The saddest thing is that narcissistic people DO end up getting away with leaving you scars to work through from childhood and they do run off scott free
I had a coworker who was like that. Projected superiority onto everyone in all subjects. One time we had a team building exercise to build a structure from parts to do a task. She took over and wouldn't accept input from anyone, even though some of us had excellent engineering ideas. The whole team lost the prize because of the personality of one controlling person who didn't want input from people who they didn't respect.
This will be the first holiday season I will resist my family and in-laws. Though my own weren’t ever big on holidays, my in-laws create much stress, but deny that they do., so they flip it back on me. Thinking of other places and people for myself and my husband to be with.
I'm sorry. That's so frustrating. It's wonderful that you have someone to walk this journey with you. Hope you both are able to find peace over the holiday season.
@ My husband has hinted and warned me all along as to how some members of his family do drama charades. In my ‘fawning’ ways they no doubt saw how easy it was to flip it rather than back away in politeness., I truly expected them to understand me as an individual who could be polite in any situation in order to bring peace….Not abuse 😢
I've recently started to figure out that these kind of people act almost like characters in a sports movie or an army movie. There's always a problem person in those movies and the other characters are under duress to work things out with that person, and sometimes even offer the problem person the opportunity for redemption. The real life version of the problem person acts like the same situation is playing out with him. You try to avoid them after you find out how they are, and suddenly they're inventing phantasmical redemption scenarios, such as making peace offerings in the form of objects and opportunities that you actually don't want or don't need, or they verbalize something where they're pretending to advocate for something reasonable which most people already believe without it having to be verbalized. They do that as a weak bid to seem as if they have uncommon wisdom. Whenever I hear about main-character syndrome I'm able to recall a dozen people I know who act like they're in a sports movie or an army movie. Foolish and dominant people.
Excellent video Tamra!! Very insightful bc no one wants to waste their time thinking of why they behave this way. It’s not a waste of time for you bc this is what you study (Psychology) and this is your expertise (your wheelhouse). It’s not healthy for us to ruminate on their toxic behavior. I thank you for your explanation and for your insights in all of your videos you’ve uploaded. If it weren’t for your videos we’d all be stuck ruminating and never growing or moving forward with our lives.
You're so welcome! It's great to hear how you've applied these insights to your life. 💖That's so very kind to share that with me. Thank you! And I hope this channel continues to offer good insights. Glad to have you on this channel!
My ex-husband lived a double life. In public he was social, kind, positive, helpful; in private he was angry, irresponsible, abusive in every way. I was so confused for many years. Why was he treating me and the kids so poorly yet others got his “love” and attention? I don’t care anymore. I left him after 6 years because he became physically abusive, and I snapped. I was done being nice to him and his just as narcissistic family.
It's hard to trust when you come from a family that does that to you. But there are so many good people out there, you just have to baby step your way back to trust.
Ignorant confidence means you can't be bothered with facts, and don't care enough or have the patience to do any finding out of the facts before getting up on a high horse to announce the TRUTH!!! 😂
There's a video about a theory called the five laws of stupidity and it makes a lot of sense to me. Basically it identifies stupidity as people who do harm with no benefit to themselves or others. Personally I love that definition.
Tamara, thank you for this topic. You mentioned a book? I need it! I looked a bit in the description but don’t see it. I work with a massive amount of this type and hate hatred upon eyesight is mind blowing.
😊always glad to see you in the chatbox! Here it is: www.amazon.com/Psychology-Stupidity-Jean-Francois-Marmion/dp/014313499X/ref=asc_df_014313499X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693656043032&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15749894629665611427&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9005910&hvtargid=pla-931175040179&psc=1&mcid=b840568af8293349a832883ff2eab678&dplnkId=a8e2baf1-9104-4030-a88d-f3ea3b9d1e9e We come in contact with these types of characters open. 🙄
Just read an entire report on a local Judge that was dismissed and removed from office this year by the California Office of Judicial Performance CJP on 23 acts of willful misconduct, 36 acts of prejudicial misconduct. 😂 I was reviewing the report when I missed this tonight. Case in Point 100% 😅 (*Tony Mallery, Lassen County, Ca) 😂 good riddance.
