For those people saying US dating is messed up, Chinese dating is equally messed up, just in different ways - incredibly materialistic from the get-go, more of a money deal between the families rather than true love (from a guy married to a Chinese woman, living in China)
Chinese here, I do not agree with your point that Chinese dating is equally messed up. In fact it is completely fucked up compared to dating in the rest of the world. Not only are the women materialistic and marriage seems more transactional instead of actually about love, you also marry the whole fucking family instead of just the girl itself. And if you have a Shanghainese MIL, I truly feel sorry for you.
East Asian families also suffer heavily from narcissistic personality disorder, the high pressure work environment also means there's a higher chance of anxiety and depression issues, most often go on undiagnosed. There's no such thing as looking out for red flags during dating, it's all about the money and how many flats you own. Cheating and loveless relationships are common, and it's also common nowadays to divorce just a few years after your marriage.
i agree. it's super materialistic and status-oriented. not that western culture doesn't have pockets of people that are like that, and it's not like wealth isn't desirable in dating. it's just not as prioritized and not an ideal that's sought-after by everyone. there's more focus on how you get along, chemistry, individuality, and sharing experiences together.
American culture is SO individualist and schmoozy. Chinese culture is SO collectivist and reserved! Like polar opposites! 😂 When my American daughter went to Chinese school, she thought nobody liked her! She though everyone was always very serious and stern and angry. Eventually she realized it's just the difference in culture.
Yes, American overpolitness without any basement to it is pretty frustrating for the foreigners. First it feels that everything is too good here, everyone is too kind. But in time you realize that it's not real. I got a second wave of frustration when everything felt fake. And when people start to trust you, they might be opposite - pretty rude. Dad's joke, showing middle finger... But they are truly on your side already. That's a third wave of frustration 😅. But at this moment I already stopped being surprised. 2 years at the USA.
You seem to not be attempting to understand things from our (USA) perspective. If you try to see things from other perspectives, these problems you experience will not happen very often. Everything you have mentioned makes sense, if you try to understand US Americans. It is easy to understand - you only must understand that US Americans are, by far, the most hated people in the world. And most immigrants to the USA hate white people in the USA. If you are a white US American, people think you are the most terrible kind of human. Your only choice, to make productive interactions possible with non-Americans who have such massive biases against you, is to be like a paragon of pure-goodwill. This strategy is not new - black Americans used to be this way before the Civil Rights era. It is a normal human adaptation. As for why US Americans were rude to you - it is probably in reaction to your own behavior, just based on your arrogant comment. You probably wore down their patience (everyone has their limit). As for why US Americans are "truly on your side," once again, it is because US Americans put ourselves under massive pressure to be paragons of good-will.
I had the opposite experience with a Chinese girl. I hung out with her a few times, nobody declared any love, and then she assumed we were dating. When I stopped hanging out, she got angry. I always assumed that you cannot be dating unless you declare it, somehow. I am not sure if this is a Chinese or American thing. I think this is a person-to-person thing.
I see what you mean!!! case-by-case, she might assume that you guys are "already dating" because for some, hanging out with the opposite sex is already quite romantic! That teaches us to be clear and communicate about "progress" since we never want to hurt anyone when expectations unmatch:( I totally feel u, when others get angry it's quite upsetting.
I thought it was very interesting. When you compare asians to Americans as well, the agreeing on relationship status or confessing. I think that somewhere in between would probably be good. But I agree I think American's culture I would say is more laid back, let's not define what we are until it gets serious.
@@musk-eteer9898 I've got that player in me. I want that beautiful sassy woman who arouses me without much effort and can give me a good time all the time. Best we part ways, lest my mentality rubs off on you and causes you to be unfaithful to whomever you have this boring relationship with.
"..you're madly in love passionate but you're not a thing." This is contradictory. There's no couple in the world that's genuinely both "madly, passionately in love" and also "not a thing." Don't mistake genuine love for extreme passion, either. If the content you mentioned in this video is what you call "hard" cross-culture dating stuff, then you are highly sheltered from the real challenges.
Not true....... It simply depends on the person, their age, background and so on. I lived in Shanghai...... there are no rules, it is whatever the two people decide they are....
So in China it starts with a relationship and then the dating follows. But what happens if the relationship/marriage is not prearranged? How does the relationship start then? Magic?
@@selenezz666 I think I'm finally starting to understand. It's smart actually. You only invest feelings after knowing that there would likely be a good return of investment.
