Signs of a real friend
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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That moment when you leave for college and everyone’s like *“stayyyyy in touchhhhh”* (never hear from them again)
Hundreds of them, and they are the ones who gossiped behind your back in the same high school
Also true when you leave from college
My best friend and is my only friend from high school that I still knee in touch with and the rest clocked out of my life but that’s how it is unfortunately
That made me think of this quote: "A real friend stabs you in the front" - Oscar Wilde
That moment when you're part of a larger friend group that splits into two halves bc of some drama and you're awkwardly stuck in the middle trying to keep in touch with both groups and eventually just end up alone
There’s also different levels of friends we have. Not every friend we have has to be really close to us. That doesn’t stop them from being your friend.
So true. My community grows when I think like this
What makes that hard for me to accept is that someone I consider my friend might not reciprocate that sentiment, and then I'll look pretty foolish 😕
And I hate when people think their friendship is superior because blah blah blah- all friendships are different as mentioned.
I think of everyone I like as acquaintance, close people as friend, and everyone else as other. I don't like labeling everyone as friend cuz we are never that close. I have like 3 friend and like 20 acquaintance.
@@bobbysmith8095 Same. I break it down into people I see in social settings, people I see too infrequently to be close friends and people I know I can rely on. I have zero of the last one.
My therapist always reminds me that it's great to have different friends for different activities and periods of life. A friend to have serious 1:1 conversations with, a friend you enjoy shopping with (includes a surface-level catch up only), a long-distance friend, and so on. It helps to ease off the pressure of finding "the one"!
Omg this is giving me inspiration to have many boyfriends hahahaha kidding
@@changminkeybum LMFAO
Those are good points ur therapist pointed out. Imma implement it.
Thanks for sharing! Very grateful since this will help many people including myself!
Anna's therapist is a gem.
Anna is my online therapist
Maybe she comes up with these stuff by herself, but it sounds more authoritative to say a therapist told her.
Pavanblazze damn
how do you know she has a therapist?
@@larryANDlaurent 3:58 she says kinda quotes her therapist
I’ve just had a really bad friendship break up with my best friend of 5 years who was like family to me, I realised I was having to change and cater myself to her needs and my own feeling were put on the back burner for her. When I realised this I started sticking up for myself and told her I didn’t like being spoke to in this manner and I feel like I’m not respected within this friendship, her response was that I was rude and selfish and a horrible friend when all I asked for was mutual respect. Thats when I realised that this wasn’t the friendship for me and opened my eyes to the wonderful people I already had in my life and how asking for my feelings to be respected is not me being selfish. Know your worth and don’t let anyone dictate who you are or your worth, you all deserve to be respected and loved. 💖
queen, glad you didn’t let her guilt trip you💗
For me it is also the same. I have a friend with whom I am friends with for already seven years. And sadly she met a man, who changed her almost completely. Now, I don't even know what to talk with her about
You go!
Real friend, it iss a rare speciesssssss
Aye. Very hard to come by
@The Bastard nope
I am real friend
Im blessed
I have 404 real friends,
but they also nowhere to be found.
Nicely done
Then they are not real...
Hahaha
Error
I'm a software developer and I can totally relate. Always sit in his computer and code, and this I git used to it. Also, const hasPartner = false;
As you evolve, your friendships do too. One of the many cycles in life.
Honestly when I'm older I want to be like my parents, they found friends that are as weird as them and they get together all the time. I grew up with there kids, I consider many of them second parents, people who love and care for eachother in a real and meaningful way. My parents taught me what real friends should look like.
That’s so cute!
Oh wow I feel this so much. When I was little I was never able to hold on to the few friendships I had and was convinced that every friendship should be made to last forever. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I made any lasting friendships and they usually lasted for 2-3 years. And when I could sense that I was losing a friend I felt like something was wrong with me. This mentality led me to hold on to relationships far longer than I should have especially when they were toxic. It didn’t really occur to me how friendships could operate similarly to romantic relationships. Just like with romantic relationships, you have to know what you want in a person. For me, honesty is super important. I have had friends who wouldn’t tell me when something was up and harbor negative feelings until it was too late to salvage the friendship. It’s also incredibly exhausting to deal with people who aren’t upfront with you since you end up second guessing everything. I would say I’m much happier with the friends I currently have and am trying my best to just appreciate my friendships in the moment and not worry about whether or not they last.
