041 get a feckin grip. grow up. there is no 'god'.
A man who can show empathy shouldn't be scorned. Men aren't terrible species, they're human beings and are vulnerable to whatever could ail a female.
Get them talking about their feelings and you'll connect on an awesome level.
....men are weak these days.
So are women...
The Society hive mind is below standard of humanity !
I admire the pyramid builders
@@Bibibosh: "These days." You prove your own mental weakness by being an ageist. Things are different now, no generation of humans has had to deal with the same set of issues as people do now. Each generation has it's strengths *and* it's weaknesses. Your ageism is just another form of bigotry, and bigotry is a the main weapon of our common oppressor: the wealthy elite.
Aylbdr Madison you may be right. But when there was no government entity, the people had to get there own food, and if someone stronger killed them. That's too bad. Sorry but we are all here in this time because of those before us and we should consider following there lifestyles.
We have changed our lifestyle within a few generations, probably to fast for the human entity.
Like animal change can lead to entropic chaotic uncertainty!
“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.”
― Maya Angelou
Introspection is the greatest of all qualities, because introspection leads us to realizing the importance of all other positive qualities.
Define, 'virtue' without referring to circumstance.
She was married to white men lol
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My best friend also took her own life this past October.
I had no idea how utterly depressed she was and I also blamed myself for not doing more to help her.
Hugs to you, love. :-)
Please don't blame yourself.
Hey Andria, I just wanna say that I'm sorry for your loss and that you please shouldn't blame yourself. You couldn't read her mind and it often is really difficult to see just how bad some people feel, how much pain they suffer. That's one of the big challenges when treating with mentally ill people as a relative.
Don't blame yourself. And often it's not 'depression', many times it's a choice; there are many reasons for someone doing the ultimate 'off'.
Peace.
It’s great to see men being compassionate for each other’s fears and vulnerabilities, that’s a true strength everyone deserves.
Compassion = strength. Thank you for seeing that. It is a major flaw of too many people that they don't see this, and this is the path to healing some of the rifts that are currently growing. Once more people realize that greed is in fact one of the weakest qualities any human can have, then we can move forward and heal many of societies ills.
Tbh, men are compassionate in the case of depression and suicide, it's often women who dehumanize us.
The amount I've been called a mysogynist for being depressed and suicidal is crazy "men can't be depressed, they're privileged!"
"Men can't be abused! Because they have no emotions anyway!"
That's the treatment I oftenly get when I try to share emotions with women.
Where as men quite oftenly are very understanding and respectful.
4:30 most men that are really suicidal won't go out in public. Speaking from experience here. We will stay home we won't go outside. We will hide in our shell like a turtle until we finally decide to say goodbye.
Our society dictates that men simply cannot talk about their weaknesses. Women always say that men should "open up" about their inner feelings, but once men do this, women just lose interest. It's a fact of life and nature - women need to feel safe. No matter how much women will try to deny this, it's the truth.
Men are born with the "duty" to perform. To work hard, to provide. If for whatever reason they fail to do that, then it's game over. Feeling useless, feeling like you cannot contribute anything, and being unable to talk about it or seek help. Women will never understand this struggle.
Such a shame that so many people are lost every day... very powerful video, thank you Ben.
I only came to watch these Ted Talks to save myself. I know people love me especially my teenage son even tho i havent seen him in a very long time. No matter how much I fail, i cant leave him here alone. Im the only male in his life that mean anything to him. All the bills. The child support. Never having a way to provide is literally killing me. I never had a steady job in myy life. Im 40. But the only reason im still here is because i dream of the day i cansee him smile again. But Dad is tired. Dad hasnt been happy in years. Im 8 hours away from him.
I needed these videos. Because as many people say they love me, i feel alone. I been feeling this way for years. Even with a wife. But its only so much she can do.
Im tired..
Dude, are you alive?
Rest In Power to all those who have lost love ones ✊🏾
One of the most heartwrenching and difficult topics to speak about, especially from a personal perspective. I decided that if there was ANYTHING concrete that I could take away from it that would serve me in future, it was worth my time because I have someone whom I love dearly at risk. I don't think I have ever seen someone struggle so mightily to speak because of the emotions present and I am grateful for your courage and commitment to this cause. 💜
Hey Jaded Monk, I just wanted to state that I hope the person at risk is doing much better now. Best regards.
