I find this such an interesting topic to speak about. Just jumped off a client call with a client who was talking about how "mad" she was but had been so taught to smile through it... then direct it inwards. Whats your relationship with anger?? Please share in the comments below I'd love to hear!
It takes a lot to set me off everyone has their own opinion I respect that..I stand up for myself but more of a listener than just jump in.unless you ask i try to see someone else's take on things may not always agree...I usually do 😉 but it does take a lot to feel anger and when I do I usually remember that in a person..what makes them angry
It's very interesting topic for me to. Parents sometimes use unhealthy anger to suppress anger in children - talk about mixed signals! Personally, I have a very complicated relationship with anger. Surprisingly I can control it very well in loving relationships, and not so well with strangers. Thank you for this video, it made me think on this subject a little longer. I've read a book called The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner. I find it slightly patronising, aimed at audience with developmental age of round about 12, but it has quite helpful techniques to control and use anger for better outcomes in relationships. I wonder if you came across it, Mark?
Anger is the go to emotion for frustration, sadness, and depression. It’s hard to figure out to accept a situation and work through it. I think it stems from feeling helpless and/or powerless. So, I learned to rephrase anger into empowerment and motivation. As a female combat veteran I struggled with anger and blamed it on PTSD. Then I decided to “own my sh*t”. I’ve learned to ask myself why I feel what I feel and decide if it matters and is my reaction my own or am I lashing out. As a female combat vet we were taught to suppress emotion. It takes a long time to understand emotion, again. Biggest thing I learned about anger is to understand my own nonverbal queues first. Men I know have found how I work through anger empowering to them since they struggle, too.
My experience: In relationship, anger management is important. It is equally very important that your partner respects your feelings, anger inclusive. I bailed out of my 6 yr relationship because many a times my boundaries were crossed, even after talking to my ex about it, he signed them off as silly. All the while and gradually, my love turned to anger to hate and resentment as I couldn't contain it anymore. Much later on, I met a guy who even if I try to suppress my anger would offer we talk over things till we are both happy. That respectful feeling is heaven for me, just hope it lasts
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
I healthily asserted myself with my last bf but he always shut down. It was due to his unresolved issues with his previous wife. I need a man who can handle assertion.
Only a weak man can’t appreciate a woman who can express her anger - in any form. She can be calm and discuss it like an adult, but many a man’s ego (in today’s world) can’t handle a woman who expresses her anger and insists on boundaries.
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
Anger is a secondary emotion. Generally people are feeling hurt and as a result emote anger. At the core of a man he doesn't want to see you sad or angry. He wants to see that you are human, not afraid to be vulnerable, and MATURELY put his ass back in his place. THAT turns them on. THAT is what he is talking about. He doesn't want a woman cussing him out and throwing things. He also doesn't want a woman that is a push over and saying she is okay (manipulating him into thinking your always happy) when she is not. It's not that deep. He is 100 percent correct.
I can claim this. I showed my anger in front of two of my bosses and then they started to trust me more and I developed a genuine and work relationship with them !
Absolutely 💯. Jesus had several episodes of anger and 100 percent of them were righteous. A lot of people with an unbalanced view of the Bible are doormats. They think that the Bible tells them to sit by with a smile on their face while someone trods them underfoot. We ought to be a source of accountability when it is needed and sometimes this will result in some inevitable conflict. Its very easy to keep your mouth shut. Its much harder to enter into contention but it must be done. People measure people as being "good people" by how "nice" they are. But being nice is often a self serving benefit to them . It helps people get what they want. A person who takes a stand for something or is willing to enter into contention displays a clearer view of morality in my mind because self benefit often times isn't there.
There is a meme..."why do women cry when they get angry ? Because they know its illegal to kill you." 🤣🤣 There is a thin line between anger and aggresiveness....and that is scary...
Anger is a feeling, aggression is behaviour. You can't compare the two, although I suspect neoliberal ideology would like us think so. Without righteous anger, there is no progress. Aggression however, is only destructive. It's very aim is to destruct something, while anger often starts with indignation at something wrong, unfairness or injustice.
@@silverlinings3946 I am not a fool. I know the difference. Aggression comes from.anger and frustration...😑 its a consequence usually.. It does not matter what ignited it. It can have a lot of reasons. I do not know what you mean with neoliberal. I just use logic and common sense. I don't put a name on how I think. I am from Europe just to be clear.
@@ANDJELINA I could be angry all day, and not be aggressive or violent. Aggression could be violent without anger, although politicians often stir anger in general public to make the aggression justifiable. Aggression is always a negative action, anger doesn't have to be a negative emotion, it can be force for good. Without anger of women, there would not be suffragette movement, and women would not have a vote. That's just one example of good anger.
@@silverlinings3946 I really do not need a lecture on this. Its common sense. Dont need to explain this unless its your profession or something but then you can discuss with the same professionals.. Its a meme.
@@silverlinings3946 Righteous anger? Kinda sounds like a religious statement. And as for the meme. IT'S JUST A MEME. Like a joke, something funny. The bulk of people in the world understand the difference between an emotion and an action. You don't need to preach.
Sometimes anger is the only way they'll take you seriously. I'll tell my guy about something he did I'm upset about and he just ignores it. When I get angry that's when he takes me seriously
Right. It goes in one ear and out the other. Instead of understanding and fixing the issue, they’ll probably feel intrigued that they got such a reaction out of you but still won’t change their ways.
Because your anger us thier food, right?:) I have seen that and that's why being calm and full of dignity combined with setting boundaries is the only thing that works on them. Meaning they just do not see you as a victim anymore and lose their interest. Just walk away without ANY explanations. Because this is what they always want - emotional talks where they will get you once again in the corner, you feeling small and helpless.
I think they blame everyone no personal responsibility when they are mad sad whatever always someone eles I was with a man 16.5 years who had this personality problem
I supress anger which then comes out as tears or builds up until it comes to exploding point. As you say like so many I was not a permitted to show anger as a child but not taught how to manage it properly either..
Anger usually comes from disappointment. It’s important to recognise what the disappointment is, and deal with it appropriately. Sometimes in work situations, or family situations but not in relationships, you do have to lower your expectations to keep the job at least temporarily, or avoid alienating everyone in your family. It’s sometimes just the hand life deals you.
I like how you mention that our anger is a signal that our boundaries have been crossed. I now won't tolerate a man that can't handle my anger. If I get to the point that I'm really angry it's usually because a lot of it has built up because my boundaries were continually dismissed or crossed and the men I were with were never willing to have discussions and communicate or acknowledge their own behaviour. Can't stand that women are labelled a bitch when they get angry. So over shitty relationships. Thanks Mark.
Just wanting to add here- if someone is crossing boundaries and not responding appropriately to your needs just leave them! There is no reason to blow up or get upset and explode with anger when it's obvious they didn't care to begin with. I believe that's one of us ladies biggest issues! We belive that if we nag a man long enough, he'll change. But no, he was always showing you who he was, you chose not to listen.
Completely relate to your comment, Jessica. Also love it when you explain why you are upset, they continue to do it and when you get mad again you are the one that is the problem...too sensitive, too needy. In that moment everything clicked and I knew I was sick of dating the same kind of man. ❤
Spot on Jessica. Mark really nailed this about women and anger and boundaries. We are taught to keep our anger in and then we explode and labelled bitches, harpies whatever for voicing our displeasure.
