My Autism Complimented His Narcissism Nicely
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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hey page names chris. I really love the work you do for autism. i have it to mildly. i loved your vid on mark rober.
Oh yeah, (Hey Paige! Visual spatial puzzles have been my jam forever!) Didn't know it was free... If you don't see me for a few days ( or months), blame June!😊
Yup! Called it I'm addicted. (Thanks?) One issue which I hope you can pass on to the creators. In scene 4 (gate), what they refer to as crystal carafe is actually a crystal decanter ( they are completely different things. Old people know what I'm talking about.
Paige Layla , always love your vids and are a great inspiration! I’m starting my channel soon ! We need to collab ! Lol my name is June !
Watching from the UK 🇬🇧 ❤
Props to that dude's mom for actually owning up to her mistakes and trying to do something about it. Recognizing that cycle is EXCRUCIATING, especially when you've abused someone else. I relate to this so much all around.
The call from his mother really reminds me of my childhood. My dad has NPD & had 10+ wives & girlfriends (at separate times) during my entire childhood. My siblings and I tried everything we could to get the girlfriends to run, we knew how much of a negative impact our dad had on them. But my dad had such a hold on these broken naive women that they would literally ignore our cries to them. 1-6 years later they’d finally leave for good completely broken and depressed, not even knowing who they are anymore. It’s an extremely vicious cycle, I’m not religious but god help any women that are with my dad & your ex boyfriend right now.
Its funny how people who have achieved the least, contributed the least, and look the most plain or unattractive have the biggest egos. I'm appalled at people with high body counts...I had an older man who stalked me complain about his mistress cheating on him and the complete ignorance of someone like that to not even care how their wife might have felt about the whole thing is eye opening. I hope we can raise new generations of boys who treat girls and women with respect and have a new egalitarian approach to relationships that dont involve using people.
@@PaulyShore898Dont hold your breath. You kind of have to protect yourself really. Personal responsibility, bravery are called for: or else the Monsters will never be vanquished
@@PaulyShore898 I don't think there's any harm in "shopping around", especially when you're young, if you're respectful, considerate and honest. A revolving door can be a fun time, a meatgrinder usually isn't though.
These people have a way of finding their way to the vulnerable, insecure people pleasers somehow. In a lot of victims there's a pattern of dating abusive people, and they're often bad at clocking the warning signs regardless of if they're on the autism spectrum or not.
I've had a handful of women thank me for just kind of modeling a different way of viewing the actions of men, standing up for myself, and knowing my worth. I think it's important to have a support system, to break the cycle.
I also don't think we should make the mistake of blaming mothers for their bad sons. Men are responsible for their own bullshit. If you're going to blame a parent, you should be blaming the one that would actually potentially model how to be a man around women.
I can relate a lot. I think it is very hard for non-autistic people to understand the actual meaning behind certain messages or body language of autistic people. And so it leads to people crudely trying to attack or remove parts of who we are. I dont know about you but I'm not gonna change me, or silence myself.. (lost in translation, autistic version)
I have both changed and silenced myself many times over the years and I am struggling to stop doing so and get back to when I was more like my true self.
Definitely keep to that! Do not bow to the whims of anyone who tries to change who you are at the core. Someone should not be trying to change your personality, interests, or cares.
No i think they are low iqs who dont understand anything at all
Watched this thinking “nah, don’t relate” (Autistic, ADHD) because this isn’t my marriage. Took a full 48 hours and it smacked me in the memory face: I totally repressed the abusive relationship I had at 16 when a 21-yr-old pursued, love bombed, groomed, isolated, broke, and left me. “But he’s a nice church boy!” Please.
YIIIIKESSS
HOPING YOU'RE HEALING AND HAPPYY NOW
Narcissist church boys are the worst because they perfected the art of being hypocrites. And how come your church let a 21 year old go out with you without minimum scrutiny?
You sound insane no wonder he left you lol
Oh no, im sorry!!
US Neurodivergent folk, tend to attract toxic people in our lives sadly.
I've definitely experienced this lots.
Im one of the 10. Happy Thursday Paige.
You can learn to attract healthier people. Work on your issues in therapy if you can. I was abused but I learned what signs to look for and worked on my self esteem so I didn't feel like I deserved abuse.
@@Catlily5 This is true. Even if you don't intuitively notice the signs, you can learn what is usually said and done. An even more important part is deprogramming yourself. A lot of people with a track record of abusive partners have a hard time feeling loved if a partner respects their boundaries and trusts them instead of being insanely jealous and possessive. Learning what a good dynamic usually looks like is just as important as learning what a not so great one looks like!
@@KattReen True, it is good to learn what to avoid AND what to look for!
At this point i dont think i can involve in another one, i just want to rest
@@Yaelah-ws9rq Rest is good in between relationships.
I actually had a Narcissist tell me my Autism was an excuse lol.
I had one telling me my genetic auto immune disease was lazyness. The gaslight is hard with narcs.