Thank you Ben…My 🧠 hurts, my 💔 hurts, and I have been broken for as long as I can remember…viewing your TEDx @ 3:40 am pst in California is a lifeline of hope for me. Not confident I will choose to stay, but you are making a powerful impact…🙏🏾👊🏾😥✌️
Ben, you have given me so much hope - thank you for what you do!!!
I am a 40 year old father of 5, married and by all accounts should be living a happy life. My wife is actually a good woman who really loves me, and every one of my children are amazing.
I am also suicidaly depressed, and have been struggling with this most of my life. Some days are particularly hard. Some years I'm surprised i survived. Nobody would know by the way i compose myself.
Men that are preoccupied with protecting and providing don't really have much space to talk about these things.
We should have a better path to networking between us.
Stay strong, don't give up, work towards making it until tomorrow, and know that you're not alone... we struggle together.
You wouldn't know what it's like not to have a family. You're lucky. That's all I'm going to say. You're lucky.
@@roadkillavenger1325 Don't chastise him for having a family.
@@FireRising86 You must not comprehend the things you read very well. How dare you. READ IT AGAIN. Slowly. And if you come at me again with such accusations, I'll make it my life goal to get retribution.
When men live desperately for themselves ( to prove a point to others) suicidal thoughts is around the corner but if they deliberately live for something bigger than themselves.... meaning will come and suicidal will be far
It's good to know that initiatives like this are happening. Well done!
How many of you remember then life had promise? Even if we weren't happy back then, there was hope that someday we would be. Somewhere along the journey hope gave out.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
i love this quote. people can try to control you all they want, but they can never truly read your mind or change your mind for you... THAT’S UP TO YOU AND NOBODY ELSE!
That quote just feels like an accusation that it's my own fault if I feel bad. To suicidal people, that's rarely a liberating statement and ends up feeling judgemental.
Regardless of what attitude you choose you will die 100% of the time.
You have done a great job by helping other "steves" ! Let go of your pain, Steve is at peace now
Nothings stopping me except fear of failure
There is nothing greater to fear than fear itself.
@@aylbdrmadison1051 are you saying I should just do it already
Same here. If I knew it was a sure thing Id do it in a heart beat. Just dont want to be a vegetable in a nation with no assisted suicide.
@@hia5235 feel u bro nothing has changed.... take the last 6 months out my life.... nothings changed.
Hey bayden, I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad that you're still here and that I hope that you're doing better now (despite the circumstances, the world has to face). You're very important, in fact no score can express how important and valuable you are. There are a lot of people out there that would love to see you outlast your struggles, me included. I know that it can be a depressing struggle to hold onto life. But I, as someone who has had and still has his fair share of mental problems and suicidal thoughts, I can only encourage you to keep on fighting, you can do it.
I would like to help you get better, so if you need someone to talk, no matter the topic, just let me know please (either here on TH-cam or on Twitter: @kleinernerd). I wish you the best. (Sorry for my English btw.)
Literally nobody cares about this topic because it doesnt involve women. 65,000 views in 6 months. Nothing will be changing folks. And men. Look out for yourselves: nobody else cares, no matter the cries for help.
1. Help them have better lives
2. De-stigmatize mental health treatment for men
3. Support your bros
4. Encourage and nurture children early to minimize the risk of developing extreme personality traits or disorders
5. Actually put some resources toward helping these ruined, forgotten men that society doesn't care about
There are plenty of things we know to be effective that can be done at an individual and collective level if we actually wanted to address this problem.
So powerful, this resonates with me so much. To quantify an emotion, a feeling, to put it in context, that can be the start of the combat towards something that can really battle it. Great talk 👍🏽
When you’ve been crapped on by your family and your friends for your whole life, when you’ve no job, no prospects, no money, no hope of any change and can’t even talk to anyone because they will section you and basically lock you up and throw away the key, and when you don’t want to talk about your private life to a bunch of ‘professionally concerned’ strangers, what difference does it make if you are not even there.