I've been in the same boat too. Holding onto relationships longer even if they were toxic b/c I got sentimental and attached to these people shaming myself for getting tired. Until I realized these people didn't care about me or reciprocate my affection and loyalty as I did towards them. And it took a recent former friend taking my financial aid and gaslighting me and my mother to realize not only was the relationship toxic but in the end, no matter what I did I would never be a real friend or human to her. It was agonizing but it made me see and take time for the people who matter in my life my mother who had cancer at the time and above all myself b/c if I truly want to take care of others I needed to take care of myself. And relationships take time and commitment and no one should ever feel obligated to give your precious time and life to someone who doesn't respect you or that time. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your post it was genuine and beautifully written. And I just wanted to let you know from my perception you are a very self-aware and compassionate person who is going to go far in life. And anyone would be lucky to know and have you as a friend or companion. I know life is hard and you've been bruised but rest assured you are not alone in your experiences and emotions. When you share these thoughts they help others in their life path and inner self. And the last thing I want to say is you are always worthy of love no matter what so take care and may you have a wonderful rest of your life.
thank you
This. This has been why my friendships have ended, too much built up stuff that no one wants to address and by the time they do, it's too late.
“Don’t call people out; call people in” - advice I got from a high schooler who is more wise than I will ever be.
Meaning, we don’t want to change what words and actions we will and won’t accept. Rather, we change how we react by asking ourselves if we are trying to make them feel bad about themselves or if we want to give them a path forward and a chance to do better.
Learning that in any relationship if they make you an option but never a priority, well that person does not deserve you.
I think it is normal that people could drift apart, but it is especially hard to accept, when your previous group of friends can stay in touch and make an effort to remain friends with each other, but not with you. When you are the one constantly reaching out and getting no replies or excuses, then finding out they are still all going out and talking.
There are as many types of friendships as there are friendships. We try to create models and ideals, but sometimes we need to discover the natures of our connections as we go along.
I've had the same best friend since 2005. I think it's all about growing and understanding each other's changes and not hating on one another.
Same here, she and I have been besties since day one of kindergarten, and I totally agree with you. Its all about patience and empathy. To this day, she and I can go for months without speaking and pick up right where we left off as if no time has passed.
no you havent. this isnt tv. thats not realistic
"your central nervous system"
"shows peripheral nervous system*
hahahah
Anna: your central nervous system is amazing
Also anna: annoying brain
Lmaoo
Don't be like that...
Wait, could you explain the difference? Is the central nervous system the brain + spinal cord?
I've had some friends where we were super close and would talk all the time, then after I came back from travels we'd meet up once and then never again. No hard feelings, no actual trigger or event, we just drifted. I've tried to keep up friendships while far away (to the point of running through a list or checklist every now and then), but it's so exhausting that it makes more sense to focus on the people who are in your present location, and a handful of people far away that you connect the most with. When I or they ebb and flow into each other's lives again, we reconnect. That's just how life goes I suppose 🤷🏽♂️
I think the saddest part of not having so much friends, it's when you actually find someone but he/she has already chosen someone too.
honestly i’ve gone through more friendship breakups than romantic partners, so i love that concept of the former is being discussed more lately.
Yes yes! I want to know too when I hurt someone's feelings. I would appreciate when friends tell me I have hurt them, coz it means they trust that I would understand their point and that they value the relationship. They won't just brush it off or keep it inside. Transparency is important in a friendship.
Oh well, they might have other reasons for not sharing their hurt buuuut, I still prefer a relationship where we openly express ourselves lovingly--whether happy or sad emotions, because we know it is a safe space.
Feelings?
