Oh man, I know that feeling when you're pre-T and hairdresser don't want to cut your hair the way you want because she thinks it would look too masculine and forces her vision on you.
This happened to me a few weeks ago, I had to go to a different hairdresser than normal and my old one had cut it 3 times (a trim, the big cut and a clean up) and she is great and did basically exactly what I asked her without question which was awesome but then she was booked so I ended up with a different person and really I should've known it was going bad because the first thing she said was "so are you trying to grow it out" and then I told her that I get a 1 on the sides because my hair grows so fast and she was like "A 1?!?! tHaTs BaSiCaLlY bAlD" then she continued to bot do anything I asked by cutting basically my entire head the same length and thinning it so much you could basically see through the top lol it's almost long enough to get it the way I like again but I hate it less at least lol
I had this exact situation yesterday (for the second time ) I look horrible (but I started accepting it now bc it looks kinda masc but not what I wanted at all)
holy fuck. ive never watched a video with this level of honesty. "being attractive mattered more to me than being trans" like looking into a mirror. its time to listen to myself. im not happy living like this
@@ivanetzamolina5147 she can be objectively beautiful, someone you'd admire, someone you even could wish you wanted to be, but if you on the inside can't find expression through that, it doesn't matter if she's pretty or not: it's fine for someone else. Like a gorgeous designer dress: you as a guy might go wow, I'd like to see that on so-and-so, but you might have no interest in wearing it yourself.
@@kaiwannagoback5712 that hits so hard 😭 all of it does! Its exactly what ive been thinking and going through these days and keep going through whenever i change up my look or dress extra nicely and look at pictures, to see the same sentiments in other ppl’s words is extremely validating
I know exactly how you feel. Thats how I felt before I started testosterone. It was so validating to be seen as a pretty girl until I realized I was just an image to myself. I'm on T now and I feel truly beautiful in the most rugged and authentic way. I believe in you!
I'm a transman who knew who i was at age 4-5, but spent the next 39 years trying to "fix" myself by dressing feminine, going to beauty school, going thru months of conversion therapy for my "lesbianism", getting married, having kids- i don't regret the journey, but i do wish i could have been born in this century instead. With my first male haircut, in 2009, I went from a being regarded as a middle-aged yet kinda sexy mom to being mistaken for my sons' oldest brother when had my my hip length, dyed chestnut-red hair clipped into a vintage 1958 buzz cut a la my dad's high-school senior yearbook photo. What follows is a hideously long, and complicated tale of betrayal, and resilience, with a snarky TL/DR at the end. I got a job in 2009, mostly to fund my transition, and kept my hair buzzed until well after the T kicked in. I'd enjoyed shaving for awhile until my peachfuzz thickened to a passable teenage-neckbeard to go with my still-funky voice, and then i stopped shaving, grew a beard, grew my hair out a bit longer, and kinda enjoyed looking like a younger version of my father. I fit in with the guys i worked with, and supported my family while my then-husband (whom i'd met 23 years before i came out in 2008) got & promptly lost a whole series of jobs, putting us in immanent danger of foreclosure/bankruptcy, which, by dint of working my @ss off, i somehow managed to forestall each time. Then came 2013. The family dog was killed by a speeding driver, my very close friend died after a horribly prolonged battle with sepsis after the chemo port for her pancreatic cancer got infected, my grandfather died (hating me), my step grandmother died, and then my step mother unexpectedly died- all in 6 months. My husband lost yet another job, i stepped in and kept us all afloat until he found another one which required him to get a little apartment in a town an hour north, He'd come home on the weekends if he wasn't working overtime. We adjusted. in April of 2014 my then-husband then claimed he'd been lying when he said he was ok with my transition, and insisted that i'd "bullied him into submission" (evidently my including him in my entire 2 year long decision-making process that resulted in me going to a counselor for yet another 6 months to get my T letter, as well as introducing him to the other transfolk i was meeting at a local support group, and giving him the opportunity to accompany me to all of my doctor's appointments is "bullying"- i thought i was being transparent- my bad) and that he "wasn't sexually attracted to [my] father" To which i replied, i wasn't at all attracted to his father either, nor him especially, and yet here we are- and then i pointed out how i'd asked him at every stage if he was ok with it, and since he'd evidently lied to my face at every stage, it just proves that i'm not psychic and he's a liar. He then pulled out this gem: "I've been talking to a bunch of people online too, and most of them keep saying i should just have you killed for the insurance money- some have even offered to do it for cheap, but i keep telling them no- that i still love you, and that you'll always be the mother of my children" Reader, my blood ran cold. All 29 years worth [at that point] of affection, and loyalty for this man died in that instant. What came out of my mouth was "That's mighty white of you." (We're both white) Then i went to the bedroom, locked the door, called my doctor, loudly made an appointment to get tested for STI's and he did not see me again until late October when he came home a day early and told me he was filing for divorce and he would have me served in our home, and if i wasn't home, our 17 yr old son could sign for them. I told him to keep our child out of it, and serve me at my job. He argued that he didn't want to "embarrass" me. I told him it wouldn't be an embarrassment at all- on the contrary- i wanted to share the moment with all of my supportive co-workers in whose various homes i'd been staying while he was in town. I lucked into my own apartment that week and was served the next week, i was extremely happy when the deputy announced himself, and offered to buy him a coffee and a muffin or bagel for his trouble. The deputy declined, but clearly thought the petitioner had overstated the degree of devastation i would feel. He even asked if there were another BobDeGuerre working there, and then if i was sure about that- "maybe he's new" he said. We got exactly half of the divorce completed, in that we could both file as "divorced" and he could no longer take out credit/run up bills in my name, but since his financial circumstances were now greatly reduced, he stated that he now planned to sue me for alimony and that i'd be notified of the second hearing. I responded to that threat by pulling out my last paystub and my checkbook, writing him a check for 20% of my gross, and handed it to him. "For child support" I told him. (20% is standard dunning for one child) Then i asked the judge if that was all. It was. I walked out and my lawyer followed, chuckling. I mailed that child support to him every month until our child turned 19, and then, since there was still no signed agreement in place, i stopped paying, cut all contact, and didn't see him again unless it was to trade cars for the kids. Then, in late April of 2016, on a Thursday morning, i awoke having suffered what everyone thought would be a devastating stroke. I did the dumb thing, struggled into my binder, got dressed, drove to work, my manager called an ambulance, yadda yadda yadda. i woke again that same evening to my ex-husband holding my hand and saying he'd take care of me. My entire right side had been affected. I was all but unable to speak, walk unassisted, or even brush my own hair. it took me almost 10 minutes to tell him that wouldn't be necessary, please leave. He did, and he contacted my father, whom i hadn't spoken to with much since his wife's funeral, and my father told me i was going be put in a rehab center to recover. I took about 15 minutes to explain that was Not going to happen- and that i'd be returning to work instead. He said we'll see. I was released that next afternoon after being able to successfully navigate the length of the hallway and a short staircase with use of a cane. I admit that i lied and said that there were 4 steps up to my apartment. Actually there were 2 flights of steep stairs- one of 14, and another of 15. My manager drove me home, i made it up all those stairs my co-workers rallied around me, bringing food, and checking on me. I drove myself to work to shop for myself that Sunday, and I was back to work with a gimped arm and leg, a cane, a very tippy walk, tremendous trouble speaking, and abysmal handwriting exactly 14 days later. I hadn't even used up all my paid time off. The fall of that year my ex-husband wrecked yet another car and so he came and got the truck he'd lent me while our youngest drove the car that my ex-husband had bought for me in 2012, (it was a stick so... ) My father called about a week later and asked what I was going to do to get back and forth to work. I explained that i had already bought a bicycle and a big umbrella. It was 1.3 miles one way, and I needed to lose some weight anyway. My father showed up the following week, driving a pickup, & told me he'd need to borrow it every once in awhile, but that there was no room in his garage to keep it. The following spring he signed it over to me. This blew me away; i assumed my real father was abducted by aliens shortly after my return to work, and either re-programmed or replaced by an alien that looks exactly like him. I’ve mostly healed from the stroke now. my handwriting is still abysmal. I wear my hair long again, and it's mostly white and kinda curly now- and i have a long full mostly white beard too. I look the part of a grandpa and in January of 2019, i got a text from my firstborn: "Mom- you're gonna be a grandpa!" My granddaughter was born that fall, and my niece a couple of months later. in Feb 2020 my youngest son told me much the same thing. My grandson was born fall of 2020. I have yet to meet or hold any of them bcz i work in a grocery store, and as such, i am exposed to COVID on a daily basis by careless maskers and unvaccinated people. I'm vaccinated, but the T lowers my immunity. I also have heart and kidney problems due in part to my past history of anorexia and all of the recent stress, which puts me at very high risk for COVID complications. So please immunize yourself, and encourage others to do so as well. I'd really like to meet my grandkids, and i just might live in your town. TL/DR: Hot red-haired MILF FtM gets head buzzed, deals with major BS, while morphing from neckbearded teen to Santa Claus w/ grandkids in under 14 years. Get vaxxed.