Makes a difference to everyone around you actually - for family and friends very obviously - even people who do not know you and who you will never know. Think about a teenage boy neighbour who hears about suicide of a neighbour. I remember hearing about suicide of friend's neighbour (not a near neighbour - think the neighbour at the end of the same street which happened before I was even born) as a kid - thinking back, I can still feel how I was feeling hearing about it as a kid. What I said does not help with men getting the support they need - or addressing the difficulties you mentioned - but having good men around who will be doing fine is very important even to people you will never know.
I am amazed that so many people just don't see the signs of someone who is about to give up on life. Very few people take their own lives without crying out for help first. People live in total denial about this issue. They choose not to see the problem until it is too late and then we get all the hand wringing and questions about 'why did he do it?' Men who choose to take their own lives (women as well) are labelled as mentally defective in some way. Sorry but that is just insulting. We are supposed to be grateful to be alive, I have never quite seen why.
It's true, but I know from personal experience they often cry for help to those who are least likely to notice.
A dear friend of mine hung himself decades ago. He was obsessed with a girl who repeatedly cheated on him. I never understood why he didn't just move on and find someone who felt more like he did.
But she was the only one who he told much of how he really felt, and worse, he was attached to forcing it to work with her, when it was too obvious to the rest of us it would never work (but I've been stuck there before too, so I feel for him in that way as well).
I knew these things upset him and tried to get him to talk to me about it, but he never told me how bad it was and how desperate he felt. I only found out after his 4 year old son found him hanging in the basement 2 days later. :(
Many times it is completely hidden because the individual feels that by doing this, they are somehow making it better for those left behind. Other ideas also point to it being hidden many times. I do agree that we fail to stop and truly listen to those dear to us. Life gets in the way. Maybe we can find ways to change that.
@@aylbdrmadison1051 This Hurts.
There are warning signs but some people refuse help I work in the mental health field and my brother refuse treatment he refused therapy he refused ketamine treatments he refused support groups he refused to get help and still killed himself so I disagree with your statement there anything can be done about somebody that wants to die
I really like the Tedx channel, "ideas worth spreading". I immediately asked myself, how I am out of ten, and what I will do to get better. Very cool, certainly gonna share with family and friends, appreciate the founder for finding a solution to a problem verses accepting his friend's suicide and the staggering number of male suicides in his age group just are the way things are.
Step 1: Fund our healthcare equally to that of women.
Thank you so much for sharing with us the lost of your childhood best friend. I am sorry for him, and also for the husband of my friend and my old neighbor. I am so sad that it happened. My old neighbor, he's the kindest man on earth, ready to help others. Thanks to technology, TH-cam and TEDx, I can watch and listen to you, even though, I am living on the top of the mountain in Italy.
This is going to be a lot more necessary as things go on. The future is so scary. I'm a 10/10 every day, but it wasn't always that way.
For someone to be a 10/10 on a daily basis in the age of Donald Trump is quite an achievement!
@Ris3Up85 Well, I was filled with regret for all of the things that I had done. My life didn't turn out the way that I wanted.
@@Wishwader Happiness has nothing to do with who's in office. It really comes from within. Sound's cliche, I know.
@@Battleganz great words man! Happiness is within! If you are swayed by external factors , happiness will never happen.
grandma approved
Loving presentation. Heartwarming and heartbreaking. Thank you for investing in others
Very nice said 🥺
Only when most people finally stand up for the freedom of others will we begin the journey to real freedom.
I know this old and maybe no one is there rn. But I made it 5mins in. And just broke. I doing great in life. Great job, Decent Honda, everything that makes me feel wrong for complaining. Yet I find myself struggling with my own thoughts constantly. I choke back emotions constantly. Usually with ease. But something here made the tears start to pour while trying to be quite so my family wouldn’t hear me. I’m 21 years old. My name is nick and I feel like I can’t. I want to break and let it all go but I feel a weight on my chest choking me. I need help but i grew up thinking people would just assume I want attention. You guys are not alone.