Tbh, I’m looking back at a certain friendship of mine from a while back that had misunderstandings and got into a heated argument. Now looking back at it too, I also think it’s important to not be too sensitive so that you and the other person can make room for telling each other how you respectfully feel and/or if you need space to calm down your emotions before solving the problem rationally. After she triggered me by saying “my apology wasn’t enough” I truly had a valid reason to be angry because to me that also translated as “I wasn’t enough to her” and I got extremely emotional and overwhelmed after she said those things then vented off on social media. Looking back on it to this day, I wish I wasn’t so sensitive that time to actually have the guts to tell her individually that she hurt me first. I appreciate honestly in a friend as well but I also value that they use non-triggering words to explain why they’re upset/disappointed with me. After it all happened, through a group chat text I can see she was making an effort to ask why I was hurt which made me a little bit better, but yet I did not have enough time to emotionally heal before responding maturingly and practically. It was unfortunately 4-5 months after and I found out she unfollowed me on all social media. It was heartbreaking but at the same time I’ve learned to accept it all. A piece of advice for everyone. It’s not good to be too sensitive. It can hinder a lot of possibilities. Learn to let go and forgive both yourself and that person who’s hurt you.
Idk, finding adult friends is hard. My best friends are my friends for 10-20 years (and I’m 27). But adult friends come and go 😢
I find this to be my case too. I’ve known my oldest friend for 21 years now and my newest friend (currently my best friend) for 11 years. Every person I’ve met since I was 22 (i’m 29 now) has been a “temporary” or “shallow” friendship, meaning we would talk about our lives and likes and stuff, enjoy each other’s company, but never really going deeper than that and finally growing apart after 2 or 3 years.
I think that maybe before all adult responsibilities came, we had more time to bond and grow close, now, everyone is busy and it’s harder to reach that level of closeness with someone unless you’re actually in an active pursuit of a new friend (like dating but for a friend).
I guess i’m the opposite of Anna, I’ve always found it hard to make new friends, but my friendships do last forever.
I feel you. It's backed up by studies. This article in particular resonated so much with me. www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html
Thanks for sharing that article! There was a part in it where they said, "people have an internal alarm clock that goes off at big life events, like turning 30. It reminds them that time horizons are shrinking, so it is a point to pull back on exploration and concentrate on the here and now." Have you found that to be true?
@@rainbowfoxmagicgrrrl My mom has found most of her soulmates after 50, when I moved out and she had to deal with her own life. It turned out lots of people her age were eager to find new friends because of the loneliness after children move out.
@@katyadade1041 that's so cool! Good for her. very encouraging :)
When I grow up, I won't tell people who I know we will never meet again "stay in touch" or "let's meet next time"
It's a small world, you never know when you'll meet someone again.
@@charleschiemekaekeogu6908 agreed, you also never know WHERE you'll run into them. I ran into a childhood friend who I haven't seen in about 15 years, and I saw her in Japan.
3 Questions to ask yourself when you're evaluating who is a real friend:
1. How does my body respond to this person? 4:28
2. How much can you be your authentic self? 4:45
3. If you ask this person for feedback, can they be respectfully and lovingly honest? 4:55
Anna is our realest friend. And therapist. And mom. And older sister💖
No one is your friend, no one is your enemy- everyone is your teacher
i was just overthinking before sleeping about how all my friendships seem ingenuine, then i woke up and this is the first notif i see... how
The great thing of living in a small country is that you can have those small town relationships while also enjoying big city perks
"delusions of grandeur with no ethics to match it" i need that on a shirt
"work ethic"...just saying, different frkm ethics
To me friendship is as strong as a relationship. I and my friend have really clear communication. We tell it when something is bothering us. We don't assume that everything is forever we work for it because we find that important.
I'd say there are two kinds of friends, the ones that are fun and the ones you trust (they sometimes but aren't always the same people). The fun friend shows you a good time: you can share a hobby, learn, and laugh with them. The trusted friend is the one with whom you share your deeper feelings and thoughts, who will give you their honest opinion, and won't [usually] get upset when you share your honest opinion with them. You can love both kinds of friends, but for different reasons. It is important to have deep connections with some people, but not every friendship has to be deep (IMHO).
yes! i have my going out friends and i have my friends who actually know what's going on in my life.
my family used to leave Santa a beer
Haha 😂
Did they also drink it?
