DEBUNKING AUTISM MISCONCEPTIONS | Autistic Person Answers Your Autism Misconceptions!
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About the empathy thing, hypo-empathy exists, and I feel uncomfortable when people say it doesn't. Autism is a spectrum, so if hyper-empathy exists, so does hypo-empathy. I say this as someone who is normally hypo-empathetic. For a while, I thought I was a monster because I couldn't feel emotional empathy. It isn't that I didn't understand, I did, but I still couldn't feel anything. There are sometimes short periods where I feel hyper-empathy, as well, but most of the time I don't. What you described having issues with is cognitive empathy, normally referred to as sympathy, which is understanding another's emotions. I can understand why other people in the autistic community try to say that hypo-empathy is a misconception, as they don't like being associated with a negative trait, but it really hurts hearing other people talk about a trait you have as innately awful, or denying its existence. Most people don't research the subject enough to know that there are three different kinds of empathy, or that having less of one often means that you have more of another. It is similar to the main five senses in that way. Most of the time, losing one sense causes the others to become stronger. I think I'm rambling now. I could talk about this subject forever, despite it being kind of traumatic for me.
Aside from that, I could really relate to the infantilization issue, as well as most of the rest of the subjects as well. Overall, it was a great video, apart from the empathy part. I encourage people to research more about empathy, or ask me questions if they want. I didn't write this comment to be mean or negative, just to share my perspective. Thank you for reading.
emotional empathy: feeling another's emotions
cognitive empathy: understanding another's emotions
compassionate empathy: wanting someone to get better
I often struggle with cognitive empathy but seem to vary on emotional empathy. I find I'm sometimes just unable to feel what they're feeling, and that I'm drawn to wanting to see the situation from all angles before I draw any kind of conclusions, including an emotional conclusion. If a friend is upset, I'll be unsettled at least, but I'm not always upset by them being upset, especially if I can't see the reason. It's something I try to do but can't always. Is this similar to what you mean? I'm curious as I'm new to these terms but have been wondering about it for most of my life.
Yes. This. I felt like a monster for so many years because I simply couldn't relate to other people's emotions. I was told that you were meant to actually feel what other people were feeling and that was so confusing to me? I felt like something was terribly wrong with me and I am so glad that you mentioned this. Thank you.
@@LaurArt_UK I can't say that this is 100% the case, but that unsettled feeling may be compassionate empathy, meaning you don't want your friend to feel upset anymore. In some of the places I have researched about the different kinds of empathy, it says that compassionate empathy is a combination of emotion and cognitive empathy, but I disagree. You can want someone else to stop hurting without feeling what they are feeling, or even knowing exactly what they are going through. If you were feeling emotional empathy, you would probably also be upset, so yes, that is what I was talking about. Thank you for the comment, by the way. It made me happy that you wanted to understand it more.
@@lightyagami4541 I'm really glad to see other people relating to this, since I don't normally see a lot of other people talking about it within the community. Thank you for commenting.
@Audenbobauden I am really glad that my comment helped you so much. The fact that my comment helped you understand yourself more makes me indescribably happy. Thank you for deciding to do more research and for sharing your opinion and feelings. I really liked how you phrased empathy as a function rather than a moral and illustrated an example of how empathy isn't always positive. I hope your research goes well, and once again, thank you for your reply!
Yeah, it’s so annoying when people say: ‘Everyone does/feel that.’ My therapist says that all the time too.
I know. I know everyone is anxious. But they don't cry because they are afraid of doors
They probably think they're being reassuring, but if they're saying that about everything then it's actually invalidation. Not what anybody wants in a therapist. If they're not a good fit it's ok to change to a new therapist. Your time and effort in therapy is valuable and should be productive, healing, empowering and affirming. 💛
Try telling them you get where they may be coming from but this makes you feel invalidated, not comforted
They are probably trying to validate you and be like yeah, that’s a normal thing to feel, other people also feel that and it’s normal to feel that. So I would bring it up to them and maybe suggest something else they could say or why you don’t like that response and how you’d like them to change it to something that works for you, a good therapist should listen and be open to changing to suit you
Yeah when people say that to me, I try to explain to them that it’s not about what we all experience, but rather the frequency and intensity at which we experience them.
Like, yes, we can all experience anxiety or sensory overload, but the way we experience that is different. A lot of people (neurotypical) experience sensory overload when they’re upset about something or frustrated or whatever and they feel like everything is going wrong. Like they’re mad at something that happened and then the fact that it’s hot and there’s a lot of loud noises around them and they can feel every seam on their clothing etc sends them into sensory overload. BUT, once they resolve the initial issue, their senses are back to normal. For autistic people, the sensory issues don’t just go away. They don’t happen just a few times a year when I’m extra stressed. It’s a daily occurrence that doesn’t need to be triggered by anything. I don’t have to be angry or stressed or whatever. Certain noises bother me no matter what my situation is or how I’m feeling. That’s the difference. It’s a perpetual issue for us, temporary and situational for them.
Just because you don't understand why someone is feeling an emotion doesn't mean you can't be sympathetic that they're sad. Maybe you don't have an aunt so you can't understand someone else being sad their aunt died, but you can just accept they are sad and by sympathetic that a friend is sad. You don't have to understand everything to accept it. I don't fully understand gravity, but I accept that it keeps me from floating.
I would love if you did a video about the accommodations you have to live on your own, which you briefly touched on. Also, what is the plan for when your parents can no longer assist you?
reminds me when i was 10 and my uncle died everyone was crying but me and my sister got angry at me for not crying but i responded i didn't know him so i didn't feel much...i didn't like how she made it like i was in the wrong
The “different types of intelligences” part in the video is what I’ve been trying to tell people for so long!!! Thank you for putting in the effort to educate people like this :-)
Yes and if you’re not good at articulating yourself people assume you’re dumb. I get treated like I’m stupid all the time because I’m not great at putting my thoughts into words. I also don’t always understand the WAY someone explains something. I’m very descriptive when I explain something, I don’t do well with vague explanations. If they explain in a different way as opposed to just repeating themselves than it’s like oh yeah, I get it now.