Emotionally immature people do that to people who struggle with ADHD too.
@@aperta7525They use your weaknesses to shame you. So many autistic people are targeted by narcissist because they have high empathy.
Always had narcissistic partners until i met my current one. Going strong after 17 years and we’re both weird and we both know it 😂
So happy for you. I'm waiting for my non narcissistic partner I think I deserve it
@@sysyeof course you do, hope you find them
So happy for you
JUST SITTING THERE WHILE THEY DO OTHER STUFF?? Lol sir I could be doing a little craft or nap right now, but instead I'm holding your couch down?? Noooo! Girl this is so relatable so far, I'm so happy to hear you describe relationships bc this is where I stress myself out the most & where my biggest "I'm not a standard brain!!" flags pop up
I have been on the other part of a relationship with similar dynamics that you describe before, a NPD/BPD/autistic bf. I'm sorry you (and others) went through this. It's not good for anyone involved.
NPD in my experience can often happen out of this inner urge to have control, over themselve, situations, people, things. Probably arising out of never having control with their parents. People doing stuff to them instead of with them. So they learned, "hey I need to do the same". So whenever there is a fight, they want to keep the narrative straight on their worldview. Leading to a complete inability to do any perspective taking at all. (EDIT: thinking about it again, any adverse childhood experiences could be the cause. Where you feel out of control and the important indicator is, you try to seek control any way possible.)
Oh and "being in love with the idea of you" is a perfect description of that phenomenon of being crazily in love. Since NPD parents can cause BPD children, BPD is in my experience kind of the perfect counterpart to NPD. The same thing can happen to the victim. It's just that love for the ideal version of a person. And that keeps us inside of that cycle.
For him (NPD) something like a RO-DBT therapy would probably work the best. It's for people who can't let go of control. While normal DBT, is more about volatile emotionality with too little control of them (BPD).
Oh I’ll have to look up that type of DBT. I have BPD and am autistic (yes, I probably have NPD in my family) People with NPD feel so inadequate and many hate themselves too…just like those of us with BPD…but express those feelings by harming people around them to build themselves up. It’s part of their survival mechanism.
@@ReineDeLaSeine14 for sure! you are right about the NPD people feeling very insecure under the surface. Their behaviour patterns are also very simple, reacting situationally by controlling for survival. You are right, I also came to see NPD as very similar to BPD. There are a couple of statistics out there that don't exclude both from cooccurring. 👉IF you are interested in RO-DBT, I can recommend a youtube playlist by "Jennifer May, Ph.D." about RO-DBT. It's like a full on course where you can understand it and how to use it. She explains it very nicely.👈
I always described my experience with BPD in the past like "very socially dysfunctional way to try to control situations" 😄
With NPD on top of everything, you just shut down or selectively use the empathy for other people. So it's easier to not feel immediately guilty until something scratches on the surface like criticism, then it's "" or "" mode.
One of the 10 here, thank you for speaking to us. Raised to be a people pleaser and regularly thought it's fine.
Yep
Thank you for having the courage to talk about this and for being vulnerable enough to talk about this so it can help people out - there’s so much value in just opening up about our experiences in this way ❤
Defining you the way he did - in such general terms - is called snapshotting. You explain it perfectly.
I was groomed by a 22 year old at 15 and we dated from the time I was 16 to 19. He was a textbook narcissist. Looking back, all 3 of us younger women he dated and abused back then (idk what he’s doing now) were clearly neurodivergent. ☹️
On the advice or my therapist, psychiatrist and close friends I cut off my mother five years ago and recently my only sister (who unfortunately behaves just like our mother). My mother was physically abusive when I was a child (as well as emotionally, but more so after I became a teenager) but that ended once I physically stood up to her at age 15. (Scared her something fierce). My sister (who is 13 years younger than me, the result of an affair my mother had) was mostly raised by me, an Autistric male with anger issues. I physically abused her like my mother had me until I realized she was afraid of me (I had an epiphany that I had become the person I most despised) and so I vowed to be her supporter, her friend against a common enemy and to never lay a hand on her ever again. That was a promise I have kept since, some 38 years later.
Unfortunately my sister was diagnosed with ADD (this was in the 80's by the way) and put on Ritalin at age six. It helped her but she became addicted. At age 17 her doctor took her off the drug without weaning her first, he simply stopped issuing her refills because everybody knows Ritalin isn't habit forming (it's as addictive as heroin). My sister started to self-medicate. This behavior was supported by our thrice divorced mother. My beautiful sister became an addict. She became pregnant, lost her child due to her drug use. Got married to another addict, sold her body for drug money (with her husband's approval). Got pregnant again, lost her child and her freedom due to drug use. Spent two 1/2 years in a women's prison. Got out and immediately started using again, despite overtures of "I've changed, God saved me, etc."