I like to see the man when he’s angry. I like to see how he handles himself, how he expresses his feelings in a such situation and maybe I’m crazy but in that moment I think a man (if I’m interested in him and he’s not evil/mean/all the extras) is even sexy to me.
I have always worked so hard in expressing myself out when my partner does something I don't like . It's not easy always coz you dont want to sound nagging or seem like you are always right and your partner is always wrong. But I must confess that looking back, it's worked wonders. Great advice there, let your partner know you have boundaries and dont be ashamed of them. That's what makes you who you are.
Energetically there is never a healthy anger possible. Anger carries a certain energy and is never high vib. What one should do is in a situation when anger comes up, understand the trigger, accept the lesson and try to understand where the other person comes from. If we truly accept and love ourselves for who we are, we cannot get angry but see why other people get angry 🙏🏻
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
That was brilliantly said. I was someone who never expressed my anger till I reached 29 lol, left my ex husband of 12 years, he was narcissist which I found out after I left him, just walked away with nothing but my children and today I am so happy and calm my children are so happy, funny smart and decent human beings they are kind but know they should never compromise their boundaries for anyone not even for me as their mum. We travel together as family and I thanks God every day that I had the courage within me to leave. My humble advice please don’t wait for as long as I did. Love and peace
Yes You're right our boundaries have been crossed when we feel anger, we feel that we've been trespassed against from some experience and that's a healthy emotion tells us that we need to deal with that trespass of our boundary however it was trespassed
I love how you tied this back to nature. Sometimes, we forget all of these emotions exist in other species as well and are innate to us. I know first hand how bottling up those feelings often leads to bitterness and resentment. Thanks for your insight, Mark! It's not easy to find silver linings on such a negatively perceived emotion.
Mark. Like this presentation very much. So true. In particular, wherever you find real deep anger, there will lie deep sadness/grief. Wherever you find deep real grief, there will lie deep anger. They are both twins from the same womb. Thank you !
Hi Rose,here, from Ohio. I really needed this today, because I need to know how to build myself to live my life in control of my feelings of theangerissues. I don't express them outward, to others correctly. Thank you do much. Oh, and I am alot like the self love, the unconditional love, but needed help with the others about getting the respect,back, that I give to others.
Anger for your boundaries being violated is healthy. Yes, exactly. Anger under control is the best way. Being assertive in a respectful way when defending those boundaries. Thanks so much for this insight!
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
@@benfine2328 thank you for your compliments. Your praise is very flattering indeed and I hope you will find a lady who will like you very soon. I'm not that lady. I'm not looking to settle with anyone. But lots of points for bravery 🙂
@@silverlinings3946 how are you doing now baby please talk to me let's get to know each other very well am ben easy going person baby Life is good when meet people that knows what is love is all about it renews Life and spirit baby I love you and I want to be mine thanks
I love it ! I've been supressing anger for 20 years (due to harsh emotional abuse). I don't ever want to supress that emotion anymore ! It's the part of me saying: this person is hurting you, do something about it now. I'm slowly discovering this emotion, and people can see that I'm more assertive now. It also helps me fight for my career and being motivated in sports. I'd rather be angry and feel like a fighter than to feel nothing at all because everyone has stepped on me.
What is the acceptable way to express that anger to your partner.... it’s my experience that men just blow off my anger as if I’m just silly unless it is one major throw down. When I get to that point, the anger has gone too far and I’m ready to bail out. Having to go to extremes to get attention to the reason for my anger builds resentment that I cannot forget.... One day, when I am maxed out, I won’t try to express anything. I will leave. Someone told me once that unresolved anger can cause depression. I don’t know if it is true, but it seems very possible. Then what does a woman do without all the resentment? Do men even know resentment can build up in their partner?
Pat Albritton I totally relate to this, I too feel that I always have to ‘have a fit’ to be taken seriously, anything else is just perceived as complaining. And yes resentment definitely builds up and destroys relationship, making one not care at all anymore. I am exactly like you and I left ;) Suppressed anger does lead to depression, beware of that.
just express urself immediately ....dont let it fester....not blaming way......for example i wish you could do this instead of that or if you do that u make me feel this way....etc
Agree. When you give em attention they start feeling themselves and actually won’t give you any attention back and will play hard to get. But when you see em as you’re seeing a wall they fall hard for you and go like “hOwS sHe NoT aTtRaCtEd tO mE” cause they THINK they’re the center of attention from the whole world
I deliver it with the most respect I can give . And then after a week, he told me he don’t think he is suitable for a relationship, And think that I deserve better. It’s our first time of argument. And I understand that things happen for a reason. I have nothing to regret on my end and is happy that I’m quick to realize that he is not the right one
This comes at such perfect timing as Ive been working alot on holding space for my anger at the same time expressing myself clearly and assertive in the heat of my own anger.
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
Very helpful! I have definitely been one of those who has learned to suppress my anger for so many years. I thought it was unhealthy but now I see that its only unhealthy when used abusively or neglected! Thank you
Thank you for breaking down the emotion of anger. Many women (and men) were raised with a major imbalance in how anger was expressed and processed. Anger has its place in our lives, we just have to know when & how to utilize it properly.
Love this advice not just for a man but for my own self improvement. So many circumstance that we react poorly to and then filled with regret. The title does not give enough credit. Anger, breath, boundary. My new mantra till it becomes second nature. Thank you!
Thank you so much! No body taught me this as I grew up. I was confused and angry about why some guys disrespected me when I do nothing wrong. I feel I can breath now.
Great content!! I was in an abusive marriage for 35 years! So I could never express my anger or I would be a statistic. I am dating a guy who I am learning to express my feelings with and realize it is normal. It’s so different to see how normal it is for us to interact without the abuse! Survived!!!
I never knew that I finally practicing this Healthy Anger 'til I heard this advice. I went thru these 3 Unhealthy, and thank God I decided to switch and be healthy. Thank you much. You've been always one of the greatest advisers to redeem my self-respect and self-love despite of my tragic love stories. May God bless you more.
I was watching allison Armstrong and she said that when men get angry that it is only the top of the iceberg. So when a woman gets angry at them they believe that there is much more than what they are saying at the time. When actually what they said was all they were angry for. I notice that my husband walks away when I express anger when a hug would be enough to settle the situation. This is good advice as well.
I used to have a terrible temper when I was younger and exhibited all the types of anger. Having done the work on understanding my boundaries I feel more confident in using anger without "expressing" the anger. No screaming and shouting, but the confident verbal assertion you describe instead. Learning how to let that sudden energy burst flow out of my body helps the reaction too, as I'm not reacting with all of that adrenalin pumping through me.
@@angelinadenisenko7396 off the top of my head, so this won't be the greatest example, but I am active in online dating. I meet a lot of men who speak poorly to me, lie about their circumstances, aren't honest about their intentions even on dates. I can't explain all the context around this but basically a friend who was married suggested we have an affair. I was angry because he knew I felt very strongly about that being a line I don't cross and it was yet another man saying to me "I don't want you... But I'll take the part of you that suits me". I said to him "that's an arrangement that I don't deserve, and I am upset that as my friend, you even feel that would be good enough for me, that you would want me to trade 100% of my investment for 10% of yours. I respect my boundaries around reciprocity, and you need to respect the ones created by your marriage." We stopped speaking. Months later he got in touch again to say thank you, and that I was right. This isn't quite the scenario that Mark is probably thinking about, but I think every time you can firmly and confidently say your piece instead of "you a*%hole", you're doing the right thing.
muhcat Wow I love this. You handled this so well and expressed that you deserve so much more. I understand this more now. Thank you for sharing this with us. I really appreciate it ❤️
Breaking the stages of anger down as you did, creates a foundation of a choice where before it was only natural reaction. I’m forwarding this video to a friend who I know will benefit. Thank you so much
I was having a anger problem of my emotion when it come to my relationship and now i am doing to control my emotions and set the boundaries. This topic is very helpful and additional learnings. Thanks :)
I used to suppress anger. And then I stopped when I was ready to end my relationship with a man who disrespected our relationship and thought being a jerk to me was okay. But once that anger came out, he changed his tune really quick!! Our rationship improved so much and I get the respect I want. I wish I would have done this sooner.
