AVOID THESE AMERICAN SOCIAL NORMS IN FRANCE!!!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- Check out PART 2: MORE U.S. SOCAL NORMS TO AVOID IN FRANCE: • 7 NORMAL U.S. AMERICAN...
Wherever we live in the world, social habits play into how we communicate with others. In this video about some of my favorite French vs American cultural differences, we're looking at how normal social customs in America are perceived in France. French and American social norms are different in a lot of areas, so let's look at some American habits when it comes to socializing and see why they don't translate to French social norms in French culture. These are my top American social norms that you'll want to avoid in France. As I always say this isn't a judgment on what country does things better or what is normal; it's all about education and being more aware of French culture norms and prepared for your trip to France and interacting with the French.
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Salut! I'm Diane, an American who has lived in France since 2012 and started the living abroad lifestyle blog Oui In France. My channel's focus is "Everyday French life and beyond." I make videos on French culture topics, food, travel, language, and give you my thoughts about what it's like living in France as an American in the Loire Valley. Thanks for being here and if you enjoy this sort of thing, please share with friends and subscribe!
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#socialnorms #francevsusa #americanhabits
Check out PART 2: MORE U.S. SOCAL NORMS TO AVOID IN FRANCE: th-cam.com/video/Yl9eFnY-7Ms/w-d-xo.html
When I first visited France I went into many shops/stores and DID NOT say bonjour to the clerk or salespeople. I remember people seeming rather rude to me. Several years later after reading up on French culture I learned the importance of this social interaction and on my next trip I went out of my way to say bonjour to people in these situations and it made A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE. I felt welcomed and people smiled and were helpful. Such an important tip and so very different from how we interact with frontline workers in the USA.
Hi Mark, yes it's crazy how a simple word can make such a difference... but it really does!
If you ask for something without saying bonjour, the person will ignore what you said and just reply with « BONJOUR! » and wait
When I was in Paris, I didn't notice this at all. I found many people to be friendly; older people not so much as young people, but I have found that to be true almost everywhere. As an older person myself, now, sometimes all I can think about is my arthritis or my aching feet.
I found the same. Begin every interaction with a “Bonjour” and if it is followed with more and your ancient high school French cannot keep up, excuse yourself saying you only speak “un peur “ and almost always they switch to English. I hadn’t realized the greeting was so important, but since they ALWAYS began that way, of course I followed. They appreciate that you make the effort. TBH, the only rude shopkeeper I experienced was English in a middling fancy gift/antique shop.
Well it really is polite here in America too! However you run into rude people everywhere! Just like holding a door for someone a simple gesture that is just polite! Which most younger American's have forgotten these days! All I can say "American's" HOW RUDE! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
as a french, i'm completely shocked that it's not common everywhere to say Hello when entering a shop !! Really proves your point that it's deeply cultural cause I can't imagine people not doing that and not be considered assholes lol
Honestly I think it’s because in the US the stores are big with maybe 20 employees, and none of them stand near the entrance door. So it is not practical to find the workers to greet them when you enter a store here lol
I can’t promise anything in the rest of the United States but in Michigan grocery stores there is a specific job literally a greeter who stands at the front of the store and says hello and goodbye, not everyone says hello back but it is expected that you at least nod
honestly it’s not a fun job and often it is given to people who cannot do or struggle to do many other forms of work, older people, disabled people, or people who are not Neurotypical
I can’t promise anything in the rest of the United States but in Michigan grocery stores there is a specific job literally a greeter who stands at the front of the store and says hello and goodbye, not everyone says hello back but it is expected that you at least nod
honestly it’s not a fun job and often it is given to people who cannot do or struggle to do many other forms of work, older people, disabled people, or people who are not Neurotypical
Also, saying goodbye or thank you when you leave is common and expected throughout Europe.
@@ProdavackaDivu Lol we have big stores in France but you don't go out of your way to say hello to everybody working either, you don't have to greet every employees you see in a supermarket, only if you need them or checkout with them.
So true! Exemple : if you skip the 'bonjour' in a french shop and ask directly the vendor (even politely) for information about a product, most probably, she/he'd just answer 'Bonjour!' in a slightly irritated tone then pause and wait; so you know you need to repeat your question starting with 'bonjour' 😅
Yes, sometimes it is even embarassing that you are not sure the person heard you the first time, so you say it again just in case, but then the vendor looks at you like "you already said it", because saying it twice is also impolite since it means you aren't paying attention.
That s a minimum to say hello, and also say bye before hang up on the phone!
I hate when people do that; even if I understand; you don't have to act like I've commited an unspeakable crime because I haven't respected to the letter a common social code that says nothing about me. There was a bar that charged more if you didn't say hello. Sometimes people don't hear me or understand me; and this person wanted to charge me double because they didn't hear my hello. who cares; I haven't spat in your face and I've smiled; what do you want from me?
In Italy “buongiorno” is a little bit less important than in France, but “grazie” is always and absolutely requested.
Wow as French guy I'll keep that in mind the next time I'm here
In France, there is a simple rule I think : Be friendly only with your friends, and polite with others. Being friendly with a stranger is often felt like something rude (it can be ok for people in their 20s or younger)
YES, when I would bring my teenage daughters, we would even get knocks on our door, of young people asking if my daughters would like to go out with them! We had to laugh, as our one daughter was just 12, but very tall. Her sister speaks enough languages that we thought she might be safe....so it was exchanging cell phone numbers and even an adult who was dropping them off at. a party assuring us she would be back home by at least 3am. (I know we were insane parents!) She had a blast, but both girls were always being asked to "hey come with us!" and "Where did you get your shoes?" .... teenagers will be teenagers. Also adult males would actually say MEOW to. them, and often I was told "You have beautiful daughters!!" (in English). The girls adored it all...as it was done in fun. (If this had happened in Vegas no way, but in France, it was safe enough....but our daughter has a good command of many languages and now is used to traveling alone.))
Like the "Hello, how are you ?" without any interest and no taking care about the answer.
@@corenting7343 Lol. When people ask me this, i simply answer "and you?". Over the years, only ONE person ever noticed i didn't answer, and it was an ex gf.
@@corenting7343 Actually they do the same in the US!!! A lot of people who welcome you in a store will say "hello, how are you?" will not obviously wait for more than "hello"!!! 😂
I heard it was the same in Canada!
@@J0HN_D03 Actually you do confirm what I say about US people
Even though I live in the US, I've adopted the French habit of always saying hello when I encounter anyone, and it has actually made a positive difference in how I am treated. Maybe we Americans need to adopt more French social norms.
Yes, so so true. There's nothing odd or rude about being on the more polite side of things. That's how I am now as well, out of habit from living here.
I have also! People respond well to being greeted.
Hello with a smile is appreciated everywhere!
@@OuiInFrance Me, too. And like you, I think, I suffer from "impoliteness culture shock" every time I return home to the U.S. Furthermore, I find it *so odd* not to be able to say "good-bye" to a clerk in a store or a server in a restaurant. Here (in France), it's unthinkable to leave the premises without saying "Au revoir" (or "à bientôt", as the case may be). I truly love the French *politesse*!
we could also adopt some US custom like being more open about money or more open to compliment out of the blue like Diane mentioned in the last bit of this video.
Très bonne analyse de certaines habitudes françaises. C’est toujours impressionnant de voir quand un étranger a atteint un tel niveau de compréhension de la culture française !
vraiment intéressant ! Je savais pas parce que j'habite au Canada, Québec.
@@MrStarmat Moi je ne savais pas que c'était des normes américaines.
Tout à fait d'accord, bravo!
Ce que j’aime avec ce genre de vidéos, c’est que même en tant que Français (pour qui ce qu’elle dit est déjà inconsciemment ancrée dans nos mœurs), on en apprend beaucoup sur la culture Américaine
@@profktastroff5094 Et un peu, quelque part, sur notre propre culture. Avec un oeil different...
In cities in South of France I've noticed customers also greet and say goodbye to bus drivers while getting off. So polite !!
Our U.S. born and raised friend who had been married to a Parisian man, and had lived there for years, told my spouse and I to always say bonjour when entering a business in Paris. We practiced saying bonjour for weeks after that. We followed her advice and said bonjour every time we entered a business. Sometimes they would immediately engage with us by speaking French but, most of the time, they spoke English and were very polite and professional. Best advice we received about visiting Paris.
It's because french people don't think of the customer as a king/queen to pamper or workers as slaves to the customer.
It's seen as a more mutually beneficial transaction between two human beings. Like an exchange of money for bread at the bakery.
You find that strange to greet people when you enter somewhere?
You re cavemen!
@@vukkulvar9769becaude thats literally what it is.. You exchange money for goods or service or whatever but at the end you are both humand who need to respect eachother.. peace
« Bonjour, s’il vous plait, merci, au revoir » are the magic 4 formulas that will open every doors to you. Even though nowadays a surprising amount of french people aged 30 and under will surprise you with their english. Magics of streaming platforms ! I’m 42 with a literature degree’s worth of English, and I lived abroad throughout asia and a little of the americas (from mexico to canada) and I’m used to fly to help english speaking folks having difficulties getting understood in Paris. But it’s struck me how much more mundane it is for younger gens to now speak and adapt to english speaking folks !