All through this time she sought the approval of her father (who remarried and who seemed to care more for her step daughter than his biological one). His new wife didn't want him having contact with his daughter and I wasn't even a concern since I wasn't his biologically anyway. I was told to my face "I'm not your Father and I will never be your Father." Harsh words said to a 13 year old kid.
My sister tried to have a relationship with the only parent she had left (her Dad passed away from throat cancer) but our mom only dealt with her so long as my sister had custody of her kids, when she lost that, she lost our mother's "approval."
Thankfully others have seen through our mother's narcissism as she lives her life in solitude, waiting to die (which can't come soon enough for me).
As for my sister and myself. She is still an addict though weed is her drug of choice instead of all the narcotics she used to do. The drugs have ravaged her body, she looks older than me (I'm 53) and is just as mentally abusive towards me as my mother ever was. I thought she might change. I would buy her gifts for her birthday (only to discover later that she had sold them to buy drugs). I never became close to her husband, it's my opinion that he thinks she's the best he can get and since she's not held down a legitimate job since she was 15 (prostitution doesn't count) she would be on the street if it wasn't for him.
She started to treat me as an ATM and someone to vent to but heaven help me if I disagreed with her. I realized that the little girl I had taken care of and grown up with was gone and there was this vampire in her place who kinda resembled my sister but wasn't her. I realized I didn't know her at all and for my own self protection I had to cut her off as well. This is the second attempt as I felt bad for cutting her out of my life, only to have her reinforce ny original opinion of her by her resorting to defamation when I refused to pander to her playing the victim.
Due to my own shortcomings I have never sustained a long term relationship and the few times I was in one, I invariably sought out narcisstic women. Codependency. I have never been married, no kids and I'm just kiving day to day. I havew given up the dream of being married because I realized I'm too old, have nothing to offer anyone and honestly I just don't trust women all that much.
Trust is definitely hard to build especially with a lifetime of trauma but believe me when I say you are not too old. As a human being, there is no way you don't have anything to offer
Oh my god yes this.
I been a teenager in a similar situation and now that im 28 like .... WHAT THE HELL
I even find 20year olds and 23y olds to be children. Teenagers are babies. I dont see how anyone in their sane mind could have perceived my teenage immature, chaotic and autistically messed up self, as an equal and adequate longterm romantic partner.
And yea same story here, been sad and vulnerable, with no support system. And he was the only one listening, helping and being around. He took advantage of that.
I did date someone 2 years older as a teenager, and that did work out because we were on the same page. But all the others that showed interest in me like sheesh. Dodged a bullet for sure there
Its shocking how narcissists always find themselves in relationships
Ironically, they’re the type of people that are the most desperate to be in relationships.
Usually, they end up in less and less relationships over time, to the point where they are completely alone by the age of 50.
On the spectrum here, and let me tell you, I seem to attract the narcissistic man. Nearly every relationship I had was with a narcissist. And every time I was so caught up in the moment, I didn't see the red flags. It's the love bombing part that gets me every time. And before I know it, I'm knee deep in psychological trauma. Sadly, one of them is my daughter's father so I'm stuck dealing with him for eternity. The only way to rid yourself of a narcissist is to go no contact, but sadly, I'm court ordered to have contact with him, so kind of puts me in a pickle. My therapist is making a small fortune off of this set up honestly.
I'm in the same situation with my son and his father. Good news is that as our children grow, the less contact we have with the other parent.
I can't go no contact too, but I avoid the abuse being far away from him as I can. Minimum contact, a lot of exhausting masking and keeping quiet if I have to see him, but It's the only thing that can keep me safe!
@@panasado7886 I wish I could move far away, sadly because of the custody ruling, I am forced to stay within a 45 minute from his house. *sigh. And now with his GF about to likely pass on, I am going to have to deal with him directly more often, which is likely going to kill me with the amount of stress that brings to my life.
@@randomreactions16 I'm sorry you have to deal with him like that. It might help to cut emotional ties, but It's difficult and it doesn't stop the arguments. I'm still working on it, but In my case, I'm learning to just "Not care" even if what he says hurts and stresses me out. I don't deserve his abuse, therefore I won't engage.
Something that motivates me in my situation is my son. I know is messed up to be near an abusive person and having to just "suck it up", but I feel like I need to be there for him. I want to take care of him and make sure that he's in good hands
"Shiny pretty rock." Quote of the day.
it‘s truly incredible how clearly you can now see and explain it. youre so self reflected, it‘ s amazing! i hope you‘re doing good 💓
PROJECTIONS ARE CONFESSIONS.
Narcissists will tell you exactly what theyre doing through accusations. Nondisordered people often do this subconsciously too.
what they say their ex did is usually exactly what they did to the ex. If they speak badly about the ex, its to discount them. If the ex reaches out to you, believe her.
The way a man speaks of his mother and their relationship will tell you a lot. There is a big difference between soeaking badly of someone and speaking honestly.
Guys date much younger when theyre unable to date their own age group. Be insulted not flattered.