I think what helped was not the anger but setting up boundaries. Feeling anger would probably be just a sign for you you were not respecting your own rules.
This reminds me of a proverb that I read, " be angry and sin not." Some things make me so angry, like disrespect. I don't always express my anger, because I don't want to trainwreck the relationship. I would like to learn to be more assertive, while staying positive.
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
@@jaavee551 how are you doing now baby please talk to me let's get to know each other very well I am ben easy going person I love good baby love is like a great goal some one needs to achieve love is beautiful when you meet people that knows what love is all about I want you to be mine thanks
I'm so thankful for this video; thank you for teaching me that the anger is the signal, and then you take a moment to center yourself, and then communicate with words!
Anger was definitely something I was punished for showing as a child. I carried that with me for a long time, smiling a tight smile when I was exploding on the inside from others walking all over me and doing what they wanted. Now, even if it upsets someone, I am more familiar with expressing it. I still screw up. It's OK because I do it now. But Mark, when you let someone know you're upset and set boundaries, what does it mean when someone shuts you out after? That happened in my childhood too, one of the reasons I had trouble expressing it. Is that an indicator that you deflected a toxic person?
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
Anger is good especially when he is acting an a- hole. After 4 weeks of texting after 2 dates (live 75 miles apart) with lots of gn, gm flirts ,missing you , hugs ,kisses etc. I called him on it why he wasn't asking me out in weeks. He was dating others kept me as a back up basically...he called our dates meetings. After hearing that I told him to never call or text me again. ,he tried to blame me for it . Lol.lol Texting isn't anything but chatter ,it isn't a relationship. He could have texted that to 20 women ,he never used my name , New boundary no texting allowed.
I agree! Sometimes it becomes very important to vent things out, not just to let the other person know about how do I feel but also for our own selves. And if he could do that, I believe he doesn't even deserve your anger! It's a precious emotion. Use it wisely. More power and love to you!!
Amazing how the right thing comes at the right time. I heard very telling words that helped me realize that what I’ve been hiding from, and *not* dealing with, is anger at self. When he said, “You should have known better, you should have done better” I had to pause it. I’ve been keeping a boot on my own neck for not being smarter, for not learning lessons faster...for causing my own despair. Today’s take-away...It’s not my fault, and I’m not deficient. That’s really being unfair to myself. I think I need to change that.
Ohhhhhh boy, this really resonated with me! I've suppressed my anger all my life, and all my relationships have failed. I never set boundaries, and let people treat me like a doormat......thank you for making me aware of what I've been doing.
Best video ever. I needed to know about the heathy anger I have, but also about the unhealthy anger I have. Thank you for making me see myself clearer and from another point of view! 🙌🏼
Unconditional love for others is NOT healthy. It says you can beat me, beat my kids, lie, steal, cheat, be disrespectful and I will STILL love you. It's the realm of those with low self-esteem. It should not be a goal. People talk about unconditional love and boundaries in the same breath, but they cannot possibly co-exist.
They absolutely can co exist... it’s simply misunderstood. unconditional love is something one holds for others and for self. This does not mean one accepts negative, abusive or disrespectful behaviour. Unconditional love is a continuation of ones inner ability to distance from, forgive and accept another’s mis guided approaches to life and others. Unconditional love is saying I love me and remove myself, unconditional love is saying I accept this is the situation but send another love from afar. Love is hugely powerful in healing, is forgiving, accepting and allows growth. Love is a choice. Projecting love from your core is an energy felt by oneself and by others... it is usually felt as a calm, strong, non judgemental and peaceful vibe.
Mark, I believe these are not 4 TYPES of anger...but rather they are 4 WAYS to channel it. Anger is always healthy (after all, it is just one of the emotions and, as you rightly appointed, all emotions are our evolutionary tools to help us navigate in any situation live throws at us). Otherwise, great talk this. You gave anger the credit it deserves. Well done! For those of you who are interested more in this topic, I highly recommend books: Senses of the Soul by G. Khalsa and Emotions Genius by Karen McLaren. Have a lovely day everyone! 🌷😘
Congratulations on addressing a very sensitive subject matter, Mark! This was the first time I have ever come across a video concerning both healthy and unhealthy anger. Including your knowledge of animal behaviour was an excellent tool, as well. Thank you.
When i was younger i did not express it enough. Now i think, when someone crosses your boundaries (is either rude etc), you should show it. Some "controlled anger" is absolutely in place. (Controled may even mean raising the voice somewhat, but doing this in a conscious way, without losing control over yourself. Or, you may put the other side into their boundaries with a decisive, firm, yet calm voice.) Otherwise some (insensitive) people will never know, they did sth wrong and that you're even angry.
So very true. Thank you for sharing this most important message of all, about everyone needing unconditional love, especially from themselves. I was surprised by what you said about the emotion. I hadn't really thought about anger like that. Thank you for your insight.
Yes indeed. I'm growing with family of anger. And now I understand that anger has many types. Thank you so much. This guy has a lucky wife I'm sure. Excellent coach.
This is so true! When we assert our boundaries this way, it gets respect from normal people. But when we do this with unhealthy or n9n-normals, they get angry. I asserted a boundary in a dating relationship a year ago. I said that I was angry due to some inappropriate remarks on his part. I told him that I needed to gather my thoughts and address the issues. After I addressed the issues, expressed my anger appropriately and said that I will not tolerate those certain behaviors, he said that he respected me for it and appreciated how I handled that situation. (Too many undesirable issues continued on his part, so I stopped dating him.)
I’ve been ignoring my suppressed anger to relay my boundaries, due to being afraid of an uncomfortable conversation or him leaving, which is NOT the right thing. Thanks for making me re-think myself!
I have been teaching communication concepts for several years now. In my assertiveness training program I have observed exactly what you have said .. Men suppress sensitivity and vulnerability and women suppress anger. I have spoken of it in most of my classes. If you are Jungian in your psychology you might delve into "The Shadow" and do the work that way. Own all your emotions, they are part of your. I have noticed another affect, once you own these parts of yourself others are not going to like it. People are scared of others that mirror an emotion they have not accepted within themselves. Exercise is a great way to channel anger into something productive.
This is great - as someone taught to suppress anger, I feel it but I don't know how to verbalize it. Could you make a follow-up video with the actual words you would use in those scenarios - accountant, plants, other girl? That would be SO helpful to hear boundary phrases. Thank you!
I've been doing that for years and they all just disappear, been single for 9 years. If they do stuff I don't like, I'll say stuff like hey, that made me feel like xyz etc...and they just piss off and stop talking to me.