@@thomasalegredelasoujeole9998you can even say "passez une bonne journée/soirée" or "merci à vous aussi"
The "uh-hum" thing for "you're welcome" actually shocked me when I first encountered it. It felt like the person was saying "that's right, you can thank me"😂
I totally understand how it could come across that way!
"mm-mhm" sounds to me as a German, like a slightly dismissive: "yes, yes" -> "I listen to you, although you can't get to the point" (more often used for long one-sided phone calls)
@@manub.3847 It's roots are probably more German than you think. I've encountered this phenomenon mostly in the Midwest of the US which is very ethnically German and Scandinavian. I think it's kind of how you guys in Germany don't really have a well used "you're welcome" in casual spaces. It's kind of a humility thing like, no problem, don't worry about it, it's not worth mentioning or fussing over it.
So the "mm-hmm" is like a quick acknowledgement of the person's thanks without making a big deal.
I could be completely wrong but it's something I wondered about for sure.
@@eps3154 The German "mmh-mmh" can definitely mean "a lot and nothing" with the appropriate tone;)
@@michelefournier5243 Yes, very much the same thing over here in Switzerland. I'm pretty sure this is also the case in France though.
Bonjour! Great explanation, only you've skipped one of the most important, in my opinion: in France (not only, also in Spain, Italy, Greece, etc), time for meals is sacred, meant not just for nourishment but also as a break, a moment for good conversation, a relaxing time. Eating at work in your own desk so that you can keep working along or having your lunch in 10-15 minutes or while walking or standing is considered absolutely uncivilized. Having a meeting with a workmate or subordinate while having your lunch without interrupting it and with your mouth full of food is seen directly rude. In general, not giving meals their own time and space, not having respect for meal time, is considered, I absolutely agree, uncivilized.
As an Italian who always took lunch breaks very seriously, I completely agree. :-))
Even if it's only half an hour (but it's usually 1 hour), get away from your desk and don't let anything interrupt your sacred break.
hm I'm not sure we are as hardcore as down south.. I don't think meals are "sacred", a Sunday meal is considered important though
Yes, meals are blessed by the God of food.
In France it’s more about the break than the food. It wouldn’t be uncivilised to eat at your desk, your coworkers would feel bad for you and assume you have that much work you can’t afford to take a break. Coworkers might offer to fetch you something to save your time so you can take a small break. In the case you just don’t want to eat with your coworkers (because they’re annoying for example), going outside during lunch break would be a better option, because otherwise your coworkers might feel insulted you’d rather eat “with your computer” than with them.
'Eating at your desk in 10-15min is absolutly uncivilized ' is a bit of stretch. It's certainly not the norm, but it wouldn't 'shock' anyone neither.
Regarding "Bonjour": Here is an example of how i was raised in France, as a french. This will help you understand. When i was a kid, every morning, when i went downstairs for breakfast and entered the kitchen... If my father was already there, i had to say "bonjour" first thing. He would never let me sit or say anything else unless i complied. This applied not only at breakfast, but the first time we met every day. He would say... "Bonjour?" "Bonjour?" "Get outside, do it again". It was an absolute. As a matter of fact, now, if you come to me and don't say "Bonjour", this sounds as if you were talking to me as if i were your dog. That won't fly. Different french people have had different experiences, but overall, this is how it is.
Yep, same at school in Kindergarten
You French are so disgusting and dumb.
What you said about activities after dinner is actually really important. From what I've seen Americans and also a lot of people in the UK or the Netherlands eat early but then keep being active. Like eat dinner and then go to a sports class from 8. For most french (but also Italian, Spanish...) people, dinner is THE END OF THE ACTIVE DAY. Any activities you have (sport, piano lessons, homework or whatever) is done between 6 and 8 and then you eat and after that you just chill watch a film, read, play video games...
And the big advantage is that you can take your time with your dinner, and if you eat outside you can casually chill and talk with your friends until the restaurant closes (and if it's your usual restaurant and you're friendly with the staff you can have the chef's digestive 😁 )
You know why this is? Because food in France, Belgium, Italy and Spain is delicious. In the u.s., u.k. and the Netherlands it's disgusting ;-)
@@SuperDirk1965 Huge oversimplification. Not true. The USA is, however, addicted to highly-processed fast food that makes about 40% of the population seriously OBESE!
What about health concerns? I’ve always heard that you should avoid eating anything after 8 and not sit or lie around after eating so that you can digest your food.
@@ella9693 only thing I've read is that you should space your dinner and bedtime by 2 hours. But most French people sleep at 11 at the earliest even on weekdays so it's okay. And wake up later then (7 rather than 6)
The baby shower thing is also true for gender reveal. You'll most likely never see that in France.
For the birthday at work, i'd say people don't expect you to bring anything, it's completely fine if you don't want to celebrate, but yeah definitely don't expect your coworkers to bring you cake unless you're friends.
They're smart. I've never seen something as ridiculous as some of these gender reveal events. I can see doing it with your love and a couple of close family, but no need for the big show.
As a French I confirm everything you said.
Bravo for this accurate explanation of the French informal social codes.
Because it also helps to understand what is the norm in the US too. 😅
zerma tu ramènes un gâteau quand c'est ton anniversaire toi? J'ai l'impression je suis pas français sah
@@nael754 ah ça, je ne fête pas mon anniversaire au taff, mais j'ai encore moins vu de collègues, le CE ou le services organiser un birthday party pour quelqu'un.
Autrement, oui, les pots de départ, c'est plutôt celui qui part qui ramène les chips et à boire.
@@nael754 ouais nous quand y a un anniv au taff la personne ramène des croissants ou pains aux chocolats à tout le monde
@@StephanePlaza92i Ahh ouais, je trouve ça un peu bizarre mais bon chacun fait ce qu'il veut après tout
@@nael754Je pense qu'il y a une nuance à prendre en compte: elle parle spécifiquement du lieu de travail.
Parce que sinon on est d'accord que dans la vie de tous les jours, en famille ou entre amis, on te souhaite ton anniversaire et c'est toi qui reçoit le gâteau et les cadeaux :)
As a Danish truckdriver I learned that arriving at a French firm, the first thing I had to do would be circling the employees shaking everyones hands and saying bonjour. If I would do the same arriving at a Danish company, they would think I was very weird.
Bringing your own birthday cake ensures that no one's birthday is missed/overlooked, & saves those who don't wish to celebrate from being sort of obliged to, it's a great way of doing it.
Same in the UK
I like this idea a lot. No more cupcakes! I hate them. I know what I like, so let me pick it out.
I have a friend who almost always bakes and brings a cake for her birthday (we're in the US). I find it delightful, and she always gets her favorite kind of cake.
Same in the Netherlands
Seems basically European, like much of this.
Hi ! Frenchie here 👋 saying "mmh mmh" exists in French but it means "yes", "I agree", or it's a sign to show that you're following the conversation when listening to someone speaking. I'd definitely be confused if someone said mmh mmh if I hold a door
Yes, exactly, totally different meaning!
mmmh mmmh *shakes his head in agreement*
@@grandsome1 "mmh mmh" is employed in Brazil exactly in the same way of confirmation or affirmation of something as in France.
ya beaucoup de grossièreté aussi , surtout à Paname ...
Wait I'm American....when would we say okay if someone holds the door?
Very good points! Actually, as a French, it makes me reflect on my own culture and behavior.
A couple of remarks linked to the video:
- Bonjour : agree, it is an absolute prerequisite in France. Actually, it is so much imbedded in the French culture that for me, having been living in Asia for two decades, I still cannot stand anyone who does not say me "bonjour" (in any language) before interacting with me. This leaves me frustrated. To other people whom I systematically greet, I probably sound over-polite, maybe even suspicious. In France, if you go to the bakery and you do not say "bonjour" to the lady before you order, she surely won't be agreeable to you. Conversely, it is often not necessary to go too far in politeness, especially with people you do not know. In USA, when I thank someone after asking a casual question in a store, for example, the systematic "you are VERY welcome" sounds really over the top to me, forced and almost ironic (even if it isn't!).
- Money : it's a no-no topic of conversation in France. Historically, France was very catholic and it was a virtue to be poor (or at least to pretend to be). For some reason, this has permeated into out culture and today money is still taboo. If you mention how much you bought something, even casually, the French will immediately think you are trying to brag. Instead, you can say "it was a little expensive but worth it" (you will spark their curiosity and they may ask you the price if they feel comfortable with it).
- Casualness : I really like how Americans are usually cool and easy to start a conversation with strangers. It often makes my day. In France, people are more private and would tend to not talk spontaneously to people they do not know (except for "bonjour", "s'il vous plait, "merci" that are considered the bare minimum). However, past the first surprise, they will generally really appreciate this spontaneity and be happy to talk. But it is not advised to go too far though. For example, after a nice chitchat with a French, only suggest to have a coffee together on the next day if you really mean it. Not just to be polite and then ghost the person.
- Criticizing : the French love to debate about ideas. They like to bring out contradictory points, sometimes on purpose and even if it is not really their personal opinion,. Just for the sake of enjoying a good conversation with different points of view. Don't get offended. Most of the time, it is not intended to make you angry, just get your opinion and debate. However, the French have very little awareness that this can be considered as rude in many other cultures.
The last point is one of the reasons why I love to live here in the south of France. People can have different opinions and debate about it heartily but nonetheless be friends. In Germany there's more and more the habit to see people with differing opinions as enemy or at least not as someone who is worth talking to. I find that very disturbing.