Dude. Allllllll of this.
My bio mom and my ex husband are both extremely narcissistic and you described so much of how those relationships were and how they made me feel.
Also me processing things differently was always an issue. Like I’d get yelled at about being autistic because I didn’t have the outward emotional reaction they expected me to have.
What hit me the most is when in your story, you realized your ex'ts toxicity by connecting it to your father's behavior. I'm autistic too and I'm like 99.99% sure my dad has NPD and I have the trauma to prove it. It really sucks how common it is for us autistics to be in relationships with narcissists even if it wasn't romantic/a family member.
My mother is a subclinical vulnerable narcissistic, but without the manipulative part. The level of traits she showed was low enough that it wasn't particularly bad for my non-autistic siblings, but has had a huge effect on me. Autism and narcissism are a terrible combination on interpersonal relationships. A good relationship to an autistic person requires some forgiveness, yet my mother just had to give me long scoldings for small mistakes.
Interestingly, I’m autistic and come from a line of people who may have been narcissists, and have had some of those traits myself. I was affected by my family to the point I developed BPD and not NPD. My involved family members did have the manipulation part and I couldn’t pick up on it.
@@ReineDeLaSeine14i have bpd & npd from a similar situation & my brother has npd w/o the bpd (we r both also autistic so bit of a clusterfuck)😵💫 its kinda sad to see a whole comment section talking ab cluster b’s when its rly just ab getting treatment :/ ive never been abusive but the closest 2 abusive traits iv ever displayed have usually come from my bpd honestly but ppl dont realise bpd is a cluster B disorder really bc its harder to stigmatise than npd and aspd😵💫
@@alexanderh8129i'm so sorry, pls don't listen to this comment section... honestly shocking to see so much ableism on a channel focused on neurodivergence :/
clicked on this video purely to see if anyone was pointing out the demonization of ppl w NPD in the comments
@@amanda4131me 2 it was disappointing but not at all surprising
Honestly I relate to this too much. Im not diagnosed with anything but I dated someone almost identical to your ex, from the going over to his house to just sit next to him and do nothing while he plays video games, like this grown 20 yr old would invite me over when i was 16 on a school night and then hed put on his headset and talk to other people while i just sat there until past midnight and get mad if i wanted to go home. All his exes were "crazy" and his mom was also so toxic and he'd always bitch about her. And he HATED so many things about me, he would constantly tell me how to act and what to like and it would cause arguments if i did something innocent he didn't like. He'd SA me constantly because i was so young i didnt have experience with a health s*x life. And then he'd cheat on me with girls younger than me which was tbe biggest red flag. Anyway this year he finally got arrested for cp and he's facing four life sentences and his trial is this month so karma really did its thing. Im in lots of therapy, 20 years old and raising my daughter with my beautiful girlfriend, and just started college this year. Healing takes a lot of work but its definitely possible :)
I ain’t even watch this video yet and I feel you girl
Beautiful smart girl you look like an older version of one of my daughters like a pixie fairy so emotionally intelligent kudos to you 💕
This is the healing content I am so excited to hear from you !
Thank you so much for making these videos!! You’d have no idea how much this helps people❤
This video needs way more interaction.
I think more people should hear this message fr.
Thank you for sharing your story! I went through something almost the exact same, it’s actually crazy. My guy was also 18 turning 19 when I was 16. This made me feel less alone, less bad about the affect he has on me to this day (im 20 now). I haven’t been diagnosed with autism, but it has always been a floating thought. I’m just so glad to know I wasn’t alone in that, and that the things that happened to me aren’t because I deserve it, and simply because some people are just not good people.
I sometimes feel like all girls that get out of toxic relationship were dating just the same dude. Like how is that even possible that every time I listen to stories with narcissistic exes they all behave just like my ex!! Not letting you to be alone ☑, getting angry every time you dig in deeper ☑, getting angry when you're sad ☑, liking only the superficial stuff about you ☑, way older than you!!! ☑, accusing you of everything ☑. And then the obsession and trauma and hurt. Feeling like an addict with that person and like on very tough rehab without them. I actually believe that most songs and movies about passionate love are based on those kind of toxic relationships, that's why it's so easy for us to think that this is normal and good. That this is how it supposed to be!! But no! Now I'm with a super healthy and loving guy, same age as me, and gosh I've never felt so loved and cared for in my life! That was so triggering at first cuz of course my ass at first couldn't believe I deserve it but when I healed and let my guy to give me that love. GOSH. Toxic relationships like in songs or movies completely TURN ME OFF. How could I liked that I have no idea. So I just wish you all girlies to find your person that actually truly loves you. It's life changing!