Would your family ask for a bride price? Does the person you meet have to own a car and a house? Does the guy have any height requirements like being 1.8m tall or something? What about the traditional marriage gifts of gold?
Cross Culture dating is not hard...the problem is that you aim for white guys that are skinny 6/10 light eyes light hair ...these guys are sought after by all asian woman like you so obviously its going to be hard with them. I have many asian friends who tell me their stories with white guys its always cheating players...etc. (im married btw). If you could date a non-white race...things would be much easier but of course not really attracted to those i guess unless it's a white latino lol.
Lmao wow, i haven't heard such pile of racist bs in a longer while. Did you just categorize all white males as players and told her to not date white guys because of that ? I don't believe you are actually married with this kind of reasoning, unless you've met a similarly shallow person :D That's crazy. Just because there were a few guys with yellow fever who wanted to hit an Asian chick doesn't mean there wouldn't be any from other races that happily do exactly the same thing, haha
to be honest, America has become extremely perverse and sexualized to an extreme point where it is very harmful to children and quite frankly everyone. I like the Chinese culture a lot more when it comes to this subject. when i started learning mandarin I learned many things about this culture difference. I do hope you are careful out there. 加油!
That is not the American way. It is what youtubers just spread online. Most American young men don't even have the opportunity to hang out with the opposite sex. It is only the top 2-5% and they have too many women to handle.
Whats your name again i missed it, are you an american citizen now?? Whats your Chinese name and which province and city do you hail from. Are you a hybrid mixed individual? Did you vote for Harris or lisa Simpson?/hahaha 😅😊😮😢
Both are equally weird, lol. How about you just meet a person, get to know them, if you develop any feelings you talk about it and just either become a couple or not ? Like, you know, naturally ? Neither of those ways are any natural :D Y'all are equally weird.
For those people saying US dating is messed up, Chinese dating is equally messed up, just in different ways - incredibly materialistic from the get-go, more of a money deal between the families rather than true love (from a guy married to a Chinese woman, living in China)
so pretty similar to each other? 😂
@@shayrow9480no
Chinese here, I do not agree with your point that Chinese dating is equally messed up. In fact it is completely fucked up compared to dating in the rest of the world. Not only are the women materialistic and marriage seems more transactional instead of actually about love, you also marry the whole fucking family instead of just the girl itself. And if you have a Shanghainese MIL, I truly feel sorry for you.
East Asian families also suffer heavily from narcissistic personality disorder, the high pressure work environment also means there's a higher chance of anxiety and depression issues, most often go on undiagnosed. There's no such thing as looking out for red flags during dating, it's all about the money and how many flats you own. Cheating and loveless relationships are common, and it's also common nowadays to divorce just a few years after your marriage.
i agree. it's super materialistic and status-oriented. not that western culture doesn't have pockets of people that are like that, and it's not like wealth isn't desirable in dating. it's just not as prioritized and not an ideal that's sought-after by everyone. there's more focus on how you get along, chemistry, individuality, and sharing experiences together.
American culture is SO individualist and schmoozy. Chinese culture is SO collectivist and reserved! Like polar opposites! 😂
When my American daughter went to Chinese school, she thought nobody liked her! She though everyone was always very serious and stern and angry. Eventually she realized it's just the difference in culture.
Yes, American overpolitness without any basement to it is pretty frustrating for the foreigners. First it feels that everything is too good here, everyone is too kind. But in time you realize that it's not real. I got a second wave of frustration when everything felt fake. And when people start to trust you, they might be opposite - pretty rude. Dad's joke, showing middle finger... But they are truly on your side already. That's a third wave of frustration 😅. But at this moment I already stopped being surprised. 2 years at the USA.
You seem to not be attempting to understand things from our (USA) perspective. If you try to see things from other perspectives, these problems you experience will not happen very often.
Everything you have mentioned makes sense, if you try to understand US Americans. It is easy to understand - you only must understand that US Americans are, by far, the most hated people in the world. And most immigrants to the USA hate white people in the USA. If you are a white US American, people think you are the most terrible kind of human.
Your only choice, to make productive interactions possible with non-Americans who have such massive biases against you, is to be like a paragon of pure-goodwill.
This strategy is not new - black Americans used to be this way before the Civil Rights era. It is a normal human adaptation.
As for why US Americans were rude to you - it is probably in reaction to your own behavior, just based on your arrogant comment. You probably wore down their patience (everyone has their limit).
As for why US Americans are "truly on your side," once again, it is because US Americans put ourselves under massive pressure to be paragons of good-will.