Once I gave myself permission to be angry I started to only want to be around others who were also emotionally honest and who could keep it real. Speaking up for myself when I'm angry while maintaining respect and not being blameful were very empowering and I noticed not everyone could handle it. Generations of stored anger was stuff I had to work through to get to that point. Women suppressing anger is too real and we need more of them to get angry!! Unfortunately emotional literacy is still at an all time low. Thanks for this video! 🏆👍👍👍
@@Markrosenfeld you really deserve this Mark because by giving such an amazing advice you are helping others in their life and i think nothing is greater than this 💖....Also appreciate for your hardwork 👍
Wow this subject about anger hit home for me. Especially the part about not expressing anger in a healthy way. Looking at my last relationship I definitely need to set firm and clear boundaries in the future.😊
In my last relationship I concealed my anger because showing it would mean he can show his too and he had a very short fuse and I didn’t like the screaming or how threatened he would make me feel.
I think this is a very important insight and way to work with this very natural emotion, everyone of us has in himself /herself...thank you for choosing this topic and sharing this with us!
My father was Narcissist, My mother was a runway Model, she was into inner beauty only. I was married to a Narcissist, so there's that, but my story is about a male friend, I knew him for long time, we'd hang out by the lake, near our homes, I thought my friendship had value. But he didn't ( I never lead him on), he's made passes at me, I told him to stop, after that he treated me like dirt. it broke my heart, were no longer friends, I'm confused. that's my emotion. writing this made me cry and I'm surprised by that, I don't even know if confusion is an emotion, rather then a feeling, cause feeling confused is kind of sad. sorry for the editorial.
I'm angry at times but I'm sad too. And I got tired to cheer myself up all the time or pretend like it is all good. It's not. In fact I do not feel safe or secure. I don't think I am even wanted. I'm sick and tired. I am starting to think that I would be better off alone.
Good topic. It’s good to know how not to display anger but it would be super helpful to see you role play some situations where using appropriate anger is concerned.
Anger can stem from crossed boundaries. Not expressing healthy anger or consequences of crossed boundaries immediately tells the other you can be pushed over, taken advantage of, used, manipulated, etc. Speak up, advocate for yourself, trust yourself, maintain your self-respect and dignity. Takes time to learn and how to do so with grace and tact. I’m still learning.
Today two kids crossed the boundary of my sidewalk and I didn’t know what to do. Yes I got angry because they didn’t ask permission to use my sidewalk with their bikes, I didn’t want to appear like an old lady angry at them, so I took a deep breath and left. I saw them giving them eyes like I am here I am seeing you but they didn’t stop. So I just closed the gate and left. But next time I see them I of course will have this talk with them! They have to learn to ask for permission. Not just invade private property. Thank you very much 🙏🏻 Just what I wanted to hear today. Best advise ever!
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
I deliver the discontent with due respect. after a week, he told me he don’t think he is suitable for a relationship, And that I deserve better. It’s our first time of argument. And I understand that things happen for a reason. I have nothing to regret on my end ( cos I did the best I can to handle the situation) and is happy that I’m quick to realize that he is not the right one. sometimes I think of him but when I share my story with my friend I noticed that I simply don’t think he deserve me anymore.
My anger ,disappointment, confronting him, is always deflected, and reversed on me. I'm so sick of unconscious men. Who ignore a womans feelings she's expressing and he ignores it. 😠
I find this such an interesting topic to speak about. Just jumped off a client call with a client who was talking about how "mad" she was but had been so taught to smile through it... then direct it inwards. Whats your relationship with anger?? Please share in the comments below I'd love to hear!
Dude you're perfect👌🏼
@@favfmijn9765 hi
It takes a lot to set me off everyone has their own opinion I respect that..I stand up for myself but more of a listener than just jump in.unless you ask i try to see someone else's take on things may not always agree...I usually do 😉 but it does take a lot to feel anger and when I do I usually remember that in a person..what makes them angry
It's very interesting topic for me to. Parents sometimes use unhealthy anger to suppress anger in children - talk about mixed signals!
Personally, I have a very complicated relationship with anger. Surprisingly I can control it very well in loving relationships, and not so well with strangers.
Thank you for this video, it made me think on this subject a little longer. I've read a book called The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner. I find it slightly patronising, aimed at audience with developmental age of round about 12, but it has quite helpful techniques to control and use anger for better outcomes in relationships. I wonder if you came across it, Mark?
Anger is the go to emotion for frustration, sadness, and depression. It’s hard to figure out to accept a situation and work through it. I think it stems from feeling helpless and/or powerless. So, I learned to rephrase anger into empowerment and motivation. As a female combat veteran I struggled with anger and blamed it on PTSD. Then I decided to “own my sh*t”. I’ve learned to ask myself why I feel what I feel and decide if it matters and is my reaction my own or am I lashing out. As a female combat vet we were taught to suppress emotion. It takes a long time to understand emotion, again. Biggest thing I learned about anger is to understand my own nonverbal queues first. Men I know have found how I work through anger empowering to them since they struggle, too.
My experience: In relationship, anger management is important. It is equally very important that your partner respects your feelings, anger inclusive. I bailed out of my 6 yr relationship because many a times my boundaries were crossed, even after talking to my ex about it, he signed them off as silly. All the while and gradually, my love turned to anger to hate and resentment as I couldn't contain it anymore. Much later on, I met a guy who even if I try to suppress my anger would offer we talk over things till we are both happy. That respectful feeling is heaven for me, just hope it lasts
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
@@benfine2328 Nice profile
Happy for u❤️
@@benildamary9791 hi baby how are you doing now baby please find time to talk to me let's get to know each other very well
In resume: The emotion men like to see in woman : healthy anger and Express the healthy anger by verbally asserting yourself.
I healthily asserted myself with my last bf but he always shut down. It was due to his unresolved issues with his previous wife. I need a man who can handle assertion.
Same... mine had never gotten over his angry mom. It takes both people willing to do the work and challenge their limitations. Or it won’t last.
@@buttermonkey33 yes! Punished for another relationship that has nothing to Do with you
Only a weak man can’t appreciate a woman who can express her anger - in any form. She can be calm and discuss it like an adult, but many a man’s ego (in today’s world) can’t handle a woman who expresses her anger and insists on boundaries.
In any form?
That's interesting. I have learnt a lot from nature.
Is it about expressing anger or setting boundaries?
Both very important
YES TRUE
Respect other people's feelings.
It might mean nothing to you, but it could mean everything to them.
@@favfmijn9765 hello
@@favfmijn9765 im doimg great 😇
@@favfmijn9765 sorry, i don't have any reasons to message him at all. Thanks
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
@@benfine2328 what is this for? As i read your message looks like your composing a song 😜
The underlying feeling of anger is sadness... 😔
Exactly why men love when we’re angry. They love when we feel sad lol
True, and other underlying emotions.
In men its mostly fear.
In women its oftentimes, hurt or disappointment.
felt this!!!
Anger is a secondary emotion. Generally people are feeling hurt and as a result emote anger.
At the core of a man he doesn't want to see you sad or angry. He wants to see that you are human, not afraid to be vulnerable, and MATURELY put his ass back in his place.
THAT turns them on. THAT is what he is talking about.
He doesn't want a woman cussing him out and throwing things.
He also doesn't want a woman that is a push over and saying she is okay (manipulating him into thinking your always happy) when she is not.
It's not that deep. He is 100 percent correct.
I can't front, you're 100% correct. I'm gonna make a video about this!
I always get to turn on a lot of guys being able to show some anger!!!
Men fall at your feet when you read them with some healthy aggression!!!
