Antonella Gonzalez came in 3rd place at the Vancouver YOUTH Poetry Slam Last Chance Slam on February 24th. This is Antonella's poem How To Live With Someone Who Can't
"if i ever hurt you please don't hate me because sometimes i forget how to be human." this describes my life of being brutally honest and overall harsh and immediately regretting it.
When you see me gaze off into nothing, do not call my name. I am too busy imagining a different life. When you see me madly scratch my paper, do not ask me what I am doing. I am trying to kill the voices in my head. When you see my grip tighten on my hair, do not think too much. I just want my head to stop hurting. When you see me playing with my hands, do not tell me to stop. I am making sure I am still alive. When you see me walking alone, do not come to my side. I am probably just trying to calm myself down. If you ever see bruises on my collar bones, please do not ask me where I got them. I woke up with them. If you ever see the scars on my arms please do not assume they were made last week. They're from another life they just didn't want to leave. If you ever see my knuckles bleed please do not ask me what is going on. I am trying to forget about it. If you ever see my hands shake while they're sitting on my lap please do not make fun of me. I do not know why they do that. If I ever come home late do not ask me where I was. I was busy being me. If I ever seem distant do not ask me where I am. I am here, I just don't want to be. If I ever tell you I don't care do not assume I am playing it cool I really don't care. If I ever screw something up do not yell at me. I will clean up my mistakes. If I ever hurt you do not hate me. Sometimes I forget how to be human. If I ever cry in your arms do not be uncomfortable. This just means I am comfortable with you. Please do not ask me if I am okay. I am never "okay". Please do not try to figure me out. I am simple I just like secrets. Please do not try to hug me or touch me it makes my skin feel like it's burning. Please do not try to comfort me. You look stupid. Just sit beside me, stay quiet, empty your mind. If I'm ever laying in bed crying, or just being dumb, and I ask you to get out. Don't. I'm just scared to admit that I need you to hold me when I feel like this.
this is so beautiful and powerful and you could just feel the emotions in the trembles of her hands and the stutters of her words. i'm crying now and i'm not just figuratively saying that.
When I get stressed I scratch my arms. I'm trying to feel warm. I'm always cold. My arms have the lightest of marks, not from any blade but from my nails trying to remind me I'm here, I'm real, I'm alive. My sister tells me to stop. It bothers her. She thinks I'm going to hurt myself. I can't. I've tried. This is the worst I can do. I can scratch.
I hate when people touch me .. and I hate when people ask me what wrong . Like the world my life. I hate when I'm crying in bed like I am right now and I know that that the one thing that I need the most is have someone let me lay on their chest no worlds just laying their in the dark .
"If I seem distant, do not ask me where I am. I am here, I just don't want to be." UGH! This was so powerful!
"if i ever hurt you please don't hate me because sometimes i forget how to be human." this describes my life of being brutally honest and overall harsh and immediately regretting it.
"if I ever seem distant, do not ask me where I am. I am here, I just don't want to be"
*cries*
my whole life in one sentence.
wow. you can hear the emotion in her voice it's so powerful and overwhelming. this is so relate able and beautiful.
"don't ask me if I'm okay, I'm never"okay" I relate to this poem
"I am here, I just don't want to be."
This needs to be a public broadcast. This needs to be a commercial on the radio. Needs to be on tv.
I love the emotion and pauses she had while speaking. It makes it more powerful. She kind of remind me of myself
When you see me gaze off into nothing, do not call my name.
I am too busy imagining a different life.
When you see me madly scratch my paper, do not ask me what I am doing.
I am trying to kill the voices in my head.
When you see my grip tighten on my hair, do not think too much.
I just want my head to stop hurting.
When you see me playing with my hands, do not tell me to stop.
I am making sure I am still alive.
When you see me walking alone, do not come to my side.
I am probably just trying to calm myself down.
If you ever see bruises on my collar bones, please do not ask me where I got them.
I woke up with them.
If you ever see the scars on my arms please do not assume they were made last week.
They're from another life they just didn't want to leave.