@@arthur_rockwell i felt it was important to share that folks can do everything "exactly right" and still lose absolutely everything that they depend upon and at the end of the day, they will still come out of it okay. I think what you're doing is so important because there really aren't a lot of older LGBTQ folk left to help guide the way for the up-and-comers. A lot of us died in the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 80's-90's, and many more of us welded that closet door shut, &/or drank/drugged ourselves (often to death) among the worldwide tidal wave of extremist-based LGBTQ-phobias that followed, and persisted, and still persist to this day. Myself, I lost 60+ LGBTQ friends/ co-workers/ acquaintances to AIDS &/or alcoholism &/or overdose &/or su*c*de &/or m*rder between 1984-1999, and that's just from one gay bar in a one rural town. After surviving that genocide-in-all-but-name, I cannot convey the absolute terror I felt once I put a name to all of the self-loathing I'd struggled with for 40 years, in part because so much of that internalized LGBTQ-phobia was mirrored in my everyday experience. I had almost decided to end it all rather than bring that "shame" down on my loved ones. I'm still not certain where I found the courage to persevere. However, I have come to realize that even my very best days pre-transition were H*ll on earth compared to my worst days post-transition. I'm fortunate to live in a state where my identity is respected by law, and my civil rights are protected by law, but so many other LGBTQ folks aren't that lucky. But this is slowly becoming the world we had hoped for back before HIV/AIDS became THE primary narrative of the LGBTQ experience. There are still many "elderly" allies out in the world, some whom you'd never expect, and many more who only come out of the closet in the privacy of the voting booth, but we are SO proud of you all. I'll get down off the soapbox... you've got this, kiddo.
@@starprince5098 that was the highlight reel (lol) but yeah- you can lose absolutely everything, but as long as you believe in yourself, you'll be okay.
That was such a ride! I usually don't read long posts but I'm glad I did. I just turned 19 and was feeling very stuck because there is absolutely no way that my parents would accept me. Since I can't move to university (seemingly a very accepting place) so I'm just stuck in a very bad place metaphorically and physically. It always makes me very happy to see older trans men 'make it' and be content. So really, thank you so much for sharing your story!
@@arthur_rockwell hey I’m trans and I’m scared of cutting my hair but my grandma said she could take me for a haircut tomorrow and I’m happy. I really want short hair and i might get it cut! I’ll update if I get it cut!
"if you are looking through hundreds of youtube videos right now trying to find some sort of reason for why you should cut your hair -- maybe you should Just Do It" me: 🤡ah,,,,,,,
@@pepsimann2038 my hair is so straight that when i went to the hairdresser the guy said "you will look like scarlett johansson if you go this short w/o a perm" so i ended up bringing in a photo of mick jagger hahahah. anyway, now i have dope quasi-mullet-thing which i think suits me better anyway. i told them i was trans over the phone which was really useful even though i was shitting myself.
Oh man i got so many pixie cuts before i got my actual haircut!! So frustrating. I was so firm about it and they never did it right until I went to a barber and i was like yes! you got it!
i felt like people would always see me as this long curly haired girl, but I finally got my parents to let me cut my hair (my mom wasn't too excited about it) and now (tho I'm not out and am still seen as a girl by family and most people) i feel a lot more andro and less fem which I love. and I still have my curls which is a big part of my identity. so to anyone whos questioning if they should cut their hair, DO IT. if you don't like it, hair grows back. and you'll never know if you'll like it unless you try
OMG Thanks for wording so many emotions I've gone through the last half year! I'm a 45 year old divorced mom with kids. Years of long blonde hair, being the beauty ideal to men. Then growing out a side shave led to wanting to go all short. Several expensive 'soft pixie' cuts from a hairdresser that wanted keep it feminine every time, I finally found the barbershop. The whole process definitely has led to discovering my identity. Non-binary and wanting to look andro. So happy you live in a better era and discover this at a much younger age!
Aw this is such a sweet comment! I am so so grateful to have grown up in this generation. I absolutely know I didn't have it in me to be a "trailblazer" if I'd been born in a different decade... Fantastic that you've been able to discover your identity and what makes you happy!
I watched this video the two days ago while deciding on how short I was going to get my hair. I was shocked by how emotional I felt once the video ended. It took me ages to get my hair short, because of stylists not wanting to cut it more masc. I eventually went to a barbershop that cut my hair short, but I never went too much because I wasn't out at all. Those feelings I had after watching your video bubbled up and I came out to a bunch of coworkers, who were all supportive. I was out to some of my closest friends, but work and home were where I drew the line. I watched more of your videos and it gave me the courage to do something I haven't been able to do in two years. I came out the my grandmother and the person who I was most afraid of telling. She raised me and being her 'only granddaughter' was a big point. She accepted me immediately and though it's still early, she is doing the best she can. Your videos and your story gave me that final little shove I needed and I don't know if you'll see this, but you made a huge impact in my life. Thank you Arthur, truly.
I do see comments!! Even on older videos. And hearing these stories always makes my day. I'm so happy you had the courage to come out and that the people in your life have been supportive. I'm sure there will be more joy to come!
the way i described my feminine faze in first year university was "giving being a girl a good ol' college try" and and realizing it wasn't for me. judging from the comments, i wasn't aware this was such a common experience for us to have.
I always wanted to cut my hair real short but my mum was always really mean and adamant about keeping it long. But during this quarantine, I said fuck it and gave myself a haircut. I began by cutting it short but feminine but soon began to grow bolder and more masculine. Now it's a comfortable anime mullet, not exactly perfect but it works. I'm pre-everything and never dreamed of passing until I did, it's not a miracle worker but the right kind of haircut (doesn't have to be very short) and clothes (caps can help too) could do a lot! I re-realized my love for cutting hair after seeing a satisfying amount of hair that's left behind after a cut. I still cut my hair and now trim up my father's too. So if anyone is looking for another reason to just cut your hair -- maybe you'll realize you actually really enjoy doing it! (do your research though. I have been cutting my hair (albeit secretly) since I was in the fifth grade for about 8-9 years on and off)
This whole video literally made me realize I may be fully trans (I currently identify/I identified as genderfluid), but most importantly, that I am letting the stigma make a big decition on how I present my gender Even when drawing myself I tell myself "You should look more femenine" or "You would never pass if you looked masculine" From watching this video I feel a lot more confident Thank you, a lot.
1:54 Yeah I can relate my hair was always in those styles and I would always always have matlocks in the back of my hair without brushing it for days on end but now since my hair is short it's easier to handle
i ended up buying clippers because i didn't trust hairdressers here to cut my hair in a masculine way. cutting my hair on my own has been pretty fun and meditative. also cleanup is not as hard as you'd think it would be!
The first time I got a men's haircut I just did it myself at home with random scissors... It looked sloppy in the back but in time I learned to do it better and got better tools. I never went back to a salon since.
These are some great tips. I was very lucky with my first haircut/hairdresser at a unisex salon and it came out well, but I had to insist it was what I wanted (I think I may also have said specifically that I wanted it to be "like a men's haircut" or something). But the hairdresser was amazed at how certain I was about cutting off my hair (which I could just about sit on at the time) and after the initial cut to a bob length she was like hey this looks good 😂 had to really insist that I didn't want a bob lol. But as I was leaving I could immediately tell it had the desired effect because the receptionist seemed a little confused about my gender having seen the change haha. I passed virtually 100% after that (pre-everything medically at the time) as long as I was careful in my presentation. What a difference a haircut can make! The beautiful thing is like you said, hair is just hair and you can experiment freely yet it can tell you a lot about yourself, and the feeling of being seen as a guy, thanks entirely to my haircut, made me even more certain that I'm a trans man
Man, I discovered your channel recently as I'm way overthinking and worrying about socially transitioning. But I remember watching this video about 8 months ago and it finally giving me the confidence to cut my hair at 18 after graduating high school. I was pretty sure I was trans in middle school and came out to a few people but then decided to keep it on the back burner until I grew up because I thought thinking about it too much would convince me I was trans even if I wasn't. Well, I'm not fully grown up at 19, but I just made my first appointment at my school's counseling center for HRT. To make a short story long, cutting my hair was so terrifying up until the moment I did it. I got a god-awful cut from my mom's old stylist akin to my grandmother's but I loved it anyway. I loved looking in the mirror and looking good and looking like me. I'm so glad I found this video 8 months ago and made that giant leap of faith. It gave me so much clarity.
Awww thank you for coming back and leaving this comment! It really means so much to me to hear from people who have been impacted like this by my videos. Congrats on taking the leap and good luck at your HRT appointment!
Me fantasizing a scenario where I come out, my family is fully supportive of me and my dad takes me to his barber and helps me figure out a good masculine haircut even though I know it will never happen 💔
A year ago I went to a hair dresser with hair that went down to my hips and told her I wanted it all off. I had been wanting to cut it short for years but my family kept saying i shouldn’t and it was also difficult with my job. The hairdresser argued for about 15 minutes with me, trying to negotiate leaving it longer but i refused. I ended up with a beautiful short cut, not as manly as i had hoped but still 100 times better than the long hair. It’s bern a year now and i will hopefully be cutting it short again soon.