Yes M.A 2.0 Both you & Mark are correct
Father alex...🥰
Tight
I learned from Dr Donny the purpose of anger is to raise your energy level from depressed, and make you move/change.
I can claim this. I showed my anger in front of two of my bosses and then they started to trust me more and I developed a genuine and work relationship with them !
Great to hear that, Li Tiffany! Thanks for watching and sharing! 😊
I learnt abt positive anger from the bible when Paul says not to sit on your anger but to deal with it. I think this applies to any relationship.
It also says not to sin in your anger.
Absolutely 💯. Jesus had several episodes of anger and 100 percent of them were righteous. A lot of people with an unbalanced view of the Bible are doormats. They think that the Bible tells them to sit by with a smile on their face while someone trods them underfoot. We ought to be a source of accountability when it is needed and sometimes this will result in some inevitable conflict. Its very easy to keep your mouth shut. Its much harder to enter into contention but it must be done. People measure people as being "good people" by how "nice" they are. But being nice is often a self serving benefit to them . It helps people get what they want. A person who takes a stand for something or is willing to enter into contention displays a clearer view of morality in my mind because self benefit often times isn't there.
There is a meme..."why do women cry when they get angry ? Because they know its illegal to kill you." 🤣🤣 There is a thin line between anger and aggresiveness....and that is scary...
Anger is a feeling, aggression is behaviour. You can't compare the two, although I suspect neoliberal ideology would like us think so. Without righteous anger, there is no progress. Aggression however, is only destructive. It's very aim is to destruct something, while anger often starts with indignation at something wrong, unfairness or injustice.
@@silverlinings3946 I am not a fool. I know the difference. Aggression comes from.anger and frustration...😑 its a consequence usually.. It does not matter what ignited it. It can have a lot of reasons. I do not know what you mean with neoliberal. I just use logic and common sense. I don't put a name on how I think. I am from Europe just to be clear.
@@ANDJELINA I could be angry all day, and not be aggressive or violent. Aggression could be violent without anger, although politicians often stir anger in general public to make the aggression justifiable.
Aggression is always a negative action, anger doesn't have to be a negative emotion, it can be force for good. Without anger of women, there would not be suffragette movement, and women would not have a vote. That's just one example of good anger.
@@silverlinings3946 I really do not need a lecture on this. Its common sense. Dont need to explain this unless its your profession or something but then you can discuss with the same professionals.. Its a meme.
@@silverlinings3946 Righteous anger? Kinda sounds like a religious statement. And as for the meme. IT'S JUST A MEME. Like a joke, something funny. The bulk of people in the world understand the difference between an emotion and an action. You don't need to preach.
Sometimes anger is the only way they'll take you seriously. I'll tell my guy about something he did I'm upset about and he just ignores it. When I get angry that's when he takes me seriously
Yep, I can totally relate to that ;)
@William Sharman I got your first hello, this is not a dating site. Here is to boundaries!
this is true but never works on narcassists unfortunately
Right. It goes in one ear and out the other. Instead of understanding and fixing the issue, they’ll probably feel intrigued that they got such a reaction out of you but still won’t change their ways.
Because your anger us thier food, right?:) I have seen that and that's why being calm and full of dignity combined with setting boundaries is the only thing that works on them. Meaning they just do not see you as a victim anymore and lose their interest. Just walk away without ANY explanations. Because this is what they always want - emotional talks where they will get you once again in the corner, you feeling small and helpless.
But don't engage with a narcissist, so that does not matter.
So true..
I think they blame everyone no personal responsibility when they are mad sad whatever always someone eles I was with a man 16.5 years who had this personality problem
Anger is such a powerful emotion. I always spoke to my clients about getting angry and making it work for them.
I supress anger which then comes out as tears or builds up until it comes to exploding point. As you say like so many I was not a permitted to show anger as a child but not taught how to manage it properly either..
Me too. I always feel like I’m too sensitive for this world.
Fiona Watson , don’t show anger no matter what. It’s childish and should only be showed on extreme measures !
Bushra S , did you see your name on my post or that of Fiona? Mind your business shallow mind. I was not talking to you.
Paul Martins She wasn’t replying to you. She was commenting under Fiona’s post like we are all doing.
Bushra S Yes very ironic 😂😂💓
Anger usually comes from disappointment. It’s important to recognise what the disappointment is, and deal with it appropriately.
Sometimes in work situations, or family situations but not in relationships, you do have to lower your expectations to keep the job at least temporarily, or avoid alienating everyone in your family. It’s sometimes just the hand life deals you.
I like how you mention that our anger is a signal that our boundaries have been crossed. I now won't tolerate a man that can't handle my anger. If I get to the point that I'm really angry it's usually because a lot of it has built up because my boundaries were continually dismissed or crossed and the men I were with were never willing to have discussions and communicate or acknowledge their own behaviour. Can't stand that women are labelled a bitch when they get angry. So over shitty relationships. Thanks Mark.
Just wanting to add here- if someone is crossing boundaries and not responding appropriately to your needs just leave them! There is no reason to blow up or get upset and explode with anger when it's obvious they didn't care to begin with. I believe that's one of us ladies biggest issues! We belive that if we nag a man long enough, he'll change. But no, he was always showing you who he was, you chose not to listen.
Completely relate to your comment, Jessica. Also love it when you explain why you are upset, they continue to do it and when you get mad again you are the one that is the problem...too sensitive, too needy. In that moment everything clicked and I knew I was sick of dating the same kind of man. ❤
Spot on Jessica. Mark really nailed this about women and anger and boundaries. We are taught to keep our anger in and then we explode and labelled bitches, harpies whatever for voicing our displeasure.
I like to see the man when he’s angry. I like to see how he handles himself, how he expresses his feelings in a such situation and maybe I’m crazy but in that moment I think a man (if I’m interested in him and he’s not evil/mean/all the extras) is even sexy to me.
I have always worked so hard in expressing myself out when my partner does something I don't like . It's not easy always coz you dont want to sound nagging or seem like you are always right and your partner is always wrong. But I must confess that looking back, it's worked wonders. Great advice there, let your partner know you have boundaries and dont be ashamed of them. That's what makes you who you are.
Nicely said!
Energetically there is never a healthy anger possible. Anger carries a certain energy and is never high vib. What one should do is in a situation when anger comes up, understand the trigger, accept the lesson and try to understand where the other person comes from. If we truly accept and love ourselves for who we are, we cannot get angry but see why other people get angry 🙏🏻
I’m actually great at this. I have a zero tolerance for disrespect & i’m great at expressing.
Great to hear that, Thats Your Opinion. Thanks for sharing!
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
You’re that one person who oh so effortlessly converts negativity into positivity 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you so much for radiating positivity into my life.
That's a really beautiful comment, Mri Mingyu! Thanks so much! Made my day. 😊
That was brilliantly said. I was someone who never expressed my anger till I reached 29 lol, left my ex husband of 12 years, he was narcissist which I found out after I left him, just walked away with nothing but my children and today I am so happy and calm my children are so happy, funny smart and decent human beings they are kind but know they should never compromise their boundaries for anyone not even for me as their mum. We travel together as family and I thanks God every day that I had the courage within me to leave. My humble advice please don’t wait for as long as I did. Love and peace
Yes You're right our boundaries have been crossed when we feel anger, we feel that we've been trespassed against from some experience and that's a healthy emotion tells us that we need to deal with that trespass of our boundary however it was trespassed
I don’t get angry, I get sad😅
Raise your voice at me and I will cry.