Oof! Did not expect the parallels when I clicked on this video. I've said my mother groomed me for my husband to have easy pickin's. One of the hardest things I've ever done, and that I'm so profoundly proud of, was divorcing him. It took 25 years of my life but I did it. Less than two months later he had an autistic girlfriend, twenty years younger than me, he moved into the house. I see how he manipulated her the same way he manipulated me. I felt for her knowing I couldn't rescue her. (Anything I could possibly do to help would be spun as evidence I was obsessed, crazy, or vengeful.) I figured if she ever got out alive, I'd just give her the contact info for our local domestic violence shelter.
But, dang, does this ever affirm that I was played. I'm glad I got out, have been learning boundaries and not having to default to appeasing others, that it's ok and even right and good that I set a direction for my life and live it for myself. But, yah, this is so affirming. There really are predators out there who target autistic women because, especially if we were neglected (or even abused) in childhood, we make the easiest prey.
OMG, I paused and posted that halfway through the video. LOL. Total parallels. :-D
I'm so glad you got out safe from that relationship! ❤ On an entirely other topic, I am subscribing 100% for that end credit song. Going to have that stuck in my head all day! 😅
Girrl you are STUNNING! Just somehow your soul speaks through and you shine physically.
"Uxor" is the most prevalent Latin term for "wife". Following the prevailing pattern of Latinate murder terms, your lacuna at 1:33 would probably be something like "uxoricide" ("mariticide" for the case of husband's demise) .
Neither of these have a red underline as I am typing; so, I assume these are the correct terms. Unfortunately, I have only ever encountered the far more boring "spousal homicide" in usage.
Father is a first male role model to every child's live. If you as a female had a narcissistic (absent, emotionally unavailable, in any form abusive, who broke child's boundaries) father, you'll be attracted to and be a magnet for the same type of people in adulthood for one simple reason - it feels like home.
"why are they always mad" good question why does it seem like they always want to fight? love and peace is less energy than a full blown war over silly things.
When I was like 8 years old, I liked a girl. Now I still cannot let loose, whilst I even live in another country by now.
It's so true that people are more often killed by people they know. It's crazy to me how my parents always talked about stranger danger when I was a kid and still are worried about me waiting for a bus in the morning as the daylight savings time ends and the days become darker and shorter. I'm just like, I'm not concerned about a random stranger killing me. I'm more likely to be killed by a friend or someone I might date in the future. Uxoricide is the term for killing of a wife. When the wife kills the husband it is mariticide according to google. That was some dark terminology I didn't think this video would make me want to research.
1 of the 10 here!! Wowzers!!!! Saw the title, and was like.... holy smokes. Every time you post I feel more validated, and less alone. I found out I'm autistic/ADHD 2 years ago.... and just as recently realized I'm not into men at all (late to gay, since i was raised to be a straight christian kid). but prior to that, I dated SEVERAL narcissistic men, one who found me when i was 19 and he was 26. He always said the right things. but he loved me for how naive i was but also how brilliant. it also ended with repeated abusive bull. I'm certain that my neurodivergence, combined with trauma, made me vulnerable to this! PS yes, finding items in search images is weirdly easy lol
Has the possibility ever occurred to anyone that these people (partners or parents) in our lives that we are labeling as narcissist are also/actually autistic too? It seems obvious to me especially those referencing their parents. ASD is highly hereditary. Late diagnosed adults especially women have often been misdiagnosed with a personality disorder earlier in their lives. I’m not suggesting that you should keep toxic people in your life. Let go of them! I just want to say that untreated or undiagnosed autism has consequences. Additionally I really believe that neurodivergent people are attracted to neurodivergent people. Which may be another way to say that people with trauma attract others with trauma. Bc all of us with ASD have experienced trauma. That’s another conversation but I’m convinced both my parents are autistic.
I spent 6 years with a man 17 years my senior from age 16-22. Something that hit me after was older men arent well adjusted to their age, so they have to dip into the kiddie pool. One day you wont be a kid, and youll be left with emotional trauma from an individual who is not mentally mature and who lives in another universe
Need to learn red flags and boundaries. Im separated from my narc husband
1:34 the struggle to figure out “which -cide?!” Is sooooo relatable. Even after defining the word, sometimes I’ll go through the whole dictionary page 😂😂😂😂😂 your awesome
Wow. Sorry you had to go through this. It resonates with me sooooo much! Unfortunately I ended up marrying him, but saw the light 10 years later.x
I know this is random but WOW you are GORGEOUS!
I'm got both ASD and ADHD.. it took me 21 years to found out that what i though relationships and sex was hurting my.. i'm 37 now.. and i don't even know what i like yet..😅
Holy cats I relate to this SO much! I’m grieving for my undiagnosed autistic child/teenaged self who was preyed upon by several grown a** men. I grieve for my young self that lost far too many years to an abusive relationship with a narcissist 10 years my senior… 😥
Love this !! You!! To bits explaining so much and I’m 43! Daughter 5!! The clues nails it!!
Not officially diagnosed, but autism runs in my family and I relate too much to those that are officially diagnosed (like my aunt, cousin, and the boy I babysit). Funnily enough, I just went through a very similar experience last February through May. Granted, I was able to pick up on things that seemed kind of off, but it took me awhile to put my finger on things.