This video helped me so much with cutting my hair. I’m 12 and I wasn’t aloud to get short hair so I did it myself and I’m glad I did because it looks absolutely stunning. The encouragement in this video was so helpful, and I am so thankful I saw this video, because I was about to chicken out. I regret nothing :)
@@ascotter I did it myself at home, but you can walk (or drive if your old enough) to a barber and pay for a haircut if it’s easier for your type of hair :D
"it matters more to me to be attractive than to be authentic" wow!! I'm still going through that phase - I buzzed my hair a few years ago and I liked it but after growing it out a bit and looking quite good with longer hair, I'm still on the fence - buzzcuts are convenient and look dope and are more androgynous but growing them out is a pain in the ass, but like. who do i owe being attractive to? i never dated anyone, but I would really like to and I'm afraid that I will lose people's interest after buzzing my hair, but what's the point of having people attracted to me when I'm not really 100% comfortable with myself? what's the point of broadening my dating pool if some of these people would no longer be interested in me when i present the way i want to? ehh i wish it was all simpler!!
If you go to a unisex slon, here's a huge tip: just ask for a masculine haircut. they know how to do it, and your paying them to do it. of corse show the,m an image but ask them to make it masculine
Thank you, 1 year ago I wanted to cut my hair of but I didn't no for sure. Then I just did it and I didn't like how the hairdresser had cut my hair but I was happy that it was finally short. I was worried about opinions but most of the people didn't even care. I stil don't love my haircut but I love it way more than when it was long. By watching this video 1 year after I had cut my hair short made me realise that you did realy help in making this disicion and I am so happy that I did it ❤😃 thank you again
I cutted off my hair after watching this video Arthur really helped me. fyi I am 16 ftm trans and currently closeted. I had hip long hair and I made my mom cut it at home at shoulder level. After two months I asked my dad (just casually) how much did his haircut cost. I was saving money for my haircut and I had enough money to get a haircut. So I went to a barber and showed him a dude's pic and I asked him to cut my hair like that. He did a pretty job. Now my dad is insisting he will not let me cut my hair anymore and I am currently shortening my hair at home every two weeks without anyone knowing 😁. I haven't been caught yet.
At the beginning I was expecting a short "this is a sign to cut your hair" that I'd forget in 2sec but omg I sencirely won't forget it I rly needed that omfg
i’m a AFAB person and i consider myself bigender (he/she pronouns) but i’ve been feeling much more masculine lately. I’m wanting to wear purely masculine clothes and cut my hair. But I’m worried short hair won’t look good on me (i’m wanting a haircut pretty similar to yours) do you have any tips for feeling more confident in wanting to be comfortable with my gender expression? It’s been a big struggle bc i know what i want but i’m afraid it won’t turn out and then i’ll just be looking worse than I think i do now.
I would just do it, because you only live once, and it doesn't take long to grow out, if you don't like it. Plus, if you don't like it, that will tell you something important to know. It will resolve the problem with worrying and wondering. you stand to learn something important about yourself, whether you love it, hate it, or feel nothing about it, and that alone is worth it.
my hair is now mid-back length, the longest it has ever been, i want to cut it, i haven't explored the extents of my gender identity yet, i feel like short hair would initiate that journey.
the way you explained forcing yourself into an extreme manifestation on conventipnal female beautybor the standards of others was the first time it was said in exactly a way that resounded so loudly with me
hehe i'm getting a haircut tomorrow :)) i'm gonna show the hair stylist a picture of one of them tiktok boy haircuts and HOPEFULLY she doesn't f it up.. i swear if she messes it up i will be suuper depressed but hey, it can't be worse than my current hair cut, right?..
I just want short hair and its literally been since the start if covid that ive been struggling to get a good short haircut. Since im a chick most of the time they say stuff like "i left this part long for when you grow it out". So annoying. All such good tips, i wont give up yet!
oh wow, yes you were a bombshell with that blonde hair (and a gorgeous young guy now) BUT I see that hollow look in your eyes in that femme pic, and know what that means. You're doing an important thing, being so honest about all this, so that others in the same situation can find a way forward to thriving instead of just surviving.
I used your tips and they worked marvelously! I finally have hair I'm satisfied with after cutting it almost the exact same way since 2018 and never getting it right! I had a lot of pushback from my mother, and the rest of my family of course hates it, but I don't care. I'm happy.
omg... Thank you so so so so so much for this video! I think I'm going to cut my hair now. I am questioning my gender, and have been contemplating a masculine cut for about a year now, and I think this video motivated me to do it
Hair grows back, no big deal. Trying out different styles is fun ^^ I found out that short hair suits me best, regardless of whether I'm presenting masculine or feminine, but unfortunately completely bald doesn't suit me. Serioulsy don't get why hairdressers try to "save" you from your own decisions. Like... it's just hair? It'll grow back? And I'm paying you to do a certain style?! If you're not willing to serve a customer what they asked for (which is fair), say so *upfront* so they can find someone else. Imagine an electrician taking a job and then when they're done they say like "Oh, I put in less light fixtures on the south side, cause it'd be too bright. Hire me again later if you're really sure you want them." Tips: Try different hairdressers. Even if they're not necessarily trying to make you look more feminine, every artist has their own kinda style. (Or different levels of skill.) Also there are *so* many "short" haircuts, and small variations can make it look drastically different. Even more so than long hair styles cause like... if there's only two inches of hair half an inch more or less can make a big difference. Can take a while to figure out what works best for you. And different styles work for different people!
kinda unrelated but you saying being perceived as male made you more **comfortable** (not insanely happy/euphoric) really helped me out :) i'm still questioning (although I'm pretty sure I'm not cis) and although i've experienced a little gender euphoria, it hasn't been an insanely intense rollercoaster of emotions for me (prob bc my discomfort is more mild and constant than extreme, consistent peaks). I don't know your personal experience with euphoria/dysphoria but that phrasing has kinda eased a little of my self doubt, because although I'm not constantly happy I AM much more comfortable dressing masculinely :) sorry if that didn't make sense/was repetitive i'm writing this late at night lol (also side note but you kinda sound like the guy who runs aretheygay, i think it's the accent lol)
I'm very happy to hear it! Yeah, I think of transition as just a choice that made my life better. It impacts my life every day in a way that feels way more subtle and deeply buried into my life experience than just dysphoria/euphoria. I feel confident and comfortable and happy! Wishing you find what works for you :)
I'm currently struggling with this. I only really admitted to myself that I'm trans around 6 months ago. I've gotten a lot of validation for my looks over the years as a woman and, obviously, being desirable feels really good. But being a trans man now and sort of living in that reality as my looks change, I'm dealing with a lot of panic and euphoria at the same time. Euphoria over my slowly masculinizing features (the hair, the voice, etc), but panic over my fading feminine beauty. With all the changes and the testosterone, I've sort of made it to a crossroads of sorts where I can decide to essentially undo everything I've done and I've caught myself thinking, "If I just drop all of this now, I can go back to living as a 'pretty woman' who my family doesn't fuckin hate." Like if I don't go back now, some things will be irreversible (like the drop in my voice and that relationship with my transphobic family). I'm just so paralyzed by the prospect that I won't be considered attractive as a man, even though that is the identity that I feel would bring me the most happiness and comfort. and it's a lot. Like a lot a lot. People should really talk about this more. Just, the doubts transmen have to conquer. Being raised as women, most of us have a very toxic relationship with our societally perceived attractiveness, and yet you rarely hear people talk about it.
Thanks for this video! I’ve gotten my hair cut every few years, but never went farther than a pixie cut. Recently I wanted to get shorter hair and made an appointment at a salon. When I got there and told the stylist what I wanted, she said that would take too much time, and the whole process she kept asking me if the length was too short and if other people knew how short I was getting it cut. I walked out after the appointment with the most Karen chin length bob I’ve ever seen, and though I’ve never really felt something I would call dysphoria, looking in the mirror gave me a horrible feeling. I immediately drove to the nearest barbershop-I didn’t like at reviews, or pricing-and asked for a fade. I’ve never been happier with a haircut in my life.
i am trans FTM and i have been going on and off from cutting my hair for almost a year, that little part at the start is what made me say f it, im getting my hair cut in a few weeks, thank you for the tips and for that little part, it was so helpful
I cut my hair last night and I’m glad I did it. I hated having long hair and I only kept it for my mom. I feel like my gender is more affirmed now. After 20 long years of looking feminine, I finally look masculine. I’m so happy
11:40 Ya I asked for a haircut that was a basic long on the top short on the sides thing and she literally said “no you don’t want that” and gave me an ear-length pixie cut
If you can, go to an LGBTQ+ or Queer friendly barber! They are amazing, especially with trans and non binary folks. If you are in LA or NY, try out Fellow Barber.
Thank you for this video, I'm still can't cut my hair right now but I want to be prepared for when I do, your explanations and descriptions on what to say were very helpful
I shaved my head and it helped me realize I’m genderqueer lol. The way I am perceived in this weird transgressive in-between state of being a bald woman fits me a lot more than regular old womanhood. Even having had short hair before I feel the way I am gendered now is definitely different. People still generally see me as female, but it’s like a whole new flavor of female I guess?