If you ever see my knuckles bleed please do not ask me what is going on.
I am trying to forget about it.
If you ever see my hands shake while they're sitting on my lap please do not make fun of me.
I do not know why they do that.
If I ever come home late do not ask me where I was.
I was busy being me.
If I ever seem distant do not ask me where I am.
I am here, I just don't want to be.
If I ever tell you I don't care do not assume I am playing it cool
I really don't care.
If I ever screw something up do not yell at me.
I will clean up my mistakes.
If I ever hurt you do not hate me.
Sometimes I forget how to be human.
If I ever cry in your arms do not be uncomfortable.
This just means I am comfortable with you.
Please do not ask me if I am okay.
I am never "okay".
Please do not try to figure me out.
I am simple I just like secrets.
Please do not try to hug me or touch me it makes my skin feel like it's burning.
Please do not try to comfort me.
You look stupid.
Just sit beside me, stay quiet, empty your mind.
If I'm ever laying in bed crying, or just being dumb, and I ask you to get out. Don't.
I'm just scared to admit that I need you to hold me when I feel like this.
this is so beautiful and powerful and you could just feel the emotions in the trembles of her hands and the stutters of her words. i'm crying now and i'm not just figuratively saying that.
This spoke to me on level that most poems don't. I can't stop watching and relating so much. Absolutely beautiful work
I can relate so much to the being scared of needing someone and not wanting to admit it
Being angry is easier than being sad
This made me cry, I have PTSD and this is my daily life. I sent this to my boyfriend because it explains so many things I can not say, *Favorited*
Currently in tears. This video popped up as a video that was recommended for me by TH-cam. Turns out TH-cam knows me better I know me.
It scares me how much i related to this.
Wow that was a really honest and scarily open poem. Really honored to have seen it.
Holy Fucking Shit! How in the world am I just now seeing this?! I love this so much! It is so powerful!
When I get stressed I scratch my arms. I'm trying to feel warm. I'm always cold.
My arms have the lightest of marks, not from any blade but from my nails trying to remind me I'm here, I'm real, I'm alive.
My sister tells me to stop. It bothers her. She thinks I'm going to hurt myself.
I can't.
I've tried.
This is the worst I can do. I can scratch.
Beacuzz omg finally someone said what I couldn't say all this time. "this is the worst I can do-I can scratch" really resonated with me.
This is EVERYTHING. I can't stop repeating it. It's amazing
So close to sharing this with my family.
I resonate with this so so so so so much. Wow *snaps*
I wanna cry this is beautiful and I can relate so much
you made me cry... I relate more than I thought
This is so beautiful, I can not stop re-watching this.
so powerful and so true and so relatable. amazing!
Love this so much! Every single thing describes how I am
"Dont ask me if Im ok, Im never okay"
I vibe with this so much, especially the ending
This spoke to me. Thank you.
This is so beautiful! Well done.
This is so beautiful, i really feel the pain
Damn this me .. word by word
Omg! This made me tear up :(
👏👏👏👏 this is fantastic.
I love it
Wow! That was powerful.
I hate when people touch me .. and I hate when people ask me what wrong . Like the world my life. I hate when I'm crying in bed like I am right now and I know that that the one thing that I need the most is have someone let me lay on their chest no worlds just laying their in the dark .
So beautiful
This one hit very very close
Who gave this girl my dairy?!
Don't worry. Cheese is cheap.
Right !
Ravengal101 fucking same
that was beautiful ❤
I hope this goes big
I am simple i just like secrets
Awesome.
Haha this made me cry.
wow this is increadable
"If i ever seem distant do not ask me where i am. Im here i just dont want to be"
So relatable
educational, thank you
This is amazing, and somewhat relatable for me even if I ton know why, and thanks for wearing your ring while doing a none asexual poem
!!!!!
This is real. This is her.
Wow, new crush
this is me. somehow she just wrote a poem that is me.
I love you, mi negrita
:(
jesus christ
I love the emotion and pauses she had while speaking. It makes it more powerful. She kind of remind me of myself
"Please don't ask me if I'm ok I am never ok"