The way we feel sometimes gets away from us. I used to feel pretty damn bad in the 20s, even though having real good external circumstances. Went searching insistently and after some years found. The biggest difference I think that pushed the way forward at the start was the simple realisation that we are going to die anyway soon - we only have 50-60 years of a one-off chance to experience life, and all the other's expectations, and our own expectations and goals re money, family, jobs - yes, they are important but not THAT important. Might as well try to at least look around while we got the rare chance. That realisation just took the pressure off, and I started making sure that I do at least 3 small simple things I genuinely enjoy each day. For me its morning coffee, looking at sunsets/sunrises I can see out of my window, listening/watching something interesting, and just sitting and letting myself feel good whatever is happening around or in my life (body scan meditation helped with that, and saying OK - this is happening an I feel this about it but for just 30 min I am putting stresses, worries, others etc aside). Those are independent of anything around me, people, etc., that you can come back to even with a crappiest day, no friends and no money. Once you whack yourself out of circle of stress/rush/focus on what needs to be done/pressure repeatedly during the day for a while, you get more mental space to go up mentally and stepwise address the issues (internal or external) to feel better. And it becomes an interesting exploration. My dad told me once that often things settle with age, and he turned out to be very right. You clearly need to take care of yourself more and take some steps to feel better, so go on the search.
This made me emotional.
Great speech.
Maybe stop trying to control how men are and act in formal environments like jobs and schools. It's why domestic violence is a thing. Instead help us and lead us in the right direction
How about less of the blame and more accountability buddy??
This
True ... Them trying to conform to the Man Box set by the society is a killer !
So true
I still wonder why there is no psychologically or financial training in school.
This is why I think the idea, at least in the US, that it's easy to be a man and we are all privileged is detrimental to young men. It disregards men's issues. Suicide, homicide, and incarceration all destroying young men in staggering rates while colleges cancel talks on men's issues because they're deemed "sexist".
Suicide is a terrible situation for all involved. If this could help just one person in your circle to choose life, it would be well worth it.
Some say it is no solution, and some even say it is an anti-solution. That said, I understand the inclination, life can feel unbearable at best sometimes. But we need to remember that in a very real way, suicide is the biggest guilt trip we can ever lay on those who love us.
This is want we need now ...
We need to stop people from taking their own lives .
Why does society force people to stay alive who don't want to stay alive? It's not their life, is it?
THANKYOU CHARLES BRIGHTMAN! Other countries consider suicide ok,even honorable . Europeans/Americans so nosy.
@@charlesbrightman4237 Because often times people who consider or even try suicide don't exactly want to end their life but just the terrrible situation and the pressure they're in. With enough help and support that can be done without ending one's life. Please don't glorify suicide. It often is just the only way you see for yourself in that kind of situations. (Btw I don't judge or blame victims of suicide either) If you could save a fellow humans life just by supporting him, why shouldn't you do everything you can to do so?
@@helenzass411 Trying to also speak for those who cannot speak for themselves in an open discussion in peaceful ways.
@@tobiasaddicks9695 Who though is society to interfere with an individual's own life and body? We are ALL going to die one day from something. So why cannot the individual have an input as to when, where, how, etc? It's their own life, isn't it? Edit: and oh, when you say "If you could save a fellow humans life...", you are not 'saving' anybody. You are only delaying the inevitable. You might even be prolonging their suffering, whatever suffering they may or may not truly have, perceived or actual.
Women make me depressed more than anything.
Just tired of being ghosted dismissed like I don't matter
a HEALTHY Spiritual connection whether with a person or with a belief is all that is needed.
I am a woman, I care very deeply for my male platonic friends. I am not a man, I cannot speak for men, but I wonder if it would be helpful for ''industrialized countries'' to create more non-job, non-employment healthy outlets for men to feel validated and feel manly? Just a wild guess... I theorize this because it seems to me that it is completely unfair to expect men to work harder and longer for less pay... whether, janitors, factory workers or bankers, stockbrokers or cooks or stay-at-home fathers...This goes way beyond a discussion on labour relations or class. It is about re-examining our entire culture.
First of all, thanks for the compassion, it's very rare to see a woman care about issues men face.
One of the big part isn't working hard or long hours tho, that's great if your supporting a loving family with a wife and kids, having a future and proivding them with a future.
In return being aknowlegde and respected for that effort.
And a man will be the happiest man he could be!
But sadly, that is a very rare thing to come by.
The real thing a man validates himself in is having his own family.
I remember i wanted to die, since i am the family disappointment and scored low grades .