Yes,we need more focus on FTM as we focus on our MTF(I'm still in HT),I visited a barbera shop in NY and it is runed by 1 beautiful lovely Ls and 3 FTM or as I prefer to call them True Men,I took True men as best life stylists and hair stylists. Love&peace lovely true man ❤🏳️🌈❤
I am doubting my gender, but what is certain is that I have been putting up with the desire to get a masculine cut for several years, and all because I wanted to adapt to society
The only thing I’m worried about is I’m a ballerina but I’m non-binary. I think I can just wear a wig so I can put it in a bun (I’m planning to get a bob). Just have to convince my parents!
thanks for all your help I cut my hair off one night but I couldn’t go as short as I wanted now that’s it’s grown I hate it again and i don’t know what to do because I can’t tell if I want a men’s haircut or just a short edge haircut. Uhh this is so hard thanks for your help though.
i might still be young but i found out i was trans (FTM) when i was 9. i was fine wearing girl clothing and boy clothing but dressed more tom-boyish when i could. in 5th grade i came out to my closest friends about it and they said that "i had to know the second i was able to think" or "haha no ur aren't" after a little while i believed it..and once they made me think i was a cis female i felt uncomfortable with my body and every time i would look at my chest in the mirror i always felt uncomfortable with that part of my body,and the other part. now i know that your not born knowing that knowledge and u could find out at any age. now that i found a friend that accept's me for identifying as male i felt more happy hearing them call me he/him and my name koa and not my dead name and pros. a few other people have been calling me that to which makes me feel so happy i cant stop smiling. but ofc there are a few other ppl calling me by my dead name and pros,thats cause i have not yet to tell them due to me being scared of them being transphobic/homophobic. but with the few people that do know and use my name and pros and actually use's them makes me very happy that i feel comfortable. im now in junior high and 12 years old and i feel more comfortable with my body a little more :) cant wait for the future and to get top surgery and bottom! but until then ill just make slow changes with my more masculine look
When I was 12 I started wanting to cut my hair short but my parents didn't let me till 14 couse I was more "mature" and the hairdresser did a really feminine pixie I simply wanted to cry but well now we went in another place and they did my hair comparing me to their sons hair so I was so happy so yea the second one is the best now I'm gonna be 15
i want to cut my hair so bad but a) i haven't took any decisions in my 17 years of being alive b) my hair has always been this long low ponytail that i put inside a beanie so I've never changed my appearance this drastically c) my mom is starting to has ger suspicions about me d) to me how i look or what i do doesn't matter that much, i know that i can't really express so i just wear funny socks and call that "being myself"
if i wanted to get a hair cut like the one you have rn what would i say for it? i really like the hair you have rn/in this video and i wanna get my hair shorter, im transmasc and nonbinary
thank you so much for this video, seriously. the first time I cut my hair short was april of this year. it didn't came out how I initially wanted and I was very uncomfortable for some time but I got use to it. but I really need to cut it again because it's too long for my liking. (I now have a very weird long pixie). I'm still very scared to cut my hair again. (the first time I was anxious for one and a half day because of the hairdresser appointment). but I really should do that so I can feel comfortable:) (btw, I'm agender abd yes, I feel dysporic because of the fact that I have to fix my hair all the time)
I went to the hairdressers to cut off 50cm of hair and had to argue for 10 min that YES I want it all off all at once plz but it was definitely worth it. If you're hesitant just do it, it is definitely worth it , no matter what a change is always fun.
wld so CHOP MY HAIR OFF if my school allowed it man. as a 15 year old transboy in an all girls school with a dress code that does not allow us to have any sort of undercut aka buzz any part of our hair life kinda sucks can’t wait to get out of this school man. like i have friends who have like undercuts but have like really feminine pixie cuts to hide the undercuts and im not sure i could stand myself with that type of hair especially because my hair is really frizzy and wavy but like idk man just praying i can cut my hair short when i graduate from this school 😭 in the case i actually manage to convince my homophobic and transphobic mom to let me get a “boys haircut” (i have not come out to her and im planning not to until im living independently)
Been searching for this for years!! Ive gotten a few different styles of short hair and the first time my hair dresser only cut short hair on 60+ women so thats what i got. Eventually i had an assymetrical bangs thing going on that was p androgynous but the rest of me was not so i wasnt the happiest with it. Rn its ugly as shit but its short and not a haircut you seen on anyone really, so i pass pretty well. I would always do searches for names for mens haircuts or types of mens haircuts cause id never seen how mens haircuts are described? This video was exactly the right info
ah- the whole making the choice to purposely feminize yourself is where i’m at currently. i feel ugly unless i’m wearing makeup but it feels so so dysphoric, i also currently have that ellen haircut and i need to grow it out to recut it more masculine but lord it hurts to wait.
A buzzcut isn't the worst haircut. On some people it's the best look. So that's a thing to try if you want to, rather than wait with an Ellen, feeling dysphoric.
I'm confident in saying I'm not cis but I'm not trans. I used to think being AFAB, having long hair, and dressing femininely took away my non-binaryness but it's not how you dress it's how you feel. Cis woman don't own femininity. slowly cutting my hair to Sokka(last airbender)-ish haircut again.
My hair in the video is quite grown out so to get that length specifically you'd probably want to have the barber use scissors. My latest video (on detransition) is right after a haircut where I got a 4 on the sides. So a 5 would be a bit longer than that. I think that a 5 is probably a good bet bc it would grow out into the hair I had in this video over a month.
Ive a woman face shape so it’s hard even after 3 years on T I fail at finding a way or haircut that I pass In. Why did I have to have a round, fat, basketball face shape even though I’m skinny-
I would just say how many inches you want on top (his is probably about 2 or 3) and what guard you want on the sides. His is kind of grown out but if it’s your first haircut I’d recommend getting a 7 or 6 on the sides!
I really want to cut my hair short but I know I'm going to get made fun of and I also don't know if it would look good and I have also never been to a hairdresser so I have no idea what to expect. So I'm pretty lost.
I've been growing my hair for 4 years now (since 2018). It's down to my lower back when it's straightened. I want to cut it so bad, but I'm also scared that I'll regret it. I don't know what to do
do what i did -- cut it bit by bit. i also had my hair a little long down my back but over the past two years I've been getting it cut shorter and shorter to find which one was the most comfortable without straying too far from my comfort zone. i went from bob cut, wolfcut, pixie cut, then to this weird two block haircut that i gave myself and so far this is the most comfortable I've been with my hair. hope this helped lol
I have the short and fluffy mullet and I love my mullet, I've had it for years, but I'm tired of not passing. Should I cut it? I just want people to see me as a boy.
Any advice for a masc afab who has hairloss with very thin on top (looks like typical male pattern thinning). I just buzzed my hair off completely for last 5 years due to alopecia but it’s now doing ok but the top is very thin with large balding thin patch at front/top. I want to get a guy’s cut but don’t want to just keep shaving it all off as I just look female with buzzed head when that happens. I just want to have masc-looking hair.
Oh man, I know that feeling when you're pre-T and hairdresser don't want to cut your hair the way you want because she thinks it would look too masculine and forces her vision on you.
i almost threw myself out a window when that first happened
@@decentlysmartforanidiot8284 Maybe try a different one. I've changed mine and now I'm going to lgbt-friendly barber. No problems since then.
cześć, polska osobo B)
This happened to me a few weeks ago, I had to go to a different hairdresser than normal and my old one had cut it 3 times (a trim, the big cut and a clean up) and she is great and did basically exactly what I asked her without question which was awesome but then she was booked so I ended up with a different person and really I should've known it was going bad because the first thing she said was "so are you trying to grow it out" and then I told her that I get a 1 on the sides because my hair grows so fast and she was like "A 1?!?! tHaTs BaSiCaLlY bAlD" then she continued to bot do anything I asked by cutting basically my entire head the same length and thinning it so much you could basically see through the top lol it's almost long enough to get it the way I like again but I hate it less at least lol
I had this exact situation yesterday (for the second time )
I look horrible (but I started accepting it now bc it looks kinda masc but not what I wanted at all)
holy fuck. ive never watched a video with this level of honesty. "being attractive mattered more to me than being trans" like looking into a mirror. its time to listen to myself. im not happy living like this
Hopefully you find what works for you and makes you feel comfortable! It's nice but bittersweet to hear my content is so relatable to people
When I see myself in the mirror, I see a beautiful women. Even so, I feel like that’s not me.
@@ivanetzamolina5147 she can be objectively beautiful, someone you'd admire, someone you even could wish you wanted to be, but if you on the inside can't find expression through that, it doesn't matter if she's pretty or not: it's fine for someone else. Like a gorgeous designer dress: you as a guy might go wow, I'd like to see that on so-and-so, but you might have no interest in wearing it yourself.
@@kaiwannagoback5712 that hits so hard 😭 all of it does! Its exactly what ive been thinking and going through these days and keep going through whenever i change up my look or dress extra nicely and look at pictures, to see the same sentiments in other ppl’s words is extremely validating
I know exactly how you feel. Thats how I felt before I started testosterone. It was so validating to be seen as a pretty girl until I realized I was just an image to myself. I'm on T now and I feel truly beautiful in the most rugged and authentic way. I believe in you!