You people are so stupid.
That's a truly helpful video.
As a French, I can vouch for the "bonjour" part. We're all told to say "bonjour" since we're old enough to talk, so yes, it's mandatory. I once forgot to say "bonjour" in Paris subway to a railroad employee, before asking him a direction. The train was about to leave, I was obviously in a hurry, but he refused to answer my question and just told me "BONJOUR" in a very cold way, as a manner to remind me "why the hell aren't you saying it, you jerk?" And while this was Paris, full of tourist and in a hurry, litterally a minute before that train leave, politeness DO still applies. By french standards: that railroad employee wasn't rude to me, and I was rude to him by not saying "bonjour", none of the special circomstances were an acceptable excuse.
By the way: it's not widely known, but in France the only people who never say "bonjour" during work hours are funeral house employees. Because "bonjour" litterally means "good day", and it's not a good day. So they're trained not to say "bonjour" and "au revoir" (which means "I'll see you again") to people they visit for work, and it's a hard habit to break. Just so you know, if you have to visit a funeral house in France, if you start by "bonjour", the clerk will not say it back, and simply answer by "monsieur" or "madame". It's not rudeness, it's a kindness: this clerk is fighing the "bonjour" habit to avoid wishing you a "good day" while you're mourning.
Before I went on my first visit to France I read up on social norms. I went out of my way to make sure I smiled, made eye contact, greeted people with, "Bonjour." before I politely asked if they spoke English. Lol I found everyone to be very friendly and kind with me wherever I went which made my trip even more memorable.
💋 Loved France ❤🗼🇫🇷
The bigger part of this stereotype that the french are rude come from: 1) People who are rude first and answered in kind. 2) Anglo-saxon propaganda, mostly from the US, that create myths about France and the french supposed to be rude, to stink, and to suck at everything (and surrender). There are several reasons for this propaganda, but to sum it up, many in some countries do not like the fact France and the french do not comply with their wishes (cultural resistance, globalization contestation, and being one of the very few a-religious countries (you can't talk about god or preach or say "god save France" as a public person, and noticeable religious signs have to be kept at home (this includes all religions, not just Islam, contrary to some propaganda))).
So, yeah, the truth of the matter is: if all this has nothing to do with you, you will be treated well, unless you are really unlucky.
well, I wonder if the legendary "french people are rude" exist because of the differences in culture. Like a lot of tourists did a big nono in french culture without knowing it.
I'm glad you liked my country ! Yes, some french people are rude, but like some people in all of the countries. But most of french are kind and polite, if you are kind and polite with us !
It's a very good idea, especially asking if they speak English. I think we're seen as rude with foreign people if they don't speak french when we're actually just caught of guards. Not everyone speaks English, and French people are actually often very bad at verbal communication in English, or at least self conscious about it. So when someone talks to us in English right away, we look upset because we're panicking. So it's way better if you go slowly by saying "hello" or "excuse me" first and acknowledge that you don't expect them to be good in English first
@@taigafaiya1298 I'll admit I've been rude to English people starting a conversation in english even tho I'm confident in my abilities to answer. Because tf ? No bonjour, immediately start to speak english, that's some colonialist shid. I remember being 13 years old and not understanding one word to what an English folk said and he was pissed like ??? have some decency.
the bonjour part was very accurate! As a french person I definitely feel like saying hello is a way to acknowledge someone's presence and that they are worthy of some attention. If you skip that part it feels either like you're considering people as inferior, not worth the time or seem to not like them somehow. I'd say it is even more important than saying "please" when ordering something as long as you say thanks when you get what you want.
Hi, yes, saying “bonjour ” is an essential prerequisite. saying please is better, and saying "goodbye" is necessary to end the discussion well.
if the person is friendly we can also wish them a “have a good day”.
As an older British person, I would say that almost all of this also applies in Britain. British people never say ‘you’re welcome’ and despite my having a brother in America, I had no idea about uh mmm, I would probably have thought it rude. British people would make a response appropriate to the situation. Also in the countryside where I live it is normal to say ‘Good morning’ or ‘hello’ etc to everyone and would certainly be expected in small shops. When I worked, the convention was that you brought a cake in on your birthday. Also baby showers were unknown in the uk until recently and are considered an American import if they do happen. I was brought up to consider it rude to talk about money. Also my generation who grew up during and after the war when food was rationed would consider it rude to leave uneaten food on your plate but this probably no longer applies to the younger generation. It is well known that the British do not normally strike up conversations with strangers. Despite speaking a similar language, Americans should not consider the British are the same as them. However younger people may be more influenced by American culture.
As a younger (32) British person I agree, although I've noticed a very interesting mix in people my own age, some are still quite "old school" and will get quite annoyed if you bring up how much they earn, while others will openly ask each other how much they earn and likewise answer without batting an eyelid if asked themselves, personally I would think it was extremely rude if someone asked me how much I earn and I would never ask someone else. Also, I live in a fairly sizable town, but I still regularly encounter people who will greet me with a cheerful "morning" on the way to work, but it is generally still considered quite odd to actually strike up conversation with someone, I've complimented friends on a nice watch or something like that, but I would never compliment a stranger and would feel at the least uncomfortable and probably a bit suspicious if a stranger suddenly seemed very interested in my watch or expensive shoes or something lol
"Also my generation who grew up during and after the war when food was rationed would consider it rude to leave uneaten food on your plate"
I am french, born in the 80's. Wasting is no go. If you are going to waste, just don't stuff your plate or order so much. Throwing something away should be the exception more than the rule. Well, my grand mother has always been raving about "you know, during the war...". I am sure she is still doing it now, though i haven't seen her in more than a decade. Yeah, many in France survived through the black market. But food, water, electricity, every such type of waste is just something i can't stand. I tend to bicker hard with those people who still keep the tap open for no reason and i would have a problem with americans and their way to abuse air conditionning.
as a French who lives in the UK, I find the British and French culture a lot more similar than UK/USA. I live in a somewhat big city and saying hello in a shop is usually the norm. when it comes to leaving food on the plate being considered rude I think it mostly comes down to how hungry or food deprived you've been in your life. I have been raised being told it was ok to leave food on the plate as long as you didn't serve yourself an unreasonable amount although after a few tough years I cannot leave my plate unfinished as it feels like a waste. I have however been told that it was polite, when invited, to leave a very small amount of food on your plate to notify the host that you have had enough to eat. One thing that I find different however is how stranger react to compliments, I often compliment people on their fashion sense and I have not received any negative response in England, however in France the only time I have done that was when working in a clothing shop. As you said young people may be more influenced by American culture, I find that they even tend to confuse what is British in nature and what is very definitely American
Totally agree with all of you… while there are differences between the lifestyles in France and Britain, I never felt ‘at odds’ in either countries… but some US customs have me baffled.
@@caroleberreur9585 Well, they eat mint sauce, while we eat snails.
There is one difference though...
At least, snails are good. 😆
About the last one : I remember hesitating asking a woman standing before me on a line what the name of her perfume was (The scene is in Paris). I thought it might be a little intrusive, but on the other hand I was totally delighted by the fragrance. So I decided to go ahead. Well, she was very pleased with my question. With a large smile, she told me "It's Poison, by Dior" and added the following, which still makes me laugh because of long years of freudian reads : "My daughter offered it to me" !
Excellent Freudian analysis!!
@@nz7921 Freud serait ravi!
As a Québécois visiting France many years ago, it took me a fraction of a second to figure it out. Bonjour is the key to social interactions in France. At every visit to the United States, I am blown away by the rudeness of some social interactions, especially in stores. That being said, I have heard of Americans visiting Quebec with disappointment over their social interactions. Using just a few French words, shows respect and opens hearts wherever you are :)
Whenever I go to a store or any business in the US, I am always greeted with a "hello" or "hi" and this is all over the country.
Hé encore vous au Québec vous avez pas mal d interaction aussi par exemple au dépanneur et c est aussi le cas si je me souviens bien dans les supermarchés, les fast food etc, vous dites bien "salut ca va ?" Non ?
En tout cas, je suis d accord avec toi 😌
"Bonjour!" - In much of England, saying "hello" to a stranger at a bus stop (in fact, most public places) is far too intense, and will likely freak them out. It denies them the opportunity to politely ignore you if they don't fancy chatting. Instead, you should mutter something under your breath as an invitation to converse, without creating an obligation. For instance: (muttered quietly) "When is that bloody bus getting here!" If the other person wants to join in, they can. If not, you both treat it as though you were just thinking aloud and no response was required. No awkwardness; life goes on.
EDIT: Tip: The person who chooses to join in should also proceed tentatively, so that the intensity and likely duration of the ensuing conversation can be established gently. That person should not launch into an incessant rant about the unreliability of public transport, how their terrible boss will reprimand them again for being late, the state of society, the corruption in the government, or the impending "end of the world as we know it". Or whatever. An invitation to chat is not an offer to provide endless free counselling. 😉
Well said.
@@mariagordanier3404 Thanks.