Fun factoid: the concept of Emotional Intelligence was coined by my brother, Dr. Peter Salovey (President of Yale), and yes, I am a card-carrying member of the Autistic Association (not a real thing AFAIK)
The multiple intelligences theory is really cool, it includes stuff like mathematical and linguistic intelligences but also ones related to people skills, how well you understand yourself and regulate your emotions, and also how good you are at physical activities like sports where you have to move your body. It's really stupid to just look at one aspect of people and judge them based on that because there's so many things we can be good at
you're wonderful. that's it, that's the comment
Another misconception “the gluten and dairy free diet works for autistics” I have no idea how this became a misconception autism is not a food intolerance or allergy it’s a spectrum disorder, STRESS is what causes the digestive issues think of it as the gut-brain connection
Yeah, when you feel sick or in pain all the time, surprise surprise, it makes you more stressed and less able to concentrate than you normally are able to. Autistics and Allistics are the same in this regard, but for some reason Allistic people think Autistics aren't affected by the same stressors that they are, and improvements in behavior due to treating illness is put down to "treating the autism". No, it doesn't treat the autism, it just makes the Autistic person feel better so they can function better.
I agree making blanket statement on diet is insane. Ignored distinctions in discussions of diet: gut biome passed on matrilineally, gluten sensitivity is frequently cured by healing tight junctions in gut, threat response involved in gut - neuro pathways to do with neurotransmitter production are in some cases located in the gut. It’s a major feedback loop. Leaky junctions in the gut create extreme gluten sensitivity and then the person’s system is getting toxed and intoxication produces symptoms and reduces brain function. So I coukd see that someone might get relief or be better resourced if they were able to resolve some of those issues w diet. I did but is different means. And I fully agree thinking diet is a factor wo it ever being researched distinguishing from organically farmed/raised food and environmental chemical load (water air textile cleaning and industrial exposures aren’t tracked ) so pretty much all food research about anything is basically nonsensical due to the lack of distinctions in that regard.
How I know all this is my gut utterly crashed and I saw tons of drs abd completed 10000’s of dollars of special treatments including (unknowingly) a hybrid of aba cbt … I figured out how to get better enough a few years ago I’m sitting here eating biscuits and coffee wo a care in the world as far as my gut goes.
Love that you busted the idea that any one diet is the answer for any person. Thought to share some things I learned too- in case helpful to others.
As another autistic, who is also non-binary, & who has never really known how to respond to being told I'm pretty/attractive/etc, the bit about "this is just a thing I inhabit" I absolutely feel LOL
I've started telling people that if I had my way, my physical form would be a 20ft tall, 4 armed, 4 eyed utahraptor monster from a Lovecraftian nightmare, cus, hey - if we're going for "ideal" body, go big or go home, right? At least people would be less likely to be predatory towards a raptor monster 🤣 Basically I just want to be mysterious & vaguely menacing
YES.
it appears that it may be a tendancy among autistic enby people to wish to be humongous dinosaur monsters. i prefer velociraptors, though.
I'd rather be a cat.
I wish I was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Then I'd finally be a man. And calm.
slightly more feminine (nonsexual), ghost/Nosferatu-ish/skeletal being sounds pretty ideal.
10 foot tall bird person.
i am not autistic and have never interacted with an autistic person but watching ur videos make me feel more open minded and understanding towards struggles and lives of other people. i feel like the love and information u spread theorugh ur videos reaches farther than u realise
High probability that you have and just didn't know it. I was only diagnosed earlier this year at the age of 48. Doesn't mean that I haven't been autistic the whole time though.
@@amandamandamands Don't assume. Maybe they have Autism, maybe they don't.
@@Catlily5 Didn't say that they should assume that the people around them are autistic, just that there is a high probability that they have met someone who is autistic and just didn't know it. There is a difference.
@@amandamandamands oh, I misunderstood your comment.
I agree that they probably met someone with Autism and didn't know it.
I am autistic and I definately feel mentally younger…
I have developed unevenly. In my childhood I acted like I am older than I am and could talk only to adults.
Now, I am 35 years old and I feel like emotionally I am still like between 3 and 15. Not mature enough for the grown-up people world.
Really.
And peers often consider me to be much younger (they say so) and I have no interest in talking to NT people of my own age… we are so different and have no common interests (my interests are not age-appropriate) or our life priorities are different. I have much more in common with younger people. And the way i behave is also childish… i am impulsive, have tons of weird sensitivities, have rituals, stimmings… I wear not age-appropriate clothes, etc.
I do not think it is ableist to say that some autistic people are mentally youger (I definately am).
I think it is ageist to say that feeling or looking older/younger than you are is bad or inappropriate… we need to get rid of our societal age-related expectations and just accept people as they are
That's not to do with your mental age that's to do with your development, ASD is a developmental disorder, it's kind of the point
I relate to this a lot. That was the part of the video where I could see where she was coming from but also made me feel a bit invalidated. It's such a tricky subject and I don't feel like we are alone.
@@Cryptic_Fangs It's still not accurate, just because you're a bit more childlike in some senses doesn't mean you're literally "mentally younger".
Paige, you are terrific and beautiful in all ways. The information you present is on the money. As a parent of an autistic man I appreciate your directness and caring nature. You are you all the time, no falseness. The Autistic need more people like you to speak out and get people to understand Autism. I wish my son would speak out when he is mistreated. That is not easy for anyone and more difficult for an Autistic person. Keep up the good work and stay safe and healthy.
You inspired me to go and get tested for autism back in April.. it has been such a journey of healing regardless of the diagnosis (I find out the 31st).
Just wanted to say thanks for spreading this info! I love what you’re doing to make the world educated ❤️
Update? How'd it turn out?
yes!!! all because I wear makeup, people always say the typical "you don't look autistic1!1!1!" like sorry hun, didn't know autism had a specific look ahahahaha
I find it funny that after so many videos where you talked about editing out fiddling with your split ends you’re now being sponsored by a shampoo brand addressing split ends.