I'm a transman who knew who i was at age 4-5, but spent the next 39 years trying to "fix" myself by dressing feminine, going to beauty school, going thru months of conversion therapy for my "lesbianism", getting married, having kids- i don't regret the journey, but i do wish i could have been born in this century instead.
With my first male haircut, in 2009, I went from a being regarded as a middle-aged yet kinda sexy mom to being mistaken for my sons' oldest brother when had my my hip length, dyed chestnut-red hair clipped into a vintage 1958 buzz cut a la my dad's high-school senior yearbook photo.
What follows is a hideously long, and complicated tale of betrayal, and resilience, with a snarky TL/DR at the end.
I got a job in 2009, mostly to fund my transition, and kept my hair buzzed until well after the T kicked in. I'd enjoyed shaving for awhile until my peachfuzz thickened to a passable teenage-neckbeard to go with my still-funky voice, and then i stopped shaving, grew a beard, grew my hair out a bit longer, and kinda enjoyed looking like a younger version of my father. I fit in with the guys i worked with, and supported my family while my then-husband (whom i'd met 23 years before i came out in 2008) got & promptly lost a whole series of jobs, putting us in immanent danger of foreclosure/bankruptcy, which, by dint of working my @ss off, i somehow managed to forestall each time.
Then came 2013. The family dog was killed by a speeding driver, my very close friend died after a horribly prolonged battle with sepsis after the chemo port for her pancreatic cancer got infected, my grandfather died (hating me), my step grandmother died, and then my step mother unexpectedly died- all in 6 months. My husband lost yet another job, i stepped in and kept us all afloat until he found another one which required him to get a little apartment in a town an hour north, He'd come home on the weekends if he wasn't working overtime. We adjusted.
in April of 2014 my then-husband then claimed he'd been lying when he said he was ok with my transition, and insisted that i'd "bullied him into submission" (evidently my including him in my entire 2 year long decision-making process that resulted in me going to a counselor for yet another 6 months to get my T letter, as well as introducing him to the other transfolk i was meeting at a local support group, and giving him the opportunity to accompany me to all of my doctor's appointments is "bullying"- i thought i was being transparent- my bad) and that he "wasn't sexually attracted to [my] father"
To which i replied, i wasn't at all attracted to his father either, nor him especially, and yet here we are- and then i pointed out how i'd asked him at every stage if he was ok with it, and since he'd evidently lied to my face at every stage, it just proves that i'm not psychic and he's a liar. He then pulled out this gem: "I've been talking to a bunch of people online too, and most of them keep saying i should just have you killed for the insurance money- some have even offered to do it for cheap, but i keep telling them no- that i still love you, and that you'll always be the mother of my children"
Reader, my blood ran cold. All 29 years worth [at that point] of affection, and loyalty for this man died in that instant. What came out of my mouth was "That's mighty white of you." (We're both white) Then i went to the bedroom, locked the door, called my doctor, loudly made an appointment to get tested for STI's and he did not see me again until late October when he came home a day early and told me he was filing for divorce and he would have me served in our home, and if i wasn't home, our 17 yr old son could sign for them.
I told him to keep our child out of it, and serve me at my job. He argued that he didn't want to "embarrass" me. I told him it wouldn't be an embarrassment at all- on the contrary- i wanted to share the moment with all of my supportive co-workers in whose various homes i'd been staying while he was in town.
I lucked into my own apartment that week and was served the next week, i was extremely happy when the deputy announced himself, and offered to buy him a coffee and a muffin or bagel for his trouble. The deputy declined, but clearly thought the petitioner had overstated the degree of devastation i would feel. He even asked if there were another BobDeGuerre working there, and then if i was sure about that- "maybe he's new" he said.
We got exactly half of the divorce completed, in that we could both file as "divorced" and he could no longer take out credit/run up bills in my name, but since his financial circumstances were now greatly reduced, he stated that he now planned to sue me for alimony and that i'd be notified of the second hearing.
I responded to that threat by pulling out my last paystub and my checkbook, writing him a check for 20% of my gross, and handed it to him. "For child support" I told him. (20% is standard dunning for one child) Then i asked the judge if that was all. It was. I walked out and my lawyer followed, chuckling. I mailed that child support to him every month until our child turned 19, and then, since there was still no signed agreement in place, i stopped paying, cut all contact, and didn't see him again unless it was to trade cars for the kids.
Then, in late April of 2016, on a Thursday morning, i awoke having suffered what everyone thought would be a devastating stroke. I did the dumb thing, struggled into my binder, got dressed, drove to work, my manager called an ambulance, yadda yadda yadda. i woke again that same evening to my ex-husband holding my hand and saying he'd take care of me. My entire right side had been affected. I was all but unable to speak, walk unassisted, or even brush my own hair. it took me almost 10 minutes to tell him that wouldn't be necessary, please leave. He did, and he contacted my father, whom i hadn't spoken to with much since his wife's funeral, and my father told me i was going be put in a rehab center to recover. I took about 15 minutes to explain that was Not going to happen- and that i'd be returning to work instead. He said we'll see.
I was released that next afternoon after being able to successfully navigate the length of the hallway and a short staircase with use of a cane. I admit that i lied and said that there were 4 steps up to my apartment. Actually there were 2 flights of steep stairs- one of 14, and another of 15. My manager drove me home, i made it up all those stairs my co-workers rallied around me, bringing food, and checking on me. I drove myself to work to shop for myself that Sunday, and I was back to work with a gimped arm and leg, a cane, a very tippy walk, tremendous trouble speaking, and abysmal handwriting exactly 14 days later. I hadn't even used up all my paid time off.
The fall of that year my ex-husband wrecked yet another car and so he came and got the truck he'd lent me while our youngest drove the car that my ex-husband had bought for me in 2012, (it was a stick so... ) My father called about a week later and asked what I was going to do to get back and forth to work. I explained that i had already bought a bicycle and a big umbrella. It was 1.3 miles one way, and I needed to lose some weight anyway.
My father showed up the following week, driving a pickup, & told me he'd need to borrow it every once in awhile, but that there was no room in his garage to keep it. The following spring he signed it over to me. This blew me away; i assumed my real father was abducted by aliens shortly after my return to work, and either re-programmed or replaced by an alien that looks exactly like him.
I’ve mostly healed from the stroke now. my handwriting is still abysmal. I wear my hair long again, and it's mostly white and kinda curly now- and i have a long full mostly white beard too. I look the part of a grandpa and in January of 2019, i got a text from my firstborn: "Mom- you're gonna be a grandpa!" My granddaughter was born that fall, and my niece a couple of months later. in Feb 2020 my youngest son told me much the same thing. My grandson was born fall of 2020.
I have yet to meet or hold any of them bcz i work in a grocery store, and as such, i am exposed to COVID on a daily basis by careless maskers and unvaccinated people. I'm vaccinated, but the T lowers my immunity. I also have heart and kidney problems due in part to my past history of anorexia and all of the recent stress, which puts me at very high risk for COVID complications. So please immunize yourself, and encourage others to do so as well. I'd really like to meet my grandkids, and i just might live in your town.
TL/DR: Hot red-haired MILF FtM gets head buzzed, deals with major BS, while morphing from neckbearded teen to Santa Claus w/ grandkids in under 14 years. Get vaxxed.
Wow this is such a powerful story -- thank you for sharing!
@@arthur_rockwell i felt it was important to share that folks can do everything "exactly right" and still lose absolutely everything that they depend upon and at the end of the day, they will still come out of it okay.
I think what you're doing is so important because there really aren't a lot of older LGBTQ folk left to help guide the way for the up-and-comers. A lot of us died in the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 80's-90's, and many more of us welded that closet door shut, &/or drank/drugged ourselves (often to death) among the worldwide tidal wave of extremist-based LGBTQ-phobias that followed, and persisted, and still persist to this day.
Myself, I lost 60+ LGBTQ friends/ co-workers/ acquaintances to AIDS &/or alcoholism &/or overdose &/or su*c*de &/or m*rder between 1984-1999, and that's just from one gay bar in a one rural town. After surviving that genocide-in-all-but-name, I cannot convey the absolute terror I felt once I put a name to all of the self-loathing I'd struggled with for 40 years, in part because so much of that internalized LGBTQ-phobia was mirrored in my everyday experience. I had almost decided to end it all rather than bring that "shame" down on my loved ones. I'm still not certain where I found the courage to persevere. However, I have come to realize that even my very best days pre-transition were H*ll on earth compared to my worst days post-transition.
I'm fortunate to live in a state where my identity is respected by law, and my civil rights are protected by law, but so many other LGBTQ folks aren't that lucky. But this is slowly becoming the world we had hoped for back before HIV/AIDS became THE primary narrative of the LGBTQ experience. There are still many "elderly" allies out in the world, some whom you'd never expect, and many more who only come out of the closet in the privacy of the voting booth, but we are SO proud of you all.
I'll get down off the soapbox... you've got this, kiddo.
Damn that’s one hell of a story!