THIS
Same in Paris. If someone says "bonjour" to you in the street, he's probably going to beg for money. Jusrt ignore him like the parisians do
Hello, I'd say it's pretty similar in France, you shouldn't say hello to people in cities or towns for the sake of it (either you want something from them, or you just ignore them completely). The situation you described at the bus stop is also the way to go in France. (An exception is the elevator/lift : if you're entering one and someone is already inside you're expected to say "bonjour", but if you enter it at the same time as someone else you just don't say anything.) On the contrary if you're out on a stroll in the countryside or in an empty village you will be expected to say "bonjour" when you pass by someone. The secret for being polite with strangers in France (including salespersons, waiters, staff etc.) is to act like you're intruding into their daily routine and are being formally polite about it. That's why the "bonjour, s'il vous plaît, merci, au revoir, bonne journée" is mandatory in those situations. I wonder if it's exactly the same in the UK or if there are differences...
As a french guy i'm genuinely surprised about how accurate all you said was.
Nice job ^^
So you guys really ARE jerks
The cake thing.. Maybe it's a norm in Paris but I've never seen it. Usually, we do like a collect and buy flowers or something to the one celebrating its bday.
@@TheAy17 it's at office jobs ^^
Dans un métier en entreprise c'est très souvent la personne qui fête son anniversaire qui paye le petit déjeuner en achetant des pains au chocolat et des croissants, et je ne vis pas à Paris ^^
So true. As a french I went to work in a french cafe back in LA, and the absence of saying bonjour before ordering would tense me everytime. The "hm hm" in french situations would translate in a sort of a "passive agressive sound". You might hear it when ppl have an argument thus it is very weird too
tu peut aussi utiliser le "hm hm" quand un mec te parle et que tu fait genre de l'écouter.
Great video! I hugged a clerk at the Hermes store because I was so happy to find a scarf I had been searching for. She looked at me for a second like I was crazy! Then she said "It's ok, I was born in America so I know you are happy huggers!" Ooops!
Awww, I totally get the enthusiasm. I bet it's beautiful! I saw a few at the airport that I loved!
Yes! Cultural understanding should go both ways. I can see where some cultural habits might slightly offend someone else, but there should be a modicum of understanding that they’re probably not doing it to be rude, they just don’t know.
hahahahaha 😀
I used to work for a company with a manufacturing plant in Fegersheim. When colleagues from the site visited our plant in the US, they were baffled with the lack of a Bonjour equivalent. They asked me why people were so rude to me. Yes, in those words! They were offended for ME, they couldn’t believe co-workers were so unkind to me! I had to explain that it wasn’t a cultural norm for that part of the US. They were sad for me. When I visited Fegersheim, it felt delightful to hear that lilting “Bonjour” at the beginning of each conversation. One other thing they did that I really liked is that at the end of the workday, they made a point of going to each co-worker’s workstation to say “Bonsoir”. Again, delightful to be recognized.
Yes, it's a MAJOR cultural difference. I know some regions of the US are less polite and it can really be surprising for French people to hear the lack of hello/thanks/goodbye.
@@OuiInFrance - yes, that was part of my explanation. In the Southern US, people WILL acknowledge you with a “Hey, how ya doin’” regardless of whether they know you or not. The US plant where I worked at the time was in the Midwest, where people acknowledge you only if they already know you. My French colleagues were intrigued with the regional differences in the US. I’ve lived in three regions of the US - South, Northeast, Midwest. So the discussion moved into a comparison of each region. Some of my colleagues were natives of Alsace while others were from other parts of France. It was fascinating to learn from each other! I am planning to find my French roots - 3/4 of my ancestors arrived in the US from the Quebec Canada region. But where did they come from? Inquiring minds and all that!
@@OuiInFrance I find it interesting that you're from Florida, because I am, too -- from "old" Florida, where people have deep Southern accents (I lost mine; I moved to California at age 20), and also *Southern courtesy.* (I remember a classmate in 6th grade being chewed out because he answered our teacher with a "Yes," not "Yes, Ma'am"!)
I've often stated that my Southern background has made it easier for me to adapt to French cultural norms. But I have a friend in New York City who is the friendliest, most courteous, person with strangers I've ever met! So it's not just the South, by any means.
@@karinwetzel1773 here in the south people say "good morning everyone" or "morning!"
@@martinasandoval5326 - and we talk to each other waiting in lines! Happy to be here in the South!
As a French guy I’m really impressed by your understanding of our culture and how well you’re able to explain it. Great !
I come from Algeria and money is a very taboo subject here as well. We've probably inherited that from France. The reason for that being is that we just don't wanna see pity nor envy in other people's eyes. We just want to be treated as normal human beings not rich or poor human beings and that's just not possible if money comes into play.
I've heard that could also be to avoid getting cursed with 'the eye' 😥
The ''taboo'' about money really needs to change really and it cames to a french ,it' king od stupid
I think that you could expand a bit on the lack of "baby shower" in France. We culturally don't have them (although as you've mentioned some people do them), but we have the "Liste de naissance" (the birth list). It's a list of specific gifts the parents share with their families, friends and colleagues. It's always prepared a couple of months before the birth, and now with internet you can have the exact reference and link towards an e-shop. It allows parents to put on it things they 100% need, or just they think would be cute for the baby. It allows people to send the gift before the birth or when the baby is born. It's very frequent that when a baby is born, people will ask if they can have access to the list, just to know if they can grab an item. But it's never an obligation to buy something for the baby, whereas I feel like coming to a baby shower empty handed would be a terrible faux-pas.
Also, it might be a personal feeling, but the problem I have with baby showers is that they happen before the birth. The baby isn't there, and there is so many things that can go wrong during birth that I find it weird to give the gifts before the baby is born. It makes more sense to me to give the gifts when we are sure the baby is here. But I have no clue if this is the reason we don't do these showers in France.
So like a wedding registry but for births
This is it! For me it's creepy...gifts before the birth...
Yes, you are so right on point : we French are quite superstitious and fear bringing bad luck upon the craddle. Also some parents don't wish to know their baby's gender before birth, another reason for frowning upon those showers.
I think the main reason we have showers ahead of the time in the US is so that the parents can have everything prepared for when the baby arrives and won’t be stressed because they are missing important or useful things. We also usually have a list like that so people know what to buy and the party is just an added bonus that lets friends and family join in on the anticipation of expecting a child. (We also don’t usually throw showers until the pregnancy is pretty far along and there is a low risk of losing the baby)
@@madisonroy735 We do prepare it too, it's not like we avoid all tought about it lest the baby turns to dust Thanos style. But it tends to be more intimate and lowkey, generally helped by the closest friends, sibblings and parents, no more. It's also a way to allow the parents some calm before the storm. It's when the baby is born that the true social marathon begins, usually in the hospital at the mother's side, to show support, congratulate parents and potentially help them with other kids (if they have any) or any task (it's not uncommon for the guys to assemble the baby furniture while the mom is in the hospital for instance).
Nailed it. I am French but spent 22 years of my life in Sarasota FL. The hugging at first was uncomfortable for me, but you get used to it quickly. Now back in France (I should have never left) I do speak freely about money, but nobody responds in kind with their own figures. One negative aspect of the French mentality is delation... Many people will turn you in for doing something wrong. The "mind your own business" mentality unfortunately is not often present here. Also right after coming back I was shocked by the coldness, even apparent hostility of shop attendants or waiters/waitresses, which after a few year being back is again normal to me. Don't take it personally. That said those interactions in the U.S. are very obviously superficial, and that is shocking to a French person. So while in France, do not force yourself to be friendly if you don't feel it, because people can tell the difference. People do not treat strangers like their best friends here. Trust and respect is earned in France. Although it might seem cold and a long process, a friendship gained will generally be a lifelong one.. One last advice, if you do not want to look like an American, avoid sneakers and ball caps, and do not talk loudly in public.
Love it! I left France 40 years ago and spent 30 years in the US. What I miss the most is a durable strong friendship. As you mentioned, interactions with Americans stay superficial.
I am French and 56 often engage in conversation, compliment people or ask them where they bought something while queueing..It depends on where you live and how sociable you are. There are some exceptions
Still your work is interesting and precious.
En tant qu'Anglais, je connais depuis longtemps la France et je trouve que si l'on y va les yeux ouverts et l'esprit curieux pour ce qui est à la fois nouveau et intéressant, on est sûr de ne pas être déçu. Dans mon propre pays, j'ai l'habitude de parler à des gens n'importe où et ça à cause d'être né à Manchester, ville où les habitants sont bien connus pour être sympathiques et prêts à parler à tout le monde.
and the maner of saying it, courtessy aside. Im sociable person but i don't master the aspects of it and even though im polite or not, often pple won't to engage in conversation.
Or when they do, it's the basics stuff and you can see at their eyes how bothered they are. Sad.
I'm in Nice at the moment. One thing I noticed here is how, mostly in the morning, everyone is dead quiet! Even when speaking to one another or on a phone call while on tram or tram stop, they are whispering. Even as I entered the gym. People are so aware and respectful not to be a nuisance to others, it's incredible. In Spain for example, it's the complete opposite!
In Canada if you tell someone you like their shirt, that person will say thank you I only paid $19 for it. LOL 😂
;-)))))
I think only if it was a deal.
I'm Canadian and would say thank you but would definitely NOT say the price.
@@trishsoren3445 are you sure you are Canadian ? 😂
@@samanthagaudet1461 lol. I always appreciate people's honesty when they say how much they paid. 🙂
I can’t stand hearing people say “give me…” or “I need…” when ordering! It is one of my pet peeves for sure.
Definitely doesn't sound too polite!
Or the horrid " I'll do"... ex: "I'll do the chicken entree".