I am still
I’m so glad that you’re still here despite what your family thinks.
You are so loved. Even if it doesn’t feel that way- sometimes it’s easy to equate our feelings with reality and it doesn’t always equal reality.
ayy relatable same here
It is a person's character and caring that matters, not their test scores.
I’m am glad your still alive
This presentation brings me hope. I got furious when I heard about feminists cancelling men's mental health events, when it is an actual problem. I'm glad to see people adress these problems. Thanks
These feminists are extremists they are not counted as feminists for the real ones. Trust me, we hate them also.
Beautiful ted talk, and you’ll be making your mate Steve very proud
RESPECT: "He wasn't a number, he was a father ...lovely every day fun amazing bloke!"
People who die by suicide are not mere numbers and they are not , I REPEAT - NOT - commuters of crime as in they "commit suicide".
IF U HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL UNWANTED IN ANY WAY - REACH OUT!
Ben, I feel you and I hear you . I know this is really hard. You are right - one has to move forward, it's the only way.
The Old TEDx shines through from time to time a d today was it. Thank you.
The old TEDxers were instructive, insightful & inspiring - unlike the latter-day/current crop of self-aggrandizing, mediocre entertainers...
@@MANHATTANBEEFMAN I should've written what you said.
@@Exodus26.13Pi - ...you did just fine, grasshopper...
Translation: _I like this Tedx talk because it's something I personally have a connection with. But other Tedx talks are shyte because they are about troubles I don't experience or care about, since I am solely self-interested._ Courage and strength are shown when one endeavors to selflessly help others and or to defend those who are less able to defend themselves. This is the path of the hero. To promote an agenda that denies that others have their struggles for freedom as well is the path of the anti-hero, the villain.
@@MANHATTANBEEFMAN I know that one... I'm getting old.
ഹൃദയസ്പർശിയായ ആശയവും മികച്ച അവതരണവും.👍🏼👍🏼
പൊളി സാനം ....
ഇവിടേയും മലയാളി യോ😎
😁😁🤗🤗
Ithonm atra nallathalla monuse
@@jayakrishnan_kayamkulam ഇത്രയും Subscribers ഉള്ള ചാനൽ അല്ലേ ! മലയാളികളും കാണുന്നുണ്ടോ എന്ന് പരീക്ഷിച്ചതാ...😅
@@vishnus2498 എന്താണ് bro ഉദ്ദേശിച്ചത്?
I have been mentally ill and diagnosed with clinical depression for 3 years now. Opening up was never a choice since the society around me ridiculed it to the point where men's feelings are nth but a laughing stock. Even when you say you're a bit upset, people look at you like you just farted in their faces. They say just man up. So even if I opened up there's no point. However, I found this one friend online, and she's always so kind and supportive to me, and always tries to understand what my problems are and comfort me. We rlly need more ppl like her. Sadly, I haven't gotten any news from her since she left social media 7 months ago...
Be safe my brother 💝
Mental illness is such a tough one to live with. I know because I suffer it myself and have never really fixed it. There are many of us with this problem, so don't hate yourself. You're braver than you realise.
Men have never been more vilified than they are in the 21st century.
I’m amazed that more men haven’t taken their own lives.
The stigma hasn’t been removed: it’s shifted. People are certainly more open about it now, but it creates more distance once people know that your depressed.
Thank you for sharing your heart felt thoughts about how to talk about personal struggles in life wholeheartedly regularly . In a men's group within a safe space on a scale of one to ten. Let the talk club gathering begin.
I have thought about it every day since I was a pre teen, most of my life.
What stops me?
It would give my enemys satisfaction if I did.
What’s the hurry, we all get there sooner than we expect anyway, so let’s stick around and watch the show.
Statistically, we are already dead, it’s just an anomaly that we exist now at all, so what’s the hurry
Maybe someone needs my help
Thanks to DR Rorpopor herbal on TH-cam for curing my herpes totally your herbal medication is very infective and active 💯
"Statistically we are already dead"
So people killing themselves doesn't even make a difference then.
@@TheFracturedfuture
That depends on what we mean by “make a difference “
@@robertvondarth1730 We are all dead already so anything in between doesn't change anything.