@@lazydaisy4453 oh totally someone did 😂
@@katieblake 😂😂🌲🌲💕
Thank you. You're honestly a gem. I was told that you need to do this or that to hold onto friendships. But you helped me realize that I just need to be myself. It's hard, especially when your friends are the type of people that are think that your the absolute worst and don't even see that they themselves are the worst. One thing, I learned is to look at what kind of friends your friends have. If they hang around bullies and toxic people, then they aren't wroth your time. They're just going cause you too much stress. You shouldn't have to be in a group where you aren't yourself. Also, if they act like you're the only one that has anxiety, then leave. Everyone gets it. If they can't help you, or just don't want to help you, then find someone that will. Also, emotionally people are no good friends because they are too concerned with their feelings and the feelings of others. In other words they are very sensitive.
My mind is blown by how you tackled exactly what has been bothering me lately.
I've been friends with my bff's (two) for twenty years. Not a myth, just hard. I also got lucky. So hard work and luck. Much like life lol
By the time we figure out what works for us, we are too old to actually apply all those epiphanies into our lives! I do love the gratitude with which you view a toxic situation or person. I kind of needed to hear that right now.
I could not be more grateful when I say this: I have a beautiful and healthy friendship that also comprises all the above signs with my best friend. We have been friends for 6 years now and still counting. I hope it stays the same. Love and healing to all of you and I wish everyone has beautiful friendships and relationships.
I agree but when a friend isn’t 100% honest when they have to tell you their opinion... it doesn’t always mean that they’re not real friends. Some just want to be by your side and don’t want to hurt you so that’s why they’re doing that 🤷🏼♀️ i wouldn’t consider them fake friends
None of my 'friends' ever tell me when I've hurt their feelings.
Stop reading my mind Anna, you post everything that my day is related tooooooo
I'm actually going through this now. I would think that my "friends" understood my medical condition and then when there comes a time when I make a scheduled date hours in advance but then sometimes by that time I'm so drained, I'm pointed out as a flake which rarely happens since I force myself, despite how tired I am from my medical condition, to hang out with them.
It's like my medical condition is a gift in disguise because it really shows who is actually you're friend and who was there temporarily in your life. They don't necessarily have to understand my condition, but it would be nice to take it in consideration
I moved around a lot when I was a kid and have the same problem ... I find maintaining friendships is hard work. I usually get the urge to move after 3 years, but last year I identified the pattern and decided to break it and deepen my roots a little. I figured having a 'home' is nice :)
Oh my gosh, a true friend does last forever, because they acutely care more about you than themselves, and that is a blessing and a gift, I feel so bad that you have never met anyone like that. Not one person has been selfless and loving enough to be your friend though thick and thin?
Most of my friendships through teenagehood have been like: Ok, Is this how actual REALLY GOOD platonic relationships should make me feel or am I a lesbian? Answer is: We'll never know
Anna comes again with something out of the blue, that's relevant for me because I experienced the same. I had a "friend" of 10 years. Met her on Minecraft, but never met her irl until 10 years after. I invited her to my housewarming not expecting her to come, but suddenly she sleeps with my roomie and his trying to kick me out of my own home. Long story very short.
As always thanks for your vulnerability laced with comedy. A highlight in my week Anna. Keep it up!
This was much needed. I feel like my so called "best friends" have been dropping like flies. This helped me question why these relationships are distancing and how it's been a one way street!
Same and I reach out and I’m a introvert. I did didn’t reach out to test a friend and it took her like 3 months and I had a talk with her about my honest feelings and gave detailed examples I even admitted that when I started the friendship I had intimacy issues but now that I’m older I want true deep friendships and I cried. I listened to her feedback She didn’t cry but not saying she had to but it shows she just not in a place to be really vurnable for the friendship I want. She just wasn’t emotionally invested like I was. She did a little for like 2 weeks then went back to exactly how she was before. She says she cares and I think she does in her own way but her actions fail to show too many times. I’m starting to wonder if I should treat future friendships like dating a guy not choosing a friend off chemistry because we could talk for hours but off their emotional availability and willingness to grow into the friendship. It’s just so heartbreaking 😓
I have known my best friend since preschool and we are turning 26 this year. Lifelong friendships are possible!
I do believe in BFFs, only because I have the same one since I was 7, which makes our a friendship of about 23 years still going strong.