Same. Even in America, land of "no Bonjour," that's borderline rude.
Or "Lemme get..."
Hello there! This was an interesting video to watch from the other side. I'm French and I just thought I'd add what came to my mind, in case it's helpful/interesting :) They're just my opinion, obviously.
- money talk: I think you nailed it with "if it's a complaint, it's ok". In that sense, students will often share the location and cost of their flat, because they're so expensive in student towns. I also think young people are more open about it... Maybe because so many of us are struggling lol
- birthday cake: I guess it depends on the place you work at, but you probably don't need to feel like you HAVE to bring your own cake. I think that in a lot of places it's the norm to just... not bring anything! And if you do, it's bonus for everyone. Also, idk if it's an international thing or not, but a lot of people seem to dislike celebrating their birthday at work/school past childhood.
- bonjour: spot on. Never miss it. Say it loud enough (saying that one for me...), and say it even if you can't see a vendor when entering! They might be hidden from view and will appreciate it. You can and should say bonjour to cleaning staff as well. You can get away with not saying it to security, unless they're checking something like your invite, ID, bag... I think there's just the general sense that social hierarchy doesn't excuse disrespect in France. Like, you can't just be rude to waiters/waitresses, or vendors, or anyone--you're expected to treat them kindly. I'm not saying that it's better or worse than American customs (although I do prefer our kinda polite customers to the American horror retail stories I hear lol), or that there's no elitism and general buffoonery here (GOD there is), but that it's the vibe ^^ Very polite customers might stack plates and/or glasses. I often do it (like a lot of people who've worked in customer service), but it does raise eyebrows depending on who I'm with. I wouldn't do it in a high-end restaurant, though, because I'd assume that the staff takes pride in providing a luxury, work-less experience for customers/that I'd mess it up.
Oh, and say au revoir when leaving a store.
- la bise: aaah, yeah... I don't like it either, lol. In casual friend/work gathering, you can definitely get away with a general hello (especially in a large group. we're all too lazy for endless rounds of bises!!), especially now that covid's got to us hahahaha! In family gatherings, though, I wouldn't ever skip it.
- baby showers: definitely becoming a trend for some young couples lol, as well as gender reveal parties! It's still rare.
- complimenting strangers/asking "where did you get it?": it's definitely not common, and in my opinion comes off as you being easy-going and chatty. It's not a bad thing at all, but might catch people off-guard indeed! If you want to ask someone where they got something, you still can (I've had other French people ask about my clothes a few times!), just preface it/make it more polite in a way, like "Can I ask where you got it?" or "I'm sorry, can I ask..?" "My daughter would love this, can I ask...?"
Damn, I ended up writing a lot. It makes me feel weird... I never think about it that hard!
I don't know if it helps, but I hope it does!
I feel like the only place in France where people completely forget about being polite to the staff is Disneyland. I've always been baffled how many french people suddenly don't say Bonjour/Excusez-moi/Merci, and how they treat the poor staff like utter garbage. The fact the park is always extremely crowded and everything is so expensive make people act super entitled and mean, like they wouldn't dare do it in a normal setting. And it's a terrible thing. My favorite thing to do when I used to go there, was to be extra nice to the staff, because I always witness the craziest behaviour, and you can really feel that they are happy that someone doesn't treat them like another piece of decor..
Onthe subject of "la bise", I feel like for many millenials (and potentially younger people), the only good thing that happened with covid was the end of La Bise. Not being socially obligated to do it is a real relief.
The birthday custom in France sounds much more practical. I’ve worked in places where it seemed like it was somebody’s birthday at least twice a week, and we pitched in for lunch as well as a cake. It became very expensive! Once a year would be a relief.
I was waiting in a very long line at the Marseille trainstation a few years ago to buy a ticket. An employee came in to start a shift in one of the booths but before actually getting to work he went to all employees one after one to kiss and chat. So frustrating as I was worried about missing my train😂
In Angola you daily handshake and kiss on arrival at the office. Maybeyour timing at the station couls have been better🇭🇰🇭🇰🇹🇼🇹🇼🇦🇴🇦🇴
The birthday cake could be true in all European countries - let me know if that's correct. I live in Poland and honestly, the only people who don't get to buy their own birthday cakes are children. When you're an adult and want people to celebrate with you, you get the cake yourself to be able to treat them when they come with wishes and presents.
Same in Czech. But I have heard in Britain in certain offices, everyone donates a bit to the collective cake to present to the birthday colleague.
In Germany as well. One also always brought sweets or cake with us for school when one had Birthday.
Same goes when throwing a birthday party for friends.
Yeah I'm italian and I agree.
I think that if it's your birthday is like you become the host of the party. You have to behave as an host and be the one who pays and it sorta became your responsibility to do everything possible to treat everyone as a guest.
It is probably something European. Its is the same in The Netherlands.
All your answers seem to indicate, indeed, this European possibility. In these traditions, the recipient is effectively the host of his guests. It's up to him to give to his friends to share. It is certainly an old and charming European tradition.
always nice to hear foreigner's input on our own culture, you guys are so accurate and see things that are invisible to us, great video
Thanks for watching! Glad you enjoyed it ;-)
as a frenchman, i often struggle with some of the norms presented in this video, the worst is to me when i have to say bonjour to the cashier in the mall or any shop where we wait in line because often i say bonjour when it's my turn to go but the person is giving his reciept to the previous client and i'm not sure i've been heard so i'm stuck between saying bonjour a second time wich would make me sound rude if the person heard me the first time or not saying anything but sounding rude if the person didn't heard me the first time...
In this case the best bet is to wait the cashier to say bonjour first, if they don't wait eye contact
It sounds weird but it's the easiest way haha
Maybe I was french in a past life because I never talk about money and always get uncomfortable when people discuss their earnings and spendings with me.
Yah, it can definitely be awkward for sure!
In China I was asked several times straight out, "How much money do you make?" This is normal in China but, as an American, I was uncomfortable with this...we're somewhat reserved about money-talk but I guess the French take it to another level.
Same!
I believe it's a class thing too. Upper classes in the US are less likely to discuss finances. It could be regional as well. With the Midwest being less likely than the coasts
@@eps3154 Oh I thought it was the opposite : rich people in the usa like to talk about money
But it’s true in France : people that have a very confortable financial situation never talked about their incomes or how much the y spent for a product or their holydays. It a matter of good education, politeness
Talking about money openly is vulgar, very « nouveau riche »who wants to show off
I like this way of thinking money can deteriorate relationships by creating jealousy
But i’m French 😊
Thank you for this interesting video. As a French person (I’m from Paris), the number 8 surprises me. The experience you had at the gym doesn’t seem to be the usual attitude. I sometimes ask people in the street, métro, etc where someone bought what they’re wearing and they are systematically nice and flattered.
I agree! And when someone says to me "what a nice top!" I always say where I got it in case they want one! My husband says I'm 'over sharing'.
@@jtidema I love over sharing !
It may be regional or a big city kind of thing or something like that because when she talked about it it freaked me out, I would feel so uncomfortable with someone randomly complimenting me on my clothes or stuff
It’s normal to complement someone’s taste, and it’s normal to query someone on an item that they are interested in finding for themselves. I’m still trying to find a suitable fishing vest that doesn’t fit like a Beijing Bikini (you’ll have to look that one up), and ask those who are wearing a nice one where they purchased it. Unfortunately, most seem to have been purchased in Chinatown, and I know that those will not fit my frame (it’s like they are sized for children or girls).
@@martelraykin I think it’s more related to everyone’s personality.
Speaking when entering a store or restaurant is also considered polite in Mexico and will go a long way in how well you are treated. It's a sign of respect and courtesy. Mexico takes it a bit further with people saying "Buenos dias/tardes" if you make eye contact in passing on the streets. I love travel and I find all these differences and similarities very interesting.
As a French working for a public service that interact a lot with americans, there is something that really grind my gears. After the usual greeting, hello or bonjour, americans ask "how are you" and expect an answer. Don't do that unless we are friends even though it's kind of polite. We don't ask about people well being unless we are close to them.
That's not quite true. Most people I know ask the "how are you" to people they're acquainted with after they greet them, even people they're absolutely not friends with, even sellers in shops they're familiar with.
I live in France. One thing I would like to say is - but I'm sure it would be the same elsewhere - there's an enormous difference between living in a small village and in a large town or city. For example, in the village where we go on holiday in the South of France you must say hello to your neighbours when you meet them for the first time that you see them during the day, especially if they are friends. If they are people you don't know so well, the greeting would be limited to a brief bonjour and a nod of the head. If they are people you don't get on with, you ignore them. If you see your friends later on in the day you lift a forefinger to show that you've seen them. Saying simply 'Salut' can be OK between friends that you know very well and are of the same age as you, but it could be resented by others. In the supermarket when you have finshed putting your purchases in your bags and you have paid and you found that the shop assistant is 'sympa', you would say 'Merci beaucoup, bonne continuation or bon courage.'
À la campagne on dit bonjour à tout le monde même les gens qu'on connaît pas (et en général c'est rare que tu connaisses pas quelqu'un, ou alors tu vas bientôt devenir plus familier avec)
C'est bon tu vas pas nous faire une thèse non plus
I recall being told not to say “bon jour” or “salut” multiple times a day to the same person, the way I would say “hey” or “hi” or “hello” to an American each of the fourteen times I saw them during the course of a day. The message was: you greeted me once today, ça suffit.