To Everyone who lost Friends and Family members to Suicide. Keep your Heads Up. God bless you all.!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure that suggesting people will receive favourable treatment by a supernatural entity (blessed by God) is productive given that entity didn't give favourable treatment to the ones who took their own lives.
@@Wishwader People treat one another badly and God gets the blame. Many people that kill themselves don't believe in God and don't have any hope.
I am a believer, but I am also mentally ill and have been suicidal quite a lot. Without my faith in God, I would have killed myself long time ago.
@@chiggifant For what its worth I can identify with your situation. I’ve never believed in a god but what I can recommend is to get a pet. Lots of published health benefits about animal companionship, or animal assisted therapy as some call it. A loyal dog always knows when their owner is feeling under the weather and seems to know what to do. Even if surrounded by family, a dog (or any animal) is worth its weight in gold.
My boss took her own life 3 years ago. We were both 34 and now I'm 37. The only time I haven't thought about her was the 3 months between when I left the organization and she took her life. I know she didn't realize the well of sadness she would take everyone to. But this sucks so much.
When contemplating suicide, it is important to remember that although it comes from feeling backed into a corner there is no escape from, it is also the biggest guilt trip one can impose on others.
Sorry for your loss
I'm sorry for loss, too.
The issue is baked into our society… male self delete is seen as selfish, female as a tragedy. For millennia male death has been celebrated: sending men to war to die, public executions for insignificant crimes, colosseum battles to the death. To expect women and other men to suddenly care about male death rates is a fruitless endeavor; it’s only after those people are actually personally affected by a dead male family member or it takes a large enough toll on society economically/ socially will they actually be moved to do something about it. Again, not because male suicide is a significant problem to anybody… but because men dying personally affected them negatively in some way…
The bigger question is:
"Besides those directly affected by the loss of a male loved one or friend,
*_Who out there actually cares?"_*
The answer is very, very few people and it is getting worse, not better.
In our modern world, nobody cares until it’s too late.
So I ask you this:
Please, care now. Show that you care by listening without judgement. Take it easy on others.
You just might save a life.
Hello world. Men too have emotions. Stop with the toxic masculinity.
@King in The North I wish I could like this comment twice!
If there's something called toxic masculinity there should be toxic femininity too. And if toxic masculinity ia a reason for male suicide then toxic femininity is a reason too. Don't be salty that this man talk about a problem men have. It doesn't hinder women empowerment. Stop with your sexist implications on a serious matter. You are a reason for this demise.
Toxic masculitiny doesn't mean men are toxic, it means norms and attitudes that limit "maleness" to being tough, insensible, emotionless, aggressive are toxic, especially for men! It acknowledges the harmful cultural disposition and the effect it has on all men and women living in society.
@@MG-gu7fu The way I interpreted the point is that there's been a construct attributed to masculine behaviours that's deemed toxic but no corresponding attributes of female behaviours identified as toxic when there are in fact, toxic female behaviours. So if there's no corresponding construct of 'toxic femininity', then by extension there's no such construct as toxic masculinity.
@@zinawoolridge8597 I see what you mean, but why does it have to be one or the other? Also, I do think there are traits that are deemed "feminine" that are toxic for women, for example taking on the role of a care-giver in all sorts of relationships (family, partnership, etc.). However, I don't think the presumed absence of "toxic femininity" refutes the presence of toxic masculinity.
I'm always thinking about taking my own life.
talk to someone mate.
While I have been there before and feel sorry that you are going through such a terrible time, I wasn't thinking of how taking ones own life is the biggest guilt trip anyone could ever lay on those who care about them. I Obviously didn't go through with it, and since realizing that, have not even once contemplated it. It solves nothing no matter how you look at it anyway. I hope you will find the love for others in your own heart to keep you from doing it too.
Besides, life can and often does get better, *if* you are still alive to experience that happening. I hope you hang in there and see better times soon. Just don't forget that some of that is up to you too. At least make a call, there are many who give much of their time to help people in such a place.
+hugs ^-^
@@aylbdrmadison1051 Honestly nobody cares and Im in the same place. The future is going to be awful. Not sure I want to be part of it.
Same and eventually I'll stop talking
@@chewdafat4121Talk? To who?