I have a similar to your friend except it was my stepfather he once tried to drive while drunk and my siblings cousin and I tried to tell him it was not a smart move and he got into the car anyway he ended up arrested for it
that's so unsettling isn't it? Someone's got your life and others in their hands and they are behaving "badly." It's rather self-centered. Thankfully you guys were hurt. He got what he was asking for it sounds like.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Yes incredibly unsettling you don't just want to take your life you want to take others lives as well talk about insensitive that's the ultimate showing of a insensitive person
What? 🤣 !! You did what? Black topped your drive way? When do you find time and energy ? Then you "Little Energizer Bunny" you get on live and support us, with these amazing, topics. Thank you, so much. These people are crazy. 🤣 As holidays are approaching, this year imm creating peace through creating all new holidays!!! 🙂
😂🤗❤😅🤓 hahahahahaha. My mom said the same thing! Love you! That laugh was needed. So glad you are finding a "small corner of this world" to have peace in, especially for the upcoming holiday. I will bringing more content on this in the coming weeks. Hope you have a good weekend.
Hi Tamara I was in your live today I talked about my dad telling my sisters I don’t love him because I declined a Thanksgiving lunch meet up. I’ve decided I think it is time to explain to him why I’ve pulled back (very low contact at the moment, though I never explained to him why) I wonder if you recommend that? I feel like it’s unfair to go no/low contact with an elderly family member without explanation.
Hi Sizzle, I understand where you are coming from. It sounds like a situation that is unhealthy to say the least. You have your reasons and I'm sure your dad is aware of the low-contact and may be asking why without asking why. The only thing I would consider before speaking to him is: "will this get me from one place to the other with him?" "Will he understand, fully understand, and we can move to a better place in our relationship?" And "will telling him my reasons result in negative or positive consequences?" You want to consider if it is worth your energy and time. I hope things work out. These dynamics are often very stressful.
Thank you so much for all you do and all of your support. It means so much to us all. I will think this through and go one day at a time. I do plan to write it in an email so he can’t twist my words or lie about what I said as he has done in the past. It may be a letter I write and never send like I did once with my sister. I look forward to any discussions regarding the holidays you mentioned you will be doing soon. ❤️
44:34 this is a parent of mine omg it's so infuriating especially as they aged and now they are a senior and they harm me by not taking adequate care of themselves. I mean the basics like eating a heart healthy diet after multiple heart attacks, I don't get it I try to preach but it just causes tension and issues. She's also very indoctrinated in a restrictive religion and gives them legal rights over me her blood relative so when things go wrong I'm the last to know and everyone expects her to tell me what's up but she lacks the ability to do so adequately. Idk why medical professionals think she's competent enough to give med updates, if they took two seconds to have her repeat back to them what it looks like she understands they said it'd be obvious that the vocabulary just isn't there.
Yes, that's true! Some of these behaviors are displayed in those with substance abuse problems because their behaviors tend to be impulsive and not well thought out.
A thought I had for Jessica J about an elitist sister in law: If this is your brother's wife, and you and your brother have a good relationship, it could very well be jealousy and neediness on her part to be his one and only, the most valuable person to him. You may be a threat to her sense of superiority in some way, therefore, her dismissive attitude. This may not apply in your situation, but it's what I go through with my sister in law. If I'm on the phone with my brother, she needs him to HANG UP!! No kidding! 😂 He's unaware of her tricks, and will say to me, "Uh, gotta go - she needs me to help her with" ..... it can be as stupid and obvious as, "she needs me to go get the head of romaine lettuce out of the refrigerator for her." It's not like she's on a walker! They're both in their 50's, and can both walk, cook, and anything else they need to do. (!!!) Some people are just nuts!
The saddest thing I've ever seen, is someone illegally accessing security cameras in a homeless shelter and broadcasting them online. The people start acting like they are on reality tv... it's the most fake thing I've ever seen. They don't realize how bad it makes them look... Literally abusing other people and it is all over the internet. Idk if this should be disabled by the fbi AGAIN, or what...probably.