Yeah I heard that one too. I’ve been told that saying “Bonjour” to someone more than once in a day essentially means that you forgot your first encounter with that person which can be interpreted as rude. If you meet someone again you can say “re-bonjour” or simply “re”
My fear is always - what if I did forget that I said hello to that person lol
well, you are right but you are also missing a point here . French are expecting a morning "bonjour" but if you come back 2 hours later and say bonjour again, a french person would assume that you dont even remember you saw them ealier... that would be even more rude. You cant say bonjour just like a robot to everyone, you have to mean it and remember who you greeted or not
True. I say rebonjour if I unexpectedly meet someone again. Hey, hi, hello is often fairly empty in the US, just as how are you doing from someone you meet for the first time.
@@devroombagchus7460 Your comment is a good example of where someone from a different culture doesn't understand another culture. Don't place your expectations on of what another culture should do to meet your cultural norms. You really show your lack of culture knowledge when you talk about saying "how are you doing", you need to realize this in American English is the same as saying "hello", it doesn't mean "give me a complete history of your health" and it only requires a quick OK or something else short in reply. Learn the culture, everything does need to have a deep meaning in America but from my experience working in France for 5 years I can say that the French have what I would call cultural oddities.
@@verncarmon7868 Not sure if your comment is related to "rebonjour", but just in case, I'm French. I say rebonjour. It's common.
Thank you. I enjoyed your video. I have absolutely no chance of ever going to France but I still found it interesting simply because I enjoy the differences between cultures and was interested to hear about those in France. I think videos like this provide a great service for those who can travel. I mean, no one WANTS to be a jerk while traveling.
Regarding the hugging: this is actually a quite recent social phenomenon even in the U.S. Even as recently as the 1990s I don't recall this happening much, and certainly not in my childhood in the 1960s and 70s (except by hippies!). It's fairly common now even to see young men greet each other with hugs, whereas formerly this type of physical closeness between men would have been considered . . . suspicious. You only see it among people who know each other, not really with casual acquaintances, and certainly not upon meeting. I rather like the hug-greeting, as long as it's brief. But my mother was a big hugger, so that's probably why.
Thanks for translating the American "Mhmm." Actually, I think it's rude/inappropriate everywhere outside the USA (& likely in the States as well.). I remember feeling disappointed & offended the first time I heard it. It made me feel like the person I was politely thanking couldn't bother to use words in response, & wasn't taught to say "you're welcome." I felt like they were dismissing my gratitude & I regretted thanking them for holding the door. I left the interaction with a bad impression of "mhmm" mumbler & the distinct feeling that they were rude DESPITE holding open a door for a stranger. Cultural expectations are powerful!
I think the difference is that it's become polite in the US to minimize the favors we do for others, hence a cheerful "no problem" as a polite response (although some older folks still don't like it). "Mhmm" is just a more casual way of expressing that you don't consider the favor you did someone even worthy of mention. Since we're not big on formality, it's usually considered polite in all but the most formal settings.
It’s because we aren’t trying to interfere with the person’s day by holding the door for them. We don’t say a lot of words because the goal is not to make them stop and talk to us. Oftentimes, we hold the door more for the efficiency of helping multiple people enter as quickly as possible, so it might not even be 100% due to politeness in this case. It’s not seen as a big favor, we just value getting somewhere quickly and efficiently 😅
Definitely NOT rude in the States. Perfectly polite and normal. Could be roughly translated as "but of course", or "sure thing".
Another trait that I think doesn’t fly well in France (or for that matter in Quebec where I am originally from) is for someone who holds a doctor title to flaunt It (as on the phone “this is Dr. So and so”) or to correct the person who calls them “sir” or “madam” (“that’s doctor”).
True. Especially if the Dr. doesn't stand for a medical degree.
Latin Americans go even further though. When dealing with someone in a somewhat formal context it's really important for them to always refer to people by their title.
You have to say "Ingeniero X", "Maestro X", "Licenciado X" and so on.
They push the degree recognition really far.
I agree, people would not call someone Doctor just because they have a doctorate. Andi don't call doctors Doctor because they don't call me by my job title, why would it bé any différent for them
Even as an American I would respond with “No, it’s Mr/Mrs” because no one can control how I speak and no one deserves special treatment from me 😂 But maybe that’s another American thing: we tell strangers what we think.
Yes, Docteur, Maître, Monseigneur are used. But if someone tell you votre majesté your head is at risk kings are not welcomed 😃
I would say that it also applies in most if not all of Canada today compared to in the past. Title or rank seem to be of much more importance in the U.S. than here in Canada.
The birthday thing really caught me out, but in a nice way!
My friend Freddy asked me to join him and some "potes" for his birthday drinks at the local bar, and of course, when I arrived, I asked him what he wanted to drink. He kindly explained the whole "in France, on your birthday, all the buying is done by the birthday boy/girl"
I kindly replied that seemed not much of a treat for a birthday person, would he accept the offer from a foreigner to split the bill for the whole group just this once (there looked like some big boozers were getting into the evening).
He more than willingly accepted and we split the costs every time we do the "it's my birthday, meet me at the bar" thing to this day.
Tip for young players: if you come to Australia, similar social rules apply to discussing money to those in France. You _might_ get away with saying you got a really good deal on your car, (if it's a new car so the price is in the public domain), but most of the others are no-nos. You can talk about how much someone was charging if you then rejected it as ridiculously overpriced. But you wouldn't normally discuss your income or your house price.
Discussing money: 95% of the time in Australia, the other people in the office treat the birthday boy or girl to a cake and/or other goodies but I have also met an office where they decided that year that the birthday person would treat the office.
"Mmm, hmm ," does not mean "De rien" in Australia. It can mean "Yes." If someone replies to "Thank you," here it would usually be "No worries" or "No problem or "No probs." "You're welcome," is extremely formal and not used all that often.
The use of greetings: I always think of those old movies, where someone says, "Ahperator,* get me ...." There is no way the operator would connect you to the number you want if you spoke to them that way in Australia. Here a greeting is normal, and there's normally a little bit of chit chat either before you get down to business, or after you've finished it. I've been told that Americans think Australians waste time on social chit chat in business situations. To our ears, the lack of a greeting & social chit chat sounds rude.
* That's what the American pronunciation of 'operator' sounds like to Australian ears.
From UK / Ireland and lived in both places. The majority of the things you mentioned it's the French way 😁 except... In parts of Ireland / Northern England you can get away with just beginning a conversation, randomly, to a total stranger at a bus stop without a hello - more rural. Other parts of the UK, particularly but not always towns and cities, people would rather die than acknowledge the presence/humanity of a stranger.
Edit: never lived in Scotland or Wales but I got the feeling it was generally way more open to the casual striking up of conversation too
Generally, in Lancashire, you can have a conversation in a lift!
I am a 63 year old Canadian whose family came from Galway.
I am outgoing and I can converse with anyone, anywhere .
I have always felt like a daughter of the Emerald Isle.
I'm Glaswegian and in a bus queue you'll have had the life story of the person standing next to you by the time the bus arrives🤣
I live in New York City and my sense is that, while holding doors for people is the usual thing, we don't really expect recognition for it; maybe just a small smile or nod. We encounter hundreds of people a day, after all. I myself dislike routine pleasantries. But that's me. Introvert in a city of 8 million.
ce que l'on peut comprendre, it can be too much sometimes!
Thank you so much for this video.
You are so welcome!
thanks for the tips
you're very welcome!
One surprising custom for me is greeting people, even strangers, in enclosed spaces: the elevator, the waiting room, the entry hall of your building. And then when you leave you're supposed to say a general goodbye. It seems to be a custom that's dying out, because I notice people younger than thirty often don't do it, but older people almost always say "bonjour /au revoir" when entering/leaving an elevator.
Totally agree and true also that it is dying out. Over 50's would always say bonjour/au revoir in such situations (waiting room at your dentist included). Far less common for younger people.
I loved this. It explains some of the reactions my friend and I got when visiting France 10 years ago.
Thank you for watching!! Hope you make it back to France soon!
We also often say "avec plaisir" to say you're welcome. It's means "with pleasure".
This useful. Thanks
You're welcome!
Bonjour! Just a heads up that this is my last video of 2021, bringing the count to 71 total videos and shorts this year. WOW! I'll be taking a break in January to regroup and recharge and plan on taking a more relaxed pace in 2022, so if it's quiet around here, it's because I'm on vacay. Just didn't want anyone to worry. ;-) I appreciate your support so much and will see you soon!
Great idea to take a rest. I look forward to your post en février.
My mother was raised by her grandmother (who was Irish) and has some standards and one was you don't mention money at all. So even talking about how much you spent at a vet would not be acceptable to my grandmother. In other words, you can say "oh, I had to bring my pet to the vet and it's a big bill", but you can't state how much the bill is.
Complementing would be okay with my grandmother and mother, but asking where they bought it from, how much it costs, etc is not good.
It seems most of these may stem from money and possibly class differences being a big deal in these countries years ago (and maybe still today).
Bien mérité ! 💜
Another great episode. And Happy Birthday Diane.
On ne parle pas de salaire. Pour le reste ça dépend de notre interlocuteur (inconnu, ami, famille) et du sujet (loyer, prix de la voiture, prix de la baguette). On se plaint ouvertement de certaines dépenses forcées mais c'est la France. On est n°1 pour se plaindre.