Nobody gives a damn
Man : no matter how hard you try to help me by talking about my problems, you can't help because that's not what I need. All I need is a hug, a romantic kiss and some true loyal love because that's what i miss.
In the 1980’s there was pressure for men to be less macho and more sensitive. There were very few men’s groups. Men made an effort to be more sensitive and less assertive, but that also is nit what women wanted. I’m an integrative psychiatrist who has treated hundreds of suicidal people, and people who overdosed. A psychiatrist will lose patients to suicide. I’ve lost 3 in my 44 year career. I believe that people kill themselves when they are in a situation in which they feel totally trapped and hopeless. It’s like living in a house with no doors and no windows. There is a feeling of “ no escape.” It might be depression that led to No Escape. Men’s identities are very much tied in with what they do, what they accomplish, their ability to work hard to support a family. A lot of people are one paycheck from being homeless. Because men want to provide, do things, make things, they are rarely supported for Who they are and what they feel. Since the late 1960’s only one male author/speaker has endured the slings and arrows, and that’s Warren Farrell. A therapist’s job is to create a safe setting in which their male client feels they can express any thought or emotion. A psychiatrist’s job is not to spend 15 minutes, give you a diagnosis and a drug. This video shows the power of giving men a male space to share. A person kills himself when he no longer has a sense of purpose...and he feels totally trapped. Connecting with a man who can listen starts to break up our negative thoughts, and the belief that their prison has a key. You can’t always tell if someone has decided to kill themselves. If someone has been very depressed for a long time, then suddenly becomes calm and cheerful , he is a high risk. If that decision has been made, a person stops dreading their future. They are waiting for the right time. This is a time to pay extra attention to this man, for he has a plan...and seems at peace. Sometimes God makes it clear that suicide isn’t going to happen . As a psychiatry resident I treated a woman who had jumped off the Coronado Bridge in San Diego...a very high bridge that fewer than 10 have survived. My patient had some broken records bs. A few years later I ran into her in a psych hospital. She told me she had tried to shoot her self in the head, but no bullet fired. She then pointed the gun at a wall, fired and blew a hole in the wall. I said to her, “You have made 2 of the most serious suicide attempts possible. Sounds like that is not God’s plan.” She agreed. 80% of suicides are committed by men, so videos like this are literally life savers.
Stop telling them they have to be strong and brave. Emotion is the brains way of dealing with life. There’s no shame in being sad, upset and emotional and more importantly it isn’t shameful to get help when you need it.
It's ok for them to tell to be strong and brave. Just don't shame them when they open up.
Inner Peace of course, I meant that we should stop telling them they have to be brave and strong no matter what and nothing else.
I’m a man and im close to ending it all. I couldn’t careless about the world because it’s a waste of time and energy to put effort into something that’s meaningless. I have lost so much and gained so little in my 25 years so far. The thing that frustrates me the most is someone telling me that things get better but instead the wound gets deeper and bigger. So much suffering, violence and hatred in the world why would anyone even want to keep living? The only thing stopping me right now are my close friends and my oldest brother. My moms death almost 2 years ago didn’t help with any of this but I’m still living for now ✨
My best friend was a manic depressant and he & his mother never told anyone.
2 decades after high school he was unbearable in a social way.
But, if they told me about his condition, I would have known and treated him with understanding.
I once told my gf about my feelings..... she never looked at me the same again and left me. not many you can talk to
Thank you for this video
Im going through, well not going through im IN IT. Extremely devastating traumatic events, that i cannot handle. Life as i known it is over. The PTSD, from just 1 of the trauma event is unbearable, but to have multiple deaths!, to have all your $ and assets taken away, and to loose my Career job and all a great job provides!! Even the social interactions. Identity, purpose.. Gone!
Then, to have ptsd, anxiety, chronic insomnia, and severe depression added to all the tragedies. My mental and physical health are declining, and its caused my eyesight to go Blurry..!! I don't want to live anymore. I really hate suffering every day. Everyday!! No one can help me. This has to end
one of them was my father. We really need to start to learn how to talk to other men. Ask them how they are really doing.
I'm sorry for your loss, man.
Bruh why does this have dislikes?