@@starprince5098 that was the highlight reel (lol) but yeah- you can lose absolutely everything, but as long as you believe in yourself, you'll be okay.
That was such a ride! I usually don't read long posts but I'm glad I did. I just turned 19 and was feeling very stuck because there is absolutely no way that my parents would accept me. Since I can't move to university (seemingly a very accepting place) so I'm just stuck in a very bad place metaphorically and physically. It always makes me very happy to see older trans men 'make it' and be content. So really, thank you so much for sharing your story!
Thanks for the encouragement! I'm not trans but I've been wanting to cut my hair short for ages, I might finally do it now :)
Aw I'm happy to hear it 😁
@@arthur_rockwell hey I’m trans and I’m scared of cutting my hair but my grandma said she could take me for a haircut tomorrow and I’m happy. I really want short hair and i might get it cut! I’ll update if I get it cut!
Update Saturday I got it cut but only to my shoulders I was too scared to get it super short
@@YaBoii-in6tm hey i know this is late but good on you for taking the first step!
"if you are looking through hundreds of youtube videos right now trying to find some sort of reason for why you should cut your hair -- maybe you should Just Do It"
me: 🤡ah,,,,,,,
same
@@sollima4528 I BOOKED MY APPOINTMENT FOR TOMORROW -- THE FEAR IS SO STRONG
@@augusta.5089 how was it walter
@@pepsimann2038 my hair is so straight that when i went to the hairdresser the guy said "you will look like scarlett johansson if you go this short w/o a perm" so i ended up bringing in a photo of mick jagger hahahah. anyway, now i have dope quasi-mullet-thing which i think suits me better anyway. i told them i was trans over the phone which was really useful even though i was shitting myself.
@@augusta.5089 LMAO sounds sick
Oh man i got so many pixie cuts before i got my actual haircut!! So frustrating. I was so firm about it and they never did it right until I went to a barber and i was like yes! you got it!
same thing is happening with me, it's very very frustrating and i want to go to a barber the next time i get my hair cut
i felt like people would always see me as this long curly haired girl, but I finally got my parents to let me cut my hair (my mom wasn't too excited about it) and now (tho I'm not out and am still seen as a girl by family and most people) i feel a lot more andro and less fem which I love. and I still have my curls which is a big part of my identity.
so to anyone whos questioning if they should cut their hair, DO IT. if you don't like it, hair grows back. and you'll never know if you'll like it unless you try
OMG Thanks for wording so many emotions I've gone through the last half year! I'm a 45 year old divorced mom with kids. Years of long blonde hair, being the beauty ideal to men. Then growing out a side shave led to wanting to go all short. Several expensive 'soft pixie' cuts from a hairdresser that wanted keep it feminine every time, I finally found the barbershop. The whole process definitely has led to discovering my identity. Non-binary and wanting to look andro. So happy you live in a better era and discover this at a much younger age!
Aw this is such a sweet comment! I am so so grateful to have grown up in this generation. I absolutely know I didn't have it in me to be a "trailblazer" if I'd been born in a different decade... Fantastic that you've been able to discover your identity and what makes you happy!
I watched this video the two days ago while deciding on how short I was going to get my hair. I was shocked by how emotional I felt once the video ended. It took me ages to get my hair short, because of stylists not wanting to cut it more masc. I eventually went to a barbershop that cut my hair short, but I never went too much because I wasn't out at all.
Those feelings I had after watching your video bubbled up and I came out to a bunch of coworkers, who were all supportive. I was out to some of my closest friends, but work and home were where I drew the line. I watched more of your videos and it gave me the courage to do something I haven't been able to do in two years. I came out the my grandmother and the person who I was most afraid of telling. She raised me and being her 'only granddaughter' was a big point. She accepted me immediately and though it's still early, she is doing the best she can. Your videos and your story gave me that final little shove I needed and I don't know if you'll see this, but you made a huge impact in my life. Thank you Arthur, truly.
I do see comments!! Even on older videos. And hearing these stories always makes my day. I'm so happy you had the courage to come out and that the people in your life have been supportive. I'm sure there will be more joy to come!
the way i described my feminine faze in first year university was "giving being a girl a good ol' college try" and and realizing it wasn't for me. judging from the comments, i wasn't aware this was such a common experience for us to have.
I always wanted to cut my hair real short but my mum was always really mean and adamant about keeping it long. But during this quarantine, I said fuck it and gave myself a haircut. I began by cutting it short but feminine but soon began to grow bolder and more masculine. Now it's a comfortable anime mullet, not exactly perfect but it works. I'm pre-everything and never dreamed of passing until I did, it's not a miracle worker but the right kind of haircut (doesn't have to be very short) and clothes (caps can help too) could do a lot!
I re-realized my love for cutting hair after seeing a satisfying amount of hair that's left behind after a cut. I still cut my hair and now trim up my father's too. So if anyone is looking for another reason to just cut your hair -- maybe you'll realize you actually really enjoy doing it! (do your research though. I have been cutting my hair (albeit secretly) since I was in the fifth grade for about 8-9 years on and off)
This whole video literally made me realize I may be fully trans (I currently identify/I identified as genderfluid), but most importantly, that I am letting the stigma make a big decition on how I present my gender
Even when drawing myself I tell myself "You should look more femenine" or "You would never pass if you looked masculine"
From watching this video I feel a lot more confident
Thank you, a lot.
1:54 Yeah I can relate my hair was always in those styles and I would always always have matlocks in the back of my hair without brushing it for days on end but now since my hair is short it's easier to handle
i’m glad you love your hair now!!💕💕
i ended up buying clippers because i didn't trust hairdressers here to cut my hair in a masculine way. cutting my hair on my own has been pretty fun and meditative. also cleanup is not as hard as you'd think it would be!
The first time I got a men's haircut I just did it myself at home with random scissors... It looked sloppy in the back but in time I learned to do it better and got better tools. I never went back to a salon since.
These are some great tips. I was very lucky with my first haircut/hairdresser at a unisex salon and it came out well, but I had to insist it was what I wanted (I think I may also have said specifically that I wanted it to be "like a men's haircut" or something). But the hairdresser was amazed at how certain I was about cutting off my hair (which I could just about sit on at the time) and after the initial cut to a bob length she was like hey this looks good 😂 had to really insist that I didn't want a bob lol. But as I was leaving I could immediately tell it had the desired effect because the receptionist seemed a little confused about my gender having seen the change haha. I passed virtually 100% after that (pre-everything medically at the time) as long as I was careful in my presentation. What a difference a haircut can make! The beautiful thing is like you said, hair is just hair and you can experiment freely yet it can tell you a lot about yourself, and the feeling of being seen as a guy, thanks entirely to my haircut, made me even more certain that I'm a trans man
Man, I discovered your channel recently as I'm way overthinking and worrying about socially transitioning. But I remember watching this video about 8 months ago and it finally giving me the confidence to cut my hair at 18 after graduating high school. I was pretty sure I was trans in middle school and came out to a few people but then decided to keep it on the back burner until I grew up because I thought thinking about it too much would convince me I was trans even if I wasn't. Well, I'm not fully grown up at 19, but I just made my first appointment at my school's counseling center for HRT. To make a short story long, cutting my hair was so terrifying up until the moment I did it. I got a god-awful cut from my mom's old stylist akin to my grandmother's but I loved it anyway. I loved looking in the mirror and looking good and looking like me. I'm so glad I found this video 8 months ago and made that giant leap of faith. It gave me so much clarity.
Awww thank you for coming back and leaving this comment! It really means so much to me to hear from people who have been impacted like this by my videos. Congrats on taking the leap and good luck at your HRT appointment!
Me fantasizing a scenario where I come out, my family is fully supportive of me and my dad takes me to his barber and helps me figure out a good masculine haircut even though I know it will never happen 💔
A year ago I went to a hair dresser with hair that went down to my hips and told her I wanted it all off. I had been wanting to cut it short for years but my family kept saying i shouldn’t and it was also difficult with my job. The hairdresser argued for about 15 minutes with me, trying to negotiate leaving it longer but i refused. I ended up with a beautiful short cut, not as manly as i had hoped but still 100 times better than the long hair. It’s bern a year now and i will hopefully be cutting it short again soon.
This video helped me so much with cutting my hair. I’m 12 and I wasn’t aloud to get short hair so I did it myself and I’m glad I did because it looks absolutely stunning. The encouragement in this video was so helpful, and I am so thankful I saw this video, because I was about to chicken out. I regret nothing :)
Yay! My mom wouldn't let me cut it short I'm sad and really dysphoric
@@ascotter honestly just do it yourself anyway, because once it’s done, it’s done. And she can’t do anything about it :)
@@brackets1832 Thanks! Did you go to a barber or do it at home?