Felt like I was constantly expected to be the image he had in his head rather than myself, and then he would get so mad at me when I didn't. Felt like he was playing a role rather than being sincere as he was constantly spewing out what I presume he thought he was supposed to say (i.e. "You're so beautiful," "I love you," etc.). It took me a while to figure out why I never felt anything when he said it. He also was always talking about his exes (and all the times they were "intimate"); it was super weird and awkward. Once he mentioned that he felt like he had to make girls feel beautiful, and that's the excuse he used on me when the truth came out that he cheated on me--one of his friends was feeling low because her boyfriend stood her up, so he had the bright idea to "make her feel beautiful" with his body. So grateful we never did anything more than holding hands, hugging, and a peck on the cheek.
Especially after experiences like this, it feels so hard to understand other people. I always say what I mean and mean what I say, so my brain subconsciously believes other people will do the same. He lied so much. I also just found out from one of my best friends that he had been expecting us to get back together after the breakup. Other people can truly boggle the mind. I told him repeatedly that I don't play when it comes to matters of the heart, but I don't think he actually took me seriously at all and just expected to manipulate me. He tried to get me to just up and leave with him, traveling across the country with him, too. There's just so much yikes. So glad I had enough sense to not agree to that, despite him bringing it up multiple times.
I can unfortunately relate, and more than once, to all of it. I told them too much in therapy, and they misdiagnosed me 😂😢. I've always been drawn to narcs in the past, and my father is the same as them. Ugh.
I’m 31, I just got out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist or someone with many traits if narcissism. A lot of what you mentioned in this video, I related to. My now recent ex said “I love you” within the first month or two of us dating and getting to know each other. My first date with them was so amazing and other worldly that I kept using that as “I want this feeling again” every time they abused me. I kept having hope that we could go back to how we were on our first date. They love bomb you in the beginning, til your hooked, and then slowly they abuse you bit by bit, almost like little tests to see how much you can handle. By the end of this relationship, I was physically abused with baseball sized bruises all over my body, I was financially broke (most narcs can’t hold down or keep a job), and had no self esteem. And to top all that off, my narcissist had done therapy in the past, a narcissist with therapy experience is dangerous. They use therapy language and terminology against you. My narc ex said I was the narc. My narc ex made me question all the times I defended myself (reactive abuse) against their mind games and abuse… to the point that I started believing them. I can’t explain how much that fcks with your head and sense of reasoning.
The gaslighting these people will put us through is insane. I’m also 31, and we split up almost 4 years ago but we have a kid so I have to deal with him and his BS forever.
I had a similar experience with my wife. It's been really painful. The main thing I felt was that there was only room for one person's needs. That person was not me.
I relate to this. I broke after 6 years together. Zero emotional reciprocity and everyone said the same thing about it, but I ignored the advice.
@@paulmryglod4802 My situation was slightly different. I had been warned that her family was mean, but I was hoping she was unique as I thought she could be her own person. She definitely has pretty privilege so because of that people would support her no matter what. Made me feel pretty worthless being the "ugly one". I'm really not that "ugly". But it was very alienating and isolating.
More people need to see this it's so so unfortunately common
Your title made me one of the 10 before even starting the video….. beyond relatable
Wow I have never clicked on something so fast but also dreaded clicking on something so quickly. Being a victim of what I can only describe as evil narcissistic abuse to the max it is so difficult but important to hear about. Narcissists target vulnerable people and Autistics are the perfect target. Gonna save this video for later, hits a little too close to home to watch right now but thanks for posting!
Paige trying to figure out what word she was thinking of at 1:39 was so funny but also so accurate because I have this problem all the time (I’m autistic, ADHD, and also OCD)
I had two long term relationships and they were both with very narcissistic people. I did a lot of healing and learned that my programming definitely made me feel drawn to those types.. however.. Learning about my autism made me see much more to the picture that I didn't see before. I was a target for all of those reasons.. and my inability to read things and trust myself because of how high masking I was, made me allow things at the start of relationships and ignore red flags. I read on how autistic people are more prone to abusive types of relationships. : (
Hey I was diagnosed ASD and ADHD at age 37 and I'm now 40. Thanks for sharing x
I'm losing hope. Nobody believed me until the start of my 30s. Its taking years to get a diagnosis.
looking at her necklace, it has the leo star sign. I'm a leo, too ☺
I'm not able to listen to this video yet. I know it's going to hit home. I had two narcissistic exes. One was a grandiose type who started physically abusing me after four years together. The next was a covert/vulnerable narcissist. I thought since he was so different from my previous relationship I would be okay. It was not okay. The second one is the one who broke me, oddly enough. It was like death by a thousand cuts. I'm completely done with relationships now.