I am a Harris supporter and while I’m disappointed by the election I have and always have had space and patience to have civi conversations with Trump supporters but they seem to be too stuck to have such a conversation. Most just parrot talking points, yell over you while you’re presenting facts and just act angry overall. Nonetheless, I will continue to meet their fear, hate and anger with kindness.
Stay tuned for the live CHATBOX that youtube will make availble to you within 12hours of this chat ending. It TRULY is the best part!!!
💙💙 Listening to the replay while deep conditioning my hair! Curly hair!
😂I do that too with Tam's chats!
That is awesome @travlersanna! I do that too when I'm watching TH-cam!
The saddest thing is that narcissistic people DO end up getting away with leaving you scars to work through from childhood and they do run off scott free
I had a coworker who was like that. Projected superiority onto everyone in all subjects. One time we had a team building exercise to build a structure from parts to do a task. She took over and wouldn't accept input from anyone, even though some of us had excellent engineering ideas. The whole team lost the prize because of the personality of one controlling person who didn't want input from people who they didn't respect.
Proverbs 18:2
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his/her opinion. Thanks for covering this as I can relate to this. 🙏🏽🥰
Yes, thank you for quoting this. Proverbs and Ecclesiastes speak very clear about foolishness. Powerful verses. 😊
That "control" becomes an addictive behavioral pattern to these types. Like a drug! Deny them do not enable their toxic behaviors.
Very true in most cases.
@TherapistTamaraHill they get a hit. I suspect it feels like cocaine might feel. It's intentionally done.
This will be the first holiday season I will resist my family and in-laws. Though my own weren’t ever big on holidays, my in-laws create much stress, but deny that they do., so they flip it back on me. Thinking of other places and people for myself and my husband to be with.
I'm sorry. That's so frustrating. It's wonderful that you have someone to walk this journey with you. Hope you both are able to find peace over the holiday season.
@ My husband has hinted and warned me all along as to how some members of his family do drama charades. In my ‘fawning’ ways they no doubt saw how easy it was to flip it rather than back away in politeness., I truly expected them to understand me as an individual who could be polite in any situation in order to bring peace….Not abuse 😢
I've recently started to figure out that these kind of people act almost like characters in a sports movie or an army movie. There's always a problem person in those movies and the other characters are under duress to work things out with that person, and sometimes even offer the problem person the opportunity for redemption. The real life version of the problem person acts like the same situation is playing out with him. You try to avoid them after you find out how they are, and suddenly they're inventing phantasmical redemption scenarios, such as making peace offerings in the form of objects and opportunities that you actually don't want or don't need, or they verbalize something where they're pretending to advocate for something reasonable which most people already believe without it having to be verbalized. They do that as a weak bid to seem as if they have uncommon wisdom. Whenever I hear about main-character syndrome I'm able to recall a dozen people I know who act like they're in a sports movie or an army movie. Foolish and dominant people.
Excellent video Tamra!! Very insightful bc no one wants to waste their time thinking of why they behave this way. It’s not a waste of time for you bc this is what you study (Psychology) and this is your expertise (your wheelhouse). It’s not healthy for us to ruminate on their toxic behavior. I thank you for your explanation and for your insights in all of your videos you’ve uploaded. If it weren’t for your videos we’d all be stuck ruminating and never growing or moving forward with our lives.
You're so welcome! It's great to hear how you've applied these insights to your life. 💖That's so very kind to share that with me. Thank you! And I hope this channel continues to offer good insights. Glad to have you on this channel!
My ex-husband lived a double life. In public he was social, kind, positive, helpful; in private he was angry, irresponsible, abusive in every way. I was so confused for many years. Why was he treating me and the kids so poorly yet others got his “love” and attention? I don’t care anymore. I left him after 6 years because he became physically abusive, and I snapped. I was done being nice to him and his just as narcissistic family.
Same here. Ex comes from a highly narc family. Last straw was when he became physically abusive. We left him the day he hit me for the 2nd time.
@@writer1986 Same exact experience. Everyone got Mr Wonderful EXCEPT for me and the kids. Violent hell.