I had a BFF from high school, who still lived in my hometown. He unfortunately died. I am still fortunate to know a handful of friends that I’ve known for years and still talk regularly with.
THE LITTLE RED HEN!!
A Real friend helps you improve as a better person.
The hard thing is that I like some people as my friends and I try to have a good friendship with them but I don't feel it the other way around. They don't text me or call me or ask to meet up, I'm always the one who asks or starts te conversation. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It makes me feel like they don't like me or that I have a bad vibe or something
This is weird but I have friend that I start almost all the conversations. My good friend is married so it's okay. I speak with scrupulous speech so there's no misunderstanding. It's hard but I make it work with boundaries.
Pretty sure a true friend is one who helps you dispose of the bodies without asking questions. YMMV.
Last December, my daughter begged me to buy a toy. I told her, we have to tell that to Santa. Then she said, “But Santa is not real!” She’s four.
Well now, guess I don’t have to go through the pain of delivering the bad news to her. HAHA
Thank you for this! I wonder this so often - if I'm doing something wrong, why I suddenly feel like I'm walking on egg shells around them, feel physically different when I hear (if I hear) from certain people. I took a few weeks to really focus on how I feel when I talk to/facetime with certain friends vs others and damn! What a game changer!!
There are times when I send ppl messages saying hello and checking up on them. I feel like I’m looked down on. Ppl want a solid friend, but when that friend pops up they’re dismissed
I have some friends which I reaaaally value and can talk about everything to and I will value them forever if they want me to :D
I typically dont keep in touch with people for lack of time and energy and i rarely run into anyone i used to know. However they are usually happy to see me again if it happens.
I’m lucky to find her channel like literally.
Moving is a huge part of this. If we think of how people have been most of the time that people have existed, we had small groups that were mostly family, maybe move into a new group when you get married so you make friends there with your new family.
Now we have more autonomy and more of us move globally much faster, and we are more isolated rather than communal. It make sense that friendships are harder now. We aren't relying on each other for survival in the same way.
All friends marked as "BFF" in my life, some since elementary, and some from working relationships. I would die for them, real friends are real, not fickle......IJS.
Lately I've had several "friend breakups". I've grown out of the idea that I should keep dismissing toxic behaviors just because I've known someone for a long time and don't want to "breakup". All of this to say, I appreciate this message today.
and also we *really* need to normalize leaving behind friends who aren't necessarily-- or at all- bad people,, but certain behaviours of theirs trigger our traumas.
So true. Sometimes u just find ur childhood friends aren't really relatable later on in life as they used to be...
I think these are good to keep in mind for thinking about how good of a friend you are, too
You're not horrible at it! I one one solid friend who I've been friends with since elementary school, and will likely be friends with until I die. Other than him, my friends seem to cycle every 5ish years depending on where I am in life and what I'm doing. :) Maybe along the way I'll pick up another life-longer, but for now, it's just one!
the first time i'd lost friends, i was nine. my family and i had to move to a far-away town and i'd lost contact with everyone i knew except for a few relatives. having been able to survive that, i guess my tolerance for making and losing friends had grown. and i don't think i've had any "real friend" to begin with because i've never truly let anyone in. i'm more comfortable talking to strangers than to my friends. i hate spending hours with people who can only carry small talks. people with substance are scanty. and where i live, there's a serious lack of those.
I have a friend that I don't see or talk to often, sometimes in months/years. And when we do see eachother, its like we never lost contact at all.
How we became and stayed friends, I have no idea because we never had anything in common lol
that girl is GOLD ,we must protect her at all costs
I have some friends who I have been friends with for over a decade and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I work very hard at my friendships though, and there are rough patches, but it's worth the effort
Santa is about the spirit of giving and spreading positivity and to uplift someone
2:34 r/oddlyspecific
I think one of the hardest things is to be honest with yourself. I know I've told myself that relationships will last longer than they will because of circumstances. Because we've been through stuff or we've been together for long. But things change, the world moves and relationships move with it. And that's ok.
This just makes me value my best friend of over 7 years even more!!!
Feels like BFF relationships should be sustainable instead of exciting and happening.