Yeah
not a story about narcissism, but 6 months ago my girlfriend broke up with me (i'm 14 she's 15) and i don't know how i will have another relationship after this. we were both mentally ill when we met, i was a little bit more stable than her tho, everything was fine besides our constant troubles with self harm and suicidal thoughts, we both tried to help each other by talking out ourselves from this state at least a little bit. then by her words, her parents got tired from her mental illness as she changed a lot of therapists over time and nothing helped (her initial diagnosis was depression and she was prescribed prozac and it didn't seem to help her), and they had thrown her into a mental hospital for a week or so. there she was diagnosed with bpd, and also confessed to kissing a girl while being there because she was lonely, it didn't hurt me a lot considering her state at the time, so i had forgiven her and tried to comfort as best as i could. after some time she eventually asked if we could remain friends because she found another person. i knew that this could happen, i was mentally preparing myself for this as relationships at such age don't usually last for long, but still it completely broke me for whatever reason. i became very suicidal, and honestly, i consider this the worst period in my life to date. at some point i eventually asked my mom to, quote: "take me to a psychiatrist or i will fucking kill myself" and i was damn serious. she did, and i received appropriate treatment and it was fine for a while. me having a messiah complex as i usually do, i kept in contact with my ex to support her, and considered it my duty to provide help for her as she didn't have access to proper psycho- and pharmacotherapy. it got better, then worse and so on. then she lost hope and didn't want to make it better anymore, i still was persistent in my intentions of helping as i can't tolerate seeing a human being in so much pain. eventually she said that she never requested for my help in the first place, and everything she wanted was just a friend. i couldn't handle it anymore so i stopped talking to her. i don't think she was a bad person, just seeing the world through a distorted lens of depression for such a long time had drastically altered her perception of the world, and she unintentionally hurt people around her because of it. i'm not saying i wasn't wrong in this situation, in fact i still feel guilty for a lot of things that were said by me that could be avoided if i only knew what to replace it with. recently i self diagnosed with autism and possibly my ex is also autistic as i noticed a lot of similar traits between us and maybe that's why we connected so well in the first place. if someone knows how i can recover from this please tell me, because those memories are starting to take a toll on me once again. also thank you for wasting your time reading a vent from a random 14 year old, it really makes me feel less alone.
p.s. i forgot to mention that it was a long distance relationship and we never met in person
You sound so wise for your age! And your relationship sounds like my first one I had at 13 - they can be wild at that age. Everything is felt so intensely. I somehow lasted 10 months with my first bf and the break up crushed me, I didn’t think I’d ever recover! Now at age 32, I wish I could tell my 13 year old self that there will be many greater loves than that one, and that it gets sooo much easier. I definitely portrayed some borderline traits as a teen, but my relationship is extremely stable now. You have the benefit of knowing about your autism much earlier than I did, which should really help you learn why we are the way we are and to gain that emotional intelligence and maturity. You’re in the learning phase! Hang in there and keep learning :D
I'm not saying this guy wasn't a narcissist but I think its important to use the word narcissist correctly. Its a clinical term that is misused way too much in mainstream media lately. I don't like that it is thrown around so much because a lot of people with ASD present with Narcissistic traits from the outside and misuse of this term makes it harder to get past the presentation of these traits and have awareness of the root of them.
Narcissism is not a clinical word. It’s a personality trait. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the clinical diagnosis. People can be narcissistic aka “a narcissist” and it not be “clinical.” I suggest you look up Dr. Ramani’s video explaining this.
Once dated a girl that did something kind of similar to the guy that invited you to his house just to ignore you. What she did was FaceTime me for a little while, then she would randomly go to talk to her friends or cook herself a burger with me still on FaceTime looking at her ceiling. And I’m like “Hey! I’m still her! I have other things to do you know! I have to go pretty soon!”
I realized I am a Covert Narcissist. And so I took offense to this video. Especially since your story is not something I knew personally Apologies about that Paige, you were right. Life goes on.
"It's because I'm broken that I made a broken thing"...wow
Onareal though, the Mom is in a way a real one. Most think their sons can do no wrong.
Its sad that we call our autistic parents narcisists. I've noticed so many autistic people do this. Autistic parents can abusive people. They might also have a personality disorder like npd or any other disorder that ruins their relationship or ability to treat others with healthy respect and love. But we dont need to keep calling them narcisists. That word is used way too often.
I agree with this. These stories are emotionally compelling otherwise but when someone tosses that word around so liberally it just feels… icky.
Me and my son are both audhd and we both get sucked into junes journey for a couple hours lol I thought I was the only one that liked the spooky detective aesthetic in particular. Idk it felt like it makes my inner child giddy.
our experiences differ, you were the manic pixie dream girl, I was the weird guy who drank the pickle juice at the back of the fridge
I hope yoy recover from the pain youve gone through
I remember the first time I went back to my old university... "My God...they're CHILDREN... Was I that young then?"