Thiswas so good Tam😢 thank you for sharing this. My dad was foolishness and I couldn't take him anymore. I married and moved away.
Oh yes, I remember this. I'm so glad you were able to walk away.
It's hard to trust when you come from a family that does that to you. But there are so many good people out there, you just have to baby step your way back to trust.
Narcs view driving as a race or competition lol they refuse to let anyone get ahead of them smh its the silliest thing to witness
And very stressful to ride with such a person.
I can't thank you enough! I had a great conversation with my young cousins about boundaries, even if we're family.
You're welcome! 😊 I understand these challenges can be tough to go through.
Ignorant confidence means you can't be bothered with facts, and don't care enough or have the patience to do any finding out of the facts before getting up on a high horse to announce the TRUTH!!! 😂
There's a video about a theory called the five laws of stupidity and it makes a lot of sense to me. Basically it identifies stupidity as people who do harm with no benefit to themselves or others. Personally I love that definition.
Tamara, thank you for this topic.
You mentioned a book? I need it! I looked a bit in the description but don’t see it.
I work with a massive amount of this type and hate hatred upon eyesight is mind blowing.
😊always glad to see you in the chatbox! Here it is:
www.amazon.com/Psychology-Stupidity-Jean-Francois-Marmion/dp/014313499X/ref=asc_df_014313499X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693656043032&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15749894629665611427&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9005910&hvtargid=pla-931175040179&psc=1&mcid=b840568af8293349a832883ff2eab678&dplnkId=a8e2baf1-9104-4030-a88d-f3ea3b9d1e9e
We come in contact with these types of characters open. 🙄
So very helpful Tamara..thank you!❤
You are so welcome!🤗 And thank you.
Thank you for the information needed this
You're welcome! This is a vital topic we have to discuss more.
Just read an entire report on a local Judge that was dismissed and removed from office this year by the California Office of Judicial Performance CJP on 23 acts of willful misconduct, 36 acts of prejudicial misconduct. 😂 I was reviewing the report when I missed this tonight. Case in Point 100% 😅
(*Tony Mallery, Lassen County, Ca)
😂 good riddance.
I’m so glad I found your channel. Thank you kindly Tamara, very insightful topics ❤
Welcome! Glad to have you!! Glad this is helpful to you too!
And thank you for your kind comment.
We all do dumb stuff at 18
Thank you alot for sharing your work and experence ❤❤❤❤❤❤for free even tho you paid to learn all of this again thank you ❤❤❤❤
Thanks!
You're welcome! 🙂And thank you for the super chat!
Great video❤appreciate you
You're welcome! 🙏🏾 Glad it resonated with you.
Thank you for being.
I have a similar to your friend except it was my stepfather he once tried to drive while drunk and my siblings cousin and I tried to tell him it was not a smart move and he got into the car anyway he ended up arrested for it
that's so unsettling isn't it? Someone's got your life and others in their hands and they are behaving "badly." It's rather self-centered. Thankfully you guys were hurt. He got what he was asking for it sounds like.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Yes incredibly unsettling you don't just want to take your life you want to take others lives as well talk about insensitive that's the ultimate showing of a insensitive person
@jeremy19175 😢 My husband can relate
Texas has the worst drivers-lots of stupid.
And DC😂
CALIFORNIA king og of bad drivers.
No, it's the transplants! They are not used to being considerate of others or mindful.
If you're living with narcs the best thing to do is to become a strong willed person. The narcs. Will avoid you.
No… they will work together to tear you down and then dump you
@@laurareedy8852 That's a preferable outcome than being around so-called people like those!
What? 🤣 !! You did what? Black topped your drive way? When do you find time and energy ? Then you "Little Energizer Bunny" you get on live and support us, with these amazing, topics. Thank you, so much. These people are crazy. 🤣 As holidays are approaching, this year imm creating peace through creating all new holidays!!! 🙂
😂🤗❤😅🤓 hahahahahaha. My mom said the same thing! Love you! That laugh was needed.