TH-cam c'est un peu spécial. Les gents sont très curieux à ce sujet. Certains youtubers ont fait fortune.
Pour les anniversaires c'est exactement ça. Mais ça permet à la personne de ne pas avoir à partager ça avec ses collègues de travail.
Niveau politesse c'est clair que bonjour svp merci et au revoir sont le minimum syndical. Mais ça doit être vraiment chiant pour une caissière de supermarché qui doit dire ça toutes les deux minutes.
Hugging does not exist in France. Ou comme vous le dites, à des moments particuliers et pas avec n'importe qui.
Le MM-HMM c'est bizarre. Mais je pense que ça m'est déjà arrivé. C'est comme dire de rien la bouche fermée. L'intonation du MM-HMM doit correspondre à l'intonation de de rien.
Le resto des mes parents reçoit les clients de 19h30 à 21h.
Je n'ai jamais entendu parler de babyshower. Obligé c'est une entreprise américaine de produits pour bébé qui a inventé ça. Mais je sais que certains couples font une liste des choses dont ils auront besoin et la donnent à leurs proches.
Pour les compliments d'ordre physique ou matériel en Amérique vous aimez frimer. Mais en France on aime rester modeste, mais on aime aussi se faire plaisir du coup ça créé un conflit. ça nous fait culpabiliser (je me base sur la culture automobile pour dire ça)
Concerning the first point about money, when you live in Paris, it's pretty common for French people to ask how much rent you pay. I agree that it's usually taboo to ask about salaries and how much you paid for this or that, but Paris rents seem to be the exception.
Why is it ok to ask about how much you pay for rent in Paris when it is taboo to talk about other money topics?
Yes, that's because rents here is so expensive, it doesn't feel like a brag or something terribly intimate. It's more like the example she gave of the 400€ vet bill. Everyone is commiserating with you because we are all being ripped off half our salaries (or even more). It's also often about knowing the market, it can help you have an idea of what are the prices depending of the area. That's also why we talk about the rent, but it's most often than not always followed by many details about the flat itself, as if we are trying to contextualise talking about the price.
@@luv2travel2000 It's taboo to talk about what you earn in France, because we pay a lot of tax and there are differences in between the treaments of people according to the job they do, so the poorer are very angry towards the richest, whereas in the US you will take it as a good example. We french when we see someone earning well his life and a lot more money that others we tend to believe that he is a scammer, a thief, a mafioso, a rascal, a basterd and so forth ...And we take some examples like : Bill Gates, Zuckerberg, Rockefeller, Rotschild, all of those are very bad people, so we DISPISE them and we DISPISE all who look like them.
A social media video about cultural differences? Refreshing and original!
Glad you enjoyed it!
This video was randomly recommended to me, and I enjoyed watching it ! After like 15 years browsing "international" internet content, I never got why there's not a single "hi" or "hello" starting a new forum thread. You made me realize today it's just that us french are overly polite as a social norm. Like I legitimately feel bad and ashamed not writing that damn "hi" ! Very interesting how different countries differ that much from one another
The overall level of social politeness gets me whenever I visit my grandparents in the Czech Republic. It's totally the same way here. Doesn't matter if you're walking into a store, buying a train ticket, or getting into said train and sitting down next to other people. Each of those interactions - even if it's no more than sharing public a space with another person - begins with a greeting and concludes with a goodbye.
What's also worth noting is, it's strictly a formal "hello/goodbye". Using "how are you/how's it going/etc" as a simple greeting without soliciting a genuine personal answer and dialogue from the other party would be *very* awkward. Is that the same way in France?
Hi Killian, yes your understand is correct about the formal hello/goodbye. If you don't know the person (like walking into a shop for the first time), the only acceptable greeting is bonjour and not salut (hey!) or something like that. I remember at Abercrombie in the US there was a script employees followed for a while where they'd greet customers coming into the store with a "hey what's up?" and it made me laugh because it was soooo chilled out, even for the US!
So yah, leaving is a au revoir, a goodbye, and not a see ya or something less formal. The exception would be if you're friendly with the store employee or something. I know at my gym they would say the equivalent of hey and see ya later not hello and goodbye since they were used to seeing me.
Hope that helps!
All great points and I have experienced several of them. I think the Bonjour point was very apparent almost everywhere I went in France. Better prepared now for next time I visit if this Covid stuff ever ends. Thanks, Diane and Happy New Year!
Thanks for watching, Martin! Happy New Year to you as well!
I grew up in a small rural suburb near the Great Lakes. From a young age my parents would take us antiquing and it is always common courtesy when entering a proprietorship to say hello upon entering and to thank them upon leaving (if you do not make a purchase). We were raised to look but not touch, and we’re shushed when we were too loud in public. I love these videos about culture, and how perhaps I would enjoy living abroad some day. Thank you for sharing your experience
In a small shop for sure it's best to greet the shopkeeper. But saying "excuse me" to a salesperson in the aisle of a big store before asking them for help, it's perfectly polite and normal.
Hey ! I'm French and wanted to say how great I think this video is, I learned more about the American culture while realizing things that I do unconsciously do as a French person, and I thought it was really interesting. I would like to clarify a point however about the bise : younger generations (up to around 25 years old) do not use the bise as much as other generations and tend to either do an elbow bump (a habit that has its origins in covid) or grab one hand and approach as if to mimic a one-sided bise, but without the actual bise. Close friends can also give a hug, or just casually say hello or hi without any particular gesture :)
I like it how you take a neutral observing position. I am from Europe but live in Asia. It's important for your own happiness when living in another country not to judge on cultural differences, but just observe them.
Loved your video. I'd like to share a story related to one of your items here. Years ago, I was part of an American bicycle tour of Provence, 25 of us. Our first stop was Arles, and we all left for dinner at about 7:30, went to a small restaurant, and asked for a table for 25. Ha! They rearranged all of the tables on the second floor, and seated us. Wonderful! Later, we pedaled into St Remy, and assembled for dinner at about 6 PM. They were very nice, and said we could sit and have drinks, but that dinner wouldn't start until 7:30. So, we had delicious cocktails for quite a while. Wonderful! Then, we were in Fountaine de Vauclause, and went to a beautiful restaurant, and our waiter was the 11 year old son of the owner. Charming!
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Great video
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hi! I am french. If it makes anyone feel better, sometimes even we french people , in certain situations, honestly DO NOT KNOW if we should or should not "faire la bise" or if we must use the "vous" or the "tu"! I often have awkward situations like this and a lot of us do 😂 if you don't know what to do, make your pick and be very confident about it , or let the other person lead if they are confident.
Also, if i walk into a store and don't see anyone, i dont say hello, and then sometimes i hear a "bonjour madame" and then rapidly turn my head to find the person that greeted me to say it back before they think I'm rude 😂 its so awkward haha!
I’ve been making a point of saying hello when I walk into a store here in the US because of your suggestion. Americans are funny, some look bewildered if you say hello before ordering something. But I’m keeping up with the habit so I will be ready for France!
Love that!
Now I'm definitely going to be more conscious of this as well! I thought we always say, "hi" back because customer service has trained our workers to be enthusiastic greeters. So like with the woman with the cheese:
-Hi, can I help you find something?
-Hi, yeah, could I please get 1/4lb of cheese please?
I'm definitely going to start listening closer at the grocery store lol 👀
I do this, too. I didn't know it was a French norm; I was just tired of the lack of connection and manners I sensed in our daily interactions. It does, however, throw clerks for a loop, especially clerks at drive up windows.
I don't know if its because I live in a small city (30,000 or so) but I often say hi when I go into a store if the clerk is right there near the door. Either that or they'll say "hi" to me. Same with ordering in a fast food place or takeaway. When you step up to the counter there's often a mutual greeting and smile.
I'm from Louisiana where it is common to greet store clerks with hello and how are you. I even greet the cafeteria worker who serves me before stating my lunch preferences. Maybe it's the voices of my French ancestors whispering in my ear!
The custom of bringing your own cake to work on your birthday makes sense to me. It reminds me of the custom in many rural and small town black churches of making a donation - as large as you can afford - to your church's general fund as a birthday offering. It signifies your gratitude to god for having lived another year.
For me as a french guy, "hh-hmm" actually means something : it means "I do agree with what you just said" (and just that). That explains why the person who has just opened the door seems so lost because he/she probably has not said anything.
I have never encoutered a person that didn't appreciate an honest compliment. If you smile at people, people will smile back at you and are happy to help you knowing that you don't speak their language. This is the beauty of traveling.
I lived in France for 6 years, you have to do the Bonjour routine, I found it lovely and we actually got into conversations from time to time with people. However I will say in the part of France that I lived in was very rural and dinner at the local relais was from 7-8pm you didn't show up any later. Also getting your head around lunch serving times - that took some getting used to.
Où est-ce que tu vivais ?
I love learning about these cultural differences. As an American I really appreciate these tips. Thank you for sharing your experiences!