Yoooo. It's a bit mental to me how much this sounds like a lot of my dating experience>.< Have been wondering for a while what makes us suuuuuuch a match to this bullshit. For me personally ~ I have no real boundaries 'cause they were literally beaten the fuck out of me. And I'm also genuinely confused about a lot of things 'cause all I'm accustomed to is toxic patterns. I'm working so hard on this but ohhhhh how they're fucking everywhere😭😭😭 What's helping me right now is a book called "Where to draw the line" (has a black and white cover with a man and a womans silhouette). It's genuinely eye opening but also shocking HOW MUCH I didn't know. Looking forward to your book a lot, you're great! Thank you for sharing Paige❤
Been through exactly this! I feel ya!!
This is why I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years. I was undiagnosed at the time
Which I was a woman on the spectrum instead of man on the spectrum. Most autism traits are valued in females and looked down on in men
Sorry, me again. Im watching your video and just commenting. Anyways, I relate to EVERYTHING you're saying so far. I'm listening to how he wears his headphones lol. Storytime: I woke up this morning, Sun is shining, beautiful day, I check my phone. Oh it's that narcissistic asshole texting me all the ways he likes to imagine me dying. Wonderful. I ask why. "Because you deserve it. Blocked" and blocked my number. What did I do to him? I drove him to the fucking dentist, sat in the car for over an hour while he had his checkup to drive him back home. I brought him groceries. I took care of the cat we both share. I listened to him complain about EVERYTHING and say how he thinks EVERYBODY is shitty.
OMG those Scorpios - my first husband is Scorpio...
2:05 yes. And wordsearch...
lovely video, i especially loved the end of the video song
13 seconds in and I already relate so much
This just happened to me with my first boyfriend at 41. It really sucked but he made it easy to move on after how nasty he was
I love listening to your voice!!
Im autistic and have been in abusive relationships as well. I normally enjoy watching your videos. But I wish you wouldn’t use the term “narcissism/narcist” though to describe the person, behavior and abuse. It’s perpetuates harmful stigma and ableism and sets the neurodiversity movement back
Facts
i left my friend group because they said that i was trashing on my ex girlfriend for literally just saying all the ways she abused me. and somehow she was the victim in their minds. like, everything i said was objective reality. i never said anything bad about my ex as a person except their actions and how it made me feel. people are so delusional and don't ever actually listen to what others are saying, they twist it into whatever narrative makes them feel better about themselves.
All the time❤
22:09
You SHOULD listen to other people. ESPECIALLY if it's not just one person telling you there is something wrong with someone. If there are two or more, LISTEN, ask yourself why would many people lie about something like that.
Surprise, they wouldn't, and most of the time they're telling the truth and just warning you because they don't want you to go through the same things they went through 😀👍
ALWAYS LISTEN.
Sometimes you could literally lose your life because of ignoring things like that.
AuDHD here and I CANNOT find shit in those things! I struggle so hard with those, word searches, or finding any kind of animal in a glass exhibit. Reptiles, fish, bugs, if camouflage is at all an influence in the animal, I can’t see it lol
Bro I feel you on that high schoolers thing.
YUP..we all lived the same life! the same formula: an autistic with a narcissistic living a crazy story bcz we are customized by our narc father in our crazy childhood! YAAY! except they were all ex-besties that (strangellyy??) were a variety of flavors of narcissism :) and all what is left is me going crazy ruminating and trying to convince myself they were wrong, not me :)))
THATS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, HOW I ESCAPED TOO!! (after the second time dating him as well....ugh). His dad told me about how he and his mom fucked him all up, and legit made an excuse to go to the store with me to tell me to please break up with him bc she knew he was dangerous to me (he was. In many ways). He said he was in therapy and trying to make it right, but the first thing he has to do was save me until he could try to fix himself and help his son.
Men want someone to not leave them by the themselves but they dont want to be left alone. Thus they end up inviting you around to literally just sit there. Its really annoying. I love being alone and being by myself .. i really dont want to be around someone who is needy or wants to just have you sit there.
Just started watching 3 sec but already can relate with the tittle of this video
he would get mad at my emotions after triggering my bpd and hold me down and force me to talk and be loud in my face when i wanted to hide in a ball under a blanket and i just excused alllll of his behavior as the worst case of adhd ever 😭
Yeah my ex’s mom said her son was trouble. He dated me at 17 but he was 20. Then I blocked him for two years and he also showed back up in ny life all charming, so then we dated for years as well. A lot of parallels in our story. People pleasing attracts narcs like bait
I read this title and immediately thought of my first relationship 🥲
My ex Mormon ass played it cool and was intrigued when he predominantly talked about drugs on the first date but now I’m like damn red flag from day one. We’ve grown❤ also I said hey it’s a beautiful day let’s get outside get some happy sun and paint at the park he said I mean I’ll go w u but I won’t paint. Like ok nvm I’ll go by myself.
Great, a tale as old as time. A male preying on someone weak.
Do you think you have narcissistic traits yourself?
Listen to GUTS