@@ascotter I did it myself at home, but you can walk (or drive if your old enough) to a barber and pay for a haircut if it’s easier for your type of hair :D
The way I almost cried with how comforting your intro was🥺
I got my first haircut! It actually turned out alright! :D
thank you, thank you, thank you for the advice. this makes me a lot less nervous for my haircut coming up in four days
You were so nice at the beginning of this video and you said exactly what I needed to hear and now I’m crying
"it matters more to me to be attractive than to be authentic" wow!! I'm still going through that phase - I buzzed my hair a few years ago and I liked it but after growing it out a bit and looking quite good with longer hair, I'm still on the fence - buzzcuts are convenient and look dope and are more androgynous but growing them out is a pain in the ass, but like. who do i owe being attractive to? i never dated anyone, but I would really like to and I'm afraid that I will lose people's interest after buzzing my hair, but what's the point of having people attracted to me when I'm not really 100% comfortable with myself? what's the point of broadening my dating pool if some of these people would no longer be interested in me when i present the way i want to? ehh i wish it was all simpler!!
If you go to a unisex slon, here's a huge tip: just ask for a masculine haircut. they know how to do it, and your paying them to do it. of corse show the,m an image but ask them to make it masculine
Thank you, 1 year ago I wanted to cut my hair of but I didn't no for sure. Then I just did it and I didn't like how the hairdresser had cut my hair but I was happy that it was finally short. I was worried about opinions but most of the people didn't even care. I stil don't love my haircut but I love it way more than when it was long. By watching this video 1 year after I had cut my hair short made me realise that you did realy help in making this disicion and I am so happy that I did it ❤😃 thank you again
I cutted off my hair after watching this video Arthur really helped me. fyi I am 16 ftm trans and currently closeted.
I had hip long hair and I made my mom cut it at home at shoulder level. After two months I asked my dad (just casually) how much did his haircut cost. I was saving money for my haircut and I had enough money to get a haircut. So I went to a barber and showed him a dude's pic and I asked him to cut my hair like that. He did a pretty job.
Now my dad is insisting he will not let me cut my hair anymore and I am currently shortening my hair at home every two weeks without anyone knowing 😁. I haven't been caught yet.
At the beginning I was expecting a short "this is a sign to cut your hair" that I'd forget in 2sec but omg I sencirely won't forget it I rly needed that omfg
I remember when I got my The Haircut I asked for a buzzcut. My logic was “they cannot fuck up a buzzcut,” and I was right 😊
Ive been told my whole life that my hair is ‘so pretty and long’ and thats stopped my for 4 years... next haircut it won’t, ima use spite!
i’m a AFAB person and i consider myself bigender (he/she pronouns) but i’ve been feeling much more masculine lately. I’m wanting to wear purely masculine clothes and cut my hair. But I’m worried short hair won’t look good on me (i’m wanting a haircut pretty similar to yours) do you have any tips for feeling more confident in wanting to be comfortable with my gender expression? It’s been a big struggle bc i know what i want but i’m afraid it won’t turn out and then i’ll just be looking worse than I think i do now.
I would just do it, because you only live once, and it doesn't take long to grow out, if you don't like it. Plus, if you don't like it, that will tell you something important to know. It will resolve the problem with worrying and wondering. you stand to learn something important about yourself, whether you love it, hate it, or feel nothing about it, and that alone is worth it.
my hair is now mid-back length, the longest it has ever been, i want to cut it, i haven't explored the extents of my gender identity yet, i feel like short hair would initiate that journey.
the way you explained forcing yourself into an extreme manifestation on conventipnal female beautybor the standards of others was the first time it was said in exactly a way that resounded so loudly with me
hehe i'm getting a haircut tomorrow :)) i'm gonna show the hair stylist a picture of one of them tiktok boy haircuts and HOPEFULLY she doesn't f it up..
i swear if she messes it up i will be suuper depressed but hey, it can't be worse than my current hair cut, right?..
How did it go? :)
@@theCaptainFinch AMAZING!!! my hair is finally short and i feel like i pass!!!!
@@shroomilk3543 that’s great :)
I just want short hair and its literally been since the start if covid that ive been struggling to get a good short haircut. Since im a chick most of the time they say stuff like "i left this part long for when you grow it out". So annoying. All such good tips, i wont give up yet!
oh wow, yes you were a bombshell with that blonde hair (and a gorgeous young guy now) BUT I see that hollow look in your eyes in that femme pic, and know what that means. You're doing an important thing, being so honest about all this, so that others in the same situation can find a way forward to thriving instead of just surviving.
I used your tips and they worked marvelously! I finally have hair I'm satisfied with after cutting it almost the exact same way since 2018 and never getting it right! I had a lot of pushback from my mother, and the rest of my family of course hates it, but I don't care. I'm happy.
omg... Thank you so so so so so much for this video! I think I'm going to cut my hair now. I am questioning my gender, and have been contemplating a masculine cut for about a year now, and I think this video motivated me to do it
Hair grows back, no big deal. Trying out different styles is fun ^^ I found out that short hair suits me best, regardless of whether I'm presenting masculine or feminine, but unfortunately completely bald doesn't suit me.
Serioulsy don't get why hairdressers try to "save" you from your own decisions. Like... it's just hair? It'll grow back? And I'm paying you to do a certain style?! If you're not willing to serve a customer what they asked for (which is fair), say so *upfront* so they can find someone else. Imagine an electrician taking a job and then when they're done they say like "Oh, I put in less light fixtures on the south side, cause it'd be too bright. Hire me again later if you're really sure you want them."
Tips: Try different hairdressers. Even if they're not necessarily trying to make you look more feminine, every artist has their own kinda style. (Or different levels of skill.)
Also there are *so* many "short" haircuts, and small variations can make it look drastically different. Even more so than long hair styles cause like... if there's only two inches of hair half an inch more or less can make a big difference. Can take a while to figure out what works best for you. And different styles work for different people!
me: tries to say I want a masculine haircut
my mom in the corner of the room:
kinda unrelated but you saying being perceived as male made you more **comfortable** (not insanely happy/euphoric) really helped me out :) i'm still questioning (although I'm pretty sure I'm not cis) and although i've experienced a little gender euphoria, it hasn't been an insanely intense rollercoaster of emotions for me (prob bc my discomfort is more mild and constant than extreme, consistent peaks). I don't know your personal experience with euphoria/dysphoria but that phrasing has kinda eased a little of my self doubt, because although I'm not constantly happy I AM much more comfortable dressing masculinely :) sorry if that didn't make sense/was repetitive i'm writing this late at night lol (also side note but you kinda sound like the guy who runs aretheygay, i think it's the accent lol)
I'm very happy to hear it! Yeah, I think of transition as just a choice that made my life better. It impacts my life every day in a way that feels way more subtle and deeply buried into my life experience than just dysphoria/euphoria. I feel confident and comfortable and happy! Wishing you find what works for you :)
I realised I was... Not cis and was tired of having my hair long so I chopped it and I love it 😭😎
I'm currently struggling with this. I only really admitted to myself that I'm trans around 6 months ago. I've gotten a lot of validation for my looks over the years as a woman and, obviously, being desirable feels really good. But being a trans man now and sort of living in that reality as my looks change, I'm dealing with a lot of panic and euphoria at the same time. Euphoria over my slowly masculinizing features (the hair, the voice, etc), but panic over my fading feminine beauty. With all the changes and the testosterone, I've sort of made it to a crossroads of sorts where I can decide to essentially undo everything I've done and I've caught myself thinking, "If I just drop all of this now, I can go back to living as a 'pretty woman' who my family doesn't fuckin hate." Like if I don't go back now, some things will be irreversible (like the drop in my voice and that relationship with my transphobic family). I'm just so paralyzed by the prospect that I won't be considered attractive as a man, even though that is the identity that I feel would bring me the most happiness and comfort. and it's a lot. Like a lot a lot. People should really talk about this more. Just, the doubts transmen have to conquer. Being raised as women, most of us have a very toxic relationship with our societally perceived attractiveness, and yet you rarely hear people talk about it.
Thanks for this video! I’ve gotten my hair cut every few years, but never went farther than a pixie cut. Recently I wanted to get shorter hair and made an appointment at a salon. When I got there and told the stylist what I wanted, she said that would take too much time, and the whole process she kept asking me if the length was too short and if other people knew how short I was getting it cut. I walked out after the appointment with the most Karen chin length bob I’ve ever seen, and though I’ve never really felt something I would call dysphoria, looking in the mirror gave me a horrible feeling. I immediately drove to the nearest barbershop-I didn’t like at reviews, or pricing-and asked for a fade. I’ve never been happier with a haircut in my life.
Watching this on the way to the barber cause I have no time management ❤️
i am trans FTM and i have been going on and off from cutting my hair for almost a year, that little part at the start is what made me say f it, im getting my hair cut in a few weeks, thank you for the tips and for that little part, it was so helpful
I cut my hair last night and I’m glad I did it. I hated having long hair and I only kept it for my mom. I feel like my gender is more affirmed now. After 20 long years of looking feminine, I finally look masculine. I’m so happy
This really helped, I'm an afab genderfluid person and in stressing out about my hair rn😅
I'm happy to hear it!! Hair can be a lot of fun
Or maybe you buzz your head for a fundraiser and everyone starts calling you sir, and you realize you like it 😂
I was kinda stressed about cutting my hair till I saw this video thanks :)
The intro of this vid is 10/10 also thank you for sharing this story, it felt like hearing from a friend
This is so sweet!