Randomly opening youtube and seeing a new paige layle video is just * chefs kiss *
My mom is autistic, however not diagnosed. She did go to get diagnosed but her doctor said although she fit the symptoms and behaviors to get a proper diagnosis and what not, since she had a job, a family, kids, was a female and seemed pretty 'normal' from first glance, he said she wasn't autistic.
Wow because she seemed normal at first glance, that would have to be one of the most ableist things I have heard. There are so many people that don't get the help that they need for physical and mental illnesses because of that and add on neurodivergent differences it makes it even harder.
@@amandamandamands Yeah, it's really annoying, especially since she's also like a geek with psychology and stuff, so she knew something wasn't quite right. She's going to go somewhere else and try to get a diagnosis again but she still has to save up (whilst also providing for five kids) so it'll be a bit of a wait.
I wish the best for your mother
I needed this today! Was feeling the autistic misfit pretty heavy today. It’s refreshing to be reminded that I’m not alone here.
One is “are all autistics narcissists”…that was a big one especially hammered in social skills training
My seven year old son has autism and is nonverbal. He is dealing with anger issues, and often resorts to using violence. I do everything I can to teach him nonviolence, but he isn't there yet, and honestly I dont know that he ever will be. He is in the appropriate therapies, and is worked with at home and school regularly. I pray to God ever day because I am so scared one day he will be seriously injured by a peer, or maybe even a police officer one day. It is horrifying on a level I cannot explain. I will always keep trying, but it isn't so easy to just teach my child to not hurt others. He understands words, but he also isn't able to sign yet, and feels very frustrated not being able to really communicate his overwhelming thoughts or feelings. I dont love autism moms being called Karen. Theres already so much stigma in regards to autism. Some autistic people are violent, not because autism makes you violent, but because they haven't figured out how to communicate with the world in a way that has left them feeling validated...and there doesn't have to be someone to blame. Sometimes shitty stuff just happens in life. I fight harder/ work harder for my son than I have for anything else in my life. I would die without a second thought if I thought it would give him fulfilled life where he is able to communicate and connect on a deeper level with others outside of our family. These moms aren't just lazily choosing to ignore violent behaviors. Most of them atleast, I mean there are shitty parents out there, some are going to have autistic kids who are struggling with violent behaviors I suppose. Still, violent meltdowns are part of my reality as of now, and I am doing the best with the (lack of) tools I've been given. I would love going to the store and not recieving judgement if my son pulls my hair or hits me because of assumptions that I must not be doing my job, when they have no idea what our reality is like. His experience, and mine are just as real as anyone else's who has been impacted by autism. I'm not a Karen, I'm an (also autistic) mamma bear.
Thank you - this is terrific and much appreciated!
Re stimming is voluntary … I guess I would say once I notice I’m doing it it is. My experience of stimming is it is something I notice I’m doing w/o having consciously opted to. I can opt to stop- once I notice I’m doing it and in public I am typically in clamp down proper posture being outwardly still mode to begin w. What I notice is now that I am aware of the benefit I mostly don’t opt to stop. For me the benefit in my sense of it is discharging excess neurological energy/stimulating certain connections within my system that help me cope- basically lending me calm and focus that helps me tune out otherwise intrusive sensations of noise/smells/chaos or movement/bad vibes. I’ve begun feeling sounds as something akin to a noise concussion/sonic boom feeling inside my skin (does anyone relate to that part of noise sensitivity?-) im getting older (65) and it seems to be getting worse.
I have obsessions, like the human body and psychopathology and stuff but I do them for so long and I’m still interested in them but I get really tired and stop pursuing them and that makes me feel like I’m not good enough, because I haven’t mastered anything, which is funny because my Nan says that about herself all the time
I get tired of my obsessions too. But months or years later I usually come back to them.
I am autistic and I have Tourette's syndrome sometimes stim can turn into a tic. When you have Tourette's syndrome and are autistic.
7:40 Five Hours!?! I am MILDLY autistic and I can do about 3.5 hours at a social gathering or a party before I have had enough.
I'm an African 18 year old Muslim girl, I strongly suspect I'm neurodivergent and I'm trying to get a diagnoses and accommodation but I slip through the cracks every time. I've been diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, bipolar (which I took meds for and they didn't help with anything) and wanted to 💀⚰ at age 15. I tried again to get help and a second opinion but they're thinking of diagnosing me with just depression too. I don't want to self diagnose but I know damn well it's not a mood disorder, nor is it just depression. I don't even know what to do atp and I'm terrified about how I'm going to function in uni or as an independent adult in general with no support.
(Thanks if you read my whole rant lol)
The media neglects to mention the severe cases of autism. I know it's usually much worse than what I have. Autism can mean being nonverbal and prone to seizures and wearing helmets and even diapers. Nobody downplaying autism knows about the varying degrees thereof. All degrees of autism are devastating and it didn't simply go unnoticed until recently. The prevelance of autism is rising. It's not increased awareness, it's an epidemic.
as an autistic person my mom always acts like i’m an infant. she does EVERYTHING for me. which is nice but it’s very infantilizing. i’m almost 21 and can’t do laundry or dishes or taxes or anything. i’m afraid i’ll never be able to live by myself or i’ll never be able to do anythint
As someone on the spectrum in their 20 somethings, this frustrates me as well.
Thank you for bring up stimming! I seriously have been pondering this. I use to stim as a child and I didnt realize thats what I was doing. I def do stim just in other more nonchalant ways. And I also myself confused this with ticks as a young yet late, self diagnosed autistic.
If we're all completely different people (we are) then what in the world is a "normal" life?
Much more smart because we have to figure out so many different way to appear to be "normal" whatever the hell that is.
The whole pandemic lockdown has been a dream for me. So many less times I have to deal with other people. I naturally 'socially distance.'
Thank you for this. Everyone is beautiful to me too. There's too much negativity and constantly needing to label/brand/pigeon hole others. Accept that we're all different. There's as many differences between autistics as there are between non-autistics.
Wow you are positive. I think almost everyone (including myself) are ugly. I try not to pay attention to my judging and try to just accept how people look without judgement.