I 🔥 FIRE RIGHT BACK
@Regitze Hansen, I understood that scenario. I get sad, then later get angry and wished I had said something before. 😂😂
Same here☹
Pisces problem
i do too
I love how you tied this back to nature. Sometimes, we forget all of these emotions exist in other species as well and are innate to us. I know first hand how bottling up those feelings often leads to bitterness and resentment. Thanks for your insight, Mark! It's not easy to find silver linings on such a negatively perceived emotion.
Glad you got something from the video, Lou. Thanks for watching and writing in! 😊
Mark. Like this presentation very much. So true. In particular, wherever you find real deep anger, there will lie deep sadness/grief. Wherever you find deep real grief, there will lie deep anger. They are both twins from the same womb. Thank you !
Hi Rose,here, from Ohio. I really needed this today, because I need to know how to build myself to live my life in control of my feelings of theangerissues. I don't express them outward, to others correctly. Thank you do much. Oh, and I am alot like the self love, the unconditional love, but needed help with the others about getting the respect,back, that I give to others.
Anger for your boundaries being violated is healthy. Yes, exactly. Anger under control is the best way. Being assertive in a respectful way when defending those boundaries. Thanks so much for this insight!
Thanks so much, Kathy Haga! Really glad you got it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! 😊
Family is the most important thing.
Thank you Mark yes it's how we express our angry feelings that can get us in trouble if we don't do it correctly
Thankyou so much Mark. I've be suppressing my anger for many years and it was eating me alive. You've helped a lot.
Glad the video helped, Zahra Zakipoor. Thanks for sharing your story! x
That's more than romantic relationship advice. It's a very helpful advice for leading our lives in general.
It's great to hear that, Monika Cenarska! Thanks so much for watching!
OFC because Mark concentrates on a holistic approach n improving / strengthening women 1st n foremost
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
@@benfine2328 thank you for your compliments. Your praise is very flattering indeed and I hope you will find a lady who will like you very soon. I'm not that lady. I'm not looking to settle with anyone. But lots of points for bravery 🙂
@@silverlinings3946 how are you doing now baby please talk to me let's get to know each other very well am ben easy going person baby Life is good when meet people that knows what is love is all about it renews Life and spirit baby I love you and I want to be mine thanks
I love it ! I've been supressing anger for 20 years (due to harsh emotional abuse). I don't ever want to supress that emotion anymore ! It's the part of me saying: this person is hurting you, do something about it now. I'm slowly discovering this emotion, and people can see that I'm more assertive now. It also helps me fight for my career and being motivated in sports. I'd rather be angry and feel like a fighter than to feel nothing at all because everyone has stepped on me.
I just had a client re-own a similar part of themselves after not having access to it most of their life... Congratulations this is HUGE!
Yup it’s the fine line between assertion and aggression.
verbal assertion, and moving away from the situation - yeah, that's the right thing to do, ta Mate
What is the acceptable way to express that anger to your partner.... it’s my experience that men just blow off my anger as if I’m just silly unless it is one major throw down. When I get to that point, the anger has gone too far and I’m ready to bail out. Having to go to extremes to get attention to the reason for my anger builds resentment that I cannot forget.... One day, when I am maxed out, I won’t try to express anything. I will leave. Someone told me once that unresolved anger can cause depression. I don’t know if it is true, but it seems very possible. Then what does a woman do without all the resentment? Do men even know resentment can build up in their partner?
Pat Albritton I totally relate to this, I too feel that I always have to ‘have a fit’ to be taken seriously, anything else is just perceived as complaining. And yes resentment definitely builds up and destroys relationship, making one not care at all anymore. I am exactly like you and I left ;) Suppressed anger does lead to depression, beware of that.
just express urself immediately ....dont let it fester....not blaming way......for example i wish you could do this instead of that or if you do that u make me feel this way....etc
Live your life like men don't exist and they'll chase you. I think men hate the attention, big time.
Agree. When you give em attention they start feeling themselves and actually won’t give you any attention back and will play hard to get. But when you see em as you’re seeing a wall they fall hard for you and go like “hOwS sHe NoT aTtRaCtEd tO mE” cause they THINK they’re the center of attention from the whole world
I deliver it with the most respect I can give . And then after a week, he told me he don’t think he is suitable for a relationship, And think that I deserve better. It’s our first time of argument. And I understand that things happen for a reason. I have nothing to regret on my end and is happy that I’m quick to realize that he is not the right one
This comes at such perfect timing as Ive been working alot on holding space for my anger at the same time expressing myself clearly and assertive in the heat of my own anger.
Hope the video helped, Sara N. Thanks for watching!
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
This is one of the best explanations I have ever heard on anger, boundaries and how to be assertive.
Thanks so much, Juliet! x
Very helpful! I have definitely been one of those who has learned to suppress my anger for so many years. I thought it was unhealthy but now I see that its only unhealthy when used abusively or neglected! Thank you
Absolutely, Level Up Your Life
! Glad you got something from the video. Thanks for watching! x
Thank you for breaking down the emotion of anger. Many women (and men) were raised with a major imbalance in how anger was expressed and processed. Anger has its place in our lives, we just have to know when & how to utilize it properly.
This thing is new to me. Thank you and God bless you.
Thank you, HeofonumArt! Hope you got something from the video. 🙏
@@Markrosenfeld Yes, I have. This is a really different approach. I am going to apply it today 😉😉
Love this advice not just for a man but for my own self improvement. So many circumstance that we react poorly to and then filled with regret. The title does not give enough credit. Anger, breath, boundary. My new mantra till it becomes second nature. Thank you!
That's so lovely, Mary Catherine! Really glad to hear you're taking steps to empower yourself. Thanks so much for your support! xx
Thank you so much! No body taught me this as I grew up. I was confused and angry about why some guys disrespected me when I do nothing wrong. I feel I can breath now.
Great content!! I was in an abusive marriage for 35 years! So I could never express my anger or I would be a statistic. I am dating a guy who I am learning to express my feelings with and realize it is normal. It’s so different to see how normal it is for us to interact without the abuse! Survived!!!
Anger is usually underpinned by fear.
it's how somone embodies/embrace their anger that makes the difference.
Agreed, Diane N. Thanks for sharing!
I never knew that I finally practicing this Healthy Anger 'til I heard this advice.
I went thru these 3 Unhealthy, and thank God I decided to switch and be healthy. Thank you much. You've been always one of the greatest advisers to redeem my self-respect and self-love despite of my tragic love stories. May God bless you more.
I was watching allison Armstrong and she said that when men get angry that it is only the top of the iceberg. So when a woman gets angry at them they believe that there is much more than what they are saying at the time. When actually what they said was all they were angry for. I notice that my husband walks away when I express anger when a hug would be enough to settle the situation. This is good advice as well.
I used to have a terrible temper when I was younger and exhibited all the types of anger. Having done the work on understanding my boundaries I feel more confident in using anger without "expressing" the anger. No screaming and shouting, but the confident verbal assertion you describe instead. Learning how to let that sudden energy burst flow out of my body helps the reaction too, as I'm not reacting with all of that adrenalin pumping through me.
Amazing. I love this 💓
Hi muhcat do you mind giving an example of a confident verbal assertion?