So glad you are finding a "small corner of this world" to have peace in, especially for the upcoming holiday. I will bringing more content on this in the coming weeks. Hope you have a good weekend.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂so true. She posted a picture last year of her backyard space after creating a patio. Gurl's got some strong work ethic 😅
Hi Tamara I was in your live today I talked about my dad telling my sisters I don’t love him because I declined a Thanksgiving lunch meet up. I’ve decided I think it is time to explain to him why I’ve pulled back (very low contact at the moment, though I never explained to him why) I wonder if you recommend that? I feel like it’s unfair to go no/low contact with an elderly family member without explanation.
Hi Sizzle, I understand where you are coming from. It sounds like a situation that is unhealthy to say the least. You have your reasons and I'm sure your dad is aware of the low-contact and may be asking why without asking why. The only thing I would consider before speaking to him is: "will this get me from one place to the other with him?" "Will he understand, fully understand, and we can move to a better place in our relationship?" And "will telling him my reasons result in negative or positive consequences?"
You want to consider if it is worth your energy and time.
I hope things work out. These dynamics are often very stressful.
Thank you so much for all you do and all of your support. It means so much to us all. I will think this through and go one day at a time. I do plan to write it in an email so he can’t twist my words or lie about what I said as he has done in the past. It may be a letter I write and never send like I did once with my sister. I look forward to any discussions regarding the holidays you mentioned you will be doing soon. ❤️
@@TherapistTamaraHill I sent it. Now I have some closure and can go no contact with a clear conscience.
Good for you. I truly hope that for you.
Listening to your videos makes me realise the mess one is in😢
44:34 this is a parent of mine omg it's so infuriating especially as they aged and now they are a senior and they harm me by not taking adequate care of themselves. I mean the basics like eating a heart healthy diet after multiple heart attacks, I don't get it I try to preach but it just causes tension and issues. She's also very indoctrinated in a restrictive religion and gives them legal rights over me her blood relative so when things go wrong I'm the last to know and everyone expects her to tell me what's up but she lacks the ability to do so adequately. Idk why medical professionals think she's competent enough to give med updates, if they took two seconds to have her repeat back to them what it looks like she understands they said it'd be obvious that the vocabulary just isn't there.
Some of this sounds like alcoholism.
Yes, that's true! Some of these behaviors are displayed in those with substance abuse problems because their behaviors tend to be impulsive and not well thought out.
A thought I had for Jessica J about an elitist sister in law: If this is your brother's wife, and you and your brother have a good relationship, it could very well be jealousy and neediness on her part to be his one and only, the most valuable person to him. You may be a threat to her sense of superiority in some way, therefore, her dismissive attitude. This may not apply in your situation, but it's what I go through with my sister in law. If I'm on the phone with my brother, she needs him to HANG UP!! No kidding! 😂 He's unaware of her tricks, and will say to me, "Uh, gotta go - she needs me to help her with" ..... it can be as stupid and obvious as, "she needs me to go get the head of romaine lettuce out of the refrigerator for her." It's not like she's on a walker! They're both in their 50's, and can both walk, cook, and anything else they need to do. (!!!) Some people are just nuts!
Please tell me anyone if you know healthy families, workplaces, schools, neighborhoods?
Hola, Eric from Jackson Mississippi
Welcome Eric!
The saddest thing I've ever seen, is someone illegally accessing security cameras in a homeless shelter and broadcasting them online. The people start acting like they are on reality tv... it's the most fake thing I've ever seen.
They don't realize how bad it makes them look... Literally abusing other people and it is all over the internet.
Idk if this should be disabled by the fbi AGAIN, or what...probably.
❤❤📗🖊️
You can use the word dunce bat !! Its perfect ..its not even in the dictionary 😂😂😂 instead of stupidy 😂😂😂😂
I am a Harris supporter and while I’m disappointed by the election I have and always have had space and patience to have civi conversations with Trump supporters but they seem to be too stuck to have such a conversation. Most just parrot talking points, yell over you while you’re presenting facts and just act angry overall. Nonetheless, I will continue to meet their fear, hate and anger with kindness.
They are both same..dont you get it..antichrist is coming they don't care about you and your opinion
Thanks!
You're welcome! Thank you!!