You might not even see this but whenever I feel insecure I think that you'd find my face a good face, because of that one tiktok. So thanks for making it and making me a tiny bit more confident :D
Could you do a video about what you love about being Autistic? Maybe even another one about the worst parts of it?
just found you from my recommended, love your vibe, subscribed!
I like your videos Paige and how you give the world information saying that the world is ableist and call for change! Thanks for what you're doing to the world! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
I like your thumbnail message and design!
I’m 15, got Diagnosed 2 weeks ago. I’m almost 16. I love my Fidgets. I love my slime and little toy things. I love stuffed animals. I eat like “ a little child” when we go to a restaurant. I’m eating Chicken and fries. I’m eating off the kids meal. I’m picky. I eat specific things, safe foods. I also babysit. I work a little bit. I go to school with an IEP 504 thingy. I am a person. An Autistic person. My mental age is my age my mental is just Autistic that’s fine. Neurotypical world doesn’t make sense.
I agree with you! But the people I met, talk too that are autistic... Didn't talk or act like their age, but after meeting their parents for me I know you Mey not agree with that, their parents just made me angry... They were acting like they had a toddler, and that all 3 I know their parents I don't know how to say it proper in English, but they control every thing they don't have freewill... And I don't know how to help them legely.... But your videos have helped them feel better for them self's... Thank you for that... ❤️
I don't think I'm Autistic, but I do know that I have ADHD, so for sure I feel like a lot of our experiences and behaviors overlap. And it's unfortunate that people associate ADHD with hyperactive little boys, when I am in fact an adult lesbian. Unfortunately, I was physically and sexually abused as a child, so a lot of my behavior is still a trauma response. (Therapy is helping, but slowly.) So I hear a lot of "You can't have ADHD, you sit so still. You're so quiet/antisocial. You don't let people touch you." etc.
I suspect (based on careful research and spending a lot of time with him) that my youngest nephew is Autistic, and I believe he would benefit from a professional diagnosis and some specific accomodations, but when I suggested it (in a private, adult conversation), my family acted like I'd said something very offensive and told me not to "say mean things about him."
... Society is gross.
I have a tic where I clap really loudly I’ve always done since I was a child
My mom always thinks she knows, but she doesn’t. And she won’t listen to me. I think she consumes content about autism to make herself feel better about her failures as a parent rather than to understand. I mean, it’s been years since I was diagnosed (when I was 14) and she still seems to believe some of these misconceptions (e.g. mental age, looking autistic, skills and capabilities). It’s just... sad, I guess. I don’t know what to do at this point.
Ok I need to say this but I got new glasses the other day and first of all they didn’t let me use the same frames because they were “too old” (I don’t think seven years is too old for glasses) and then we got the lenses and just today I figured out that they were yellow tinted which means they can tone down some forms of Adhd and overstimulation to the eyes
next time you do a q&a style video, I would love to hear about the hobbies you enjoy!
Have a great weekend 😃
love your videos! Quick suggestion if it's okay: for your thumbnails, cursive script / overly decorative script like you used here with 'autistic person' can be difficult to read at thumbnail size (graphic designs try to avoid those typefaces for body text and very small words) - a serif or sans serif would be easier to read
Great vid, Paige! Thanks!
i’m autistic and i have somewhat of an overload of empathy. if someone i like feels bad i take their emotions over as my own. it hasn’t always been this way but it’s actually really tiring to feel what everyone else feels.
Very important video! You can explain things so good!
If you ever want to collab I'd love to!! ♡
That has to be the best functional definition of masking I've ever heard. I didn't do much on stage with the drama club in high school, but that didn't stop me from doing lights for them to listen in on how to act like a normal person
Just wanted to say: I have DID and some of my alters are a different age mentally, but outside of DID/OSDD it really doesn’t make sense to use mental age
Watching your videos really helped me and i just recently got diagnosed 😁😁
I've found finding a relationship quite hard on the spectrum. I had my first date at 28.
Hey there, great video- but one correction. I'm autistic myself, and I find I stim (extremely heavily) without willing myself to do it and without even thinking. Only when I realise I'm doing it am I able to stop myself. I guess it must vary, but I do have the opposite experience to many others, it seems.
The difference is probably that you can't stop a tic even if you notice you're doing it. Don't have those so don't quote me on this.
But you can stop once you notice it.
@@Catlily5 Oh yeah, if that's what was meant, I get it now.
I am also not a fan of society. Cheers Paige I enjoyed this x
I love this whole video. I agree with everything you said & am so glad I found your channel.
smart girl. You took the words right out of my mouth.
I needed to learn music. The therapists KNEW I needed to leaarn music. Pills and sub par therapy was more profitable, though.
Stimming can be involintary though. I'll stim without realizing it and don't decide to stim.
i was diagnosed couple months ago
i am very well at abstract things such as mental health and philosophy! however things set in stone such as hard science and math is really hard for me to understand. because its too repetive and its too much one thing i can never think outside the box.
im saying this because a lot of none autistics think we are all black ans white thinkers which is just not true. i am very much a dreamer (i also have madd) you cannot measure autism by someones creativity
got a behavioral psychiatric referral for tellin the doctor about autsim and it's just plain insulting
I remember when I said that I thought I might be autistic to a girl i knew in high school, who seemed to think she knew everything about psychology, and she looked at me and said,”You aren’t, you don’t look it, autistic peoples hands look more like monkeys.” And like…what?
I mean this was the same girl who tried to say no one can be diagnosed as a sociopath unless they have other mental illness diagnosis, so when my abusive ex’s dad said my ex is a diagnosed sociopath, he was lying, she thought she was an expert cause she took the exact same AP psych class I did, so like we don’t need to believe any of that shit
sounds like she's confusing autism with down syndrome or cerebral palsy.
12:01 - may I just say, as gently as I know how, that I find it really interesting that you place an astrology thing right next to so much concern about what’s factual… because astrology… well… let’s just say that I don’t put any stake in astrology for having any sort of predictive power, and so it basically feels counter to the notion of things which are “factual” to me. So… I’m amused by the juxtaposition. Maybe something to dig into sometime? :)
Mental age is a suggestion of maturity
It’s kinda stupid to say many autistic people share the same personality traits cause like many people share the same personality traits in general obviously not everyone’s the same ofc
As a fellow autistic TH-camr, how are you able to look at the ring light?! I can't stand bright lights, I will basically refuse to leave the house without sunglasses.