Probably because TED is usually busy with their so-called empowerment of women that brutalizes and castrates men. This upload is such hypocrisy on their part. There's been a war on men for years.
Anonymous Anomaly .........
@jdot well what's the real problem?
Because feminists don’t want to distract from the narrative they’re pushing that all men are pigs and that we can’t possibly have issues much more complex than their own
@@anonymousanomaly9538 Or maybe because it isn't enticing enough !
Maybe if society stops vilifying men for anything they feel disgruntled about and labelling all men as bad, even when they contribute to a functioning society
Maybe society can start by stopping the attacks on Men very own identity?
Anything remotely masculine is constantly demonized or ridiculed.
The comments section is not what I expected it to be; admittedly I haven't watched the video yet. 🤪
You guys are pretty wholesome! 👍🤘
Edit: Whoaaa this is jaw dropping!
Finished watching it, it's very impactful. So sad seeing him choke up. It's very real.
Steve would be very Proud of you mate🙏🍀❤️
Guys be strong! If you show weakness and vulnerability women will destroy you for sure!
TH-cam can put a crisis hotline notification, but still decides to keep ad on. Crazy
You can't .... Once you SEE the world and the people for what they are.... There is no hiding from it any more.
Sucks it happens.... Thinking about it EVERY day.
See it as... "I'm ready to see something else"
This only has 9k views. It shows how little this is still taken seriously or even properly acknowledged by society...
Mr. White it came out less than a day ago
Look at other TEDx Talks. This amount of views is huge compered to them. But still, you are right!
That’s the most powerful Ted Talk I’ve listened to . Are there talk clubs in Ireland ?
I used to operate a bar, One thing I can tell you for sure is that there are certain things that men choose to take to the grave, how long you live depends on how strong you are to handle it. For example, its not possible for a man to come out and say,
'' Hi, my name is XYZ, my wife, the love of my life, my everything, the mother to my generation, is sleeping with her gym instructor who has 6 packs compared to my one pack beer belly, he drives a Ferrari, he has between 7-14 inches between his legs compared to my pickle that can not function while I am drunk, he is tall dark and handsome. She is leaving me to go stay with him in his beach house.''
Men we suffer in secrecy because we are only loved depending on the things we can do. If for a moment you cant meet the needs of the people around you, everyone moves away like dust. If you can provide another cloud of dust is blow towards you.
The burden of performance we live with
Affordable housing in the U.S. would save me.
Not gonna happen in my lifetime.
One's problems may seem minor to you or I but it is big to them because it's theirs .
100% right.
Furthermore: compassion is strength.
Thank you for sharing!
Wow I don't know how much feelings I had when I listened him! His heart and his history took my mind. This kind of moments come back to you an especific moment! Are you doing the right things?! I'm gonna to ask to my family and friends, how are you out of ten.
Important message that won't be seen by enough men unfortunately.
Only dogs , women are loved unconditionally but men's are loved on condition to provide something . Men is just treated as they will provide .
Mgtow
@KC Starr you just proved my point because as you said " now we have freedom to provide for ourselves " because when women earns she thinks of herself and feels independent and while men earns he thinks how he can provide best to her wife and family . Please don't further explanation because you might be not even in relationship now and I have been three and three of them left me just because of materialistic things or something I don't know .
How exactly does oppressing women make men less oppressed? Men are oppressed by the wealthy elite, not by women. And trying to force them to do what you want is only more oppression. I have a hunch your real problem is that you oppress your female partners and that's why they left you, as they should. Be strong and have compassion and love for others, that is how you get compassion and love back for you.
@@aylbdrmadison1051 do you think every women is nice .
@@aylbdrmadison1051 you dont even know me still you make assumptions .
Thank you. That was great!
First time I’ve cried in two and a half years
Thanks to DR Rorpopor herbal on TH-cam for curing my herpes totally your herbal medication is very infective and active 💯
The title of this video shouldn’t read men taking their own lives” but rather “dying by suicide” in the vein as we say “dying of heart disease.”
I would really like to see the Steve documentary. Does anyone know where I might be able to view it?
Thank you! Loved it! 💚 Totally agree.
Love is all we need.
Nutrition, Exercise, Routine helps so much. Indulge in hobbies and stay away from vices like alchohol.