11:40
Ya I asked for a haircut that was a basic long on the top short on the sides thing and she literally said “no you don’t want that” and gave me an ear-length pixie cut
9:20 bro imagine your barber just telling you "mmm...no"
Good luck, brothersss!
If you can, go to an LGBTQ+ or Queer friendly barber! They are amazing, especially with trans and non binary folks. If you are in LA or NY, try out Fellow Barber.
Thank you for this video, I'm still can't cut my hair right now but I want to be prepared for when I do, your explanations and descriptions on what to say were very helpful
Thanks for the tips. I'm trying to psych myself up for my next hair appointment 😬
You are so extremely good looking with your current look! Looking great!
I shaved my head and it helped me realize I’m genderqueer lol. The way I am perceived in this weird transgressive in-between state of being a bald woman fits me a lot more than regular old womanhood. Even having had short hair before I feel the way I am gendered now is definitely different. People still generally see me as female, but it’s like a whole new flavor of female I guess?
Yo ps u are actually so handsome dude, Ty for this!!!
Yes,we need more focus on FTM as we focus on our MTF(I'm still in HT),I visited a barbera shop in NY and it is runed by 1 beautiful lovely Ls and 3 FTM or as I prefer to call them True Men,I took True men as best life stylists and hair stylists.
Love&peace lovely true man ❤🏳️🌈❤
This is such an informative video!! Thank you so much, the detail you put into haircut advice is so valuable to me.
I am doubting my gender, but what is certain is that I have been putting up with the desire to get a masculine cut for several years, and all because I wanted to adapt to society
The only thing I’m worried about is I’m a ballerina but I’m non-binary. I think I can just wear a wig so I can put it in a bun (I’m planning to get a bob). Just have to convince my parents!
I found this very helpful! I didn’t know about how to got about my hairline to my barber lol so I’ll update when I get a haircut :)
Thought you were drew gooden for a second, haha, thanks for this video!
The intro described me perfectly what
I am going through that feeling of wanting a relationship and feel like no one would date me if I'm trans. But I feel good and happy as a trans. 😅
thanks for all your help I cut my hair off one night but I couldn’t go as short as I wanted now that’s it’s grown I hate it again and i don’t know what to do because I can’t tell if I want a men’s haircut or just a short edge haircut. Uhh this is so hard thanks for your help though.
Love it so much ❤❤
you have fuCKING AMAZING HAIR IN THIS OH MY GOD
i might still be young but i found out i was trans (FTM) when i was 9. i was fine wearing girl clothing and boy clothing but dressed more tom-boyish when i could. in 5th grade i came out to my closest friends about it and they said that "i had to know the second i was able to think" or "haha no ur aren't" after a little while i believed it..and once they made me think i was a cis female i felt uncomfortable with my body and every time i would look at my chest in the mirror i always felt uncomfortable with that part of my body,and the other part. now i know that your not born knowing that knowledge and u could find out at any age. now that i found a friend that accept's me for identifying as male i felt more happy hearing them call me he/him and my name koa and not my dead name and pros. a few other people have been calling me that to which makes me feel so happy i cant stop smiling. but ofc there are a few other ppl calling me by my dead name and pros,thats cause i have not yet to tell them due to me being scared of them being transphobic/homophobic. but with the few people that do know and use my name and pros and actually use's them makes me very happy that i feel comfortable. im now in junior high and 12 years old and i feel more comfortable with my body a little more :) cant wait for the future and to get top surgery and bottom! but until then ill just make slow changes with my more masculine look
When I was 12 I started wanting to cut my hair short but my parents didn't let me till 14 couse I was more "mature" and the hairdresser did a really feminine pixie I simply wanted to cry but well now we went in another place and they did my hair comparing me to their sons hair so I was so happy so yea the second one is the best now I'm gonna be 15
sir ur eyes are fucking beautiful /platonic
i want to cut my hair so bad but
a) i haven't took any decisions in my 17 years of being alive
b) my hair has always been this long low ponytail that i put inside a beanie so I've never changed my appearance this drastically
c) my mom is starting to has ger suspicions about me
d) to me how i look or what i do doesn't matter that much, i know that i can't really express so i just wear funny socks and call that "being myself"
Love your eyebrows man!
if i wanted to get a hair cut like the one you have rn what would i say for it? i really like the hair you have rn/in this video and i wanna get my hair shorter, im transmasc and nonbinary
thank you so much for this video, seriously.
the first time I cut my hair short was april of this year. it didn't came out how I initially wanted and I was very uncomfortable for some time but I got use to it. but I really need to cut it again because it's too long for my liking. (I now have a very weird long pixie). I'm still very scared to cut my hair again. (the first time I was anxious for one and a half day because of the hairdresser appointment). but I really should do that so I can feel comfortable:) (btw, I'm agender abd yes, I feel dysporic because of the fact that I have to fix my hair all the time)
I went to the hairdressers to cut off 50cm of hair and had to argue for 10 min that YES I want it all off all at once plz but it was definitely worth it.
If you're hesitant just do it, it is definitely worth it , no matter what a change is always fun.
wld so CHOP MY HAIR OFF if my school allowed it man. as a 15 year old transboy in an all girls school with a dress code that does not allow us to have any sort of undercut aka buzz any part of our hair life kinda sucks can’t wait to get out of this school man. like i have friends who have like undercuts but have like really feminine pixie cuts to hide the undercuts and im not sure i could stand myself with that type of hair especially because my hair is really frizzy and wavy but like idk man just praying i can cut my hair short when i graduate from this school 😭 in the case i actually manage to convince my homophobic and transphobic mom to let me get a “boys haircut” (i have not come out to her and im planning not to until im living independently)
Been searching for this for years!! Ive gotten a few different styles of short hair and the first time my hair dresser only cut short hair on 60+ women so thats what i got. Eventually i had an assymetrical bangs thing going on that was p androgynous but the rest of me was not so i wasnt the happiest with it. Rn its ugly as shit but its short and not a haircut you seen on anyone really, so i pass pretty well. I would always do searches for names for mens haircuts or types of mens haircuts cause id never seen how mens haircuts are described? This video was exactly the right info
i just got my first short haircut. it looks like a ladies cut but im trying my best for it to look masculine
ah- the whole making the choice to purposely feminize yourself is where i’m at currently. i feel ugly unless i’m wearing makeup but it feels so so dysphoric, i also currently have that ellen haircut and i need to grow it out to recut it more masculine but lord it hurts to wait.
A buzzcut isn't the worst haircut. On some people it's the best look. So that's a thing to try if you want to, rather than wait with an Ellen, feeling dysphoric.
I'm confident in saying I'm not cis but I'm not trans. I used to think being AFAB, having long hair, and dressing femininely took away my non-binaryness but it's not how you dress it's how you feel. Cis woman don't own femininity.
slowly cutting my hair to Sokka(last airbender)-ish haircut again.
For your hair in the actual video, what would I say to get that on the sides? A 5?
My hair in the video is quite grown out so to get that length specifically you'd probably want to have the barber use scissors. My latest video (on detransition) is right after a haircut where I got a 4 on the sides. So a 5 would be a bit longer than that. I think that a 5 is probably a good bet bc it would grow out into the hair I had in this video over a month.
Last time when I got a Haircut, my brother outed me to the Hairdresser. So now I don’t have the Problem anymore.
he's too cute okay bye
What did you say to get the haircut you have in the video (not the pictures) ?
Ive a woman face shape so it’s hard even after 3 years on T I fail at finding a way or haircut that I pass In. Why did I have to have a round, fat, basketball face shape even though I’m skinny-
can i make my straight hair fluffy or curly in some way, i have a masc haircut
What if your parents don't approve short hair... Or being trans?
Thank you!
I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but how can I get my hair like your current hair in the video?
I would just say how many inches you want on top (his is probably about 2 or 3) and what guard you want on the sides. His is kind of grown out but if it’s your first haircut I’d recommend getting a 7 or 6 on the sides!
I really want to cut my hair short but I know I'm going to get made fun of and I also don't know if it would look good and I have also never been to a hairdresser so I have no idea what to expect. So I'm pretty lost.
I've been growing my hair for 4 years now (since 2018). It's down to my lower back when it's straightened. I want to cut it so bad, but I'm also scared that I'll regret it. I don't know what to do
do what i did -- cut it bit by bit. i also had my hair a little long down my back but over the past two years I've been getting it cut shorter and shorter to find which one was the most comfortable without straying too far from my comfort zone. i went from bob cut, wolfcut, pixie cut, then to this weird two block haircut that i gave myself and so far this is the most comfortable I've been with my hair. hope this helped lol
I have the short and fluffy mullet and I love my mullet, I've had it for years, but I'm tired of not passing. Should I cut it? I just want people to see me as a boy.
cool video :)
Any advice for a masc afab who has hairloss with very thin on top (looks like typical male pattern thinning). I just buzzed my hair off completely for last 5 years due to alopecia but it’s now doing ok but the top is very thin with large balding thin patch at front/top. I want to get a guy’s cut but don’t want to just keep shaving it all off as I just look female with buzzed head when that happens. I just want to have masc-looking hair.
Super off topic, your eyes are gorgeous. Your eyes brows really highlight the cool blue of ur eyes