You bring up an interesting point with the mental age thing I think that came about from people that don’t develop mentally in the same way I don’t appear to have developed mentally in the same way so if the person seems like they’re like a three-month-old everyone just thinks mentally well there are three month old and they can’t no no change. Sorry if any of this comes out wrong I’m also blind and I’m using a dictation to write this.
Lol your job needs sound like the perfect job to me :) My daughter used to hug everyone, we had to break that habit because it isn’t safe to hug all strangers and call them our new best friend.
This is great. THANK YOU X
8:19 is my new favourite quote
Your ears are in your eyeballs! Lol 😂 you are so funny 👌❤️
Wonderful!
Hi Paige, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now. You work as a lash and brow stylist. But don't you have issues having to "touch/being so close" to strangers? I'm having trouble finding the right job. I work as a pre-school teacher but because this is a very "social" job, it drains me completely and after 8 years of doing this I am totally losing touch with myself. Love your channel by the way and I hope you find the time to read this... Natascha
So true, judged corrected blamed and shamed my whole life so yeah Mario g is a self defence for me. Self identify as he so many things described by others matched my lived a perience. File me under neurospicy. Or maybe Neuro spikey, who wouldn't be when they are.misjudged their whole life.
That's funny I always thought of my looks in the same way. If you are attracted to me its my personality I never think my looks.
This is off topic but your eyes are so pretty :]
Hbomberguy and Cynical Reviews
both made the Autism-Community proud but the Autism-Community has largely not noticed just cause it is so incredibly scattered. If you get what i mean...
Good video. I hope that silver play button arrives soon
How can you be serious about psychology if you believe in astrology
these subjects can coexist-they are not mutually exclusive
@@DeathToImperialismEverywhere well one is based on scientific evidences and the others is based on nothing.
In the contrary there have been demonstration that there is no differences between the astrological signs
How can you be serious about psychology if you are religious? Astrology is like a religious belief. It comes from pagan religion before Christianity. Certainly a religious person can be a psychologist, so why not someone who believes in astrology? Most people separate their religious beliefs from their rational beliefs. I am not religious but this is what has been explained to me.
@@Catlily5 it depends on the subject. clearly here she believes that the psychology of a person is influenced by its astrological sign.
So it clearly interferes with evidence based psychology.
@@5AMA5 i went through a bachelors and masters program for psychology and there aren’t reputable studies that contradict astrology. there’s no “clear interference” especially when you consider the replication problems within research and how the majority of scientific “fact” we have today is based on small sample sizes comprising almost entirely of white men. there is a huge bias problem in the field of psychology and no scientific study is ever meant to be taken as finite.
I think the whole "mental age" thing is just about maturity, like some one who is uneducated saying
"oh, you can't control your body sometimes and make "weird" noises? So you're just like a baby! That's so cute!!"
Like no Sharron He's seventeen and has different brain chemistry than you, that doesn't make him an infant
I'm not autistic, but a lot of my friends are and I see them get treated like that way too often.
The bloody psychiatrist that’s giving me my assessment, literally said to me “You’re showing signs of autism, but you’re very well spoken so I’m not convinced; so we’ll have to dig deeper over the next few months.” I almost threw my phone. It’s so sad that medical staff have NO IDEA about autism, but they’re trained in ASD. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW SOME AUTISTIC PEOPLE CAN HOLD FULL CONVERSATIONS?!
U g h. Frustrating.
This is what makes me not wanna have an official diagnosis
I am going through this with my 14 year old. She just talked to me and my daughter and said she’s fine. I wanted to cry as I have done a lot of research but since she can speak well and hold a conversation she’s fine. I wanted to cry from frustration and being minimized. I have two other children and we all have learned to accommodate and work with her and she’s learned a lot but she has meltdowns at home and not at school
Yes! The comment sections under autism videos are always filled with very articulate people-I wonder why.😉❤️
actually, many psychiatrists have very little education on autism and ADHD because those are often taught in courses on child psychiatry specifically, and only lightly touched on in adult psychiatry courses.
ME FREAKING TOO. Surprise surprise I scored, severe and almost every category on there a little assessment thing, and when my therapist found out about this to like you know help and talk about it she literally was reading it and she was the way she was looking was like she didn’t believe it and like she just she kept saying to me, but I can have a conversation with you the only other autistic kids that I met It’s hard to get an answer from them but you and me have conversations every few weeks you know so I don’t know we’ll have to talk about it with DR psychologist guy. Made me so mad. I left.
i was hanging out with my cousin who’s autistic years ago and he played really rough so he would hit people with his nerf guns and instead of his parents teaching him that that’s not an appropriate way to play with others, they just said that oh he can’t understand so you just have to accept that he’s gonna hit you... so sad his own parents thought he can’t “understand” basic things
Omgggg literally my brother and his wife do this with their two younger kids all the time ! Their son has autism and their daughter has adhd. They think it’s ok to excuse all they’re horrible behavior to their disabilities but we all know they’re actually just lazy parents. My son has autism too but I don’t let that be the reason as to why I can’t show him manners and values.. I know he’s smart enough to understand what I’m saying and that things we all do can affect the people around us.
There was a kid my child minder had who was very violent he was like 4 and were were like 7-9 so naturally we resorted to violence 🙄✋
we would do pile ons where like 3 of us would just squash him by sitting on him 💀✋
Is there posibility, that parents tried 1000 times to explain to this kid, that hitting is wrong, and all that stuff and he just do it anyway? As a parent I feel like we are judged very fast, very hard because of our children behaviour, when people dont know whole story. Sometimes whatevwr tou do, it just dont work. Or it is in a process. Or they have to grow out of sth.
@@annaduczmal976 it’s still not okay to let a child go around hitting other children. If the child can’t control themselves they need more supervision not excuses.