@@angelinadenisenko7396 off the top of my head, so this won't be the greatest example, but I am active in online dating. I meet a lot of men who speak poorly to me, lie about their circumstances, aren't honest about their intentions even on dates. I can't explain all the context around this but basically a friend who was married suggested we have an affair. I was angry because he knew I felt very strongly about that being a line I don't cross and it was yet another man saying to me "I don't want you... But I'll take the part of you that suits me". I said to him "that's an arrangement that I don't deserve, and I am upset that as my friend, you even feel that would be good enough for me, that you would want me to trade 100% of my investment for 10% of yours. I respect my boundaries around reciprocity, and you need to respect the ones created by your marriage." We stopped speaking. Months later he got in touch again to say thank you, and that I was right. This isn't quite the scenario that Mark is probably thinking about, but I think every time you can firmly and confidently say your piece instead of "you a*%hole", you're doing the right thing.
muhcat Wow I love this. You handled this so well and expressed that you deserve so much more. I understand this more now. Thank you for sharing this with us. I really appreciate it ❤️
Breaking the stages of anger down as you did, creates a foundation of a choice where before it was only natural reaction. I’m forwarding this video to a friend who I know will benefit. Thank you so much
I was having a anger problem of my emotion when it come to my relationship and now i am doing to control my emotions and set the boundaries. This topic is very helpful and additional learnings. Thanks :)
I used to suppress anger. And then I stopped when I was ready to end my relationship with a man who disrespected our relationship and thought being a jerk to me was okay. But once that anger came out, he changed his tune really quick!! Our rationship improved so much and I get the respect I want. I wish I would have done this sooner.
Thanks for sharing your story, iamvenus! A good one for other women here to read.
I think what helped was not the anger but setting up boundaries. Feeling anger would probably be just a sign for you you were not respecting your own rules.
This reminds me of a proverb that I read, " be angry and sin not." Some things make me so angry, like disrespect. I don't always express my anger, because I don't want to trainwreck the relationship.
I would like to learn to be more assertive, while staying positive.
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
@@benfine2328 Thank you for the kind words and beautiful poetry.
@@jaavee551 how are you doing now baby please talk to me let's get to know each other very well I am ben easy going person I love good baby love is like a great goal some one needs to achieve love is beautiful when you meet people that knows what love is all about I want you to be mine thanks
I'm so thankful for this video; thank you for teaching me that the anger is the signal, and then you take a moment to center yourself, and then communicate with words!
Thanks, Serraphine! Really glad the video helped! x
Expressing righteous anger in a mature healthy way channels energy and passion in a positive light 👌
Agreed, Casper Insight. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
Anger was definitely something I was punished for showing as a child. I carried that with me for a long time, smiling a tight smile when I was exploding on the inside from others walking all over me and doing what they wanted. Now, even if it upsets someone, I am more familiar with expressing it. I still screw up. It's OK because I do it now. But Mark, when you let someone know you're upset and set boundaries, what does it mean when someone shuts you out after? That happened in my childhood too, one of the reasons I had trouble expressing it. Is that an indicator that you deflected a toxic person?
Beautiful teaching. Yes! Very well said. "Natures signal"
Always take a breath then calmly Express yourself. Wonderful breakdown!
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
@@benfine2328 grow a beard!
Anger is good especially when he is acting an a- hole. After 4 weeks of texting after 2 dates (live 75 miles apart) with lots of gn, gm flirts ,missing you , hugs ,kisses etc. I called him on it why he wasn't asking me out in weeks. He was dating others kept me as a back up basically...he called our dates meetings. After hearing that I told him to never call or text me again. ,he tried to blame me for it . Lol.lol Texting isn't anything but chatter ,it isn't a relationship. He could have texted that to 20 women ,he never used my name , New boundary no texting allowed.
I agree! Sometimes it becomes very important to vent things out, not just to let the other person know about how do I feel but also for our own selves. And if he could do that, I believe he doesn't even deserve your anger! It's a precious emotion. Use it wisely. More power and love to you!!
Did he end up asking you out again?
U could have asked him out. U have the right of taking the initiative.
Amazing how the right thing comes at the right time. I heard very telling words that helped me realize that what I’ve been hiding from, and *not* dealing with, is anger at self. When he said, “You should have known better, you should have done better” I had to pause it. I’ve been keeping a boot on my own neck for not being smarter, for not learning lessons faster...for causing my own despair. Today’s take-away...It’s not my fault, and I’m not deficient. That’s really being unfair to myself. I think I need to change that.
Ohhhhhh boy, this really resonated with me! I've suppressed my anger all my life, and all my relationships have failed. I never set boundaries, and let people treat me like a doormat......thank you for making me aware of what I've been doing.
Glad you got something from the video, Elizabeth Wakefield. Thanks for watching and sharing your story! All the best to you! x
Super valuable lesson on establishing boundaries. This is my favorite background of yours-- so cozy and beautiful yard.
Hey Julie Kostas! Great to hear from you again! Thanks so much for dropping by! Glad you liked the content and the background.😊
✨🌟Happy Birthday, luv!🌟✨ Wishing you continued happiness and success-- and may you find the love you help us seek!
Best video ever. I needed to know about the heathy anger I have, but also about the unhealthy anger I have. Thank you for making me see myself clearer and from another point of view! 🙌🏼
Glad you liked it, Moa. Thanks! 🙏
Unconditional love for others is NOT healthy. It says you can beat me, beat my kids, lie, steal, cheat, be disrespectful and I will STILL love you. It's the realm of those with low self-esteem. It should not be a goal.
People talk about unconditional love and boundaries in the same breath, but they cannot possibly co-exist.
They absolutely can co exist... it’s simply misunderstood.
unconditional love is something one holds for others and for self. This does not mean one accepts negative, abusive or disrespectful behaviour.
Unconditional love is a continuation of ones inner ability to distance from, forgive and accept another’s mis guided approaches to life and others.
Unconditional love is saying I love me and remove myself, unconditional love is saying I accept this is the situation but send another love from afar. Love is hugely powerful in healing, is forgiving, accepting and allows growth. Love is a choice.
Projecting love from your core is an energy felt by oneself and by others... it is usually felt as a calm, strong, non judgemental and peaceful vibe.
Mark, I believe these are not 4 TYPES of anger...but rather they are 4 WAYS to channel it. Anger is always healthy (after all, it is just one of the emotions and, as you rightly appointed, all emotions are our evolutionary tools to help us navigate in any situation live throws at us). Otherwise, great talk this. You gave anger the credit it deserves. Well done! For those of you who are interested more in this topic, I highly recommend books: Senses of the Soul by G. Khalsa and Emotions Genius by Karen McLaren. Have a lovely day everyone! 🌷😘
THANK YOU, Mark, for this video! ☆☆☆🎄🖼🎄🍃🔹️🟣🖼🌲🌲🌲♡🔹️🪻💟🟦🔹️🔸️🌿🌲🌲🌲☆☆☆🟩🎄🎄🎄🎄🟢🌲🌲🌿🖼🌙
Congratulations on addressing a very sensitive subject matter, Mark!
This was the first time I have ever come across a video concerning both healthy and unhealthy anger.
Including your knowledge of animal behaviour was an excellent tool, as well.
Thank you.
When i was younger i did not express it enough. Now i think, when someone crosses your boundaries (is either rude etc), you should show it. Some "controlled anger" is absolutely in place. (Controled may even mean raising the voice somewhat, but doing this in a conscious way, without losing control over yourself. Or, you may put the other side into their boundaries with a decisive, firm, yet calm voice.) Otherwise some (insensitive) people will never know, they did sth wrong and that you're even angry.