I had the opposite experience with a Chinese girl. I hung out with her a few times, nobody declared any love, and then she assumed we were dating. When I stopped hanging out, she got angry. I always assumed that you cannot be dating unless you declare it, somehow. I am not sure if this is a Chinese or American thing. I think this is a person-to-person thing.
I see what you mean!!! case-by-case, she might assume that you guys are "already dating" because for some, hanging out with the opposite sex is already quite romantic! That teaches us to be clear and communicate about "progress" since we never want to hurt anyone when expectations unmatch:( I totally feel u, when others get angry it's quite upsetting.
I thought it was very interesting. When you compare asians to Americans as well, the agreeing on relationship status or confessing. I think that somewhere in between would probably be good. But I agree I think American's culture I would say is more laid back, let's not define what we are until it gets serious.
Cross culture dating is hard but same culture dating is boring.
True
boring relationships last much longer trust me i know
@@musk-eteer9898 I've got that player in me. I want that beautiful sassy woman who arouses me without much effort and can give me a good time all the time. Best we part ways, lest my mentality rubs off on you and causes you to be unfaithful to whomever you have this boring relationship with.
Just finished a 4+ yr relationship with a Chinese women. It was like we were married from the get go. Literally bf gf 2nd date lol. Back in 2020.
mix relationships are fun for a short time most don't last
Attraction is easy but the difference in culture can make things very hard.
"..you're madly in love passionate but you're not a thing." This is contradictory. There's no couple in the world that's genuinely both "madly, passionately in love" and also "not a thing." Don't mistake genuine love for extreme passion, either.
If the content you mentioned in this video is what you call "hard" cross-culture dating stuff, then you are highly sheltered from the real challenges.
Not true....... It simply depends on the person, their age, background and so on. I lived in Shanghai...... there are no rules, it is whatever the two people decide they are....
So in China it starts with a relationship and then the dating follows. But what happens if the relationship/marriage is not prearranged? How does the relationship start then? Magic?
hahah people start with awkward friendship/meeting stranger:)!
@@selenezz666 I think I'm finally starting to understand. It's smart actually. You only invest feelings after knowing that there would likely be a good return of investment.
Which do you prefer?
Would your family ask for a bride price? Does the person you meet have to own a car and a house? Does the guy have any height requirements like being 1.8m tall or something? What about the traditional marriage gifts of gold?
Cross Culture dating is not hard...the problem is that you aim for white guys that are skinny 6/10 light eyes light hair ...these guys are sought after by all asian woman like you so obviously its going to be hard with them. I have many asian friends who tell me their stories with white guys its always cheating players...etc. (im married btw). If you could date a non-white race...things would be much easier but of course not really attracted to those i guess unless it's a white latino lol.
Lmao wow, i haven't heard such pile of racist bs in a longer while. Did you just categorize all white males as players and told her to not date white guys because of that ? I don't believe you are actually married with this kind of reasoning, unless you've met a similarly shallow person :D That's crazy. Just because there were a few guys with yellow fever who wanted to hit an Asian chick doesn't mean there wouldn't be any from other races that happily do exactly the same thing, haha
Here in America we Don't waste time like in China no Matter how hypocrite we treat you but at the and we just wanna jave fun loves come later.
to be honest, America has become extremely perverse and sexualized to an extreme point where it is very harmful to children and quite frankly everyone. I like the Chinese culture a lot more when it comes to this subject. when i started learning mandarin I learned many things about this culture difference. I do hope you are careful out there. 加油!
Marxist infiltration. Same thing happened in Germany post WWI.
agreed
That is not the American way. It is what youtubers just spread online. Most American young men don't even have the opportunity to hang out with the opposite sex. It is only the top 2-5% and they have too many women to handle.
You are an extremely beautiful girl holy
Whats your name again i missed it, are you an american citizen now??
Whats your Chinese name and which province and city do you hail from. Are you a hybrid mixed individual?
Did you vote for Harris or lisa Simpson?/hahaha 😅😊😮😢
So, are you single or not? 😅
Nice video
your mouth is super cute
Chinese way is normal. American way is weird. IMO.
For real it’s so weird
The west is weird
east is animals, west is human animals 🎉
Both are equally weird, lol. How about you just meet a person, get to know them, if you develop any feelings you talk about it and just either become a couple or not ? Like, you know, naturally ? Neither of those ways are any natural :D Y'all are equally weird.
lol. Usa effed up lol