@@secretcaptivation yeah, i agree! I did't want to sound like i think it's okay to hit other children. Just that it doesn't mean that parents are not trying to teach him. I didn't make it clear, sorry
About the mental age thing, I think it’s a rule of being boring when you’re older like “act your age” or “dress your age”. As you get older you’re not supposed to like or do certain things anymore. That is just dumb. To my family I’m childish, even my teenage nephews think so but somehow when it comes to tech, gaming etc I’m the only one that can explain that stuff to their parents and that is apparently no longer a bad thing…
yah i hate that. im 23 but still 16 in my head lol
Yeah, I agree, but I realize that neurotypicals often treat people differently based on the person's age. I think the whole "mental age" thing just helps them gauge the types of concepts that we might have trouble understanding. I'm not saying that it's right, just that I get why someone might use "mental age" as a descriptor.
I think that might also be why some people describe people as "high-functioning" vs "low-functioning". These terms make it easier for people to understand that every autistic person is different, and that there is no single trait describing us, i.e there is no "all autistic people act like X" description of autism. It is oversimplifying the reality, but it helps people understand that we need varying levels of accomodations.
Agreed
I think it's more related to a doctor's recommendation of what to expect from a child, I didn't know otherwise but we've referred to the age of a family member who was 7 but at a "mental age" of 4. I think we are all comfortable with it because it sound similar to being at different reading ages, which is based on statistics and is, yes, also a little ableist.
I got called out for playing with a slip & slide at 40. Sorry but if you no longer see the fun in that I feel sorry for you
The “everyone is a little bit autistic” thing is so wrong and offensive to the struggles that people with autism have. I’ve also noticed that this belief many neurotypical people have about autism also applies to most neurological disorders. I get it a lot with OCD and it’s always neurotypical people who like to colour-code and organize that seem to say it. 🤦♀️
Yeah, people are different from each other, but they don't realize that neurological disorders cause symptoms that neurotypical people DON'T get.
Well true, but you can have symptoms of a disorder without having it. Like I don’t have OCD but my doctor literally wrote OCD tendencies/traits in my files. But this is caused by my anxiety disorder because it correlated with my anxiety being particularly bad and it being caused by my emetophobia and having an intense fear of dying in the sense that I felt like time moved too quickly and attempted to slow it down, for example counting how many minutes, seconds, 15 minutes, hours, days etc. that I might get to live and trying to determinate the mental time it took, trying to find out if some activities made time mentally feel slower etc.
And those OCD tendencies I got at that time disappeared when my anxiety lessened and I stopped having the feeling that time moved too quickly.
I think I read your comment a bit too quickly because I read it as you commented on “a little bit autistic” and that people had the same view on OCD. And that is why I wrote what I did, because you could, in a way, at that point say I were “a little bit OCD” because I had the symptoms caused by my anxiety.
Also before anybody who seeks to misunderstand, I am not saying that it is possible for autism, I am commenting on OCD.
My mom keeps using the whole “everyone is a little autistic” phrase, I try to convince her that it’s actually offensive and not true at all. But I really don’t how to explain it to her
I was told by a psychiatrist yesterday that I can’t be autistic because I feel empathy. Specifically because I feel bad when people die/get very sick…
They obviously have no idea what they're doing, get another one who doesn't have antiquated views
They are confusing ASD with ASPD.
That psychiatrist needs their license revoked
This is why I despise talking to “experts”
My doctor also said the same exact thing
For all the fuss that allistics make about autistic people "being bad at empathy"... I sure have seen a LOOOOT of allistics being VEEERY bad at empathy themselves throughout my life. It's like some people just straight up refuse to try to understand others, even if they could. But sure, it's the number one Bad Thing about autism 😅 /s
I sure haven’t gotten much empathy from allistics, as an undiagnosed autistic. Now that I’m diagnosed people kinda sorta get it. Woulda been nice if people could have seen how deeply I hurt and struggled and had some empathy back when. I just thought I sucked at life.
I think many Autistics aren't bad at empathy, we just show it differently.
I have a lifelong friend with autism. I'm ADHD. She is so smart, with lots of empathy. If we talk about things she will ask things like 'is there anything else you would like to get off your chest? ' or 'does that expression mean you are angry about the situation?'
I’m assuming allistic means someone without autism? I totally agree. Most allistics really don’t care and so idk why it’s attributed to autism. (I don’t have autism btw)
I told my therapist I was thinking about me possibly being autistic and he asked me if I could experience empathy and then said I’m not? Really wish I had someone understanding and encouraging at the time, woulda been evaluated sooner. 😐
Wait, if there isn't someone who's the "most autistic", how on earth are we going to choose who to appoint leader at the convention next year?
We need to decide who is the Once and Future Most Autistic. Then maybe the top ten, like a bestseller list or music charts.
I’ve been thinking I could be autistic, and I don’t want to tell my guardians until I’m completely sure, and I’m very close to talking about it, so these videos are helping me out so much! Thanks, Paige!
A lot of the online tests are based on stereotypes but can still be helpful. I recommend them
@@Blue-vb5gl I've found a couple of content creators on TH-cam who have gone over the DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing autism. One channel is Yo Samdy Sam, the other is Asperger's from the Inside, and I think they both did a good job of boiling it down. I didn't bother with the stereotype quizzes since I could just measure myself against the rubric
@@shadowfox933 that’s a great idea
I'd also just like to take a hot second here and say that the wholly eugenics-based and fundamentally flawed notion of "mental age" is formally how they base the measurement of IQ. IQ=mental age÷actual age×100. Having a low IQ score is what is presently called intellectual disability. Intellectual disability is not autism, but that doesn't make those who are autistic or intellectually disabled or both or neither any more or less intelligent or any more or less valuable. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Simply, the world was designed in a way that already accommodates neurotypical weaknesses and regularly does not accommodate neurodivergent weaknesses. Thus, we are not intrinsically disabled, but rather disabled by the world around us.
About the disability thing, yes!! I believe that's called the social model of disability, and I fully agree with it.