So very true. Thank you for sharing this most important message of all, about everyone needing unconditional love, especially from themselves. I was surprised by what you said about the emotion. I hadn't really thought about anger like that. Thank you for your insight.
Hope you got heaps from the video, Ellen. Thanks for watching! x
Yes indeed. I'm growing with family of anger. And now I understand that anger has many types. Thank you so much. This guy has a lucky wife I'm sure. Excellent coach.
Glad you got something from the video, Marry Ann Arellano. Thanks for the compliment, made my day! 😊
@@Markrosenfeld My pleasure☺ I'm enjoying and learning your videos.
This is true. I fussed the truth to someone in a truthful way.
Look at those trees!
GORGEOUS place there.😘
Great message.🌷🤗
This is so true! When we assert our boundaries this way, it gets respect from normal people.
But when we do this with unhealthy or n9n-normals, they get angry.
I asserted a boundary in a dating relationship a year ago. I said that I was angry due to some inappropriate remarks on his part. I told him that I needed to gather my thoughts and address the issues. After I addressed the issues, expressed my anger appropriately and said that I will not tolerate those certain behaviors, he said that he respected me for it and appreciated how I handled that situation. (Too many undesirable issues continued on his part, so I stopped dating him.)
I’ve been ignoring my suppressed anger to relay my boundaries, due to being afraid of an uncomfortable conversation or him leaving, which is NOT the right thing. Thanks for making me re-think myself!
Hi
I think the most destructive is being angry to yourself too often or things that arent nessecerly our fault
YES ! It's ok for women to be angry ! Thank you. Using anger is most definitely a powerful force.
I have been teaching communication concepts for several years now. In my assertiveness training program I have observed exactly what you have said .. Men suppress sensitivity and vulnerability and women suppress anger. I have spoken of it in most of my classes. If you are Jungian in your psychology you might delve into "The Shadow" and do the work that way. Own all your emotions, they are part of your.
I have noticed another affect, once you own these parts of yourself others are not going to like it. People are scared of others that mirror an emotion they have not accepted within themselves.
Exercise is a great way to channel anger into something productive.
This is great - as someone taught to suppress anger, I feel it but I don't know how to verbalize it. Could you make a follow-up video with the actual words you would use in those scenarios - accountant, plants, other girl? That would be SO helpful to hear boundary phrases. Thank you!
I've been doing that for years and they all just disappear, been single for 9 years. If they do stuff I don't like, I'll say stuff like hey, that made me feel like xyz etc...and they just piss off and stop talking to me.
wow I'm about to do that wish me luck
Once I gave myself permission to be angry I started to only want to be around others who were also emotionally honest and who could keep it real. Speaking up for myself when I'm angry while maintaining respect and not being blameful were very empowering and I noticed not everyone could handle it. Generations of stored anger was stuff I had to work through to get to that point. Women suppressing anger is too real and we need more of them to get angry!! Unfortunately emotional literacy is still at an all time low. Thanks for this video! 🏆👍👍👍
Awesome Mark 👍..... thanks for this powerful advice 👌
Aww thank you, Shreya! Really appreciate your ongoing support! x
@@Markrosenfeld you really deserve this Mark because by giving such an amazing advice you are helping others in their life and i think nothing is greater than this 💖....Also appreciate for your hardwork 👍
*Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.*
LOL. That's a... nice metaphor. Hahahaha
Wow this subject about anger hit home for me. Especially the part about not expressing anger in a healthy way. Looking at my last relationship I definitely need to set firm and clear boundaries in the future.😊
In my last relationship I concealed my anger because showing it would mean he can show his too and he had a very short fuse and I didn’t like the screaming or how threatened he would make me feel.
Willy Wonka yeah you’re right it was a pressure tool. But I’m free from him now! Last fight he kicked me out and I never came back:)
I think this is a very important insight and way to work with this very natural emotion, everyone of us has in himself /herself...thank you for choosing this topic and sharing this with us!
My pleasure, Gabi Z! Glad to hear you liked the content. Thanks so much for watching and leaving a lovely comment!
@@Markrosenfeld well, I think you do a great job here! thanks agan !
My father was Narcissist, My mother was a runway Model, she was into inner beauty only. I was married to a Narcissist, so there's that, but my story is about a male friend, I knew him for long time, we'd hang out by the lake, near our homes, I thought my friendship had value. But he didn't ( I never lead him on), he's made passes at me, I told him to stop, after that he treated me like dirt. it broke my heart, were no longer friends, I'm confused. that's my emotion. writing this made me cry and I'm surprised by that, I don't even know if confusion is an emotion, rather then a feeling, cause feeling confused is kind of sad. sorry for the editorial.
I'm angry at times but I'm sad too. And I got tired to cheer myself up all the time or pretend like it is all good. It's not. In fact I do not feel safe or secure. I don't think I am even wanted. I'm sick and tired. I am starting to think that I would be better off alone.
You're special and you're the price, never forget that
Good topic. It’s good to know how not to display anger but it would be super helpful to see you role play some situations where using appropriate anger is concerned.
Thanks for the suggestion, Beverly Hoeller! It's something to consider for next time. Thanks for watching!
I think men have to evolve!! And I am expressing this with love...
Oh I've lost several guys this year due to anger
Anger can stem from crossed boundaries. Not expressing healthy anger or consequences of crossed boundaries immediately tells the other you can be pushed over, taken advantage of, used, manipulated, etc.
Speak up, advocate for yourself, trust yourself, maintain your self-respect and dignity. Takes time to learn and how to do so with grace and tact. I’m still learning.
Such an important message there, Tarube. And we keep learning everyday. Thanks for sharing! x
healthy approach in handling anger. face the anger with calm and firm.
Today two kids crossed the boundary of my sidewalk and I didn’t know what to do. Yes I got angry because they didn’t ask permission to use my sidewalk with their bikes, I didn’t want to appear like an old lady angry at them, so I took a deep breath and left. I saw them giving them eyes like I am here I am seeing you but they didn’t stop. So I just closed the gate and left. But next time I see them I of course will have this talk with them! They have to learn to ask for permission. Not just invade private property. Thank you very much 🙏🏻 Just what I wanted to hear today. Best advise ever!
hahahha..i get angry a lot...and ive been single for 5 yrs,guess i scared them.. 😂
Umm I hope not. 😂 Thanks for writng in, annadeng dopamine!
Mark, you helped me to understand this emotion in a right way. One millions like for this video!! You are a great man!!
Hi baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks
Wow now i understand more about my boyfriend anger and why i get anger unexpectedly to ,,thanks for this
I deliver the discontent with due respect. after a week, he told me he don’t think he is suitable for a relationship, And that I deserve better. It’s our first time of argument. And I understand that things happen for a reason. I have nothing to regret on my end ( cos I did the best I can to handle the situation) and is happy that I’m quick to realize that he is not the right one. sometimes I think of him but when I share my story with my friend I noticed that I simply don’t think he deserve me anymore.
My anger ,disappointment, confronting him, is always deflected, and reversed on me.
I'm so sick of unconscious men.
Who ignore a womans feelings she's expressing and he ignores it. 😠
That man is narcissistic that’s why. My husband same way 21 years now. It’s no longer working for me.
I know that feeling. Dumped him
@@sil-educator ,have you found a conscious man?
@@webuysellhousesaptscashoff9453 , it's so sad...