I'm a Québécois living in Alberta, near Banff. I agree so much with your rule number 5, as I tend to notice it where I'm living right now. When I say "thank you" to people, most of them answer "yeah". If I only take into consideration my social norms, it is INCREDIBLY impolite, even hostile. All Québécois I asked about it said they thought exactly like me but we know it's part of the anglophone culture - at least in Alberta. But there's always a moment of doubt when it happens and where you ask yourself if you've done something wrong or upsetting 😅
Same here. Im in Edmonton and it was really perplexing when i vomed here. 😊👍
Je dois dire que quand je tiens la porte ouverte ou que je l'ouvre pour quelqu'un, je m'attends à ce que cette personne me remercie par un simple "Merci!" (ce qui n'est malheureusement même pas toujours le cas) et on en reste là, sauf si on veut lier connaissance bien sûr!
I have the feeling that it’s Continental European social norms you’re describing 🙂. All the points you mentioned are also valid here in Switzerland (French & German) and probably many other countries.
Child to aunt: "Bonjour !" Mother to child: "Bonjour qui ?" Child to aunt: "Bonjour Tata Nicole !" I'd also point out that some things vary by region and age. I'm from upstate New York and was always taught to say, "You're welcome."
The most polite youngsters I've ever met were in upstate New York.
Really cool video !
I'm from Geneva, in the french speaking part of Switzerland. We have almost the same culture as french do, at some exceptions. But for sure, openly speaking about your earnings (and especially bonuses) unless asked to, is often perceived as bragging.
About greetings, it's a must do. Always try to speak the locals language, at least a few words. "bonjour" "merci" "aurevoir" is a minimum. You'll be integrated waaaay quicker. And if you are here only for holidays, ask "Parlez-vous anglais ?" (do you speak english) before asking for direction or anything else; some people tend to consider persons directly speaking their mother tongue without asking if the other one understands it, as acting a bit like conquerors.
If you shake hand, do it firmly : having the feeling to squeeze a dead fish is worse than not shaking hand at all (for me and most of my friends at least).
If you want to engage in small talk with a stranger, try to start with something like "Excusez-moi de vous déranger"(excuse me for bothering you), it'll be perceived as less awkward.
And one thing, dear americans. On the public transports, in shops, cafés or in the streets, DON'T SPEAK THAT LOUD ! That's REALLY perceived as rude.
EDIT : and about the baby shower... there's not enough facepalm GIFs on the Internet to express what most of the Europeans think about it 😅
These are excellent points. I'm American, and the hand shake is a big deal for me. I was raised on the importance of a firm handshake, and when one of my countrymen hands me the "limp fish" alternative, I cannot help but judge. :)
As a French person myself, working daily with Northern Americans among which many Americans, your video is super useful. I't so thankful for the reverse lesson it's teaching me: now, I understand why I feel such a cultural shock with several of my coworkers. Great video! I would invite my fellow compatriots to watch it too!!
it's so interesting to watch this video as a French person, and you're totally right !
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
I was living in France when they transitioned from the franc to the €. During the transition, money was ALL the French talked about. All of the prices got rounded up.
mmm hmmm
Ha ha this was a very special moment, I remember so many of us going down in the streets to get the first euro banknotes from the "cash bots" (?? don't know how you call these things).
@@AlainNaigeon un guichet automatique = an ATM (Automated (bank) Teller Machine) Yes, I remember picking up little fishnet bags of coins at the bank to get used to the new money. I still have some bags somewhere. For years after, receipts showed amounts in both FF and €.
@@AlainNaigeon You'd say "an ATM" for a "distributeur de billet".
When I visited the US, I found the consistent "You're welcome" in response to thank-yous quite jarring. It came across like they were making a lot bigger deal of it than the situation deserved. In Australia, if it is something minor, like holding a door open, there would usually be no response the "Thanks" you are likely to get. If it is something more significant, if, say, you went a fair bit out of your way to assist someone else, then "No worries", in a dismissive tone, is the most likely response.
Guess there will always be something that will offend
The French on the other hand answer with a mix of French and English " no souci"
You're welcome, in response to a thank you, is considered good manners in the US. Perhaps you're viewing this from your own lens and cultural norms. You're welcome in the US is akin to, "Thank you for saying thank you."
@@towaritch "pas de souci " est une expression française
@@ybreton6593 oui mais pas le ridicule " No soucy"
Very interesting for a french person like me to hear an outsider's point of vue on our social habits ! I think some shops here would probably refuse to serve you at all if you don't say bonjour before asking for stuff. It's really a huge faux pas, almost an insult.
Also I find the last advice very strange. From my experience it's perfectly ok to compliment someone on what they wear and even ask where they bought it. I think the person who gave you a bad look at the gym was probably just weird herself !
It depends, in Paris it’s actually rude to invade space and intimacy by asking private questions to someone you don’t know. There is also a trust issue because of the common sexual harassment on the street.
Very true. I’m French and I can tell you that when we grow up, we’re taught that there are 3 things you never discuss in public: money, religion and politics. That’s because you’re guaranteed arguments. 😊 and you don’t want that. So we keep it private.
I'm a New Zealander and was brought up the same way. Also not to ask a lot of personal questions when meeting people. It would be considered the height of rudeness.
Loved the video! When my mom was visiting, she loved going to the hypermarché and would always chat up the people in line , starting with a complement about shoes, dress, bag. Only once did she get a glare. One lady even responded in English to her before I could explain in French what she was saying. Did not know about the birthday cake or lack of baby showers. The woman across the street from us was very pregnant when we moved in. After she came home with a new baby, I noticed gifts on her doorstep. Now Covid had just started, so I wasn’t sure if this was the norm. I baked her some small yogurt cakes and she brought me a sweet note of thanks and flowers from her garden.
How sweet of u. Happy holidays.
I wonder if it’s considered bad luck to celebrate a baby not yet born.
@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi no it is not consider bad luck. To us (I am French), it is just weird to celebrate something that did not happen yet. It would be the same to celebrate a birthday one month in advance. It just makes no point. Also, we see it as an opportunity to meet the baby once he or she is born.
@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi the baby may not be born alive, which makes it difficult to the parents.
@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi That's the main reason why. There are lots of things you would not or would do in France because of superstition and tradition, even nowadays
I would struggle sooo much with the casual socialization aspect. I'm extremely extroverted; I'm just really fascinated by and enjoy people. For the French, I would be like the proverbial bull in a fine china shop. Thanks for the insights Diane 🙏🏻
You're so welcome!! Thanks for watching, Kimberly!
In France extroverted American ladies are welcome.
Kimberly, the French are fascinated by people as well. You can have profound discussions on likes, dislikes, motivations... and the people who will like you are those who are interested in foreigners. All my close French friends here have a bit of a fascination for "the other," and that helps me get around any *faux pas* I may make!
Hey Kimberley,did you know that in french the proverb says "like an ELEPHANT in a china shop"? ;)
Do not be afraid to be yourself with the French. Smile and positive attitude are always appreciated anywhere on this planet. Let the Americans be american, let the French be french. Then,with respect and understanding,the differences become the little thing who make the difference!
A Frenchman as amused as he was fascinated by the enthusiasm of the Americans.
note, France and especially Paris is very diverse. The Algerian owned pizza/ coffee house I love to grab a late night snack at, the owner will give you his famous coffee (you will drink it) and he will want to know your entire history "How many visits to France?" and "Where do you live?" and give you a nick name that he'll call you when you return the next year. His English is wonderful, and he is a FRENCH CITIZEN. Just his parents were from Algeria (which was owned by the French). They will more than join you in your extrovert behavior.
I'm French and well your point of vue is really clever. Your are very experienced well done !
Really appreciate that. Thanks, Jules!
SUCH good advice and SO well explained and put in context...
I'm Irish and as a matter of course you'd always greet a salesperson before your request and always thank them before leaving. When I came to Canada people often remarked about it, but over time I had to smile when I noticed that when with me they did the same !
That's the first difference I noticed between the UK and Ireland: people acknowledge your existence, even if they don't know you in Ireland. Then we wonder why the world prefers the Irish.
@@lyntallon6325 such a small thing, but amazing how much better everyone feels, giver and receiver
I don’t know where you live in Canada but where I live it’s common to greet the salesperson and thank them afterwards.
I'm from the U.S. Nooooo - talking about money is so gauche! As far as birthday cake is concerned, it's truly horrible when everyone else gets a birthday cake from coworkers, and you don't. So, I guess it would be nicer to take your own treats. I have tried to teach my kids politeness, but you are right, many people don't even say "thank you" to a waiter, let alone "hello". I don't really like hugging that much, and kissing is even worse. I wish we just shook hands here. Complimenting clothing, shoes, hair, etc. is very common, and I usually tell people where I got the clothing from. I often add a disclaimer, like "Oh, it's from Walmart, but thanks."
This was very helpful, thank you! I do chat with strangers and am reviewing all things private and public as I have a friend who is more American than I am (I have lived in France and Quebec a year each during my formative years) and so I am trying to frame a conversation to explain to that person that I don't want to hear so much private info. I am also watching Private Lives, a Korean drama on netflix: a spy drama but it addresses what is private and what is not. It is a very interesting topic. Thanks again et merci bien. (And fun fact: bien is sorry in Korean)!
Your first one! It happened today! 6 hours ago, 6 hours after I wrote this comment, I went to the store IN America, and I let a man go ahead of in line. I said you were here first in the store because I noticed your jacket. It is really nice. He said it is the cheapest jacket I ever bought. Only 39 dollars! I said it is really sharp. Voila! And we are both in the 3ieme age, so I bet he has been chatting like this the same number of decades as me. It was fun!