@@jlchips it is the social model of disability. I primarily agree with it. I think there are parts of disability it doesn't fully account for but when it can and does apply, I think it is the most helpful and productive model of disability to use and it does typically apply though. 😊
While that is how IQ was originally derived (which actually wasn’t for eugenics, but for assisting children who were mentally delayed - it wasn’t until later that it was repurposed for eugenics), the modern notion of IQ doesn’t really have anything to do with mental age and is instead just an abstract number based on centering a normal distribution at 100 with 15 points standard deviation.
@@ganondorfchampin yes, I understand the origins were not intended for eugenics, but it is a notion that is eugenics-based because of how it is used today.
I feel intrinsically disabled as well as disabled by the world around me. Sensory problems would exist even if no other people were on earth. I get overwhelmed by my feelings whether people are around or not.
The flip side is that society doesn't want my contributions. So that I agree is disability because of society.
I always thought I was unlucky because I wasn’t super smart or artistic like “most” aspies but I definitely over analyze people and tend to pre judge most people due to everyone being very similar in all situations so it’s helped me learn how to socialize a little better. To be honest I hated myself and wished I wasn’t born because of having Aspergers but since I found you on TikTok and saw how outgoing you were as well as just listening to you it’s helped me a lot so I truly can’t thank you enough
Ik it’s been a couple years but just so you know, Aspergers doesn’t exist anymore, it’s just autism
When you talked about acting and masking, I relate so hard. I grew up in performing arts, I was obsessed with movies and making movies. I’d practice and memorize actresses and actors facial expressions with a mirror and use that 😭 when I got to highschool my theatre teacher was shocked I was so good but it’s like ma’am I act every day of my life 😅
I'm absolutely terrible with facial expressions. I just got lucky in that my "resting face" in public is a smile. It might be a nervous smile, but it's still a smile. Ironically, that also does wonders for me in job interviews, even though I don't speak much in new environments
I tell people all the time that I feel like an alien stuck in a human body and every day is me just trying to figure out how to follow human rules and customs so I don't get found out.
Same
For me it feels like I’m surrounded by hostile aliens that’ll attack me if I fail to blend in. Even they don’t know why they hate me, but they just do. There are other humans here too, but it’s hard to find them because they’re also disguising themselves. And some of the aliens might be friendly, but is it really worth the risk?
I am an ESE teacher and a parent once asked how old their kid was mentally so I am so glad you brought this up. I told her he is super dynamic with strengths and weaknesses in different areas and I couldn't really put a "mental age" to him. She said she was actually glad that I couldn't and that I had a good point. I always wondered if that was the right response so this helped me. Thank you!
I used to refer to myself as ‘mentally younger’ purely bc i never fit in properly with people my own age or older and got on alot easier with children. Looking back now i just realised its bc children are alot less judgemental and you dont have mask as much around them😅.
But children are also a lot more perceptive and sensitive to difference so really, it balances out
My experience is the opposite, I get along better with older people because they're more mature and less judgemental. While it's true that maturity isn't directly tied to age, you're much more likely to find mature people in a group of 30-40 years old than a group of 20 years old.
@@placeadrien5566 nah i agree, i used to get along well with older people at work, however i found that they would also be judgmental for customers etc. However i do get on well with my nans i just trip over what the right thing is to say alot but i think thats mostly just bc i filter myself when speaking to family😅. Its either really young children or older people you get along with better, never people our own age😅.
I used to get along with people younger than me, but as I got older the "people youger than me" got into their own more judgemental phase whilst my age difference to even younger people became too much, but in the meantime, I was closer to people older than me who have kind of grown out of their most judgemental phase and now I gravitate towards them instead.
My psychologist said everyone’s a bit autistic… it kept everything in my being from telling her otherwise.
And then my Mom told me that “if I am autistic then I am the most high functioning autistic person she has ever seen”
Oh boy 😒
My aunt literally told me “if you’re autistic you’re the least severe kind of autistic” and I’m like - over here trying not to throw a plate at her head. 🙄
terrible how common this is ugh
@@khalyasongofnerdsandwriter5473 I know trying to hold everything in at the stupidity, like that’s not how it works!
I had a similar experience, I was seeing a psychiatrist about anxiety to see if I need medication for it and my parents mentioned to the lady that I was going to be assessed for autism. The psychiatrist said that she thinks I am ‘very mildly autistic or barely autistic at all if I even am autistic’ because I was ‘doing well with eye contact and not looking frantically around the room’. ITS CALLED MASKING, I’ve managed to hide my autism for my entire teenage life, and guess what, when I was assessed (by a different lady) she said that I AM autistic and that if I want to look it up I should use the phrase ‘Asperger’s Syndrome’ because she thinks I fit the characteristics for that better but it is now diagnosed as ASD because it is considered part of the spectrum. It infuriates me how a lady who would see multiple children every day (she was a child psychiatrist), including autistic children from all over the spectrum, told me that I ‘wasn’t acting autistic’.
I was thinking “I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in” right before you said it lmaoo
It's a spectrum, everybody is different, agreed Paige. Im autistic, but im not bad at socializing when it comes to certain topics, such as cars, planes, trains, geography, maps, mental health, self improvement, architecture, social topics, life topics, art, cartoons/anime etc. The straight white nerdy socially awkward male stereotype with autism is soo true, im a black man on the spectrum, and we are also unrepresented, same with women too. Love your content!!
The mental age part is true, sometimes i feel like a 40 year old man at 25 at times lol. I always feel older than my age at times, but sometimes I do feel young.
The neuropsych that tested me for autism told me it's not likely that I have it because I "communicated to her very well" and "you experience empathy and people with autism aren't empathetic." 😐 turns out I am in fact autistic
I don't think they understood the whole spectrum thing, then.
I'm, autistic person, am saying sometimes that everyone has some autistic traits, and I try to word it differently, which is hard, but what I mean is that anyone can have a thing that is present in a lot of autistics, such as people can be depressed without having depression. Mental disorders e.g. are things that most people experience but to the extreme, and I think that happens with some, not all, autistic traits as well.