Like you could disappear for 2 years and appear again randomly and you guys are best friends again.
That shade about suing is very specific!
Anna's developed the fine art in finding just the right balance when delivering satire & sarcasm without sounding too cynical to keep the audience engaged 😆 love what you do girl and for keeping things 💯
*Bold of you to assume that I have friends*
I make comedy videos on youtube btw
Amazing how real you have been becoming, Anna. Right on.
I just had a friend breakup where I realized how much she patronized me. Even tho I considered her my close friend I still felt bad after talking to her bc of how bossy and judgemental she was. Then it turned out all the gossiping she was encouraging me to do about our mutual friends, she was also doing that about me.
I have a best friend since 2007. We respect each other and still talk on the phone a lot. Shes the best friend ive ever had. i dont think that bffs is particularly a lie you just have to have the right person as a friend
"Best friend forever is a childhood lie"
I need more real friends like Anna
You're truly a treat to watch... Brilliantly produced, short, sweet and to the point. The classical music always adds a unique contrast or touch. "Burglar who travels with Forrest rats..." "Chunk of calcium, minerals and collagen..." LOL
This is really relevant to me, just lost someone who I considered one of my close friends recently. It ended up being a clash of personalities just like you mention. Crazy how bad the breakups can be with people who used to be so close
I love this a lot because I am also not friends with certain people now because they did not match to that criteria.. it’s just the gut feeling, now that I have more respect for myself
I recently had two friend break ups this year because I realized that I was worth more than how they were treating me. And no matter what I said or how we talked about it they both never saw the stuff they did as wrong. So buh -bye
I can make friends quickly, but 90% of the time, after I chat or hang out with them for a week or two, I realize that this person is NOT who I want to socialize or spend time with. Maybe it's because their personality or interests are different from what I thought they were, etc. So the thing I struggle with is how to stop socializing with that person, when they really like u as a friend. Sry this was long, of u guys can relate that's amazing, if not I'm still glad u read through this XD. Have a good night or morning and stay safe 💜
I really needed this - two friends of mine broke up and I have to support them whilst in isolation due to my family's health. Thanks Anna
Some friends are here for a season, here for a reason, or here for life. Appreciate and be grateful they have you in their life, and vice versa.
your Santa shade is distracting from the veracity of your message...
I met my best friend when we were 13. We're now 26, feel closer than ever before and she at the moment lives in another country. Yes, not all friendships last forever and I've cut other so called "best friends" out of my life before BUT if you work for it together, it can happen. And call me naive, I don't care but I honestly hope me and my best friend will still be friends when we're 80 🧓
I wouldn't say I've ever had a longterm best friend. I have very close friends, friends I love and trust and share everything with, but one "best friend"? I don't believe in that. I'm a multi-facetted human being and as are my friends. We need more than one person to grow.
To the Early Squad Reading This: sending Virtual hugs to everyone who needs it.
I make comedy videos on youtube btw
The 10 seconds from 1:35 to 1:45 taught me so much more than the lies I was told as a kid.
$5-$20 for a tooth!? I got a quarter! Is there more than one fairy and do they each have their own varying payment rates? Must be tied in to cost of living in different parts of the country!
Bold of you to assume I don't filter myself around everyone regardless of what type of person they are because I'm terrified of other people
If there's one thing I've been good at it's long-term friendships. I have quite a few friendships that span 15-20 years. Those that I can be myself with have remained friends, whereas those who I've not completely comfortable have fallen by the wayside, so it can't be me, rather it's the right mix of people.
I feel very fortunate to have kept the friends I have and lost the ones who've gone, because the latter were awful for me.
Last
my previous relationship, she was willing to live in poverty in the most expensive area of the city to live just so she wouldnt lose her circle of friends from her min wage job. they meant more to her then her to herself. what puts a person in that place to put themselves in that situation is heartbreaking while still relationship killing. she had a university education for teaching and chose to stay at the bottom for the sake of a few friends that would have moved on without her and still could have grew stronger as friends with her. as many that worked there did anyways until not one of her friends she sacrificed herself improvement for was there anymore. and the news ones replaced them and she still had the same mind set and would not move on.