I know saying ‘everyone’s a little autistic’ is of course in bad taste, but yes, there can be autistic traits, without being autistic. I think that’s the middle road to not offend, but to recongize what might be a trait.
Absolutely. This is something that a lot of people don't talk about or seem to understand. Disorders all come from an excessive amount or inefficient amount of something. That something being psychologically. Everyone has a psychology. Everyone is subject to emotions and to defects of those emotions because we all have a brain. But there is a usual baseline for what majority of people do or is tolerable. You usually fit outside that norm if it is causing you harm or trouble in your personal life or out in society.
Disorders are based off of something.
So I think that that can cause confusion because people use descriptive words to explain feelings. Like saying, "I feel depressed."
That is fine to say. It's ok to express that you might be feeling a type of way. Depression is an emotion we all feel but a a depressive disorder is an excess of that emotion.
Then with other disorders it can be an action. Everyone cleans but not everyone cleans to an excessive amount to which it causes them harm and dysfunction.
Well it’s a hard line to walk, but Autism shares traits with many other disorders and disabilities. However a lot of the time those things are caused, by an underlying problem - that just happens to be autism. Not always, but that’s more common than people realize. So, no, not everyone is a little autistic. Only us with ASD have ASD. Only Autistic people are autistic. All traits can be shared, but it’s RARE that someone had an autistic trait and doesn’t end up on the spectrum. Usually they are and never realized it. Took me 30 years to realize all my Bipolar and BPD and depression and my ADD, was not in fact any of those. I shared traits with them, because it was common traits that autistic people have WITH those disorders. That doesn’t mean I have them. It means I’m autistic. When we’re trying to tell people “well everyone shares some traits” we should be saying just that and adding in “but that just proves that we’re all humans and humans are capable of being divergent and still being human”. It breaks it down better without confusion, or being offensive.
@@khalyasongofnerdsandwriter5473 I like your explanation. I say that sometimes to my parents and sisters, that they have traits in a way, but I know they aren't autistic. I'll think about it for the future, so many thanks for your comment.
You're right.
At my job this new co worker always ask me “Are you okay?” I can’t tell if they are genuinely concerned or if they can tell I’m autistic and they’re thinking less of me. Also another co worker was telling me where specific trash cans are located and what they’re called and then he basically “tested” me which I thought was somewhat odd
In a situation like that, if it gets “worse” and you feel uncomfortable, I would sit the manager you trust the most down - and tell them you’re autistic and you’re absolutely fine to work, as they should know, but that two people are making you feel weird and you don’t know how to address it, in a way that’s safe for everyone. If they have a heart, they might just sit you all down and speak on your behalf to those two coworkers. But you do have to let them know if it makes you uncomfortable or not to speak and give them permission to do it and it’s always better to face it and be there - in case you have to correct them on something. They won’t understand unless they face it. But they can still advocate for you, if you’re not comfortable sitting those coworkers down yourself and just telling them you have ASD and these certain things make you feel weird. You’re fine, you’re human, you just think in a different way than them.
I notice throughout my life ppl have always felt the need to over explain the most simplest things to me...to the point of being offensive. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD & ASD. Now I wonder if ppl saw these traits all along. I understand very well what ppl say...my face just shows otherwise.
I know you're very concerned with facts, so why do you believe in zodiacs? I feel like that's more spirituality than it is based in real science. No hate, genuinely curious about your thoughts on the subject!
Came here to ask/say this
> "I'm [horrorscope based label]"
> "I'm fact based"
Waaaiiit
Neurodivergent myself so I'm simply curious how this parses.
@@djd34d14 "I am a [person] of science! At least, that's according to my horoscope."
As I said, not here to make fun. Would just like the perspective on how that parses for someone from a person that "believes" that kinda stuff.
@@djd34d14 As someone who used to be a lot into mbti, I can understand the appeal. She's more likely to be talking about advanced astrology theories than horoscopes. Those theories, while I believe they're wrong because they're not based on any actual evidence, can be used as a language to describe actual empirical phenomenons.
For example, according to me and mbti, I'm an INTP, which means I'm a logic based person. My primary way of interacting with the world is to gather information and organize them logically in my brain (Ti as a primary function). I have a preference for abstract thoughts and subjects, and exploring a lot of different ideas (Ne as a secondary function).
While it's not fact-based and kind of vague, I like it as a language to quickly describe someone's personnality. If you know a bit MBTI and I tell you that x person is an ESFP, you'll know that I mean that they're good at being in the moment and that they need to find value in things to get interested. Thus you know that to teach them something, you'd have more chances of success if you used concrete examples and if you managed to grab their attention by using their values rather than their innate interest for the thing that you teach.
Of course it's not a perfect system, but as a language I think it can be useful. It could also be a good tool to question the way you work, although it's risky because if you try to follow the theory too closely you could end up making wrong assumptions about yourself and other people. But as long as you keep an open mind and keep adapting to the humans in front of you I think it doesn't do much harm and can be useful sometimes.
I don't think they're the best languages, as anything that's more science-based would be much better and more precise, but I don't think we have anything like that at the moment.
People always said that it is wrong not to greet someone when you meet them for the first time of the day: Good day, Good morning, howdy, etc. What ever you wanna call it.
When I started High School my teacher keep saying that so one day I started saying good morning to my classmate every day in the morning. I would go to each one of them and shake their hands: Good morning". We were almost 40 students in the classroom. I did that until my teacher got tired of me greeting my classmates. Everybody thought I was weird.
Probably depends on how close you are to the person. Guess the teacher left that part out...
I always look forward to your videos, thank you for brightening everyones days with your beautiful personality ❤
My very good friend is autistic and people speak to him like he’s twelve; in that high very super annoying voice. Or they don’t even address him when they’re talking about him. It’s so disrespectful and degrading! He’s almost 30 and yet he’s treated like a child. He hates it! Be better people!
Thanks again to Function of Beauty! Remember you can get 20% off by clicking my link: cen.yt/functionpaigelayle
First reply. I love you Paige 💖✨
the stim one is hilarious. gotta love the videos where people are like “omg i can’t believe i caught my stims on camera” ez way to spot someone who’s possibly faking